It's About Time The Art of Choosing the Meaningful Over the
Urgent
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© 2019 Valorie Burton
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ISBN 978-0-7852-2011-4 (eBook)
ISBN 978-0-7852-2018-3 (TP)
Epub Edition March 2019 9780785220114
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Library of Congress Control Number: 2018915210
Printed in the United States of America
19 20 21 22 23 LSC 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
To my husband, Jeff.
You jumped into this “experiment” with time without
hesitation. And the journey that has unfolded as a result is
beyond anything I had imagined. Thank you. I love you.
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CONTENTS
This Is Where I Started
This Is How You Start
Chapter 1: The New Normal Is Not Normal
Chapter 2: Is It Ever Enough?
Chapter 3: Time Poor, Tech Bloated
Chapter 4: The Big Boom
Chapter 5: How Changing Times Have Changed Our Time
Chapter 6: Making Peace with Lost Time
Chapter 7: If You Had the Time . . .
Chapter 8: The Power of a Positive Pessimist
Chapter 9: Beauty Is the Beast
Chapter 10: Press Pause
Chapter 11: The Temperament to Experiment
Chapter 12: Best Budget Ever
Conclusion
Acknowledgments
Notes
About the Author
THIS IS WHERE I STARTED
The subject of time is something I have wrestled with my entire life. I’ve
always seemed to think I can get more done in a day than I can, leaving me
with the feeling that I’ve never done enough. I’ve jokingly called myself a
“recovering procrastinator,” and the modern pull of digital distractions has
made it easier than ever to put off the things that matter. Not to mention, my
struggle with perfectionism has meant it’s never quite the right time to get
started anyway. Then I found myself racing against a biological clock in my
thirties, afraid my life’s most meaningful dream might pass me by
altogether. Because my struggle with time has often felt like a stronghold, a
thorn in my side I could not pluck out, I have desperately wanted to
untangle its grip on my life. The day it came to me that I should write this
book was pretty frustrating. I will share more about that in a moment, but
let me encourage you that sometimes it is your frustration that fuels your
turnaround. Sometimes you become so exasperated by the thought of
continuing on the path you have been traveling that you suddenly feel the
conviction to finally do whatever it takes to change. That is the place where
this journey started. For years, I coached others to get unstuck, and now I
needed to get myself unstuck.
I invite you to step through this journey with me, as I share timeless
truths and practical steps that will open your eyes to the insidious nature of
our problem with time. It is a problem that has evolved, slowly taking us
further and further from nature’s rhythm and moving us toward the
unsustainable pace and load of a technology age. You, me, and millions of
others struggle daily to keep up.
I knew deep down that the journey I embarked on was not just for me. It
was meant to make its way onto the page to help you too. That thought was
intimidating, but also motivating. The pressure and accountability of
helping you ultimately helped me. My desire is for you to walk away from
this book with an understanding of the eternal value of your finite time—
and why and how you must intentionally choose the meaningful over the
urgent every single day.
Our culture makes it so that even the most organized and efficient
among us feels the pressure of the ticking clock and the possibility and
regret of missing out. Modern life has evolved in a way that sets us up for
stress, pressure, and overload. New norms and attitudes tap into deeply
wired psychological impulses that make it harder than ever to take control
of our time. Many of us also have one or more innate personality traits that
make the struggle even worse. Perhaps you can relate to one or more of
them:
• Optimism
• Perfectionism
• Overachieving
• Over-responsibility
• Approval addiction
• Misplaced guilt
No wonder time can become a tyrant that leaves you chronically
stressed and discontented.
It would be enough if the ultimate consequences were only stress and
discontentment. But those are just symptoms. Instead, it’s the prospect of
living a life in which you spend your time doing the things that seem
important, only to look back and realize you missed out on the things that
actually are. Today, this ultimate consequence is becoming the fate of more
and more people. The natural pace and rhythm of life has been disrupted
and replaced by historical and cultural shifts I will describe in the coming
chapters—shifts that have created new habits that have become so common
they are the new normal. These shifts make it easy to choose the things that
feel normal (because everyone else is doing them) over the things that are
natural (because they grow out of how you were created to function).
My guess is you chose this book because something about the title, the
cover, or the description resonated with you. Or perhaps someone gave it to
you because they sensed you need it. Whatever led you here, you will
discover the ways in which the world has redefined what is normal and gain
an understanding of how that personally impacts you daily. My hope is that
you broaden your perspective and see your life in the greater context of our
increasingly demanding world. I will help you reimagine the possibilities
for a life that is meaningful, at a pace that is natural, with a load that is
doable. Then I will equip you with the tools to bring that meaningful life to
fruition.
