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PRAISE FOR THINK LIKE A
MARKETER
“For years, I’ve been telling my recruiting clients to think like a
marketer to improve their ability to attract high-quality candidates. I
gave them examples of companies doing it well and some general
advice. But, I never had a great resource for them. Until now. Think
Like a Marketer is a game changer. When I received a short sample
copy (Kate’s thoughtful way of practicing what she preaches in the
chapter on ‘sampling strategies’), I expected a typical marketing
primer. I was so wrong! I devoured that sample and wanted MORE!!!
Like right now, this minute, temper-tantrum kind of more. I got my
greedy little fingers on an advance copy and devoured that. Each
chapter has incredible insights and takeaways. You’ll love the ‘Ask
Yourself’ sections at the end of each chapter, which masterfully train
non-marketing brains to think like a marketer. Kate is a genius!”

Rebecca Barnes-Hogg, SPHR, SHRM-SCP

Founder of YOLO Insights® and Author of The YOLO Principle: The Ultimate Hiring Guide
for Small Business
“What I most enjoyed about Kate Colbert’s book, Think Like a
Marketer, is that it marries her personal voice along with concrete
examples of the points she so powerfully makes. The writing style of
this book is a reflection of Kate herself: intelligent, thoughtful, and
articulate. She offers great insights for those who are not marketers
and good reminders for those of us who have been doing this
important work for a long time.”

Karen Abruzzi
Director of Marketing, EBSCO Industries

“Kate Colbert has been a remarkable help to me over the many

years she has served as my marketing advisor. Reading her book left
me with the sense we were having one of our regular conversations,
where I learn so much from her. For sole proprietors like me, the
advice she provides truly makes the difference between real success
versus just muddling along. I consider it very generous of her to
have taken the time to share her knowledge and experience with a
broader audience through Think Like a Marketer, which is an
exceptionally strong book. I will make good use of this resource,
likely with many notes and stickies throughout.”

David Kushner
Advisor to CEOs & Governing Boards; Merger, Alliance & Restructuring Expert
“An MBA in a book? That’s exactly what I consider this to be! Kate
takes her successful business experience and shows us how
developing a ‘marketing mindset’ was key to her success, and will do
the same for you. I’ve been in sales and marketing my entire career.
Trust me — this book can help you to grow your business!”

Lois Creamer
Marketing Expert for Speakers and Author of Book More Business: Make Money Speaking

“What I love about Think Like a Marketer is that it gives business

owners both ideas and guardrails. As an entrepreneur, I sometimes
struggle with where to draw the line when I get excited about a new
idea. Colbert’s book has helped stretch my thinking, and has gently
reminded me that sometimes I need to call on a trained
professional.”

Amy C. Waninger
Founder and CEO of Lead at Any Level, LLC, and Author of Network Beyond Bias: Making
Diversity a Competitive Advantage for Your Career

“After three decades of climbing the corporate ladder, I finally

decided to officially start my own consulting firm. When friends and
colleagues ask what has been my biggest challenge, I always
respond with one word: marketing! I suck at it — but now I have
hope! Kate Colbert to the rescue. Think Like a Marketer will take my
business to the next level. I can’t wait to channel Kate’s experience,
ideas and principles to attract and keep more customers. Buying this
book will be the best investment I can make in the future of my
business!”

Kathy Koultourides
Certified Professional in Learning and Performance, Founder of KKNOW HOW LLC, and
Author of Lucifer Leaders: The Hidden Cost of Deviant Behavior in the Sales Force
“Having worked directly with Kate and having received her expert
marketing consultation, I knew Think Like a Marketer would be
loaded with valuable information and insights. Despite expecting
greatness, I am still surprised at how clearly Kate’s friendly,
engaging and knowledgeable voice comes through in her writing,
and what a pleasant experience her voice creates despite covering a
topic that to me has never felt ‘fun’ to study.”

Jason Sackett, PCC, LCSW, CEAP

Executive Coach, Trainer, and Author of Compassion@Work: Creating Workplaces that
Engage the Human Spirit

“Kate Colbert imprinted her expertise in the marketing world long

before the publication of Think Like a Marketer. Her book is the
culmination of decades of experience, of steeping herself in research
for the benefit of her clients and herself, of delving deep into the
psyche and motivation of the consumer to deliver the most seductive
strategy and content possible. In Think Like a Marketer, she has, in
her impeccable style, laid out digestible sections, highlighting the key
components that every marketer or business person needs to know
and practice to reach their professional aims and to ensure their
clients never leave. Read this to slam dunk your marketing missive.”

Hilary Jastram
CEO, Founder, J. Hill Marketing & Creative Services
“Whether you are a seasoned marketer or a small business person
just starting out, Think Like a Marketer has something for you. The
real-world examples of companies, brands, and business leaders
make the material come alive and deliver an extra measure of
credibility to the advice. I love the way you can skip around the
pages, depending on what’s needed at the moment. As a seasoned
marketer, I appreciated the new perspectives and insights; for the
person new to the business world, this book offers a roadmap for
transforming your thinking, your processes, and your results.”

Joyce Gioia
Celebrity Futurist, Professional Speaker, and Author of Experience Rules: How Positive
Experiences Will Drive Profit into the Future

“Think Like a Marketer is a marketing degree in a book. No matter

your industry or position, you must be a marketer in today’s world,
and Kate Colbert’s book gives you all the skills you need. From
storytelling to sampling to networking to getting the most out of
conference attendance and everything in between, Kate covers it
and explains — in simple terms — why and how to step up your
marketing game. Think Like a Marketer is written conversationally,
so you’ll feel like Kate is speaking directly to you. I keep reference
books like the AP Stylebook within easy reach on my desk; Think
Like a Marketer joins that collection of “can’t live without”
business/ reference books I use daily. Read this book with pen and
paper handy, because Kate’s tips will spark many ideas for marketing
your business that you won’t want to lose. Think Like a Marketer is
truly a ‘learn it today, use it today’ kind of book.”

