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A Power BI
Compendium
Answers to 65 Commonly Asked
Questions on Power BI
—
Alison Box
 A Power BI Compendium
Answers to 65 Commonly Asked
Questions on Power BI

Alison Box
A Power BI Compendium: Answers to 65 Commonly Asked Questions on Power BI
Alison Box
Billingshurst, West Sussex, UK

ISBN-13 (pbk): 978-1-4842-9764-3 ISBN-13 (electronic): 978-1-4842-9765-0

https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4842-9765-0

Copyright © 2023 by Alison Box

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Table of Contents
About the Author���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� vii

About the Technical Reviewer��������������������������������������������������������������������������������� ix

Introduction������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� xi

Chapter 1: Visualizations������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������ 1
Q1. Can Visual Titles List the Items Filtered in the Visual?������������������������������������������������������������ 1
Q2. Is It Possible to Conditionally Color Markers on Line Chart?�������������������������������������������������� 9
Q3. Can Text Boxes Replace Cards by Showing Dynamic Values?���������������������������������������������� 12
Q4. How Can I Create a Continuous X-Axis on Column Charts for Year and Month Labels?������� 18
Q5. How Can I Show Target Lines on Column Charts?���������������������������������������������������������������� 22
Q6. Can I Create a Constant Line That Responds to Filters?������������������������������������������������������� 31
Q7. How Do I Create a Waterfall Chart with “From” and “To” Values?���������������������������������������� 35
Q8. How Do I Show Percentages in a Bar or Column Chart?������������������������������������������������������ 42
Q9. How Can I Identify the Key Influencers of Important Metrics?��������������������������������������������� 48
Q10. Is It Possible to Multi-select with Visual Interactions?������������������������������������������������������� 60
Q11. How Can I Help People Use My Visuals?����������������������������������������������������������������������������� 63
Q12. Can One Visual Do the Job of Many Visuals?���������������������������������������������������������������������� 66

Chapter 2: Slicers and Filtering������������������������������������������������������������������������������ 71

Q13. Can a Slicer Highlight Data in a Visual?������������������������������������������������������������������������������ 71
Q14. How Can I Stop Values in Slicers “Sticking”?��������������������������������������������������������������������� 82
Q15. How Do I Generate Partial Matches in a Slicer?����������������������������������������������������������������� 85
Q16. How Do You Filter Using a DAX Measure?�������������������������������������������������������������������������� 87
Q17. How Do I Cross Filter Slicers?�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 95
Q18. How Can I Create an “And” Slicer?������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 97
Q19. Is It Possible to See the Source Records When Browsing a Visual?����������������������������������� 99

iii
Table of Contents

Chapter 3: The Matrix������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 103

Q20. How Can I Control Which Subtotals Show?���������������������������������������������������������������������� 103
Q21. Can I Show Different Labels for Different Subtotals?������������������������������������������������������� 113
Q22. How Do I Sort by Multiple Columns in a Matrix?�������������������������������������������������������������� 114
Q23. How Can I Control Calculations in the Subtotals?������������������������������������������������������������� 118

Chapter 4: Date Calculations�������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 125

Q24. Why Do I Need a Date Table?�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 125
Q25. How Can I Calculate Rolling Annual Totals and Averages?����������������������������������������������� 131
Q26. How Do I Show Previous N Months Values from a Selected Month?�������������������������������� 133
Q27. How Do I Calculate Cumulative Totals?����������������������������������������������������������������������������� 140
Q28. How Do I Find the Difference Between Two Dates?���������������������������������������������������������� 145
Q29. How Can I Toggle Between Different Date Metrics?��������������������������������������������������������� 150
Q30. How Can I Show Open Items in Any Month?��������������������������������������������������������������������� 152
Q31. Is There Weekly “Time Intelligence” in DAX?�������������������������������������������������������������������� 156
Q32. How Can I Make Comparisons Between Years?��������������������������������������������������������������� 162

Chapter 5: Data Modeling������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 167

Q33. Why Do I Need a Star Schema?���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 167
Q34. How Can I Create Dimensions from a Flat Table?������������������������������������������������������������� 180
Q35. How Can I Manage Many-­to-Many Relationships?����������������������������������������������������������� 186
Q36. Why Do I Get Dotted Lines Between Tables When I Create a Relationship?���������������������� 203
Q37. Why Does Filtering the Fact Table Also Filter a Dimension?��������������������������������������������� 207

Chapter 6: DAX Conundrums�������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 215

Q38. Why Do I Find DAX Difficult?��������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 215
Q39. Why Doesn’t My Measure Work?�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 218
Q40. What Is the Difference Between a Calculated Column and a Measure?��������������������������� 226
Q41. How Can I Calculate the Average of the Totals?���������������������������������������������������������������� 227
Q42. How Do I Get My Totals to Calculate Correctly?���������������������������������������������������������������� 230
Q43. How Can I Include Values from Dimensions in Calculations in the Fact Table?���������������� 237
Q44. How Do I Bin Measures into Numeric Ranges?���������������������������������������������������������������� 241

iv
 Table of Contents

Q45. Why Does Filtering Zeros Also Include Blank Values?������������������������������������������������������ 243
Q46. Can I Have Different Numeric Formatting on Values Returned by the Same Measure?������246
Q47. How Can I Calculate the Mode of Values?������������������������������������������������������������������������ 249

Chapter 7: Customers and Products��������������������������������������������������������������������� 255

Q48. How Can I Rank or Find TopN Customers or Products?���������������������������������������������������� 255
Q49. How Do I Calculate New or Returning Customers in Any Month?������������������������������������� 264
Q50. How Can I Compare Customers’ Like-­for-Like Sales?������������������������������������������������������ 267
Q51. How Do I Calculate Pareto or ABC Analysis?��������������������������������������������������������������������� 271

Chapter 8: Employees������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 277

Q52. How Do I Calculate Employees Changing Salary Over Time?������������������������������������������� 277
Q53. How Do I Calculate Employee Turnover in Each Month?��������������������������������������������������� 283

Chapter 9: Power Query���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 295

Q54. Why Does My Query Fail on Refresh When I Rename Source Columns?�������������������������� 296
Q55. Can I Import a Word Document into Power BI?����������������������������������������������������������������� 298
Q56. How Can I Consolidate Data from Different Excel or CSV Files?��������������������������������������� 302
Q57. Why Would I Need to Unpivot Data?���������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 305
Q58. Why Would I Need to Pivot Data?�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 316
Q59. How Do I Generate a Cartesian Product?�������������������������������������������������������������������������� 325
Q60. How Can I Merge Values in a Column into a Row?����������������������������������������������������������� 328
Q61. Can I Use Values That Don’t Match to Merge Data?���������������������������������������������������������� 331
Q62. Can I Bin Values in Power Query?������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 337
Q63. Can I Rank Values in Power Query?���������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 339
Q64. How Can I Calculate Cumulative Values Using Power Query?������������������������������������������ 344
Q65. How Can I Make My Queries More Flexible?�������������������������������������������������������������������� 348

Index��������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� 357

v
About the Author
Alison Box is a Director of Burningsuit Ltd, www.burningsuit
.co.uk, and an IT trainer and consultant with over 30 years’
experience in delivering computer applications training to all
skill levels, from basic users to advanced technical experts.
She is the author of Up and Running with DAX for Power BI
and Introducing Charticulator for Power BI, both published by
Apress.
Currently, she specializes in delivering training in
Microsoft Power BI Service and Desktop, Data Modeling,
DAX (Data Analysis Expressions), and Excel. Alison also
works with organizations as a DAX and Data Analysis
consultant. She was one of the first Excel trainers to move into delivering courses in
Power Pivot and DAX, from where Power BI was born. Part of her job entails promoting
Burningsuit as a knowledge base for Power BI and includes writing regular blog posts on
all aspects of Power BI that are published on her website.

vii
About the Technical Reviewer
NS Jenkins, Founder and Director of JPOWER4 and
Modern Workplace Solution Architect, is a Microsoft Most
Valued Professional (MVP) in M365 Development and an
author of Building Solutions with Microsoft Teams. He is a
Microsoft Certified Trainer (MCT) who has been working
on SharePoint for more than 20 years and who loves to
learn new things in tech and help others learn them too. He
is a certified Microsoft 365 and Power Platform SME, and
he is passionate about Microsoft 365 and Power Platform,
organizes events, and speaks at events and international
conferences, most recently on the topics of Power Platform,
Copilot, Microsoft Teams, and SharePoint Framework.

