COUNSELLING SKILLS

COUNSELLING (MEANING, MYTH, GOALS,

COUNSELLOR ROLE AND QUALITY)
Part-1
 UNIT- 1

MEANING OF COUNSELLING
The act of helping the client to see things more clearly, possibly from a different viewpoint.
This can enable the client to focus on feelings, experiences or behavior, with a goal to
facilitating positive change. A service offered to the individual who is undergoing a
day-to-day problem and needs professional help to overcome it. The problem keeps him
disturbed and under tension. Counselling therefore is a more specialized service requiring
training in personality development and handling exceptional groups of
individuals. Counselling is Not Giving advice, Judgmental, Attempting to sort out the
problems of the client, Expecting or encouraging a client to behave in a way in which the
counsellor may have behaved when confronted with a similar problem in their own life,
Getting emotionally involved with the client and Looking at a client’s problems from
your own perspective, based on your own value system. Counselling emerged as an applied
specialty within the American Psychological Association (APA) in the1940s. It has
been recognized as a specialty by the APA since 1946, and this recognition was reaffirmed
in1998 when the APA initiated a new period of application for specialty recognition. John
Whiteley, a noted historian of counselling psychology, identifies the most distant seeds of
counselling psychology in the vocational guidance, mental hygiene, and
psychometrics/individual differences movements along with the emergence of nonmedical
and no psychoanalytic forms of counselling interventions such as Carl Rogers’s person-
centred therapy. Negotiations among representatives from the APA’s divisions 12 (Clinical
Psychology) and 17 (then called Counselling and Guidance) and what was then the
Veterans Administration’s Central Office Staff in Clinical Psychology resulted in the
creation of a new position for psychologists in the VA system, “Counselling Psychologist
(Vocational)” in 1952 to aid veterans in their readjustment to civilian life. Counselling needs
in the Indian context emerge against the background of tremendous social change.
In addition, the last ten years of economic reform have enhanced the pace of
these changes and further transformed life styles. Counselling services are poorly defined
and presently anyone at all with little or notarising can offer these services. Psychological
thought is not new to India, and ancient traditions present ideas and constructs that are rich in
possibilities for application. This paper examines the Western and the traditional Indian
approaches and proposes that these approaches could together inform the development of a
psychology of counselling that is empirically sound and culturally relevant to the Indian
context. Counselling is a talking therapy that involves a trained therapist listening to you
and helping you find ways to deal with emotional issues. Sometimes the term “counselling”
is used to refer to talking therapies in general, but counselling is also a type of therapy in its
own right.

In 1997 the Governing Council of the American Counselling Association (ACA) accepted
the following definition of professional counselling: Counselling is the application of
mental health, psychological or human development principles, through cognitive,
affective, behavioural or systemic interventions, strategies that address wellness, personal
growth, or career development, as well as pathology. counsellors have developmental or
situational concerns that require help in regard to adjustment or remediation. Their problems
often require short-term intervention, but occasionally treatment may be extended to
encompass disorders included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders (1994) of the American Psychiatric Association.

WHY A PERSON NEED COUNSELLING ?

When the pupil is aware of the problem and difficulties created by the problem but
he/she feels difficult to define it and to understand it, i.e., when the pupil is familiar
with the presence of the problem and its nature but he/she in unable to face the problem
due to this temporary tension and distraction. Feeling sad, angry or otherwise “not
yourself. “Uncontrollable sadness, anger or hopelessness may be signs of a mental
health issue that can improve with treatment. If you’re eating or sleeping more or less than
usual, withdrawing from family and friends, or just feeling “off,” talk to someone before
serious problems develop that impact your quality of life. If these feelings escalate to the
point that you question whether life is worth living or you have thoughts of death or suicide,
reach out for help right away. Abusing drugs, alcohol, food or sex to cope. When you turn
outside yourself to a substance or behavior to help you feel better, your coping skills may
need some fine-tuning. If you feel unable to control these behaviours or you can’t stop.

Despite negative consequences in your life, you may be struggling with addictive
or compulsive behavior that requires treatment. You’ve lost someone or something important
to you. Grief can be a long and difficult process to endure without the support of an expert.
While not everyone needs counselling during these times, there is no shame in needing a
little help to get through the loss of a loved one, a divorce or significant breakup, or the
loss of a job, especially if you’ve experienced multiple losses in a short period of time.
Something traumatic has happened. If you have a history of abuse, neglect or other trauma
that you haven’t fully dealt with, or if you find yourself the victim of a crime or accident,
chronic illness or some other traumatic event, the earlier you talk to someone, the faster
you can learn healthy ways to cope. You can’t do the things you like to do. Have you
stopped doing the activities you ordinarily enjoy? If so, why? Many people find that painful
emotions and experiences keep them from getting out, having fun and meeting new people.
This is a red flag that something is amiss in your life. Personal Problems for Counselling :
As already emphasized, there is no line of demarcation which separates educational,
vocational and personal problems. All these are interrelated and sometimes overlapping
the following needs and problems experienced by many adolescents which require
counselling:

1. Getting along with one’s peers.

2. Making and keeping friends.

3. Getting desirable social experiences.

4. Problems in relations with others.

5. Problems with health.

6. Getting along with teachers

7. Getting along with parents

8. Getting along with siblings

9. Problems related to personal appearance

10. Appropriate use of leisure time

11. Manners and morals

12. Personal problems connected with planning the future

13. Problem about money

14. Understanding sex

15. Personal behavior problems

16. Developing and satisfying philosophy of life

17. Problems related to school adjustment

18. Home and environment problems

19. Inadequate or excessive participation in school activities.

20. Emotional problems resulting from scholastic difficulties The opportunity to talk
uncensored to a nonbiased professional without fear of judgment or repercussions can
be life changing.

You may have great insight into your own patterns and problems. You may even
have many of the skills to manage them on your own. Still, there may be times when you
need help – and the sooner you get it, the faster you can get back to enjoying life

TYPES OF COUNSELLING

As per the above definitions of counselling in which counsellor has to deal with human
behavior, Interpreted in depth counselling in essentially concerned with the modification of
human behavior. Hence, types of counselling are given below:-

DIRECTIVE COUNSELLING: Chief exponent -E.G Williamson in directive counselling

the counsellor direct to the counselee to certain things. Here, counsellor is very active
and expresses his ideas and attitudes independently. He evaluates the expression of
the counselee and askes the standardized questions. Each question takes a limit of short
answers. The counsellor does not allow the development of client’s expressions and feelings.
It is also known as perspective counselling and counsellor cantered counselling.

Counsellor plays the major role in this method

It is based on the assumption that client cannot solve his own problems for
lack of information and experience.

The counsellor help the counselee to make decision in keeping with the diagnosis.

He tries to direct the thinking of the counselee by informing, explaining, interpreting and
suggesting (Prescriptive counselling).

