DOI: 10.1002/nha3.

20336

ARTICLE

Exploring the ways women navigate feminist and

submissive identities: A phenomenography

Carolyn Meeker1 Craig M. McGill2

1
Educational Policy Studies, College of Arts, Abstract
Sciences, and Education, Florida
International University, Miami, Florida,
Identity shapes how people make sense of the world and their experiences,
USA including their interactions with other people. Although bondage/discipline,
2
Special Education, Counseling and Student
dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism (BDSM) have been exam-
Affairs, Kansas State University, Manhattan, ined through a range of lenses, little research has explored the lived expe-
Kansas, USA riences and identity navigation of women who are both feminist and sub-
missive. As women in this community navigate the intersecting meanings of
Correspondence
Craig M. McGill, Special Education, Counsel-
feminism and submission, they might have trouble reconciling their politics
ing and Student Affairs, Kansas State Univer- and Dominance and submission (D/s) practice. When a person’s identity
sity, Manhattan, KS, USA. characteristics intersect, there can be inner tension, whereby an individual
Email: [email protected]
might view herself as “wrong, other” or be viewed as “wrong, other” by soci-
ety. Women who identify as both feminist and submissive may experience the
phenomenon in qualitatively different ways, depending on life histories, level
of identity resonance, and a variety of other issues impacting their lives. In this
paper, we use phenomenography to investigate the differing ways in which
23 women in the BDSM community who identify as feminist and submissive
navigate the conflicting identity standards of their feminist and submissive
identities. Women in BDSM who identify as feminist and submissive navigate
the identity standards in three ways: (1) having never experienced internal
conflict between the identities (n = 9), (2) having experienced internal con-
flict between the identities in the past but no longer (n = 9), and (3) coping
with current unreconciled internal tension between the identities (n = 5).
These findings contribute to discourse on identity development, healthy
relationships, and adult education by identifying challenges that women
experience in accepting, reconciling, and navigating their identities.

KEYWORDS
BDSM, feminism, phenomenography, submissive

Dominance and submission (D/s) is a relationship style that focuses on power exchange (Busbee, 2008; Harring-
ton & Williams, 2012). D/s is part of the larger umbrella of BDSM: bondage/discipline, dominance/submission,
and sadism/masochism. In D/s, or power exchange, relationships, the Dominant partner takes psychological
and/or physical control over their submissive partner (Ortmann & Sprott, 2012). Feminism is “an understanding
that women have suffered forms of subordination or oppression because of their sex, and an advocacy of ways to
overcome them” (Badran, 2009, p. 18). Feminism has been described in many ways: as a movement, as a set of
attitudes or values, and as an explicit identity (Zucker & Bay-Cheng, 2010). Women who identify as both feminist
and submissive experience the phenomenon in qualitatively different ways, depending on life histories, level of
identity resonance, and a variety of other issues impacting their lives (e.g., relationship status, job).
The power exchange in D/S relationships might be perceived as incompatible with feminist values, such as
the belief that individuals are inherently of equal worth and deserve the same rights and freedoms (Freedman,

© 2021 Wiley Periodicals LLC

28 wileyonlinelibrary.com/journal/nha3 New Horizons in Adult Education & Human Resource Development 2021;33(3):28–40.
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Exploring the Ways Women Navigate Feminist and Submissive Identities: MEEKER and McGILL 29

2002). Feminist views on BDSM range from rejection to celebration, and can create polarizing frameworks. Some
feminists argue that feminism and BDSM are mutually exclusive because BDSM promotes misogyny, exploitation,
and violence against women (Dworkin & MacKinnon, 1985; Jeffreys, 2003; Linden, 1982). Other feminists argue
that BDSM is a valid form of feminism and sexual freedom (Califia, 2002; Green, 2015; Queen, 1997a, 1997b; Rubin,
2011) and challenge theories of sexuality that define some forms of sex as “good,” normal, and legitimate, or as
“bad,” abnormal, and illegitimate (Rubin, 1984). These opposing views can be problematic for women who are
feminist and submissive.
The field of adult education has a long history of examining identity development and other learning needs
of diverse groups of people. For instance, examining heterosexism can help society learn how to create equi-
table systems and structures (Rocco & Gallagher, 2006; Rocco & West, 1998). Yet, scant research has explored
the lived experiences and identity navigation of women who identify as both feminist and submissive (Dymock,
2012; Meeker et al., 2019). As sexual minorities, people who identify under the BDSM umbrella have been largely
ignored by the field of adult education. As part of a structured literature review covering multiple disciplines
(Meeker et al., 2019), a keyword search for BDSM-related terms (e.g., BDSM, sadomasochism, sadomasochis-
tic, dominance and submission, power exchange, fetish, kink, kinky, Leather) was conducted within five adult
education journals (Adult Education Quarterly, Adult Learning, AERA Open, Emerging Adulthood, and the Jour-
nal of Adult and Continuing Education). The search was conducted in Spring 2017 with no parameters set on
date of publication. “BDSM” was the primary search term, with variations of “sadomasochism,” “kink,” “leather,”
“dominance and submission,” and “power exchange.” Each term was combined in separate searches with the
terms “woman,” “feminism,” “submissive,” “identity,” and “role,” with every permutation available (e.g., woman,
women, and identity, identities, identify, or identification). The search yielded zero publications within the five
adult education journals.
The absence of scholarly publications within Adult Learning and similar journals demonstrates a missing
opportunity for adult education scholars and practitioners to better understand the identities and experiences
of individuals and groups who engage in BDSM, particularly women who are feminist and submissive. Therefore,
in this paper, we investigated the differing ways in which women in the BDSM community who identify as fem-
inist and submissive navigate the conflicting identity standards of their feminist and submissive identities. The
paper proceeds in four sections: “Literature Review,” “Methodology,” “Findings,” and “Implications.”

