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Fokker Aircraft of WWI Volume 4 V 1 V 8 F I Dr I 1st
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what the loss must be, if I measure it by the possession of that one adored
being, who is the centre and essence of my existence.
Darmstadt, February 28th.
* * * Yesterday we had a very interesting lecture in our house about Art
in Venice, by a young Swede [Herr von Molin], who has been studying
three years in Italy. We had the room full of people, artists, and professors,
who liked to listen.
* * * All the natural cleverness and sharpness in the world won’t serve
nowadays, unless one has learnt something. I feel this so much; and just in
our position it is more and more required and expected, particularly in a
small place, where so much depends on the personal knowledge and
exertions of the Princes.
Darmstadt, March 8th.
* * * The knowledge of dear sweet Alix’s state makes me too sad. It is
hard for them both, and the nursing must be very fatiguing for Mrs. Clarke.
I am so distressed about darling Alix that I really have no peace. It may, and
probably will, last long, which is so dreadful.[73]
March 28th.
* * * We mean to have some children on the 5th, so that Victoria can
have a party.
My father-in-law is better again, I am happy to say. The warm weather
did him good at once.
Darmstadt, April 1st.
* * * I could not write the other day, as I had a good deal to do with two
committees for charities, which had to be got into order, and which took up
a great deal of my time.
Cold, hail, snow, and rain, have returned; and Irène has got a cold, which
most people here have. The weather is so unpleasant.
We shall stop here in town until we go to England, as we have nowhere
to go to before. It is a pity for the children to have no country air, and they
miss the flowers in their walks. I can’t praise Orchard[74] enough. Such
order she keeps, and is so industrious and tidy, besides understanding so
much about the management of the children’s health and characters.
 Darmstadt, April 5th.
Thousand thanks for your dear letter, and for the kind wishes for
Victoria’s birthday! I pray she may be a worthy granddaughter and
goddaughter of my darling Mamma! I shall never forget that day—your
kindness to us, and the tender nurse you were. * * *
Victoria means to dictate a letter to you; she is so much pleased with her
presents. Irène has not a tooth yet, and is not very fat, poor little thing! but
she is fresh and rosy, and, I think, strong.
This last week the excitement here has been dreadful, as all anticipated a
war with France on account of Luxembourg. I fear sooner or later it will
come. May the Almighty avert such a calamity!
The Moriers were quite in ecstasies about your handsome present. The
christening[75] went off very well.
April 8th.
* * * We have just returned from church, and to-morrow morning we all
take the Sacrament at nine o’clock in the Schlosskirche. Professor Jowett is
here on a visit to the Moriers, and is going to read the service on Sunday. I
have not had an opportunity to attend our English service since we were at
Windsor, excepting one Sunday at Berlin with Vicky and Fritz.
People think now, the evil of war is put off for a few weeks, but that is
all. Henry is here for Easter, and says the same from all he heard at Berlin.
April 21st.
* * * How I wish you may be right in not believing in war. I always fear
it is not Luxembourg, but the intense jealousy of the French nation, that
they should not be the first on the Continent, and that Germany is becoming
independent and powerful against their will. Then, again, the Germans feel
their new position, and assert their rights with more force because
unanimous, and neither nation will choose to give in to the other.
The war would be totally useless, and sow no end of dissension and
hatred between the two neighbor countries, who, for their own good as for
that of mankind, ought to live in peace and harmony with each other.
We seem drifting back to the Middle Ages, as each question is pushed to
the point of the sword. It is most sad. How dear Papa would have
disapproved of much that has happened since 1862!
 Is the Catalogue which Mr. Ruland sent some time ago to Mr. Woodward
for dear Papa’s Raphael Collection in print now?[76] So many people know
of its coming out, and are anxious to see it, as, indeed, I am likewise, for it
is the only complete collection in the world, and the world of art is anxious
to know all about it. Will you, perhaps, let me know through Mr. Sahl,[77]
as I believe it is already a good while since you approved of its being
published, and gave the orders for its being printed?
May 2d.
As yet none dare to be sure of the peace, but all live again since there are
more chances for its being maintained. But, then, I trust it will be a
permanent peace, not merely a putting off till next year!
The French press was so very warlike, and it always talks of the French
honor not being able to allow such a mighty empire as the German is
becoming to gain the upper hand; and then rectification of her frontiers,
always wishing for the Rhine.
Poor little Anna of Mecklenburg is here; it seemed so sad to see the dear
little child come alone to inhabit the rooms its Mama had never returned to.
She looks delicate, very fair, but with dark, thick eyebrows and eyelashes;
rather shy and silent for she has no little children to play with in her home.
My two led her about at once, and tried to amuse her. Ella, who is five
months older, is a head taller and twice as broad. I am so afraid they will be
too rough with her, for dear, fat Ella is very strong, and by no means gentle.
Annchen has an old nervous nurse, who is too frightened about her. It is
a great responsibility, where there is no mother. It looks so sad!
May 13th.
I must tell you something in confidence of what has taken place here
with regard to Louis. * * * Since Louis took the command last August, and
since the Convention with Prussia has been settled, Louis has been opposed
by Uncle Louis and the Kriegsministerium [War Department], in doing all
the things which he thought absolutely necessary, and which toward Prussia
the Grand Duke had promised to do, so as to get the troops into the
necessary order and organization. Here the Government is, Louis has reason
to fear, once more playing a false game toward Prussia, and all his true
friends and a small party of the clever-thinking people have encouraged him
in the idea that to serve his country, he may and must not be implicated in
the present sad and desperate state of affairs.
It has cost him a great struggle to make up his mind to ask Uncle Louis
to accept his resignation, which he has been obliged to demand, as he felt
that under present circumstances he could not fulfil what was desired of
him.
Uncle Louis may refuse to let him go; then he intends to ask for leave
until the 1st of October, the date when the Convention must be carried out,
when he hopes and trusts the King will send a Prussian general to put all in
order.
Uncle Louis and his Umgebung [the people about him] will all be
against my Louis, as they think it a shame and injustice to give up any of
their rights, and that it is unpardonable of Louis to act up to what he has
always said. He is so good a nephew, that all this will be dreadfully painful
to him; but he is quite convinced that his duty to his country and his future
demands this step of him. He is obliged to go away from here, as he does
not think it right for him to be always in opposition to Uncle Louis, and as
he cannot gain by it what the country and the troops require. On account of
all these reasons he considers it right to leave.
He wished me to write all this to you, as he knows you will understand
and not disapprove the confidence he bestows on one, on whose opinion he
quite relies. He looks forward so much to coming to England, as he is
worried and harassed by all that has happened. In all this he has again
shown, as of old, that he always places himself and his wishes and feelings
in the background, and that to serve others and to do his duty are the sole
aims of his existence. He will, as soon as he has received an answer from
the Grand Duke, telegraph to you to settle our plans. The children are
overjoyed at the prospect of seeing their dear Grandmama again.
I am not up to very much, I don’t always feel quite strong; but the
change will do me good, I am sure.
May 16th.
The Grand Duke has not as yet consented to Louis’ resignation. Louis
has made conditions, under which it will be possible for him to remain, if
Uncle L. consents. The first condition is to have a Prussian officer at his
side. The Grand Duke declared he would sooner lose his country than give
his consent to that. Louis has now officially written his letter of
requirements, and sent it. But, whatever happens, he will be able to get a
short leave, he thinks, by the beginning of June.
May 19th.
The military affair is at length settled. Uncle Louis has given in to the
points Louis demanded, and he retains his command. All are astonished at
Louis’ unlooked-for success in this affair, and as Uncle L. would not have a
Prussian General, and had no one here to take in Louis’ stead, who could do
the things well, he had to agree and to allow what Louis was justified in
asking. Louis’ firmness and decision have done great good, and all are
thankful to him for it, though others, who ought to do as he has done, have
never shown the courage.