It gives more important to Intellectual aspects. Steps of directive counselling:

❖ Analysis – understand the client Synthesis – summarized and synthesized

❖ Diagnosis – formulating conclusions
❖ Prognosis – Predicting
❖ Counselling- counsellor direct the client
❖ Follow up – keep watching

NON- DIRECTIVE COUNSELLING: Chief Exponent -Carl R. Rogers In non -directive

counselling counsellor does not issue directions but observe the behavior and attitude of the
counselee towards his work and his/her colleagues, superiors and subordinates. If he errs
then counsellor comes to his rescue and corrects him realizing him/her that he was wrong.
He will no tissue him any instructions or will not direct him. It is also known as Client
cantered or permissive counselling.

● Counsellor role is passive

● Counselee take active part
● He gains insight in to his problem with the help of the counsellor
● The counselee is made aware of the fact that the counsellor does not have the answers
butte counselling situation does provide him to solve his problems himself

The purpose of this method is to help the client grow toward maturity and adjustment, so that
he can take the responsibility of solving his problems. Steps of non directive counselling.
 ● Defining the problematic situation.
● Free expression of feelings.
● Development of Insight.
● Classification of positive and negative feelings.
● Termination of Counselling situation.

ELECTRIC COUNSELLING: Chief exponent – F.C Thorne In such type of counselling,

the counsellor’s role is neither active (directive counselling) nor passive (non-directive
counselling). In this counselling, the counsellor may starts with the directive counselling
methods and after some time, he can allow to non -directive counselling procedure as
the demand of the situation. Hence, the counsellor and the counselee both are active and
cooperative but they participate in conversation turn wise and solve the problem jointly.

Steps of Electric counselling:

● Study to needs and personality characteristics of the client Selection of the techniques.
● Application of technology

Myths about Counselling

Counselling, is an exchange relationship, in which a trained counsellor, who is professionally
competent in relevant psychological skills and knowledge, seeks to assist the client, by
methods appropriate to the latter’s needs and, to help the client learn more about himself and
to accept himself.

A counsellor can be a psychotherapist but he/she necessarily isn’t one. People practicing this
profession are facilitators of positive change and growth in the lives of their clients.
Counselling psychologists, in particular see clients with life problems, confusion (in decision
making, e.g. career), cases of mild mental health issues. Different mental health
professionals have different credentials, training, skills, knowledge and provide services in
accordance with them. Furthermore, different mental health professionals deal with different
cases. For complicated and severe mental health issues, it is best to see a clinical
psychologist, psychotherapist or a psychiatrist.

Busting #Myth number 1: People who go to Therapy are “Crazy”:

It is often the common notion that people seeking mental health help are crazy. In India the
remarks people come up with are appropriate examples of this belief. For instance, it’s not
uncommon to hear “Unka ladka plagal h, maine usse therapy pe jate dekha” (His son is
crazy, I’ve seen him going for therapy). The adjective ‘crazy’ is associated with extremity in
behavior, aggression, over excitement etc. To use it for instances where someone is seeking
help for their own wellbeing is absurd as well as wrong. It is discouraging and provides for
augmentation to the already existing stigma around mental health.

Think: You wouldn’t call someone crazy who is seeking physical therapy/treatment to
recover from an accident, would you?

Busting #Myth number 2: Therapists are Mind Readers:

This myth is just not associated with counsellors, but all psychologists. The first sentence
most people come up with after hearing the word ‘psychologist’, is ‘so you can read my
mind?’ It baffles professionals that even after years of education, training and experience,
they have to come across such trivial comments. Counselling, psychology, therapy are
science; whereas mind reading is called ‘telepathy’, which isn’t a science. The training that
mental health professionals, specifically counsellors go through is therapy, research and
theories oriented. Contrastive to popular belief, counsellors work on the client’s verbal and
nonverbal communication. There’s no mind reading or assumption making is involved.

Think: Have you ever met a counsellor who promised you that they could read your mind
and prove it to you?

Busting #Myth number 3: Counselling isn’t as effective as Medicinal Treatment

Of course, we have come a long way with science, technology and medicine. Most of our
physical health issues are dealt with medicine. Yes, that’s right, ‘most of’, ‘not all’. It has
been scientifically proven that counselling, therapy and mental health support have
facilitated people with cancer, AIDS and similar severe diseases to live longer, healthier and
happier lives. Moreover, mental healthcare doesn’t necessarily need medicinal support
unless the cases are severe and have a biological disposition. Most mental health issues do
not need medical intervention, therapy goes a long way. Counsellors do not prescribe
medicine and they do not have to. They deal with cases which do not require pathological
and severe care. Counselling is more solution oriented, facilitative care.

Think: Would therapy have existed for more than a century and continue to grow if it
weren’t effective?

Busting #Myth number 4: Counselling/Therapy goes on for years:

Well, this isn’t entirely wrong. By years, it can go on for a maximum of 1-2 years. As
counselling is more solution oriented and doesn’t deal with severe cases, it doesn’t have to
be this lengthy. Moreover, psychotherapy or clinical psychological intervention can be a
long thing. Counselling is relatively short termed. It can range from as short as a couple of
months or half a year stretch. It rarely goes on for a year and even more rarely does it go
beyond that.

Think: Have you ever met someone who has been in counselling for more than 2 years?

Busting #Myth number 5: Counsellors and other Mental Health Professionals only care
about the pay check:

Yes, people choose professions considering the monetary factor. But, it is not the only
deciding factor. People in the mental health field could’ve gone for other careers, more
lucrative careers and not spend half a decade in their education and training. They have
intrinsic aspects which motivate them to be in this field. Besides, counselling and
psychotherapy have an ‘exchange relationship’ aspect. It is a facilitative care. Thus,
counselling is more to counsellors, than just money.

Think: Did you decide your career with just ‘money’ as your deciding factor.

The Goals of Counselling

Different individuals have different perceptions of what can be expected of counselling.
Individuals preparing to become counsellors and those who seek counselling, as well as
parents, teachers, school administrators and governmental agencies, all differ in their
expectations of the counselling experience. The final designation of these goals is to be
determined by the counsellor and the client as a team.

Counselling theorists do not always agree on appropriate counselling goals because they are
often general, vague and saturated with implications. However, these are the five most
commonly named goals of counselling:

● Facilitating behaviour change

● Improving the client’s ability to establish and maintain relationships
● Enhancing the client’s effectiveness and ability to cope
● Promoting the decision-making process and facilitating client potential
● Development
These goals are not mutually exclusive and will naturally be emphasized by some theorists
and not others.

Understanding to the client by restating the clients’ words to clarify meaning) and validation.
Validation is acknowledging and accepting a person’s feelings, thoughts, behaviors and
internal experiences as valid and understandable, validating the emotion that is being felt
(Linehan, 1993). This sense of feeling validated is extremely important.

What is the role of a counsellor?

It is understood that it is a basic human desire to understand and to be understood (Maslow,

1943). A counsellor’s role first and foremost is to listen to their client, to not make
assumptions and to provide a safe environment for a client to talk about their emotional
difficulties or mental health problems. Counsellors provide services for clients who may be
suffering from depression, anxiety, loss through bereavement, stress, relationship problems
and many other issues which cause them difficulty in their lives. A good counsellor can help
clients come to terms with their problems and, in many cases, overcome them, by providing
a safe space for someone to talk, to think and to work through distress. Building a rapport
with your counsellor is vital to the therapeutic alliance and can be instrumental in achieving
your goals for therapy.

