Alice in Wonderland script
Characters
Alice
Red Queen
Mad Hatter
Jack of Hearts
1st Scene: Ummm's meeting
Queen: And what is this?
Alice: I am a “who” Majesty, I'm Ummm
Queen: Ummm
Alice: From Umbradge
Queen: What happened to your clothes?
Alice: I outgrew them. I´ve been growing an awful lot lately. I tower over everyone in
Umbradge. They laugh at me. So I´ve come to you might understand what it´s like
Queen: My dear girl, anyone with a head that large is welcome in my court, someone find her
some clothes! Use the curtains if you must, but clothe this enormous girl
2nd Scene: The prisoner does a favor
Jack: And who is this lovely creature?
Queen: Ummm
Jack: Ummm
Queen: My new favorite
Jack: Well, does she have a name?
Queen: Ummm
Jack: I believe your name has slipped the Queen´s mind
Queen: Her name is Ummm, idiot!
Alice: From Umbradge
Queen: Any luck with the prisoner?
Jack: He´s Stubborn
Queen: You´re too soft. Bring Him! We know Alice has returned to Underland. Do you know
where she is?
Hatter: I´ve been considering things that begin with the letter “M” Moron, mutiny, murder,
malice
Queen: We´re looking for an “A” word now. Where is Alice?
Hatter: Who, that wee little boy? I wouldn´t know
Queen: What if take off your head? Will you know then? Stop that!
Hatter: What a regrettably large head you have. I should very much like to hat it
Queen: Hat it?
Hatter: Yes, I used to hat the White Queen, you know. Wasn´t very much to work with, poor
dear. Her head is so small
Queen: It´s tiny. It´s a pimple of a head
Hatter: But this. What I could do with this monument, this orb… Nay, this magnificently heroic
globe
Queen: What could you do? Unbind him, Stayne. How can he work if his hands are bound?
Hatter: Well, then, shall it be a bonnet or a boater? Or something for the boudoir? Cloche,
donce hat, death cap, coif, snood, barboosh, pugree, yarmulke, cockle hat, porkpie, tam o
´shanter, billycock, bicorne, tricorne, bandeau
Alice: ¡Hatter!
Hatter: ¿Fez?
Queen: Leave us. You must find Alice, Stayne my sister´s followers will surely rise against me.
Ugly little sister, why do they adore her and not me?
Jack: I cannot fathom it. You are far superior in all ways
Queen: I know, but Miranda can make anyone fall in love with her, men women. Even the
furniture.
Jack: Even the King
Queen: I had to do it. He would have left me.
Jack: Majesty, is it not better to be feared than loved?
Queen: Not certain any more. Oh let her have the rabble. I don´t need them, I have you
Scene 3: Calming the Hatter
Alice: They´re wonderful. You must let me try one on
Hatter: It is good to be working at my trade again
Alice: It´s just a pity you have to make them for her
Hatter: What is the hatter with me? Hatter?
Alice: ¡Hatter!
Hatter: have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk? I´m frightened Alice. I don´t like
it in here. It´s terribly crowded have I gone mad?
Alice: I´m afraid so. You´re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret all the best people are
here that´s better you look yourself again
Queen: Hat man! Where are my hats? I´m not a patient monarch!
Hatter: I´m told she keeps the Vorpal sword hidden in the castle, the rabbit will help you. Find
it, Alice, take it to the White Queen
Alice: We´ll go to the white Queen together
Hatter: Why is it you´re always too small or too tall?
