University's Stray Dogs

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/55677691.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: Multi
Fandom: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs
Relationships: Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa
Ryuunosuke/Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo/Edgar
Allan Poe (Bungou Stray Dogs), Ozaki Kouyou/Yosano Akiko (Bungou Stray
Dogs)
Characters: Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs),
Yosano Akiko (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs),
Akutagawa Ryuunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Izumi Kyouka (Bungou Stray
Dogs), Tanizaki Junichirou (Bungou Stray Dogs), Tanizaki Naomi, Fukuzawa
Yukichi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edgar Allan Poe (Bungou Stray Dogs),
Miyazawa Kenji (Bungou Stray Dogs), Haruno Kirako, Kunikida Doppo
(Bungou Stray Dogs), Mori Ougai (Bungou Stray Dogs), Elise (Bungou Stray
Dogs), Akutagawa Gin, Higuchi Ichiyou (Bungou Stray Dogs), Tachihara
Michizou (Bungou Stray Dogs)
Additional Tags: Chatting & Messaging, Texting, Alternate Universe - College/University,
Alternate Universe, Pining, Mutual Pining, Unrequited Love, dazai canonically
cucks kunikida lol, Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions (Bungou Stray Dogs),
Nakajima Atsushi is So Done (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu & Yosano
Akiko Friendship (Bungou Stray Dogs), Lesbian Yosano Akiko (Bungou Stray
Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo Knows All (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo is a
Little Shit (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo Being Edogawa Ranpo
(Bungou Stray Dogs), Shy Edgar Allan Poe (Bungou Stray Dogs), Established
Relationship, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, Platonic
Female/Male Relationships, Social Media, Port Mafia (Bungou Stray Dogs),
Armed Detective Agency (Bungou Stray Dogs), Angst, Hurt/Comfort,
Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Sad Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Good
Sibling Akutagawa Gin, Soft Edgar Allan Poe (Bungou Stray Dogs), Mori
Ougai Being an Asshole (Bungou Stray Dogs), Parent Mori Ougai (Bungou
Stray Dogs), Mori Ougai is Dazai Osamu's Parent (Bungou Stray Dogs)
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2024-05-04 Updated: 2025-01-29 Words: 69,076 Chapters: 40/?
 University's Stray Dogs
by unknownghostt

Summary

University is hard, but having friends makes it easier.

Or maybe even harder, given the circumstances.

Just a glimpse into the hellscape Atsushi loving refers to as "the server" without anymore context
than that. Those who know, know, and those who don't, don't. It's just that simple.

(chatfic/regular fic hybrid. There is an actual plot I promise)

Notes

Usernames (more will be added when needed):

Dazai – nothuman
Atsushi – alphatiger
Kunikida – kunikida / doppo_poet
Junichiro – shadow.praiser
Ranpo – boydetective
Yosano – butterfly
Kenji – animal_crossing
Noami – light_finder
Kyoka – xX.demonsnow.Xx
Kirako – lovecats

Akutagawa – x..RASHOMON..x
Kouyou – goldendemon
Higuchi – natnatsuko
Chuuya – arahabki
Gin – x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x
Tachihara – blcklzrd
Oda – bookworm
Motojiro - lemongrab

Poe – thegoldraven
Lucy - countess..luanne
 Dropping Out and Gamers
Chapter Summary

Dazai wants to vent, but others want to just play.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

GAYGENCY

general

Today at 3:06 PM.

nothuman:

guys i’m gonna drop out bye

kunikida:

Don’t do that.

boydetective:

He won’t!!!

Though it’s nice that you care enough to try to stop him.

kunikida:

I don’t really care that much about him. I just know Fukuzawa is his thesis advisor.

Butterfly:

LMFAO TEAAAAA

Get his ass

Dazai drops out and then drops dead by fukuzawa’s hand that’s crazy
nothuman:

joke is on you guys i want to be dead!!!

Alphatiger:

Yeah but you want to be dead bc of suicide I think mr. Fukuzawa killing you would be
manslaughter and not suicide

Lol

Shadow.praiser:

tldr sorry that happened to u dazai or im happy for u

Anyway ranpo are we gonna play overwatch or what

boydetective:

NOOOOOOO

I HATE THAT GAME

NOOOOO WHY AM I OPENING THE APPLICATION

WHY IS THE GAME BOOTING UP!!!!!

DAMN YOU JUNICHIRO!!!!!

Shadow.praiser:

u know its bad when the detective cant even figure out why hes playing such a shit game

there is no hope for the rest of us /sad

Alphatiger:

Can I play with you guys too please 🙁

Shadow.praiser:
ofc!!

you play on console tho right?

we can just be qp warriors its fine

boydetective:

I’m one tricking dva

nothuman:

this was supposed to be about me why are they all speaking nerd

kunikida:

I cannot believe I am agreeing with you.

boydetective:

OH ACTUALLY

CAN I INVITE A FRIEND I MADE???

PLEASE??????

And in extension can i invite him to the server plsplspls

Butterfly:

Yes.

nothuman:

???

who gave you executive decisions over the server???

last time i checked I MADE the server

Butterfly:

You’re gonna say no to Ranpo?

nothuman:

invite your little friend po

boydetective:

Yay!!

thegoldraven just landed.

boydetective:

POE!!!!!!!!

Hi :3

thegoldraven:

hi !

it is nice to meet you all !

nothuman:

Lmfao no way

Butterfly:

Lmao are we thinking the same thing rn?

Shadow.praiser:
hi poe!

idk if u remember me but i was the echo from like two days ago

Alphatiger:

@nothuman @butterfly you guys are acting catty just say hi like a normal person :/

Butterfly:

@nothuman no way the kid named “alphatiger” is telling us we’re being catty

nothuman:

gonna kms do u wanna do it together?

Butterfly:

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
I thought you would never ask

animal_crossing:

Does anyone want to play minecraft with me :3 ?

Shadow.praiser:

u should play overwatch with us instead

animal_crossing:

I’m not good at ow :(

I only play custom mercy boxing

Shadow.praiser:
its just gonna be me, ranpo, poe, and atsushi in qp u dont need to be good it’s just for funsies

and we could rly use another supp

animal_crossing:

Okkkkkkk

Light_finder:

KENJI U MAIN MERCY???????????

animal_crossing:

I either play her or lw :3

Light_finder:

Ik you were my fav for a reason

animal_crossing:

Omg! I feel so honored!

Lovecats:

@nothuman what was the reason you’re planning to drop out?

I feel like we all moved on a little too quickly lol

nothuman:

you are the only person that cares abt me

Butterfly:

Goddammit now we have to hear abt it

nothuman:

as you all may know

i have Fukuzawa as a professor

Butterfly:

Groundbreaking.

nothuman:

i’ve literally done my best on all his assignments. i think despite my quirks i am a good student.

Butterfly:

arguable

nothuman:

and i have YET to get another higher than an A-.

Alphatiger:

Oh

Some professors do that

Cause like an A means perfection and no one is perfect

boydetective:

Can’t relate i only get As in fukuzawa’s class

kunikida:

Lol same.
Butterfly:

Oh brother you’re cooked

You just got lol’d by kunikida.

Pack it up maybe suicide is the answer.

Alphatiger:

PLEASE don’t say that it only enables him

thegoldraven:

You guys go to Yokohama University ?

boydetective:

Yes

thegoldraven:

:0 !

I am planning to transfer there !

I spoke to a professor named Fukuzawa when he visited my current university !

boydetective:

NO WAY!!!!!!

YIPPEE!!!!!!!

All of you need to get on overwatch right NEEEOWWWWWW

Alphatiger:

Im on im just waiting for u guys

Ugh hold on i have to put myself offline akutagawa is spamming me invites

nothuman:

PAUSE!!!

Butterfly:

REWIND!!!

nothuman:

Akutagawa is sending *YOU* invites?

Butterfly:

Interesting.

Alphatiger:

??????

Yes???

He is the only person ik that plays on console too

So we run comp sometimes

Shadow.praiser:

wow cool

i guess i dunno

i dont fuck with akutagawa after his friend and naomi got into that fight

sorry but she is a c word

nothuman:
 you can say cunt

Shadow.praiser:

id rather not???

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

You shouldn’t say that unless you’re a woman.

Butterfly:

Facts

nothuman:

I am a victim of sexism

Butterfly:

YOURE LITERALLY NOT BUT OK

Cry abt it to fukuzawa maybe he’ll give that A

Just cite ur source

nothuman:

I hope you choke 😍

Chapter End Notes

hi! chatfic yay!

most of the character's names are based on the works of their real life author counterparts and
then others are based on their characteristics or things from the show lol

hope you enjoy!

 Among Us is NOT a Dead Game!
Chapter Summary

Among Us amongst various other conspiracies.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

GAYGENCY

general

Today at 7:37 PM.

nothuman:

WAIT ACTUALLY SUICIDAL

CHUUYA AND ME ARE DOING A GROUP PRESENTATION TOGETHER

IM KILLING MYSELF LIKE LOLLLLLLL

alphatiger:

Rip

nothuman:

can you pretend to care about me

butterfly:

Who’s Chuuya again?

Oh wait he’s the little short guy right lol?

Like what 4 feet tall?

nothuman:
LMFAO

HAHAHAHA

yeah bro is petite

but the presentation is our final

I hope dr. mori dies an awful death

butterfly:

HOLY SHIT

I HATE THAT CUCKER

He literally looks like a kiddie diddler

boydetective:

Well there’s the rumor that he *is* a kiddie diddler.

Kunikida:

I dont think it’s a rumor.

nothuman:

can you make your name something fun kunikida

Kunikida:

Um

Ok

I can try something

nothuman:

Thanks
doppo_poet:

How is this?

butterfly:

So close buddy! That’s your first name 🙂

nothuman:

LMFAOOOOOOOOO

alphatiger:

I like it kunikida!

doppo_poet:

Thank you Atsushi! :D

nothuman:

i hate it!

doppo_poet:

D:

animal_crossing:

Let's be nice to kunikida!

doppo_poet:

:D
thegoldraven:

Not really enjoying we are overlooking the kiddie diddler allegation !!

That makes me nervous to transfer :(

boydetective:

NO YOU SHOULD STILL COME TO YOKOHAMA UNI

IT’S ONE PROF THAT U PROBABLY WONT HAVE AS A PROFESSIONAL WRITING

MAJOR

TRUST ME!!!

Please I need a normal friend I hate all the people in this server so much!!! 😭😭😭😭
butterfly:

You’re both named Po that’s not a normal friend

nothuman:

^^^

boydetective:

Can neither of you read??

He’s POE and I’m PO!

He has an E duh

alphatiger:

@thegoldraven you’re a pwr major?

You might be interested a club on campus called the guild

i'm only saying that bc ik that they’re losing their secretary next semester bc he's graduating :3

I’m friends with one of their members and occasionally go to their meetings it’s very chill!!
thegoldraven:

Wow thank you so much for letting me know . I will definitely look into it !

nothuman:

how are you a pwr major but put spaces before using punctuation

not being mean btw just curious

butterfly:

“Not being mean” *is being mean*

thegoldraven:

It is because i am typing on my phone and I am not good at texting .

I only have discord on my phone because Ranpo told me to download it after we met playing
games online !

butterfly:

Wait that’s so cute :(

So you two met by playing overwatch? Or a different game?

thegoldraven:

no , we met on Among Us !

nothuman:

AMONG US?????

@boydetective you meeting ur bf on among us is crazy

boydetective:
We were the only ones to deduce that red and pink were the imposters like one round in lol

So I friended him because he and I were a force to be reckoned with!!

We should all play among us together.

thegoldraven:

Playing together would be so fun !

shadow.praiser:

yeah but among us is like dead dead

but i miss playing among us in a group

Naomi and i were pretty good at it

light_finder:

True! We were great!

nothuman:

when would u guys wanna play

i can find enough people to play like rn if needed

boydetective:

:0!!!!

CAN U PLS DAZAI PLS!!!!

nothuman:

yeah

but i’m gonna make a new server cause i don’t wanna invite them here

they’re not cool enough to be in the gaycency

butterfly:

I know that’s right!!!

among us in real life

general-chat

Today at 8:34 PM.

nothuman:

hi guys

let’s play among us

x..RASHOMON..x:

literall y a dead game

literally*

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

i love among us!!!!!!

oh.

Sorry ryu

x..RASHOMON..x:

I was just kidding

We can play

butterfly:

Awe so cute
arahabaki:

Bro was definitely not kidding lmfao

PM

butterfly aka yosano

Today at 8:52

nothuman:

DUDE I FUCKING SENT CHUUYA AN INVITE ON ACCIDENT.

butterfly:

LMFAO

That’s crazy

Now you’re doing a project with him AND among us

Hope you two don’t get imposter together hehe

nothuman:

Ugh whatever

i’ll power thru

ranpoe supremacy or whatever i guess

among us in real life

general-chat

boydetective:

KYXDRA

Join or suffer

thegoldraven:

Yay !
Bookworm:

Wait who is who

All of you have weird names and anime profile pictures

I don’t know who anyone is except for dazai

arahabaki:

Nakahara Chuuya

alphatiger:

Nakajima Atsushi :D

butterfly:

Akiko Yosano

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Akutagawa Gin

x..RASHOMON..x:

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

doppo_poet:

Kunikida Doppo

boydetective:

Ranpo Edogawa
thegoldraven:

Edgar .

You dont know me in real life . I am just Ranpo’s friend . :)

nothuman:

wait

what

butterfly:

Do u mind dropping the full gov?

thegoldraven:

It is Edgar Allan Poe !

nothuman:

Oh my god

has ranpo been pranking us?

alphatiger:

That’d be impossible we all played overwatch together last earlier

It’s just a coincidence

He’s from the us

Bookworm:

Wait so you’re EDGAR POE

And Ranpo is EDOGAWA RANPO

That’s insane
Dazai how do you find these people

nothuman:

not by choice

butterfly:

nothuman:

Babygirl you know you the exception

butterfly:

Thanks pookie 🥺
alphatiger:

EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW

shadow.praiser:

im tanizaki junichiro

but also yosano and dazai please STOP RIGHT NOW

THATS ACTUALLY SO WRONG AND VILE

arahabaki:

Aren’t you the sister fucker?

shadow.praiser:

im sorry WHAT
ME????

arahabaki:

YEAH

shadow.praiser:

NO I AM NOT???? WHAT THE FUCK??????

arahabaki:

I’ve literally seen you two be handsy????

shadow.praiser:

are you talking about Naomi???

arahabaki:

Is that your sister?

shadow.praiser:

yes

and no

light_finder:

We’re childhood friends

Like we grew up with each other

But we’re not blood siblings

Just metaphorical siblings

Hope this helps

Cause what the fuck 😭
arahabaki:

Oh

Sorry

I really didn’t know. I was told by people that you two were siblings

boydetective:

CAN WE JUST PLAY FUCKING AMONG US

STOP THE YAPPING AND START THE STABBING

THE LOBBY IS GONNA EXPIRE SO JOIN JOIN JOIN

thegoldraven:

I’m in!

Bookworm:

Ok i guess i’m playing among us

arahabaki:

I’m in too

nothuman:

it’s not letting me join???

boydetective:

Asia server babe

 nothuman:

OH

tell me why i had it set for europe the fuck

butterfly:

LOL maybe from when u played with ur exbf 🤭

nothuman:

choke 😍
arahabaki:

lol zero chance this guy gets play

but ok

nothuman:

BRUH

Chapter End Notes

i love junichiro but i HATE THE INCEST SUBPLOT!!! i don't think they're even siblings in
the show since naomi is based on the story Naomi by Junichiro where the two are a couple and
pretend to be siblings to live together but that's gotta be confirmed soon because i literally hate
hate hate incest subplots so much.

i don't really know where this fic is going to take me. i'm writing it to procrastinate my final
papers for my last days as an undergrad student!! #graduating #studentdebt

maybe i'll have them actually play among us in the next chapter. i think that would be so cute
and fun. anyway i hope you guys enjoyed and if you're here from my fairy tail fanfic that
needs to be updated LOOK OVER THERE! (i'm running away in the other direction)

until next time bye bye

 Among Us
Chapter Summary

Atsushi, Dazai, Ranpo, Poe, Kunikida, Yosano, Junichiro, Naomi, Kenji, Akutagawa, Gin,
Kouyou, Chuuya, Odsaku, and Tachihara all play among us together.

Chapter Notes

"this is a chatfic" ok explain this then

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“The rules are simple,” Ranpo said, “we are playing the classic game. No roles like guardian angel,
shapeshifter, or anything like that. Even though there’s fifteen of us, I only put two imposters. We
all have to mute and deaf during the game. If you die, you’re free to unmute and talk to your other
ghosts, but you can’t say anything during discussions. Everyone’s name has to be their actual name,
visual tasks are off, and all voting is anonymous!”

“Sounds good,” Yosano responded, going through the options and giving herself a flower,
“whoever took yellow better get off of it right now before I skin you alive.”

The colors went as follows:

Atsushi: cyan, Akutagawa: red, Dazai: brown, Chuuya: black, Yosano: yellow, Kouyou: rose,
Kunikida: green, Kenji: banana, Junichiro: orange, Ranpo: maroon, Poe: tan, Naomi: pink, Gin:
purple, Odasaku: gray, Tachihara: white.

On the Skeld, the group spawned around a table. Atsushi had gotten crewmate and was determined
to win, but most importantly, stay alive ! He always died first and he was determined to stay alive
until the end this time. His first task was card swipe. Perfect! He could try to see who didn’t go and
know that they were the imposter!

Too bad literally everyone was in here. It was like the virtual equivalent of sardines being packed
together. Dazai had been standing at the terminal the longest, which was a little suspect but also…
Dazai was just not good at card swipe. Atsushi remembers the last time they played, they all
thought Dazai was the imposter because he couldn’t swipe the card. He plays on his phone
apparently.

Well, since everyone here has wires, Atsushi looked to see who was now doing them. Since he did
card swipe later, by the time he got to wires it was just Kenji and Junichiro. Well, at least he could
vouch for them. There’s no way one of the imposters would still be hanging around here well after
most people left.
Atsushi did the wires and was left alone. Ugh. He hated when he was alone in Among Us. This is
where he always dies. He was determined to see this through!

He went back to admin and luckily Dazai was still there. Did he have any tasks? No, but he would
once he did upload. Should he risk it? Or should he wait for Dazai? No, he couldn’t. Dazai would
think he’s the imposter. Atsushi went to the admin table to see how many were in what room. No
one was in navigation, but there were a bunch of people in reactor and electrical. He had wires in
electrical. He sighed and closed it, heading out and walked towards electrical.

Bullhorn?! Shit! Someone died! Immediately, he reported it. The sound of people unmuting rang in
his headphones.

“I found Kunikida dead in storage,” Atsushi said. RIP Kunikida. “I just left admin and Dazai has
been in admin the whole time, so I don’t think it was him. I don’t know who else it could be, but I
will say I think Junichiro and Kenji are safe.”

“Interesting,” Ranpo said, “well, where was everyone?”

“Ryuu and I were in navigation together,” Gin said. Atsushi’s eyes widened.

“That can’t be true, I just checked the admin table and no one was in there.”

“We just got there. He just did weapons and I have the download task in navigation,” Gin said.

“We’re just following each other around. I know Gin isn’t the imposter,” Akutagawa said.

“Can she say the same about you?” Dazai asked smugly.

“Yes,” Akutagawa responded, sounding annoyed, but that was just Dazai’s effect on people.
“Visual tasks aren’t on, but the taskbar is. She saw the taskbar move when I was finished with
weapons.”

“Someone could have finished a task at the same time,” Junichiro said, “but I don’t think they did
it. They weren’t close enough. Just don’t write off either of them for being an imposter.”

“Atsushi, was it you?” Kenji asked, “because you were in storage with Junichiro and I, then left,
only to come back to find the body. Was this a self-report?”

“No, I followed him out. He found the body,” Dazai said. Atsushi felt a bit embarrassed for not
realizing that Dazai followed him out, but whatever. “Where was everyone else—other than the
Akutagawas.”

“I was in electrical with Yosano and Kouyou,” Oda said, “I’m doing the stupid circle one.”

“The what ?” Poe asked.

“Calibrator,” Junichiro said, “and I was in reactor with Naomi, Kenji, and Chuuya.”

“I’ll pay someone 3,000 yen to do this stupid simon says task,” Chuuya grumbled.

“Worrying that you have dogshit memory when we need to do a memorized presentation, but okay,
moving on,” Dazai said, “Ranpo and Poe, where were you two?”
“We were in medbay,” Ranpo said, “he and I both have scans so I can vouch for him and he can
vouch for me that neither of us are the imposter.”

“Or you both could be the imposter,” Kenji said, almost way too upbeat.

“No,” Poe said, “if we were both the imposter, the game would’ve been over by now.”

Gagged, okay, tea. “Do you guys have any idea who the imposter could be?” Atsushi asked.

“I have an idea, do you, Poe?” Ranpo asked. For them only meeting recently, they seemed to have
grown super close already.

“I have my speculations…” Poe said, “though I’d rather vote to skip. Any other crewmate we run
the risk losing means an easier game for the imposter.”

“Good point!” Ranpo exclaimed, “but since I know you’re a crewmate and you know I’m a
crewmate, I’m gonna dm you who I think it is.”

“Isn’t that cheating?” Kouyou asked. Atsushi honestly had no idea who this girl was in real life, but
she sounded very nice!

“No, it’d be cheating if I was Kunikida and telling Poe who the imposter was, but I’m not so I
won’t be. I’m giving him who I speculate because I’m absolutely sure it’s the same, I just want to
make sure we’re on the same page… duh!” Ranpo responded.

“There’s no point in arguing with him,” Yosano said. She paused. “Wait, what about Tachihara?”

“What about me?” He asked.

“Where were you?”

“Shields. I also have scan in case anyone else has it,” he said.

“I… I don’t know if I have that or not,” Odasaku said, “I don’t even know my tasks. I’m just going
to anything that glows yellow.”

“Oh, hun, there’s a drop tab menu that shows you your tasks,” Dazai said, “anyway, we’re running
out of discussion time. Are we voting for anyone? It needs to be a majority vote.”

“I say skip,” Poe said, “all we have is speculation.”

Everyone voted and Atsushi found it interesting that two people voted for Gin, one person voted for
Odasaku, and three people voted for Dazai. Whatever, the rest voted to skip.

Back around the table, Atsushi followed Tachihara, Yosano, and Odasaku into medbay to see if any
of them had scan. Odasaku had just gotten onto medscan when the lights flicked off. Atsushi went
to leave, considering the vent from medbay to electrical, but the medbay doors were closed! Oh no!
He’s never going to make it to the end of a game!

Before he could report anything, Odasaku reported.

“Um…” he began, “oh what the fuck, two died?”

It must’ve been a double kill with the imposters, using the vent between electrical and medbay!

“So, Yosano and Tachihara are dead and they died in medbay. I dunno, the lights were off, but there
were four of us.”

“Oh, so clearly, it was you and whoever was with you,” Kouyou stated.

“It couldn’t have been me!” Atsushi exclaimed, “I’m a crewmate!”

“Yeah, Atsushi isn’t an imposter, so that means someone needed to come in through the vent,”
Kenji said.

“I’m not the imposter either though,” Odasaku said, “I was doing the scan thingy.”

“He was,” Atsushi said, “maybe the two imposters were in electrical? And used the vent?”

“Well, where was everyone?” Dazai asked.

“I was in navigation with Gin,” Akutagawa said.

“That’s not true.” Kouyou asked, “I went to navigation and up to you, Gin wasn’t there.”

“We were trying to bait the imposter into killing us, so we were stacked.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Odasaku said.

“Stacking is when two players stand directly on top of each other so it only looks like one person,”
Poe explained, “so if someone were to kill Akutagawa, his sister could report it and know who
killed him. It’s just a trick.”

“I see,” Odasaku replied, “this game is very weird. Not a fan.”

“I like it,” Ranpo stated, “anyway, where was everyone else?”

“I was going to electrical with Kenji,” Junichiro said.

“Was in admin, doing card swipe,” Dazai said,

“Just give up!” Chuuya exclaimed.

“Never!”

“I was in security,” Chuuya said, ignoring Dazai.

“I was in reactor,” Naomi said.

“I had just got to the lights,” Poe said, “I didn’t get to fix them yet though.”

“Okay, and I was doing download in comms,” Ranpo said, “Odasaku and Atsushi, what did you
guys see in medbay?”

“Nothing, the lights were off,” Odasaku said, “all I could see was the report button.”

“Same,” Atsushi said, “the imposters must have vented in because Odasaku was doing scan.”
“Interesting…” Ranpo responded, “well, I think it’s time for another skip!”

Everyone voted and Odasaku received two votes, but the rest voted to skip. Poor Odasaku. He
didn’t know how to play and he was getting too many votes.

Again, surrounding the table, Atsushi looked at who remained. It was himself, Dazai, Chuuya,
Kouyou, Gin, Akutagawa, Ranpo, Poe, Junichiro, Kenji, Odasaku, and Naomi. He decided to
follow Junichiro, knowing for a fact that he was a crewmate. He figured Junichiro trusted Atsushi,
since the two ran in circles in front of each other, a common sign of camaraderie in Among Us. He
had tasks in electrical, but he was just going to follow Junichiro around as he did his tasks and then
hoped Junichiro would do the same for him when he finished. It didn’t help that Ranpo assigned a
shit ton of tasks.

Oxygen went off and the doors to the lower engine shut, leaving Junichiro and Atsushi to have to
go up and over rather than over and up to get to one of the oxygen tanks. As they hit the cafeteria,
they saw Kouyou’s body. Junichiro reported it. When the screen popped up, it revealed that not
only was Kouyou dead, but so was Chuuya and Kenji.

“Kouyou is dead in cafeteria, near the vent,” Junichiro said, “I don’t know where the other two
died, but I can vouch for Atsushi. He has been with me the whole time.”

“It’s really interesting that Atsushi has been by literally every single murder,” Dazai stated simply.

“Well, it’s not like I chose for that to happen!” Atsushi said.

“He’s messing with you,” Gin said.

“Awe, don’t expose me with such a cute voice!” Dazai exclaimed.

“Whoever the imposter is, please kill Dazai next,” Akutagawa said.

“Unfortunately, that won’t be happening,” Poe said, “I know who both the imposters are.”

“Finally!” Ranpo said, “I’ve had it figured out since round two! I’ve been waiting for you to catch
up, Poe.”

“Well, who are they?” Dazai asked.

“It’s Odasaku and Gin,” Poe said.

“It literally can’t because I’ve been with Gin all game and furry fucker saw Odasaku scan,”
Akutagawa stated.

“Furry fucker?!” Atsushi exclaimed. Man, c’mon!

“You’ve been vouching for Gin, but you’ve known from the start she was the imposter,” Ranpo
said, “and Odasaku’s scan had been done when the lights went off, so there’s no way to confirm he
actually did it. He’s also been lying about being bad to the game, considering he was the one that
turned off the lights and closed the doors so Gin could vent into medbay and you two could double
kill Yosano and Tachihara.”

Odasaku sighed. “You got me,” he said, “this game isn’t very fun with two detectives playing.
Three, if Dazai counts, even though I know he hasn’t done card swipe yet.”
 “My hands shake too much and it either makes the swipe too fast or too slow,” Dazai said in his
own defense. “I have a benign tremor guys. That's why my handwriting looks the way it does.”

He did it! He had finally made it to the end of a game without dying!

“So, are we going to vote off Odasaku first and then Gin?” Atsushi asked.

“Yeah, that seems about right,” Ranpo said.

Then, everyone voted for Odasaku, while two voted for Gin—whatever. He’s voted off and while
Ranpo had imposter verification off, it didn’t matter.

“Well, if I’m going to die anyway,” Gin began. No one bothered to mute since the game was
essentially over. She took it upon herself to KILL ATSUSHI.

“Why?!” Atsushi yelled. She laughed and so did Akutagawa. Both of them were so evil!

“Ryuu told me that there cannot be a game of Among Us where you live to see the end… sorry!”
She exclaimed.

“That’s rough,” Kunikida said, gracing the call with his voice. As the first dead, he had to live with
the information of knowing the killer just to watch the rest of them figure it out. Whatever. At least
everyone already knew. It could be argued that Atsushi made it to the end of the game alive,
anyway!

“Should we play again?” Ranpo asked.

“ No! ”

Chapter End Notes

perhaps this a hybrid fic that has actual fanfic but chatfic as well IDK LMFAO
 Late Night Chats
Chapter Summary

Late night venting turns to late night speculation (of which Ranpo needs to shut down
immediately).

YokoHomos

general-chat

Today at 1:07 AM.

arahabaki:

Guys i dont want to do this project with dazai any advice

x..RASHOMON..x:

Drop out

Natnatsuko:

Drop out lol

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Gonna have to hit you with a ddddddrop out

goldendemon:

Dazai is pretty smart. You should be fine. Being a part of group projects is normal in university, so
you need to get over the fact that you don’t like him and focus on completing the project. When
you’re done, you won’t have to work with him again and wake us all up at one in the morning.

blcklzrd:
he could also just drop out!

bye bye chuchu

arahabaki:

Thanks for the advice Kouyou.

I hope the rest of you choke

x..RASHOMON..x:

it’s not that hard to work w people you don’t like tho

i work with nakajima all the time we’re lab partners in bio

you two will have a common goal i don’t think he wants to fail

so get over it. at least he’s competent. i can’t even give nakajima that much credit

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

He played among us very well!

x..RASHOMON..x:

that’s about it for the things he’s good at doing.

Natnatsuko:

Doesn’t Dazai have a really good GPA?

I saw him at the recent honors ceremony

arahabaki:

This has NOTHING to do with his gpa and everything to do with the fact I HATE him

goldendemon:
Why?

arahabaki:

He’s an asshole.

We went to high school together

He’s a piece of shit

blcklzrd:

High school was sooooo long ago for you

You’re like ancient lol

arahabaki:

I WILL KILL YOU.

goldendemon:

Well, there’s nothing you can do about it right now. You’re better off going to sleep and dealing
with it tomorrow.

arahabaki:

Thanks for being a voice of reason

GAYGENCY

general

Today at 1:07 AM.

nothuman:

can’t sleep
just thinking about how much i hate that little slug and how much i dont want to be his project
partner

professor mori count your days

thegoldraven:

Is the "little slug" Chuuya from Among Us ?

nothuman:

poe!! what are you doing still up!!

thegoldraven:

It is about 12PM for me .

You all are in a different time zone than me .

boydetective:

Not for long though!!!

When you come here next semester we’ll be able to hang out all day everyday and not worry about
silly time zones!!! :3

thegoldraven:

I am very excited !

I was accepted and everything already . I am looking into housing arrangements for when I get
there . I am hoping that it will be an easy transition .

boydetective:

You can live with me!

butterfly:

Fukuzawa won’t be happy with you taking in strays Ranpo

thegoldraven:

Thank you for the offering but I am bringing Karl with me , I don’t wish to burden you with him .

alphatiger:

Karl?

thegoldraven:

My pet raccoon ! :D

alphatiger:

A PET RACCOON????

That’s so sick

I wish I had a pet :\

I want a cat hehe

butterfly:

Ofc the tiger boy wants a cat

Furry‼️

alphatiger:

FURRY ⁉️
Kill yourself 🥰
boydetective:

Poepoe

Can you send a pic of karl pls :3

I wanna see him!!

thegoldraven:

Sure !

[photo of Karl]

boydetective:

MY BOY!!!

Tell Karl his fav person says hi :3

alphatiger : Kill yourself 🥰

nothuman:

y’all talking suicide without me????

and how do you have a pet raccoon

also koko check your dms

butterfly:

Currently responding

You make it seem like I neglect my pookie poo poo bear :(

boydetective:

????

But I’M your pookie poo poo bear?

What the fuck???

PM

butterfly aka yosano

 Today at 1:18 AM

nothuman:

are those two…

yk…

💅
?

butterfly:

I don’t know and I kind of don’t wanna ask

Aren’t you in like second place in terms of detective work

Figure it out and lmk wtf bitch

Relying on me as if I’m Nancy Drew is CRAZY

WAIT RANPO JUST SENT ME A DM…

DAZAI

NO WAY LMFAO

HOLY FUCK

DUDE

[screenshot of Ranpo and Yosano’s DMs]

nothuman:

that’s insane.

PM

boydetective aka Ranpo!!

Today at 1:17 AM
boydetective:

Tell Dazai that he can speculate all he wants about my business

But he needs to be way more discreet about it.

butterfly:

Wym?

boydetective:

Telling you to check your dms?

It’s not as innocent as it seems

I don’t mind the speculation, in fact, I welcome it

I’m just insulted he’d do it so blatantly in my face

And think I wouldn’t catch on.

Tell him that he owes me a whole bag of candy to make it up to me! :3!

butterfly:

LMFAO

I’ll let him know ranpo

PM

butterfly aka yosano

nothuman:

I asked a very innocent question

I think he’s defensive about it

What does poe look like

butterfly:

I have no idea actually

Do you think Ranpo knows what he looks like?

Should i ask

nothuman:

this is why you’re my best friend

you ask the questions i want to know the answer to

GAYGENCY

general

Today at 1:25 AM

butterfly:

@thegoldraven what you look like

boydetective:

WHAT

Stop bothering Poe

He’s busy

And @thegoldraven DON’T SHOW HER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE

thegoldraven:

I didn’t plan to .

You can see what I look like next semester .

butterfly:
Welp I tried @nothuman

nothuman:

not you exposing me!!!

boydetective:

That’s two bags of candy now, you bastard!!

thegoldraven:

I am so confused …

alphatiger:

Yeah they have that effect on people

 Pokémon Go... to the polls!
Chapter Summary

Nerd is a language that Dazai is unfortunately semi-fluent in.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

GAYGENCY

general

Today at 10:53 AM

alphatiger:

Guys I fell down the stairs in the edu building

Some girl recorded it and put it on yikyak

shadow.praiser:

and i did upvote it

sorry atsushi

alphatiger:

DUDE

WOULD IT KILL U TO BE NICE TO ME?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!

nothuman:

WAIT THAT VIDEO IS YOU??????

LMFAO DMING THE PERSON WHO POSTED IT RN

I NEED IT SAVED
alphatiger:

STOP?!?!?!?!

doppo_poet:

Atsushi, I hope you’re okay.

alphatiger:

Thank you Kunikida

nothuman:

don’t thank him he literally just dmed me for the video lollllll

doppo_poet:

SHUT UP DAZAI

alphatiger:

Wow.

It really be the people closest to you that betray you.

This reminds me of my time at the orphanage…

butterfly:

Christ not the orphanage 😭

animal_crossing:

Guys!!!!!!

I downloaded this super fun game!!!!

It’s called Pokémon Go!!

boydetective:

That’s been around for like a hot minute

Did you just hear of it

animal_crossing:

Yes! I have been playing all day long!!

Does anyone want to play with me???

light_finder:

YES

YES

KENJI YES!!!!

shadow.praiser:

kenji has found naomis guilty pleasure lol

alphatiger:

I haven’t played in so long but I can redownload it if you guys want another person to play

boydetective:

I prefer playing the games on switch

shadow.praiser:

same

i just finished the first part of s/v dlc

kieran is a whole bitch sorry ogerpon wants me

nothuman:

kunikida they’re speaking nerd again :( !!!

fix it!!

doppo_poet:

They’re allowed to have interests, Dazai.

nothuman:

not in general they can’t

GAYGENCY

nerd-shit

Today at 11:01 AM

nothuman:

use this chat to be lame

animal_crossing:

So shouldn’t there be a separate channel for you when you talk about committing suicide?

Considering that’s also lame? :0

nothuman:

KENJI?????

alphatiger:

LMFAOOOOOOOOOO

What’s funnier is that he’s actually being genuine

light_finder:

The way that wasn’t a read but was a read

doppo_poet:

And it was deserved.

nothuman:

KUNIKIDA????

animal_crossing:

Are we going to pokemon go or what!!!!

thegoldraven:

Pokémon Go … to the polls …

butterfly:

What

thegoldraven:

Oh , I'm sorry . I forgot you guys are not American .

boydetective:

WAIT LMFAO

DIDN’T THAT HAPPEN RIGHT WHEN THE GAME CAME OUT????

What politician said that

thegoldraven:

Hillary Clinton

boydetective:

The “I’m just chillin… in Cedar Rapids” lady?

thegoldraven:

Yes !

shadow.praiser:

you know a lot about american politicians dude

boydetective:

Yeah because they’re all brain dead lollllll

thegoldraven:

Haha , yes .

I also have Pokémon Go if anyone wants my friend code , I obviously just can’t play it with you all
today .

boydetective:

GIVE IT TO ME FIRST!!!!!!

thegoldraven:

Of course Ranpo ! :)

alphatiger:

I’ll send you mine poe!!

 PM

nothuman also dazai :p

Today at 11:30 AM.

alphatiger:

Dazai question

nothuman:

wassup

alphatiger:

Are Poe and Po…

Yk…

💅?
nothuman:

I ASKED YOSANO

AND RANPO DMED HER AND WAS LIKE

TELL DAZAI TO MIND HIS BUSINESS

alphatiger:

HAH

Deserved

But now I’m scared

This convo never happened

nothuman:
no need to say that twice

but i will say this—

Ranpo never denied it when i said him meeting his “bf” in among us was crazy

so either out little po has a crush 🤗

or he doesn’t know how to read :p

who knows

alphatiger:

But they haven’t really known each other long

nothuman:

probably why ranpo isn’t saying anything

he can be pretty direct

but since they just met, he probably just likes talking to poe

also i don’t think that ranpo knows what he looks like

he’s american so probs ugly lmfao

alphatiger:

DAZAI???????

nothuman:

IM KIDDING

but he is really awkward to talk to

also the way he types irks me

it actually takes more effort to add a space and then a period

JUST PUT THE PERIOD AFTER THE LAST LETTER OF THE LAST WORD

THE SPACE IS NOT NEEDED

 alphatiger:

You’re a really interesting individual

nothuman:

thanks, my exbf said the same thing 👍

alphatiger:

Don’t make me feel bad

I’ll talk about the orphanage again.

nothuman:

HOLY FUCK

SPARE ME

I WAS JK BEFORE OK

NO MORE ORPHANAGE I GET IT

I GET THAT YOU HAVE LORE

GAYGENCY

nerd-shit

Today at 11:36 AM

boydetective:

I’ll play pokemon go next semester when Poe comes to campus :3

thegoldraven:

Surely , you don’t need to wait for me to play ! You should all go have fun together !!
boydetective:

Ermmmmm yeah no I’m okay but thanks

butterfly:

I never really got into Pokémon

I think some of them are cute though

nothuman:

eevee is the best one though, obviously

alphatiger:

Pyroar*

nothuman:

imagine being wrong lol crazy

boydetective:

Imagine thinking any Pokémon that isn’t alcremie is best

animal_crossing:

I like Torterra!

Haha, he’s a tor- terror when I play him!

doppo_poet:

I genuinely have no idea what any of you are saying.

nothuman:
i can’t have all of you disagreeing with me like this

brb

among us in real life

general-chat

Today at 11:41 AM

nothuman:

name the best pokemon in ur opinion

rn

x..RASHOMON..x:

darkrai

x..SPIDERTHREAD..x:

Lucario

goldendemon:

I don’t know Pokémon well

I like the pink round one that’s in smash

nothuman:

Jigglypuff?

goldendemon:

Yes!!!

blcklzrd:
Salazzle obviously lol

arahabki:

Eevee what the fuck

Are you guys high

bookworm:

Eevee is such a basic answer

arahabaki:

And who were you gonna say???

bookworm:

Pikachu…

arahabaki:

LITERALLY BE QUIET

light_finder:

Can my answer be like a little niche

nothuman:

girl it’s pokemon how niche can it be

shadow.praiser:

watch it dazai
light_finder:

I like the river spirits the most!

Mespirit, Uxie, and Azelf!!

boydetective:

I said Alcremie

thegoldraven:

I like Zigzagoon or Murkrow :)

boydetective:

Good choices!!

nothuman:

can’t believe i’m saying this but

chuuya is right.

arahabaki:

Wow I can’t believe we’re agreeing on something

It hurts to know that so many people here can’t see the light

x..RASHOMON..x:

eevee is a basic answer

and a safe one

Which eeveelution is the best one? Surely you two won’t have the same answer
nothuman:

leafeon

arahabaki:

Espeon

x..RASHOMON..x:

and there we have it

arahabaki:

Leafeon literally sucks

nothuman:

LMFAO no?? has the highest base defense stat out of all the eeveelutions

also if picking eevee is a basic answer, picking espeon is even more basic

alphatiger:

I’m just relieved neither of them picked Vaporeon…

arahabaki:

I was going to say Vaporeon, but you know…

nothuman:

vaporeon is good but the copy pasta is horrendous

thegoldraven:

The copy pasta … ?

 boydetective:

DAZAI, CHUUYA, DO NOT !!!!!!!!

arahabaki:

TOO LATE IM SENDING IT

boydetective:

NOOOOOOOOOOO

Chapter End Notes

yeah anyway so turtwig supremacy

 Reads and Glazes
Chapter Summary

Friend applications turn to Ranpo reading everyone to filth.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

PM

x..RASHOMON..x also Ryuunosuke

Today at 3:08 PM

alphatiger:

Hey what did you get for number 3 on the lab?

Sorry I’m confused

x..RASHOMON..x:

have you considered doing your own work?

alphatiger:

You’re supposed to help me as my lab partner :|

x..RASHOMON..x:

I don’t remember agreeing to that

alphatiger:

Fine don’t help me then

I’ll just ask Tachihara

x..RASHOMON..x:

Lol as if he’d know

alphatiger:

Oh I’m aware

But we’re graded together so every answer I get wrong affects you too

:3c

x..RASHOMON..x:

Ugh

Ok

[picture of lab]

This is what I got

alphatiger:

Sickkkkk

But you got 2 wrong

Do you want me to send my sheet?

x..RASHOMON..x:

You can

But two is right

alphatiger:

Nope

I talked to the professor about two

x..RASHOMON..x:

Then why didnt you ask about 3?!?!?!?!

alphatiger:

BECAUSE I HADN’T GOT TO THREE YET???

Duhhhhh

x..RASHOMON..x:

i need you dead so bad

alphatiger:

FOR WHAT????

among us in real life

general-chat

Today at 3:29PM

alphatiger:

Akutagawa just said he wants me dead

Everyone boo him

nothuman:

i have a vid of atsushi falling down the stairs i can send you for like $20

x..RASHOMON..x:

wait

is that the video from yikyak?

THAT WAS HIM? LOL

nothuman:

lmfao yeah it was him

shadow.praiser:

atsushi my beloved…. ill never let these bullies get you…

alphatiger:

Junichiro respectfully stfu

You upvoted my literal downfall

shadow.praiser:

and unfortunately id do it again

sorry baby girl nothing against you

arahabaki:

Bro needs new friends asap…

alphatiger:

I’m accepting applications

thegoldraven:

I’ll apply !

alphatiger:

:D !!
boydetective:

No you won’t

thegoldraven:

I can’t apply !

alphatiger:

D: !!

doppo_poet:

Don’t let Ranpo bully you, Poe, you are able to do whatever you want.

boydetective:

No he can’t

Not without me

arahabaki:

Possessive much

boydetective:

And what about it?

x..RASHOMON..x:

@alphatiger we’re not friends

alphatiger:

I never said that we were

nothuman:

you guys are BEST friends!

x..RASHOMON..x:

you’re supposed to be the suicidal one, don’t try to make me suicidal too

butterfly:

Oh

Atsushi I’ll apply to be your friend :)

alphatiger:

Really?!?!?

butterfly:

Yeah i feel bad that no one is jumping on the chance

I’ll befriend you out of a pity

alphatiger:

Reminds me of the orphanage…

arahabaki:

Reminds you of the what??

alphatiger:

LMFAO NVM NVM

IT WAS JUST AN INSIDE JOKE

butterfly:

Yeah dw abt it chuuya

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Sorry i was in class but atsushi i will be your friend (:

alphatiger:

… deadass?

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Yes!

We have many of the same classes together!

And you are very smart and active in those classes!

x..RASHOMON..x:

HUH??

Gin you can’t be serious

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

You told me to make more friends

x..RASHOMON..x:

yeah but not with him

alphatiger:
UMMMM i think she can make her own decisions

x..RASHOMON..x:

LEAVE MY SISTER ALONE

nothuman:

atsushi, i’ll be your friend.

alphatiger:

No thanks.

nothuman:

?!?!?!?!?

animal_crossing:

Sorry i was also in class but Atsushi i will be your friend too!!!

We played pokemon go earlier i can’t not have you be one of my best friends!

alphatiger:

🥹
Man i could cry

x..RASHOMON..x:

pussy

alphatiger:

Well you are what you eat

Can’t say you can relate

butterfly:

ATSUSHI?!?!?!?!

LMFAO

Insane

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

:0

Wow

Deserved but wow

alphatiger:

KYOUKA???

Hi

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

What server is this

I got the invite yesterday but I didn’t wanna talk bc the name is stupid

animal_crossing:

It’s for when we play Among Us!

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

Oh

I like Sims 4 better

animal_crossing:

I LOVE SIMS 4!!!!

COTTAGE LIVING CHANGED MY LIFE

boydetective:

Ugh i want the sims but i don’t have the money for the packs/kits

I think CC and mods are too annoying to download and redownload all the time when they break

thegoldraven:

:0

I can buy them all for you !

boydetective:

NOOOOOO they’re really expensive poe

Like i have the base game (it’s free) but the expansion/game/stuff packs and the kits are crazy

$599.85USD is how much all the expansion packs are

$239.88USD for game packs

$199.80USD for the stuff packs

$144.71USD for the kits

That’s $1,184.24USD king

thegoldraven:

Yeah I know .

I have the sims .

Would you just want to share my account with me ?

xX.demonsnow.Xx:
CAN YOU SHARE IT WITH ME???

boydetective:

????

WAIT U HAVE ALL OF THE PACKS???

thegoldraven:

Yes !

boydetective:

Lmfao you rich or smth???

thegoldraven:

I wouldn’t say rich , I’d say well off .

boydetective:

Oh ok so you’re actually rich fr

nothuman:

damn ranpo got that sugar daddy on speed dial

boydetective:

Now I feel silly only ask for some American candy

When I should’ve asked for ALL OF IT

thegoldraven:

Haha , I will get you a lot so don’t worry !

nothuman:

and what about the rest of us?

boydetective:

Dazai you can choke idgaf he’s MY friend I befriended him FIRST

So I get dibs and prioritized. You can get my leftovers.

thegoldraven:

Okay ! I think we are getting a bit carried away .

doppo_poet:

Poe, isn’t it about 4 in the morning for you?

thegoldraven:

Yes .

But I have been up writing all night long , time has slipped away from me .

boydetective:

WHAT ARE YOU WRITING????

ANOTHER MYSTERY?????

thegoldraven:

I am writing a short story . :)

I have another mystery in the works , but I’m trying to write one where you don’t figure it out in
two seconds of reading … so I am procrastinating by writing this .

boydetective:
What is the one you’re writing now called???

thegoldraven:

“Ligeia”

boydetective:

Can I read it anyway

thegoldraven:

I’m a little embarrassed !!!

It’s not a mystery , it’s a gothic piece …

It’s also not done yet .

nothuman:

give us the first paragraph

boydetective:

Who is us, hoe???

GIVE IT TO ME

alphatiger:

It’s not fair that you get to hog Poe just because you met him first

We ALL want to be friends with him

shadow.praiser:

yeah! anyway ive played with just poe before without you ranpo you dont own him
butterfly:

Guys relax

Who’s to say Poe wants anyone here other than Ranpo to read his stuff anyway

arahabaki:

I feel like this convo isn’t for like the rest of us

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Well… I kind of want to read it…

The title alone sounds cool and I like gothic stuff…

Dr. Shelley wrote a gothic horror novel about a monster and it’s so good

So I kind of want to read other gothic stuff…

x..RASHOMON..x:

let her read it

boydetective:

LEAVE HIM ALONE???

bookworm:

hi

I like to read

If you need anyone to proofread or just give you feedback I am here

I’m a literature major

doppo_poet:

Like you Poe, I’m also a professional writing major.

So, I am here to help too if you need it.

We might as well get to know each other since we will probably be in many of the same classes
together. :)

boydetective:

Call me Olivia Rodrigo because jealousy jealousy

butterfly:

Ok sabrina carpenter no need to get vicious

nothuman:

espresso!

arahabaki:

Dazai what the fuck 😭😭😭😭

alphatiger:

FEATHER

nothuman:

idk

i don’t listen to her

or the other girl

i just know espresso because yosano listens to sabrina

butterfly:

And what about it

nothuman:

girl relax

i was answering a question

butterfly:

Clearly it was rhetorical

nothuman:

ok and?

i felt like answering

the desire to yap is strong within me

butterfly:

I’m unfortunately so well aware

That’s why ur ex broke up with u hehehe

nothuman:

??!?!!?!

FALSE

I BROKE UP WITH HIM

he still want me too

crazy

doppo_poet:

We don’t need to know your business like this.

nothuman:
you’re just mad i moved on from him by cucking you

goldendemon:

I’ve been ignoring this chat because everything you all talk about is useless, but what?

What do you mean you “cucked” Kunikida?

doppo_poet:

Ok first and foremost, I was not cucked by Dazai.

We happened to both like the same girl at the same time and he was able to date her.

That’s all .

alphatiger:

Damn

Kunikida got cucked :\

butterfly:

There has to be more to that story

Why would anyone pick Dazai over Kunikida?

Not being mean, but being realistic.

nothuman:

?!

WOULD LOVE TO KNOW THE THOUGHT PROCESS ON THAT?

boydetective:

I’ll explain it.

Kunikida is clearly the more responsible one and he has the most potential to have the relationship
end in marriage. Dazai wants to kill himself and probably won’t stay alive long enough to marry.
Most people date to marry (no shame if you don’t, but that’s the eventual end goal most people
desire). Kunikida also has his whole life planned out to a T, whereas Dazai’s future is
undetermined. To pick Dazai over Kunikida means that the person isn’t serious about being in a
relationship and picked the conventionally prettier and more fun option. In this essay, I will…

doppo_poet:

Wow.

nothuman:

the kunikida glazing is kind of crazy

doppo_poet:

HOW WAS I BEING GLAZED???

I GOT CALLED UGLY AND BORING???

boydetective:

WOAH I DID NOT SAY YOU WERE UGLY AND BORING!!!

In comparison to Dazai, yeah you a little ugly and boring

BUT THAT’S ONLY IN COMPARISON TO HIM

IF IT WERE YOU AND AKUTAGAWA, CLEARLY YOU’RE THE BEST CHOICE IN BOTH
ASPECTS

x..RASHOMON..x:

HELP???

WHY AM I BEING DRAGGED INTO THIS???

boydetective:

You don’t (assumingly) want to kill yourself, but you’re ghostly pale, always coughing, and
honestly? Have a bad personality.
x..RASHOMON..x:

I HAVE A CHRONIC ILLNESS???

boydetective:

Okay and you chronically have 0 bitches who wants to be read next!!

butterfly:

Me

boydetective:

People can’t handle perfection. That’s it.

butterfly:

I KNOW THAT’S RIGHT

Doppo_poet:

GLAZING YOSANO IS INSANE

boydetective:

I’M NOT GLAZING

LOOK I’LL DO ATSUSHI

alphatiger:

NO I AM OK!!!!

boydetective:

While Atsushi is very nice and welcoming, he has deep rooted insecurities and issues with
abandonment that would make him too reliant and clingy upon his partner. With that in mind, he
doesn’t even put himself out there to even be considered a viable option to date. He’s the type of
person that would need to be asked out instead of asking out another, which is something he
wouldn’t do. Also, his bangs are super fucked.

alphatiger:

Ok so first and foremost, I like my bangs

Second? You ain’t wrong

arahabaki:

Don’t do me I already know what you’re gonna say

boydetective:

Really?

arahabaki:

Yeah

boydetective:

Say it then we can say it together.

arahabaki:

Ugh

I’m short

boydetective:

160cm (5ft3in)

arahabaki:
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT SPECIFICALLY????

And why did you convert it into feet

boydetective:

So Poe could know how short you are

They don’t use the metric system in America silly

animal_crossing:

Do me! Do me!

You’re like Queen Charlotte in Bridgerton picking the diamond of the season haha!!

nothuman:

you watch bridgerton??

animal_crossing:

Yes! With Yosano!

boydetective:

If you actually wanted to date someone and asked them out, I’m pretty sure it’d work out for you.

You’re not ugly and you’re nice.

animal_crossing:

Wow! Thanks Ranpo!

boydetective:

I’m done doing these now catch me at a later date

 thegoldraven:

Awe , I wanted a turn . :(

nothuman:

👀❓
butterfly:

🤨❗
boydetective:

My services will now only be done in dms and for monetary compensation

goldendemon:

Dming you rn

boydetective:

No need I can just tell you for free because it’s very simple; you’re very pretty and it intimidates
other people.

Have you considered being ugly?

goldendemon:

Oh! I could give it a try.

butterfly:

I doubt you’d succeed queen…

Chapter End Notes

I'm supposed to be writing an 8-10 page final paper on american writers and I instead wrote
this. it's 4:30pm and all I have it my header. be honest y'all am I cooked????

my paper is gonna be about dickinson and whitman, but we did learn about hawthorne and poe
in the class and after writing this fic i might just write about those two. idk i did a presentation
on how they're both in bungo stray dogs for the class but idkidk

anyway i'm a sims 4 fan and a sabrina carpenter fan

Ligeia is a actual short story by Edgar Allan Poe. it's weird for sure. also poe's username is in
reference to his mystery "The Gold Bug" and his poem, "The Raven," obviously
 Venting
Chapter Summary

Atsushi utilizes the server's vent channel, but things always go off topic.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

GAYGENCY

vent-channel

Today at 6:43 PM

alphatiger:

People that so blatantly exclude you are the worst type of people.

Like genuinely what the fuck

boydetective:

Are you good?

alphatiger:

Like yes and no

Idk

I’m just annoyed I guess.

I have no problem with people making plans with other people without me, but don’t do it directly
in my face.

Or for fuck’s sake don’t say like “oh we have to do XYZ” and look directly at someone else to
make sure I know I’m not a part of that we

Like I understand I am excluded

You don’t need to remind me that you like Person A over me, it’s clear from your actions alone no
need to use your words too
nothuman:

who are you having problems with?

alphatiger:

I don’t want to name drop and start problems

I just wanted to let my feelings on it be known

I don’t need to be liked over one person or whatever I just want to be respected enough you don’t
make it so obvious

boydetective:

It’s not anyone in this server right?

alphatiger:

Nope

No one here

You guys are in the clear

I know that you guys like me just enough to not do that

butterfly:

“Like you enough” is crazy 😭

But we actually don’t like you Atsushi

We LOVEEEE YOU POOKIE

alphatiger:

Thanks 🥲
xX.demonsnow.Xx:
You know you’re my favorite person sush

alphatiger:

I know

You’re mine too

nothuman:

ummmmmmm wrong

your fav person is me?

hahahahahaha

alphatiger:

Ummmmmmm

Pleading the fifth

butterfly:

Quick everyone name your favorite person

doppo_poet:

Guys… do not do that.

