INTERNAL

FAMILY SYSTEM
IFS (INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS)
WHAT IS IFS?
KEY COMPONENTS
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a psychotherapy
model developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz that
SELF:
views the mind as an internal system of "parts"
The compassionate, calm, and
or subpersonalities, all governed by a core "Self."
confident core of every person.
The goal is to achieve internal harmony and
Leads the internal system and
healing through Self-leadership.
fosters healing and balance.
PARTS:
GOALS OF IFS Subpersonalities that represent
Help the Self lead the internal distinct emotions, behaviors, or
system. beliefs.
Heal wounded parts (Exiles). Categorized as:
Balance and support protective Exiles: Vulnerable parts carrying
parts (Managers and pain, shame, or trauma.
Firefighters). Managers: Protective parts
Foster internal harmony and aiming to maintain control and
self-compassion. avoid emotional pain.
Firefighters: Reactive parts that
distract or numb to manage
OVERVIEW OF PARTS emotional distress.
Life of Parts SELF-LEADERSHIP:
Birth of Parts The process of allowing the Self
Parts evolve and adapt
Parts develop naturally to guide and harmonize the
throughout life based on
as aspects of the mind, internal system with compassion
experiences, both positive
formed through life and clarity.
and negative. They may UNBURDENING:
experiences and shaped
take on specific roles to Healing wounded parts by
by emotions, beliefs,
manage stress, protect helping them release their
and relationships.
from harm, or store burdens (trauma, pain, or
Exiles
unresolved emotions. extreme beliefs).
Vulnerable parts that
Self CURIOSITY AND
carry pain, trauma, or
The compassionate, COMPASSION:
shame from negative
calm, and centered core Approaching all parts
experiences, often
of a person. It is the with openness, kindness,
formed during childhood
leader and healer in and a desire to
or significant distress.
the IFS model. understand and support
them.
Protector
INTERNAL
Manager Firefighter HARMONY:
Protective parts that Reactive parts that Balancing and integrating
proactively work to emerge when Exiles’ pain the parts under the
maintain control, breaks through, acting leadership of the Self to
prevent emotional pain, impulsively to distract or create a cooperative and
and keep Exiles hidden. numb emotional distress. peaceful internal system.
 TYPES OF THE PART
EXILES (VULNERABLE PARTS) PROTECTORS
Definition: Protective parts are designed to keep Exiles'
Exiles are the parts of the system that carry pain from surfacing or overwhelming the
unresolved emotional pain, trauma, shame, person. These parts help the individual
fear, or wounds from past experiences, navigate life while avoiding emotional
typically originating from early life events. distress. Protectors are further divided into
Key Characteristics: Managers and Firefighters.
Emotional Burden: Exiles hold deep emotional A. Managers (Proactive Protectors)
pain, often tied to memories of rejection, Managers are proactive, planning, and
abandonment, neglect, or trauma. controlling parts that aim to prevent the
Vulnerability: These parts are often Exiles' emotional wounds from being
suppressed or pushed away because their triggered.
emotions are too overwhelming to process. Key Characteristics:
Childhood Connection: Many Exiles represent Control-Oriented: Managers work to keep
the wounded inner child, holding onto everything in order and maintain stability.
unresolved emotional experiences. They manage relationships, work, and
Role: emotions to avoid vulnerability.
Emotional Storage: Exiles "store" intense Role:
emotions or traumas that are not fully Maintaining Functionality: They try to ensure
processed at the time they occurred. that the person functions in daily life by
Longing for Healing: They want to be seen, preventing emotional triggers and minimizing
heard, and healed, but their pain often risks.
causes anxiety or distress when activated. Over-Control: Their desire to keep the system
Challenge: safe and functional can result in rigid
Suppressed Exiles can cause emotional behaviors or difficulty in adapting to change.
dysregulation, leading to depression, anxiety, Challenge:
or physical symptoms. When Managers become overly controlling,
When they are not allowed to express their they can cause burnout, anxiety, and
pain, it can result in emotional numbing or disconnection from others, as well as limit
disconnection. emotional expression.

B. Firefighters (Reactive Protectors)

Firefighters are reactive parts that emerge when the Exiles' pain is triggered, and they attempt to
distract or numb the emotional distress through impulsive behaviors.
Key Characteristics:
Emergency Response: Firefighters react quickly to emotional crises, aiming to protect the person
from overwhelming feelings.
Escapist or Impulsive Behaviors: Common Firefighter strategies include substance use, overeating,
emotional outbursts, or dissociation.
Role:
Short-Term Relief: Firefighters provide an immediate solution to
emotional pain by distracting from it or numbing it.
Crisis Management: Their goal is to "put out the fire" of distress, but their
actions are often extreme.
Challenge:
While Firefighters provide temporary relief, their methods often create new
problems (e.g., addictions, relationship issues, or guilt).

SELF (CORE SELF)

Definition:
The Self is not a part, but rather the core, centered, and compassionate aspect
of the person. It is the leader and healer within the system.
Key Characteristics:
Leadership Qualities: The Self embodies the 8 C's—compassion, clarity,
courage, curiosity, connectedness, confidence, creativity, and calmness.
Non-Judgmental: The Self is unconditionally compassionate and does not
judge the parts for their actions, even if those actions are maladaptive.
Balanced and Grounded: The Self represents the true essence of a person,
capable of making thoughtful, wise decisions with an understanding of the
system's needs.
Role:
Internal Leader: The Self is the compassionate leader of the internal
system, working to restore harmony and healing among the parts.
Healing Guide: It guides the process of unburdening Exiles, integrating the
emotions and experiences they hold, and helping Managers and Firefighters
adopt healthier roles.
Challenge:
When the Self is suppressed or overshadowed by Protectors, internal
harmony is disrupted, and the person may feel disconnected from their true
self.

