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banker on whom I can count; in Genoa also. Therefore, you must
not be surprised at the great delay of this letter. After leaving
Corsica, I shall probably have neither time nor facilities for writing;
but the letter is all ready, and I shall pay the postage when I can.
The Mediterranean has been very bad; there are merchants here
who think their ships are lost. To risk as little as possible, I took the
land route from Marseille to Toulon, and the steamboat that carries
despatches from Toulon here. Nevertheless, I suffered terribly, and
spent much money. I think, however, that the sea route to Odessa
would be the safest, most direct, and least costly way of going to
you. From Marseille to Odessa by sea it is only four hundred francs.
From Odessa to Berditchef it ought not to cost much, especially if
you came to Kiew to meet me. You see that wherever I go I think of
your dear Wierzchownia.
Corsica is one of the most beautiful countries in the world; there are
mountains as in Switzerland, but no lakes. France is not making the
most of this fine country. It is as large as ten of our departments,
but does not yield as much as one of them; it ought to have five
million of inhabitants, but there are barely three hundred thousand.
We are beginning to make roads and clear forests which will yield
immense wealth, like the soil, which is now completely neglected.
There may be the finest mines in the world of marble, coal, and
metals, etc.; but no one has studied the country, on account of
bandits and the savage state in which it is left.
In the midst of my maritime sufferings on the steamboat I
bethought me of the indiscretion I committed in asking you to get
me a hookah from Moscow, in my passionate ardour for the latakia
which I smoked at George Sand's, and which Lamartine had brought
her. I was so spasmodically unhappy about it that I laugh now as I
remember my sickness. I am sorry I could not get a hookah in Paris;
it would have wiled away my time here and dispelled the ennui
which, for the first time in my life, has laid hold upon me; this is the
first time that I have known what a desert with semi-savages upon it
is.
This morning I have learned that there is a library here, and to-
morrow, at ten o'clock, I can go there to read. What? That is an
anxious question. There are in this place neither reading-rooms, nor
women, nor popular theatres, nor society, nor newspapers, nor any
of the impurities that proclaim civilization. The women do not like
foreigners; the men walk about the whole day, smoking. The
laziness is incredible. There are eight thousand souls, much poverty,
and extreme ignorance of the simplest current events. I enjoy a
complete incognito. No one knows what literature or social life is.
The men wear velveteen jackets; there is so much simplicity in
clothing that I, who have dressed myself to seem poor, look like a
rich man. There is a French battalion here, and you should see the
poor officers, idling in the streets from morning till night. There is
nothing to do! I shall now begin to sketch scenes and lay out
projects. I must work with fury. How people must love on this desert
rock! and truly the place swarms with children, like gnats of a
summer's evening.
Adieu for to-day. I was only eighteen hours at Marseille and ten at
Toulon, and so could not write to you until to-day.
Ajaccio, April 1.
I leave to-morrow for Sardinia in a little row-boat. I have just re-read
what I wrote to you, and I see I did not finish about the hookah.
You understand that if it gives you the least trouble you are to drop
my commission. As for the latakia, I have just discovered (laugh at
me for a whole year) that Latakia is a village of the island of Cyprus,
a stone's throw from here, where a superior tobacco is made, named
from the place, and that I can get it here. So mark out that item.
I have just seen a poor French soldier who lost both hands by a
cannon-ball, and has nothing but stumps; he earns his living by
writing, beating a drum, playing the violin, playing at cards, and
shaving in the streets. If I had not seen it I never should believe it.
The Ajaccio library has nothing. I have re-read "Clarissa Harlowe,"
and read for the first time "Pamela" and "Sir Charles Grandison,"
which I found horribly dull and stupid. What a fate for Cervantes and
Richardson to have been able to do but one work! The same might
be said of Sterne.
I have had the misfortune to be recognized by a cursed law-student
of Paris, just returned to make himself a lawyer in his own land. He
had seen me in Paris. Hence an article in a Corsican paper. And I,
who wanted to keep my journey as secret as possible! Alas, alas!