Jessica Gardner
Fundraising and Event Professional, Community Builder, and ChicagoNow “Little Merry
Sunshine” Blogger
“‘Relationships begin with hello … and how you say it matters.’ This
is sage advice from Kate Colbert — advice that she embraces and
demonstrates in her new book, Think Like a Marketer, as well as in
person, when working with clients and colleagues. What most
impressed me about this book is Kate’s willingness to be vulnerable
and bold enough to let her true personality, passion and enthusiasm
shine through while packing in a wealth of marketing knowledge and
actionable steps that marketers and non-marketers alike can start
employing right now to shift their businesses — and even their own
careers — from mediocre to meaningfully different.”

Barb Cahoon Wang, JD, Northwestern

University
Founder and Consultant, Inflection Point Communications

“A business lacks possibility for reaching its fullest potential when its
leader lacks the right mindset. And it’s never too late to ‘change your
mind.’ Kate Colbert’s book, Think Like a Marketer, demonstrates how
mindset shifts can be life-changing for leaders and game-changing
for your business. As a marketing professional myself, I couldn’t
agree more! So much is packed into these pages that an investment
in this book will set any business up for more success than they
dream possible. Every business leader and entrepreneur looking to
set themselves — and their organizations — apart should harness
the knowledge Kate pours into each chapter of this impactful and
transformative book!”

Stephanie Feger
Communications and Marketing Consultant, Professional Speaker, and Author of Color
Today Pretty: An Inspirational Guide to Living a Life in Perspective
“If you are a busy entrepreneur like I am, you know you need to
keep focused on marketing. But how do you do it when you wear so
many hats? The answer is simple: read Kate Colbert’s book, Think
Like a Marketer! I love Kate’s practical, actionable advice for busy
entrepreneurs in this easy-to-read book. If you want to grow your
business, Think Like a Marketer!”

Cathy Fyock
The Business Book Strategist and Author of Blog2Book: Repurposing Content to Discover
the Book You’ve Already Written

“Kate Colbert takes a discussion of ‘everyday’ marketing principles

and elevates it to a new level, making her insights accessible to
business professionals across industries and at different junctures in
their careers. A MUST read for marketing novices and seasoned
veterans alike.”

Dawn Smith
Independent Wellness Coach

“Kate gets it. She realizes we are all marketers of something and
that we need help to think differently. I enjoy how she shares her
expertise and invites us to connect it to our own industry and brand.
Her knowledge and practical approach gives the reader space to
think about their company or role, from the perspective of the
ultimate consumer — the customer or client. What are you doing to
be meaningfully different from what your competitors are offering? If
you care about adding long-term value to your customer, you have
to dig-in and Think Like a Marketer.”

Ann Brown
Business Author and Founder of The Development Edge
“Easy to read with great content. A game changer for anyone
running or starting a business!”

Tonia Morris
Speaker, Multigenerational Trainer, Coach, and Author of Compassion@Work: Creating
Workplaces That Engage the Human Spirit and Before You Say “I Do” to
Entrepreneurship: What You Need to Know Before You Leave Your 9-to-5 Job

“Kate is easily one of the wisest marketing and business

development experts I know, and Think Like a Marketer provides an
opportunity to learn from the best.
Many people cringe at the word ‘marketing,’ but we often forget that
marketing is simply, at its core, about understanding people. Kate
has the extraordinary ability to take some of the mystery out of what
makes people tick, what keeps them engaged and what drives their
buying decisions. Regardless of your industry or specialty, Think Like
a Marketer provides myriad actionable ways for you to connect (or
reconnect!) more effectively with your customers, and, ultimately, be
more successful at what you do best.
Kate’s easy-going, conversational writing style captivates, and before
you know it, you are planning all the ways in which you can
incorporate her guidance into your business plans. Believe it or not,
you might even start thinking that marketing is fun ... like a
marketer!”

Courtney Hudson
Marketing, Branding and Design Consultant; Professional Services Marketing Specialist; and
Founder of Lorenne Marketing & Design
 Think Like a Marketer: How a Shift in Mindset Can Change Everything for Your
Business
Copyright 2018 by Kate Colbert

All rights reserved.

Published by Silver Tree Publishing, a division of Silver Tree Communications, LLC

(Kenosha, WI).
www.SilverTreePublishing.com

No portion of this book may be reproduced, scanned, sold or distributed in any

printed or electronic form without the express written permission of the author.

Editing by:
Hilary Jastram

Cover design and typesetting by:

Courtney Hudson

First edition, August 2018

Created in the United States of America

The business concepts and taglines Think Like a Marketer™ and Be Meaningfully
Different™ are trademarks of Silver Tree Communications, LLC, and are not to be
used without express written permission.
SHIFT YOUR MINDSET AND CHANGE
EVERYTHING FOR YOUR BUSINESS
Embrace the actions and attitudes that can take you and your
organization from status quo to success story, from busy to
profitable, and from mediocre to meaningfully different. This book
teaches you to think like a marketer.

Thinking like a marketer requires that you:

1. Communicate for connection and meaning, not just to

transact sales
2. Live and die by your customer insights
3. Market in a way that’s strategy-religious and tactic-agnostic
4. Create cultures and processes that align with your brand
5. Do everything in service of maintaining a virtuous cycle of
creating value for the customer while capturing value for you.
DEDICATION
To the men and women whose marketing minds informed
my own. Your innovative ways of caring for customers, telling
meaningful brand stories and capturing sustainable value for your
organizations taught me that marketing is far more than shameless
promotion. Your wild successes (and even your failures) have helped
me understand the risks and rewards of this vital work. And your
passion and dedication for connecting the marketplace with products
and services customers need and crave is admirable beyond words.
You have taught me so that I can teach others. I thank you.

