TONGUE TIPS AND ORAL SEX

TECHNIQUES FOR ¢@™Ven AND ‘Women

 ISBN 0-312-38474-2 —$18.95/$20.95 Can.

cA lively, deliciously naughty

full-color illustrated handbook
designed for anyone interested in
mastering the fine art of “oral”

Heading south? You'll need some

directions and these fabulous hot
tips from sex experts Emily
Dubberley and Al Needham.
From the finer points of
tonguing, to the advanced
techniques that will heighten any
pleasure-giving and receiving
experience, The Going Down
Guide gives it to you straight and
holds nothing back. Witty, racy,
and frank, this is the ultimate
guide to opening wide.

Complete with four-color

photos, illustrations, and
diagrams, The Going “Down
Guide offers creative techniques
for spicing up your (oral) sex
life, including such moves as
- “Chairman of the Board,” the
“Lusty Lady,” and “Admiring
the View.” It offers guidance for:
anyone looking to improve his
or her skills, from the fellatio = ~_.
first-timer to the cunnilingus
connoisseur. The Going Down
Guide suggests fun, inventive
ways of introducing excitement
and intimacy into any relationship.
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 Copyright © 2009 Elwin Street Limited

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a

retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording, or otherwise without the prior written
permission of the copyright owner.

For information, address St. Martin’s Press,

175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

www.stmartins.com

Conceived and produced by

Elwin Street Productions
144 Liverpool Road
London N1 1LA
www.elwinstreet.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Dubberley, Emily.
The going down guide : tongue tips and oral sex techniques for men and
women / Emily Dubberley. — Ist ed.
p. cm.
Includes index.
ISBN-13: 978-0-312-38474-6
ISBN-10: 0-312-38474-2
il, Ormilossc J, Wille.
HQ31.5.073D83 2009
613.9'6-dce22

First published in the United States by St Martin’s Press

First U.S. Edition: 2009

103937 65 43.21

Printed in Singapore
Contents .

Introduction 6

One Getting ready

8

Two Pleasuring a woman

34

Pleasuring a man
56

Oral sex positions

80

sing the pace

Introduction
When it comes to coming there’s one act that’s sure to hit the
spot again and again: oral sex. Whether it’s fantastic fellatio or
consummate cunnilingus, by paying more than mere lip service
to the act you’re sure to put a smile on your lover’s face.
As the name suggests, oral sex is about giving your lover
pleasure with your lips, tongue, and sometimes (carefully!)
teeth. Even when oral sex is bad, it’s still quite good (assuming
you’ve been careful with those teeth) but when it’s good, it’s
better—and the difference between good oral and great oral is
immense. While the former is all very nice, the latter can leave
your lover trembling, incapable of speech, and grinning as if
they’ve won the lottery on the same day that they’ve discovered
the secret to eternal youth and been awarded the prize for
“sexiest person on the planet.” OK, maybe that’s a slight
exaggeration, but demonstrating your oral prowess will
certainly make them come back for more again .. . and again
. and again.
Physically, oral sex is great because it offers greater
sensitivity than penetrative sex, allowing you to precisely target
your lover’s most intimate erogenous zones. Emotionally, it
helps heighten the bond between you and your lover: if you’ve
got your face buried in someone’s bits, it suggests a certain
closeness after all.
You might be sitting there reading this and feeling smug,
certain that you know everything that there is to know about
oral action. But there’s one secret that every true oral
 Introduction /f

connoisseur knows: no matter how skilled you are, there’s

always more to learn. Every man and woman is different:
techniques that had your ex floating somewhere near the
ceiling could leave a new lover doing a mental list of all the
DIY that needs to be done around your home (or wishing you
were doing it yourself). And techniques that made a previous
partner push your head away from the meat of the matter and
say “let’s just kiss,” could make another person writhe in glee.
Even if you’re in a long term relationship, and both feel
happy with your lot, there’s still a good chance that you’ll
discover new ways to pleasure each other with a bit of
experimentation. By varying your oral sex techniques, you can
find new erogenous zones, figure out ways to last longer
without your tongue or hand getting tired, and increase the
intimacy between you and your lover.
It’s pretty unlikely that your partner will object to a bit of
oral experimentation. If they do, three little words should do
the trick: “You come first.” If you show that you’re happy to
spend hours lavishing your lover with oral attention then,
chances are, it’ll be easy to encourage them to return the favor.
So what are you waiting for? Get ready to (muff) dive in or
show how deep (throat) your love is.
 i
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 GETTING
READY
All you need for a good oral sex session is a willing mouth and a
willing partner. However, with a bit of preparation, the
experience can be so much better for both of you.
s Ghapterul

First things first

Presentation matters, so to start with, make sure you’ve paid as
much attention to your grooming ritual below the waist as
above it.
Then there’s the psychological side of things. Some people
feel uncomfortable about giving or receiving oral sex. If your
partner’s one, a bit of encouragement may be required. While
it’s not acceptable to ask a partner to do anything that they
don’t enjoy, it is perfectly within your rights to insist on
talking about why they’re oral-phobic. If you’re the one feeling
uncomfortable at the idea, you should examine your own
motivations. Oral sex is a hot addition to your sex life,
whether giving or receiving, and it’s a shame if you’re so hung
up about it that you don’t get to experience it properly.
Assuming you’ve got all that lot out the way, it’s down to the
fun bit: warming your partner up. Although an unprompted
oral session can be hot on occasion, spending time teasing your
partner until every nerve is trembling is liable to lead to much
more intense orgasms for them, and a much bigger ego boost
for you. And once a lover is desperate for your touch? Don’t
just dive in there: remember your bedroom etiquette. You need
to muff dive with manners or fellate with finesse. Politeness
costs nothing, after all.
Are you ready? OK, we’re going in...
 Chapter 1

Sweet enough to eat

It may seem obvious but if you’re in the mood for a hot oral
session, you need to make sure that you’re good enough to eat.
You wouldn’t eat off dirty dishes in a restaurant so you need to
make sure that you offer a similarly well-polished pudenda or
penis if you want your lover to dine on you. You don’t need to
be obsessive—vaginal deodorants are unnecessary and can
upset the delicate balance down below. Similarly, over-frequent
washing of the penis can cause irritation and lead to problems
such as yeast infections or chafing. However, washing at least
once per day, making sure to get into all the nooks and crannies
(including under the foreskin and around the anus), will mean
that you don’t have anything unpleasant lurking to ruin “dinner.”
If, despite having a good hygiene routine either you or your
partner still smells unpleasant, take a trip to the STD clinic

TRY THIS NOW!

If your partner’s hygiene leaves a little to be desired, try sharing a
sexy shower or bath together before you get down to it. Comment
on how great they smell and taste afterward. This will help resolve
the issue without delivering a whopping blow to their ego, and is
certainly far more effective than pointing out that they’re a bit
whiffy when they ask for oral.
 Getting ready See (
Re “ey

together. Certain STDs change the way that your bits smell so
it’s worth ruling that option out.

Pheromones
Assuming that neither of you have STDs, but you still find the
smell or taste unpleasant, there could be one other reason.
People tend to be attracted to others who have a complementary
immune system to their own. This is projected by the body
through pheromones. When you meet someone that “smells
right,” you’ve got a good pheromonal match (either that or the
fragrance they’re wearing is well worth the money they spent
on it). If you’re less biologically compatible, you may find that
you don’t like the smell of your partner. While this doesn’t
mean you’ll never be able to have a good relationship, it’s
certainly something you may want to consider if you’re looking
at long-term prospects. These pheromones are thought to be so
powerful that a scientist in Boston has even set up a dating
website that matches people by the way that they smell.
However, generally speaking, you should find that if you felt
attracted to someone in the first place, there isn’t a pheromonal
problem. So just keep clean and drag your partner into the
bath and you should be sorted.

Presentation matters
It’s not just hygiene that’s important. Presentation can make a
difference too, and that’s where pubes come in. These tricky
little hairs take great pleasure in getting in the way, and getting
Chapter 1

one stuck in the back of the throat is an oral hazard. To avoid

this, make sure that you comb through your pubes with your
fingers before oral sex to get rid of any stragglers (it might be
best to do this in the bathroom away from your partner rather
than while they’re in the room. It’s not a sexy look). If you
want to go a step further, pubic styling may be the way
forward. Trimming makes a man’s member look bigger and
makes access to a woman’s bits infinitely easier, so either way
it’s a winner.
Men have fairly limited options: basically, trimming it a bit
or shaving it all off. Women, on the other hand, have a myriad
of pubic styles to choose from. You can go for a Brazilian-style
thin strip of hair on your pubic mound, or opt for having
everything off in the Hollywood style. If you think diamonds
are a girl’s best friend then the Tiffany, in which you shape it
into a square and dye it duck-egg blue, could be the shape for
you; if you’re more of a romantic, a classic heart could be your
perfect style. Hell, you could even keep it simple and merely
trim your bikini-line back neatly so that your lover’s path is
free of overhanging lady-garden. Don’t feel obliged to get rid
of your hair though: some men love the natural look. Just type
“hairy women” into an Internet search engine and you'll see
how popular they are.
If you do decide to go for some kind of hair removal, you
may face itchy hair growing back. To avoid this, opt for
waxing (take a painkiller an hour before you go in to help
deaden the pain) or use a depilatory cream (making sure it’s
suitable for intimate areas first) as
these tend to lead to less irritation
than shaving.
If you prefer to shave, always
use a new razor with a fresh
blade. Make sure that you use
lots of shaving cream so that the
blade slides easily, and rinse it
after every stroke with lukewarm
water rather than hot water as
this is less drying to the skin.
Wash every last bit of
shaving foam off
carefully so that it
doesn’t cause
irritation. Moisturize
thoroughly with a
lotion designed for
sensitive skin and
exfoliate gently
using an exfoliating
mitt or soft loofah
for the first few days
after you’ve shaved.
This will help prevent
irritating in-growing hairs
when it starts to grow back.
 TIFS FOR HER FROM Tint
Pubic styling

The Brazilian
Otherwise known as the Landing Strip or the Badger, the Brazilian is
sported by the tybe of woman who adores extensive oral attention—by
subtly revealing as much skin on her pubic area as possible for full-on
foreplay, while leaving just enough to remind her partner that she’s very
much an adult. lt demonstrates she’s willing to experiment, allowing her
partner to explore nearly 80 percent more of her pubic area with licks,
kisses and nibbles, without going to extreme lengths.

The Hollywood
The Hollywood signifies an extremely fastidious woman who's not afraid to
experiment. She may be sacrificing base instincts for the sake of
cleanliness (seeing as pubic hair traps natural scent, which is chock-full of
natural pheromones, you're passing up a welter of chemical reactions), but
is aware of the amazing sensations a bald lady-garden can provide. On
the downside, she’s not massively up for spontaneous sex when she gets a
bit stubbly, and it’s a look that demands constant time and attention.

The Tiffany
A natural high-maintenance show-off, the Tiffany girl seems to spend
more time on presentation than performance. Yes, you have to admire
the artistic interpretation, but you can’t help wondering how much time
 she spent on it, and who helped. Plonking your nose into blue hair isn’t
the most naturally erotic thing in the world, to be honest, and the
presence of a huge diamond right in front of your face sends out some
terrifying subliminal messages to the more commitment-phobic male.

The Heart
See the Tiffany, but with creepier, Care Bear-related overtones.A very
suitable look for redheads, though, with far less materialist overtones than
the Tiffany. Best reserved for Valentines Day and anniversaries, really.

The Neat and Tidy

Probably the most satisfactory result for both parties, the Neat and Tidy
woman goes for maximum sexiness with minimal effort. Most men like
the comparative softness of lady-pubes, but are not so keen on feeling
like they're having a smooch with their Geography teacher when they're
down there. Not to mention the not-particularly-alluring appearance of
spider-legs poking out of your underwear. Or the risk of getting one
caught in your teeth.

Au naturel
Uncharitably described as “70s porno-bush,” the Au naturel woman may
be dismissed by certain men as someone not willing to put the effort
in—but when you take into consideration the state oftheir own pubic
topiary, they have little excuse to comment. When all's said and done,
after all, what you do with your thatch is your own concern—were just
grateful to have access to it, at the end ofthe day...
Chapters!

Safety first
Just because you’re perfectly groomed, don’t assume that
you’re ready to go for it. Beauty is only skin deep and there
could be something grim lurking below the surface. Yes, boring
as it may sound, you also need to be aware of genital health
issues before you get stuck in (or ask someone else to).
Sexually transmitted diseases are on the increase and all
manner of nasties from herpes to HIV can be passed on
through oral sex.
While it’s true to say that oral sex is a lower risk activity
than vaginal or anal sex, that doesn’t mean there’s no
risk. As such, make sure that you’re careful. There have
been cases of syphilis, gonorrhea, and HIV transmission
through oral sex. Indeed, oral sex has been a major
“driver” of the spread of syphilis in some areas.
And then there’s herpes. To put it bluntly, if
you or your lover has a cold sore (aka oral
herpes) you shouldn’t have oral sex. A herpes
sore is fairly distinctive—just look up pictures
on the Internet if you’re not sure how to
identify one, and if in doubt, refuse to let
anyone with a spot on their lip go down on you.
While it’s not terminal, herpes is incurable and it’s better to be
safe than sorry. You should also be aware that the herpes virus
can “shed” even when it’s not visible which means it could be
contagious even without an obvious spot. That doesn’t mean
that if you or a partner has herpes you should skip oral sex
 Getting ready

altogether but you should talk to your doctor about the risks
and make sure that you’re extra careful.
If you really want to be on the safe side during oral sex you
can use a condom on men and a “latex dam” on women. This
is a square of latex that can be used to cover the area being
licked. If you can’t find these dams at the drugstore, make your
own from a flavoured condom. Simply cut the teat off then
snip down the side. Voila! One square of latex that can be used
to keep you safe. Don’t try this with a normal condom as they
taste revolting, particularly if they are coated with Nonoxynol-9
or spermicides.
It may seem like a pain but it’s well worth a little bit of
inconvenience to keep you safe and able to enjoy oral for years
to come. Surely safe oral sex is better than no oral sex at all?

TRY THIS NOW!

Draw a non-reversible letter such as R or L on one side of the
dam in non-toxic pen.As the dam has to be stretched over the
genital region, it can ‘ping’ off. If that happens you’ll be able to
tell which way round the dam is supposed to go and you’re not in
danger of putting it back in position the wrong way round, with
the side that’s had genital contact against your tongue (and vice
versa), which kind of defeats the object.
Chapter 1

Fussy eater?
Once all the physical stuff is out of the way, it’s time to move
on to the psychological side of things. Like it or not, some
people have hang-ups about oral sex, whether giving or
receiving. They might feel that it’s dirty or taboo (something
that, conversely, can make it an extra turn-on for some people).
They may feel insecure about their smell or taste, or feel
squeamish about the idea of licking the genitals.
Women in particular may feel that it’s wrong to abandon
themselves sexually—the old “nice girls don’t” stigma can kick
in. If you’re one of them, bear in mind that only 2.5 percent of
men claim that giving oral doesn’t turn them on at all, so that’s
97.5 percent of men who get the horn from giving oral sex
(and the other 2.5 percent clearly aren’t worth dating). In fact,
55 percent of men list the taste of a woman as a top turn-on.
You'll enjoy it even more if you’re relaxed about it, explore
each other’s concerns and focus on the blissful intimacy that a
good cunnilingus session entails. Some people feel
uncomfortable about the idea of losing control and having an
orgasm—or worse, peeing—while their partner is performing
oral sex.
If you’re the one who’s insecure about receiving oral sex, and
assuming you don’t have any unresolved issues from previous
bad experiences, relax. There’s nothing wrong with the smell
or taste of clean, healthy genitals. Taste yourself if you’re so
worried about it. See, it’s really not that bad.
 Getting ready = Bi
a sale

When it comes to urination, rest assured that you’re safe.