What skills should a good counsellor possess?

Whilst it may seem very easy to just “sit and listen” a good counsellor must possess many
core skills that will help in building a strong therapeutic relationship and to ensure clients are
happy in their company. It is important for a counsellor to use their skills to engage the client
in the work that is taking place, to hear a clients’ story without judgement and to help and
empower the client to ensure solutions can be found for issues in a clients’ life. Working on
this therapeutic relationship first and foremost is extremely important but other key skills are
also vital. These skills include:

Empathy – A good counsellor should be empathetic to the needs of the client. Empathy can
be defined as the ability to reflect the feelings of another, and a counsellor must listen to the
words spoken by their client, the meaning behind them and consider the feelings these words
and body language might convey within a session. Counsellors must try their best to “see the
world through the client’s eyes”, “temporarily live the other person’s life” and communicate
this sense of the person’s life through checking the accuracy of interpretations regularly with
the client (Rogers, 1978). Empathy is understanding another person’s experience without
judgement and can be shown by counsellors by keen listening and reflecting feelings of a
client (statements which are made in fresh words to express the feelings and essential
attitudes of a client). These skills help to develop rapport, can help guide clients to attend to
the feelings they are experiencing and can increase a sense of being heard. emotion that is
being felt (Linehan, 1993). This sense of feeling validated is extremely important.

Interpersonal skills – These skills are simply the ability to communicate well and are skills
that are vital across all walks of life. Carl Rogers, an American psychologist, and master of
the art of counselling, stated that acceptance of a client “as they are” is vitally important to
success in counselling services. Being genuine and regarding the client positively, no matter
what they say, or reveal is very important to ensure the client is at the centre of therapy. This
is an approach known as client-cantered and is important during counselling sessions to
ensure clients and their words are always the core focus. Skills such as normalizing (the
reassurance of clients that what they are feeling is common considering their situation),
active listening (letting a client know you are attending to their words without distraction),
mediation, collaboration and conflict resolution are important in achieving this aim. This
includes all aspects of communication from words to non-verbal communication (body
language) and paralanguage (such as facial expressions, voice pitch, tone and pace). A
counsellor can use these skills to help grow a relationship and build the trust a client needs to
share and collaborate with a therapist.

Unconditional positive regard – A counsellor can express this by showing acceptance of

what the client is saying, without judgement and showing warmth and respect can make the
client feel like the information they are sharing is valuable. Counsellors can encourage
communication by the use of open questions such as “I wonder if you can tell me what
brings you here today…”. These are questions which motivate a client to speak for extended
periods, and to elaborate on what they are saying. This allows for greater understanding to be
achieved by the counsellor. Further skilful listening also allows for the counsellor to make
the client feel heard and understood, using skills such as attending (staying with the client
and what they are saying), paraphrasing (communicating an accurate understanding to the
client by restating the clients’ words to clarify meaning) and validation. Validation is
acknowledging and accepting a person’s feelings, thoughts, behaviours and internal
experiences as valid and understandable, validating the emotion that is being felt (Linehan,
1993). This sense of feeling validated is extremely important.

Genuineness – Finally, a counsellor should strive to be honest in their responses, authentic

and consistent in how they approach the client and their problems (Dryden, 2006). Showing
genuineness can be more difficult than it first appears. It involves a good level of self-
awareness from a counsellor and an ability to communicate their own feelings. It is a true
embracing of collaboration in counselling and can help to reduce the power imbalances that
can occur in the therapeutic process. It shows strength in the counsellor’s ability that they are
comfortable with their own values and that they feel able to allow the client to take an equal
role in the therapeutic process. Congruence of character is important to help a client feel safe
and to know that they can anticipate a consistent reaction from the therapist. A counsellor
that is not consistent means psychological safety is hard to achieve for a client who will not
feel comfortable to fully sharing their problems.

What Are Counsellors Quality?

Counselling skills are interpersonal and technical traits that a counsellor uses to better
understand and listen to their clients. Using these skills, a counsellor helps a client overcome
obstacles that are preventing them from leading a happy life. These skills help you build
rapport, establish trust and ensure that your clients feel heard and understood.

What Are The Three Core Of Counsellors Quality?

Counsellors need to use a wide variety of skills, but here are the three core skills they must
possess:

1. Listening
It is one of the most important skills for a counsellor to have. Listening is not only about
aural attention because it encompasses observation of what your client is speaking. The two
key components of listening are:

● Verbal listening: It is the audible demonstration that you are listening to the concerns
or problems of your client. Using verbal cues or affirmations like, “I understand**”,
“Go on”, “**I see”, “I agree” or repeating important points that your client said is a
great way to make the client comfortable and show that you are listening to them.
● Active listening: Active listening is when you focus completely on what the client is
speaking, understand their message, comprehend information and respond
thoughtfully.

2. Self-awareness
Counsellors should know how their body language, gestures and facial expression may affect
the client’s willingness to share their personal information. Focus on these techniques to
ensure you do not accidentally exhibit signs of getting bored or frustrated:

● Eye contact: Maintaining eye contact with a client showcases that you are listening to
them and they have your undivided attention.
● Gestures and body language: Your body language and gestures talk a lot about
whether you want to build a professional relationship with the speaker. Shifting
restlessly and sitting with crossed arms can give an impression of disinterest. So,
 working on your body language and gestures is critical for becoming an effective
counsellor.
● Facial expression: Your facial expressions can help you create a warm, friendly and
supportive environment for your client. So, avoid sitting with a frowning face and
have a warm smile to build trusting relationships

3. Communication

Sometimes, it is not what you say but how you say it can affect your client’s comfort level.
When a counsellor responds to a client’s question with clarity in their thoughts, they can
better handle the client. So, clearly communicating your ideas to the client is an essential
counsellor skill.

Some other skills that can help you become a good counsellor are:

1. Questioning
To understand your client, you need to ask relevant questions. A counsellor should utilise
both open-ended and closed-ended questions to interpret what a client is saying. Usually,
open-ended questions can help you gather complex and detailed information, whereas
closed-ended questions help you get specific answers.

2. Observation
Being able to observe the non-verbal behaviour of a client helps you better understand them.
For example, on asking questions that a client finds uncomfortable to answer, they are likely
to look away, lower their eyes and head. Carefully observing such behaviours can help a
counsellor understand the state of mind of a client.

3. Ability to take notes

The ability to take notes in an organised manner can help you record important points during
the counselling session. You can always refer to these notes for in-depth analyses of the
client’s situation or problem.

4. Patience
When working with clients, patience is one of the most desirable skills for counselling. It
may take several days or months for results to show up. So, when hiring for a counsellor
role, employers prefer candidates who showcase patience.

5. Respect for confidentiality

Respect for confidentiality is an essential trait of an effective counsellor because they should
never share their client’s personal information with anyone without the client’s consent.