It will only cause problems.

boydetective:

Afraid no one will pick you? >:3c

doppo_poet:

No, I’m afraid of someone not being picked.

butterfly:

Like yourself?

doppo_poet:

Genuinely couldn’t care less if someone picked me out not.

I want to ensure, however, that everyone in here doesn’t get their feelings hurt.

God, I feel like I’m talking to middle schoolers.

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

Atsushi is my favorite

butterfly:

We know

alphatiger:

Kyouka

butterfly:

We know

animal_crossing:

Kunikida!

butterfly:

Interesting choice
boydetective:

Eddie

nothuman:

Eddie?

boydetective:

Poe

butterfly:

Y’all are on a first name basis??

boydetective:

Americans are always on a first name basis

But you guys don’t get to call him eddie

You can call him edgar or poe

butterfly:

We can assume the poe’s fav is ranpo

But poe might have real friends he likes more than u 🤭

boydetective:

Do you think so?

nothuman:

he could even have a partner

boydetective:

Oh I know he doesn’t

I asked him

butterfly:

Why???

boydetective:

You guys make is sound so sus to try to get to know someone else lmao RELAX

I just know basic stuff about him

Like I know the same stuff about him that I know about the rest of you

alphatiger:

What’re his parents names

boydetective:

I don’t know

butterfly:

Oh ok

Nvm

My bad

boydetective:

❣️
You all trying to play detective is so cute

But are you guys certain Poe and I haven’t been messing with you? :3c
shadow.praiser:

NOPE

not messing with us

idk what youre trying to do rn but

whatever you two got going on is not a bit

sorry ive played too many games with you and poe and individually with the both of you

and i cannot keep my silence any longer

boydetective:

Silence sister fucker

shadow.praiser:

NAOMI ISNT MY BLOOD SISTER

WE ARE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS

AND WE ARENT EVEN DATING!!!!!!

thats the real bit 😞

boydetective:

Ok shore

shadow.prasier:

Where is poe?

boydetective:

Asleep

It’s like 6am for him lol

His sleep schedule is fucked but I’m not gonna have him fix it

So it’ll be easier to adjust when he moves here

doppo_poet:

Or is it because it makes it easier to play games with him when he’s up when you’re up?

boydetective:

I’m supposed to be the detective Kunikida!!!!!

Don’t expose me!!!!!

>:3c

alphatiger:

Poor Poe lol

boydetective:

Um no, poor me

Now I’m stuck entertaining you fools with my gorgeous gorgeous looks, amazing wit, and
enchanting whimsy

nothuman:

ugh chuuya is messaging me about our project

ignore

snore

not responding

alphatiger:

What even is your project?

nothuman:

connecting the literature we read in class to modern adaptations or references

snore

snooze

i don’t watch tv or movies

so i don’t even know what to do

i told chuuya to pick but he’s so useless on his own it’s crazy

“dazai what if we did this” “dazai answer me” blah blah blah

doppo_poet:

You should answer him, Dazai.

It’s important to do your work, even if you don’t like the person you’re working with.

alphatiger:

What even is your issue with Chuuya if you don’t mind me asking?

You invited him to the among us server

butterfly:

He did that by accident lol

nothuman:

went to high school with him

he and his friends were dicks

and i guess he didn’t like that the energy he put out towards me

was reciprocated in full with interest

doppo_poet:
Oh I see.

You were a bully.

nothuman:

nope!

not to him at least

don’t throw a punch first if you can’t handle being hit back

butterfly:

Your ass is built like a string bean

No way you were a fighter in high school

nothuman:

huh!!!!!

i’m a burly, strong man!

just ask kunikida, he’s seen me naked.

doppo_poet:

WE’RE ROOMMATES, DON’T BE SO SUGGESTIVE!

nothuman:

i wasn’t, but you were

hehe

doppo_poet:

I’m messaging Chuuya for you.

nothuman:

NO DON’T I WAS JK

I’M SORRY!!!

doppo_poet:

Well, since you apologized, I’ll refrain.

shadow.praiser:

ranpo

boydetective:

Noooooooo 😭
Leave me alone………

shadow.praiser:

cmon man

you know what time it is…

boydetective:

I’ve decided to be an active member of society!

I’ve gone outside! I’ve touched grass!

Don’t make me do it!

shadow.praiser:

im sorry ranpo but

its time to come back to me.

boydetective:

I’ve been so good!

I haven’t done it in a whole 24hrs!

shadow.praiser:

they say the first week is the hardest…

now look at your computer screen. what do you see?

boydetective:

YOU MONSTER!

nothuman:

hey, what the fuck is happening?

are they doing some sort of horror roleplay?

animal_crossing:

Nope!

They’re just about to play overwatch :3

boydetective:

IT’S BOOTING UP!

OH GOD I’M ON IT!

SOMETHING IS COMING OVER ME….!

I JUST… I JUST QUEUED UP FOR COMPETITIVE…. DPS…. WITH JUNICHIRO…..

NOOOOOOOO

NOOOOOO

FREE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!
 shadow.praiser:

you will never be free

embrace the agony

boydetective:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

thegoldraven:

Room for one more ?

Chapter End Notes

yeah i finished my paper. it was not about dickinson and whitman, but about poe and
hawthorne. i hope the bsd fandom is proud of me. <3

anyway celebratory fic chapter because i only have like 3 more papers to write. yippee!
 Transcendentalism and It's Consequences
Chapter Summary

Ranpo asks Yosano for advice and then completely disregard it.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

GAYGENCY

general

Today at 11:02 PM.

nothuman:

met with chuuya today

jesus h christ dude

a-n-n-o-y-i-n-g

he’s yappy

like a dog

alphatiger:

And not yappy like you?

At 11pm?

nothuman:

i see your point…

gonna double it and give it to the next person

doppo_poet:

Guys, I am so tired
And he won’t shut up

butterfly:

NO PUNCTUATION???

NO PERIODS????

Free my man Kunikida rn…

nothuman:

if kunikida unclenched

i think he and i would be such a power couple

doppo_poet:

Hey! I hate that!

No thanks!

nothuman:

OHHHH COME ONNNNN KUNIKIDAAAAAAA

alphatiger:

Aren’t these two in the same room?

butterfly:

Yep

alphatiger:

Mental
doppo_poet:

I am not into men…

Or whatever animal Dazai considers himself to be.

nothuman:

BRO?!?!?!?

i’m not Atsushi i’m not a furry

alphatiger:

Oh my god

GUYS

I AM NOT A FURRY

I HAVE NEVER BEEN A FURRY

butterfly:

Ok alpha tiger whatever you say

alphatiger:

Back in the orphanage, the only thing that could be considered mine was a white tiger stuffed
animal…

When they would hit me or burn me with pokers or force me to wash dishes in cold, dirty water
until my bones ached, all I’d have is that tiger stuffed animal to turn to cry to…

nothuman:

OH MY GOD

STOP

STOP
butterfly:

We’re sorry stop

alphatiger:

And that’s how you do it

doppo_poet:

Using your trauma as a weapon is insane…

alphatiger:

Maybe if you did that, you’d be asleep right now

doppo_poet:

I don’t have any trauma other than being Dazai’s roommate for two years.

animal_crossing:

Dazai can’t be that bad!

boydetective:

Oh no he is

Imagine having to stop your roomie from killing himself every five minutes

He was my roommate freshman year but I couldn’t take it.

But now I live off campus with fukuzawa

#dadgoals

butterfly:

Why did you even dorm when you're like two minutes away
boydetective:

I thought I could get more snackies….

But I realized having Fukuzawa buy my food was better than buying my own food

And Dazai is insane

Like actually insane

nothuman:

i’m honestly not that bad

i’m clean, organized, and i share my food

boydetective:

Yeah, but you also tried to jump out our window

Now the dorm windows don’t open all the way

So when it’s hot it’s MISERABLE

butterfly:

That was you?

You were the reason the windows can’t open fully?

nothuman:

ALRIGHT PAUSE

THAT’S NOT TRUE AT ALL!

the windows were never able to open all the way, i’m just a handyman and was able to have it open
fully

alphatiger:

Is handyman what your ex called you? Lol

butterfly:

YOOOOOOOOOO

DUDE

LMFAO????!?!?!??!??!??

nothuman:

dude no way i’m getting clowned on by atsushi rn

alphatiger:

You made it too easy for me

nothuman:

i’m leaving the server, i’m dropping out of the school, and i’m going to kill myself

boydetective:

Only 1 of those 3 statements were correct

animal_crossing:

What was so bad about meeting with Chuuya? Did you guys not get a lot of work done?

nothuman:

oh no we finished

no thanks to chuuya

i literally did most of the work.

all his ideas sucked

doppo_poet:

How did you manage to pull that off?

You don’t have anything to base your project off of. You said you don’t watch tv or movies, which
is imperative to the project.

nothuman:

they’re not that important

i had it so we talk about shakespeare and how he literally invented new words and phrases used in
the english language

so like “break the ice” or “wild goose chase” or “all that glitters isn’t gold” or whatever is still
something that english speakers use even 400 years later

alphatiger:

@thegoldraven can you verify??

thegoldraven:

Haha , yes . We still use those phrases .

I like “in a pickle” the best . :)

nothuman:

jotting that down

what’s that from?

thegoldraven:

The Tempest

nothuman:

thanks

how’s Ligeia coming along

thegoldraven:

I finished it earlier today ! I am just editing it now .

boydetective:

SEND PLEASE

I WANT TO READ SO SO BAD

POE PLEASE

thegoldraven:

Yes ! I will send it to you by midday EST .

nothuman:

what about me 😐
boydetective:

You can errmrmmmmm suck my shlong

PM

Butterfly aka Yosano

Today at 6:28 AM

boydetective:

Hey sorry for dming so early

But it says you’re online?

butterfly:

Gm ranpo!
Studying for a final

#premed #struggling

boydetective:

You’re going to pass so don’t worry

butterfly:

It’s crazy how that has reassured me

But I want to guess that you didn’t dm me to discuss me studying?

It doesn’t take a detective to know

boydetective:

Yeah….

You can’t make fun of me

butterfly:

No offense but I love the way this is starting

Is this about Poe?

GASP

Did you not like his story?

boydetective:

The story was about a opium-addicted and unreliable narrator mourning the death of his first wife
and entering loveless marriage with another woman, of whom also dies and the story ends with his
first wife coming back to life as his second wife has transformed into her.

Whether or not that actually happened is left up to interpretation. IT’S NOT THAT I CAN’T
FIGURE IT OUT…. IT’S LEFT AMBIGUOUS, THERE IS NO RIGHT ANSWER SO DON’T
START.
butterfly:

So what’s the problem?

boydetective:

The narrator laments on and on about the beauty of Ligeia (first wife). She’s tall, extremely thin,
has big dark eyes, and beautiful in a nonconventional way. Yosano, when I tell you that the narrator
describes her in such a beautiful way, I mean it.

Like he literally compares her eyes to stars and then says that he is the most devoted astronomer.

butterfly:

Ranpo buddy I’m not a detective like you, you need to fill in the blanks for me

boydetective:

What if that’s what Poe likes? Like his type?

butterfly:

Tall women with

Hit send by accident but just realized what you mean

You’re worried that Poe likes tall, slender women when you’re a short little guy

boydetective:

UM OK would not describe myself as a little guy but

Yeah.

OK OK YOU AND DAZAI CLOCKED MY ASS BOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO

butterfly:

LMFAOOOOOOOO

Do u need me to ask if he like-likes boy for you

 boydetective:

I’m not Dazai I don’t need you to ask questions for me

I just need advice

Not only are you the only person awake right now, but you are also the only person that has an
actual head on their shoulders.

butterfly:

Ahhh I see

Just talk in detail about the story I guess? Ask a lot of questions about Ligeia. Like “did anyone
inspire her?” or something like that

Ranpo LOVE that you respect me so much but I get 0 bitches

boydetective:

You’re literally getting a doctorate, bitches come with that.

butterfly:

THAT’S FUCKING INSANE LMFAO

Did you like the story though?

boydetective:

Yes!

Maybe I’ll let him share it with you guys

He really is a great writer

I just like his mystery stuff better. It’s the only time I get a challenge

butterfly:

Lol tea
I need to get back to studying but go message your prince

boydetective:

Evil statement but alright.

PM

thegoldraven aka Edgar Allan

Today at 6:45 AM

boydetective:

POE!

Just finished your story!!

I thought it was great!

The reader not knowing whether Ligeia came back is intentional right? 😐
thegoldraven:

It warms my heart to know that you enjoyed the story !

And yes , it’s intentional .

Ligeia’s resurrection is up to interpretation .

I’m not even entirely sure if I want her to have come back or not .

There won’t be a sequel though , so no fuss in worrying about that .

boydetective:

Interesting!

Why no sequel? :0

thegoldraven:

There’s nothing really much to say .

 boydetective:

Is the narrator’s drug issues based on something?

thegoldraven:

The story is a satire of the gothic and against transcendentalism .

I loathe transcendentalism 🙂
boydetective:

LMFAO????

Why?

thegoldraven:

It’s derivative .

Not a single original thought .

I know another transfer student that goes to Yokohama from where I live and he’s a fantastic writer
, but what he writes about is so …

No words .

He’d have so much more talent if he steered away from it .

boydetective:

Strong feelings there Poe!

So is it safe to assume you don’t like this guy?

What’s his name??? Maybe Kunikida knows him… maybe I even know him!!

thegoldraven:

Oh no , I like him !

Just not how he writes .

He’s Nathaniel Hawthorne .

boydetective:

Idk who that is lol

WAIT

IS HE THAT GUY THAT WENT CRAZY???

thegoldraven:

HE WENT CRAZY ?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?

See that’s what transcendentalism does to people .

boydetective:

No apparently something happened to his girlfriend from home

Wait is it true she died

thegoldraven:

MARGARET ?????

NO SHE’S ALIVE !!!

I think she is

I’m not friends with her

We spoke maybe once

I don’t have many friends .

boydetective:

YOU’RE FRIENDS WITH NATHANIEL THOUGH??? HER BF???

thegoldraven:
FALSE

HE AND I ARE FRIENDLY , NOT FRIENDS

WE WOULD READ EACH OTHER'S WORKS SOMETIMES BUT THAT'S IT

Ranpo , it is incredibly humbling to admit , but I do not have many friends .

Befriending you was mere luck and everything that follows is complete , lucky coincidence .

boydetective:

That cannot be true

thegoldraven:

I don’t do well in crowds of people

And most people tend to overlook me

I’m very plain and the only things interesting about me are the stories I write or the money I have

And people usually prefer the latter over the former , which displeases me because I have much
more pride in my works as a writer than the money I have by coincidence

I will admit Dazai’s “sugar daddy” comment did make me laugh

boydetective:

Ugh don’t let him know, it’ll all goes to his head

Anyway back to Ligeia cause if we talk any more about dazai I’m going to throw up

Considering you THINK(!!!!) you have no friends what inspired Ligeia or Rowena’s characters???

thegoldraven:

Ligeia and Rowena are opposites in every sense , which is obvious

I wanted them to be contradictory to each other and the dark/light comparison never gets old

There’s no real life inspiration used on either of them

boydetective:
 :0! Oh wow!!

I was only wondering because the way you had the narrator describe Ligeia was very beautiful :3

thegoldraven:

Thank you !

I had hoped that would come off that way .

I’ve never pined over someone , but I hope I did that justice

boydetective:

Awwwww you’ve never been in love? </3

thegoldraven:

I’ve never gotten close enough to someone to fall in love I think .

There was never a time I thought “oh this is love”

I’ve also never put myself out there I guess

What you said about Atsushi in the server the other day was something I think could also be
applied to me

Other than the bangs part , my hair is fine .

boydetective:

Oh???

Face reveal rn >:3c

thegoldraven:

You’ll get a face reveal in just a few months !

boydetective:

How will I know it’s you though!!

 thegoldraven:

You’re the detective Ranpo

I’m sure you’ll be able to deduce who I am :)

Chapter End Notes

graduating in two days woohoo! and just enrolled in my grad classes double woohoo!

anyway, context. Ligeia is a real Poe story and it's fucking weird. second, Poe and Hawthorne
never met in real life, but they would send each other letters (i'm pretty sure) and Poe liked
Hawthorne's writing, but believed transcendentalism is what held him back from being a great
writer. Poe was not a fan of transcendentalism, believing it wasn't original, but there were a
few of Hawthorne's works that he really enjoyed.

the handyman joke that atsushi makes seems self explanatory but in case you don't get it;
handy is slang for a hand job. handyman = guy who gives handjobs. thanks for coming to my
tedtalk

time to write a 10 page jane austen paper... nothing will compare to the paper i wrote on poe
and hawthorne (where I did talk about Ligeia yes i'm consistent)

i hope you enjoy this chapter and hopefully i'll be able to pop out another one soon. the very
latest the next chapter will come out will probably be on monday (may 13)

see ya
 Attitude and Suicide
Chapter Summary

It just feels like everyone has an issue with Dazai.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

iMessage

Osamu Dazai

Today at 12:15 PM

Dazai, are you okay?

lol are you ok kunikida?

yeah, i’m fine…

why?

I saw you sitting in Dr. Mori’s office and you two seemed to have a really intense conversation.

Considering everything about him, I wanted to make sure you were okay.

oh.

no yeah i’m ok

he and i were just talking about stuff

Was it about your project with Chuuya?

yeah

don’t worry about it

 GAYGENCY

general

Today at 1:43 PM

alphatiger:

JUST FINISHED MY LAST FINAL

HALLELUJAH!!!

FUCK YOU GUYS I AM GOING HOME!!

butterfly:

????????

HOME????

To where sush??

The orphanage?????

alphatiger:

LMFAOOOOO

No I got kicked out of the orphanage remember 😐

That’s like pretty important lore but ok

I MEANTTTT

THE PLACE JUNICHIRO AND I GOT TOGETHER OFF CAMPUS….

shadow.praiser:

DUDE I AM SO EXCITED

naomi and i just finished moving all our stuff in this morning

boydetective:
You two are never dropping the sibling-fucking allegations

light_finder:

PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT

We're as close as siblings but we’re not 😏

animal_crossing:

Thanks! I hate that!

shadow.praiser:

its gonna be atsushi, me, naomi, and kyoka

sooooooooooooo chillout

nothuman:

you guys left campus and didn’t invite me?!?!?!

my feelings are hurt!

alphatiger:

Aren’t you and Yosano getting a place off campus??

nothuman:

lol yeah

we’re going into a house!!

butterfly:

Ok well technically we’re going to be on the upper floor in an apartment but NOT in apartment
building like you guys
boydetective:

Maybe you guys should just be adopted by Fukuzawa by me and live at his house

It slays!

doppo_poet:

I’ll keep that in mind.

alphatiger:

What are you going to be doing next semester now that Dazai is going with Yosano, Kunikida?

doppo_poet:

Well, the only reason Dazai is going with Yosano is because I’m becoming an RA.

I couldn’t room with him and be an RA.

nothuman:

womp womp

doppo_poet:

I’m going to become a mandated reporter though so Dazai, you better watch what you say or else
you'll be placed in a psychiatric hold.

nothuman:

christ not again

those should be illegal like literally

butterfly:

I’m not gonna ask because I don’t want to know tbh

nothuman:

LMFAO????

animal_crossing:

I’m staying in the dorms, but I’m going to be in a single AND one of Kunikida’s residents!

boydetective:

I’m so excited for next semester

shadow.praiser:

jeez i wonder why

boydetective:

Silence sister fucker

shadow.praiser:

SLANDER SLANDER!

boot up the pc ranpo its time for overwatch

boydetective:

Dude no I’m studying for a final 😭

shadow.praiser:

ugh fine

@thegoldraven can you play ??

thegoldraven:
I can !

boydetective:

I’ll play a few rounds.

alphatiger:

Wow

doppo_poet:

I’m not going to say anything, it’s not worth the headache.

I will wish everyone luck on their finals though!

I only have papers to write, but I know you all will succeed if you put in the necessary work.

nothuman:

thanks dad

idk i did everything already

got my grades back like a few days ago hehehe

served, ate, and slayed

doppo_poet:

Then what were you talking about with Dr. Mori today?

You said it was your project?

nothuman:

ohhhhhhhhhh

that
i was talking to him abt the grade

dw about it tbh it’s not like it’s your business

PM

Butterfly aka yosano

Today at 2:00 PM

doppo_poet:

Are you catching an attitude from him or…

butterfly:

NO BC TELL ME WHY I WAS TEXTING YOU THE SAME THING…

Dw about a thing beautiful I’ll handle this

doppo_poet:

????

Yosano, that worries me more.

GAYGENCY

general

butterfly:

What are you so defensive about Dazai

nothuman:

i’m not defensive i’m stating a fact

idk why it’s his business and now your business abt what i discuss with mori

butterfly:
It’s not my business but idk if I’m enjoying the attitude you copped

nothuman:

i don’t have an attitude, we’re literally talking over text

but ok

butterfly:

Feels like attitude

Ik you and you can’t say i don’t

alphatiger:

I think the stress of exams caught up to all of us

Cause I think everything is getting blown out of proportion

boydetective:

I go and game for two minutes and the server turns to shit

Guys shut up

Thanks!!!

alphatiger:

Not to change the subject but I’m going to change the subject

Poe!! When are you going to come to Yokohama?

thegoldraven:

Next week !

boydetective:
NEXT WEEK?!?!?!?!?!

WHY AM I JUST HEARING ABOUT THIS NOW?!?!?!?!

thegoldraven:

Because you didn’t ask >:3

alphatiger:

That’s so awesome!

Do you know where you’re going to live?

thegoldraven:

Yes , I’ve sorted out all housing arrangements ! I’m just focused on packing my belongings and
getting rid of what I’m not bringing .

boydetective:

Dm me your address rn

thegoldraven:

Ranpo please 😭
butterfly:

He’s gonna get the bed nice and warm for you! 😊
boydetective:

AYO?!?!?!

ALRIGHT RELAX

nothuman:
yeah… relax right into ranpo’s arms poe!

they’re open wide for you… just like something else 😏

boydetective:

YOU TWO CAN’T MOVE IN TOGETHER BC UR BOTH EVIL

WHAT THE FUCK

GO BACK TO BEEFING AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!

thegoldraven:

???

shadow.praiser:

ignore them

u r the group leader in ow tho so pls queue

thegoldraven:

Oh ! My bad , sorry .

boydetective:

Don’t apologize to him, he’ll be fine

shadow.praiser:

will i be fine ranpo????????

i play overwatch for fun. i am flex queueing and having fun. this is a game i thoroughly enjoy.

DO U THINK I AM OK?!?!

boydetective:
After some careful deliberation, I’ve deduced that is it best to queue up……….. rn.

shadow.praiser:

yup and thats what i thought

nothuman:

damn dude might have it as rough as me

juni do u wanna kill urself with me? :0

shadow.praiser:

i have to live long enough to see junkrat get a mythic skin and ramattra get a dance emote

so i will probably never die tbh

nothuman:

and that sounds like hell

i’m going to kms rn!

butterfly:

Ahaha don’t kill yourself you’re so sexy… 😏

nothuman:

if only you weren’t a lesbian

we would’ve been so good together

butterfly:

Kicking myself over it everyday baby

You know we belong together… just not in this universe

nothuman:

maybe that’s why i wanna kms 😞

cause i don’t get my soulmate

butterfly:

If i don’t have a gf at 30 we can die together

I’ll give u the double suicide you’ve always wanted

nothuman:

OMG BABE!

we’ll see if i last that long lmfao

butterfly:

LMFAO THAT’S FUCKING CRAZY

doppo_poet:

RELAX.

alphatiger:

You gotta stop saying you’re going to kill yourself it stresses me out

nothuman:

but i’m going to

i’m being haha funny abt it but the reality is that i’m probably not making it to 25 lol
alphatiger:

😐
Not happy abt that answer

nothuman:

man let me live my life

or what’s left of it anyway teehee

alphatiger:

I really can’t tell if you’re being funny or not

nothuman:

i mean what i say but i’m being funny abt it

alphatiger:

Well you should be lying

Bc I don’t want you to die

You’re my best friend

butterfly:

Dazai bro you gotta live now

I just cried over that

boydetective:

Meh, corny

nothuman:
LMFAO

ok sorry i didn’t mean to laugh at u atsushi i was laughing at ranpo’s comment

dude pm me pls

PM

Alphatiger aka Atsushi

Today at 2:31 PM

alphatiger:

Sorry dazai

I didn’t mean to be dramatic and start something in the server

It just makes me really upset to see you talk that way

And it’s hard for me to understand that you mean what you say

I don’t think it’s because of your tone but because I don’t want to believe it

nothuman:

don’t be sorry

listen man if you’re not comfortable with it i won’t say it around you anymore

it’s that easy

alphatiger:

I mean but like

I’m worried you’re actually gonna do it.

nothuman:

well then don’t think about it

i won’t say it in front of you anymore

so out of sight, out of mind

 lol

alphatiger:

Ok…

That’s not how that works but I don’t see myself winning this…

nothuman:

i’m a winner baby!

Chapter End Notes

and i am a GRADUATE! all that's left for me is a year of grad school and then... GETTING A
REAL JOB?!!?! bro say sike rn

anyway, i know i said i was going to update monday and it's wednesday now but
ummmmmmmmmmm I WAS TIRED OK!!! i have so much unpacking to do still it's crazy. im
watching all of Big Time Rush to power thru

i'm plotting and planning. while im at my retail job, i am thinking of this. my thoughts are
plagued of bungo stray dogs.

i'll try to get the next update out soon. if anyone has anything they want to see specifically,
leave a comment! if it works with my fantasy, i'll try to incorporate it somehow. no promises
tho i have like 2 braincells :3

bye bye
 New Neighbors and New Revelations
Chapter Summary

Akutagawa finds out who Dazai's newest neighbor is and exposes more than one truth.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

YokoHomos

general-chat

Today at 7:34 PM

arahabaki:

NO

NO WAY

x..RASHOMON..x:

what

arahabaki:

I moved into an apartment with Kouyou

And our upstairs neighbors ARE DAZAI AND HIS FRIEND

Idk her name lol

thegoldendemon:

Yosano

arahabaki:
Yeah her

I’m going to kill myself

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Well, don’t let Dazai hear that bc then he’ll wanna kill himself with you

x..RASHOMON..x:

LMFAO

gin that was funny

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Thanks!

x..RASHOMON..x:

brb

PM

alphatiger aka Atsushi

Today at 7:40 PM

x..RASHOMON..x:

furry boy

alphatiger:

I AM NOT A FURRY

What's up aku

x..RASHOMON..x:
 did you hear the news about chuuya and dazai

alphatiger:

No???

Tell me please

x..RASHOMON..x:

NEIGHBORS.

chuuya lives under dazai

alphatiger:

NO WAY

ARE YOU LYING?

x..RASHOMON..x:

NOPE LMFAO BEING SO DEAD ASS

alphatiger:

HOW DO U KNOW??

x..RASHOMON..x:

chuuya said smth in our gc

alphatiger:

Wait wtf

I’m not in that gc??

 x..RASHOMON..x:

bc were not friends

alphatiger:

I’m aware we’re not just friends

I’m friends with Gin though :|

x..RASHOMON..x:

NO YOURE NOT???

alphatiger:

:p

Dazai hasn’t said anything tho

x..RASHOMON..x:

idk

i only told u what i know

dont shoot the messenger

alphatiger:

Do you think….

Dazai doesn’t know yet

x..RASHOMON..x:

LMFAO STFU

no shot

…
 do u wanna go over there?

alphatiger:

IM ALREADY WALKING OVER TO UR DORM LMAOOOOO

YokoHomos

general-chat

x..RASHOMON..x:

chuuya im coming over

for moral support

arahabaki:

Christ do not

x..RASHOMON..x:

fine i wont then

ill go to dazai’s

arahabaki:

He’d never invite you

x..RASHOMON..x:

good thing im going with atsushi

arahabaki:

So nice of your boyfriend invite you to his boyfriend’s house

x..RASHOMON..x:

PAUSE.

SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THAT STATEMENT

thegoldendemon:

Akutagawa, you’re more than welcome to come over.

x..RASHOMON..x:

oh wow chuuya

notice how kouyou is better than you?

take some notes

arahabaki:

I WANT YOU DEAD

GAYGENCY

general

Today at 8:02 PM

alphatiger:

Yosano, dazai, let me in

nothuman:

???????

You’re here?????

alphatiger:

With akutagawa
butterfly:

DAZAI ITS HAPPENING

OUR SON BROUGHT HOME HIS FIRST BF 😭

OMG OMG OMG

nothuman:

your first bf being akutagawa is upsetting to me

alphatiger:

Eat my ass u suicidal fuck and let me in – akutagawa

nothuman:

not him signing off

alphatiger:

Sorry he took my phone

He’s unhappy he’s not in this server and also unhappy about my phone having auto capitalization
and auto correct

Womp

butterfly:

I’m coming down now relax

The door swung open, revealing Atsushi and Akutagawa standing on the front stoop. Yosano was in
a simple t-shirt and distressed mom jeans, a simple outfit for just trying to move in her stuff.
Atsushi was holding a platter of fruit while Akutagawa was empty handed.

“Hi Yosano,” Atsushi greeted politely with a smile, “we brought you guys a house warming
present.”
“I see that,” Yosano responded, smiling back, “was that a we or more of an I , Atsushi?”

“I helped him pick it out,” Akutagawa stated, “he couldn’t decide. So this was us .”

“Then, thanks Akutagawa,” Yosano replied. She moved out of the way to let them in. “You can just
put it on the table there. Dazai is in his room, probably setting up his noose, but I think we can
interrupt him for a few minutes.”

Atsushi and Akutagawa gave each other a look before getting close to Yosano. She put her hands
up in defense, not knowing what prompted this. Before she could say anything, Atsushi spoke.

“Do you know who your neighbors downstairs are?” He asked, voice hushed

“Wha–my neighbors downstairs—?!” She was shushed by Akutagawa.

“Do either you or Dazai know who your neighbors are?” Akutagawa asked.

“Just other college students why—?” She couldn’t finish her sentence before Atsushi and
Akutagawa ran from her. “His room is the one at the very end!”

The two rushed in, seeing Dazai going through a bag of questionable items, probably to be used to
kill himself. He stared at them and they stared back.

“Hey guys, can I help you?” He asked finally, breaking the silence.

“No, but we can help you,” Akutagawa answered, but pulled his phone out and aimed it at Dazai,
clearly recording him. “You can tell him the news.”

“News? What news?” Clearly, Dazai hadn’t heard the news yet.

“Your downstairs neighbor is Chuuya.”

Dazai stood up and pushed past Akutagawa and Atsushi. “Akiko!” He yelled, walking into the
kitchen. She was currently putting away the cutlery and the sudden yell caused her to jolt.

“You guys have got to stop yelling at me!” She snapped, turning to face Dazai. “What?!”

“Do you know who the neighbor is?!”

She paused, looking at Dazai quizzically. “Who is it?” She asked, but she looked at Atsushi and
Akutagawa.

“It’s Chuuya and Kouyou,” Akutagawa responded, still recording on his phone. Atsushi couldn’t
hold back his snicker. Dazai sent him a look, which prompted him to stop laughing.

“HAH!” Yosano exclaimed, “that’s crazy.”

“We need to move out.”

“ No , we don’t! We signed the lease already!” She stood up and pointed a knife at Dazai. “If you
screw me, I’m going to make sure you live for a very long time!” Dazai gasped in response.
Atsushi turned to Akutagawa, clearly not happy.
 “I don’t like that’s a threat for him,” he said. Akutagawa stopped recording and put his phone in his
pocket.

“Well, there’s no need to fix something that works,” he responded simply, “I’m bored of this now.
Let’s go, Jinko.”

“ Jinko ?” Yosano and Dazai asked in unison.

“I can’t call him a furry in public or he loses his mind,” Akutagawa responded, turning around and
walking out. He didn’t bother to wait for Atsushi, knowing he’d follow soon enough.

“I gotta go guys, he’s my ride, but if you need my help unpacking, just let me know! Not right now
though!” Atsushi said before rushing out behind Akutagawa. He caught up relatively quickly,
considering Akutagawa was just walking.

“You took too long,” Akutagawa commented without bothering to look at Atsushi.

“Oh, c’mon man I needed to say bye!” Atsushi basically whined as they got to Akutagawa’s car. He
opened the passenger door as Akutagawa scoffed.

“Don’t refer to me as man ,” he said as Atsushi climbed into the car. Akutagawa got to the driver's
side and climbed in.

“I actually have a question,” Atsushi said, “now that we’re not lab partners anymore, what’re we
going to tell people?”

“What do you mean?” Akutagawa asked, turning the key in the ignition.

“Well, when we’d hang out, I’d just tell whoever that we were doing our lab,” Atsushi said,
buckling himself in, “but now we’re not lab partners anymore. So, what should we do now?”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about it,” Akutagawa responded. He turned to Atsushi, grabbing his
chin and had him look at him. “We have all summer break to think of something.”

He then leaned in and so did Atsushi.

Chapter End Notes

surprise bitch secret dating

i tried to not make it obvious but after rereading i realized i made it not so obvious *insert
crying emoji here* i'll add more info about their relationship in future chapters, but for now
it's very hush hush

anyway hybrid fic, yay! i hate that i can't indent but womp womp idk how to do the HTML
(which is probably the only way i can indent) so i do rich text

idk maybe next chapter i'll make them make out or smth i need more sskk

alright bye
 Empty Among Us Lobbies and Vouchers
Chapter Summary

Gin wants to play Among Us, but it seems all plans are thwarted.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

GAYGENCY

general

Today at 8:30 PM

nothuman:

atsushi (and akatagawa???) just came by and gave me the worst news of my life.

butterfly:

I’m still laughing

boydetective:

LMFAO SAME

JUST READ UR TEXT KIKI

butterfly:

What are the odds???

doppo_poet:

Am I missing something?

nothuman:
CHUUYA IS THE OTHER RESIDENT

DOWNSTAIRS

doppo_poet:

Oh.

Hey! At least you can say you top him!

nothuman:

wow…

i didn’t realize that a. you’re funny and b. that’s true………..

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

Who knew that u had that in u, Kunikida

doppo_poet:

I’m just trying to fit in with you guys.

shadow.praiser:

good job kunikida

were all so proud of u

ur doing a great job babe

doppo_poet:

I hated every moment of that.

animal_crossing:

Why did Atsushi come with Akutagawa to tell you?

butterfly:

I think Akutagawa wanted to record it

ACTUALLY….. I NEED THAT VIDEO RN

@alphatiger send that video rn pls

Get it from akutagawa

animal_crossing:

I thought that he and atsushi weren’t friends

doppo_poet:

They’re lab partners.

nothuman:

well, they were

idk akutagawa probably heard from chuuya and asked atsushi

idk i dont answer akutagawa’s texts

butterfly:

That’s mean lmfao

boydetective:

@shadow.praiser @thegoldraven @alphatiger @animal_crossing ok overwatch time pls

alphatiger:

Oup

Sorry I’m out rn

But @butterfly I’ll send you the video in a minute lol

shadow.praiser:

OUT DOING WHAT?!?!?!??!?!!?!!?!

HOW OFTEN DOES RANPO INITIATE OVERWATCH

btw ive been on for like 3 hrs now so i can hit u with an inv anytime just lmk when ur own

thegoldraven:

I’m getting on now !

alphatiger:

I’m at McDonalds 😭
nothuman:

HOW

you don’t have a car

alphatiger:

I’ve prostituted myself

boydetective:

Unlikely, your bangs are too fucked up for someone to wanna pick you up :3

alphatiger:

Ok goodbye you guys are so mean to me

I need new friends

nothuman:

WAIITTTTTT……… get me fries

alphatiger:

NO.

nothuman:

ugh whatever

other than being lame and gayming, what is everyone up to rn?

am bored and don’t wanna keep unpacking

butterfly:

I’m unpacking.

nothuman:

kunikida!

homeslice!

what’re you up to!

doppo_poet:

I’m writing down my goals for the summer break and the next semester.

nothuman:

boring!!!!!!

alphatiger:

Go hang out with Chuuya

nothuman:

not happening!

atsushi who are you with maybe they wanna hang out with me

animal_crossing:

Probably Akutagawa still considering they were together before!

nothuman:

good god they’re fucking in the mcdonalds bathroom rn aren’t they ☹️

alphatiger:

NO????

IM WITH LUCY MONTGOMERY

And spoiler alert she doesn’t want to hang out with u

nothuman:

no offense i don’t wanna hang out with her either :|

or akutagawa either actually so tell him no thanks!

alphatiger:

I’m not with him anymore chill out 😭

butterfly:

You guys broke up? </3

alphatiger:
He un-proposed outside of the arbys 😞
He said he couldn’t have dazai as a father-in-law

nothuman:

PAUSE

i’m not ur dad

yosano’s your dad I AM YOUR MOTHER

boydetective:

Nope

No no no

Noppeeee

Not fucking with the mpreg scenario

butterfly:

Ok but we can agree I’d make a fantastic father

I’d babysit the kids sometimes

boydetective:

PLEASE STOP TALKING LMFAO

nothuman:

omg babe you are the best father ever <3!

butterfly:

<3!
doppo_poet:

YOU TWO, UNPACK, NOW!

nothuman:

sorry daddy 🥺
butterfly:

It won’t happen again, father-in-law

doppo_poet:

STFU!!!!!!!!!!!

YokoHomos

general-chat

Today at 10:07 PM

arahabaki:

If anyone here is friends with Dazai or Yosano please tell them to stop playing big time rush

It’s so fucking loud

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Which album?

arahabaki:

Ummmm I DON’T KNOW???

I DONT LISTEN TO BIG TIME RUSH???

The song literally said “big time” so I knew what I was hearing
x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

The first album

Iconic

Request they play Stuck that’s a good one

x..RASHOMON..x:

stuck is good

blcklzrd:

what ?????

u obviously meant to say famous….

x..RASHOMON..x:

no

if u ever imply gin is wrong again btw ill help u lose weight by ripping off ur fucking legs

blcklzrd:

@natnatsuko control your man????

natnatsuko:

Akutagawa stop this isn’t you!

Well I tried

blcklzrd:

LMFAOOOOOOO

You suck.
natnatsuko:

And you swallow

Anyway next

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Guys can we play among us again?

x..RASHOMON..x:

yes

blcklzrd:

Sure!

natnatsuko:

I can play this time!

goldendemon:

Sure

arahabaki:

Yeah sure I can play

But is this enough people?

among us in real life

general-chat

Today at 10:28 PM

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:
Hi guys can we please play among us again

alphatiger:

You killed me last time 😐

x..RASHOMON..x:

thats how u play the game idiot

alphatiger:

Aren’t you supposed to be convincing me to play?

Am not convinced

nothuman:

akutagawa if you beg he might play!

x..RASHOMON..x:

yeah no

id never beg the furry to do anything

alphatiger:

I AM NOT A FURRY!!!

x..RASHOMON..x:

uh huh

ok alphatiger

alphatiger:
Says the guy with a pokemon user name

x..RASHOMON..x:

QUICK IDIOT WHAT POKEMON IS RASHOMON

ILL WAIT

alphatiger:

RASHOMON

THE BITCH POKEMON!!!!!!!

x..RASHOMON..x:

im going to kill you

and no one will miss you

nothuman:

tea!

butterfly:

Jesus Christ 😭
Y’all need to relax

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

I’m playing sims count me out

shadow.praiser:

im overwatching
x..RASHOMON..x:

oh word?

alphatiger:

Chillax brian griffin

x..RASHOMON..x:

DUDE

@x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x do u just want to play overwatch?

ill get furry to play

animal_crossing:

Sush is with Lucy rn!

x..RASHOMON..x:

didnt ask dont care plus L plus ratio

go home and boot up overwatch

were playing comp

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Yay!!!

We haven’t play competitive in so long!

alphatiger:

Ok 🙁
nothuman:
PUSSY LMFAO

everyone point and laugh

butterfly:

🫵🤣
alphatiger:

BRO WHAT THE FUCK

x..RASHOMON..x:

haha

now hurry up

i dont want to keep gin waiting jinko

arahabaki:

What the fuck is a jinko

boydetective:

Their pet name ig

natnatsuko:

Wait does this mean we’re not playing among us 😕

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Another time!

natnatsuko:
Ight

The glow of Akutagawa’s tv illuminated the room as he and Atsushi laid on his twin XL. Atsushi
tiredly looked at his phone, which had the brightness down all the way and only emitted a dull
glow. Akutagawa rested his cheek on the top of Atsushi’s head, twirling his long bang strand with
one hand and holding his phone in the other.

“Do you actually want to play?” Atsushi asked, voice raspy.

“Not really, but if Gin wants to play, I’d play.”

“I’ll have to go back to my place to play,” Atsushi said.

“I know. You don’t need to play,” Akutagawa responded, “do you want to spend the night here?”

“I can’t. I live with Junichiro, Kyoka, and Naomi now,” Atsushi said, pulling himself closer to
Akutagawa. Akutagawa held back a grimace. “They’re going to question where I am.”

“What if they minded their business?” Akutagawa asked rhetorically. Atsushi let out an exhausted
sigh, his head now resting against Akutagawa’s chest.

“Maybe…” He grumbled, “when are… when are you going home for summer break?” He seemed
to force the words out against his fatigue.

“Two days from now,” Akutagawa responded, moving his hand from Atsushi’s bangs and to his
back to hold him close. “Gin and I got a place though. I think it’s close to your apartment. We’ll
move in sometime within the month.”

“Hm,” Atsushi hummed in response. His phone screen had turned off and his eyes were closed. He
was falling asleep and Akutagawa wasn’t going to stop him.

“Don’t miss me too much, Jinko,” Akutagawa responded, his voice a whisper, “I’ll be back soon
enough.”

“And then…” Atsushi mumbled. Akutagawa assumed he was half-asleep at this point. “It’ll be…
just the two of us?”

Akutagawa questioned what he meant, but perhaps Atsushi didn’t even know what he was asking at
this point. Bringing his hand back up to Atsushi’s face, he ran his thumb across Atsushi’s cheek. He
figured he’d answer anyway.

“Do we need any more?” This was a rhetorical answer, considering the question didn’t make sense
from the beginning. It made Atsushi happy though, or so it seemed, as he finally succumbed to his
fatigue and was fast asleep. Before texting Gin the unfortunate news that he could not, in fact, play
Overwatch, he needed to text one other person first.

iMessage

Lucy (Jinko's friend)

 Today at 11:00 PM

hi its akutagawa

can u vouch for atsushi for me

LMFAO yeah

Don’t worry about it

Tell snow white one of her seven dwarves is gonna take care of her

ok sick

thanks

Atsushi's phone lit up and Akutagawa took it, not wanting the vibration to wake him. He did take a
glance at it and see a discord notification, so he pressed it. Atsushi's phone didn't have a passcode.

GAYGENCY

general

butterfly:

I still haven’t gotten the video yet 🙁

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

Chapter End Notes

now that i've revealed one of my plots i just wanna write soft sskk :( i'll refrain next chapter
guys dw you can trust me

alright not much to say. i kind of want to play overwatch if that's not obvious lol

also having akutagawa be a sort of protective or doting older brother heals smth in me idk
bye!
 Pissy Orphans
Chapter Summary

The group finds Atsushi's last nerve and boy, do they press on it or what?!

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

among us in real life

general-chat

Today at 12:36 PM

shadow.praiser:

hey happy friday and beginning of summer break everyone!

hope everyone did well on their finals and if ur traveling home travel safe!

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Thank you!

x..RASHOMON..x:

gin and i already got home but thanks ig

arahabaki:

It wouldn’t kill you to just say thanks

x..RASHOMON..x:

genuinely i think it would

arahabaki:
Ok

nothuman:

guys i think atsushi is broken 😐

butterfly:

?????

Why

nothuman:

idk

he’s being pissy and it’s pissing me off

alphatiger:

?!?!?!?!?

I am NOT being pissy

What are you talking about

nothuman:

see!!!! he’s being sooooooo pissy

alphatiger:

I'M NOT

YOU’RE STARTING RUMORS!!!!

x..RASHOMON..x:

i cant believe dazai is going to make me side with the furry

alphatiger:

BRO WHAT

OK HOLD ON

SO MANY FALSEHOODS ARE BEING MADE

FIRST AND FOREMOST I AM NOT A FURYR

FURRY

FAKE NEWS

FAKE NEWS CREATED BY THOSE WHO WANT TO SEE MY DOWNFALL

SECOND????????

I AM NOT PISSY BUT I WILL BE IN A MIN IF DAZAI KEEPS PUSHING IT

boydetective:

And third?!?!

alphatiger:

There is no third thing just the two

WAIT WHY

IS THERE ANOTHER RUMOR ABT ME?!?!?!?!

boydetective:

I heard that your hairdresser hates you!

alphatiger:

?????

I don’t have a hairdresser I cut my own hair?

boydetective:

Oh my god.

Atsushi, when did the self-loathing begin?

alphatiger:

AT THE FUCKING ORPHANAGE RANPO

IT STARTED THERE

nothuman:

wrong server

alphatiger:

Idgaf anymore it’s MY lore

And my college essay about it was KILLER

boydetective:

CHRIST

NOT THE FUCKING ORPHANAGE!!!

I’m sorry your parents didn’t want you

alphatiger:

That’s a crazy statement to say to an orphan

nothuman:

well actually you’re 18 so you’re an adult babes you can’t be an orphan anymore

and more specifically your parents are unknown to you, so they could be alive and you technically
wouldn’t be an orphan
alphatiger:

Man I can’t have shit in this friend group

I can’t even be an orphan

butterfly:

NOT U GUYS REVOKING HIS ORPHAN CARD

boydetective:

I was an orphan once.

But then I was adopted!

Atsushi can’t relate

nothuman:

yeah atsushi ur being offensive to REAL orphans

like ranpo

and gin

and ryuunosuke

x..RASHOMON..x:

ok first and foremost

dont call me by my first name

second dont use me to justify invalidating someone elses life

thanks.

nothuman:

damn the orphans are pissy today

bookworm:

I think we all need to relax

butterfly:

shhhhhhh

I wanna see where this is gonna go

boydetective:

Same

I’m curious

Akutagawa just defended Atsushi basically

This is interesting

thegoldraven:

I would technically be an orphan ?

boydetective:

WAIT WHAT

LORE?

thegoldraven:

My father left my mother and me , then she died the following year .

But it’s okay because my uncle and aunt took me in !

natnatsuko:

Can we talk about something less depressing

alphatiger:

My bad

Sorry my life is depressing 😐

natnatsuko:

Damn Dazai’s right, you are pissy

alphatiger:

I AM NOT!!!

natnatsuko:

Honestly have a question for you

alphatiger:

Ok?

natnatsuko:

Why the lopsided bangs

Genuinely why

alphatiger:

OK

YOU GUYS NEED TO RELAX ABT THE BANGS

I LIKE THEM

AND HONESTLY WHY ARE YOU ON MY SHIT WHEN CHUUYA NAKAHARA HAS HALF
OF HIS HAIR LONG AND THE OTHER HALF SHORT LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

“OH ATSUSHI NO ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT CHUUYA” THAT’S MY FUCKING

POINT EXACTLY ACTUALLY
HIS HAIR IS WAY MORE FUCKED UP THAN MINE

AND FUCKED UP BANGS ARE NORMAL

HOW THE FUCK U WALKING AROUND WITH THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD LIKE
THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

AND NO ONE SAYS A WORD ABT IT BUT MY BANGS ARE THE PROBLEM?!?!?!?!

YALL PISSED ME OFF I AM PISSY BYE

x..RASHOMON..x:

jesus christ

arahabaki:

Man what 😐
I did nothing

nothuman:

wait lil bro cooked

arahabaki:

HE DID NOT

alphatiger:

AND ANOTHER THING

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Oh my god he’s not done

I’m scared

alphatiger:
DAZAI IS AT LEAST 87% MUMMIFIED

BUT MY ASS GETS SHIT ON?!?!?!?

PRETTY PRIVILEGE

FUCK YOU

YALL ARE DEAD TO ME!!! DEAD!!

JUST LIKE MY PARENTS BC I AM AN ORPHAN

SUCK ON MY COCK

butterfly:

Junichiro check on this guy 😭

shadow.praiser:

no what the fuck

im scared that im next

yall bitches r on UR OWN!

nothuman:

atsushi we’re sorry

x..RASHOMON..x:

lmao yall got flamed by nakajima thats crazy

boydetective:

Make fun of Akutagawa 😐

alphatiger:

Why
boydetective:

Bc it would be funny???

He got them microbangs

Guys honestly I just might hate bangs now reflecting

x..RASHOMON..x:

my hair is fine

nothuman:

me when i’m wrong and in denial

arahabaki:

The Nile is river in Egypt, your hair is fucked

x..RASHOMON..x:

NOT TAKING CRITICISM FROM YOU HALF OFF

nothuman:

fight! fight! fight!

arahabaki:

I’m stopping Dazai’s liking this too much

nothuman:

awh :(
thegoldraven:

Happy end of finals week everyone !

Sorry for not saying that sooner by the way , but I am now in Yokohama ! 🙂
boydetective:

DEAD AND ASS?????????!?!?!?!?!

thegoldraven:

Yes , dead and ass !

boydetective:

GIVE ME UR ADDRESS RIGHT NOW

WE ARE GOINF TO HANG OUT RN

PLSPLSPLS

thegoldraven:

I have privately messaged you :)

butterfly:

So fuck the rest of us I guess??? :|

boydetective:

Now you’re getting it!

butterfly:

OK.
thegoldraven:

I am not good with crowds :(

Maybe sometime I will get to see you all individually :)

boydetective:

*with me

thegoldraven:

With Ranpo

PM

nothuman aka dazai

Today at 12:57 PM

arahabaki:

Hey question

nothuman:

god i’m scared what’s up

arahabaki:

Are Ranpo and Poe dating?

nothuman:

why? would that be a problem for you? 😐

arahabaki:

No???
 I’m literally gay but ok

I’m just wondering cause I’m confused

nothuman:

oh tea

no one knows but they will probably end up dating or smth

they met online tho so lmao loooossseeerrrs

arahabaki:

That’s a little mean

nothuman:

ugh chillax goodie two shoes i say it jokingly

arahabaki:

You chillax I can’t tell your tone over text

For a smart guy, you’re actually pretty dumb

nothuman:

AWH! you think i’m pretty!

arahabaki:

DIE

among us in real life

general-chat

butterfly:
Wait @boydetective what about my bangs

boydetective:

You’re gorgeous gorgeous sexy beautiful awesome amazing no matter what

You could be bald and still serving cunt

butterfly:

LMFAO LETS FUCKING GOOOOO

alphatiger:

WHAT THE FUCK

butterfly:

🫵🏻🤣
alphatiger:

U GOTTA STOP THAT

butterfly:

That’s my signature move pookie can’t stop won’t stop

shadow.praiser:

cant stop wont stop…?

boydetective:

OH NO

AKIKO WHAT HAVE U DONE…

butterfly:

Am lost

shadow.praiser:

lucio… overwatch… game… play… ranpo log on rn…

boydetective:

NO IM GOING TO POE’S HOUSE WE CAN PLAY LATER

shadow.praiser:

me rn
nothuman:

HOLY FUCK HES ACTUALLY TWEAKING OUT

arahabaki:

BRO

boydetective:

DUDE HOLY SHIT RELAX

butterfly:

What no bitches does to a mf 😭😭😭

Someone quick protect Atsushi and Akutagawa

alphatiger:

I GET BITCHES???

IVE GOT BITCHES

FUCK OFF

x..RASHOMON..x:

i dont get bitches i am gay

i also respect women and dont call them bitches

but to each their own

nothuman:

@alphatiger
alphatiger:

I’m sick to my stomach.

I’m ill. You all have sickened me.

boydetective:

Just date Akutagawa and you both can lose the bitchless allegations
nothuman:

lol that would be crazy

doppo_poet:

I always thought Atsushi would end up with Dazai.

x..RASHOMON..x:

brother euuuuugh what

alphatiger:

😐
If I somehow ended up with Dazai, it would be a competition to see who would kill themself first

And I’d win trust

#winner 😎
boydetective:

Crazy how you have said nothing against Akutagawa

alphatiger:

Was more offended by the Dazai allegation made by KUNIKIDA OF ALL PEOPLE???

What have I done to yall like cmon

nothuman:

i feel like i should be offended 😐

butterfly:

🫵🏻🤣
 nothuman:

IT’S NOT FUNNY WHEN YOU DO IT TO ME 😭😭😭😭

alphatiger:

I’m gonna lay in my bed and blast sad music bc yall hate me

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

Damn you’re pissy today

alphatiger:

I AM NOT PISSY!!!!!!!

Chapter End Notes

hi besties i hope everyone is so fine and dandy. next chapter will def have poe and ranpo
meeting for the first time, but fun fact! this whole chapter was written on my phone bc i was
out of state for my best friend's college graduation and i finished it on the ferry back. i tried to
publish it on mobile but it messes up the emojis BAD i //needed// to put in so yeah. im also
very nervous about whether or not the images are going to work so basically if it doesn't work,
just look up what the description says??? IDK GUYS IM SORRY IM AN ENGLISH MAJOR
NOT COMP SCI *crying loudly emoji*

the "fish bowl stare" was not something i realized was a coined term until seeing "dazai's plot
armor" account on tiktok discussing it and i was like um yup. its honestly kind of iconic but its
not smth u wanna do when its abt to get fucking serious its def a more LOL type of thing but
ok!

anyway i am sunburnt badly even though i was in a new england state for the graduation when
it was OVERCAST with NO SUN but my paper white skin is now tomato red so thats so
awesome and cool. my mom thinks im legitimately allergic to the sun now bc im always
getting sunburnt whenever we go somewhere

i wanted to thank everyone for their bookmarks, kudos, comments, and even hits! any support
is very much appreciated. i love seeing your comments and things that you guys liked in the
chapters. if there's ever something you want to see in the fic, leave it in the comments! i might
be able to implement it! even though this fic was mostly started to procrastinate from my final
papers, i do have some semblance of plot going on in my head, but its not like heavily done
yet lmao
bye!

p.s. i need to reread my shit because i have poe say he's "MIA" when he literally says smth
two minutes before hand and my formatting is fucked. GUYS IM SORRY I THINK I FIXED
IT ALL NOW THOUGH?!!?!?!?!? IDK IM SCARED TO KEEP CHECKING
 Long Distances Becoming Short Distances
Chapter Summary

Ranpo and Poe finally meet and a relationship comes to realization.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Ranpo was never good at knowing where he was going, but he was determined to find his way to
finally meet Poe.

