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 Another Random Document on
Scribd Without Any Related Topics
This was so honest and well-meant,
The father well-nigh did relent;
He said, “I never saw before
So persevering an orator!”

The lover spoke, perhaps with grace,

For two hours in that empty place!
The servants at the Hall let out
The fact, and it got noised about

At concerts, balls, and conversations,

That Cicero spoke these orations
In that huge Hall, week after week,
With no one there to hear him speak.

What was the consequence? A run,

A rush, to see and hear it done;
“We really must hear Cicero Brick!”
All London cried. The crowd was thick.

They mobbed the men who took the pay;

Hundreds that night were turned away;
And Cicero Brick spoke this oration
To an enormous congregation!

The father of the girl he wooed

Now kept his promise, as he should;
The wedding feast of Cicero Brick
Came off at once near Hampton Wick;
And all the guests gave three cheers for
The persevering Orator.
THE OBSTINATE COW
T HIS, if you please, is the Obstinate Cow,—
It all befell I will tell you how;
And that, if you please, is the Resolute Boy,—
He tugs at her tail, and he shouts, “Ahoy!”

It stands to reason, if you but think,

That the milk of an Obstinate Cow to drink
Must make a fellow grow obstinate—
There they are by the Manor-house gate.

He breakfasted, year after year,

On the milk of the cow that you see here;
Her name is Dapple, his name is Jim;
He pulls the cow, and the cow pulls him.

On the gate of the Manor-house may be read

That trespassers will be prosecuted;
The boy is right, and the cow is wrong,
But the cow, as it happens, is much more strong.

It does look awkward, and, if we attend,

We soon shall see how it all will end:
The Squire had a boy who was weak of bone,
And very much wanting in will of his own.

Admiring the pluck of Resolute Jim,

The Squire comes out, and he says to him,
“How came you so plucky?” and Jim says, “How?
I lived on the milk of this Obstinate Cow!”

“Oh, oh!” said the Squire, exceedingly pleased,

“Your father shall sell me this obstinate beast,
And you shall be cowherd.” So said, so done,—
The boy and his father enjoyed the fun.

The Squire’s little boy, who was weak of bone,

And very much wanting in will of his own,
Was fed on the milk of the Obstinate Cow
Was fed on the milk of the Obstinate Cow,
And, oh, what a change! You should see him now!

His mind is not worth a threepenny-bit,

’Tis dull as a ditch and as void of wit,
Yet he makes it up, and from day to day,
“Do change your mind!” the people say;
But his will is so strong that the people find
They cannot induce him to change his mind!
 LAVENDER LADY
I

L IGHT Lady Lavender

Went to wed a Scavenger,
All the boys and girls in town
Laughed at Lady Lavender.

Light Lady Lavender

Hadn’t any provender,
All the boys and girls in town
Cried for Lady Lavender.
 II

Lavender Lady got rich again,

And lived in a palace in Lavender Lane;
Flowers and provender!
Sweet Lady Lavender
Lived in a palace in Lavender Lane!

Lavender Lady is kind and gay,

Lavender House is not a long way;
Puddings and pies,
And turkeys’ thighs,
And peacocks’ tails, too, all over eyes!

Ask for her up, ask for her down,

If ever you go to London Town:
In all the nation
There’s no relation
So kind as she is in London town!
III
“When you saw the New Moon pass”
(Loud laughed the Scavenger),
“Did you look at her through glass,
Proud Madam Lavender?”

“Stab my heart through with your horn!”

Laughed Lady Lavender
To the New Moon all forlorn.
Light Lady Lavender.

She fell sad, and he fell sick,

Proud Lady Lavender.
O the snow fell fast and thick,
Poor Lady Lavender!

“Take the broom and sweep the street,

Proud Lady Lavender;”
O but she had dainty feet,
Soft Lady Lavender.

“Sweep you must and sweep you shall,

Soft Lady Lavender,
Up the Mall and down the Mall,
Proud Lady Lavender.

“Have you done your sweeping yet,

Proud Madam Scavenger?
Are your slippers cold and wet?”
Poor Lady Lavender!

“Wet is wet, and cold is cold,”

Wept Lady Lavender,
But the broom had turned to gold—
Loud laughed the Scavenger.

“Take your sampler, Madam Witch,

Laid up in lavender;
Do you see a golden stitch
Do you see a golden stitch,
And a silver P in provender?”

Silver and gold for a golden broom,

Rich Lady Lavender;
Then she danced all round the room,
Light Lady Lavender.

Take the New Moon for a cup,

Witch-lady Lavender;
Ladle the gold and silver up,
Proud Lady Lavender.

“Here’s an angel-piece for you,”

Laughed Lady Lavender;
“Here’s a golden guinea too,”
Kind Lady Lavender!

Now we are all safe and sound

(China plates and provender),
Now we’re on Tom Tiddler’s Ground,—
Laugh, Lady Lavender!
ODD RHYMES
I
R OOK, rook,
Read in a
book!
Mouse, mouse,
Build a house!
Bee, bee,
Get your tea!
Pig, pig,
Dance a jig!
Goose, goose,
Put on shoes!
Snail, snail,
Fill the pail!
Rabbit, rabbit,
Mind you stab it!
Cricket, cricket,
Mind you kick it!

II
My maid Molly,
She pricked her thumb,
But only with holly,
And the blood wouldn’t come.

III

Martin, Martin
Went a carting;
And why did he travel?
To bring home some gravel.

IV
Hey-down, high-down, furze and thistle,
Rain and wind, and a dog and whistle;
The wind blows, the rain drops,
The seeds are gone from the thistle-tops:
Whistle! find me a flower in the clover,
And you shall have turkey for supper, Rover!
 TOPSYTURVEY-WORLD

I F the butterfly courted the bee,

And the owl the porcupine;
If churches were built in the sea,
And three times one was nine;
If the pony rode his master,
If the buttercups ate the cows,
If the cat had the dire disaster
To be worried, sir, by the mouse;
If mamma, sir, sold the baby
To a gipsy for half-a-crown;
If a gentleman, sir, was a lady,—
The world would be Upside-Down!
If any or all of these wonders
Should ever come about,
I should not consider them blunders,
For I should be Inside-Out!

Chorus: Ba-ba, black wool,

Have you any sheep?
Yes, sir, a pack-full,
Creep, mouse, creep!

Four-and-twenty little maids

Hanging out the pie,
Out jumped the honey-pot,
Guy-Fawkes, Guy!
Cross-latch, cross-latch,
Sit and spin the fire,
When the pie was opened,
The bird was on the brier!
 MISS WAVER

L ITTLE Miss Waver

Sings with a quaver,
A musical maid is she;
Her voice is as clear
As any you hear—
Let little Miss Waver be.
 JEREMY JANGLE

J EREMY Jangle
Lives in a tangle;
You never know where to take him:
His head is immense,
And he might talk sense
Perhaps, if you could but make him.

But he says that a tailor has a tail,

And every sailor is made for sale,
Also that bunting is made of buns!
But everybody can see at once
That this is nonsense. And yet his head
Is large, and he calls himself well read!
STALKY JACK
I KNEW a boy who took long walks,
Who lived on beans, and ate the stalks;
To the Giants’ Country he lost his way;
They kept him there for a year and a day.
But he has not been the same boy since;
An alteration he did evince;
For you may suppose that he underwent
A change in his notions of extent!

He looks with contempt on a nice high door,

And tries to walk in at the second floor!
He stares with surprise at a basin of soup,
He fancies a bowl as large as a hoop;
He calls the people minikin mites;
He calls a sirloin a couple of bites!
Things having come to these pretty passes,
They bought him some magnifying glasses.

He put on the goggles, and said, “My eyes!

The world has come to its proper size!”
But all the boys cry, “Stalky John!
There you go with your goggles on!”
What girl would marry him—and quite right—
To be taken for three times her proper height?
So this comes of taking extravagant walks,
And living on beans, and eating the stalks.
THE FIDDLER AND THE CROCODILE
O NE day a fiddler from the North,
Out Memphis way, went walking forth;
He smoked his pipe and winked his lids,
And said, “Ah, ah! the Pyramids?”

In this that fiddler took good heed;

The Pyramids were there indeed;
Sing Amon-Râ, sing Gizeh town,
Cheops, Cephrenes, mummy brown!