6. Interpretation

The ability to make interpretations beyond what the client is saying can help a counsellor
understand the problems the client is facing. Also, through interpretation, you can encourage
the client to perceive their experience more positively.

7. Empathy
Being able to understand the client’s problem from their perspective is an essential skill.
Empathetic counsellors can quickly help a client overcome their problems.

8. Respect for confidentiality

Respect for confidentiality is an essential trait of an effective counsellor because they should
never share their client’s personal information with anyone without the client’s consent.

9. Trustworthiness

Unless a client trusts a counsellor, they are less likely to share their problems and personal
information. So, you should be adept at building and maintaining trust with your clients.
 COUNSELLING SKILLS
(ATTENDING, RESPONDING, UNCONDITIONAL
POSITIVE REGARD, BUILDING REALTIONSHIP
AND ASKING QUESTIONS)
Part-2
 UNIT -2
COUNSELLING SKILLS

Counselling is an extension of the helping relationship and the positive outcomes of the
process depend largely on the helper. The counsellor’s personal as well as professional
qualities influence the counselling process. Self-awareness, understanding of others, the
ability to relate to others, academic training, and a set of professional skills are essential
qualities of a counsellor.
 Attending Skills
Attending skills means being physically and psychologically with the client. Some of the
non-verbal behaviours useful in attending to clients have been summarised by the acronym
SOLER by Gerald Egan in his book, The Skilled Helper (1994). This includes:
⮚ S- Sitting squarely facing the client. Counsellor should sit attentively at an angle to
the person, so that s/he look at them directly and show that they are listening to them
and paying attention to them. Turning to sides lessens one’s involvement.
⮚ O- Have an open posture. Crossing arms and legs can make counsellor look anxious
or defensive and can be a sign of less involvement.
⮚ L-Lean forwards/towards the client slightly to show that counsellor is interested in
what the client is sharing or talking about.
⮚ E- Maintaining eye contact shows that counsellor is interested and listening to what

the client has to say. It is different from staring at the client which can make them feel
uncomfortable. Maintaining good, positive eye contact means looking at the client
directly and not fiddling with mobile, watch or busy with writing/or any other task.
Counsellor can also shift the eye gaze briefly if the client is not very comfortable. One needs to be
careful and understand that there can be cultural/gender differences in making eye contact.
⮚ R- Keep relaxed body language. This helps the client to perceive the counsellor as

confident and relaxed. The client see that the counsellor is not in a hurry to get away
and are allowing the client to talk at their own pace.

Importance of Attending Skills:

● Enhanced Understanding: Active listening promotes better comprehension of the

speaker's message, including nuances and emotions.

● Improved Relationships: By demonstrating genuine interest and empathy, attending

skills strengthen relationships and create a supportive environment.
 ● Conflict Resolution: Active listening fosters open communication, reducing
misunderstandings and conflicts.

● Increased Productivity: Clear communication facilitated by attending skills leads to

more efficient task completion and problem-solving.

● Personal Development: Developing attending skills enhances self-awareness,

empathy, and emotional intelligence.

Components of Attending Skills:

▪ Nonverbal Cues: Body language, such as maintaining eye contact, nodding, and
facing the speaker, signals attentiveness and interest.

▪ Verbal Responses: Encouraging phrases like "I understand," paraphrasing, and asking
clarifying questions demonstrate active engagement.

▪ Empathy: Understanding and acknowledging the speaker's feelings and perspectives

without judgment.

▪ Reflective Listening: Mirroring the speaker's words and emotions to convey

understanding and validate their experience.

▪ Patience: Allowing the speaker to express themselves fully without interrupting or

rushing to respond.

▪ Attention Management: Minimizing distractions and focusing solely on the speaker

and their message.

Responding

Responding, in a counselling environment, requires that the counsellor’s attention is focused

on the client’s feelings and verbal expression at all times. There are many occasions when
we respond – perhaps by offering a nod of the head – without really listening to what is
being said. In a counselling situation a counsellor must pay close attention and check that a
client is not agreeing with a suggestion, without actually fully comprehending what has been
voiced.

Positive Response

Responding in a positive manner requires focus, concentration and an interest in the other
person, and what is being expressed. A counsellor must provide this supportive service
throughout a client’s counselling experience. Without the use of clear responding and
reflecting skills, the level of counselling offered to a client will not be sufficient to motivate
and encourage the client to continue with open disclosure.

Types of Positive Response

Being encouraging, motivating, reassuring, coaxing, being challenging and praising all
provide the client with a positive response to their comments. Asking questions, making
statements and suggestions, offering solutions and informing also provide effective methods
of good response. Offering a nod of the head, an um-hmn or by encouraging the client to
continue speaking by saying ‘And then?’, provide a further positive response, which will
keep the comments flowing.

When and When Not to Reflect

As with any form of communication there is a right time and a wrong time to use reflective
counselling skills. Reflecting is another way of responding, which expresses the counsellor’s
attitude to the client. It must therefore be a positive response to the client, and must also
demonstrate the core conditions of acceptance, value and respect.

Right Time

● The client expresses a problem, issue or concern.

● The client is unclear about something that has been said.
● The client is upset.
 ● The client’s behaviour surprises the counsellor in some way.

Wrong Time

● When the client, or counsellor, is tired, stressed or anxious.

Responding with Empathy

● Emotional Intelligence
● Understanding your Client’s Feelings
● Ask appropriate Questions
● Paraphrase the Content
● Paraphrase Emotions

Types of Responses in Counselling

● Opening or Closing
● Clarifying
● Directing
● Questioning
● Playing a Hunch
● Nothing a Discrepancy
● Nothing a Connection
● Reframing
● Allowing Silence
● To Acknowledge
● To Explore
● To Challenge
● Be Descriptive
● Be Timely
Barriers to Responding
● Cultural Difference
● Rapport
● Non-Verbal Communication
● Language
● Lack of Interest
● Bias
● Appearance of Client
● Client’s Emotions
● Remembering what the client has already said

Improving Responding Skills

⮚ Understanding
⮚ Clarification
⮚ Self – Disclosure
⮚ Questioning
⮚ Information Giving
⮚ Reassurance
⮚ Analytical
⮚ Advance Giving

Unconditional Positive Regard

Unconditional positive regard is a concept emphasized by humanistic psychologist Carl
Rogers as a core attitude therapists should provide clients in his theory of client-centered
therapy (Rogers, 1957).

It refers to the therapist’s complete and non-judgmental acceptance, caring, and support of
the client, regardless of what the client says or does in the therapy session (Rogers, 1959).
As Rogers (1959) stated, unconditional positive regard involves “caring for the [client], but
not in a possessive way or in such a way as simply to satisfy the therapist’s own needs” (p.
208). It means accepting all of the client’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors without any
conditions attached to that acceptance (Rogers 1957). The attitude is meant to be truly
unconditional, not dependent on the client behaving or presenting themselves in certain
acceptable ways to be cared for, accepted, or valued by the therapist.