The body is designed to block the flow of urine during sexual
arousal: just ask anyone who’s into ‘watersports’ how tricky it
is to break their body’s conditioning (assuming, of course, that
you know someone who’d admit the secrets of their kinky sex
life to you. If not, there are plenty of online forums you can
visit, if you really want to check this out).
As for feeling worried about coming, remind yourself that
there’s nothing wrong with letting go: that is the reason he’s
down there. As long as you feel comfortable with your partner
and are happy to be sexual with him, it’s simply giving him a
reward for all his hard work. It won’t give your partner power
over you or make him love you any less. If anything, it will only
increase the closeness between you. Don’t be scared to share
your concerns with your partner though: chances are, he’ll be
happy to reassure you. Oral sex is an intimate act and requires
you to trust your partner—that’s half the point (the other half

Reeeerace sie = SEB BLES LE EES

“When I was younger I used to hate it when a guy went down on

me. It felt too personal and I didn’t know where to look but closing
my eyes felt rude. Then I met my current boyfriend, who absolutely
loves giving me head. I was skeptical at first but he begged me so
much that eventually I let him. It was one of the best decisions I ever
made. Now I couldn’t imagine our sex life without it.”
LAURA, 28
 Chapter 1
Angin

being a damned good orgasm, of course). And the more

relaxed you are, the quicker you’re likely to reach climax.
Which brings us to a rather sticky subject: swallowing.
Although women can get very wet and even ejaculate (of which
more later), generally speaking, it’s a lot more likely for a male
orgasm to come complete with, well, come. The taste and
sensation of swallowing semen isn’t something that appeals to
every woman’s palate and this aversion could even lead a
partner to decline administering oral sex at all.
If this is something that you’re affected by, you may find it
helpful to try some of the semen sweetening tricks in Chapter
Three. However, if your partner balks at the very idea of
swallowing, no matter how sweet it allegedly tastes, then you'll
need to try harder if you want to win her round. You’ll need to
promise—and mean it—that you won’t come in her mouth.
Since this is one of the most common lies ever told, you may
need to be particularly persuasive. And make sure you mean it!
All it takes is one over-enthusiastic firing session and you'll be
back to square one. While it can be all very lovely to come in a
woman’s mouth, if it stands between you and getting blow jobs
at all, is it really that important? You can always come over her
body or face instead, if that’s something she doesn’t object to.
And if she does object? Are you honestly saying that it’ll be the
first time you’ve come into a handful of tissues? Get over it.
Unless you’ve had traumatic oral experiences, there’s really
no reason to worry about giving or receiving oral sex. Just relax,
give it a go and you should be surprised at the results...
 TIPS} FOR FILERea RhOy iit
Common mistakes women make

I. Giving up too early. Don’t think that fellatio is a quick solution for
getting us off the minute you clamp your lips around us. Pace yourself,
take your time and don’t panic if he’s not automatically throwing ropes
like Spider-Man—it doesn’t mean you're no good at it, and neither does it
mean he’s not enjoying it.

2. Not mixing up techniques. There's more to fellatio than sucking, and

the penis is far more complicated than women give credit for. You may be
able to deep-throat a baguette, but if you're doing nothing but that, you'll
find that oral familiarity breeds genital disinterest. Take time to discover
what he likes to have done to different parts of his penis.

3. Not mixing up rhythms. Your lips, mouth and tongue can do a myriad
of things your vagina can’t. When you're down there, you're the one in
control, and can dictate the pace at will, rewing him up with enthusiastic
mouth-bobbing one minute and then slithering your tongue down his shaft
the next.

4. Forgetting about his balls. They like attention too. And | don’t just
mean oral attention—gently rubbing them or cupping them in your hand
improves the sensations tenfold, and the slightest (and | mean slightest)
pull on the bottom of his scrotum as he’s about to come makes for an
incredibly intense orgasm.
 5. Ignoring the rest of his body. We've got more than one erogenous
Zone, y'know, and we do like to be teased—so don't forget to put your
hands on our ass to pull us into you, or brush your cheek along our inner
thighs, or draw a line with your tongue from our bellybutton downward.

6. Doing too much, too soon. If you start bobbing your head like a heavy
metal fan on crack, three things will happen; first, you'll get jaw-ache.
Next, you'll look as if you're not enjoying it. Then he'll start thinking you
don’t want to do it, and feel guilty. Take your time.—spend time jerking
him off while swizzling your tongue around the head of his penis.

7. Being too gentle. Our penis is designed to be able to take a lot more
punishment than you think (and trust us, we've spent years testing our
tolerance levels). While your bits require a little more gentleness, we can
take a lot more punishment...

8. Using teeth. This is where we draw the line, in most cases. Unless we
specifically ask for it, it's best to avoid dental contact; otherwise, we start
to get a bit worried about having it bitten off.

9. Complaining that it's taking too long. Most women can’t come from
penetrative sex, but it doesn’t mean their partners are lousy lays.
Conversely, the fact that your man seems unable to climax from oral sex
doesn’t mean you're doing anything wrong. If you start pressuring him to
come, he won't. Simple as that.

10. Grimacing when he ejaculates. It’s not battery acid, you know.
 to penetrative se: xwithout any pre

already | aroused and begging for your ora

one

your tongue has even guely moved

gue is. Kiss your —

ae of men too), and
pine). And don’t think
our hands as well,

the neck, the inner thighs, and the nave

more obvious erogenous zones.
If you’re confident enough in your verbales
whisper smutty suggestions into your lover’s
way they look, smell, and taste. Say that you’ve
fantasising about going down on them and, idea
The more enthusiastic you are about oral, the be
for both of you. Only move directly to the genit
lover is trembling and aching for your touch.
 Bedroom etiquette
Once you get started, don’t forget your manners. Although it
can be tempting to just go for it, checking your partner’s
reaction
as you go along is only polite. This is particularly
important with a new lover, as you need to learn the blueprint
to a whole new body. Don’t be too hesitant in your attentions
and don’t just assume that what you’re doing is bound to work
because “it’s worked on everyone else.”
Check whether your partner wants you to use just your
mouth or get hands involved too. Make sure you’re not sucking
too hard or too gently. Ask if you should move faster or slower, :
or even stay absolutely still so that they can move against you to nae
a rhythm of their choosing. Ask these questions as you perform
(well, during brief breaks—it’s rude to speak with your mouth
full), in a husky voice so that it doesn’t feel like you’re playing
Twenty Questions. Alternatively, keep a close watch on your
lover’s body and it should show you what’s hitting the spot.
Men sometimes release pre-come as they get closer to climax
but that’s not universal so don’t rely on it as a signal. Similarly,
some men will have a noticeably pulsing shaft immediately
before climax, but that’s by no means guaranteed. That said, if
a man’s penis does start to pulse it’s a pretty safe bet that he’s
nearing the edge.
 ‘TIPS FOR HIME FROM HER
Common mistakes men make

I. Attempting to beat the “World Tongue Speed Record.” It is not a

race. Speed is not essential and it certainly won't make her orgasm any
quicker. Slow down and savor the flavor.

2. Going down without shaving first. Although there are some women
out there who like it, generally it’s a painful experience that makes it
impossible to relax because you're too busy thinking about the chafing
that youre going to be left with the next morning.

3. Relying on tongue alone to do the job. Yes, a tongue is a lovely thing

on the genitals but it is possible for the fingers and tongue to move at
the same time. Try it. She might like it.

4. Changing pace and technique every ten seconds so that the woman
can't get into any sense of rhythm. The occasional teasing move away
when a woman’s close to coming is one thing: constantly doing
it is quite another.

5. Being squeamish and licking so delicately, with such a look of disgust

on your face, that the woman feels like you're performing oral as
community service. Women can tell when you're going down on them just
to get the “favor” returned.

6. Similarly, looking up and saying “Is that enough yet?” If you're not
going to at least pretend to enjoy it, don’t bother.

7. Moving down to lick her anus without asking first. Some women like
it but just as many feel squeamish—and if you move your tongue from
anus to vagina, you can encourage yeast infections too. Not sexy. Save
analingus for after you've talked about it with your partner.

8. Refusing to move when you're being pushed away after the woman's
come, even when she’s using all her strength. Yes, carrying on can
sometimes lead to multiple orgasms but it can also be intensely painful.

9. Spitting on your partner's bits. OK, some women like the whole
submissive kick but at least as many find it really offensive or hate the
feeling of warm saliva dribbling over their bits. Check before you pull your
porn moves out.

10. Biting. Unless you've been specifically asked to then just don't. Ever.
= Chapter 1

Signs of arousal
If your partner is aroused, you should find one or more of the
following signals:
Tensed muscles.
A flushed chest or face.
Increasingly engorged genitals.
Hardening nipples (this varies from person to person).
@
@BSGritted teeth (this can also indicate pain so make sure
you haven’t got a pubic hair caught between your teeth—
while it’s still attached to your lover).
@ Heavy breathing.

Signs of boredom
Then there’s spotting signs of boredom. If you notice any of
the following, you may need to hone your technique:
@ Changing the TV channel.
@ Talking in complete sentences (particularly if they sound
like something you’d hear in porn).
@ Screaming “I’m coming, ’'m coming, I’m coming,” >
while
their body stays completely relaxed.

Chances are, if you do something radically wrong, such as

bite, your partner will tell you (or yelp in pain). Try not to
respond defensively: it’s bad enough that you’ve just
inadvertently hurt your lover, without getting in a mood with
them as well. And if your partner does something utterly
 Getting ready ys 31 ,
gl i if

wrong, don’t just grin and bear it. Your partner will never
understand what you really enjoy if you pretend that every
single touch sends you into paroxysms.
As well as checking your partner is enjoying what you’re
doing, it’s also important to check that they’re relaxed. Not
only will it make orgasm easier but if they’re looking stressed,
it could be because you’re doing something wrong—or they’re
about to break wind and are trying to figure out the polite way
to ask you to move.
Or course, there’s no ideal way to deal with the above
scenario: if sex was ideal there wouldn’t be any breaking wind
to face. However, there is one guaranteed way not to deal with
it. Don’t think that you can get it out and your partner won’t
notice. OK, confessing “You need to move, I’m going to fart,”
won’t add romance to the equation but letting go is just as
uncouth and has the added disadvantage of showing your
partner zero respect. By far the best way to get out of the
situation with your dignity intact and partner happy is to
moan, “I need to kiss you,” and drag them up toward you.
bs)

After a few kisses, make your excuses to nip to the bathroom.

Even better, fake a cramp and leap out of bed grasping your leg
to “fix it.” This gives you the perfect excuse to go to the
bathroom as you “need to stretch your legs.” OK, lying to a
partner isn’t cool but the odd white lie is forgivable.
Unpleasant bodily functions aside, there’s only one more bit
of essential etiquette: how to deal with the wet patch. First off,
Chapter 1

do your best to avoid it. Putting a towel down or agreeing not

to spray your ejaculate around like an over-enthusiastic porn
star are both good starts. They’ll save you having to wash your
sheets every night as well so it’s an eco-friendly option as well.
Should you get it on in such a passionate haze that you ignore
the above advice and end up with a wet spot glaring you in the
face, either agree to take it in turns to suffer wet-patch-
sleeping, or better yet, try turning the sheets around as that
should get the wet spot out of the “danger zone” and neither
of you will end up lying in it. Then again, if you’re the only
one who’s had oral sex administered, be fair and accept that
the juices are your responsibility. Getting the orgasm and the
dry patch just isn’t fair.
By now, you should know everything that you need to have a
perfectly acceptable oral session—but who wants one of those
when there’s the option of fabulous oral sex instead? Read on
to discover how to give a brilliant blow job and consummate
cunnilingus—and get ready to put a smile on your lover’s face.
 Dos and Don’ts

Protect yourself against STDs.

2. Wash carefully beforehand.
3. Warm your lover up before going down (unless you’re
aiming for a fast and dirty oral quickie session).
4. Listen to your partner while you’re going down on them,
and always pay attention to their body language as
much as their words.
5. Try to come quickly when you’re receiving oral. No
matter how much your partner loves administering it,
they still want you to come before their tongue or jaw
goes into spasm.

Don’t
I. Give oral sex purely as a way to get it.
2. Break wind while your partner’s down there.
3. Push your partner’s head down when you fancy an oral
session. Ask politely—or talk sexily and tease their body
until they’re in the mood.
4. Use your teeth.
5. Freak out about giving or receiving oral sex. It really can
be a lot of fun. Honest.
oeve
 PEEASURING
A WOMAN
Oral sex is one of the easiest ways to give a woman an orgasm. As such,
any man who’s a cunnilingus king will be in demand—and the good
news is that it’s really not that complicated to be an oral expert with a
technique she’ll be raving about for years to come.

Z
. 36 Chapter 2

Look before you lick

You wouldn’t eat a meal in the pitch dark, because you want
to know what you’re eating, so why treat cunnilingus any
differently? A basic knowledge of female anatomy can make all
the difference and this is a tad trickier than it is with men.
Women’s bits are hidden out of the way and vary hugely in
terms of size, shape, and sensitivity, whereas men tend to be a
lot more similar to each other. However, a little bit of
exploration should be all you need to refine your technique.
Look before you lap to learn what you’re dealing with.
Spread your partner’s legs and open up her labia (outer
lips)—or ask her to hold them open for you, if she’s confident
enough. Now, enjoy the view. This is a very intimate act and
some women may feel unsettled so it’s a good time to throw in
a few compliments. “You’re so gorgeous,” or “I love the way
you smell,” ”
will both go a long way in helping her chill out,
and relaxation is key for achieving great orgasms. By boosting
her confidence, you’re decreasing your chances of ending up
with a cricked neck from being down there for hours.
Now you’ve got your partner beautifully open in front of
you, working from the outside in, you’ve got the labia majora,
or outer lips. These are the ones that are covered with pubes
(unless she’s a shaven haven kind of girl, but you get the gist).
Lots of people ignore the outer lips when giving oral sex,
preferring to focus on the juicier inner lips, but the labia
majora are also sensitive to teasing, and can take a bit more
pressure than the clit and inner lips, so shouldn’t be overlooked.
 Pleasuring a woman
mk de
For example, use your fingers to hold open her outer lips and
squeeze gently while your tongue gets to work on her clit and
inner lips. Who said only women can multitask?
Now, look in between her lips. Toward the top, you’ll see a
nubbly bit covered by a tiny “hood” of skin (or prepuce). This
is the clit. They come in all different shapes and sizes. Some
are almost impossible to find, particularly in larger ladies with
fatty pubic mounds, while others all but jump up and down
shouting, “Lick me!”
If you have a hard time finding a clitoris, it doesn’t mean
that you’re a rubbish lover. Some clits can be downright shy
and retreat as far inside the hood as they can the second it
looks like they’re going to face anyone (or their tongue). If you
encounter an elusive clit, ask your partner to show it to you.
Not only will this show that you care about giving her pleasure
but you’ll also get a masturbation show—result! Once they’ve
identified it, you should be able to keep track of it relatively
easily. It’s the bit that swells the most and feels the hardest

TRY THIS NOW!

Draw a picture of your partner’s bits and ask her to put a cross on any
areas she particularly likes licked, stroked, or nibbled. This is a good
way to help even the shyest woman ask for what she wants. If she says
she doesn’t know, go down on her and help her put an X on the spot.
a Chapter 2

underneath your tongue—assuming you’re teasing it in the

right way, of course.
Moving down, you’ll encounter the labia minora, or inner
lips. These are packed with nerve endings that just love feeling
a warm, wet tongue sliding over them. They also vary in size—
some women worry that theirs hang down too low or are
uneven, so again, reassurance is a good thing.
Then you have the vaginal opening. Some men make the
mistake of assuming that’s where all the action should go on,
falsely believing that a tongue should just act as a miniature
penis. While a good tongue-fucking can be very pleasurable,
ignoring the clit and labia makes it a lot less likely that a
woman will come. There are way more nerves in the clit than
the vaginal opening so you’re just making hard work for yourself.
Below the vaginal opening, you’ll find the perineum—the
area of skin between vagina and anus. Although some women
are squeamish about any stimulation near the anus, this can
also be sensitive, so try rubbing your tongue over it. Pleasuring
every inch of her is far more likely to get the results that you
want. Don’t go for rimming (licking her anus) unless she asks
you to though: perineal stimulation is wild enough to start with.

“I remember hearing some woman on a TV show say she couldn’t

understand how men can’t find the clit because it’s easy enough to
remember: ‘front and center.’ I couldn’t agree more!”
JEMMA, 32
40 rOkaatee 2

The cunnilingus commandments

There are some very basic rules to remember when going down
on a woman that will enhance the experience for both of you.

Commandment One: Softly does it

Men tend to prefer more pressure than women do down below.
As a result, a lot of guys wade in way too heavily during
cunnilingus, following the “treat other people as you’d like to
be treated” rule. This way lies chafing, pain, and getting your
head pushed away (yeah, and you thought that was just
because she was desperate for a good banging. Sorry to burst
your bubble).
A cunnilingus king starts off incredibly gently. Imagine that
you’re licking a stamp made out of tissue paper that will rip if
you apply too much pressure. Start by licking the clitoris
through the hood—it can be too sensitive to touch directly
before it gets fully aroused (and gets exceptionally sensitive
after climax too, so back away from the clit once she’s come).
Run your tongue softly over her thighs, outer and inner labia,
and around the entrance to her vagina. Build up a regular
pattern, so she knows what’s coming next. It makes it much
easier for her to relax and aim toward climax.

Commandment Two: Shave

OK, there are one or two women out there who enjoy the
sensation of stubble on their bits but they’re in the distinct
minority. No man can understand the pain of a sharp piece of
 Pleasuring a woman

stubble dragged over an erect clit (unless they have a penchant

for masturbating using sandpaper), so unless you want to ruin
the mood in the unsexiest way possible, shave before you go
down. Please. Moisturizing is just an added bonus.

Commandment Three: Enjoy your meal

No woman’s going to enjoy cunnilingus if you look bored, or
worse, like you’re doing it under duress. So make occasional
eye contact with her, and tell her how great she looks, tastes,
and feels. If you get hard when you’re going down, tell your
partner—it will make her even more likely to feel horny and
come. Alternatively, blindfold her first so that she can’t see
how dull you find the entire thing. Then, as long as you don’t
audibly yawn, you should be OK.

TRY THIS NOW!

Start going down on your partner and work your way through each
of the ten commandments (mentally—saying them out loud will so
spoil the mood). Make a note of anything that makes a particularly
big difference. And if your partner says that something really doesn’t
work for her, pay attention. Just because it’s a commandment doesn’t
mean that it’s more important than what your lover thinks. Sex
manuals can only ever steer you in the right direction: your partner’s
the one who can tell you how to drive her crazy.
48. Chiaptere2

Commandment Four: Ask for it

Women often feel that men think cunnilingus is a chore. If you
beg her to let you go down on her then she’s much more likely
to believe you really are into it. This will help her relax which
will make it easier for her to come more quickly. So, it’s a
win/win situation: she gets off and you don’t end up with a
tired tongue.

Commandment Five: Use your lips...

All too many men think that oral sex involves flicking their
tongue in and out snake-like, or worse, sticking their tongue
out and then shaking their head from side to side. Porn has a
lot to answer for. OK, the tongue is important, but don’t
underestimate what you can do with your lips. The inside of
the lips is exceptionally soft, and can feel incredible rubbed
gently over the tip of the clit. Or try capturing the clit between
your lips and gently sucking on it (don’t go for the full-on
hoover approach unless you’ve been told that this is exactly
what she wants. Again, less is more). Even kissing the clit can
provoke a steamy reaction. So press your lips to hers, and
enjoy the most intimate possible kiss.

Commandment Six: And your tongue...

However, the tongue is all-important in great oral. Again, use
the underside as well as the top of the tongue as both give a
different sensation. If you have a hard time holding back your
 Pleasuring a vonan a

ministrations (see Softly does it), using the underside of your

tongue will limit the amount of pressure that you can apply.
Vary the types of strokes you use, from lapping to flicking to
simply keeping your tongue pressed against her while she
moves her body against your face. Try moving up and
down, and from side to side, paying attention to the
way that she responds. And when you find something
she likes, keep at it. Unless, of course, you feel like
being a teasing swine (or want her to hit you).

Commandment Seven: But not teeth

Biting is something that’s best kept strictly away from
the genitals. Yes, there are some people who get off
on pain but they’ll tell you, with any luck. So,
unless you’ve been asked explicitly, keep your teeth
well covered. Extremely gentle nibbling is the only
exception but what feels soft to you may well
feel like you’re trying to bite off her clit
to her, so it’s best left until you
know someone’s bodily
reactions well enough to
gauge exactly how she’s
feeling about every nip.
44 Chapter 2

Commandment Eight:
A finger of fun
A lot of men treat oral sex and fingering as entirely different
things, but combining the two means that you can deliver the
double whammy of clitoral and vaginal/G-spot stimulation.
And if you can keep your finger and tongue to the same
rhythm then you’re likely to elicit a screamingly good response.

Commandment Nine: A change isn’t as good as a rest

You’re getting down and dirty, glad that you spent your youth
practicing tongue-twisters and she’s writhing and clearly loving
every second of it. Do you a) carry on with what you’re doing,
making a mental note to do it again in the future, or b) change
to something entirely different. The answer should be obvious
but you’d be amazed at how many men go for changing the
pace just as they’re about to hit the jackpot. So, if you’re doing

“When a guy’s going down on me I always worry that he’s bored. It

probably wasn’t helped by the guy who got down there and after 30
seconds looked up at me and said “Is that enough yet?” The answer
was an emphatic yes—it was such a turn off thinking he was down
there counting the seconds until he could have sex with me and was
doing it under duress. I can’t believe that men enjoy doing it, and I'd
need a lot of convincing to persuade me otherwise.”
SAM, 27
 Pleasuring a woman 45

something and it’s working, keep going. Sure, your tongue

might get tired, but do you think blow jobs are easy?

Commandment Ten: Listen and learn

Remember, just because something sent your ex into paroxysms
of lust, it doesn’t mean that anyone else will enjoy it. Treat
each new partner as an entirely new body (and person) to learn
about. And don’t go for the clichéd “drawing the alphabet with
your tongue.” This shows no understanding of your partner
(and women can tell when you’re doing it too). Instead, trail
your tongue slowly over her from clit hood to perineum and
left to right, and pay attention to what she likes. When her
body tenses, this is generally a good sign (though it’s worth
checking, particularly with a new partner, that they aren’t
tensing in pain). Listen to her moans and groans—though don’t
expect them or think you’re doing something wrong if she’s
silent. Some women are quieter than others and most women
go silent just before they come. So pay attention to what she
says with her body as well as her mouth.
46
> Cha
pter
Z
ae
hing
Ae
be
ee

Techniques
Now that you know what you’re dealing with, you’ll need some
techniques so that she’ll be raving about you for years to come.

Licking
Fairly basic; as the name suggests, you simply lick your
partner. Try a variety of fast and slow strokes, soft and hard
(always erring on the softer side though) to see which your
partner likes best. Use the tip, sides, and the flat of your
tongue as well as the underside.

Dribbling
Some women love feeling saliva dripping over them, and it’s
also handy for making sure that she’s well lubricated so it
delivers a double whammy.

TRY THIS NOW!

Bathe your partner then carry her through to the bedroom. Spread her
legs and work your way through all the techniques. Take your time—
at least five minutes per technique—and listen to her body’s feedback
(and her groans). Which technique is the most effective? You may find
that she loves one technique when you start going down on her and
another as she gets more aroused. Make a mental note of this and use
your new-found knowledge in future cunnilingus sessions.
 Pleasuring a woman
“lt
if Sah arYlau
fea
With

Open-mouthed sucking
Covering the whole of her clit and labia with your mouth and
then softly sucking can be thrilling. If she starts going wild,
don’t be tempted to increase the suction. Chances are, she’s
writhing around because she loves exactly what you’re doing
so why change it?

Pulling back the clitoral hood

The clit is protected by the clit hood (much as the foreskin
protects the head of the penis in uncircumcized men) However,
gently pulling the hood upward then stroking the tip of the clit
with your tongue can lead to particularly intense orgasms,
assuming she doesn’t have a hypersensitive clit. Try pressing
the heel of your hand into the top of her pubes as this will
naturally retract the hood for you.

Flicking
Rapid movements of the tongue over the clit or labia can help
“wake it up.” However, be careful not to go too wild as hard
flicking can be painful.

Ovary pressing
Strange as it sounds, the ovaries can be an erogenous zone.
Press into them while you’re giving head—they’re roughly
equidistant between her navel and the side of her waist—and it
can boost her orgasm.
Lubrication, lubrication, lubrication
Lube isn’t just for dried up bits. It adds sensation to almost
any sex act including cunnilingus. There are various types of
lube that you can get: water-based, oil-based, and silicone.
It’s best to avoid oil-based lubes as they make condoms rot
and can be bad for genital health. Vaseline is another definite
no-no. It disagrees with vaginal membranes and can lead to
irritation. As to “homemade” lubes such as butter, don’t even
think about it. Last Tango in Paris has a lot to answer for too.
Water-based lubes are good all-rounders and tend to come in
the greatest array of flavors: everything from strawberry to
pina colada, mint to lager, and even ones that warm up on
application. Some taste great while others are truly revolting:
it’s only by taste-testing them that you’ll know which one is for
you. However, you can now get sampler packs of different
flavored lubricants so it needn’t be expensive. Do be careful
with flavored lubes though: if they contain sugar, they can
encourage yeast infections, which is the last thing that you
want. Water-based lubricants don’t stay wet for as long as
silicone-based lubes and have a tendency to get rather sticky.
They can be reactivated with a water spray though, so if you
keep one by the side of the bed, you’ll get much more use out
of said lube.
Silicone is the king of lubes. It’s tber-slippery and lasts for
ages. However, it can’t be used with silicone toys so use water-
based lube if you’re incorporating toy play into cunnilingus
and your favorite vibrator is made out of silicone. It doesn’t
always taste as good as water-based lubes either: as before,
taste test it to find one that you like.
Lubes come in various types of packaging: bottles, tubs, and
even sprays. The best general lube packaging is a plastic
squeezable flip-top lidded bottle as this means you can apply
lots all in one go with ease. However, for cunnilingus, spray-on
lube can be good as it applies a smaller amount and is more
controllable. Tubs are best avoided for hygiene reasons.
Regardless of the lubricant that you choose, these lube tricks
will show that you’re the ultimate experimental oral expert.

Lick and flick

Pour some flavored lube over your partner’s clit and very
gently flick it with the pad of your finger while your tongue
licks her labia.

In and out
Cover your fingers in lube and slide them inside her while your
tongue laps her clit. A warm, moist finger is all too easy to
mistake for a tongue in the heat of passion so it’s also a good
way to buy yourself a break if your tongue goes numb.

The drizzle
Drizzle lube over her breasts, stomach, and clit, then gradually
massage her from top to bottom. Lube makes a great condom-
“Se Chapter 2
ese

safe alternative to massage oil. Once she’s wriggling in bliss,

follow the trail of lube with your tongue and tease her all over
before you eventually suck her slippery clit into your mouth.

Hot and cold

If you’re into sub/dom play, alternate a warm tongue on her
clit with pouring ice-cold lube straight from the fridge over her
bits and rubbing it in.

Spot the tongue

Blindfold your lover and cover two fingers of each hand with
lubricant. Use these to very lightly trace over either side of her
labia while your tongue focuses on her clit. Swap over so your
tongue is flickering over her labia and your fingers are playing
with her clit. With enough practice, it should feel like she has
three tongues working on her at once.

TRY THIS NOW!

Sexpert Lou Paget recommends that men tone up their tongue
muscles by eating a mini _fromagefrais or yogurt using only their
tongue. Reaching into the nooks and crannies of the pot is handy
trainingfor reaching your tongue around down below.
 Pleasuring a woman
ee

Go on, go on, go on
It’s commonly known that women tend to take longer than
men to come. As a result, you may find yourself with chronic
jaw-ache mid-way through a cunnilingus session. You have
various options at this point:
@ Battle valiantly on, remembering the time she gave you a
blow-job when you were hammered and kept going until
the bitter end.
Change position so that a different part of your jaw takes
the strain.
Add a vibrator to the equation.
& Swap to using your fingers.

If you can tell she’s seconds away from coming, option one is
by far the kindest. If she’s stopped from coming seconds before it
happens, it can scare the orgasm away altogether. However, if
you sense you’re going to be in it for the long haul, then any of
the latter three are good options. Or hell, you could even ask her
to take over for a bit. Let’s face it, watching her play with herself
will probably get your enthusiasm firing on all cylinders...

“Women don’t realize how tempting it is to speed up when you’re

going down on them. It’s like the finishing line is in sight so you put
on a final spurt of speed!”
PETER, 29
- Chapter 2

Troubleshooting
There are of course problems you may encounter when going
down, but most of these are easily dealt with when you’re
prepared for what can go wrong.

When she doesn’t come

Although oral sex is one of the easiest ways to make a woman
come, it’s by no means guaranteed. Stress, tiredness, excessive
alcohol, or even something as simple as having distracting
music on in the background can all make it hard for a woman
to reach climax. However, it could be that the reason she’s not
coming is that you’re either going at it so hard she fears for her
clit, or that you’re changing your style so often that she can’t
get into the rhythm. You may be positioning your hands in
such a way that they dig in uncomfortably or it could be that
your stubble is chafing her. If things seem
to be taking a long time, start
off by pulling back and
going gently. Ask
 Pleasuring a woman 33.
ie

her if you’re doing anything wrong so that she has “permission”

to correct your technique. If that still doesn’t work, don’t see it
as a failure: just ask if you can take a break for a bit and
cuddle up to your partner. You can always use some nifty
fingerwork to keep her horny. Alternatively, using a bullet-style
toy on her clit while you lick her will probably help speed
things along.

When you get a hair in your throat

Don’t try to struggle on valiantly: you’ll only end up choking.
When you feel a hair in your mouth, discreetly spit it out onto
your hand—or for a sneaky trick, spit on her clit. This will add
extra lube—never a bad thing, as you know—and get rid of the
offending hair in one move. Do check your partner doesn’t
object to this type of behavior though: some women may feel
degraded by it. Then again, sometimes that can be hot...
If getting hairs in your throat is a common occurrence then
consider asking your lover very nicely if she’d be up for
shaving her pubes—or at least trimming them. If you promise
you'll lavish her with lots more oral attention, she’ll probably
consider it worth the effort.

When she squeezes too hard

It’s all too easy for a woman to get caught up in the heat of the
moment and clench her thighs together so tightly that you fear
you'll get a broken neck. While you can ask your partner not
: 4 = Chapter 2

to do it, controlling orgasmic bliss is kind of tricky. Instead,

opt for tying your lover up spread-eagled, if you both like a bit
of bondage, or putting your elbows in between her thighs while
you go down on her so that she’ll be straining against them
rather than your face. Alternatively, enjoy the submissive thrill
of being stifled—some men really get off on it.

When you don’t like the taste

A clean and healthy vagina should taste great. However, the
taste of vaginal juices can change across a women’s menstrual
cycle and sometimes it’s less tasty than usual. If this is the case,
use saliva to “dilute” the taste. With copious dribbling you
should be able to mask any unpleasantness. Alternatively,
experiment with flavored lubricants or chocolate sauce. Just
make sure that your lover washes thoroughly afterward to
avoid yeast infections.
 Dos and Don’ts

For her

Do show you love it. 66 percent of men rate their partner’s

reaction as the top turn-on when they perform oral.
- Don’t clamp your legs together so tightly it limits your
partner’s movement.
Do wash beforehand. Clean bits are nicer to be near.
. Don’t forget to comb through your pubes when you get out
of the bath to get rid of any potentially choking stragglers.
. Do say if something isn’t working—how else will he know
what to do?

For him
i Don’t go down for 30 seconds and expect her to be grateful.
Ze Do ask what she likes. If she finds it hard to explain, have
a “training session” where you try different things.
Don’t treat cunnilingus as a trading card—“I’ll do it for
you if you go down on me.”
Do remember that oral sex during periods is a higher risk
activity STD-wise so make sure you use a dental dam.
Don’t go down after you’ve had sex using a condom with
spermicide. It will make your tongue go numb.
bai
we
 PLEASURING
A MAN
When it comes to pleasuring a man, you’ve already got one major
advantage: oral is one of most men’s favorite sex acts, and merely
initiating it will already mark you out as one hot woman.
| 58 ‘Chapter 3

A load of cock: The anatomy of the penis

To properly pleasure a penis, you need to know how it works.
Although it might seem simple—touch it, lick it, feel it grow
hard—there’s more to a man’s member than you may think.
Not all parts of the penis are created equal: some respond
instantly to pleasure while other bits still like being caressed
but won’t work as many wonders. Knowing where the tber-
erogenous zones are—even the ones that are hidden—is the
first step to being a phenomenal fellatrix. So it’s worth getting
to grips (ahem) with the basic anatomy.
Ask your man to spread his legs then sit between them so
that you’ve got the best view. Get him hard so that you can see
the penis in its best possible state.
Starting at the top, you’ve got the glans: the rounded bit also
known as the head of the penis. This is one of the most
sensitive bits of the penis: the equivalent of a woman’s clitoris.
Focusing your attention here will reap the most rewards.
In the tip of the glans is the urethra, which he urinates
through and ejaculates from. Some men find stimulation of the
urethral opening (aka meatus) intense while others find it a
massive turn off. Try running your tongue lightly around the
urethra to gauge his response: if he likes it, you can try darting
your tongue lightly into the urethra. However, don’t stick
anything down there as it can get stuck and cause intense pain.
At the bottom of the glans is the coronal ridge. This is also
incredibly sensitive: try running your tongue around it when
your man’s aroused to see how intense the pleasure can be.
 Pleasuring a man 59

Continuing down, next comes the frenulum. This is the

stringy bit on the base of the glans, and is one of the ultimate
male erogenous zones. Try lightly flicking it with your tongue,
softly sucking on it, or letting your thumb rub over it while
your tongue works on his glans. If a man is uncircumcized, this
is the point at which his foreskin attaches so you can also try
running your tongue underneath his foreskin. Go gently
though: while this can be phenomenal for some men, others
find it too much. It’s also possible to break the frenulum, if
you’re rough, which can result in blood loss and extreme pain
so save your maximum suction for stimulating the shaft—
which is the bit that you’ll get to next.
The shaft forms the bulk of the penis (unless the man is
particularly unlucky size-wise). It’s less sensitive than the head,
but responds well to firm strokes and suction. However, some
men do have extremely sensitive areas on their shaft so it’s
worth exploring your man thoroughly with lubed-up fingers to
see whether he has any particularly erogenous zones that you
can use to your advantage.

“My wife loves giving me oral, but hates to taste my come, so when she
goes down on me she purses her lips real tight when I’m about to come.
She looks sexy as hell when she does it, I get to shoot my load where I
want to, and she doesn’t have to swallow. As long as there’s a box of
tissues and a glass of orange juice nearby, she’s happy.”
DAN, 38
60 F chapter 3

Many women think that that’s it, overlooking anything below

that level but this is a massive mistake: the scrotum and balls
can both be erogenous zones, once you’ve reassured your man
that you’re not going to squeeze too hard or play too roughly.
Try sucking the balls into your mouth (known as teabagging if
you approach from underneath him). Some men like it if you
suck them one at a time, others like the sensation of having
both balls in your mouth. Alternatively, if he’s too nervous
about having his family jewels so near to your teeth, or has
balls that are too big to fit into your mouth, try lapping at the
skin of the scrotum between his balls or softly sucking it into
your mouth.
Finally, there’s the perineum. This is the area between his
balls and his anus, also known as the “t’aint” because it “ain’t
his butt and it ain’t his penis.” Running your tongue over this
area firmly, or pressing into it with the heel of your hand or
(short-nailed) fingertips can indirectly stimulate his prostate
gland (of which more later) from the outside, making it ideal if
your man is nervous about anal play.
Although most men would be more than happy if you merely
paid attention to all the above areas, a bit of sensual exploration
can enhance the experience even more. The only way to find
these erogenous zones is to explore, so make sure that you set
aside time to get to know every inch of your man rather than
assuming that they’re all the same. Once you know where to
touch, it’s time to move on to what to do: welcome to the blow
job basics.
Chapter 3

The blow job basics

Once you know what’s going on down there, there are a few
golden rules to remember before you go down.

Basic One: Cover those teeth

There’s a time and a place for nibbling, and when you’ve got
your man’s penis between your lips, it’s most definitely not the
time. Make sure that you have your teeth covered with your
lips before you get carried away, and if your man starts
thrusting away too vigorously, don’t be afraid to pull back—all
too many penile injuries have been caused by overenthusiastic
action. The only time to get your teeth involved is if a man
asks you to, and even then, go gently.

Basic Tivo: Use your hands

Just because it’s called oral sex, it doesn’t mean that it’s
exclusively oral. Using your hands will enhance the sensation
for him, speed his climax along, and give your mouth a break
if you start to get jaw ache. Try masturbating his shaft while
your tongue circles his glans, rubbing your thumb over his
frenulum while his penis is inside your mouth, or playing with
his balls while you deep throat him.

Basic Three: The wetter the better

Lube isn’t just for women. Using lots of saliva or, better, adding
a dash of flavored lube will help everything glide more easily.
This is particularly important if your man is circumcized as he
 Pleasuring a man _ 63

won't produce as much natural lubrication. Take your pick

from strawberry, chocolate, or pina colada, to name just a few.

Basic Four: Ask for it

Or better yet, beg. Most men are of the opinion that women
don’t enjoy administering oral sex. As such, if you make the
first move, they’re likely to think:
@ Way-hey, it’s my lucky night.
@& She is such a hot woman.
@ Where did that erection come from? It wasn’t there 20
seconds ago.

And thus the warming up is done for you. A woman who

initiates oral sex will never be short of a man.

Basic Five: Show your enthusiasm

Of course, Basic Four only works if you then show that you’re
loving it once you get down to business. There’s no point
sucking a man half-heartedly: he’ll feel like it’s a chore for you
and you’ll be down there for hours while he wrestles with the

“T love coming in my girlfriend’s hair, but it’s obviously not a spur-of-

the-moment thing to do, so on Saturday mornings I go down on her
while she sleeps, until she wakes up, incredibly horny, and tosses me
off in her hair. Then we both take a shower and I wash it all out.”
OLI, 29
 Pleasuring a man 65

dilemma of “I feel guilty she’s doing something she doesn’t

likes but it feels so good...”

Basic Six: Be an explorer

Don’t just stick to sucking the penis. Let your hands and
tongue roam over your man’s balls, perineum, chest, and inner
thighs. Don’t go for prostate massage without warning though.
While it works for some men, others (quite rightly) take
offense at having a finger stuck there as a “surprise.”

Basic Seven: Keep on going

Yes, giving a blow job can sometimes seem like it’s taking
forever but women don’t exactly come in seconds, so be
patient. If your partner is under the influence of drink, spend
more time on masturbating him before you move on to oral
sex. Although a blow job doesn’t have to be taken to
completion every time, it’s good manners to keep on going
until the (often) bitter end.

Basic Eight: The look of lust

Men are visual creatures so give him something to look at and
he’ll enjoy himself a lot more. If you’re relatively shy, try just
looking him in the eye as you suck him. If you’re a little more
confident, play with your breasts and if you’re wild and willing
to try anything, get a toy involved and play with yourself as you
suck him, making sure that you’re in a position that allows him
the best view. A mirror can be a handy oral accomplice . . .
‘Chapter 3

Basic Nine: Talk with your

mouth full
You may have been told that it’s bad
manners but the occasional comment
during oral sex can be helpful: think
“God, I love sucking you,” rather than,
bp)

“T’ve been thinking, the bathroom needs

grouting.” If he’s taking a long time to
come, throwing in a quick “I want to
taste your come” will probably prove
“T want” does get in certain situations.

Basic Ten: Take it like a woman

Yes, it’s the old spit or swallow debate.
If you really hate the taste of semen then
don’t feel obliged to swallow. Either
discreetly spit it into a tissue you’ve left
by the side of the bed, along with a glass
of juice to drink, or better yet, ask him
to ejaculate over your breasts or face
instead. This is a move often used in
porn films and, as such, is likely to
make him think that you’re one hot
woman. Just remember to close your
eyes if you go for the latter option.
 TTPSH POR TIE RoE RO Viena
Spit or swallow: the great debate

OK, this is one of the most meaningless debates in the entire realm of
sexuality, but let's drag it out into the open once and for all. Is coming
into a woman's mouth or on her face an incredible turn-on for men? Yes.
You only have to look at the millions of porn scenes floating around the
Internet to know that’s true.

In the real world, however, things are a little more complicated.A girl who
swallows is either seen as incredibly sensuous, or a bit of a slut. Usually
both. There's still aqhuge stigma over ejaculating in someone's mouth, and
it’s not likely to go away any time soon. Personally, | can’t see what the
fuss is about. | don’t care where | come, as long as | do. You could have it
in your mouth, in your hair, on your tits, in your hand, up your elbow, over
a dartboard, in a matchbox—anywhere you like, as long as it’s out.

If your partner likes the taste of sperm (and a lot of women do,
particularly if you maintain a good diet and keep yourself clean), then
good. If she's willing to take it into her mouth before letting it out, good. If
she lets you shoot your load down her face, neck, breasts, or anywhere
else, good. Are you detecting a pattern here? It’s all good. I've been with
women who swallowed, women who spat, and women who did neither,
and | can't recall getting extra pleasure from one group over the other;
what | can remember is what they did to get me there in the first place.
 Personally, there is nothing sexier than being jerked off into an open
mouth inches away from the tip of my penis (with complimentary
pleading eyes and encouraging noises). But when that triggers the
impending ejaculation, it’s all about her from then on in, and she has the
total right to direct my dick anywhere she likes. Doesn't matter to me—
I'm already coming.

And, to be totally honest with you, I'd much rather do that than have to
see my partner spit it out into a hanky, or have her ruining the post-
coital afterglow by dashing to the bathroom to gargle with mouthwash
for half an hour, o-—even worse—slapping a ban on oral because |
made her retch or choke. The key to perfect oral sex, you see, is trust—
as a man, I'm trusting one of the most delicate parts of my body to my
partner's mouth (which has teeth, after all, and the capability to harm
it by biting it or blowing down it). Therefore, she has to trust me not to
hurt or offend her by shoving it down her throat, poking her in the
face, or ejaculating anywhere that's off-limits.
And if trust breaks down
on either side, the oral sex will be nothing more than an
unsatisfactory token gesture.
| Chapter 3

Techniques
Once you know where to touch, it’s time to move on to
technique. After you’ve mastered a few basics, up the pace with
some advanced techniques and he’ll be gibbering in lust.
Simply adding lube, changing your suction, or flickering your
tongue over his most sensitive parts can make all the difference.

Licking
By far the simplest and least tongue-intensive motion, licking
can be used to tease a man into hardness, keep him on the edge
deliciously, or add extra sophistication while deep-throating—
just keep your tongue licking as you let him slide to the back
of your throat. Seeing you enthusiastically lapping his nether
regions is sure to drive a man wild. As recommended in
cunnilingus, use the tip, sides, and the flat of your tongue as
well as the underside as they all offer different sensations.

Dribbling
Dribbling is a classic porn star trick used to add extra
lubrication and make things move more easily. For the full X-
rated effect, do it from a distance, and alternate it with hard
spitting. Dirty talk is a good addition to this.

Open-mouthed sucking
Sometimes it’s best to tease a man, particularly if you’ve got
him tied up. This is where open-mouthed sucking comes into
 te

Pleasuring a man | OL
we ale a %,

its own. Put your mouth around his penis then simply breathe,
letting him feel the warmth of your breath. Keep your mouth
as wide open as possible so that he doesn’t brush the sides.
Then, when he’s all but given up on the idea that you're ever
going to suck him, put your lips around him and slide as far
down his member as you can in one move. Don’t be surprised
if he comes immediately though.

Hoovering
Suction is intensive on your jaw muscles but feels so good for
most men that it’s harsh to omit it from your repertoire.
Simply put his penis between your lips then suck, alternating
between soft and hard “hoovering.” If you get tired, swap to
using your hand while you lick him instead.

Flicking
Using your tongue to flick the most sensitive parts of the penis
the
can be wonderfully pleasurable. Focus your attentions on
tip
frenulum, the vein along the underside of the penis, and the
of the glans.
 2 Chapter 3
wy

Lubrication, lubrication, lubrication

Lubrication is an essential addition to any sex act—and not
just for women. A well-lubricated hand sliding up a man’s
shaft while soft lips tease the head will give him one of life’s
ultimate pleasures. Be creative about the way that you apply it
too—it can enhance the experience even more.
Obviously, if you’re choosing a lubricant to use during oral
sex it makes sense to choose a flavored one. If you can’t find
any in your local sex shop, check out one of the numerous
online sex shops. If that’s not an option, choose the most basic
lube you can: spermicide and Nonoxynol-9 taste horrid and
numb the tongue, so you don’t want to go for a lube that
contains either of them for oral sex.

TRY THIS NOW!

The perfect way to boost a man’s confidence is with a long, lingering
oral session. Start by lightly kissing from the tip of his glans right
down his shaft to his perineum. Then work your way back up his
shaft, this time letting your tongue lap up the vein of his penis as you
go. Flicker it from side to side, then capture the glans between your
lips and swirl your tongue around the coronal ridge in a circular
motion. Then slip his glans between your lips once more and flutter
your tongue over the frenulum. When you feel his penis start to pulse
move your lips down to the base of his penis, taking the head as far
down your throat as is comfortable.
 Pleasuring a man
fine!
i Nadas

Breast friend
Cover your breasts in lubricant then slide his penis between
them to get it thoroughly slathered in lube. Lean forward to
lick the tip of his penis as he slides forward. (NB. you may not
even get to full oral sex if you choose this option: there’s a
good chance he’ll come before you get your mouth full.)

High hopes
Hold the lube high above your man’s penis and pour it from
above, using the other hand to masturbate his shaft. This is a
messy way to apply lube, but that can be half the fun.

Rear action
Lube up your buttocks and get your man to slide in between
them, with his penis aiming upward toward your back rather
than downward into your nether regions. Do make sure that
you tell him that you’re not attempting to initiate anal sex
though: a man can get the wrong idea, after all.

The masseuse
oil. Just
Give your lover a massage using lubricant rather than
so
make sure that you add extra when you get to his groin,
of the lube
that there’s maximum slipperiness. Follow the trail
with your tongue afterward and he’ll be blissed out.
Chapter 3

Troubleshooting
Of course, oral sex isn’t always fun to administer: gagging,
“funky” spunk, and thoughtless lovers who fail to understand
that a hand on the back of the head really isn’t helping can all
lead to a less than perfect night. As such, you need to know
how to troubleshoot these issues and more.

When he doesn’t come

Even though most men would list blow jobs as one of their
favorite sex acts, there’s no guarantee that it will lead to
orgasm every time. Many men complain that they can’t reach
climax during oral sex, particularly if they masturbate
regularly and are used to the somewhat firmer grip of their
own hand. Remember that patience is a virtue and there’s a
reasonable chance that your man’s spent hours trying to get
you to come, so it’s only fair to return the favor. If, however,
you’re beginning to fear lockjaw, you have various options:
@ Change position. If you’re kneeling between his legs, try
moving round to approach from the side instead. This will
mean you can rest your head on his stomach to give your
neck a break. Men tend to enjoy the view of a woman’s
bits, as their fondness for porn demonstrates, so giving
him a graphic view may well help.
@ Use your hand rather than your mouth, throwing in the
occasional lick so that he doesn’t think you’ve gone off the
way that he tastes. Even if you have.
Chapter 3

@ Ask him to masturbate over your face. Thus, he does the

work and you get the “reward.” Or, to be more accurate,
you both do.
@ Ask him to masturbate while you put on a masturbation
show for him. This delivers an orgasm for you and a visual
delight for him at the same time.
@® Suggest that you move on to having penetrative sex. If he’s
having a hard time coming, hard doggie-style is probably
your best bet to do the job.
® If you really can’t go on any longer, apologize and say that
you’re going to have to take a break. Just remember to be
more understanding the next time that he has to stop when
he’s going down on you.

When you start to gag

Generally speaking, if you’re gagging it’s because he’s pushing
too hard. The logical solution is to remove his hands from the
back of your head or press down on his hips to quell the
overenthusiastic thrusting. You can also train your gag reflex,
of which more later when we get to deep-throat techniques.
However, you shouldn’t be expected to be a sword swallower
every time, so pull away if gets uncomfortable. Yes, throat-
gagging blow jobs may feature in most porn films nowadays
but the women administering them are getting paid for it.
You’re no less of a woman if you can’t take a full eight
inches—or even a full five inches—into your throat, so have
the confidence to push him away.
 Pleasuring a man

When he puts his hand on the back of your head

See above. Explain to your man that hand on back of head
equals gagging which can equal vomiting. Unless he’s
exceptionally kinky, that should be enough to do the trick. It’s
probably best to point out that you dislike hands on your head
before you’re getting down to it though—otherwise all that
talk of vomit could spoil the mood.

When his come tastes “funky”

If a man’s semen tastes unpleasant—or “funky,” as Samantha
>)

in Sex and the City so eloquently described it—you need to

take the long term approach. Smoking, drinking, eating curry
or asparagus, and having a generally unhealthy diet can all
of
affect the taste of semen. Encourage your man to eat lots
fruit: pineapple juice and strawberries are both highly
also
recommended. If he hasn’t ejaculated for a while it can
attitude)
increase the bitterness of his semen (and possibly his
lots of sex
so encourage him to masturbate regularly (and have
down your
too). Short-term, all you can do is take it as far
taste
throat as possible so that it passes over the minimum
opportunity.
buds, or grab a glass of juice at the first available

When you get a pubic hair stuck in your throat

And yes, there’s
See “troubleshooting” section in Chapter Two.
below,
nothing wrong with asking a man to shave down
particularly if he expects you to trim your bush.
 Dos and Don’ts

For her

Don’t just suck. Use a variety of techniques and let your

hands rove around his erogenous zones for the ultimate
blow job.
. Do be enthusiastic. OK, so a lackluster blow job is still
better than no blow job at all but if you show that you love
it, not only will you have more fun—it’s amazing how
quickly acting enthusiastically can turn into genuine
enthusiasm when you see how much your partner’s enjoying
himself—but it’s also likely to take a lot less time.
- Don’t try to fit it all down your throat if you’re not
comfortable with deep throat techniques. Yes, it can
enhance things for the guy but not to the extent that it’s
worth choking yourself for.
- Do keep flavored lubricant, a hair band (if you have long
hair), tissues, and a glass of juice near to the bed. That way
you’ve got all you need to administer great oral sex, hold
your hair back to present the best view, deal with any pubic
hairs that get trapped in your throat, and rinse out your
mouth afterward if you’re not a fan of the taste of semen.
- Don’t use your teeth. Yes, it’s been said before but it really
is an important rule to remember.
For him
Don’t put your hands on the back of her head. It will
encourage the gagging reflex and unless you’re living out a
role play with your partner as submissive, it’s unlikely she’ll
enjoy it. Even if you are indulging in power games, be
careful that you don’t choke her too much. Smeared
mascara may look hot in a kinky kind of way but choking
fits just aren’t fun.
. Do warn your lover before you come. That way she can
prepare to swallow. More to the point, it’s only polite.
a
Don’t use the line “While you’re down there,” every time
woman is on her knees. We’ve heard it before. So many times.
she’s
_ Do be careful about where you grip your partner when
be
administering oral. Although finger-shaped bruises can
hot the next day, if you grip your lover so tightly around
the shoulders that she’s in pain, it’s unlikely she'll be
enthusiastic about doing it again.
go back
Don’t promise you won’t come in her mouth then
orgasm and
on your word. Yes, it’s tricky holding back your
break a
can be tempting to “go with the flow” but if you
lack of
promise, you're likely to suffer—not least from
fellatio in future.
 ORAM SEX
POSITIONS
to
As with all things sexual, variety is the spice of life so it’s important
t oral
mix things up as often as you can by experimenting with differen
us zones
sex positions. All of them give you access to different erogeno
same, though
meaning that no two oral sex experiences need ever be the
they'll all be equally as good.

4
82 Chapter 4

Ladies first: Cunnilingus positions

You might feel smug now that you’ve got to grips with what to
do, honed your techniques, and experimented with lube.
However, don’t think that you can just relax, content that your
oral mastery will blow your lover away. You need to vary your
routine so that she doesn’t always know exactly what’s coming,
and that means trying some new positions. An advantage of
multiple positions is that you can change from one to another
when you start to get tired: it’s amazing the difference that
moving around can make to your energy levels.
Read on for the top cunnilingus positions to try. Don’t expect
every position to hit the spot with every partner, but by having
a selection to choose from, you can guarantee that you’ll be
able to find something that will do the trick for you and her.

TRY THIS NOW!

Pick three cunnilingus positions that you’ve never tried before, and
ask your man to try all three in one session. Make a note of which
ones you most enjoy and why. Once you’ve finished, tell him so that
next time he knows what to do.
 Oral sex positions |

Worship her
This position puts the woman in charge—it allows plenty of
scope for you to grab your partner’s head and pull it deeper
into you, if that’s something that both of you enjoy doing.
The woman sits on a chair with the man kneeling between
her legs. Depending on the sort of chair that you choose, the
woman can either spread her legs then hook her ankles around
the front two legs of the chair, or throw her legs over the arms
of an armchair. The man then leans forward and starts licking.

Pros
Both versions of this position allow easy access to the vagina,
and the latter makes it easy for the man to administer analingus
too. It also leaves both of the man’s hands free to stimulate the
woman’s vagina and breasts. You can easily incorporate a
toy in this position. Some women may also get a dominant
thrill from being pleasured in this way.

Cons
Some men feel uncomfortable about assuming a
submissive role. It can also hurt the man’s
knees if he’s down there for a long time,
so remember to put a cushion down
first. Some women feel too exposed
in this position and would
prefer to try something a
little less exhibitionistic.
Chapter 4

Bobbing for apples

This is one of the classic positions and is ideal for a lazy
Sunday morning (for the woman at least—the man has to work
fairly hard).
The woman lies on her back and the man kneels or lies
between her thighs with his head, fairly obviously, at groin
level. He then starts licking.

Pros
This is very relaxing for the woman and gives the man easy
access to her clitoris, breasts, and vagina. It’s also easy to get
fingers involved in this position.

Cons
This can be quite tiring for the man. It can also lead to
arguments about duvet positioning, particularly in winter when
the woman wants to stay warm while she’s being pleasured but
the man risks suffocation if he’s covered by the duvet. If you’re
into anal play, you won’t be able to reach it as easily as in
other positions.

Pa OE
 Oral sex positions > 85.

Sit on myface and wiggle

It may have a comedy name but this position is far from a
joke. Many women find this one of the most effective positions
for reaching climax, and a fair few men love the submissive
thrill that they get from being smothered by their partner’s
most intimate parts.
As the name suggests, the man lies down and the woman
then straddles his face. She can then grind over his lips, tongue,
and even nose until she reaches climax.

Pros
This is a great position for women who have a hard time
coming. It allows the woman full control and offers clitoral
stimulation through the nose and chin as well as the more
usual tongue and lips. Some women may also get a
dominant thrill from being pleasured in this way.

Cons
Some women may find it harder to climax with their
legs tensed. It can also be all too easy to inadvertently
squash a man if you get carried away, and hampering
someone’s breathing just isn’t cool.
86 Chapter 4

Hoodwinked
If a woman has a particularly sensitive clitoris, she may find
direct clitoral stimulation too intense. If so, this position which
focuses attention on the clitoral hood is just what you need.
The woman lies on her back. The man then kneels to one
side of her and approaches her clitoris from a new angle.
Rather than aiming for the clitoral tip, he should work only
on the clitoral hood unless asked otherwise.

Pros
It helps you avoid hurting a sensitive partner. It can also offer
a fantastic sense of anticipation, as you avoid the sensitive
clitoral tip until your partner is totally aroused. It’s a good
position to use if you plan on involving sex toys as well.

Cons
This position can give the man neck ache if it’s sustained for
extended amounts of time. Some women find that it doesn’t
offer enough stimulation, and others may find it impersonal
as there’s less body contact than in other positions.
 Oral sex positions 87

Reary good
And of course, there’s always rear entry if you’re looking for
something a little different.
The woman gets on all fours, doggie-style. The man then
kneels behind her to lap at her folds.

Pros
This position allows easy clitoral stimulation, anal stimulation,
and vaginal penetration. Some men find the view particularly
arousing.

Cons
Some women may feel vulnerable in such an explicit position—
and this position isn’t advised if the woman’s just eaten chilli.
/ Chapter 4

Over and above

If you’re looking for a position with mutual benefit, this one is
a potential winner.
The woman lies on her back and the man then kneels above
her, facing her feet, with his lips at groin level.

Pros
All you need to do to turn this into soixante-neuf is get the
woman to lift her head. The man can brush his penis between
the woman’s breasts as he’s pleasuring her too, making it a
good compromise position if the woman wants oral sex and
the man’s not in the mood. It gives easy access to the clitoral
tip, and it’s also easy to spread the woman’s labia in this
position. Some women may also get a submissive thrill from
being pleasured in this way.

Cons
It’s tricky for the man to insert his fingers or a toy in the
woman from this position, and the view isn’t particularly
appealing for the women, unless she’s a fan of hanging
testicles and a hairy anus.
 Oral sex positions |

Bed head
You don’t always have to lie in the bed to get great orgasms.
Sometimes the edge of the bed can be the perfect location.
The woman lies on the bottom of the bed with her feet on
the floor and genitals at the edge. The man kneels on the floor
to administer oral.

Pros
This position offers women a dominant thrill and gives the
man easy access to her genitals, vagina and anus (depending on
how far over the edge of the bed she positions herself). She
also gets to stay warm under the duvet while enjoying oral.

Cons
This isn’t the most comfortable position for the man but he
may get a submissive kick from it. Putting a pillow underneath
his knees may help.
 LIPSeF ORS CER FR OVE uiyE
The downsides of giving head

It goes without saying that everything about cunnilingus is great, but for
men, there are a lot of drawbacks; none more so than when you're a
novice. The first few experiences can literally make or break your
development in that particular field of foreplay.

Complicated techniques
The thing about cunnilingus is that it's—for want of a better
expression—incredibly difficult to get your head around at first.
By comparison, fellatio is a breeze; here’s my penis, get your mouth
around it, bob up and down for a bit. Simple. Female genitals, on the
other hand, look (and are) remarkably complicated by comparison,
as well as being a tad scary for the newcomer.

Lack of education
The situation’s made even worse when you consider that the three main
fonts of carnal knowledge—Dads, sex education lessons, and porn
movies—teach you absolutely nothing on the subject. Alright, maybe porn
teaches you something, but seeing as that “something” goes along the
lines of“flick your tongue in the general direction of her groin for a few
seconds before she sucks your dick for 20 minutes,” there's nothing of
educational value to be gleaned. Which means the first time you go
down—more often than not with someone who is just as experienced as
you, i.€., not very—it’s probably going to be a less than gratifying moment.
 Communicate
It's only when you meet a partner who knows what she likes (and isn't
shy to communicate it) that you really hit your stride. So if you're female
and dealing with a relative novice, don’t hold back on the chatter—tell
him what to do, how it feels, and when he should stop and move on.

Time and dedication

Another huge problem that men have with cunnilingus is the fact that it
takes a long time to get right, and even then you're not guaranteed the
pay-off of afemale orgasm. Men, being the goal-orientated animals they
are, can equate their partners not being able to climax through their oral
be.
attempts as a failure, and not the essential part of foreplay it can
right
There's an easy (yet sneaky) solution; simply demand to be taken,
a
now. His ego will live to fight another day, and he'll feel he’s discovered
new tool in his armory, and will want to use it again and again.

Fears and insecurities

shouldn't)
As for his fears about smell and taste, well, women can't (and
a vagina, and in
attempt to alter it—it's supposed to taste and smell like
taste.
a very short while he'll discover that it’s an easily acquirable
hygiene, there's
As long as both of you maintain a decent standard of
it for a
nothing to worry about. Oh, and if you want him to go at
position to get
sufficient length of time, you ought to consider a comfy
length oftime is a
into, as lying face-down on a bed for a considerable
under the bum is
real strain on those neck muscles.A pillow propped
good. Two are better.
“92 Chapter 4

Head boy: Fellatio positions

Of course, different positions aren’t just beneficial for
cunnilingus, men like a little variety as well. By changing the
angle from which you approach fellatio, you can increase
access to a man’s perineum or prostate, allow him access to
your breasts or bits, or simply give him a sexy view. Different
positions are also handy if you start to get tired. A change
really can be as good as a rest. Just make sure that you don't
change pace when your man’s nearing the edge of return—
unless, of course, you feel like teasing him to distraction and
want to make him wait...

TRY THIS NOW!

Standing 69s are probably the gold medal event of oral sex—but
more often than not you require a strong male, an agile female, and a
lot ofbalance to carry it off. So if you want to try out a similar
experience without doing yourselfan injury (and have a strong
enough armchair), try it with the male in a seated position, and the
female resting her knees on the top of the armchair. Not only does it
give the female full upside-down access, she can also take a breather
by resting her hands on his thighs.
 ib
¥,
Oral sex positions 93
Wie allie
bY bd

Begging
for it
This is a classic position, much beloved of porn directors and
dominant men.
The man stands and the woman kneels in front of him.

Pros
This is incredibly easy to get into, can give the man a dominant
thrill or the woman a submissive kick, and allows easy access
to the balls, perineum, and anus.

Cons
The woman’s knees may get sore, in which case a cushion
can help. The man may get carried away and thrust too (
deeply in this position, making the woman gag, and some
women may feel demeaned in this position. |
94 Chapter 4

Sideways suckstress
Changing the angle of approach can lead to different
sensations as new erogenous zones are stimulated.
The man lies on his back. The woman kneels to one side of
him and fellates him.

Pros
If the man likes anal play, this position allows easy access for
toys. It also allows easy access to the balls and perineum.

Cons
This can make the woman’s neck ache, and if a guy is
particularly thick, it can be tricky to fit it into the woman’s
mouth from this angle.

=~
 Oral sex positions
on
Admiring the view
Men tend to get aroused by visual stimulation so this position
offers the best of both worlds—oral sex and a sexy view.
The woman straddles the man, facing toward his feet, then
fellates him.

Pros
The man has a great view of the woman’s vagina and anus, and
can play with her at the same time if he wants to. Should you
decide to move into the 69 position, all the woman needs to do
is lower her bits onto the man’s face.

Cons
Some women may feel too exposed in this position.
Approaching the penis from above can be a tricky angle to
maintain, and may lead to teeth scraping across the penis.
It can also make the woman’s neck ache.
a Chapter 4

Lazy lady
If a woman’s feeling tired, she may want a relaxing position to
fellate in (if she’s feeling up for it at all). This provides the
ideal solution.
The woman lies on her back with pillows under her head
to ensure that she’s at the right angle for easy penetration.
The man then thrusts into her mouth.

Pros
This can make the man feel dominant, and allows the woman
to focus on sucking rather than bobbing her head. It’s also
ideal if you both like the idea of the man ejaculating on the
woman’s face.

Cons
It can be easy for a man to get carried away and thrust
too deeply, inciting the gag reflex.
 Oral sex positions emia
—.
2"

Chairman of the board y

If a man has “sexy secretary” fantasies, this position is just
what you need.
The man sits on a chair and the woman kneels at his feet,
fellating him.

Pros
This is ideal if the man is dominant and woman is submissive.

It allows easy access to the balls, and anus if the man moves to
the edge of the chair.

Cons
Again, this position isn’t easy on the knees, you may
want to put a cushion down.
‘ Chapter 4

Sofa, so good
What could be better than a blow job during the commercial
breaks when you're watching a film?
The man sits on a sofa. The woman sits next to him, bending
over to take his penis in her mouth.

Pros
It’s quick and easy to get into, and gives the man a sense of
decadent pleasure.

Cons
This can be painful on the woman’s neck. If the man takes too
long to come and the commericial break ends, you may
find a particularly scary or gruesome scene in a film can
spoil the mood. Or worse, doesn’t.
 Oral sex positions
99
You spin me right round
A favorite in modern porn films, this isn’t the easiest of
positions to get in to but certainly has “wow” factor.
The man stands up near the edge of a bed. The woman then
does a handstand on the bed, and hooks her legs around the
man’s neck, and arms around his waist. She then fellates him
upside-down, while he uses his arms to support her lower back.

Pros
It’s certainly impressive if you can pull this one
off (as long as you don’t actually pull it off).
The man can control depth of penetration by
raising and lowering his partner.

Cons
It’s almost impossible to get into, and the
man needs exceptionally strong legs.
Holding the woman’s weight may also make
it difficult for the man to concentrate on the
job in, er, mouth.
 TIPS POR HER FROM. EIN
What men look for in a fellatio position

Men have the merest of requirements receiving head; they want to be

comfortable, to have their partner's bits within reach, to be able to see
what their partner is doing, a mix of techniques, their partner to cover all
genital bases, and a modicum of control over when and where they
ejaculate. Oh, and they want their partners to look as if they're enjoying
themselves while they're doing all those things. OK, so maybe we lied
about the “merest” bit; there are a lot of requirements to fulfil in order to
achieve the perfect blow job, so let's break them down one by one...

Comfort
If you want him to come, you have to give him the opportunity to
simultaneously relax and concentrate—so him in a sitting position with
you between his legs and on your knees is a good place to start (some
men prefer a standing position, but others find it uncomfortable, mainly
because they tend to hunch over at the point of climax). However, make
sure your comfort isn't compromised, especially on the knees. Another
good position involves him propped up on the bed; it’s a bit less
dominant, more comfortable for both partners, and also fulfils the next
requirement very nicely ...

Strokability
If he’s flat out on the bed or floor, you have greater access to his penis
and balls. More importantly, he has greater access to you—so not only
 do you feel the benefit of some much-deserved attention, he has
something to do which helps him relax and really get into it.

Techniques
A man can really get used to having the same part of his penis
manipulated over and over again. No, really. It's a common fact that
women love blended orgasms (where more than one erogenous zone Is
being manipulated), and the same goes for men. Combine the caressing
of his balls while you're deep-throating him, or run your tongue all the
way up the underside of his shaft with a well-licked thumb over the
head, and he'll be putty in your hands.

Enjoyment
If you show the slightest flicker of discomfort, distaste, or flat-out going-
through-the-motions, he'll notice it and will give up. You don't have to
screech like a banshee while you're doing it or act like a fake porn
are
starlet—just take your time, and be as coquettish as you like. Men
can be the
absolute suckers for eye contact—one well-timed glance
equivalent of two minutes of frenzied sucking.

Control
be
If he’s getting ready to come and he takes his cock back, don’t
wants to draw
offended. He’s not saying that you can't finish the job—he
just how
out the experience for as long as possible, and he also knows
much punishment his penis can take to bring him off.
 : 102 Chapter 4
(Naat
bil

Top positions for mutual oral

Then of course, there’s mutual oral. You are slightly more
restricted with positions for mutual oral, as you both need to be
able to reach each other’s bits, but there are still a few to try.

69
This is the classic position for mutual oral, and for good reason.
The woman lies on her back. The man straddles her facing
her feet. Both bury their faces in their lover’s bits.

Pros
It’s an easy position to get into, and allows both partners
access to the perineum and anus.

Cons
The angle at which the penis enters the mouth can be tricky
and may result in teeth scraping across the penis. It’s also
difficult to get deep penetration into the woman’s mouth,
and can make her neck ache.
 i
103
positions
Oral sex
& wr

Reverse 69
This is the old classic, with a minor twist.
The man lies down and the woman straddles him, facing
toward his feet.

Pros
The woman can control the pace as she grinds against the
man’s mouth. It’s much easier for the woman to slide her lips
to the base of the man’s penis in this position than in the
classic 69.

Cons
This can make the man’s neck ache as he arches up to lick his
partner. Some women find that tensing their thighs inhibits
orgasm. There’s a risk that the woman may smother the man.

SS
' Chapter4

Doggie
This variation of reverse 69 requires more male thrusting but
offers a different angle of approach to the penis.
The woman gets onto all fours. The man lies underneath her
with his head raised on pillows while the woman bobs her
head down to suck his penis.

Pros
This offers the man a better view of the woman’s breasts than
reverse 69. It also lets him see her sucking his penis more clearly.

Cons
It can be hard on the woman’s neck, and is trickier for the man
to stimulate the woman’s clitoris than in reverse 69.

Pc
a
 Oral sex positions

Troubleshooting

When you get cramp

Cramp can affect any sex session regardless of the position.
If you start to feel the burn, don’t try to struggle on regardless.
Get out of whatever position you’re in and stretch out the
cramping muscle. Your partner can always “keep momentum”
with a touch of self-pleasure. Once the pain eases, change into
another position and continue. If you suffer from cramps a lot,
see your doctor as it could indicate a mineral deficiency.

When you need to break wind

Don’t think for a second that you can ease it out and your
partner won’t notice. Tell them you really want to kiss them
to remove them from the “danger zone,” then escape to the
bathroom to let rip.

When you hate certain positions

Don’t do them. Just tell your partner that a position does nothing
for you. Alternatively, agree to compromise—you'll do a position
your partner loves but you hate if theyll return the favor.
 a dominant positon aon t get so carried away
akeyour partner gag.
yu artn if there’ s any position that she finds it
"particularly easy |
to climax iin. Generally, it’s harder for
;_womeen than men to orgasm so the right position can make
oe major ‘difference.
ane |Don’t complain if awoman refuses any “rear entry”
Ee positions. Many women are paranoid about the way their
butt looks so it could really put her off if you insist on
being that close to it.

_ For her
. Do use different positions to explore your man’s perineum
and balls. They’ re often ignored erogenous zones.
2 Don’ t assume your man is a sexist if he likes having you on
your knees iinfront of |i n. It’s a great position, and you
 can always get him to return the favor by a |
perform oral sex on you. : ee ee
co 1
3. Do warn your man if you think that a certain1 pos onc
lead to teeth getting in the naa ena

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1. Do experiment with different positions. Youwon ‘know.
what you enjoy unless you try it.
2. Don’t insist on a particular position that your partner
a peace en
dislikes. It shows a lack of respect.
ee
3. Do be understanding with your partner if they have to stop
for a quick break. Oral sex can be hard work. “You can
always pleasure them while they recover.
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 INCREASING
THE PAGE
Once you’re proficient in the basics, it’s time to move up a gear or two

by pulling a few tricks out the bag. Whether it’s superlative soixante-
neuf, major multiple orgasms, or the old classic of deep throat, you can
be sure that making the extra effort will put a smile—or orgasmic
grimace—on your partner’s face.

2
110 Chapter 5

Mutual oral
Once you’ve got your individual oral techniques mastered, and
you’re looking for some new things to try to keep your oral
sessions steamy and make sure your lover keeps coming back
for more, then moving on to mutual oral is worth a go. It’s the
ultimate experience in shared intimacy and can also lead to
simultaneous orgasms if you both pay close attention to each
other’s responses.
There’s no magic trick to mutual oral really: just use the
same techniques as you would if you were purely administering
oral, and experiment with some different positions. However,
depending on the position that you choose, you may find that a
pillow under the man’s or woman’s head can help avoid getting
a cricked neck.
Some people find it hard to climax during mutual oral
because it’s too distracting to pay attention to your lover while
being pleasured at the same time, and so too difficult to relax
and enjoy yourself. If this is the case for you, but your partner
loves your mutual oral sessions, agree to keep it as a part of
your repertoire but make sure you get “finished off” solo once
they have reached climax. Giving each other a back rub
afterward can help ease any aching muscles too.
 Increasing the pace
Ao
Deep throat
Ever since Linda Lovelace first hit the cinema screens in the
porn classic Deep Throat, men everywhere have been hoping to
meet a woman who can take every inch of them. Deep-
throating is now featured in almost every adult movie, no
longer requiring the original film’s exceptionally dubious
premise that the woman had a clitoris in her throat. While it’s
not something that you should be expected to do, or feel bad
about avoiding if the idea makes you (literally) gag, it can be a
great way to give your partner pleasure, and it’s not as difficult
as you might think, as long as you approach it the right way.
To start with, make sure that your throat is as straight as
possible as this means there’s more room for the man’s penis to
fit in. Lying back on the bed with your head over the side is a
particularly good position, though, be warned, it may give you
a head rush. If it does, take a break. Passing out is not
recommended as part of your sex life.
Next, raise your soft palate. This is the bit at the back of
your throat that triggers your gag reflex. To raise it, all you
need to do is flare your nostrils. OK, this isn’t a great
seduction look but your man should be so grateful you’re
attempting deep throat that he really shouldn’t make any
negative comments.
Now, the man should slide slowly into your mouth. Put your
hands on his hips if he pushes forward too rapidly to control
Chapter 5

the pace. Deep throat should be taken at your speed, not his.
As your throat gets used to accommodating his penis, push him
slowly forward, each time allowing yourself to get used to the
extra length before continuing. Once this is comfortable, start
moving your head up and down. Stop if your gag reflex starts
to rise, and simply lick the tip.
When you feel your man nearing orgasm (or, better yet, he
warns you) either take him as deep down your throat as you
can or move so that his penis is in your mouth rather than
throat. The latter is recommended if you’re a first-time deep
throater as the spurts of semen can trigger the gag reflex.
Once he’s climaxed, smile sweetly and ask for diamonds.
You’ll probably get them.

“One trick I learned is to aim a man’s penis into the side of my

cheek rather than down my throat if I start to gag. It still feels like
he’s getting deep penetration but doesn’t make me want to throw up.
I cover what I’m doing with my hair so he can’t tell the difference.”
LIZZY, 36
 TIPS FOR HER FROM HIM
The top five reasons men love deep throat

1. It's a bit pornographic. In fact, it's incredibly, massively, ridiculously ©

pornographic. And men love performing anything they've seen
someone else do on a video.

2. It makes her look fiseeldble: _almost as if his bits were so incredibly

tasty and he were so ey desirable, she just couldn't resist
putting the whole thing in.

3. It concentrates her attention on the base of his cock...which is

a very underrated part of the appendage. Yes, most of the nerve
endings may be concentrated at the tip, but pro longed stimulation of
the other end has the effect of producing amazingly deep and
shockingly intense orgasms.

4. It’s one of the best exercises in trust ever invented. She's trusting him
not to thrust. Meanwhile, he’s trusting her not to use teeth, or gag, or
choke, or worse. As you can imagine, it's quite a daunting experience
for the first-timer.

5. It pulls off the trick of looking incredibly sexy, but is also a bit of a
rest period for him. In other words, despite being extremely intense,
_ it’s quite hard to come from deep throat. And just as well, really.
dt ® Chapter 5

Multiple orgasms for him and her

You might think that multiple orgasms are a thing of myth
requiring seven hours of Tantric chanting and a higher
connection with your partner than merely wanting them, but
that’s nonsense. With a bit of effort and a few tricks, multiple
orgasms are within your reach.
Multiple orgasms are much easier for women. Once she’s
come the first time, the man simply needs to keep stimulating
her, but rather than touching the clitoral tip which will be far
too sensitive, he should move his attentions to the clitoral
hood, G-spot, or anus if she likes anal play. With enough
practice, this should result in multiple orgasms.
For a man, you need to involve the prostate. Once the man
starts coming, slide your finger inside his anus (making sure
that you use a lot of lubricant, and have short nails). Feel
around until you get to the prostate, a few inches up, behind
the bladder and shaped like a walnut. Rub it gently using no
more pressure than you would on an eyeball. With enough
stimulation, you should be able to cause a second orgasm, and
maybe more. Do warn your man first though—anal play
should never be inflicted on an unsuspecting partner.
Alternatively, men can simply squeeze the Kegel muscles (see
below) as orgasm approaches to ward off ejaculation. You can
still climax without fluid coming out. Once the non-ejaculatory
orgasm has passed, resume oral sex until ejaculation occurs.
 _ =
Increasing the pace 1 65

Oral sex and toys

Then, of course, there are toys. Using a G-spot vibrator
inside a woman while licking her clitoris can be
thrilling, as can using a clitoral toy while lapping at the
vagina. You can also get toys that attach to the tongue
and vibrate to enhance oral sex. These sort of toys can
be replaced by a vibrating waterproof cock
ring if you’re on a tight budget.
For men, holding a vibrator against your
cheek while administering fellatio can add
extra buzz, as can pressing a toy to the
perineum. Just make sure that you use
condoms on any toys that you share with
your partner, or have separate toys of your
own, to avoid any infections.

TRY THIS NOW!

Practicing your Kegel exercises will increase your chances of multiple
orgasm. To do this, all you need to do is stop the flow of urine when
you're peeing. This will identify the muscles you need to flex. Women
can buy Kegel toners on the Internet—either weighted or sprung
devices that are slipped into the vagina then squeezed with the
relevant muscles. Men should drape a flannel over their erection then
raise and lower it to increase the strength of their Kegels. This is best
done alone unless you want to make your partner giggle.
 d6 _ Chapter 5
aie
ue ,

Food play
Incorporating food into oral sex can spice things up.
Strawberries and chocolate are obvious choices, but you
could also try sherbert, champagne, and mint mouthwash
which can all add an extra tingle to oral sex. Space Dust—the
1970s sweet that “burst” in your mouth can also feel thrilling
when used on the genitals. However, any foreign substance can
also irritate the delicate membranes of the genitals so make
sure that you wash thoroughly if you engage in any kind of
food play. Similarly, if you’re smothering each other in cream,
mousse, or any other substance before licking it off, make sure
that you shower together afterward. Sugar left on the genitals
can lead to yeast infections, and that's no fun at all.
Alternating a mouthful of warm
coffee and semi-melted ice can
also add an extra frisson to oral
sex. However, make sure that
the coffee isn’t too hot, and
never use non-melting ice as
you could cause burns or ice
burns. Basically, don’t let your
common sense go out the window
just because you’re feeling frisky and you
won’t go far wrong.
 Be

Increasing the pace = $7

Ade

Female ejaculation
Many women worry if they ejaculate, fearing that they’ve wet
themselves but in fact, the liquid released is prostatic fluid—the
same stuff that’s in male ejaculate but without the sperm. Not
all women ejaculate, and the amount of liquid released in those
that do can vary from a teaspoon to a pint, but it’s certainly
worth a try as some women say that it massively enhances
their orgasm.
To start with, find the woman’s & f
\
G-spot. It’s on the upper wall / os
ee
Vica adh.)
iy
nf
Semmens
AN Ah A
{ Me i
a few inches up, and will
swell when rubbed. Do so
in a “come here” finger
motion. Stimulating the G-
spot while administering oral sex
can be an intense thrill. The woman
may get an urge to urinate—this is
normal as there’s pressure on the
bladder from G-spot stimulation,
but the feeling should pass.
Continue rubbing the G-spot and
feeling it swell. If the woman bears down then eventually
there’s a good chance that she will squirt. You may want
to practice this when not administering oral, and with a
towel down, to start with, just so that you know how much
liquid will squirt out.
Chapter 5

Simultaneous orgasm
Although simultaneous orgasm seems the norm if you watch
Hollywood films, in fact it’s pretty rare. According to the
Kinsey report, only 25 percent of men and 15 percent of
women think that it’s a “must,” ”
so the majority of people are
more than happy to come separately.
Generally, it’s the man who’s likely to come first. As such, to
increase your chances of simultaneous orgasm, the man should
hold back for the woman until she starts to climax. During
mutual orgasm, this can be helped by focusing on what he’s
doing to his partner rather than the sensations she’s generating
in him. As the woman starts to come, the man can return his
attention to himself and/or think erotic thoughts to help trigger
his orgasm. For some men, prostate stimulation can lead to
immediate orgasm too.
Spending more time warming the woman up first also
increases your chances of simultaneous orgasm. Spending lots
of time on foreplay will both help ensure that the woman is
closer to coming at the point at which you start. And don’t just
think that mutual orgasm is the man’s responsibility. There’s
nothing to stop the woman from giving herself a helping hand
to speed her climax: after all, she’ll know exactly how and
where to touch herself so she may as well use that knowledge.
The main thing to remember is that simultaneous orgasm is
rare but practice makes perfect. And what a fun thing to have
TO practice
 TIPS FOR HER FROM iM
The allure of female ejaculation

Like | 2-inch penises, massive plastic breasts, and five-female-one-male

orgies, female ejaculation appears to be based firmly in the imaginary,
overblown world of porn and has little bearing on more normal sexual
experiences, yes? Well, no, actually—it’s a genuine biological response,
and it happens to far more women then you'd think.

Myth or fact
Although scientists are still arguing over the figures, it is estimated that
almost all women are capable of it, up to 60 percent of women have
experienced it to some extent, and nearly 20 percent have done so in
a forceful manner at some point. This argument has even—pardon the
expression—spilled over into the public domain; in the UK, the BBFC
(British Board of Film Classification) will neither confirm nor deny whether.
they believe it actually exists, claiming that every video they've seen
containing female ejaculation is actually a convoluted method of sneaking
watersports in through the back door.

The source
Female ejaculation has nothing to do with urine at all. There are solid
scientific claims that it actually comes from the Skene’s gland, a pinhole-
sized doo-dad located near the opening of the vagina. Like allparts of
human anatomy, you'll find the size of the opening ofthe Skene's gland
varies from woman to woman, which is a determining factor between a
 mild ejaculation (i.e.,a damp patch in the bed) and a strong one (i.e.
d porn-strength gush), or even none at all. In other words, there’s nothing
wrong with you if you do ejaculate, and nothing wrong with you if
you don't.

Proof of orgasm
Naturally (and this should go without saying, really), most men love the
idea of female ejaculation. Firstly, because they've seen it in porn films
and it looks rather fun, as long as it’s not on their bedspread. Secondly,
because they love seeing the human body do weird things, particularly
when it’s someone else's body. Thirdly, and most importantly, it’s bona fide
proof that a woman has had a genuine, actual non-faked orgasm. Yes,
there are plenty of other signifiers—flushed skin across the chest, tight
breathing, dilation of pupils etc, but men really like to see a genuine
result for their labors (not to put pressure on any women to produce the
kind ofjet spray seen in car washes, obviously). And to be fair, it’s nice to
let a woman come in your mouth and face for a change.

Giving the heads up

Obviously, if you're one of the 20 percent of females who do ejaculate
forcefully, it's best to let any new partners be made aware of your little
party-piece before you get down to anything—partly so he's not going to
need his fingernails gently prised from the ceiling in shock (the first time
you see it is a bit of an experience, trust me), but mainly for your
to
benefit—because when he finds out what youre capable of, he’s going
tere 755
want to pay an excessive amount of attention to you down
ies J
~122 _ Chapter S

Troubleshooting

When food gets stuck where it shouldn’t

The golden rule with food play is what goes up won’t
necessarily come down so avoid this problem by never sticking
anything inside a vagina or anus unless it has a flared base or
string on it—thus ruling out most foods. If you ignore this
advice and get something stuck, try to remove it with fingers
first or, if it’s stuck where the sun doesn’t shine and won’t
cause you pain, try defecating. If that doesn’t work, get thee to
the ER and prepare yourself for a red-faced explanation.

When you throw up during fellatio

The only way to handle this horror is with laughter (once you
stop throwing up and have cleaned everything up). Don’t feel
guilty if you’re the vomiter—chances are it was because the guy
was thrusting over-enthusiastically. However, use it as a lesson:
don’t be greedy and try to take more than you’re capable of
swallowing, or push too deeply if you’re the man. Vomit and
sex are a bad combination.

When the woman squirts across the room

The first time you ejaculate can be a shock, and more so if it’s
copious. Don’t be embarrassed—it’s not urine. It’s merely a
compliment on your lover’s oral skills.
 Dos and Don’ts

Do
1. Practice your Kegel exercises. They’re one of the best ways
to enhance your sex life.
2. Experiment with different techniques. If you don’t try new
things, you’re more likely to get stuck in a rut.
3. Take anything that goes wrong lightly. Laughter is the best
way to deal with most sexual mishaps.

Don’t
I. Feel guilty if you can’t climax together. Simultaneous
orgasm Is rare.
2. Put anything in the anus unless it has a string attached or a
flared base.
3. Feel intimidated at the idea of using sex toys. Over half of
women own at least one toy, so they’re common but not a
replacement for a loving partner.
 GOING
WILD!
If you’ve read this far and practiced everything as you go along,
by now you should be an oral aficionado. However, should you
want to ramp things up a gear, there are a few kinkier twists
that you can throw into the oral mix.

6
Chapter 6

Analingus
Oral sex needn’t just be confined to the vagina and penis.
Analingus (aka “rimming”) is something that many people find
pleasurable and, as long as you follow the right safety
precautions, it can be a sophisticated addition to your love life.
Where oral sex was once a taboo, nowadays it’s seen as a
standard part of a healthy sex life. Analingus now fills the gap
of being something a little bit forbidden, a little bit kinky, and,
if done properly, a whole lot of fun. According to website
queendom.com, 40 percent of men and 18 percent of women
enjoy stimulating their partner’s anus orally, and 69 percent of
women and 77 percent of men enjoy having their anal region
stimulated, so there are pretty good odds that it’s something
your partner will enjoy.
The big thing to bear in mind is safety. Unlike the genital
region, you can still get infections from analingus even if
you’ve both been tested for STDs and come out clean. No
matter how clean you are, nasties such as E-coli can still lurk
around the area so it’s imperative that you use a dental dam.
Viruses including intestinal parasites can lurk, waiting to give
you fever, cramping, and diarrhoea, and if you ignore the
dental dam advice you can also expose yourself to STDs
including herpes, gonorrhea, HPV, and hepatitis. You may also
be exposed to blood, and potentially HIV, if there are any cuts
or tears in the anus. Similarly, if you move from anus to
genitals without using a dam to protect yourselves, this can
cause infection. To be
on the safe side, use an
alcohol mouthwash after
rimming, as well as a
dental dam during.
Although there’s no
research that guarantees
the effectiveness as a
germ killer after rimming,
at the very least it will
also add a minty tingle to
any further oral exploits.
Don’t think that merely
washing thoroughly
beforehand will protect
you as bacteria can
still linger.
Once you’ve got all the
boring stuff out of the way,
and have your latex dam in
place, analingus is simply
about exploring your
partner’s anus with your
tongue. Try a number of
different techniques to
see which your partner
most enjoys.
Chapter 6

Techniques
You will need some analingus techniques to try on your
partner, particularly if you are both new to the experience and
looking to experiment. Practice these below to perfect your
new oral skills.

Circling
Swirl your tongue around the entrance to the anus, gradually
getting nearer and nearer the anus itself. This is a great move
to start with as it helps relax the anus.

Dipping
Flicker a stiff tongue in and out of your partner’s anus.
Go slowly, getting deeper as your partner pushes back hard
onto your face.

Perineal push
Press your tongue firmly against the perineum then draw it
slowly back to the anus and either circle or dip your tongue
around or inside the anus.

Sucking
Holding the dam firmly in place, suck very gently at your
partner’s anus.
 Going wild! “129°

Positions to try
As with oral sex, there are numerous positions you can try:

From behind
A classic position, though it does leave the “rimmed” partner
in a very exposed position.
The receiver gets on all fours on the bed, leaving enough
room behind them for their partner to kneel on all fours and
easily access the anus.

Pros
This position provides access to the genitals as well as the
anus, and it’s easy to part the buttocks to improve access.
It offers a graphic view which some men in particular may find
a turn on. It’s also ideal if you want to get toys involved.

Cons
Some people may find the position too animal or undignified
to be able to relax, or that having their muscles tensed
decreases chances of orgasm.
“130° Chapter 6

From above
This position can give the receiver a real dominant kick.
The giver lies back, facing upward, and the receiver straddles
their body, leaning forward onto their elbows while the giver
parts the buttocks with their hands.

Pros
This allows extremely easy access for the giver so is ideal for a
first timer. However, it is a submissive position for the giver so
they need to be comfortable with their sub side.

Cons
If the receiver gets carried away, it can be easy to block the
giver’s breathing. Leaning forward can become tiring for the
receiver if they have to support a lot of their own weight.
 Gomera! 31 ‘
Ge Maly
ie

From the side

A lazy position for both of you.
The receiver lies on their side. The receiver lies behind them
to lick their anal region.

Pros
This position allows both partner’s easy access to the receivers
buttocks making it easy to spread them for better access.
It also lets both partner’s lie down and relax.

Cons
If a partner is particularly large, the giver may get smothered
by their buttocks. The giver doesn’t have particularly easy
access to other erogenous Zones.