And for my mom, who was perhaps the first person — and
surely the most important one — to teach me to think like a
marketer, I gratefully dedicate this book. When I was rewriting
billboards in the backseat of a Datsun, analyzing television
commercials while sitting cross-legged on the shag carpeting with
my brother, and questioning pricing strategies in the grocery store
aisles as a child, she encouraged me and saw what I didn’t see until
decades later … that I was born to be a marketer. Thank you, Mom,
for always believing in me and supporting my career. I love you. I
hope I have done you proud.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
A Letter to My Reader
I’m an Accidental Marketer
Thinking “Like a … ” Makes Us All Stronger
You Have Questions … The Mindset Provides Answers
Communicate for Meaningful Connection

01. Welcome to a New Way of Thinking About

Your Business
How Should You Read This Book? Reading with the
Right Mindset
What Does It Mean to “Think Like a Marketer?” —
5 Principles to Guide You
Will “Thinking Like a Marketer” Help You Work
More Effectively with Actual Marketers?
What Do You Want to Be Known For? A Primer in
Being Meaningfully Different

02. Have a Great Story and Know How to Tell It

Strategic Storytelling
Discovering and Articulating Your Story
Some Insider Tips on Brand Storytelling
Understanding Your Story Can Also Help You
Understand Which Customers to Target
Details Matter
 What Story Do Customers Tell About You?
Don’t Just Have a Great Story — Also Have a Point
of View
Storytelling Under Stress: A Word About Crisis
Communications
The Future of Brand Storytelling

03. Give It Away!

(Because They Can’t Know if They Love You if
They’ve Never Sampled Your Product)
Sampling Strategies for Every Industry
The Future of Sampling

04. Don’t Give it ALL Away, for Heaven’s Sake!

(Monetize It!)
Some Practical Tips on Keeping the Cash Flowing
In
The “Business Pitch” Dilemma
The Future of Smart Monetization

05. Love (and Protect!) Your Database or Lose

Your Company
Start with a High-Quality List
Protect Your List: It’s About Love and Respect
More Than a List … a Full Pipeline
List or Pipeline, Bigger is Better But Quality Beats
Size
 The Future of List Development and Nurturing

06. Don’t Pursue All the Marketing Tactics

(Many Are a Waste of Your Time!), But Always
Be Open to New Ones
A Word About Photography: Investing in the
Perfect Images for Your Brand
Believe in the Power of Grassroots Initiatives
Choose Marketing Methods with Value, Meaning
and Connection
Different Tactics for Different “Front Doors”
Don’t Forget the “Tried and True” Tactics: Direct
Mail as a Case in Point
Different Objectives, Different Tactics
The Future of Channel Strategy

07. Speaking of Great Marketing Tactics, Write a

Book!
5 Things to Keep in Mind as You’re Planning and
Writing Your Business Book
Already Wrote a Book? Time to Put it to Better Use
The Future of Business Books as a Marketing Tactic

08. The Pitfalls and Opportunities of Do-It-

Yourself Marketing
Learn from My Experience: The Perils of Self-Serve
Marketing
 Introducing DIY’s Cousin, DIC (Do It Cheaply)
The Future of DIY Marketing

09. Be Known and Be Seen: Networking

(But Not the Kind You Think)
5 Clues That Awful Conference You Attended Was
Your Own Fault …
The Future of Networking

10. Toot Your Own Horn

(Business Success is Not About Modesty)
The Future of Self-Promotion

11. Forget the 4 Ps of Marketing: In Some

Ways, Distribution is Everything
A Word About the Fifth P: Packaging
The Rise of the Citizen Sales Force
The Future of Distribution

12. Don’t Let Good Customer Service Go Bad

When Convenience and Connection Become “Too
Much”
When You Mess Up, Step Up
Don’t Ask … Invite. Don’t Just Thank … Celebrate.
The Future of Customer Service

13. A Little Market Research Goes a Long Way

 Is There a Report for That?
Small Investments, Big Results
How to Get Started
Understanding Your Audience
When Research is Promotion and Data is the
Message
The Future of Market Research

14. Know Thy Audience

As You Change, So Will They
Listen to Them, Too!
One Customer is Still an Audience
The Future of Audience Awareness

15. The Price You Pay if You or Your Employees

Are Poor Communicators
Open Doors and Close Deals
Sweat the Details
The Future of Communications Training

16. If You ARE the Marketing Department,

You’ve Got to Think Like One
Vital Tips for Solopreneurs and Companies
Without Marketing Leaders
Tips for What to Include in Every Year’s Planning
and Strategy Sessions
Market Only What Matters
 The Fast-Food Approach to Marketing: Another
Mindset Shift
The Future of the Lone Marketing Maven

17. 6 Enduring Truths About B2B Marketing

(Which Also Happen to Apply to B2C
Companies)
Enduring Truths
Go Forth and Do Better, Marketing-Minded Friends
The Future of B2B Marketing

18. Conclusion: Thinking Like a Marketer … in

the Real World
Be You, with a Marketing Mindset
The Future of Thinking Like a Marketer

Keep in Touch!
Acknowledgments
About the Author
A LETTER TO MY READER
Perhaps we’ve met before. Maybe you’re a client or a former
colleague, a classmate from a shared alma mater or a friend of a
friend. Maybe you’ve been in the audience during a presentation or
workshop I led, have followed my blog or met me at a professional
conference. If that’s the case, thank you for your continued
connection, confidence or support. But if you’re like most readers of
Think Like a Marketer, your decision to read this book is what
brought us to “hello.” And it’s truly my pleasure and honor to meet
you. Let me give you a little backstory about me, the work I do and
the life I live — I think it will give you meaningful context for what
you’re about to read.

I’M AN ACCIDENTAL MARKETER

I cringed a little when I wrote that subheading. Because the idea of
being an “accidental” anything, to me, seems as if I mean I am the
beneficiary of “dumb luck” or that I don’t have the smarts,
experience or character to be where I am, to do what I do or to
succeed as I have.

But, you see, I am an accidental marketer. Sort of. I started my

career with the intention to write and to teach others to write …
period. I finished my Master of Arts degree in English composition
and comparative literature with a starry-eyed plan to become a
college English professor … forever and ever, amen. After just a few
years of classroom experience in outstanding institutions, I was
ready to do more. So, I stopped grading freshman essays and
started writing articles and editing columns for a high-tech industry
magazine.

It was work I loved, and it challenged me immensely. There I was,

breaking stories about the invention of Bluetooth technology and
touring silicon wafer fabrication facilities to uncover the next big
thing in mobile phone evolution and automotive electronics. And
without realizing it, I was also surrounded by the worlds of sales and
marketing, working on the other side of the desk, as it were, from
other vital communications professionals — the marketing and public
relations representatives of top companies in the United States and
around the globe. Without ever having written a press release
myself, I quickly became an expert in press releases. And without
ever having planned an event, designed a trade show booth,
executed a marketing campaign, directed a radio commercial or
photo shoot, or developed a marketing strategy, I became a
discriminating consumer of all things marketing. It was my job to
absorb the marketing that companies were enthusiastically targeting
to magazine editors like me (so that I could generate third-party
media content validating those messages, visuals and brand
promises). I was surrounded by communications professionals but
didn’t see myself as one.