Yokohama was warm today, mostly due to the transition to summer. The last stretch of spring was
upon them, but it was not too hot where it was unbearable. Ranpo would argue that it was the
perfect weather. The streets weren’t bustling with people, especially now that most of the university
students had gone home. This both relieved and annoyed Ranpo; relieved him as there was no one
to bother him on his quest, but annoyed him because that means he has to go out of his way to ask
for directions if he needed it. Luckily, Fukuzawa made sure Ranpo’s phone was equipped with not
just the Maps app that comes with it, but also Waze and Google Maps just in case he needed some
variety. He, however, didn’t like the fact that Fukuzawa tracked him on Life360, but beggars can’t
be choosers.

Luckily, coincidentally, or maybe at this point, by fate, Poe lived only a few blocks away. He lived
in a place that was close enough to the university that getting there wasn’t a hassle, but far enough
away that there wouldn’t be a lot of loitering considering he moved to a place that was not as close
to the city as other places were. Ranpo knew that Dazai and Yosano, for example, moved to a place
that was between the university and the city so they could easily walk everywhere.

When Ranpo was at Poe’s address, he was basically shaking in excitement. As much as he loved all
his friends (Yosano especially—she was clearly his best friend), there was something about Poe
that drew him in. They were almost always on the same wavelength and their conversations
discussing their theories on many cases that have gone cold, their hobbies, Poe’s mysteries, and
more were more… exciting than the conversations he usually had. Ranpo was absolutely sure that
Dazai was the only person in the friend group that would be able to keep up with him, but the issue
was that Dazai didn’t take anything seriously enough which irked Ranpo. He was sure that if he
actually tried, he’d be able to do it. On the flip, Poe didn’t need to try because he was just like
Ranpo! The fact they met somehow was fate and while Ranpo wasn’t a big believer in fate or
whatever, he wasn’t sure there was any other way to describe it all.

Knocking on the door, he waited a few minutes before it slowly creaked open, with Poe poking his
head out the crack to see who it was. This would be the first time the two ever met and while Poe
knew what Ranpo looked like (they had exchanged Instagrams), this would be the first time Ranpo
had ever seen Poe. Poe’s Instagram just had like… artsy, aesthetic photos, none of which had his
face!
Ranpo wasn’t one for focusing on what people looked like. Honestly, he felt focusing on someone’s
physical appearance meant nothing as it wasn’t indicative of their personality and gave him really
nothing to work with. Poe, however… Well, Ranpo was stunned, if he were to be honest. Poe was
like… really tall. Much taller than Ranpo, anyway. He had kind of long, brown hair that looked
kind of purple in the sunlight. He was lowkey rocking a mullet, but Ranpo could ignore that. As a
self-proclaimed bangs hater, Ranpo immediately regretted that proclamation as Poe’s bangs were so
long and covered his eyes, but he was still handsome. He could see Poe’s right eye peeking out
from behind his bangs and it looked gray. When Poe came out of the door more and the sun hit his
face, his eye seemed to be violet? Ranpo questioned if anyone could be this ethereal.

“Eddie?” Ranpo asked even though he already knew this must be him.

“Yes… Ranpo?” Poe asked, sounding a bit awkward. Ranpo was determined to alleviate any
tension.

“Eddie!” Ranpo exclaimed happily, “welcome to Yokohama!”

Poe’s house was nice. He had given Ranpo a “house tour” (much to Ranpo’s pleading) and the
house had three bedrooms—one was Poe’s, another was an “office” that he was most definitely
going to use to play games, write, and do schoolwork, and finally (and in Ranpo’s opinion, the best
room), was a room for Karl and all his toys! Ranpo immediately whipped out his phone. Most
things hadn’t been unpacked yet and it seemed that Poe was still waiting for some furniture arrive,
but other than that, it seemed to all be coming together nicely.

“Can I take a picture of Karl, please?” He asked, “and send it to the server? Please? Please? ” Poe
could not deny him.

“Of course,” he said, voice soft. He was much more awkward in person despite Ranpo’s best
efforts, but Ranpo could see that he was making an effort to be less awkward and it was
appreciated!

“Can I send the photo of him in the server?” Ranpo asked, looking at Poe pleadingly. Poe nodded.

“Of course you can,” he replied, looking at Ranpo’s shoulder to see the picture of Karl he took.
“Karl is quite photogenic. He lives to be in front of the camera, but that’s to be expected when
someone is as cute as he is.”

Ranpo smiled. “I agree!”

among us in real life

general-chat

Today at 1:07 PM

boydetective:

Hi
[picture of Karl]

butterfly:

GASP

HE IS SO HANDSOME

arahabaki:

Damn Poe looks a little different than what I thought

nothuman:

ugh that was kind of funny

i’ll give it to u chibi

arahabaki:

CHIBI?

butterfly:

@thegoldraven is ranpo being a good house guest?

thegoldraven:

Yes ! The very best !

nothuman:

ranpo now that you’re there you need to download discord on this man’s computer

boydetective:

TRUE
I’m on it Dazai I won’t disappoint

nothuman:

thank you soldier 🫡

Poe laughed at the message and Ranpo looked at him in amusement. This wasn’t the first time
Ranpo has heard Poe laugh and it certainly won’t be the last—it was just different experiencing it in
person.

“Unfortunately, I haven’t set up my computer yet,” Poe responded, “my desk still needs to be
built.”

“Awh,” Ranpo said, “I’ll force you to download it another time then!”

“Sounds like a plan,” Poe said, “but I do have something that you might be interested in…” He
walked away, but motioned Ranpo to follow. He did and the two were in Poe’s kitchen. Opening
the cabinet above the fridge, he pulled out a bag and placed it on the counter in front of Ranpo. He
didn’t open it, but gestured for Ranpo to open it. Ranpo wasn’t an idiot, he knew exactly what this
was…

American candy!

“I’m in love with you,” Ranpo said as he looked at the contents inside. He wasn’t entirely sure if
his statement was facetious or not, but that’s not the point. The point was he was going to stuff his
face with the candy and nobody—not Poe, Karl, or even Fukuzawa—was going to stop him.

“I hope you enjoy it,” Poe responded, not acknowledging Ranpo’s proclamation, “I brought it for
you. Enjoy as much as you like!”

Ranpo decided at that moment that, no matter what, Poe was going to be his best friend of all time.

among us in real life

general-chat

Today at 4:45 PM

arahabaki:

Can we change the server name

It’s kind of upsetting to read it 💀

butterfly:
Gonna hard agree

nothuman:

i didn’t really expect it to be used after among us tbh

alphatiger:

Fair

nothuman:

done being pissy?

alphatiger:

Yeah I listened to the new Billie Eilish album so I’m a new person

x..RASHOMON..x:

insane statement

alphatiger:

Oh hush

arahabaki:

Server name ideas???

Unless dazai isn’t down to change it 😐

nothuman:

i’ll change it

but also yosano has server privileges

butterfly:

Oh I do?

nothuman:

yeah i like to give women rights

butterfly:

STFU 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
nothuman:

LMFAO

x..RASHOMON..x:

i know you guys are in a server called gayency

and we have one called yokohomos

what about something that combines the two

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

The YokoHomo Gayency?

x..RASHOMON..x:

great suggestion gin!

nothuman:

ugh now i have to use that

or else ryuunosuke is gonna be as pissy as atsushi was earlier

x..RASHOMON..x:

DONT CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME

nothuman:

we all call gin by her first name though

not seeing why we can’t call you by yours

x..RASHOMON..x:

because thats what she wants to be called and im going to respect her wishes.

arahabaki:

Fair

nothuman:

ugh you all going against me is mean

arahabaki:

Oh and you would know mean

nothuman:

x..RASHOMON..x:

oh this is gonna get good

arahabaki:
Like when you were an asshole in high school 🫠
nothuman:

LMFAO WHAT

you’re actually braindead

does your small size inhibit oxygen intake to the brain? be real

your dumbass friends and you were obnoxious to everyone i just didn’t take their shit

like your friend shirase especially was a dumb cunt but im the bad guy for not taking his shit

butterfly:

Maybe rehashing high school is meant for private messages

x..RASHOMON..x:

i went to high school with the two of them and dazai bullied me

nothuman:

LMFAO

ok yeah that’s true tbh

doppo_poet:

WHY DID YOU SAY “LMFAO” ABOUT THAT?!

nothuman:

cause it was funny

arahabaki:

You’re only proving my point!

nothuman:

i’m really not

i only clown on akutagawa bc he was clingy and always falling me around

i didn’t clown on anyone else and in fact i was SUPER nice to people which includes gin, HIS
SISTER.

gin vouch for me

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

You were nice to me but i didn’t like how you treated ryuu

nothuman:

that’s neither here nor there

anyway high school was like a billion years ago and the only reason why i have any of you in here
is because of the overlap of friends

like i know that akutagawa and atsushi are friends

x..RASHOMON..x:

were really not

nothuman:

ok sure

i know kouyou is kyouka’s big in their sorority

thegoldendemon:

Fair

nothuman:
and tbh i invited chuuya by accident

arahabaki:

I honestly figured that

alphatiger:

Can we talk abt something nicer

Oh wait actually nvm i’m going out rn lol

Be lame

butterfly:

Sassy man apocalypse has inflicted my man atsushi someone free him

“Ugh, all they do in this server is yap, yap, yap!” Ranpo exclaimed, his mouth full of candy.

“I like it,” Poe admitted, “it’s fun to see what antics you’ve all found yourselves in.” Ranpo
shrugged.

“Speaking of antics, can you help me find my way back home?” He asked. Poe already knew about
Ranpo being directionally challenged. He smiled fondly at Ranpo.

“Of course.”

The two walked through Yokohama with Ranpo telling Poe about different places to eat at (all the
recommendations being about the dessert). There was a point, however, where Ranpo stopped in
front of an alleyway. Before Poe could question, Ranpo put a finger to his month and then, as
stealthily as either of them could be, peaked in.

“That’s Atsushi and… Akutagawa?” Ranpo said as quietly as he could to Poe.

“I thought they weren’t friends,” Poe responded just as quietly.

“And I thought Akutagawa went home?” Ranpo retorted, confused.

The two watched as Akutagawa pulled Atsushi close to him and the two KISSED! Ranpo’s jaw
dropped and Poe pushed his jaw back up only for it to reopen. Poe kept his hand there to make sure
it stayed closed. Thankfully, neither Poe or Ranpo made a sound and their presence was relatively
unknown. Ranpo regained his senses and took Poe’s phone. Poe strangely let him and saw him take
a picture of the two. Ranpo then grabbed Poe and hurried away, walking the wrong way from
where they should be going. Poe didn’t know if that was intentional or not.

Once Ranpo brought them someplace far away enough for them to talk without being caught, he
handed Poe his phone back.

“I have many questions,” Poe asked the moment he could, “what? And also, why my phone?”

“I used your phone because I can’t ever turn off the stupid shutter noise and I figured yours would
be off,” Ranpo answered, “and what is a great question! I mean, I figured that there was something
going on between those two considering they hung out way too much regardless of them being lab
partners but… secretly dating? I’m offended I’m only finding out now and neither of them told
me.”

“Well… maybe they want to keep it private?” Poe said, sounding unsure, “perhaps they felt that
secrecy was the best course of action, considering the people in the server and what not.”

“I mean… I guess!” Ranpo said, but he was still offended. He thought he and Atsushi had a good
relationship! Good enough of a friendship to tell him about his secret relationship with Akutagawa
at least! “Whatever. I already sent myself the photo. I won’t send it out or do anything with it… not
yet, at least.”

Poe laughed and Ranpo smiled. “I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t tell anyone about their
relationship,” Poe said ironically. Ranpo laughed.

“Yeah, see! You get it!”

Poe let out a final huff, though his smile at Ranpo couldn’t be anything other than fond. “Let’s get
you home.”

The two finally reached Ranpo’s house, or rather, Fukuzawa’s house. Despite being new to the area,
Poe was pretty good at finding his way and Ranpo was happy to follow along. The house was
quaint, but it was so obvious it was a professor’s house. Poe liked the ceramic cat yard decorations.

“Welp, this is it,” Ranpo said, a bit sad that their time together was over.

“Yes. It was so great finally meeting you in person today, Ranpo,” Poe responded in earnest, “I
hope we get to do it again sometime soon.”

“Like tomorrow?!” Ranpo asked, all too excited. Poe let out a small laugh.

“Maybe let me focus on unpacking first so the next time you come over, it’s less messy and hectic,”
Poe answered, “then we can have more fun.” Ranpo liked the sound of that!

“It’s a deal!” Ranpo exclaimed. He gave Poe a thumbs up, which was reciprocated. He opened the
door, but turned back to Poe quickly. “I know your computer isn’t set up, so I won’t beg you to
play, but if you want to live vicariously through me, I’ll stream any game you want on discord so
you can watch!”

Poe laughed again and Ranpo wanted to keep making him laugh. “I will keep that in mind, Ranpo,”
he said, “thank you very much. Today was a great day. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Text me when you get home so I know you got home alright!”

“I will. Goodbye, Ranpo.”

PM

butterfly aka Yosano

Today at 6:39 PM

boydetective:

KIKI

HE’S HOT

butterfly:

EDO PLS 😭
Did y’all kiss?

boydetective:

….

If I send you something YOU MUST keep it secret

Not even Dazai can know

And I’ll know that if this gets out, it was you and I will revoke your best friend status from me
forever and never talk to you again

butterfly:

OH MY GOD?!?!?!

YOU GOT IT ON CAMERA?!?!?

You can send I’m not a snitch

boydetective:

[atsushi and akutagawa photo]

 I didn't get a kiss, but someone else did for sure :)

butterfly:

WAIT

HOLY FUCK

NO WAY?!?!?!????!?!? ?!??!?!?!?!

RANPO

RANPO WHAT

EDOGAWA RANPO WHAT

NO WAY?!?!??!!??!!?

IM TWEAKING OUT

U SHOULD’VE NOT SHARED THIS WITH ME

IM GONNA SCREAM

boydetective:

YOU CAN’T TELL ANYONE

ONLY YOU ME AND POE KNOW

ATSU AND AKU DONT KNOW THAT WE KNOW

SO YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING TO THEM EITHER

butterfly:

You have my silence…………

Just know that I need to be promoted

boydetective:

Promoted to what bitch you’re already my best friend

 butterfly:

FOR THIS?????? WIFE.

IDGAF THAT IM A LESBIAN

LIKE THIS IS A SECRET THAT NEEDS A MARTIAL VOW TO KEEP IT

boydetective:

Ugh fine you can be my wife

But when I make Poe my bf, I don’t want to hear any jealousy coming from you

butterfly:

Deal 😭
Jesus fucking christ

Atsushi was right though. He do got bitches ig 😐

This is fucking crazy

I actually gotta go I’m literally logging off I’ll talk to you in twelve hours

boydetective:

OK?!?!?!?!? LMFAO?!?!??!

Chapter End Notes

i hope my summary tricked u a little bit... before i get those two smooching i want them to
hang out a little bit first hehe

kyouka being in a sorority does seem ooc but i couldnt think of another way that her and
kouyou's dynamic would be explained sorry LMFAO

also i heard japanese camera phones legally need to have the shutter sound so that's why ranpo
took poe's phone. idk how true that is i just also thought itd be funny if ranpo took poe's phone
and have poe do literally nothing about it

gonna be honest my last chapter was funnier than this one womp womp but hopefully i get
funny again BAHAHAHAHAHA
alrighty im gonna take a nap now. bye bye!
 Two Days Apart
Chapter Summary

Why Akutagawa came back to Yokohama.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

“ I couldn’t wait two more weeks to see you. I’m outside your place. Let’s go into town.”

Akutagawa had sent Atsushi a Snapchat video. Immediately, Atsushi hopped out of his bed and
peeked out his window. Sure enough, he saw Akutagawa’s car waiting outside. His windows were
beyond tinted, so he couldn’t see inside the car to verify he was inside, but there was no reason for
Akutagawa to bother leaving his car. It was unexpected for Akutagawa to be here, considering that
he lived over an hour away.

Atsushi quickly changed. Even though it was about 5PM, he was still in his pajamas. What? He
didn’t originally have any plans today, but not that he did, he needed to get ready!

He threw on a white sweatshirt and black cargos. He quickly put on his sneakers and rushed out of
his room. Kyouka and Naomi were out, doing “girl stuff,” which meant that Junichiro was the only
one home. Atsushi knocked on his bedroom door.

“Come in!”

Opening the door, Atsushi was met with a lot of color . Junichiro was a big fan of those lamps that
projected colorful lights on the ceiling. His room was pretty sick and he unpacked the fastest out of
everyone. He was sitting at his desk and ironically, he wasn’t playing Overwatch or any other
game. It looked like he was doing work of some kind, but he had turned to look at Atsushi.

“Hey I’m going out. Just wanted to let you know,” he said.

“Oh? Okay, cool. I’ll see you later then!” Junichiro responded with a smile, “let me know if you
end up getting food or not while you’re out. If not, I’ll save you some dinner.”

“Thanks! I’ll text you,” Atsushi responded before closing Junichiro’s door and heading out. He
went to Akutagawa’s car and hopped in the passenger seat.

He couldn’t contain his excitement. After closing the door, he hugged Akutagawa the best he could
over the car’s console. Akutagawa laughed at him, but hugged him back. When the hug finally
ended, Akutagawa twirled one of Atsushi’s sweatshirt strings around his finger.

“Is this mine?” He asked, eyebrow (or… where one would be…) raised.

“It just might be,” Atsushi responded in earnest, “we’re the same size in clothes, so I kind of don’t
know what’s mine versus yours anymore.”
“You always buy ill-fitting clothes and that looks like it fits you,” Akutagawa responded. Atsushi
huffed.

“Did you drive all this way to make fun of my clothes?” Atsushi asked, a slight pout on his lips.

“Of course not, Jinko,” Akutagawa answered, leaning across the console to kiss Atsushi. He
reciprocated. While the kiss was short, it was enough to satiate Atsushi into dropping his complaint
against Akutagawa.

Akutagawa drove them into town, the radio softly playing music from a playlist Atsushi had made
for him halfway through the last semester. The streets were a bit busier, as people were going out
for dinner or drinks at this hour. Atsushi worried that they’d see someone they both knew. Surely,
none of them would be out right now… right?

“Jinko, where do you want to go?”

“Wherever you are,” Atsushi responded, trying to sound as corny as possible. The face Akutagawa
made proved he was successful.

“Oh… God, ” he responded, “maybe the two weeks away is needed.”

“Knock it off,” Atsushi said, “you coming here unprompted proves that you couldn’t do it.”

“Well, I knew you wouldn’t visit me.”

“I don’t have a car!”

Akutagawa shrugged. “Whatever you say Jinko.” He was teasing Atsushi now.

“At least it’s not six months ,” Atsushi responded.

“Christ, why the Hell would you say that?” Akutagawa asked. Atsushi shrugged, a smirk on his
face.

“Maybe I’ll study abroad in America,” Atsushi said, “you know, because you want time away from
me.”

“You’re taking my joke and going too far with it,” he commented. Looking around, there were no
spots to park. “Dude, what the fuck? I know it’s a Friday, but everyone needs to go home.”

Atsushi pointed to an alley. “Can you park there? It says nothing about no parking.”

“I’ll check, but I typically tend to steer clear of alleyways,” Akutagawa commented.

“What?” Atsushi asked, dumbfounded, “can I ask why?”

“Oh, you know, I wear all black, am an orphan,” Akutagawa began, turning into the alleyway, “I
might think the city needs me.”

“Alright Joker, relax,” Atsushi said. Akutagawa scoffed.

“Oh, what? You’d be Batman?”

“What? This isn’t even a conversation,” Atsushi said, feigning offense, “I’d be Spider-Man… duh
.” Akutagawa let out a laugh that turned into a coughing fit. Thankfully at this point, he was
parked. Atsushi patted his back, as if that were to somehow help him. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, it wasn’t really that funny,” Akutagawa responded after he got over the coughing
fit, “just bad timing.”

“Alright, that was sort of mean!”

Akutagawa chuckled to himself. “Let’s just go get something to eat.”

The two got out of his car and before they left, Akutagawa grabbed Atsushi and pulled him to him.
Akutagawa kissed him and Atsushi was more than happy to return the favor. The kiss was also an
embrace, with Akutagawa wrapping his arms around Atsushi’s back whereas Atsushi rested his
around Akutagawa’s shoulders. The kiss ended, but neither pulled back. They just rested their
foreheads together.

“Just two days without me and this is how you’re acting,” Atsushi joked. Akutagawa grimaced.

“I can go back home.”

“No, please stay,” Atsushi said, his voice quiet. He moved his head to the crook of Akutagawa’s
neck, moving his arms out of the way by wrapping them around Akutagawa’s torso. “I missed you
too.”

Akutagawa sighed, rubbing circles on Atsushi’s back. “Can I be honest with you, Jinko?”

Atsushi swore that his heart stopped beating. It was unlikely that Akutagawa was going to break up
with him right now, all things considered, but Atsushi had learned from a young age to always
expect the worst. Just when he was at his happiest, it could all come crashing down.

“Yes, Ryuu?” Atsushi asked, moving his face from Akutagawa’s neck and looking at his face.
Akutagawa looked a bit unsure.

“I… I kind of don’t want to hide our relationship anymore.” He sighed, now having his turn to put
his head somewhere and resting it on Atsushi’s shoulder. “I know originally, we agreed it would be
mutually beneficial to keep what we were doing a secret, but I think we’ve come far enough in the
relationship to be a couple publicly. And to stop kissing in alleyways… next to dumpsters.” Atsushi
laughed at the last bit, his hands at the nape of Akutagawa’s neck and toying with the ends of his
hair.

“If you want people to know we’re dating, I don’t mind,” Atsushi said earnestly, “my issue is just…
we already get clowned on for dating even though no one knows we’re dating, so I’m just worried
that all the new stuff we’re gonna get from everyone will… you know, cause, uh, resentment.” He
felt a bit embarrassed about it. Akutagawa raised his head, looking at Atsushi skeptically.

“ Resentment? ” He asked. Atsushi nodded. “Jinko, I don’t care about what any of your stupid
friends say—no offense—and my friends know better than to voice any judgment they have of
me.”

“Okay, then… we don’t need to stay a secret if you’re sure about it,” Atsushi said. In full
transparency, Atsushi had only wanted their relationship to stay underwraps when they first started
dating, worried about what would happen if they came out as a couple only to break up. Now that
they’ve been dating for a little over six months, he wasn’t too worried about that anymore. Well,
maybe he was still a little worried, but not as much as he was originally! “I do think we should wait
until after you’ve moved back though.”

“Oh, of course,” Akutagawa said, “and I don’t want a big ‘coming out’ thing. I just don’t want to
hide it anymore…” A smirk appeared on his face and Atsushi wasn’t very happy about it.
Akutagawa had a few smirks—most that weren’t often seen—but this one was his evil smirk. “How
about this?” He began, “we no longer hide our relationship, but we see how long it takes for
everyone to catch on?”

Atsushi stifled a laugh. “Oh please, it’ll take nothing. Have you met Ranpo?”

Akutagawa’s smirk remained. “What if we made a bet?”

“A bet?” Atsushi asked, feigning astonishment, “alright, what do I need to do?”

“Nothing,” Akutagawa said, “we do absolutely nothing and whoever’s friend group figures it out
first wins. The only rule is that neither of us can tell anyone anything.”

“Calling unfair immediately because I know Gin knows already!”

“ Obviously she won’t be included,” Akutagawa said, “and Lucy doesn’t count either.”

“I figured that,” Atsushi said, “what do I get when I win?”

“Whatever you want,” Akutagawa responded, “because you’re not gonna win. What do I want from
you? You’ll find out when I win the bet.”

Atsushi grimaced. “That makes me scared.”

“Oh don’t be nervous, Jinko,” Akutagawa said, a fond (and rare!) smile on his face. “It’s nothing
too bad.”

Atsushi was beginning to regret his deal.

the yokohomos gaygency

general-chat

Today at 8:32 PM

shadow.praiser:

guys i set off the fire alarm

what do i do

doppo_poet:
Is there a fire?

shadow.praiser:

no i just severely burnt my food lol

i was cooking and then the urge to pee overcame me

i thought i turned off the stove but i turned the knob the wrong way ahaahahaha 🙂
dont bully me too harshly guys i put out the og fire it wasnt hard the kitchen is just smokey

doppo_poet:

Open the windows, turn on a fan, and hope for the best.

You might need to call the fire department.

shadow.praiser:

i dont wish to do that

nothuman:

fire………

interesting

arahabaki:

Bro is thinking about killing himself via carbon monoxide poisoning

nothuman:

OMG

that just might be the perfect suicide!

arahabaki:
WELL DONT DO IT ANYTIME SOON

WE SHARE A HOUSE

nothuman:

ugh don’t remind me

that might make me just do it

arahabaki:

You’re such a loser

nothuman:

takes one to know one 🤗

alphatiger:

Damn cat fight

x..RASHOMON..x:

you are all idiots

butterfly:

Wow to just everything here

alphatiger:

WAIT JUNICHIRO ARE YOU OKAY???

AND IS OUR KITCHEN OKAY?!?!?!?!?

shadow.praiser:

DID U GUYS NOTICE HOW ATSUSHI ASKED ABT ME AND DIDNT PLOT HIS OWN
DEATH?

BE LIKE HIM

thanks for worrying about me baby im all good

no dinner though pookie im not nara smith

animal_crossing:

I like her videos! They’re very calming!

thegoldendemon:

I’m sorry but if was 22 years old and had 3 kids under 3, I would simply not be making cheese its
from scratch.

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Her kids names are crazy

Slim easy, rumble honey, and the new kid is named whimsey

x..RASHOMON..x:

thats fucking crazy

alphatiger:

Imagine naming your kid whimsey 😭

x..RASHOMON..x:

imagine naming your kid Atsushi Nakajima

alphatiger:
😐
Imagine being named Ryuunosuke Akutagawa

x..RASHOMON..x:

my name is superior to yours in every single way

butterfly:

You can fix his name by proposing

boydetective:

YOSANO?!

Lol that’s crazy

Imagine them getting married hahaha very funny!

PM

butterfly aka Yosano

boydetective:

STOP IT

butterfly:

THAT WAS YOU

I WAS BEING FUNNY

STOP BEING AWKWARD

boydetective:

UGH I HATE GAY PEOPLE

 the yokohomos gaygency

general-chat

natnatsuko:

Um. ok.

Akutagawa why are you in yokohama

I have your location still

x..RASHOMON..x:

i realized i had a final paper that had to be fucking handed in by the end of today

i couldnt submit it online because the professor is a moron

natnatsuko:

Which professor?

x..RASHOMON..x:

that clown fukuchi

the old fuck needs to die

boydetective:

Damn

butterfly:

What was the paper about

x..RASHOMON..x:

??

why the fuck do you care

 butterfly:

Damn bro sorry for asking a question 😭

U pissy asf

What is with orphans and being pissy

alphatiger:

NOPE

NO

NOT THIS AGAIN

I WILL LEAVE THE SERVER

butterfly:

Hm.

Pissy.

alphatiger has left the server.

Chapter End Notes

idk i wanted to write sskk so i did. its probably ass im super tired LMFAO

i was like "oh they should make a bet like they do in the anime" but the fucking bet is about
killing and not killing and the reward is to either kill or get killed so i have no idea what the
end result of this bet will be

i need to add fyodor and all those fools at one point and i've alluded to them before (can u
guys???) but i just dont know when/how im gonna stick them in but im at like 14 chapters... i
need to get on it atp like goddamn
sorry this isn't religiously a chatfic im just mentally ill idk LMFAO goodnight guys see u
tomorrow probably
 Appear and Reappear
Chapter Summary

Dazai's ex-boyfriend reemerges while Ranpo and Akutagawa argue.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

PM

ratking.18 aka Fyodor

Today at 2:00 AM

ratking.18:

Hello Dazai ^.^

It’s been a while!

nothuman:

hi

ig it has been

ratking.18:

Do you still go to Yokohama University?

nothuman:

yup

ratking.18:

Amazing!

I am transferring there this fall!

See you there! (:

nothuman:

awesome

the yokohomos gaygency

general-chat

Today at 2:11 AM

nothuman:

GONNA KMS

oh. wrong server.

x..RASHOMON..x:

why

nothuman:

can someone cooler respond

thegoldendemon:

Why?

nothuman:

cooler part down but

i need someone i’m actually friends with

arahabaki:

STOP BEING PICKY

butterfly:

Why are you going to kill yourself this time?

nothuman:

fyo is transferring to our school 😐

butterfly:

BRUH…

x..RASHOMON..x:

who is that

butterfly:

Spongebob Squarepants
x..RASHOMON..x:

I MEANT THE PERSON DAZAI IS BITCHING ABT

I KNOW WHO SPONGEBOB IS.

nothuman:

my ex lol

arahabaki:

So hard to believe someone willingly dated you

nothuman:

?!?!?!?!

i’ve dated so many people

blcklzrd:

Whore

WOAH? WHO SAID THAT?

x..RASHOMON..x:

hahahaha

nothuman:

ugh now that i’ve changed this server name i keep getting it confused with the other one

x..RASHOMON..x:

the one im not in

nothuman:

and you will never get into

x..RASHOMON..x:

if i asked atsushi hed let me in

nothuman:

brother what

my man atsushi would never do that

x..RASHOMON..x:

hold on

alphatiger just showed up!

x..RASHOMON..x:

read up and give the answer

alphatiger:

I would

nothuman:

ok

that’s fucking insane but ok

maybe the orphanage needed to instill better values in you

alphatiger:

Oh they instilled something in me alright!

butterfly:

STOP

IF I HEAR YOUR TRAGIC, ANIME BACKSTORY AGAIN I’M GOING TO CRY AGAIN

animal_crossing:

What did they instill?

nothuman:

ok pushing past that

x..RASHOMON..x:

idk if thats something u can just push past thru

but ok

nothuman:

gin tell your brother to be speak when he’s spoken to

x..RASHOMON..x:

FIRST SHES NOT AWAKE

AND SECOND DONT DRAG HER INTO STUFF

I WILL RIP YOU APART LIMB BY LIMB

boydetective:
Yeesh

Anyway, Dazai how do you know?

nothuman:

he just texted me and told me

butterfly:

LOSER LOSER LOSER

HOW DO U NOT HAVE THAT GUY BLOCKED

IM GOING TO BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF U

arahabaki:

What did this guy even do that makes you all hate him

nothuman:

lol

nothing that i didn’t do back

arahabaki:

When you die please donate your body to science

Cause they need to cut open your head and see what exactly was wrong with you

x..RASHOMON..x:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

fuck u dazai

boydetective:
Idk why Fyodor is texting you

He has a new boyfriend

butterfly:

Ok and how do you know that?

boydetective:

Ummmmmm bc I’m still following him on my burner instagram account?

Like a normal and completely sane individual?

Duh? Ahahaha

x..RASHOMON..x:

wait what

does ur burner acc just happen to be shadowbeast94?

boydetective:

No?

x..RASHOMON..x:

WHY DID U START FOLLOWING ME ON THAT ACC?

boydetective:

Um…… I PLEAD THE FIFTH

x..RASHOMON..x:

THIS ISNT THE UNITED STATES THAT ISNT GOING TO WORK YOU SHORT FUCK
boydetective:

SHORT?!?!?!!?!??!

I'M ONLY TWO INCHES SHORTER THAN YOU, YOU SCRAWNY BITCH.

x..RASHOMON..x:

SCRAWNY???? I COULD PUMMEL YOU INTO THE DIRT

boydetective:

YEAH I’M SO AFRAID OF THE GUY WHO HAS TO FIGHT THE AIR TO BREATH

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO??? COUGH AT ME???

COUGH ON THIS DICK BITCH!!!!

butterfly:

This is the wildest argument I’ve ever witnessed

And I’m kind of living for it

x..RASHOMON..x:

LMFAO SURE

BET U WOULD LOVE THAT WOULDNT U

PINING VIRGIN

nothuman:

this was supposed to be about me what is happening

not to say i’m not enjoying it though

boydetective:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY “PINING VIRGIN”?!?!?!?!

x..RASHOMON..x:

SURELY U CAN DEDUCE WHAT I MEAN SINCE UR SO GOOD AT THAT

HOW ABT U DEDUCE THESE NUTS IN UR MOUTH

doppo_poet:

Now that just didn’t make any sense.

boydetective:

HERE’S A DEDUCTION FOR YOU;

[photo of Akutagawa and Atsushi]

MIC DROP FUCK YOU ID SAY SUCK MY COCK BUT IK YOU GOT ATSUSHI’S IN THERE
AND WE WOULDN’T WANT YOU TO CHOKE ON COCK + AIR

nothuman:
doppo_poet:

NO
FUCKING

WAY

WHAT

butterfly:

RANPO?!?!?!?!?

thegoldraven:

Wow

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Clearly a doctored image

😐
shadow.praiser:

im sure akutagawa appreciates ur effort gin but there is literally 0 shot thats photoshopped

nice try tho we all appreciate ur effort

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

🙁
xX.demonsnow.Xx:

ATSUSHI??????????

alphatiger:

Does this mean I win? @x..RASHOMON..x

x..RASHOMON..x:

NO.

nothuman:

i’m breaking out in hives

i'm struggling to breathe...

i think this is it for me. i am dying.

thegoldendemon:

Speaking of winning, Kunikida…

doppo_poet:

Fuck.

What’s your venmo?

thegoldendemon:

Same as this username.

alphatiger:

YALL WERE BETTING???????

doppo_poet:

I really thought you and Dazai were going to end up together.

x..RASHOMON..x:

thats fucking disgusting.

doppo_poet:

WELL, I THOUGHT YOU HATED ATSUSHI.

I’M HONESTLY NOT VERY HAPPY WITH THIS REVELATION.

I AM WORRIED.

nothuman:

i think i’m going to be sick.

i feel ill.

hold on

butterfly:

Oh my god.

I can hear him throwing up.

boydetective:

Well, anything to say???

alphatiger:

We’ve been dating for over 6 months lol

x..RASHOMON..x:

yeah so the bitchless allegations were false

i do have a bitch.

butterfly:
Was I the bitchless one all along?

alphatiger:

IM GOING TO BED

nothuman:

NOT WITH AKUTAGAWA YOU’RE NOT!!

natnatsuko:

IM STILL IN SHOCK

butterfly:
I was in shock for like 12hrs when I found out

alphatiger:

Ranpo how did you even get this pic

boydetective:

I took it lol

You guys got sloppy ig?

#sniped

x..RASHOMON..x:

well my point still stands.

u can send all the pics u want

ur still a pining virgin lol

boydetective:

Like you’re any better????

x..RASHOMON..x:

well cant say i am pathetically pining

nor a virgin

butterfly:

Great thanks, I can hear Dazai throwing up again

x..RASHOMON..x:

🫠
nothuman:

ATSUSHI

ATSUSHI

MY LITTLE LAMB

HOW COULD U DO THIS TO THE FAMILY

alphatiger:

I SAID IM GONG TO BED

GOODNIGHT EVERYONE GOODBYE

x..RASHOMON..x:

goodnight jinko

alphatiger:

Gn ryu :3

nothuman:
Chapter End Notes

#exposed

this was unplanned i just had ranpo and akutagawa start fighting and was like um ok i guess i
can just put this here. i was going to prolong it but upon further thought, the sooner it was
exposed, the better bc that means i can write more sskk BAHAHAHAHA

anyway yay fyodor is introduced (kind of) and nikolai is referenced (finally). idk i just black
out and then the chapter is done LMFAO

hope you all enjoyed! see you next time hehe

ps if u read before i put the spongebob meme in no u didnt.... (I AM SORRY

BAHAHAHAHA)
 Unheard Confessions
Chapter Summary

NYT games and finally coming out.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

iMessage

Ryuu 🖤❤️
Today at 11:39 AM

Wordle 1,069 4/6

🟩⬜⬜⬜⬜
🟩⬜⬜⬜⬜

🟩🟩⬜⬜⬜

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

I got it in four! Yippee!

impressive jinko

im very proud of u

Thanks!

You’re coming back to Yokohama today right?!

(please say yes)

like i told u last night over the phone

gin and i will be arriving around one

were driving rn

:0!

WAIT

DONT TEXT AND DRIVE!!

gin is driving

she asked. she is trying to be more comfortable with driving

That’s so nice that you let her!

I know how weird you are about your car lol

i hope she gets more comfortable with it

so when she graduates i will get her a car

Ok damn alright mr money I see you

relax jinko

im hoping by the time she graduates i will have a good job

and i will get her a car

And what about me 😐

JKJK

i wouldnt worry too much if i were u

i have other plans for u

 That just makes me nervous 🥴
the yokohomos gaygency

general-chat

Today at 11:54 AM

doppo_poet:

I got the Wordle in three.

alphatiger:

FUCK

I GOT IT IN ONLY FOUR

boydetective:

Oh idc about the Wordle

I do the connections

thegoldraven:

I love Wordle !

I got it in two today 😀

boydetective:

Brb gonna go do the wordle

alphatiger:

If he gets it in one I’m going to scream

boydetective:
Lube up those vocal chords then bro

Wordle 1,069 1/6

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

alphatiger:

WHAT THE FUCK

nothuman:

haha it says 69

shadow.praiser:

haha i could hear atsu yelling

alphatiger:

We share a wall

shadow.praiser:

that we do pookie

nothuman:

watch out junichiro you might make akutagawa jealous

shadow.praiser:

they have only dated for like 6 months

atsu and i have been together for 2 yrs

weve been together since hs

we r forever
junatsu 4 life

x..RASHOMON..x:

i will kill u

i will tear u limb from limb from limb.

butterfly:

What’s with Atsushi attracting guys who don’t know grammar and have sisters?

light_finder:

Wild

butterfly:

Not gonna argue against the sister comment?

light_finder:

You either believe it or you don’t, it’s not my problem

butterfly:

Alrighty then!

x..RASHOMON..x:

OK HOLD ON

MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GIN IS NOT AT ALL WEIRD LIKE THE TANIZAKIS

UR CHILDHOOD FRIENDS? THEN WHY DO U HAVE THE SAME LAST NAME?

VERY ODD

THEY HAVE A PERVERSE AND INAPPROPRIATE RELATIONSHIP WHILE GIN AND I

HAVE NOT ONLY AN APPROPRIATE RELATIONSHIP, WE ARE ALSO THE BEST
shadow.praiser:

hey! talk shit abt naomi and i again and ur cough will be the last of ur worries! 😄
i will swat u! i know where ur moving to! LOL!

dont cross me u emo fuck! 🫶

doppo_poet:

Alright 2-1-1

nothuman:

what

doppo_poet:

That’s how many fights have happened in this server thus far.

The 2 is Akutagawa, the one 1 is Ranpo, and the other is Junichiro.

alphatiger:

Can we all just get along please 🙁

Also stop ganging up on Ryuu

nothuman:

DONT CALL HIM BY HIS FIRST NAME ATSUSHI

DONT LET THIS NIGHTMARE BE A REALITY

alphatiger:

What nightmare???
nothuman:

the nightmare that you and akutagawa are actually dating

alphatiger:

Can you relax

We are dating and nothing you can say will change that

nothuman:

what if i confessed my undying love for you

alphatiger:

That would scare me and only reinforce my feelings for Akutagawa.

nothuman:

ok that’s fucked up actually

animal_crossing:

Speaking of you and Akutagawa, how did that happen? :0!

Who confessed first??

x..RASHOMON..x:

dont ask such silly questions...

butterfly:

I’m gonna take a wild guess on who made the confession

shadow.praiser:
yeah im seriously having SUCH a hard time trying to figure out which 1 confessed

alphatiger:

Haha there wasn’t really any confession

It kind of just happened lol

nothuman:

what

shadow.praiser:

what

butterfly:

What

x..RASHOMON..x:

what

boydetective:

NO WAY

AKUTAGAWA CONFESSED AND NAKAJIMA DIDNT EVEN CATCH ON TO IT

WHAT

alphatiger:

WAIT HUH

x..RASHOMON..x:
atsushi…

😐😐😐
butterfly:

I’m so sorry but

🫵🏻🤣
x..RASHOMON..x:

KNOCK THAT OFF

alphatiger:

WHEN DID U CONFESS TO ME 😭😭😭😭

x..RASHOMON..x:

WHAT DO U MEAN

I CONFESSED TO U DURING THE FALL SEMESTER????

jinko…

alphatiger:

0 recollection

I thought we just naturally progressed into a relationship

nothuman:

yeah there’s no natural progression going from being enemies to putting his dick in your mouth
atsushi

alphatiger:

KNOCK THAT OFF

butterfly:

Awe they even say the same things <3

nothuman:

i’m gonna be fucking sick again

x..RASHOMON..x:

it wasnt a big confession or anything

i just told u how i felt

good to know how impactful that was 😐

alphatiger:

I’m sorry ☹️
x..RASHOMON..x:

lol dont be sorry its ok

nothuman:

you guys should break up 👍

x..RASHOMON..x:

i will slowly submerge u into skin eroding acid 👍

butterfly:

CHRIST
x..RASHOMON..x:

anyway

to spite dazai

im going to go see jinko

so go fuck urself ig

nothuman:

NOT IF I GO SEE HIM FIRST

x..RASHOMON..x:

HE PICKED ME NOT U GET OVER IT

I WIN

boydetective:

This is about Atsushi. Are we sure him picking one over the other is a win…

alphatiger:

Hard agree

boydetective:

You’re not supposed to agree with me now I feel bad 😭

Can you please have some more self respect so we can banter

alphatiger:

I disagree that my bangs suck

boydetective:
OH we are so back ty jinko

x..RASHOMON..x:

dont call him that only i get to call him that

boydetective:

UGH

I hate gay people.

It’s so hard being so straight all the time.

nothuman:

ugh you and kunikida with your straight pride

doppo_poet:

What?

boydetective:

LMFAO!!!!!

Why do y’all homo sexuals get a month what about us VETERANS

thegoldraven:

Holy shit , I feel like I just teleported back into my uncle’s dining room .

boydetective:

LMFAO WHAT

thegoldraven:
That’s just some stuff he’d say .

He directed it at me too like I would know the answer .

butterfly:

Aren’t you gay?

doppo_poet:

YOSANO YOU CANNOT JUST ASK PEOPLE ABOUT THEIR SEXUALITY!

butterfly:

WHAT?!?!?!

I THOUGHT WE WERE ALL WORKING UNDER THE ASSUMPTION HE WAS FRUITY???

HE FITS IN SO WELL

nothuman:

poe, bad news buddy

if you didn’t know before, i’ll tell you now

you’re 💅🏳️🌈
boydetective:

YOU GUYS NEED TO LEAVE HIM ALONE

thegoldraven:

Lol

Maybe

I never really thought about it .

I tend to focus my attention on more important things , such as my writing or Karl .

alphatiger:

That’s ok I never came out as bisexual, they all just assume that I am

butterfly:

Well…

Aren’t you?

alphatiger:

NO! 😭
nothuman:

HUH??

STRAIGHT?

AKUTAGAWA IS A MAN!

i think

akutagawa drop the pronouns rq

x..RASHOMON..x:

over/this

boydetective:

That’s really giving an American Republican energy…

animal_crossing:
They’re more like yee/haw

Cause none of them have an individual sense of humor

thegoldraven:

^^^

butterfly:

Atsushi what are you

alphatiger:

Pan

boydetective:

Awh! Chef! <3

alphatiger:

FUCK OFF LOL

thegoldraven:

Gotta be one of my favorite mythological greek entities

#Capricorn

alphatiger:

Omg I’m a Taurus!

#earthsigns

x..RASHOMON..x:
im gay

nothuman:

we can tell by looking at you.

but thanks for the confirmation anyway

x..RASHOMON..x:

i hope u and ur exbf have all the same classes next semester

WITH CHUUYA.

arahabaki:

MAN WHAT DID I DO????

x..RASHOMON..x:

jinko open up

alphatiger:

It all started at the orphanage..

x..RASHOMON..x:

NO IM AT UR HOUSE OPEN THE DOOR

butterfly:

I’m going to start drinking every time I hear about the orphanage.

alphatiger:

I hope you like alcoholism!

Chapter End Notes

guys would u be mad at me if i made the next chapter angsty be honest :(

anyway hope u enjoyed cause idk what even went on in this chapter everything that happened
just... happened LOL

kk bye bye
 Car Accidents
Chapter Summary

Atsushi is informed of a death via a Discord link.

Chapter Notes

TW: implied childhood abuse, self-loathing, etc.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

the yokohomos gaygency

general-chat

Today at 10:54 AM

nothuman:

anyone hear about the guy who got hit by a TRUCK and DIED THIS MORNING?

jealous.

animal_crossing:

Yes! I was actually there when it happened!

doppo_poet:

ARE YOU OKAY?

animal_crossing:

Yeah but the guy isn’t

He dead dead

[link to article]
Someone already wrote about it! And I was interviewed!

shadow.praiser:

atsu u good bro? lol

just heard him yell

alphatiger has left the server.

butterfly:

????

Junichiro what did you do

You called him out and for what

nothuman:

omg junichiro killed atsushi

bombed him 😔
doppo_poet:

ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO MAKE SURE HE’S OKAY OR GOING TO JUST KEEP
CRACKING JOKES?

butterfly:

Is he not doing a bit?

PM

x..RASHOMON..x aka akutagawa

Today at 11:04 AM.

shadow.praiser:

akutagawa come over rn.

not kidding

atsushi locked himself in his room and is like freaking out we can hear him

but hes not letting anyone in

door is locked and if u dont come we r breaking it down

x..RASHOMON..x:

is he ok???

shadow.praiser:

idk

thats why im texting u

u need to come over

hell probably let u in

x..RASHOMON..x :

im on my way

ill be there in five..

Akutagawa doesn’t know if he’s ever rushed out of his house as fast as he did after receiving that
message. Sure, he has a lot of unpacking to do, but with Junichiro’s messages stacked on the fact
Atsushi himself wasn’t responding to his messages, he wasn’t going to just sit around.

He was surprised he wasn’t pulled over for how fast he was driving, but that's neither here nor
there. He lived close enough to Atsushi that he wasn’t in the car long and the chances of being
caught by a cop for speeding was close to none. He parked, hopped out of the car, a bit too fast that
he wasn’t sure that he closed the door to his car or not. He got into the building’s first door, but
needed to be let in. He saw Kyouka there and she let him in the moment she saw him.

“It’s worrying,” she commented simply as they walked to the elevator, “we can just hear him
crying. He started yelling at us to all go away. We don’t know what’s wrong.”
“I’ll find out,” Akutagawa responded just as simply. Kyouka led him to her apartment, opening the
door, and letting him in. She didn’t need to show him to Atsushi’s room. The other two tenants
standing outside of the bedroom showed Akutagawa everything he needed to know.

“Move,” Akutagawa said, not bothering with greeting the Tanizakis. The two obeyed and
Akutagawa stood outside Atsushi’s door. “Atsushi?” He called out, knocking on the door, “it’s me.
Let me in.”

“ NO! ” He heard Atsushi yell out, “ everyone needs to leave me alone! ” His voice was hoarse and
Akutagawa could hear him hyperventilating inside.

“You guys can go,” Akutagawa said, patting down his pockets until he got his wallet, “I’ll take care
of him.”

“Fine,” Junichiro said, though he hesitated, “just make sure he’s okay.”

“Obviously,” Akutagawa said with a scoff. He pulled out one of his card credits and slid it between
the door and the frame. This allowed the door to open and Akutagawa just let himself in.

Atsushi’s room was a mess and anything that could’ve been pushed or knocked onto the floor was.
Atsushi was standing next to his bed, eyes as wide as saucers as he stared at Akutagawa. They were
red from crying. Akutagawa couldn’t help but notice he was shaking too—and it probably wasn’t
from the cold even though he was wearing shorts. Clearly, something had triggered some sort of
panic attack in Atsushi. And it was heartbreaking.

“Atsushi,” Akutagawa said quietly, as if talking normally would send him over the ledge. “What
happened?”

Atsushi's mouth quivered, eyes watering yet staring intensely at Akutagawa. It was like he was
some sort of caged animal, preparing himself to attack. Akutagawa didn’t know how to proceed; be
vulnerable and open? Or be cautious?

“The man,” Atsushi whispered and Akutagawa nodded, hoping that would help Atsushi move
forward, “the one Kenji saw die… he ruined my life!” The end of his statement had been a raw yell
—the type of yell that even if you weren’t the person who was yelling could feel the way each
word ripped and strained itself against your vocal chords, as if the words themselves were clawing
their way out of your throat. The presumed hatred for some man was not just hatred; Akutagawa
knew what hate was, but it was something else. It was fear and panic disguised as anger and rage.

“What did he do to you?” Akutagawa asked, daring to take a step forward. Atsushi’s hands were
clenched into tight fists, looking as if he were about to swing. Akutagawa had made his decision.
He would be open to Atsushi now, regardless of consequence.

“He ruined my life!” Atsushi yelled again, “he–he— I never had a chance! He ruined me !”
Akutagawa flinched at his words.

“Atsushi, who was the man?”

“ The orphanage director! ”

His voice was raw, hurting, and full of despair. The words came out like vomit and followed up by
sobs—the type that just wracks your body until you slump into nothing on the floor. Atsushi
hugged himself, probably out of habit, and couldn’t face Akutagawa—probably another habit.
Regardless of Atsushi’s habit of joking about his time at the orphanage, it was still an awful time
for him. He had only told Akutagawa very briefly about the things he underwent and it was only
told to him so Atsushi could “explain” why he did some things a certain way, like clean his dishes
in freezing cold water or how he didn’t really have much clothes since he’s learned to wear the
same things for days on end due to the orphange’s lack of funds (or rather, their neglect). The
abusive treatment towards Atsushi was always implied, but it was never fully divulged. Akutagawa
doesn’t even think Yosano, Dazai, Kunikida, or even Junichiro know what really happened to him.

Akutagawa kneeled down beside Atsushi. He didn’t want to hug him or even touch him right now,
considering he didn’t want to upset him further. Atsushi calming down was his first priority. “He
was the man that died today? By the truck?”

“Yes,” Atsushi said, face in his hands as he sobbed, “he died today.”

“And this upsets you?”

Atsushi moved his hands away from his face, the anger in his eyes immeasurable. “I’m angry that
I’m upset about it!” He yelled, grabbing Akutagawa by the shirt. Akutagawa didn’t really expect
this and was caught off guard and off balance, so the two fell to the side. Atsushi stared down at
Akutagawa, being on top of him. The shock on his face replaced the anger and he quickly moved
off of Akutagawa, hands over his mouth to try to cover his sobs. The apologies that spilled out his
mouth were muffled, but Akutagawa could hear him.

“You’re allowed to be upset about it, Atsushi,” Akutagawa said, leaning towards Atsushi, “and you
don’t need to apologize, we are already on the floor.” He was trying to relieve Atsushi’s guilt about
that—it was clearly unintentional, and regardless, it didn’t hurt enough nor at all to really warrant
such an apology. “Jinko,” Akutagawa began, holding his hand out to Atsushi, “I’m here for you.
You can tell me everything.”

Atsushi covered his eyes with his hands, beginning to cry again. Selfishly, Akutagawa couldn’t
bring himself to stay off of him any longer and embraced him. If Atsushi were to push him away,
he’d stay off with no problem. Instead, Atsushi just cried onto his shoulder.

“I wanted to prove to him that I was worth it—that I’m not just a waste! I’m somebody ! How can I
prove that to him now? I haven’t done anything yet! I’m a nobody ! I haven’t succeeded despite
what that bastard has done to me! I—I wanted to show him that I deserved to live!” Atsushi took in
a deep, albeit shaky, breath. “He’s dead. He’s dead now and now nothing I do will prove to him that
I deserve to be alive! Everything I’ve done up to now has been for nothing… nothing at all.”

Akutagawa shook his head, his own feelings getting caught up in his chest making him feel heavier.
This wasn’t about him at all, but he couldn’t stop the words coming out of his mouth. “You don’t
need his approval to live, to be worthy . You deserve to live because you were born. You say you’re
a nobody, imply that you are nothing, when you are everything to me . Nothing you’ve done has
been for nothing; look around yourself. You have so many friends or acquaintances that care for
you. Should one, awful man’s opinion outweigh the opinions of people who actually know, love,
and care about you, Jinko?”

Atsushi let out a shaky breath. “You don’t get it, Ryuu,” he said, his voice soft but Akutagawa
doubted he had actually calmed down. “When my parents abandoned me, he said that they threw
me away in a trash bag. He—He would lock me up in a cell that he called the disciplinary room and
he—” He stopped talking briefly, unable to get the words out so he just continued on by saying, “I
just… I just needed to prove that despite everything that he did to me, I will never be like him. Now
he’s dead and I feel like the same stupid little kid I was when I was at the orphanage.”

“But you’re so much more than that,” Akutagawa said and it came out sounding like a promise. He
hugged Atsushi tighter, as if it was Akutagawa that needed the reassurance. “You have succeeded.
You are successful. You proved him wrong every single day even at that awful place just by living
despite him. Despite it all .”

Atsushi’s hug on Akutagawa was more like a cling, like he was worried Akutagawa was going to
leave him. Maybe he was afraid he would.

“Can you stay here? With me? Please…?” Atsushi asked. Akutagawa pushed Atsushi’s bangs back,
placing a kiss on his hairline.

“Of course I will stay, Jinko,” he responded, “you didn’t even need to ask.”

Akutagawa did have the two sit on Atsushi’s bed, wanting Atsushi to not be on the floor and be
comfortable as well as try to regain the feeling in his ass, but he was going to stay with Atsushi for
as long as he needed him. If Atsushi needed him forever, he’d stay right by his side.

Atsushi fell asleep at one point and he fell asleep in Akutagawa’s arms. Akutagawa rested his chin
on the top of his head and just held Atsushi. His phone had long since fallen on the floor, so all he
had was the empty walls of Atsushi’s room to keep him occupied. Would Atsushi want some
posters? Pictures? To put on his wall? His room felt so sparse. There was not much else to think
about.

There was a soft knock at the door, prompting Akutagawa to say a very brief (and quiet) come in.
The door opened, thankfully with no creak, to show Junichiro and Dazai standing behind it.

“Is… he good?” Junichiro asked quietly, still standing in the doorway as Dazai walked in. Usually,
Akutagawa would have something witty (in his humble opinion) to Dazai, but he opted for silence
at this moment for Atsushi’s sake.

“He’s asleep,” Akutagawa responded because in earnest, he wasn’t too sure how Atsushi was right
now.

“I looked into it,” Dazai began, standing next to Atsushi’s bed. He picked up Akutagawa’s phone
and handed it to him. “The man who Kenji sent an article about today was the director of the
orphanage Atsushi was raised in.”

“Yes, I know, he told me,” Akutagawa responded.

“Well, apparently he was here to see Atsushi,” Dazai stated, “an newspaper clipping was found in
his hand when he died. It was about Atsushi and how he’s a national champ in track and field.
Ranpo thinks that he was here to congratulate Atsushi on his studies and athletic
accomplishments.”