LITERATURE REVIEW

An identity standard is the set of meanings that make up an identity, and identities and behaviors are con-
nected through the meanings they share (Burke & Stets, 2009). Individuals act or behave in ways to verify their
identities, where their perceived meanings are consistent with their identity standard (Butler, 2005; Powers,
2005). If an identity is not verified by other people, then negative emotions may be produced, such as frustra-
tion, anger, and depression; and if no identities are verified, then anxiety, panic, and identity crisis might occur
(Burke, 2007).
Individuals’ multiple identities can create polyrhythmic realities (Brown, 1989; Sheared, 1999), in which dif-
ferent understandings of their identities cause them to do “different, seemingly contradictory things, simultane-
ously” (Brown, 1989, p. 929). For example, a mother who advises her daughter to put husband and family before
everything else might send that daughter money to pay for her college tuition, even though college will take time
and attention away from husband and family. A prominence hierarchy of identity (McCall & Simmons, 1978)
refers to how important an identity is to an individual, depending on her desires or ideals, and how she wants
to be seen by others. Contained within this hierarchy are a variety of identity characteristics with varying levels
of salience for the individual. Identity centrality, “the importance or psychological attachment that individuals
place on their identities” (Settles, 2004, p. 487) will dictate how much that particular identity characteristic res-
onates for the individual. The higher an identity is in the prominence hierarchy, the more important it is to the
individual. Commitment refers to how invested an individual is in the identity; how embedded she is within the
social structure. Identity salience is the likelihood that an identity will be activated; the more salient an identity,
the more likely it is to be activated in any given situation. Activation means that the identity is attempting to verify
itself, and that perceptions of meanings are being made and compared to the identity standard. If more than one
identity becomes activated in a situation, the identity with the highest prominence and commitment will guide
the behavior (Burke & Stets, 2009; McCall & Simmons, 1978).
As women navigate their intersecting identities and polyrhythmic realities by acting in ways to verify or change
their identities, they might hide identities that are perceived as carrying stigma. Stigma occurs when an indi-
vidual is rejected for having an attribute deeply discredited by society (Goffman, 1963). To some extent, both
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30 New Horizons in Adult Education and Human Resource Development

feminist and submissive identities are stigmatized. Since its origins, the term “feminist” has remained a pejora-
tive term, even among progressive reformers, suffragists, and socialists (Freedman, 2002). In some environments,
and to some people, feminism is perceived and stigmatized as “super anti: anti-men, anti-sex, anti-sexism, anti-
everything” (Valenti, 2007, p. 6) and as “trampling men’s rights and their dignity into the ground” (Women Against
Men, 2014, n.p.). For these reasons, an individual who believes strongly in feminist values (e.g., equal pay, polit-
ical representation, sexual and reproductive choice) might not disclose to others her feminist identity, or even
consider herself a feminist (Freedman, 2002).
Submissives also experience challenges related to stigma due to their BDSM interests, relationship problems,
and desires Hébert & Weaver, 2015. Historically, BDSM has been relegated to the “outer limits” of sexuality—
abnormal, unnatural, and bad, as opposed to the “charmed circle” of sexuality—normal, natural, and good
(Rubin, 1984). Practitioners of BDSM encounter stigma-related issues similar to those of other sexual minorities
(Chaline, 2007; Weiss, 2011; Wright, 2008). Problematic assertions that BDSM practitioners encounter and learn
to manage include the following: (1) BDSM perceived as a lifestyle, not an orientation; (2) practitioners should
hide it/keep it in the bedroom; (3) BDSM is violence; (4) BDSM is physically dangerous; (5) BDSM makes it hard
to fight violence against women; and (6) D/s relationships are violations of consent (Sprott, 2014). Groups and
individuals who engage in BDSM have been marginalized and stigmatized by mental health professionals and
society (Klein & Moser, 2006) as both pathological and antifeminist (Dworkin, 1974, 1989; Linden, 1982). Individ-
uals experience discrimination, violence, loss of child custody, and loss of jobs and promotions because of their
related activities (Wright, 2008); therefore, they continuously and strategically determine whether to disclose their
identities or involvement in BDSM (Bezreh et al., 2012; Brown, 2010; Wright, 2008).
Both feminist and submissive identities can be stigmatized independently or as an intersection of identities—
submissive identity, perceived as pathological and antifeminist, and feminist identity, perceived as antievery-
thing, including men’s rights (Weiss, 2011). But for some women, BDSM is a vehicle for authentic expression and
emotional and sexual fulfillment (Prior, 2013). How women experience these stigmatized identities in tandem
and learned to navigate them has not yet received much scholarly attention (Meeker et al., 2019).