ix
Introduction
In today’s data-driven world, the ability to transform raw data into actionable insights
is a skill that can set you apart in your career. Microsoft Power BI, with its powerful
capabilities for data analysis and visualizations, has become an indispensable tool
for professionals and organizations seeking to unlock the full potential of their data.
However, as with any powerful tool, there are bound to be questions, challenges, and
hurdles along the way.
Welcome to A Power BI Compendium: Answers to 65 Commonly Asked Questions
on Power BI and Power Query. The Compendium is a comprehensive resource that will
enable you to implement more challenging visuals, build better data models, use DAX
with more confidence, and execute more complex queries. In doing so, you can find and
share those important insights into your data that would be challenging to execute for
most Power BI users. It’s a “next steps” book of which the objective is to take a Power BI
user with limited knowledge and increase their understanding of what can be achieved
from using the product and therefore better benefit from its deployment.
The book is a compilation of information from my own blog posts that have
answered questions generated by many years’ experience in conducting Power BI
training courses or working as a Power BI consultant. I have also included questions that
have come about from commonly sought-for information from the Power BI Desktop
community. They cover a wide and diverse range of topics that many Power BI users
often struggle to get to grips with or don’t fully understand. Examples of such questions
are “How can I plot a dynamic reference line?”, “Why is the calculation in the total row
wrong?”, or “Can I import a Word document?” The Power BI Compendium was born out
of the need to provide clear and concise answers to such questions.
The reason that such questions are frequently asked is that their answers are not
inherent in the Power BI Desktop application but require a deeper understanding of
specific visualizations and often advanced knowledge of DAX, data modeling, and Power
Query. Not many Power BI users have such eclectic knowledge. Therefore, many users
spend time and effort “googling” answers and, even then, may not find suitable solutions
or the answers they find are not always the optimal ones. This book is a shortcut for
you to find the information you require to execute the reports you’ve been struggling

xi
Introduction

to build. Many report designers using Power BI have never had formal training in the
product and only have a working knowledge at best. They are just ordinary folk who want
to get on with their day job but still be able to design more complex reports. In short,
people probably just like you.
The format of the book is that 65 questions are posed and categorized into chapters
according to their subject matter. The answers are written with the assumption that you
have a basic knowledge of Power BI with limited experience in using DAX, Power Query,
and building relationships between tables. Each question posed will then take you
through the solution in a non-technical and easy-to-follow explanation. Solutions can
be adapted or reused in different data analysis contexts, and having the answers to these
questions collated in one single book will alleviate the frustrations of Internet searching.
The answers to each question are self-contained, and the order of the questions
and chapters is purely arbitrary. Therefore, you can dip in and out and browse the
information as you see fit. Feel free to dive into this compendium from cover to cover,
or use it as a reference guide, jumping directly to the questions that pertain to your
current needs.
There are also companion “.pbix” files that set out the answers to each question, so
you can follow along with the examples given in the book. For Chapter 9, “Power Query,”
the data I have used is contained in Excel files. You can find all these files at https://
github.com/Apress/. In the “Find a repository…” search box, you can just type “Box.”
You will note from the screenshots shown that I have enabled Power BI Desktop’s
new “On Object Interaction.” At the time of writing this feature is currently still in
preview. For more information on this preview feature, you can visit:
https://powerbi.microsoft.com/en-au/blog/on-object-public-­
preview-opt-in/
To turn on preview features in Power BI Desktop, on the File tab, under Options and
Settings, select Options, and the Preview features are under the Global category.
By the time you finish reading this book, you’ll not only have answers to 65 common
questions but also the confidence to explore, analyze, and visualize data in ways perhaps
you never thought possible. Welcome to the future of data-driven decision-making.

xii
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CHAPTER 1

Visualizations
On the one hand, Power BI visualizations are easy to generate on the report canvas
but on the other hand, they can sometimes leave you feeling frustrated. You select a
visual from the gallery that has an approximation to your requirements, add the fields
that comprise the visual, and then using the Format pane, work through a myriad of
options and settings to arrive at a visual that continues to remain unsatisfactory. Often
getting to the visual that truly tells the story of your data can be elusive because many
of the features you want to adopt are not found within any of the observable settings
of the visual. Here, we address this problem by posing questions where the answer is
not intuitive or easy to find, and many of the answers can be re-purposed for different
situations and scenarios.

 1. Can Visual Titles List the Items Filtered in

Q
the Visual?
The answer is yes, they can, but someone must inform me how creating such titles
became part of the “conditional formatting” options, but let that rest for the moment.
There is no “formatting” involved. Instead, you must design DAX measures that generate
the text you want to display in the titles of your visuals and then apply them via the
conditional formatting settings.
You can see our objective in Figure 1-1 where we’ve designed a column chart that
shows Total Revenue by WINE with a slicer that filters the wines by supplier. This visual
has a default title, “Total Sales by WINE.” It’s in the subtitle that we show the suppliers
being filtered. Note that if there are more than two suppliers selected in the slicer, to
prevent clutter, the subtitle shows “and more….”

1
© Alison Box 2023
A. Box, A Power BI Compendium, https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4842-9765-0_1
Chapter 1 Visualizations

Figure 1-1. The filtered items are listed in the subtitle of the column chart

The DAX measure required to generate the subtitle in Figure 1-1 is quite challenging to
author, and therefore, we’ll take a step-by-step approach. Also, for context, in Figure 1-2, we’ve
shown the Products table that holds the WINE and SUPPLIER columns used in the examples.

Figure 1-2. The WINE and SUPPLIER columns in the Products table
2
 Chapter 1 Visualizations

Let’s begin with a simple measure that will go some way to achieving our
desired goal:

Title Conditional Formatting #1=

"Filtered by " & SELECTEDVALUE ( Products[SUPPLIER],
"many Suppliers" )

This measure uses the SELECTEDVALUE function that returns the value in the
column referenced (i.e., Products[SUPPLIER]), but only if one value has been filtered in
the Products table; otherwise it will return an alternate result (i.e., “many Suppliers”).
To apply this subtitle to the visual, in the Format pane, under the Title card and
Subtitle subcard, in the Text option, click the “fx” button, and then use this measure in
the “What field should we base this on?” dropdown box (Figure 1-3).

Figure 1-3. Use the “fx” button on the Subtitle formatting card

The subtitle generated by this measure is shown in Figure 1-4. It’s correct that
“Laithwaites” shows in the top chart, but we’ve still got a problem when no suppliers are
selected, as shown in the bottom chart. We haven’t filtered “many Suppliers” as stated in
the subtitle.

3
Chapter 1 Visualizations

Figure 1-4. A single selection in the slicer works, but no selection does not

To resolve this problem, we must be more adventurous with our DAX measure. This
measure will list all the values selected in the slicer. However, if there is no selection in
the slicer, it will show nothing:

Title Conditional Formatting #2 =

VAR NoFilteredSuppliers =
    COUNTROWS ( VALUES ( Products[SUPPLIER] ) )
VAR NoAllSuppliers =
    COUNTROWS ( ALL ( Products[SUPPLIER] ) )
RETURN
    IF (

4
 Chapter 1 Visualizations

        NoAllSuppliers = NoFilteredSuppliers,
        "",
        "filtered by "
            & CONCATENATEX (
                VALUES ( Products[SUPPLIER] ),
                Products[SUPPLIER],
                " & ",
                Products[SUPPLIER],ASC
            )
    )

This code first checks that the number of suppliers being filtered is equal to the total
number of suppliers. If so, no suppliers are filtered (or all suppliers are filtered) and
therefore the measure returns nothing. If suppliers are filtered, the CONCATENATEX
function is used to list them, separating each supplier name with an ampersand. The last
line of the code ensures that the list of suppliers is sorted ascending by supplier name.
Figure 1-5 shows the result of this measure if we place it in the “What field should
we base this on?” dropdown box of the option of the conditional formatting options.

5
Chapter 1 Visualizations

Figure 1-5. Selecting many suppliers and no suppliers in the slicer

However, what do you feel about the “&” separator used between the supplier
names? Personally, I think it looks a little clumsy, particularly if we had many suppliers
that could possibly be selected in the slicer. They would all be separated with an
ampersand! Besides, we can improve on this. Let’s now design a measure that will
account for these three conditions:

1. If two suppliers are selected, use an ampersand.

2. If three suppliers are selected, use a comma.

3. If more than three suppliers are selected, show “and more….”

6
 Chapter 1 Visualizations

This is the measure that will do this job:

Title Conditional Formatting #3 =

VAR NoFilteredSuppliers =
    COUNTROWS ( VALUES ( Products[SUPPLIER] ) )
VAR NoAllSuppliers =
    COUNTROWS ( ALL ( Products[SUPPLIER] ) )
RETURN
    IF (
        NoAllSuppliers = NoFilteredSuppliers,
        "",
        "filtered by "
            & IF (
                NoFilteredSuppliers > 2,
                CONCATENATEX (
                    TOPN ( 2, VALUES ( Products[SUPPLIER] ),
                    Products[SUPPLIER], ASC ),
                    Products[SUPPLIER],
                    ", ",
                    Products[SUPPLIER], ASC
                ) & ", and more…",
                CONCATENATEX (
                    VALUES ( Products[SUPPLIER] ),
                    Products[SUPPLIER],
                    " & ",
                    Products[SUPPLIER], ASC )))

This measure is similar to the previous measure in that it starts by testing if there are
no selections in the slicer and if so, returns nothing. If there are more than two suppliers
selected, the CONCATENATEX function builds a temporary table that contains just the
top two suppliers alphabetically (using the TOPN function) and lists these separated
by a comma, concatenating “, and more….” If there are only two suppliers selected,
CONCATENATEX will list them separated by an ampersand.
In Figure 1-6, you can see how filtering more than two supplies results in less
cluttering of the visual.