“I don’t care,” Akutagawa responded simply, “because if that truck hadn’t killed him, I would’ve.”
 Dazai shrugged. “It’s up to you if you want to tell him why he was here or not,” he said, “I just
came by to check on him. I have to go check on Kenji now—he’s all torn up about sending that
article and causing Atsushi to freak out.”

“I don’t care what you do, Dazai,” Akutagawa said, “you can leave now.”

The animosity was immeasurable, but Dazai knew it was time to take his leave and did. Junichiro
peaked in at Atsushi one more time before Dazai shut the door behind him, leaving Akutagawa
only to hear Junichiro ask if he should buy chazuke for Atsushi for later that night.

Chazuke sounded like a good plan, Akutagawa planned to steal that idea. As long as that’s what
Atsushi wanted, anyway.

Chapter End Notes

this is not what i had in my head, but i started writing this while i was at work on mobile so i
am sorry lol obviously this is based on when atsushi finds out the orphanage director died but I
COULD'VE SWORN that atsushi was with kenji to see the director's body and NOT
junichiro, which is why i made it kenji who was there to witness it!!!!! turns out it was
junichiro, but i couldn't change it because junichiro is atsu's roommate and i needed that little
incest freak home!!!!!!!!!

anyway at least i get to put angst in the tags now

off topic but here's some lore about me: i'm an english major, which means i read A LOT of
literature... and i am plagued with ideas and concepts of authors currently not in bsd to be bsd
characters lol like ok tell me why my girl mary shelley aint in this shit... emily dickinson???
jane austen???? ok new realization; more female characters please and thanks. tell me why
each organization has like at max 2 female characters and at least ZERO. at least they all slay
(yosano the woman that you are ily)

alright i am done yapping but perhaps i will write a bsd fic that features authors that i know
about........... maybe i will embrace my cringe and write a bsd oc fic. what then????? who will
stop me??????

ok ok bye bye for real i hope the angst was good and if not the real angst will be me crying
myself to sleep over a bsd chatfic that really isn't that much of a chatfic anymore
 Party Hearty?
Chapter Summary

Thin walls and planning parties.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

Today at 5:04 PM

nothuman:

i’m so eepy

x..RASHOMON..x:

grown ass man saying eepy

got the ick deadass

nothuman:

WHAT THE FUCK

arahabaki:

I’m on Akutagawa’s side

nothuman:

add my man atsushi back the server

he’ll back me up
 Welcome alphatiger, say hi!

alphatiger:

Christ

I did get the ick a little bit sorry

nothuman:

😐
lemongrab just landed!

butterfly:

NO

WHO INVITED HIM

WHAT THE FUCK

lemongrab:

Damn girl what

butterfly:

GET THIS CLOWN OUT OF HERE

🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
arahabaki:

LMFAO????

Motojirou why does she hate you

What did you do

lemongrab:

NOTHING????

WHO IS BUTTERFLY

butterfly:

AKIKO YOSANO.

lemongrab:

Oh

FUCK HAHAHAHA

Um heyyyyyyyyy…………..

butterfly:

It’s either him or me guys

nothuman:

who invited him

ugh it was def slug

arahabaki:

Gang am I slug?

butterfly:

Yeah

I think it’s because slugs are small and slimey

And that’s what he thinks you are

Not me btw

I’m lesbian but I know a short king when I see one 💯

arahabaki:

WOW

Ok

So

Fuck you Dazai

And Yosano you’re cool

nothuman:

FUCK

OFF

YOSANO IS MINE

boydetective:

Um….

Bad news.

Yosano and I are actually in a lavender marriage rn :\

butterfly:

Yeah we married but I thought we could have side hoes?

boydetective:

We can but like… I need to approve of them

And tbh? Not rocking with Chuuya or Dazai

They should just be with each other

And leave you out of it

thegoldendemon:

Awe, how cute.

Imagine that; enemies-to-lovers.

Slow burn.

lemongrab:

Shawty talking in fanfic

butterfly:

Hey! Never speak again! Thanks!

shadow.praiser:

hey atsushi my beautiful prince

ik u have had a rough day today

but pls remember we share a wall.

u2 akutagawa 😐
nothuman:

NO.

NOT MY BOY!

AKUTAGAWA, YOU FILTHY PERVERT! LET GO OF MY ATSUSHI!

I’M COMING OVER.

alphatiger:

PAUSE
WE ARE WATCHING BRIDGERTON

WE ARE NOT FUCKING

x..RASHOMON..x:

:\

yeah unfortuantely

butterfly:

Bro is watching Lady Whistledown when he really just wants his whistle downed.

nothuman:

AKIKO NO!

DON’T CONDONE, ENCOURAGE, NOR ENABLE THIS BEHAVIOR!

THIS IS DEVIANT!

MY SWEET ATSUSHI, DON’T LET THAT EVIL AKUTAGAWA CORRUPT YOU

MY SWEET INNOCENT SON!

alphatiger:

WE ARENT DOING ANYTHING!!

x..RASHOMON..x:

🙃
alphatiger:

STOP

light_finder:
Are you guys watching the new season?

alphatiger:

No ryuu hadn’t watchied it at all so we’re starting from the beginning bc I wanna watch S3 with
him :3

light_finder:

Oh slay!

I haven’t watched s3 yet but I’ve heard only good things!

I want to watch it with Junichiro, but he doesn’t have the time 🙁

shadow.praiser:

sorry naomi i promise sometime soon!

arahabaki:

Guys I forgot

Are they actually siblings or not

light_finder:

DEAR FUCKING LORD

doppo_poet:

Oh my.

light_finder:

IF I HAVE TO PLAY SIBLINGS OR DATING WITH YOU CUCKS ONE MORE TIME, I’M
GOING TO LOSE MY MIND.
nothuman:

you currently have it?

shadow.praiser:

watch it dazai

light_finder:

RIDDLE ME THIS GUYS

IF WE ARE RELATED WHY DO WE LOOK NOTHING ALIKE

WE SHARE NOTHING IN TERMS OF APPEARANCE.

NOTHING AT ALL.

THERE SHOULD BE SOME SIMILARITIES.

AND YET? NAME ONE

x..RASHOMON..x:

ur last name.

light_finder:

You’re fucking finished Ryuunosuke Akutagawa.

x..RASHOMON..x:

???

oh my god i can hear her.

shadow.praiser:

good luck king

nothuman:

nothing of value to be lost

go naomi go!

feminism!

butterfly:

Omg wait I love feminism

Sorry Akutagawa I need to support Naomi. Girls supporting girls, you know how it is.

x..RASHOMON..x:

I HATE EVERYONE HERE.

PM

nothuman aka dazai

Today at 6:30 PM

butterfly:

Food when what and where

Perhaps even how

nothuman:

you woman cook

butterfly:

AYO?!

nothuman:
teehee!

im jk

idc though

butterfly:

eel?

nothuman:

noooooooo

crab?

butterfly:

meh

pizza?

nothuman:

pizza

Today at 6:54

Should we throw a party

not tn

butterfly:

ummmmm yeah

Booze this bitch up

nothuman:

ok w
 butterfly:

We would need to invite chuuya though

nothuman:

ugh ik

he’s in the server he’ll know

listen i’m a nice guy

butterfly:

Oh.

I was just saying that cause he’s the type of guy to snitch to the landlord abt it

nothuman:

can’t you be straight

just for me???

yosano i want you so bad

butterfly:

SHUT THE FUCK UP BAHAHAHAHAHA 😭

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

Today at 7:04 PM

nothuman:

party tmr at yoyo and me’s place

you all are invited

even slug and akutagawa ig

thegoldendemon:

Even me?

butterfly:

Yeah we need some bad babes at this party

thegoldendemon:

Alc?

butterfly:

Yeah

thegoldendemon:

I’ll come

butterfly:

No need to RSVP you either come or you don’t

Idk what else to say

doppo_poet:

What about those not old enough to drink yet?

Like Atsushi?

alphatiger:
Shhhhhhhh kunikida…..

Shhhhhhh

doppo_poet:

Atsushi!!

nothuman:

don’t worry, i won’t let my sweet atsushi turn into a deviant!

i’ll stop ryuunosuke’s influence on him!

x..RASHOMON..x:

STOP CALLING ME BY MY FIRST NAME

WE AINT FRIENDS LIKE THAT

U FUCK

nothuman:

yeah yeah

you’re welcome for the invite btw 😐

x..RASHOMON..x:

and i will only be in attendance if atsushi goes

nothuman:

what if he doesn’t want to go but gin goes

x..RASHOMON..x:

what a stupid question

 if gin goes i will go to ensure she is ok

fucking idiot what

arent u supposed to be smart put the puzzle pieces together dumbass

nothuman:

YOU ARE UNINVITED

GIN AND ATSUSHI YOU ARE MORE THAN WELCOME AND IT’S ENCOURAGED YOU
COME

I HOPE AKUTAGAWA GETS STRUCK BY LIGHTNING AND CHOKES.

shadow.praiser:

i dont think getting struck by lightning has choking as a consequence

Nothuman:

BOOM YOU JUST LOST YOUR INVITE.

shadow.praiser:

NOOOOOOOOOO

Chapter End Notes

hey gang sorry it's been a hot minute since the last update. i've decided to make bungo stray
dog ocs and now im obsessed :D! also considering to making a twitter where i talk abt bsd. i
have an anime twitter acc already but i haven't used it in a while and it was for Noragami
(PEAK LOVE NORAGAMI) but i think creating a new acc overall might be more beneficial.
anyone here use twitter (or x???) or like where do we bsd fans congregate at cause i wanna
yap about it and my stupid ideas bahahahha (I AM NOT USING REDDIT BTW)

anyway im mad tired. retail + memorial day sales = my last nerve pushed. sorry this chapter is
lackluster i am setting up something else.

i look forward to any comments, kudos, and etc. thank you for reading!! bye bye!
 Foster Fathers and Untold Feelings
Chapter Summary

Dazai goes out late to meet a mystery man and Junichiro needs him to not be killed so they
can run Overwatch together (a game Dazai does not have and will most likely never
download).

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

Today at 2:32 AM

shadow.praiser:

anyone up?

nothuman:

hello!

shadow.praiser:

sick

download overwatch

nothuman:

fuck no

shadow.praiser:

dazai pls
nothuman:

i am not touching that game for as long as i live

i have seen what it does to you, why would i want to go through that?

shadow.praiser:

pls i need to play so bad

nothuman:

solo queue then 💀

shadow.praiser:

oh

i see how it is…

u clearly hate me.

nothuman:

not true but keep telling yourself that

shadow.praiser:

if atsushi was awake rn he would play w me

but ofc he is w akutagawa

premarital bed sharing btw

yet im here

not premartially sharing a bed w anyone

esp not akutagawa

and i just asked my very best friend of all time if he wants to spend some time w me

cause we never hang out

its almost like u dont actually like me

do u value me dazai?

or am i just a means to an end for u

just a friend for the sake of having a friend

rather than being someone u care for

u can be honest.

nothuman:

oh my days

i’m not home BAHAHAHAHA

yosano could vouch but she’s asleep

shadow.praiser:

OH!

my bad! sorry!

why didnt u say that sooner tho

nothuman:

idk i wanted to see what you were gonna say

crazy is what you are btw

like you might need to be evaluated!

shadow.praiser:

yeah ive been told

is anyone else awake tho

thegoldraven:
I am!

I can play. I got my computer set up and Ranpo downloaded Discord on here for me.

nothuman:

FINALLY.

i hope you guys have fun

boydetective:

WOAH.

I’m awake. I can play too.

Dazai where you at though????

It’s 2am

Why are you out

nothuman:

it’s nothing to worry about

i’m going to be home soon

shadow.praiser:

home from where

nothuman:

i cannot say

boydetective:

Oh so you’re tempting me

You know I love a good mystery

nothuman:

and you will probably figure it out if you think too hard on it you annoying little genius

just let it be

it’s nothing important

i’m not out here killing myself though i wish i was

to drown with a woman by my side sounds like the perfect way to go right now

alas there are no women in sight

shadow.praiser:

r u good

nothuman:

i’m just waiting for someone

shadow.praiser:

is it a woman? let her live dazai

nothuman:

god i fucking wish it was

i need to leave this mortal plane ASAP

boydetective:

I know very well it isn’t your ex but for peace of mind it isn’t your ex is it

nothuman:

lmfao no it’s not fyodor

it’s someone else and he’s keeping me waiting and it’s pissing me off

boydetective:

Dms????

nothuman:

no need

i see him coming

i’ll talk to you guys in a minute

shadow.praiser:

not to worry u or anyone else but i literally have such a bad feeling in my gut

thegoldraven:

Same.

I don’t understand the urge to meet someone at 2am.

boydetective:

DAZAI

shadow.praiser:

dw i track him lol

he’s at the port????

Idk

thegoldraven:

Oh, do you guys have a Find My Friends or Life360 circle to track each other?
shadow.praiser:

no i just get worried dazai is actually going to kill himself so i put airtags on all his stuff

kunikida wouldnt let me chip him

boydetective:

LMFAO

Can we chip him I think it’d be so funny

shadow.praiser:

babe do u think were ever gonna see him again after tn???

im worried abt the fuck 😭

bookworm:

Hi guys.

He’s fine.

shadow.praiser:

OH??

r u the one he met up with?

bookworm:

No

I’m just with him

Don’t worry about it

boydetective:
Sketchy

PM

nothuman aka dazai

Today at 2:54 AM

boydetective:

Hi

You can tell me anything you know that right

So…….. who did you meet under Odasaku’s supervision

Today at 9:23 AM

nothuman:

my dad

i need some of my documents

and he wouldn’t let me have them unless we talked

it’s whatever

he brought my sister so can’t complain!

boydetective:

Ummmmmm good morning to you too pookie

But offensive question but you have a dad?

You act so fatherless.

nothuman:

HELP HAHA

we don’t have a good relationship because the moment i turned 18 i left and never went back! hehe

do you want to guess who it is? hehe

we’re not biologically related if that helps :3

he just took me in when i was a real young kid

he loved me like a son, i just think he’s a freak!

boydetective:

I can guess?

Like guess cause I know him?

OH MY GOD

It’s Dr. Mori isn’t it.

nothuman:

DING DING DING!

we have a winner ladies and gentlemen!

boydetective:

Now the suicide thing makes sense!

nothuman:

alright relax

i got to see elise!

i don’t know why the stupid fuck took her with him but whatever

not like it was 2am, she's like 12, and has school today but yeah! bring her!

boydetective:

BRUTAL

Offended Fukuzawa never told me this info

nothuman:

cause real recognizes real

jk it’s cause by the time i met you, i had already left

there was no point

i don’t even think fukuzawa knows that i’m the kid that left

boydetective:

I’m going to ask him

nothuman:

NO DON’T

I HAVE FUKUZAWA AS AN ADVISOR I NEED HIM TO LIKE ME

boydetective:

WAIT

Is that why you got so defensive when Kunikida asked about you talking to him?

nothuman:

OH MY GOD YES

BUT THAT’S BECAUSE YOSANO HATES MORI SO MUCH

LIKE SHE

IDK

i don’t need her knowing i have some sort of relationship to him bahahahaha

boydetective:

Good call

She wants him dead high key

 I also think she has him next semester lol

nothuman:

OH IM AWARE

like girl he’s a medical doctor sorry you are premed

you are going to get him as a professor

boydetective:

Lol literally

Like it doesn’t take us genius detectives to figure that out

But all things said and done I’m so obsessed with her :\

nothuman:

GOD I KNOW

me too

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

Today at 1:35 PM

alphatiger:

Dazai are you alive 🙁

I’m worried

nothuman:

yup!

you’re stuck with me still!

x..RASHOMON..x:

pity

alphatiger:

Ok good bc I was really worried!!!!!!

nothuman:

awe atsushi! :D!

you are so cute and kind!

dump that mean and nasty akutagawa and date me instead!

alphatiger:

No! :D!

I like him very much thank you!

boydetective:

Oh what you guys don’t say you love each other yet

Yawn I thought you were dating for like six months

x..RASHOMON..x:

yeah wait what the fuck

why do u only like me

alphatiger:

I AM NOT SAYING IT FIRST

x..RASHOMON..x:
SAY IT FIRST

alphatiger:

NO YOU SAY IT FIRST

SAY IT FIRST AND WIN

x..RASHOMON..x:

NO IM A GENTLEMAN U CAN SAY IT FIRST

PLEASE I INSIST

butterfly:

Hey Ranpo I figured out why they haven’t said I love you to each other yet

boydetective:

That is so interesting

If I were dating someone, I would want to be the first to say it

thegoldraven:

I get it.

I’d also wait.

arahabaki:

Really?

Why?

thegoldraven:

If the person I’m in love with says it first, that means that I can say it back and won’t have to worry
if it’s reciprocated!
boydetective:

Oh, I see.

YOU ALL ARE INSECURE

x..RASHOMON..x:

i asked this furry fucker out to begin with

AND HE DIDNT EVEN CATCH ON.

the least he can do is tell me he loves me first

arahabaki:

So you do love him?

x..RASHOMON..x:

r u a fucking idiot

obviously i love him

what stupid question is that

arahabaki:

There you go Atsushi.

alphatiger:

LETS

FUCKING

GOOOOOOOOOOOOO

x..RASHOMON..x:
 THAT DOES NOT FUCKING COUNT

alphatiger:

I love you too Ryuunosuke <3!

nothuman:

god i wish i was fucking killed last night.

Chapter End Notes

the feminine urge to write a bsd oc centric fanfic versus the masculine urge to play fucking
overwatch rn is insane. or rather i have two wolves inside of me; one is writing cringey fanfic
and the other is playing the worst game in the world.

anyway i hope you guys enjoyed the lore. mori/dazai father-son duo is kind of everything to
me even though mori is a freak and needs to be neutered. fun fact about mori! his english VA
voices Torbjorn in Overwatch! (And Nathaniel Hawthorne's English voice actor voices Cole
Cassidy!)

as always all comments and kudos are appreciated! see y'all on the flip
 Unwanted Guests and Unneeded Bets
Chapter Summary

Dazai and Yosano make a bet on Ranpo and Poe that gets rudely interrupted.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

the yokohama gaygency

general-chat

Today at 6:32 PM

alphatiger:

Can I bring a friend to the party

nothuman:

akutagawa is already invited

alphatiger:

A different friend

nothuman:

everyone in the server has been invited already

alphatiger:

I HAVE OTHER FRIENDS???

nothuman:

:0!

no way!

i’m so proud!

alphatiger:

Nvn I’m not coming anymore

butterfly:

Lol ofc you can bring a friend Atsushi

Don’t listen to Dazai

nothuman:

?!?!

he needs to listen to me

and start listening to me better too

cause why tf did he choose akutagawa… OVER ME?

doppo_poet:

And I was crazy for thinking he and Atsushi would end up together?

x..RASHOMON..x:

thats fucking disgusting

never speak again kunikida

thanks.

doppo_poet:
RELAX.

animal_crossing:

Who’s your friend, Atsushi?! :D!

alphatiger:

He and I are in a summer course together

His name is Sigma

shadow.praiser:

SIGMA?

alphatiger:

Oh you know him

boydetective:

NO

NO

NO

WHY WHY WHY

alphatiger:

OH MY GOD??

HE IS A TROUBLEMAKER I THOUGHT HE WAS SO NICE???

boydetective:

ATSUSHI DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE???

shadow.praiser:

THE UNIVERSE

THE UNIVERSE!!!

IT SINGS TO ME!!!!!!!!

alphatiger:

Oh no.

nothuman:

hey! what the fuck?

animal_crossing:

There is a character in overwatch named Sigma :3

nothuman:

jesus fucking christ dude

someone uninstill the game for him

shadow.praiser:

hahahahahahahahahahaha

RANPO

boydetective:

NO IM NOT HOME

shadow.praiser:
THEN GO HOME

BOOT UP UR PC

AND WE RUNNING COMP

boydetective:

NO WE ARE NOT

shadow.praiser:

YES WE ARE

POE! GET ON!

@thegoldraven

@thegoldraven

@thegoldraven

@thegoldraven

thegoldraven:

Oh my.

boydetective:

LEAVE HIM ALONE

shadow.praiser:

NO

boydetective:

GO OUTSIDE JUNICHIRO!!

I KNOW YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE SUN IN A WHILE

PLEASE LEAVE YOUR ROOM

WE ARE ALL WORRIED ABOUT YOU

arahabakai:

Bold statement

blcklzrd:

Overwatch is so dog shit bro lol

What the fuck bahahaha

shadow.praiser:

dazai kick these clowns out

nothuman:

on it 👍
butterfly:

I’ll just invite them back

So don’t

nothuman:

not on it 👍
shadow.praiser:

ranpo…..

u and poe r the only ones that i trust to play w me and not ruin my rank
blcklzrd:

What’s your rank

shadow.praiser:

master 2

blcklzrd:

Lol damn

I was top 500 back when I played overwatch 1

shadow.praiser:

yeah so u would probs be dogshit now damn sucks

anyway ranpoe pls

butterfly:

Bro did not just combine their names

shadow.praiser:

easier than typing them both out

they share so many letters

x..RASHOMON..x:

why dont u just play with your sister?

shadow.praiser:

not listening to the guy who plays on fucking xbox 🫵🤣

butterfly:

Damn lil bro got hit with my signature move

Thoughts and prayers

alphatiger:

I play on xbox 🙁
shadow.praiser:

yeah but ur broke

i dont expect much from u

alphatiger:

Gee thanks.

nothuman:

no more nerd talk

ending this

if you want to talk about a game, talk about it in another server

shadow.praiser:

i wont talk abt games in the server if these fools would queue up w me

nothuman:

you need psychological help

and that’s coming from me dude

yikes
shadow.praiser:

damn.

arahabaki:

Do I need to bring anything tn?

butterfly:

Nooners 🙏
arahabaki:

LMFAO

Ok

butterfly:

We’ll have stuff too

I just want nooners

nothuman:

did i somehow lose the ability to understand what you guys are saying

what the fuck are nooners

what the fuck is happening

butterfly:

babe… high noons.

nothuman:
oh

alphatiger:

I’m so excited!

doppo_poet:

You’re not drinking.

alphatiger:

IM AWARE

nothuman:

oop

ra kunikida gonna write us up for partying

doppo_poet:

Just Atsushi.

alphatiger:

WHY AM I BEING TARGETED?

x..RASHOMON..x:

lol

alphatiger:

DONT LAUGH????
butterfly:

ight

I’m gonna start prepping. Yall can come anytime after 10

boydetective:

Damn girl that’s late

butterfly:

???

You can come whenever you want Ranpo, how about that?

boydetective:

YIPPEE!

While Ranpo and Poe showed up two hours early and critised everything (mostly Ranpo—Poe is
just guilty by association), the rest of the party goers showed up a little past ten. Chuuya and
Kouyou were obviously, other than Poe and Ranpo, the first to arrive, since they lived literally
under them.

“Booze?” Chuuya asked immediately when he walked in. Yosano pointed at the fridge.

“Jello shots in there just for you king,” she commented. Dazai was sprawled out on the couch, his
legs resting on Ranpo’s lap (who looked incredibly displeased with it).

“ Not just for him, but okay,” Dazai said, typing away on his phone as if he had other friends,
“where are Atsushi and Akutagawa?”

“Probably on the way,” Yosano responded, standing in front of Dazai’s legs. She took them off
Ranpo’s lap, who let out a little cheer in response. Dazai scoffed and got up. “You’re pissy, knock it
off.”

Dazai shrugged. “My bad.” That was the only response he gave her before he stalked off to the
bathroom.

“What’s his deal?” Kouyou asked.

“Who knows?” Yosano responded, sounding defeated. Ranpo patted the now vacant spot next to
him.

“Poe! Sit here!” He exclaimed cheerfully. Poe happily obliged, sitting next to Ranpo immediately.
“This party is great, thank you so much for inviting me,” Poe said.

“Awe, no problem!” Yosano exclaimed, “and it’s barely started. Hopefully, the others will come
soon.”

“I haven’t been to a party before, so I think it’s great so far,” he said.

“Damn,” Chuuya said, knocking back a jello shot, “that sucks.”

“Hopefully Dazai gets out of his mood. He’s probably the most fun,” Yosano admitted.

“Nah, you’ve never been to a party with me,” Chuuya said with a smirk, already on his next jello
shot. Yosano was beginning to worry if she made enough. Ranpo shook his head at her, as if he
were answering her question. “I’m a good time.”

“Me when I lie,” Dazai said, emerging from the bathroom in seemingly better spirits. His response
soured Chuuya’s mood, however.

“Oh, says who? You? What made you happier, huh? Rub one out before coming back out, freak?”
Chuuya retorted. Dazai sat in an armchair, throwing his legs over the side and smirking at Chuuya.

“I’m the freak?” He asked, feigning concern, “I’m not the one speculating whether someone self
pleasured themselves.”

Chuuya’s face burned red and he sputtered, causing Dazai to laugh. This one fueled the fire in
Chuuya to get back at Dazai and fueled the fire in Dazai to keep pissing off Chuuya. An
unfortunate, natural cycle amongst these two, or so it seemed.

“Shut it asshole!” Chuuya exclaimed, “you know that’s not what I meant!”

“Short physically and short tempered? Do you also have a short—?”

“Knock that off or I’ll knock your teeth in!”

“If only you could reach my mouth!”

“Ladies, ladies, let’s relax,” Yosano interjected.

“You two bicker like an old married couple,” Kouyou added on.

“What old married couples have you hung around?” Ranpo asked, sounding concerned, “cause they
should not be arguing like that.”

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation. Yosano opened the door, seeing as Dazai was
too preoccupied fighting with Chuuya to be of any help. Outside stood Atsushi and Akutagawa,
hand in hand. Atsushi looked peppy, as per usual, and Akutagawa was somber… as per usual.

“Come on in,” Yosano said, gesturing to the two.

“Thanks,” Atsushi said, walking in to reveal a third person that Yosano hadn’t originally seen.
“This is Sigma by the way.”

“Hi,” Sigma greeted politely, yet awkwardly.

“Oh hey,” Yosano said, “welcome. You guys can make yourselves at home.”

“Thanks,” Akutagawa said curtly.

“Where’s Kunikida?” Atsushi asked aloud. Even though he was holding Akutagawa’s hand, he was
looking and talking to Sigma. She assumed that he was trying to make Sigma feel more
comfortable, but it was most definitely pissing off Akutagawa who was trying to pretend he didn’t
care.

“Kunikida texted me! He and Kenji are on the way!” Ranpo exclaimed, “they’re at the store or
something? I dunno. I texted him to bring candy.”

“Oh!” Poe exclaimed suddenly, sticking his hand in his pocket and pulling out a piece of candy.
“Here you go.”

Yosano and Dazai exchanged a quick look and then looked back to Poe and Ranpo. They had a bet
wagering right now whether or not this party was going to bring the two together. While Yosano
knew better than to bet on Ranpo and to bet against Dazai, she had a very strong inkling that this
party would finally bring the two to become a couple. Dazai doubted this and believes that they
will need more time. The bet is a pack of high noons, of which will be gifted to the winner at the
end of the night.

Yosano held her breath. Will this be it? Will she win right at the party’s beginning? Ranpo grabbed
the piece of candy and unwrapped it in a blink of an eye, eating it immediately.

“Thanks Eddie! You’re the best!”

Fuck. She didn’t win, but that’s fine. She had the whole night and alcohol to get the two to admit
their feelings to one another. She was not going to owe Dazai—regardless if it was alcohol, money,
or favor—she was determined to win.

“What about the Tanizakis?” Dazai asked suddenly.

“I don’t like that their last names are the same,” Chuuya stated simply, “they feel very incestuous to
me and I don’t know about you guys, I don’t rock with incest.”

“Yeah, to be honest, they confuse me. Are they siblings or not? I know the girl one says that they
aren’t, but I’ve heard her say, in person, that they are siblings,” Kouyou stated simply.

“Whenever I ask Kunikida, he tells me it’s best to not ask,” Atsushi responded simply.

“That’s fucking awful.” Chuuya stated.

“This has me afraid to meet them,” Sigma said, looking at Atsushi as if he could save him. He
couldn’t even save himself, but beggars can’t be choosers.

“They’re great individually,” Atsushi stated. He pulled out his phone and looked down at it.

iMessage

junichiro
 Today at 10:38PM

Where are you guys at? :0

LOL

funny story actually

car accident 🤪
WHAT

lol yeah

we r fine but

the tanizaki whip is tanizaki totaled 😢

WHERE ARE YOU GUYS????

gamestop…….

Why

NAOMI WANTED TO BUY PRINCESS PEACH SHOWTIME RQ

CAUSE SHE JUST GOT PAID

IDK

WE GOT SLAMMED IN THE PARKING LOT

HEY FUN FACT

WE WERE PARKED!!!!!!

WE WERE IN THE STORE WHEN IT HAPPENED

ATSUSHI I AM IN DURESS.

DO U WANT ME TO GO THERE???

NO 😭
ENJOY THE PARTY

BC I CANT

IM JUST GONNA PULL A DAZAI AND FUCKING KILL MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!

JUNICHIRO

in reality i probs need kunikida

Why kunikida

idk

he looks like a lawyer

He’s a pwr major

Not law

Not even close

He minors in fucking math

I SAID HE LOOKS LIKE ONE

FUCK U
CALLING HIM

OKAY?!?!?!?!?

“What’s with that look on your face?” Akutagawa asked Atsushi as he furiously typed.

“Junichiro’s car got totaled and he and Naomi are fine, but he’s freaking out and being weird,”
Atsushi responded simply because he didn’t know what else to say.

“What? Really?” Ranpo asked, hopping up from the couch and leaving Poe sitting alone much to
Yosano’s dismay. Dazai smirked and Yosano was close to punching it off his face.

“Yeah. He said he’s going to call Kunikida because Kunikida ‘looks like a lawyer,’ but I think
looking like a lawyer versus being one is a little different,” Atsushi said.

“Love that his car got totaled and your biggest issue is that he’s being weird ,” Yosano commented.

“He’s a sister fucker, I don’t think he can help being weird,” Chuuya stated. Kouyou snickered.

Atsushi sighed. “Let’s just enjoy the party. I’ll let anyone who’s interested know about any
updates.”

It wasn’t so much a party as it was just a bunch of friends (a term used lightly) hanging out together
with fun lights, loud music, and plenty of alcohol. Kunikida had come with Kenji a little bit after
Atsushi’s text exchange with Junichiro looking ever so stressed while Kenji seemed none the wiser.

Sigma got along with everyone pretty well, but when Dazai got one too many drinks in him, he
took Sigma and began dancing with him around the room to his dismay. Sigma, to his credit, was
very nice about it at first, but after a few, he was fed up. Though, he did not do much to get Dazai
off of him.

“He looks sick,” Chuuya commented, trying to help Sigma escape Dazai. Though, like Dazai,
Chuuya was not completely sober. Sigma, unfortunately, was. He had the very unfortunate position
of being sober and still being forced to dance. Life was cruel.

“Yeah, sick of you ,” Dazai responded, chin up like he was going “hmph” at Chuuya. He continued
to dance.

“Burn!” Ranpo called out from the couch, where he had been residing for most of the night. He
mainly entertained Kunikida and Poe, though Gin had come just a few minutes prior and was
enjoying the stories Ranpo had to tell. Akutagawa and Atsushi stood nearby, close enough for
Akutagawa to hear if Ranpo was saying anything he shouldn’t to Gin, but far enough away he
could focus on Atsushi.

“What a fun little party!”

Record scratch, freeze frame. Walking in (completely uninvited, mind you) was Dazai’s ex-
boyfriend, Fyodor Dostoevsky, and Fyodor’s boyfriend, Nikolai Gogol.

“I told you that Sigma had fun plans tonight!” Nikolai exclaimed cheerfully.

Sigma and Dazai froze on the dance floor, looking at Fyodor and Nikolai. Dazai didn’t know why
Sigma was shocked and Sigma didn’t know why Dazai was either. Ironically enough, Yosano was
the first to respond… throwing a glass at the two. She was a bit more (aka a lot more) drunk than
the others.

“Get the fuck out! Bitches!” She yelled out.

“That’s not very nice,” Fyodor said simply.

“Who is that?” Atsushi asked, looking at Ranpo.

“I think that might be Dazai’s ex,” Ranpo responded. He squinted, making a face of disgust. “He’s
a lot better looking in person than on Instagram.” Akutagawa snickered.

“Why are you two here?” Sigma asked, sounding nervous. Dazai let go of Sigma, his face
contorting to something no one could really read. Sigma stumbled, but thankfully, didn’t fall.

“We have your location. We were worried when we saw you out and about and not home, all things
considered,” Fyodor said, showing his phone and the location. Sigma swallowed thickly, realizing
that he hadn’t thought about that at all. He shared his location with Fyodor because during transfer
student orientation, he had convinced Sigma to share his location with him to “ensure” he was
staying safe in a new city. Since Fyodor was older than him, he thought it was just his
upperclassman looking out for him. Sensing the hostility between him and most people here, he
figured that wasn’t really the case.

“Well, it’s been real and it’s been fun, but it has not been real fun,” Dazai commented. He walked
away and out the door, making sure to bodycheck Fyodor on the way out the door. Yosano called
after him to stop, but he didn’t even turn around.

“What’s that all about?” Nikolai asked. Though it seemed innocent, the smile on his face was
indicative of otherwise.

“Leave or this’ll be considered trespassing,” Kunikida commented, arms folded over his chest.
Akutagawa leaned to Atsushi’s ear.

“I guess the lawyer in him is coming out.” Akutagawa’s comment caused Atsushi to turn away and
try to stifle a laugh. Now wasn’t appropriate, but sneaking a few sips of Akutagawa’s drinks
seemed to be getting to him.

“We never meant to interrupt,” Fyodor began as though he was trying to smooth this all over, “we
were just making sure Sigma was okay. He was at a location we hadn’t seen before is all.”

“Usually you don’t walk into people’s houses uninvited,” Chuuya piped in, his eyes boring into
Fyodor’s, “and texting exists. You knew what you were doing.”

“That’s not true,” Nikolai said, though his smile stayed and it was evident that they did. And it was
fucking annoying.
 “Well, now you know I’m okay… so you can leave,” Sigma stated, his voice sounding confident
but his face showing anything but.

“Alright, alright, we won’t stay where we are not welcome,” Fyodor said, waving everyone off.
“The hostility towards me, however, makes it feel as though you all have some preconceived notion
of me. A pity, truly.”

“Unneeded last sentence buddy,” Atsushi said, pointing at Fyodor as if that could do anything.
Fyodor and Nikolai said nothing before walking out.

The party was silent for a few moments afterwards, everyone shooting each other glances as if
daring someone to say something first. Dazai’s disappearance and Fyodor and Nikolai’s exit left
much to be desired. Before anyone could finally say something, Junichiro and Naomi walked in,
holding a pack of white claws.

“Hey guys!” Junichiro exclaimed cheerfully, “what’d we miss?”

Chapter End Notes

WAHHH GUYS IM SORRY THIS UPDATE TOOK SO LONG I FUCKING HATE THIS
CHAPTER ITS SO BAD I HAD AN IDEA AND ITS LITERALLY SHIT WAH WAH WAH

i actually hated writing this chapter so much i procrastinated it by taking over a month to
update i know i suck but ITS OVER NOW so i'll try to hop back to it!!!

why did this chapter suck to write? well i will tell you. i am 22 years old. i went to a party
school. have i ever gone to a party though? NO. WHY DID I THINK TO WRITE A PARTY?
"well ghost why did you just change the plot when you realized you knew nothing about a
party?" BECAUSE IM NOT A QUITTER IM JUST A CHRONIC PROCRASTINATOR. also
i have a job now that im out of school for the summer #retail and idk i have a lot social battery
so i leave work and im dead inside. i also have personal projects that i've been hyperfixated on
because im a loser and the billie eilish album makes me think of it 3 listen to HIT ME HARD
AND SOFT guys it's so good

anyway happy pride hope you enjoyed these clowns. i'll try to update in the next few days
because i have A BETTER AND MORE FLESHED OUT IDEA I WISH TO EXPLORE
AND I WILL FUCKING DO IT IN A TIMELY MANNER TRUST AND BELIEVE!!!!!

btw shoutout to ao3 user OpalsAndDiamonds for asking if i was ok bc of how long i took to
publish this chapter. i am ok i'm just being a loser and sucking ass at writing but i love u so
much.

love you guys see you on like thursday or friday (fingers crossed LMFAO)

btw if theres any mistakes just try to overlook it bc if i have to look at this clusterfuck of a
chapter one more time i might actually lose my mind *sobbing loudly emoji*
 Osamu Dazai and Everything That Follows
Chapter Summary

Another one of Dazai’s exes confront him and he faced with the realization that it’s he, hi, he’s
the problem it’s him.

Chapter Notes

TW; contemplation of suicide/(implied) suicide attempt

See the end of the chapter for more notes

The boardwalk in Yokohama during the night felt like a dream.

Maybe it was partially due to the alcohol, but Dazai truly didn’t feel real. Maybe he had reached a
higher state of being; the alcohol and the cool breeze of the boardwalk providing him a more lucid
experience of living. An experience completely unappreciated to someone like him.

Fyodor’s entrance at his home was something he didn’t care to think about. It was unexpected,
rude, and while he wasn’t too worried about Fyodor now as they were together ages ago, there was
a small sting seeing someone that was once with oneself with another. Had Dazai been with others
after their breakup? Of course. Did Dazai want to be with Fyodor, after everything? Absolutely not.
He summed it up to not wanting Fyodor happy, at all. Though petty, he wasn’t one to pretend to be
holier than thou. He wanted Fyodor absolutely fucking miserable.

Dazai sat on a bench, overlooking the water. The sound of the waves crashing over themselves
soothed him, like it was caressing his soul. What a way to go out! What was stopping him from
wading through those waters? Letting the waves overtake him and slowly drain the life out of him,
until he was a part of the sea? The sea has already taken so many lives, since the beginning of the
human experience, what was one more?

He contemplated. He did want to die, but not today, not after what happened. He didn’t want to
give Fyodor the satisfaction of thinking he was the one to finally set Dazai over the edge—
considering there really wasn’t an edge to send Dazai over to begin with.

“Gonna kill youself?”

That phrase certainly snapped Dazai out of his thoughts. He hadn’t realized someone sat next to
him and what a surprise it was to see another one of his exes tonight. Was there a convention in
town he was unaware of?

“Hello Sasaki,” Dazai greeted politely.

“Nice night tonight,” she said.

“Very much so.”

They sat in silence before she asked, “are you going to kill youself?” again.

“Thinking about it,” Dazai answered in earnest.

“But will you actually do it?” She inquired.

Dazai turned to look at her and there was no malicious look in her face nor malice in her tone. It
was just a straight inquisition. Was he going to kill himself, yes or no?

“I don’t know yet.”

“For someone who says he wants to kill himself,” she began, her eyes fixed on the horizon beyond
them, “you never do anything about it.”

“I don’t care for pain,” Dazai commented simply, “and I don’t want to die alone.” There was a
pause. “Do you have any plans for tonight? We can kill ourselves together right now, if you’re up to
it.”

“I’m quite alright,” Sasaki responded, “you just interest me very much Dazai.”

“And why’s that? Is it because of my incredibly good looks? My unmatched intelligence? My quick
wit?”

“No, I think it’s your need for control.”

Silence enveloped them again. The crashing waves were the second loudest thing to Dazai next to
his racing heart in his ears.

“And why’s that?”

“You say you’re going to kill youself, but then you don’t. First, it’s because you don’t like pain,
then it’s because you don’t want to die alone, and it’s almost like you don’t want to die,” Sasaki
said, her eyes still on the horizon and still not looking at Dazai. He wanted her to look at him. “But
when we were together for that very brief moment, I felt as if everything was temporary. You were
not, and are still not, a permanent partner. You’re like an anomaly. You acted in the way a boyfriend
should, and yet, I could not allow myself to fall for you entirely. What if the moment I let myself go
with you, you were just gone? It was like a game of Russian roulette. Though, no matter what
happened, you did not actually kill youself. You said you were. You had big plans, yet you’re still
here.”

“Where are you going with this?”

She finally looked at him. “I don’t deny the fact that you want to die. I know you will kill yourself
one day. I just wonder what’s stopping you now? It’s inevitable, isn’t it?”

“Are you telling me I should kill myself?”

“I think what I’m trying to get at is you need to make a choice of whether you want to live or if you
want to truly die.” She went back to looking away from him and that seemed to hurt him more than
the dissolution of their relationship. “You put off your death, but I don’t think it’s because you’re
afraid to die. I think it’s because you’re afraid you’ll miss out on what it’s like to want to live. You
watch from the sidelines, trying to decipher why people want to live and you hope that you will
ever feel such desperation. You’ve never wanted something so bad like people fight to live
everyday. I don’t think you even want to die. You just want to want something and there’s nothing
like craving death to end the need to want. You understand that the only thing you have a true
control over in this life is yourself and you plan out every little thing so meticulously and
painstakingly well that you also feel as though you need to control your death. You see yourself as
something other than human and you believe that this control will have others perceive you as
human, when you feel as though you are no longer human.”

“I see your psychology degree is coming into great use,” Dazai commented dryly, not a fan of the
conversation.

“Answer me this Dazai,” Sasaki began, “if there is no point, then what’s the point?” She stood up.
“If you keep living, you run the risk of something unexpected happening. Something that will take
you out regardless of all your planning. Do you live in spite of having no will to live? What are you
waiting for?” There was a pause between the two, neither speaking so Sasaki broke the silence. “It
was nice talking to you.”

More like talked at me, he repressed the urge to say. “Goodbye, Sasaki,” he forced himself to say.

“Goodbye Dazai,” she said, her back towards him, “and I’d advise you to not make your friends
suffer any longer.”

She walked off. He glanced in her direction, seeing a man whose face was obscured in the distance.
Probably her fiance. He didn’t know. Her words rang in his ears. He should’ve known better than to
get with a psychology major. They all flocked to him, as though they could fix him. When he met
Sasaki through Kunikida, he expected her to act the same, but she was so different from the others.
He felt as though she got what he was on about, but it turns out he was just an experiment for her.
He didn’t blame her though. It wouldn’t be the first time.

He stood up, walking to the wooden fence of the boardwalk, overlooking the water. He reflected on
his life. He had wanted to do something at least worthwhile in what he wanted to be a relatively
short life, but perhaps he didn’t need to do anything important. There were a billion people in the
world and only a small fraction were ever known. Did he want to be known? Or did he want to live
an authentic, human experience? Was he ever even human at all? He felt as though he was born
broken and would be broken even after his death. The urge to control everything, as Sasaki so
eloquently put it, was because he had no control. He wanted one thing for himself.

He put his foot on the bottom rail, attempting to hoist himself over the rail.

Fuck Fyodor, fuck Sasaki, and anything else who has attempted to know him as if they could ever
figure him out. If he wasn’t honest with himself, he wasn’t going to be honest with anyone else
regardless of the relationship they share. To be born was the cruelest punishment that had even
been bestowed upon him. Everything that followed has been a consequence of said birth. And fuck
it. Fuck Ougai Mori too for even allowing him the chance to keep living when it was so clearly
done in vain. The only thing Dazai has done is live mostly as Osamu Dazai and then get to die as
Osamu Dazai. That was his one and only accomplishment and good for him because anyone else
would’ve kicked the bucket sooner.

He leaned over the rail and what follow was a grab, pull, fall, and thud.
Chapter End Notes

GOT THE BALL ROLLING ON THIS ONE!!! AND I FINISHED IT AT WORK. I write this
entire fic on google docs and guys… it’s easily over 300 pages long and my app would not
fucking open. I have 3 minutes to type this all out bc I’m on my 15 minute break
BAHAHAHAHA

😭😭😭
“Ghost! Isn’t this a chat fic?” IT WAS. IDK WHAT HAPPENED. The English major in me
took over gang idk what else to say

Writing this all on mobile btw and it will be posted on mobile VIA SAFARI NOT EVEN THE
GOOGLE APP BC I USE SAFARI ON MY PHONE IDK

Anyway I hope you enjoyed this idea has been rotting in my brain SINCE I STARTED THIS
FIC.

PLS IGNORE MISTAKES I HAVE 0 MINUTES LEFT TO READ IT OVER Ok byeeeee

 Boardwalk Brawl
Chapter Summary

Where Dazai's suicide attempt is thwarted and he's forcibly reminded that he's alive.

Chapter Notes

TW; talk of suicide/attempted suicide

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Dazai intended to fall forward, not backwards.

And yet, he fell flat on his back against the boardwalk—which, mind you, really fucking hurt—and
was staring up in bewilderment at the person who grabbed him. Tonight was truly a rollercoaster of
a night because why on God’s green earth was Dazai looking up at Chuuya of all people. Chuuya
was someone Dazai needed to metaphorically and physically look down upon at all times. The urge
to kill himself was much stronger now.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, shitty Dazai?!” Chuuya questioned, chest rising and
falling as he panted hard from the adrenaline of watching someone almost take their life.

Dazai's eyes were wide like a fish’s as he looked at Chuuya, trying to formulate a single thought in
his head. He had accepted the fact he was going to die and a dead person doesn’t need to think.

“I was going to… become one… with the fish.” He had no idea what the fuck he just said but he
also wasn’t going to allow himself a moment of emotional vulnerability with fucking Chuuya
Nakahara—nope, no thanks!

“Huh?!”

“Become one with the mackerel and swim away.” Dazai sat up. “Glub, glub, and all that noise. Be a
sexy merman and lure sailors to their death with my beautiful voice and stunning good looks.” He
looked Chuuya up and down then proceeded to make a face. “Something you wouldn’t be able to
do.”

The confusion that washed over Chuuya’s face was great and it was exactly what Dazai wanted.
“Did you hit your fucking head?” He asked with as much sincerity as he could possibly muster.

“I’m fine,” Dazai responded.

“Really? ‘Cause I just had to make sure your dumbass didn’t go night swimming with sharks,”
Chuuya said.
“I would’ve been fine.” Dazai said this, but he really wondered if he would’ve been fine. That’s
subjective though. He would argue he’s the opposite of fine because he wasn’t able to kill himself.

“Fine my ass! All your friends are worried about you and I find you out here trying to kill yourself.
You’re so dramatic. Your ex-boyfriend is fucking ugly and you were about to kill yourself over
him. Grow up!”

Dazai felt his eyebrow twitch. “I was not about to kill myself over him, so get that through your
thick skull, chibi. And second, he’s way better looking than you! Keep the attitude and I’m gonna
take your stupid hat and hold it up really high so your dumbass can’t get it.”

“I can’t believe I just saved you,” Chuuya stated, his tone filled with disbelief which only furthered
his statement. “You’re such a prick—always was and always will be! What about ‘thank you for
saving my life Chuuya and stopping me from making a huge mistake’?”

“If I died, I wouldn’t know if it was a mistake or not, would I?” Dazai asked as if it were some sort
of challenge. Chuuya made a face.

“I hate the way your eyes, like, go dark when you talk about killing yourself. It’s freaky,” he
commented, “you need psychological help. Like a therapist. Fuck dude, watch a monetized
YouTuber and use their BetterHelp shit because any help is what you fuckin’ need.”

“I don’t need help .” Dazai said the word help like it was some sort of curse. He didn’t need
Chuuya’s help, a therapist’s help, or even Sasaki’s fucking help. “I’m absolutely fine.”

In Dazai’s eyes, there was no one more human than Chuuya. Sure, Dazai thought of Chuuya as a
little bitch unworthy of love, respect, or positivity, but he couldn’t deny the humanity in Chuuya.
Despite his flaws (being short) and quirks (being Chuuya Nakahara), he seemed to live life the way
a person should—with it’s ups and downs, highs and lows, expected and unexpected—Chuuya
encapsulated the human spirit, or so Dazai felt, because even when Dazai was his meanest, now or
in high school, Chuuya fought back every single time. To be human is to fight. Dazai only ever
antagonized. What did he fight for? Sasaki’s words rang in his head. He wants to believe he started
off right, but he knew now he was no longer human. Just a vessel of a man that could be rather than
a man that is .

“You need help bro. It’s time you get it. You’re causing all your friends to suffer with your
bullshit.”

Dazai didn’t even remember getting up and he didn’t even remember hitting Chuuya. All he knew
was that he was suddenly standing and that his hand throbbed. Chuuya stared at him, eyes wide in
anger and a nose dripping blood. Dazai wanted to apologize, but he couldn’t bring himself to.
‘Sorry I hit you, I didn’t even realize I did that’ was not something a person who didn’t need a
psychologist said.

“Are you fucking crazy man?! I’ll beat the fuck out of you!” Chuuya yelled and then proceeded to
tackle Dazai. To Chuuya’s credit, he was much stronger now than he was in high school. Dazai
blocked his face, not wanting a matching injury to Chuuya, but it didn’t stop Chuuya from hitting
the top of Dazai’s head or literally anywhere else. “What?! So you’re one punch and that’s it?!
Fucking fight back, wimp!”

When an opening presented itself, Dazai kicked Chuuya off of him and scrambled to get up.
Chuuya got up rather quickly and Dazai blamed that on Chuuya’s already close proximity to the
ground. What would he need to pick himself up for? He was already the size of a crumb.

“Fuck off!” Dazai yelled, “you don’t get to tell me who I’m making suffer when all you’ve ever
caused me is suffering with your incessant whining, short-temper, and being so puny !”

“I can’t help my height, bastard!” Chuuya retorted, seemingly ignoring the rest of Dazai’s critiques.
“What’s your fucking issue man?! What’s crazy is that for a second, I actually gave a damn if you
killed yourself ‘cause you’ve been pretty chill these past few days, but turns out you just fucking
suck! It’s like you can tell when you’re likable and you gotta change it.”

“Well, no fucking shit!” Dazai exclaimed, “because if you don’t like me, then you get in the way of
my plans to kill myself. Were you born stupid or were you dropped on your head as a baby? You
can be honest.”

Chuuya stared at Dazai, seemingly in disbelief. “Oh my god. You’re such a control freak.” Dazai’s
eye twitched. What was with Chuuya saying everything Sasaki had said? Had he overheard the
conversation? “You can’t control how other people perceive you. If you die, I won’t give a fuck
because I think you’re a piece of shit, but Yosano would care, Atsushi would care; you have friends
—loyal friends!—the type of people who would drop everything and anything for you if you
needed them to, but you’d run the risk of losing all of that for a half assed suicide attempt? Again,
you need a fucking psychologist.”

The “loyal friends” comment was definitely Chuuya projecting. His club in high school, “the
sheep” had disbanded after Chuuya’s best friend, Shirase, turned the rest of the club against
Chuuya. Dazai couldn’t say why, because he never cared much about Chuuya to begin with, but he
did notice Chuuya hanging around the Akutagawas when graduation drew nearer and not his
annoying ass friends.

“I just saw a psychologist,” Dazai responded, a long sigh escaping his lungs as he sat down on the
boardwalk, his back against the wooden rail separating him from land and his would-be watery
demise. “And she told me to kill myself.”

Chuuya narrowed his eyes. “And you were just gonna do it?” Dazai shrugged.

“Doctor’s orders.”

Chuuya scoffed, walking up to Dazai. Dazai thought for a moment that Chuuya was going to quite
literally kick him while he was down. Instead, he held his hand out towards Dazai.

“Come on, let’s get you home. All your friends are waiting for you,” Chuuya said. Dazai looked at
Chuuya’s hand, trying to comprehend all of what taking it could imply. Looking at Chuuya, he took
his hand.

“Why’d you come and get me anyway? I know Junichiro tracks me,” he said as Chuuya pulled him
off the ground.

“Tanizaki and girl Tanizaki did show up, so he wasn’t home to like, check your location. I guess he
only has it on his laptop? I forgot what he said specifically,” Chuuya admitted, “I offered to find
you because I was hoping to find you crying like a lame baby so I can snap a pic and use it against
you, but instead I found you trying to kill yourself.”
 “Becoming a merman,” Dazai corrected, as if he hadn’t already admitted he was going to take his
life.

“Ok, sure Ariel,” Chuuya retorted. He began walking back towards their place, because all things
considered, the house was technically both of theirs even if neither wanted to admit that fact.
“Anyway, you can’t become a merman now,” Chuuya began, turning to look at Dazai with a smirk
on his face, which was illuminated by the streetlights of the boardwalk. It made it seem as though
his blue eyes were emitting a soft glow, like that of bioluminescence, at Dazai and he didn’t know
how to feel about that. “I hear you have a bet to see through.”

With an eye roll and a scoff, Dazai followed behind Chuuya. “Not really much to see through,” he
said, “considering that I’m gonna win.”

Chuuya shrugged. “They seemed real chummy after you left is all I gotta say.”

“Have you seen Poe?”

“Have you seen Poe drunk ?”

A scenario in which Dazai did not take into account.

“Holy shit, we need to get back right now.”

Chapter End Notes

ok i think next chapter will be back to regular chatting! i hope you guys have enjoyed this
written out interlude lol

so.... dazai and chuuya... together on a boardwalk... they might kiss! but they also might (and
more likely to) start fucking fighting.

soukokou will happen. slowly, but surely (i am crossing my fingers as if im not the fucking
author LMFAOOOOO). also sorry that this chapter is so short??? I finished it and was like
yup looks good and then actually looked it over and it's fucking SHORT?!?!?!?! idk i said
everything i wanted to say i dont know what else to put. i dont have work tomorrow so maybe
i'll be able to throw in an update tmr but don't quote me on that BHAHAAHAHAHAHA

alright! hope you guys enjoyed! see you next time :)

 Told and Untold Feelings
Chapter Summary

Ranpo worries if his feelings was misinterpreted. Yosano takes the bull by the horns.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

Today at 11:32 AM.

doppo_poet:

How is everyone this morning?

bookworm:

I’m great. What about you?

doppo_poet:

Pretty good. Woke up a little earlier than I would’ve liked, but I just used that time to update my
calendar and update some things.

bookworm:

Oh dude that’s awesome.

nothuman:

i have a gun to my head and this conversation is why

shadow.praiser:
GET UP COCK SUCKAS

SALUTE THE FLAG

GET UP

x..RASHOMON..x:

what

wtf are u blasting rn

shadow.praiser:

THE NATIONAL ANTHEM 🫡

x..RASHOMON..x:

THATS NOT THE NATIONAL ANTHEM???

shadow.praiser:

IT IS FOR AMERICA

x..RASHOMON..x:

WHY ARE YOU PLAYING THAT

nothuman:

how do you know he’s playing it

x..RASHOMON..x:

😏
nothuman:
that’s fucking disgusting.

shadow.praiser:

I HEAR WHISPERS ABT 6V6 COMING BACK TO OVERWATCH

TANK WILL NO LONGER BE UNPLAYABLE!

YIPPEE!!!

x..RASHOMON..x:

im going back to sleep

nothuman:

NOT WITH MY ATSUSHI YOU’RE NOT.

x..RASHOMON..x:

hes mine so suck one

maybe ur ex can come back over for it

arahabaki:

HAHA

Yikes.

boydetective:

Gm everyone

Dazai my beloved may I be honest with you

nothuman:

yeah what’s up
boydetective:

I get it.