Louis is laid up with the most awful nettle-rash all over face and body,
and is so unwell with it. He has had it now three days. Altogether since the
winter, or rather since the war, he has had so much cause for vexation, that
he has been constantly unwell; and each time he is much worried he has an
attack of illness.
May 29th.
* * * I presided at my committee of seven ladies and four gentlemen a
long while yesterday, and to-morrow I have my other one, which is more
numerous. It is an easy task, but I hope we shall have good results from our
endeavors.
Paris, June 9th.
I really am half killed from sight-seeing and fêtes, but all has interested
me so much, and the Emperor and Empress [of the French] have been most
kind. Yesterday was the ball at the Hôtel de Ville, quite the same as it had
been for you and dear Papa, and there were more than 8,000 people there. It
was the finest sight I have ever seen, and it interested me all the more, as I
knew it was the same as in the year when you were at Paris.
Every morning we went to the Exhibition, and every evening there was a
dinner or ball. It was most fatiguing. To-morrow morning we leave, and had
really great trouble to get away, for the Emperor and Empress and others
begged us so much to remain for the ball at the Tuileries to-morrow night;
but we really could not, on account of Wednesday’s concert,[78] as we
should barely arrive in time.
The attentat on the Emperor of Russia was dreadful, and we were close
by at the time. The Empress can’t get over it, and she does not leave Uncle
Sache’s[79] side for an instant now, and takes him everywhere in her
carriage.
To-day we are going with the whole Court to Versailles. Dear Vicky is
gone. She was so low the last days, and dislikes going to parties so much
just now, that she was longing to get home. The King [of Prussia] wished
them both to stop, but only Fritz remained. How sad these days will be for
her, poor love! She was in such good looks; every one here is charmed with
her.

[During the months of June and July, 1867, the Princess with her family
was on a visit in England.]

Darmstadt, August 4th.

We arrived here at midnight on Friday and I was so knocked up * * *
that I was incapable of doing any thing yesterday.
* * * My poor Willem[80] was buried yesterday. Every one regrets the
poor child, for he was very dear. I miss him so much here, for he did every
thing for me, and liked being about me and the children. All our servants
went to the burial. It quite upset me here not to find him, for I was really
attached to him, and he learnt so well, and was in many ways so nice,
though of course troublesome too at times. How short life is, and the instant
one is gone, he is so wiped away for others, and one knows so absolutely
nothing about the person any more! Were it not for a strong faith in a future,
it would indeed be cruel to bear. No one of the family is here. We leave to-
morrow for Zürich, where we shall be at ten at night; the next day to Chur,
and the next day to St. Moritz.
St. Moritz, August 1st.
With perfect weather we accomplished our journey perfectly, and were
enchanted with the beautiful scenery from Zürich here, not to speak of this
place.
 The first day—5th—we left Darmstadt at 11 A.M., and did not reach
Zürich till eleven at night. We got two little rooms in the Hôtel Baur, but the
whole place was full. The next morning after breakfast we went to look at
the lovely lake, which is green and quite transparent. It was a beautiful
warm morning. We left by rail at ten, partly along the lake of Zürich and
then along the Wallenstädter See, which is long and narrow, with high
perpendicular mountains down to the water—very wild and picturesque.
This lake likewise is of that marvellous green color. We reached Chur at
three that afternoon—a pretty small town, situated close up against a
mountain. We visited a beautiful old church there, which contains fine old
pictures and relics; it was built in the time of the Romans, and is still the
chief church of the bishopric.
The next morning we two, with Sarah, Logoz and our footman, left at six
o’clock in a diligence (we both sitting in the coupé in front) with four
horses, for here the road is the grandest one can imagine, perpetually
ascending for two hours, and then descending again, always along
precipices, and the horses at a quick trot turning sharp round the corners—
which, I assure you is a trial to the best nerves. We drove over the Julier
Pass, which was a road already used by the Romans, and which is almost
the highest in Switzerland. One passes close to the top of the mountains,
which have snow on them, and are wild and rugged like the top of
Lochnagar. Lower down, the mountains are covered with bright green grass
and fir trees, but rocks look out everywhere, and there are constantly lovely
water-falls.
After crossing the Pass, we drove down—very steep, of course nothing
on the edge of the road, always zigzag, and at a sharp trot—for some
distance down to Silva Plana, where the view over the valley and lakes of
the Engadine, where St. Moritz lies, is beyond description beautiful.
We reach this in the evening at six o’clock, the weather being most
beautiful. The Curhaus is below the town, and looks like a large asylum. It
is overfilled with people. We have two rooms, but our people as yet, none,
though they hope for some to-morrow.
I saw Dr. Berry, a little Swiss man, and he recommended me to take the
baths twice a week, besides drinking the waters; which I have begun this
morning at seven o’clock, the usual hour, as one has to walk up and down a
quarter of an hour between the glasses. The bath I took at ten. It is tepid and
also iron water, which bubbles like soda water, and makes one feel as if
insects were crawling over one.
Lina Aumale is here, the Parises and Nemours. Fritz and Louise [of
Baden] leave to-morrow. This afternoon we drove with them, in two funny
little “Wageli” with one horse, to Samaden, where Louise went into the
hotel to see Mme. d’Usedom, who was lately upset with her carriage off the
road, as there is no barrier, and hurt herself severely. We saw her brother
likewise.
I have sent you a nosegay of Edelweiss and other Alp flowers. I hope it
won’t arrive quite dead. You must fancy them alive, and, if they could
speak, they would tell you how much I love you, and how constantly I think
of you, and of my dear, dear home!
St. Moritz, August 11th.
* * * All the Orleans’ left this place suddenly yesterday, as there are
three cases of scarlatina in the house. We consulted the doctor immediately,
whether he thought it safe for Louis to remain, he never having had it, and
he said, “Perfectly, as we are at the other end of the house, and out nearly
all day.”
Victor and Lolo [Count and Countess Gleichen] are here, and we went
out drawing together yesterday; but it is too difficult here. I think constantly
how much you would admire this place: it is indeed exquisitely beautiful—
much the finest I have ever seen. It is very wild and reminds me in parts of
dear Scotland.
You say that our home in England is dull now for those who like to
amuse themselves. It is never dull, darling Mama, when one can be with
you, for I have indeed never met a more agreeable charming companion.
Time always flies by when one is with you. I hope it is not impertinent my
saying so.
St. Moritz, August 13th.
* * * I knew you would feel for me at the loss of my poor Willem. Of
course one must feel that sort of loss more than that of many a relation, if
one knew the latter but little. I said to Louis at the time, that Willem’s death
distressed me more than would that of several relations who were not
intimate with me. * * *
 Yesterday we and the Gleichens went to the Rosegg Glacier, and to get
there had to go from Pontresina in little Bergwagen, which are strong
miniature Leiterwagen without springs, and we went over a horrid path with
quantities of stones, so the shaking was beyond description.
Victor and Lolo go mostly with us and we always dine together.
I take three glasses beginning at seven in the morning, and a bath at
eight. One lies in a wooden thing, covered over up to one’s chin with
boards, and remains so twenty minutes.
We lunch at twelve and dine at half-past six, and go to bed early. We are
out nearly all day long. It is very warm, the sun scorching; my face is quite
red-brown, in spite of veils and parasols. I feel already very much better,
and Louis says my face is quite fat. I wish we could remain longer than the
end of the month, but Louis must be home.
I hope you notice the pains I take with my writing, for you complained
of it at Osborne—I fear, justly—and I am trying to improve it again.
St. Moritz, August 16th.
Yesterday we made a beautiful expedition, which it may amuse you to
hear of, as in an exaggerated way it reminded me of our nice Scotch ones.
The evening before we left with Victor and Lolo (without servants) about
eight o’clock for Pontresina. The country looked more beautiful than ever in
the brightest moonlight. We found two very small but clean rooms in an
hotel outside the village.