Along with therapist empathy and congruence, Rogers theorized that unconditional positive
regard was a necessary facilitative attitude for therapists to provide, for positive personality
change to occur in clients (Rogers, 1957).

By experiencing unconditional positive acceptance from the therapist, Rogers believed

clients could overcome early “conditions of worth” in childhood, whereby love and regard
were made contingent on meeting certain standards or expectations (Rogers, 1959).

As such, unconditional positive regard aims to provide clients with an experience of feeling
completely cared for, valued, and prized for who they are as a person.

Unconditional Positive Regard Mean in Counselling?

Examples of unconditional positive regard in counselling involve the counsellor maintaining

a non-judgmental stance even when the client displays behaviors that are morally wrong or
harmful to their health or well-being.

The goal is not to validate or condone these behaviors, but to create a safe space for the
client to express themselves and navigate toward healthier behavior patterns.

This complete acceptance and valuing of the client facilitates a positive and trusting
relationship between the client and therapist, enabling the client to share openly and
honestly.

COMPONENTS
 Unconditional positive regard is an attitude of the therapist characterized by acceptance,
caring, and support towards the client rather than just discrete behaviors. It needs to be
consistent over time to counteract clients’ negative self-views (Farber & Ort, 2021).

1. Empathy: Empathy communicates caring and respect, and facilitates greater self-
awareness.

2. Summarizing Accurately: Accurately summarizing what clients have said shows

deep attentiveness and care, validating clients’ experiences.

3. Complimenting Strengths: Compliments on client strengths as highly affirming.

Explicit praise directly affirms competence.

4. Remembering Details: Remembering meaningful details clients shared conveys

their story is important and worth recalling. Statements like “I recall you mentioned
your brother was moving to Denver. How is that transition going?” convey client’s
story is important and worth recalling.

5. Making Connections: Linking current and past client experiences helps clients see
narrative themes. This facilitates insight. Statements like “It seems your reaction
now is similar to how you responded in a past relationship” help clients see narrative
themes, facilitating insight.

6. Reframing Weaknesses: Offering new perspectives on self-perceived weaknesses

communicates therapists value clients enough to help them change. Suggestions like
“Perhaps your tendency to blame yourself reflects high standards rather than
deficiency” communicate therapists value clients enough to help them change.

7. Encouraging Self-Pride: Encouraging clients to recognize their own strengths

facilitates self-affirmation

8. Nonverbal Cues: Body language, tone of voice, and eye contact show therapist
warmth and attentiveness.
 9. Laughter: Laughing with clients affirms their humor and facilitates pleasure in
therapy.

EXAMPLES

Therapy

1. Dealing with Trauma: When a client reveals a traumatic experience such as abuse,
assault, or a disturbing, vivid memory, the natural reaction may be disbelief, pity, or
discomfort. However, by employing unconditional positive regard, a therapist
responds with complete empathy, understanding, and non-judgment, focusing on the
client’s emotional experience. The therapist affirms the client’s courage and strength
in opening up about painful memories. This provides a safe environment for the
client to process trauma without fear of criticism.

2. Discussing Taboo Topics: Clients may sometimes discuss topics that go against
social norms or values, such as unconventional sexuality, criminal behavior, or
socially unacceptable feelings. An unconditionally positive therapist creates a space
to accept these revelations without reacting with shock or discomfort. Instead, they
validate the client’s perspective and facilitate open dialogue to explore the context
and meaning behind taboo inclinations.

BUILDING RELATIONSHIP
This crucial phase of counselling involves creating an atmosphere of respect and respect for
the client. The Counsellor establishes rapport with the clients. This makes the client feel
accepted and encourages to open up more. The importance of relationship to foster client’s
growth has been emphasized by several authors. Carl Rogers viewed humans as positive and
self -actualizing by nature and he conceived the counsellor’s role as providing conditions
that would permit self-discovery and that would encourage the client’s natural tendency
toward personal growth. IF certain conditions are present in the attitudes of the person
designated therapist in a relationship namely, congruence, positive regard, and empathetic
understanding, THEN growthful change will take place in the person designated client.
Some of the important concepts in this phase are: Empathy: It is defined as the ability of the
counsellor to accurately sense and understand the client’s experience and emotionally
resonate with client’s experience “as if” it were his/her own. The ‘as if’ quality makes
empathy, distinct from the concept of sympathy. The counsellors feel with the client rather
than feeling for the client.

Importance of Building Relationships:

⮚ Trust: Trust is the cornerstone of any counselling relationship. Clients must feel safe
and comfortable enough to open up about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
Building trust involves confidentiality, reliability, and consistency in the counsellor's
actions and words.
⮚ Empathy: Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another
person. Counsellors must demonstrate empathy to validate clients' experiences and
emotions, fostering a supportive and non-judgmental environment.
⮚ Collaboration: Effective therapy is a collaborative process where both the counsellor
and the client work together towards defined goals. Building a collaborative
relationship empowers clients to take an active role in their healing journey and
enhances their sense of autonomy and self-efficacy.
⮚ Authenticity: Authenticity involves being genuine, transparent, and congruent in
interactions with clients. Authentic counsellors establish rapport more easily and
inspire trust and confidence in their clients.
⮚ Positive regard: Unconditional positive regard, as coined by Carl Rogers, is the
acceptance and respect of clients regardless of their thoughts, feelings, or behaviors.
Cultivating positive regard fosters a non-judgmental and validating therapeutic
environment, promoting clients' self-exploration and growth.

Strategies for Building Relationships:

● Active Listening: Active listening involves giving full attention to the client,
acknowledging their verbal and non-verbal cues, and reflecting back their thoughts
and feelings. This demonstrates empathy and validates the client's experiences.
 ● Empathic Understanding: Empathic understanding requires counsellors to put
themselves in their clients' shoes and view the world from their perspective. This
fosters connection and helps clients feel understood and accepted.
● Genuine Interest: Showing genuine interest in clients' lives, experiences, and
concerns helps build rapport and trust. Asking open-ended questions and expressing
curiosity demonstrates a commitment to understanding the client's unique perspective.
● Establishing Boundaries: Setting clear and appropriate boundaries is essential for
maintaining a professional and ethical therapeutic relationship. Boundaries provide
structure and safety, ensuring that the focus remains on the client's well-being.
● Cultural Sensitivity: Being culturally sensitive involves recognizing and respecting
the cultural backgrounds, beliefs, and values of clients. Culturally competent
counsellors adapt their approach to meet the diverse needs of clients, promoting
inclusivity and trust.

There are two Components of Empathy -

1. “Empathic rapport”- accurately sensing and being able to see the client’s world the
way they do.
2. “Communicative attunement”- verbally sharing your understanding with the client.
The Counsellor senses accurately and communicates back to the client the feelings
and personal meanings that the client is experiencing (Rogers, 1989).

Steps for relationship building for the counsellor –

1. Introduce yourself.
2. Invite client to sit down.
3. Ensure that client is comfortable.
4. Invite social conversation to reduce anxiety.
5. Invite client to experience his or her reason for coming to talk and allow him to
respond.
6. Indicate that you are interested in the person.