METHODOLOGY

As a research method, phenomenography provides a way for researchers to examine the variety of ways in
which a phenomenon can be explored. Phenomenography was developed in the 1970s by Swedish educational
researchers (Marton et al., 1977) to better understand the variety of perspectives in student learning. Although it
is often confused with the better known approach of phenomenology—and indeed, both have at their core the
understanding of a phenomenon—the approaches are very different. Whereas phenomenological studies seek
to understand the essence of a phenomenon, phenomenography is concerned with the relationship between the
phenomenon and how it is experienced or understood in a variety of ways (Marton, 1981). Through phenomenog-
raphy, researchers can “make sense of how people handle problems, situations, the world” through understand-
ing “the way in which they experience the problems, the situations, the world that they are handling or in relation
to which they are acting” (Marton & Booth, 1997, p. 111). At the philosophical core of phenomenography is that
any phenomenon can be understood in a finite number of ways, usually between two and six (Uljens, 1996). Thus,
interviewing a small number of people in depth saturates the number of qualitatively different ways in which any
given phenomenon is experienced; typically, under 20 is sufficient (Tight, 2016).

Participants

Twenty-three women were interviewed, each meeting the following criteria: 18 years or older; identified as a
woman, feminist, and submissive; and active in the BDSM community. The first author used both convenience
and snowball sampling. Seven participants were known to the first author from prior research, three were referred
by friends, two were referred by a leader of a local BDSM group, and one was identified during a conversation at
the Miami Beach Pride Parade. The other 10 women were identified through snowball sampling (Browne, 2005).
The participants represented a range of background and demographic characteristics. Table 1 presents the pro-
files of the participants. Aliases are in lowercase to denote the submissive role, as is common practice within
the BDSM community. The table indicates participant’s age at the time of interview (Age), the age at which they
began identifying as a feminist (Age fem), a submissive (Age sub), and a member of the BDSM community (Age
BDSM).
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Exploring the Ways Women Navigate Feminist and Submissive Identities: MEEKER and McGILL 31

TA B L E 1 Participant profiles

Age BDSM Number of D/s Sexual

Age Age fem Age sub community relationships orientation Race/ethnicity

cindy 57 12 10 54 2 Heteroflexible White

claudette 54 9 32 32 6 heterosexual White
debby 31 16 30 30 3 pansexual White & Jewish
diana 30 15 16 18 2 queer White & Jewish
ella 62 15 50 50 10 heterosexual White & Jewish
gabrielle 49 7 15 33 1 heterosexual White
gloria 54 15 40 40 2 pansexual White
helene 50 18 36 20 2 lesbian White
irma 48 15 11 35 3 bisexual Black
joan 42 7 41 19 2 bisexual Native American/Multiple
cultures
julia 30 12 16 20 1 queer White & Jewish
katia 49 14 18 19 6 queer White & Jewish
michelle 49 12 44 44 2 bisexual White
nicole 24 20 18 18 1 bisexual Hispanic
carmen 34 13 29 29 3 pansexual Hispanic
cleo 31 7 20 28 4 queer White
frances 42 24 24 33 1 heterosexual White
greta 23 16 18 21 2 bisexual White
hortense 23 16 13 14 2 bisexual Hispanic
lili 23 19 12 19 1 pansexual White
opal 59 7 39 39 4 Heteroflexible White
ophelia 50 21 18 20 3 heterosexual White
iris 37 21 16 23 5 bisexual White & Hispanic

Data collection

Data were collected from the same group of participants at different points in time. The study was approved via
the expedited review process by the institutional board of review of the first author. First, before each interview,
the participants received a description of the purpose and format of the research. They were asked to select an
alias and complete a demographic survey of questions to capture background information (e.g., age, gender, and
sexual orientation). Communication prior to and following the interviews was by email, text, or phone, as pre-
ferred by the participant. Participants gave verbal consent rather than written to further protect their privacy.
Second, each participant responded to open-ended questions during a semistructured interview, which was
audio recorded (interviews averaged 49 min). Each interview occurred in person. At the beginning of the inter-
view, the participants had an opportunity to ask questions and gave adult verbal consent to be interviewed. The
responsive interviewing model (Rubin & Rubin, 2012) was used to obtain rich, in-depth data about how partic-
ipants make meaning of their identities and experiences as feminist and submissive. Responsive interviewing,
which treats the interviewees as conversation partners rather than research subjects, calls for the interviewer to
elicit examples, narratives, histories, stories, and explanations grounded in the experiences of the interviewees.
Responsive interviews consist of “main questions, follow-up questions, and probes that together elicit the rich
data that speak to your research question” (Rubin & Rubin, 2012, p. 116). Especially when dealing with a sensi-
tive topic, it is important not to impose the researcher’s views on the participants. Rubin & Rubin (2012) note,
“researchers should be aware of how their own attitudes might influence the questions they as well as how they
react to the answers. Interviewers need to be sensitive to their own emotions as well as those of their intervie-
wees” (p. 72). This is less about researcher neutrality and more about being respectful and nonjudgmental of
participants.
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32 New Horizons in Adult Education and Human Resource Development

After the recordings were transcribed, they were organized, stored, and password-protected on the first author’s
computer and thumb drive. After the interview data were analyzed (described below), the participants answered
follow-up questions created through Qualtrics to clarify statements or add nuance to findings from the initial
review of the transcripts.