7
Chapter 1 Visualizations

Figure 1-6. Selecting two suppliers and more than two suppliers in the slicer

You now know how to list items filtered in slicers in the title or subtitle of visuals. By
breaking down the answer into smaller “bite-size” pieces, you understand how the need
for a more challenging DAX measure was necessary. You can, of course, use the same
measures if you are using the Filters pane to make your selections rather than using
slicers.

8
 Chapter 1 Visualizations

 2. Is It Possible to Conditionally Color Markers on

Q
Line Chart?
There is a secret to the answer to this question. That is, you start with a column chart and
apply the conditional colors to the columns. Then, you convert the column chart to a
line chart or area chart. For example, have you ever wanted to show high and low points
for monthly sales revenue on a line chart, as shown in Figure 1-7?

Figure 1-7. Conditionally colored markers showing low and high points

If the answer is yes, then the starting point is to create this DAX measure that assigns
the color red to the maximum and minimum values for each month that will be used for
the conditional formatting:

Max & Min Monthly Sales =

VAR mymax =
    MAXX (
        ALL ( DateTable[Year], DateTable[Month],
              DateTable[Month No.] ),
        [Total Revenue]
    )
VAR mymin =

9
Chapter 1 Visualizations

    MINX (
        ALL ( DateTable[Year], DateTable[Month],
              DateTable[Month No.] ),
        [Total Revenue]
    )
RETURN
    IF ( [Total Revenue] = mymax ||
       [Total Revenue] = mymin,  "red" )

Now create a column chart that contains the same fields that you want in your Line
or Area chart. On the Columns formatting card and using the conditional formatting
“fx” button, select “Field value” in the Format style dropdown. In “What field should we
base this on?” dropdown, select the “Max & Min Monthly Sales” measure, as shown in
Figure 1-8.

Figure 1-8. Use the “Field value” Format style to apply the measure

This will color the column with the lowest and highest values red as shown in
Figure 1-9.

10
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 Quite unconscious of the fact that their identity was no secret in
the post-office, the Long 'Un and Koko proceeded to compile telegrams.
"What a lot of forms Mr Mortimer is tearing up!" whispered Dora to
her friend.
"Evidently sending a telegram to a girl," replied Miss Cook, who
was still looking agitated, and whose thoughts were naturally trending
in a sentimental direction.
Dora smiled. The sight of Koko standing on tip-toe, and craning his
head over the Long 'Un's arm, was certainly smile-inspiring. So Dora
smiled.
Presently Mortimer withdrew his head and shoulders from the
compartment, and turned towards the counter. It should be added that
the various communications suggested by Koko had all been
condemned as worthless by the Long 'Un, who, with some pains, had
finally evolved the following bald and uninspiring message: "Annie
arrives nine to-night. Please meet. Jim."
Koko turned towards the counter at the same time as Jim, and as
he did so his face underwent a striking change. For there, gazing
ardently upon him, sat Miss Rose Cook. In a flash Koko took in the
situation, and saw that here was Jim's chance. He could introduce Jim
straight away.
It was too late to stop Jim from sending the telegram, for he was
already handing in the message and gazing with undisguised
admiration at Miss Maybury. And as Miss Maybury bent her beautiful
head over the form, and with a swiftly moving--far too swiftly moving--
pencil, proceeded to count the words thereon, Jim's heart thumped
wildly against his ribs, Jim's brain seemed to reel, and Jim fell head
over ears--hopelessly, irretrievably---IN LOVE.
 CHAPTER V.
JIM REJOICES.

Five minutes later Jim Mortimer was sailing down Milverton Street in a
state of mild delirium. Instead of having to wait for months for an
opportunity of becoming acquainted with the girl whose face had so
captivated his fancy, the whole thing had been accomplished in a
briefer time than it takes to write of it.
Koko it was who had effected this desirable consummation--Koko
who had offered up himself on the altar of friendship. Koko saw as
plain as daylight that Miss Cook was exceedingly pleased to see him,
and knew that the introduction he contemplated would result in his
having to meet with undesirable frequency a lady in whom he took no
interest whatever. A few words of greeting were exchanged; then Miss
Cook--who had an axe of her own to grind--introduced him to Miss
Maybury, and then, as a matter of course, Koko made Mortimer known
to the two girls.
Dora Maybury! So that was her name! What a sweet name! Dora!
The Long 'Un dwelt lovingly on those two dear syllables.
He proceeded to murmur the name in an abstracted manner until
they reached St Matthew's Hospital. Here Jim's hosts of friends greeted
him in the heartiest fashion, and bottled beer flowed freely in the
students' common-room. Koko knew many of Jim's friends, and always
enjoyed himself when in the company of the light-hearted happy-go-
lucky crew at "Matt's." Jim sat down and rattled off a comic song on a
piano which, by reason of much hard usage, had long since lost its
purity of tone. Jim played cleverly by ear; and, as he could sing songs
by the score, he was consequently the star artiste of "Matt's."
 "Chorus, boys!" he roared, and the boys, forming up in a line
behind a red-haired youth from Wales--with a voice worthy of his
nationality--pranced round the table as they let go the taking refrain at
the top of their voices:--

Oh, follow the man from Cook's!

The wonderful man from Cook's!
And, whether your stay be short or long,
You'll see the sights, for he can't go wrong.
Oh, follow the man from Cook's!
The wonderful man from Cook's!
For it's twenty to one that there's plenty of fun,
If you follow the man from Cook's!

The last words of the chorus were ringing out into the quadrangle,
when a porter entered the room and informed the pianist that a lady
wished to see him.
"Lady!" exclaimed Jim.
"Yes, sir; wishes to see you very particular."
"Go on, Long 'Un!" yelled the students, "next verse."
But Jim's head was filled with romantic ideas. What if, for some
strange, inexplicable reason, it should happen to be Dora! True, it was
not very likely, but he had read in books of things like this happening.
"Half a second, you men," he said; "I've got to see somebody."
"Girl?" queried the red-haired youth from Wales.
But Jim (hoping it was) hurried out without replying to him. He
found his fair visitor to be no other than Mrs Freeman, his landlady.
 "Mr Mortimer, sir," she said, in some agitation, "this came for you
just now, sir. I hope it's not bad news, sir."
For in the homely eyes of the landlady a telegram generally
loomed large as a portent of ill. Jim opened the flimsy envelope, and
read:
"Annie arrives nine to-night. Please meet. Jim."