ASKING QUESTIONS
Questions serve as powerful tools in counselling psychology, facilitating exploration,
understanding, and growth. This essay delves into the importance of asking questions in
counselling psychology, examines different types of questions, and provides strategies for
asking questions effectively.

The Significance of Asking Questions:

In counselling psychology, asking questions serves multiple purposes. Firstly, questions

encourage clients to explore their thoughts, feelings, and experiences more deeply. They
provide a framework for self-reflection and introspection, helping clients gain insight into
their challenges and motivations.

Secondly, questions facilitate the therapeutic process by promoting dialogue and engagement
between the therapist and client. Through open-ended questions, therapists encourage clients
to express themselves freely, fostering a sense of trust and collaboration.

Furthermore, questions aid in the assessment and formulation of therapeutic goals. By asking
targeted questions, therapists can gather relevant information, identify underlying issues, and
tailor interventions to meet the specific needs of each client.

Types of Questions in Counselling Psychology:

▪ Open-ended questions: Open-ended questions encourage clients to provide detailed,

narrative responses, allowing for exploration and self-expression. Examples include:
"Can you tell me more about that?" or "How do you feel about what happened?".
Examples include: "Can you tell me more about that?" or "How do you feel about
what happened?"
▪ Closed-ended questions: Closed-ended questions elicit brief, specific responses and
are useful for gathering factual information or clarifying details. Examples include:
"Yes/no questions," "Multiple-choice questions," or "How often do you experience
this?"
▪ Reflective questions: Reflective questions encourage clients to reflect on their
thoughts and feelings, deepening their self-awareness and insight. Examples include:
 "What do you think might be driving that behavior?" or "How does that make you
feel?"
▪ Scaling questions: Scaling questions help clients assess and monitor their progress by
asking them to rate their experiences on a scale. Examples include: "On a scale of 1 to
10, how anxious do you feel right now?" or "How confident are you in your ability to
handle this situation?"
▪ Solution-focused questions: Solution-focused questions focus on exploring solutions
and strengths rather than dwelling on problems. Examples include: "What do you
think would help you feel more confident in managing this situation?" or "When have
you successfully overcome similar challenges in the past?"

Strategies for Asking Questions Effectively:

⮚ Active listening: Before asking questions, therapists must actively listen to the client's
responses, paying attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues. Active listening
demonstrates empathy and validates the client's experiences, laying the groundwork
for meaningful dialogue.
⮚ Tailoring questions to the client: Questions should be tailored to each client's unique
circumstances, preferences, and communication style. Therapists should consider
factors such as cultural background, personality, and developmental stage when
formulating questions.
⮚ Using a mix of question types: Variety is key when asking questions in counselling
psychology. Therapists should employ a mix of open-ended, closed-ended, reflective,
scaling, and solution-focused questions to facilitate exploration and engagement.
⮚ Timing and pacing: Timing and pacing are crucial considerations when asking
questions. Therapists should allow sufficient time for clients to process their thoughts
and respond thoughtfully, while also maintaining a comfortable pace to keep the
conversation flowing.
⮚ Avoiding leading questions: Leading questions can inadvertently influence the
client's responses and undermine the therapeutic process. Therapists should avoid
framing questions in a way that suggests a particular answer or biases the client's
perspective.
⮚ Inviting feedback: Therapists should invite feedback from clients about the
effectiveness of their questions and the direction of the conversation. Client feedback
provides valuable insights into what is resonating with them and what may need
further exploration.
LISTENING AND NON-VERBAL
COMMUNICATION
COUNSELLING
PART- 3
 UNIT -3
LISTENING

The process of listening in counselling listening is there active attending process without any
verbalization in the therapeutic relationship a counsellor listens to the client.

Listening is not only receiving sound but also understanding the deeper meaning. It involves
the process of being sensitive. Vocals are observed body language is taken into account
personal and social context of communication is also important.

Aspects of listening:

There are three aspects in listening;

▼ Linguistic

linguistic are words and phrases metaphors that are used to convey the feeling.

▼ Paralinguistic

paralinguistic is time accent volume and pitch with what the client speaks.

▼ Nonverbal

nonverbal cues the body language of the client face expression gestures body position
movement proximity in relation to the counsellor.

All these are expression internal state can be observed by an attentive counsellor.
The importance of listening in counselling by Nelson Jones.

● Listening establishes a rapport. Listening facilitates the relationship. It gives the

perception that the concerns are understood. A good listener helps to experience
feeling and they give more information. It helps in creation of base which builds for
influencing the client they are more Likely to listen to The Counsellor and follow
them.

● It helps the client to assume responsibility with assurance quickly.

Concept of Listening skills:

Listening involves receiving sound, understanding the message conveyed in the sounds you
hear, evaluating the message and responding to it. People with good listening skills are able
to comprehend what they hear and respond appropriately.

Definition of Listening Skills:

Listening is the act of hearing attentively. Research shows that 45% of our time is spent on
listening. We listen more than speak. If this listening skill is used in a proper way we can
master the tools of communicative skills Listening is difficult, as human mind tends to
distract easily. A person who controls his mind and listens attentively acquires various other
Skills and is benefited.

Listening skill can be defined as "Listening is the act of hearing attentively. It is also a
process similar to reading which should possess knowledge of phonology, syntax, semantics
and text understanding Thomlison (1984) defines listening as "Active listening, which is
very important for effective communication Listening can be also defined as, "More than
Just hang and to understand and interpret the meaning of a conversation

Listening skill makes you successful in workplace, family and in the society Good listening
skill is mandatory to get into a profession in communications, management, planning, sales,
etc Listening skills involve a different set of etiquettes, questioning for explanation, showing
empathy and providing a suitable response. Good listening skills Include the understanding
ability. Body language is also a part of listening skill Eye contact with the speaker, sitting
straight and alert are the good gestures of a good listener.

Types of listening:

Listening entails more than just hearing, which is the physiological process by which
soundwaves hit the eardrums and send signals to the brain. According to Communications
Scholar Ronald Adler, listening is the interactive process of receiving and responding to
other people's messages. In this way, listening is not automatic or innate; it is a
communication skill that can be learned and improved.

People receive and respond to messages in various ways, depending on their listening style.
Because listening is a cognitive and social process and not just a physiological process,
people focus on or orient their listening towards a specific goal or object to filter out the
noise and reduce information overload.

1. Ignoring Listening:

The lowest level of listening is called ignoring not listening at all. If you are distracted by
anything while talking to a user, they can get the impression that you are ignoring them. For
example, while the user is speaking, you start a conversation or interject a comment with
another IT support tech. You are ignoring your user.

2. Pretend Listening:

Pretend listening is most easily explained in the face-to-face conversation. You're talking to
the other person and they have that "backpacking in Brazil" look in their eyes. On the phone,
it happens when you say things like "I see" and "OK," etc. while working on an unrelated
email or playing a computer game. People can tell you're distracted.

3. Selective Listening: During selective listening, we pay attention to the speaker as long
as they are talking about things we like or agree with. If they move on to other things we slip
down to pretend listening or ignore them altogether.