When the dot-com bubble burst and the world of tech suffered great
losses, my time writing about semiconductor packaging came to an
abrupt end. The companies that had once been flush with cash for
trade publication advertising struggled and recalibrated their
strategies. The marketing budgets dried up, and so did my job.

Suddenly unemployed, I needed to stay busy and generate an

income, so I started freelancing — first as a writer and an editor, and
then more broadly as a communications consultant. Quite
accidentally, I founded what was to become my life’s work — a
communications consultancy called Silver Tree Communications, LLC.
I stopped being a consumer of PR and marketing and began
generating it, representing some of the same technology companies
that had previously pitched me for stories. I also began developing
marketing and PR strategies for clients in industries as diverse as
healthcare, professional sports and higher education. I performed
this exciting work full time for about a year, then as a “side gig”
when I landed a new job that could provide a stable, predictable
paycheck and fringe benefits. But I knew I’d come back to Silver
Tree when I could. Silver Tree was my anchor and my love from the
very start. Now, 16 years after its founding, it’s what makes
everything — even this book — possible for me. (And it turned out
that my mom’s hunch when I was a child — that I had an inherent
love and knack for marketing — was right, after all.)

It wasn’t until about six years later — mid-way between the

founding of my company and when I would come back to it for good
— that I first heard that dreaded phrase: accidental marketer. I was
just getting settled into a new role as director of marketing at a
private graduate business school when the chief marketing officer
told me that my career path struck him as an unusual one. He
believed I had arrived there quite by “accident,” that because I
hadn’t enrolled in business school full time in my early 20s (but,
rather, had spent several years honing my craft as a writer, marketer
and professional communicator before applying that practical
expertise to the classroom explorations in business school), I lacked
the “pedigree” he sought in the people he hired. Pedigree? Like a
dog? Listen … I love dogs more than the average person (#truth),
but I’d never been compared to one before. I was livid. Offended.
Wondered why he’d bothered to hire me. But dog comparisons
aside, he was right. I became a great marketer by layering valuable
experiences upon one another … I went from great writer to great
communications expert, to great marketer and public relations pro.
And I did it all without any of my four college degrees having
included a major or minor in marketing.

So, why am I telling you this story? Because many readers of this
book have something in common with me — you never intended (or
intend) to become marketers. You just want to be great at your jobs.
I suspect most of you already are. Like every vital business function,
we all need to know at least a little something about marketing if
we’re going to be successful for the long haul. This book will offer
you insight into those things that can take you from here to there,
from busy to profitable, and from mediocre to meaningfully different.
While you have surely sometimes needed a great marketing agency,
a great marketing consultant and/or a great marketing employee,
what you need first, most and always is a great marketing mindset. I
assure you that it can and will change everything about your
business. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a management consultant
or the owner of a diner that serves the best biscuits and gravy in
town, the ability to think like a marketer will give you a competitive
edge, and you don’t need a degree in marketing to get there. (Hell, I
own a marketing company and don’t have a degree in marketing
either!)

THINKING “LIKE A … ” MAKES US ALL

STRONGER
No matter how good we are at what we do, there are risks inherent
in not understanding the full business ecosystem and in not fully
appreciating how to talk with and work with people in other
functional areas.

If you run the IT department, it helps to know a little bit about

accounting and whether a server is considered capital equipment, or
desktop computers are depreciated over time or expensed in the
current fiscal year.

If you’re an oncologist, it helps to spend some time with the

operations leaders at your hospital to understand the practicalities of
scheduling treatments that require inpatient recovery time. It also
helps to understand the responsibilities of the legal and risk
management teams as it relates to the clinical trial you’d like to lead.

If you’re an accountant, it helps to understand the people, projects

and strategies behind the numbers. Knowing how a proposed
investment is projected by the customer care division to reduce the
cost of ongoing client services by 30% is vital to working within the
greater context of your organization.
Together, we succeed. But it’s difficult to succeed in business —
whether you’re a business owner or a manager, director or executive
— because we were educated separately (by “majors!”) and we work
largely in silos. We have spent our careers gaining more experience
and professional development (conferences, certifications, etc.) in
our own areas of practice. We go deeper into our areas of functional
expertise without ever purposefully broadening ourselves.

This limited business viewpoint is what drove me to earn a

professional MBA degree when I was in my mid-30s. I didn’t want an
MBA credential; I needed the perspective that the MBA curriculum
would offer. I needed to “think like a … ” (insert business function
here: finance professional, lawyer, operations manager, CEO, IT
expert, and more). You see, when I first realized that a narrow
viewpoint was essentially career quicksand, I was the director of
communications at a Chicago-area medical sciences university. No
one in the institution would have argued that I knew an enticing
brochure when I saw one or that I could write a compelling script for
a radio commercial. They thought I was a good “marketer.” But they
didn’t see me as a leader because I didn’t speak their language.

I didn’t have a seat at the executive table because I hadn’t earned it

by learning to place my work — my priorities, my requests, my
needs — in the contexts of every other department around me. It’s
not that they wanted me to make a permanent career move — to go
from marketing to IT, for example. They wanted me to walk the walk
and talk the talk everywhere I went — to be a marketer who
understood how her work fit into the rest of the organization. They
wanted me to have the kind of elevated, 30,000-foot viewpoint of
how all the pieces of the operation fit together — the kind of
viewpoint that drives innovative, relevant thinking.1

Getting my MBA at Lake Forest Graduate School of Management (an

institution with business-leader faculty and a practical curriculum)
allowed me to fill those vital gaps. Despite the fact that I might
never work in the manufacturing sector, I learned about addressing
bottlenecks caused by people and production equipment running in a
suboptimal way. I learned about finance and economics, strategy,
negotiation and accounting. As I learned to think like my classmates,
I could connect with them more meaningfully. And as they learned
to think like me, my ideas and work had new relevance.

If you, too, have the chance to broaden your viewpoint, do it.