Until this moment he had forgotten all about the wire he had sent
himself. Now it had reached him in all its imbecile meaninglessness.
Mrs Freeman regarded his face anxiously.
"Not bad news, I 'ope, sir?"
Jim crushed the thing into his pocket somewhat impatiently.
"No; it's all right, thanks, Mrs Freeman. It's--it's nothing. Thanks
for bringing it."
And so Mrs Freeman had to retrace her steps to Pimlico, feeling (it
must be confessed) somewhat disappointed at the non-tragic contents
of the message she had so carefully conveyed to the hospital.
Jim imbibed more beer and sang more songs, and finally, when the
party broke up, dragged Koko off to dine at the Trocadero. All through
the meal Jim was excessively merry, his bursts of laughter causing
many of the diners to glance curiously in his direction. Koko, knowing
by long experience that he could do nothing to stem Jim's methods of
letting off steam, decided that his place to-night must be by Mortimer's
side; so he hastily scribbled a note asking a colleague to report the
fight at the National Milling Club for which he (Koko) had been booked,
and despatched it to the Sporting Mail office by a special messenger.
Koko felt easier in his mind when he had done this; he saw that Jim
intended to make a night of it, and that his programme would be a
variegated one.
 Dinner over, the Long 'Un hailed a hansom, and, Koko having
stowed himself away inside, took his place with a brief "Exhibition!" to
the driver.
"Dora!" breathed Jim, as the cab sped across the Circus and
headed for Piccadilly.
"I expect she likes nice, quiet men," said Koko.
"Not she," returned Jim with conviction.
"A nice, quiet, home-loving man--not a man who shouts, and
swears, and behaves like an over-grown schoolboy," persisted Mr
George Somers.
"You're very severe to-night, my bald-headed young friend," quoth
the Long 'Un, with supreme good-humour.
"Never mind about my head," said Koko; "think what yours will be
like in the morning."
"But it is to-night!" cried the Long 'Un, "it is to-night, and I mean
to go the whole hog. Let the morning take care of itself. It is to-night; I
have seen her; I know her; and now I am enjoying myself very much."
"You are also," added Koko, "on the verge of intoxication."
"Very near the verge," whooped the Long 'Un.
The cab was approaching Hyde Park Corner when Jim raised the
little trap-door above his head.
"I've changed my mind, cabby; drive back to the Empire."
"Empire? Yessir!"
"You'll be chucked out of there to a certainty," said Koko,
despairingly.
"Not me," said Jim.
But at the music-hall Mortimer was politely refused admittance by
a man as tall as himself, and considerably broader.
 "No, sir; you gave us trouble the last time you were here. I haven't
forgotten you, sir."
"But that was Boat Race night," protested Jim.
"No matter, sir; can't let you in."
And the official squared his great shoulders and glanced at another
official, almost as big as himself, who was standing a few yards away.
Simultaneously Koko gave Jim's sleeve a tug.
"Come on," he said; "no good getting into a row."
Reluctantly Jim turned on his heel; he was in a mood for battle,
and he had an idea that, big as the official was, he (Jim) could have
rendered a pretty good account of himself had it come to a scrap.
The cab they had employed was lingering in the vicinity of the
entrance. Jim hailed it and again gave the order "Exhibition." And in the
course of thirty minutes or so, Koko and he found themselves passing
through the turnstiles at that popular resort.
Very pleasant it was, too, sauntering through the bazaars and
make-believe old streets, and round the band-stands, while eye and
ear were charmed with colour and music respectively, and the
promenading multitude laughed and chattered, forgetting the day's
cares in a spell of enjoyable indolence.
But Jim was bent on celebrating the great event of the day--his
introduction to Miss Maybury. He was desirous of applying more
rebellious liquor to his young blood, and intimated the fact to a little
Swiss waiter.
"Dora!" Jim gave the toast and drained his glass at a gulp. Up
came Carlo again with a smile of appreciation. "As before," said Jim,
and again toasted Dora.
Just then a pale, well-dressed young man, passing by in the
company of two ladies, trod on Jim's outstretched foot. Jim gave vent
to an exclamation, but the doer of the harm simply glanced over his
shoulder without vouchsafing an apology.
"Why don't you look after your feet, sir!" cried Jim, angrily. To do
him justice, he did not notice the presence of the ladies.
The perambulating crowd was thick just there, and the proprietor
of the feet alluded to was brought to a standstill close to Jim by people
coming in the opposite direction.
"It is never nice here," he observed to one of his companions in a
tone evidently intended to reach Jim's ears, "on early closing nights."
For all Jim knew, the man who had trodden on his toes was
making this remark to another man, but Koko had noticed the ladies,
and now perceived that while one of them was regarding Jim with
haughty disfavour, the other kept her face turned resolutely towards
the bandstand.
"I'll show you what sort of a shop-boy I am!" exclaimed Jim, in a
fury, and was jumping up when his leg got into difficulties with the little
round table at which he was sitting, the result being that he fell over
and broke the back of the chair he was occupying. In his struggle to
retain his balance he swept the glasses off the table and smashed
them, and, when the little Swiss waiter requested payment for the
goods, rudely declined to give any compensation.
When the waiter beckoned to a policeman, men sitting at
neighbouring tables rose to their feet, evidently expecting trouble.
People in the vicinity stopped promenading, in order to look on. They
talked about what followed for days afterwards.
The constable was not one of the gentlest of his species. He asked
Jim for his name and address, and Jim produced his card; then the
policeman told him he must leave the Exhibition, and, as Jim appeared
reluctant to obey this order, gave him a push in the direction of the
nearest exit.
Now, the policeman, regarding Jim's long, slim form, had not
anticipated much trouble from this customer. How was he to know that
Mr James Mortimer (that being the name on the card) had a marvellous
way of hitting straight from the shoulder? Rough and unscientific he
might be, but his blows came pat like a donkey's kicks, and hurt almost
as much.
When the policeman had picked himself up and blown his whistle,
the bystanders fairly tingled with excitement. They saw a little man
urging the tall one to submit quietly, and they saw the tall man shake
off the little man as one would brush away a fly. The tall man's hat had
fallen off, and the little man was holding it. The tall man was a good-
looking fellow, the bystanders remarked, and as he drew himself up,
and glared defiance at the approaching enemy, he reminded certain
spectators of some heroic subject in sculpture or painting. Of course,
this was because they were inclined to be romantic. The bulk of those
present saw in Jim merely a young man the worse for drink and
spoiling for a fight.
A burly sergeant strode up.
"Now, then, none of this nonsense," he said roughly.
Crack! That peculiar straight left met him on the jaw, and the
sergeant collapsed on to the gravel. Two more policemen rushed at
Jim. Again the long arms shot out. One policeman fell, and the other
staggered. Jim followed the latter up and delivered the coup de grâce.
At that moment Jim felt a muscular hand gripping his neck. He lashed
round furiously, then closed with his antagonist, and they fell among
the chairs. Jim was on top, and wrenched himself free as a fifth
policeman charged at him. A bit of a boxer was this man, young and
active, and Jim and he hammered each other with the lustiness of
schoolboys. Up and down among the chairs they went, and then Jim,
seeing an opening, got home on the point, and turned swiftly to
receive the sixth policeman, an enormous fellow who was unfortunately
given to over-much beer. He hit Jim on the chest, and Jim gasped; then
he hit at Jim again, and Jim, dodging the blow, retaliated with a
sledge-hammer slap across the back of the big man's neck. The big
man clutched at a table, and Jim hit him in the spine and upset man
and table. Then three policemen, sore and furious, rushed at Jim
together, and there was Jim's close-clipped poll towering above them,
and there were Jim's long arms dealing out donkey kicks, and leaving
marks every time. And then Jim retired in good order, face and fists to
the foe, towards the buffet, and then, suddenly altering his tactics, he
put his head down and butted the middle man of the trio in the
stomach, and so made his way through them, and ran into the burly
sergeant, who hit at Jim with his truncheon, but missed him, and got a
crashing blow in the mouth by way of exchange. And that was Jim's
last good donkey kick, for one of them got him by the leg, another hit
him over the hip with his truncheon, and next moment Jim was rolling
about the gravel with four of them clinging to him. And, of course, he
at length surrendered, and was marched off between two of the
policemen to the police-station, the faithful Koko following a few yards
behind to bail him out.