What a bore! Is there no way for me to do either good or evil
without publicity? This is the eighth day of my placid life. But Ajaccio
is like one household.
I have had a great escape. If I had not taken the route I did take,
and had come direct from Marseille, I should have encountered a
dreadful tempest which wrecked three ships on the coast.
Ajaccio, April 2.
This evening, at ten o'clock, a little boat will carry me away; then I
have five days' quarantine at Alghiero, a little harbour you may see
on the map of Sardinia. It is there, between Alghiero and Sassari,
that the district of Argentara lies, and it is there that I am going to
see mines, abandoned at the time of the discovery of America. I
cannot tell you more than that.
When this letter is in your possession in that pretty room at beautiful
Wierzchownia, I shall be either a fool or a man of wisdom; perhaps
neither the one nor the other, simply an ambitious heart defeated in
an ingenious hope.
Addio, cara; I hope that all goes well at Wierzchownia, that you have
wept a little over "César Birotteau," that you have written me your
feelings and impressions about that book, and that I shall thus be
rewarded for it in this world. All caressing things to those you love. I
have again put off writing to M. Hanski, because I shall do so at
Milan after receiving certain news. But give him my regards, and
keep for yourself the most attaching and coquettish, which are your
due.
May 23.
Cara, I have home-sickness! France and its sky—gray for most of the
time—wrings my heart beneath this pure blue sky of Milan. The
Duomo, decked with its laces, does not lift my soul from
indifference; the Alps say nothing to me. This soft, relaxing air
fatigues me; I go and come without soul, without life, without power
to say what the matter is; and if I stay thus for two weeks longer, I
shall be dead. To explain is impossible. The bread I eat has no
savour; meat does not nourish me, water can scarcely slake my
thirst; this air dissolves me. I look at the handsomest woman in the
world as if she were a monster, and I do not even have that
common sensation that the sight of a flower gives. My work is
abandoned. I shall recross the Alps, and I hope in a week to be in
the midst of my own dear hell. What a horrible malady is nostalgia!
It is indescribable. I am happy only at the moment when I write to
you, and say to myself that this paper will go from Milan to
Wierzchownia; then only does thought break through this black
existence beneath the sun, this atony which relaxes every fibre of
the life. That is the only operative force which maintains the union of
soul and body.
May 24.
I have again seen the Countess Bossi; and I am struck with the few
resources of Italian women. They have neither mind nor education;
they scarcely understand what is said to them. In this country
criticism does not exist, and I begin to think that the saying is right
which attributes to Italian women something too material in love.
The only intelligent and educated woman I have met in Italy is La
Cortanza of Turin.
I have been to see the Luini frescos at Saronno; they are worthy of
their reputation. The one that represents the Marriage of the Virgin
is of peculiar sweetness. The faces are angelical, and, what is rare in
frescos, the tones are soft and harmonious.
There is no present opportunity to return to France. I must resolve
to take the wearisome and fatiguing means of the Sardinian and
French mail-carts.
June 1, 1838.
My departure is fixed for to-morrow, errors excepted, and I think
that never shall I have seen France again with such pleasure, though
my affairs must be greatly tangled by this too long absence. If I am
six days on the road that will make three months, and, in all, it has
been seven months of inaction. I need eight consecutive months of
work to repair this damage. I shall enter my new little house to
spend many nights in working.
June 5.
I have just been to the post-office to see if any one had had the idea
to write to me poste restante. There I found a letter from the kind
Countess Loulou [Louise Turheim], who loves you and whom you
love, and in whose letter your name is mentioned in a melancholy
sentence which drew tears from my eyes; for, in the species of
nostalgia under which I am, imagine what it was to me to recall the
Landstrasse and the Gemeindegasse! I sat down on a bench before
a café and stayed there for nearly an hour, with my eyes fixed on the
Duomo, fascinated by all that letter recalled; and the incidents of my
stay in Vienna passed before me, one by one, in their truth, their
marble candour. Ah! what do I not owe—not to her who causes such
memories, but—to this frail paper that awakens them! You must
remember that I am without news of you for three months, by my
own fault. You know why. But you will never know whence this thirst
for making a fortune comes to me.