HOW PARTS INTERACT

Protectors vs. Exiles:
Protective parts (Managers and Firefighters) try to prevent Exiles
from surfacing by managing emotions or engaging in impulsive
behaviors. This creates internal tension, as Exiles long for healing
while Protectors work to suppress them.
Self's Role:
The Self works to mediate this conflict by creating a safe environment for
Exiles to heal and for Protectors to trust in the Self’s leadership. It
encourages cooperation and balance within the system.

Integration:
When Protectors trust the Self, they can adopt more adaptive
roles, and Exiles can be unburdened, allowing the system to
function with greater harmony.
 UNDERSTANDING MANAGERS
MANAGERS COMMON BEHAVIORS
Managers are proactive protectors whose
primary goal is to prevent the emotional pain Managers may exhibit various strategies to
and burdens of Exiles from surfacing. They strive achieve their protective goals, including:
to keep the individual safe and stable by Emotional Strategies
managing external situations, internal thoughts, Suppressing or minimizing strong emotions
and behaviors. (e.g., sadness, anger).
Avoiding situations or relationships that
CHARACTERISTICS OF MANAGERS might evoke vulnerability or trauma.
Control-Oriented: Encouraging self-sufficiency and
independence to avoid relying on others.
Managers rely on planning, organization,
Behavioral Strategies
and control to create a sense of stability.
They focus on maintaining order both Maintaining control over external
internally and externally. circumstances through planning or
Preventative Nature: micromanagement.
Pursuing perfectionism or overachievement to
Unlike Firefighters (reactive protectors),
gain approval or validation.
Managers work proactively to avoid
Distracting from emotional triggers through
triggering the Exiles' pain.
overworking, excessive planning, or
Emotion Regulation:
intellectualization.
They seek to suppress or minimize the
Cognitive Strategies
intensity of emotions, often detaching
Overthinking or analyzing situations to
from vulnerability to maintain composure.
anticipate and avoid potential risks.
Perfectionistic Tendencies:
Internal criticism to "motivate" or prevent
Many Managers adopt behaviors like
perceived failure.
striving for perfection, overworking, or
Rationalizing or denying emotions that could
being highly critical of the self to avoid
disrupt stability.
perceived failure or rejection.

POSITIVE INTENTIONS RELATIONSHIP

Though their actions may seem rigid or
controlling, Managers operate with positive Managers and Exiles:
intentions: Managers work tirelessly to prevent
Prevent Emotional Overwhelm: Exiles' pain from surfacing. They see Exiles
as dangerous or overwhelming and focus
They aim to protect the individual from being
on keeping them hidden.
overwhelmed by the pain held by Exiles.
Promote Functionality: Managers and Firefighters:
Managers ensure that the person can meet Managers and Firefighters often conflict.
responsibilities and maintain external stability. While Managers aim to maintain order
Maintain Relationships: and control, Firefighters react impulsively
By minimizing vulnerability, Managers aim to when Exiles' pain breaks through,
preserve connections with others and avoid disrupting the stability Managers strive
rejection or conflict. to maintain.
 CHALLENGES AND DOWNSIDES OF MANAGERS
While Managers provide stability, their protective strategies can lead to challenges:
Over-Control:
Excessive control can cause rigidity, making it difficult to adapt to changes or connect
authentically with others.
Suppressed Emotions:
By suppressing vulnerability, Managers can prevent genuine emotional expression and
healing of Exiles.
Perfectionism Burnout:
Constant striving for perfection or overachievement can lead to stress, anxiety, and
exhaustion.
Disconnection from Self:
Managers may block access to the core Self, making it harder to engage in
compassionate self-leadership.

THERAPEUTIC GOALS FOR MANAGERS

In IFS therapy, the focus is not on eliminating Managers but
rather helping them adopt healthier, less extreme roles by:
Building Trust in the Self:
Help Managers recognize that the Self can compassionately
lead the internal system, reducing their need for
hypervigilance.
Reassuring Safety:
Managers need reassurance that allowing access to Exiles for
healing won't cause harm to the system.
Adopting Adaptive Roles:
Once they trust the Self, Managers can redirect their energy
toward positive, less controlling functions, such as supporting
creativity, productivity, or healthy relationships.

EXAMPLES OF MANAGER ROLES

Perfectionist Manager:
Ensures tasks are done flawlessly to avoid criticism or rejection.
Caretaking Manager:
Focuses on meeting others’ needs to gain approval or maintain
harmony.
Avoidant Manager:
Avoids situations or people that might trigger emotional pain.
Critical Inner Voice:
Motivates through self-criticism to prevent failure but often damages
self-esteem.
 UNDERSTANDING PARTS
PARTS OF EXPLORING PART
The Internal Family Systems (IFS) model provides a structured process for exploring and
understanding the parts within an individual’s internal system. Here are the 8 processes of exploring
parts in IFS:

Objective: Recognize and name the different parts within the internal
IDENTIFYING system.
Process:
PARTS Observe internal dialogue, emotions, or physical sensations.
Pay attention to recurring thoughts, behaviors, or feelings.

Objective: Develop a nonjudgmental and curious relationship with

BEFRIENDING parts.
Process:
PARTS Approach parts with compassion and openness.
Show interest in their feelings, roles, and functions.

Objective: Separate the Self from overactive parts to access clarity

and calmness.
UNBLENDING
Process:
FROM PARTS Acknowledge when a part feels overwhelming.
Use grounding techniques to reconnect with the Self.

Objective: Explore the function and purpose of each part.

UNDERSTANDIN Process:
G PARTS’ ROLES Ask the part why it behaves a certain way.
Identify whether the part is a manager, firefighter, or exile.

Objective: Access and care for parts that carry pain, shame, or
LISTENING TO trauma.
EXILED PARTS Process:
Allow exiles to share their stories and feelings in a safe space.
Validate their emotions without judgment.