Data analysis
After the interview transcripts were checked for accuracy, they were uploaded into the Nvivo 11 software pro-
gram, to uncover and identify patterns, assist with organizing the codes, and manage the data. Inductive analysis
was used to find meaning in the data by noting patterns, categories, and themes that emerged. Through the pro-
cess of horizonalization (Moustakas, 1994), the first author developed a list of significant statements from the
interview transcripts, which represented how the participants experience the phenomenon of feminist and sub-
missive identity. Each statement was treated as having equal worth and the list of statements were reduced until it
consisted of “nonrepetitive, nonoverlapping statements” (Creswell, 2013, p. 193). The significant statements that
remained were clustered into larger meaning units. Six broad themes emerged from the data: (1) feminist iden-
tity as distinct from feminist values, (2) the complexity of submissive identity, (3) women learn to reconcile and
navigate feminist and submissive identities in different ways, (4) the BDSM community as generally accepting of
feminist identity and values, (5) the feminist community as not very accepting of submissive identity and values,
and (6) being out as a feminist and as a submissive. Five of these six themes are explored elsewhere (Meeker et al.,
2021). The third theme—women learn to reconcile and navigate feminist and submissive identities in different
ways—was also deemed complex and tangential to the other five themes. Thus, the decision was to remove this
finding from that analysis and to reexamine the data from the perspective of the categorically different ways in
which women navigated their feminist and submissive identities. At this point, the second author analyzed the
data around women’s navigation using phenomenography.
Phenomenography is concerned with the relationship between the phenomenon and how it is experienced or
understood in a variety of ways. Therefore, the methodology is useful in arriving at different categorical ways in
which a phenomenon is experienced by the people living it. The analysis of these data using phenomenography
consisted of three steps: reducing the data, finding relevant passages, and constructing categories (Marton, 1994).
Reducing the data involved identifying “what is immediately relevant, from the point of view of expressing a way
of experiencing the phenomena in question, and that which is not” (Marton, 1994, p. 4428). From the thematic
analysis, the authors recognized different patterns in how women described how they navigated their feminist
and submissive identities. Therefore, we removed the third theme from the thematic analysis to code and further
analyze. Saldaña (2016) refers to this process as “splitting,” in which the researcher can “generate a more nuanced
analysis” (p. 24) by taking a closer look.
The second step involved comparing each participant’s navigation of the two identity standards (Powers, 2005)
with all of the others until categories began to emerge. During this second step, it was important to “aim at as deep
an understanding as possible of what has been said, or rather, what has been meant” (Marton, 1994, p. 4428). This
involved looking not only at the interview data but also at the responses in the third phase with the Qualtrics data.
The results of this compartmentalization are “pools of meanings” (Marton, 1981, p. 83), grouping similar experi-
ences of the phenomenon. The result of this process was grouping each participant’s experience according to one
of three categories of navigation: having never experienced internal conflict between the identities, having expe-
rienced internal conflict between the identities in the past but no longer, and coping with current unreconciled
internal tension between the identities. The categories were more fully articulated and furnished with selected
representative passages to provide nuance and detail.

Integrity measures

Qualitative research techniques allow researchers “to share in the understandings and perceptions of others and
to explore how people structure and give meaning to their daily lives” (Berg, 2001, p. 7). Credibility was increased
through member checking (Lincoln & Guba, 1985), in which participants were asked follow-up questions to
confirm the accuracy of the preliminary findings and to add depth to a concept. Engaging in epoche (Moustakas,
1994) required the first author to set aside preconceived notions, understandings, and judgments of the phe-
nomenon to help stay grounded in the work and decrease personal bias. This was done through reflection and
recording thoughts about the topic, process, and interactions with participants in a researcher journal. The first
author recognized the following assumptions: Individuals perceive identities and experiences in different ways;
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Exploring the Ways Women Navigate Feminist and Submissive Identities: MEEKER and McGILL 33

feminism can mean different things to different people; submission is experienced and given in diverse ways;
some women, but not all, have experienced conflict when accepting or navigating their feminist and submissive
identities; and women would be willing to speak about their experience. Confirmability was increased though
maintaining an audit trail of data collection, analyses, and decisions made through the study (Lincoln & Guba,
1985).

FINDINGS

We found that participants—women in BDSM who identify as feminist and submissive—navigated the identity
standards of this complex identity in three ways: (1) having never experienced internal conflict between the iden-
tities (n = 9), (2) having experienced internal conflict between the identities in the past but no longer (n = 9),
and (3) coping with current unreconciled internal tension between the identities (n = 5). (Note: as indicated in
“Methodology,” aliases are in lowercase to denote the submissive role, as is common practice within the BDSM
community; reference to “Dominant” is capitalized for the same reason).