I saw the undercut.

nothuman:

THANK YOU

arahabaki:

YOU GUYS ARE JOKING

HE WAS UGLY

butterfly:

Agreed

Fugly

boydetective:

NAH…

butterfly:

I don’t want to hear anything from you.

boydetective:

I ALREADY APOLOGIZED TO U

AND I OFFERED U HIGH NOONS

butterfly:
You couldn’t let me beat dazai.

I’m feeling ill.

I’m drawing up our divorce papers.

boydetective:

AKIKO PLEASE 😭
thegoldraven:

🤨
boydetective:

How are you feeling Poe?

thegoldraven:

👎
boydetective:

Oh god the hangover is so bad he can only communicate through emojis

thegoldraven:

😞
x..RASHOMON..x:

atsushi isnt doing much better

nothuman:

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BOY

YOU HEATHEN

x..RASHOMON..x:

😏
nothuman:

STOP

NOT ONLY IS THAT FUCKING GROSS BUT USING THAT EMOJI IN GENERAL IS JUST
SO OUT OF CHARACTER FOR YOU

ITS FREAKING ME OUT YOU MICRO BANGED FREAK

x..RASHOMON..x:

WHAT THE FUCK YOU DICK

alphatiger:

No fight

Friends <3

nothuman:

go back to bed

alphatiger:

Ok

x..RASHOMON..x:

he actually listened to u and it makes me sick 😐

PM
 Arahabaki aka Chuuya

nothuman:

question for you

arahabaki:

What’s up?

You good??

nothuman:

did you happen to overhear the conversation between me and a girl last night?

arahabaki:

No

I spotted you trying to drunkenly climb over the rail from a good distance away

And ran to rip you off of it

Do you even remember what happened last night

nothuman:

no lol

i just remember talking to a girl

arahabaki:

WELL YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE FUCKING FACE

nothuman:

I DID???
arahabaki:

YEAH.

nothuman:

damn.

good for me!

arahabaki:

And you tried to kill yourself.

nothuman:

sounds about right

arahabaki:

I feel like you should be more concerned

nothuman:

about?

arahabaki:

you need to be scientifically dissected and studied

nothuman:

that sounds like it hurts and i don’t like pain! 🙁

PM

butterfly aka Yosano

 nothuman:

so when should i expect my nooners? :3

butterfly:

They’re already outside your door 😐

nothuman:

yippee!

don’t be too hard on ranpo

butterfly:

BUT I COULD’VE WON!!!

nothuman:

yeah but then yk

ranpo would be annoying

butterfly:

Ok pause

My pookie Ranpo could NEVER be annoying.

nothuman:

yeah but you know what i mean

like poe VERY CLEARLY was going to kiss him last night had ranpo not stopped him

butterfly:

I get why he did it but

My high noons 😢
nothuman:

RELAX.

i’ll share them with you

i’ll allow this to be viewed as a tie.

butterfly:

YIPPEE!

Ranpo laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling as the events of last night rushed in his mind.
Despite the small headache was mostly getting over, the ache in his heart was incomparable. Poe
had gotten really drunk last night as the issues with Fyodor and Dazai had stressed him out and he
didn’t know what to do, especially considering he knew neither of them all too well. He wasn’t
good in crowds and made a rash choice, Ranpo supposed, and drank more than he could handle.
That was fine. Ranpo wasn’t going to judge him for it, it was a party and Poe wasn’t the only
person who got shitfaced. Kouyou and Yosano had been obliterated by the time Ranpo had left
because the two kept playing drinking games with only each other (the competitiveness was crazy,
but they seemed to have had fun).

Though alcohol seemed to give Poe more confidence (or rather, confidence in general) and at one
point of the night, he clumsily confessed feelings for Ranpo and wanted to kiss him. This is where
Ranpo drew the line, stopping Poe from kissing him (much to Yosano’s dismay, who drunkenly
called Ranpo a “pussy” to which he had to laugh). It wasn’t that he didn’t like Poe and didn’t want
him to kiss him. In fact, it was the opposite. So, what’s the issue?

Ranpo wanted it to be real .

If Poe confessed and kissed Ranpo when he was drunk, it was because he was drunk. It wasn’t
because he had actually wanted to confess. Ranpo was simple, but not that simple. Okay, maybe he
wasn’t simple , but is allowed to want a grand, romantic gesture! Now, however, he is worried that
he blew it. What if Poe remembered the rejection? And misinterpreted it as Ranpo not reciprocating
the feelings?! There was one person other than Poe that was almost as smart as Ranpo. Paired with
one other person, the two could almost be as good as Ranpo.

PM

Yapologists Convention

boydetective:
 Guys I need your help

butterfly:

????

Are you ok

nothuman:

is this about poe

boydetective:

When I rejected him yesterday I don’t want him to think I said no because I don’t like him

Because I do like him

FUCK YOU DAZAI DONT SAY IT

nothuman:

I WAS RIGHT

NO FUCK YOU YOU SENT THAT AT THE SAME TIME I SENT MY MESSAGE

YOU WERENT QUICK ENOUGH

butterfly:

Oh well I’ve been texting Poe all morning

boydetective:

WHAT DO YOU MEAN

butterfly:

I mean idk if you guys know this but I can translate emoji
nothuman:

that is so millennial core.

butterfly:

I heard from Chuuya you tried to kys last night and rn I’m wishing you did 😠
nothuman:

LMFAO

girl you are not the only one

boydetective:

Why do we always talk about Dazai

We need to talk about ME and MY WOES

butterfly:

Not my fault you didn’t kiss him

Aren’t you a boy kisser?

boydetective:

WHAT ARE YOU AND POE TALKING ABOUT

butterfly:

Oh lol

I was just checking in on him

nothuman:
how is he so hungover but you’re completely fine

like yeah i was drunk but nowhere near the level of you, poe, and kouyou

like how did you not blackout

butterfly:

Oh poe and kouyou def blacked

I’m just built different

boydetective:

WE NEED TO STAY FOCUSED

Has Poe said anything about last night??

butterfly:

My love, can you read?

He has no memory of last night

Or from what I can translate

boydetective:

What does that mean?

butterfly:

Me: hey poe how are you holding up?

Poe: 👎
Me: oh no, do you need me to get you anything like aspirin or water?

Poe: 👎
Me: are you sure? I’m going to the pharmacy for Chuuya and Kouyou. I wouldn’t mind dropping
anything off!

Poe: … 💊👍🙏
Me: lol ok. Do you remember anything from last night?

Poe: 👎😨
nothuman:

wow

truly a man of words he is

best pwr major yokohama has to offer

boydetective:

Watch yourself Dazai

nothuman:

i’m sick you gross in love people defending your lover can you do me a favor and be FUN again

ever since atsushi and akutagawa announced their relationship i’ve had a sick feeling in my gut

butterfly:

That’s called IBS babe

nothuman:

oh word?

boydetective:

FOCUS

DID HE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME

butterfly:

No
Do you want me to tell him you feel bad and want a redo kiss

boydetective:

NO!

nothuman:

pause

rewind

aren’t you the guy that said you’d wanna be the first to say i love you in a relationship

what’s stopping you from being the one to do it now

boydetective:

Because I said I wanted to be the first to say it in a relationship, not to be the first to confess.

nothuman:

same thing.

boydetective:

It isn’t.

butterfly:

If you’re so concerned about Poe not knowing your feelings or misinterpreting or whatever

Maybe you just need to tell him yourself

It’s VERY CLEAR he likes you. So idk why you won’t just do it.

boydetective:

Cause I want him to do it.

nothuman:

have fun being single for the rest of your life, pining after poe

boydetective:

AKIKO DONT LET HIM TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!!!

butterfly:

He’s right though

Tbh

sorry

But Poe doesn’t have the balls to confess sober. I was surprised he was going to do it drunk.

You’re gonna have to pussy up

nothuman:

do you mean grow some balls? 😭

butterfly:

Nope.

Pussy up.

I’m on my way to your house.

We’ll drop off his medicine together and you can tell him how you feel.

Go get ready, I’ll be there in five.

boydetective:

LORD HELP ME!!!!

Chapter End Notes

hi this chap took longer than expected because i actually wrote THIRTY PAGES.
ORIGINALLY. AND THEN REALIZED I HATED IT. dw i didn't delete it i just took it out,
put it in a different doc, and have it on the back burner if i need something (it's not even done
yet btw!)

anyway, ranpoe! will it happen or will it not happen?!?!?! who knows!

until next time, i hope you guys enjoyed! bye!

 Yosano's Probing
Chapter Summary

While Yosano only intentionally pushed Ranpo to bring his feelings to realization, she
accidentally causes someone else to deny theirs... no matter how obvious it is.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Ranpo hated every moment of this miserable car ride, but he most of all hated the fact that Dazai
was typing on his phone and chuckling away in the backseat, as if this was something to be giddy
about. Perhaps if the roles were switched, Ranpo would find all the reason to be giddy too, but
since it was him in the hot seat, he was the opposite of giddy.

Yosano had already picked up the medicine for Poe, which didn’t allow Ranpo to make a run for it
when she would’ve needed to stop at the pharmacy. He wrung his hands in his lap, looking out the
window nervously. Was there any way to get out of this? He seemed to have dug his own grave, but
so what?! Why was he being punished for things he said sooooo long ago?! Of course, fucking
Dazai remembered. Dazai seemed to remember everything, no matter what or how embarrassing.
Maybe instead of wringing his hands in his lap, he should wring them around the fucker’s neck.

“We’re here,” Yosano said as she parked in Poe’s driveway. Ranpo wanted to sprint away, but he
knew that they’d catch him. She placed the bag of medicine on Ranpo’s lap. “Alright Prince
Charming, go get your Cinderella.”

Ranpo grumbled a half-baked retort as he climbed out of the car and stomped up to Poe’s front
door. He looked back at Yosano and Dazai with a pathetic glance, hoping they’d come to his rescue
and say he didn’t need to do it, but all he saw was Dazai failing to climb into the front seat from the
back and Yosano laughing at him. He sighed and then turned to Poe’s door, sucking a deep breath,
“pussied up,” and knocked on the door.

It didn’t take a detective of Ranpo’s caliber to deduce that Poe had feelings for Ranpo. Everyone
knew. Even Kenji, who had asked Ranpo multiple times if they were together. He just didn’t want
to be the one to do it. There was something about Ranpo that wanted to be wanted so desperately
that Poe would have to overcome his introvertedness and ask him on a date or something. Of
course, it was selfish and he knew Dazai was right that he would end up waiting forever if he went
that route. He couldn’t help how he felt though.
The door opened slowly with a creek. Poe looked rough . His hair was messier than usual and he
was in a baggy, navy crew neck that said BOSTON and light gray joggers, of which had the pant
leg up on his mid left shin and the other around his right ankle, like it should be. Poe’s hair covered
his eyes and at first, it seemed Poe thought Ranpo was Yosano.

“Thank you so much, Yosano,” he said. He paused, like he had been frozen alive. He must’ve
realized, upon further inspection, that this was not Yosano and in fact, Ranpo.

“You good, Eddie?” Ranpo asked, forgetting his mission. Who cared about that when his friend
(regardless of his feelings) was not well? “How’s the hangover?”

“Awful,” Poe responded dryly, “I don’t drink much to begin with. I don’t know why I drank so
much last night.” He shuffled out of the way and gestured for Ranpo to come in. Ranpo turned to
Yosano and waved her off. He could see her smirk and he repressed the urge to roll his eyes as he
walked in and she pulled out of the driveway, assumingly driving her and Dazai home.

“Well, good thing I’m here to take care of you,” Ranpo said, smiling up at Poe. This might be the
perfect excuse to get out of Yosano’s evil plan… it’s not like she’d know if he said anything. Ah
yes, Ranpo’s good samaritan act will save him! “Let’s get you settled and situated.”

Ranpo led Poe to his couch and sat him down. He opened the bag Yosano gave him and took out
the aspirin and the incredibly large water bottle she got him.

“Thank you,” Poe said, not even bothering to make a comment about the water. He was honestly
grateful for it anyway. He opened the bottle of pills, took out two, and opened the water bottle.
With a deep breath, he then took the pills and chugged the water.

“Don’t drink that too fast, you’ll throw up!” Ranpo fussed, holding his hands out to take the water
bottle from Poe. Poe let him take it, smiling sheepishly at Ranpo.

“Sorry,” he said, “I don’t like swallowing pills.”

The two then sat in silence. It wasn’t like them—or rather, it wasn’t like Ranpo, who would talk at
Poe, who’d listen to every word he had to say. Ranpo didn’t know what to do right now. He usually
knew everything, but at this moment in time, he didn’t even know what to do, let alone say. Poe
was hungover and Ranpo couldn’t deduce if he was heartbroken on top of it. He was much more
awkward than usual and Ranpo knew that his silence was only making things worse for Poe, but he
didn’t know what to do. Well, there was Yosano’s plan to confess. He could always do that. He
already knew that the feelings were reciprocated, but would Poe believe him? Or think that he’s
messing with him because of last night? Ranpo knew he wasn’t always the most serious person, but
he wouldn’t play with someone’s feelings. He just didn’t know if Poe knew that about him. Did
Ranpo want to even be with someone who couldn’t tell what type of person he was? Of course,
Ranpo knew that Poe knew he wouldn’t joke about it, but the chance he did was always there. No,
he couldn’t talk himself out of this. Yosano was right (no one tell her he even thought that). Ranpo
needed to do it.

“I–” Both said in unison. Poe’s face burned red as he looked away. Ranpo just looked shocked Poe
was going to say something.

“I apologize,” Poe said, “you can go first.”

“No,” Ranpo said, “you can go first, I insist.”

Poe’s gaze laid on his own hands, of which he was nervously picking at his hangnails. Had he not
already bitten his nails down, Ranpo would assume he would’ve been biting them.

“Last night, I behaved inappropriately. I was not myself and I did and said things I would’ve not
done in normal circumstances,” he began, voice wavering from nerves, “I… I heard that I said
some things to you and I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable or ruin our friendship in any way.”

“You heard?” Ranpo asked. Yosano did not mention telling Poe what happened. Poe let out a
breath.

“Dazai told me, just before you came over.”

That fucker. That must’ve been what he was so giddy about in the backseat! He really wished he
choked out Dazai now!
Poe turned to Ranpo. It shocked Ranpo to see how upset Poe was; his bottom lip had a slight quiver
and his eyes were so sad.

“It’s okay ,” Ranpo tried to soothe, hands up as if he was trying to show he was unarmed, “I’m not
upset about it at all.”

Poe was quiet for a moment, eyes shifting around. He let out another breath.

“I fear I’m going to ruin friendship anyway,” Poe said quietly. This caught Ranpo’s attention and
didn’t let go. “While I don’t know exactly what I said last night, I can’t help but agree with the
sentiment that I do have feelings for you.” The words came out carefully thought out and slowly, as
if his mind was trying to pull the words back into his mouth and force them to stay locked in there
forever. He spoke faster now, “Do you remember when we talked about ‘Ligeia’ and I said I’d
never felt I was ever close to someone to fall in love with them? Do you remember when I said
there was never a time where I thought ‘oh, this must be love’? Or how I said I’d never pined over
someone? Well, I found out what it’s like and I found it out with you and it feels as though my heart
might just burst out of my chest.” He took in a ragged breath, as if he were about to cry. Ranpo’s
eyes were wide, listening to Poe’s confession and Ranpo knew he wanted a romantic confession,
but he didn’t realize that for Poe, it’d be at the expense of his happiness. “I thank you so much for
being my friend and being so incredibly kind, especially since I just moved here and you have
welcomed me into your friend group with such warmth. I hate to think that I’ve corrupted that
kindness in you to think that it will lead to someone selfishly developing feelings for you, but
please trust me—” He pushed his bangs back, hand shaking. He was looking down at the couch and
not Ranpo. He probably didn’t have the strength to. “Trust that it’s my fault. And I understand if
you don’t wish to be my friend any longer or only remain friends. I will shelf my feelings and I’ll
never—”

Ranpo put his hands on Poe’s face, caressing his cheeks gently with his thumbs. Poe’s eyes shot up,
meeting Ranpo’s. They were watery and had his eyes glisten like amethysts. Even with the stressed
expression from the confession or the eyebags from his horrible sleep schedule, Poe had to be the
most gorgeous human Ranpo ever had the pleasure of looking upon.

“Don’t be stupid,” Ranpo said, smiling fondly at Poe, “you couldn’t tell I felt the same way? You’re
supposed to be just as good of a detective as I am.” Poe’s lips still quivered, but at least they were
now in a smile. He dropped his hand from his head.

“I suppose I need to work on my skills,” he responded, sounding relieved. His hands were balled
into fists at his sides, but at least he wasn’t picking at his nails anymore.
“Poe,” Ranpo said as he scooched closer to him, “your feelings aren’t selfish. They’re shared . I
feel the same way.” He pushed Poe’s bangs back out of his eyes. “I was worried that when you tried
to kiss me last night and I said no that you were going to think I didn’t share your feelings. I do , I
just didn’t want my first kiss to be with you drunk on Dazai and Yosano’s couch, especially
because they were betting on whether or not we were going to get together.”

“I tried to kiss–?!” Poe exclaimed, face burning red in embarrassment. He turned away from
Ranpo, hiding his face in his hands. Oh, Ranpo had thought Dazai would’ve told him that part, but
he turns out he didn’t. “I’m never drinking again.” Ranpo laughed.

“Well, you know,” Ranpo began, trying to coax Poe’s head out of his hands like he was a turtle
hiding in his shell, “if you tried to kiss me right now, I don’t think I’d say no.”

Poe took his head out of his hands, looking at Ranpo skeptically. “You think ?” He asked shyly.
Ranpo let out a laugh.

“More like I know I wouldn’t say no,” he responded. Poe sat up.

“Okay,” he said and Ranpo didn’t think saying ‘okay’ was something one would say before kissing
someone, so he was suspecting that this was going to be a very interesting first kiss. He was excited
though.

Poe leaned in and before he could even kiss Ranpo, he bumped their noses together. The hurt was
minimal, but Ranpo suspected that the humiliation was maximal. “I’m–I’m sorry, I don’t—” He
sputtered out, moving back and then forth and then back again, as if he couldn’t make up his mind
on what to do. Ranpo laughed, which only had Poe look away in embarrassment. Ranpo cupped
Poe’s face again, having him look at him.

“Don’t worry, I got this,” Ranpo reassured and then squished Poe’s face a little, forcing his lips to
pucker. He moved in and kissed Poe. It was a small, simple kiss, which ended with Ranpo pulled
back with an obnoxious “MWAH!”

Poe straightened his posture, his cheeks red but he had a goofy smile on his face, of which Ranpo
squished.
“Can you do it again?” Poe asked.

Ranpo smiled, his own cheeks burning with a blush. Poe put his hands over Ranpo’s, giving them a
slight squeeze. Ranpo leaned in and kissed Poe again, but he didn’t need to squish his face again.
Poe had kissed him back on his own, something that made Ranpo happy beyond belief. This kiss
was as sweet as the first, but lasted longer. When they finally pulled back, they looked at each other
for a moment before they both laughed, reveling in each other’s company.

Ranpo shared Poe’s sentiment, the one where he felt like his heart could burst, and he wasn’t sure
he’d be all too angry if it had. Poe looked at Ranpo so fondly Ranpo assumed that if his heart didn’t
burst, he might just melt instead. Ranpo took the initiative and hugged Poe, causing him to fall
backwards on the couch. The two laughed about it and neither moved, only once for Poe to wrap
his arms around Ranpo.

Laying his head on Poe’s chest, Ranpo had to come to the unfortunate conclusion that Yosano was,
in fact, right. He would have to text her later and admit defeat. Or buy her high noons.

“You don’t think anything bad is going to happen, right?” Yosano asked as she drove away from
Poe’s house. Looking back at it, leaving Ranpo there when no one really knew where the two stood
romantically wasn’t the best idea she’s had.

“Bad? With Poe? He looks like a gust of wind could blow him over. Ranpo is fine,” Dazai said,
messing with her radio. “Why is Chappel Roan the only artist playing?”

“Because I’m a lesbian, Dazai.”

“Okay, so is Renee Rapp. If you’re gonna play Chappel Roan, where the fuck is ‘Red Wine
Supernova’?”

“Back to discussing Ranpo, please .”

Dazai sighed, leaning back in his seat. “Ranpo is smart. IF anything happens, he’ll just text you to
get him. Or walk out, though we both know he’d get lost.”
Yosano pulled up in their driveway and sighed. “I don’t know. I feel bad pushing him, I just
couldn’t take anymore pining from him, you know?” She took the key out of the ignition and
grabbed the other bag of medicine for Kouyou and Chuuya. “Alright, let’s drop this off.”

Walking inside, there was a small foyer that had a door to Chuuya and Kouyou’s apartment to the
side and then the door for Dazai and Yosano’s straight ahead. Giving a prompt knock, it was only
mere moments until the two were greeted by Kouyou, who looked absolutely fine despite the
circumstances. Behind her was Chuuya, who looked worse for wear.

“Here’s the medicine I promised,” Yosano said, handing over the bag, “and I got you guys some
waters, you know, just in case.”

“Thank you, Yosano, I truly appreciate it,” Kouyou said, “how are you two holding up?”

“Just fine,” Dazai responded, smirking at Chuuya who looked annoyed by Dazai’s very presence.
“Guess the shorter you are, the harder the alcohol hits.”

“If I could feel my head, I’d yell at you,” Chuuya commented dryly.

“Dazai, leave him alone,” Yosano ordered, looking directly at Dazai, who looked away like he’d
rather be somewhere else. Turning back to Kouyou, she smiled. “I hope you guys recover well.
Maybe the next time we hang out, it’s a little less hectic, yeah?”

“Sounds good. I’ll be looking forward to it,” Kouyou responded, “see you guys later.”

“See you,” Yosano said. She grabbed Dazai’s arm and pulled him to their door, opening it, and
walking him up the stairs. She worried that if he lurked around any longer, his mere presence would
cause Chuuya’s symptoms to worsen. When they got back to their apartment, she sighed. “She’s so
gorgeous.”

Dazai blinked. “Kouyou?”

 “Um, duh, who else?”

Dazai shrugged. “I guess she is very pretty,” he responded, going to the couch and sitting on it. “I
dunno. I never thought about it too much.”

“Oh, what? Come on,” Yosano said, sitting down next to him, “you have to notice when people are
attractive. Like, I know you hate Chuuya, but you can admit he’s handsome—and that’s coming
from me.”

“He is not handsome.”

“Oh my God, he totally is!”

Chuuya Nakahara and being handsome were not things that belonged together in a sentence, Dazai
believed, even when his blue eyes looked so ethereal in the boardwalk lights to the point where
Dazai briefly (and drunkenly) questioned if Chuuya was celestial in some way when he thought
about it too long before going to bed last night. He was not handsome even though he had Dazai
question how someone could look good with blood coming out of their nose. Chuuya had an awful
haircut, as pointed out by Atsushi, so he could never be handsome despite it being a beautiful,
orange color and looked soft to the touch. Dazai would never admit that someone with such a
vibrant personality and unique features that complimented everything about him so well would be
attracted.

“No,” Dazai reiterated quietly, “he’s not.”

Chapter End Notes

finished the last chapter -> took a shower -> thought of this whole span of events -> sighed
and reopened my google docs. happy double update lol

I PROMISE.. FOR RN... I THINK I AM DONE WITH THE WRITTEN OUT FIC
PORTIONS... listen guys I know you're here for a chatfic and that's what i signed up for. IDK
WHAT ALL THIS IS!!!

anyway ranpoe supremacy. guys happy last day of pride month i gave the gays what they
needed BAHAHAHAHAHA no but seriously if it's not good that's my bad i think romance is
cute but i'm pretty sure im asexual so like writing romance (and smut i've written and that will
stay hidden in the depths of my google docs) is kind of hard for me *crying emoji* CAN
ASEXUALS DATE PEOPLE? YES BUT I'VE ONLY EVER HAD ONE BF AND WHEN
WE BROKE UP I CRIED BC I THOUGHT DICK GRAYSON DIED IN YOUNG JUSTICE
I DIDNT GIVE A FUCK ABT BEING BROKEN UP W LMFAOOOOOO

also i spaced this chapter out a little bit more and i think that's why my written chapters look
so short bc in my docs they look longer bc i have everything DOUBLE SPACED SIZED 12
FONT TIMES NEW ROMAN and then here it's like imagine if we took your formatting
right.... and threw it out. even with the chatfic part i have to fix the formatting with the gc title
names bc it automatically puts everything to the right lmfao but whatever i make it work (i
dont my shit sucks)

hope you guys enjoyed! idk when i will update next but it will probably be soon and not in a
month LMFAOOOOOOOOO bye!!
 Another Red Head
Chapter Summary

Junichiro's Overwatch addiction reaches a new low and a new member is added to the server

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

Today at 7:05 PM.

shadow.praiser:

RANPO POE ATSUSHI AKUTAGAWA GET ON OVERWATCH RN

alphatiger:

I’m not home I told you twenty minutes ago I was going out with Akutagawa 😭
nothuman:

gross.

x..RASHOMON..x:

at least he has taste

nothuman:

i’d argue you have an alright taste in guys

atsushi, however, does not

my poor son
x..RASHOMON..x:

well it must be genetic

considering ur ex bf looks like he hasnt ever seen a bottle of shampoo in his life

alphatiger:

Can’t you guys get along :(

nothuman:

you made him sad

x..RASHOMON..x:

i can make him feel better, dont u worry.

nothuman:

I'M KILLING MYSELF.

arahabaki:

I just heard a thud from upstairs and now I’m concerned.

butterfly:

I already checked on him, he just sad on the floor

nothuman:

atsushi 🙁😭
alphatiger:
We’re together whether you like it or not so please stop :(

nothuman:

ugh fine

x..RASHOMON..x:

finally

boydetective:

Speaking of people being together

butterfly:

GASP

nothuman:

:0

boydetective:

Take a guess y’all

goldendemon:

YOU AND THE AMERICAN????

boydetective:

His name is Poe, queen!

goldendemon:
Okay but am I right

boydetective:

Yeah

goldendemon:

Oh thank god

boydetective:

???

goldendemon:

It was so awkward seeing him try to kiss you last night only for you to reject him

I thought you two were over.

boydetective:

THAT IS VERY MUCH NOT THE CASE

thegoldraven:

Oh my god how many people saw that

nothuman:

everyone lol

thegoldraven:

…
boydetective:

DAZAI DON’T DRIVE HIM TO SUICIDE

SHUT UP NO ONE SAW ANYTHING

alphatiger:

To be fair, I did not see it

x..RASHOMON..x:

neither did i

nothuman:

not a fan of that implication

butterfly:

Zip your lips

nothuman:

i humbly apologize

arahabaki:

Happy for you Poe and Ranpo

nothuman:

i’m not

took way too long

y’all should’ve been fucking after you met in among us

blcklzrd:

WAIT LMFAO

WHAT

YOU TWO MET IN AMONG US?

Dead game guys

boydetective:

You’re mad because you’re single and lonely

blcklzrd:

:0

Wow

Ok

shadow.praiser:

dont let him talk to u like that

esp bc he never answered my question

get on overwatch

boydetective:

Junichiro please use context clues

I’m clearly not home

shadow.praiser:

and i clearly dont care 🤣

get home or i will swat ur home

i have been so patient and perfect

and no one ever plays w me

boydetective:

WE PLAYED A FEW DAYS AGO???

shadow.praiser:

i want to play w u every day 🙁

i refrain bc i am a good friend but what abt me

who is a good friend to me

nothuman:

kunikida he got out again

doppo_poet:

Why is he my problem?

shadow.praiser:

:0

oh

i see how it is.

no one cares about me

ill just go

animal_crossing:

I’ll get on, Junichiro!

shadow.praiser:
KENJI

UR MY FAV OF ALL TIME

alphatiger:

Wow

The mood switch was crazy

doppo_poet:

Don’t point it out, he might revert back.

shadow.praiser:

i need 3 more people

boydetective:

Can’t you just duo with Kenji?

shadow.praiser:

i remember when u and i would duo together

looks like ur duoing with poe irl and forgot all about me

boydetective:

Holy fuck

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

I play on xbox but if you’re ok with not playing competitive, I can play (:

shadow.praiser:
akutagawa notice how ur sister is nicer than u?

maybe try to mimic that behavior

x..RASHOMON..x:

talk abt my sister again and i will skin u alive and feed it to wolves

sister fucker

why dont u ask ur sister to play

shadow.praiser:

IM GIVNG UP

DAZAI HAND ME UR NOOSE

nothuman:

currently using it but you can have it when i’m done!

shadow.praiser:

THATS FUCKING AWFUL STOP THAT

alphatiger:

Agreed

nothuman:

🙁
goldendemon:

I play Overwatch.
arahabaki:

WHAT

blcklzrd:

You’re serious?

goldendemon:

Yes!

I’m a gm 3 DPS

shadow.praiser:

so…… ur gonna play w us?

goldendemon:

Sure. I don’t see why not.

It’s not like we can play competitive and run the risk of you guys ruining my rank (:

shadow.praiser:

CAN I GET 1 MORE

light_finder:

I’ll play if you buy me pink mercy 🩷

shadow.praiser:

consider it done

light_finder:
Getting on <3

shadow.praiser:

YIPPEE!

YOU ALL ARE SO WONDERFUL AND GREAT!

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!

doppo_poet:

Sorry, if anyone needs me, I’m going to be too busy getting my jaw off the floor and reattaching it
after the shock of that mood swing.

alphatiger:

LOL

nothuman:

overwatch cannot be that fun

bookworm:

I played back when it was 6v6. It was pretty fun, though incredibly toxic at times.

I enjoyed it for the most part, but I don’t like the 5v5 layout with 1 tank, 2 dps, and 2 support.

It just makes tank unbearable, considering how easy it is to counter one tank and tank being a vital
part of the game.

shadow.praiser:

great news odasaku

theyre gonna b discussing 6v6 sometime soon

and im delusional enough to think theyre gonna bring it back

bookworm:

If they bring it back, I’ll try to get back into it.

I don’t have as much time as I did back when I played Overwatch 1, but I will definitely give it a
shot if 6v6 returns with 2-2-2.

shadow.praiser:

bring back goats

bookworm:

LOL no goats fucking sucked.

Dive with Winston, D.Va, Tracer, Genji, Lucio, and Zen

Though I guess there are new supports that might work better with dive now, right?

shadow.praiser:

bap is crazy good rn and the new support illari is good i just dont think her pylon makes her good
for dive

nothuman:

kunikida help

😫
junichiro infected odasaku with nerd!

doppo_poet:

Maybe Odasaku has been a closetted nerd this whole time and you never knew.

nothuman:

ODASAKU YOU CAN’T BE A NERD!

bookworm:

Haha, sorry Dazai.

I just might be.

nothuman:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

animal_crossing:

Nothing wrong with being a nerd!

Also, when are we going to play Pokémon Go altogether?

I’ve been waiting 🙁

nothuman:

this is a conversation i’m excluded from right

butterfly:

Yeah

nothuman:

sick

i’m gonna go take a walk and wallow

boydetective:

More like swallow haha

nothuman:

🙂
boydetective:

Stop that

nothuman:

nope

maybe i’ll find my soulmate on my walk and we can commit suicide together 🤩
alphatiger:

Dazai….

nothuman:

i mean

maybe i’ll find my soulmate on my walk and they won’t be crazy like my previous partners

alphatiger:

Better

arahabaki:

Well crazy finds crazy so

nothuman:

i am literally so mentally stable it’s insane

boydetective:

Me when I lie
arahabaki:

LMFAO fr

You’re insane and I think your lineage is the same

nothuman:

huh?

arahabaki:

Well like I know your dad is crazy

Idk about your sister

nothuman:

oh!

butterfly:

WAIT

PAUSE

REWIND

YOU KNOW DAZAI’S FAMILY????

arahabaki:

What?

Yeah…?

Again, we went to high school together lol

And we fought A LOT so our parents were always called down to the office

nothuman:
no need to reminisce.

arahabaki:

I wasn’t reminiscing I was answering a question

butterfly:

Dazai I did not know you had a sister

nothuman:

um yup

there’s not really much to talk about on that front

thegoldraven:

I have a sister too!

And a brother!

nothuman:

awesome

thegoldraven:

How old is your sister?

nothuman:

probably 9

butterfly:

Bro doesn’t know his sister’s age 😭

nothuman:

not to be a debby downer but the minute i turned 18 i left and never went back

so i haven’t really kept track

she’s either 9 or 10

and then before anyone asks i have another sibling and they’re either like 12 or 13

and that’s it on the lore

butterfly:

Damn

My baby girl has such intensive lore

What level do I gotta reach to unlock more

nothuman:

LMFAO

SHUT UP YOUR GAY ASS ISN’T EVEN A GAMER 😭

butterfly:

I’ll play you

😏
OK EW

I thought it was funny but it icked me out

I’m deleting it

alphatiger:

📸
Caught in 4k
x..RASHOMON..x:

interesting.

nothuman:

akutagawa……….

x..RASHOMON..x:

y dont u talk abt ur dad dazai

since u wanna talk abt ur siblings

nothuman:

guys don’t ever bully people

it’ll come back to bite you :\

doppo_poet:

You shouldn’t bully others because it’s morally wrong, Dazai, not because you might face
consequences for your actions.

boydetective:

Love Dazai, but I don’t need to know the man of which he came from the balls of

It’s scary enough to think he was gestated for nine months and didn’t just spawn from hell

shadow.praiser:

dazai is the first sim that you make and place in world

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

Sims?
I love the sims

alphatiger:

Hi Kyoka

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

Hi Atsushi

I came because I thought we were going to talk about the sims, but if we’re not I’m entirely
uninterested.

Have a great rest of your day everyone. Goodbye

light_finder:

That’s a girl who knows what she wants!

I, for one, respect it.

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

💗
Naomi, we should go out for another girl’s day 🙂
light_finder:

OMG yes

butterfly:

GAGGED

OFFENDED.

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

You can join if you’d like.

You too, Kouyou.

goldendemon:

I’d be delighted, Kyoka! <3

boydetective:

And me?

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

Aren’t you supposed to be a detective, take a wild guess

boydetective:

YOSANO LET ME COME!!!

butterfly:

Nope!

When we hanging out ladies

alphatiger:

Can you guys invite Lucy please 🙁

I know you guys don’t know her that well, but Kyoka does and I want Lucy to have more
girlfriends

nothuman:

lucy scares me

alphatiger:

????
Why???

nothuman:

for starters, she’s like the female version of you which is like a red flag

alphatiger:

I’m totally not offended by that, continue

nothuman:

and second

she looks like she bites

boydetective:

CANCELED LMFAO WHAT

thegoldraven:

Lucy Montgomery?

Does she work in a cafe?

Has red hair and braces?

alphatiger:

Yes!

thegoldraven:

I’ve met her!

Very, very nice.

I go to that cafe quite often. She always serves me and is incredibly nice.
boydetective:

Why don’t you invite her to the server?

alphatiger:

Because I don’t need you weirdos scaring her off 😐

butterfly:

WTF

Fair tbh

BUT WTF

AKUTAGAWA SEND HER AN INVITE.

x..RASHOMON..x:

im not going to go against atsushi’s wishes

butterfly:

Invite her and I’ll make sure Dazai never bothers you and Atsushi again

x..RASHOMON..x:

brb

alphatiger:

RYU NO IT’S A LIE!!

NO ONE CAN CONTROL DAZAI HE’S UNTAMEABLE!!

SPARE LUCY!!
 Yay, you made it, countess..luanne!

butterfly:

Hi lucy!

countess..luanne:

Hi!

Wow, there are a lot of people in this server.

So nice to talk to all of you! \(^_^)/

boydetective:

That makes Lucy the fifth ginger to join the server

They could make a whole overwatch team with the red heads we have here

shadow.praiser:

overwatch…?

boydetective:

NO NO NO STOP

AREN’T YOU ALREADY PLAYING

countess..luanne:

Oh, I play Overwatch!

Atsu and I typically play together, but I like playing games like Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing,
The Sims, or Minecraft more.

animal_crossing:

Do you play Pokémon Go??

countess..luanne:

Yeah I have a chokehold on the university library’s gym.

Undefeated

#TeamValor

animal_crossing:

Oh man I’m team instinct

x..RASHOMON..x:

clearly team valor is the only correct team

alphatiger:

I picked mystic

x..RASHOMON..x:

???

WHY???

alphatiger:

Blanche hot

boydetective:

Fucking valid

I also picked Mystic because of Blanche

animal_crossing:
I picked instinct because it was yellow :D!

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

I picked valor because it was red

nothuman:

KUNIKIDA!!!

HELP!!!

THEY’RE SPEAKING NERD AGAIN!!!

doppo_poet:

I know, Dazai.

Unfortunately, we need to keep our strength and get through this until they talk about something
else.

thegoldraven:

I picked Mystic too :)!

I liked what it stood for

alphatiger:

What do you mean?

thegoldraven:

Each team stands for something, so team Mystic is for Pokémon evolution, Valor is Pokémon
strength, and Instinct is to rely on one’s instincts in battle.

I like the evolutionary concept of Pokémon, so I picked Mystic.

alphatiger:
CHAT DID ANYONE ELSE KNOW THIS

x..RASHOMON..x:

u NEED to stop asking if the chat knows whats going on

there is no chat

r u hearing voices babe

nothuman:

BABE?

i’m committing

butterfly:
nothuman:

oh wow.
Chapter End Notes

AND THE GOOGLE DOC HAS OFFICIALLY HIT 400 PAGES!!

lucy's name is a reference to real housewife of new york star, luann, who was known as "the
countess" for a hot minute. I just combined lucy's name with her ability (anne's room) to make
luanne and then i was like holy fuck wait LUANN FROM RHONY. her and kenji are the only
two usernames that don't really reference anything abt the real author/something about them in
the show (despite the anne reference in her name) lol sorry i really couldn't think of anything
else when i thought of luann from bravo

i want to incorporate more dazai lore but i also want to get the fic back to be a little more light
hearted. this fic was originally made to be a vessel for my procrastination during my intense
finals week of college and all my papers so of course it started goofy, but my dramatic ass had
to incorporate plot (you can boo me in the comments i'll accept it) so if the sudden shift was
too much for anyone i very much apologize. i am having fun coming up with ideas about what
i wanna talk about and what i wanna do.

i made my official return to twitter (x) and my entire feed is just bungo stray dogs even though
my twitter is a noragami one LMFAO but its ok i enjoy it

i really don't know what to do for the next chapter. i want to focus more on dazai but also i feel
like i focus too much on him (and yosano but have you seen her? ofc im gonna be obsessed
with her) and i neglect other characters in the process. i'll figure something out i suppose. see
you guys next time!
 Knowing Someone
Chapter Summary

Dazai calls out Chuuya for spreading information.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

iMessage

nobuko sasaki

Today at 11:41 PM

Hello Dazai it’s me Sasaki

hi whats up

I would like to apologize for the other night. I was out of line.

I’m glad to know you’re well.

you’re alright

you shouldn’t message me anymore though

you should focus on your fiance and not me

It’s ok.

He knows you aren’t a threat to our relationship.

What I said the other night was out of line. I feel bad.

ok…

then apology accepted i guess?

 it’s no skin off my back lol

I heard that you tried to end your life that night.

???

from who?

That doesn’t matter.

My message to you wasn’t for you to actually commit suicide. It was miscommunicated.

I was urging you to think inward about what you’re doing and how it affects the people around you.

I didn’t want you to actually kill youself.

So I am truly sorry.

idc

it’s all good

but i want to know who told you

😊
and if you don’t tell me, i will just have to tell everyone want you said to me! the university
included

i don’t think they’d like one of their psychology majors telling another student to kill himself

and i can use the messages here to backup that claim 😋

so spill the beans please!

Fine.

It was Chuuya Nakahara.

PM

Arahabaki aka chuuya

Today at 12:03 AM.

 nothuman:

did you talk to Nobuko Sasaki recently

arahabaki:

Yeah

I was thinking about how you easily lie to people in the discord server about who your dad is

And then I thought that it would be even easier to lie to me about what actually happened the other
night

So I did some digging

Because when I told you I didn’t see you talking to a girl, I was telling the truth

But you didn’t ask if I saw the girl at all.

I passed her on the way to you

And I knew who she was

So after I figured out that you’re a liar I thought it was weird that you asked me about overhearing
a conversation

So I sent her a message just saying something stupid about sending you support rn cause you tried
to kill yourself

nothuman:

why the fuck would you do that

it’s not your business

arahabaki:

Are you kidding?

Why wouldn’t I do that??

You were going to kill yourself over whatever she said to you

nothuman:

i wasn’t going to kill myself over her

arahabaki:

The fuck you weren’t

You freaked me out that night

You had such a fucking weird look in your face

If I hadn’t stopped you, you wouldn’t even be here right now so you’re welcome

nothuman:

why would i thank you for stopping me from doing something i wanted to do

arahabaki:

I don’t understand why you’d even wanna do that shit anyway

You have a good life even if you don’t see it that way

I don’t get why you don’t talk to Dr. Mori anymore considering the amount of times he saved your
ass in high school from stopping you from getting expelled for the dumb shit you’d do

Or how he got you literally anything you wanted

But besides that you also have good friends and you’re smart and have good rapport with all your
professors

You could easily make something of your life and you go to throw it all away and for what

Bc a girl you dated once said something mean to you? The guy you dated once showed up to your
house?

Be so fucking for real dazai

nothuman:

it’s my life and if i want to be done with it i can be

you don’t know anything about me despite claiming you do.

we went to high school together YEARS ago. you need to get over it.

just because mori did shit for me means nothing.

arahabaki:

Well what about odasaku

I remember what happened to him

And then like months later you disappeared and didn’t even go to graduation

But here you are

Back to your old ways

Does he need to have another accident for you to realize that life is worth it or

nothuman:

DON’T talk about Odasaku

never talk to me about Odasaku

he is MY friend and not yours.

you didn’t know him back then and you don’t know him now.

what happened to him was fucking awful

how dare you bring that shit up to me

and try to use that against me in some sort of plot to get me to open up to you

you wanna know shit about me?

you don’t know the first fucking thing about me, chuuya nakahara.

no one does and they don’t need to.

mori isn’t my dad, my life isn’t privileged, and there is nothing to make of a life that has no value.

so you can fuck off.

arahabaki:

I know you more than you think I do, Osamu Dazai.

nothuman:

lol sure
 here’s some advice for you since you want to act like a hot shot

if you’re going to tell someone you know them

you should at least refer to them by their real name.

Chapter End Notes

oup tea
 The Power of Deduction
Chapter Summary

Junichiro's dreams finally come true just for them to come crumbling down

Chapter Notes

TW: mentions/discussions of suicide/attempted suicide

See the end of the chapter for more notes

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

Today at 9:49 AM

nothuman: she looks like she bites

countess..luanne:

HOW DO I LOOK LIKE I BITE

nothuman:

omg who would ever say that about you queen??

that’s just sooooo mean

countess..luanne:

I will make you the dirt I walk on.

nothuman:

and what if i like that

countess..luanne:

butterfly:

Man what the fuck did I just wake up and read

nothuman:

everyone is falling into relationships and i’m getting jealous and desperate

countess..luanne:

Yeah no offense I do not want you

nothuman:

?!

ok your loss then smh

butterfly:

The only people that have fallen into a relationship recently is Poe and Ranpo

Akutagawa and Atsushi have been together for a while

nothuman:

yeah but fyodor is dating that nikolai fuck

i can’t be single while my exes (sasaki is engaged btw) have significant others

Odasaku… hey…

bookworm:

Absolutely not.

For a plethora of reasons.

One of which, and arguably the most important, is I am too old for you.

nothuman:

you are 27

i am 22

it’s legal.

bookworm:

Dazai, knock it off.

nothuman:

fine. :(

kouyou?

goldendemon:
No thank you!

nothuman:

naomi

shadow.praiser:

and im gonna stop u right there

nothuman:

that doesn’t help with the rumors

shadow.praiser:

WE ARENT SIBLINGS.

nothuman:

gin!

x..RASHOMON..x:

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

nothuman:

it’s only fair since you’re dating my atsushi

aka my backup plan

alphatiger:

WHAT
nothuman:

what

alphatiger:

I hate it here

I’m gonna go watch superman

thegoldraven:

Speaking of Superman, it’s Fourth of July in the US right now!

shadow.praiser:

GET UP COCK SUCKAS

SALUTE THE FLAG

GET UP

IT’S FOURTH OF JULY WEEKEND

boydetective:

What are you saying

shadow.praiser:

i just got 3 things to say

GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS

GOD BLESS AMERICA

AND GENTLEMEN!

START! YOUR! ENGINES!!!!!!!!!!!!

boydetective:
Dude what

shadow.praiser:

u should b more knowledgeable

considering ur bf is american

boydetective:

I’m truly at a loss for words

shadow.praiser:

get on overwatch i equipped grillmaster 76 skin

USA USA USA USA USA

boydetective:

YOU AREN’T AMERICAN?!?!

thegoldraven:

Atsushi! Are you watching My Adventures With Superman or a different show?

alphatiger:

I AM

It’s kind of corny but I like it

x..RASHOMON..x:

do u watch it poe

thegoldraven:
Yes!

x..RASHOMON..x:

doesnt atsu sound like lex

thegoldraven:

Let me look up what he sounds like.

alphatiger:

I DO NOT SOUND LIKE LEX LUTHOR

x..RASHOMON..x:

Shhhhshhhhh

thegoldraven:

🙂
Um.

I’m going to plead the fifth.

alphatiger:

THIS ISN’T THE US SO SAY IT

shadow.praiser:

IT IS TODAY

USA

USA

USA
butterfly:

Junichiro what is this obsession

Do you want to go to the us

I’m sure Poe can show you around

shadow.praiser:

oh fuck no

i just like overwatch

nothuman:

how does everything go back to overwatch

how do you do that

shadow.praiser:

dazai im fucking tweaking out i need to play

nothuman:

then play 😭
shadow.praiser:

i HATE playing solo

boydetective:

NO

I AM NOT PLAYING
shadow.praiser:

EDOGAWA RANPO

GET ON RIGHT NOW

boydetective:

I’M NOT HOME I AM AT POE’S

butterfly:

Damn nice

boydetective:

RELAX YOU PERVERT I CAME OVER FOR BREAKFAST

nothuman:

lol and came you did that’s for sure

boydetective:

PERVERTED!

shadow.praiser:

EDGAR ALLAN POE

boydetective:

LEAVE HIM ALONE RN

thegoldraven:
Oh wow.

bookworm:

It’s okay guys.

thegoldraven:

bookworm:

Tanizaki, I will play Overwatch with you.

nothuman:

ODASAKU

NOOOOOO

shadow.praiser:

….

for real?

bookworm:

Yes, for real.

After our conversation the other day, I looked into it.

I decided to give it a try considering the time I have over the summer.

It’s been fun.

shadow.praiser:

LETS FUCKING GO
SEND ME UR BATTLENET PLS

nothuman:

if Odasaku is playing I GUESS i can give it a shot

shadow.praiser:

what

boydetective:

What

alphatiger:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME DAZAI

nothuman:

what

shadow.praiser:

what happened to

and i quote

“fuck no”

and

“i am not touching that game for as long as i live”

nothuman:

that was before i knew Odasaku liked it

butterfly:

And if Odasaku jumped off a bridge would

Actually

Never mind

nothuman:

IM JUMPING OFF BEFORE HIM WHAT THE FUCK

bookworm:

Stop that.

nothuman:

sorry

alphatiger:

SORRY?????

Odasaku how do you do it

How do u get him to be

Not suicidal

bookworm:

I’d say I trained him very well.

But that's not very true.

nothuman:

i am not trained
shadow.praiser:

ur downloading overwatch bc the man said hed play

ur ass a dog woof woof

nothuman:

ugh i hate dogs

arahabaki:

WHAT

nothuman:

arahabaki:

HOW COULD YOU HATE DOGS

THEY ARE THE BEST PET

nothuman:

i don’t care much for pets

why would anyone want an animal in their house

and i’m not even joking i’m being so honest

alphatiger:

What about cats 🙁

nothuman:

they’re fine ig???

i don’t care for them either

x..RASHOMON..x:

i also do not like dogs

alphatiger:

AM I DATING AND FRIENDS WITH CRAZY PEOPLE?!?!?!?!

HOW DO U GUYS NOT LIKE DOGS OR CATS OR ANIMALS

x..RASHOMON..x:

i like cats but i dont like dogs

alphatiger:

Oh ok!

butterfly:

Of course the furry has his panties in a twist about animals

alphatiger:

I will kill everyone in this server and then myself

nothuman:

me first! me first!

alphatiger:

KNOCK THAT OFF DAZAI

nothuman:

game downloaded

wtf tutorial?

guys i’m undownloading

bookworm:

Ok.

nothuman:

you’re supposed to want me to play :(

bookworm:

Dazai, you’re supposed to want to play.

Don’t play just because I am going to.

Do it because you want to.

x..RASHOMON..x:

jinko this is how everyone sees u and dazai’s dynamic btw

alphatiger:

REALLY?

butterfly:

Yeah

alphatiger:

Someone say it’s not true

shadow.praiser:

i can

alphatiger:

:D

shadow.praiser:

if u want me to lie

alphatiger:

D:

nothuman:

alright i’m in

shadow.praiser:

ur still playing?

nothuman:

yeah

shadow.praiser:

LETS GOOOOOOO

nothuman:

i like the fox girl

alphatiger:

FURRY!

nothuman:

and who do you play atsushi

alphatiger:

I refuse to answer

boydetective:

LOL

He plays Kiriko

Aka the fox girl

nothuman:

alrighttttt and that’s what i thought

Odasaku invite me

shadow.praiser:

im the party leader

nothuman:

😐
junichiro… invite me ig

shadow.praiser:
i dont think i will

nothuman:

WHAT

arahabaki:

LOL

Deserved

nothuman:

i can see why you like dogs

you’re small and yappy like one

boydetective:

Holy shit relax 😭

arahabaki:

I don’t understand why you don’t like dogs considering you follow odasaku around like a little
bitch lol

nothuman:

wow you are so funny and original!

butterfly:

Can you guys beef in dms

arahabaki:

He blocked me so I can’t
Idk how he can see my messages

nothuman:

it says view message dingbat

arahabaki:

Maybe I should block him too

doppo_poet:

Why did you block him?

nothuman:

because he’s spreading rumors about me

butterfly:

???

Is this true???

arahabaki:

A rumor is something that usually ISNT true

What I’m saying is the truth

And I only told two people, YOU literally being one of them

butterfly:

Wait what

countess..luanne:
Atsushi, is the server always this tense???

alphatiger:

No it’s usually a lot more chaotic but like /pos

x..RASHOMON..x:

/pos???

like piece of shit???

alphatiger:

NO 😭
LIKE POSITIVE

Oh my days

nothuman:

he also likes to go into my dms and make random claims about me

so i blocked him

he’s lucky i’m letting him stay in the server

butterfly:

Let me read the dms

nothuman:

no???

butterfly:

I think having a third party read over the messages might help with finding a solution for the
problem.
nothuman:

NO BITCH IK YOU

YOUR BITCHASS HAS FOMO

AND YOU WANNA KNOW MY BUSINESS

butterfly:

DAZAI I NEED TO KNOW SOOOOO BAD PLEASE LET ME READ YOUR DMS

nothuman:

BITCH NO!!!

butterfly:

Chuuya….

arahabaki:

😈
I could show you

nothuman:

nope.

arahabaki:

Then unblock me

nothuman:

why do you want to be unblocked so bad

arahabaki:

Bc I think you’re overreacting over someone actually showing compassion towards you

nothuman:

what you said was not compassionate

arahabaki:

Maybe what I said was harsh but you need to be realistic

goldendemon:

This conversation isn’t for the rest of us, I fear.

nothuman:

well i’m not unblocking him

arahabaki:

I have 0 issues rehashing everything out here.

nothuman:

well don’t because it’s none of their business.

you need to learn to shut the fuck up slug

arahabaki:

Ok mister merman I’ll keep that in mind

Stupid fuck
nothuman:

kys 😍
arahabaki:

I’d say you first but that’s the reason we’re beefing

alphatiger:

What do you mean?

nothuman:

christ chuuya good fucking going

arahabaki:

Oh? Did I do that?

My bad <3

nothuman:

fuck off

butterfly:

OH

I know what this is about

alphatiger:

I’d love to be filled in

x..RASHOMON..x:
i can help w that

nothuman:

EVERYONE PAUSE

EW AKUTAGAWA EW

x..RASHOMON..x:

can u go back to bitching to chuuya abt him yapping abt ur suicide attempt the other night

nothuman:

did chuuya tell you that?!?!

x..RASHOMON..x:

no i heard from kenji

animal_crossing:

Well I heard it from Kunikida!

doppo_poet:

I said I HEARD that he did it, I didn’t say he actually did it.

I just assumed it was true.

nothuman:

and let me guess, you heard it from sasaki

who chuuya told

bookworm:
No.

I told him.

nothuman:

what

and how do you know?

bookworm:

Ranpo told me.

boydetective:

Sorry Dazai

nothuman:

but you only knew because yosano told you

and that's only because chuuya told her

boydetective:

No

I knew before Chuuya told her

I could tell something happened between Chuuya and you when you came back that night

I mean, Chuuya had clearly been punched in the face and you looked rough

So at first I thought that you two had just fought each other

But then everything that followed afterwards like how you two acted made me think that something
else had to happen

And let’s face it Dazai, it’s not like you’re keeping it a secret.

So I told Odasaku because I know you value him and what he thinks.

I figured he’d help you

 I didn’t mean to overstep but there’s a difference between saying you’re going to do something
versus actually doing it

Because even when we were roommates and you tried to “jump” out the window, you didn’t do it
because you were like “oh it’s not high enough I’m just gonna hurt myself instead” so even though
I knew you wanted to kill yourself I convinced myself you weren’t going to actually do it

So I got scared when I figured it out

I’m sorry for overstepping and making you uncomfortable but I’m not sorry for doing it.

nothuman has left the server.

shadow.praiser:

damn.

so i guess we arent playing ow anymore

butterfly:

junichiro 😭
Chapter End Notes

happy fourth of july cock suckas salute the flag get up its fourth of july weekend

to anyone not from the US, happy regular july 4th lol i hope this chapter gave enough giggles
and angst bc i am working a long shift tomorrow and then i have my grad party/my cousins'
grad party saturday so idk when i will be update next :(

before anyone calls me out i am so super aware that akutagawa's comment after atsushi's "can
someone fill me in" is ooc but i physically couldn't not have him say something. it was the
perfect set up. if someone said that to me irl i'd respond the same way. I NEEDED TO PUT
IT!! I AM SORRY!!!

love how the tags for this fic promise skk but all i've done so far is have them fucking fight
each other. guys i'm sorry i just think they're so silly and goofy.

anyway other than skk i do have plans for yosano/kouyou so :smirk: i just don't know where
i'm gonna put it...

alright so happy fourth (to those that celebrate) and happy regular day to the rest of you
whenever and wherever you're reading this! see you in the next update :)
 Secret Gamer
Chapter Summary

Odasaku goes to talk to Dazai and Junichiro isn't happy.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

Today at 3:01 PM.

butterfly:

Looks like I got the server in the divorce

boydetective:

Who divorced??