Objective: Gain permission from protective parts to access exiles.

NEGOTIATING Process:
WITH Communicate with managers or firefighters about their intentions.
PROTECTORS Assure them that exiles will be approached with care.
Work collaboratively to reduce the protectors’ fears or resistance.

Objective: Help parts let go of extreme beliefs, feelings, or roles.

HEALING AND Process:
RELEASING Guide parts through releasing painful burdens or traumas.
BURDENS Use imagery or rituals to visualize the process (e.g., “letting go of a
heavy weight”).
 4 DIMENSIONS OF EACH PART
In Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, each internal part can be experienced or
understood through four key dimensions. These dimensions help individuals connect
more deeply with their parts, fostering insight and self-awareness.

SENSORY EMOTIONAL
Refers to the physical sensations Encompasses the feelings or
associated with a part. emotions the part carries or
Examples: evokes.
Tightness in the chest or Examples:
throat. Fear, sadness, anger, joy,
A sinking feeling in the shame, or guilt.
stomach. A part might feel
Tingling, warmth, or pressure overwhelmed or rejected,
in specific areas of the body. for instance.
Purpose: Helps locate where the Purpose: Gives insight into
part "lives" or manifests in the the emotional state and role
body. of the part.

IMAGINARY VERBAL
Relates to the images, metaphors, or Refers to the words, messages, or
symbols connected to a part. internal dialogue of the part.
Examples: Examples:
Visualizing a part as a protective A critical part might say, “You’re
warrior, a child, or an object like a not good enough.”
shield. A supportive part might offer
A dark cloud representing sadness or encouragement, like, “You can do
a bright flame symbolizing passion. this.”
Purpose: Helps conceptualize the Purpose: Reveals the part's
part's identity, role, and function narrative, beliefs, and
within the system. communication style.

HOW THESE DIMENSIONS INTERACT:

Sensory: A tightness in the Imaginary: A small, frightened
chest. child.
Emotional: Feeling anxious or Verbal: Saying, “I’m not safe.”
scared.
 UNDERSTANDING FIREFIGHTERS
Firefighters are parts of the psyche that act in an urgent and often extreme way to
distract from or suppress the emotional pain of Exiles (wounded parts). Their goal is to
prevent the Exiles' overwhelming feelings, such as shame, fear, or grief, from surfacing.

ROLE AND PURPOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH EXILES

Primary Goal: To protect the system by Firefighters and Exiles are
immediately extinguishing emotional pain closely connected:
or distress. When Exiles’ pain or burdens
Reactive Nature: They respond only (e.g., trauma, shame, or grief)
when Exiles’ emotions are triggered, start to surface, Firefighters
unlike Managers, who work proactively step in to suppress or distract
to prevent these emotions from surfacing. from these feelings.
Protective Intent: Although their This dynamic creates a cycle
methods can be destructive or where Exiles remain
maladaptive, Firefighters act out of a unhealed, and Firefighters
desire to safeguard the individual from stay on high alert to manage
emotional overwhelm. crises.

COMMON BEHAVIORS OF FIREFIGHTERS

COMPULSIVE SELF-HARM AGGRESSION NUMBING

ADDICTIONS BEHAVIORS

Substance Shopping Cutting, Angry Zoning out

use Gaming Burning outbursts Dissociation
Overeating Excessive Other physical Impulsive Binge-
Gambling screen time. harm. actions. watching TV

FIREFIGHTERS VS. MANAGERS EXAMPLE

Firefighters are Managers are Situation: A person feels triggered by a
reactive and proactive and focused memory of rejection.
focused on Firefighter's Response: They binge-eat
on maintaining
immediate pain or drink alcohol to suppress the pain.
control, stability, and
Healing Approach: In IFS, the person
relief, often at preventing triggers. would engage with the Firefighter to
any cost.
understand its intentions and then
Both are protectors, but their methods and work to heal the underlying Exile
timing differ. carrying the memory of rejection.
 HEALING AND WORKING WITH FIREFIGHTERS IN IFS

ACKNOWLEDGING THEIR Recognize that Firefighters are not "bad" parts but are trying
POSITIVE INTENTIONS to protect the system, even if their methods are problematic.

BUILDING A Approach Firefighters with curiosity, compassion, and

RELATIONSHIP understanding. Avoid judgment of their behaviors.

GAINING THEIR Assure them that healing the Exiles won’t lead to overwhelm and that
TRUST they won’t lose their role but can take on a more balanced function.

UNBURDENING When Exiles’ pain is healed, Firefighters feel less need to engage in
EXILES extreme behaviors because their triggers are reduced.

REASSIGNING Firefighters can adopt healthier, less extreme ways of helping

ROLES and protecting once the system is balanced.

IDENTIFY A FIREFIGHTER

Purpose:
To explore and understand the role of Firefighters in your internal system.
What behavior or pattern might be a Firefighter?
(Examples: binge-eating, zoning out, lashing out)

Behavior:

When does this behavior typically show up?

(Example: After I feel criticized or rejected)

Trigger:
 EXPLORE ITS ROLE

What does this part seem to want to accomplish?

(Examples: Protect me from feeling overwhelmed, help me feel better quickly)

Its purpose:

How does it believe it’s helping you?

(Example: "I’m keeping you safe from shame or sadness.")

Its belief:

NOTICE SENSORY DIMENSIONS

Where do you feel this part in your body?
(Example: Tightness in the chest, jittery hands)

Sensation:

What emotions are associated with this part?

(Example: Frustration, relief, or guilt after it acts)

Emotions:
 BUILD A RELATIONSHIP

How do you feel toward this part?

(Examples: Annoyed, grateful, curious)

My feelings:

Can you thank it for its protective efforts, even if you don’t like its method?
(Example: “Thank you for trying to protect me.”)