The next morning we got up at half-past four, dressed, and breakfasted,
then got on four horses with most uncomfortable saddles, with our guide
Adam Engler, an amusing man, most active and helpful. We saw the sun
rising over the snow-covered mountains, and the valleys gradually coming
out clearer.
We were to ascend the Piz Languard, a mountain 1,200 feet high. We
rode for two hours by a worse and much steeper road than up the Glassalt,
then walked over rocks, sand, and slippery grass, so steep that one could not
look up to see where one was going to, quite precipitous on each side,
leaving snow and glacier below us. The last bit has a sort of immensely
high steps hewn in the rock. After an hour and a half’s hard labor we
reached the summit, which is rocky and small—enormous precipices all
round. Poor Lolo was giddy for some time, which was very unpleasant. The
view from the top is most extensive. The Italian, Swiss, and Tyrolese Alps
are all to be seen, but the view was not very clear. We rested and ate
something, and drank some Lochnagar whisky. The sun was getting intense.
We commenced our descent at eleven o’clock, and had to walk the whole
way back, for one can’t ride down. We did not reach Pontresina till nearly
four, as we had to rest several times, our limbs ached so, for there is no
level ground the whole way, and the stones slip, and it was very hot. I had
quite sore feet with blisters all over, so that the last hours were really
agonizing. But it is a thing to have done, and the view amply repaid one,
though one does not feel tempted to do it a second time. I feel very well,
excepting my face, (which is still burning and quite red), and my
unfortunate feet.
Poor Christa wrote to me yesterday, and says:—
“I must also tell your Royal Highness that I have received a letter in her
own hand from Her Majesty the Queen. I cannot express how deeply this
has moved me and filled me with gratitude. God bless the Queen for her
rare human love; for surely there is no one, who in such a position as hers,
has preserved a heart like hers, so full of kindness and sympathy for
others.”[81]
Dear sweet Mama, your kind and sisterly words have been balsam to
many a wounded heart, and many are the blessings that have been craved
for you from above by hearts filled with thankfulness for your true
sympathy.
St. Moritz, August 21st.
* * * Now I will tell you of our expedition. Louis and I, Victor and Lolo,
and a guide, with each a small bag, left this early on the morning of the 17th
(dear Grandmama’s birthday) in a carriage for Pontresina; from thence, in
two of those shaky Bergwagen, over part of the Bernina Pass, past the
magnificent Morteratsch Glacier, which we saw perfectly. The guide told us
he had been there with Professor Tyndall, and that the latter had observed
that the glacier advanced a foot a day in the warm weather, and old people
recollect it having been a mile higher up. We soon left the high-road, and all
vegetation, save grass, for a bad path into the Val da Fain. The heat was
again intense. We lunched and rested, and then took the horses out of the
carts for us ladies to ride. The scenery was wild and severe, until we began
again to descend, and came down upon the lovely Livigno Valley, which is
Italian, and covered with brown châlets. We reached the village of Livigno,
with only wooden huts, by six o’clock, and turned into a funny little dark
inn, in which we four found one small but clean room for us—most
primitive. As the inhabitants speak a sort of Italian, we had the greatest
difficulty to make ourselves understood. Victor cooked part of the dinner,
and it was quite good.
We all slept—I resting on a bed, the other three on the floor—in this
little room, with the small window wide open.
The next morning we left at nine, and drove on no road in such a small
carriage—of course, no springs—our husbands at first getting a lift on the
horses, without saddles; then on foot up a steep and dangerous ascent.
Splendid weather, but too hot. We went over the Pass of the Stretta: a more
difficult and rough ground I never crossed in my life, but splendid scenery.
We came on a view which was glorious—such enormous snow-covered
mountains and glaciers, with the green valleys deep below looking on Italy
and the Tyrol.
We reached Bormio by seven, and took up our residence at a bathing-
place, quite magnificently situated, very high up—also Italian. The next
morning we started early in carriages, and went over the Stelvio Pass.
There, nearly at the risk of my neck, I picked for the first time some
Edelweiss, which I am very proud of, as it is always difficult and rare to get.
We got down to St. Maria, which is at the upper end of the Münsterthal
and belongs to Switzerland. In the afternoon, dreadfully hot, I was very
thirsty and drank off a glass of milk; but how it tasted! It was goat’s milk;
the people keep the cow’s milk for butter and cheese. We remained the
night there, and left the next morning for here, by Zernetz and Ofen. To get
from one valley into another, one has always to ascend and descend
enormous heights, and always by narrow paths at the edge of precipices. We
enjoyed our tour immensely, and got on perfectly without servants. Packing
up my things, though, every morning was a great trouble, and the bag
would usually not shut at first. The trees growing here are splendid larches
and arven[82]; the latter grow only in these very high regions and in Siberia.
Victor and his wife are most amiable and pleasant travelling-companions,
and pleased with every thing; not minding to rough it, which we had to do.
Schloss Mainau, August 30th.
 * * * We left St. Moritz at seven, and reached Chur at seven in the
evening. The next day we came on here to Louise of Baden. Fritz is at
Carlsruhe. This place is very lovely, though, alas! the fine mountains are
gone, which one always misses so much.
I thought of you more than I can say on the dear 26th, and I felt low and
sad all day. Dear Papa! Time has not yet accustomed us to see each
anniversary come round again, and he still remain away. It is so
inexpressibly hard for you, and you must feel such intense longing for the
dear past. There remains a future! that is the only consolation.
To-day we went with Louise by carriage, and then across part of the lake
to the property of the Emperor Napoleon, Arenenberg, which the Empress
gave him eight years ago, and which was his home with his mother, and
where she died. Every picture and bit of furniture is replaced as it was when
the Emperor lived there, and he was there himself and replaced every thing.
It is quite a page in history to see all the things that surrounded the Emperor
in the days of his misfortune.
Darmstadt, September 8th.
* * * I spent three days and two nights with dear Alix at Wiesbaden, and
I find her leg decidedly better. * * * It is a little less hot to-day, but much
hotter even now than we ever have in England. Stallmeister Meyer[83] came
to see us yesterday, and we took him out riding, which made him quite
happy. Any one who reminds me of the good old times before the 14th of
December does me good; it is a pleasure to speak about those past, so happy
days! When they came to a close, I lost the greater part of my joyousness,
which, though I am so happy, has never returned. A certain melancholy and
sadness sometimes overcome me, which I can’t shake off; then I have
Heimweh after adored Papa to such an extent that tears are my only relief.
Darmstadt, September 20th.
* * * The King of Prussia’s visit went off very well here, and both high
personages seemed pleased to have got over the meeting. The King came
most kindly to see us, and went over all our rooms, which seemed to amuse
him. * * * Yesterday evening Sache and Minnie[84] arrived, and we intend
going over to see them all to-morrow.
Louis will retain the command, but, according to the King’s advice, has
demanded a Prussian General Stabschef [Chief of the Staff], which will be a
great assistance to him.
At the sale of the Homburg things I bought a lovely miniature of dear
Grandmama in a black velvet gown, with a red shawl over her shoulder—
shortly after her marriage, I think.
Darmstadt, October 3d.
Yesterday evening I returned from Wiesbaden, leaving Alix well, but
having caught a bad cold myself. The children have equally heavy ones.
Darmstadt, October 8th.
Many thanks for your letter just received, and for the review of dear
Papa’s Life, which is excellent, and which I sent on to Aunt Feodore, as you
desired. I have been laid up for a week with influenza, and am only about
again since yesterday, though not out of the house. I am quite weak from it.
