And that’s when I looked through the bathroom

window and saw Rodrick INSIDE THE HOUSE.

I knocked on the glass to get his attention.

But I must’ve leaned over too FAR, because the
ladder started tilting to one side.

It was too late for me to try and climb all the

way back down, so the only place to go was UP.

I climbed to the top of the ladder and grabbed

the edge of the roof with both hands, then pulled
myself up onto it. I did it just in time, too,
because the second I stepped off the ladder, it
went crashing to the ground.

94
So now I was stuck on the roof with no way to
get back down. I yelled out, hoping Mom or Dad
would hear me. But I was pretty sure Dad was in
the laundry room fixing the washing machine, and
I hadn’t seen Mom all morning.

Then I spotted Mr. Larocca driving his lawn mower

out of his shed, and I thought I was SAVED. I
tried SHOUTING to him, but he couldn’t hear
me over the sound of the mower.

95
I figured I could get Mr. Larocca’s attention by
throwing some of the goop from the gutters in
front of his mower to get him to stop and look up.

So I scooped up some sludge and aimed for a

spot in Mr. Larocca’s path. But I guess I
miscalculated a little, because I nailed the mower
with a direct HIT.

And believe me, I couldn’t make that shot again

if I had a HUNDRED more tries.

96
Mr. Larocca stopped his mower and tried to figure
out where the ambush CAME from. I decided
maybe it wasn’t so bad to be stuck on the roof
AFTER all, and I scrambled to the other side
where he wouldn’t be able to see me.

I hid behind the chimney, which was the only

shady place on the roof. And even there, it was
pretty HOT.

I knew I could be in for a long wait, and

after a while I started worrying about getting
DEHYDRATED.

97
So I took off most of my clothes, because I
didn’t want to SWEAT too much. I thought
that if I got really desperate, I might be able
to wring some moisture out of my SOCKS. But I
was really hoping it wouldn’t come to that.

I knew that if I didn’t do something to save

myself, they’d eventually find me in one of those
satellite photos.

98
It was too far to jump DOWN, so that was
out of the question. And even if I landed on
the back deck without killing myself, those wasps
would probably finish me off.

Then I remembered there was a window on the side

of the house above the garage. So I lowered myself
down from the roof and onto the ledge, which was
BARELY within reach.

Luckily, the window wasn’t LOCKED. I opened

it just wide enough for me to fit inside, and I
squeezed through.

99
The window led to Mom and Dad’s bathroom, and
the ledge was right above their TOILET.

I put one foot down on top of the toilet tank,

and then I tried to put my OTHER foot down on
top of the LID. But I didn’t notice the seat was
UP until it was too LATE.

So now my ankle was STUCK, and I couldn’t

pull my foot out, no matter how hard I tried. I
guess I was making a lot of noise trying to get
myself free, because that was when I found out
where MOM had been all this time.

100
And it really wasn’t fun explaining the situation to
Dad when HE came into the bathroom.

So it wasn’t a great day for me. But the good news

is, Mom said that from now on we’re getting our
gutters cleaned by PROFESSIONALS.

101
Tuesday
It turns out I’m not the ONLY one who got
replaced by someone who actually knows what
they’re doing. It happened to DAD, too.

Dad took the washing machine apart but couldn’t

put it back together. So Mom made him hire a
plumber to fix it.

It’s been really inconvenient living without a washing

machine. We’ve had to wash our clothes by hand in
the kitchen sink, which is a big pain. But Rodrick
came up with a SHORTCUT last night, and put
his dirty clothes in the DISHWASHER.

Well, the dishwasher did a good job WASHING

the clothes, but not DRYING them.

102
And when Rodrick left the house to go to school
this morning, his clothes were still WET.

So he used his van to AIR-DRY his clothes on the

way to school.

103
Unfortunately for Rodrick, that got the attention
of the POLICE, who pulled him over.

That’s why Mom made Dad call someone to fix the

washing machine. But I didn’t know the plumber was
in the house until I walked past the laundry room.

The guy must’ve known what he was DOING,

because he got the washing machine up and running.

104
But things ended kind of awkwardly when Manny
tried to pay the plumber using Mom’s credit card.

Wednesday
When I came home from school this afternoon,
there were a bunch of workers and heavy machinery
in our yard.
I was super EXCITED, because that meant this
addition was finally happening for REAL.