Response:

REASSURE AND NEGOTIATE

How can you reassure this Firefighter that healing is possible?
(Example: “If we work together, we can address what’s underneath so
you won’t have to work so hard.”)

Reassurance statement:

What healthier roles might this Firefighter take on in the future?

(Example: Advocate for rest, creative inspiration)

New role:
 FIREFIGHTERS, STRESS, AND TRAUMA
Firefighters are parts of the internal system that react quickly and intensely to protect
you from emotional overwhelm caused by triggers or unaddressed trauma. They act as
"emergency responders," stepping in when Exiles (vulnerable, wounded parts) are
activated.

CHARACTERISTICS FIREFIGHTERS MANAGE TRAUMA

Impulsive Behaviors: They often Trigger Detection: Firefighters

resort to extreme or urgent actions are hyper-vigilant and react to
to suppress feelings. perceived emotional threats,
Examples: overeating, self-harm, even if minor.
binge-watching, alcohol/drug use. Trauma Suppression: Their
Short-Term Relief: Their actions goal is to keep Exiles (trauma-
offer immediate distraction or relief burdened parts) silenced to
from emotional pain but often lead to prevent overwhelming
long-term consequences (guilt, emotions.
shame, health issues). Overcompensation:
Unconscious Motivation: They aim Firefighters often "overdo"
to protect the system from feeling their response, creating further
pain or re-experiencing trauma. stress.

COMMON FIREFIGHTER RESPONSES IMPACT OF FIREFIGHTERS ON

TO STRESS AND TRAUMA THE SYSTEM
Avoidance Mechanisms
Positive Role:
Zoning out (e.g., excessive TV,
They prevent emotional
gaming, or social media).
collapse and act as
Emotional detachment or
protective barriers
dissociation.
against overwhelming
Compensatory Behaviors
feelings.
Comfort eating or bingeing.
Negative Outcomes:
Shopping or gambling.
Physical health issues
Aggressive Defenses
(e.g., stress-related
Angry outbursts or arguments.
illnesses).
Risky behavior to feel control or
Emotional disconnect or
numbness.
avoidance of healing.
Self-Sabotaging Actions
Strained relationships
Overworking to avoid downtime.
due to extreme reactions.
Procrastination or self-neglect.
 POLARIZATION OF PROTECTIVE PARTS
Polarization occurs when two or more protective parts within the internal system
adopt opposing roles or strategies to manage emotional pain, stress, or trauma. These
polarized parts engage in conflict, often leaving the individual feeling torn,
overwhelmed, or stuck.

TYPES OF PROTECTIVE PARTS POLARIZATION DYNAMICS

Managers: Firefighters: Opposing Agendas:

Focus on React to emotional Managers seek to maintain control
prevention and overwhelm by and prevent chaos.
control. suppressing or Firefighters disrupt control to
Maintain order distracting from it. quickly extinguish emotional pain.
and avoid Often impulsive and Conflict Cycle:
emotional pain. extreme. A Manager criticizes or restricts
Example: Example: Binge- a Firefighter’s behavior.
Perfectionism or eating or anger The Firefighter reacts by
people-pleasing. outbursts. becoming more extreme in its
actions.
This cycle exacerbates internal
IMPACT OF POLARIZATION ON
tension and prevents resolution.
THE SYSTEM

Emotional Distress: EXAMPLES OF POLARIZATION:

Individuals may feel stuck,
Manager Behavior:
torn, or out of control.
Strict dieting to maintain
Underlying trauma remains
control
unaddressed.
Overworking to avoid
Physical and Mental
vulnerability
Exhaustion:
Suppressing emotions with rules
Constant internal conflict
drains energy.
Anxiety, guilt, or shame are Firefighter Behavior:
common. Binge-eating to suppress
Relationship Strain: feelings
Internal polarization can Procrastination to
mirror in external escape pressure
relationships, leading to Emotional outbursts or
miscommunication or conflict. self-sabotage
 STEPS TO ADDRESS POLARIZATION IN PROTECTIVE PARTS
Identify the Polarized Parts
Reflect on recurring behaviors that feel at odds with each other.
Example: “I feel torn between needing to work harder and wanting to
completely avoid work.”
Understand Each Part’s Role
Ask each part:
Manager: “What are you trying to prevent?”
Firefighter: “What are you trying to protect me from?”
Recognize the shared goal of protection, despite different strategies.
Acknowledge Their Efforts
Show gratitude for the roles they play in your system.
Example: “Thank you for keeping me safe in your own way.”
Create Inner Dialogue
Facilitate a conversation between the polarized parts.
Question: “Can you find a way to work together to help me?”
Mediate conflicts by highlighting shared goals (e.g., safety, stability).
Unburden the Exiles
Healing the wounded parts these protectors guard will reduce
polarization.
Work with a therapist or engage in self-reflection to process trauma.

EXAMPLES OF POLARIZATION:

TOOL/
PURPOSE TOOL/TECHNIQUE
TECHNIQUE
To soften internal Acknowledge: “Both parts are trying to
Self-Compassion
conflicts help me.”

Journaling To explore Write from the perspective of each part.

polarized thoughts

Mindfulness Pause and breathe when internal

To reduce reactivity
tension arises.
To visualize the Create a chart of parts and their
IFS Mapping
polarization relationships.
Guided To connect with Use meditations focused on internal
Meditation the Self harmony.
 RESOLVING INTERNAL CONFLICTS BETWEEN
MANAGERS AND FIREFIGHTERS
Resolve the inner conflicts between your Managers (parts focused on control and
prevention) and Firefighters (parts reacting to emotional pain)

THE DYNAMICS OF THE CONFLICT

MANAGERS: FIREFIGHTERS:
Protective parts focused on control Protective parts that react to
and prevention, aiming to avoid chaos emotional overwhelm with urgency
or vulnerability. and impulsivity.
Behaviors: Behaviors:
Overplanning, perfectionism, self- Emotional outbursts, addictions,
criticism, and hypervigilance. avoidance, and risky actions.
Goal: Goal:
Keep the system safe by Suppress emotional pain or numb
minimizing exposure to pain. distress to maintain functioning.
CONFLICT:
Managers and Firefighters often clash because their strategies are oppositional.
Managers may view Firefighters as irresponsible or dangerous.
Firefighters may view Managers as oppressive or rigid.

