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 What the Experts Say
“In this thoroughly updated second edition, Mary Anne Richey builds on the extensive resources,
guidance, wisdom, and knowledge of science and experience included in the first edition to create
a current, practical, readable, and useful guide for parents of boys with ADHD. This volume
remains on my short list of books I recommend to parents of boys with ADHD.”
—Sam Goldstein, Ph.D., Editor, Journal of Attention Disorders, and coauthor of Tenacity in
Children: Nurturing the Seven Instincts for Lifetime Success

“Richey writes to parents of boys with ADHD as an experienced close friend or mentor, ready to
roll up her sleeves and work toward solutions alongside the reader. She provides reassurance,
facilitates acceptance, supports understanding, presents options and considerations, and outlines
practical resources and action steps to manage your sons diagnosis of ADHD. This handbook
covers all facets of a boy’s life, even those that may not have occurred to you previously, and is
accessible to parents as well as to anyone advocating for a boy with ADHD. I will be strongly
recommending this read to parents and my colleagues in education, medicine, and psychology as a
source of knowledge, refreshment, and perspective on supporting boys with ADHD.”
—Rachel Salinger, Ph.D., Nationally Certified School Psychologist and HCPC Registered
Educational Psychologist, United Kingdom

“Saving parents from endless hours of online research, Mary Anne Richey provides parents of boys
with ADHD a seminal reference guide that is intelligent and compassionate, foundational and
actionable. This is a book you can read cover to cover, or use as a reference, and get exactly what
you need every time you crack the spine.”
—Elaine Taylor-Klaus, CEO of Impact Parents and author of The Essential Guide to Raising
Complex Kids With ADHD, Anxiety, and More
Second Edition

Raising Boys With ADHD

Secrets for Parenting Successful, Happy Sons

Mary Anne Richey

Second Edition
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Richey, Mary Anne, 1947- author.
Title: Raising boys with ADHD: secrets for parenting successful, happy
sons / Mary Anne Richey.
Description: 2nd edition. | Waco, TX: Prufrock Press Inc., [2021] |
Revised edition of: Raising boys with ADHD / by James W. Forgan and
Mary
Anne Richey. c2012. | Includes bibliographical references. | Summary:
"The second edition of the best-selling "Raising Boys With ADHD"
features the latest information on research and treatment for boys with
ADHD, empowering parents to help their sons with ADHD find success in
school and beyond"-- Provided by publisher.
Identifiers: LCCN 2020055656 (print) | LCCN 2020055657 (ebook) | ISBN
9781646321100 (paperback) | ISBN 9781646321117 (ebook) | ISBN
9781646321124 (epub)
Subjects: LCSH: Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. |
Attention-deficit-disordered children. | Child rearing. | Parent and
child.
Classification: LCC RJ506.H9 F667 2021 (print) | LCC RJ506.H9 (ebook) |
DDC 618.92/8589--dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020055656
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020055657

First published in 2021 by Prufrock Press Inc.

Published in 2021 by Routledge

605 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017
2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN

Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business.

© 2021 by Taylor & Francis Group

Cover design by Allegra Denbo and layout design by Shelby Charette

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or

utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now
known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in
any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing
from the publishers.

Notice:
Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks,
and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to
infringe.

ISBN: 9781646321100 (pbk)