A guy was using a backhoe to dig the hole for

the foundation, and it was CRAZY to see how
POWERFUL that thing was.

Me and Rowley tried to dig a hole to China once,

and we quit after a few hours. But if we could’ve
gotten our hands on one of THESE things, we
might’ve actually pulled it off.

106
I’m wondering if the crew would let me take the
backhoe out for a SPIN. Because I could use it
to pull the most epic prank EVER at my school.

It was pretty hot today, and I think Mom felt

bad for the guys who were working hard. So she
made some cold drinks and brought them outside.
It kind of backfired, though, because after
that, the workers started coming inside to use the
BATHROOM.

And when a line formed for the DOWNSTAIRS

bathroom, the biggest guy on the construction crew
headed UPSTAIRS to find another toilet.

108
And that guy was carrying a MAGAZINE, so I
got the feeling he wasn’t heading up there to go
Number One.

I wanted to try and STOP him, so I pressed the

“test” button on the smoke detector to set it off.

109
The workers all got out of our house pretty
QUICK, but they weren’t the ONLY ones who
thought there was an actual emergency.

MANNY thought so, too. And when the smoke

detector went off, he threw all his stuffed animals
out his bedroom window, then hopped onto the pile.

110
Mom and Dad weren’t happy with me for the
smoke detector thing, but I don’t think they
were crazy about the workers using our bathrooms,
EITHER. So this evening, Mom ordered one of
those porta-potties for the work site, and now
everybody’s happy.

Friday
Yesterday, the construction crew poured concrete
for the foundation, and today they started
framing the addition. I thought it was pretty
cool seeing how everything was coming together.

111
Unfortunately Dad noticed that I was interested
in what was happening outside, and that put an
IDEA in his head.

Dad said this project was a good opportunity for

me to learn from REAL professionals and to pick
up skills I can use down the road.

I wasn’t really on board with that plan, though.

Most of those construction workers look like

they’ve got really rough hands from working with
all that heavy equipment. But I use all sorts of
lotions and creams to make my hands nice and
SOFT.

112
And I’d like to KEEP them that way, because
my hands are my best feature.

But that was EXACTLY the wrong thing to tell

my dad, because it earned me a one-way ticket
outside.

113
I don’t know why Dad sent ME out there and
not Rodrick. Manny actually wanted to go WITH
me, but Dad told him he was too YOUNG to
help. And Manny didn’t take it that well.

Dad told me I needed to find the person in

charge and see how I could pitch in. So I
asked around, and someone introduced me to the
FOREMAN, who was in his trailer.

114
I guess the foreman was too busy to deal with
some middle school kid, so he told me to go find a
guy named Buddy and talk to HIM.

Well, Buddy was pretty easy to find, especially

since his name was tattooed on his forehead.

Buddy was working with some guys on the

framing, so I thought I’d start off by telling
them who I WAS. But they weren’t as impressed
as I THOUGHT they should be.

115
I told these guys I was out there to HELP
them. So Buddy told me he had a REALLY
important job, which was to hold up a wall they
had just framed.

And I DID feel pretty important for a while, at

least until I realized the wall was holding ITSELF
up on its own.

Once I understood it was a prank, I figured

this is just the way construction workers joke
around with one another. So I picked up a hammer
and asked Buddy if I could nail some boards
together or something.

116
Buddy told me that would be GREAT, but I was
holding a LEFT-handed hammer, and I needed
to go find a RIGHT-handed one.

So I asked around the job site, and it took me a

long time to realize THAT was a joke, too.

It hit me that since I was the youngest guy out

here, the other workers didn’t RESPECT me.

117
I figured they wanted me to QUIT, but I
didn’t want to give them that SATISFACTION.

I decided I was gonna PROVE myself by

working hard, and move up the ranks. And maybe
within a week or two I’d have guys like Buddy
reporting to ME.

So I went around the construction site finding

things I could do to help out. I filled some
buckets with water for the workers who were
mixing concrete, and I moved a pile of gravel out
of the way when a truck needed to get through.

118
By the time we broke for lunch, I was feeling
pretty GOOD about myself. But I didn’t want
to kick back and relax, because then these guys
would think I was LAZY.

So when lunch got delivered, I went around the

job site handing out everyone’s orders. And that
made me REALLY popular.