STEPS TO RESOLVE THE CONFLICT

Step 1: Recognize the Presence of the Parts

Identify behaviors and patterns indicating Manager and Firefighter
activity.
Example: A part of you demands overwork (Manager), while another
distracts with binge-watching TV (Firefighter).
Step 2: Separate from the Parts
Access your Self (your calm, compassionate inner leader).
Self is distinct from your protective parts and can mediate conflicts.
Visualize Managers and Firefighters as separate entities, not as your
identity.
Step 3: Understand Each Part’s Role
Manager Questions:
What are you afraid will happen if you lose control?
What are you trying to protect me from?
Firefighter Questions:
What are you afraid will happen if you stop distracting
or numbing?
What pain are you trying to soothe or suppress?
 Step 4: Foster a Dialogue
Encourage communication between the Manager and Firefighter, with
you as the mediator.
Highlight their shared goal of protection and safety.
Reassure both parts that their concerns are valid and will be
addressed.
Step 5: Address the Underlying Exile
Managers and Firefighters are often polarized because they are
protecting a vulnerable Exile.
Approach the Exile with compassion and curiosity.
Ask: What emotions or memories does this Exile hold?
Help release the Exile’s burdens through listening and acknowledgment.
Step 6: Develop Collaborative Strategies
Work with both parts to find balanced solutions:
Managers can reduce rigidity by allowing room for
emotional expression.
Firefighters can adopt healthier coping mechanisms to
address overwhelm.
Step 7: Reassess and Reinforce Cooperation
Check in with both parts regularly to maintain alignment.
Revisit dialogues as needed to address new challenges or
conflicts.

TOOLS AND TECHNIQUES

IFS Mapping
Create a visual representation of your parts and their
relationships.
Draw circles for Managers, Firefighters, Exiles, and the Self.
Use arrows to show interactions and conflicts.
Mindfulness Exercises
Practice grounding techniques to reduce reactivity and
engage with your parts calmly.
Example: Box breathing or 5-4-3-2-1 grounding.
Journaling Prompts
Manager: “What’s your biggest fear if I let go of control?”
Firefighter: “What pain or memory are you trying to protect me
from?”
Therapeutic Support
Work with an IFS-trained therapist to deepen your
understanding of part dynamics and address deeper wounds.
 IDENTIFY THE CONFLICT
Describe the behaviors of your Manager(s):
Example: “I feel the need to be perfect and follow a strict routine to avoid failure.”
Behavior:

Goal or purpose:

Describe the behaviors of your Firefighter(s):

Example: “I feel a sudden urge to binge-watch TV or eat junk food when I’m
stressed.”
Behavior:

Goal or purpose:

How do these parts interact with each other?

Example: “The Manager criticizes the Firefighter, and the Firefighter reacts by
becoming more impulsive.”

UNDERSTAND THE PARTS

Ask the Manager:
What are you afraid will happen if you let go of control?

Write the Manager’s response:

What are you trying to protect me from?

Ask the Firefighter:

What are you afraid will happen if you stop reacting this way?

Write the Firefighter’s response:

What pain or emotion are you trying to soothe or distract me from?

 UNDERSTANDING EXILES
Exiles are parts of the internal system that hold vulnerable emotions, memories, or
beliefs often tied to painful or traumatic experiences.

CHARACTERISTICS OF EXILES
ORIGINS: EMOTIONAL BURDENS:
Exiles often form in childhood or Exiles hold "burdens," which
during traumatic events when are the intense emotions or
the individual lacked the capacity beliefs they carry due to the
to process intense emotions. traumatic events.
They carry the emotional residue These burdens can lead to
of these experiences, such as feelings of being stuck or
shame, fear, sadness, or anger. overwhelmed.
TRIGGERS: RELATIONSHIP TO PROTECTIVE
Exiles are easily triggered by PARTS:
external events or situations Managers and Firefighters work
that resemble the original to keep Exiles suppressed to
trauma. prevent the individual from
When triggered, they may reliving the pain they hold.
overwhelm the individual with This suppression often results in
emotional flooding or distress. internal conflict or polarization.
CORE BELIEFS:
Exiles often internalize negative messages such as:
"I am not enough."
"I am unlovable."
"The world is unsafe."

SIGNS OF EXILES IN THE SYSTEM

Intense Emotional Reactions:
Sudden feelings of shame, sadness, fear, or
helplessness.
Avoidance Behaviors:
Engaging in activities to avoid situations
that might trigger Exile-related emotions.
Self-Sabotage:
Behaviors driven by the belief that the individual is
undeserving of success, love, or happiness.
Recurring Themes:
Patterns of thought or behavior tied to feelings of
unworthiness or rejection.
 HEALING AND WORKING WITH EXILES
1. Accessing the Exile
Use curiosity and compassion to gently approach the Exile.
Ask:
"Where do you feel this part in your body?"
"What emotions or memories does this part carry?"
2. Building a Relationship with the Exile
Create a safe space for the Exile to share its story.
Reassure the Exile that it is no longer alone and will not be judged.
3. Unburdening the Exile
Process:
Listen to the Exile’s story and validate its feelings.
Identify the burdens (emotions or beliefs) the Exile is carrying.
Guide the Exile in releasing these burdens.
Visualization techniques can be helpful (e.g., imagining the burden being carried away by wind
or water).
4. Integrating the Exile
Once the Exile has been unburdened, invite it to take on a new, healthier role in the system.
Examples of new roles: Playfulness, creativity, or connection.