You and Dazai?

butterfly:

Nah, Dazai and Chuuya

arahabaki:

I just felt a chill go down my spine

Horrifying statement

butterfly:

lol

Btw Dazai is fine

So Atsushi you can stop spam texting me 🫠
He’s in his room

alphatiger:

I am very worried!!

x..RASHOMON..x:

hes fine hes probably just being a baby

wah wah someone called him out for his shit

oh no i feel so bad 🫥
alphatiger:

Knock that off

bookworm:

Yosano, would it be okay if I came over?

butterfly:

Sure that’s fine

Lmk when you’re here

I’ll leave and give you guys privacy

boydetective:

You can come hang out with me!

butterfly:

And Poe I’m assuming?

boydetective:

And what about it?? 🤨

butterfly:

IM JEALOUS

I WANT A GIRLFRIEND

boydetective:

Ok Dazai relax

alphatiger:

lol single people palace over there

butterfly:

Kys 🫵🏻🤣
x..RASHOMON..x:

watch it.

butterfly:

😱⬅️me rn
x..RASHOMON..x:

well suicide is the reason y there r such issues rn

doppo_poet:
I’m just going to be honest.

goldendemon:

Ok…

doppo_poet:

The blasé attitude we all have towards something so serious makes me question our moral integrity.

Regardless of Dazai’s words and actions, we should not chalk up his attempt to being “oh he’s
Dazai.” We are his friends and should act accordingly.

Suffice to say the only ones who acted with such regard have been Atsushi, Ranpo, and honestly,
Chuuya.

The rest of us, including myself, have been careless.

butterfly:

Crazy to say that I’ve been careless but go off

I live with him and I’ve been checking in on him

Just bc I’m goofing off in the server means nothing

Bc at the end of the day, I’m actually doing stuff

But yeah! Put me on blast Kunikida! And what have you done for Dazai? Other than bitch about
being his roommate, something I haven’t done once?

boydetective:

OKAY

NOPE.

We are not going to compare and contrast who has done what versus who hasn’t done what.

What matters is what we can do now.

So with that said, Odasaku is going to go over and talk to Dazai. Yosano will come hang out with
me

And any support Dazai needs we will give

I believe our attitudes are only a reflection of Dazai’s, considering his attitude towards the scenario
where he jokes about it

It only fuels him and therefore us more

We think it’s ok because he thinks it’s ok but it’s not ok and now we know better

arahabaki:

It doesn’t matter what you do or say

He’s going to do it again

He said weird shit to me over dms

bookworm:

Like what?

arahabaki:

Something about there not being any worth in trying to make something out of a life w no value

Also guys??? Is his name not Osamu Dazai???

doppo_poet:

Why would you think it’d be anything else?

arahabaki:

Cause when we were fighting I said that I knew him better than he thought I did and he was like
well if you’re gonna say that to someone you should at least call them by their real name

So like is his real name not Osamu

thegoldraven:

Wait… I thought his name was Dazai?

boydetective:

That’s his last name pookie

Osamu is his given name

thegoldraven:

Oh!

Ok, I’m sorry!

shadow.praiser:

oh

hi guys

erm this is awko taco but

boydetective:

Hated that phrase but what’s up

shadow.praiser:

dazai and i have been playing ow for the past few hours lol

alphatiger:

WHAT

shadow.praiser:

YEAH LOL

butterfly:

Omg I thought I heard him talking

I just thought he was on the phone with someone 😭😭😭
shadow.praiser:

yeah dude is a crazy kiriko player

he has never played this game in his life and hes fucking slaying

i bought him the battlepass

boydetective:

where are you getting this money Junichiro

shadow.praiser:

🤐
anyway i didnt see these messages until now but

hes ok if that makes every1 feel better

alphatiger:

So this whole time we’re all worried about him, you’re playing fucking overwatch WITH HIM?

shadow.praiser:

yeah

bro is gifted

some1 get him in the league

alphatiger:

HAS HE SAID ANYTHING????

shadow.praiser:
abt u guys? no

i mean i asked him if he wants an inv back to the server

he said no

then he fucking did a god tier suzu

and ive been contemplating if i need to go over there and suck him off

but it makes sense y odasaku stopped playing

WAIT ODASAKU

DONT GO OVER

IM HAVING SO MUCH FUN

guys i will talk to dazai 🫡

butterfly:

YOUR ASS IS NOT DOING SHIT

LOG OFF THE GAME

shadow.praiser:

NEVER

WITCH! WITCH!

SOMEONE GET THE STAKE!!!

bookworm:

Yosano, I’m here.

shadow.praiser:

GO HOME AND LOG BACK ONTO OVERWATCH PLEASE IM FUCKING BEGGING

I CANT HAVE SHIT IN THIS HOUSE

arahabaki:

Dude be serious

shadow.praiser:

ok so heres serious

dazai clearly is not happy abt what happened and pushing him to deal w it is only going to push
him away

u guys dont rly care abt how he feels abt it and just care abt how u feel abt it

not being mean but being honest

im upset learning dazai tried to commit the other night do not get that twisted but what can any of
us realistically do

the best we can do is actually be there for him but u guys r actively pushing him away

y do u think he is actually playing w me? its bc i dont ask questions and im just here for him and
the opportunity to talk is there but he doesnt need to take it if he doesnt want it

butterfly:

If I need to argue against Junichiro too I’m going to lose it

shadow.praiser:

ok my bad

chuuya told me to be serious so i was

sowwy

anyway odasaku and dazai r talking now and i had to cancel the queue

dazai didnt mute tho so its mad awko

butterfly:

What are they saying

shadow.praiser:

NAHHHH

UR FOMO IS KICKING IN

butterfly:

BASTARD

shadow.praiser:

PUT A GLASS AGAINST THE DOOR AND LISTEN IDK

oh what the fuck he muted

bookworm:

It’s like you guys forget I’m here.

shadow.praiser:

:0

oops

bookworm:

Okay, I will talk to you guys later.

Goodbye.

shadow.praiser:

sooooo

whats everyone up tooooooooo

 boydetective:

Not home

alphatiger:

I’ll play

Just gonna have to play qp cause i’m on console

shadow.praiser:

YIPPEE!!!

Chapter End Notes

HI GUYS SORRY FOR SUCH A LONG TIME TO UPDATE. i started working on other
projects and also watching the kardashians lol

funny enough i went to work on this and i already had half the chapter written. idk why i
stopped. idk what happened. i know i haven't been doing much lately but i also feel like ive
been super busy idk

idk when the next update is gonna come out but hopefully soon. sorry that i left y'all high and
dry after fourth of july LMFAO but here i am.

until next time bye!

 Daddy's Home
Chapter Summary

Mama and Papa reunite and the child custody issue comes to fruition.

Chapter Notes

TW: mentions of attempted suicide

See the end of the chapter for more notes

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

Today at 6:38 PM.

bookworm:

Dazai has requested split custody of the server @butterfly

butterfly:

After he walked out on us? To “get milk?”

My lawyer is gonna rake him over the coals

He can try his best though

Everyone welcome nothuman!

nothuman:

daddy’s home!

did you kids miss me 😙

butterfly:

How dare you waltz back here!!!

Our children need stability!!!

alphatiger:

Hey wtf is happening

x..RASHOMON..x:

plz dont tell me on im one of the kids

nothuman:

hewwo wittle wyu papa missed you weast of all <3!

x..RASHOMON..x:

😐
i cant even tell u to kys bc thats apparently a sensitive subject rn but know im thinking it

alphatiger:

DUDE

x..RASHOMON..x:

dont refer to me as dude

nothuman:

you should break up with him because he hurt your papa’s feelings atsu 🙁
papa missed you <3
alphatiger:

Papa is traumatizing me

boydetective:

Why are you playing along 😭

alphatiger:

I’ve been experiencing the worst anxiety for the past 3 hours over this

I’m coping

boydetective:

Fair I guess but damn lol

Hi Dazai

I’m not calling you papa

nothuman:

well because that would be fucking weird?

alphatiger:

EXCUSE ME?

nothuman:

well because he’s your stepfather obviously

he and yosano got together after she and i split

i just want split custody

the child support is way too much you little fuckers don’t deserve that much out of me
butterfly:

LMFAOOOOOO

I guess I could split custody… for a price

nothuman:

damn bitch what else you want from me???

i came back 😐
butterfly:

High noons

nothuman:

LMFAO YOU ALCOHOLIC

JUDGE!!! GIVE ME FULL CUSTODY!!!

butterfly:

Ugh thank god

I did not want these bitch ass kids anymore

nothuman:

:O

i’ve been bamboozled into gaining full custody of the children…

butterfly:

YUP

Welcome back papa

The server has missed you

shadow.praiser:

hello papa welcome back

pls play overwatch w me again

nothuman:

christ no 😭
shadow.praiser:

motherfucker u gave a mouse a cookie

now it fucking wants milk

boot up ur computer

boydetective:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

HOLY SHIT

You really did give a mouse a cookie

And his thirsty ass needs that milk

nothuman:

i was only playing because odasaku was playing

and you guys were all being self righteous and annoying

and i didn’t wanna deal with that bullshit to be honest

actually i’m just gonna clear the air while i’m here

yeah i did try to kms but honestly upon some self-reflection, i would not have died (unfort)

i was at the docks. i would’ve just fell in and then floated to the surface. i was drunk and guess
what? drowning is one of the most painful ways to die

guys…….. you know me, you know my heart…..

i’m not trying to be in pain when i go that’d just suck for everyone

alphatiger:

Literally nothing you’re saying is making this better

nothuman:

ok here’s this

it’s my business ^_^

and it was unsuccessful ^_^

the only reason this is such a big deal is because of chuuya running his fat mouth

crazy bro is like a centimeter tall but has the biggest mouth lmfao

oh and ranpo being a snitch 😐

boydetective:

God forbid I care about you

nothuman:

he did forbid it it’s actually one of the commandments that moses dropped

boydetective:

Quick tell me the story of Moses in its entirety

nothuman:

um

ermmmmm

god said moses your vibe is so righteous and religious and whatever here are some stone slabs and
moses was like thanks big g and then he dropped a few and kicked the broken pieces away so god
couldn’t see and just talked about the ones he didn’t drop?

boydetective:

Ok cool and what about Egypt and the red sea

nothuman:

trick question the nile river is in egypt

boydetective:

x..RASHOMON..x:

if u hit him for real can u take a vid and send here?

butterfly:

Who is Moses

boydetective:

Religious figure in Abrahamic religions

butterfly:

Oh cool I literally know 0 about any of those

boydetective:

CLEARLY NEITHER DOES DAZAI

nothuman:

okay but how (or rather why) do YOU know about him
boydetective:

Poe and I watched the Prince of Egypt together waiting for you to come back papa

nothuman:

I’M NOT YOUR DAD.

boydetective:

:3c

nothuman: crazy bro is like a centimeter tall but has the biggest mouth lmfao

arahabaki:

DUDE GET OVER IT

PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU?!?!?!?!

nothuman:

none of you are my type so i don’t care 😐

maybe if you of you became semi suicidal and super duper hot (with fat tits) i'd gaf

but none of you don’t so i don’t :/

doppo_poet:

I’m glad you’re back in the server, Dazai.

I understand and respect that you don’t wish to speak on how you feel, but please know that we are
all here for you regardless.

I can see that you’re goofing off and treating this as if it is nothing, but I feel it’s important to
reiterate that we all care about you and your wellbeing.

nothuman:
yeah yeah yeah yap yap yap

odasaku and i already talked about all that junk

i’m fine for real

we can drop this and move on

quite honestly if i had known that trying to kms (DRUNK!) would’ve been this much of a headache
i would’ve sobered up beforehand

all these mushy gushy touchy feely stuff is giving me the heebie jeebies

i don’t wanna talk about any of this garbage anymore. it’s over with, been dealt with.

i have other shit i gotta worry about and focusing on how you all feel about my suicide attempt is
not helping.

i’m sorry that i upset you guys. wasn’t really my intent lol

okay awesome! we’re gonna move on now!

shadow.praiser:

um actually dazai.

nothuman:

christ not you now

shadow.praiser:

i cant drop this…

nothuman:

wtf why not

shadow.praiser:

bc u wont play ow w me 😐
play w me rn and i can promise u my silence
boydetective:

Bro is getting extorted over his own suicide attempt damn

nothuman:

damn you give a mouse a cookie and he blackmails you for milk

ok fine.

give me a few. odasaku is still over

PM

boydetective aka Ranpo

Today at 7:03 PM.

butterfly:

Can I be real

boydetective:

You could be fake and I’d still eat it up lmao

Nah but what’s up

butterfly:

Him throwing a lowkey fit over Chuuya

And then coming back in the server and being like

“I don’t want anyone to talk about it”

Is kind of like… idk

I’m not a fan of the sweeping it under the rug

boydetective:
Neither am I…

But I don’t want to say anything because I was the catalyst before.

His apology saying it wasn’t his intent to hurt us and how he can’t focus on how his suicide attempt
made us feel kind of… I mean, he did kind of have a point there though.

butterfly:

Care to explain that?

boydetective:

I mean idk

This whole situation has made me feel kind of like we all put our feelings over his well being?

Like what we care about is his well being, but there was most of a focus on how we’re affected by
it and placing those feelings on him when he clearly hasn’t even thought of it as an issue.

When he and I were roommates, I stopped him from jumping out the window. At the time, I
thought it had just been some weird bit, but now? Now I’m kind of haunted by it.

Cause he clearly was gonna do it. Had I not stopped him. But he didn’t even care. He was just
mildly annoyed that I had stopped him, but then carried on with his day like nothing happened. He
literally left to go to class like fifteen minutes later.

I had come back to the dorm because I forgot one of my textbooks too, so he thought I wasn’t
gonna be there.

Idk.

I’m just gonna keep an extra on him. I hate to say this because I pride myself on being a master
detective, but I don’t know how to navigate this situation.

But he just doesn’t care. I think he cares about us a lot more than himself which is why he’s so
uncomfortable with us being upset with him over this

Cause to him it’s inconsequential

But idk I’m speculating

butterfly:

Yeah I hear you

I dunno maybe we need to follow his lead, but keep a closer eye on him
 You know that he and you are like literal brothers to me

So this is just really idk

boydetective:

Who are you? Junichiro? 🤨

Cause how are we married and Dazai your baby daddy if we’re your brothers?

butterfly:

HELP

LMFAO

GOODBYE

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

Damn the bitching in here is hard to ignore

nothuman:

LMFAO real

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

You’re the bitching monarch relax

You’re your on biggest opp

Can you chillax

nothuman:
why is a toddler telling me to chillax

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

Am I wrong

nothuman:

CAN WE PLEASE MOVE ON

alphatiger:

Yeah we’re moving on she just wanted to get a hit in

Anyway junichiro who’s playing overwatch

shadow.praiser:

god willing dazai is

Probably ranpo

boydetective:

I’m literally not home

shadow.praiser:

[audio message]

Transcript: WHERE THE F*** ARE YOU THEN RANPO? NO BECAUSE WHY ARE YOU
NEVER HOME? ARE YOU F***NG INSTEAD OF GETTING F***ED IN COMPETITIVE?
WHAT HAPPENED TO US?! JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND DOESN’T MEAN
YOU CAN JUST DITCH ME LIKE THIS. Why do you have to hurt me like this? Do you care so
little for me that you can just leave me in the dust like this? Oh, how thou hast hurt me. Thine blade
has pierced my hind for the last time. You Judas. How dare you kiss my cheek when it benefits thou.
Where art thou when I needst you? In the arms of another. How I have been ridiculed and wrong
for the last time.

arahabaki:
 HAHAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK

OH MY GOD

butterfly:

Why did he turn british

alphatiger:

Wait damn that was kind of bars

Juni could write romeo and juliet but shakespeare definitely couldn’t have said all that shit

nothuman:

i actually have no words

shadow.praiser:

teehee thanks :3

so is any1 gonna get on :p

nothuman:

only if you talk like that in the comp chat

shadow.praiser

LMFAO

deal

Chapter End Notes

ummmmmm hi guys papa's home.......... sorry i have been gone for so long. no cooky or weird
ao3 author excuse here, i had started my graduate courses and was super focused on getting
through my first semester versus updating my fics (sorry!) but after multiple kind comments
from OpalsAndDiamonds asking about my wellbeing I knew I needed to make my return and
give you guys an update.

I can't promise that updates will be consistent, but I'm gonna put "update bsd fic" in my
reminders on my phone to go off periodically and hopefully that reminds me i gotta update
this fic every now and again

as for the dazai/suicide, it does come across as me pushing past it, however know that this isn't
the last of this and to anyone who needs to hear this; suicide/suicidal ideology is not
something to push past. if you are struggling, there are people out there willing to help and
listen to you because you deserve to live. you are cared and loved for, even if right now you
feel alone and are struggling. you are so much stronger than you think, so please give yourself
the care and credit you deserve. <3

anyway, i joined bluesky for anyone that got that. my username is unknown-ghost.bsky.social
if any of you have bluesky and want more mutuals :) would love the chance to chat with you
guys about bungou stray dogs if you ever wanna yap about it or anything else! i watched
arcane and cried my eyes out and i also listen to all of epic the musical (and guess what? cried
my eyes out YUP) so perhaps we share interests outside of bsd and can talk about them if
desired :3

i'll (hopefully) see you guys soon! take care of yourselves. love ya! *consensually gives you a
goodnight smooch on your forehead*

UPDATE: i edited it so the spacing is normal again. it was bothering me.

 No Pet Play in the Server
Chapter Summary

Dazai and Odasaku talk while the server continues to devolve.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Odasaku looked at his phone briefly before sliding it back into his pocket. Dazai sat on his bed, a
frown etched on his face as he looked at his own phone. He looked up at Odasaku through his
eyebrows, a look that Odasaku felt was akin to something a guilty puppy would look like.

“You know they only just care about you right?” Odasaku asked.

“It’s annoying and old. This was days ago. They need to get over it.”

“Not everyone is you, Osamu.”

A silence took over the room. Dazai absentmindedly picked at his hangnails, looking at Odasaku
expectantly. Odasaku sighed, giving in.

“Just one final question and I’ll stop.” Odasaku sat himself down next to Dazai.

“Hm? Okay, sure, what’s up?” Dazai asked as he turned to face Odasaku, clearly intrigued.

Odasaku felt his own jaw click before he asked, “it didn’t have anything to do with Mori, did it?”

Dazai’s eyes briefly widened before relaxing. “Oh, God no. I wouldn’t give the fucker the
satisfaction,” he responded, looking away and at the floor. He frowned, standing up. “Why does
everyone keep asking me if it was because of someone? Like, everyone thought I was gonna kill
myself over fucking Fyodor and then people guessed Sasaki and now Mori? Like, the only person I
wanna kill myself over it myself . Not those fucking losers .” He pushed his hair back with his hand
and took a deep breath. “There was really no thought in the attempt. Again, like I told you, I went
for a walk because Fyodo fuck showed up and I didn’t want to be in the same vicinity as him. When
I got to the docks, Sasaki was there and talked to me because she thought I was going to kill myself
and said I need to ‘make a choice’ to ‘stop the suffering of my friends’ or something along those
lines because I was drunk and don’t remember it well which is also why I was going to jump off the
dock. This wasn’t what I usually do, this isn’t what I usually do. I don’t like pain and I know
drowning is painful.” He rubbed his wrist. “That and burning are the most painful ways to die, you
know.”

“Does Mori know about it?” Odasaku asked.

“I thought you only had one more question,” Dazai responded.

“Indulge me.”

“No, not that I know of,” Dazai answered, “not like it matters though. I’m an adult now. He’s not…
my keeper anymore.” He exhaled. “Listen man, I’m fine, everything’s fine . I’m alive and
considering how miserable this whole situation is, I’ll hold off on killing myself for a while.”

Odasaku stood up, putting a head on Dazai’s head and sighed. “Alright,” he relented, “but please
know that no matter what someone says or does or anything that happens, I care about you and I
care about you a lot. So if you can’t live for yourself, do you think you can live for me?”

Dazai stared at Odasaku, his brain processing the information he just received. Odasaku couldn’t
read him—he was convinced no one could—as Dazai watched him momentarily.

“Yeah,” Dazai responded, “I can try.”

Odasaku nodded. “Alright, good.” He grabbed his coat off of Dazai’s desk chair. “Listen, I have to
go. Maybe you, me, and Ango will do something together in the near future, sound good?”

Dazai let out an awkward laugh, avoiding Odasaku’s gaze. “Um, yeah, maybe. I don’t think Ango
likes me all too much right now.”
“He’ll get over it,” Odasaku reassured, “he knows you’re like my little brother.”

“Yeah, well, you better get going before Junichiro shows up to skin you alive for keeping me from
playing that stupid game of his,” Dazai said, gesturing to the door. “I’ll talk to you later. You’re still
going to come with me this weekend for…” He didn’t need to finish the statement before Odasaku
responded.

“You know I wouldn’t miss it. We’ll talk later.”

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

Today at 11:28 PM.

shadow.praiser:

dazai ow plays r 5 booms on the boom meter

bro literally sent the enemy team to ohio

auramaxing the comp lobby chat with his rizz

doppo_poet:

Am I having a stroke?

What the fuck did he just say?

boydetective:

Dazai is making great plays in Overwatch

He destroyed the enemy team

He’s demonstrating his skill in the lobby chat by using his charisma

butterfly:
What the fuck

boydetective:

I’m bilingual

nothuman:

oh cool i’m bisexual

alphatiger:

We know we can tell :/

nothuman:

yeah and we can tell that you’re pansexual too we see that haircut queen

light_finder:

Diva down diva down

x..RASHOMON..x:

leave atsu alone u fuck

nothuman:

atsushi loves me more than you

alphatiger:

Wtf is happening

animal_crossing:
You’re being fought over!

alphatiger:

Damn why couldn’t people have fought over me when I was an orphan 🙁
butterfly:

Sigh

Atsushi don’t make me do it

alphatiger:

Do what?

butterfly:

Ok I will do it…😞
🫵🤣
alphatiger:

MAN I CANT HAVE SHIT IN THIS HOUSE

butterfly:

It hurt me to do but it must be done

x..RASHOMON..x:

i disagree

butterfly:

Well now u can makeout with him to make him feel better
x..RASHOMON..x:

:0

nothuman:

NOPE

PAPA FORBIDS

alphatiger:

YOURE NOT MY DAD!!!

nothuman:

yes i am and i forbid the relationship between you two…

that’s your BROTHER atsushi….

x..RASHOMON..x:

i cant believe we are being tanizaki’d rn

light_finder:

You’re still in my apartment and I know where the knives are so you best take that back

x..RASHOMON..x:

lol k

shadow.praiser:

i will hunt u for sport.

x..RASHOMON..x:

thats not helping w the rumors

shadow.praiser:

the rumors r baseless trust

k fuck it check this

NAOMI AND I R NOT SIBLINGS AND WE R NOT DATING

shadow.praiser pinned a message!

nothuman:

i wish i was dating someone :\

x..RASHOMON..x:

why so they can watch u kill urself?

alphatiger:

RYU.

x..RASHOMON..x:

WHAT

i was asking a very fair question

goldendemon:
alphatiger:

Stop please

x..RASHOMON..x:

only bc u asked so nicely

alphatiger:

Good boy :3

boydetective:

HLEP

NOT THE PET PLAY

nothuman:

thanks i just fucking vomitted

x..RASHOMON..x:
guys plz believe me when i say i dont do all that shit………

light_finder:

Idk I did see you wear a dog collar earlier today when I bumped into you when I was going to the
bathroom

x..RASHOMON..x:

THATS FUCKING FALSE?!?!

shadow.praiser:

r u calling naomi a liar????? shed never wtf

x..RASHOMON..x:

atsushi clear my name rn or so help me god

alphatiger:

:3c

Clear your name from what? :3

x..RASHOMON..x:

DUDE

alphatiger:

Damn he called me dude it’s serious 😭

Guys I was jk

butterfly:

Why is him calling you “dude” serious

alphatiger:

Because, and I quote, “don’t call me dude when my tongue has been down your throat”

nothuman:

GROSS.

alphatiger:

I can’t call him dude or man or bro at all it’s torture

x..RASHOMON..x:

i feel like its easy to not call me any of those things

why on earth would u wanna call me bro when we have fucked 😐

nothuman:

OKAY

STOP TALKING FOR REAL

I’M ACTUALLY SO OVER THIS CONVERSATION

x..RASHOMON..x:

no bc i wanna know the opinions here

boydetective:

Do you guys have pet names for each other?

alphatiger:

He calls me Jinko

boydetective:

And what do you call him

alphatiger:

Dude or bro or man

And he hates it

boydetective:

Bc those are so non affectionate Atsushi 😭

alphatiger:

IDK HOW TO BE AFFECTIONATE

 It all started at the orphanage

x..RASHOMON..x:

its ok he doesnt need to refer to me w a pet name

just not dude or bro or man

those r too friendly

and we r not friends

alphatiger:

STOP TELLING PEOPLE WE ARENT FRIENDS!!!!

IM SORRY OK!!!!!!

x..RASHOMON..x:

good boi :3c

nothuman:

YALL SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Chapter End Notes

happy new years eve!!!! yay i updated again!!!

anyway not much left to say. hope everyone's 2025 is fantastic.

follow me on bluesky at unknown-ghost if you want :3 i've started posting when I update this
fic too so you'll get a reminder when it happens hehe

alright happy holidays bye!

 Midnight Meetup
Chapter Summary

Dazai meets up with a red-headed friend.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

Today at 2:26 AM.

nothuman:

who up

arahabaki:

Me

nothuman:

alright chat can we get anyone cooler

arahabaki:

?!?!?!?!

YOU ASKED AND I ANSWERED?!

nothuman:

can’t a guy be disappointed

arahabaki:

I’d assume most guys you talk to are when they see you pull down your pants :\

nothuman:

that was almost funny!

shadow.praiser:

can u 2 flirt in dms

im getting jealous

#bitchless

arahabaki:

EXCUSE ME???

shadow.praiser:

ur excused

nothuman:

go back to playing overwatch you nerd

shadow.praiser:

LMAOOOO

im actually not playing ow rn

or any game

im awake

touching grass and whatnot

nothuman:

christ do i need to contact the police

ask for a wellness check

arahabaki:

Houseplants don’t count as touching grass

shadow.praiser:

lol no like im literally outside rn

nothuman:

FOR REAL?

junichiro if you’re being held captive you can let us know… send a code we can decipher it

actually retracting that statement

i’d figure it out. chuuya would just be there i guess

arahabaki:

I’m going to choke you with your own bandages.

nothuman:

that’d be threatening if you could reach any of my bandages let alone my neck :\

also choking lowkey hot what if i got turned on 🙁

arahabaki:

You need to seek religion at this point

Anyway why are you outside

shadow.praiser:

grass called

nothuman:

wait… you… 🌿💨?

shadow.praiser:

NO LMFAO

I AM NOT SMOKING WEED

nothuman:

fuck.

hi gin i can see you lurking

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Hi dazai (:

nothuman:

what’s a sweet girl like you still doing up!!

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Can’t sleep ): was going to watch some asmr YT videos and hope they could lull me to sleep (:

arahabaki:

Wait how could you tell she was online

I don’t really use discord much other than this chat

nothuman:

are you on mobile or browser right now

arahabaki:

Phone

nothuman:

hit the word general at the top and it should take you to a menu that says all the people that have
permissions in this channel and who’s online and offline

arahabaki:

Ohhhhh ok sick thanks

nothuman:

yeah no problem

natnatsuko:

Is this the twilight zone why are you guys being nice to each other

nothuman:

oh sorry my bad i forgot i can only ever be mean to him

chuuya you’re short and i’d tell you to suck my dick but you probably would do a bad job

arahabaki:

I’d say I’d bite it off but I fear there’s nothing to bite

nothuman:

AYO RELAX 😭
that’s TWO comments about my dick size

arahabaki:

Looks like someone is getting insecure 😈

nothuman:

nah motherfucker i’m getting WORRIED

it’s like an average size

but two comments? are we manifesting a dick disappearance???

how am i gonna pee

alphatiger:

Hi gm what the fuck is going on

nothuman:

have you seen my cock?

alphatiger:

NOPE

THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER SOMEONE CHANGE THE SUBJECT

arahabaki:

Yeah he saw it run that way!

shadow.praiser:

🏃🏃🏃
alphatiger:

Why are you outside juni

shadow.praiser:

needed 2 b 1 w nature

nothuman:

well here’s some advice, don’t go to the docks or else chuuya is gonna body slam you into the
wood

arahabaki:

HAHAHA

So cathartic

Dazai lmk when you’re free I’d love to whale on you again

nothuman:

gee let me check my calendar

maybe let’s wait for the bruises on my head to heal from when you kept fucking punching me in the
head

alphatiger:

Wait you guys fought?

nothuman:

yeah it was a real cat fight

arahabaki:

I won
nothuman:

sure

anyway junichiro where you at

lowkey wanna meet up?

shadow.praiser:

lmfao shore

im at the playground

alphatiger:

WHY

shadow.praiser:

idk

needed to go outside

alphatiger:

I didn’t even hear you leave

shadow.praiser:

o thats prob cuz i went out the window :3

alphatiger:

CAN I ASK WHY?

shadow.praiser:
just want my manic pixie dream girl moment :p

iMessage

Junichiro Tanizaki

Today at 3:12 AM.

Are you ok?

LOL atsu my beloved

im fine rly

jus thinkin n shit

kinda didnt wanna wake anyway and my window is so convenient :3

If something is bothering you, you can tell me

i kno!

just stuff w my parents :3

didnt want u guys to hear me argue w them and whatever

esp bc it upsets naomi

and that u and kyoka r orphans

it kind of felt rude LMFAO

Ohhhh

You shouldn’t feel the need to leave your own apartment tho :\

You’re allowed to talk to them

i didnt want 2 tho

idk its a rly complicated situation

idk where 2 even start w it

its messy

anywhosies im coming back soon :3

just waiting 4 dazai

dont worry abt me! 😛

the yokohomo gaygeny

general-chat

nothuman:

jun i’ve been meaning to ask but

what happened with your car

shadow.praiser:

o that was taken care of

my car was parked

there were cameras

and the driver was texting

so im gonna get a new car covered by insurance :p

arahabaki:

Get a motorcycle

shadow.praiser:

lol no id fucking die

nothuman:

he’s also not a divorced dad of three going through a midlife crisis

arahabaki:

Ok wow, hurtful

nothuman:

DO YOU HAVE A MOTORCYCLE?

arahabaki:

YEAH I DO AND WHAT ABOUT IT ASSHOLE

nothuman:

🫵🤣
arahabki:

SHITTY DAZAI

FUCK OFF

MOTORCYCLES ARE COOL YOU JUST HAVE BAD FUCKING TASTE

YOUR EXES PROVE MY POINT

nothuman:

UGH don’t remind me

i can’t be single anymore

hey junichiro do you want to date

shadow.praiser:
i’m not into guys sorry

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

You’re not fruity????

shadow.praiser:

nothuman:

WOW okay.

shadow.praiser:

i mean i could b fruity i never rly gave it much thought

i just kno i like women lol

so why question it

nothuman:

bro really said “i like women no need to self reflect”

shadow.praiser:

i mean im content

no point rly

arahabaki:

Cause it seems like the only person you have romantic interest in is someone everyone thinks is
your sister

shadow.praiser:

naomi and i arent related

we arent even cousins

no blood relation whatsoever

idk where or why that rumor is spreading here

hs it made sense but here it does not

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Sorry to ask but how does a rumor like that ever make sense

shadow.praiser:

its a lot to explain rn

and i see dazai

perhaps i share a diff time

nothuman:

yup sorry guys i’m gonna make tanizaki my bf >:)

later >:)

alpahtiger:
Christ someone save Junichiro 😭
arahabaki:

Praying for the kid cause damn

Dating Dazai’s gotta be a fate worse than death…

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Why don’t you find out by dating him (:<

arahabaki:

EW why would you say that

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Sorry I’ve been reading a lot of enemies to lovers fanfic

arahabaki:

We need to stop teaching people how to read

alphatiger:

HELLO?!?!?!

Ok that’s enough I think we all need to go to bed

nothuman:

[attachment of him and Junichiro]

one of my favorite gingers :3

alphatiger:
Who’s your fav ginger??

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

It’s Chuuya

arahabaki:

Don’t rope me into this

nothuman:

oh hell no

chuuya is only my favorite ginger to make fun of

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

That makes him your favorite :3

nothuman:

someone tell this bitch to BFFR! 😭

x..RASHOMON..x:

TELL THIS BITCH TO WHAT?!

alphatiger:

Dazai rn:
nothuman:

HAHAHA REAL

jeepers it’s the creeper!

arahabaki:

How are you making a Scooby Doo reference I thought you didn’t watch tv

nothuman:

i don’t watch stuff on tv like now

i’ve watched cartoons or whatever

i watched them with my younger brother he really likes older cartoons

shadow.praiser:

[attachment of Dazai]

[attachment of Dazai]

[attachment of Dazai]

lowk may be fruity cuz he kinda hot in the moonlight 😊

nothuman:

omg babe stop…… 🤭

lemongrab:

shadow.praiser:

damn bro being homophobic and a weeb all at once crazy 🙁

nothuman: i watched them with my younger brother he really likes older cartoons

alphatiger:

Mf you have a little brother?!?!?!

What do I even know abt you /gen

nothuman:

😐
atsushi i love you so much but i’m hanging out with my other twink friend right now so your
questions will have to wait

shadow.praiser:

chat did i read that right

TWINK friend?

we aint gonna work out pookie cuz i thought i was gonna top

nothuman:

YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA WHAT LMFAO?

alphatiger:

God forbid I am a bit curious

arahabaki:

Well they say curiosity killed the cat

So maybe refrain furry

alphatiger:

I AM NOT A FURRY!!!!!!!!!!!

boydetective:

HOLY FUCK ALL OF YOU GO TO BED

MY PHONE BLOWING UP LIKE CRAZY

IF I EVER NEED A VIBRATOR I’LL JUST STICK MY PHONE UP MY ASS CHRIST

GOODNIGHT THANKS
 alphatiger:

Yeesh

arahabaki:

I’d ask what’s up his ass but clearly it’s his phone LOL

boydetective:

I’m gonna get you.

Just you wait.

arahabaki:

Y’all just gonna let him say this shit to me?

HELLO?!?! GUYS???

Chapter End Notes

happy new years day!!

idk what to say lol hope everyone has a great 2025!

please ignore any mistakes i tried rereading this but most of this was written at like 1am
LMFAO. this is more of a filler chapter i'll try to put more lore in the next chapter :3 i actually
have some notes written down in my phone's notes app about plot routes i'd like to explore
(they're all dazai focused except for 1)

ALSO looked up the bsd wiki yesterday and was distraught at finding out who's dead rn. i
think you guys can tell who my fav bsd character is so im actually distraught over this lol

anyway bye :3
 An Overnight Guest
Chapter Summary

Dazai takes care of an overnight guest.

Chapter Notes

TW!!!: self-harm, implied child abuse, transphobia, homophobia, and Ougai Mori.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

PM

nothuman aka dazai

Today at 3:41 AM.

arahabaki:

Dude

There’s some kid knocking on your door

nothuman:

what?

arahabaki:

Yeah he’s been whaling on it for like five minutes now

nothuman:

i’m not home

 arahabaki:

I know

But apparently neither is your roommate

Bc she hasn’t come out to stop him

nothuman:

yeah she was spending the night with ranpo

what does the kid look like

arahabaki:

From what I can see it’s like a little kid

Like maybe a middle schooler

White and black hair

Holding the ugliest doll I’ve ever seen in my fucking life

nothuman:

oh shit.

i’m coming home now

can you just keep an eye on him until i get there

it’ll only be a few minutes

i’m hauling ass 🏃

arahabaki:

Sure but who is this kid

nothuman:

lol my little brother

obviously

Chuuya walked down the stairs of the apartment and to the front door, opening it to the kid. If
Dazai was going to take his sweet ass time, he wasn’t going to wait around and have the kid be
kidnapped or something.

“Hey,” Chuuya greeted, “you here for Dazai?”

The kid looked up at Chuuya (it felt so nice to be the taller person for once). “Yeah,” he said, “is he
here?”

“No, but he’s coming back now,” Chuuya responded, “you can hang out in my apartment until he
comes back.”

“Oh wow, thanks mister!” The kid exclaimed, waltzing into Chuuya’s apartment as if stranger
danger was just a concept and not a practice he should follow. Chuuya was momentarily stunned,
but realized that this kid was related to Dazai . Of course he’s going to be a little freak.

“What’re you doing here in the middle of the night?” Chuuya asked, cutting to the chase.

“Just here to see my brother,” he responded simply, sitting himself on the couch and placing his
creepy doll in his lap and hugging it. At least he was polite. “I found out this is where he lives. I’ve
come to visit.”

“At almost four in the morning?” Chuuya questioned, brow raised in skepticism, “and what do you
mean found out?”

“Our dad wasn’t supposed to know, but he found out, which means Elise found out, and now I
know,” the kid responded. Chuuya grimaced. That shitty Dazai… he clearly had a loving family
and he was just going to push them all away? “So, now I’m here!” The kid’s voice lowered, “I need
to talk to him.”
“I texted him and he said he was on his way back. He should be here any minute,” Chuuya said,
checking his phone to see any updates from Dazai, who hadn’t sent any. “Are you thirsty? Need a
drink or anything?”

“No thank you, I’m okay,” the kid responded.

“What’s your name?” Chuuya asked. The kid gave Chuuya a look of bewilderment. Was Chuuya
supposed to know? Or maybe he was shocked that Dazai never told him? Granted, he and Dazai
weren’t friends, but he did find it weird that Atsushi also didn’t know about Dazai’s little brother.
Was Dazai really that much of a dick?

“You can just call me Q,” the boy, Q , responded simply.

Before Chuuya could respond, there was a barrage of knocks on his door. He clicked his tongue in
annoyance before turning on his heels to answer the door. “Alright, relax, relax!” Chuuya
exclaimed as he opened the door to see an out of breath Dazai. “Took you long enough, mackerel,”
he said instead of greeting him.

“Is he here?” Dazai asked, trying to peek in through Chuuya instead of bothering to say hi, ask how
he was doing, or even greet him.

“Yeah, on the cou— I never said you could come in! ” Chuuya exclaimed as Dazai pushed past
Chuuya and went straight to Q.

“Come on buddy,” Dazai said as Q’s face lit up upon seeing his brother, “you can come hangout at
my place and we can… talk .”

“Um, hello?!” Chuuya exclaimed, “you can’t just waltz in here like you own the place, pal!”

Dazai turned to Chuuya and… he doesn’t know how to describe it. It felt like the smile Dazai had
on was to mimic how he’d normally smile at Chuuya—like it was meant to be a smug, shit-eating
smile, but instead it felt empty. There was something amiss here. Chuuya furrowed his brow, but
pressed his lips together in a tight line and gestured to the door.
“Have a good night, guys,” he said instead. Dazai nodded and walked out with Q.

“Thank Chuuya for letting you hang out,” Dazai said, which honestly surprised Chuuya. Not only
because he was telling Q to thank him, Chuuya, someone that Dazai is known to dislike, but also
the fact that Dazai is aware of manners and capable of teaching said manners to children.

“Thank you, Chuuya!” Q exclaimed, one arm holding his creepy ass doll and the other waving
goodbye. Chuuya looked at him and smiled.

“Yeah, it was…” His eyes looked at the sleeve of Q’s shirt. Something was amiss. “… a real
pleasure…”

The two walked out of the door, leaving Chuuya to his thoughts and thoughts alone.

———

Walking into his apartment with Q, Dazai let out a sigh, running his fingers through his hair.

“Sit where you like, Kyu,” Dazai said as he cut through the living room to the kitchen, “want some
water?” He asked as he didn’t bother to wait for Q to answer and started filling a glass from the
Brita. “Want to tell me what you’re doing here at four in the morning?”

Q sat quietly, seemingly ignoring Dazai’s question. Dazai sighed again and walked over. Q reached
up to grab the glass, but Dazai’s eyes narrowed on him. He placed the glass on the table instead and
grabbed Q’s arm before he could put it back down.

“Kyusaku, what…?” Dazai didn’t finish the question because he was all too familiar with the
answer. This was the punishment for being a child of Ougai Mori—to hate yourself. Dazai pressed
his lips together in a fine line, worried that if he said something wrong he’d flip out Q. This was to
be a situation treated with precision. That’s what he would’ve wanted, back when it happened with
him. “Let’s… let’s clean this up, okay?”
Q began to relentlessly apologize to Dazai, who repeatedly reassured him that he wasn’t mad. How
could he be? Luckily, Dazai lived with a pre-med student who was more than well stocked on
various medical supplies. Dazai was able to sanitize and bandage the cuts all while keeping his
composure and calming Q down.

“Does M— dad know?” Dazai asked, catching his mistake before he made it, as he sat Q back
down on the couch and sat himself down next to him.

“I dunno,” Q responded, avoiding eye contact with Dazai. He didn’t make a fuss about it and
grabbed the tv remote. He was going to, at the very least, give Q something to look at.

“Does dad know you’re here—?”

“We don’t need to talk about dad.”

The two sat in a moment of uncomfortable silence before Dazai spoke again.

“But… we do, Kyu.”

Q’s eyes fixated on the tv, the threat of tears forming again was very real and Dazai hated it, but he
needed to know. “ Mori ,” Q began, “probably knows I’m here. He tracks me, you know, and I can’t
turn it off. So, if he’s awake and sees I'm gone, then yeah , he knows I’m here.”

“Did you sneak out?”

“Yes,” Q responded, frown on his face, “he’s… being unreasonable.”

Dazai repressed the urge to ask when Mori was ever reasonable. “Do you want to tell me what
happened?”

Q bounced his leg, eyes glued to the screen as he picked at his lips. Dazai moved his hand away.
“He… I think he wants me to replace you as this prodigal son… or something like that, you know,
cause you left .” Dazai felt his blood turn cold at the comment. “But… I’m not you. I’m not this…
prodigal son. Honestly, I don’t even think I’m a son , if you know what I mean.”

“No, do you want to explain that?”

“I… I told him that I don’t think I’m his son and I also don’t think I’m his daughter… I just wanted
to be his kid , but he flipped!” Q explained, talking quite quickly through the explanation, like he
hoped what he was saying would just go over Dazai’s head and he wouldn’t comprehend it. “He
said that’s not possible, that he’s a doctor and he knows what he’s talking about and I’m just a kid
and I don’t know anything, what I’m feeling is a phase.”

“So, you came out to him as what?”

“Non-binary,” Q responded, licking his lips nervously.

Dazai frowned, “and he gave you shit for that?” He asked that as if it was unbelievable, but it
wasn't. It mirrored his experience of coming out as bisexual and being told to ‘pick a side’ by the
same exact motherfucker. “I’m sorry Kyu, really. You didn’t deserve that. You have me in your
corner, you know that right?”

“Do I, Osamu?” Q’s tone was more desperate than accusatory, “because ever since you left, I’ve
barely seen you! I feel so alone—Mori spends all his time doting over Elise and giving her
everything and I’m not even there. I feel like I’m trapped in my room because whenever I leave it,
he’s so mean to me!” His lip quivered. “I don’t wanna be there anymore Osamu, I don’t wanna.
Can’t I just stay here, please? I’ll be good—I promise!”

Dazai felt his own eyes tear up, but refrained from crying to make sure Q didn’t get upset. “I wish
you could, but you can’t,” he said, trying to keep his voice from wavering, “I—” he cut himself off
to take a deep breath, “I’ll talk to dad, ” the word felt wrong to refer to the man as, “and I’ll try to
convince him to be less of a dick, okay? Don’t take what he says to heart, the man may be a doctor,
but he’s actually stupid.”

Q squeezed his doll, eyeing Dazai. “Do you think that’d work?”
Dazai didn’t really know. Mori was such a manipulative piece of shit that he wasn’t really sure how
it’d all go about. He turned to look at Q, who was looking up at him in hope.

“Yeah, I think it’d work,” he responded, because fuck it. He’ll move mountains if he had to.
“Anything else you want to tell me?”

“Yeah,” Q said, leaning against Dazai, “I wanna use they and them pronouns.”

Dazai nodded. “Alright, anything else?”

“Can we watch Scooby-Doo Mystery Incorporated?” Q asked, “you know Mori only has the
Scooby-Doo Where Are You VHS tapes, but I heard Mystery Inc is really good.”

Dazai smiled. “Yeah, of course we can.”

———

“Sorry that my text didn’t go through when I asked about taking Kyu out this morning,” Dazai said
as Ougai Mori darkened his doorstep with his presence. He came alone, unfortunately, as Dazai was
hoping to check out Elise considering the state of Q. “But we had a great time. So, all’s well ends
well or whatever the saying is.”

Mori was a calculating man, but he had raised Dazai meaning he knew that his son was the same
way. He smiled at Dazai and nodded. “Mistakes happen.” He glanced at Q, who was standing close
to Dazai’s side. “I’m just so glad my sons are bonding with one another.”

“Sibling bonding is important, which is why I wanted to hang out with them,” Dazai responded,
“maybe next time Elise can join.”

“Oh, how wonderful that would be!” Mori exclaimed, clasping his hands together in glee. “It’s
been so long since we’ve had a family outing. What a great idea, Osamu.”
Dazai repressed the urge to make a face of disgust.

“Well, I don’t wanna hold you two up any longer.” Dazai patted Q’s head. “The next time you come
over, we’ll finish the show we started, okay?”

Q nodded. “Thanks Osamu. It’s been fun!”

Mori looked at Q and frowned. “Q, what did I tell you about having dolls?” He ripped the doll from
Q’s hands, who’s expression turned to panic. “t’s girl—”

“It’s mine,” Dazai interrupted, holding his hand out to receive the doll. Mori handed it to him
suspiciously. “I originally bought it for Elise, but all my friends told me that this wasn’t a girl’s doll
so I figured I’d give it to Q.”

“How… How kind of you, Dazai, but Q has enough toys, don’t you agree?” Mori asked, looking at
Q expectantly. Q frowned and nodded, but in compliance—not agreement.

“Okay Kyu, it’s been awesome seeing you. Wanna give your brother a hug?” Dazai asked with
some pep in his voice. Q opened their arms and waited for Dazai to hug them. Dazai leaned down
and hugged them, but whispered as quietly as he could, “I’ll keep it safe.”

After the hug ended, Q left with Mori. Dazai stood in the foyer, watching them walk away. The
bitter taste of defeat was in his mouth. He knew but also didn’t know why. He kept watching them
—trying to think of anything to take Q back away from that fucking guy, but he couldn’t think of
anything. Q was only thirteen, Dazai had no legal right to them. He was utterly useless in this
situation.

“Dazai, glad I bumped into you.”

Startled, Dazai turned to see Chuuya with a grim expression on his face. He hadn’t even heard
Chuuya open the door of his apartment, let alone approach him.

“Oh, hey chibi, what’s up?” He asked, trying to keep his composure.
“I just… Okay, look, listen.” This caught Dazai’s attention and he faced Chuuya, unsure of what to
expect. “I know this isn’t any of my business and I don’t know the situation at all, but it’s been
haunting me to not say something. When you took your brother last night, I noticed his arm was—”

“I saw it too, don’t worry,” Dazai reassured, turning his attention back to watching Q and Mori,
“I… I dealt with it. Thanks for telling me though.”

“Oh, okay, cool. Thank God,” Chuuya responded, rubbing his forehead with his hand. He looked at
Dazai, who smiled and nodded, but Chuuya could see him picking at his hangnails. “Are you
okay?”

Dazai flinched, turning quickly to look at Chuuya, brow furrowed. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He was lying
and Chuuya knew it. He’s known this fucker for a hot while now and unfortunately that means he’s
learned quite a few things about it. Chuuya approached Dazai, grabbing his hand to stop him from
picking his skin off. He raised a brow to Dazai, as if non-verbally communicating that he knew
Dazai wasn’t okay.

Dazai wanted to be angry. He wanted to manifest that emotion forward, saying, “why don’t you
—!” He had interrupted himself with the shock of his own voice wavering. Fuck. The worry for Q
and subsequently Elise overrode any displaced anger he could find towards Chuuya. He was so
tired . He pursed his lips together, trying to keep himself together. It was so easy to pretend that
everything was okay when it came to himself. It was easier when it was him on the receiving end of
Mori, but knowing that Q and Elise now had to deal with the brunt of Mori was indescribable.

And it was all his fault. He had left. He didn’t stay. He didn’t take them with him. He was the one
who disappeared after high school and the Odasaku incident. Everything that was happening now
was because of him. Q’s suffering, Elise being kept on a tight leash… all because he was no longer
Mori’s precious, perfect son. All because he left.

He doesn’t remember starting to cry and he doesn’t remember Chuuya bringing him into a hug. All
he knew was that he needed to calm down and quick, because God forbid! that Chuuya Nakahara
(of all people!) sees him cry.

“Everything’ll work itself man,” Chuuya tried to soothe.

 Dazai believes that this is the first (and most likely last) time he has ever willingly listened to a
word that came out of the slug’s mouth… and he was really hoping he was right.

Chapter End Notes

alright here's some Dazai lore and angst put together with a bow for you all.

sorry for such a heavy chapter. the idea got stuck in my head and i literally couldn't shake it, so
here it is. i know in BSD canon that Dazai is the one who traps Q after an incident where a
bunch of people died and not Mori, but this is also a university/modern AU and believe it or
not this was once supposed to be just a silly, goofy chatfic LMFAO guys i don't know what
happened!!!

Some things to mention so you guys can understand my thought process: BSD Dazai's
promise to Odasaku to take care of the orphans and the works leading to him Atsushi, the
"Odasaku incident" referenced here a few times is also the reason why Dazai cares a lot for his
younger siblings. Odasaku (obviously) isn't dead here, but i have him be a major influence and
semi role model to Dazai. Q being referred to as "he" was because the chapter though in a 3rd
POV was from Dazai's perceptive, who didn't know about their new use of they/them, but
after Q tells him, Dazai refers to them as they/them which you can see when he's talking to
Mori the next morning.

this chapter went through a bunch of changes as i wrote it too. originally it was going to be
Yosano who comforts Dazai, but i decided the less players the better. i felt Chuuya would've
worked better for this because he was the one who actually saw Q first and noticed something
was wrong before anyone else did, therefore him comforting Dazai at the end made the most
sense to me. i'll put a dazai/yosano moment soon because i truly love those two so much and
considering how their adolescence in BSD lore (bc Yosano having ties to Mori here other than
him being her professor wouldn't make much sense unfortunately sorry) was impacted by
Mori, I view the two as siblings/having a sibling dynamic, which is why i have them living
together as roommates, argue like siblings, and overall get along the best out of everyone.
that's just a personal headcanon though, but since i'm writing the fic who is going to stop
me?!?!?!

also i really contemplated having Dazai cry because he's not really a "crying character," but
considering everything, i felt making him not cry would've been weirder and make him less
personable and would go against the Odasaku thing i'm leaning into. if you feel like he
wouldn't cry, i'm sorry i let you down, just from a narrative perspective it would be weird if he
is shown to care about Q only to seemingly not GAF after handing them back to Mori after
everything that happened.

this arc for Dazai is far from done but after this i'm going to be giving him a brief break. it just
feels wrong to keep dog piling him with issues when this is a fic that incorporates everyone
and all of them can be so angsty. i'm thinking of focusing on Junichiro next, but who
knows??? all i know is that the next chapter will (HOPEFULLY GOD WILLING) be lighter
and have epic the musical and sonic 3 references because those are things i like so i'm making
these clowns like them too.
anyway i'm done over explaining myself LOL sorry!!! i'll try to pump out the next chapter
soon. this one took a hot minute to write. please take care of yourselves guys and i'll see you
later (gonna try to update later today??? so this isn't the last chapter anyone reads but alas i
cannot make such a promise so just know i'll try my best). Bye!
 Live & Learn
Chapter Summary

The global phenomena of Sonic 3 and how Dazai is still single.

Chapter Notes

(minimal) SPOILERS FOR SONIC 3!!!!!!!!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

Today at 5:21 PM.

alphatiger:

LIVE AND LEARN

shadow.praiser:

HANGIN ON THE EDGE OF TOMORROW

alphatiger:

LIVE AND LEARN!!!

shadow.praiser:

FROM THE WORKS OF YESTERDAAAAY–AAAY

alphatiger:
LIVE AND LEARN!!!

shadow.praiser:

IF YOU BEG OR IF YOU BORROW

alphatiger:

LIVE AND LEARN!!!!

shadow.praiser:

YOU MAY NEVER FIND YOUR WAAYYYYYYYY

alphatiger:

OOOOooooOOOOOoooo yeaahhhh

nothuman:

what the fuck

alphatiger:

WE SAW SONIC 3

shadow.praiser:

AND IT FUCKING

RULED

!!!MARIA!!!

nothuman:

?!
boydetective:

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

YOU GUYS SAID WE’D GO TOGETHER

FUCK YOU

shadow.praiser:

NO FUCK U

WE CALLED U

UR TOO BUSY GETTING DICKED DOWN

boydetective:

:p

You’re just jealous

shadow.praiser:

K AND???

UR JEALOUS WE SAW SONIC 3

BE MAD

boydetective:

I already deduced Amy was in the post credit scene

shadow.praiser:

o so i guessed u deduced the other 2 characters then???

boydetective:

Wait wym

Other TWO?!

IS ONE ROUGE

OR SILVER AND BLAZE?!?!?!?

LAWD PLEASE

shadow.praiser:

the only way 2 find out is if u see the movie

id be down to go again

alphatiger:

Same

nothuman:

what the fuck are you guys saying

butterfly:

Sonic the hedgehog babe

The blue fast hedgehog

nothuman:

not connecting

butterfly:

Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games

nothuman:

OH

THAT SONIC!

animal_crossing:

Thats how u recognize Sonic?

Bc of Mario and Sonic at the olympic games?

nothuman:

yup

i don’t know how many times i gotta say it but i don’t really watch tv or listen to music or play
games

doppo_poet:

Do you have any hobbies?

