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Title: How to Teach Manners in the School-room

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*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK HOW TO TEACH

MANNERS IN THE SCHOOL-ROOM ***
TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE
Some minor changes are noted at the end of the book.
 How to Teach Manners
in the school-room.

By MRS. JULIA M. DEWEY,

Method and Critic Teacher in the Public Schools of Rutland, Vt.;
formerly Supt. of Schools, Hoosic Falls, N. Y.

“Who misses or who wins the prize?

Go, lose or conquer, as you can;
But if you fail, or if you rise,
Be each, pray God, a gentleman.”
—Epilogue to Dr. Birch and his Pupils.

THE A. S. BARNES COMPANY

New York and Chicago
 COPYRIGHT, 1888
E. L. KELLOGG & CO.
NEW YORK
 INTRODUCTION.

Importance of the definite teaching of manners. Children are close

imitators; they will learn some kind of manners, and one who
teaches positively or emphatically (or contrariwise) may often see a
miniature of himself in his young pupil. With this truth in mind one
can hardly attach too much importance to punctilious politeness on
the teacher’s part in his intercourse with pupils. But however polite a
teacher may be, the informal or unconscious teaching of manners is
not enough. The school-room does not afford opportunity to
exemplify all the necessary practices in good manners, and there is
no other way but to teach the various requirements of an accepted
code with reference to actual examples that may present themselves
at any time in life.
It is to be remembered that many children have no opportunity of
obtaining a knowledge of good manners, either by practice or
precept, except as it is afforded by the schools. And as habits
formed in childhood are the most enduring, a lack of early training in
good manners will show itself as long as life lasts. Many other
reasons weigh in favor of the definite teaching of manners, one of
which is, if courtesy is demanded of pupils.
The underlying principles of courtesy should be inculcated, that
children may know it is more than an empty show.
Children need to learn the definite language courtesy employs.
This to many children is a new language, and can only be
accomplished by definite teaching. Beside, if manners are considered
of sufficient importance to be counted a regular part of the school,
they will attract much more importance. Accompanying this by
observance on the part of teacher, the pupil acquires a valuable
knowledge.
Good manners ever prove an invaluable aid in doing away with
many of the unpleasantnesses of school-life. Courtesy of manner
under all circumstances means great self-control, and a lack of self-
control in teacher or pupil is the origin of most misdemeanors in
school. Aside from the benefits to be derived in the school-room,
gentle manners help one on in the world wonderfully. They are more
powerful in many cases than their other knowledge. “All doors fly
open to the one who possesses them.”
“Manners are the shadows of great virtues.”—Whately. “High
thoughts seated in a heart of courtesy.”—Sir Philip Sidney. Mr.
Calvert says: “A gentleman is never unduly familiar; takes no
liberties; is chary of questions; is neither artificial nor affected; is as
little obtrusive upon the mind or feelings of others as on their
persons; bears himself tenderly toward the weak and unprotected; is
not arrogant; cannot be supercilious; can be self-denying without
struggle; is not vain of his advantages; habitually subordinates his
lower to his higher self; is, in his best condition, electric with truth,
buoyant with veracity.”
In a right conception of good breeding the moral element
predominates. With this idea in view, no one should attempt to
instruct in good manners who has not the ability to instil into the
minds of children its fundamental principles. True courtesy implies
strict honor, self-possession, forbearance, generous and refined
feeling, all culminating in a polished deportment.
When teachers consider manners in this high sense, and teach
them accordingly, they give their pupils that which will bring them
much more happiness in life than any amount of knowledge teaching
without it.

AIM OF THIS WORK.

1. To furnish material for lessons in manners suitable to be taught
in the schools, and adapted to different grades of pupils.
 2. To furnish illustrative lessons showing the main lines of thought
to be pursued, the length of the lesson, and the simplicity of method
to be employed.
3. To impress both teachers and pupils with a need of the
knowledge of good manners.

“A gentleman can have no better watchword than that sung at

Bethlehem: ‘Peace on earth, good will to men.’

“Come wealth or want, come good or ill.

Let old and young accept their part,
And bow before the awful will,
And bear it with an honest heart.

“Who misses or who wins the prize,

Go, lose or conquer as you can;
But if you fall, or if you rise,
Be each, pray God, a gentleman.

“A gentleman, or old or young!

(Bear kindly with my humble lay.)
The sacred chorus first was sung
Upon the first of Christmas days.

“The shepherds heard it overhead;

The Joyful angels raised it then:
Glory to God on high, it said,
And peace on earth to gentle—men.”
—Epilogue to Dr. Birch and his Young Friends.
T. T. Munger in “On the Threshold.”
 CONTENTS.