Shadow someone in a different department or function at work. Take
a class outside your profession or college major. Seek mentorship or
professional development in an area outside your own expertise.

I decided to write Think Like a Marketer because my clients often tell

me that the shifts in mindset that they have adopted after working
with me have changed everything for their businesses. And I wanted
to make that shift possible for more people and more companies.

Thinking like a marketer is, in my opinion, critical for business

leaders and owners. I have no doubt that learning to think like other
 Another Random Document on
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Under the Southern Cross: Experiences and
Impressions
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Title: Five Years Under the Southern Cross: Experiences and

Impressions

Author: Frederic C. Spurr

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*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FIVE YEARS

UNDER THE SOUTHERN CROSS: EXPERIENCES AND IMPRESSIONS
***
FIVE YEARS UNDER THE
SOUTHERN CROSS
Rev. F. C. Spurr.
 FIVE YEARS UNDER
THE SOUTHERN CROSS
Experiences and Impressions

By
FREDERIC C. SPURR
Late Minister of First Baptist Church, Melbourne

CASSELL AND COMPANY, LTD

London, New York, Toronto and Melbourne
1915

TO
My Children, Norman Félix and Madeleine Dorothy,
who spent their five “years of awakening” under
the Southern Cross, and chiefly to their Mother,
My Wife and Comrade, who made Australia not
only her home but her workshop, in which she
tried, with much success, to do something to
help and bless her sisters.
 PREFACE
For five years, during my residence in Australia, I had the privilege
of contributing to the English Christian World a large number of
articles on life in the Commonwealth. These articles excited a great
amount of interest amongst all classes, and brought me a vast
correspondence, which made it abundantly clear that even well-
educated people at home know little about the inner life of Australia.
This book is an attempt to throw some light upon that far-off
country, and to make Australia “live.” Many books have been written
about the Commonwealth, but none quite on the lines of the
following pages. In a series of impressionist sketches various phases
of Australian life are set forth—the life in the midst of which I
worked. The editor of the Christian World has generously permitted
me to make free use of the articles I contributed to that journal. I
gratefully acknowledge this kindness.
Frederic C. Spurr.

Regent’s Park Chapel,

London, N.W.
 CONTENTS
PAGE
Foreword: Australia’s Place in the Empire 1
CHAPTER
1. Going to the Ends of the Earth 12
2. The Golden West 18
3. An Accomplished Miracle and a Prediction 26
4. Adelaide, the Queen City of Australia 37

5. The Romance of Melbourne 46

6. The Beauty of Sydney 54
7. At Botany Bay 64

8. Brisbane, the Queen City of the North 72

9. Queensland, the Rich Unpeopled State 79

10. The Romance of Queensland Sugar 87

11. The Australian Winter and Spring 95

12. Bush Holidays 108

13. Some Bush Yarns 114

14. A Honeymoon in the Bush 122
15. The Highwaymen of the Bush 130
16. A Squatter’s Home and Daughter 138

17. The Hardships of the Bush 146

18. Amongst the Aborigines 153

19. The Golden Cities 160

20. The Miracle of the Mallee 174

21. The Annual Shows 182

22. An Interlude: a Dust Storm in Summer 188

23. Christmas in Australia 192

24. Social Life in Australia 201

25. Labour Conditions in Australia 209

26. Dead Flies in the Labour Movement 218

27. Australian Politics 231

28. Religion in Australia 238

29. In Van Diemen’s Land—an Impression 257

30. The Romance of Tasmania 265

31. A Paradise of Fruit 274

32. The Outlook in Tasmania 282

33. Review 289

FIVE YEARS UNDER THE
SOUTHERN CROSS
 FOREWORD
AUSTRALIA’S PLACE IN THE EMPIRE

T
he average Englishman and the average Australian have at
least one thing in common: each of them is profoundly
ignorant of the inner life of that country in which his fellow-
subjects, separated from him by a distance of twelve thousand
miles, dwell.

The average Australian knows by name the chief cities of Britain;