I am going to write to the good chanoinesse without telling her all
she has done by her letter, for such things are difficult to express,
even to that kind German woman. But she spoke of you with such
soul that I can tell her that what in her is friendship in me is worship
that can never end. She says so prettily that one of my friends—not
the veritable one, but the other—is in Venice; truly, she moved me
to tears. What perpetual grief to be always so near you in thought
and so distant in reality! Ah, dear, the Duomo was very sublime to
me on the 5th of June at eleven o'clock! I lived there a whole year.
Well, adieu. I leave to-morrow, and in ten days I shall answer all
your letters, treasures amassed during this dreadful journey. May
God guard you and yours, and forget not the poor exile who loves
you well.
August 7.
Fifteen days' interruption, during which this letter has been
constantly under my eyes, on my table, without my being able to tell
you that the wind on the Mont Cenis drove a fine dust into my eyes,
which pricked them with blinding particles. I know that my letters,
which tell you my life, give you as much pleasure as yours give me.
Only, your words sustain and refresh me; whereas mine
communicate to you my vertigoes, my worries, my disappointments,
my lassitudes, my terrors, my toils. Your existence is calm, gentle,
and religious; it rolls slowly along, like a stream on its gravelly bed
between two verdant shores. Mine is a torrent, all noise and rocks. I
am ashamed of the exchange, in which I bring you only troubles,
and obtain from you the treasures of peace. You are patient; I am in
revolt. You have not understood the last cry I uttered, at Milan. I
had, there, a double nostalgia, and I had not, against the more
dreadful of the two, the resource, horrible as it is, of my struggles
here. Here, moral and physical combat, debts, and literature have
something exciting, bewildering. See it yourself; I am interrupted in
a sentence in the middle of the night, and I cannot resume that
sentence for perhaps two weeks.
I have a world of things to tell you. In the first place, remove from
your tranquil life a trouble like that of procuring my hookah. Just
fancy! all that came of my ignorance! I thought you lived near
Moscow, and that Moscow was the principal market for such things.
That was all,—except that I wanted to receive from you an article
which is, they say, a chasse-chagrin. But if it causes you the slightest
trouble it will be painful to me to see it.
Among the thousand and one things that I have had to do I must
put in the front line a negotiation about the "Mariage de Joseph
Prudhomme," with a theatre that agrees to give me twenty thousand
francs on the day the play is read; and you can imagine what thirst a
man has for twenty thousand francs when he is building a house,
and how he must work to obtain them!
I am, therefore, in spite of the doctor's orders forbidding me to live
in freshly plastered rooms, at Les Jardies. My house is situated on
the slope of the mountain, or hill, of Saint-Cloud, half-way up,
backing on the king's park and looking south. To the west I see the
whole of Ville d'Avray; to the south I look down upon the road to
Ville d'Avray, which passes along the foot of the hills where the
woods of Versailles begin; and easterly I overlook Sèvres and rest
my eyes upon a vast horizon where lies Paris, its smoky atmosphere
blurring the edges of the famous slopes of Meudon and Bellevue;
beyond which I see the plains of Montrouge and the Orléans
highroad which leads to Tours. It is all strangely magnificent, with
ravishing contrasts. The depths of the valley of Ville d'Avray have all
the freshness, shade, and verdure of the Swiss valleys, adorned with
charming buildings. The horizon on the other side shines on its
distant lines like the open sea. Woods and forests everywhere. To
the north is the royal residence. At the end of my property is the
station of the railway from Paris to Versailles, the embankment of
which runs through the valley of Ville d'Avray without injury to any
part of my view.
