100% found this document useful (13 votes)
333 views17 pages

Interpersonal Conflict An Existential Psychotherapeutic and Practical Model 1st Edition Open Access Download

valoir
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
100% found this document useful (13 votes)
333 views17 pages

Interpersonal Conflict An Existential Psychotherapeutic and Practical Model 1st Edition Open Access Download

valoir
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
You are on page 1/ 17

Interpersonal Conflict An Existential Psychotherapeutic and

Practical Model 1st Edition

Visit the link below to download the full version of this book:

https://medipdf.com/product/interpersonal-conflict-an-existential-psychotherapeu
tic-and-practical-model-1st-edition/

Click Download Now


About the author

Karen Weixel-Dixon, M.A., Adv. Dip. Ex. Psych., Acc. Legal Mediator
RUL, UKCP reg., EAP Cert. and reg., is an accredited psychotherapist,
supervisor, trainer, and mediator in private practice, and has been a
member of visiting faculty at Regent’s University London since 1995.
She also presents workshops and seminars for law firms, professional
organisations, and educational institutions.
She maintains her work in both the UK and France, working with
individuals, groups, families, and organisations.
The paradigm she favours is Existential Phenomenological, and she
has a particular interest in how people experience, and engage with,
temporality.
Karen has published papers in journals and textbooks in the field of
psychotherapy, and most recently co-authored (with Susan Iacovou)
Existential Therapy: 100 Key Points and Techniques (Routledge, 2015).
Karen has been a member of the Society for Existential Analysis
since 1995, and was on the executive committee for ten years.
She presents CPD seminars on conflict, relationship therapy, and
existential therapy as well as supervision and group work.
To my wonderful husband, Neil, who has always
encouraged me to challenge my limitations and fulfil
my possibilities.
Contents

About the author ix


Acknowledgements x

Introduction: The aim and structure of this book 1


1 Why existential psychotherapy? 5
2 The essence of conflict and resolution 11

PART I
Theoretical foundations 15

3 The givens of existence 19


4 The world-view 27
5 Self and other 33
6 Time and temporality 39
7 The contributions of phenomenology 45
8 The contributions of hermeneutics 51
Part I summary 57
Case vignette 1: The family 61
viii Contents

PART II
The practice of facilitative conflict
resolution 73

9 Attitudes about conflict and resolution 77


10 A theory of emotions and how to work with them 83
11 Practice and skills in managing conflict resolution 89
12 Strategies for facilitative conflict mediation 95
13 Format, protocol, and process for
facilitative mediation 100
14 Ethical considerations for conflict and resolution 105
Part II summary 111
Case vignette 2: Unfair dismissal 115

Conclusion 127
Index 132
Acknowledgements

I would like to particularly acknowledge my friend and colleague Paul


Randolph, who is always willing to discuss, challenge, and work through
it; and I would also like to express my appreciation to the thousands of
students who have privileged me with their feedback and engagement.
Introduction: The aim and
structure of the book

The principle aim of this book is to offer readers the opportunity to con-
sider their attitude towards, and understanding of, interpersonal conflict
and resolution.
Existential works – philosophical, artistic, and fictional – provide the
grounding for existential psychotherapy; both practices provide a basis for
understanding the human predicament, which, of course, includes conflict.
Existentialism addresses the concerns that are common amongst all
cultures and societies, and across all epochs; it is this universality that
allows for a ‘common ground’ of understanding. It is a school of thought
that is not particularly uniform, as there are variations in emphasis on
different aspects of living. However, there are a few themes that are cen-
tral to what is recognised as the existential perspective: freedom, choice,
death, responsibility, embodiment, language, anxiety, uncertainty, time,
meaninglessness, and change.
Human beings experience all these aspects: we live them. And, as
human beings, our existence is ‘in-the-world’, always in context, and
always in a world that is shared by others. It is within this sphere of inter-
relatedness that conflict appears; this is why it is always personal. Even
when we have a problem with an inanimate object, it is the person who
is having the difficulty, not the object.
We are never completely alone, but neither are we ever completely
fused with another human being. (Even if we withdraw from society, we
still stand in relation to that from which we are apart.) As beings that
are capable of, if not ‘condemned’ to, exercising freedom, sometimes in
contradiction to an other’s intentions, we stand as possible opponents to
the will of another.
The ‘givens of existence’ as listed above are issues that are common to
us all; how we engage with these aspects is what makes us all different.
2 Introduction

The result of this engagement is the ‘world-view’, comprising aspira-


tions, expectations, and assumptions about ourselves, others, the world,
and the cosmos.
Each of us is unique: no one else shares the particulars of their birth
(where, how, and to which parents), or the exact time and place that they
occupy right now; but we all share the same concerns.
And we may share similar hopes and ambitions, but how these are
realised, or valued, can be the source of conflict.
Rollo May comments on these qualities:

Does not every human conflict reveal universal characteristics of


man as well as the idiosyncratic problems of the individual? (May
1969, p. 19)

We have a basis for understanding: we are all struggling with the same
issues.
The first part of this book expands on the philosophical proposals
from existential and phenomenological sources that are most relevant
to the issue of conflict; the second half of the book offers a model for
the exploration of the themes introduced, in terms of areas for self-
reflection, and how to facilitate the same kind of enquiry with others.
The model for these explorations is based in on an attitude that is
described as dialogical: a quality of being with others that promotes
trust, and allows for the opportunity to discover and reveal aspects of
the world-view that are implicated in the situation under consideration.
The communication skills and strategies are not applied techniques, but
rather extensions of the philosophical themes proposed. It is for this rea-
son that they are grouped under the title of ‘practice’.
Emotions, as the ‘voices of values’, are important indicators of per-
sonal investment in the situation: the desires and aspirations that are at
risk in a conflict situation are disclosed in emotive expressions and com-
munications; to ignore or distract from these is to lose essential informa-
tion. How to explore these expressions, and how to appreciate the insight
they provide, is considered an essential function of facilitation.
The format for a facilitated mediation process is outlined, but it is
characterised as a most basic template that can be modified to suit the
context and practicalities of the situation. It is considered to be most
effective if the parties to a dispute have the opportunity to explore their
concerns in confidential and private sessions with the facilitator; in
these discussions, the covert and the overt ‘agendas’ of the party can
Introduction 3

be discovered, explored further, acknowledged, and understood in the


context of current ambitions and hopes.
It may be apparent, even at this early stage, that what is being pro-
posed in this exposition is that it is essential to hold some understanding
about the human condition, and particularly inter-relatedness, if we hope
to make the most of the opportunity that conflict can yield. People in
dispute with one another are demonstrating that they care deeply about
something. If these concerns are acknowledged, even if not agreed with,
the possibilities for both cooperation and compromise may become more
promising – and attractive – than remaining entrenched in an anxiety-
provoking conflict.
The vignettes offered at the conclusion of each section are fiction-
alised accounts, meant to illustrate the typical themes and elements of
disputes in general. They are compilations of scenarios that are meant
to demonstrate the principles proposed, and do not refer to any specific
event. The studies are each analysed for their relevance to some of the
theoretical aspects introduced in this text, but a comprehensive represen-
tation of all the precepts discussed is beyond the scope of this project.
However, I hope the reader finds them useful.
All conflicts are amenable to mediation, but not all parties to con-
flicts will be willing. In almost all mediations, one party or some peo-
ple are more invested in a resolution, if not a reconciliation, than their
opponents. Mediation may not provide the ‘ideal’ solution, but it can
produce an agreement that allows for relationships to develop, instead
of being destroyed. Inevitably, new conflicts will arise, but if one has
experienced the positive effects of exploration, communication, and
cooperation, then it is at least more likely that a negotiated agreement
can be achieved.
In conclusion, I must acknowledge an obvious limitation of this work:
the issue of violence.
When a person’s (or a group’s) aspirations and ambitions seem to
be exclusively focused on a ‘cosmological’, or spiritual, level, it can
be extremely difficult to promote the value of worldly aims and goals.
It often appears that violence, when it is an attempt to ‘actualise’
these other-worldly purposes, is an action that relegates all mortal
concerns.
However, even though it appears that the principles reviewed in this
book do have some relevance in many situations of aggression, it is also
apparent that violence is the preferred choice for some whose private
logic is impenetrable, and who are impervious to entreaty.
4 Introduction

Such a significant and critical topic is beyond the scope of this text,
and perhaps beyond the ability of this author: I leave this enquiry to the
more intrepid explorers of the human condition.

Reference
May, R. 1969 Love and Will, Bantam Doubleday Dell, New York.
Chapter 1

Why existential
psychotherapy?

Before we consider the question ‘Why existential psychotherapy’, it


would be useful to give a brief overview of the philosophical school that
underpins the psychotherapeutic model.
There are factors that are common to every human being: we are born,
we die, we suffer, we change, we live (in) time, we strive, we inhabit a
world with others. The list of what are known as ‘existential givens’ will
be expanded as our discussion proceeds; suffice it to note at this point
that we all share, in every epoch, culture, and place, the same conditions
of existence.
It follows, then, that a basic appreciation of these aspects may deepen
our understanding of ourselves and of others: we share the most funda-
mental concerns. It is precisely because we share these kinds of circum-
stances that there is a possibility of understanding each other at some
level and to some extent. This is an important principle to be aware of
when one is either a party to a dispute or acting as a facilitator to a disa-
greement: there is a principle involved, a value that is implicated in the
positions that are being contested and defended; with some investigation
and reflection, we can probably ascertain, and to some degree identify
with, these issues.
To the extent that we can comprehend what is being thwarted in any
contest, the situation can become less threatening to those involved or
even to those observing: the ground may feel familiar, the issues recog-
nised as those we have in common in some way.
It is often the case that it is mis-understanding that is at the core of
interpersonal conflict; therefore, having even a modicum of comprehen-
sion about what one’s opponent might be struggling with can provide
a glimmer of hope for rapprochement (and possibly also manipulation,
which will be considered subsequently).
6 Why existential psychotherapy?