The whole house is laid up with bad colds, and baby can’t shake her’s off at
all. The cough is so tiring, and she whoops whenever she coughs. Poor
Jäger, who is, alas! we fear, consumptive, broke a blood-vessel two days
ago, and is dangerously ill, to the great grief of all in the house. He is our
best servant, and so devoted; he never would take care of himself, as he
could not bear letting any one but himself attend on Louis. We have just got
a Diakonissin [Deaconness] to nurse him; on account of his great weakness
he can’t be left alone one instant.
Sir William, Lady, and Charlotte Knollys have been on a visit to us; also
Lady Geraldine Somerset for two nights. They are all interested to see our
house.
Uncle George has made me a present of one of the horses the Sultan sent
him.
Darmstadt, October 10th.
I can’t find words to say how sorry I am that dear sweet Arthur should
have the small-pox! and that you should have this great anxiety and worry.
God grant that the dear boy may get well over it, and that his dear
handsome face be not marked! Where in the world could he have caught it?
The Major kindly telegraphs daily, and you can fancy, far away, how
anxious one is. I shall be very anxious to get a letter with accounts, for I
think constantly of him, and of you. My parents-in-law wish me to tell you
how they share your anxiety, and how they wish soon to hear of dear
Arthur’s convalescence; of course my Louis likewise, for he shares all my
feelings, being a real brother towards my Geschwister [brothers and sisters].
We both paid the King of Prussia our respects at Frankfort this morning,
principally to tell him that Bertie had been so grieved at the ill success of
his intended visit, as the Queen begged us to do.
I am better to-day, but Ella and Irène can’t shake off their colds, and
poor Ella is altogether unwell. Victoria is all right.
We are going on the 18th to Baden for Fritz’s birthday.
Darmstadt, October 14th.
How glad I am to see by your letter that darling Arthur is going on so
very well. One can’t be too thankful; and it is a good thing over, and will
spare one’s being anxious about him on other occasions.
Bertie and Alix have been here since Saturday afternoon, and leave to-
morrow. They go straight to Antwerp, and Bertie is going back to Brussels
to see the cousins.
The visit of the King went off very well, and Alix was pleased with the
kindness and civility of the King. I hear that the meeting was satisfactory to
both parties, which I am heartily glad of. Bearing ill-will is always a
mistake, besides its not being right.
Dear Alix walked up our staircase with two sticks, of course very slowly,
but she is improving wonderfully, though her knee is quite stiff.
Poor Jäger is a little better, and the momentary danger is past, though I
fear he cannot ultimately recover. How hard for poor Katrinchen! There is
much sorrow in the world, and how often such a share falls to the best and
gentlest! I, of course, go to see him daily, but it always goes to my very
heart to see that attached and faithful creature dying slowly away. How is
Brown’s sister?
We hope that Countess Blücher will return here with Vicky and me from
Baden for a few days, as it is an age since Vicky has seen her.
Dear Alix is writing in my room at this moment, and is so dear and
sweet. She is a most lovable creature.
Darmstadt, October 23d.
I have had the pleasure of having Augusta and the Dean [Stanley] here
since yesterday, but they leave again this morning.
 The King of Prussia is here to-day, and there is a large dinner for him in
the Schloss, and he is kind enough to come and see me afterward.
The accounts of poor dear Aunt Feodore are so sad, and I hear she does
not look well, and is so low about her eyes and being unable to see you
again after so long a separation. She seems alone and lonely, with old age
and sickness coming over her. If I had been well, I should have gone to see
her. I am much better these last days. I can breathe much better, but the
dreadfully swelled ankles and wrists remain as bad as before, and cause
great discomfort and even pain. I never had this before.
Schweinsberg, October 24th.
Dear Vicky and Fritz left us yesterday morning. It is such a pleasure to
me to think that they, like Bertie and Alix, know my house, and that they
have lodged under our roof. When will you, darling Mama? If ever again
you go abroad and wish to rest on your way, all in the world we have is at
your disposal. How happy that would make us!
We ourselves left at four yesterday afternoon, remaining the night at
Marburg, and leaving at a quarter to five in the morning, so that Louis could
reach Alsfeld in time to join the shooting-party. We parted at Kirchhain, and
I came here with Christa to her mother’s house—so sad and changed since
three years ago. It is most kind of them to have taken me up here, and the
bracing air will do me good. They know that I can understand what a house
of mourning is, and that I don’t want to amuse myself.
Ella cried on parting with us yesterday, and wanted to get into the train
with us.
Victoria is going to have a little lesson every other day, when I go back,
from Mr. Geyer, who taught poor Willem, and who teaches little girls
particularly well. She must begin in my room, as it is better not to have
lessons in the nursery, I think. Vicky and I spoke much together about
education and taking a governess. I thought to wait a year (for financial
reasons), and I think it time enough then—do not you?
Darmstadt, October 26th.
* * * We arrived late at Baden, and Vicky and Fritz, who had had two
long days’ journey, were very tired; but we had to go to dress at once, to go
to a soirée at Madame Viardot’s, which lasted till midnight, and at which
the King and Queen were present. Her daughters and scholars sang a little
operetta she had composed, which was very pretty.
I hope the inauguration of the statue went off as well as the weather
would permit.
November 15th.
* * * It is so good and wholesome not always to be one’s own master,
and to have to suit one’s self to the wish of others, and, above all, to that of
one’s mother and sovereign. —— feels it as such, and often told me so,
regretting how seldom such was the case.
The Moriers are often with us, and we value them much; they are such
pleasant companions, and such excellent, clever people.
Darmstadt, December 6th.
* * * The visit to Claremont must have been quite peculiar for you; and I
can fancy it bringing back to your mind the recollections of your childhood.
In spring it must be a lovely place, and, with gayer papers on the walls, and
a little modern comfort, the house must likewise be very pleasant. Ella, who
was breakfasting with me just now, saw me dip my Bretzel in my coffee,
and said: “Oh, Mama, you must not! Do you allow yourself to do that?”
because I don’t allow her to do it. She is too funny, and by no means quite
easy to manage—a great contrast to Victoria, who is a very tractable child.
Ella has a wonderful talent for sewing, and, when she keeps quiet a little
while, sews quite alone and without mistakes. She is making something for
you for Christmas, which she is quite excited about. Victoria’s little
afternoon lesson answers admirably, and is the happiest time of the day for
her. She can read words already.
We have snow and ice, and no sunshine since some time, and it is not
inviting to take the dull walks in the town. But I make a rule to go out twice
a day, and keep nearly the same hours as at home.
The account of your visit to Lady Palmerston and to her daughter is most
touching. It is so inexpressibly sad for grandmother and mother, for it is
unnatural for parents to survive their children, and that makes the grief a so
peculiar one, and very hard to bear.
December 9th.
* * * During the long winter days, when Louis is away sometimes four
times in the week from six in the morning till six in the evening, and then
when he returns from his shooting has his work to do, I feel lonely. I am
often for several hours consecutively quite by myself; and for my meals and
walks only a lady, as she is the only person in the house besides ourselves.
It is during these hours, when one cannot always be reading or at work, that
I should wish to have some one to go to, or to come to me to sit and speak
with; but such is not the case, and it is this I regret—accustomed as I was to
a house full of people, with brothers and sisters, and above all, the chance
of being near you. I always feel how willingly I would spend some of those
hours with or near you—and the sea ever lies between us! When Louis is at
home and free—for in the morning I don’t see him—then I have all that this
world can give me, for I am indeed never happier than at his dear side; and
time only increases our affection, and binds us closer to each other.
We have deep snow now and sledging the last two days.
December 12th.
Before going to rest, I take up my pen to write a few loving words that
they may reach you on the morning of the 14th. The sound of that date
brings with it that sad and dreary recollection which, for you, my poor dear
Mama, and for us, time cannot alter. As long as our lives last, this time of
year must fill us with sad and earnest feelings, and revive the pain of that
bitter parting.
I ought not to dwell on those hours now, for it is wrong to open those
wounds afresh, which God in His mercy finds little ways and means to heal
and soothe the pain of.