BI [ SS

aes
 TIPS FOR HER FROM HIM
A man’s view on analingus

Anal sex is no longer the strict preserve of gay men, or something that
only depraved hetero males wanted and even more depraved females
were willing to provide. And thank God for that; packed with sensitive
nerve endings capable ofproviding previously undiscovered sensations,
the anus is, for a lot of people, an erogenous zone that we're only now
becoming acquainted with, now that we're slowly casting off our shackles
of distaste for its primary, more prosaic function. —

Experimenting
However, while a lot of us are au fait with the idea of penises, sex
toys, and digits probing around in that particular spot, we tend to draw
the line at rimming, for obvious reasons. Which is a bit strange. Although
it appears at first to be an incredibly extreme act absolutely sodden with
perversion and depravity, analingus could ironically be the key to the
kingdom for a vast amount of anal newcomers who want to experiment,
and the one act that can unlock the door and open up a whole new
realm of possibilities. Confused? Read on...

Small steps
Most men who haven't been initiated into anal play upon themselves
are at least vaguely aware that (gently) stimulating the prostate is a very
good thing, but are not very keen to try it out due to its association with
homosexuality. Analingus is the first step toward being coaxed into trying
it. No, we're not expecting your tongue to reach way up there, but when
he's had some oral attention performed 6n the opening of his anus, he’s
going to be a lot more keen to try further experimentation.
And it goes
without saying that there is no greater bonding exercise than having
someone swirl their tongue on that particular spot, because someone
must really think a lot of you if they're happy to do that.

Reciprocating
Obviously, an act as personal and intimate as rimming cannot and
should not go unreciprocated, and this is the other great thing about
analingus for men; it can break down a lot of barriers when it comes to
anal sex (which a lot of men would like more of, but refrain from
initiating it because they assume their nice, innocent girlfriends would
recoil in horror at the suggestion). There are just as many nerve-endings
there in women as there are for men (come to think of it, it’s the only
true erogenous zone that both men and women possess), and they
derive as much satisfaction from it as men do.

Easing into anal sex

Once they experience the sensations of a tongue in that particular
area, women are generally more receptive to taking the next step toward
anal sex. As a matter of fact, analingus is usually deployed as part of the
steps to ward relaxing the anal muscles and making them ready for
penetration. So there you have it; 50 percent kinkiness, 50 percent
deeply personal and affectionate, a real gateway activity to a whole new
world of sexual experience and a genuinely filthy thrill with a great view.
 “134 Chapter 6
a Ya) us i
wa Tee ij

Outside the bedroom

If moving to different body parts isn’t for you (or even if it is)
you may decide to experiment with location instead. Oral sex
outside the bedroom can be thrilling. Some people adore the
exhibitionistic thrill of public oral sex. If you’re one of them,
it’s worth practicing with discretion to avoid getting into
trouble, and is easy enough to do if you follow a few
guidelines. If you’re not an exhibitionist and simply want to
add a bit of variety, try the following:

Cunnilingus
€ The woman lies back on the kitchen table and the man
kneels between her legs.
€@ The woman sits on the washing machine on spin cycle
while the man bends over her to administer oral.
& The woman sits at the dinner table and the man
administers oral under the table.

Fellatio
& The man lies in a deckchair in the back garden
“reading the paper” while the woman administers oral
from the side.
The man stands in the shower with the woman on her
knees in front of him.
The man stands at a solid balcony with the woman
kneeling out of view fellating him.
 Should you wish to take things further, do bear in mind that
public sex is legally risky, and can result in imprisonment in
some states and countries. As such, discretion is all important.
For the least possible risk, the man should wear a long coat
that can be used to hide the woman, and the woman should
wear a short skirt and no underwear so that access is easy.
Don’t go for extended sessions—a quick and dirty fumble will
be just as exciting and less risky. Take two picnic blankets, one
for lying on and the other for rapid cover-up, or better yet,
keep your oral sex excursion within the confines of your car.
Pick somewhere that’s quiet and well away from anywhere that
children play. Make sure that the area isn’t known for swinging
in public either—unless you like the idea of other people getting
involved. Other than that, just use whatever techniques work
best for you both, and enjoy the frisson. Just don’t blame me if
you get caught—public oral sex is entirely at your own risk.

hy

af rr
136" Chapter 6
“a

Sub/dom and oral sex

Then there’s power play. Submission and domination are both
popular kinks and adding a few tweaks to oral can help you
become a sublime slave or decadent domme. Although it’s
entirely possible to have a wonderful oral sex session without
any form of powerplay, the act does lend itself to
master/mistress and slave scenarios. Adding any of the
following moves to oral sex (consensually) will add a kinky
twist. Do make sure that you’ve discussed your boundaries
before you start playing, and agree on a “safe word”
beforehand that you can use to stop proceedings at any point
should you feel uncomfortable.
While you should never feel obliged to try any hardcore sex
acts with a partner, experimenting with the milder end of the
spectrum can add a whole new dimension to your sex life.
Get creative too. As long as you ensure
that you never restrict your
partner’s breathing, tie anything
around their neck, or generally
do anything life-threatening to
them, whatever you
experiment with in the
confines of your own room
is entirely up to you.
Dominant
Pulling your partner’s hair.
Banning a partner from climaxing until you say so.
Spitting in a partner’s face.
Slapping a partner’s face (being careful to avoid the ear
as otherwise you could break your partner’s ear drum).
8888
@ Clamping your thighs around your partner’s face.

Submissive
@ Dressing in an outfit of your partner’s choosing to
perform oral sex.
Being tied up while performing oral sex.
Begging for semen or female ejaculate on your face.
Performing deep throat until your partner decides to let
you stop.
@ Keeping semen/female fluids in your mouth after your
888
partner has come until they tell you that you can swallow.
 HIS AND HER OR Alias
EXPERIENCES

“T think the best oral experience I ever had was when a guy at a
party told me that he wanted to go down on me right there and then,
and we did it in the bathroom. He never asked for anything in
return, even when I offered. I’ve never felt so dominant in my life,
and no, I never saw him again.”
HELEN, 32

“The best blow job I ever received was from an ex who hardly did
anything with her mouth at all. She pushed me back in a chair, took
my cock out, and jerked me off very slowly while tracing the tip of my
cock round and round her lips, with the odd drag of her tongue across
the head whenever her arm got tired. She could do it for ages, but I
could never last long enough to find out just how long, exactly.”
CARL, 27

“Tf you can stand it, and it’s been thoroughly washed out, a vibrating
cock ring around the tongue does the business for my wife every time.
And when you get used to the vibrations, it means I don’t have to
nosh away like a maniac and risk getting jaw ache.”
BEN, 3,4
“My best oral moment was also myfirst time with an older woman,
because she described every sensation as I was going down on her.
It made me want to please her more, and making her come was ten
times more important to me than the time I lost my virginity. I felt
I had really achieved something, and I’ve never looked back.”
JOHN, 36

“I wish it was as easy for him as it is for me, but outdoor spur-of-
the-moment fellatio is a brilliant spontaneous trick. I’ve already done
my boyfriend under a table at a party, in the park, and in a train
bathroom—the novelty of it brings him off quickly every time. Shame
I demand at least 20 minutes of attention, really.”
KAREN, 26

“I was with my ex for five years. She loved the way that I gave her
oral. After we split up, I played thefield for a bit and didn’t have any
complaints, but when I met my new girlfriend she hated me going
down on her, I thought she had some weird hang-up but one night
after a few drinks she told me I was too rough with her. I was a bit
hurt but I tried going down on her later that night and promised her
that I’d be gentle. Instead of going into my usual routine, I tried
different things and asked her to tell me what she liked best. It took a
long time but eventually she came so hard that she cried! Now she
asks mefor oral all the time.”
TIM, 32
Tips to try tonight

Offer your partner an oral sex session with no strings

attached. Spend at least an hour exploring their body with
your lips, fingers, and tongue and relish in the sensations
and taste rather than waiting for them to return the favor.

Taste your own juices so that you know what your partner
tastes when they go down on you.

Whisper sweet nothings into your partner’s genitals while

you go down on them. Even though they won’t be able to
hear you, the vibrations will enhance the experience.

. Alternatively, get a vibrator and hold it against your cheek

as you administer oral sex for even more buzz.

Make a fruit salad containing lots of strawberries and

pineapple, and share it with your lover to make your juices
taste sweeter.

Share a sexy shower together, making sure to get each other

scrupulously clean. Massage each other’s genitals with
chocolate body butter after ward so that you taste extra
sweet. Just make sure that it’s cleaned off thoroughly if you
 decide to have sex with condoms later as otherwise it may
break the condom.

7. Think about the pubic hairstyle you’d most like your

partner to have, then help them attain it. Once they’ve been
suitably trimmed (or indeed, left au naturel) it’s their turn
to choose a pubic hair style for you.

8. Masturbate in front of your partner then let them lick and

suck you while you continue to caress yourself. A joint
effort makes for an easier orgasm.

9. Tell your partner three things that you love about the way
that they go down on you.

10. Write a description of exactly how you’d most like to

receive oral sex. Get your partner to do the same. Then
swap papers and make each other’s dreams come true.

When it comes down to it, great oral is about being willing

to experiment and chalk any negatives down to experience.
So grab your partner right now and get stuck in.
 commandments dos and don’ts 78-9
40-5 enjoyment 101
dos and don’ts 55 outside the bedroom
analesexe O54 133
downsides 90-1 134
analingus 29, 126-133, outside the bedroom positions 92-9

138 134 strokability 100

man’s view 132-3 positions 82-9 techniques 70-1, 101
positions 129-31
techniques 46-7 tips 100-1

techniques 128 troubleshooting troubleshooting 74-7

arousal, signs of 30 oy) fingering 44, 53
flicking 47, 71
B D food play 116
balls see testicles dam 19 when food gets stuck
bedroom etiquette 30 deep throat 70, 78, 1
biting 25, 29,3143, 62, 111-12, 113 foreplay 10, 26
78 depilatory creams 14 foreskin 59
blow job basics 62-66 domination 136-7 frenulum, 539; 62; 71,72
boredom, signs of 31, 41 dribbling 46, 70
breaking wind 31-2, 105 G
E G-spot 115, 117
breasts 65, 73
ejaculation 66, 68-9 gagging 74, 76, 77,
C female 21, 22, as eisMa Giles
clitoris 37, 40, 42, 47 117, 12021108 gag reflex 76, 111-112
common mistakes enthusiasm 41, 78 glans 58, 71, 72
(men) 28-9 etiquette 30 gonorrhoea 18, 126
common mistakes grooming 10, 13-15,
F
(women) 24-5 40, 53, 77
condoms 19, 55 fellatio 57-79
coronal ridge 58, 72 basics 62-6 H
cramp 105 comfort 100 hepatitis 126
cunnilingus 35-55 control 101 herpes 18, 126
 Index 143

HIV 18, 126 menstruation 54, 5S, lazy lady 96

hoovering 71 multiple orgasms 114 over and above 88
HPV (human mutual oral 110 reary good 87
papillomavirus) 126 positions 102-5 reverse sixty-nine 103
hygiene 11-15 troubleshooting 105 sideways suckstress 94
sit on my face and
K N wiggle 85
Kegel exercises 114, 115, Nonoxynol-9 19, 72 sixty-nine 102
123 sofa, so good 98
kissing 26 O
standing sixty-nine 92
open-mouthed sucking 47,
troubleshooting 105
L BO
worship her 83
labia 36, 38, 40 oral-phobia 10, 20-2
you spin me right
labia majora 36, 40 outdoor sex 135
round 99
labia minora 38, 40 ovary pressing 47
prostrate gland 60,
latex dam 19, 126
6S Mia iie sts?
licking 46, 70 Pp
pubic hair 14, 53, 77
lips 42 penis 58-9, 72
Au naturel 17
Lovelace, Linda 111 perineum 38, 60, 106, 115
Brazilian 14, 16
lubricants 48-50, 54, pheromones 13
Heart 14, 17
62, 72-3 phobia (oral) 10, 20-2
Hollywood 16
flavored 48, 54, positions 82-9
Neat and Tidy 17
6), Wee, Te admiring the view 95
Tiffany 14, 16
oil-based 48 bed head 89
public sex 135
silicone 48 begging for it 93
water-based 48 bobbing for apples 84
R
chairman of the board
rimming see analingus
M oT,
massage 73 doggie 104 S
masturbation 62, 65, dos and don’ts 106-7 scrotum 60
73, 74, 76 hoodwinked 86 semen 22, 68, 77
“144 | Index

WKOYS Hil, SI; G95 11S. T verbal seduction 26, 66

123 teabagging 60 vibrator see sex toys
Shatteo9e/72 testicles 24, 60, 106 vomiting 77, 122
shaving 15, 40, 77 tongue 42, 45, 46, 70
simultaneous orgasm 118 exercises 50 W
Skene’s gland 120 troubleshooting 53, 74-7, watersports 21
spermicides 19, 72 105 waxing 14
spitting 29 wet patch, dealing with 32
U
stamina S51
STDs (Sexually Transmitted urethra 59
urination 21, 117
Diseases) 13, 18, 126
stubble 40
Vv
submission 136-7
vaginal
swallowing 22, 66,
fluid 54, 117, 120-1
68-9, 77, 79
opening 38
syphilis 18

Picture Credits

Stefanie Coltra: pp. 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 129, 130, 131;
Corbis: pp. 48, 64, 108; Dorling Kindersley Images: p. 127; iStock images: pp. 18, 115, 116,
ile Geuany Ihanerxoss joy, Gp iil, 1S, 2D, sh, BY, 4h3), SY, Gil, GG, NO, 1S, 13S. 120s
Photolibrary: pp. 26, 56, 75, 80, 119;
:
Emily Dubberley is Editor-at-
Large of Scarlet, a hugely popular
4§ magazine for women combining
: erotic fiction, sexy pictures, and a
feisty attitude. Emily wrote the
;
u3 three most recent Lovers’ Guide
4 videos, is the founder of
www.cliterati.co.uk (a sex Web
.
4;
F:
:
site for women that attracts
almost a million page impressions
a month), and is the author of
numerous books including The
Good Sexual ‘Fantasy Guide, Sex
for Busy “People, and Whip Your
Life into Shape. Emily is frequently
quoted as a sexpert in magazines
including (Cosmopolitan, Elle, and
(Company. She lives in London.

Al Needham is one of the UK’s

foremost male sex writers, having
written about sex and relationships
for Scarlet, Cosmopolitan, The
Daily Mirror, ~Maxim, and
“Penthouse.Aformer pornographer
and retired male stripper, Al is
__also a founder member of Todger
Talk, the world’s most popular
male sex advice blog —
~ (todgertalk. blogspot.com) and
regularly appears as an expert on
sex programs for BBC2, ITV,
Channel 4, Channel 5, and
Sky One. »
 Q¢
You might be sitting there reading this and feeling smug, certain
that you know everything that there is to know about oral action.
But there’s one secret that every true oral connoisseur knows: no
matter how skilled you are, there’s always more to learn. Every man
and woman is different: techniques that had your ex floating
somewhere near the ceiling could leave a new lover doing a mental
list of all the DIY that needs to be done around your home
(or wishing you were doing it yourself). And techniques that made
a previous partner push your head away from the meat of the matter
and say “let’s just kiss,” could make another person writhe in glee.
So what are you waiting for? Get ready to (muff) dive in or show
how deep (throat) your love is.
—from The Going “Down Guide