he knows a little about British exports and imports; he knows as
much of English politics as scanty cables and the letters of special
correspondents inform him. If he is a religious man he knows also
the names of the outstanding preachers of various churches. Beyond
this he has only the haziest ideas of the conditions of life in the
Mother Country. When a cable message informs him that London is
enveloped in a thick fog, or that Britain is frost-bound, he fervently
thanks God that his lot has been cast in a country where “the
amount of bright sunshine” has not to be registered each day in the
winter-time. Of the inner life of the Old Land he knows nothing at
all, nor can he grasp, unless he is particularly well informed, the true
meaning of current political and social movements. For this he is in
no way to be censured; it is the fatality of distance that weighs upon
him. I am speaking of the average, untravelled Australian. It is very
different, of course, with those persons who have visited the
Homeland, and who, open-eyed and impressionable, have come to
understand what English life stands for. When such travellers return
to Australia they rarely speak of the Old Country as “having seen its
best days.” While they very properly deplore the overcrowding of
English towns and cities, and in particular are aghast at the alarming
development of slumdom, they also recognise that the energy of
Britain is more than equal to that social regeneration for which the
new time calls. In my judgment, Australians need a much fuller and
a much fairer statement, continually renewed, of the actual condition
of things in the Motherland. It should be possible, for example, to
describe the course of British politics in an impartial manner, leaving
Australians to form their own judgment upon the undoubted facts
supplied to them. At present this is rarely done.
On the other hand, what does the average Englishman know
about Australia? In his mind it is connected with a big export trade in
apples, wool, wheat, meat, rabbits, and butter. He reads of the
“Bush” and of the aborigines, of the kangaroo, and of the laughing
jackass. He knows the names of its chief cities—Adelaide,
Melbourne, Sydney, and Brisbane. He has heard also that Australia is
the working man’s paradise; that legislation tends in the direction of
Socialism; that in Parliament there are often some lively scenes, and
that in summer the heat is intense. For the rest, Australia is to him a
vast, lone country situated at the Antipodes, a long, long way off
across the seas, and a place to which, if a man goes, he must suffer
the inconvenience of being cut off from the rest of the world.
“Australia? Yes! One of our colonies under the Southern Cross!” Now
it is time that the abysmal ignorance which prevails concerning this
great country should, once for all, be dissipated. Englishmen ought
to realise that Australia, so far from being a vast, lone land situated
in a corner of the world, difficult of access, is in reality situated in
the very centre of the British Empire, and that, because of this
situation, it is destined to play a great part in the coming life of that
Empire.
Let me try to make this point abundantly clear.
The British Empire consists of the United Kingdom, India, parts
of Africa, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and a number of small
islands, fortified rocks, coaling stations, and the like. The population
of the whole Empire is well over four hundred millions—representing
one-quarter of the entire population of the world. Great Britain itself
—the Motherland, the centre of government—has less than one-
eighth of the population of the Empire. The other seven-eighths are
far nearer to Australia than to Great Britain. That is the great point
to be observed. In other words, Australia is in closer physical touch
with India than is England, while it is quite as near to Africa (nearer,
indeed, to Eastern Africa) and Western Canada as is England.
Let the reader procure a map of the globe and carefully examine
the situation of Australia from this point of view; and if he has never
observed it before, it will probably come home to him with
something of a shock. From Adelaide to Capetown or Durban is a
matter of fourteen or fifteen days’ good steaming. From London to
Capetown is no quicker, if as quick. And that the present average
rate of steaming between Durban and Australia can easily be
accelerated is clearly proved by the fact that the new White Star
steamer Ceramic recently accomplished the journey from Liverpool
to Melbourne via the Cape in two days less than an Orient steamer
which left London on the same day and proceeded by the Suez
route. It is all a question of coal, and in time of need the
consumption of coal would not be a primary consideration.
Still follow the map, and observe that the distance between
Sydney and Vancouver is little greater than that between England
and Vancouver. The whole of Western Canada is open to traffic with
Australia, and there is no great stretch of country to cross by rail.
Here, again, an accelerated steamer service would bring Sydney and
Vancouver within fifteen or sixteen days of each other.
Continuing with the map, it will be seen that between Fremantle,
in Western Australia, and Colombo or Bombay there lies the open
stretch of water known as the Indian Ocean. The usual time allowed
by the mail steamers for crossing between these two points is nine
to ten days. The S.S. Maloja, in which I travelled to England last
year, accomplished the voyage between Fremantle and Colombo in
seven and a half days, Bombay being two days farther north. That is
to say, by an ordinary mail steamer, Fremantle and Bombay lie within
ten days of each other. This time could easily be reduced by a day or
a day and a half. There are three hundred millions of the subjects of
the King in India. These are ruled from England. Bombay, “the gate
of India,” cannot be reached from England in less than fourteen
days, travelling overland from London to Brindisi, and thence by sea.
And there is the narrow Suez Canal to traverse, a piece of water that
an enemy could in an hour render impossible for traffic. From
Australia to India there is one great piece of open sea; there is no
canal liable to be blocked; and Bombay is nearer to Australia than to
England by four or five days.
These are simple facts, verifiable by any person who will give
himself a little trouble. And do they not show that Australia, so far
from being in a corner, out of the way—an appendage, as it were, to
the Empire—is in reality situated in the centre of the Empire, within
almost equal distance of India, Africa, and Canada?
But there is something far more important than this. Unfold the
map once more, and it will be clearly seen that Australia is not only
in the centre of our own Empire, it is also in close touch with those
countries whose awakening and rise to importance constitute a new
and grave problem for the lands of the West and for America. Three
decades ago Japan was known as “the hermit nation.” Its people
lived in a long, narrow island, far enough removed from the
important countries of the West to cause them any anxiety. They
were a remote people, these Japanese; close in their habits, clever
with their fingers, tinted with yellow on their skins, and for the rest
—“heathen.” But they did not “reckon” in the councils of the West.
And then suddenly there came a bolt from the blue—this small,
remote people went to war with the biggest nation in Europe, and
beat them. That was the surprise. In a day the prestige of the
hermit nation was established. The triumph of Japan, it is not too
much to say, served to disquiet the whole world of the West and
America. A new problem arose. All eyes were fixed upon the Pacific.
What ferment was at work in the distant East? And to what extent
would it spread? From the East all the wisdom of the West had
originally come. But for many centuries the East had been asleep,
while the West marched on. Was a new epoch dawning? Was this
victory of Japan an affair of chance, or did it indicate the appearance
of a new era and a new order? Was time, with its whirligig, bringing
things back to their beginning, and once more thrusting the East into
the first place? Was Bismarck, after all, a true seer when he spoke of
the coming “Yellow peril”?
After Japan came the awakening of China. Wise men from that
country, impressed with the victory of Japan, and well knowing that
Japan owed her position to the knowledge she had gained from
Western civilisation, came over to Britain to study the state of affairs
in the West. The mission bore immediate fruit. China began to turn
over in her sleep, and eventually she awoke. In a day an ancient
dynasty was overturned and a republic set up. The ways of the
“foreign devils” were no longer resisted, they were accepted.
Railways were laid down in all directions; a new army was created;
the ancient skirts of the soldiers were exchanged for British khaki;
the pigtail disappeared; Western education became common. The
Pekin of to-day, with its railway stations and bustling Western life,
would astound any person who saw it, say, ten short years ago.
China is awake; she is strong; she is numerous; within her territory
there live one-quarter of the world’s population. The West has for
long enough insulted China. It has contemptuously spoken of the
“heathen Chinee.” The odious opium traffic was forced upon her—
shame to record—by British India. When insulted people turn, they
are apt to become dangerous. If the four hundred millions of
Chinese turn, and bear down upon the West, they can, as Bismarck
said, crush, with the sheer force of millions of massed men, their
opponents. There is a possible “Yellow peril.” It may not take much
to make it actual.
There is a third factor, upon which it may not be advisable to
dwell at length—the disquiet of India. It is a species of madness to
pooh-pooh the outbursts of rebellion, the attempted assassinations,
the inflammatory articles in native papers, and other symptoms of
unrest as being mere local and unmeaning disturbances. The truth
is, there is, or has been until the war, widespread discontent in
India. Into the causes of this it is not proposed to enter here and
now. Sufficient for the present purpose to take note of the fact and
to treat it seriously.
Now, these three nations, between them, contain more than
one-half of the world’s entire population. They are the nations of the
Indian Ocean and the Pacific. Australia lies within easy touch of
them all. She is much nearer to them than is England, and if trouble
broke out she might be the very first of the British possessions to
feel it. Australia means that Britain is already in the Pacific—upon the
spot, so to speak, where the trouble is gathering.
The creation of a new and a final factor in the situation is due to
the opening of the Panama Canal. This mighty engineering work has
now been completed, and the waters of the Atlantic and Pacific
Oceans at last mingle. The canal has primarily, so the majority seem
to think, a mercantile importance. It has brought the eastern
coastline of the United States into direct and rapid communication by
water with Australia, China, the islands of the Pacific, and a rich
tropical zone, the exploiting of which, commercially, will mean much
for American, British, and other markets. For purposes of trade, the
canal is one of the most important water highways ever constructed.
A new centre of shipping activity has been opened up, with
consequences the extent of which at present can hardly be
computed.
The canal, however, has a political importance which surpasses
all else. To use the words of an American statesman, “this canal
means infinitely more than the opening of a passage between one
sea and another; it may yet mean the transference of international
A
interests from the Mediterranean to the Pacific.” What part the
canal will play in such an event need not be discussed here. The
point is that a displacement of political power—an entire change of
interests—is by no means improbable; and, indeed, if the East,
awakening, comes into the possession of its proper inheritance, it is
more than likely to happen. What, then, of our relative interests in
the North Sea and in the Indian Ocean? We British are so
accustomed to the idea of government from a centre in a little island
called “Britain” that we should probably scoff at the suggestion that
one day, owing to a change of interests and the presenting of new
aspects of powerful Eastern life, we might find it convenient and
necessary to make Australia and not Britain the governmental centre
of the Empire. But the idea may be worth thinking over for all that.
Similar things have happened to other peoples before, and they may
happen again. Putting aside all opinions and predictions, the simple
facts remain that Australia at present is situated in the very centre of
the British Empire, and that it is within easy touch of those nations
which, by every sign, have to be seriously reckoned with in the near
future.