Dear darling Papa is, and ever will be immortal. The good he has done;
the great ideas he has promulgated in the world; the noble and unselfish
example he has given, will live on, as I am sure he must ever do, as one of
the best, purest, most God-like men that have come down into this world.
His example will, and does, stimulate others to higher and purer aims; and I
am convinced that darling Papa did not live in vain. His great mission was
done; and what has remained undone he has placed in your dear hands, who
will know best how to achieve his great works of love and justice. I shall
think much, very much, of you on the 14th, and you will be more in my
prayers than ever. Think also a little of your most devoted child!
Darmstadt, Christmas Day.
 We missed poor Willem so much in arranging all the things; and poor
Jäger’s illness was also sad. We gave him a tree in his room. He looks like a
shadow, and his voice is quite hoarse.
To two hospitals, the military and the town one, I took presents
yesterday, and saw many a scene of suffering and grief. My children are
going to give a certain number of poor children a Bescheerung on New
Year’s Day. It is so good to teach them early to be generous and kind to the
poor. They even wish to give some of their own things, and such as are not
broken.
Your many generous presents will find their use at once, and the
Christmas pie, etc., be shared by all the family. The remembrances of those
bright happy Christmases at Windsor are constantly before me. None will
ever be again what those were, without you, dear Papa, and dear kind
Grandmama.
Darmstadt, December 27th.
* * * I am sure you will have felt under many a circumstance in life, that
if any momentary feeling was upon you, and you were writing to some one
near and dear, it did you good to put down those feelings on paper, and that,
even in the act of doing so, when the words were barely written, the feeling
had begun to die away, and the intercourse had done you good.

1868.
Although the winter season brought many social duties with it, the
Princess’ active personal attention to all those good works and institutions
which she had called into existence never flagged. No subject of interest or
importance escaped her, and her time was always fully occupied. In April
she met the Crown Prince at Gotha, where Prince Louis also came, on his
return from Munich, to fetch her. She spent the months of June and July in
England with her three little girls, either at Osborne, Windsor, or in London.
The return journey to Darmstadt was made by water as far as Mayence. The
autumn was spent at Kranichstein, in the neighborhood of which the
manœuvres of the Hessian division took place, at some of which the
Princess was present.
On the 25th of November, to the great joy of the parents and the country,
a son and heir was born—“a splendid boy.” At his christening, on the 28th
of December, he received, at the special desire of the Grand Duke, the
names Ernst Ludwig—which had been borne by so many of the old
Landgraves of Hesse. The sponsors were the Queen of England and the
King of Prussia.
Darmstadt, January 24th.
* * * To-night I am going to act with two other persons in our dining-
room a pretty little piece called “Am Klavier,” but I fear I shall be very
nervous, and consequently act badly, which would be too tiresome.
I have never tried to act in any thing since “Rothkäppchen.”
February 14th.
What a fright the news of dear Leopold’s dangerous attack has given us!
Mr. Sahl’s letter to Becker arrived yesterday afternoon containing the bad
news, and he spoke of so little hope, that I was so upset and so dreadfully
distressed for the dear darling, for you, poor Mama, and for us all, that I am
quite unwell still to-day.
When your telegram came to-day, and Louise’s letter, I was so relieved
and only pray and hope that the improvement may continue. May God spare
that young bright and gifted life, to be a comfort and support to you for
many a year to come!
Had I only had a telegram! for, the letter being two days old, until your
telegram came I passed six such agonizing hours! Away from home, every
news of illness or sorrow there is so difficult to bear—when one can share
all the anxiety and trouble only in thought.
The day passes so slowly without news, and I am always looking toward
the door to see if a telegram is coming. Please let me hear regularly till he is
quite safe; I do love the dear boy, as I do all my brothers and sisters, so
tenderly!
How I wish you had been spared this new anxiety! Those two days must
have been dreadful!
Darling Mama, how I wish I were with you! God grant that in future you
may send us only good news.
Louis and my parents-in-law send their respectful love and the
expression of their warmest sympathy, in which the other members of the
family join.
 February 2d.
How glad and truly thankful I am, that the Almighty has saved our
darling Leopold and spared him to you and to us all! For the second or even
third time that life has been given again, when all feared that it must leave
us! A mother’s heart must feel this so much more than any other one’s, and
dear Leopold, through having caused you all his life so much anxiety, must
be inexpressibly dear to you, and such an object to watch over and take care
of. Indeed from the depth of my heart I thank God with you for having so
mercifully spared dear Leo, and watched over him when death seemed so
near!
You will feel deeply now the great joy of seeing a convalescence after
the great danger, and I know, through a thousand little things, how your
loving and considerate heart will find pleasure and consolation in cheering
your patient.
That for the future you must ever be so anxious is a dreadful trial, but it
is to be hoped that Leo will yet outgrow this strange illness. I am sure good
Archie[85] takes great care of him, and by this time he will have gathered
plenty of experience to be a good nurse.
Baby is better, but her poor head and face are perfectly covered with
spots, and she was in despair with the smarting and itching, and of course
rubbed herself quite sore. Ella has it slightly since this morning.
Darmstadt, February 13th.
* * * First let me wish you joy for the birth of this new grandson,[86]
born on your dear wedding-day. I thought of you on the morning of the
10th, and meant to telegraph, but those dreadful neuralgic pains came on
before I had time to look about me, and really laid me prostrate for the
whole day, as they lasted so very long. I have never felt so unwell, or
suffered so much in my life, and this moment, sitting up in Louis’ room, I
feel more weak than I have ever felt on first getting up after my
confinements. Quinine has kept me free from pain to-day, and I hope will
do so to-morrow. I have been in bed a week and touched absolutely nothing
all the time. Yesterday evening, as throughout the day, I had had (but much
more slightly) a return of these agonizing attacks, which seized my left eye,
ear, and the whole left side of my head and nose. I got up and sat in Louis’
room; I could only bear it for two hours, and all but fainted before I reached
my bed. If I can get strength, and have no return of pain, I hope to go out
after to-morrow. I could not see the children or any one during this week,
and always had my eyes closed, first from pain, and then from exhaustion
when the pain left me. I really thought I should go out of my mind, and you
know I can stand a tolerable amount of pain.
February 17th.
* * * I am so distressed that you remained so long without news. I was
really for a whole week quite incapable of any idea about any thing, and
had mostly my eyes shut, and was constantly alone, as I could not bear any
one in the room.
General Plonsky, the Corps Commandant from Cassel, came here
unexpectedly, and Louis, being under his command, was so taken up during
those days, besides an immense deal of military business, that I never saw
him more than a few minutes in the morning; and during his free time in the
afternoon he sat, like the best nurse in the world, near my bed in the dark
room, putting wet rags on my head and trying by every possible means to
alleviate my pains. He was touching in the great care he took of me. Louis
and Harriet did all for me, and I could bear no one else about me. You see,
poor Louis had no time to write, and he always thought that I should be
well the next day and write myself.
Darmstadt, February 24th.
To my and, I fear, dear Vicky’s great disappointment, Dr. Weber won’t
let me go to Berlin, and wants me to go to Wiesbaden for a cold-water cure
instead. The latter will be intensely dull, as I shall be there for four weeks
all alone; but I believe it will be very beneficial, as with every year I seem
to get more rheumatic, which at my age is of course not good.
We shall hope to be able to come to Windsor, middle of June, as you
desire. The exact time you will kindly let us know later.
Darmstadt, March 9th.
* * * Louis left yesterday morning for Munich. It is a twelve hours’
journey. There is a procession on foot at the funeral, going to the church
through the town, which will last about two hours, and then a very long
ceremony in the large, cold Basilica.[87]
Darmstadt, March 14th.
 I send you a few lines to-day for the 16th, the anniversary of the first
great sorrow which broke in upon your happy life. How well do I recollect
how I accompanied you and dear Papa down to Frogmore that night, our
dinner in the flower room, the dreadful watching in the corridor, and then
the so painful end! Darling Papa looked so pale, so deeply distressed, and
was so full of tender sympathy for you. He told me to go to you and
comfort you, and was so full of love and commiseration as I have never
seen any man before or after. Dear, sweet Papa! that in that same year we
should live together through such another heart-rending scene again, and he
not there to comfort or support you, poor Mama!
It sometimes, even at this distance of time, seems nearly impossible that
we should have lived through such times, and yet be alive and resigned.
God’s mercy is indeed great; for He sends a balm to soothe and heal the
bruised and faithful heart, and to teach one to accommodate one’s self to
one’s sorrow, so as to know how to bear it!
Darmstadt, April 2d.
* * * Louis is in a most unpleasant crisis with the Ministry and the
Grand Duke. I don’t know how it will end.
Darmstadt, April 5th.
Only two words to-day, as my heart is so full of love and gratitude to
you who took such care of me this day five years ago, who heard Victoria’s
first cry, and were such a comfort and help to us both. All these
recollections make Victoria doubly dear to us, and, as in this world one
never knows what will happen, I hope that you will always watch over our
dear child, and let her be as dear to you as though she had been one of us.
We have spent the day very sadly and quietly together. Louis’ affairs
have taken such a turn that he has been obliged to tender the Grand Duke
his resignation, as he does not consider it compatible with his honor to
remain, under existing circumstances. He has made a great sacrifice to his
duty and honor, but doing one’s duty brings the reward with it of a clear
conscience.
April 3d.
* * * The King of Prussia has sent General von Bonin here to speak
seriously with the Grand Duke, and prove to him through papers, etc., that
he has not kept his word, and that he has been very badly advised, and that
Louis was quite in the right. The result has been that the poor Grand Duke
is scandalized at the state of affairs, and that he really seems to have been
more in the dark than was supposed. He gives Louis the command again,
sends away the whole Kriegsministerium [War Department], to be
reorganized more simply, and with other people, according to Louis’
proposals; and so all military affairs will be in order, and Louis have much
greater power to carry out all that has to be done.
We are so pleased at all having turned out thus far well, and know that
you will share our feelings. Louis gets more work and a great responsibility;
but he has proved himself so capable in every respect, so active and hard-
working, that I think and trust he will overcome all difficulties.
I go alone to Gotha, and Louis will follow as soon as he can, so as to
spend my birthday there.
I am so distressed at dear, good Sir James [Clark’s] illness. I hope and
trust that this precious old friend will still be spared for a few years at least.
Gotha, April 25th.
* * * It is now eleven years since I spent my birthday with dear Vicky,
and she has been so dear and kind, and dear Aunt and Uncle likewise. We
spend the day quite quietly together, and the bad weather prevents any
expeditions.
After to-morrow we go home.
Darmstadt, May 4th.
Accept my best thanks for your last letter written on dear Arthur’s
birthday. The playing of the band I am sure gave him pleasure; but it would
be too painful for all ever to have it again on the terrace as formerly. There
are certain tunes which that Marine Band used to play, which, when I have
chanced to hear them elsewhere, have quite upset me, so powerful does the
recollection of those so very happy birthdays at Osborne remain upon me!
Those happy, happy days touch me even to tears when I think of them.
What a joyous childhood we had, and how greatly it was enhanced by dear,
sweet Papa, and by all your great kindness to us!
I try to copy as much as lies in my power all these things for our
children, that they may have an idea, when I speak to them of it, of what a
happy home ours was.
 I do feel so much for dear Beatrice and the other younger ones, who had
so much less of it than we had!
Darmstadt, May 11th.
For your sake I am sorry that my condition should cause you anxiety, for
you have enough of that, God knows. But I am so well this time that I hope
and trust all may go well, though one is never sure. It is this conviction
which I always have, and which makes me serious and thoughtful, as who
can know whether with the termination of this time my life may not also
terminate?
This is also one of the reasons why I long so very much to see you, my
own precious Mama, this summer, for I cling to you with a love and
gratitude, the depth of which I know I can never find words or means to
express. After a year’s absence I wish so intensely to behold your dear,
sweet, loving face again, and to press my lips on your dear hands. The older
I grow the more I value and appreciate that mother’s love which is unique
in the world; and having, since darling Papa’s death, only you, the love to
my parents and to adored Papa’s memory is all centred in you.
Louis has leave from the 11th of June to the 11th of August.
Uncle Ernest is coming here to-day for the day, from Frankfort, where he
has been to a cattle-show. Uncle Adalbert is here, so much pleased with
having seen you again, singing the praise of both Lenchen and Louise,
which of course I joined in, as it is such a pleasure to hear others admire
and appreciate my dear sisters.
Darmstadt, May 14th.
I know you will be grieved to hear that we all have had the grief of
losing good, excellent Jäger.[88] He was, on the whole, better and was out
daily, and he went to bed as usual, when in the middle of the night he called
one of the men, and before they could come to his assistance he expired,
having broken a blood-vessel. Poor Katrinchen’s despair and grief were
quite heart-rending, when we went together to see our true and valued
servant for the last time. I was so upset by the whole, that it was some days
before I got over it. We made wreaths to put on his coffin, which was
covered with flowers sent from all sides, and we both were at the door with
our servants when he was carried out, and tried to console the poor,
unfortunate Braut [bride], who remained at home.
 He was the best servant one could find; never, since he has been in our
service, had he been found fault with by any one. He was good, pious, and
gentle, and very intelligent. The death of a good man, who has fulfilled his
allotted duty in this world as a good Christian ought, touches one deeply,
and we have really mourned for him as for a friend, for he was one in the
true sense of the word. Jäger rests alongside my poor Willem, in the pretty
little cemetery here; a bit of my heart went with them.
Fritz, on his way back from Italy, spent a few hours with us, and told us
much of his journey. He heard the strangest rumors of France intending to
break out in sudden hostilities with Germany, and asked me what you
thought of a probability of a war for this summer. I hope to God, that
nothing horrid of that sort will happen! Do you think it likely, dear Mama?
Darmstadt, May 19th.
My own darling and most precious Mama, the warmest and tenderest
wishes that grateful children can form for a beloved parent we both form for
you, and these lines but weakly express all I would like to say. May God
bless and watch over a life so precious and so dear to many! It is now six
years since I spent that dear day near you, but I hope that some time or
other we shall be allowed to do so. Our joint present is a medal for you with
our heads. We had it made large in oxidized silver on purpose for you. I
myself have braided and embroidered, with Christa’s help (who begged to
be allowed to do something for you), a trimming for a dress, which I hope
you will like and wear. It took a deal of my time, and my thoughts were so
much with you while I was doing it, that I quite regretted its completion.
We are having a bracelet with our miniatures and the three children’s in
it made for you, but unfortunately it is not finished, so we shall bring it and
give it to you ourselves.
Darmstadt, May 29th.
* * * The intense heat remains the same, and becomes daily less
endurable here in town—the result on my unfortunate person being a very
painful rash which itches beyond all description. I hope it won’t increase.
How I envy you at Balmoral! the very thought of that air makes me
better.
Osborne, August 6th.
 I was just sitting down to write to you when Ernest came in with your
dear letter. Thousand thanks for it! These parting lines will be such a clear
companion to me on our journey. I can’t tell you how much I felt taking
leave of you this time, dear Mama; it always is such a wrench to tear myself
away from you and my home again. Where I have so, oh, so much to be
thankful and grateful to you for, I always fear that I can never express my
thanks as warmly as I feel them, which I do indeed from the bottom of my
heart. God bless you, darling Mama, for all your love and kindness; and
from the depth of my heart do I pray that nothing may cause you such
anxiety and sorrow again as you have had to bear of late. * * *
When I left you at the pier the return to the empty house was so sad! It
felt quite strange, and by no means pleasant, to be here without you and all
the others. We lunched alone with Victoria, and dined in the hot dining-
room with the ladies and gentlemen, sitting on the terrace afterward.