So, for ten sous and in ten minutes I can go from Les Jardies to the
Madeleine in the heart of Paris! Whereas at Chaillot, and in the rue
Cassini it took an hour and forty sous at least. Therefore, thanks to
that circumstance, Les Jardies will never be a folly, and its value will
be some day doubled. I have about one acre of land, ending,
towards the south, in a terrace of one hundred and fifty feet and
surrounded by walls. At present nothing is planted in it, but this
autumn I shall make this little corner of the earth an Eden of plants
and shrubs and fragrance. In Paris or its environs anything can be
had for money; so, I shall get magnolias twenty years old, tiyeuilles
of sixteen, poplars of twelve years, birches, etc., transplanted with
balls of roots, and white Chasselas grapes, brought in boxes, that I
may gather them next year. Oh! how admirable civilization is! To-day
my land is bare as my hand. In the month of May it will be
surprising. I must buy two more acres of ground about me, to have
a vegetable garden and fruit, etc. That will cost some thirty
thousand francs, and I shall try to earn them this winter.
The house is a parrot's perch; there is one room on each floor, and
there are three floors. On the ground-floor a dining-room and salon;
on the first floor a bedroom and dressing-room; on the second floor
a study, where I am writing to you at this moment in the middle of
the night. The whole is flanked by a staircase that somewhat
resembles a ladder. All round the building is a covered gallery to
walk in, which rises to the first floor. It is supported on brick
pilasters. This little pavilion, Italian in appearance, is painted brick-
colour, with stone courses at the four corners, and the appendix in
which is the well of the staircase is painted red also. There is room
in it only for me.
Sixty feet in the rear, towards the park of Saint-Cloud, are the
offices, composed, on the ground-floor, of a kitchen, scullery, pantry,
stable, coach-house, and harness-room, bath-room, woodhouse, etc.
Above is a large apartment which I can let if I choose, and above
that again are servants' rooms and a room for a friend, [He says
elsewhere that this building was the peasant's house, bought with
the land.] I have a supply of water equal to the famous Ville d'Avray
water, for it comes from the same source. There is no furniture here
as yet; but all that I own in Paris will be brought here, little by little.
I have, just now, my mother's old cook and her husband to serve
me. But for at least a month longer I shall live in the midst of
masons, painters and other workmen; and I am working, or am
going to work to pay them. When the interior is finished I will
describe it to you.[1]
I shall stay here until my fortune is made; and I am already so
pleased with it that after I have obtained the capital of my
tranquillity I believe that I shall end my days here in peace, bidding
farewell, without flourish of trumpets, to my hopes, my ambitions—
to all! The life that you lead, that life of country solitude, has always
had great charms for me. I wanted more, because I had nothing at
all, and in making to one's self illusions it costs a young man no
more to make them grand. To-day my want of success in everything
has wearied my character—I do not say my heart, which will hope
ever. That I may have a horse, fruits in abundance, the material
costs of living secured, such is my place in the sunshine, obtained,
not paid for, but sketched out. I pay the interest on capital, instead
of paying rent. That is the change of front I have performed. I am in
my own home, instead of being in the house of an oppressive
landlord. My debt and my money anxieties remain the same; but my
courage has redoubled under the lessening of my desires.
To-morrow, cara, I will continue my chatter and send it to you this
week.
[1] See Théophile Gautier's description of that interior; "Memoir of Balzac," pp.
224, 225.—TR.
Wednesday, August 8.
There are many things in your last four letters to which I ought to
reply; but they are locked up in Paris, and before I can get them too
much time will have passed. I will answer in another letter, quickly
following this.