Just curious.

nothuman:

NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE HOBBIES??? THEY ARE JUST THINGS YOU DO TO PASS
THE TIME???

alphatiger:

Dazai quick define what a hobby is

nothuman:

something someone does in their free time that gives them joy

alphatiger:
Fuck

Fair I guess

I hate you

nothuman:

don’t hate papa 🙁

alphatiger:

x..RASHOMON..x:

u saw that stupid hedgehog movie w/o me? 😐

alphatiger:

Yeah

Bc you refused to watch the first two

So you’d have no idea what was going on

x..RASHOMON..x:

idgaf abt sonic

shadow.praiser:

says the shadow the hedgehog kinnie

x..RASHOMON..x:

?!?!?!?!

shadow.praiser:

spot the difference:

all u need is red tips

alphatiger:

HOLY SHIT

:0

Ryu do you wanna…

x..RASHOMON..x:

oh i hear gin calling gtg

alphatiger:

Dammit!!!!!!

natnatsuko:

Oh no furry fucker wanted to make akutagawa the HEDGEHOG

ARE WE SHOCKED PEOPLE

WAKE UP
alphatiger:

SHUT UP IM NOT A FURRY!!!!!!!!!!

light_finder:

Atsushi ….

alphatiger:

Noami please be on my side idk if I could handle a betrayal from you 🙁

light_finder:

Sigh

Fine

Atsushi Nakajima is not a furry!!

So stop treating him like he is one!!!

alphatiger:

BYE

I HATE THAT LMFAO

lemongrab:
AND I’M THE WEEB???

shadow.praiser:

yes!

hope this helps!

butterfly:

Ugh

Yuck.

lemongrab:

Oh…. hello Yosano….

butterfly:

Don’t address me

lemongrab:

Damn ok

boydetective:

I’ll see sonic 3 with u bozos ig :\

Poe is gonna come with though

shadow.praiser:

wow

im shocked

thought u hated him

wow

who couldve seen this coming

boydetective:

EAT MY ASS????

thegoldraven:

I actually haven’t seen the first two movies…

alphatiger:

WHAT

shadow.praiser:

DUDE!!!

boydetective:

POE!!!

Okay I’m coming over

shadow.praiser:

pls remember the movie is pg…

no depraved acts…

thatll be blasphemous to the integrity of the film…

alphatiger:

Yeah tbh you need to focus on the film

All three are so good

And fucking during it would only distract you from the peak cinema that it is

nothuman:

jesus christ

god if you can hear me

make them stop.

butterfly:

Y’all got him talking to the christian god 😭

alphatiger:

GOD FORBID WE HAVE INTERESTS

shadow.praiser:

‼️REAL‼️

nothuman:

it’s for kids

alphatiger:

I’m healing my inner child

nothuman:

okay

i know if i say anything else that godforsaken orphanage will be mentioned once more

alphatiger:
Awe man you got my MO 🙁
nothuman:

YUP read your ass like a BOOK

x..RASHOMON..x:

stop talking to him

alphatiger:

🙁awh man…
nothuman:

akutagawa is so controlling you should dump him atsu!!!

x..RASHOMON..x:

i was talking to u dazai

leave atsushi alone

nothuman:

ugh god forbid i talk to jinko

x..RASHOMON..x:

im going to end your bloodline

nothuman:

teehee promise? 🤭
blcklzrd:

Wait but

Sonic 3 was so heat

shadow.praiser:

OH I COULD KISS U ON THE MOUTH

blcklzrd:

😏
goldendemon:

🤨
butterfly:

🤔
blcklzrd:

Relax fujoishis

goldendemon:

Damn clocked

blcklzrd:

There’s too many gay guys here where the gay women at

You two need to get together to try to even things out

countess..luanne:
Hmmmmm

Idk how genuine that is

blcklzrd:

Who are you

countess..luanne:

Lucy Montegemory?

blcklzrd:

WHY DO WE HAVE 2 AMERICANS

countess..luanne:

I’M CANADIAN YOU FUCK

blcklzrd:

HELP?!?!

No way you’re Canadian I heard Canadians are nice

And calling me a fuck is very mean

arahabaki:

Lol it was deserved though

blcklzrd:

Would it kill you to be on my side

arahabaki:

I get heart palpitations just thinking about it so I think it would

blcklzrd:

Us redheads gotta stick together

countess..luanne:

I’m literally a redhead

blcklzrd:

I’ve seen you

It’s like

More pinky

Magenta maybe

The real gingers here are me, junichiro, kouyou, and nakahara

countess..luanne:

First this chat revokes Atsushi of his orphan card not too long ago and now mine of a redhead

alphatiger:

We can’t have shit

countess..luanne:

Smh

I think he’s deflecting bc I called him out on his fetishizing lesbians

goldendemon:
I’m not even lesbian lol

butterfly:

🤯
Could you reconsider

goldendemon:

LMFAO

Never said I wasn’t sapphic 😏

butterfly:

nothuman:

NO

NO WAY

GOD

I SEE WHAT YOU DO FOR OTHERS

WHAT ABOUT ME!!!!!!

I WANT A SUPER HOT GF!!!!!!

or a bf i guess :\

alphatiger:

Oh my god

I have the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever.

x..RASHOMON..x:

which is?

alphatiger:

@nothuman

x..RASHOMON..x:

HAHAHAAHAH LMFAO
nothuman:

doppo_poet:

HAHAHAHAHAAH

boydetective:

FINISH HIM OFF YOSANO

nothuman:

no… yosano… my queen…

butterfly:

I’m sorry that it’s come to this

nothuman:

NO
 DON’T DO IT!

AKIKO PLEASE!!!

butterfly:

🫵🤣
nothuman:

Chapter End Notes

sorry i didn't update yesterday like i said i ended up reorganizing my bookshelf, finding out i
had "No Longer Human" by Osamu Dazai and read that and finished it today. it's a solid read
and significantly less painful to read than Herman Melville.

Sonic 3 fucking ate btw. i was never rly into sonic until the movies came out but here i am at
age 22 and a newly found sonic the hedgehog fan who would've thought.

i want to write sskk so bad it might happen in the next chapter i'm not entirely sure yet.

follow me on bluesky at unknown-ghost so you can see when i update

bye!
 Odysseus and Babysitting
Chapter Summary

There is no way to surmise this chapter.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

iMessage

Ryuu 🖤❤️
Today at 2:33 PM.

Hey :3

Did u listen to epic yet :3

hi jinko

not yet

ive been a bit busy

but i plan to listen to it later :]

Ok!!!

I just think we are so Odysseus and Penelope coded :D

we are

ive read the odyssey before

so i can say that

Omg babe
 Who is Odysseus and who is Penelope

clearly i am odysseus

love you jinko but… u would die to the cyclops LMFAO

WTF?!?!?!?!?!

I WOULD LIVE

I COULD SO BE ODYSSEUS

baby…

lying is bad even if its to urself…

RYU

U LITERALLY ASKED WHO IS WHO

I ANSWERED HONESTLY

did u want me to lie

fine ill lie

u would be odysseus

NAH

IM GETTING OTHER PEOPLE INVOLVED

MEANING???

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat
Today at 2:36 PM

alphatiger:

Hi guys important question

x..RASHOMON..x:

oh jesus christ

SPARE ME

alphatiger:

HUSH

Who here is familiar with the Odyssey/Epic: The Musical

animal_crossing:

ME!!!!

I love it :3

The animatics r so cool !!!!

butterfly:

I know of the Odyssey

I never read it but I know what happens

nothuman:

i’ve read both the iliad and odyssey

x..RASHOMON..x:

not the question

nerd
showoff

nothuman:

you’re only calling me a showoff because you can’t read

x..RASHOMON..x:

DUDE?!?!?!

arahabaki:

I tried reading it but it was too fucking long and too boring

nothuman:

name of your sex tape

arahabaki:

DUDE?!

doppo_poet:

I have read the Odyssey and am aware of the musical!

My favorite song is Open Arms!

animal_crossing:

GASP

ME TOO KUNIKIDA!!!

boydetective:

I LOVE EPIC
WHEN DOES A MAN BECOME A MONSTEERRRRRRR

thegoldraven:

Ranpo got me into the musical but I have read the Odyssey before

shadow.praiser:

omg yes the odyssey

fucking LOVE that mario game

boydetective:

LMFAO

Dude no

The epic poem by Homer

shadow.praiser:

that shit WAY TOO long to be a poem

and it doesnt even rhyme

goldendemon:

Did not read the Iliad or Odyssey

Vaguely aware of the musical

BIG Song of Achilles fan

butterfly:

You and I need to talk fr

goldendemon:
I live right under you so idk what the holdup is

nothuman:

can y’all have some decency

some of us are single and lonely

light_finder:

I FUCKING LOVE EPIC!!!!!!!!!!

IVE BEEN BEGGING JUNICHIRO TO GET INTO IT BUT HE WONT

FUCKING LOSER!!!!!!!!!

shadow.praiser:

yeOUCH

sry i draw the line at musicals

idk why people be singing and dancing like that

nothuman:

real

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

I enjoy epic the musical

I think the thunder saga is the best one

boydetective:

You spelt underworld saga wrong :\

xX.demonsnow.Xx:
I will gut u like a fish.

boydetective:

HELLO?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

bookworm:

I’ve read the Odyssey a few times now.

Big fan.

nothuman:

insane

alphatiger:

Ok so the reason I ask is because I wanna know

Between Akutagawa and me, who is Odysseus and who is Penelope

nothuman:

akutagawa is the guy who gets drunk and falls off a roof and dies

you’re the infant odysseus kills in troy

arahabaki:

What the fuck is this story about

x..RASHOMON..x:

?!?!?!?

i am NOT elpenor
nothuman:

literally crazy how you knew exactly who i was talking about

boydetective:

Ignoring Dazai’s usual insanity, I’d say Akutagawa is Odysseus and you’re Penelope

x..RASHOMON..x:

HAH

alphatiger:

WHY

boydetective:

Because you have suitors babe

Akutagawa, Dazai, probably your friend Sigma

And I’m not entirely convinced that they’d live to see another day if they pursued you seriously
with Akutagawa around

He’d kill them like Odysseus killed the suitors

x..RASHOMON..x:

:]

i agree

butterfly:

Doesn’t Odysseus cheat on Penelope though

nothuman:

it’s up to interpretation
some say he slept and had children with circe and calypso, others deny this

if akutagawa was odysseus he’d cheat on my poor atsushi

my poor pookums :(

x..RASHOMON..x:

I WOULD NOT

SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU MUMMIFIED FREAK

animal_crossing:

I think Atsushi gives off more Telemachus vibes don’t you guys think?? :0!

shadow.praiser:

honest to god

akutagawa is shadow the hedgehog

and atsu is sonic the hedgehog

x..RASHOMON..x:

were not talking abt those stupid hedgehogs

shadow.praiser:

i take it back

aku is maria and im G.U.N.

start running

x..RASHOMON..x:

i dont get the reference so this means nothing to me

boydetective:

Maria is shot and killed by G.U.N.

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

If Ryu is Shadow that means I’M Maria

And that means I die :[

I don’t wanna die

x..RASHOMON..x:

i wouldnt let anyone touch a hair on ur head

shadow.praiser:

i mean maria is shot so no one is touching a hair on her head

its kind of long range

x..RASHOMON..x:

i will curb stomp u and shoot u 3 times.

shadow.praiser:

GIN ISNT MARIA UR MARIA

GIN WOULD BE SHADOW

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

:0!

I love Shadow the Hedgehog

x..RASHOMON..x:
u like sonic?

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Yes!

Naomi and I went to see the third movie today!

light_finder:

YEAH

IT ROCKED

shadow.praiser:

wasnt aware of this

x..RASHOMON..x:

neither was i

alphatiger:

Ermmmmmm

Can we get back to the matter at hand

Who thinks I am Odysseus

x..RASHOMON..x:

zero ppl

sorry baby

nothuman:

FUCKING EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW
BABY?!?!?!

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU, JUSTIN BIEBER?!?!?!

IM GONNA KMS

light_finder:

If I’m honest, neither of you lol

Atsushi love you to death but you’d never think of the Nobody bit and you’d sacrifice yourself for
your men against the cyclops

And Akutagawa you’d probably be punished by the Gods in Troy so you wouldn’t even make it to
the Odyssey

I think you’d both wait 20 years for the other one though

You’re both Penelope

alphatiger:

Awe

That’s cute

But I’m Odysseus

x..RASHOMON..x:

ur smart friend said i was odysseus so suck one

alphatiger:

Maybe I will 😐
nothuman:

CAN U GUYS NOT FOREPLAY IN THE SERVER.

I’M BANNING NSFW

NSFW IS BANNED
butterfly:

I was abt to say smth and then I realized that was a private pm thing

nothuman:

???

OH

when i send you my nudes?

goldendemon:

HUH?

boydetective:

🕶️🤏🏻🤨
butterfly:

Relax

I just rate them between 1 through 5 if he should send them out

Like any good friend would do

alphatiger:

Honest to god couldn’t imagine you naked

Without clothes? I’m sure that happens

But naked? No

In my head you’re just bandages

butterfly:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

arahabaki:

What’s with the bandages

nothuman:

i have a non-contagious skin disease called nunya

so i keep most of my body wrapped with bandages

arahabaki:

Nunya?

OH FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

YOU’RE A DICK

KYS IDC

FUCK OFF

FUCK YOU

SHITTY DAZAI

DIE

I HATE YOU

nothuman:

:3c

iMessage

Ryuu 🖤❤️
Today at 3:02 PM.
 That devolved.

lol yup

but ur smartest friend agreed i was odysseus

so i win :3

DANG IT

why did u want to be odysseus so bad

Bc I want there to be one instance where I’m the super cool strong guy in our relationship :(

jinko

im gonna say smth and i dont want u to make fun of me for it…

:0!

What is it??

between the two of us…

neither of us r a super cool strong guy :|

OH PISS OFF!!!!!

:]

anyway i’m coming over

 Don’t get lost for 10 years and see some other hoes Odysseus

god no

i’d rather die.

the yokohomo gaygency

General-chat

Today at 6:32 PM.

doppo_poet:

Does anyone here know anything about children?

butterfly:

DID YOU KNOCK SOMEONE UP?!?!?!?!

LETS GO

GAYGENCY BABY!!!!!!!!

nothuman:

i do not care for children

arahabaki:

You don’t like animals OR kids?

What do you like????

nothuman:

adults?

not a furry fucker (atsushi) nor a kiddie diddler (dr. mori)

alphatiger:

DONT LUMP ME IN W MORI?!?!?!?!?

ALSO NOT A FURRY FUCKER?????

nothuman:

akutagawa is basically a rabid dog and you fuck him so

furry fucker 😐
x..RASHOMON..x:

thats not true

sometimes i fuck him

nothuman:

STOP

FUCKING

TALKING

x..RASHOMON..x:

u literally started it

and i was correcting u

alphatiger:

:3

butterfly:

Ok i’m changing the subject

Let’s turn the focus back to Kunikida

Can I be an aunt

doppo_poet:

I’m not having a kid.

butterfly:

BOOOOOOOOO

Could you?

I’m sure you’d have a cute kid!!!

doppo_poet:

Not now.

Also, I’m not dating anyone so that’s not happening for a little bit.

butterfly:

Can we find this man a gf???

goldendemon:

Do you date at all, Kunikida?

doppo_poet:

It’s not in my schedule right now.

May we focus back on the matter at hand?

butterfly:

shore what up
doppo_poet:

I promised Professor Stoker that I would watch his daughter, Aya, but I’ve come to realize I know
nothing about children.

Does anyone have any advice?

nothuman:

back out

LOL

i’m jk i guess

i mean watching kids isn’t really that hard

just talk to her and whatever and she’ll tell you what she wants to do

if not just let her do her own thing

is she like a little little kid or like walking and talking

doppo_poet:

I think she’s around 10-12 years old?

I’m not sure of her age exactly.

nothuman:

oh yeah just let her do her thing

as long as she doesn’t kill you or herself it’s fine

i’d be more worried if she’s like a vampire or something

prof stoker a whole freak

def drinks and bathes in blood

doppo_poet:

Relax Dazai.

He’s a respected member of our university’s staff.

nothuman:

why are you watching his kid over YOUR SUMMER BREAK

doppo_poet:

Because I promised I would.

nothuman:

couldn’t be me

imagine fukuzawa asking me babysit his kid?

i heard that kid is a nightmare

doppo_poet:

Yeah, I’ve heard the same thing.

I heard he gets violent when he doesn’t get his candy.

nothuman:

yeah it’s crazy

couldn’t pay me a million dollars to babysit his kid

boydetective:

???

What the fuck are you guys talking about

WAIT

ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME?!

YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY SUCK

nothuman:

teehee

boydetective:

hm.

Would be a shame if someone sent

That of you in the group chat

nothuman:

no one hmu i’m actually committing suicide tonight

kouyou keep your dog on a leash.

goldendemon:

Do you mean Chuuya?

arahabaki:

BRO.

FUCK OFF.
 Thanks for the new contact picture of him though :p

nothuman:

DIE.

Chapter End Notes

don't ask i don't know

bye
 High School and Family Ties
Chapter Summary

Dazai, Akutagawa, and Chuuya reminisce about high school and some lore is revealed in the
chat.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

iMessage

atsu naka

Today at 10:54 PM.

DUDE???

U GOOD??

RU CRYING?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

LOL

Hi Junichiro

Yeah

WHY RU CRYING

was it akutagawa

LOL NO

I’m watching a show

?????

wha t show
Will Trent

He’s an orphan

And I feel represented

#orphanrepresentation

LEAVEE ME ALONEEEEEE

dam

sry

forgot how pissy u orphans get 2 b

IM GONNA PUMMEL U INTO THE DIRT

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

Today at 10:59 PM.

shadow.praiser:

guiz :(

atsu threatened 2 hurt me

x..RASHOMON..x:

deserved

shadow.praiser:
man :\

nothuman:

LOL

atsushi would never

he’s a kind and gentle soul

😚😚😚
alphatiger:

:3

Ty Dazai

nothuman:

ofc pookie

love you <3!!

x..RASHOMON..x:

NOPE.

atsushi is mine not urs hop off

u suicidal fuck

shadow.praiser:

um achtually ☝️🤓
atsu is mine

we r endgame

boydetective:
Poe and me are endgame :3

x..RASHOMON..x:

didnt ask dont care

L + ratio

boydetective:

I’m on Dazai’s side break up with this guy atsushi

x..RASHOMON..x:

U GUYS R FUCKING ANNOYING

alphatiger:

Even me? :(

x..RASHOMON..x:

yes

ur not exempt jinko

i just like u more

boydetective:

Erm notice how he said “like” and not “love” ☝️🤓

x..RASHOMON..x:

I WILL SKIN U ALIVE

boydetective:
Can someone check if he’s said that before?

doppo_poet:

He’s threatened to drop Dazai in “skin eroding acid.”

I don’t know about skinning though.

boydetective:

Ah!

You’re getting less creative :\

thegoldraven:

Please don’t aggravate him further. I’d like you to keep your skin please 😭
boydetective:

So what I’m hearing is you wouldn’t find me attractive if I was skinless?

WOW

Yosano, would you love me if I was just a muscular system?

butterfly:

I’d arguably find you more attractive

boydetective:

Wow bit OVER! I hated that answer!

butterfly:

LMFAO
arahabaki:

Yosano’s idea partner

butterfly:

OMG…….

SO BEAUTIFUL…

nothuman:

you would love me with the bandages off

butterfly:

AYO?!

alphatiger:

I thought you send her your nudes???

So she’s seen you naked??

butterfly:

He sends me tasteful nudes

But not everything is shown

:\

nothuman:

NOT THE EMOTICON LOL

she has not seen osamu jr

well maybe like a little bit of him

butterfly:

Keeping it so honest and real I have zero recollection

Probably

I'm sure jr has made an appearance

We’ve been friends for a while

Like since freshman year

nothuman:

yeah <3

my yoyo

boydetective:

Ugh ick move on from this

goldendemon:

What are under the bandages Osamu

nothuman:

hey babe you know i think you’re so drop dead gorgeous beautiful and sexy but using my first
name actually made me convulse

arahabaki:

Osamu

nothuman:

EW

arahabaki:

???

You call me by my first name???

nothuman:

yeah but everyone calls you by your first name

everyone calls me just dazai

arahabaki:

OKAY?? I DIDNT TELL THEM TOO

Also you gave me shit in dms and alluding that your name isn’t even dazai

Soooooo idk the issue

nothuman:

🤭
omg i forgot about that

that was crazy

butterfly:

UM YEAH

ACTUALLY

LET'S DISCUSS.

nothuman:

:p

nah im okay.

i need to stay enigmatic because a little mystery is sexy

and i’ve been too emotional vulnerable with a few of you

alphatiger:

LIKE WHO???

Cause I know it wasn’t me 😐

Even though it should be

Cause I’m your favorite

nothuman:

oh my poor pookie :(

actually pause

rewind

you’re too busy giving RYUUNOSUKE AKUTAGAWA SLOPPY to be around when i need you

so you’re not my poor pookie

i’m the poor pookie in this scenario

x..RASHOMON..x:
atsushi does not give me sloppy thats perverse

and hes also not good at it :\

nothuman:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

🫵🤣
now break up with each other

alphatiger:

>:0

doppo_poet:

CAN WE HAVE A PG CHAT?

FOR ONE NIGHT?

EVERYTHING IN THE SERVER IS PERVERTED.

alphatiger:

Akutagawa check imessage rn 😐

animal_crossing:

Ooooooooooo
Someone is in troubleeeeeee

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

🫢
Deserved.

nothuman:

kyoka!!

how has the sims been treating you?

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

:0

Pretty well

I’m doing the black widow challenge rn and just killed geoffrey landgraab

Stupid fucker and his ugly ass house

nothuman:

wow

congrats

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

What’s all this about your name not being dazai

nothuman:

it’s a circulating theory

xX.demonsnow.Xx:
Is it true?

nothuman:

who knows :p

butterfly:

Your name is dazai its the one on the lease!!!!!!!

That needs to be your gov name

nothuman:

:3c

yeah you’re right

teehee

anyway is atsushi single yet

alphatiger:

No

Stop praying for my relationship to fail 😭

nothuman:

it’s not that i want your relationship to fail

it’s just that

akutagawa?

really?

x..RASHOMON..x:

im a solid bf
boydetective:

As opposed to being a liquid or gas bf

x..RASHOMON..x:

nerd

boydetective:

>:0

alphatiger:

What’s even your problem with Akutagawa?

x..RASHOMON..x:

yes

lets dive into this

would love to know

nothuman:

i mean the answer is obvious

in high school, you clung onto me and followed me around all the time

it was annoying and no matter what i did you stayed.

x..RASHOMON..x:

yeah but i only ever hung around u bc u helped me when i was being bullied

only to bully me instead

nothuman:

i didn’t help you when you were being bullied

if i did that wasn’t my intent

x..RASHOMON..x:

that makes u sound like a dick.

nothuman:

i’m just being honest

i didn’t help you out for the sake out helping you out

you were being bullied by “The Sheep” and i hated them more than i found you annoying

so if they did anything around me in general i was going to do shit back

especially to that stupid shirase fucker lol

if you’re going to be upset with anyone for bullying you in high school, it should be chuuya

he was the “leader” of the sheep

arahabaki:

I never bullied anyone

And I told them all to knock it off, they just wouldn’t listen to me!!

nothuman:

yeah but that’s not my problem

they still bullied a whole bunch of kids and they felt comfortable doing so because they knew that
you’d have their back if anything happened

anyway this is about akutagawa

and i just can’t unsee you as that pathetic, annoying kid who wouldn’t leave me alone no matter
what

you kind of were like a sheep with me as the leader instead

and that just pissed me off.

butterfly:

Wow

I think you have a lot of deep rooted problems

countess..luanne:

Damn girl you THINK?

That’s a hunk of shit lmfao

I mean I wasn’t there so

But you all sound like you suck

Aktuagawa less so but I know he gave Atsushi a lot of shit his freshman year here so 😐
Enemies to lovers type beat ig but

alphatiger:

LOL

I forgot there was a time he and I actually didn’t like each other and it wasn’t a bit

boydetective:

LMFAO ATSUSHI

Never change

Except for the bangs

Please change them

↪️ nothuman: you kind of were like a sheep with me as the leader instead
arahabaki:

I didn’t ask to be their “leader”

And considering how they all didn’t listen to me and then fucking dropped me, I’d argue I was
never their leader and just their pawn

So you gotta lay off of me because of that

The real bully in high school was you dude

nothuman:

???

that’s not even remotely true

the only person i gave shit to was akutagawa

and it was only for him to leave me alone and he didn’t.

shirase and his little girlfriend were rancid and i gave them back exactly what they gave me

and you and i beefed because you're a little dick (literally in two senses and a metaphorical third
sense)

and anyway i stopped like senior year of high school because of mori

doppo_poet:

Mori as in Dr. Mori?

nothuman:

:0

gasp…

boydetective:

LMFAO

FUCKING MORON

butterfly:

Why dr. mori dazai…

nothuman:

i wish to not say

poe may i plead the fifth as a non-american

thegoldraven:

I want to say yes, but I’m more afraid of Yosano than you.

Sorry!

nothuman:

unfortunately incredibly valid and fair

alas it was to come out at some point…

but you can’t get mad at me.

butterfly:

What is it Dazai

nothuman:

he’s my “dad”

Goldendemon:

?!?!?!?!?

I just heard a scream from upstairs?!?!?!

arahabaki:

LMFAO
I THINK SHE’S FIGHTING HIM!!!

alphatiger:

Gravity Falls?

Chuuya we should talk more

arahabaki:

LMFAO real

But also do I need to check on them?

goldendemon:

No

If she kills him I think our rent will be cheaper

boydetective:

HAHAHAHA

Priorities

nothuman:

WOW

none of you value human life i suppose

arahabaki:

Your username is literally “not human”

And I’m not entirely convinced it’s wrong

nothuman:

aha ouch

alphatiger:

Wait sorry I was so focused on Gravity Falls I didn’t realize that THE DR. MORI IS YOUR
DAD?!?!?!?!!?!?!

butterfly:

I can’t believe I’m living with his SPAWN.

nothuman:

i’m not his biological kid

arahabaki:

WAIT

YOU WERE ADOPTED?!?!?!?!

He chose you?

That’s crazy

nothuman:

wait what the fuck that was actually funny what’s going on :(

i mean i don’t know what else to say

he took me in when i was like fourteen

arahabaki:

What about your real family

nothuman:

no

boydetective:

???

WYM NO???

nothuman:

nope.

nah.

no.

non.

nein.

nyet.

alphatiger:

Hmmm…

I’m getting a sense he doesn’t wanna talk about it…

PM

butterfly aka Yosano Akiko

Today at 11:43 PM.

arahabaki:
 He totally killed his real family

butterfly:

SHUT UP BAHAHAHAHA

I LIVE WITH HIM THATS CRAZY

Also was lowkey texting ranpo the same thing 😭

arahabaki:

Idk if he’d kill you though

He seems lowkey afraid of you

butterfly:

Omg…

So unfortunate I’m not into guys because you are the most perfect guy

You know how to flatter a girl…

arahabaki:

You’re saying all that shit because I said I think he’s afraid of you

butterfly:

Yeah

I like it when men fear me

arahabaki:

Fuck it

Who am I to yuck your yum

Chapter End Notes

hope you guys enjoyed :3

i need asagiri to drop dazai's backstory before i put in the one i made for him. cause idk if he
was an orphan and i want atsushi to get his pissy orphan revenge

anyway follow me on bluesky to see when i update @unknown-ghost :)

kk baiiiiiii
 Who's Your Type?
Chapter Summary

After trying to get more lore out Dazai, the group chat talks about everyone's type.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

gaygency

general

Today at 2:21 AM.

alphatiger:

Ok I’m sorry I can’t get over this

And I’ll text in here so it’s all people you like and not Akutagawa and Chuuya and whatever but

MORI IS YOUR (adoptive) FATHER?!

SINCE YOU WERE 14?!?!

HOW!!

WHY!!

nothuman:

gm to you too atsushi

i dunno

not much to say

alphatiger:

I mean listen dude

I’m not going to force you if you don’t wanna talk about it

But you have to see how CRAZY this is

The most hated professor of ALL TIME IS YOUR DAD!!!

And no one knew

boydetective:

I knew :p

Ok I’m going back to bed

alphatiger:

Clearly you don’t count but gn princess

Anyway

THIS INFORMATION IS MIND BOGGLING!!!!

nothuman:

honestly dude

there’s not really much to say

and the story of how it happened would only upset you

alphatiger:

I’m a big boy

If you wanna share it

Don’t feel like you need to

But don’t not share it because of my feelings

I’ll be ok

nothuman:

okay then so

when i was fourteen i tried to kill myself.

like kill myself for real

mori was the doctor that treated me so i didn’t die

he found out i was living in a shipping container or whatever

took me in

at a price.

but yeah.

alphatiger:

Oh wow

I’m so sorry Dazai

nothuman:

there’s nothing to be sorry about

that’s just how things be

i hate the fucker

simple as that

alphatiger:

What about your other siblings? Are they also adopted?

nothuman:

kyuusaku is adopted. i was there when they were adopted

elise is his biological daughter from what i remember

he had already had her by the time i came around, so he could’ve also taken her in?

but he treats her way better than he ever treated kyu and me

i don’t know if that’s because she’s a girl, i took it as it’s because she’s his bio kid

i never asked because i never really cared enough to know

alphatiger:

Did you know your bio family?

nothuman:

yes.

i knew them.

i’m not going to talk about them, that’s a hard boundary

alphatiger:

Ok

I wasn’t going to ask

Damn who would’ve thought this whole time…

YOUR ASS WAS AN ORPHAN TOO!

nothuman:

BOOOOO

YOU DON’T KNOW FOR SURE!

alphatiger:

NAH

UR ASS WAS IN A SHIPPING CONTAINER

ORPHAN! ORPHAN! ORPHAN!

SOMEONE GET THIS MF A MEMBERSHIP CARD

nothuman:

UNLIKE YOU I WAS ADOPTED!!!

SOMEONE WANTED MY ASS!!

WHO WANTED YOU?!?!

alphatiger:

hm true…

Except let me check my notes here and oop!

YOUR ASS IS SINGLE?!?!

AND MY ASS IS TAKEN?!?!?!?!

nothuman:

GASP

HOW DARE YOU BRING MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS INTO THIS!!

alphatiger:

Also being adopted by Dr. Mori is not a flex

nothuman:

he’s the reason why i’m alive to be honest and fair

so i know one of the reasons i’m pissed at him is for that

maybe you should be grateful considering your ass wants me alive and whatnot

alphatiger:

Are you defending him

nothuman:

UGH LOOK AT WHAT YOU MADE ME DO

alphatiger:

Did you call him dad or like papa or what

nothuman:

????

it’s so clear you’ve never had parents a day in your life LMFAO what the fuck is that question

i called him mori

i only ever referred to him as dad when talking to kyu and elise

alphatiger:

And no mom?

nothuman:

you think mori fucks?

uh huh disgusting

alphatiger:

LIKE ELISE’S MOM???

nothuman:

OH.

no

again i don’t know for sure if elise is biologically his, i just assume she is

but if she is his biologically, her mom was never around

like she’s either dead or a bum

cause there was no mention of her whatsoever

alphatiger:

What was it like to be his son

nothuman:

it was fine for the most part

there was a weird expectation to be the “best person in the room” so everything felt like a
performance like i was some clown entertaining the masses

there was no truth to what i did, no matter what it was, it felt like everything was a lie

he had people to impress and i was his prodigal son

i mean let’s be honest i’m not ranpo but i’m still pretty smart

people liked that and he liked that people liked it

and my quirks and habits were mostly ignored as long as i did them in private

and he wouldn’t get mad as long as i didn’t literally kill myself and sully his name

everything was about appearances

alphatiger:

Do you still feel that way now that you’ve left him?

nothuman:

yeah

i do

a lot of the time

but it’s different now because i choose it to be this way rather than having it forced on me

alphatiger:

What do you think you’re performing?

nothuman:
well, if i told you that

then the act would be over, wouldn’t it?

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

Today at 11:41 AM.

doppo_poet:

So Prof. Fukuzawa has Ranpo as a son and Dr. Mori has Dazai.

Anyone else a child of one of the professors that wants to come clean?

countess..luanne:

Yeah come clean

So we can become better friends

And I can get that easy A

boydetective:

Ugh please

Fukuzawa chose me out of every possible child in the world and he won’t cut me a break

I mean I had him as a professor before he nabbed me

#childprodigy

But still

I had to work for those As!!!

butterfly:

I’ve been known as Dazai’s best friend ever since we met and Mori still gets on my case

So these two are useless :\

Literally zero benefit in befriending either of them

boydetective:

YEOUCH

arahabaki:

Still can’t get over that Dazai and Mori aren’t related

They’re literally twins

butterfly:

I’ve never seen them in the same room together

arahabaki:

They both have that weird look in their eyes

Like that glazed over, non-caring look

I think Dazai is his illegitimate kid or something

And he just happened to reconnect with him when he was 14 somehow

And got custody

Cause mori has gotta be papa to dazai

boydetective:

No Dazai told Atsushi that he had a family before Mori

So papa was someone else

But it’s really interesting

My parents died in an accident but my dad told me to come to this university if anything ever
happened to him cause he’s friends with the university president

And then I ended up meeting Fukuzawa and he took me in

#slaying

I was also 14 when I met him too!

countess..luanne:

You were taking college classes at 14?

Why are you still here?!??!

boydetective:

I wanted another degree :p

My first time round I dual majored in criminal justice/criminology

Now I’m just here for a degree in literature

countess..luanne:

Nerd

boydetective:

I AM NOT A NERD?!?!?!

x..RASHOMON..x:

oh great were still talking abt dazai

yippee.

boydetective:

Real

Let’s talk about moi!

butterfly:

What is there to talk about

You’re a genius who has a bf and a dad

That’s more than atsushi

Who only has the bf

x..RASHOMON..x:

and lucky atsushi

:]

butterfly:

Where is my little furry king

shadow.praiser:

dude is dead asleep

butterfly:

How do you know for sure

shadow.praiser:

cuz i just went into his rm

x..RASHOMON..x:

???

why were u in there????!!???

shadow.praiser:

CHILLAX

atsu was borrowing my copy of pkmn scarlet

and i wanted it back

unclench dog

butterfly:

Wow the furry playing a game with animals I am shocked

alphatiger:

AM

NOT

FURRY.

Also sorry junichiro I totally forgot to give you that back last night

BUT HELLO??

WAKING UP TO SLANDE

SLANDER

I AM NOT A FURRY

NOR WILL I EVER BE A FURRY

countess..luanne:

Oh lord

alphatiger:

Akutagawa clear my name!!!

x..RASHOMON..x:

remembering the time when u said my username was the “bitch pokemon” so i think im just gonna
see how this all plays out
alphatiger:

Dick 😐
LUCY?!?!?!

VOUCH?!?!?!??!

countess..luanne:

I mean you’ve never discussed furry stuff with me

Idk about anyone else

butterfly:

Closeted furry 🫵🏻🤯

boydetective:

Wow no rofl emoji afterwards are we unlocking new emotes

butterfly:

I’m branching out

alphatiger:

AM

NOT

FURRY

WHY CANT A GUY JUST BE AN ANIMAL FAN WITHOUT BEING ACCUSED OF BEING A
FURRY

butterfly:
It’s either furry or being one of the misogynistic “alpha” guys, alpha tiger

alphatiger:

Chat so I need to change my username

x..RASHOMON..x:

stop asking chat !!!

chat isnt real

ru hearing voices jinko pls be honest

alphatiger:

Yes but the chat thing is a bit

butterfly:

[link to campus mental health resources]

Hey babe maybe check this out :3

alphatiger:

LMFAO

nothuman:

what is going on right now

awe! you guys were talking about me!

you started talking about atsushi and ranpo?

yawn 🥱
boydetective:
Man I know you’re obsessed with me

nothuman:

ugh don’t you know it babe

thegoldraven:

🙁
boydetective:

KYS DAZAI!!!!

nothuman:

LMFAO?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

I DID NOTHING?!?!?!?!?!?!

I’M GOING TO KMS BUT FUCK YOU RANPO KYS TOO

YOU SHORT FUCK

boydetective:

IM GOING TO DRAIN THE BLOOD FROM YOU BODY

nothuman:

LOL IT’S AB BLOOD WHAT’RE YOU GOING TO DO WITH IT??

boydetective:

YOU’RE AB?!!

YOU GREEDY FUCKER

nothuman:

😛
boydetective:

I’m type O I’m a universal donor

nothuman:

that implies you donate blood which you do not do

boydetective:

THAT’S NOT MY FAULT

nothuman:

you could’ve donate blood before dating poe

considering you were celibate up until then

but you didn’t :3

boydetective:

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

butterfly:

I’m also type O and donate blood

Regularly

They pay you for it

boydetective:

THEY PAY ME FOR MY JUICE???

alphatiger:

Oh I hate that

I’m actually also AB

nothuman:

for real?

guess you can literally say i’m your type…

😏
x..RASHOMON..x:

i will shoot u dead

with a gun.

nothuman:

what’s your blood type?

x..RASHOMON..x:

arahabaki:

Oh me too

xX.demonsnow.Xx:

Me too.

boydetective:
So is Fukuzawa

Now I know who I need to take blood from if he shall ever need it >:)

nothuman:

yourself?

you are type O

boydetective:

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

thegoldraven:

I don’t know my blood type. :(

butterfly:

Typical American

boydetective:

LEAVE HIM ALONE HE’D HAVE TO PAY AN ARM AND A LEG TO GET HIS BLOOD
TYPE IN AMERICA

x..RASHOMON..x:

thats crazy

and i realized idc :\

boydetective:

FUCK

YOU
alphatiger:

Ranpo breathe

boydetective:

:0

>:0

I will kill you.

doppo_poet:

I’m type A.

nothuman:

ugh yeah you are.

doppo_poet:

Meaning?!

countess..luanne:

WHAT UP AB GANG‼️

nothuman:

OH

W.

light_finder:
I’m also AB :3

alphatiger:

Clearly AB is best because we have the most women

goldendemon:

I’m type A like Kunikida

shadow.praiser:

WHAT UP A GANGGGG

me 2

animal_crossing:

I am type O and donate regularly!!

I’m actually donating next week :3

Anyone want to come with? :0

boydetective:

Dazai definitely can go, he hasn't slept with any men in the past 6 months :)

nothuman:

lol bold assumption ;)

boydetective:

OK EW

nothuman:
 :3

well, you started it

arahabaki:

Like who???

nothuman:

why do you care chibi?

arahabaki:

Because I think you’re lying

Haven’t heard anything from upstairs and your room is just above mine

You’re actually oddly quiet

nothuman:

ugh fucking narc

boydetective:

YOSANO DO IT!

nothuman:

STOP!!!!!

butterfly:

🫵🤣
Chapter End Notes
next chapter is gonna have chuuya lore trust

follow me on bluesky if you wanna see when i update :)! the username is unknown-ghost

bye!
 Less Tongue
Chapter Summary

Chuuya gets a text and a confrontation from an old friend.

Chapter Notes

TW: homophobia, biphobia, mentions of outing.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

PM

theshepherd aka Shirase

Today at 2:21 PM.

theshepherd:

hey Chuuya its me Shirase

I know its been a while

was hoping I could talk to you

arahabaki:

Hey man

No offense but after everything that happened between us

I don’t think I owe you the chance to talk to me

theshepherd:

listen man I know

Ive been thinking about it a lot recently

I hate how everything went down

Yuan and I have been talking about it all

we want to apologize

arahabaki:

I literally don’t care.

theshepherd:

please man

if not for me, for Yuan

she was innocent in the whole thing anyway

arahabaki:

If she was innocent and cared, she’d have reached out herself

And she would’ve checked in on me after everything happened.

Instead she stuck around you

So clearly she chose you over me

Which is fine

But that doesn’t mean I owe her or you my time

theshepherd:

please dude

we just want to talk to you

try to rectify everything

arahabaki:

There’s no rectifying anything.

You OUTED me.

 TO MY DAD.

AND THE WHOLE SCHOOL.

Just because I told you and Yuan that I wasn’t going to back up your bullying anymore

You guys were bullying people and expected me to clean up your messes.

You guys used me and then betrayed me when I didn’t follow your lead

Even though “I was the leader”

Fuck you by the way for that

There shouldn’t be a leader of a group of friends

It should all be equal

But of course you and Yuan knew that

And I wasn’t a real leader

you guys just gave that title to me so I’d stay friends with you

And literally fight for you.

theshepherd:

I know.

and dude I am so sorry

Yuan and I wanna talk to you

in person

if possible

and apologize to you in person

arahabaki:

It doesn’t really seem worth it to me

I don’t really care for you guys anymore

And nothing you say will affect me

You can’t take back what you did and honestly it doesn’t even feel like you changed.
 Cause really? The Shepherd?

Just unadd me on here dude

theshepherd:

no but we really need to talk man

I'll see you soon.

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

Today at 4:34 PM

arahabaki:

Man I fucking hate people

x..RASHOMON..x:

real

butterfly:

If this is because I’m being loud upstairs rn IM SORRY

I need to rearrange my furniture

The vibes are no longer what I want

goldendemon:

Wait can I help

I love rearranging furniture

butterfly:
Omg YES

nothuman:

get a u-haul while you’re at it

butterfly:

😐
Maybe we should switch roommates

I get Kouyou and you get Chuuya

arahabaki:

AGAIN I HATE PEOPLE.

blcklzrd:

Why do you hate people Chuuya

arahabaki:

My old friend from high school reached out to me today

nothuman:

shitrase?

sorry shirase

silly autocorrect

arahabaki:

Yeah him

And he’s like on my ass about meeting up with him and Yuan
But I don’t want to. I really don’t want to hear what they have to say after what they did.

alphatiger:

Can I ask what they did?

Only if you feel comfy sharing

butterfly:

I have fomo so idgaf if you're not comfortable just spill it

arahabaki:

HELP?!?!

I’m fine with sharing it because it’s been years and the outcome wasn’t that bad compared to what
it could be

It’s just the fact they did it is gross

shadow.praiser:

what do

they*

what did they do*

sry playing over wat

overwatch

hard 2 type

boydetective:

We need an intervention for you

Anyway chuuya floor is all yours

arahabaki:
They outed me

To like everyone

All because I wasn’t gonna stick up for them anymore if they started something

They told my dad, they told everyone in the school

My dad was fine with it, he didn't gaf

He was actually angry they outed me cause he said he wished I just told him myself

But senior year of high school was tough bc not only did they do that, but they dropped me as
friend and they were like my only friends

And then a lot of people would make fun of me

Cause you know God forbid someone is gay

butterfly:

Wait you’re gay?

JK

That’s fucked up though

I’m sorry that happened to you

x..RASHOMON..x:

yeah it was crazy

then he started hanging out w me so ppl would think we were gay together

bc i was out in hs cuz idgaf

nothuman:

can’t say i’m shocked

arahabaki:

Oh haha very funny you sensed i was gay

Hoorah dazai
nothuman:

not that you stubbed toe

boydetective:

Oh that’s a new one

nothuman:

they outed me to mori after i beat the shit out of shirase that one time

and right after they did that and they saw how that went down i think they did it to you

lol crazy

butterfly:

Damn these mfs suck why were you friends with them 😭
arahabaki:

We were childhood friends. I was blinded by nostalgia and the love I had for them I guess

I’m sorry they outed you though Dazai

Even though you suck you don’t deserve that

nothuman:

it’s whatever can’t change it

at the time it sucked because mori is very “you’re saying you’re bisexual because you’re secretly
gay or just asking for attention” but now it’s funny because i don’t live with him

butterfly:

OH HE SO WOULD BE THAT WAY

THAT STUPID FUCKER!!!

I HOPE HE DIES!!!

No offense to you or your family Dazai

I’m sure your siblings are cool and normal

nothuman:

they’re little fucking ankle biters but they’re cool

alphatiger:

DUDE?!?!?!

nothuman:

what? just because i feel bad that they’re still in mori’s care doesn’t mean i can’t be honest

kyu used to bite me like ALL THE TIME

and they have this fugly ass doll that i currently have in my room and it freaks me out

arahabaki:

OMG YES THAT DOLL

IT FREAKED ME OUT SO BAD

nothuman:

IT’S SO CREEPY I DON’T KNOW WHY THEY HAVE IT

AND MORI WOULDN’T LET THEM TAKE IT HOME SO I TOOK IT

BECAUSE FUCK MORI YOU KNOW

BUT IT’S ACTUALLY CURSED

MY ROOM IS FUCKING HAUNTED.

i don’t believe in ghosts

but this doll is haunted

arahabaki:

Wait their name is Kyu?

I… thought it was Q.

nothuman:

😀
you think my sibling is a letter?

arahabaki:

Ok hear me out…

alphatiger:

No

Pause

Pause

Pause

Pause

Let’s rewind a little back

Rewind the tape please

You met Dazai’s SIBLING?!

arahabaki:

Not by choice

They came over and were banging on the door at 4am and I guess I was the only person home?!?!

Idk how Kouyou didn’t wake up

goldendemon:

I sleep with noise canceling headphones and an eye mask

I need to get my 8 hours uninterrupted.

nothuman:

you’re going to die in a house fire.

that’s not a prediction btw the god apollo just blessed me with a prophetic vision

butterfly:

Stop putting that bad energy out there

LAME!

animal_crossing:

I thought we were talking about Chuuya?

arahabaki:

Thanks blond kid

We should be talking about me

Anyway

Shirase and Yuan want to meet up and talk to me and I don’t care about them or what they have to
say I’m just really curious

Like what on earth could they possibly say to me?

nothuman:

maybe shirase is going to confess his love for you

and how he was too afraid to come out in high school after everything that happened

and would do anything to make it right with you if you’d have him <3
arahabaki:

GO HANG YOURSELF!

nothuman:

sir yes sir! 🫡

alphatiger:

Guys can we PLEASE stop telling the suicidal maniac to kill himself???

nothuman:

i wanna die beautifully

kind of like a firework

wouldn’t that be something

x..RASHOMON..x:

says the guy who tried to drown himself

they would’ve fished u out w a net

and put u in an unmarked grave

arahabaki:

STOP TALKING ABOUT SHITTY DAZAI

ME WE ARE TALKING ABOUT ME

blcklzrd:

You should meet up with them

And kill them.

arahabaki:

Hey maybe don’t speak for a while

blcklzrd:

Okay :(

goldendemon:

I agree with Tachihara

Unfortunately

blcklzrd:

Fuck you guys >:(

This is why I talk to my other friends more than you

arahabaki:

You have other friends?

blcklzrd:

YES!

arahabaki:

For real?

This seems unheard of

Wow

Um ok…

Anyway I guess I’ll maybe think about talking to them

blcklzrd:

BRO WHY’RE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS IS CRAZY?!?!?!!?

Chuuya snickered at his phone, amused by what the losers in the chat needed to say. The issue with
Shirase and Yuan was such a headache…

He laid himself on his back, starfishing himself across his bed, and looked up at the ceiling. Things
were so much different now versus high school. He was so angry back then for a plethora of
reasons, one of which was his sexuality. How much of a coward he was to be himself and how
stupid he was to trust the wrong people… he mellowed out. He’s happier now. Did he want to risk
his happiness for Shirase and Yuan? Despite what they had done to him, they had been his first
friends. They had stuck by him all throughout their adolescence. Yeah, they backstabbed him senior
year, but did he need to keep icing them out like this?

His thoughts were interrupted by a tentative knock he could hear from the front door. He sat up,
contemplating. Was Kouyou expecting someone? It didn’t make sense, considering she went to
Dazai and Yosano’s… were they expecting anyone? It didn’t seem like that either. Other than the
“party” they had (of which Chuuya refuses to call a party because it was lame as fuck), they hadn’t
really had many people over. In fact, they were rather calm roommates except for times he could
hear them get into heated political debates.

So, he got up and went to answer the door. When he opened it, he was surprised to see Dazai
standing in the foyer face-to-face with Shirase and Yuan.

“What’s… going on here?” Chuuya asked.

“I could ask the very same,” Dazai said, smiling. Yikes. He was plotting something. Chuuya didn’t
have to be Dazai’s best friend to see that the smile he wore was one of deceit and plotting. He was
currently planning something with this. “What are you two doing here?”

“We came to talk to Chuuya!” Yuan exclaimed hurriedly, holding Shirase’s arm. “I didn’t expect a
high school reunion with you of all people though.”
“Really?” Dazai asked, bewilderment in his voice but Chuuya knew it was fake. Chuuya himself
was too bewildered to even speak, confused as to why Shirase and Yuan were there to begin with.
He also wanted to see what Dazai had planned… “I mean, why wouldn’t you think I wasn’t going
to be here? He and I live together, after all.”

“Wha—” Chuuya began to sputter out, but Dazai wrapped his arm around Chuuya’s shoulders and
brought him in close, assumingely to keep him from spoiling the bit.

“Well, we’re here to talk to Chuuya, so you can leave,” Shirase said.

“ERNT—that’s the sound an extremely incorrect buzzer makes,” Dazai responded, “I wanna see
what you have to say to him, all things considered. Anyway, you guys gotta have a lot of nerve
showing up uninvited. So, come on, let us hear it!”

Shirase sighed, but relented. “Alright, listen,” he began, taking Yuan’s hand in his. Chuuya
could’ve sworn Dazai’s eyes were gonna bulge out of his head and felt his grip tighten on Chuuya
like he was bracing himself. “Yuan and I recently got together… for real this time… and after
everything we’ve all been through together, we realized we don’t wanna go any further with
anything until we made things right with you. We fucked up bad and we realize that… but we also
realized that without you there is no us .”

Chuuya had mixed feelings about the whole thing, but everything was so weird and bizarre. He
figured, fuck it, just say things are cool and slowly ghost them and have things return to relative
normality. Except…

“That’s it?” Dazai asked, thwarting those plans before they could even come to fruition. “That’s all
you have to say? For an apology, it’s very much ‘this is how I feel and what we want from you’
rather than a heartfelt apology prompted by deep regret and guilt.” Dazai’s giddy look was replaced
by one of irritation and for the life of him, Chuuya could not figure out if it was authentic irritation
or not.

“Well, what do you know?!” Yuan exclaimed, her cheeks reddening in either embarrassment or just
from being upset (he couldn’t tell). “You were even worse to Chuuya in high school! And now you
two are roommates! Anything is possible…”

Dazai made a tsk sound before speaking. “The issues Chuuya and I had in high school were
nothing compared to what you two did and you know that. Chuuya and I beefed, yeah, but I didn’t
weaponize our alleged friendship and then tell everyone something that he trusted me and me alone
with like you two dunderheads did, isn’t that right?”

“W–Well, it’s different,” Shirase said, “and this is for Chuuya, not for you. Don’t act so all
knowing just because you’re his roommate!”

Chuuya should’ve known Dazai’s plan was at his own expense. He should’ve told Dazai to kick
rocks the moment he saw him talking to Shirase and Yuan. Instead, well, instead just sucked.

“Roommate?!” Dazai exclaimed, tone incredulous, “we’re not roommates , we’re together! ”
Chuuya felt Dazai curl his hair around his index finger. “Isn’t that ironic too? The two people you
guys outed ended up together—hah! We bonded over how you attempted to ruin us socially by
being a bunch of bigots!”

“Wh… You’re—You’re lying, Chuuya would never date you!” Yuan exclaimed and despite the
years they haven’t been friends for, Chuuya would argue that she knew him pretty well.

“Oh, that we are though, right Chu Chu?” Dazai asked, his shitty smirk on his shitty face. Chuuya
wanted out of this plan now—too many things were going on right now and everything seemed to
overwhelm him. He was still trying to figure out how Shirase and Yuan got his address, but now he
had to stress over Dazai saying that they’re dating even though they aren’t!

“Wh—Dazai, knock it off!” Chuuya said through gritted teeth.

“Oh, you’re so shy,” Dazai commented towards Chuuya’s lack of response, “here, let’s give them a
visual example.”

Shitty Osamu Dazai grabbed Chuuya’s chin and had him look up at him (something Chuuya
already hates doing!). This fucking dick, this asshole , has the nerve, the audacity, and the fucking
gall to kiss him on his mouth. And it wasn’t just a cute little kiss to “prove” they’re dating! It was a
long one! And what’s worse is that Chuuya kissed back. He didn’t really know why he kissed back.
He thinks it was because he wanted Yuan and Shirase to feel like stupid, dumb idiots for the stunt
they pulled. It felt like choosing to go along with the bit was choosing to leave Shirase and Yuan in
the past. They played their cards years ago, but now it was Chuuya’s turn to play his, regardless of
Dazai forcing his hand.
 They separated and were greeted to looks of shock by Shirase and Yuan. Dazai smiled warmly at
them and gestured to the door behind them. “As you can see we’re busy… and you guys were
uninvited. So, you can go out the way you came in. Bye!”

Shirase and Yuan exchanged a look with one another before wordlessly leaving, though Yuan
stomping her feet and huffing was a telltale sign she was unhappy with what happened—with what
happening being Chuuya’s lack of response or the gay kiss, he isn’t sure.

When they were finally out of the door and it closed, Dazai let go of Chuuya and had a content look
on his face, as if playing with Chuuya, Shirase, and Yuan was just a normal activity for him, which
one could argue was.

“Consider us even,” he said simply.

“Even?” Chuuya asked as his brain raked over the whole situation over and over again, trying to
make sense of literally everything that happened. Everything was too overstimulating and went by
too quickly, making it hard for him to make sense of what even happened. Did he just dream
everything that went down?

“Yeah, for when you helped with Kyu and I got sappy and boohooey about it,” Dazai responded,
“so you’re welcome.”

Chuuya’s mind went back to the kiss, trying to analyze and make sense of it. Why kiss him? Why
do all that? He wiped his mouth uncertainly, not sure of what to even do right now except state
what was at the forefront of his mind.

"You could’ve used way less tongue, man.”

Chapter End Notes

HERE'S YOUR SKK YOU'RE WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! see i am a good papa i am not

starving you guys anymore daddy loves u (i'm daddy ig idk i need to drop this stupid bit it's
cringe)

double update because this idea hit me like a bunch of bricks as i cleaned out my mom's
pantry and i finished it before the next day yippee
i hope you guys are happy. if shirase and yuan seem ooc its bc i literally don't remember how
they act i just remember them being rly fucking annoying oops

also this isn't rly a spoiler bc i dont rly plan to mention him at all other than this chapter (idk
maybe he'll be mentioned or referenced agian) but chuuya's dad in this fanfic is paul verlaine. i
figured i'd just put that out there lol

follow me on bluesky if you have it! my user is unknown-ghost yay!!!

buh bye
 Rumor Has It
Chapter Summary

Secret's out!

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

Today at 5:21 PM.

alphatiger:

Osamu Dazai is a snake and a betrayer

nothuman:

DUDE.

RELAX.

alphatiger:

Osamu Dazai is the nastiest skank bitch I have ever met. Do not trust him, he is a fugly slut!!!!

nothuman:

STOP!!!!!

butterfly:

What is happening

boydetective:
Atsushi yelling at Dazai?

There is only one thing he could do that would lead to that

So LOL!!!!

HAHAHAHAHA

doppo_poet:

Can someone explain what’s going on?

x..RASHOMON..x:

i wish i could but atsu is just freaking

hes hushing me and trying to type

boydetective:

I’ll dm you Kida

shadow.praiser:

this is so twilight zone coded

alphatiger:

I just wanted to hang out with my best friend Osamu Dazai

As one would do

shadow.praiser:

dazai doesnt hang out w me so i can only imagine it

nothuman:

I HUNG OUT WITH YOU THE OTHER DAY???

shadow.praiser:

OH MY GOD

YOU DID

HAHAHA

never mind

nothuman:

we got married under the slide and everything 😞

butterfly:

You’re cheating on me Dazai?

boydetective:

?!?!?!