STRATEGIES FOR OVERCOMING BARRIERS

Build Trust with Protective Parts:
Assure Managers and Firefighters that the goal is to heal the system, not
to harm it. Ask these parts for permission to work with the Exile.
Establish a Safe Space:
Use visualization or grounding techniques to create a sense of safety.
Example: Imagine a protective bubble or sanctuary where you can meet the Exile.
Work Gradually:
Approach the Exile gently and without urgency.
Respect its pace and readiness to engage.

BENEFITS OF HEALING EXILES FS TECHNIQUES

Emotional Relief: Visualization:
Reduced feelings of shame, fear, or sadness. Imagine holding the Exile as a younger
Improved Relationships: version of yourself, offering reassurance
Greater ability to connect with others and love.
authentically. Unburdening Ritual:
Increased Self-Leadership: Symbolically release the Exile’s burdens
Less reliance on extreme protective (e.g., writing them down and burning
behaviors. the paper).
System Harmony: Guided Meditation:
Managers and Firefighters become less Use meditations to connect with and
polarized, creating balance. soothe the Exile.
 REFLECTING ON YOUR EXILES
This worksheet will help you identify, understand, and connect with your Exiles—the
parts of you that carry pain, vulnerability, or trauma.

IDENTIFYING YOUR EXILES

What emotions or memories do you avoid or find difficult to face?

Emotion or Memory When It Arises Why It Feels Difficult

RECOGNIZING TRIGGERS

What situations, people, or thoughts bring up feelings tied to your

Exiles?

Trigger Associated Emotion Physical Sensations

 EXPLORING THE ROLE OF EXILES

What might your Exiles be trying to tell you about your needs,
wounds, or values?

Exile’s Message Unmet Need How You Can Respond

Compassionately

RECOGNIZING PROTECTIVE PARTS AROUND EXILES

What behaviors protect or avoid your Exiles?

Protective Behavior Why It’s UsedExile It’s Protecting

 PRACTICING COMPASSION

Imagine speaking to one of your Exiles with kindness. Write a

compassionate message to them:

LISTENING TO YOUR EXILES

Find a quiet space and ask your Exiles:

What do you want me to know?
How can I help you feel safe?

Write down their response:

MANAGERS, FIREFIGHTERS, AND EXILES IN
DAILY LIFE
MANAGERS
Role:
Proactive parts focused on maintaining control and avoiding vulnerability. They try
to prevent pain or difficult emotions from surfacing.
Purpose:
Protect the system by anticipating and preventing harm or emotional overwhelm.
Behavior Examples:
Criticizing self or Avoiding risks
Perfectionism Overplanning or new
others
experiences

FIREFIGHTERS
Role:
Reactive parts that step in when pain or vulnerability becomes overwhelming. They
distract, numb, or soothe in intense ways.
Purpose:
Quickly manage or avoid painful emotions and situations, often through immediate
relief.
Behavior Examples:

Overeating or Escaping into

Procrastination Substance use
undereating entertainment

EXILES
Role:
Vulnerable parts that carry pain, trauma, or shame from past experiences. They
are often suppressed by Managers and Firefighters.
Purpose:
Hold emotional burdens or memories that need care and healing, but they are
often pushed away to avoid discomfort.
Behavior Examples:

Shame or Overeating or Reactions tied to Intense feelings

self-doubt undereating unresolved past of sadness, fear,
wounds or anger
 ROLE OF THE SELF
The Self is the core, authentic, and undamaged essence of a person in the Internal
Family Systems (IFS) model. Unlike Managers, Firefighters, or Exiles, the Self is not a
"part" but the center of healing and balance. The Self serves as the internal leader,
helping to build harmony within the system of parts.

KEY ROLES OF THE SELF

Compassionate Leadership
Acts as a nonjudgmental leader for the system.
Guides interactions between parts to foster understanding and
healing.
Healing Exiles
Provides a safe and nurturing presence for Exiles, allowing them to
express their pain and release burdens.
Mediating Conflicts
Resolves polarization between Managers and Firefighters by
understanding their protective roles and helping them collaborate.

Providing Clarity
Brings calm, clear insight into emotional or mental chaos.
Helps parts feel seen, heard, and valued.
Promoting Integration
Encourages all parts to work together as a harmonious
team rather than conflicting entities.
Cultivating Core Qualities
Embodies and exudes the 8 C’s of Self, which include:

COMPASSION CALMNESS CURIOSITY CLARITY

CONFIDENCE COURAGE CREATIVITY CONNECTED-

NESS
 8 C’S OF SELF
The 8 C's of Self are a concept derived from Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, which
emphasizes self-leadership and the idea that we all have an essential core self capable of healing
and growth. These qualities are often used to describe a person's Self-energy, which can guide and
support internal healing and balance.

A sense of inner peace and steadiness,

CALM even in the face of challenges.

A genuine interest in understanding

CURIOSITY
oneself and others without judgment.

A deep care and kindness toward oneself

COMPASSION and others, acknowledging struggles
without criticism.

Clear thinking and understanding,

CLARITY free from confusion or emotional
overwhelm.

A sense of trust in one's abilities and

CONFIDENCE inner wisdom, not arrogance but self-
assuredness.

The ability to face fears and

COURAGE challenges with bravery, rooted in
inner strength.

The openness to innovation, problem-

CREATIVITY solving, and seeing possibilities beyond
limitations.

