TEDX Talks- It's not manipulation.
TEDX Talks- It's not manipulation.
Good morning; good morning. I’m excited to be your first speaker of today.
By a show of hands, how many of you have heard of the phrase: it’s not
what you say; it’s how you say it.
Do you remember the person who told that to you? Tell them they lied.
Repeat after me:
Your turn.
What you say is just as important as how you say it. And that is
called Strategic Communications.
See, most people stop going after the bigger things that they want in life
simply, because well they’re just not getting it.
But what they don’t realize is that they’re causing some sort of resistance in
the way that they’re communicating, that’s helping them not get what they
want out of life.
How many of you have been in the situation where no matter how much
you talk and talk and tell someone your viewpoint they’re just not getting it,
right?
No matter how much you change your approach and your
delivery, they’re just not understanding your viewpoint, whether
that’s to a family member, whether that’s to your spouse, whether that’s to
your boss, they’re just not getting it. I think we’ve all experienced that type
of frustration.
And I’m like you’re right, that’s a very big ask for the first day. I am
supposed to be doing paperwork, we’re at HR.
So either way it’s my job, right, it’s the first day, you want to make a big
impression, I shoot my shot; that’s millennial talk for just get it done.
And so I look up Google’s mission, I figure out what they’re interested in,
the type of partnerships that they’re interested in, then I think about my
company’s mission, what type of partnerships are we interested in, what is
our mission, what are we trying to convey?
So I’m like okay, well I’ll go with it. What’s the goal? What do you want
him to do? What do you want to get out of the conversation?
Again it was a like on Instagram right how far are we going to take this?
But I let her keep going and I’m like, okay so what do you know about this
man?
She’s like well I know that our values, they pretty much go together because
on his Instagram, I see that he posts music and I like music and he likes
food and I like food and he likes his mom, I like my mom.
And I’m like out of all the people on Instagram that he’s engaging with, why
you?
And she goes on to tell me about how she thinks their missions of being
successful in the entertainment industry will align.
All right.
So here’s what I tell her to do. Slide into his DM, that’s millennial talk for
send a private message, and just organically have a conversation like you
normally would, allow him to organically express his values, allow him to
organically express his interest and then you express yours and see how
they mutually align. At the end of it see if you guys can go out, hang out,
grab a drink or something.
Cool.
Long story short, six months later, here they are. I played matchmaker,
kudos to me.
Moving on into my professional life, I go back to work the next day and my
boss is like Keisha, remember how I told you to email Google about that
partnership.
She’s like well they emailed us this morning and they said they actually
want to partner on the event.
And it was at that very moment that I realized, I need a raise. But it was
also at that moment that I realized I just strategically communicated into
very different scenarios using the same exact method, and that method is
what I’m going to share with you today.
But through my two scenarios which you can probably see is that strategic
communications is simply communicating with purpose, while
showcasing value in order to achieve a goal.
And at the heart of it all, strategic communications helps you evoke specific
responses out of your target audience, whether that be a spouse, a love
interest, your boss. And in those responses it helps you get what you want
out of the situation as well.
Now you can also be thinking is she teaching us how to manipulate people,
maybe, but not really because strategic communications creates mutually
beneficial situations. Strategic communications allows both parties to feel
like they’re getting what they want out of the deal, okay.
So if you were paying attention, here’s what I did in both scenarios to help
them get what they want out of the situation.
Number one: I identified the goal. In the professional situation the goal
was to land the partnership with Google. In the personal situation the goal
was to land the boyfriend.
And so by doing this, and using this method, I’m able to combat the
resistance commonly felt when people are communicating through
challenges.
Even like today, I was able to use strategic communication standing right
here on this stage and not because I was able to memorize my lines on
hearing speech and not because I was able to put together this presentation,
but because I took you through those same four steps standing right here.
Number one: I identified the goal which was to get you guys to understand
what strategic communications really was.
Two, I took the time to understand my audience by asking you guys two
questions to help me know who was in the room today.
In Step four, I expressed the need for why you need strategic
communications.
And see, usually the reason why people are faced with a lot of
resistance in the way that they’re communicating is because they’re
skipping these four steps or at least one of them.
For example, if you don’t identify the goal, you’ll be speaking without
purpose. You ever had those conversations where you realize it started off
one way and it ended another and you’re trying to figure out how you even
got there; didn’t identify the goal.
Step three, I was able to communicate the value and then express the need
here on this stage.
Why do you need strategic communications? Why this is going to
help you in your life and how you can combat that resistance?
So at the heart of it all, realize it’s not what you say… what you say is
just as important as how you say it.
Thank you.
SUMMARY: