The more children receive empathy, the more likely they are to offer it to

others.
1. Discuss emotions.
2. Help out at home, in the community, or globally.
3. Praise empathetic behavior.
4. Describe and label.
5. Read Stories.
6. Make a "We Care Center”.
7. Coach social skills in the moment.
8. Play emotion charades.
Key Strategies to Teach Children Empathy (Sorted
by Age)
By Ashley Cullins 22 Oct

You may have heard the saying, “Before you criticize or judge
someone, walk a mile in their shoes.” This quote is all about
empathy. Empathy is the ability to be aware of the feelings of
others and imagine what it might be like to be in their position
(or in their shoes).

Empathy is a key ingredient in positive friendships

and relationships. It reduces conflict and misunderstandings
and leads to helping behaviour, kindness, and even greater
success in life in general.
And like any skill, empathy can be taught and developed in
children. Because cognitive abilities and life experiences
develop over time, the most effective strategies to use
depend on the child’s age.
Let’s look at some key strategies for teaching empathy to
children, as well as some age-by-age ideas and activities.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download

our FREE 21-Day Family Gratitude Challenge. Make this
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4 General Strategies to
Teach Empathy at Any Age
Model empathy.
Any time you want to teach a skill to a child, it’s important to
model it yourself. This way, the child understands what
empathy looks like, sounds like, and feels like. Plus, it’s easier
to teach a skill that you’ve already mastered yourself.
Remember to model empathy even when you’re upset with or
giving consequences to your child. This reinforces the idea
that empathy can and should be used even when you’re
feeling disappointed, hurt, or angry. The more children
receive empathy, the more likely they are to offer it to others.
Discuss emotions.
Talk openly about emotions rather than dismissing or burying
them. Let’s say your child is scared of the dark. Instead of
saying, “There’s nothing to be afraid of,” explore the child’s
feelings: “Are you scared of the dark? What scares you about
the dark?”
If your child doesn’t like another child, don’t immediately say,
“That’s wrong,” but ask why the child feels that way. This can
lead to a discussion about the other child’s actions
and why the child might be acting that way (e.g., They just
moved to a new school and are feeling angry because they
miss their old school and their friends).
Never punish a child for feeling sad or angry. Make it clear
that all emotions are welcome, and learn to manage them in a
healthy way through discussion and reflection.
Help out at home, in the community, or globally.
Helping others develop kindness and caring. It can also give
children the opportunity to interact with people of diverse
backgrounds, ages, and circumstances, making it easier to
show empathy for all people.
Read through our list of activities that make a difference at
home, in the community, and globally, then pick an activity or
two and get started.
Praise empathetic behavior.
When your child shows empathy for
others, praise the behavior. Focusing on and encouraging
empathetic behavior encourages more of it in the future.
Make the praise specific: “You brought your sister a Band-Aid
for her scraped knee so she could feel better. That was so
kind and helpful!”
Age-Specific Strategies
Below are some age-specific strategies for developing
empathy in children. The age ranges below are a general
guide; start with a few activities or ideas that you think will
resonate with your child. Some activities introduced to
younger children may be carried on into the later years.
3-5 Years
Describe and label.
Help children recognize their emotions and the emotions of
others by describing and labeling (e.g., “You seem angry,” or,
“Are you feeling sad?”).
You can also promote body awareness, as young children may
find it easier to identify emotions based on how it feels in their
body.
For instance, you might say, “You’re clenching your fists. You
stomped your feet. You seem angry.” The more children
become aware of their own emotions, the more they’ll
recognize and consider the emotions of others.
Read Stories.
As you read stories with your child, ask how the characters in
the storybooks might be feeling.
Here’s one example from our list of 29 Books and Activities
That Teach Kindness to Children:
"Listening with My Heart" by Gabi Garcia tells the story of
Esperanza, who learns to be kind both to others and to herself
when things don’t go as planned. You can ask your child
questions like:
 How does Esperanza feel at the beginning of the story?
How do Esperanza’s feelings change during the story?
 How does Bao feel at the beginning of the story? How do
Bao’s feelings change?
 How was Esperanza feeling when she ran off the stage?
 If you could talk to Esperanza after she ran off the stage,
what would you say to her?
 How do you think it would feel if it happened to you?
What would you like someone to say to you after that
experience?
 What does Esperanza do to be a good friend to herself?
 What can you do to be a good friend to yourself?

