The Science of Sex Every Question About Your Sex Life

Answered

Visit the link below to download the full version of this book:

https://medidownload.com/product/the-science-of-sex-every-question-about-your-se
x-life-answered/

Click Download Now

g CONTENTS

Sex education
Our sex education starts earlier than we think and is in
both the said and the unsaid. As well as the often
inadequate sex education we receive at school, we
absorb messages about sex from observing
communication and touch in others and from noticing the
reaction of those around us, and our own sense of
embarrassment, when presented with the subject
unexpectedly. How we experience desire, our bodies’
reactions, and the emotions we have around sex all
inform us, too. When sex education is good, messages
around sex are positive; we embrace sexual diversity, and
sex becomes a normalized part of our health and well-
being.
 Sex education | CONTENTS
A brief history of sex
What is sex?
Is sex just physical?
Is sex good for our health?
Are labels for sexuality and gender helpful?
How do I set sexual boundaries?
Do our thoughts affect sex?
Do we need to talk about sex?
Does solo sex count?
What does my partner like?
What’s a nonmonogamous relationship?
Why can sex feel shameful?
Are sex and intimacy the same?
Sex isn’t a priority, is that okay?
Can we get better at sex?
What is sexual well-being?
g SEX EDUCATION g CONTENTS
A brief history of sex
Sex is as old as time, but our approach to human sexuality has constantly
evolved. Critical points throughout our sexual history have influenced the
landscape of our sex lives today.
A UK study found that between 2015 and 2019, 32%
of couples met online.
g SEX EDUCATION g CONTENTS
What is sex?
Often, sex is defined as an act that involves penetration. But this view can
be reductive and heteronormative and focuses on one part of sex while
ignoring much of what makes sex pleasurable.
Many of us accept the definition of sex that we’re commonly taught—that it’s something
physical and biological with a reproductive focus based around intercourse, which is
defined as putting a penis into a vagina (PIV). However, using the terms “sex” and
“intercourse” interchangeably elevates intercourse to “real sex” and excludes other sexual
practices we enjoy, or implies that somehow these are lesser.

A problematic definition
When we focus on PIV sex, we fail to acknowledge relationships where there isn’t both a
penis and a vagina and deprioritize the sexual pleasure of those with a preference for other
sexual expressions or who aren’t physically able to have penetrative sex. This definition of sex
also raises questions such as, “When you enjoy nonpenetrative pleasure with your partner,
doesn’t that count as sex?”
Limiting the definition of sex to intercourse not only excludes certain groups and
practices, it can also create pressure to adhere to a sexual model that might not work for us
—in turn potentially capping our ability to experience sexual pleasure, connection,
satisfaction, and fun. For example, when we feel that sex must include intercourse, this could
mean we persevere with sex that isn’t comfortable; or it might lead to problems such as
performance anxiety and other sexual dysfunctions (see Are problems with sex common?, Is
painful sex normal? and Can erection issues be resolved?). The result is that we can end up
having a sexual experience that feels negative, which in turn can affect our desire,
relationships, intimacy, and level of self-acceptance. Ultimately, this can lead to feelings of
shame around sex (see Why can sex feel shameful?).
Rewriting our sexual narrative
While intercourse plays a big role in many people’s sex lives, it is in fact just one form of
sexual expression. Thinking about the language we use around sex can help us start to
reexamine our experiences. For example, the word “foreplay” suggests that this is something
that happens before the main event, so sex becomes a linear, goal-oriented event. If,
instead, we reframe this as “nonpenetrative sex,” we begin to understand that there are so
many different ways we can enjoy sexual experiences. We can embrace a more circular
model of sex, where exploration is the focus and sex isn’t goal-oriented (see What happens
when we feel desire?).
Sex involves our bodies, minds, and emotions, and the act of sex is co-created between
those involved. When we think about the meaning and definition of sex as being based on
what it gives us, instead of just its mechanics, our sexual world greatly expands. We can start
to examine where our thoughts about what sex means originated; whether we see these
thoughts as fixed or fluid; and how changing our definition of sex might change how we
think, feel about, and have sex.
Being open to everything that sex can be helps us
enjoy it to its fullest.
g SEX EDUCATION g CONTENTS
Is sex just physical?
Approaching sex as a purely physical act is highly reductive and only goes
so far in explaining what’s going on when we have sex.
As well as being a physical experience, sex also involves us at a social and emotional level.

The full picture

Our sex lives involve us biologically, psychologically, and socially. Considering sex from just
one of these perspectives doesn’t give us a full understanding of our sexual experiences. In
sexology—the scientific study of human sexuality—the biopsychosocial model is held as a
gold standard for comprehending human sexuality. This sex-positive approach deems a
person’s sexual expression as valid and meaningful based on their individual context. It
celebrates diversity and difference instead of measuring individuals against a “norm,” which
can induce feelings of shame if we feel we aren’t meeting an acceptable standard.

An interrelated response
Social and cultural messaging can affect us mentally and physically, as shown opposite. In
the context of sex, an example is our response to stress. Stress is influenced by our social
context, which can decide whether or not we focus on and respond to a stressor. If we do,
the body’s stress response is activated—blood pressure rises, the stress hormones
adrenaline and cortisol are released, and heart rate and breathing quicken. This interruption
to sexual arousal, which for many is stressful in itself, continues the relationship between
stress and sex.
WHAT INFLUENCES SEX?
Sex is biological, psychological, and social. Understanding how these elements interconnect and influence each other is a
key element of sexology.