CHAPTER VI.
THE DOCTOR KEEPS HIS WORD.
The whole fight did not last two minutes. It was short, sharp, and, to
sport-loving members of the crowd, very sweet. Certain pugilistic souls
among the visitors to the Exhibition went home that night and dreamt
about it. Many of the women, it is true, shuddered, and clutched
convulsively at the arms of their male companions as Jim's mighty hits
went home and the policemen, by turn, bit the dust of the
promenading ground, but quite a number watched the combat with
bright, marvelling eyes, and lips parted half in admiration and half in
horror.
For Jim looked very handsome and terrible in his fighting wrath.
One old gentleman who had come from his club dinner in evening
dress to listen to the band, returned to St James's Street chuckling with
delight. Numbers of times he repeated to himself, "A bonny lad--a
bonny lad!" and actually, instead of going home and to bed at a
respectable hour, as an old gentleman of his years and gouty
tendencies should have done, fought the battle over again at great
length for the benefit of some other old club fogies, and finally had to
be helped into a cab--at 2 A.M.--still chuckling with wicked joy.
It was, of course, a tremendous output of nervous energy--
accentuated by the spirits he had imbibed--on Jim's part. It was a
supreme effort, and died out suddenly. That smash over the hip--a
policeman's favourite aiming-point--from the truncheon numbed him
strangely, and when he fell, his capture was an easy matter. There was
no more fight left in him when they led him off--he would have gone
with entire docility, indeed, without a hand being laid on him.
Arrived at the police-station, he was conducted into the charge-
room and placed in the narrow little dock facing the inspector's desk.
The inspector, a quiet-looking man, glanced up in a casual fashion and
then proceeded with the writing on which he was employed when they
entered. This done, he inquired what the charge was, and, on being
informed of its nature in the curt, unadorned phraseology of the man in
blue, entered the particulars on a charge-sheet that lay before him, and
finally allowed Koko to bail his friend out for £2.
Those who had witnessed the conflict would have been astonished
by the inspector's imperturbable, cool tone, as he asked his brief
questions. It was regarded as a matter-of-course case--youthful
"medical "--too much to drink--dispute with waiter--resisted police. All
very ordinary--very matter-of-course--nothing out of the way. The
inspector even said "Good-night, sir," as Jim left the charge-room with
Koko; previously the inspector had gazed at the ceiling as Jim
presented a sovereign to his two custodians, who also bade him a
"Good-night, sir," in a manner which showed that they bore him not the
slightest ill-will on account of the hard usage they had received at his
hands.
On the following day, Jim and Koko attended at the police-court
and hung about in a fusty corridor for two hours before the name
"Mortimer" was sharply called, and Jim, frock-coated, neatly gloved,
and with a new hat in his hand, walked into the dock. Then the
sergeant who had taken part in the fracas told his tale in the same
unadorned manner of speech that his subordinate had used on the
previous night.
"Anything to say?" inquired the magistrate, glancing at Jim.
"Nothing, your worship," replied Jim, who had been previously
warned by Koko that "the less said the better" was a golden maxim to
adopt on an occasion like the present.
"I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY, YOUR WORSHIP."
 The magistrate, who for two hours had been hearing the usual
sordid charges--most of them associated with petty thefts and
drunkenness--had been somewhat interested by the sergeant's account
of what Jim had done. Now, as he looked at Jim's tall, lithe form, and
fair, open countenance, and noted Jim's gentlemanly bearing, he
decided to give the young fellow a seasonable word of advice.
"I am sorry to see you here, Mortimer," he said, "because a man of
your position, by acting as you have done, not only sets a bad
example, but runs the risk of imperilling the success of his future
career. You have rendered yourself liable to a term of imprisonment,
and you know well that if I were to inflict such a punishment on you
the fact would act as a serious obstacle to you hereafter, as you would
not be allowed to fill any responsible medical post were it known that
you had been in prison. It appears from the evidence that you were the
worse for drink at the time you resisted the police. I need hardly
remind you of the view the public take of a medical man who gives way
to such habits. It means, in the long run, utter ruin to him. As I said
before, I should be acting within my rights by sending you to prison,
but as I understand that after you had been taken into custody you
gave the police no further trouble, I shall only inflict a fine upon you.
You will pay forty shillings--and take care I don't see you here again."
Jim bowed. "I am greatly obliged to your worship," he said. Then,
at a sign from a policeman stationed near by, he quitted the dock, and,
having paid his fine, joined Koko in the corridor.
They lose no time in London police-courts. Hardly had Jim left the
dock than the name of "Hodgkins" was uttered by the magistrate's
clerk, repeated by the sergeant, bawled down the corridor by the
constable at the door, and echoed by other policemen lounging in the
outer precincts of the court.
 "Hodgkins!"
"Hodgkins!"
"HODGKINS!"
As Jim joined Koko, a blear-eyed, decrepit old dame brushed past
him at a rapid hobble. She had to answer a summons for assaulting a
neighbour by striking her over the head with a fire-shovel. This, in fact,
was "Hodgkins."
As Jim glanced at the old creature he realised that this
quarrelsome, ill-favoured hag and he were companions in distress--
united by a law-breaking bond! He, inflamed by whisky, had fought six
policemen; she, supping cheap gin, had burst into a senile frenzy and
set upon some other hag with her claw-like nails and the weapon that
came first to hand. The same law applied to both of them--she, a rag-
picker, and he, the heir to a bountiful fortune and many smiling acres in
Eastfolkshire.
"Pah!" he exclaimed, as he hastened to reach cleaner air, "let's get
out of this! Thank goodness that's over!"
"No harm done," said Koko, cheerily. "I know the two men in the
reporters' box, and they both promised not to write a word about you."
"By George! that's jolly of them!" exclaimed the Long 'Un. "My
grand-guv'nor won't get to hear of it after all, then."
"It would have made a tasty little par," said Koko, with a
pressman's instinctive knowledge of what newspapers like.
"It would," said Jim. "I can imagine how it would have read."
"But they won't write a word. They're good sorts," said Koko.
And so the Long 'Un made his way back to Matt's, lighter, it is true,
of purse, but very much lighter of heart as well, than when he set out
to the police-court that morning.
 News of Jim's display of pugilistic prowess had preceded him to
the hospital--for one of the students had been an eye-witness of the
battle--and he was saluted by the unruly crew there with acclamation.
But Jim still had the taste of the police-court air in his mouth, and did
not feel at all heroic. But for Koko's intervention his name would have
been in a good many papers on the following day, and perhaps a
briefer notice of "Hodgkins" and her misuse of domestic implements
would have followed the account of the young doctor's "disorderly
conduct."
That day he went home early, and tried to do some reading. He
ended up, however, by going to a theatre with Koko. On the next
evening he really did do some reading, and this studious fit lasted for
quite a week.
"The Long 'Un," said the red-haired student at Matt's, "is turning
over a new leaf. I will buy him a prize."
When Jim, on reaching the hospital next day, entered the students'
common-room, he found a neat package, addressed to himself,
occupying a prominent position on the mantelpiece. On opening the
package he found that it consisted of a nice little one-and-sixpenny
book, of the kind published by religious societies, entitled "Jim's
Repentance: The Story of a Bad Boy Who Saw the Evils of His Ways."
The red-haired youth took the precaution of putting the table
between himself and the Long 'Un ere he said: "Had to go through a
catalogue before I found a suitable prize for you, Jim. Girl in the shop
helped me."
Jim flung it at his head.
"Naughty, angry Jim!" said the red-haired student, reprovingly, as
he dodged the book. "I shall take your prize away from you now."
 Presently Jim found himself at the piano, and a little later out in
the quad with the red-haired one and half-a-dozen others, "wondering
what to do."
Eventually they solved the problem by going to a music-hall and
joining vociferously in the choruses--it was one of those music-halls
where the audience does join in the choruses--and the end of it was
that Jim got home sometime between one and two in the morning,
feeling uncommonly merry and not at all repentant.
But that was Jim's last night round the town with the Matt's lot.
Even while he was chirruping choruses, an epistle was winging its way
towards him by express train. He got that missive at breakfast time,
and Koko, who called in just then, found him looking thoughtful.
"Read that," he said to Koko. And Koko read as follows:--

"Pangora," Threeways,
Sept. 20th.

MY DEAR JAMES,--You may possibly remember that in the course of the

conversation I held with you over the telephone on the day of your
departure for town, I expressed myself quite plainly with regard to your
future conduct. My attention has to-day been drawn to a paragraph in
the local Liberal journal--I am, as you know, a Conservative in politics--
to the effect that a medical man named James Mortimer, who gave his
address as St Matthew's Hospital, behaved in a disgraceful fashion at
the Exhibition one night earlier in the month, and was eventually fined
forty shillings and severely reprimanded by the magistrate. As I happen
to know that you are the only Mortimer at St Matthew's, and as I am
aware of your liking for drunken brawls, I can only conclude that you
disregarded my injunctions at the first opportunity that presented itself.
I am obliged, therefore, to keep my part of the compact by informing
you that my doors are henceforth closed to you, and that you need
never look to me for another penny.

I am,
Your affectionate grandfather,
JOHN MORTIMER.

CHAPTER VII.
SIR SAVILE'S OFFER.

