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 CHAPTER XIX.
Trials And Crosses — 483
 CHAPTER XX.
Foreshadowings And Death — 495
 CHAPTER XXI.
The Obsequies Of Father Ignatius — 504
 BOOK I.
F. Ignatius, a Young Noble.

Image of Cross
IXP

LIFE OF FATHER IGNATIUS OF ST.

PAUL, PASSIONIST.
 BOOK I.
F. Ignatius, a Young Noble.
 CHAPTER I.
His Childhood.

Saint Paul gives the general history of childhood in one sentence:

"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I
thought as a child." The thoughts and ways of children are
wonderfully similar; the mind is not sufficiently developed to give
direction to character, and the peculiar incidents that are sometimes
recorded to prove "the child the father of the man," seem more the
result of chance than deliberation. With all this, we like to bask our
memory in those sunny days: we love to look at our cradles, at
where we made and spoiled our little castles, and we recall the
smallest incidents to mind, as if to try and fancy we could be
children again. This natural sentiment makes us anxious to know all
about the infancy and childhood of those whose life has an interest
for us; although knowing that there can be nothing very strange
about it; and even, if there be, that it cannot have much weight in
moulding the character of our hero, and less still in influencing our
own. The childhood of Father Ignatius forms an exception to this. It
is wonderful; it shaped his character for a great part of his life. Its
history is written by himself, and it is instructive to all who have
charge of children. Before quoting from his own autobiography, it
may be well to say something about his family; more, because it is
customary to do so on occasions like the present, than to give
information about what is already well known.

His father was George John, Earl Spencer, K.G., &c., &c. He was
connected by ties of consanguinity and affinity with the Earl of
Sunderland and the renowned Duke of Marlborough; was
successively member of Parliament, one of the Lords of the
Treasury, and succeeded Lord Chatham as First Lord of the
Admiralty on the 20th of December, 1794. This office he retained
until 1800, and, during his administration, the naval history of
England shone with the victories of St. Vincent, Camperdown, and
the Nile. Perhaps his term of office was more glorious to himself
from the moderation and justice with which he quelled the mutiny
at the Nore, than from the fact of his having published the victories
that gave such glory to his country. He married, in 1781, Lavinia,
the daughter of Sir Charles Bingham, afterwards Earl of Lucan. Five
sons and three daughters were the issue of this marriage. Two of
them died in infancy. The oldest, John Charles, Lord Althorp,
succeeded his father in 1834, and died childless in 1845; the
second, Sarah, is the present Dowager Lady Lyttelton; the fifth,
Robert Cavendish, died unmarried in 1830; the sixth, Georgiana,
was married to Lord George Quin, son to the Marquis of Headfort,
and died in 1823; the seventh, Frederick, father of the present earl,
succeeded his eldest brother in 1845. The youngest, the
Honourable George Spencer, is the subject of the present
biography.

He was born on the 21st of December, 1799, at the Admiralty in

London, and baptized according to the rite of the Church of
England, by the Rev. Charles Norris, prebendary of Canterbury.
Whether he was taken to Althorp, the family seat in
Northamptonshire, to be nursed, before his father retired from
office in 1800, we have no means of knowing; but, certain it is,
that it was there he spent his childhood until he went to Eton in
1808. We will let himself give us the history of his mind during this
portion of his existence: the history of his body is that of a
nobleman's child, tended in all things as became his station:—

"My recollections of the five or six first years of my life are very
vague,—more so by far than in the case of other persons; and
whether I had any notions of religion before my six-year-old
birthday, I cannot tell. But it was on that day, if I am not
mistaken, that I was taken aside, as for a serious conversation,
by my sister's governess, who was a Swiss lady, under whose
care I passed the years between leaving the nursery and being
sent to school, and instructed by her, for the first time,
concerning the existence of God and some other great truths of
religion. It seems strange now that I should have lived so long
without acquiring any ideas on the subject: my memory may
deceive me, but I have a most clear recollection of the very
room at Althorp where I sat with her while she declared to me,
as a new piece of instruction, for which till then I had not been
judged old enough, that there was an Almighty Being, dwelling
in heaven, who had created me and all things, and whom I was
bound to fear. Till then, I believe, I had not the least
apprehension of the existence of anything beyond the sensible
world around me. This declaration, made to me as it was with
tender seriousness, was, I believe, accompanied with gracious
expressions, which have never been, in all my errors and
wanderings, obliterated. To what but the grace of God can I
ascribe it, that I firmly believed from the first moment this truth,
of which I was not capable of understanding a proof, and that I
never since have entertained a doubt of it, nor been led, like so
many more, to universal scepticism; that my faith in the truth of
God should have been preserved while for so long a time I
lived, as I afterwards did, wholly without its influence?

"I continued, with my brother Frederick, who was twenty

months older than myself, under the instruction of this same
governess, till we went to Eton School. I do not remember the
least difficulty in receiving as true whatever I was taught of
religion at that time. It never occurred to me to think that
objections might be made to it, though I knew that different
religious persuasions existed. I remember being told by our
governess, and being pleased in the idea, that the Church of
England was peculiarly excellent; but I remember no distinct
feelings of opposition or aversion to the Catholic religion. Of
serious impressions I was at that time, I believe, very
susceptible; but they must have been most transient. I
remember, more than once, distinctly saying my prayers with
fervour; though, generally, I suppose, I paid but little attention
to them. I was sometimes impressed with great fear of the Day
of Judgment, as I remember once in particular, at hearing a
French sermon read about it; and, perhaps, I did not knowingly
offend God, but I could not be said to love God, nor heartily to
embrace religion, if, as I suppose, my ordinary feeling must
have corresponded with what I remember well crossing my
mind when I was about seven years old,—great regret at
reflecting on the sin of Adam; by which I understood that I
could not expect to live for ever on the earth. Whatever I
thought desirable in the world,—abundance of money, high
titles, amusements of all sorts, fine dress, and the like,—as soon
and as far as I understood anything about them, I loved and
longed for; nor do I see how it could have been otherwise, as
the holy, severe maxims of the Gospel truth on these matters
were not impressed upon me. Why is it that the truth on these
things is so constantly withheld from children; and, instead of
being taught by constant, repeated, unremitting lessons that the
world and all that it has is worth nothing; that, if they gain all,
but lose their souls, they gain nothing; if they lose all and gain
their souls, they gain all? Why is it that they are to be
encouraged to do right by promises of pleasure, deterred from
evil by worldly fear, and so trained up, as it seems, to put a
false value on all things? How easily, as it now appears to me,
might my affections in those days have been weaned from the
world, and made to value God alone? But let me not complain,
but bless God for the care,—the very unusual care, I believe,—
which was taken of me, by which I remained, I may say,
ignorant of what evil was at an age when many, I fear, become
proficients. This blessing, however, of being wonderfully
preserved from the knowledge, and consequently from the
practice, of vice, was more remarkably manifested in the four
years of my life succeeding those of which I have been now
writing."
The instilling into young minds religious motives for their actions
was a frequent topic of conversation with Father Ignatius in his
after-life. He was once speaking with some of our young religious
on this subject in general; one of them remarked how easy it was
to act upon holy motives practically, and instanced his own
childhood, when the thought that God would love or hate him kept
him straight in his actions: this was the simple and perpetually
repeated lesson of his mother, which he afterwards forgot, but
which finally stopped him in a career of ambition, and made him a
religious. The old man's eye glistened as he heard this, and he
sighed deeply. He then observed that it confirmed his opinion, that
parents ought to instruct their own children, and never commit
them to the mercies of a public school until they were perfectly
grounded in the practice of virtue and piety. The next chapter will
show why he thought thus.
 CHAPTER II.
Four First Years At Eton.

"The 18th of May, 1808, was the important day when first I left
my father's house. With a noble equipage, my father and
mother took my brother Frederick and me to the house of the
Rev. Richard Godley, whom they had chosen to be our private
tutor at Eton. He lived, with his family, at a place called the
Wharf, about half a mile from the college buildings, which we
had to go to for school and chapel across the playing-fields. Oh!
how interesting are my recollections whilst I recall the joys and
sorrows of Eton days; but I must not expatiate on them, as my
own feelings would lead me to do with pleasure. What I have to
do now is to record how the circumstances in which I was then
placed have contributed to influence my religions principles, and
formed some links in the chain of events by which I have
arrived at my present state, so different from all that might then
have been anticipated. Mr. Godley I consider to have been, what
I believe my parents likewise regarded him, a strictly
conscientious and deeply religious man; and I must always
account it one of the greatest blessings for which, under God, I
am indebted to their wisdom and affection, that I was placed in
such hands at so critical a time. I do not intend, in all points, to
declare my approbation of the system which he pursued with
us: but how can I be too grateful for having been under the
strict vigilance of one who did, I am convinced, reckon the
preservation of my innocence, and the salvation of my soul, his
chief concern with me? I remained with Mr. Godley till the
Midsummer holidays of 1812. My brother left Eton and went to
sea in the year 1811.
"Those who know what our public schools are, will reckon it, I
believe, almost incredible that I should be four years at Eton,
and remain, as I did, still almost ignorant of what the language
of wickedness meant. Mr. Godley's yoke I certainly thought at
the time to be a heavy one. Several times each day we were
obliged to go across the playing-fields to school, to chapel, or to
absence (which was the term by which Etonians will yet
understand the calling over the names of the boys at certain
times); so that during the daytime, when in health, we could
never be more than three hours together without appearing
with the boys of the school. Mr. Godley, however, was inexorable
in his rule that we should invariably come home immediately
after each of these occasions: by this we were kept from much
intercourse with other boys. Most grievous then appeared my
unhappy lot, in the summer months especially, when we had to
pass through the playing-fields, crowded with cricketers, to
whom a lower boy, to fag for them and stop their balls, was
sure to be an important prize, whose wrath we incurred if we
dared despise their call, and run on our way; whilst, if we were
but a few minutes late, the yet more terrible sight awaited us of
Mr. Godley's angry countenance. We had not exemption from
one of these musters, as most boys had who lived at a distance
from the school, yet none of them were bound like us to a
speedy return home. It seemed like an Egyptian bondage, from
which there was no escape; and doubtless the effect was not
altogether good upon my character. As might be expected, the
more we were required to observe rules and customs different
from others, the more did a certain class of big bullies in the
school seem to count it their business to watch over us, as
though they might be our evil geniuses. A certain set of faces,
consequently, I looked upon with a kind of mysterious dread;
and I was under a constant sense of being as though in an
enemy's country, obliged to guard against dangers on all sides.
Shrinking and skulking became my occupation beyond the
ordinary lot of little schoolboys, and my natural disposition to be
cowardly and spiritless was perhaps increased. I say perhaps,
for other circumstances might have made me worse; for what I
was in the eyes of the masters of public opinion in the school, I
really was—a chicken-hearted creature, what, in Eton language,
is called a sawney. It may be, that had I been from the first in
free intercourse among the boys, instead of being a good
innocent one, I might have been, what I suppose must be
reckoned one of the worst varieties of public-school characters,
a mean, dishonourable one. Whatever I may have lost from not
being trained, from the first of my Eton life, in the perfect spirit
of the place, could I possibly have escaped during that time in
any other way the utter corruption of my morals, at least the
filling of my mind with familiar images of all the most foul
iniquity? For, alas! where is the child from the age of eight till
twelve who, without one compassionate friend, already strong in
virtue to countenance and to encourage him, shall maintain the
profession of modesty and holiness against a persecution as
inveterate and merciless in its way as that which Lot had to
bear at Sodom? Was not the angel of God with me when He
preserved me for so long from all attacks of this kind in such a
place as Eton was in my time? How can I remember Godley but
with veneration and gratitude, who, though, it may be, not so
considerately and wisely as might be possible (for who is as
wise as he might be?), kept me, I might say, almost alone
untainted in the midst of so much corruption.

"Yet, till the last year of my stay with him, I did not learn
decidedly to love religion. It was still my task and not my
pleasure. At length, my brother Frederick being gone to sea,
and two other boys, Mr. Godley's stepsons, who were with us
under his instructions, being sent to school elsewhere, I
remained his only pupil, and, I may almost say, his chief care
and joy. He felt with me and for me in the desolation of my
little heart, at being parted from my first and hitherto
inseparable mate, and I became his almost constant companion.
It is not difficult to gain the confidence of a simple child: he
spoke almost continually of religious subjects, and I learnt to
take his view of things. I certainly did not begin to lose my
pleasure in life. Death was an idea which still was strange to
me; and I did not come to an understanding of the great
doctrines of Revelation. I remember not to have taken much
notice of any peculiar articles of faith; but still believed
implicitly, without argument or inquiry, what I was taught. I can
now hardly give an account of what were the religious ideas
and impressions which began so greatly to engage my mind,
except that I took my chief delight in hearing Mr. Godley speak
about religion, that I had a great abhorrence and dread of
wickedness, thought with pleasure of my being intended to be a
clergyman, as I was always told I should be, and admired and
loved all whom I was taught to look upon as religious people.
All these simple feelings of piety, which were often accompanied
with pure delight, were greatly increased in a visit of six weeks
which I paid, with Mr. Godley, to his mother and sisters at
Chester. He was a Prebendary of that cathedral, and of course
had to spend some time there every year in residence. Usually,
when he went from home, from time to time, he was used to
get one of the other tutors at Eton to hear my brother's and my
lessons, and to look over our exercises; but in the last summer
I staid with him, with my father's consent, he took me with him.
Mr. Godley's sisters, who showed me great kindness, like him, I
suppose, had no wish concerning me than to encourage me in
becoming pious and good, and I got to read a few pious books
which they recommended. 'The Pilgrim's Progress,' Doddridge's
'Life of Colonel Gardiner,' Alleine's 'Alarm,' were some which I
remember taking great effect upon me; so that when I returned
from Chester to Eton, though I cannot recall many particulars of
my feelings, I know that the chief prevailing one was, an ardent
desire to keep myself untainted at Eton, and to keep from all
fellowship with the set of boys whom I knew to be particularly
profane mockers of piety. I bought a book of prayers, and
during the three weeks that I yet remained with this tutor, after
our return from Chester, and when first I went home to the
summer holidays, I took no delight like that of being by myself
at prayer. Ah! how grievous would be the thought if we could
but understand how to lament such a calamity as it deserves, of
a pious child's tender, pure soul denied, made forgetful of all its
good, and hardened. O God, grant me wisdom to understand
the magnitude of such an evil, grant me a heart now at length
to mourn over the devastation and uprooting which it was, at
this time, Thy holy will to permit, of all those fair flowers of
grace which Thy hand had planted in my heart; and grant me to
mourn my fall, that I may now once at last recover that
simplicity of childlike piety, the feelings of which I now recollect,
indeed, though faintly, but never have since again enjoyed. Oh!
God, if a child's love, pure through ignorance of sin, is never to
be mine again, oh! give me at least that depth of penance for
which my fall has given me such ample matter.

"It occurred not to my mind to consider whether the new

thoughts which occupied my mind, and the books in which I
took such pleasure, would be approved of at home. I took them
with me to the holidays. It was judged, as was to be expected,
by my parents, that Mr. Godley's views of religion were not such
as they would wish to be instilled into me; and it was
determined that I should leave his house and be placed with
one of the public tutors at Eton. It is a difficult thing to classify
religious Protestants, and so I do not here pronounce Mr.
Godley and his sisters to have been Evangelical, or Calvinistic,
nor give them any distinctive title. They did not, as far as I
remember, inculcate upon me any peculiar notions of religion,
but they certainly were not in the way which is usually called
orthodox Church of England religion, though indeed it is difficult
to define exactly what this is. It was likely, or rather morally
certain, that while with Mr. Godley, I should follow his guidance,
and take his views; so I was to be placed among the other
boys, as I imagine with the idea likewise, that I should gain in
this way more of the advantages supposed to belong to the
rough discipline of a public school. I do not understand how it
was that I received the intimation of this change with so little
sadness. Distant evils, as we all know, lose their sting strangely;
and, having the holidays before me when this change was
declared, I felt no trouble about it then. It is easy to talk a
docile child into agreement with any plan made for him by those
whom he is used to confide in; and so I remember no difficulty
when my books were taken away, and I had no more persons
by to bring my former thoughts to remembrance, in quietly
discontinuing my fervent practices."
 CHAPTER III.
His Two Last Years At Eton.

"In the course of September, 1812, I began a new stage of my

life by entering at the Rev. ***'s, where I was, alas! too
effectually to be untaught what there might be unsound in my
religion, by being quickly stripped of it completely. The house
contained, I think, but about ten or twelve boys at the time I
went to it, a much smaller number than the generality of
boarding houses about the school; and, dreadful as was its
moral condition, it was respectable in comparison to others.
There is no doubt that it was recommended to my parents
because its character stood high among the rest. The boys were
divided into three or four messes, as they were called. Each of
us had a room to himself and a separate little establishment, as
the boys had allowances to provide breakfast and tea for
themselves, and we did not meet in common rooms for private
study, as in some schools. In order to make their means go
farther, two or three would associate together and make a joint
concern; and very comfortable some would make themselves.
But comfort was not what I had now to enjoy.

"I have adverted already to the system of fagging at our public

schools. The law is established immemorially at Eton that the
upper boys, those of the fifth and sixth class, have an authority
to command those below them. This law, though understood
and allowed by the masters, is not enforced by them. They will
interfere to check and punish any great abuse of the power of
the upper boys; but the only power by which the commands of
these masters are to be enforced is their own hands; so that a
boy, though by rank in the school a fag, may escape the
burdens to be imposed if he have but age and strength and
spirit to maintain his independence. Each upper boy may impose
his commands on any number of inferiors he may please at any
time and in any place, so that an unhappy lower boy is never
safe. Nothing exempts him from the necessity of immediately
quitting his own pursuits and waiting on the pleasure of an
unexpected master, but being under orders to attend his tutor,
or a certain number of privileged excuses in matters about
which those potentates condescend to consider the feelings of
the subalterns, and where public opinion would condemn them
if they did not—such as being actually fagging for some one
else, being engaged to play a match at cricket which his
absence would spoil. It was this sort of out-of-door casual
service which alone I had to dread as long as I was in Mr.
Godley's house. When I went to Mr. ***, I had to serve my
apprenticeship in domestic fagging, which consisted in
performing to one or more of the fifth or sixth form boys in the
house almost all the duties of a footman or a waiter at an inn.
The burden of this kind of servitude of course depended, in the
first place, on the temper of one's master, and then on the
comparative number of upper and lower boys in a house.
During the time I had to fag at Mr. ***'s, but especially in the
latter part of it, the number of fags was dismally small, and
sometimes heavy was my yoke.

"But it is not this which gives to my recollection of that period

of my life its peculiar sadness. I might have made a merry life
in the midst of it, like that of many another school-boy, and I
was merry sometimes, but I had known better things. I had
once learnt to hate wickedness, and I never could find myself at
ease in the midst of it, though I had not strength to resist it
openly. The first evening that I arrived at this new tutor's
house, I was cordially received to mess with the set of three or
four lower boys who were there. These were quiet, good-
natured boys; but, to be one with them, it was soon evident
that the sweet practices of devotion must be given up, and
other rules followed from those I knew to be right. I was taken
by them on expeditions of boyish depredation and pilfering. I
had never been tempted or invited before to anything like this,
and it was misery to me, on account of my natural want of
courage as well as my tender conscience, to join such
enterprises. Yet I dared not boldly declare my resolution to
commit no sin, and I made a trial now of that which has been
so often tried, and what has often led to fatal confusion—to
satisfy the world without altogether breaking with God. One day
we went to pick up walnuts in a park near Eton; another day to
steal beans or turnips, or the like, from fields or gardens; then,
more bold, to take ducks and chickens from farmyards. It is a
common idea that this kind of school-boys' theft is not indeed a
sin. At Eton it certainly was not so considered. A boy who stole
money from another boy was disgraced, and branded as a
wretch almost beyond forgiveness, whereas for stealing his
school-books, he would not be blamed; and for robbing
orchards or farmyards he would be honoured and extolled, and
so much the more if, in doing it, one or two or three together
had violently beaten the farmer's boy, or even himself. But
where is the reason for this distinction? The Word of God and a
simple conscience certainly teach no such difference. At any
rate, I know, to my sorrow, that the beginning of my fall from
all that was good, was by being led to countenance and bear a
part, though sorely against my better will, in such work as this.

"This was not the worst misery. My ignorance in the mysteries

of iniquity was soon apparent. However much I strove to keep
my countenance firm, I could not hear immodesties without
blushing. I was, on this account, a choice object of the fun of
some of the boys, who took delight in forcing me to hear
instructions in iniquity. One evening after another, I well
remember, the quarters would be invaded where I and my
companions were established; all our little employments would
be interrupted, our rooms filled with dirt, our beds, perhaps,
tossed about, and a noisy row kept up for hours, of which
sometimes one, and sometimes another of our set was the
principal butt. I was set up as a choice object, of course, on
account of my simplicity and inexperience in their ways, so that
some of the partners of these plagues with me would blame me
for being so silly as to pretend ignorance of what their foul
expressions meant; for they could not believe it possible that I
should really be so simple as not to understand them. I
maintained for some time a weak conflict in my soul against all
this flood of evil. For a little time I found one short space of
comfort through the day, when at length, after an evening thus
spent, I got to bed, and in secret wept and prayed myself to
sleep; but the trial was too strong and too often repeated. I had
no kind friend to speak to.

"Mr. Godley still lived at the Wharf, and though he seemed to

think it right not to press himself upon me, he asked me to
come and dine when I pleased. Two or three times I went to
dine with him, and these were my last really happy days, when
for an hour or two I could give my mind liberty to feel at ease,
and recollect my former feelings in this kindly company. But I
could not, I dared not, tell him all I was now exposed to, and
so I was left to stand my ground alone. Had any one then told
me that by myself I must not hope to resist temptation, and
rightly directed me how to call on God for help, I have since
thought I might have stood it; but I had not yet known the
force of temptation, nor learnt by experience the power of God
to support the weak. My weakness I now felt by clear
experience, and after a short conflict,—for this battle was soon
gained by the great enemy who was so strong in the field
against me,—I remember well the conclusion striking my mind,
that the work of resistance was useless, and that I must give
up. Where were you, O my God, might I now exclaim, to leave
me thus alone and unprotected on such a boisterous sea? Ah!
my Lord, I have never found fault with thy divine appointments
in thus permitting me to fall. Only I say, as before, give me
grace now fully to recover what I lost; and I will ever bless thee
for allowing me to have known so much evil, if it be but that I
may warn others,

"It might be, perhaps, ten days after my arrival at Mr. ***'s,
when I gave up all attempt to pray; and I think I did not say
one word of prayer for the two years and more that I
afterwards continued there. I remember once being by, when
one of the most rude and hard of my tormentors was dressing
himself, and, to my surprise, turned to me, and, with his usual
civility, said some such word as, 'Now hold your jaw;' and then,
down on his knees near the bed, and his face between his
hands, said his prayers. I then saw for a moment to what I had
fallen, when even this fellow had more religion than unhappy I
had retained; but I had no grain of strength now left to rise.
One would think that in the holidays my change would have
been discovered; for I imagine that I never knelt down even at
home except in the church. But, alas! little did my family
suspect what a place was Eton; or, at least, if a suspicion comes
across parents' minds of what their children are exposed to in
public schools, they generally persuade themselves that this
must be endured for a necessary good, which is, to make them
learn to know the world.

"When I had ceased attempting to maintain my pious feelings,

the best consolation I had was in the company of a few boys of
a spirit congenial to what mine was now become. All the time
that I remained at Eton I never learnt to take pleasure in the
manly, active games for which it is so famous. It is not that I
was without some natural talent for such things. I have since
had my time of most ardent attachment to cricket, to tennis,
shooting, hunting, and all active exercises: but my spirit was
bent down at Eton; and among the boys who led the way in all
manly pursuits, I was always shy and miserable, which was
partly a cause and partly an effect of my being looked down
upon by them. My pleasure there was in being with a few boys,
like myself, without spirit for these things, retired apart from the
sight of others, amusing ourselves with making arbours,
catching little fishes in the streams; and many were the hours I
wasted in such childish things when I was grown far too old for
them.

"Oh! the happiness of a Catholic child, whose inmost soul is

known to one whom God has charged with his salvation.
Supposing I had been a Catholic child in such a situation—if
such a supposition be possible—the pious feelings with which
God inspired me, would have been under the guidance of a
tender spiritual Father, who would have supplied exactly what I
needed when about to fall under that sense of unassisted
weakness which I have described. He would have taught me
how to be innocent and firm in the midst of all my trials, which
would then have tended to exalt, instead of suppressing, my
character. I would have kept my character not only clear in the
sight of God, but honourable among my fellows, who soon
would have given up their persecution when they found me
steadfast; and I might have brought with me in the path of
peace and justice many whom I followed in the dark ways of
sin. But it is in vain to calculate on what I might have been had
I been then a Catholic. God be praised, my losses I may yet
recover, and perhaps even reap advantages from them."
 CHAPTER IV.
Private Tuition Under Mr. Blomfield.

"Had the public masters of the school been attentive to the

advancement of the scholars in learning while negligent of their
morals, and had I been making progress in my studies while
losing my innocence, I might have continued longer in that
place; for I did not fall into gross, outward, vicious habits, and it
is possible that no difference was perceived in my behaviour at
home. But I suppose my father saw a wide difference between
the care which Mr. Godley bestowed on me and that which boys
in the public tutors' houses could receive. I know not exactly
the reasons that led to the change; but, in the Christmas
holidays at the end of the year 1813, Mr. Blomfield was invited
to Althorp, and he was pointed out to me as my intended future
tutor. Many of my readers will know at once that he is now
[Footnote 1] the Protestant Bishop of London. My father had
presented him somewhat before this period with the rectory of
Dunton, in Buckinghamshire, having been led to do so by the
distinguished character which he heard of him from Cambridge
for he did not personally know him when he offered him this
piece of preferment. From the time that I made his
acquaintance, and received some directions from him for private
reading at Eton during the remaining time of my stay there, I
began to take some more decided interest than I had yet done
in advancing myself in literary knowledge.

[Footnote 1: This was written in 1836. See Preface. Dr.

Blomfield died in 1857.]

This, as well as my growing older and more independent of

other boys, and falling in with more sensible companions, gave
 to my mind a more satisfactory turn during my last year at
Eton. There was no return, though, to religion whilst I remained
there, nor was there likely to be; and so, most blessed was the
change for me when, before Christmas 1814, I left Mr. ***'s,
and, after remaining at home for about three months in
company with my brother Frederick, returned for the first time
from sea, I went to Mr. Blomfield's in March, 1815. I staid there
till near the time of my first going to Cambridge, which was in
the summer of 1817. Simplicity and purity of mind, alas! are not
regained with the readiness with which they are lost: the falling
into bad company and consenting to it will utterly ruin all
innocence. The removal of occasions may prevent the growth of
evil habits and the farther increase of corruption; but this alone
will not restore that blessed ignorance of evil which was no
longer mine. My residence with Blomfield was, however, the
means to me of great good. Here I was confirmed in that love
for study and knowledge of which I have already noticed the
commencement. He had himself, as is well known, though still
young, gained a reputation for classical learning among the
scholars of England and the Continent; and his example and
conversations inspired me with desires for the like distinctions,
to which he gave all possible encouragement. This I reckon to
have been a considerable advantage to my religious welfare; for,
although the motive I set before me was merely worldly, and
the subjects which I studied had little of a good and much of a
bad tendency, as must needs be the case with pagan literature,
yet, by gaining a habit for study, I was directed in a line widely
distinct from the most vicious of the society through which I
was afterwards to pass; and, by being a reading man at
Cambridge, I was saved from much perversion."

We shall be pardoned for interrupting the course of this interesting

narrative, by inserting an anecdote, which shows how unchanged
was his opinion on the merits of pagan literature. In a conversation
with his religious companions, shortly before he died, he happened
to say something about the discoveries of Cardinal Mai among the
Bobbio manuscripts. Some one remarked that it was nothing less
than Vandalism for the old monks to erase one of the classic
authors, and write some crude chronicle or other over it. "Well,"
replied Father Ignatius, "I suppose the monks had as much respect
for Virgil and Ovid as the angels have."

To resume.

"But what was of the chief importance to me at this time was,

being in a house and with company, where, if subjects of
religion were not so much put before me as with Mr. Godley,
and if I was not constantly exhorted and encouraged in simple
piety, I and my fellow pupils felt that no word of immorality
would have been anywise tolerated. Prayers were daily read in
the family, the service of the Church was performed with zeal
and regularity, the Sunday was strictly observed, and a
prominent part of our instruction was on matters of religion. It
was also to me an invaluable benefit, that the companion with
whom I was principally associated, during the chief part of my
time at Dunton, was one who, like me, after a careful education
at home, where he had imbibed religious feelings, had gone
through the corruptions of another public school, but was now,
like me, happy to find himself in purer air.

"With him I was confirmed at Easter, 1816, by Dr. Howley, then

Protestant Bishop of London, now Archbishop of Canterbury. It
was an incalculable blessing to me, slave as I was to false
shame, and cowardly as I was to resist against bold iniquity,
that I now had had a period granted me, as it were, to breathe
and gain a little vigour again, before the second cruel and more
ruinous devastation which my poor heart was shortly to
undergo. I prepared seriously for my confirmation, and for
receiving the Sacrament from time to time, and recovered much
of my former good practices of private devotion. I remember
especially to have procured once more a manual of prayers, and
during the last months of my stay at Dunton I spent a long time
in self-examination by the table of sins in that book, somewhat
similar to our Catholic preparation for confession. But, alas! I
could go no further than the preparation. Oh! the great enemy
of our souls knew well what he was doing in abolishing
confession. As before, when I first lost my innocence and piety
at Eton, confession would, I am convinced, have preserved me
from that fall; so now that I was almost recovering from the
fall, if I had had the ear of a spiritual father to whom I might
with confidence have discovered the wounds of my poor soul,
he would have assisted me utterly to extirpate the remains of
those evil habits of my heart. He would have shown me what I
knew so imperfectly, the horrible danger of the state in which I
had been so near eternal damnation; he would have made me
feel that holy shame for my sins, which would have overcome
that false earthly shame by which I still was ready to be
mastered; and he would, in short, have poured in that balm and
oil which the ministers of God possess, to heal, and strengthen,
and comfort me for my future trials, so that I might have stood
firm against my enemies. But it pleased Thee, O my God, that
once more, by such sad experience, I should have occasion to
learn the value of that holy discipline of penance, the power
and admirable virtue of the divine sacraments, with the
dispensation of which Thou hast now entrusted me, that I may
be a more wise and tender father to Thy little ones whom Thou
committest to my care."
 CHAPTER V.
He Goes To Cambridge.
Young Spencer went with Mr. Blomfield to Cambridge in the spring
of 1817, and was entered fellow commoner of Trinity. He returned,
immediately after being matriculated, to his family, and spent the
summer in cricketing and sea-bathing, in Ryde, Isle of Wight, and
hunting or shooting at Althorp. On Saturday, October 18th, he
came to London with his parents. He and his brother Frederick
went about shopping, to procure their several outfits for the
University and the sea. On the morning of the 21st October, he set
out from his father's house to Holborn, to catch the seven o'clock
fly for Cambridge. This vehicle, which has been so long superseded
by the Eastern Counties Railway, was filled with passengers before
the Spencer carriage arrived. He then took a post chaise at ten
o'clock, and arrived in Cambridge a little before six in the evening.
All that remained of that day, and the greater part of the next, was
spent in getting his rooms furnished, hiring his servant, making a
few acquaintances, meeting those he knew before, and the other
employments of a freshman. His tutor in classics was Mr. Evans,
who long continued in the same capacity at Cambridge, and had
the reputation of being a most upright man. For mathematics he
had a Mr. Peacock, who afterwards became Dean of Ely, and
restored the cathedral there. He fell into good hands, seemingly, as
far as his studies were concerned. He does not seem to have been
less fortunate in the choice of his companions. He is very slow in
making friends; one he does not like for being "too much of the
fine gentleman;" another invites him, and he remarks: "I suppose I
must ask him to dinner or something else; but I should not wish to
continue acquaintance with him, for though he is good-natured, he
is likely to be in a bad set." He also goes regularly to visit Mr.
Blomfield, who resided in Hildersham, and advises with him about
his proceedings. He also avoids needless waste of time, and says in
his journal: "They all played whist, in their turns, but Bridgman and
myself; which I am glad I did not, for I like it so well that I should
play at it too much if I once began." Besides these precautions,
and a feeling of indignation that bursts out now and again when he
has to note a misdemeanour in his associates, he reads seven
hours a day on an average. These conclusions are collected from
the notes of a journal he wrote at the time; they mark a very
auspicious beginning; and, being clear facts, will serve as a kind of
glass through which one may read the following from his
autobiography.

"My intentions were now well directed (on entering Cambridge).

I began well, and for a time did not give way to the detestable
fashions of the place, and was not much ashamed in the
presence of the profligate. I was very happy likewise. I found
myself now for the first time emerged from the condition of a
boy. I was treated with respect and kindness by the tutors and
fellows of the college; my company was always sought, and I
was made much of by what was supposed to be the best—that
is, the most well-bred and fashionable, set in the University. I
had all the health and high spirits of my age, and I now
enjoyed manly amusements, being set free from the cowardly
feeling of inferiority which I had to oppress me at Eton. My first
term at Cambridge—that is, the two months that passed before
the first Christmas vacation after my going there— was, as I
thought, the happiest time I had yet known. I find it difficult,
however, now to understand that happiness, and still more to
understand the religious principle which had more or less some
influence over me, when I remember one circumstance which
by itself proves my religion to have been absolutely nugatory,
and which, I remember well, most grievously spoiled my
happiness. As to my religion, I do not remember that at that
time I said any private prayer. I suppose I must have
discontinued it when I left Mr. Blomfield's, or soon after. Yet I
had a sort of principle which guarded me from joining in the
profane contempt of God's worship which prevails generally in
 the College chapels at Cambridge, and for a long time from
consenting to the practice of open immoralities, or even
pretending to approve them, though almost all the young men
whom I knew at Cambridge either notoriously followed or at
least sanctioned them."

He alludes to "one circumstance" in the last extract as being a test

of his depth in religious matters, which it will be interesting to have
in his own words. It occurred before his entering Cambridge; but as
it considerably influenced his feelings during his stay there, it may
as well find its place here.

"The circumstance to which I allude was something of an affair

of honour, as the world blindly calls it, into which I got
engaged, and which had so important an influence upon my
religious feelings for about two years that I will here particularly
relate the circumstances of it. In the last summer vacation,
before my going to Cambridge, I attended, with my father, the
Northampton races, in our way from the Isle of Wight to visit
my brother at his place in Nottinghamshire. I had begun, at that
time, to be extremely fond of dancing, as well as cricket,
shooting, and the like amusements. At this race ball at
Northampton, I enjoyed myself to the full; but, unwittingly, laid
the foundation for sorrow on the next day. Fancying myself a
sort of leader of the gaiety, in a set which seemed to be the
most fashionable and smart of the evening, I must needs be
making up parties for select dances; which proceeding was, of
course, taken by others as intruding on the liberties of a public
entertainment; and it happened that, without knowing it, I
barred out from one quadrille which I helped in forming, the
sister of a young gentleman of name and fortune in the county.
I was in the mean time making up a party for a match at
cricket on the racecourse for the next day, and this gentleman
was one of my chief helpmates. The next day, while busy in
collecting our cricketers to go to the ground, I met him in the
street, and he gave me the hard cut. I knew not what it meant,
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