Friendship and Other Weapons Group Activities to Help
Young Girls Aged 5 11 to Cope with Bullying
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The idea for the Linking Arms activity (page 90) was originally developed by the University
of Michigan’s Strong Moms-Strong Girls group curriculum. Adapted with permission.
First published in 2012
by Jessica Kingsley Publishers
116 Pentonville Road
London N1 9JB, UK
and
400 Market Street, Suite 400
Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA
www.jkp.com
Copyright © Signe Whitson 2012
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form (including
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All pages marked may be photocopied for personal use with this program, but may
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Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data
Whitson, Signe.
Friendship and other weapons : group activities to help young girls aged 5--
11 to cope with bullying / Signe Whitson.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-1-84905-875-9 (alk. paper)
1. Friendship in children. 2. Bullying--Prevention. 3. Group counseling
for girls. 4. Girls--Psychology. I. Title.
BF723.F68W45 2012
302.3’408342--dc23
2011020219
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978 1 84905 875 9
eISBN 978 0 85700 540 3
Printed and bound in Great Britain
For Hannah and Elle:
May you always have the confidence to make
your voices heard and the knowledge that I
will be there to listen and to love you
Contents
Introduction 15
About this book 15
Who is Friendship and Other Weapons for? 16
Facilitator qualifications 18
Creating a positive group environment 19
Using the curriculum 19
Session 1 Words Matter! Establishing the Ground
Rules for Real Friendship 23
Session objectives 23
Materials needed 23
Before beginning 23
Welcome to the group 24
Opening activity: Coming Together as a Group 24
Group ground rules 26
Shredders and Builders 27
Session conclusion 31
Friendship Journal 31
Customizing the curriculum 32
–– Friendship Journal 33
–– Letter to Parents 34
Session 2 Cast Your Vote! Identifying the Values of
Real Friendship 37
Session objectives 37
Materials needed 37
Before beginning 37
Welcome back 38
Opening activity: Journal Sharing 38
Values Voting 39
Session conclusion 41
Friendship Journal 41
Customizing the curriculum 41
–– Activity: Friendship Values 42
–– Friendship Journal 43
–– Letter to Parents 44
Session 3 Silent Whispers:Two Rules for Stopping
Gossip 45
Session objectives 45
Materials needed 45
Before beginning 45
Welcome back 46
Opening activity: Whisper Down the Alley 46
Stopping Rumors and Gossip 47
Session conclusion 49
Friendship Journal 49
Customizing the curriculum 49
–– Friendship Journal 51
–– Letter to Parents 52
Session 4 The Red Flags of Girl Bullying: When
Friendship Is Used as a Weapon 53
Session objectives 53
Materials needed 53
Before beginning 53
Welcome back 54
Opening activity: Friendship Charades 54
Introduction to girl bullying: How NOT to Be a Friend 55
Bully Bans 57
Using Bully Bans 58
Session conclusion 59
Friendship Journal 59
Customizing the curriculum 59
–– Activity: How NOT to Be a Friend 61
–– Handout: Behaviors that Are Hurtful to Friendship 63
–– Handout: Bully Bans 64
–– Activity: Using Bully Bans 65
–– Friendship Journal 66
–– Letter to Parents 67
Session 5 Doing Hand STANds: Four Rules for
STANding up to Girl Bullying 69
Session objectives 69
Materials needed 69
Before beginning 69
Welcome back 70
Opening activity: Wrong Way 70