One guy named Luther was in the middle of mixing

a batch of concrete, so I had to wait before I
could hand him his meatball sub. And to be extra
helpful, I unwrapped it for him so he’d be able to
have it as soon as he was finished.

119
But I wasn’t being CAREFUL, and the meatballs
slid out of the sub and into a bucket of wet concrete.

Luther didn’t look like the kind of guy who’d be

happy about a meatball sub with no MEATBALLS
in it. So I tossed the REST of the sub into the
bucket and backed away.

120
And I’m glad I got out of there when I DID,
too. Because when Luther accused Buddy of
stealing his meatball sub, things got UGLY.

I snuck back to the house, then locked the door

behind me. And when Dad asked me why I wasn’t
still out there WORKING, I told him I was
RETIRED.

121
Sunday
Things were really moving along with the addition
until our NEIGHBORS started complaining.
Mr. Larocca had an issue with the NOISE,
because he works the night shift at a hospital and
needs to sleep during the day.

So Mom’s been asking the workers to try and keep

it down, but that’s not easy to do when you’re
dealing with HAMMERS.

Our other next-door neighbor, Mrs. Tuttle, isn’t

happy about the addition, EITHER.

122
Apparently one of the workers rolled a wheelbarrow
onto her property and trampled some of her
flowers, and now she wants us to REPLACE them.

And it’s not just our NEXT-DOOR neighbors,

either. Mrs. Rutkowski lives diagonally across the
street, and I guess one of her cats got into our
yard and stepped on a nail. So she told Dad he
had to pay the VET bill.

123
All this complaining is just slowing things
down and making the project take LONGER.
So the only person who’s actually making any
PROGRESS around here is MANNY.

He found a toy toolbox in the basement, and

he took some scrap wood out of the dumpster.
I’m not exactly sure what he’s building in the
backyard, but it looks pretty IMPRESSIVE.

The dumpster is definitely the best thing about

this project. Whenever the trash can in my
bedroom gets full, I just empty it into the
dumpster, which is right outside my window.

124
What’s even better than THAT is how easy it
is now when I have to put the trash out on
Sunday night. It’s my job to put trash stickers
on all the bags, then take everything down to
the curb. And that’s a giant pain, especially
when it RAINS.
But with the dumpster, I don’t even have to deal
with the STICKERS. I can just chuck the bags
straight in.

Tonight I made a pretty stupid mistake, though.

I didn’t feel like taking each trash bag out of
the garbage can, so I tried to empty it into the
dumpster all at once.

126
Unfortunately I didn’t realize how HEAVY the
trash can was, and I couldn’t get it all the
way over the top of the dumpster. So the whole
garbage can tipped backward, and the trash
emptied out of the bags.

So now there was garbage EVERYWHERE, and

I had to scoop all the trash back into the bags.

127
To make matters WORSE, it was a windy night,
so the trash was blowing EVERYWHERE. And it
wasn’t a lot of fun trying to chase all that stuff
down in the dark.

I spent an hour picking trash out of Mr. Larocca’s

bushes. But I should’ve remembered that he works
the night shift and leaves at that time.

128
Monday
I got to bed super late yesterday, because I had
to try and convince Mr. Larocca that I wasn’t
toilet-papering his bushes.

I REALLY wish I had gotten a good night’s

sleep, though, because we had a big test at school
this morning, and I don’t think I did my best.

129
This was one of those tests the whole SCHOOL
has to take. The teachers have been trying to get
us ready for WEEKS, because apparently the
scores really MATTER.

I guess our school did really badly on this test

LAST year, and if that happens AGAIN there
are gonna be budget cuts. And that means some
teachers could lose their JOBS.

On top of that, they might have to cut some

programs, like Art and Music. I wish KIDS had
a say in what to cut, because if I was the one
making the calls, Phys Ed would’ve been on the
chopping block a long TIME ago.

130
The teachers have been really stressed out about
this test, and the last few weeks haven’t been a
lot of FUN.

All this pressure has been getting us KIDS

stressed out, too, so last week the school brought
a Stress Puppy into the library to help everyone
relax. But kids got too grabby with the puppy,
and then the puppy got all stressed out.
 The puppy started running in circles and
peeing all over the place. So the school took it
away and replaced it with a Stress Lizard, and
nobody wanted to TOUCH that thing.

Speaking of stress, I really wasn’t looking

forward to going home this afternoon, because
I knew they were gonna cut a hole in the wall
to connect it with the addition.