Through these pages we will explore three key pieces of information
that will help you unlock an approach to life that I call living timelessly:
1. The history and gradual changes that have led us to a place where
having too much to do and too little time to do it is the norm
2. The vision for what it could be like if you were free from the stress of
time and understood the obstacles you must blast through to enjoy
the life you long for
3. The practical steps to choosing the meaningful over the urgent so that
your life is unhurried yet purposeful, and reflects the values and the
impact you want to make that are unique to you
BREAKING FREE OF OLD HABITS IN A NEW SEASON
My professional journey has been a long road. I self-published my first
book after discovering my life purpose in 1999. I was clear. I was inspired.
And I was determined to follow the purpose I knew in my spirit I was made
for:
To create and enjoy a fulfilling, prosperous, and charitable life—and to
inspire others to do the same.
I remember so clearly the day I stood in the “women’s interest” book
section of a Barnes & Noble bookstore during a trip to Seattle and had a
flash of inspiration about that purpose. I remember writing that mission
statement and staring at it as I sat in bed journaling in my little condo in
Dallas, where I lived at the time. I remember the possibilities that danced
through my imagination, filling me with hope and energy for my future.
And I remember the quiet intensity of writing my first book in cursive on
legal notepads, too intimidated by the blank computer screen to type it all
out. I felt so connected to those words, as if they were coming to me and
then through me. Sitting at the desk in my spare bedroom on weekends and
weeknights, I wrote my career into existence and dreamed that it could one
day become all that I hoped.
My life today is so much of what I had hoped for. Like you, I have
fought to get where I am. And yet I believe there is so much more to come.
In order to pursue my purpose years ago, I learned to do a lot with very
little. Because my previous career was in marketing and public relations, I
was able to use those skills to build and manage my business while
simultaneously producing the content—books, media, coaching, and
speaking—that is the essence of the business. For the first seven years, I
bootstrapped it. And once I got my footing, I never stopped bootstrapping it.
An abiding fear of not having enough has often driven me to be really
conservative about my financial commitments yet overzealous about my
time commitments. The habit of being conservative has served me well, as
has the willingness to work hard, but like any good thing, too much of it can
become bondage.
OUR LIVES ARE FULL
Like yours, my life is full. I am sometimes stretched thin by my travel
schedule, three kids, and a husband who is a commercial pilot and travels
fourteen-plus days per month. You have your own set of demands: your
work, your commute, your children’s needs, school, debt that compels you
to earn as much money as possible, and striving to get to the “next level,”
whatever that looks like. The fact that living with no breathing room has
become the norm for a large segment of the population is a threat to our
well-being and happiness. There is an undeniable connection between time
and happiness.
Perhaps you have so much to be grateful for, yet little time to enjoy it
fully. Maybe you find yourself reaching milestones, only to push the finish
line out just a little farther—always another project, another goal, another
level. And perhaps you have started to wonder, When have I done enough?
It is an unfamiliar question in an achievement-driven world—but it is a
question that intrigues the soul of anyone who wants to be truly happy and
create breathing room to enjoy the life she has created.
The journey to a life in which I am happily married, have the privilege
of being a mom and a bonus mom, do work I truly love, and have strong
friendships to cherish took many years. As it finally came together, I
awakened to the reality that time and happiness are intricately
interconnected. Margin empowers happiness. It is breathing room—the soft
cushion between your schedule and your limits. And in today’s world we
have less of it than ever.
If you’ll allow me, I will share throughout these pages a little of my
personal journey, the fun experiments that helped me—along with my
husband, Jeff—change our lives, and my hope for how they could help you
change yours.
OUR AHA MOMENT
While I was stuck in the Phoenix airport for ten hours on a trip I wished I
had said no to, I had an epiphany that became the catalyst for this book. I
was sitting at a tiny little Mexican restaurant in the terminal with my good
friend Yvette, who had traveled with me for a business event. While we
were waiting for our food, I poured out my frustration to her.
“I’ve always crammed more into my schedule than is sane,” I said,
reflecting on my deeply ingrained habit. What I really wanted was some
insight—an answer that could help me break the cycle. And Yvette, being
the wise businesswoman and coach that she is, was just the person who
might be able to deliver.
“When I think about it, I was always praised for doing things fast, being
the first, the youngest,” I pondered aloud. “I finished college at twenty, grad
school at twenty-one, started a business at twenty-four, and wrote my first
book by twenty-six. Getting to the finish line fast was my identity.”
That’s when Yvette posed a simple but profound question.
“And what has that gotten you?” she asked.