Example answers
Question
In your English class you have been talking about the environment.
Write an essay using all the notes and give reasons for your point of
view.
Every country in the world has problems with pollution and damage to
the environment.
Do you think these problems can be solved?
Write about:
1. transport
2. rivers and seas
3. ………………………… (your own idea)
Model Answer (Grade: 3)
I think that my country has problems with pollution to the environment like all other
countries. This problem is normal for Russia. We have big problems with transport
because there are too much cars in our country. And because of that we have
problems with atmospeer, air in my city and in all Russia is really dirty and
sometimes I can’t make a sigh because it smells around me and of course around
that cars on the road. I’ve heard about tradition of one country. They don’t go
anywhere by car one day a month or a year, they just use bycicle or their feet. I
think it could be very good if we had a tradition like that.
So, what about the rivers and the seas? Yeah, there are some really good and
clean rivers and seas where you can go, but there are not many of them. Once I
saw the river OB in my city, it was about two years ago but I stil remember that in
some places it was not blue, it was green or purple I didn’t really understand
because it had di erent colours.
I don’t know what should we do. Maybe we should just open our eyes and look
what we did. But Russian people don’t care about the world around them many
people care only about themselves an that’s all.
So, the best idea is look around and try to do something good for our planet and
for us and our children.
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Examiner comments & grade:
Subscale Grade Commentary
All content is relevant to the task but the target reader
is on the whole informed rather than fully informed as,
the central question as to whether or not the problems
can be solved has not really been addressed.
The candidate discusses the environmental impact of
transport and the cleanliness of rivers, and provides
one suggested solution for the problem of transport
Content 3 (They don’t go anywhere by car one day a month). The
writer’s opinion is clear in I think it could be very good
if we had a tradition like that.
No solutions are discussed for rivers and seas, and no
third aspect of environmental damage is provided.
3 The conventions of essay writing are used; there is an
opening statement and a development of the subject
matter, with a conclusion at the end.
The register is suitably neutral for the most part,
Communicative although the use of a colloquial yeah is not consistent
with the rest of the essay. The essay is written for the
Achievement
most part in an objective way, but there is use of
personal, subjective examples (Once I saw the river; I
can’t make a sigh), which lessen the impact of the
bigger problems.
The target reader’s attention is held and
straightforward ideas are communicated
3 The text is generally well organised and coherent. It is
separated into paragraphs and the punctuation is
generally used e ectively, although there are some
long sentences (And because of that we have
problems with atmospeer, air in my city and in all
Russia is really dirty and sometimes I can’t make a
sigh because it smells around me and of course
Organisation
around that cars on the road).
There is a variety of linking words (because; and; So;
because of that) and some cohesive devices such as
referencing pronouns, relative clauses and rhetorical
questions to connect the ideas within the text.
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3 There is a range of everyday vocabulary used
appropriately, and although there are errors, they do
Language not impede communication (atmospeer; bycicle; sigh).
There is a range of simple and some more complex
grammatical forms: past and present verb forms are
used with a good degree of control.
Model Answer (Grade: 3-4)
Example Answer:
To begin with pollution and damage to the environment is the most serious and
di cult problem for countries of all over the world. Scientists of di erent countries
predict a global ecocatastrophe if people won’t change their attitude to our planet.
First of all a huge damage to the environment brings a transport. People can’t
imagine their living without cars, buses, trains, ships and planes. But it’s an open
secret that one of disadvantage of these accustomed things is harmful exhaust.
Needless to say that use of environment friendly engines helps us to save
atmosphere from pollution.
In addition to this our rivers and seas are in not less danger situation. It’s a fact of
common knowledge that numerous factories and plants pour o their waste to
ponds. Obviously that cleaning manufacturing water helps to avoid extinction of
ocean residents.
Apart from this I’m inclined to believe that every person can and must contribute to
solving this important problem. Doing a little steps for protection our environment
every day we will be able to save our Earth. And it’s a task of each of us.
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Examiner comments & grade:
Subscale Grade Commentary
All content is relevant to the task. However, the
target reader is on the whole informed, rather than
being fully informed. Both numbered points
(transport; rivers and seas) are referred to with some
discussion of the problems caused (harmful
exhaust; factories which pour o their waste to
ponds) and some limited mention of solutions.
Content 4 No tangible 3rd aspect of environmental damage is
discussed.