But among other things that struck me in them was the extreme
melancholy of your religious ideas. You write to me as if I believed in
nothing, as if you wished to send me to La Grande-Chartreuse, or as
if you meant to say to me, "Earth no longer interests me." You
cannot think how many inductions, possibly false, I draw from that
state of mind; but (and you tell me so with sincerity) you express to
me what you feel; otherwise you would be false and distrustful when
you should be all truth with a friend like me. Even if I displease you,
I must say to you with confidence that I am not satisfied, and I
would rather see you otherwise. To go thus to God is to renounce
the world; and I do not comprehend why you should renounce it
when you have so many ties that bind you to it, so many duties to
accomplish. None but feeble souls will take that course. The
reflections that I make on this subject are not of a nature to be
communicated to you. They are, moreover, very selfish, and concern
only me. Like those that I expressed in Milan, they would displease
you, because, as you say, they trouble you; and for those my heart
sinks down. I see clearly that happiness will never come to me; and
who would have no bitterness in thinking that thought? I was very
unhappy in my youth, but Madame de Berny balanced all by an
absolute devotion, which was understood to its full extent only when
the grave had seized its prey. Yes, I was spoilt by that angel; I prove
my gratitude by striving to perfect that which she sketched out in
me.
I meant to speak to you of new vexations; but I ought to be silent.
In one of my letters, I don't know which, there is a promise that I
made to us both not to speak to you again of my troubles, to write
to you only at the moments when all looked rosy, and to tell my
jeremiads to the passing clouds, going northward. When you see
them look gray they are telling them to you. How many black
confidences have I not smothered! There is many a corner that I
hide from you; and it is those corners that would amaze you could
you penetrate them and find—behind so many agitations,
preoccupations, toils, travels, "inward dissipations," as you say—a
fixed idea, daily more intense, which surely has little virtue since it
cannot remove mountains, that miracle promised to faith! Often,
friends have seen me turn pale at the loud cracking of a whip and
rush to the window. They ask me what the matter is; and I sit down,
palpitating, and saddened for days. Such fevers, such starts, shaken
by inward convulsions, break me, crush me. There are days when I
fancy that my fate is being decided, that something happy or
unhappy will occur to me, is preparing, and I not there! These are
the follies of poets, comprehended by them alone. There are days
when I take real life and all about me for a dream; so much is this
present life, for me, against nature. But now all that will cease amid
these fields, which always calm me.
Have I secured material existence, beneath which I would fain
compress the life of the heart that I see is lost and useless, in spite
of the ten good years that still remain to me?—for my passion has a
will of which you can form to yourself no idea. It must have all or
nothing. As to that, I am as I was on the day I left college. I am
much to be pitied, and I will not be pitied. I have never done
anything to disprove the absurd and silly lies of society which give
me the good graces of charming women, all of which are derived
from the coquetries of Madame de Castries and a few others. I have
accepted the accusation of self-conceit; I am willing that absurdity
on absurdity should accumulate about me to hide the true man, who
has but one sentiment, one ideal!
I am at this moment-engaged in doing a part of my book on love,
which will be detached; I want to paint well the soul of a young girl
before the invasion of that love (which will lead her into a convent),
and I have thought it true to make her abhor the Carmelites (to
whom she will eventually return) at the beginning of life, when she
longs for the world and its pleasures. As she has been eight years in
the convent, she arrives in Paris as much a stranger to it as
Montesquieu's Persian; and by the power of that idea I shall make
her judge and depict the modern Paris, instead of employing the
dramatic method of novels. That is a novel idea, and I am putting it
into execution.
Nevertheless, it is very difficult for me to resume my life of labour,
getting up at midnight and working till five in the afternoon. This is
the first morning that I have passed without dozing between six and
eight o'clock. Six months' interruption have made ravages; there are
forces that come from habit, and when habit is broken, farewell
forces. I hope to continue working for three or four months, in order
to repair the breaches caused by absence, and, if my plays succeed,
perhaps I shall have earned, over and above my debts, enough
capital for the bread and water on my table, and my flowers and
fruit. The rest may come, perhaps, hereafter.
Addio, cara; I could not tell you how my comic-opera house, that
cottage they push forward on the stage and where lovers give
themselves a rendezvous, has awakened the housekeeping and
bourgeois instincts in me. One could be so happy here! All the
advantages of Paris, and none of its disadvantages! I am here as at
Saché, with the possibility of being in Paris in fifteen minutes—just
time enough to reflect on what one is going to do there.