Having never experienced internal conflict

First, nine women who identify as feminist and submissive have not experienced internal conflict between these
two identities. Any navigation of identities was because of external factors, such as not enacting submissive
behaviors to avoid making someone else uncomfortable. In this category, women spoke of supporting identi-
ties, which included submission as a feminist choice and feminism as accepting women’s agency in choosing to
submit. For example, nicole shared, “Reconciling being feminist and being submissive never was s thing for me.
I always felt like the two clicked together, like they meshed well and that might because most of my interaction
with the kink community is with very body positive feminists.”
For some women, it was impossible to distinguish their identities well enough to discuss them as having sep-
arate sets of meanings and values. Identities were “so intertwined that it’s hard to separate one from the other”
(claudette). For gloria, “there’s never been a time that I’ve thought, ‘Okay, as a feminist I should do this. As a
submissive, I should do that.’ Maybe that’s because, in terms of my identities – like I am a submissive – it’s just
something I am.” The core values of these women are consistent across all identities. In a follow-up question to
participants, the first author posed the following statement after analyzing the interview data. Participants agreed
with the statement:

Your core values are always a part of who you are, threaded throughout each identity like a tapestry.
Sometimes, certain colors (identities/values) are more visible, but the other colors (identities/values)
are still there in the background. In essence, your values are consistent, regardless of what you’re
doing, where you’re at, or who you’re with.

This was an important factor in understanding why some women perceive their identities as not conflicting: They
see their values as constant and as supporting whatever role they are in.
There was a general understanding that in choosing to be submissive, women enact their feminist identity and
values; gabrielle shared:

My feminism is all about self-empowerment. I do the things I want and then the submissive part is
I’m allowing other people to do these things to me; and so I need to feel empowered first to be able to
say you can do this to me.

These women view feminism as accepting a women’s agency in choosing to submit. In fact, they perceive the
identities as congruous and supporting each other, similar to findings found in other studies (Prior, 2013).

Having experienced internal conflict in the past

Second, nine women had struggled to reconcile their submissive identities with their feminist identities in the
past but were able to eventually reconcile these identities. These women expressed that although they experi-
enced conflict in the past, their identities and values now existed harmoniously. Although some women spoke
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34 New Horizons in Adult Education and Human Resource Development

about feminism and submission as supportive from an internal perspective, this was not the case for everyone.
They recalled instances when they struggled to accept their submissive identity, and when their values seemed
to conflict. These instances often related to overcoming societal expectations of “normal” sex versus “kinky” sex,
feminist attitudes and values that frame BDSM and D/s as violence and abuse, and setting aside a desire to speak,
debate, or ask questions of their Dominant partner, when it interferes with a sense of submission.
For instance, debby spoke about prioritizing her feminist identity over submissive identity when spending time
with her mother, who is a feminist. debby would act more in line with her feminist identity, out of fear that her
mom would become upset. Though debby hid her submissive identity from her parents, her brother knows a little
bit about it because he’s married to one of her best friends. However, 3 months after the interview, debby gave the
first author an update: debby told her mom about being polyamorous and submissive. Her mom demonstrated
easy acceptance of both identities, except for asking “You don’t do that choking stuff, do you?” debby does enjoy
choking, but because the question was prompted by concern for debby’s safety rather than judgment, debby lied,
“No, of course not, mom.”
Greta recalled a relationship she had while in college, during which her partner called her BDSM and submis-
sive desires weird and freaky. At the time, greta thought, “this is weird, this isn’t something I should talk about, this
isn’t something normal, this isn’t what I should want.” Years later, greta enjoys her BDSM and submissive desires
and would not be with a partner who thought them weird and freaky.
There was a general understanding that in learning and choosing to be submissive, these women could enact
their feminist identity and values. debby shared, “one of my feminist values is the right to choose, so as a feminist,
I can be a complete submissive because I wasn’t forced into it. I choose it. This is my choice and I believe feminism
is all about the right to choose.”
Yet, six women mentioned the importance of learning how to relinquish the need to argue, question, or pro-
vide insight, unless it is sought. carmen shared, “It was a struggle. You know that part of me inside that was just
like: ‘You want me to what? Why? Give me a reason.’ Even though I really wanted to do it. So I struggled in the
beginning.” Indeed, many past conflicts involved interactions with other people and with their expectations of
normative sexuality, which participants often internalized as negative feelings about their identity or desires.

Coping with current unreconciled internal tension

Third, five women continue to experience ongoing tension between their identities. This involved coping with the
unreconciled tension they experienced between their feminist and submissive identities. These conflicting iden-
tities and values included the internal struggle to accept and reconcile submissive desires with feminist values of
equality, and experiences with other people who have negative perceptions of feminism and/or submission.
Opal spoke about consciously choosing to defer to her Dominant’s wishes. As an intelligent woman who enjoys
playing devil’s advocate, she likes to debate, but she found that debating with her Dominant has a negative impact
on their D/s dynamic. She shared, “I usually always followed what he wanted, but had to put my two cents in. And
now I realize that that’s really getting in his way of feeling my submission.” She struggled to keep her opinions to
herself, but finds it rewarding, as it allows their D/s to be felt more strongly.
Opal also discussed how difficult it can be to hide the submissive part of herself, particularly in her own home:
“I’m not comfortable and so I struggle with that a lot. So I’m trying to find ways to indicate ‘Yes, Sir,’ without saying
it.” Women’s need to hide this part of themselves was frustrating and painful, especially related to their need to
be authentic. However, they continue to do what they feel is best for the other people in their lives.
Submissives sometimes experience difficulty when compelled to comply with their dominant’s commands,
when forced to abandon activities to serve their dominant, and when accepting some decisions made for them.
For instance, frances struggles when given an order at a time when it is not convenient:

Sometimes they might conflict like when my partner is like, “I want you to do this right now,” and
I’m like, “I can’t do this right now because I’m in the middle of something else, so can I do it in five
minutes?” He’s okay with that, but the attitude that I get in my voice – my tone of voice – I have to
be careful of. Yeah, they are separate, but they support each other. They make each other better. They
question each other.