PAGE
Introduction, 3
Importance of the definite teaching of manners, 3
The underlying principles of good manners, 3
Aim of the work, 5

CHAPTER I.
General directions for teaching manners, 13
Special directions to teachers, 15
Practical training in manners 18

CHAPTER II.
Lessons on Manners. For the Youngest Pupils.
Lesson 1. Awakening an interest in manners in general, 21
2. Kindness an element of politeness, 22
3. Seeking the happiness of others an element of good
manners, 23

CHAPTER III.
Lessons on Manners. Second Two Years.
Lesson 4. Kindness and unselfishness two underlying principles
of good manners, 25
5. To follow the example of the best people a reason
for cultivating good manners, 26
6. Gaining the esteem of others a reason for cultivating
good manners, 28

CHAPTER IV.
Manners in School. First Two Years.
 Illustrative Lessons.
Lesson 7. The necessity of good manners in school, 29
8. Regularity of attendance at school is a mark of good
manners, 30
9. Punctuality of attendance at school is a sign of good
manners, 31
10. Cleanliness is one sign of good manners in school, 33
11. Care in keeping the school-room clean is a sign of
good manners, 34
Subjects for Additional Lessons.
1. Care of school-furniture, 35
2. Care of halls, piazzas, walls, 35
3. Care of school-grounds, 35
4. Care of books, 35
5. Economy in using what is furnished by the school, 35
6. Care in using and returning borrowed articles, 35
7. Quiet conduct in the school-room at all times, 35
Lesson How pupils should conduct themselves toward their
12. teachers, 35
Subjects for Additional Lessons.
1. Rendering assistance to teachers, 36
2. Care in not interrupting a teacher, 36
3. Kind treatment of school-mates, 36
4. Respectful treatment of the janitor, 36
5. Respectful treatment of visitors, 36
6. Respectful treatment of those who address the school, 36

CHAPTER V.
Manners in School. Second Two Years.
Illustrative Lessons.
Lesson The necessity of good manners in school,
13. 37
14. Regularity of attendance at school is a sign of good
manners, 38
15. Punctuality of attendance at school is the sign of
good manners, 40
16. Cleanliness is one sign of good manners, 41
 17. Care for school-belongings is a sign of good
manners, 42
Subjects for Additional Lessons.
1. Care of books, 43
2. Economy in using what is furnished by the school, 43
3. Care in using and returning borrowed articles, 43
4. Quiet conduct in the school-room at all times, 43
Lesson How pupils should conduct themselves toward their
18. teacher, 43

CHAPTER VI.
Manners at Home. First Two Years.
Illustrative Lessons.
Lesson Awakening an interest in home manners,
19. 45
20. The attention due to home friends, 46
“Keys” suggested for additional lessons, 47

CHAPTER VII.
Manners at Home. Second Two Years.
Illustrative Lessons.
Lesson The polite attentions due to home friends,
21. 48
Subjects for additional lessons.
1. Special politeness to very old people in the family, 49
2. Polite treatment of visitors, 49
3. Polite treatment of servants, 49
Reminders, 49

CHAPTER VIII.
Manners in Public. First Two Years.
Illustrative Lessons.
Lesson The necessity of good manners in the street,
22. 51
23. Undue curiosity shown in the street is impolite, 52
 CHAPTER IX.
Manners in Public. Second Two Years.
Illustrative Lesson.
Lesson The necessity of good manners in the street,
24. 54
Subjects for Additional Lessons for Both Grades.
1. Polite attention toward elderly people on the street, 55
2. Polite attention towards strangers who make inquiries, 55
3. Church manners, 55
4. Manners at places of entertainment, 55

CHAPTER X.
Table Manners. First Two Years.
Illustrative Lessons.
Lesson The necessity of good table manners,
25. 56
26. Punctuality at the table is desirable, 57
27. Polite attention is specially due the lady of the
house, 58
28. Selfishness at the table is a sign of bad manners, 59
29. Some forms of polite expressions used at table, 60

CHAPTER XI.
Table Manners. Second Two Years.
Illustrative Lessons.
Lesson The necessity of good table manners,
30. 61
31. The deference due the lady of the house at table, 62
32. Some polite usages at table, 63
Subjects for Additional Lessons for Both Grades.
1. Use of fork and spoon, with practical illustrations, 63
2. Impoliteness of rapid eating, 63

CHAPTER XII.
Lesson on Manners. For Advanced Pupils.
Lesson 1. To suggest the underlying principles of good
manners, 64