A
This was written before the Great European
War broke out. Whatever be the issue of this
war, the main contention of the above
paragraphs remains true.

Australia is in the possession of the British people. This is a trite

enough remark to make, but the remarkable thing, when we really
think about it, is that the remark can be so easily made. The wonder
is that it is not Dutch or Spanish or French. Explorers from each of
these lands discovered it, and left it unoccupied. When the Dutch
were foraging in Southern waters, they were the finest seamen of
their time. Small as a nation, they were great business people and
fine colonists. Yet they left Australia behind, after a passing
acquaintance with its coast. It was reserved for Captain Cook to
claim the hitherto terra incognita in the name of the people of
Britain. To people who recognise in historical events nothing but the
collisions of chance, the exploit of Captain Cook was a lucky
adventure. To those of us who try to look below the surface of
things, the event was a providence. Let the enemies of Britain say
their worst of us—and they can point to many a discreditable thing
in our history—it remains true that British sentiment, enlightened by
Christianity, has more and more tended towards liberty and justice
for all the people who come under her sway. Under any other flag
would Australia, with all its faults, have become the country that it
is?
If Divine destiny, and not blind chance, has reserved for the
British race this immense country of Australia, and the British people
faithfully fulfil their Divine and human mission in the world, then it is
easy to perceive that this new land in the Southern Ocean will
become a centre of healthful influence for the entire Pacific. And if to
British influence in the South there is joined—through the medium of
the Panama Canal—a powerful American influence of the highest
quality, the Pacific may yet lead the world’s future, as the
Mediterranean has for hundreds of years led the past.
 CHAPTER I

GOING TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH

T
o the Australian shores there pass, in ever-increasing numbers,
steamers of every size and of every nationality. They go
from America, from India, from Japan, from China, from
France, and from Britain. The world has discovered Australia to be a
fine continent for business. Year by year the tonnage of steamers
grows. It is a far cry from the little cockle-boat of 300 tons which
touched at Sydney Harbour a century ago to the new majestic liners
of 13,000 tons which now ply between Tilbury and Sydney. The
limitations of the Suez Canal seem to have determined the size of
the largest steamers outward bound by that route. Via the Cape,
there are no such restrictions; hence the White Star Company has
been able to place its steamer, the Ceramic, a vessel of 18,000 tons,
on the Australian trade, and the limit is not yet reached. There is no
reason why steamers equal to the Atlantic greyhounds should not
yet ply between Britain and Melbourne. The twin difficulties would
be, obviously, fuel and food. The shorter journeys between England
and Canada, England and the States, or England and the
Mediterranean, offer no difficulty in the way of coal or provisions.
But what of a voyage of six or seven weeks? The present
arrangements are marvellous enough. Passengers pass from port to
port without anxiety. Their table is always well spread. There is
enough and to spare. Even at the end of a long voyage English sole
and salmon appear on the menu for dinner. How is it all
accomplished? The ease of working means that behind all there is a
perfect organisation, which for the average passenger, however,
remains enveloped in mystery. The varied menus at table indicate
the existence of an immense reserve somewhere in the ship. I
determine, if possible, to fathom the secret of a ship’s working. The
man who knows everything is the purser, but previous experience
makes me shy of pursers—at least, some of them. I remember the
uniform, the haughty manners, the snobbishness, the air of
condescension, the impression that a god had descended to earth
and taken to the career of a purser. Is our purser of this type? I
wonder! I approach him, and find him to be a splendid fellow—
dignified, kind, courteous, and ready to do all in his power to satisfy
my request. He places in my hands a book of romance. In point of
fact, it is a book of quantities and prices, of descriptions and
instructions; page after page deals with edibles of all kinds. To the
purser all this is business; to me it is romance and miracle, for it
represents the arrangements made to feed a little world, cut off from
the rest of men, and launched upon the immense waters of the
ocean.