Frances also spoke about an ongoing struggle to reconcile what “gets her hot” if she is not certain that it was con-
sensual. She was one of the women who first experienced submissive fantasies while reading her mom’s romance
novels. A part of her feels guilty for liking some pretty aggressive pornography, and she wonders if a “willing
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Exploring the Ways Women Navigate Feminist and Submissive Identities: MEEKER and McGILL 35

suspension of disbelief” is sufficient to consider herself a decent person, or if she should stop watching the films
so that there is a smaller commercial market.
Cleo also struggled with desires and issues of consent, related to her love of consensual nonconsent and rape
fantasies and having been molested as a child:

Sometimes it pops in my mind, “Oh, this is kind of fucked up,” because I don’t believe that rape is
okay, ever. But I go back to, “Okay, this is my desire, this is what I want, this is what gets me off,” so it’s
okay.

A challenge for submissives is accepting the consequences of their chosen roles. Although gabrielle fits into the
first category of never having experienced internal conflict, she described well a practice in which many of the
participants engage, including those who are currently coping with internal tension. gabrielle discussed how she
handles situations where she does not understand why she is being told to do something or when she thinks there
might be a better way:

I guess it depends on what it is. Normally, I would do it first and then possibly ask for equal footing
later, and maybe discuss it, if it was something that important to me. In general, if He asks me to do
something, He’s got a pretty good reason behind it, and so if I feel like I can do it better, that’s a tough
one, because how do you say to someone who owns you, “I can do it better?” In that instance, I’d
probably do it to the best of my ability and then go back and say, “I did what you wanted, but I added
this, because it would be to our benefit” and He would be okay with it, because He trusts me. He trusts
me to make the right decision.

Joan spoke about “an inner battle to kneel at his feet and be quiet” in which she has improved. A strategy for
getting better was to dress a particular way. As an exhibitionist, joan finds that when she covers her body with
clothes, she behaves more appropriately than when naked or scantily clad. opal spoke about the challenge of not
debating an issue or asking questions when given an order:

I can say “Could I give my opinion about this please?” And I’ve been told flat out “No” a couple of
times in the last couple of days. It’s like, “Okay,” and that’s been interesting, how nice that feels.

Opal is still learning how to deal with being told no but appreciates it as “direct communication” with her
Dominant. She also spoke about how this helps balance vanilla (nonkinky) life:

When there’s too much vanilla life going on, I fight submission. I think I have to grab the reins. Again,
in my home, there’s a vanilla atmosphere, and that makes it very difficult for me to give over when it’s
time. I’m in a 24/7 relationship and yet, I have to make so many decisions, and it’s hard to go back and
forth for me. I’m feeling like I really am opening my heart and opening myself up to submission, that
I knew I needed a while back, but have in the meantime fought so much that I’m frustrated. (opal)

Iris spoke about reframing her perception of submissive identity:

For a long time, I perceived that identity as one of my weakest ones. It was something very difficult to
deal with. It was something kind of really odd, too. I felt like using the term “being submissive” meant
you were a weaker being. That, in itself, has taken a lot to get around, so that’s really why I don’t even
use the term slave or submissive, which is why our dynamic is King and Queen. How I identify it now
is that I identify as a Queen. I am the Queen of my house. He is the King of our house and we are taking
care of our kingdom.

Iris provided an interesting example of perceived queer-normative bias against heterosexuality. She recalled an
event in which she felt that she and her King were overlooked in favor of a couple in which one partner was a trans
male.
Iris perceived this as being viewed by other people in her community as not transgressive enough: that being
heterosexual is viewed as regressive, whereas other sexual and gender orientations are celebrated and viewed as
progressive. iris did not discuss how the use of terms such as “King” and “Queen” can be read as reinforcement of
 19394225, 2021, 3, Downloaded from https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/nha3.20336 by Department Of Geological Sciences, Wiley Online Library on [11/04/2025]. See the Terms and Conditions (https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/terms-and-conditions) on Wiley Online Library for rules of use; OA articles are governed by the applicable Creative Commons License
36 New Horizons in Adult Education and Human Resource Development

patriarchy, rather she focused on her feeling of being overlooked and disregarded for something that is a natural
part of her being.