DOI: 10.4324/9781003237464

Additional resources can be found at

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 Dedication
I dedicate this book to a number of special people in my life. First of all,
my first son, Neal, who died at 2 years of age from neuroblastoma,
heightened my understanding of just how incredibly precious each child’s
life is. That kindled my desire to help parents recognize that in their children
so that they can help them lead their best lives. Secondly, I am so indebted to
my children and their spouses—Kate, Kent, Bryan, and Jessica—and to my
grandchildren—Matthew, Maxwell, Molly, Cole, Teddy, and Charlotte—for
all of the joy and love they have brought. Finally, but certainly not least, I
thank my husband, Bill, for his love and excellent proofreading skills.
Table of Contents
Acknowledgements
Introduction
Chapter 1
My Son Has ADHD: Now What?
Chapter 2
Management and Treatment Options for ADHD
Chapter 3
Infancy and Preschool
Chapter 4
The Elementary Years
Chapter 5
The Teenage Years
Chapter 6
When More Support Is Needed
Chapter 7
The Dynamic Action Plan
References
About the Author
 Acknowledgements
Projects like this require the work of many individuals. I would especially
like to thank Katy McDowall, my editor at Routledge, for her guidance and
assistance. I also greatly appreciate the medical expertise of pediatrician Dr.
Tommy Schechtman, behavioral health specialist Dr. Raquel Anderson, and
child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrists Dr. Marshall Teitlebaum and Dr.
Michelle Chaney in providing in-depth information about treatment.
 Introduction
From my personal and professional experience, it seems that behind every
successful boy with ADHD is a very tired parent. I bet you can relate to that!
Raising a boy with ADHD can be exhausting and seem overwhelming at
times, but the purpose of this second edition is to provide you the latest
information about ADHD and, like the first edition, to inspire you to be fully
invested in the challenge and offer support and proven strategies to help
along the way You wouldn’t be reading this book if you didn’t care deeply
about your son. You are poised to be one of the most influential people in
guiding him toward success in life. Of course, there is no one path to
happiness and success, and it will be a journey influenced by parents,
siblings, relatives, caregivers, teachers, and others. I’ve been down a similar
path in my personal life, and I am honored to continue to work with parents
and teachers of boys with ADHD in my professional life. I firmly believe
that these boys often have so much untapped potential.
In this book, I encourage you to be both optimistic and realistic about
your son’s future by learning what you can do to make the most of his
strengths and help him improve in areas that might keep him from using
those strengths. There is an explosion of knowledge about ADHD. I want to
present some of the most relevant research in parent-friendly terms so that
you can be well-informed and intentional in your parenting.
Your son with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is
unique and has his own set of strengths and skills. He may look like any
other boy in many ways but has characteristics that must be looked at
through the lens of ADHD, especially its neurological effects. One thing I
have observed to be true for most boys with ADHD is that they are
consistently inconsistent. Some days your son has you glowing with pride,
and other days, you are scratching your head in amazement at how it could
have all gone so wrong. Please be confident that you can help nurture your
son’s qualities to help him grow into a successful adult who will make you
proud.

What Does Success for Boys With ADHD Look

Like?

Everyone has their own definition of success because it is a very personal

concept. When I think about success, I don’t view it in terms of “things.”
Being successful doesn’t mean owning a fancy car or a huge house or having
tons of money or an extraordinary career. Although these things can be nice
and often project the image of success, they don’t reflect the type of success I
need to feel satisfied and fulfilled. There is a saying I like that goes like this:
“Do not educate your children to be rich. Educate them to be happy—so
when they grow up they will know the value of things, not the price.”
I’ve worked with enough families to know that what is portrayed on the
outside does not always mirror what’s happening on the inside. One client
told me, “My husband works so hard to support our lifestyle that he’s filled
with anxiety, takes medication, doesn’t sleep well at night, and barely has
time to spend with me or the kids.” They drive expensive cars, send their
kids to an exclusive private school, own a big house, and take luxurious
vacations. Everything seemed okay to the casual observer, but happiness had
eluded them.
In my opinion, success is about being happy with yourself and with what
you have and believing that you make a difference in this world. I think
most parents feel that their children are successful as adults if they are
happy, live independently, earn a living in a field that brings satisfaction,
and contribute to making our world a better place. As the country music
song “Red Dirt Road” by Brooks & Dunn goes, “Happiness on Earth ain’t just
for high achievers.” Sure, your son with ADHD may become a high achiever,
but that alone isn’t going to make him successful. Your job as a parent is to
help your son identify his purpose, develop his talents, and learn how to get
along with people. It’s not a high-paying or cushy job, but it is extremely
rewarding and, in my opinion, one of the most important jobs you’ll ever do.
There is no doubt that raising a son is difficult, but raising a son with
ADHD is even tougher. When you have a son with ADHD, you may face
issues that generally aren’t on other parents’ radar screens, such as:

▷ years of phone calls from his teachers,

▷ other parents’ perceptions that you don’t know how to discipline
your son,
▷ embarrassment over the impulsive things he says or does,
▷ the intensity of your son’s emotional displays,
▷ his fragile self-esteem,
▷ his automatic negativity,
▷ discouragement (yours and his),
▷ relationship issues, and
▷ severe homework struggles.