Additionally, someone who is angry or defensive doesn’t always


have a clear or deep comprehension of the multiple issues and principles
that are involved in their own complaint; they are too busy trying to
camouflage what they believe to be their vulnerabilities.
The concerns expressed in any contest can be recognised as deeply
human. This helps to normalise the situation, and can open the way for
it to be viewed as an opportunity for communication and development
in a relationship.
Furthermore, it stands to reason that as these concerns are recog-
nisable as universal, it does not require any particular expertise or
specialist training to appreciate the interests that are common between
all people(s).
Existential philosophy, as a body of works, considers the human con-
dition in an attempt to reach a description of the needs and concerns that
make us human. An aspect of being human is also being unique: we each
hold a particular perspective on our common predicament.
Rollo May comments on the relevance of existential psychology:

Existentialism deepens the concepts that define the human con-


dition. In so doing, it prepares the way (for the first time) for a
psychology of mankind. (May 1969, p. 94)

This is a fundamentally inclusive perspective.


Though existential philosophy is often described as a school of
thought that is as disparate as it is cohesive, the principle unifying factor
under consideration by the existentialists is described by Friedman:

the actual situation of the existential subject as the starting point of


thought. (Friedman 1992, p. 4)

The focus is on this person before us, and with us: this person is the
example of how we are all the same, and different.
Existential philosophy is not just armchair rhetoric: the greatest
minds of this school of thought used their own lives and experiences as
the starting point for the exploration of what it means to be human, of
what it means to exist. Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Sartre, Heidegger, and
Merleau-Ponty are but a few of the writers and thinkers that are included
in this group, and all of them looked to the concrete and the particular
in their lives in the hopes of understanding human existence. (It should
be noted that existentialist works are not just philosophical; Franz Kafka
would be an example of this, as would be the dramas of Sartre.)
Why existential psychotherapy? 7

In an overview of the considerations explored by these philosophical


expositions, it is noted that all human cultures entertain similar ques-
tions: How shall I live? Why do I exist, and die? What difference does
my life make, if any? The enquiries are ubiquitous; the response is per-
sonal. There are no abstract responses to these questions: the answers
are demonstrated in our choices, our behaviours, what we would live
for, die for, and fight for.
In this way, existential philosophy is recognised as an investigation
that begins with a subject, that is, the human subject.
Macquarrie also comments on this aspect of the philosophy:

It is a philosophy of the subject rather than the object. (Macquarrie


1973, p. 14)

So although we do all share some basic concerns, we also hold a unique


perspective on these concerns. This is what is meant by subjective truth
(this theme will be expanded upon in later chapters of this text).
What makes this a particularly important perspective for understand-
ing interpersonal conflict is that these kinds of challenges are the result
of seemingly opposing views of ‘truth’, subjective truths, each held
passionately, each defended vigorously. These views may not be fully
articulated or appreciated by those involved, even though they may be
the basis of the individual’s (or the group’s) choice or their own position;
but the crisis can be the opportunity for just such revelations.
As I often comment to those studying conflict and mediation, the dis-
pute is not in the paperwork; it is between the people involved. The ‘truth’
of the matter is not represented by objective facts, but how the facts are
subjectively experienced. To discover that truth, one has to explore; one
has to enquire.
It should be noted, however, that subjective truth is not a license to
justify any choice or action. We share a world with others; they will
be affected by each individual’s action (in word and deed); and subse-
quently will bear further consequences for (possibly) everyone within a
particular context or network.
This stance is in opposition to abstract analyses and scientific par-
adigms that seek to define humans in a reistic, mechanistic model. In
other words, we must look to the being himself to understand how his
life is being experienced, and how his values inform his choices. It is dif-
ficult, and ineffective, to attempt to understand a person from an objec-
tive standpoint, for example, via the structure of the brain. Although
there may be some scientific validity in such a description (and this may
8 Why existential psychotherapy?