DISCUSSION

This study sought to understand the differing ways in which women in the BDSM community who identify as
feminist and submissive navigate their identities. Women find different ways of navigating and reconciling these
identities. Some women experienced no need to navigate or reconcile these identities, as they always perceived
the identities as mutually supportive. Other women recalled times when they struggled to understand, accept,
and reconcile their submissive desires with their feminist values. Still other women experienced the reconcilia-
tion and navigation of feminist and submissive identities as a difficult, even violent, process that they learned to
overcome.
The concepts of intersecting identities and polyrhythmic realities can be useful in understanding the seemingly
opposing identities as a system of simultaneous, complex, and interrelated identities. When a person’s identity
characteristics intersect, there can be inner tension whereby an individual might view herself as “wrong, other”
or be viewed as “wrong, other” by society (Anzaldúa, 2007). Women who identify as feminist and submissive expe-
rience internal or external conflict. For example, some submissive women experience difficulty doing what their
Dominants command, dropping whatever they are doing to attend to their Dominants, and accepting decisions
made for them by their Dominants. A woman in Raab’s (2013) study described her feminist identity as “not some-
thing which I fully manage to reconcile. It makes it harder to bottom, it makes it harder to submit, it definitely
makes it harder to accept discipline” (p. 53). This echoes the findings of the current study, where women spoke
about struggling to balance their inclinations to speak up, debate, and ask questions when given a command
from their Dominant partner; even when they want to obey, it can be hard to keep quiet and proceed without
discussion.
The findings demonstrate how participants experienced such shifts in their identity standards, particularly as
they came to accept their submissive desires and identity and learned to navigate their feminist and submissive
identities. When an individual’s multiple identity standards (i.e., sets of meanings that make up the identities)
have opposing meanings, the identity standards must shift. As women navigate the intersecting meanings of
feminism and submission, they might have trouble reconciling their (often feminist) politics and D/s practice.
This tension has been referred to as identity interference (Van Sell et al., 1981 ), which happens, “when the pres-
sures of one identity interfere with the performance of another identity” (Settles, 2004, p. 487). These women can
experience polyrhythmic realities if commonly held beliefs about feminism attack commonly held beliefs about
submission, and vice versa. She might feel positively about an identity because of her own regard for it and yet
feel negatively about the identity as a consequence of a parent’s negative attitude toward it. In these moments,
she may have to choose which identity to prioritize, which means renegotiating her identity yet again. Negative
emotions, such as frustration, anger, and depression can be produced if an identity is not verified or accepted by
other people (Burke, 2007). Identity centrality—and the meanings and value a person ascribes to the salience of
that identity—is important to understand how negative experience relates to one’s overall sense of self (Settles,
2004). In processing negative events, women navigate the internal tension of their identity interference (Van Sell
et al., 1981). Ultimately, the process of identity formation and (re)construction is “becoming a different person,
rather than primarily the acquisition of knowledge products” (Wenger-Trayner as quoted in Omidvar & Kislov,
2014, p. 267).
Submissives encounter risks and challenges related to being vulnerable, interacting with bad (abusive) domi-
nants, and following orders and accepting decisions made by someone else. In a review of the literature, Meeker
et al. (2019) suggest agency, power, and consent as important feminist constructs to navigating these identities.
Many BDSM practitioners observe new people, particularly young submissive women, being viewed as naïve or
needing to be protected and may be exploited, often by male dominants (Meeker et al., 2019). This was particu-
larly connected to reconciling their desire to yield authority with their belief in freedom and equality. Participants
had to reframe this seemingly dichotomous understanding of feminism into a broader understanding, where
choosing to yield authority was perceived as agentic and being submissive did not equate to being less than or
inferior to someone else. For example, Queen (2003) spoke about her “Inner Feminist” who struggled with her
desires and pleasure in taking a subordinate sexual position, especially when submitting to a man. Her under-
standing of feminism (at that time) fostered self-doubts “in a petri dish of sex-negativity” and as “ignorant of
much of human life’s sexual possibility” (Queen, 2003, p. 170). Over time, Queen’s understanding of feminism
changed to become more accepting of diverse sexuality and of submission.
 19394225, 2021, 3, Downloaded from https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/nha3.20336 by Department Of Geological Sciences, Wiley Online Library on [11/04/2025]. See the Terms and Conditions (https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/terms-and-conditions) on Wiley Online Library for rules of use; OA articles are governed by the applicable Creative Commons License
Exploring the Ways Women Navigate Feminist and Submissive Identities: MEEKER and McGILL 37