4. Attentive Listening:
Attentive listening occurs when we carefully listen to the other person, but while they are
speaking we are deciding whether we agree or disagree, determining whether they are right
or wrong. Instead of paying close attention to the other person, we're formulating our
response to what he or she is saying. At all four of these levels it should be evident that we
are listening to our own perspective, and in most cases with the intent to respond from our
experience.

5.Empathic Listening:

The fifth level of listening is Empathic Listening Empathic listening, also known as
empathetic listening is the top level of listening. To be successful in providing IT support to
end users, you must teach yourself to treat every call as though this is the first time you've
ever heard this problem, even though you may have heard it many times before. Discipline
yourself to see it through the eyes of the user. This is called empathic listening. Empathic
listening is the highest level of listening, and the hardest to accomplish.

Barriers in listening:

● privacy

● distraction

● noise

● judgy attitude

● lack of interest,

● problem stress and anxiety

● awkward seating

● transference

● over-eagerness to respond.
 COMMUNICATION
Communication is the process of exchanging information, ideas, thoughts, and feelings
between individuals. In counselling psychology, effective communication is crucial for
building a therapeutic relationship. It involves not only verbal expression but also non-verbal
cues, active listening, and empathy.

Communication is a two-way interaction where information, meanings, and feelings are

shared (Dunne, 2005).

In counselling, clear communication helps clients articulate their concerns, facilitates

understanding, and fosters trust between the counsellor and client. A counsellor’s ability to
communicate empathetically and nonjudgmentally contributes to creating a safe and
supportive space for clients to explore their emotions and work towards personal growth and
well-being. Effective communication in counselling promotes a collaborative approach to
problem-solving and enhances the overall therapeutic process.

Communication is of two types:

(I) Verbal communication involves the use of spoken or written words to convey
information, ideas, thoughts, and feelings. Here's a more detailed breakdown:

1. Oral Communication:
● Face-to-Face Conversations: Direct interaction between individuals, allowing for
immediate feedback and clarification.
● Meetings and Discussions: Group conversations to exchange information and
make decisions.
 ● Presentations and Public Speaking: Conveying information to a larger audience.

2. Written Communication:
● Formal Documents: Reports, memos, letters, and official documents with a
structured format.
● Informal Writing: Emails, text messages, and other casual forms of written
communication.

3. Clarity and Precision:

Choosing words carefully to convey the intended meaning accurately. Avoiding
ambiguity and potential misunderstandings.

4. Tone and Style:

● Tone: The attitude or emotion conveyed through speech or writing.
● Style: The manner in which information is presented, reflecting the
communicator's personality or professionalism.

5. Active Listening:
Actively engaging with the speaker, providing feedback, and demonstrating
understanding.
Asking questions for clarification and showing empathy.

6. Cultural Sensitivity:
Recognizing and respecting cultural differences in language use and
communication styles.
Adapting communication to be inclusive and considerate of diverse perspectives.

7. Feedback:
 Seeking and providing constructive feedback to enhance understanding and
improve communication effectiveness.

8. Non-Verbal Elements:
Supporting verbal communication with appropriate body language, facial
expressions, and gestures.
Effective verbal communication is a foundational skill in personal relationships,
professional settings, and various social contexts. It plays a crucial role in
conveying information accurately, fostering understanding, and building strong
connections.

(II) Non-verbal communication involves conveying messages without the use of

spoken or written words. It includes various forms of expression that complement
or replace verbal communication. Here's a more detailed overview:

1. Body Language:

● Gestures: Movements of the hands, arms, or other body parts to express ideas or
emotions.
● Facial Expressions: Conveying emotions through smiles, frowns, raised eyebrows,
etc.
● Posture: The way a person holds their body, which can communicate confidence,
openness, or defensiveness.

2. Eye Contact:

- Maintaining appropriate eye contact can signal attentiveness, sincerity, or interest.

- Lack of eye contact may convey discomfort, shyness, or deception.

3. Proxemics:
 - The use of personal space to convey comfort, intimacy, or authority.

- Different cultures may have varying norms regarding personal space.

4.Paralanguage:

● Tone of Voice: The pitch, volume, and intonation of spoken words, conveying
emotions and meaning.
● Speech Rate: The speed at which someone speaks can influence the perceived urgency
or importance of the message.

5. Touch:

- Physical contact can communicate warmth, empathy, support, or boundary violations.

- Cultural and individual differences play a role in interpreting touch.

6. Appearance:

- Clothing, grooming, and overall appearance contribute to the non-verbal message.

- Personal style may convey professionalism, casualness, or adherence to cultural norms.

7. Silence:

- The absence of verbal communication can also be a powerful non-verbal cue.

- Silence may indicate contemplation, agreement, discomfort, or disagreement.

8. Artifacts:

- Objects or possessions, such as accessories, can convey information about a person's

identity, interests, or status.
Understanding non-verbal communication is essential for interpreting the full spectrum of
messages in interpersonal interactions. It adds nuance to verbal communication and allows
individuals to convey emotions, establish rapport, and navigate social situations effectively.
EMPATHY BUILDING, REFLECTION TECHNIQUES,
PARAPHRASING, RESTATING AND SUMMARIZING
COUNSELLING
Part- 4
 UNIT- 4
EMPATHY IN CONSELLING
Empathy in counselling is about the counsellor seeing the client’s world as they see it.

Empathy is to respectfully perceive what the client is bringing from their frame of
reference and to communicate that back in a way that makes the client feel they’ve been
understood.

The empathic circle is only complete when the counsellor is able to communicate her
understanding back, in such a way that the client feels they have been heard and understood.

Sympathy
Rogers 1961 defined "Empathy as the counsellor's ability to enter the client's prematernal
(experience) world to experience the client's world as it were your own world without ever
losing ( as if quality)".

Three components of Empathy

1) Empathic Repo- primary kindness global understanding and tolerant acceptance of a

client feeling and frame of reference.

2) Experience near Understanding the client's world.

3) Communicative attachment-The therapist tries to put himself / herself in client’s shoes

at the movements to grasp what they are trying to consciously communicate at the movement
and what they are experiencing at the movement.

Carangs Kelly (1955) described the perceptual element of empathy as understanding the
client of personal construct as a unique set of thoughts a person uses to process informations,
give meaning to life events order one's world explain cause effect relationship and make
decision is very important for empathy.

There are two kinds of empathy

1. Primary empathy
2. Advanced empathy.

Primary empathy

It is most often communicate through an interchangeable verbal and other non verbal
response.

Advanced Empathy:

It is communicate through additive verbal response wherein counsellor adopted perception

that implied but not directly.
The ability to hear these additives responses with experience additive response and with
qualities diagnostic thinking.

Difference between Empathy and Sympathy

Sympathy is different from empathy.

Sympathy means we feel sorry for someone and empathy means we try to fully understand
how it feels for that person.

Feeling sorry for a person is not therapeutically useful, but empathy is as it shows the person
we truly understand what they are going through.
Empathy is perception. For empathy in counselling to be effective, we need to perceive what
it is that the client is bringing, and to communicate that back in a way that makes the client
feel they’ve been understood.

