Unstressed How Somatic Awareness Can Transform Your

Body's Stress Response and Build Emotional Resilience

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 —Frank Rogers, PhD, Muriel Bernice Roberts Professor of
Spiritual Formation and Narrative Pedagogy, and codirector
of the Center for Engaged Compassion at Claremont School
of Theology; and author of Practicing Compassion (named
top five spirituality books in 2016 by USA Best Book
Awards)

“Those of us on a spiritual path, who have cultivated contemplative

practice and engaged in social action and service of Mother Earth,
are often baffled and distressed to find ourselves navigating the
human condition with far less grace than we would have expected—
given all the work we have done on ourselves. This book is both an
explanation for and antidote to this dilemma. Alane Daugherty offers
lucid, practical tools to restore sanity, soften our hearts and expand
our self-compassion, and embolden us to step up as robust and
joyous humans in this beautiful, broken world.”
—Mirabai Starr, author of Caravan of No Despair and Wild
Mercy

“Having read Alane Daugherty’s Unstressed, I am filled with

gratitude. For she has shown me that I don’t have to live with the
anxiety, disease, and stress that ripple (or crash) through my daily
existence. She leads me along a clear, precise path to a life of
engaged compassion, a life grounded in the strength of abiding ‘calm
and connection.’ I offer her my heartfelt thanks!”
—Andrew Dreitcer, PhD, professor of spirituality, and
codirector of the Center for Engaged Compassion at
Claremont School of Theology
 Publisher’s Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject
matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering
psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is
needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Printed in the United States of America
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright © 2019 by Alane K. Daugherty
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
Cover design by Amy Daniel
Acquired by Elizabeth Hollis Hansen
Edited by Gretel Hakanson
All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Daugherty, Alane, author.
Title: Unstressed : how somatic awareness can transform your body’s stress response and build
emotional resilience / Alane K. Daugherty, PhD.
Description: Oakland, CA : New Harbinger Publications, Inc., [2019] | Includes bibliographical
references. |
Identifiers: LCCN 2019017393 (print) | LCCN 2019021605 (ebook) | ISBN 9781684032846 (PDF e-
book) | ISBN 9781684032853 (ePub) | ISBN 9781684032839 (pbk. : alk. paper)
Subjects: LCSH: Stress (Psychology) | Stress management. | Emotions. | Mind and body.
Classification: LCC BF575.S75 (ebook) | LCC BF575.S75 D27 2019 (print) | DDC 155.9/042--dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019017393
To the memory of
Kissane “Sandy” Ferguson
6/22/1927 to 11/8/2015
and
Linda Marie Rogers Kuttler
4/25/1967 to 6/11/2016
 Contents

Contents
Foreword
Introduction

part 1: Understanding the Problem

chapter 1: Understand Stress
chapter 2: Integrate Emotion

part 2: Applying the Skills

chapter 3: Recognize and Release Through Mindful Awareness
chapter 4: Replace Reactivity with Heartful Engagement
chapter 5: Deepen Your Engagement with Gratitude, Empathy, Compassion,
and Hope

part 3: Taking It to the Next Level

chapter 6: Restore Your Capacities for Resilience and Flourishing
Conclusion: Moving Forward
Acknowledgments
References
 Foreword

When I was a young student at Cal Poly Pomona more than 25 years ago, I
was struggling. Completely overwhelmed with the stress of academic and
personal life challenges, I made some bad choices that threatened to derail
my future. Fortunately, I found myself in front of Robert Naples, the dean
of student affairs. With great intuition, he could see what I couldn’t express:
that actions aren’t random, and that there were deeper reasons for the
mistakes I’d made. By choosing to act from compassion instead of punition,
he was instrumental in giving me the opportunity and guidance to get back
on the track that led me to where I am today.
In fact, a couple of years after that incident, another seemingly small
decision by someone who believed in me made a significant impact on my
life. Physical education professor Ray Daugherty agreed to write a letter of
reference for my application to medical school. While I’d taken Professor
Daugherty’s class and conducted research with him, I was amazed at the
glowing praise for my character and capability that he included in his letter.
I couldn’t recall anyone ever believing in me that much, and his confident
praise made me believe for the first time that I could really live up to those
expectations.
Looking back, I’ve often wondered what would have happened to me if
someone other than Dr. Naples had been in charge of my corrective action
or if I’d not taken Professor Daugherty’s class at that important crossroads
in my young life. I’ve no idea where I might have ended up.
Today, my nonprofit organization, the Love Button Global Movement,
offers a lecture series to medical students at Cal Poly and other universities
through its Integrative Medicine Research and Outreach Program. The
lecture series provides the students with information on integrative
medicine and whole patient care that they don’t get in the classroom. It also
offers support and essential information on how students can mitigate the
mounting pressure and stress from highly competitive degree tracks like
medicine, as well as constructive ways to maintain a balanced life outside
of school. It’s a healthy mix of information and intervention aimed at
students who are struggling with how to manage their lives just like I was
so long ago.
So, imagine my surprise when I discovered earlier this year that the
featured speaker for the inaugural lecture in the series was none other than
Alane Daugherty, cofounder of the Mind and Heart Research Lab at Cal
Poly—and the daughter of Professor Ray Daugherty, the professor who
played a crucial role in my personal development as a young man. Her
presentation was on transforming stress and anxiety into resilience and
success. During her talk she shared a touching story about her father.
One morning years earlier, she was feeling particularly rushed and
stressed about a certain issue as she was driving to work. Along the way,
she made a conscious choice to appreciate the beauty of the mountains she
was passing, a group of birds that had flown by, and even the gathering
clouds. By the time she reached campus, she was calm, grounded, and fully
present. At that moment, she looked up to see her father conducting a golf
class in the distance. Just then, it started to pour down rain. Thinking
quickly, Alane grabbed an umbrella from her car and ran it over to her
father. The two of them shared a lovely moment that was simple and yet
somehow profound, though Alane didn’t quite know why. When there was a
break in the rain, she left her father with the umbrella and hurried on to her
office. Later that day, her father went home and died of a heart attack.
Had Alane not been able to neutralize her stress on that morning drive
years ago, she more than likely would have been in an entirely different
frame of mind when she arrived at work. She probably wouldn’t even have
seen her father as she trudged to her office, completely caught up in her
anxiety. Instead, she chose to use the little things on her morning drive, like
the beauty of her surroundings, to mitigate her stress, which resulted in a
big change in her emotional state and awareness. Because of that, she now
has a beautiful memory with her father just hours before his passing.
Near the end of her presentation, Alane invited my wife, Sherry, and I on
stage to stress how the biggest changes in our lives are brought about by the
smallest choices. When she opened the same umbrella she’d given to her
dad that day in the rain over our heads, I was overwhelmed. Everything
seemed to have come full circle. I was once a struggling student helped by a
man who made a simple choice that made a great difference in my life.
Now I was on stage at the same university with his daughter—who was
helping students struggling with the same issues I had, in a program I
created specifically for that purpose—under the umbrella of the man who
made it all possible because he dared to believe in me.
Dr. Naples’s choice to use compassion, Professor Daugherty’s choice to
see more in me, my choice to commit to realizing it, and Alane’s choice to
notice beauty—these are all simple decisions that brought about profound
change at a crucial moment of decision. It’s easy to become overwhelmed
with the problems of life and allow stress to dictate our choices, but that can
only happen if we’re living unconsciously. It’s easy to let stress take over
and say, “This situation is too big for me. There’s nothing I can do. It’s out
of my control,” but in most cases that’s not true.
Science tells us that no matter how big or complex a functioning system
may be, it’s the tiniest alteration within that system which holds the
potential for the greatest change over time. In other words, focusing on
something small and remaining consistent with it results in the biggest
change of conditions. That’s the power of a small change applied
consistently over time. This effect is known as the law of sensitive
dependence on initial conditions, or the butterfly effect.
Perhaps the greatest example of this effect was demonstrated by architect
and inventor, Buckminster Fuller, who often wrote and spoke about it. I first
learned about it from an article of his that was published in a 1972 issue of
Playboy magazine that was given to me by an acquaintance. To this day, it
remains the only copy of the magazine I’ve ever opened. Still, the article
and its analogy were powerful. Fuller chose the imagery of a ship—and
opted to focus on the rudder. When we see a ship’s captain turn the wheel
and the enormous ocean liner respond by changing direction, we assume the
captain is controlling the rudder, but that’s not really what’s happening.
The ship’s rudder is an enormous metal fan-like structure extending out
and downward from the rear of the vessel like the tailfin of a fish. Because
of its size, there are tens of thousands of pounds of water pressure working
against the rudder, which is why it’s impossible for the captain to move it
with the wheel. So how does the captain do it? Running down the back edge
of the main rudder is a tiny and very thin secondary rudder called a trim tab.
Because it’s so much smaller, it receives far less water resistance. By
turning the wheel, the captain is actually controlling the trim tab; then the
big rudder responds accordingly, and the ship changes direction.
 There were certainly times in my life when I felt my ship was moving in
the wrong direction. It was too big, moving too fast, and had too many
moving parts, so I felt powerless to change any of it. Of course, that was
because I was focusing on moving the whole ship instead of the tiny trim
tab that would have allowed me to do so effortlessly. My trim tab was
choosing to believe those who believed in me and knowing that somehow,
if I did the work, all the other details would fall into place.
In Unstressed, Alane Daugherty provides the trim tab to this experience
we call life, and the mechanism by which we can turn our ship around and
set course in a new direction. The key to this process is emotional
management. While we may not be able to control everything that’s going
on in our lives, we have total control over how we react or choose to feel
about it. Changing how we feel about something changes our energy and
gives us a new perspective on the situation. From a clear and conscious
mindset, we can make better choices, and the ship begins to turn. Like the
metaphor of the trim tab, Unstressed provides a path to life mastery through
emotional management that’s as easy to understand as it is to implement.
When we learn how to manage our emotions, we have more conscious
control over the quality of our lives because no matter what happens, we get
to choose how we feel about it and ultimately, how we experience it. From
that mindset, nothing can rock our boat as we set off for a new destination.
—Habib Sadeghi, DO
Cofounder, Be Hive of Healing Integrative Medical Center
Los Angeles
2019
 Introduction

If you are like most adults, there may be a vast divide between the
emotional life you long for and the emotional life you live.
You may have a deep and ever-present yearning for more. You may be
longing for inner and outer calm, for connection and a feeling of wholeness.
You may long to feel grounded in your own core; generatively engaged
with others, yourself, and your outside world; and fully blossoming in your
potential and living the life you desire. However, if you are similar to most
adults, although you long to embody expansiveness and possibility, you
likely experience restriction and fear because something is blocking your
way.

THE PROBLEM
You may experience stress as full-blown panic or a subtle nudging that
things in your life just aren’t as they should be. You may experience stress
as free-floating anxiety, overwhelm, worry, or fear, or it may be a result of
specific circumstances in your life, such as difficulty in a relationship, fear
of not being able to pay bills, or fear of not meeting yours or others’
expectations. Your stress may be due to the process of life in general, the
feeling that something is simply “off,” or manifest as a general uneasiness,
the disappointment of unmet potential, or the consequences of other
untended emotional difficulties. It may be the result of how your emotional
past colors your present; it may accompany a sense of helplessness or
numerous other forms of self-deprecation; it may be the precursor to
loneliness. It may come and go or be your constant companion. Most
importantly, it may be obstructing your ability to live the life of which you
are capable.
The truth is, all these things are stress. Stress blocks your ability to truly
thrive, and it likely permeates your life.
 As you will learn in this book, stress is, by its very definition, emotional
disequilibrium. It is the experiential state of being out of emotional balance
and can be caused by anything that upsets emotional balance: a thought, a
word, a perception, a circumstance, a demand, a past difficult or traumatic
experience, or a myriad of other things that can disrupt your emotional
stability, and, consequentially, your ability to flourish. Whatever the cause,
the effect is one of being knocked off balance, and it is a deeply felt
emotional and experiential reality. Stress is a cyclical and escalating dance
of emotional distress between your mind’s perception and your all-
consuming bodily response; it is the embodied experience of emotional
chaos.

THE SOLUTION
Unstressed invites you to transform the stress in your life by transforming
your emotional life. It addresses the stress in your life as an all-­consuming
and far-reaching problem of emotional dis-ease; it uses psychophysiology
—how your emotional and psychological lives play out in the
interconnected system of your mind and body, or your mind-body complex
—as a platform of understanding; and it presents heartful emotion as the
healing agent that transforms a life of emotional disarray to one of calm and
connection. Through psychophysiology, you will see that as destructive as
chaotic emotion can be, life-generating or heartful emotion may be the
greatest asset you can develop. You will also see that as a “system of
adaptation,” you are constantly and consistently transforming to your
dominant emotional experience and creating a greater capacity to live from
that experience. In other words, emotional chaos begets more emotional
chaos, as in stress and anxiety, but life-generating emotions, for example
love, gratitude, compassion, hope, and other emotions synonymous with the
heart, also beget more of the same. True and effective stress management
requires reducing chaotic emotion, for sure, but then also requires actively
cultivating heartful emotion as a necessary second step. Only then will you
develop greater capacities to live and interpret life from the healing,
hopeful, and expansive states that heartful emotion incurs.
This book is built on three underlying concepts or foundations. The first
of these concepts is that you have two primary drives or systems that
control your emotional life, and, from a physiological standpoint, you can
only be grounded in one at a time. Each of the systems carries a very
pronounced physiological imprint that causes you to see and interpret life
from its dominant state. You literally perceive your current circumstance
from the lens of your dominant drive. These systems are often referred to as
your fear-response system, the system that is dominant when you are
stressed, and your calm-and-connection system, the system that is dominant
when you are feeling peaceful or relaxed. The ability to see expansiveness
and possibility are primary characteristics of the latter. Importantly, the
system that you reside in most often becomes the dominant system of your
life.
These two systems were necessarily built into our species to keep us
alive and flourishing: the fear response to have us automatically and
immediately respond to threat, and our calm-and-connection system to
encourage us to love, nurture, bond, and create community. Without either
of these drives, our species would not have survived. However, given the
unrelenting stresses of our current culture, your fear-response system is
often in overdrive. Further, your fear response is more immediate and
overpowering, with more neural connections dedicated to it, so it takes
overt intentionality to cultivate your calm-and-connection system and foster
its dominance. Effective stress management is a two-tiered process of
reducing your fear response and actively cultivating your calm-and-
connection response.
The second foundation is that emotion is the primary expression of each
of these systems. When your fear-response system is in control, you are
consumed with life-degenerating and destabilizing emotional responses.
However, it is true, too, that when you are resting in your calm-and-
connection system, you are exhibiting life-generating and stabilizing ones.
The question is often posed whether emotion is “good” or “bad,” and
unfortunately has led to dogma that teaches us to suppress or deny all
emotion. The question we should be asking isn’t whether emotion in itself
is good or bad, as it is often posed, but which clusters of emotion are life-
generating and which are life-degenerating. We should be examining the
dominant nature, quality, and context of the emotion being experienced.
Simply put, as chaotic emotion is destructive and degenerating, so, too,
heartful emotion is system-enhancing or life-generating.
This is consistent with the definition of emotion offered in interpersonal
neurobiology by Dan Siegel, a clinical professor of psychiatry and well-
known author. Siegel defines emotion as “degree of system integration”
(2009). In other words, the more chaotic the emotion feels, the more it is
reflected by disintegration of your neurobiological systems, or a breakdown
in the coherent and optimal functioning of your mind and body, and you
perceive, react, and behave from there. However, too, there are emotional
states that lead to system integration and optimal functioning. The more
you can actively engage in heartful emotion, and cultivate and reside in
system-enhancing emotional states, the more you develop higher levels of
neurobiological integration, and the higher capacity to live and perceive
your life from those states.
Further, in his book Biology and Emotion (1989), Neil McNaughton, an
expert in biochemistry, contends that instead of debating whether or not
emotion in itself is harmful, we should take a biological approach and
identify emotion by clusters. He precisely shows that different sets of
emotion lead to specific and different biological and biochemical principles.
Instead of looking at emotion as one general concept, he asserts, we should
be identifying emotions by their impact on our overall well-being. More
simply, we should identify and cultivate the clusters of emotion that lead to
life generation and reduce those that do not.
The third foundation of this book is that it takes overt intentionality to
cultivate what you do want rather than just reducing what you don’t want;
“not being sick” doesn’t necessarily lead to “being well.” The discipline of
positive psychology demonstrates that for you to develop optimal
functioning, optimal functioning needs to be the focus; and you have more
agency in developing optimal functioning than you might think. This
concept carries over to stress management as well. Effective and lasting
stress management calls on you to not only reduce your fear response, but
actively and intentionally cultivate calm and connection. In essence, it asks
you to make an about-face and change your interpretation of cause and
effect as it is related to your emotional life.
We often think the cause of our feelings is what’s going on externally and
the effect is how we feel. The cause of stress is often interpreted as the
conditions of your life, and the effect is your emotional response to them.
The program offered in this book invites you to reverse that understanding.
In reality, the cause of your stress and anxiety is the nature and context of
your emotional life, and the effect is how you interpret your external life
from that lens. This book invites you to authentically and purposefully
change your emotional experience and the resultant adaptations taking
place, from the inside out. It invites you to actively and intentionally reduce
the emotional chaos that may consume you and then transform your
emotional life by engaging states that lead to flourishing and thriving. Only
then can you perceive and behave differently in your presenting external
life.
Basically, the program offered here uses psychophysiology as a platform
for understanding that stress, anxiety, and emotional chaos are the cause of
your all-consuming and presenting problem and your authentic engagement
in heartful emotion is the answer to healing and transforming your
emotional life. You will engage in a step-by-step process to reduce the
stress, anxiety, and emotional chaos in your life by first reducing the
destructive nature of your fear-response system and all its debilitating
effects. You will then be invited to intentionally cultivate heartful emotion.
From this cultivation, you will experience calm, connection, expansiveness,
and possibility, as these are documented effects of engaging in heartful
emotion and the necessary components of true thriving and well-being.

THE ROAD MAP

Unstressed is divided into three parts: understanding the problem, applying
the skills, and taking it to the next level. Its unfolding is designed to guide
you on your own transformative journey away from stress and emotional
reactivity to calm, connection, and vitality, and to a life that’s flourishing.
The program offered here begins by introducing you to the scientific
process of emotional transformation; then, through a step-by-step process,
you are invited to experience its stress-reducing and healing capabilities in
your own life. It is a progressive journey, evermore leading you from broad
understanding to deep application.
Part 1 introduces you into a deeper understanding of stress and emotional
disequilibrium. It also introduces you to the “spiral of becoming,” a
representation of how you transform emotionally from your unique
perceptions, including how and why you perceive the way you do, to the
meaning you attach to those perceptions, and the physiological imprint they
incur—only leading to more “like” experiences. It shows you that every
moment of every day, you are transforming, regardless if you are aware of
it, and it can be an upward spiral or a downward spiral depending on the