While the writer does conclude with a strong
statement of opinion (every person can and must)
the reader is not fully informed on the solutions
proposed (Doing a little steps for protection our
environment every day we will be able to save our
Earth)
3 The essay is written in a consistently neutral register
and the format is appropriate for the communicative
task, using more formal language to introduce the
ideas within the text (To begin with; First of all; It’s a
fact of common knowledge).
Communicative
There is a clear essay structure with an opening
Achievement
statement, topic paragraphs and a conclusion
which sums up the writer’s point of view.
Straightforward ideas are communicated to the
target reader but when more complex ideas are
attempted these are sometimes not as successful
(Obviously that cleaning manufacturing water helps
to avoid extinction of ocean residents).
3 The text is generally well organised and coherent,
using a variety of linking words and cohesive
devices, particularly to introduce the ideas
throughout the text (To begin with; In addition to
this; Needless to say; Apart from this).
Organisation
The essay is clearly organised into paragraphs,
which each deal with one idea. Occasionally the
followup examples are not as clearly connected as
they could be. For example, they discuss how
factories pollute pond water and then o er a
solution which would help ocean residents
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3 There is a range of everyday vocabulary used
appropriately with some attempt to use more
Language sophisticated lexis (a global ecocatastrophe;
atmosphere; common knowledge; factories and
plants; inclined to believe; must contribute to
solving).
There is a range of simple and some more complex
grammatical forms used, and although there are
errors, these do not impede communication (a huge
damage; People can’t imagine their living without
cars; one of disadvantage; in not less danger
situation).
Model Answer (Grade:5)
DEVELOPMENT VS ENVIRONMENT
If we surf the web looking for pollution and environmental catastrophes, we will
nd out that every country in the world su ers them. This is a natural consequence
of the struggle between development and environment.
If a country decided to live isolated from the rest of the world, living on what it can
naturally grow and produce, it surely wouldn’t be highly polluted. But we all want
exotic food and technological items from all over the world, so we have to pay the
price.
Investing on electrical transport would bene t the environment a lot. Even more if
this electricity came from a natural source of energy like wind, rivers and solar
boards. It’s di cult to achieve this because petrol companies will ght against
these actions.
We also have to take care of our rivers and seas. We all have heard about factories
throwing highly toxic substances to rivers, without minimizing their poisoning
e ects. A really strict law should be applied to ne these factories and make them
change their policy.
But what about ourselves? We also can do a lot! If, when possible, we bought
larger packs of food, we would be producing less rubbish. And this is only an
example!
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Examiner comments & grade:
Subscale Grade Commentary
All content is relevant to the task and the target
reader is fully informed.
Transport is discussed with suggestions of how
using di erent forms of transport would help the
environment (Investing on electrical transport would
bene t the environment a lot). The candidate then
evaluates the suggestion (It’s di cult to achieve this
Content 5 …).
Water pollution is described and a solution is
o ered (A really strict law should be applied to ne
these factories). The writer’s opinion is clear in the
choice of modal should.
A third aspect (waste reduction) is introduced in the
nal paragraph with a suggestion about how to
achieve this (If, when possible, we bought larger
packs of food …). The writer’s opinion is expressed
clearly (We also can do a lot!).
5 The conventions of the essay format are used
e ectively to hold the target reader’s attention.
There is an introductory paragraph which outlines
the issues in general terms, and the concluding
Communicative paragraph sums up in more concrete terms, what
we, the readers can do to help.
Achievement
The register is consistently appropriate and the
subject matter is dealt with in an objective manner,
for example Investing on electrical transport; If a
country decided.
Straightforward and complex ideas are
communicated (It’s di cult to achieve this because
petrol companies will ght against these actions).
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4 The essay is well organised and coherent, using a
variety of cohesive devices.
The paragraphs are introduced in a variety of ways,
using grammatical structures rather than obvious
linkers (If we surf the web; If a country decided;
Investing on; We also have to; But what about).
Organisation
More could be done to link across the paragraphs,
to make them less independent, but the overall
e ect is of a cohesive text.
5 There is a wide range of vocabulary, including less
common lexis used appropriately (environmental
Language catastrophes; highly polluted; exotic food; highly
toxic substances; minimising their poisoning e ects;
change their policy).
There is a range of simple and complex grammatical
forms used with a good degree of control and
exibility to convey certain ideas succinctly.
There are minimal errors which do not impede
communication.
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