These pages of dry figures, matter-of-fact as they are, simple as

they are, represent years of experience and experiment. There is no
likelihood of passengers ever starving; a generous margin is allowed,
over and above actual needs, for eventualities. Nor is there
likelihood of monotony in menus. The variety of provisions is
astounding. These pages, dealing with the commissariat of the ship,
contain a list of thirty-eight different kinds of soup, nearly 100
varieties of fish, entrées and sauces galore. The fundamentals of
eating and drinking bulk more largely, of course, than anything else.
Thus this ship started on its voyage with 1,400 lbs. of biscuits, 76
barrels and 216 bags of flour, 5,000 lbs. of butter, 10,000 eggs,
1,500 lbs. of coffee, and 10,000 lbs. of beef. Sugar is the heaviest
item of all, being 12,000 lbs. Then follow hundreds of bottles of
preserved fruit, poultry and game of all kinds, dried fruits of every
description, jams, jellies, and marmalade to repletion, tinned meats
and fish, raisins, currants, salt, milk, bacon, and vegetables of all
kinds. Nothing seems missing. The list is prodigious. Not a taste is
left unprovided for. At every port fresh provisions are taken in. The
purser has a list of tradesmen at every place of call. He knows
exactly what can be obtained, where it can be obtained, when, and
at what price. His book informs him that it is not advisable to
procure certain things at certain places. There are regular providers
who undertake to furnish the ship with provisions. Woe to any of
these men if they play tricks with the company; if for once only they
supply inferior food their names are forthwith struck off the list, and
no amount of pleading will succeed in having them replaced there. It
is the unpardonable sin to supply stuff of inferior quality. I noted a
line in the instructions which means much: “The company pay full
price (for articles), and they expect none but the best quality.”
So this is how the purchasing and storing are done. Everything is
reduced to an exact science. There is no experimenting, no
guessing. The steamers leave the home ports ready for all demands
likely to be made upon them.
The next question is that of storage. How is all the fresh food—
meat, vegetables, poultry, fish, etc.—kept? Even a child to-day would
reply in a word—“cold storage.” But this means much more than it
seems to mean. Cold storage is a fine art, and a still finer art is that
of thawing. It would appear to be a perfectly simple thing to remove
a piece of meat or some poultry from the cold chamber and roast it
for the table. But it is far from simple. Unless the thawing is properly
done, the joint is ruined. Hence, elaborate instructions are issued
both for freezing and for thawing fresh foods. It is really wonderful,
when one comes to think of it, that food can be preserved from
corruption by the application of cold; but the cold must be
scientifically applied. In the refrigerating chamber the temperature is
kept from 20 degrees to 25 degrees—“It snows there.” Stewards
who enter the chamber for business purposes are compelled to
dress in special garments, so as to avoid a sudden chill, with its
possible fatal consequences. The air in the cold chamber is changed
three times a week. And so it is all a miracle of atmosphere,
regulated at will.
 The practical work of preparing meals for passengers is very
fascinating. The kitchens are models of cleanliness. No slovenliness
is permitted. Most of the food is untouched by hand. Dough is mixed
by a machine. Bread and cakes are cut by a patent knife. Potatoes
are peeled by a huge “peeler,” which removes only the minimum of
skin. There are enormous roasters and steam cookers, which
perform their work with absolute precision. The kitchen of a great
liner is a place of wonder, and the scullery is only second to it. Here
labour is saved at every turn. Knives are cleaned in a new and
expeditious manner; plates are washed by steam and dried in a
whirling machine turned by electricity at a terrific rate of speed.
Science operates everywhere. There is no chance for germs to
develop. Every man has his place and his duty. Galley fires must be
lighted at 4 A.M.; cooks must be on duty at a certain fixed hour.
Stewards have their duties clearly defined. Nothing is left to chance.
The discipline of the ship is perfect.
But while we examine this fascinating department of ship life, we
become aware of an increasing throb in the engines. The boat is
rolling heavily. The sea is behaving badly; and we are seized with a
desire to go below and see life in the nethermost regions of the
boat. It has been represented to us as a kind of inferno, in which
men work naked. In company with the “chief” we descend to the
engine-room. Here four powerful engines turn the steel shafts,
which in turn move the propellers. At last we arrive at the ultimate
expression of force in this wonderful ship. All is now left behind,
save the thick steel shafts which run horizontally through the stern
of the vessel. Silently and swiftly they move round, forcing the
propellers outside to displace the waters of the ocean, and so urge
forward the steamer. It is a weird experience to descend to the very
bottom of the steamer, into its uttermost corner, where the boat is
narrowest, and to watch the steel shafts ever turn round. The
mighty vessel above us depends in reality upon these shafts. If they
broke, and could not be replaced, the steamer would lie upon the
bosom of the water a helpless mass of iron and steel. One frail plate
of steel between us and destruction! The idea is chilling.
 I dreaded the furnaces—the satanic stokehole, where men suffer
in the presence of broiling heat. But when we pass into this region
of the ship, where is the inferno? To my utter astonishment, the
stokehole is cooler than the engine-room. A pleasant draught of cool
air plays around the stokers, who are not naked nor perspiring.
Despite roaring fires and enormous boilers, the room is pleasantly
cool. Thus another illusion has disappeared. The old order of things
has changed. Science has rendered service more humane. The
terrors of life are one by one departing.
 CHAPTER II

THE GOLDEN WEST

Passengers from England to Australia via the Cape generally touch

Australian soil first at Albany. They thus miss the true “gateway” into
the country, Fremantle. This latter city is the port for Perth; it is the
traveller’s first introduction to Australia if he travels via the Suez and
Ceylon. And glad is he to behold land once more after the
monotonous voyage of ten days across the Indian Ocean. A languid
air steals over the ship during the time it is in the region of the
Equator. At night the decks are strewn with mattresses for the
accommodation of passengers who prefer to “sleep out” rather than
be stifled in intolerable cabins. Then, if the season be that of the
Australian winter (June to August), the heat gradually moderates,
and by the time the boat reaches Fremantle all white clothing has
been discarded, and men are thankful once more to take to blankets
and heavier dress.
The development of Western Australia has been remarkable. For
many years it lay practically stagnant; then in a moment its progress
commenced. The discovery of gold made all the difference. Twenty
years ago Perth was a mere village, with all the disadvantages of a
village. Many of its houses were primitive and ugly. A few relics of
that period still survive. Certain houses were built of kerosene tins;
many more of wood. A neglected look characterised the place.
“Squalid,” one old inhabitant calls it; but that is probably an
exaggeration. It had a beautiful natural situation, being built upon a
slope of the lovely Swan River. Yet the city at that time was badly
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