You can also read about and discuss how it feels when others
are mean with the book "Chrysanthemum" by Kevin Henkes,
in which Chrysanthemum loves her unique name—until others
start to tease her about it.
"The Day the Crayons Quit" by Drew Daywalt is another great
book for discussing emotions with young children. In this
colorful story, Duncan just wants to color. Unfortunately, his
crayons are on strike. Beige is always overlooked for Brown,
Black only gets to make outlines, Orange and Yellow are in a
standoff over which is the true color of the sun, and so on.
As Duncan tries to find a way to make all of his crayons
happy, you can talk to children about how the crayons (and
Duncan) are feeling. This is also a good way to teach that
everyone has different needs, hopes, and dreams, and
sometimes it’s hard to find ways for everyone to agree.
You can take a similar approach with just about any story that
your child loves!
Make a "We Care Center”.
Dr. Becky Bailey, the founder of the SEL program Conscious
Discipline, recommends making a We Care Center to teach
children empathy.
The We Care Center can be as simple as a box containing
Kleenex, Band-Aids, and a small stuffed animal. This provides
a symbolic way for children to offer empathy to others in
distress.
For instance, a young child may notice that Mom seems sad—
or even that Mom is sneezing—and offer tissues.
This teaches children to be aware of others and to develop an
understanding that our responses and actions can have a
positive impact.
We can also model this relationship with statements like, “Our
neighbors are sick. Let’s take them some soup to help them
feel better!” or, “Your brother scraped his elbow. Let’s help by
bringing him a Band-Aid!”
Coach social skills in the moment.
If your child snatches her brother’s toy, ask questions like,
“How do you think your brother feels? How do you feel when
your brother takes your toys? Look at his face. He seems sad.
What could we do instead of snatching your brother’s toy?”
At this point, you could teach a more appropriate response to
want a toy, such as asking for a turn, making a trade, or
playing with another toy while waiting. It’s much easier for
children to learn social skills when they are taught in context.
5-7 Years
Play emotion charades.
Teaching emotions through play is an important way to
develop empathy in children. Games and activities can help
children learn the language to express and understand
complex feelings.
To play emotion charades, take turns acting out emotions and
guessing what feeling is being portrayed. After a player has
guessed correctly, you can also discuss the emotion with
questions like:
 When do you feel sad?
 What helps you feel better when you’re sad?
 How can we help someone else when they’re feeling
sad?
Lisette at the Where Imagination Grows blog suggests
a helpful variation on this game. She uses the characters from
the movie Inside Out to represent different emotions.
She cuts out images of the characters and glues each
character onto an index card. The performer then draws an
index card from a bucket and acts out that emotion. The other
children hold up the corresponding Inside Out character
figurine to guess the emotion.
Use pictures.
Visuals are another great way to help children learn. If your
child seems to have trouble recognizing and/or labeling
emotions, cut out pictures from magazines or print pictures
from the Internet that show sad, angry, or happy faces. You
can also work up to more complex emotions like scared,
embarrassed, disappointed, frustrated, etc.
As you discuss how the people in the pictures are feeling, you
can also ask children about times they felt the same way.
Provide examples from your own life too, showing that even
adults grapple with big emotions and that it’s perfectly
normal.
Embrace diversity.
A major component of empathy is respecting others from
different backgrounds.
Give your child opportunities to play with children of different
races, backgrounds, ability levels, sexes, and so on. You can
also read books or watch shows featuring children who are
different from your child. Help children understand and focus
on what they have in common with others.
Observe others.
Deepen your child’s understanding of nonverbal cues by
playing a game where you observe other people in a busy
public place, like a park.
Note the body language of others and guess how they might
be feeling. “That child’s head is down, and his shoulders are
hunched like this. I think he might be feeling sad. I wonder
why he feels that way?”
Teach healthy limits and boundaries.
As your children grow older, it’s important that they also
understand empathy doesn’t mean taking on the problems
and needs of everyone around them. It doesn’t mean always
saying “yes” or dropping everything to help others.
Teach your children to understand and respect their own
needs by following these 3 steps.

1. Create a plan for how your child can respond in certain

scenarios. If, for example, another child gives an
unwanted hug, your child can say, “I don’t like that.
Please don’t touch me.” If a child calls your child a
name, your child can say, “My name is ________. Call me
that instead.”
2. Create a list of scenarios in which it’s necessary to ask
an adult for help, like a child refusing to take no for an
answer or any situation that feels dangerous or
 uncomfortable. In addition, explain that being helpful to
others should not involve breaking any rules or doing
anything that your child isn’t comfortable with.
3. Respect your child’s boundaries. If your child doesn’t like
to be tickled or doesn’t want to be picked up and spun
around, don’t push the issue. Say, “I understand. I won’t
do it again.” This models the way your child should
expect others to behave when he or she says “no.”
Don't forget to download our FREE 21-Day Family Gratitude
Challenge and make this challenge a part of your family's
routine!