Mon Dieu! have you read in the "Lettres d'un Voyageur" the part
about Moulin-Joli? the engraving of which I saw in her house without
then knowing the terrible passage to which it gave rise, terrible to ill-
mated beings. Well, Les Jardies are Moulin-Joli without the woman
who engraves. If you do not know this history, read it. George Sand
never related anything as well.
I send you many caressing homages and all those flowers of the
soul which are so exactly the same that I fear they bore you. Many
kind remembrances to those about you. I cannot send you an
autograph, unfortunately; I had one of Manzoni for you, but they
have just lit my fire with it! This is the second time something
precious has been burned up here.
The newspapers have told you of the deplorable end of the poor
Duchesse d'Abrantès. She has ended like the Empire. Some day I will
explain her to you,—some good evening at Wierzchownia.
I can now reply to your bucolics on your beautiful flowers and turf
by idyls on my own; but alas! there's a difference in quantity. You
have a thousand acres, and I have a thousand square feet!
All affectionate and good things. Do not neglect to tell me about
your health, your beauty, your incidents in the depths of the
Ukraine; you will do so if you form the least idea of the value I
attach to the most minute particular.
September 18.
The time to turn the page, and I find "La Gina" too difficult. Reasons
have killed it. In "Othello" Iago is the pillar which supports the
conception; I have only a money motive, instead of the motive of
hidden love. I found my personage inadmissible. A vaudeville writer
would not have been stopped by that difficulty. So I return to a
former play, imagined some time ago, called "Richard Cœur-
d'Éponge." I will tell you about it if I do it.
My house does not get on. I have the walls of the enclosure still to
do, and much to the interior. It is alarming. I have found a source—
not of fortune! only clear water.
October 1.
I am into money matters up to my neck. It is demoralizing. I have
not had two hours to myself for reflection since I wrote you the
above few lines. Do not be vexed with me. I need calmer times to
relate to you a life like mine. I must say mass every second, and ring
it. I have had the hope of buying out my publishers, who are ruining
me, and I have just spent two weeks in Paris in crushing, killing
efforts. You must remember that I have no help or succour, but, on
the other hand, infinite obstacles, without number. If I cannot
overcome them I shall go to you for six months' rest at
Wierzchownia, where I can write my plays in peace before returning
here. Many persons whom I love and esteem advise this, telling me
to "go somewhere." But as for me, I cannot abandon a battlefield.
The two volumes containing "La Femme Supérieure," "La Maison
Nucingen," and "La Torpille" are out.
October 10.
For the last seven years or so, whenever I have read a book in which
Napoleon was mentioned, if I found any new and striking thought
said by him, I put it at once into a cook-book that never leaves my
desk and lies on that little book you know of, which will belong to
you—alas, soon, perhaps—in which I put my subjects and my first
ideas. In a day of distress (one of my recent days), being without
money, I looked to see how many of those thoughts there were. I
found five hundred; hence, the finest book of the century; I mean
the publication of the "Maximes et Pensées de Napoléon." I sold the
work to a former hosier, who is the big-wig of his arrondissement,
and wants the cross of the Legion of honour, which he can have by
dedicating this book to Louis-Philippe. It is about to appear. Get it.
You will have one of the finest things of the day; the soul, the
thought of that great man, gathered through much research by your
moujik, Honoré de Balzac. Nothing has made me laugh so much as
this idea of getting the cross for a sort of grocer, who may perhaps
recommend himself to your Grace by his title of administrator of a
charitable enterprise. Napoleon will have brought me four thousand
francs and the hosier may get a hundred thousand. I had such great
distrust of myself that I would not work my own idea. To the hosier,
both fame and profit. But you will recognize the hand of your serf in
the dedication to Louis-Philippe. May the shade of Napoleon forgive
me![1]
[1] This book, extremely rare to-day, appeared at the close of the year 1838,
without the name of any publisher, under the following title: "Maximes et Pensées
de Napoléon, recueillies par J. L. Gaudy jeune. Paris. 1838."
October 15.