Our sexual expression is individual, reflecting our

physical, emotional, and social reality.
g SEX EDUCATION g CONTENTS
Is sex good for our health?
Sex is much more than a simple act—it’s intertwined with so many parts of
our lives. Understanding its effects on body and mind helps us appreciate
its benefits for our health and well-being.
A physical boost
Sexual activity is a physical exertion that acts as a form of aerobic exercise. During sex, our
heart rate, breathing, and blood flow increase and we burn calories. The act of sex also
makes us feel tired, promoting restful sleep that allows the body to recuperate.

An antidote to stress
Chronic stress can have a negative impact on our sex lives. For some people, sex itself can
be a stressor, evidencing the bidirectional relationship between sex and our psychological
and emotional wellbeing. However, for others, sex acts as a form of stress relief as they enjoy
the mood-boosting effects of the neurochemicals oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins
released during sex. Endorphins also act as a natural form of pain relief, easing the mental
and physical impacts of stress. The beneficial effects of these neurochemicals can create a
positive loop, boosting our desire and overall motivation for sex.
Research also reveals that intimacy offers a form of stress relief, buffering psycho-
biological stress—which affects mind and body—and lowering levels of the stress hormone
cortisol. Sex can also communicate the emotional support of a partner, which in turn helps
us manage our own emotional response to stress.
During orgasm, the additional surge of oxytocin we receive, as well the release of
prolactin, promote restful sleep. This also helps counter the disturbed sleep associated with
stress and in turn increase our resilience.

A means of self-care
The surge of dopamine in our brain’s reward pathways (see The role of dopamine) that we
experience during sex is a key source of pleasure, which in itself is a form of self-care.
The feelings we enjoy during sex also help us build a positive narrative around our bodies
and the pleasure they can offer, which in turn supports our sexual well-being. Pleasure also
provides a mental release, allowing us to escape everyday concerns and focus completely
on ourselves.

Closer connections
Part of the reason why sex can improve our well-being can be attributed to the ability of
touch and physical intimacy between partners to create a deeper sense of connection.
Physiologically, touch triggers the release of the bonding hormone, oxytocin, so when we
explore each other’s bodies, the release of this chemical helps us feel closer to our partners.
We may also experience vulnerability, which can enhance connections further (see A
question of trust).
 Sex is a uniquely shared experience and is never the same with different partners. While
some, such as asexual people (see Sexual definitions), feel they don’t need sex to enjoy
closeness, for others, sex offers an intimate way of getting to know another person in a
different way to nonsexual relationships.

Increased self-confidence
Psychologically, positive sexual experiences and feeling desired by a partner can boost our
sexual self-esteem and self-confidence. For many, the feeling of being wanted is extremely
erotic and sexually motivating.
Self-exploration and pleasure also play a key role in learning about yourself and your
preferences, providing a form of self-sex education. When we get to know our own bodies
and enjoy the standalone benefits of sensual and sexual pleasure, we can also feel more
confident introducing a partner to what we enjoy.

One study showed that 95% of men in

heterosexual relationships said that feeling
desired was important to their sexual experience.
g SEX EDUCATION g CONTENTS
Are labels for sexuality and gender helpful?
The labels we give ourselves, or that others give us, can hold meaning and
power in our lives. Importantly, a label isn’t the whole picture.
We use labels to describe a diverse range of sexual orientations and gender identities. How
much or how little we identify with one or more labels is about our own identity, and whether
we feel a sense of ownership and alignment with a label.

How labels can make us feel

Some find a label provides a place of safety and belonging. They may feel it gives them a
feeling of being part of a community where they can express themselves. For others, a label
can feel constraining or not the right fit; they may find it creates a sense of separation and
that assumptions may be made about them.
In terms of sexuality, or sexual orientation (see How labels have evolved), many are happy
with a single label, while for others, sexuality is nuanced. In 1948, sexologist Dr. Alfred Kinsey
published Sexual Behavior In The Human Male, which challenged the idea that sexuality was
binary and, in the words of his research, people were strictly homosexual, bisexual, or
heterosexual (see Is sexuality fluid?). His research found that while some identified with binary
labels—for example, heterosexual or gay—for many, labels were limiting, as sexual
behaviors, thoughts, and feelings were fluid over time.
Gender labels can also feel limiting, or not right, for some people. For instance, for
transgender people, the gender label they grew up with doesn’t align with who they know
themselves to be. Acceptance for them may invwolve embracing a new label. For those who
experience gender dysphoria, feeling a mismatch between their sex assigned at birth and
their gender identity can create unease with labels.
A question of context
As well as being used to celebrate, labels can be used to attack, and social and legal
contexts can influence how some express themselves. For example, discrimination—and
sometimes threats—toward certain groups can mean some feel it’s unsafe to express who
they are publicly.

HOW LABELS HAVE EVOLVED

The terms we use to express gender (our socially constructed identities) and sexual orientation (how we experience sexual attraction) have
broadened. Today, we recognize a far wider expression of identities, moving away from binary descriptions.
A transgender person is someone whose gender identity doesn’t align with the sex they were assigned at birth.
Nonbinary people may describe themselves as agender (no gender), bigender (two genders), genderfluid (nonstatic gender), or other terms.
The term pansexuality describes someone who feels attraction without noticing gender.
Being asexual and/or aromantic describes not feeling a sexual attraction to or romantic interest in others (see Sexual definitions).
Demisexuals feel attraction only where there’s an emotional connection.
An emerging sexual orientation is digisexuality, which has developed alongside our increasing reliance on technology as part of our lives.
This describes those who are sexually and/or romantically attracted to others through technology and devices, as well as people who enjoy
sex with devices without another human interacting (for example, via virtual reality).
The term queer can mean different things to different people. It can describe not identifying with heterosexual or cisgender norms, reflecting
sexuality and gender as being on a spectrum. Many have reclaimed it after a history of use as a derogatory term.