That last one struck a chord, didn’t it? Homework is usually an intense
endeavor for boys with ADHD, The average boy may have some difficulty
getting started on his homework, but with some gentle prompting, he starts
and finishes within a reasonable timeframe. The boy with ADHD? He often
has to conquer a personal battle, including overcoming inertia to initiate the
process and put negative thoughts about school behind him just to get
started, and it goes that way every night. Parents prompt, threaten, offer
rewards (sometimes they look a little like bribes), and even sit next to their
son for the entire time. Sound familiar? One mom told me that because of
the continual battles she has with her son with ADHD over homework, she
feels that he doesn’t even like her anymore. Another mother said, “I’ve
battled him so long that I finally put him in aftercare at school so they could
get him to do his homework.” Helping your son take ownership of
homework as his responsibility, not yours, would be a lofty goal, right?
Fortunately, there are professionals and resources to help you work
through many such parenting challenges of raising boys with ADHD and
put effective strategies in place that will lead to your son’s independence.
You don’t have to conquer everything on your own. With some effort,
through books and webinars and professionals like counselors, psychologists,
ADHD coaches, and/or medical doctors, you can find valuable assistance
and possibly even support groups with other parents of boys with ADHD.
Locating the right resources and people to help you can take some energy,
phone calls and emails, and research, but it is worth the effort. Not only will
you feel less alone, but also you’ll be making an investment in your son. As
one wise mother of adult children told me, “You pay now or pay later.” It is
much better to be proactive and provide assistance to ward off problems
than to be reactive when having to face even larger problems. Your son may
be too young or too immature to realize and verbalize it, but he’ll thank you
later.
I understand the struggle of “being in the trenches” but also know how
critical it is for your son’s future for you to be informed and intentional in
your parenting. A study of twins in Britain over 18 years showed that
children with ADHD “showed poorer functioning across all domains,
including mental health, substance misuse, psychosocial, physical health and
socioeconomic outcomes” compared to those without ADHD (Agnew et al.,
2018). Proper treatment, intervention, and informed parenting can make a
real difference in the outcome. I am sharing valuable strategies from some of
the most respected experts in the field and presenting the latest research on
ADHD in an accessible form to fortify you on your parenting journey.

How to Use this Book

I value your time and have tried to make the information in this book
easily available for the busy parent. You can read the book all of the way
through, or you can turn to the chapter or part of the chapter that is most
relevant to you at the time, such as treatment or need for academic support.
The middle chapters are divided into the major developmental periods,
including infancy and preschool, elementary years, and teenage years. In
each of those chapters, I discuss topics relevant to the age band and include
sections on issues you might face in school, at home, and in the community.
At the end of each chapter, you will find points to consider and action
steps you can take right away to help your child. Share these with your
family so that you’ll have allies in choosing the best strategies for supporting
your son in school and at home. And once you’ve finished reading the book
or the chapters applicable to your son, I’ll walk you through creating a
personalized Dynamic Action Plan. The beauty of your Dynamic Action
Plan is that it will allow you and your son to build upon today’s successes
while following a blueprint for his promising future. I encourage you to take
the time to put your plan in writing because that will help you stay much
more focused and purposeful.

ADD Versus ADHD: What's the Difference?

