Creating New Habits Using The 21/90 Day Rule Plus Worksheets

(From the blog originally posted on13/01/2020)

The 21/90 Day Rule
Less than 10% of us will succeed at the New Year resolutions we set on January 1 st.
But don’t get disheartened by those statistics. There is a way around it to help you
be more successful.
We can use the 21/90 day rule to help increase our likelihood of success. The 21/90
day rule came about as the result of a misinterpretation of the research by Dr.
Maxwell Maltz. It was reported that you could gain a new habit within 21 days but in
reality it is more likely we need far longer to make a habit a permanent one.
You see for any new habit to be added to our life it must become a permanent part of
our lifestyle. That takes time; in fact, we need to consistently repeat the new habit
over 90 days for it to become a permanent lifestyle change. It can take 21 days to
help it become a habit in the first place, but we need between 60 to 90 days to make
it a permanent life change.
Consistency and taking small actionable steps are what is important here. Your brain
needs to lay down a new pathway from your actionable steps so that we then have
an automatic process to use after 90 days. So a little planning, and setting up
starting and finishing times to complete the new habit, will also be a vital component.
That time period might seem daunting when you read it, especially if you have
already failed with your resolutions. But you can start again at any time; new
goals/habits/resolutions are not just for January 1st. The fact that you are reading this
proves you are not about to just give up, you want to succeed and with a little more
information you will!
Plan Ahead To Succeed
If you want your new habits (I’ll use habits to also mean goals/resolutions here) to
stick then you need to plan ahead. You need to make this a project and treat it like
any other type of project, with a planning phase, a creating phase, an actionable
small step phase (this is where you implement it) and a finish date or deadline.
So here are some steps you can initially take.
1. Get out your calendar/planner and pick a timeline. You need to work in 12
week or 90 day blocks for each habit.
2. Mark timeline off in your calendar. You now have your start and finish dates.
3. Now create you why, this will give you your metal boost. This is vital as your
why will keep you motivated when you hit a motivational block, like the 3 day
hump etc. (I discuss this in more detail in my new book coming out at the end
of January). What is your why? This new habit is not a one off event but rather
a new piece to add to your lifestyle. Why are you doing it, why do you want
this new habit or change to exist? Will this habit fit into your lifestyle? We

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 need to add habits that will start to create the life you desire, but if work
against your values and beliefs (before you change them) you will probably
sabotage yourself.
4. Once you have your why you need to divide your new habit into manageable
small actionable steps. You don’t want to burn yourself out too quickly, so
small, slow, steady and consistent is best. The smaller the better, you simply
cannot go from couch to a 5 km run in one week, it’s impossible. So perhaps
your smaller steps could be a 10 minute walk 3 times a week and build up
from there.
5. These small actionable steps have to be planned into your week, mark them
off at a specific time on your calendar, set a reminder on your phone might
also be a good idea.
6. Now add in your cues. So when will you complete your new habit?
Remember it needs to fit into your current lifestyle. What happens before your
action step will be your cue. For example, you decide you will go for your 10
minute walk at lunchtime every second day. So when lunchtime arrives that’s
your cue for your walk.
7. Eliminate any distractions or trips. What could trip you up and set you up to
fail? If your new walking routine is to build a healthier lifestyle overall then
perhaps walking by a sweet shop or cake shop, where you know you will be
tempted to buy something is not a good walking route for you. You can
eliminate this by changing your walking route. If your habit is to meditate each
day then having notifications running on your phone will only set you up for a
distraction. So stopping these during that time would be a good idea or
leaving your phone in another room. So think ahead now, what could set you
up for failure or distract me during my new habit? Think this through and plan
accordingly.
8. Remember to celebrate all the small wins along the way, you need those
small wins to continue and build your motivation and resilience. So create a
treat and reward system (see below)
9. Don’t knock yourself if you make a mistake; or fail to show up for one
session. Adjust accordingly and continue the next day, this is vitally important
to remember. It is far more important for you to start again the next day and
continue on than just give up at the first hurdle. Everyone stumbles but the
difference between those that succeed and those that fail is that the former
don’t knock themselves mentally/verbally and they also pick themselves up
and continue with their plans the next day.
10. Get an accountability buddy, you don’t have to work on building the same
habit but the person has to be positive and supportive for you.
11. Yes the negative vampires in your life will try to knock you, having your
accountability partner (support group) will be important at these times. If you
are not working to delete these people then minimise contact with them.