The Four Rules for STANding up to Bullies 71
Putting it all together: Hand STANds 74
Storytime: My Secret Bully 75
Session conclusion 76
Friendship Journal 77
Customizing the curriculum 77
–– Handout: Hand STANd 78
–– Friendship Journal 79
–– Letter to Parents 80
Session 6 Who Am I? Exploring Personal Strengths 81
Session objectives 81
Materials needed 81
Before beginning 81
Welcome back 82
Opening activity: I Feel Proud 82
Self-Portraits 83
Session conclusion 85
Friendship Journal 85
Customizing the curriculum 85
–– Friendship Journal 86
–– Letter to Parents 87
Session 7 I Feel Connected: Finding Common
Ground and Celebrating Differences 89
Session objectives 89
Materials needed 89
Before beginning 89
Welcome back 90
Opening activity: Linking Arms 90
Differences: Chain Links 91
Storytime: The Sandwich Swap 92
Session conclusion 93
Friendship Journal 93
Customizing the curriculum 94
–– Friendship Journal 95
–– Letter to Parents 96
Session 8 Don’t Just Stand There! Three Occasions
for Becoming an Ally 97
Session objectives 97
Materials needed 97
Before beginning 97
Welcome back 98
Opening activity: Craft Sticks 98
Becoming an Ally 99
Ally Posters 101
Session conclusion 102
Friendship Journal 102
Customizing the curriculum 102
–– Handout: Becoming an Ally 104
–– Friendship Journal 106
–– Letter to Parents 107
Session 9 Standing in Your Shoes: Fostering
Empathy and Cooperation in Girls 109
Session objectives 109
Materials needed 109
Before beginning 109
Welcome back 110
Opening activity: Pull the Rope 110
Standing in Someone Else’s Shoes 112
Session conclusion 113
Friendship Journal 114
Customizing the curriculum 114
–– Activity: Empathy Role Plays 115
–– Friendship Journal 117
–– Letter to Parents 118
Session 10 Left Out in the Cold: Understanding the
Power of Social Exclusion 119
Session objectives 119
Materials needed 119
Before beginning 119
Welcome back 120
Opening activity: My Piece of the Puzzle 120
Traffic Lights 121
Session conclusion 123
Friendship Journal 123
Customizing the curriculum 123
–– Activity: Exclusion Scenarios 124
–– Friendship Journal 126
–– Letter to Parents 127
Session 11 Sharing SODAS: A Problem Solving
Method for Girls 129
Session objectives 129
Materials needed 129
Before beginning 129
Welcome back 130
Opening activity: SODAS Problem Solving Method 130
SODAS Scenarios 133
Session conclusion 133
Friendship Journal 134
Customizing the curriculum 134
–– Activity: SODAS Scenarios 135
–– Friendship Journal 136
–– Letter to Parents 137
Session 12 Writing How-To Books: Ending the Group,
Maintaining the Bonds 139
Session objectives 139
Materials needed 139
Before beginning 139
Welcome back 140
How-To Books 140
Real Friendship Pledges 142
Participant Evaluation Form 142
Session conclusion and Certificate of Achievement 142
Customizing the curriculum 143
–– Real Friendship Pledge 144
–– Real Friendship Pledge 145
–– Real Friendship Group: Participant Evaluation Form 146
–– Certificant of Achievement 147
–– Letter to Parents 148
Supplementary Activities Preparing Girls for a Social
Media World 149
Supplementary activity objectives 149
Supplementary Session 1 Tame that Tune:
Evaluating Music Lyrics and Video Imagery 151
Session objective 151
Materials needed 151
Before beginning 151
Welcome back 151
Tame that Tune: Evaluating Music Lyrics and Video Imagery 152
Session conclusion 154
Friendship Journal 154
Customizing the curriculum 155
–– Friendship Journal 156
–– Letter to Parents 157
Supplementary Session 2 Is Seeing Really Believing?