Perception without being able to communicate back your understanding is ineffective and
does not build an empathic connection.

For example, you might be reading a book or watching a movie that is emotional, and you
become very involved in a character and feel a really strong bond with them.

You are able to perceive that, but you are not able to communicate back to the actor or the
person in the book. So the empathy cycle is not complete within that transaction.

"We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet
listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I know."

Carl Ransom Rogers

Counselling skills – reflection, paraphrasing, nonverbal communication etc. – are all

worthless unless we have empathy running through them.

Carl Rogers, in developing the person-centered approach to counselling, recognized

empathy as being necessary within the therapeutic relationship to bring about
psychological contact.

But it doesn’t matter which approach or model of counselling you look to. Empathy
must be present even in the more psychodynamic, psychoanalytical forms of therapy.
 Reflecting and Paraphrasing
Part of the ‘art of listening’ is making sure that the client knows their story is being listened
to.

This is achieved by the helper/counsellor repeating back to the client parts of their story.
This known as paraphrasing.

Reflecting is showing the client that you have ‘heard’ not only what is being said, but also
what feelings and emotions the client is experiencing when sharing their story with you.

This is sometimes known in counselling ‘speak ‘as the music behind the words.

It is like holding up a mirror to the client; repeating what they have said shows the client
they have your full attention. It also allows the client to make sure you fully understood
them; if not, they can correct you.

Reflecting and paraphrasing should not only contain what is being said but what emotion or
feeling the client is expressing.

Let’s look at an example:

Client (Mohammed): My ex-wife phoned me yesterday; she told me that our daughter Nafiza
(who is only 9) is very ill after a car accident. I am feeling very scared for her. They live in
France, so I am going to have to travel to see her, and now I have been made redundant, I
don’t know how I can afford to go.

Counsellor: So, Mohammed, you have had some bad news about your little girl, who has
been involved in an accident. You are frightened for her and also have worries over money
now you have lost your job.
Client: Yes, yes ... that’s right.

Notice that the counsellor does not offer advice or start asking how long Mohammed and his
wife have been separated, but reflects the emotion of what is said: ‘frightened' and 'worries'.

Reflecting and paraphrasing are the first skills we learn as helpers, and they remain the most
useful.

To build a trusting relationship with a helper, the client needs not only to be ‘listened to' but
also to be heard and valued as a person.

"Reflecting and paraphrasing should not only contain what is being said but what emotion or
feeling the client is expressing.”
Definition of Reflection in Counselling

Reflection in counselling is like holding up a mirror: repeating the client’s words back to
them exactly as they said them.

You might reflect back the whole sentence, or you might select a few words – or even one
single word – from what the client has brought.

I often refer to reflection as ‘the lost skill’ because when I watch counselling students doing
simulated skill sessions, or listen to their recordings from placement (where clients have
consented to this), I seldom see reflection being used as a skill. This is a pity, as reflection
can be very powerful.

When we use the skill of reflection, we are looking to match the tone, the feeling of the
words, and the client’s facial expression or body language as they spoke.
For example, they might have hunched their shoulders as they said, ‘I was so scared; I didn’t
know what to do.’

We might reflect that back by hunching our own shoulders, mirroring their body language
while also saying ‘I felt so scared; I didn’t know what to do.’

Definition of Paraphrasing in Counselling

Paraphrasing is repeating back your understanding of the material that has been brought by
the client, using your own words.

A paraphrase reflects the essence of what has been said.

We all use paraphrasing in our everyday lives. If you look at your studies to become a
counsellor or psychotherapist, you paraphrase in class.

Maybe your lecturer brings a body of work, and you listen and make notes: you’re
paraphrasing as you distill this down to what you feel is important.

Restatement
in psychotherapy and counseling, the verbatim repetition or rephrasing by the therapist or
counselor of a client’s statement. The purpose is not only to confirm that the client’s remarks
have been understood but also to provide a “mirror” in which the client can perceive their
feelings and ideas more clearly (see mirroring).
Compare clarification; interpretation; reframing
Restating is when you repeat, reiterate words that are being said to you in a conversation.
You are demonstrating to your client that you understand and are listening to what is being
said to you. It also helps the client keep on track and focused.
During the conversation they may say to you, “I have had a difficult week” you may wish to
say “difficult” when they pause. They may then say “difficult, because work was very busy”.
It opens up the conversation allowing the client to widen the dialog with you.

Summarizing in Counselling

Feltham and Dryden (1993: 186) define ‘summarizing’ as ‘accurately and succinctly
reflecting back to the client, from time to time within and across sessions, the substance of
what she has expressed’.

Summarizing is therefore a counselling skill used to condense or crystallize the main points
of what the client is saying and feeling.

Difference between paraphrasing and summarizing in counselling.

Using summaries is different from using paraphrasing, as a summary usually covers a longer
time period than a paraphrase. Thus, summarizing may be used after some time: perhaps
halfway through – or near the end of – a counselling session.

The summary ’sums up’ the main themes that are emerging.

Purpose of Summarizing in counselling

When summarizing, the counsellor is ‘reflecting back’ the main points of the session so that
the client has the opportunity to recap, and to ‘correct’ the counsellor if any parts of the
summary feel inaccurate.

Summaries are therefore useful for:

clarifying emotions for both the counsellor and the client reviewing the work done so far,
and taking stock bringing a session to a close, by drawing together the main threads of the
discussion beginning a subsequent session, if appropriate starting the process of focusing and
prioritizing ‘scattered’ thoughts and feelings moving the counselling process forward.

While the above uses are all in keeping with a person-centered approach to counselling,
other uses may also be more relevant in more directive modalities. For example, in CBT,
summarizing may be useful for:

enabling ‘the client to hear what she has expressed from a slightly different perspective’
offering ‘an opportunity for structuring counselling, especially with clients who have
difficulty in focusing on specific topics and goals ‘providing ‘a useful orientation towards
homework and future sessions’ (Feltham & Dryden, 1993: 186).

Summarizing at the End of a Session

Kelly (2017: 10)) outlines how important the skill of summarizing is, as a way of
respectfully bringing the session to a close, while giving the client an opportunity to correct
any misconceptions the counsellor may have.

Note how he uses the term ‘a neat package’ as a metaphor to indicate that the client leaves
with a summary of their material, feeling understood and ‘heard’:

It can be useful to summarize what has been brought to give the client a ‘neat package’ that
they can go away with, feeling understood because the summary matches their material.
Equally, the summary is an opportunity for the client to say, ‘No, it’s not like that; it’s like
this.’ This too is great for the counsellor, because it allows you to realign where you are and
be fully within the client’s frame of reference.

Kelly (2017: 10) describes the use of summarizing in ending the therapeutic hour as follows:
About five or ten minutes before the end of the session, it’s important to let the client know
that the time is coming to an end, so they have time to ‘pack up’. It allows them to ‘change
gear’ and gives you, as the practitioner, the chance to close everything up before they leave,
making sure they’re safe to ‘re-enter the world’.