I receive to-day your answer to my last letter. Never before did it
happen to me to receive a reply to one letter while I was writing
another. This phenomenon takes place now at the end of five years,
during which time I have written to you once a fortnight at least. To
tell you all the whys and wherefores belongs to the domain of talk,
not to that of epistolary conversation.
Cara, you are more than ever bent on converting me. Your letter is
that of a grave and serious abbess and an omnipotent, omni-
scavante, gracious and witty Countess Hanska. I kneel at your feet,
dear and beautiful sister-Massillon, to tell you here that the sorrow
of my life is a long prayer, that my soul is very white, not because I
do not sin, but because I have no time to sin, which makes it
perhaps all the blacker in your eyes. But you know that I have in the
shrine of my heart a madonna who sanctifies all. What have I said or
done to you that should bring me all this Christian advice? I work so
hard that I have not always time to sleep or, more alarming
symptom, to write to you. A man so unfortunate is either the most
guilty or the most innocent of men on earth; and in either case
there's nothing to be done. Would you know what that means? I am
weary of the life thus allotted to me, and, were it not for my duties,
I would take another. I must have received many blows, be very
tired of my fate, to abandon myself to chance, as I do to-day, with a
character as strongly tempered as mine.
You have reticences about my affections which grieve me all the
more because I cannot reply to them (the reticences), and you ask
me superfluous questions about my health. Why have you not
divined, with that grand perspicacious forehead of yours and your
other attributes, that the unhappy are always robust in health? They
can pass through seas, conflagrations, battles, bivouacs, and fresh
plaster; they are always sound and well! Yes, I am perfectly well,
without aches or pains, in my young house. Have no uneasiness as
to that. Beyond a great and general fatigue after my excesses of
work during the last fortnight, I am well, and if white hairs did not
abound I should think I were the younger by ten years.
Mon Dieu! how I suffer when, in reading your letter, I see that you
have suffered from my silence, and that you have taken to heart my
anxieties and the agonies of my poor life. Do you know it? do you
feel it? No—never see me, as you say, joyous and tranquil! When I
write to you joyously all is at its worst, and I am trying to conceal
how ill that is. When things are going ill with me if I do not write to
you, it is because—No, I cannot write it to you; I will talk of it to you
some day, and then you will regret having written to me some words
that are sweet and cruel both in relation to my delayed letters. There
are things that you will never divine. Do not fear that anything can
change or diminish an attachment like mine. You think me light-
minded, giddy; it makes me laugh. Believe, once for all, that he in
whom you have been good enough to recognize some depth of
thought, has depth in his heart, and that while he displays such
courage in the battle he is fighting, there is just as great constancy
in his affections. But you are ignorant of the claims of each day; the
dreadful difficulties on which I spend myself. If you knew what wiles
were necessary—like those of the "Mariage de Figaro"—to make that
hosier pay four thousand francs for the thoughts and maxims of
Napoleon; if you realized that my publishers will not give me money;
that I am trying to break up that agreement; that to break it I must
pay them fifty thousand francs; and that after believing that my life
was secured and tranquil it is now more in peril than ever, you would
not treat as folly my enterprise in Sardinia! Oh! I entreat you, do not
advise or blame those who feel themselves sunk in deep waters and
are struggling to the surface. Never will the rich comprehend the
unfortunate. One must have been one's self without friends, without
resources, without food, without money, to know to its depths what
misfortune is. I have the knowledge of all that; and I no longer
complain that I am the victim of a poor unfortunate man who, for
food, sells a jest of mine that I may have said on the boulevard, but
which, when published, forms a horrible attack upon me. I complain
no longer of calumnies and insults; those poor unfortunates live
upon them, and though I would rather die than live so, I have not
the courage to blame them, for I know what it is to suffer.
However rare my letters are, they are the only ones that I write to-
day (except those on business); and what quarrels and ill-will I have
brought upon myself by not answering letters! You cannot know
what a literary life busy as mine is must be. Whatever they tell you,
or however my silence may appear to you, know this: that I work
day and night; that the phenomenon of my production is doubled,
trebled; that I have brought myself to correct a volume in a single
night, and to write one in three days. The world is foolish. It thinks
that a book is spoken. This grieves me only from you; I laugh with
pity at others.