Evaluating Entertainment and Advertising
Imagery 159
Session objective 159
Materials needed 159
Before beginning 159
Welcome back 159
Is Seeing Really Believing? Resisting the Pressure of Impossible Standards 160
Virtual Shopping 161
Session conclusion 162
Friendship Journals 163
Customizing the curriculum 163
–– Friendship Journal 165
–– Letter to Parents 166
Supplementary Session 3 24/7 Contact: Guidelines
for Texting, IMing, and Facebook 169
Session objective 169
Materials needed 169
Before beginning 169
Welcome back 169
24/7 Contact: Guidelines for Texting, IMing, and Facebook 170
Session conclusion 171
Friendship Journal 171
–– Activity: Question Cards for Texting, IMing, and Facebook 172
–– Friendship Journal 174
–– Letter to Parents 175
References 176
Introduction
About this book
Welcome to the world of little girls! It begins as such a lovely place, where heart
and rainbow doodles adorn notebook covers, best friendships are formed within
seconds, and bold, exuberant voices carry squeals of carefree laughter and brazen
delight. Emotions are unabashedly shared among young girls; happiness is worn
on a sleeve and anger is voiced with authentic candor.
But length-of-stay in this accepting, kindly world is time-limited for many girls
in their earliest school years. Seemingly overnight, sweet sentiments like, “I love
your dress,” turn into thinly veiled criticisms such as, “Why are you wearing that
dress?” Long before most school programs begin anti-bullying campaigns, young
girls are getting a full education in social aggression.
Publicly displayed doodles become private, gossip-filled notes passed
exclusively between BFFs (the coveted Best Friends Forever designation). BFFs cut
ties through wordless gestures that are heard loud and clear. Celebratory birthday
parties become cruel tools of exclusion as young girls use guest lists to exact power
and express revenge.
There is no warning sign or rite of passage to mark the transition into this new
era of relationships, nor do girls receive a formal education in how to cope when
friendships are suddenly wielded as weapons. In fact, the very danger presented
by this new culture is its silence. Rachel Simmons (2009) explains that the social
norms of a young girl’s world dictate that anger and conflict cannot be voiced
directly, so this powerful emotion is concealed behind an angry smile and conflict
is waged in ruthlessly passive aggressive ways (Long, Long and Whitson 2009).
Young girls do not ask for admission to this new culture, yet few can escape
its day-to-day realities. By the early school years, most girls have experienced
unspoken—but not unsubtle—acts of relational aggression that shake the carefully
laid foundations of their self-image, personal values, and beliefs about friendship.
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Friendship and Other Weapons
How can professionals and parents prepare young girls for their inevitable experiences with
girl bullying, disguised as friendship?
No child should have to find their way through the friendship challenges of
the early school years alone. Friendship and Other Weapons provides counselors,
social workers, educators, youth workers, and parents with step-by-step directions,
activities, guidance, and information for preparing small groups of early school-
aged girls to successfully traverse the winding, and seemingly endless roads of
friendship.
Friendship and Other Weapons is about breaking the code of silence that governs
conflict in the early school years. By creating safe, open, and fun forums in
which girls can talk, learn, and compare experiences, participants gain new skills
for speaking up when it comes to expressing their feelings and confidence for
confronting incidents of cruelty disguised as friendship.
Friendship and Other Weapons helps preserve the exuberant, confident voices
of young girls and strengthen their skills to assertively express their thoughts
and feelings in ways that respect others, reject bullying behavior, and reflect
important values such as empathy, kindness, cooperation, connectedness, personal
responsibility, and self-respect. Based on thought-provoking discussions, engaging
games, strength-discovering exercises, and confidence-boosting fun, the hands-on
activities in Friendship and Other Weapons build critical knowledge and friendship
survival skills such as:
• recognizing the red flags of girl bullying
• responding assertively to bullying behavior
• realizing personal strengths
• connecting with healthy friendships
• becoming an ally to others facing bullying
• resolving conflicts directly
• using technology and social media ethically
• reaching out to trustworthy adults
• making values-based decisions.
Who is Friendship and Other Weapons for?
The early school years are a critical window of time in the social and emotional
development of young girls. Parents, teachers, counselors, and other trustworthy
adults are still highly influential at this age, and in an ideal position to shape a
girl’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors when it comes to social aggression and
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