I was worried they might accidentally have to

cut through the PLUMBING, and I didn’t
wanna be around when THAT happened.

132
Rodrick thought they were gonna use a
WRECKING BALL to smash through the wall,
and his whole plan was to make a music video with
his band when they DID.
So Rodrick and his bandmates were pretty
disappointed when they got there and the workers
had already opened the wall with a power saw.

I didn’t see any sign of the Grout, so THAT was

a relief. But what the workers found inside the
walls was just as BAD.

The wood underneath the siding was ROTTEN,

because of a leak caused by the clogged gutters.
And apparently there was toxic mold in the walls,
so we’ve been living with THAT all this time, too.

134
Plus, there were rodents’ nests in the walls, which
means we’ve been sharing our house with a colony
of MICE.

It really creeps me out to think there’s this

whole WORLD living inside our walls without us
even knowing it. And that’s why I’ve decided when
I build my first house, it’s gonna be 100% GLASS.

135
Friday
Ever since they opened up that wall, we’ve been
finding mouse droppings on our kitchen counters.
So that means the mice are living out in the
OPEN now.

Mom says we can’t leave any food lying around,

because then the mice will get up on the surfaces
where we EAT. So we’ve been trying to keep
everything really CLEAN, and I’ve been
putting our snacks in places where the mice can’t
get to them.

Dad’s been looking up ways to get rid of mice that

won’t HURT them. But Rodrick has his OWN
ideas for what to do. He wants to buy a SNAKE,
and let nature take its course.

136
When Mom asked Rodrick what we’d do once
the snake ate the MICE, he said we’d buy a
MONGOOSE to catch the snake. So remind me
not to visit RODRICK’S house when I get older.

The mice aren’t our ONLY problem, though. We’ve

got WASPS in the house now, too. Mom found
one crawling on the mantel above the fireplace last
night, and there was another one flying around
the kitchen this morning during BREAKFAST.

137
We can’t figure out how they’re getting INSIDE,
because we’ve been keeping the windows shut and
we don’t open the front door unless we HAVE to.

Mom thinks they might be coming in from

underneath the tarp that’s covering the side of
the house, so she sent Dad out there tonight to
make sure there aren’t any gaps where they’re
getting through.

But Dad wasn’t happy about it, because there was

a THUNDERSTORM.
I would’ve HELPED him, but I was afraid of
being struck by LIGHTNING. At school, Albert
Sandy told us about this kid who got hit by
lightning while he was out in a canoe, and now he’s
SUPERCHARGED with electricity.

Well, everyone at my lunch table thought that

sounded pretty COOL, but I know that if it
happened to ME, everyone would just use me as a
charging station.

139
Rodrick had a theory about how the wasps were
getting in, but it sounded kind of CRAZY.

He explained there are all different TYPES of

wasps, like paper wasps and mud wasps. He said
we’ve probably got SEWER wasps, and they’re
getting in through the TOILETS.

Well, I’ve never heard of a sewer wasp before,

but I’m not taking any CHANCES.

Right now we’ve got a rodent problem and an insect

problem, and I’m not sure which is WORSE. I
don’t know why our house can’t be infested with
something CUTE instead. Because if we were
overrun by KOALAS, I really wouldn’t have a
problem with it.

140
Saturday
Last week the workers had to disconnect our
air conditioner so they can bring in a bigger unit.
So for now we’re all sleeping in the basement,
because that’s the only place in the house where
it’s COOL.

I can see why Rodrick likes it down there,

ESPECIALLY in the summer. I don’t love being
underground, though, which is making me rethink
the whole plan for my dream house.

Dad said when he was growing up, some people

built BUNKERS where they could go if there was
a war or something.

141
Well, living in a tiny underground space with my
whole family sounds like a TERRIBLE idea. First
of all, the snacks would be gone by the second
day. And if we only had one bathroom down
there, we’d have MAJOR problems.

I guess we’d have a periscope so we’d know when

the coast was clear on the surface. But if the
periscope got BLOCKED, we might never know it
was OK to go back UP.

142
Dad said some people still build bunkers so they
can stay safe if there’s a natural disaster,
like a TORNADO or something. Well, this
morning I thought we were experiencing an
EARTHQUAKE, and the LAST place I wanted
to be was underground.

143