THEN YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME YOSANO?????

thegoldraven:

I’m being cheated on? 🙁

goldendemon:

This server is so incestuous

arahabaki:

Lol @shadow.praiser @light_finder

shadow.praiser:

KYS?!?!?!?!?!?!?

SHORT FUCK?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?

arahabaki:

DUDE?????

light_finder:

Would say low blow but to chuuya that’s just a blow

nothuman:

AHAHAHAHA

alphatiger:

BACK TO ME

AND MY WOES

goldendemon:

Of course, so sorry to have interrupted.

alphatiger:

OSAMU DAZAI

IS SEEING

MY FRIEND SIGMA

countess..luanne:

NOOOOOOO
BREAK UP WITH HIM

LEAVE SIGMA OUT OF YOUR WEIRDO FREAK SHIT DAZAI

nothuman:

RELAX

i only just asked him out

it’s not that big of a deal

arahabaki:

Really?

Man, now I feel bad for him.

butterfly:

Are you sure it’s a good idea to date Sigma though?

Isn’t he friends with Fyodor?

Your EX???

arahabaki:

Oh wait yeah I forgot about that

Are you just using this guy to piss off your ex?

Kind of gross

nothuman:

no, he doesn’t even like fyodor

listen guys he and i have only been talking for a little while and i just asked to hang with him
tonight

as you guys might have caught on, i’m unfortunately single

AND I’VE BEEN TRYING TO CHANGE THAT WITH NONE OF Y’ALL’S HELP MIGHT I
ADD

ATSUSHI MAD ABOUT SIGMA AND ME BUT CAN DATE AKUTAGAWA?

talk about hypocrite 😐

alphatiger:

I’ve been silenced I fear

x..RASHOMON..x:

ARE U BEING FR ATSUSHI NAKAJIMA

alphatiger:

😞
arahabaki:

So how did you two getting together even work

Cause when we all hung together he looked afraid of you

nothuman:

i dmed him cause atsushi told me he had the video of us dancing

and then we kept talking

blcklzrd:

He’s your type?

nothuman:

?????
i mean i guess????

why are you of all people questioning that

blcklzrd:

Ok relax my bad

I just didn’t know bottoms dated bottoms

You know like who all pants have shirts

All bottoms have a top

nothuman:

?!?!?!?!?

I’M NOT A BOTTOM???????

butterfly:

TWINK 🗣️🗣️
nothuman:

i’m a switch :\

x..RASHOMON..x:

me 2

nothuman:

STOP

FUCKING

TALKING
alphatiger:

Refusing to be a part of this conversation so changing the subject

Chuuya, did anything else happen with your old friends? :0

arahabaki:

Oh they showed up to my fucking house

Idk how they found my address btw

butterfly:

They did???

When???

arahabaki:

You and Kouyou were rearranging furniture

Do idk if you heard them

nothuman:

lol i saw them

it was a shitty high school reunion

they’re just a bunch of losers :p

alphatiger:

You didn’t fight them did you 😐

nothuman:

naur

unfortunately not
did some psychological torture though

it was great

boydetective:

I love knowing things but I don’t wanna know

nothuman:

it wasn’t anything bad 🙄

alphatiger:

Lol shore

Well I’m sorry that happened to you Chuuya that sucks

arahabaki:

Thanks atsu you’re a good guy

nothuman:

stop flirting with my atsushi 😐

x..RASHOMON..x:

UR LITERALLY DATING SIGMA

nothuman:

I’M NOT DATING HIM YET

arahabaki:

Lol “yet”
nothuman:

you never know

PM

goldendemon aka Kouyou Ozaki

Today at 9:03 PM.

arahabaki:

Bitch where are you

goldendemon:

With Yosano

We were shopping

Now we’re eating and getting drinks

Should be home soon

arahabaki:

Damn

You two have been spending a lot of time together recently

goldendemon:

God forbid girls are friends

arahabaki:

Just friends? 👀
goldendemon:

We’ll see where it ends up

Anyway what do you need me for

arahabaki:

Just wanted to talk to you about something but I don’t wanna bother you if you’re out right now

goldendemon:

You’re fine, what’s up?

arahabaki:

Well, don’t tell Yosano okay?

It’s about Dazai

goldendemon:

If he killed himself I will have to tell her

arahabaki:

The fucker is living

I know because I can hear him moving around with his friend upstairs

If you’re catching my drift.

goldendemon:

I knew Osamu Dazai fucks but to have evidence of it just feels wrong :\

Is that what I shouldn’t tell Yosano?

Are you telling me to keep her out of her apartment longer?

So kind of you
 arahabaki:

That isn’t what I wanted to talk about but yeah you probs wanna keep her out

You know how I said Shirase and Yuan swung by?

goldendemon:

Yeah and Dazai “psychologically” tortured them

What, did it affect you too?

arahabaki:

No, but it included me

So Shirase and Yuan were on our shit lists for outing us

So Dazai acted

You know

Gay

So he kissed me.

goldendemon:

Oh

Hahaha

Oh my god

You two kissed?

Kunikida owes me so much money.

arahabaki:

DON’T TELL HIM OR ANYONE????

goldendemon:

Dude you have to be kidding

We bet $500 on it

I would like to collect my payment.

arahabaki:

ARE YOU BEING SO SERIOUS

goldendemon:

I’m literally not kidding

But whatever I’ll hold off

What’s the issue? He’s a good kisser and you have a crush on him now??

arahabaki:

He’s an awful kisser

Way too much tongue

But

goldendemon:

But?

arahabaki:

☹️
Man

I don’t know

He’s such a dick and whatever

I don’t know what I’m feeling but the fact he kissed me and is going out with Sigma now
 Kind of irks me

Again idk

Maybe i’m just too lonely and reading into all this too much 😐
goldendemon:

Chuuya you’re making this really hard for me.

arahabaki:

Why?

goldendemon:

Another bet.

An additional $300 if you’re the one who falls first.

Kunikida owes me $700.

arahabaki:

WHERE ARE YOU TWO GETTING THIS MONEY???

Also Kunikida betting??? That seems out of character for him

goldendemon:

We have a bunch of bets going on right now

arahabaki:

Anything other bet placed on me?

goldendemon:
Can’t tell you that lol

That’d be cheating

Just know I have faith in you :)

PM

boydetective aka Ranpo

Today at 9:12 PM.

butterfly:

RANPO

CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET

boydetective:

ABSOLUTELY

butterfly:

Remember when you sent me that pic of Akutagawa and Atsushi kissing

And told me I needed to keep it secret and not whisper it to a soul

You need to promise the same.

boydetective:

Holy shit yes ok

I’m ready

I’m mentally prepared.

butterfly:

CHUUYA AND DAZAI MADE OUT THE OTHER DAY

LIKE TONGUE AND ALL

boydetective:

YOU’RE BEING DEADASS?????

YOSANO AKIKO ARE YOU TELLING ME THE TRUTH

butterfly:

[attachment of photo taken of kouyou’s conversation with Chuuya]

boydetective:

HOLY

SHIT

butterfly:

I KNOW

DUE

DUDE

YOU CANT TELL ANYONE

LIKE NONE AT ALL

BC KOUYOU WASN’T ALLOWED TO TELL ME IN THE FRIST PLACE

boydetective:

YUP

Not a word will be spoken

butterfly:

Or read Ranpo.
boydetective:

Then I’ve already broken my promise

Bc Poe is next to me and he read the messages :p

butterfly:

RANPO

DUDE

boydetective:

I’M SORRY

HE’S JUST SO CUTE 🙁

butterfly:

But lowkey feel bad for Chuuya

Cause idk why Dazai fuck with him like that

boydetective:

I mean

Knowing Dazai he probably didn’t think it’d lead to anything

It’s Chuuya so he probably just assumed he’d get pissed before catching feelings

butterfly:

Yeah I’m lowkey shocked

Like Chuuya seems too proud to have feelings for Dazai

boydetective:

The issue for me is that

Dazai is going out with Sigma

Who is “friends” with Fyodor

Who is Dazai’s toxic ex

butterfly:

Dazai probably toxic too but I digress

boydetective:

I love Dazai with my whole heart

But I don’t think he has pure intentions with Sigma

butterfly:

Agree but disagree

I agree he has impure intentions

But I disagree with it being related to Fyodor

I just think bro wants his dick wet

Idk if he is dating because he’s lonely he likes being alone

boydetective:

Meh

Idk

Who knows

PM

countess..luanne aka Lucy

Today at 9:30 PM.

thegoldraven:
 Dazai kissed Chuuya yesterday.

Or more like made out with apparently? Something about the use of tongue was mentioned.

countess..luanne:

NO WAY

HOW DO U KNOW

thegoldraven:

Yosano told Ranpo and I saw the messages :p

My issue is I don’t know why it’s a big deal?

countess..luanne:

They hate each other bad bc of shit in high school ig

That’s what Atsushi told me anyway

thegoldraven:

Oooooh

Ok don’t tell anyone :3

I just didn’t want to ask Ranpo and seem dumb lol

countess..luanne:

You’re fine!!

We’ll talk later

Are you still interested in becoming the secretary for the Guild btw?

thegoldraven:

Yes!
 PM

alphatiger aka Atsushi Nakajima

Today at 9:32 PM.

countess..luanne:

DUDE

DUDE

GUESS WHAT I HEARD

alphatiger:

What?

Scared lol

countess..luanne:

CHUUYA AND DAZAI

KISSED

THEY MADE OUT

TONGUE AND ALL

DAZAI INITIATED BTW

alphatiger:

NO WAY

CHUUYA NAKAHARA?!?!

countess..luanne:

YUP.
alphatiger:

THIS IS UNHEARD OF…

countess..luanne:

OMG

Poe just told me not to tell anyone lol

So don’t go snitching

alphatiger:

Yeah ofc

PM

x..RASHOMON..x aka akutagawa ryuunosuke

Today at 9:35 PM.

alphatiger:

Dazai made out with chuuya yesterday

Probably smashed uglies or something

And now he’s with Sigma 😐

x..RASHOMON..x:

ew

this is depressing

i owe gin like $20

alphatiger:

HELLO?!?! LOL
x..RASHOMON..x:

i told u dazai is a bad guy

hes stringing sigma along bc he hates fyodor and hes messing w chuuya

alphatiger:

Idk i don’t know the context of why they kissed

Oh fuck I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone

Don’t tell anyone I told you

x..RASHOMON..x:

lol ofc

PM

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x aka gin!!

Today at 9:40 PM.

x..RASHOMON..x:

nightmare blunt rotation become reality

chuuya and dazai faced fucked yesterday

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Oh dang

What about Sigma 🙁

x..RASHOMON..x:

im not telling him

if dazai is with sigma that means theyre both off atsus back

so dont tell him

 or anyone ig

atsushi told me to not tell anyone

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Yeah of course

PM

light_finder aka Naomi

Today at 9:42 PM.

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Dazai and Chuuya fucked yesterday

Atsu told Ryuu who told me

light_finder:

NO WAY

LOL

x..SPIDERSTHREAD..x:

Yeah

Crazy because I thought they hated each other!!!

Anyway don’t tell anyone lol

light_finder:

Yes of course

PM

shadow.praiser aka junichiro

 Today at 9:46 PM.

light_finder:

Dazai and Chuuya hooked up yesterday

shadow.praiser:

EW?!?!?!?!

cant talk tho im overwatching

will have a better response later

love ya

Chapter End Notes

rush posting this before i have to go to work love u guys bye

 Playing Overwatch!
Chapter Summary

The crew picks up a game of Overwatch... things go awry.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

iMessage

Ryuu 🖤❤️
Today at 6:03 PM

Hey

Weird question

Please don’t get mad

ok?

is everything ok

i wont be mad

Do you think we can run some overwatch together :(

We haven’t played in so long

I just don’t wanna sound like Junichiro

LMFAO

u lowkey scared me

yes we can play some overwatch jinko

YIPPEE!!!!!
 Can I invite others or do you want it to be just us

I only ask bc I know Junichiro will hear me play

We share a wall

hell probably b so annoying if he finds out were playing and didnt invite him

so sure ig

but im inviting gin to play so well only have one spot left

:0!

Okie!

the yokohomo gaygency

general-chat

Today at 6:11 PM.

alphatiger:

Gonna play ow with Ryu and Gin if anyone wants to play w us :3

shadow.praiser:

ME

ME

ME ME ME

IM ALREADY ON

goldendemon:

I’ll play

boydetective:
wait what the fuck

🙁
I wanna play too

alphatiger:

Uhhhh

Maybe can do a custom lobby?

If four more people wanna play?

And we can just mix and match the teams

shadow.praiser:

6v6 needs to permanent and put in comp

im SICK OF 5V5 GIVE ME TWO TANKS

but yeah i can do the custom

@nothuman play w us

nothuman:

okay

alphatiger:

Did he just agree?

nothuman:

HAHA yes i did

is poe gonna play

boydetective:
No he’s writing a story rn

Brotha is in the zone

blcklzrd:

I’ll play

I might have to get off though I’m planning to play marvel rivals with other friends

arahabaki:

Ugh that sounds so fake

blcklzrd:

KYS?!?!

alphatiger:

Chuuya you should get overwatch and play with us!! ^_^

arahabaki:

Ok sure why not

I can get it on PlayStation?

shadow.praiser:

yeah

you can even play it on switch

its everywhere

boydetective:

Do you remember when there was a rumor that tracer was gonna be one of the last characters they
were gonna put in smash
shadow.praiser:

o i thought the rumor was dva

but yeah i remember

fuckin scary

we should all meet up and smash tho

PLAY SMASH****

NOT HAVE AN ORGY

i mean

unless u guys want that :\

i wont yuck ur yums

nothuman:

what just happened?

alphatiger:

Ignoring all that

So ryu, gin, me, tachi, juni, po, dazai, chuuya, and kou are playing?

we just need one more person :3

goldendemon:

Omg he gave me a little nickname 🥺

So cutie

countess..luanne:

I’ll play Atsushi 🫡

I want to be on Dazai’s team tho
nothuman:

OH???

countess..luanne:

I just think it’s gonna be interesting

alphatiger:

LETS GOOOOO

butterfly:

I’m not gonna play bc I can’t do shooter games but could someone stream it thru dis so I can watch

boydetective:

Yeah I got you

butterfly:

Thank <3

light_finder:

Glad you guys got all ten people

I’d totally play but I just did my nails 🙁

butterfly:

Your nails always come out so cute can you send me a pic

light_finder:
Yes!

animal_crossing:

I’d play if I were better

I’m a Mercy one trick :(

nothuman:

i’m not good with gamer terminology can a nerd fill me in

countess..luanne:

I heard a rumor you filled in a nerd rather recently

nothuman:

😏
alphatiger:

EW

STOP NOW AND STOP FOREVER

shadow.praiser:

ok

so can everyone accept the invites i sent

nd chuuya if u could send me ur username when u finish the tut id appreciate it

arahabaki:

Finishing the tutorial now

shadow.praiser:

WORDDDD

“HI GUYS!” Junichiro practically screamed into the microphone as people started to join the voice
channel, “I AM SO EXCITED!”

“Yeah babe, we can tell,” Yosano commented. She wasn’t playing the game obviously, but was in
the Discord’s voice channel. “I’m waiting for Ranpo to stream the game, but he’s taking forever to
join the call.”

“I’ll just do it,” Junichiro said and began streaming the game, “can you see?”

“Yeah,” Yosano responded, “what the Hell does PMO mean and why are Kouyou, Gin, and
Akutagawa the only ones in it?”

“I’m splitting the teams based on everyone’s mains and how good everyone is,” Junichiro
explained, “and I put Akutagawa in PMO because he mains Reaper and Kouyou mains Genji and
that Pisses Me Off. Gin’s only there because I’m a good person and I kept the siblings together.”

Kouyou snickered into the mic. “Wah wah,” she responded smugly, “Akutagawa and I are gonna
wipe the floor with you.”

“Yeah, sure girly,” Junichiro responded, “I think my team is gonna be me, Atsushi, Ranpo, Dazai,
and I guess Lucy because I said she could be on Dazai’s team.”

“Thanks big guy,” Lucy said.

“Of course Red,” he responded, “I guess this means I have to put Tachihara and Chuuya on the
other team too. Once we finish this game, I’m thinking the next match should be me, you, Chuuya,
Tachihara, and Kouyou so we can show Atsu, Dazai, the Akutagawas, and Ranpo that gingers mean
business.”
“REAL!” Lucy yelled right as Akutagawa joined the call.

“You’re so loud,” Akutagawa commented, “Tanizaki put Atsushi and I on the same team right
now.”

“Fine, but then my team gets Gin,” Junichiro responded, “cause she’s a Kiriko main like Atsushi.”

“Wait, will that be an issue?” Dazai chimed in after unmuting himself, “because I also play that fox
girl.”

“Oh shit, I forgot about that,” Junichiro muttered, “I mean, I know Atsushi doesn’t one trick Kiriko,
so we should be fine?”

“What does ‘one tricking’ mean?” Yosano asked, “this is the second time someone has said that.”

“It’s when you can only play that one character,” Atsushi explained, “and no one else.”

“Oh, lame,” Yosano responded, “Dazai one tricks this character?”

“I guess?” Dazai replied, “I just like her abilities, but I’ve played the robot guys and thought he was
chill.”

“Zen? He’s good,” Junichiro said, “where the fuck is Tachihara, Chuuya, and Ranpo?”

“Oh, Ranpo messaged me before. He’s taking a phone call really quick,” Yosano said, “just give
him a minute.”

“Is it Poe?” Dazai asked teasingly.

“He didn’t say. I’m assuming though,” Yosano said, “you know they fall asleep on the phone
together?”

“Ugh,” Akutagawa said, “that’s actually so cringe.”

“I think it’s cute,” Atsushi said.

“Break up.” This was whispered by Dazai.

“I’ll mute you,” Yosano warned, “you gave me rights when you left me to take care of the server all
by my lonesome.”

“Oh Lord girl get over it,” Dazai said.

“Get over what?” Ranpo asked as he joined the call. Ironically, that’s when Tachihara and Chuuya
joined as well.

“When Dazai left me and the server,” Yosano said.

“Can’t believe I was orphaned twice,” Atsushi said with a sigh. Ranpo laughed at him.

“What does PMO and ADA stand for?” Chuuya asked.

“PMO means Piss Me Off because of Akutagawa and Kouyou’s mains. ADA means Allegedly
Dickless Agency. It’s a joke between Ranpo and me,” Junichiro said.

“Why are you streaming for my Kiki? I’ll stream for my queen,” Ranpo said.

“CAUSE YOUR PHONE CALL TOOK—?!” Junichiro yelled so loud his mic cut off, causing
everyone to laugh at him.
“Okay, okay, let’s start you pissy baby,” Ranpo exclaimed.

“Great—finally! But before we start, I’m gonna say that you PMO mother fuckers gotta deafen and
mute in here and talk in your team chat ‘cause I’m streaming to Yosano,” Junichiro said.

“I don’t know how to do that,” Chuuya said.

“When the game starts, hit escape then social, and then press the headphone icon next to team
chat,” Dazai said, “to deafen on here, just hit the headphones at the bottom.”

“Oh. Thanks man.”

Akutagawa, Gin, Chuuya, Tachihara, and Kouyou all deafened in the discord chat, allowing Dazai,
Atsushi, Lucy, Ranpo, and Junichiro to discuss what they were planning to do. Junichiro had placed
them in a pseudo-comp match on Hollywood map. The ADA team was attacking first, meaning
they needed to get to the objective and claim the point and unlock the payload to deliver it to its
destination.

“Okay, so I have this open queue, but I think we should run 2-2-1,” Junichiro said.

“What’s that mean?” Dazai asked.

“Two supports, two DPS, one tank,” Ranpo said.

“What’s DPS?” Yosano asked.

Junichiro sighed into the mic. “Damage per second. DPS are all these characters here,” he said,
circling his mouse around the damage character section. “Knowing the people on the other team,
it’s likely Tachihara is going to play tank and he plays Wrecking Ball. Do you wanna one trick
D.Va, Ranpo?”
“Would I wanna one trick D.Va? I would love to one trick my queen,” Ranpo said in a fake, nerdy
voice. “But I don’t think Tachihara is gonna play tank.”

“I thought one tricking is bad?” Yosano asked.

“It typically is, but Ranpo is really good at D.Va so exceptions are made,” Junichiro responded,
ignoring Ranpo’s other response, “and if Ranpo is going D.Va… maybe we should run dive?”

“I could play Juno,” Atsushi said, “and Dazai can play Kiriko.”

Dazai had already autolocked Kiriko. “What does dive mean?”

“Dive composition. It’s when your team is filled with high mobility heroes and you focus on the
team’s backline,” Ranpo responded.

“I’ll play Sombra then,” Junichiro said, “unless you want to play her, Lucy?”

“Nah, I’ll play Echo,” she responded.

The countdown began, with the ADA ready to hop out the doors. Dazai actually liked the hybrid
Overwatch maps. As long as they get the point and barely move the payload, they still have a solid
chance of winning if they disallow the PMO to capture the point at all.

What was interesting was the PMO team composition. Instead of it being Tachihara on tank (like
Ranpo predicted), it was Chuuya. He was playing Sigma. Akutagawa and Kouyou were on DPS;
Akutagawa playing Reaper (cringe emo) and Kouyou playing Genji. On support was Tachihara on
Baptiste with Gin playing Kiriko.

“Okay, I’m going to go for Tachihara first so he isn’t able to use immortality field. Lucy, you good
to follow up?” Junichiro asked.

“Yep, flying over the top now,” Lucy responded, “but it looks like Kouyou is going for Atsushi and
Dazai.”
“She killed me!” Atsushi cried, “I’m switching to Moira!”

“Lame!” Ranpo exclaimed, though he sounded giddy. He gasped, seeing Dazai kill Gin in the kill
feed. “Dude, you have crazy aim!”

“Haha, thanks,” Dazai responded.

“How’d you snipe Gin from below but can’t fucking do card swipe in Among Us?” Junichiro
asked.

“I have a benign tremor,” Dazai responded, “my DPI is low so it doesn’t really affect my aim in
games. I play Among Us on my phone.”

“You do not have a benign tremor, you’re literally a liar,” Yosano said, watching Junichiro play.
“You have scary steady hands. You just suck at Among Us.”

“Man, you guys are so mean to me,” Dazai responded. He gasped loudly. “Chuuya Nakahara just
fucking TEABAGGED ME ARE YOU FUCKING—?!” His mic cut out and before anyone could
say anything, he brought his mic close to his mouth, “ if he isn’t killed in the next five seconds, I am
going upstairs and fucking killing him myself someone fucking kill him right now—KILL THAT
STUPID MOTHERFUCKER! ”

“Hey Atsushi, what the fuck are you doing bro?” Lucy asked.

“Ryu and I are emoting near the spawn,” Atsushi said.

“DISGUSTING!” Dazai yelled, “FUCKING NASTY!”

“Holy shit Dazai is a rage gamer,” Junichiro said, “it’s kinda hot.”

“My brother in Christ, shut up!” Lucy exclaimed, “I got Chuuya down—yes, I teabagged him—
let’s get the objective and roll out.”
“Ah shit, Kouyou is gonna use blade and Gin just used Kitsune,” Ranpo said.

“If only Atsushi could use coalescence, but no, he’s being gay with Akutagawa,” Junichiro said,
“when he could be gay with me !”

“Are you Dazai?” Atsushi asked.

Game Chat:

(Tachihara) midwinter: lol u guys suckkkkkkk

(Dazai) settingsun: tell chuuya to **** himself

(Dazai) settingsun: oh what the **** why am i being censored

(Ranpo) shadowbeast: you have to turn it off in your settings

(Chuuya) taintedsorrow: lol heard u screaming dazai

(Dazai) settingsun: SHUT THE **** UP TAINT

“Moving with the payload, moving with the payload,” Ranpo said, “AYO DAZAI YOU JUST
SNIPED KOUYOU ACROSS THE MAP!”

“Kiriko does critical headshot damage,” Dazai responded, “it’s pretty easy to land a headshot if I
just keep my crosshair level and aim for damage or healers.”

“Um actually, it’s support not healers,” Atsushi corrected.

Dazai leaned in close to the mic again. “MAYBE IF YOU FUCKING SUPPORTED YOUR TEAM
INSTEAD OF AKUTAGAWA’S FUCKING NUTS, ATSUSHI, I’D CALL YOU A SUPPORT
BUT YOU’RE LUCKY I AM EVEN SAYING HEALER.”

“Holy crash out goddamn,” Atsushi said, “this isn’t even a real comp match.”
Banging was heard and it came from Dazai, but he said nothing. Ranpo and Junichiro laughed at it.

“You guys are laughing but I agree,” Lucy said, “Dazai, don’t worry king, I got you.”

“LUCY NO!!! STOP!!” Atsushi cried. The ADA saw Akutagawa die in the kill feed, prompting
Dazai to cheer.

“Pushing payload. Chuuya, Kouyou, and Gin are contesting, but I don’t know where Tachihara is.
Keep an eye out, he might be trying to DPS Bap.”

“This is so crazy. Nerds have such an intricate language,” Yosano commented.

“Thanks,” Junichiro said, “Ranpo, want to combine ults?”

“Yup,” Ranpo said, sending in his mech. Right as the PMO went behind Chuuya’s shield, Junichiro
EMP’d, causing the shield to dissolve. The D.Va bomb killed Chuuya, Kouyou, Gin, and Tachihara.
Ranpo emoted. “Heh, easy play of the—NO, FUCK YOU RYUUNOSUKE AKUTAGAWA,
FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!”

Much to the ADA’s dismay, Akutagawa took the opportunity to hop down from the ledge he was
hiding on and hopped down, using his ultimate on the team. He got a team kill and basically
cemented the fact he got play of the game.

“FUCKING KILL YOURSELF AKUTAGAWA YOU STUPID FUCK.”

Game chat:

(Chuuya) taintedsorrow: holy shit dazai relax

(Dazai) settingsun: SHUT THE **** UP YOU SHORT **** I WILL **** YOU IN REAL LIFE
WITH A GUN YOU DUMB **** I HATE YOU

(Junichiro) lightsnow: bro is TWEAKING OUT

(Akutagawa) KAPPA: what is he saying

(Atsushi) THEBEAST: he’s being an jerk :\

(Dazai) settingsun: K1LL YOURSELF ATSUSHI NAKAJIMA

(Ranpo) shadowbeast: oh no he’s getting around the censors!!!!

“Dazai, dude, relax,” Yosano said, “you’re going to rupture a blood vessel.”

“I HOPE SO, SO I FUCKING DIE AND DON’T SEE AKUTAGAWA FUCKING

RYUUNOSUKE KILLING ME.”

“Guys, I don’t know about you, but I’m fucking loving this,” Junchiro said as they respawned, “are
you and Sigma open to having a third? Cause you’re being really hot right now.”

“Ew,” Ranpo said and genuinely meant it.

“I can’t imagine you being a poly relationship,” Atsushi said in earnest, “you always seemed like
you’d die alone, not with two other people.”

“MAN, WHAT?!”

“That’s what you get for upvoting that video of me falling down the stairs, dick!”

“Guys, can we please focus on this stupid, fucking game?” Dazai asked, exasperated, “we can win
this easily. We just need to keep Tachihara and Gin in spawn by targeting them and then
obliterating Chuuya. Akutagawa and Kouyou can’t do shit if they have no supports and zero tank.”

“You’re such a little strategist for someone that’s playing support,” Junichiro commented, “next
game, I want you playing damage!”

“Okay, sure thing,” Dazai responded half-heartedly, “I’m going to switch to the healer-sniper lady.
Atsushi, play fox girl.”
“What about your ‘benign tremor’?” Yosano asked sarcastically, “how are you going to play sniper
when your hands shake.”

“AKIKO YOSANO I WILL FUCKING OBLITERATE YOU!”

Game chat:

(Kouyou) TearsRegrets: why are you bullying my girl akiko

(Kouyou) TearsRegrets: leave my queen alone!

(Akutagawa) KAPPA: what?

(Kouyou) TearsRegrets: I can hear Dazai yelling at her :(

(Kouyou) TearsRegrets: don’t let him get to you pookie! you can come upstairs and watch a
winner play instead ;)

(Dazai) settingsun: SHE’S MINE YOU ******* HOMEWRECKING *****

(Chuuya) taintedsorrow: she’s not even playing why are you yelling at her

(Ranpo) shadowbeast: she’s making fun of him making up having a benign tremor

(Chuuya) taintedsorrow: LMFAO WHY WOULD U LIE ABT SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!

(Atsushi) THEBEAST: why can’t we all be nice to each other

(Lucy) REDABYSS: BC DAZAI AND I WANT TO WIN CAN WE STOP TYPING AND
START DYING

(Dazai) settingsun: I KNOW THAT’S RIGHT!

With their new team composition, which only means Dazai and Atsushi switched, the team
regrouped.

“Okay, Lucy, you should use your ult and copy Akutagawa to get his ultimate,” Dazai said, “I’ll be
behind you to heal while the rest go around and get their supports.”

“This feels way more intense than the usual game of Overwatch,” Atsushi mumbled, “but whatever,
I got Kiriko back.”
Ranpo snickered. Then, everyone saw why.

Game chat:

(Ranpo) shadowbeast: akutagawa be careful

(Ranpo) shadowbeast: atsushi just admitted he’s like super in love with kiriko

(Atsushi) THEBEAST: i did not?!?!?!

(Akutagawa) KAPPA: ugh atsushi a victim of gooner bait :\

(Atsushi) THEBEAST: IM A VICTIM OF HWHAT?!?!

(Gin) ogin: :0 this is so sad

(Tachihara) midwinter: HAHAHAHHAA LOSER LOSER LOSER

As Atsushi typed away in chat to try to defend himself, Lucy took the opportunity to take down
Tachihara and go after Gin. Gin was almost able to kill Lucy, had it not been for a sleep dart Dazai
was able to hit on her, rendering her character immobile. Lucy was able to take down Gin and went
after Kouyou, who had her sights set for Dazai.

With two down and Kouyou distracted, Ranpo, Junichiro, and Atsushi went behind and diverted
Chuuya and Akutagawa’s focus. With them all fighting, Dazai changed his position to be on the
payload and moved it in the midst of the chaos.

“Second objective secured—EASY.” Dazai was giddy about this. Despite gaining the objective, it
didn’t stop Chuuya from attempting to use his ult. Once everyone was up in the air, Dazai’s sleep
dart cooldown ended and he was able to sleep and then anti-heal Chuuya, which killed him as he
was relatively low health to begin with. Once Chuuya hit the ground dead, Dazai ran over as fast as
he could with Ana’s old lady legs and teabagged. He almost broke the shift button on his keyboard.

Game chat:

(Chuuya) taintedsorrow: very mature

(Dazai) settingsun: IDGAF!!!!!! IDGAF!!!!!!!! FVCK U LOSER!!!

(Dazai) settingsun: I’m wrestling with some insecurity issues in my life but thank you all for
playing with me.

(Dazai) settingsun: ?!?!?!?! WHAT THE **** IS THAT?!?!?!

(Ranpo) shadowbeast: LMFAO it's what the game autocorrects ggez to

(Dazai) settingsun: that’s stupid this game sucks

(Chuuya) taintedsorrow: thanks for opening up to us dazai, but we could all tell that ur incredibly
insecure

“I’M GOING UPSTAIRS AND I’M RIPPING OUT THE OTHER HALF OF HIS FUCKING
HEAD!” Dazai raged.

“Relax, we will win,” Ranpo said.

“Oh, he said it, so you know it’s gotta be true,” Yosano said.

“Yeah, yeah, Ranpo is always right, I get it,” Dazai grumbled, “what’s the likelihood of us winning
by a landslide?”

“If we lock in right now and Junichiro runs Symmetra and you keep running Ana, but Atsushi goes
Illari, yeah, GG EZ,” Ranpo said.

“Word up, word up,” Junichiro said.

“Guys, I’m getting bloodthirsty. I’m going in,” Lucy said, “I’m going to go for Akutagawa. I see
him trying to set up for another—ATSUSHI YOU SNITCH, STOP IT!”

Game chat:

(Atsushi) THEBEAST: ryu be careful lucy sees u :(

(Akutagawa) KAPPA: ty jinko <3

(Lucy) REDABYSS: i’m quitting.

(Kouyou) TearsRegrets: nooooo don’t quit please we just wanna win

Lucy wasn’t able to kill Akutagawa, but focused her sights on the other Akutagawa. While Gin was
distracted, trying to defend herself from Lucy, Junichiro hacked and virused Chuuya, which led to
Ranpo diving him and getting the elimination. Lucy was taken down by Gin, but without a tank,
Gin was forced to fall back. Tachihara used his ult to try to hold point and Akutagawa assisted him.
Kouyou went behind to ult. She was able to kill Atsushi and get Junichiro to half health, but Dazai
was able to sleep her. Ranpo used his missiles to kill Kouyou before she woke up. This left Gin,
Akutagawa, and Tachihara. As Tachihara’s window went down, Akutagawa was being pumped
with heals from both Tachihara and Gin. Gin used her ultimate and boosted Akutagawa as well as
herself and Tachihara, which had them de-mech Ranpo and kill Dazai. By the point, Lucy had
come back with Atsushi. Chuuya came back and tried to use his ultimate again, but Junichiro used
his EMP which canceled it. Lucy and Junichiro focused Chuuya, sending him back to spawn while
Ranpo re-meched on top of Gin which killed Gin. Amongst the chaos, they were able to push the
cart to the final point right as Dazai got back.

“LETS GOOOOOOOO,” Dazai cheered, “wait what the fuck does switching sides mean?”

“We’re going on defense now,” Junichiro explained.

“Ohhhh, nooooo,” Dazai responded, “I’m going to go out with Sigma, I can’t do another match.”

“BOO!” Atsushi exclaimed, “leave Sigma alone!”

“I’ll take over,” Yosano offered.

“WAIT FUCK YEAH,” Ranpo yelled, “Dazai, let Yosano play.”

“Okay, sure,” Dazai responded.

Game chat:

(Atsushi) THEBEAST: gr. Yosano is gonna take over for Dazai cause hes leaving us

(Chuuya) taintedsorrow: ugh lame why

(Atsushi) THEBEAST: he’s going to go get his **** wet

(Kouyou) TearsRegrets: wait i want akiko on my team :(

(Ranpo) shadowbeast: don’t we all?

Yosano walked into Dazai’s room, taking into account how tidy it is despite him being such a mess.
“What up gay boy,” she greeted, standing in his door.

“Hey beautiful,” he said with a wink. She fake gagged, but then two laughed. “Alright, come here.
Let me run through this super quick before you play. You use WASD to move forwards, backwards,
and side to side. Mouse is to change where you’re looking. Punching is with this button on the
mouse,” he pointed to the button, “and to crouch is control. You’re going to want to use E and shift
for different abilities, depending on what character you play.”

“Got it, thanks man,” Yosano said. Dazai got up and offered her his seat and she sat down. She
picked up his headphones and put them on and shivered. “Christ, these are warm dude.”

“I run hot, what can I say?”

“No you do not! I’ve felt your cold, clammy hands before—it’s horrid!”

“Is that my queen?” Ranpo asked over Discord, “I missed you so much pookie. Stop talking to
Dazai and talk to me instead.”

Yosano laughed. “Okay, okay,” she responded, “who’s the easiest character to play?”

All of them, unanimously, responded, “Mercy.”

So, Yosano picked Mercy and headed off. Moving was way easier than she expected, but Dazai’s
sensitivity was super low and she didn’t know how to fix it. She didn’t bother saying anything,
considering she was just borrowing his game. She followed Ranpo out of spawn as he explained to
her how to play Mercy, which led her to keep her blue beam on him.

“Wait, she’s so pretty,” Yosano said as she messed around with the emotes and sprays, “guys I’m
gay.”
Game chat:

(Ranpo) shadowbeast: can’t believe yosano playing mercy had her come out as gay

(Kouyou) TearsRegrets: fair. Rosalina from Mario was my gay awakening

(Tachihara) midwinter: REAL.

(Kouyou) TearsRegrets: so she’s playing mercy?

(Yosano) settingsun: please dont target me idk what im doing

(Akutagawa) KAPPA: usually id say no but bc ur nice to jinko ill say yes

(Gin) ogin: i hope you enjoy playing yosano!!

(Yosano) settingsun: omg i love u guys!!! maybe ill play for real one day

(Yosano) settingsun: who is the sexy lady voice talking

“That’s Athena. She’s essentially AI, but she’s an NPC,” Junichiro responded, “but her counting
down means the match is starting. Remember, blue beam is to boost and yellow beam is to heal.
Try to heal us when you see how health bar go under half or if you see us on critical condition,
okay? And rez when it’s safe. If you can’t get the rez, don’t risk it. If you can, but need additional
cover and one of us is alive, let us know! Especially Ranpo, who can block for you!”

“Got it,” Yosano responded, “thanks!”

“I’ll suzu her if needed,” Atsushi responded, playing Kiriko. Now that Dazai left, their new team
comp Ranpo said from the last match was not needed. They probably weren’t going to win.
Nothing against Yosano, but they knew she didn’t play games.

“Here they come!” Lucy exclaimed.

The team was Chuuya playing Sigma (again), with Tachihara playing Brigitte, Akutagawa still on
Reaper, Kouyou on Pharah, and Gin playing Zenyatta. Immediately, Kouyou flew in and over to
Yosano, but didn’t shoot her. Instead she crouched over and over again to try to make friends with
Yosano. Akutagawa copied this, but with Atsushi. Yosano was still blue beaming Junchiro, but also
crouched in response to Kouyou.
“God, I fucking hate gay people,” Ranpo grumbled.

“Says you with your boyfriend,” Junichiro responded bitterly, “even Dazai has someone. DAZAI,
DUDE. Chat, am I cooked?!”

Game chat:

(Yosano) settingsun: lol juni upset dazai has a bf before he has anything

(Chuuya) taintedsorrow: dazai and sigma are boyfriends?

(Yosano) settingsun: uuhhhh like fr? Idk. he left the game to go see him but idk if they’re like
together together or just like fwb

(Gin) ogin: it’s okay junichiro you will find someone :)

(Junichiro) lightsnow: you?

(Akutagawa) KAPPA: no.

(Junichiro) lightsnow: silencing women? thats crazy

(Junichiro) lightsnow: id NEVER silence u gin plz give me a chance

(Gin) ogin: hehehe

Abruptly, Akutagawa left the game. Atsushi gasped in sadness, causing Ranpo to laugh at him.
Junichiro felt himself sweat.

“Why are we laughing? I’m going to be killed,” Junichiro said, “bro knows where I live… Guys,
I… Guys, I gotta go—bye, I’m not dying!” Junchiro left the discord and the game. Yosano almost
doubled over laughing.

Game chat:

(Ranpo) shadowbeast: HOLY FUCK JUNI SCARED HE LET THE GAME

(Atsushi) THEBEAST: HE JUST RAN OUT OF THE APARTMENT THIS ISN’T FUNNY

(Kouyou) TearsRegrets: LMFAO I CAN HEAR YOSANO LAUGH

(Ranpo) shadowbeast: this was a flop

(Ranpo) shadowbeast: this is meaningless without junichiro im also getting off.

 (Atsushi) THEBEAST: same i think i’m going to need to calm ryu down

(Yosano) settingsun: wait guys

(Yosano) settingsun: how do i turn off the game

(Kouyou) TearsRegrets: I’ll come over and show you, don’t worry

(Chuuya) taintedsorrow: GAY!

Chapter End Notes

this took forever to write and i lowkey hate it but i needed to put it in

turns out right after the party chapter, i had written an overwatch chpater already and put it in a
different doc. I just fucking read it AND ITS FUNNIER THAN THIS CHAPTER. I JUST
CANT USE IT BECAUSE EVERYTHING IN THERE IS OLD!!!!!!!!

all their battlenet names are based on their special abilities/different novels by the real author. i
think i may need to rename some of their discord names?!?!?! idk

next chapter might introduce some other people who knows i started my final semester of grad
school so idk how often i will be able to update 3

see ya :3c
 The Great Gossip
Chapter Summary

The Great Gatsby and the West and East eggs? Let's scramble them instead!

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

The Guild

announcements

Today at 12:00 PM.

LittleBigWoman:

Hello everyone. I hope you’re all enjoying your break right now. As the semester draws closer, we
just wanted to let everyone know that The Guild is currently looking for a secretary. If anyone is
interested in the position, please reach out to me or Francis (@GreatestGatsby).

The Guild

general-chat

Today at 12:03 PM.

countess..luanne:

What does the secretary do exactly?

LittleBigWoman:

The secretary would take notes on all meetings, send out emails to different clubs/faculty/etc, and
attend all meetings and events.

thegoldraven:

Are new students allowed to apply for the position?

LittleBigWoman:

Of course! You would just need to attend the first two weeks of meetings to be considered a
member of The Guild. We’re holding the election for secretary during our third meeting. I’m
currently acting as interim secretary and can assist the transition as well.

thegoldraven:

I would be interested in applying, if possible.

LittleBigWoman:

That’s great. Also, before the next semester starts we are implementing a rule that all names in this
server be the names we go by, just so people know who they’re talking to. I’m about to change my
server profile, I figured I’d let you guys know.

Edgar:

Okay, did it!

Nakajima:

I did as well 🫡
lucy:

Hello Atsushi are you actually going to attend a meeting this semester or are you just gonna keep
living in our discord /hj

Nakajima:

I have class 🫣
Louisa (Vice President):

That’s okay Nakajima :). You come to most of our events anyway, so you’re our honorary member!

Nakajima:
YAY!

Also I’m the reason why Poe is here

So be nice to me Lucy :p

lucy:

Meep merp mee

Nathaniel:

Classy, Lucy

lucy:

Suck one nate

Margaret:

😏
lucy:

Margaret:

I’m coming up to visit! I’m an honorary member like Nakajima!

GreatGatsby:

What is going on right now

Louisa:

Please change your server name to be the name you wish to be referred as.

GreatGatsby:

That’s stupid I won’t be doing that you should all know who I am

Mark:

LAME‼️

Franky Franky Frankyyyyyyy

Francis:

Kys Twain

lovecraft:

wow.

Steinbeck:

Go back to sleep

lovecraft:

okay.

Margaret:

What events do you guys have planned this semester?

Louisa:

We plan on having a few writing workshops like we usually do, but also to bring a little “home
away from home,” we plan to have a prom-like dance! There will also be small day trips to
different places in the city. We’re hoping some more people join this semester :)

Nakajima:

YAY!!!!

I’M SO EXCITED

Francis:

You’re not even a member be quiet

Nakajima:

I’m gonna tell your faculty advisor that you’re a dick!!!

MR HERMAN MELVILLE!!! YOUR PRESIDENT IS AN ASSHOLE!!!!!

Francis:

LEAVE HIM ALONE YOU FURRY FUCK

Nakajima:

I’M NOTA FURRY YOU RICH DICK

Francis:

I AM RICH AND YOU’RE BROKE AND HAVE NO FAMILY

I GOT A BABE AND YOU GOT SHIT!!!

Nakajima:
SHUT IT SCOTTIE

Francis:

OH SHUT IT

Nakajima:

I’m gonna dm your gf on insta and tell her that you suck

Francis:

No don’t do that :(

lucy:

HELP YOU TAMED HIM!!!!

Francis:

She and I are going to get married and you losers AREN’T invited to the wedding

Fuckers

lucy:

Ok??? Who said we wanted to be invited???

Nakajima:

Wait :( franky please send an invite

lucy:

HELP?!?!?!?!?
Francis:

Wait ok I’m bored of this so I’m changing the topic

Are you guys still friends with that Diezai guy

lucy:

Dazai

Yeah

Francis:

Okay sick I was told something juicy

Is it true what happened to his friend

Nakajima:

I FALL DOWN THE STAIRS ONE TIME!!!!!!!

Francis:

NOT YOU YA SELF CENTERED FUCK!

The ginger one

lucy:

Chuuya?

They’re not really friends

Francis:

No. not his twink

The older one

Oddie Saki or whatever

Nakajima:

DO YOU MEAN ODASAKU?

Racist 😐
Francis:

IDK THIS GUY?!?!?!

I’M NOT FROM THIS COUNTRY?!?!?!?

I’M TRYING MY BEST?!?!?!?!

CUCK?!?!?!?!

lucy:

CAN YOU GET TO THE POINT

Francis:

Is it true that Dazai’s dad set up his family getting car bombed lol

Nakajima:

BRO

WHAAAAT

HIS DAD IS OUGAI MORI A DOCTOR AND PROFESSOR

HOW IS HE CAR BOMBING ODASAKU

Francis:

DR. OUGAI MORI IS DAZAI’S DAD?!?!

Wait why am I shocked I knew this already

lucy:

YOU DID??

Francis:

BITCH YOU DIDN’T?

DUMBASS OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES THATS TWIN RIGHT THERE

Literally mirror images

Those two are a father and son if I’ve ever seen one

Nakajima:

Then you’ve never seen a father and son cause Dazai is adopted :p

Francis:

Nah that’s a lie

lucy:

He literally told us

Francis:

Oh yeah cause Osamu Dazai is a trustworthy individual

Makes zero sense for Mori to adopt Dazai cause who the fuck is picking DAZAI

He would’ve been better off picking fucking Nakajima

Nakajima:

Wow thanks buddy

Francis:
OKAY WELL ANYWAY

I heard from a reliable source that Mori tricked this Andrew or Andre guy (idk the name it’s
unimportant) into thinking that where Odasaku’s family lived was where HIS family lived because
bro was trying to kill him (as one does) and he only knew where Odasaku lived because of Dazai

So Odasaku becoming an orphan has him SENT OFF THE RAILS and he tries to light this guy up
or whatever

Only turns out this guy wants to die anyway but obviously can’t kill himself because killing
yourself invalidates your life insurance and he had beneficiaries

So Odasaku shoots this mf dead ONLY TO BE SHOT HIMSELF!!!!!!!! And he was like
comatosed for a hot while but I’ve seen him around campus so I guess he’s ok

But Dazai was the one who found him and whatever

lucy:

That’s fucking awful dude

Where did you hear this

Francis:

There’s these two clowns walking around and saying shit about Dazai to anyone who’d listen

And since I hate him by association I figured I’d listen

Nakajima:

You’re a dick

Edgar:

I don’t think this conversation is very appropriate for this server…

PM

boydetective aka Ranpo

Today at 1:02 PM.

thegoldraven:
 Hi Ranpo.

I have a question for you, if you don’t mind me asking

boydetective:

HI POE!!!!!!!!!!

That makes me anxious so please type faster

I see you typing just hit send

Poe I’m going to vomit in anxiety

Are you breaking up with me

Oh my god it’s over

This is horrible.

PLEASE DONT BREAK UP WITH ME

thegoldraven:

I just heard some troubling information about Dazai is being spread around and wanted to know
what you think should be done about it? F. Scott heard about some situation with Odasaku from
two unnamed individuals, who are spreading rumors about Dazai, and I don’t really know what to
do. He put it in a public server that Atsushi, Lucy, and I are in. It makes me uncomfortable that
information about him is being spread. Do you have any advice? Should I reach out to Dazai? I just
don’t know who the people spreading the rumors are.

Oh Ranpo, I would never break up with you! Please don’t be anxious!

boydetective:

OH SHIT????

FR???

What did they say?

Also I know I just need the reassurance :(

thegoldraven:

About something awful that happened in the past with Dazai and Odasaku.
boydetective:

GASP

THE UNSPOKEN ODASAKU INCIDENT

DO NOT TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.

I need to talk to Kiko

Try to contain this

TELL ATSUSHI TO NOT SAY ANYTHING.

PM

butterfly aka Yosano

Today at 1:21 PM.

boydetective:

KIKO!

butterfly:

Oh perfect just the person I wanted to talk to

Do you think I should change my username?

boydetective:

Oh god yes butterfly is so unoriginal

BUT THAT’S NOT WHY I’M HERE

butterfly:

Oh

What up
 boydetective:

Apparently Frances Fitz is spreading around info on what happened to Odasaku and Dazai back in
high school

You know

The Odacident

butterfly:

OH

How does he know?

boydetective:

Apparently there are people spreading it?

butterfly:

Who would spread it though?

The only people that knew Dazai in high school was Odasaku, Chuuya, and the Akutagawas

And none of them have ever talked about it

Well not with us at least

boydetective:

That’s the thing.

I think it might have something to do with Chuuya’s old friends

And how they were confronted by Dazai when they wanted to speak to Chuuya

Maybe they’re mad?

butterfly:

That’s a good point

Should we warn Dazai?

 boydetective:

I think I’m going to reach out to Chuuya first…

If anything, he may be able to shed some light on the situation

And if his old friends are the ones spreading the rumor, it may be a perverted version of what
actually happened and I don’t want Dazai to hear it if he hadn’t already

butterfly:

Alright

Idk what to do so keep me updated I guess

boydetective:

Yes ma’am 🫡
PM

arahabaki aka Chuuya Nakahara

Today at 1:30 PM.

boydetective:

Hey

arahabaki:

Hi

What do you want

boydetective:

I think your high school friends are spreading rumors about Dazai
arahabaki:

Lol and saying what? He’s gay

Look at him. We know

boydetective:

No apparently it’s about what happened with Odasaku and Dazai back in high school

And I don’t want to know what happens, so don’t tell me. I only want to know if Dazai comes to
me and tells me himself.

I just think you need to tell your old friends to knock it off because it’s clearly them spreading it

arahabaki:

Ok I get what you’re saying but the shit with Odasaku in hs isn’t really like an unknown thing?

It’s public record

Odasaku and Dazai were shot at and Odasaku was hit

That’s what I had heard at the time

boydetective:

Listen man I don’t know what’s been said because I didn’t ask

But the fact is that they’re spreading that

So nip it in the bud

PM

arahabaki aka Chuuya Nakahara

Today at 1:36 PM.

alphatiger:

Hey Chuuya I have a question

arahabaki:
Let me guess

It’s about Dazai isn’t it?

Ranpo already texted me about the rumor being spread

Listen man, I don’t know how I’d help you with this

alphatiger:

Well I was just wondering if the car bombing thing was actually true

That seems to far fetched

arahabaki:

The WHAT thing?

Car bombing???

alphatiger:

The car bombing??? That killed Odasaku’s family???

arahabaki:

WAIT WHAT?

No they died because of a faulty engine thing

alphatiger:

Oh well the rumor that’s being spread is that they died to a car bomb

arhabaki:

No it was said that they died in a freak accident not car bombing

There was like a news thing on it

All of this is public record

It’s sad but what’s being said is crazy

alphatiger:

I guess that makes sense but that doesn’t explain why Odasaku was shot?

arahabaki:

Ok so I don’t know the full story behind that

But from what I know and what my dad told me

Dazai and Odasaku were at the wrong place at the wrong time

Odasaku got shot

alphatiger:

But Dazai went there AFTER Odasaku was shot

And that doesn’t explain why Dazai disappeared

And this Andre guy

arahabaki:

Honestly dude

I don’t know.

Maybe ask Akutagawa?

alphatiger:

I did.

The only thing he knows about is the gang rivalry because this Andre guy went after him

Because he hung around Dazai a lot back then

And was targeted apparently

 But Odasaku helped him out

So none of this is making sense

arahabaki:

Well this guy didn’t go after me

alphatiger:

Ok

Maybe i’m asking the wrong person

I just don’t want to bombard Dazai with all this because I know he’s with Sigma rn

arahabaki:

Are those two dating or what

alphatiger:

I honestly don’t know

I talked to Sigma about it, and he’s honestly unsure if he was to get serious with Dazai

He’s kind of trying to find himself right now and he thinks Dazai is flakey

He wants someone who’ll actually stay around :\

arahabaki:

That’s fucked

alphatiger:

Why do you ask 😏

arahabaki:
Why are you smirking

alphatiger:

Well I heard another rumor rather recently…

Pertaining to you two…

arahabaki:

Jesus christ

This makes me think I’d rather talk about car bombings.

alphatiger:

Fine I won’t tell

I was made to swear to not say anyway

arahabaki:

WOAH

Pause furry boy

What’s the rumor

alphatiger:

Ok first of all

Not a furry

Second

A little birdie told me that you and Dazai were sucking face

arahabaki:

?!?!
AND WHO THE FUCK TOLD YOU THAT???

alphatiger:

OH MY GOD IT’S TRUE

YOU DIDN’T DENY IT!

Was it before or after Sigma be honest 😐

arahabaki:

Before sigma

THAT’S NOT THE POINT

alphatiger:

HOLY SHIT I THOUGHT LUCY WAS EXAGGERATING BUT THIS IS CRAZY

arahabaki:

LUCY?!?!?!

HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?!??!

I’VE NEVER TALKED TO HER A DAY IN MY LIFE

I DOUBT DAZAI TOLD HER EITHER

alphatiger:

Why did you guys kiss

arahabaki:

To piss people off!!

He and I are NOT a thing

 alphatiger:

I never said you two were a thing but it’s interesting you jumped to that idea

arahabaki:

DUDE??????

Listen man idk how Lucy found out about that

But the fact of the matter is Dazai kissed ME

And it wasn’t for any romantic reason

Cause clearly he has a thing for Sigma

He only kissed me to piss of Shirase and Yuan

Who Ranpo believes are the people spreading these rumors about Dazai and Odasaku

I told you what I know

So take it as you will

alphatiger:

Sorry

Just worried about Dazai

And also have fomo

But Dazai gets really defensive about Oda

So I’m nervous for when this all gets back to him.

arahabaki:

Yeah

I’ll talk to him.

It’s probably best if I talk to him rather than you or someone else does

alphatiger:
 Can you keep me updated?

arahabaki:

Sure

Chapter End Notes

the long away odasaku incident... the odacident... one would say

"ghost your chapter summary doesn't make sense" i know. i just wanted to say something
about scrambled eggs. stop hating!!!

next chapter is already almost done so that'll probs be out tomorrow hehe

idk why i wrote francis that way but i did. idk. i feel like he would be a wife guy but a genuine
wife guy yk what i mean. and i wanted to add the guild bc i find them so interesting.
regrettably i did not incorporate fyodor lore with nathaniel because i accidentally deleted that
bit and now it just doesn't work womp womp. maybe i'll add that a different time

follow me on bluesky @unknown-ghost.bsky.social for updates

until next time (tomorrow or thursday) bye!

EDIT: i think i accidentally switch between calling fitzgerald "francis" and "frances" and it's
hard to find where i did it (if i even did it in the fic LMFAO) so if you see it know i'm aware
of it and that's my bad i just like dgaf about F. Scott Fitzgerald from BSD or real life enough to
try and find and edit it oops
Please drop by the Archive and comment to let the creator know if you enjoyed their work!