A sense of connection with oneself, others,

CONNECTED and the larger world, fostering
-NESS relationships and community.
YOUR SELF AND THE 8 C'S (WORKSHEETS)

COMPASSION

Reflection Question:
How do you show compassion to yourself and others?

Example of Situation It How It Felt

Compassionate Action Happened

CALMNESS

Reflection Question:
When do you feel calm, and what helps you maintain that state?

Calm Moment or What Helped You Impact on Your

Activity Feel Calm? Thoughts or Emotions
 CURIOSITY
Reflection Question:
What situations spark your curiosity about yourself or others?

Curious Thought or
What Triggered It? What You Learned
Question

CLARITY
Reflection Question:
What helps you gain clarity when you feel overwhelmed or confused?

Moment of Clarity What Helped You Outcome or

Achieve It? Realization

CONFIDENCE
Reflection Question:
When have you felt confident in your ability to lead yourself or support
others?

Confident Action What Made You

Result or Impact
Feel Confident?
 COURAGE
Reflection Question:
When have you shown courage in the face of fear or uncertainty?

What Was the How You Felt

Courageous Action
Challenge? Afterwards

CREATIVITY
Reflection Question:
How do you express creativity or solve problems in innovative ways?

Creative Idea or What Inspired It? Outcome or Benefit

Action

CONNECTEDNESS
Reflection Question:
When do you feel most connected to yourself, others, or the world around you?

Moment of Connection Who or What You

How It Impacted You
Felt Connected To
 FINAL REFLECTION

Which of the 8 C’s do you feel strongest in?

Which of the 8 C’s do you want to cultivate further?

What actions or practices can help you embody the Self

more fully in your daily life?
 THE UNBURDENING PROCESS

The Unburdening Process is a key healing step in the Internal Family Systems (IFS)
model. It allows wounded parts, especially Exiles, to release the emotional pain,
beliefs, or burdens they carry. These burdens are often tied to past traumatic
experiences and can lead to protective behaviors from Managers and Firefighters.
FINAL REFLECTION
1. Establishing Self-Leadership
Goal: Ensure the Self is present and leading the process.
How:
Help the protective parts (Managers and Firefighters) step back.
Confirm they trust the Self to work with the Exiles.
2. Identifying the Burden
Goal: Understand the nature of the burden the Exile carries.
How:
Connect with the Exile through curiosity and compassion.
Ask the Exile to express its pain, fears, or beliefs.
3. Witnessing the Pain
Goal: Allow the Exile to fully express its story and feel seen.
How:
Encourage the Exile to share the origins of the burden (e.g.,
specific memories or experiences).
Witness without judgment, offering the Exile empathy and
understanding.
4. Separating the Burden from the Exile
Goal: Help the Exile realize that the burden is not part of its
essence.
How:
Use metaphors or visualization (e.g., “Imagine the burden as
a heavy cloak you’ve been wearing but can now remove”).
Reassure the Exile that it can let go without losing itself.
5. Releasing the Burden
Goal: Facilitate the actual unburdening process.
How:
Ask the Exile how it wants to let go of the burden.
Methods might include:
Symbolic actions like throwing it into a fire, releasing
it to the wind, or washing it away in water.
 6 F’S OF SELF

In Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, Part Mapping is a technique used to

explore the roles and relationships of different internal parts within an individual.
The 6 F’s of Part Mapping guide the process of identifying and understanding these
parts.

Locate or identify a part. This involves

FIND becoming aware of its presence, often
through physical sensations, emotions, or
thoughts.

Direct your attention to the part.

Notice its qualities, such as how it
FOCUS
feels in your body, what emotions it
carries, or what thoughts it brings.

Gather more information about the part. Explore its

FLESH OUT role, feelings, fears, and beliefs. Understand how it
interacts with other parts or influences your behavior.

Assess your feelings toward the part. Do you

feel judgmental, curious, compassionate, or
FEEL
resistant? This helps you gauge your
TOWARD relationship with the part and move toward a
more Self-led interaction.
Build a trusting relationship with the part.
Approach it with compassion and curiosity,
BEFRIEND showing it that you're interested in
understanding and helping rather than
controlling or suppressing it.

Deepen your connection with the part to

understand its needs, concerns, or protective
FOCUS IN strategies. This step often leads to
uncovering the part's burdens and finding
ways to heal or unburden it.
 FIND

Identify the part of you that feels burdened.

What emotion, thought, or behavior led you to notice this part?

Where do you feel this part in your body?

How does this part try to protect or serve you?

FOCUS

Bring your full attention to the part.

Can you connect with this part without judgment or distraction?

What does it want you to know about its experience?

How does it feel being acknowledged?

 FLESH OUT

Understand the part’s story and perspective.

What is this part’s role in your system?

What events or experiences shaped its burdens?

How does it see its relationship with other parts of you?

FEEL TOWARD

Approach the part with compassion and curiosity.

What feelings arise when you connect with this part?

Can you offer it compassion, empathy, or curiosity?

How does this part respond to your kindness or curiosity?

 BEFRIEND

Develop a trusting relationship with the part.

What does this part need from you to feel safe?

How can you reassure it that you’re here to help?

What might trust look like between you and this part?

FREE

Help the part release its burdens.

How does the part want to let go of its burden?

What does the part want to feel or take in instead of the burden?

How does the part feel after unburdening?

 FINAL REFLECTION

How has this process impacted your relationship with this

part?

What positive changes do you notice in your system after

unburdening?

What steps can you take to support ongoing harmony

among your parts?
WITNESSING, RETRIEVAL, UNBURDENING

WITNESSING
Goal:
To observe and acknowledge the part's feelings and experiences without judgment.
What part of you is carrying the burden, and what is it feeling?

How does this part want to be seen or heard by you?

What emotions or memories come up when you connect with this part?

Can you observe this part with compassion, as an ally rather than a problem?

How does it feel to witness this part's pain or experience?