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 Remember its okay to not tell people what your new habit is, quietly working
with your supporter(s) is okay. People can get frightened when we start to
change so everyone might not be supportive at first. Your persistence will win
around those that truly have your best interests at heart and these are the
only people you need in your life. Let go of others and their dramas.
12. Take time at the end of your day to review how things are going. Do you need
to adjust something? You will probably find you do, particularly in the first few
weeks. At the end of the each week take time to plan out the next week
including the time allocated each day for your new habit.
Breaking Old Habits
Remember, if you are trying to break an old negative habit then it will take the same
length of time to change it as building in a new habit. You can also use some of the
steps above to help yourself. In particular an accountability buddy/support team plus
eliminating any trips/distractions are important.
Replacing one positive habit for a negative one is important also or you are more
likely to create another negative habit to replace the one you are giving up. You will
do this unconsciously, so give some thought to what you will replace it with before
you start.
So if you are trying to give something up, what will you do instead of that habit? How
will you spend the time? Do you need to distract your mind and body in a positive
way instead? For example giving up smoking (support here) you might find you need
something for your hands to do now, so painting, knitting etc. You will also need
something to keep your mind distracted during cravings, they usually only last a few
minutes if we can distract your mind with something else, like a 3 minute breather
meditation, making a phone call to a friend. Or if you know you have a particular time
during the day when you will be more tempted then having things from your to do list
ready to use for that time. You’ll get a list of positive habits you can try here.
Creating A Treats And Rewards System For Motivation.
We need to celebrate our small wins every day to gain motivation. Motivation won’t
necessarily come automatically at the start, so creating a small celebration for each
small step completed will, alongside your why, will give you the motivation and
resilience to continue.
So creating a treats and rewards system will help you to accomplish this. How do
you do that? Well first off treats should preferable cost nothing or at the very most €5
and are given freely and every day. Rewards are for bigger milestones, end of each
week, month and on the finish date and these cost you more money. Never withhold
treats and rewards as you will only set yourself up for mental negativity.
1. Grab a piece of blank paper you can keep it in your planner or on the fridge.
Divide the page in two. On the top of one side write treats and on the other
rewards.

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 2. Now brainstorm what these things could be for you. For example a treat could
be a luxury soak in the bath, a cup of coffee, giving yourself some time to
watch a favourite TV show or read a book. A reward could be lunch out with a
friend or at the end of the 12 weeks a weekend break away. But only you can
decide what would be a treat and a reward for you.
3. Now that you have your list, allocate each treat to a small actionable step and
each reward each milestone (end of the week, and month and then on the
finish date). Make sure to plan these in to your diary and never forget to follow
through. They are also creating cues for your new habit.
You can get help with creating a treats and rewards system in my Free Resources
(you need to sign up for this one as its part of a bundle) here.
More information on changing habits and your lifestyle can be found in my book and
workbook The Building Blocks Of Self-Care.
Worksheets Below

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Pick one habit you want to introduce.
If you feel you have loads of things you want to change then brain storm a list
below. Then pick the smallest/simplest one to complete first. A quick win will
help your motivation to tackle another on your list.

Now pick a start and finish date.

Write down why you have chosen those dates. Is the timeline realistic? In
other words have you given yourself enough time to do this? Remember you
need between 21 & 90 days to make it a habit/change in your life.

When you complete the other worksheets come back to these dates and
review again.

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Create your why! Don’t skip this, it’s the root of your motivation going forward.
Why are you doing it? Why do you want this new habit or change to exist? Will
this habit fit into your lifestyle?

Notes

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Now brainstorm any small steps you will need to take to achieve your new
habit. Make sure these are as small as possible. After completing all these
worksheets, then take the first 3 steps to get started & add it to your calendar.

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What cues will you add to aid you achieve your new habit.

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What distractions do you envision facing?

How could you eliminate or minimize theses distractions?

Are there any negative people you need to delete or minimize contact with that
will help you also?

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Now get yourself a support team/accountability buddy.
Who are they? (You can find out more about support systems here. There is
also a free resource where you got this one.)

How will they help you?

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Set up a treats and rewards system. Don’t forget to add these into your
calendar when adding your steps.
Treats Rewards

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Review daily/weekly
Date: Time: Habit

Step Cue:

Reward/Treat:

Review Notes
How did it go?

What could you have done

differently?

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