7-9 Years
Engage in high-level discussions about book
characters.
Read more advanced books and engage in high-level
discussions about what the characters think, believe, want,
and feel. How do we know?
For example, read "The Invisible Boy" by Trudy Ludwig, in
which a boy named Brian struggles with feeling like he is
invisible. He’s never invited to parties or included in games.
When a new student named Justin arrives, Brian is the first to
make him feel welcome. When the boys team up on a class
project, Brian finds a way to shine. The book teaches children
that small acts of kindness can help kids feel included and
allow them to flourish.
After reading, ask questions like:
 Why did Brian feel invisible?
 How do you think being “invisible” makes Brian feel?
 How did Brian help Justin feel welcome?
 How did Justin help Brian feel more “visible?”
 Have you ever felt left out or invisible? What would have
helped you feel more included or visible?
In one experimental study, 110 school kids (aged seven
years) were enrolled in a reading program. Some students
were randomly assigned to engage in conversations about the
emotional content of the stories they read. Others were asked
only to produce drawings about the stories.
After two months, the kids in the conversation group showed
greater advances in emotion comprehension, the theory of
mind, and empathy, and the positive outcomes "remained
stable for six months."
You can select books to read with your children that are
directly related to empathy. Alternatively, notice what your
children are reading and engage them in conversations about
the characters, their emotions, and what your child might
think, feel, or do in similar situations.
Loving-kindness and compassion meditation.
Studies show that as little as two weeks of training in
compassion and kindness meditations can lead to changes
in brain chemistry that are linked to an increase in positive
social behaviors, including empathy. These meditations also
lead to increased positive emotions and social connectedness,
in addition to improved health.
Loving-kindness meditation involves thinking of loved ones
and sending them positive thoughts. Later, your child can
expand her positive thoughts to more neutral people in her
life as well.
The four traditional phrases for this meditation are, “May you
feel safe. May you feel happy. May you feel healthy. May you
live with ease.” The exact wording you and your child use
aren’t important; it’s about generating feelings of kindness
and warmth.
With compassion training, children visualize experiences in
which they felt sad or upset, then relate to these experiences
with warmth and care. They then repeat the exercise with
other people, starting with close loved ones, followed by a
difficult person, and finally extending compassion to humanity
in general.
Engage in cooperative board games or cooperative
construction.
Research shows that successful experiences with cooperation
encourage us to cooperate more in the future. Collaborating
with others can encourage children to build positive
relationships and to be open to developing more positive
relationships in the future.
These experiences also involve discussions and debate,
teaching children to consider other perspectives.
Ideas for cooperative board games or cooperative
construction include:

 Play with Legos, working together to build something

specific
 Race to the Treasure! (a board game in which children
collaborate to build a path and beat an ogre to the
treasure)
 Outfoxed! (a cooperative whodunit game)
 Stone Soup (an award-winning cooperative matching
game)
 The Secret Door (a mystery board game in which
children ages 5+ work together to solve the mystery
behind the secret door)
9-11 Years
Sign up for acting classes.
If your child is interested, get him involved in theater or acting
classes. Stepping into the role of another person is a great
way to build empathy, just as playing pretend helps young
children develop understanding and compassion for others.
Create empathy maps.
Empathy maps include four sections: Feel, Think, Say, and
Do. Choose an emotion, then brainstorm what you might say,
think, and do when you feel that way.
For example: “When I feel worried, I might think I’m making a
lot of mistakes or that something bad is going to happen. I
say, ‘I’m sorry’ too much or, ‘I can’t do this.’ Sometimes when
I’m worried, I do nothing at all. Something helpful that I can
do is to take deep breaths and remind myself that everything
will be okay.”
If it comes up, you can highlight the fact that what we say or
do is sometimes the opposite of what we’re really feeling. You
can discuss why that is and how we can relate that to showing
empathy and understanding for others.
Ages 12+
Discuss current events.
Learn about current events and develop empathy by reading
newspapers, news magazines, or watching the news together.
Alternatively, you can do this activity when your child
mentions a current event to you.
Ask questions like:
 How might the people involved in this situation be
feeling?
 How would you feel in a similar situation?
 Is there anything we can do to help?
Encourage your child to choose volunteer work.
Encourage your child to choose volunteer work that he or she
is passionate about. As children get older, they can take a
more direct role in helping the community or society in
general. They may even want to start their own projects or
charitable organizations to solve a problem they feel strongly
about.
It’s important for kids to explore the world beyond
themselves. Our Big Life Journal - Teen Edition includes a
section where older kids can write down and map out ways
they can make a difference in the world. They can take these
passions and turn them into opportunities to serve their
communities.
Walk the line.
This activity is perfect for classrooms, summer camps, or
other places with a large group of older children/teens. “Walk
the Line” was demonstrated in the movie Freedom Writers.
Put a line of tape in the middle of the group, with students
facing each side’s line. Read a series of statements. If the
statement is true for the student, they go stand on the line.
This could include statements like “I’ve lost a family
member,” “I’ve been bullied at school,” and so on. Students
can also help create the prompts.
The activity shows the struggles they have in common and
helps them understand what their peers experience and feel.
At the end of the activity, students return to their seats to
reflect through writing or discussion.
One option is to have students write a letter (that they can
deliver or keep to themselves) to a student who walked to the
line on one of the same prompts they moved on, sharing more
about this experience or offering words of encouragement.
Empathy can be taught and developed over time, and it will
give your child a foundation on which to build sound
judgment, success, and positive and healthy relationships
throughout their life. Choose one or two activities from this list
and get started!

Looking for additional resources to help teach your child about

empathy? The Big Life Journal helps children develop
strong Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) and growth
mindset skills through inspiring stories, colorful illustrations,
and engaging guided activities.

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TEACH CHILDREN EMPATHY (SORTED BY
AGE)”