I have done eight works since the month of last November. Cara,
each of those eight works would have foundered for a year the
strongest of the French writers, who barely do half a volume a year.
Among those eight I do not mention the book of love, of which I
have told you something, which is there, on my table, beneath your
letter; I have about twenty-five feuilles of that written. Neither do I
speak of five "Contes Drolatiques" written within two months.
Mon Dieu! I have not one soul to understand me; I have never had
but one. Poor, dear Madame de Berny came to see me daily in those
days when she thought that I should perish beneath my burden.
What would she say now if she saw it tenfold heavier? Yes, I work
tenfold harder in 1838 than I did in 1828, 1830, 1831, 1832, 1833.
In those days I believed in fortune; to-day I believe in misery. There
are men who want me to sell myself to the present order of things. I
would rather die! I must have my freedom of speech.
When you speak to me of fatal death, such as that of your cousin, I
call it happy death, for I do not believe we are placed here below for
happiness. Withold was right; I pity his mother much; but he is
happy, believe it.
You asked me when I shall calm that French fury which carried me
to Italy, to Sardinia. Is not that asking me when I shall be imbecile?
Do you expect a man who can write in five nights "Qui Terre a,
Guerre a" or "César Birotteau" to measure his steps like a capitalist
who takes his dog to walk on the boulevard, reads the
"Constitutionnel," comes home to dinner, and plays billiards in the
evening? I will allow you here five seconds to laugh at the most
charming person in the world, who, to my thinking, is Madame Eve.
Nothing remains now but to blame la furia which will take me to see
certain Northern people in their steppe. Know, beautiful great lady,
that if I abandoned myself to Providence, as you propose to me,
Providence would already have put me in prison for debt; and I don't
see that there is anything providential in a sojourn at Clichy. What
would the plants that creep out of caves in search of the sun say if
they heard a pretty dove asking them why they climbed that fissure
to the air? You curse our civilization; I await you in Paris! But I
would also like to know who are the impertinent people who write to
you about me; and who think there is a sun for me elsewhere than
in the North.
Théophile Gautier is a young man of whom I think I have spoken to
you. He is one of the talents that I discovered; but he is without
force of conception. "Fortunio" is below "Mademoiselle de Maupin,"
and his poems, which have pleased you, alarm me as a decadence
in poesy and language. He has a ravishing style, much intellect, of
which I think he will not make the most because he is in journalism.
He is the son of a custom-house receiver at the Versailles barrier of
Paris. He is very original, knows a great deal, and talks well on art,
of which he has the sentiment. He is an exceptional man, who will,
no doubt, lose his way. You have divined the man; he loves colour
and flesh; but he comprehends Italy, without having seen it.
I am struck by the manner in which you return, three several times
to the "levity of my character, and the multiplicity of my
enthusiasms." There must be under all that some calumny which has
snaked its way to Wierzchownia, God knows how!
Well, I must bid you farewell, without having said one tenth part of
the things I had to say to you, and which I will return to later. After
all, it would be only describing to you the worries of my present life,
which are innumerable. I must correct for to-morrow "Le Curé de
Village" for it annoys me to have further dealings with the "Presse."
Adieu, dear azure flower; keep all safely for one who lays up
treasures of affections and feelings in your direction. I know not why
you say that old friendships are timid; mine grows very bold with
time.
All graceful things to those about you, and to M. Hanski my friendly
regards.
October 16.
I am in treaty with the "Débats" to take all my prose at a franc a
line. That would make M. Sedlitz, the German poet, howl; but he is a
baron, and has estates, and was scandalized in the Landstrasse at
hearing me talk about the profits of literature. If this affair comes off
you will see me very soon at Wierzchownia. I want to be there in
winter.
Much tenderness, preaching or laughing, mundane or Catholic. À
bientôt.
VII.
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