"But," said Koko as he handed the letter back to Jim, "how on earth did
your local rag get hold of it? I've seen both my friends since, and they
assured me they didn't write a line about you."
"I give it up," said Jim; "the fact remains that the old man has got
wind of it."
"But isn't this action on his part a bit sudden?" demanded Koko.
"He said he would," said Jim, munching a piece of watercress (Mrs
Freeman's unvarying Tuesday breakfast was ham and watercress), "but
I didn't think he meant it."
"Perhaps he doesn't mean it," said Koko, hopefully.
"I am very much afraid," returned Jim, "that he does, though. You
see, he was already wild with me, as he had had to stump up for that
big window I broke--you remember! Twelve quid--that was the bill. He
told me about it over the telephone. I wish I'd been able to have a
square talk with him, face to face; he wouldn't have been half so wild, I
put all this down to that rotten telephone."
"Don't quite perceive how it's to blame," said Koko.
 "Don't you! Why, if he tackled me face to face, I could have filled
him up with all sorts of promises of reformation, and sent him off for
his drive feeling sorry that I was going away. Instead of which he went
off in a beastly huff. I should have reminded him--as touching the
window--that some fellows charge their paters and grandpaters
hundreds and even thousands. I should have explained that twelve
pounds was a very light let-off. Hang the telephone!"
"The question is," said Koko, "do you think he means it?"
"Yes," replied the Long 'Un, with conviction.
"Then," continued the other, "what are you going to do?"
"I dunno! Turn sporting reporter very likely!"
"Well," said Koko, "with your knowledge of sporting matters you
might be able to earn about twelve and sixpence a week just now--say
by reporting football matches. That would hardly keep a man of your
expensive tastes."
Jim laughed.
"Couldn't I do the fights at the National?" he suggested.
"No, my boy; you've had no experience--of reporting, I mean. But,
seriously, Jim, can't you get a doctoring job?"
"I shall have a look round for something," said Jim.
Koko gazed at the ceiling.
"If it hadn't been for that girl," he mused sorrowfully, "this would
never have happened. You were off your head about her----"
"Absolutely!" agreed Jim.
Koko sighed. "Women are always at the bottom of man's undoing.
Avoid them in future, Jim."
"Not I," said Jim; "I'm not built that way."
"Well, you've lost any chance you had of getting this one," said
Koko.
 Jim's face fell.
"By George! I hadn't thought of that. I'm glad I didn't send that
wire about Canadian Pacifics. We shall meet on more level terms now."
"Upon my word," said Koko, "I think you are the most optimistic
man I have ever met. Here are you--disowned--kicked out--cut off
without a shilling by your grandfather--and you are still thinking----"
"I still hope," breathed Jim, devoutly.
Mr Somers walked towards the door. However, he turned back to
say one more thing.
"If, Jim, you should find it necessary to approach another kind of
relative----"
"I fear I shall find it necessary," sighed the Long 'Un.
"I was going to say," continued Koko, "that if you want to pawn
anything, I'll pawn it for you. I can nip in easier than you." And with
that he went quietly on his way.
Having shaved and dressed, Jim set out, as a matter of course, for
the hospital. As he walked along he reviewed the situation, and the
awkwardness of his present plight became clearly apparent to him.
Yesterday he was the heir to a fortune and a flourishing practice.
(The asylum he left out of his calculations, as he was aware that a
private institution of this kind can now--according to the law of the
land--only descend from father to son, and on the death of the latter
must cease to exist.) To-day he was a young man of four-and-twenty,
with a medical qualification, various surgical implements, a small
collection of well-thumbed works relating to his craft, a sufficient
wardrobe, and some thirty shillings in cash. Thus provided, the world
was before him, and he was wondering what sort of a job he and the
world would make of it, when, as he blundered absent-mindedly round
the corner of the street in which St Matthew's Hospital was situated, he
ran plump into the stalwart form of Sir Savile Smart, the eminent
specialist of whom mention has already been made.
"What--Mortimer!"
"How do you do, Sir Savile?"
The great man's moustache hid a smile as he observed: "And how
many more policemen's helmets have you added to your collection?"
Jim blushed.
"You'll get a fine wigging from your grandfather if he hears of your
latest adventure," added Sir Savile.
"He has heard of it, sir," said Jim, and forthwith told the specialist
of what had befallen him.
Sir Savile bit his moustache.
"No hope of a reprieve, I suppose?"
"No hope whatever, I fear," said Jim.
Sir Savile hailed a cab. "I'm due at Harley Street in fifteen minutes,
but I can talk to you on the way."
He laid his hand kindly on the Long 'Un's arm as the cab
approached them, and to Jim's credit be it said that he felt, at that
moment, that he had more good friends than he deserved to have.
"Practically," said Sir Savile, as the cab sped westwards, "you want
a billet?"
Jim ruefully acknowledged that he couldn't live on air.
"You want a billet? Good. I've got one for you."
He pulled a letter out of his pocket.
"My friend Taplow--'the ladies' doctor' they call him--has a surgery
over the water. As you may know, it's not an uncommon thing for a
man with a fat West-end practice to run a shilling and six-penny shop
in the slums. Anything for money, Mortimer! Well, as I said, he's got a
surgery over the water--in the Blackfriars district--and he wants a man
to look after it. He'll pay about a hundred and twenty a year. Any good
to you?"
"Better than living on air," said Jim.
"Experience, too," continued Sir Savile; "heaps. It's a rough,
poverty-stricken quarter--very rough. You'll make acquaintance with the
masses. The man lately in charge of the place was not quite up to the
work--too old. And he was unfortunate in his end----"
"End!" said Jim. "Is he dead, then?"
"Dead as a door-nail."
"What did he die of?" queried Jim.
"Boots and knives. He was killed by Hooligans."
The Long 'Un opened his eyes wide.
"Perhaps," said Sir Savile, "you will now think that even living on
air is better than risking one's chances of living on anything?"
"Not at all, sir," said Jim, stoutly; "I'm quite willing to take it on."
"I believe you are. Well, go and try it. Taplow's out of town, and
has asked me to put somebody in temporarily. I will put you in. Any
morbid objections to sleeping in your predecessor's bedroom?"
"None at all," said Jim.
"Right! You had better go to the place where he lodged, then. The
surgery has no living rooms attached to it--it's just a surgery and
waiting-room. When we get to Harley Street I'll give you full
particulars. Quite sure you don't mind going?"
"Quite," replied Jim.
"I do like a man that knows his own mind," said the specialist in a
tone of approval. "You needn't stay there for ever, you know--you're too
good for that sort of work."
Jim blushed again.
 "Still, it'll tide you over the present difficulty. That's the point. Ah,
yes--and I must also give you the address of the place where you're to
lodge. Better send them a wire. House is about ten minutes' walk from
the surgery; people are gentlefolk, I believe--family--come down in the
world. I remember Taplow speaking of them to me--knows something
of them, and recommended his man there. One of the daughters is a
post-office clerk--very pretty--that'll suit you, eh?"
"I intend to devote myself entirely to work in future, sir," said Jim.
"Ah, yes! Quite so--quite so!" said the specialist chuckling. "Let's
see, yes--I recollect--the name is--er--Marcombe--Mayflower--Maybury-
-that's it."
Jim uttered an exclamation.
"Eh?--what?" inquired Sir Savile.
"N--nothing, sir, nothing!"
"Oh," returned the specialist, "I thought you were going to say
something."

CHAPTER VIII.
NUMBER NINE.

Before the era of cheap train services, omnibuses, and trams--when the
outer London suburbs of to-day were smiling meadowland, and people
talked of Hampstead "village"--there were many residential quarters
within a walk of the City on both the Middlesex and Surrey sides of the
river. But with the growth of steam power arose great factories, and as
fast as these central residential quarters were swept away by
commerce, rows and rows of new streets swallowed up the fields that
fringed Suburbia, and afforded accommodation to those whose homes
in the heart of London were being razed to the ground.
But some of these quiet old squares and crescents have survived
to this day, and you may still find them here and there, sadly shorn of
the respectable family appearance they wore in their youth, and
hemmed in by huge and ugly business barracks from whose grimy
windows issue the whirr and hiss and thud of machinery, the
monotonous clacking of type-writers, and the continuous patter of
footsteps on iron-shod stairs.
These architectural survivors of a day when the world, humanly
speaking, did not go round so fast--when the Times received news by
"electric telegraph," and issued bulletins of various interest supplied by
"Mr Reuter's" special service--nowadays look like faded old maids, for
their exterior smartness is gone and their interior arrangement smack
of a time when it never occurred to a builder to put a bathroom in a
house, for the simple reason that he did not know how to convey hot
water to it, save by means of a can. In some of them each floor is
occupied by a separate family, while in others you may perceive the
familiar dreary legend "Apartments to Let" on a card which hangs
disconsolately in the fanlight over the door.
Such a crescent as we have described is Derby Crescent, which is
situated but a stone's throw from the bustling thoroughfare that leads
from Blackfriars Bridge to the "Elephant," and thence on and away to
the Old Kent Road, itself suggestive of coach and chaise and the days
of our grandfathers. Why Derby Crescent escaped demolition when
Dame Commerce stretched out her long, lean, hungry hand and
grabbed wide acres of comfortable homesteads for her building needs,
nobody can tell you. But it remained, while its neighbouring squares
and crescents vanished; and so, when William Maybury cotton spinner,
of Manchester, was declared a bankrupt, he was glad to hide his head
in one of the two houses which belonged to his wife in this self-same
area. It was his second wife, for his first had died whilst still pretty and
youthful. And it may be added that he had long since repented his
second matrimonial venture, in spite of the houses and money the lady
brought with her as a marriage portion.
To No. 9, therefore, he removed such goods and chattels as he
was able to save from the wreck of his luxurious house in Manchester,
and at No. 9 he had been residing for three years when Jim Mortimer
rattled up in a cab a few hours after his talk with Sir Savile, and
announced his arrival by plying a knocker that, like the house it
belonged to, had seen very much better days.
After some delay the door was opened by a slatternly maid of
tender years, for her hair still hung down her back in a plaited queue.
The girl surveyed Jim, and then said, "Are you the new boarder,
please?" Then, before Jim could reply, she turned swiftly round and
exclaimed, in a shrill voice, "Oh, shut hup, Master Frank!"
A boyish laugh rang out, and Jim, peering into the gloomy hall,
perceived a lad aged about fourteen accoutred in Etons a good deal the
worse for wear--apparently harmony reigned at No. 9 as far as
appearances went--with a gleeful smirk on his face.
"Yes," said Jim, "I am Mr Mortimer."
"Will you come in, please?" the girl rejoined, and again swished
round to remonstrate with her tormentor. "Give hover, Master Frank--I'll
tell your ma, I will!"
"Sneak!" observed the amiable young gentleman addressed.
"Leave my 'air alone, then!"
Jim turned round and bade the cabman bring his portmanteau into
the house, and as the cabman, with much heavy breathing, deposited
the portmanteau in the hall, a large, middle-aged lady emerged from
one of the sitting-rooms and treated the new boarder to a gracious
smile.
"Dr Mortimer, I presume?"
Jim bowed.
"Sir Savile Smart was so kind as to wire--as well as you--and tell us
that you were coming to take poor Dr Morgan's place. Very sad, was it
not? Such a nice, quiet old gentleman! But it's only old gentlemen and
women that these cowardly Hooligans venture to touch--indeed, we
hardly dare go out after dark! It gave us a great shock when we heard
of what had happened to Dr Morgan. The poor dear gentleman was
really past work, and must have fallen an easy prey to the ruffians. My
husband is not so young as he was, and I often feel nervous lest
something should happen to him! He makes me very cross by refusing
to carry a life-preserver. Every evening I expect to see his mangled
corpse brought to the door. If we could afford to, we should move out
of this dreadful neighbourhood, but there! people must live where they
can live! When my husband met with his reverses, you see, Dr
Mortimer, our thoughts naturally turned to Derby Crescent, where we
could live rent free, as my dear mother left me her property in this--but
your cabman is waiting, Dr Mortimer, and no doubt you wish to dismiss
him!"
During her flight of eloquence the cabman had been regarding Mrs
Maybury with a most grim and forbidding expression on his face. Jim,
remembering that he had left his overcoat in the cab, walked back to
the vehicle with him.
"What's the damage, cabby?" inquired the Long 'Un, when he had
secured his coat.
"Leave it to you, sir."
 Jim gave him sixpence over his fare. Over-paying cabmen had
always been a weakness of his.
"Much obliged, sir!" The cabman touched his hat and pocketed the
silver. "Wish you luck of your new quarters, sir."
"Thanks, cabby," said Jim.
"The way to treat 'er," continued the cabman, indicating the
house--and presumably its mistress--with his thumb, "is to cut in when
she's 'arfway through what she's got to say. Them kind o' wimmen
don't mind bein' interrupted. Leastways, they mind a bit, but they ain't
annoyed. They go on afterwards same as if you 'adn't interrupted of
'em. You sees what I mean?"
"I see what you mean," said Jim.
"My old woman goes on just like 'er"--with another thumb
indication--"and so I know. I let 'er reel it off till I'm tired, and then I
change the subjick, casual-like. It's quiet easy to make 'em change the
subjick. There's wimmen 'oo, directly an idea enters their brains, utters
it wiv their mouves. See? It goes inter one and outer the other as
natural as rockin' a baby. But you can always interrupt 'em wivout doin'
any 'arm, so you bear my tip in mind. Good-night to you, sir!" he
added, mounting his box.
"Good-night to you, cabby," said Jim, who concluded, as he walked
up the steps, that the cabman was something of a philosopher.
He found the little servant endeavouring to raise one end of his
portmanteau, which, being chock full of clothes, boots, books, and
instruments, was no light weight.
"Don't trouble," said Jim; "I'll carry it upstairs."
"I really cannot allow you to do that," said Mrs Maybury. "Frank,"
she added, turning to the boy, "help Mary with Dr Mortimer's
portmanteau."
 "Shan't!" said the boy, pouting.
"Obey me at once, Frank!"
"Shan't!" repeated the boy, disappearing into the room from which
his stepmother had emerged.
By way of settling the matter, Jim shouldered the portmanteau.
"Kindly go first," he said to Mary, "and show me where my room is."
As he was about to ascend the staircase, an immense black cat
came stalking along the hall and rubbed itself, purring loudly, against
his leg.
"What a wonder!" cried Mary. "Tom generally don't like strangers."
"Good old Tom!" said Jim. Then he commenced his ascent of the
stairs, Mary preceding and "Tom" following him.
Thus guided--and accompanied--he at length reached his
bedchamber--a by no means spacious apartment on the second floor.
"This was Dr Morgan's room, sir," said the servant; "it's to be yours
now, sir."
"Thank you, Mary," said Jim.
Mary lingered. So did the cat.
"It's the room he slept in the night before he--he died, sir," she
added, fearfully.
"Well," said Jim, with a smile, "I suppose he had to sleep
somewhere!"
"Y--yes, sir--but don't you mind, sir?"
"Mind! No, of course not! You can run along now, if you like," he
added, proceeding to unstrap his portmanteau.
As Jim, after unpacking the peculiar assortment of articles in his
portmanteau, indulged in what barbers designate a "wash and brush
up," his thoughts naturally turned to the people he was henceforth to
live with. He wondered how many of them there were; whether there
were any more boys like Master Frank; whether there were any more
servants, and, if so, whether they were all as small as Mary; whether
there were any more boarders, and, finally, whether this was really the
home of the Dora Maybury he had met at the Milverton Street post-
office. On this last point, however, he felt pretty certain. To begin with,
Jim told himself, it was not probable that there were two pretty Dora
Mayburys employed by the London Post Office; and, to end with, the
boy Frank bore a most remarkable resemblance to the Dora Maybury
Jim had been introduced to. In the dim light of the hall, indeed, the
likeness was positively startling. Take that boy's Etons off and clothe
him in a neat black dress, put a wig of woman's black hair on him, and
then, with the angularities of his figure shrouded by the gloom of the
hall, there would be presented to view a very good double of Dora
Maybury.
Taking these two arguments--if such they may be called--into
consideration, Jim felt pretty sure that this was Dora's home. Her
home! Jim's brain reeled for a moment at the mere idea of it. His
coming here seemed to have happened as things happen in dreams--
he could hardly realise even yet that he was actually under the same
roof as that which afforded shelter to Dora Maybury.
So quickly had this change in his circumstances been brought
about, that he had not even considered what Miss Maybury's ideas on
the subject of his advent might be. In truth, he hardly dared to
consider the position from that point of view.
Jim had accepted his present post in his usual happy-go-lucky way,
being at an age when men of his temperament do not act with much
forethought. Had Sir Savile asked him to accompany an expedition in
search of the North Pole, he would have agreed to go without a
moment's hesitation; had the great surgeon offered him a billet as
medical officer to a tour of exploration in Equatorial Africa, Jim would
have "signed on" with all the readiness in the world; and with an equal
amount of promptitude he would have sailed as surgeon on an
emigrant steamer, would have taken over the medical duties in a small-
pox ship, a workhouse, a blind school, or a convict prison. Had some
great air-vessel been invented, Jim would have jumped at the
opportunity to accompany her in her ethereal journey as medical
adviser to the intrepid voyagers; or, if such a post had been on offer, he
would have consented to doctor the exiles in a Siberian mine. He was,
in fact, ready to go anywhere so long as he went in a medical capacity.
Whatever Jim's faults were--and they were many in number--he
was at least devoted to his profession. His heart was in his work, and
when he really put his shoulder to the wheel there was more than a
touch of genius in the manoeuvres of his "hand." For Jim was a
surgeon before anything.
Here he was, however, in charge of an obscure practice, where,
owing to the proximity of hospitals, there would be few calls on his
surgical skill. He would always be welcome, of course, in the operating
theatre at "Matt's," although it was not likely that he would often have
time to attend there.
Did Jim regret accepting this humble billet in a humble district? Not
for a moment! Indeed, when he thought how Fate had afforded him a
chance of seeing Dora every day, he very nearly broke into a hornpipe
on his bedroom hearthrug. However, he restrained himself, and went
down to the drawing-room, the big black cat following steadily in his
wake.
Mrs Maybury, her large body clothed in a silk dress that was well in
keeping with the fallen fortunes of the family, introduced Jim, firstly, to
her husband--a slender man of medium height, between fifty and sixty,
with an exceedingly well-cut face and neatly trimmed beard. He
welcomed Jim to his house in a few well-chosen, courteous words, and
Jim, as he noted the other's perfectly easy tone and manner,
understood how Dora had come by the same distinguishing
characteristics.
Jim was then introduced to the two other boarders--to Miss Bird, a
maiden lady of obese person, harsh voice, and some sixty summers;
and to Mr Cleave, a tall, spare man, with a severe face whose beauty
was not enhanced by the pimples which flourished upon its surface. Mr
Cleave appeared to be about thirty years of age.
"And now," said Mrs Maybury, as Jim took his seat on a small and
uncompromisingly hard chair by her side, "I will tell you our ways and
hours, Dr Mortimer. We breakfast at eight, as my husband and one of
my daughters have to go to business early----" ("Aha!" thought Jim)
"and Frank to school. Not that he does much good there," she
continued, "as he is kept in almost every day for not learning his home
lessons properly. He goes to the Metropolitan School for Boys--yes, a
very good school, but the money seems to be wasted in Frank's case.
Either he is teasing Mary or the cat, or getting into mischief of some
sort--indeed," lowering her voice, "he has nearly driven Miss Bird out of
the house already; not that that would be a very great loss, indeed,
seeing that she----"
"By the way, Mrs Maybury," said Jim, recollecting the cabman's
advice, "you will excuse my mentioning it, but have you a dau----"
At that moment, with a jingle, a rattle, and a stamping of hoofs, a
cab pulled up in front of No. 9. Mrs Maybury hastened to the window
and peered through the blind.
"It is Dora and Mr Jefferson--how kind of him to drive her home!"
 Jim's tongue froze to his teeth. "Yes, I have two daughters--step-
daughters, rather;" she continued, returning to Jim's side, "the elder,
Harriet Rebecca--she hates her names so much that we call her 'H.R.'--
helps me with the housekeeping, and Dora is in--in the--er--Civil
Service. Mr Jefferson," she added, confidentially, "has been paying her
attentions for some time."
At that moment the door opened, and Dora Maybury, radiant with
excitement, hastened up to her stepmother. "Oh, mamma, Mr Jefferson
has a box at Daly's to-night. Can I go with him? He says he doesn't
mind Frank coming, too----"
"Certainly you may go, dear. Oh, and one moment, dear! Dr
Mortimer--this is my step-daughter--Dora."
"I have had the pleasure," said Jim, as he bent his lofty head, "of
meeting Miss Dora before, Mrs Maybury."
"Indeed!" cried Mrs Maybury. "How very small the world is! Yes--
and--Mr Jefferson--Dr Mortimer."
Dora's companion had entered the room and approached the
group. Directly their eyes met, Mr Jefferson and Jim recognised each
other, the former being no less a person than the pale-faced gentleman
who had uttered loud remarks at the Exhibition concerning early
closing.
"I too have had the pleasure of meeting Dr Mortimer before," said
Mr Jefferson, without troubling to return Jim's bow, "but I cannot say
that I am pleased to see him again."
"Why, dear me!" said Jim with ready wit, "you must be the man
who trod on my toes at the Exhibition the other night."
And at this unexpected rejoinder--much to Mr Jefferson's
annoyance--Dora's pretty lips parted in an unmistakable smile.
 CHAPTER IX.
IN THE PILLORY.

The somewhat strained situation brought about by Mr Jefferson's

remark was suddenly relieved by a loud scream, and then a volume of
shrill protest from Mary, who appeared, judging by the sound of her
voice, to be in close proximity to the drawing-room door.
"Shut hup, Master Frank--give hover, I say. Your pa shall 'ear of
this----"
Master Frank jeered rudely. "Bah, tell-! Don't care if he does!"
"Oh!" shrieked Mary, "it's bitin' me. Take it off, Master Frank!"
Mr Maybury walked to the door and, opening it, looked into the
hall.
"What is the matter, Mary--why are you making so much noise?"
he inquired.
"Master Frank put a beetle on my neck," whimpered Mary.
"Didn't," said Frank.
"Don't tell an untruth, Frank," his father warned him. "Did you or
did you not put a beetle on Mary's neck?"
"It was a spider," admitted Frank, who, tease and scapegrace as
he was, had not yet developed into that most difficult of persons to
deal with--a liar.
"It was something crawly, and I thought it was a beetle," said
Mary; "he keeps beetles," she added, in a tone conveying painfully
correct knowledge on the point.
"Apologise at once to Mary," Mr Maybury commanded his son.
"Don't see why I should," muttered the rebellious youth.
 "Very well, then--you will not go to the theatre to-night with Mr
Jefferson and Dora."
The younger Miss Maybury, blushing somewhat (Jim noted the fact
with a sinking heart), hastened to the scene of reprimand. "Oh, Frank--
say you are sorry. You must come to-night."
Mr Jefferson, with his eye on the old-fashioned chandelier,
fervently hoped that Frank would remain obstinately unrepentant.
"I'm--er--sorry," said Frank, stiffly.
"Dear Frank--I knew you would!" said Dora, flinging her arms
round her brother's neck and bestowing a kiss of gratitude upon his
brow.
"Here--chuck that!" cried Frank, shaking himself free. "What time
must I be ready by?" he added.
"We shall start directly after dinner--I'm going up to dress now,"
cried Dora, and so the group separated, Frank and his sister proceeding
upstairs, Mary descending to the kitchen--where Miss H. R. Maybury
was preparing the evening meal--and Mr Maybury returning to the
drawing-room.
"That boy," exclaimed Miss Bird, in a loud, nutmeg-grating tone,
"ought to be sent to a reformatory."
Mrs Maybury turned on her lady boarder with asperity.
"You will oblige me, Miss Bird, by moderating your language when
speaking of Frank."
"Idle, graceless young rascal!" added Miss Bird, who was not at all
afraid of Mrs Maybury.
"Of course," said Mrs Maybury, with a contemptuous glance at her
husband, "if the boy's father allows him to be spoken of in this way, I,
who am only his stepmother----"
 "Miss Bird is a little severe in her strictures, but I am afraid
something must shortly be done to curb Frank's insubordination," said
Mr Maybury with admirable tact.
"Try him with a whipping and dry bread and water for a week,"
snarled Miss Bird, who disliked children generally, and abominated
Master Maybury.
"Pardon?" inquired Mr Cleave, who had sat through all the clamour
deep in a bilious-looking periodical called The Total Abstainer. Mr
Cleave, it should be added, was a little deaf. As, on looking up, he
found Miss Bird scowling at him, he concluded that she had addressed
him.
"--Bread and water for a week!" shouted Miss Bird, irritably. She
hated having to repeat anything, and the case was made worse in Mr
Cleave's case by the defect in his hearing.
"Water?" Mr Cleave nodded and smiled. "Certainly--plenty of water.
Are you an abstainer, sir?" he concluded, turning to Jim, whose name
he had not properly caught when they were introduced.
"Not I," replied Jim heartily.
Mr Cleave blinked severely.
"You sometimes fall into deadly sin by polluting your lips with
alcoholic liquor?" he inquired.
"I occasionally have a drink," acknowledged Jim.
Gradually a very pained and shocked expression stole over Mr
Cleave's cadaverous countenance. For Mr Cleave, as need hardly be
explained, was a fanatic on the liquor question--the kind of ill-balanced
enthusiast that does his cause more harm than good by his unbridled
and immoderate denunciations of the evil he wishes to abolish. He
gazed upon Jim with wonder and shame, and then, deeming him too
hardened to be affected by remonstrance, turned for comfort to the
pages of The Total Abstainer, and particularly to that part where
notorious cases of drunkenness were set down under the kind,
Christian-like heading of "OUR PILLORY."
While these remarks were being passed, Mr Jefferson, who had
dressed for the theatre before he went to meet Dora, had been turning
over the pages of a magazine and occasionally stealing a glance at Jim.
For he was rather puzzled at finding the latter at No. 9. He was--it must
be remembered--entirely ignorant concerning Jim's identity. He had
seen Jim before, it was true, when visiting the Exhibition with Dora and
her sister, and had looked diligently in the paper for several days
afterwards to see what sort of punishment had been meted out to the
turbulent youth, but had failed to glean any information there, thanks
to the absolute silence Koko's press friends had maintained on the
subject.
So, gradually, the incident faded out of Mr Jefferson's mind, and he
had forgotten all about it when he entered Mr Maybury's house on this
particular evening, to find himself face to face with the disturber of the
peace whose toes he had trodden on some ten days since--and whose
pardon he had so unwisely omitted to beg.
Jefferson was the son of a wealthy City man. He enjoyed a liberal
allowance, golfed, motored, and ploughed the smooth waters of the
Thames in a steam-launch. He did everything, in fact, which cost
money. Golf is not a cheap game as played in clubs round London;
motoring is not a poor man's hobby; a steam-launch is a fairly
expensive toy. Football and cricket are trifles light as air--from an
expenditure point of view--compared with the pastimes Mr Jefferson
followed. Mr Jefferson might have played football and cricket, for he
was only twenty-six, but he preferred pursuits which betokened him to
be the possessor of a well-filled purse. When he referred to his
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