It has rained all the morning, and is most oppressive. As it is so foggy,
we have to leave at two; but there is no wind, and I hope the sea will be
quite smooth. I am sure you must feel lonely and depressed on this journey,
poor Mama; but the change of scene and beautiful nature enjoyed in rest
and quiet must surely do you good.
Kranichstein, August 10th.
* * * We left Osborne at two on Thursday in rain and wind. The children
and I were dreadfully sick an hour after starting, but the passage got
smoother later; and, though I was very wretched in every way, I was not
sick again. The same sort of weather on the Alberta next morning, but it
cleared up later. The Rhine steamer was very comfortable, and Doctor
Minter accompanied us to Dordrecht. The last afternoon and night on board
I suffered dreadfully. Since I arrived here, I am better, but not right yet. Had
it not been for your great kindness in giving us the ship, I am sure I should
not have got home right. This awful heat adds to my feelings of fatigue and
discomfort.
Kranichstein, August 11th.
I have just received your letter, from Lucerne, and hasten to thank you
for it.
How glad I am that you admire the beautiful scenery, and that I know it,
and can share your admiration and enjoyment of it in thought with you! It is
most lovely. The splendid forms, and the color of the lake, are two things
that we don’t know in dear Scotland, and which are so peculiar to Swiss
scenery.
Louis is in town from eight till our two o’clock dinner, and has a great
deal to do.
For your sake as for my own I long for a respite from this unbearable
heat, which is so weakening and trying.
Kranichstein, August 16th.
* * * How satisfactory the accounts of dear good Arthur are! From the
depth of my heart do I congratulate you on all that Colonel Elphinstone says
about his character, for with a real moral foundation, and a strict sense of
duty and of what is right and wrong, he will have a power to combat the
temptations of the world and those within himself. I am sure that he will
grow up to be a pride and pleasure to you, and an honor to his country.
Brown must have been glad to be allowed to continue wearing his kilt,
and, as it is a national dress, it is far more natural that he should give it up
nowhere. I am sure that he and Annie[89] must admire the place.
Kranichstein, August 26th.
I have just received your dear letter, and am so pleased to hear that you
enjoyed your excursion, and that you have now seen the sort of wild
scenery high up in the mountains, which I think so beautiful and grand in
Switzerland. For all admirers of that style of scenery there is nothing to be
compared to Switzerland.
Since it became cool again I have had neuralgia in my head, and I have
had a dreadful sty, which had to be cut open, and made me quite faint and
sick for the whole day. In spite of it I went to the station here, with a thick
veil on, to see the Russian relations pass two days ago. The Emperor looks
even more altered and worn since last year, and is suddenly grown so old.
Kranichstein, September 4th.
* * * How too delightful your expeditions must have been! I do rejoice
that, through the change of weather, you should have been able to see and
enjoy all that glorious scenery. Without your good ponies and Brown, etc.,
you would have felt how difficult such ascents are for common mortals,
particularly when the horses slip, and finally sit down. I am sure all this will
have done you good; seeing such totally new beautiful scenery does refresh
so immensely, and the air and exertion—both of which you seem to bear so
well now—will do your health good.
Yesterday we both were two hours at Jugenheim. To-day the two little
cousins are coming to see my children.
Louis’ business is increasing daily, and until the 19th, manœuvres,
inspections, etc., won’t be over. He will even have to be away on his
birthday, which is a great bore. There is a great review for the Emperor on
Saturday.
September 15th.
* * * Like a foolish frightened creature as I am, I have worried myself so
much about this sudden talk of war and threatening in all the French papers,
saying that October, November, or thereabouts would be a good time to
begin. Do tell me, if you think there is the least reasonable apprehension for
any thing of that sort this year. I have such confidence in your opinion, and
you can imagine how in my present condition I must tremble before a
recurrence of all I went through in 1866!
I am so grieved that you should be so unwell on the journey home. Dear
beautiful Scotland will do you good. I envy your going there, and wish I
could be with you, for I am so fond of it. Remember me to all the good
people.
Darmstadt, October 28th.
* * * The Queen of Prussia is coming to lunch with us on Saturday on
her way to Coblenz.
I have a cold these last days, and Victoria is still confined to the house
with her swelled neck. She had quite lost her appetite, and I tried some
porridge for her, which she enjoys, and I hope it will fatten her up a little,
for she is so thin and pale. Would you please order a small barrel of oatmeal
to be sent to me? Dr. Weber thinks it would be very good for Victoria, and
one cannot get it here.
Darmstadt, November 20th.
It is with the greatest interest that I read about the Mausoleum,[90] as I
was very anxious to know whether all would be finished. Having been
present before at all the important steps in the progress of this undertaking,
I feel very sorry to be absent at the last, and I shall be very impatient to see
it all again.
Winter has quite set in now here, and when there is no wind the cold is
very pleasant.
Darmstadt, December 4th.
Thousand thanks for all your dear kind wishes, for your first letter to me,
for the one to Louis, and finally for the eatables! I can’t tell you how
touched, how pleased we both are at the kind interest all at home have
shown us on this occasion. It has really enhanced our pleasure at the birth of
our little son, to receive so many marks of sympathy and attachment from
those in my dear native home, and in my present one. My heart is indeed
overflowing with gratitude for all God’s blessings.
The time itself was very severe, but my recovery is up to now the best I
have ever made, and I feel comparatively strong and well.
The girls are delighted with their brother, though Victoria was sorry it
was not a sister. Darling Louis was too overcome and taken up with me at
first to be half pleased enough. Baby is to be called by Louis’ Uncle Louis’
wish, Ernst Ludwig, after a former Landgrave;[91] then we would like you
to give the name Albert; Charles, after my father-in-law; and William, after
the King of Prussia, whom we mean to ask to be godfather. The christening
is most likely to be on the 28th, or thereabout.
I am on my sofa in my sitting-room with all your dear photos, etc.,
around me, and your pretty quilt over me.
December 12th.
* * * Every new event in my life renews the grief for dear Papa’s loss,
and the deep regret that he was not here to know of all, to ask advice from,
to share joy and grief with, for he was such a tender father, and would have
been such a loving grandfather.
You, darling Mama, fill his place with your own, and may God’s support
never leave you, and ever enable you to continue fulfilling the many duties
toward State and family! The love of your children and people encircles
you.
Darmstadt, December 18th.
 * * * The presents you intend giving baby will delight us, and in later
years I can tell him all about his Grandpapa, and how I wish and pray he
may turn out in any way like him, and try and aim to become so.
I think it would be best, perhaps, if you asked my mother-in-law to
represent you and hold baby. I think it would pain her, should any one else
do it, and I will ask her in your name, if you will kindly telegraph me your
approval.
I am sorry Arthur cannot come, it would have given us such pleasure had
it been possible.
The greater part of baby’s monthly gowns have been put away, as from
the beginning they were too small. He is so very big.
Christmas Day.
* * * Louis thanks you thousand times, as we do, for the charming
presents for the children. They showed them to every one, shouting: “This
is from my dear English Grandmama”; and Ella, who is always sentimental,
added: “She is so very good, my Grandmama.” Irene could not be parted
from the doll you gave her, nor Victoria from hers. Baby was brought down,
and was wide awake the whole time, looking about with his little bright
eyes like a much older child.
We spent a very happy Christmas eve, surrounded by the dear children
and our kind relations.
Darmstadt, December 29th.
* * * Prince Hohenzollern with three gentlemen were sent by the King,
and the former dined with us after the ceremony. All went off so well, and
baby, who is in every way like a child of two months, looked about him
quite wisely, and was much admired by all who saw him.