CHAPTER XIII.
Manners in School.
Lesson 2. The necessity of good manners in school, 66
3. Regularity and punctuality of attendance are signs of
good manners, 67
4. Cleanliness is one sign of good manners in school, 67
5. Care for school-belongings is a sign of good
manners, 68
6. How pupils should conduct themselves toward their
teacher, 69
Subjects for additional lessons, 71
Reminders, 71

CHAPTER XIV.
Personal Habits.
Lesson 7. The necessity of attention to personal habits, 73
Suggestions for instruction relating to personal habits, 74

CHAPTER XV.
Manners in Public.
Lesson 8. Some particulars of street manners, 76
Suggestions for further instructions, 77
Reminders, 78

CHAPTER XVI.
Table Manners.
Lesson 9. The importance of good table manners, 81
Subjects for additional lessons, 82
Reminders, 82

CHAPTER XVII.
Manners in Society.
Suggestions for lessons, 85
Reminders, 87
 CHAPTER XVIII.
Miscellaneous Items.
Miscellaneous items, 90
Suggestive stories, fables, anecdotes, and poems, 91
1. Little Jack. 13. The Drum and the Vase of
Sweet Herbs.
2. The Boy and the Sparrows. 14. Love.
3. The Unhappy Boy. 15. Treatment of the Aged.
4. Which was the Gentleman? 16. Civility to Strangers.
5. The Elder Brother. 17. A Good rule.
6. The Gnat and the Bull. 18. Character.
7. A Real Lady. 19. Honor.
8. Cautions. 20. Consideration for Others.
9. Letter of Recommendation. 21. Truthfulness.
10. A Gentlemanly Lad. 22. Delicacy.
11. A Series of Don’ts.
12. Family Intercourse.

Memory Gems, 102

HOW TO TEACH MANNERS IN
THE SCHOOL-ROOM.
 Chapter I.

GENERAL DIRECTIONS FOR TEACHING MANNERS.

1. In teaching manners to young children there is no better
example to be followed than that of a careful mother, who takes
advantage of incidents of every-day life to impress a truth upon the
mind of her child. By such means the ideal standard is kept in close
relation to the child’s conduct until it is taken up and assimilated into
his nature. For this reason it is better to begin the definite teaching
of manners with reference to the school, and as far as possible to
allow actual occurrences to suggest or illustrate the point to be
considered. The lesson that will fit the needs of the occasion is the
most effective. Just here it may be remarked that, within bounds, a
teacher is justified in taking advantage of these opportunities, even
if it somewhat disturbs the formality of a rigid programme of school-
work.
2. The mother’s method may be followed still farther in making
the definite lesson as informal as possible. Questions should be
asked to awaken thought, and the lesson should partake more of the
nature of a familiar conversation than of a school exercise. Pupils
should be allowed to tell what they know on certain points, and new
truths should be “developed” as in other subjects.
3. The instruction to older pupils may be given in a similar
manner, but less simply; or the item may be read with or without
comment. This lesson serves to instruct those ignorant of prevailing
forms, and to keep the matter before the minds of others who are
better informed. When pupils are old enough, if not provided with a
text-book on manners, it is well for them to make a note of the
directions given.
 4. The time given to this subject must be regulated by the other
work in the school. A few minutes daily will amount to a great deal
in the course of years.
5. A plan that has been successfully pursued is to allow ten
minutes for the opening exercises of school, and to make a brief
lesson in manners a part of these exercises. It is not the aim of the
author that the illustrative lessons shall be arbitrarily followed. That
would be to aim at an impossibility. If success is expected, it is even
more necessary in this branch than in others that the work be
stamped with the individuality of the teacher. There must also be a
certain compass of expression and force and earnestness of manner
in giving these lessons which cannot be imparted to the printed
page.
6. Brevity is essential, as the effect sought would be lost if the
lesson became tiresome. Moreover, it is not intended to add to the
already overburdened curriculum of most schools. Teachers should
exercise care in selecting items adapted to the age and capacity of
their pupils. It is needless to add that as far as there is opportunity
teachers should see that precept and practice go hand-in-hand.

S P E C I A L D I R E C T I O N S TO T E A C H E R S.
1. The manners of pupils are usually similar to those of the
teacher. It is therefore of the utmost importance that he should
himself exemplify true courtesy, because he will be imitated. His
whole bearing and manner in the presence of pupils should be above
criticism. If not conversant with the details of a code of manners, it
is obligatory upon him to become so, and to conform his manners to
it.
2. A high and loud tone of voice should not have place in a
school-room.
There is perhaps no more unrefining influence unconsciously
exerted by a teacher than that of a loud voice. Emerson says,
“Loudness is rude, quietness always genteel,” and in nothing is the
truth more apparent than in the voice. As children are close
imitators, if teachers speak in a loud and dictatorial manner, so will
their pupils.
A teacher’s voice should be as melodious as nature permits, and
its effect should be heightened by all the modulations and
intonations used in polite conversation. Suitable language voiced in
this manner not only has a most refining influence on the character
and manners of pupils, but is often the only instrumentality needed
in the formal “government” of the school.
3. A teacher should assume no attitude in a school-room
which is not proper for the pupils. Here again the natural
propensity of children to imitate should be remembered. Teachers
have been known to censure children for carelessness in posture
when they themselves were guilty of the same. There is no
instruction of this kind so impressive as that of example, and if
teachers wish their pupils to be patterns of propriety in attitude,
motions, actions, they themselves must furnish the model.
4. Teachers should not be careless in personal habits.
Besides formal instruction relative to habits of cleanliness and
tidiness, the teacher should show the importance of these habits by
strict adherence to them. Teachers should dress neatly and in good
taste. This does not necessarily involve expense. There should be no
gaudiness of dress, but due attention should be paid to harmony of
color and suitableness of fabric, and garments should be made in
prevailing styles. Attention to these details will help to refine the
tastes of pupils.
5. Teachers should watch their tones and words with
great care. It is not enough that expressions should be
grammatical, but they should be devoid of anything inelegant. All
proprieties of speech should be observed, even (or especially) with
the youngest children. Severe expressions, arising from lack of self-
control on the part of the teacher, are productive of demoralization
in the school, and have a most unrefining effect on the pupils.
Let teachers observe the direction which they give to their pupils,
—
 “Guard well while you are young
Ear and eye and tongue,—”
and it will be much more effectual than the memorizing of the
couplet. A polite request is at any time more refining and effective
than a stern command. Instead of saying “Do this” or “Do that,” if
teachers make a practice of asking “Will you kindly do this?” or
“Please do that,” they will find their wishes more cheerfully complied
with, and less selfishness displayed in the requests made by pupils.
6. Teachers should not only guard their words, but the
expression of their countenances. The expression should be
pleasant and indicative of kindness and common sense. A stolid
expression or constant smiling are both exceedingly objectionable in
a school-room, as elsewhere.
Children are very susceptible either to smiles or frowns, and both
should be used with discretion. Approving smiles, like approving
words, may be given as rewards, but a too liberal use detracts from
their value. It may seem to be setting up an ideal standard to say
that when in the school-room an angry or a petulant look should
never come upon a teacher’s face. It is sometimes necessary to
express regret, sorrow, or severity in this manner, but anger and
irritability never, as that shows lack of self-control; and one of the
serious results of such a lack is impoliteness.
7. Teachers should not indulge in modes of discipline that
are unrefining in their tendencies. Happily the old barbaric
modes of punishment are passing away. If complete abolition of
corporal punishment does not seem feasible, any teacher ought to
be possessed of sufficient delicacy and refinement to avoid making
such punishment public. It should never be inflicted in the presence
of the school.

P R A C T I C A L T R A I N I N G I N M A N N E R S.
1. Ask the children daily to tell what opportunity they have
improved of being kind and polite.
 2. The teacher should remark on any improvement shown by the
pupils, and lead pupils to talk of it. It is well to allow them to talk
without restraint so as to obtain their real opinions. Tact will be
needed to ward off a feeling of self-gratulation or conceit, which may
otherwise be brought out when pupils tell of their own polite acts.
3. Impress pupils with the idea that good manners is one of the
subjects pursued in the schools, and that it will help them in life, and
that practice shows progress in this particular branch.
4. Without seeming to demand it, teachers should lead children to
offer them any service that is not menial. Such attentions as
disposing of wraps, umbrellas, etc., fetching them when needed,
picking up things accidentally dropped, handing crayon, eraser, etc.,
lifting or moving things, offering a chair, helping to put things in their
places at the close of school, should be rendered to teachers by
pupils. If, at first, in order to make children see what offices are
proper, the teacher must ask for them, it should be as one would ask
an equal, and not a servant; and any service rendered should be
most politely acknowledged.
5. The older children should be made to understand the propriety
of assuming some responsibility over the younger. This is almost
universally practiced in schools where “busy work” is done, when the
older pupils help to distribute materials for such work, and to assist
in its execution. They should also assist those who need aid in
putting on or taking off wraps, overshoes, etc. Children should
understand that girls need not necessarily assist girls, and boys
boys, but that help should be offered and accepted, as is convenient.
6. Children should be encouraged to try to settle disputes or to
quell disorder in any form. This does not imply a system of
monitorship. As young children are pleased to do these things, it
needs tact and watchfulness on the teacher’s part to keep down an
overbearing or officious spirit. This may be accomplished by
appointing certain pupils for a definite length of time, and by
removing them from “office” when they exceed their authority.
These advisers are not to be encouraged in tale-bearing. It should
be considered just cause for removal, unless the tale is told in order
to get the teacher’s advice as to the best mode of settling a
difficulty.
7. Pupils should be trained to receive and entertain those who
come to visit the schools. They should entertain as politely in a
school-room as in a parlor. When visitors come, a pupil should
answer the bell, politely invite the company to enter, find them
comfortable seats, take their wraps if they wish to dispose of them,
and offer any other attention the occasion may seem to demand. To
do this properly at the time implies previous training—pupils acting
as visitors. In this as in other things, officiousness on the part of
pupils should be guarded against. Give opportunities to all pupils in
turn to show these attentions.
8. Whenever it is possible, every direction in manners should be
exemplified in the school-room. When the school-room does not
furnish illustrations, directions should be made as real as possible to
the youngest pupils, as, for instance, they should actually be shown
how to hold the fork, how to drink from a tumbler, how to enter a
room, etc.
9. The polite phrases of society should be used by the teacher to
the pupil, and vice versa.
In the discipline of the school, when children have had training in
good manners, the question “Is this polite?” will oftentimes prove
more effectual than a severe reprimand. This has been
demonstrated by actual experience, even in schools difficult of
control.
 Chapter II.
LESSONS ON MANNERS.
L E SS O N I .
Fo r t h e Yo u n g e s t P u p i l s .
Purpose.—To awaken an interest in manners in general.
Method.—A common incident in real life briefly described,
followed by questions and answers.
The Lesson.
As I was sitting on the piazza the other evening, watching the
sunset and listening to the chirp of the birds, a boy passed along the
sidewalk, and as he looked up and saw me, he touched his hat and
smiled and said, “Good evening, Miss B.” I smiled back and
answered him, and as he passed on I thought about him. Why did I
think about him?
“Because he was so pleasant to you.”
Can you tell what I thought?
“You thought he was good.”
“You thought he was a nice boy.”
Why did I think so?
“Because he touched his hat.”
“Because he smiled.”
“Because he said, ‘Good evening, Miss B.’”
Yes, because he was polite to me. Can you tell why we should be
polite?
“It makes people think of us.”
 “It makes people like us.”
What must we learn, then, if we wish people to like us?
“To be polite.”

L E SS O N I I .
Purpose.—To suggest kindness as an element of politeness.
Method.-A supposed incident is used, and questions given.

The Lesson.
Suppose a new little girl should come into our room. Perhaps she
would come from a country far away from this place. Her dress
might be queer, and she might not look like any other little girl in the
room. What do you think these boys and girls would do?
“Look at her.”
Oh, I hope not, for how would she feel?
“I guess she wouldn’t like it.”
“I think she would be scared.”
“Perhaps she would cry.”
If she should speak in her own way, not like ours, what would
happen then?
“Like enough we should laugh.”
Oh, no, I hope not.
“I should feel sorry for her.”
What would you do for her, May?
“I would go and stand by her and speak to her.”
What would you say?
“Please come and sit with me.”
What would you say of May, children, if she should do and say
what she thinks she would?
 “That she is a good girl.”
“She is a kind girl.”
“And a polite girl.”
What would you say of those children who stared and laughed at
her?
“They were not kind.”
“They were not polite.”
What do you mean by politeness?
“It is to speak kind words.”
“And to do kind acts.”
Yes. I will tell you what it is, in a pretty verse:
“Politeness is to do and say
The kindest thing in the kindest way.”
Note.—This couplet is to be memorized.

L E SS O N I I I .
Purpose.—To suggest seeking the happiness of others as an
element of good manners.
Method.—A story told founded on an incident liable to happen at
any time, and a conversation deduced.

The Lesson.
One day I looked out on the play-ground, where there were many
children playing and seeming to have the best kind of a time. On the
other side of the ground was one little girl looking as sad and lonely
as you can think. I was about to go and see if I could cheer her up,
when another little girl whose name was Jennie, and who had been
playing with all her might, happened to see her. She left her place
and went to the stranger, and said in a sweet way, “Wouldn’t you
like to come and play too? Come and take my place.” And away they
went hand-in-hand, looking as happy as two butterflies.
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