Thus said he on the banks of Nile,

When out there crawled a crocodile,
And when he turned, more scared than hurt,
The creature seized him by the skirt.

The crocodile was fierce and strong,

And twenty mortal feet was long.
The fiddler said, “It has been guessed
That music soothes the savage breast.”

He drew his skirt—there being a pause—

From out the alligator’s jaws;
For, crocodile or alligator,
The beast was something of that nature.

Sing bulrushes, sing cats and leeks,

Sing tawny gods with senseless beaks,
Sing scarabæi, if you’ve patience,
Isis, Osiris, inundations!

The fiddler raised his violin,

And to perform did next begin—
Sing lotus-flower, papyrus stiff,
Sarcophagus and hieroglyph!

The district, since Amenophis,

Had never heard the like of this;
(Oh to have seen the fiddler man
(Oh, to have seen the fiddler man
As up and down the scale he ran!)

That crocodile sat down to hear,

And to his eye there came a tear;
He turned it over in his mind;
His tail lay limp and long behind.

Affettuoso was the plan

Which struck at first that fiddler man;
Allegro next—his soul was stirr’d—
Con molto brio was the word.

At this the alligator brute—

Or crocodile, if that will suit—
Rose, much excited, from his seat,
And danced like mad, with heart and heat.

Sing Pompey, plectrum, strings and pegs,

Ichneumons, sand, and serpents’ eggs,
Cheops, Cephrenes, Memnon, Sphinx—
“I knew it!”—so that fiddler thinks.

“I knew,” said he, with joy and jest,

“That music soothes the savage breast;”
He swept the strings with maddening go,
From presto to prestissimo.

But though the brute had dropped his plan

Of eating up at once the man,
It did not seem, his ways were such,
That music yet had soothed him much.

In fact he leapt and danced like mad;

He danced with all the legs he had;
Our friend, with violin to shoulder,
Sat, proudly playing, on a boulder.

He played until his arm grew weak,

A dh d h d hi h k
And heat-drops gathered on his cheek;
He saw there would be mischief in it
If he but dropped his bow a minute!

For in that alligator’s look

He read, as plain as in a book,
“Play on, or I will eat you yet,
With appetite the sharper set!”

Just as he thought he soon must faint

(And his emotions who can paint?)
He felt, and saw on looking round,
A curious trembling of the ground.

Thinks he, “This dancing crocodile

Is shaking up the land of Nile”—
He looked again, and saw, in places,
The pyramids leap from their bases!

As six or seven together rushed,

He cried, “Confound it! I am crushed!”
But, happy chance! a moment later
They fell and crushed the alligator.

Sing Cleopatra’s almond eye,

Sing reeds and hippopotami,
Sing tamarisk-trees by Mœris Lake,
And mud left in the sun to bake!

Then, as the fiddler wiped his brow,

Says he, “I feel exhausted now!”
Those ruins he no more regards
Than any fallen house of cards.

Out on the sands he chanced to find

A bit of temple to his mind,
And, as he sat down in the shade,
There came an Ethiop to his aid.
“De Hyksos,” said that nigger lad,
“Dis way some secret cellarage had;
Yah, massa, yah, de best ob wine;
De Shepherd Kings, dey know’d de Rhine.”

He quaffed those hocks, that fiddler bold,

Hocks five and thirty centuries old;
The cellar-man was older still—
Sing Typhon, Ptah, or what you will.

Sing Ra, sing Sos, sing Seb, sing Khem,

Sing Mycerinus, after them;
Sing Diodorus Siculus,
Who tells untruths, for all his fuss;
Sing Manetho; but keep this clue—
The tale which I have told is true.
 V ERSIFICATION,
Likewise
illustration;
Flowers of my growing
From seed to blowing;
Flowers of my finding,
Gathering, and binding;
Home-flower and heather
Mingled together;—
Take these confusions,
Ye dear Lilliputians.

Printed by Ballantyne, Hanson & Co.

London & Edinburgh
 Typographical errors corrected by the etext transcriber:
Pianofore Palace stand=> Pinafore Palace stand {pg 17}
Oh, the Giant Frodgedobblum am I=> Oh, the Giant Frodgedobbulum
am I {pg 139}
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