IMPLICATIONS
These findings contribute to discourse on identity development, healthy relationships, and adult education by
identifying challenges that women experience in accepting, reconciling, and navigating their identities. These
challenges can influence the health of women’s intimate relationships, as they struggle to create and maintain a
D/s dynamic that meets their needs while supporting their values. Additionally, whether it is a workplace setting
or educational setting, the challenges of being out or hiding one’s identities can inform discourse and education
in adult education and human resource development.
First, research and practice in adult education can focus on helping women understand and navigate their
identities. The challenges of being out or hiding one’s identities can inform discourse in adult education. Learning
about sexual identities allows for the creation of new knowledge—about ourselves, about other people, and about
how learning is created or suppressed in society (Edwards & Brooks, 1999). Understanding women’s experiences
is crucial for professionals, educators, care givers, and other individuals who impact women’s lives, so that these
individuals can be better informed and are able to serve or relate to them. This includes health care professionals
who provide physical, psychological, and spiritual support; legal professionals who inform and enforce laws and
policies; and educators who teach about topics such as identity, relationships, sexuality, feminism, health care,
and law.
Women benefit from this by gaining access to peers and education, including the ability to learn about roles,
practices, consent, power, and self-advocacy. Research can explore the challenges that BDSM practitioners expe-
rience while learning about their identities and desires and while engaging in them. Members of the BDSM com-
munity and organizations such as the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF, https://www.ncsfreedom.
org/) can continue to create “a political, legal and social environment” that advances education and equal rights
for adults who engage in alternative forms of sexual expressions. Qualitative studies, using interviews and focus
groups, can provide rich detail about these topics. Content analysis of documents can also illuminate what learn-
ing is occurring. For example, the conference proceedings for large annual BDSM events around the world where
attendees learn, socialize, and play (e.g., Beat Me in St. Louis, USA; DomCon in Louisiana, USA; Kinkfest in Ore-
gon, USA; Leather Leadership Conference in Georgia, USA; Lupercalia in Alberta, Canada; German Fetish Ball in
Berlin, Germany; Rome BDSM Conference, Italy; The Fetish Ball in Auckland, New Zealand) can be examined.
Second, through participants’ discussions about opposing oppressions and choosing to hide or downplay
their identities, these findings demonstrate the need for professionals to understand their experiences better.
For instance, research and practice can focus on reducing BDSM social stigma through education in workplace
learning and continuing professional education and other educational settings. Adult education is a field that
addresses how adults gain new knowledge, skills, attitudes, or values outside of higher education (Merriam &
Brockett, 2007). This education occurs in settings such as literacy programs, recreational programs, recovery
programs, rehabilitation centers, prison education, and community organizations. Each of these settings pro-
vides opportunities for professionals to learn about BDSM. Awareness of BDSM can be accomplished through
incorporating important topics into curriculum and training for psychologists, doctors, nurses, attorneys, and
law enforcement officers. Education can occur within higher education courses, professional associations and
training (e.g., Academy of Human Resource Development, Collins et al., 2012; American Psychological Associa-
tion, Kolmes et al., 2013; National Conference on LGBT Equality, Sprott, 2014), and other settings in which adults
learn, including the BDSM community (Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexuali-
ties [CARAS], 2012).
Third, the workplace is where many humans spend much of their lives and can also be a potential site of
learning about sexual identity. Rubin (1984) introduced the concept of the charmed circle to describe sexuali-
ties that have society’s seal of approval: married, monogamous, procreative, intragenerational, intraracial, and
so forth. Those who fall outside of the charmed circle experience ostracization. People in the BDSM community
can be considered sexual minorities who experience dis/comfort or discrimination in the workplace (Mizzi, 2013;
Schmidt et al., 2012). The predominance of societal compulsory heterosexuality (Rich, 1980) often means many
work organizations are steeped in heteroprofessionalism, “a professional value that screens out homosexuality”
(Mizzi, 2013, p. 1602) and other sexual practices/identities labeled as deviant. Heteroprofessionalism impacts the
tone of the workplace culture and the experiences of workers who may not comfortably exist in a heteronorma-
tive space. Rocco et al. (2009) articulated five workplace perspectives—hostility, compliance, inquiry, inclusion,
and advocacy—and what a variety of organizational activities would look like within each of these perspectives.
The organizational activities included new employee orientation, diversity/sexual harassment training, career
development/progression, organizational development, strategic planning, and work/life balance. The degree of
openness an organization has to issues that impact sexual minorities, including those who practice BDSM, can
 19394225, 2021, 3, Downloaded from https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/nha3.20336 by Department Of Geological Sciences, Wiley Online Library on [11/04/2025]. See the Terms and Conditions (https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/terms-and-conditions) on Wiley Online Library for rules of use; OA articles are governed by the applicable Creative Commons License
38 New Horizons in Adult Education and Human Resource Development

affect people working in these organizations. The dilemmas people face in workplaces should be discussed in
ongoing programmatic efforts to diversify the workplace and make it a safe place for all employees. Therefore,
organizations should be open to queering spaces, ensuring safety and inclusion for employees who exist in the
margins of what society deems as “appropriate” sexuality (Gedro, 2010).
Fourth, this knowledge can inform educational platforms for parents, friends, and colleagues who interact with
BDSM practitioners, and can be significant to all members of the BDSM community, in terms of understanding
multiple identities. In addition to the research and policy work being conducted by the NCSF (e.g., Kink Aware
Professionals Directory; Violence and Discrimination Survey; Consent Counts, comprehensive analysis and edu-
cation about current laws and court decisions, development of legal arguments, participating in court cases, and
grassroots activism), other researchers can focus on exploring BDSM in nonpathological ways, from a wide array
of frameworks.
A final suggestion for future research is to expand this study beyond the United States. Adults engage in BDSM
around the world. The Munch+Adult Local Links (MALL) Directory (http://findamunch.com/bdsm-events/) lists
BDSM events in countries from Afghanistan to Vietnam. Additionally, some BDSM research focuses on other
countries (Italy, Zambelli, 2017; the United Kingdom, Chatterjee, 2012). Exploring the experiences of women in
these and other regions can add depth to the current findings.

ORCID
Craig M. McGill https://orcid.org/0000-0003-0558-9726

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How to cite this article: Meeker, C., & McGill, M.C. (2021). Exploring the ways women navigate feminist
and submissive identities: A Phenomenography. New Horizons in Adult Education and Human Resource
Development, 33(3), 28–40. https://doi.org/10.1002/nha3.20336