I am so sorry that you have never seen my babies since Victoria, for I
know you would admire them, they look so mottled and healthy. Weather
permitting, baby is to be photographed to-morrow.

1869.
The winter passed quickly and quietly amidst many occupations.
In May the Prince and Princess, with their children, went on a visit to the
Crown Prince and Princess of Prussia at Potsdam, where they spent four
happy weeks. Whilst they were there, the Viceroy of Egypt paid a visit to
Berlin. Later in the summer they went to Silesia, and spent some time at
Fischbach, a property belonging to Princess Charles of Hesse, whose sister,
the Queen of Bavaria, and brother, Prince Adalbert of Prussia, joined them
there. During their stay, the Prince and Princess made excursions into the
neighboring mountains, and ascended the Schneekoppe; and the Prince and
his brothers visited the battlefield of Königsgrätz. On the way back to
Darmstadt they visited Dresden, to see the King and Queen of Saxony at
their country seat, Pillnitz, an hour’s drive from Dresden.
In August, the King of Prussia for the first time personally inspected the
Hessian troops. The Prince commanded the troops at the manœuvres in
Upper Hesse, at the conclusion of which they paraded before the King of
Prussia at Bergen.
Some weeks later, the Prince and Princess of Wales and their family paid
Prince and Princess Louis a visit at Kranichstein. The opening of the Idiot
Asylum built by the Princess took place on the 15th of October in her
presence and that of the Prince. It had been arranged that Prince Louis
should accompany the Crown Prince of Prussia on his journey to the East,
on the occasion of the opening of the Suez Canal. He started on the 9th of
October for Venice. The two Princes visited Corfu, Athens, and
Constantinople, and were received with every possible honor in the capitals
of Greece and Turkey. They went on to Jaffa, and thence to Jerusalem,
Hebron, Damascus, and Baalbec, and finally, on the 15th of November, they
arrived at Port Said, where they met a large number of other Princes. A
journey up the Nile as far as the first and second cataracts brought their
travels to an end. They returned home by way of Naples, and through Italy.
During the absence of the two Princes, the Crown Princess of Prussia
and Princess Alice, with her little son, went to Cannes. Whilst there, the
Princess devoted herself entirely to the care of her child. Being together
with her sister, and in that sunny country, made up somewhat for the long
separation from her husband. The Princes joined the two Princesses at
Cannes shortly before Christmas. The new year saw them all at home again.
Darmstadt, January 8th.
* * * Dear charming Lady Frances [Baillie] is on a visit with us, and I
enjoy having her so much. We talk of old times at Frogmore, and so many
pleasant recollections.
 I am glad that you like baby’s photograph, though it does not do him
justice. He is a pretty baby on the whole, and has a beautiful skin, very large
eyes, and pretty mouth and chin; but his nose is not very pretty, as it is so
short at present. He is a dear good child, and, though immensely lively, does
not give much trouble. He is a great source of happiness to us, and I trust
will continue so.
Darmstadt, January 13th.
* * * Is not the death of Leopold’s son shocking?[92] Such suffering,
such a struggle for months between life and death; and for the poor parents
to have in the end to relinquish their child, their only son! I think it heart-
rending. May the Almighty continue to support them even now, as he did
these many months! I cannot say how much and truly I feel for them both.
This world is full of trials, and some seem to be called upon to suffer and
give up so much. Faith and resignation alone can save those hearts from
breaking, when the burden must be so heavy.
A few days ago at two o’clock we had another shock [of earthquake],
and it seemed as if the house rocked; at the same time the unearthly noise. I
think it uncommonly unpleasant, particularly this repetition.
January 30th.
Our thoughts and prayers are so much with you and dear Leopold on this
day [his Confirmation]. May the Almighty bless and protect that precious
boy, and give him health and strength to continue a life so well begun and
so full of promise!
It seems to me quite incredible, the eighth of us should already be old
enough to take this step in life, and to have his childhood in fact behind
him. Dear Papa’s blessing surely rests on him, and his spirit is near you as
you stand there alone by the side of his child, about whom he always was so
anxious.
February 5th.
* * * Beloved Papa’s cast arrived a few days ago, and stands in my
bedroom. I think it very beautiful, and thank you so warmly for having sent
it me.
Poor Orchard, whose leg is very painful and swelled, is to go to bed for a
week for entire rest of the limb. You can imagine how inconvenient this is,
as we have only Emma and Kathrinchen for the others and baby. You will
be amused when I tell you that old Amelung is coming to sleep with baby,
and take charge of him; but she is too old and out of practice to be able to
wash and dress him morning and evening besides, so I do that, and it is of
course a great assistance to all, my being able to do it, and I don’t mind the
trouble. Of a morning, as Louis is usually out riding or at his office, I take
Victoria and Ella out, who are very good little girls and very amusing.
Darmstadt, March 8th.
* * * We shall go to Potsdam the first week in May, and from there go
for a week or ten days to Fischbach. My mother-in-law, Tante Mariechen,
and Uncle Adalbert, are all going to spend my mother-in-law’s birthday
there.
The Moriers are going to England in the first days of April, and I hope
that you will see them. We see a good deal of them, and like them both
much. He is wonderfully clever and learned, and takes interest in every
thing; and she is very agreeable, and a most satisfied, amiable disposition—
always contented and amused.
March 19th
I thought of you so much on the 16th. From that day dated the
commencement of so much grief and sorrow; yet in those days you had one,
darling Mama, whose first thought and deepest was to comfort and help
you, and I saw and understood only then how he watched over you, and
how and everywhere he sought to ward off all that was painful and strange
from you, and took all that pain alone for himself for your sake! I see his
dear face—so pale, and so full of tears, when he led me to you early that
morning after all was over and said, “Comfort Mama,” as if those words
were a Vorbedeutung [presage] of what was to come. In those days I think
he knew how deep my love was for you, and that as long as I was left in my
home, my first and only thought should be you and you alone! This I held
as my holiest and dearest duty, until I had to leave you, my beloved Mother,
to form a home and family for myself, and new ties which were to take up
much of my heart and strength.
But that bond of love, though I can no more be near you, is as strong as
ever.
Darmstadt, March 23d.
 * * * Yesterday it was very warm, and to-day it snows; the weather
continues so changeable and many people are ill. Ella has again had one of
her bad attacks in her throat, but, thank God, it passed away very soon. Two
nights ago she could not speak—barely breathe—and was so
uncomfortable, poor child. It makes one so anxious each time; but I hope
she will outgrow it, when she is six or seven years old.
Victoria is already now composing a letter for your birthday. I won’t
have her helped, because I should like you to see her own ideas and style—
it is much more amusing.
March 26th.
* * * We had such an unexpected pleasure the other day in the visit of
good General Seymour, and I was so pleased to see some one who had seen
you lately, and who could give me news of my home. He had not been here
since he came with us after our marriage, and was of course interested in
seeing every thing.
April 2d.
* * * The constant anxiety about the children is dreadful; and it is not
physical ill one dreads for them, it is moral: the responsibility for these little
lent souls is great, and, indeed, none can take it lightly who feel how great
and important a parent’s duty is.
Darmstadt, April 5th.
* * * Thousand thanks for your dear letter, and for all the tender wishes
for our dear child’s birthday! The child born under your roof and your care
is of course your particular one, and later, if you wish to keep her at any
time when we have been paying you a visit, we shall gladly leave her.
Victoria is so delighted with what you sent her, and sends her very
warmest thanks and her tenderest love. She is in great beauty just at present,
as she is grown stouter; and I look with pleasure on those two girls when
they go out together. They possess, indeed, all we could wish, and are full
of promise. May the Almighty protect them and give them a long life, to be
of use and a joy to their fellow-creatures!
April 16th.
* * * Rain and wind have at length cooled the air, for this heat without
any shade was too unpleasant. Louis left at five this morning to inspect the
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