Before you read too far in this book, I want to explain the ADHD and
ADD terminology, to make sure we are on the same page. Some
professionals and parents use the acronyms ADD and ADHD
interchangeably Others use ADD to describe behaviors of forgetfulness, not
paying attention, and distractibility; they apply the term ADHD to describe
behaviors of hyperactivity and impulsivity. Within current professional
literature, ADHD is considered the umbrella term that is used to describe
both students with inattention as well as students with hyperactivity and
impulsivity.
There is ADHD Predominantly Inattentive presentation, which used to be
called ADD. There is also ADHD Hyperactive-Impulsive presentation, and
that was called ADHD. There is also ADHD Combined presentation,
meaning a certain number of symptoms from both ADD and ADHD are
present. In this book, I will use ADHD as the general term that includes
ADHD and ADD. The diagram in Figure 1 provides you with a visual of the
variations of ADHD.

Figure 1 Types of ADHD

7
 Chapter 1
My Son Has ADHD: Now What?
DOI: 10.4324/9781003237464-1

You may not always recognize boys with ADHD, but believe me, they are
everywhere. According to the American Psychiatric Association (2013),
“Population surveys suggest that ADHD occurs in most cultures in about 5%
of children and about 2.5% of adults” (p. 61). The percentage of children in
the U.S. who are diagnosed varies, with estimates ranging from 5% to as
high as 11%, depending on the criteria used, how the data were collected,
and the age span considered. According to the Centers for Disease Control
and Prevention (2020), 6.1 million children in the U.S. ages 2-17 have been
diagnosed with ADHD by a healthcare professional. That’s a lot of kids! The
CDC data show that boys (12.9%) are more than twice as likely to be
diagnosed with ADHD than girls (5.6%). Dr. Thomas E. Brown (2017), a
clinical psychologist who has researched ADHD extensively, suggested that
the ratio is closer to 3:1, but “when adults are assessed, the ratio of males to
females is closer to 1:1. This suggests that there are many girls with ADHD-
related impairments who are not identified until they become adults” (p. 37).
The CDC (2020) data show that three in four children with ADHD receive
some kind of treatment, whether it be medication, behavioral treatment,
and/or skills training.
In your son’s classroom at school, there will likely be another student and
maybe more diagnosed with or suspected of having ADHD. On a sports
team of 12 players, there will likely be at least one with ADHD. How many
kids live in your neighborhood? In addition to your own son, there are
probably some boys with ADHD living around you. Boys (and girls) with
ADHD are everywhere.
 Did I Cause It?

In many cases, a biological parent’s genetics likely contributed to a child’s

diagnosis. According to Brown (2017), “One out of every four people who
have ADHD is likely to have a parent with ADHD, whether he or she knows
it or not; the other three usually have at least one sibling, grandparent,
uncle, aunt, or cousin who has ADHD” (p. 79).
ADHD is a very complex interaction of many genes located throughout
the brain. Much research has gone into identifying these genes and their
functioning. Dr. Russell Barkley (2016), another eminent researcher whose
career focuses on ADHD, explained:
The genes involved in causing ADHD are genes that build and operate certain regions and
networks in the brain during development. Versions of genes involved in ADHD that are different
when compared to typical people result in differences and even deficiencies in these structures and
their functioning, (p. 13)

There is nothing to be done about genetics, so the best you can do is try to
continue to learn about ADHD to help your son navigate it the best he can.
Just so you know, a much smaller proportion of cases of ADHD can result
from other factors, including a mother’s tobacco, alcohol, or drug use while
pregnant; maternal infections during pregnancy; birth complications; and
prematurity According to Barkley (2016), “A smaller percentage of ADHD
cases may be due to brain injuries suffered after the child is born, resulting
from diseases, brain trauma, tumors, stroke or even poisoning, such as lead
or pesticide exposure” (p. 14). Whatever the cause, the past cant be changed,
so it is important to put all of your energy into learning to help your son
manage his ADHD.
Because he doesn’t look physically different, it might be difficult to accept
that your son has a problem. This can be especially true for fathers. Often in
a dad’s eyes, his boy is just being a boy. He is supposed to be active and run
around, climb things, ask a million questions, and argue. I often hear from
dads, “It’s the same thing I did as a kid.” Pause on that thought. In many
families I have worked with, ADHD had been suspected but had never been