WITNESSING, RETRIEVAL, UNBURDENING

RETRIEVAL
Goal:
To retrieve the Exile or fragmented part that has been buried or pushed away.
Is this part of you stuck in the past or disconnected from your current self?

Where in your life did this part first emerge, and what event(s) created its
disconnection?

What message or lesson is this part carrying?

What does this part need in order to be fully retrieved or reintegrated into your
life?

How would you describe the role or identity this part holds within your system?
WITNESSING, RETRIEVAL, UNBURDENING

UNBURDENING
Goal:
To help the part release the emotional burdens it carries, such as trauma, shame, or
fear.
What specific burden or emotional weight does this part carry?

How has this burden affected the part's behavior or role in your system?

What does the part need to feel in order to be ready to release the burden?

How can you facilitate the part’s release of the burden?

Once the burden is released, what positive quality or resource would this part
benefit from?
 IFS FOR ADDICTIVE BEHAVIOR

IDENTIFYING THE ADDICTIVE BEHAVIOR

Instructions: Write down the addictive behavior you're focusing on.

What is the addictive behavior you want to work on?

How does this behavior show up in your life?

What triggers the urge to engage in this behavior?

What emotions or thoughts are present when you engage in this behavior?
 RECOGNIZING THE PROTECTIVE PARTS
Instructions: Identify which Firefighters and Managers are involved in protecting
you from emotional pain through the addictive behavior.
Which parts of you are trying to prevent emotional pain or discomfort?

How do these parts react when you feel distressed?

What strategies do they use to protect you (e.g., distraction, numbing,

controlling)?

What emotions or thoughts are present when you engage in this behavior?
 IFS FOR EATING DISORDERS
UNDERSTANDING EATING DISORDERS

EXILES: MANAGERS: FIREFIGHTERS:

Wounded, vulnerable Protecting parts that Reactive parts that intervene
parts that hold attempt to maintain when the Exiles' pain
emotional pain, shame, control, order, and becomes overwhelming, often
fear, or trauma safety by managing the using behaviors like
related to body image, individual’s thoughts, overeating, purging, or
control, or self-worth. behaviors, and emotions. restricting to temporarily
numb the emotional pain.

THE ROLE OF EXILES IN EATING DISORDERS

Exiles represent parts of the self that hold deep emotional wounds
or trauma, often related to body image, self-worth, abuse, or
societal expectations. These Exiles are often pushed away or
ignored because their pain is too overwhelming to face. In the
context of eating disorders,
Exiles may carry:
Trauma: Childhood abuse (emotional, physical, or sexual) can
lead to deep emotional pain and shame. Eating behaviors may
serve as a coping mechanism to avoid this pain.
Fear of rejection or abandonment: Feelings of inadequacy,
rejection, or being unloved may lead to using eating behaviors
as a way of seeking control over one’s life and body.

Perfectionism: The Exile may hold beliefs of needing to be perfect to

be loved or accepted. Disordered eating behaviors are a way of
attempting to control one’s body or performance to meet these
standards.
Low self-esteem: Beliefs that the individual is not enough, unworthy,
or flawed can be rooted in Exiles, and eating behaviors become a way
to deal with these painful self-concepts.

THE ROLE OF MANAGERS

DIETING: PERFECTIONISM AND AVOIDANCE:

A Manager part may ACHIEVEMENT: A Manager may avoid
create rigid rules A Manager might push the emotional situations or
around food intake or individual to maintain an difficult relationships that
body image, believing ideal body shape or weight to could trigger the Exile’s
that strict control prevent rejection and pain, leading to disordered
will prevent chaos reinforce self-worth through eating as a distraction or
and emotional pain. external appearances. escape.
 THE ROLE OF FIREFIGHTERS IN EATING DISORDERS

Firefighters are reactive parts that emerge when the pain of Exiles becomes too
overwhelming to bear. Firefighters often act impulsively and aim to numb or distract from
the emotional distress. In the case of eating disorders, Firefighters may engage in behaviors
such as:
BINGE EATING: PURGING: RESTRICTING:
The Firefighter might After a binge, Firefighters Firefighters may
take over when might engage in purging use extreme
emotional distress behaviors (vomiting, dietary restriction
becomes too intense, over-exercising, or using to create a sense
leading to episodes of laxatives) to temporarily of control over the
excessive eating to relieve the feelings of body or to escape
numb the emotional guilt, shame, or loss of from painful
pain. control. emotions.

THE ROLE OF THE SELF IN HEALING EATING DISORDERS

In IFS, the Self is a compassionate, wise, and centered part of the

individual. The Self has the ability to heal and integrate the various parts
of the psyche.
For individuals with eating disorders, the role of the Self is crucial in:
Witnessing the parts: The Self can approach the Exiles, Managers, and
Firefighters with curiosity, compassion, and non-judgment.
Healing the Exiles: The Self can gently help the Exiles feel safe enough
to process and release their emotional pain or trauma without needing
to use eating behaviors as a defense.
Reassuring the Managers: The Self can work with the
Managers to help them relax, explaining that control over the
body is no longer necessary for emotional safety, and other
strategies can be used.
Deactivating the Firefighters: The Self can help the
Firefighters recognize that their emergency response behaviors
(like bingeing, purging, or restricting) are not helpful in the
long term and that other coping mechanisms can be developed.

KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR USING IFS IN EATING DISORDERS

Compassionate Self-Inquiry: The IFS model encourages an open,
compassionate inquiry into the parts involved in eating disorders. Each
part has a reason for its behavior and a need for healing.
Empowerment of the Self: The Self is the key to healing, offering
wisdom, calmness, and balance to guide the system toward recovery.
A Collaborative Process: The healing process involves collaborating
with each part, including the Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters, in a
way that honors their intentions while encouraging transformation.