be helpful in some contexts), it does not account for the person’s per-
spective on their situation, which is what lies at the heart of their value
system, and therefore their strategies for actualising these values.
Existential psychotherapy, which forms the basis for this paradigm of
understanding and managing interpersonal conflict, is itself grounded in
the tenets of existential philosophy. The psychotherapy is not so much
an applied philosophical model as it is a project in understanding any
person, and any people, with reference to the concerns that are common
to all human beings, and how these issues are being met and engaged
with by this particular individual or group.
As there is an expectation of some shift in perspective for those
involved in a dispute, there is also hope in existential therapy for change.
This change will likely be in the form of awareness, and understanding
of self in relation to others and to the conditions of existence. The aim is
for clarity about one’s engagements with these givens, and an apprecia-
tion of one’s agency.
Deurzen-Smith comments:

The existential approach to counselling centres on an exploration of


someone’s particular way of seeing life, the world and herself . . . in
reconsidering what was previously thought of as already known cer-
tain fresh discoveries are made. (Deurzen-Smith 1988, p. 26)

These discoveries cannot but help to shift perspectives: new awareness


produces further options, and some possible choices are also eliminated
by virtue of practical circumstances, or voluntarily discarded. Already,
we can see the possibility for change of some description.
The agency, the exercise of choice, will be in the service of how we
respond to these givens; our choices will support our assumptions about
how we can best engage with the conditions for the betterment of our
lives, and the realisation of our values. This is an issue that will be eluci-
dated throughout these discussions.
Cohn comments further on the aims of therapy:

Existential therapy may see as its aim to help the clients to free
themselves from the disturbing consequences of denial, evasion and
distraction by enabling them to change their response to the existen-
tial givens. (Cohn 1997, p. 24)

A change in response to the givens may not lead to a change in behav-


iour: one may recognise the purpose(s) for one’s choice in behaviour,
Why existential psychotherapy? 9

and continue in the same behavioural strategies; what is of paramount


significance is that one recognises the choosing.
A few of the givens that are most often implicated in conflict situations
are responsibility, freedom, and choice. These are conditions that are both
blessings and burdens: we often look to someone else to make decisions
for us, to assume responsibility (or liability) for our predicament, and we
often insist that we are shackle-bound to our course of action.
Certainly, parties in a dispute will often hope to assign the respon-
sibility for the outcome of the difficult situation onto a well-meaning
spectator, or facilitator, or to circumstances that are described as ‘beyond
one’s control’.
However, if, either as a party to a dispute or as a facilitator for reso-
lution, one can always bear in mind the personal, subjective nature of
the situation, one cannot fail to recognise that as the contest is always
personal, so must the settlement be: the agreement must be a creation
that addresses the needs and desires that are particularly relevant to these
persons, at this time, and in this context.
This gives us an indication as to the nature of what may be described
as a facilitative resolution process, even when the facilitator is one or
both of the parties involved; it is the revelation, discovery, and acknowl-
edgement of the most personal elements of any conflict that promotes
the possibility of a therapeutic outcome to the exchange.
The process of facilitative resolution is one in which the values and
principles of the people involved in the conflict, that is, their world-
views, are recognised for their relevance to the situation at hand, which
is the current dispute. It is ineffective in an interpersonal conflict, much
as it is in therapy, for anyone not directly invested in the outcome of the
process to offer, or attempt to impose, their own or any source of exter-
nal evaluation or rationale for understanding the disagreement, or for the
creation of the resolution: such a strategy would in fact de-personalise
the process, and possibly derail it as well.
Keeping it personal means keeping it relevant to these specific indi-
viduals embroiled in this dilemma; it is this quality that allows for a ther-
apeutic effect, in that the needs of these parties will have to be served to
some extent. How this occurs, in terms of particulars and practicalities,
will also be a direct expression of their own intentions and ambitions.
For the most part, what is being facilitated is clarification and com-
munication: clarification of what is at stake, and the timely and sensitive
communication, to the others involved, of these concerns.
Parties to a conflict, in the course of this process, begin to realise that
there is some possibility of satisfaction of at least some of their needs
10 Why existential psychotherapy?

and wishes, which is quite a different horizon than that of the intransi-
gent positions that are commonly the starting point of a dispute.
The clarification of one’s world-view allows one to recognise the val-
ues that are reflected in our choices, as well as what strategies we employ
in an effort to actualise these values and intentions. When these strate-
gies are met with resistance, from another person for example, or are
impeded by any element, we become frustrated at least, and can become
more aggressive, or manipulative, in an effort to actualise these values
and intentions.

References
Cohn, H.W. 1997 Existential Thought and Therapeutic Practice: An introduc-
tion to existential psychotherapy, Sage, London.
Deurzen-Smith, E. van 1988 Existential Counselling in Practice, Sage, London.
Friedman, M. 1992 The Worlds of Existentialism: A critical reader, Humanities
Press International, Atlantic Highlands, NJ.
Macquarrie, J. (1972) 1973 Existentialism, Penguin Books, London.
May R. (1961) 1969 Existential Psychology (ed. R. May), McGraw-Hill,
New York.

You might also like