just you and me

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/44557681.

Rating: Not Rated

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: M/M
Fandom: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao |
The8, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Lee
Jihoon | Woozi
Characters: Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Yoon Jeonghan, Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Xu Ming Hao |
The8, Kim Mingyu (SEVENTEEN), Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups, Lee
Seokmin | DK, Boo Seungkwan, Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Kwon
Soonyoung | Hoshi, Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Lee Chan | Dino, Jeon Wonwoo
Additional Tags: Mpreg, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Sex, Joshua and
Jeonghan figure things out, Mentions of Sex, Forced Marriage, Top Yoon
Jeonghan, Bottom Hong Jisoo | Joshua
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2023-01-26 Completed: 2024-03-14 Words: 160,327
Chapters: 22/22
 just you and me
by rock_with_you

Summary

“Jeonghan.”

He’d been drinking, but only because he needed the courage to do what he was about to do
next.

“Have sex with me.”

Or where Joshua takes his friends’ advice, and ended up getting more than what he bargained
for.

Notes

My first attempt at a chaptered Jihan fic. Letting out this first chapter because I’ve had this
brainrot for a while now and I just wanna get this out there.

Loosely based on the show Fated to Love You (Thai, Taiwanese and pretty sure there’s a
Korean remake as well).

Please read the tags. Don’t proceed if uncomfortable.

Disclaimer: This is not based on true events and is purely fictional. Forgive inaccuracies,
typos, tense inconsistencies and the like.

See the end of the work for more notes

 Chapter 1

Joshua was fucked. Figuratively and literally.

Two months ago

Joshua wasn’t an overly curious person. He was studious and learned what he needed to and
what was required of him, burying himself in books and lecture notes until he understood and
memorized. That’s how he survived medical school for the most part, well into his residency
in cardiothoracic surgery. With everything he needed to learn from atrioventricular septal
defects to aortic valve stenosis, there’s no room for other curiosities and interests. He needed
to be a doctor.

So, when his dongsaeng came into the on-call room looking rather chipper despite having
just had assisted in a 5-hour surgery during a 48-hour shift just a couple of hours ago, Joshua
doesn’t ask why, forcing himself to sleep in one of the lower bunk beds. But it doesn’t stop
Jun from asking and Seokmin from oversharing.

“Back from your rendezvous with the pediatric nurse?” Jun inquired, and although Joshua
couldn’t hear it, he knew a smirk was plastered on the Chinese’s face.

“Neuro resident,” Seokmin casually corrected.

“Dr. Oh?”

“God no, never again. Plus, he moved to general medicine after that incident.”

“Really?”

“Too needy.”
“Then who?”

“Dr. Kang,” Seokmin said, earning a whistle from Jun. “Older men are so much better in
bed.”

“I didn’t know you knew so many people from Neuro.”

“They’re just as, if not more, overworked than we are. They just have so much pent-up
energy making them a good fuck.”

Joshua groaned from how crass Seokmin spoke. Turning to his side, he opened his eyes and
faced his colleagues who were comfortably sitting on another bunk bed. “Do you seriously
have to talk about your conquests here? I just want to put in some sleep before I have to make
rounds again.”

“Oh, hyung,” Jun frowned. “You look terrible.”

That earned Jun a glare. “I’m on my 38th hour this shift.”

Jun shrugged. “So is Seokmin, but he looks refreshed.”

“And very much satisfied,” the youngest of the three said smugly.

“Shouldn’t you be too tired to go at it with another possibly equally tired resident?” asked
Joshua, sitting up from his bunk bed, realizing he probably won’t be able to get anymore
sleep after this conversation.

“Tired, sure. But I’m also stressed, so I needed an outlet.”

“And that is another resident’s ass?”

Joshua instantly regrets asking after seeing Seokmin’s triumphant grin. “Let’s just say I had a
different outlet today.”

“Gross, Seok,” Joshua blanched. “I really wish you’d stop oversharing.”

“I now miss my Minghao,” Jun frowned.

Joshua raised an eyebrow, turning his attention to the older of the two. “Yours?”

“I thought you’re just fuck buddies?” Seokmin chimed in.

Joshua noticed how Jun’s expression fell for a quick millisecond. “I mean, it’s been a while
since we did it.”

“Anyway, Joshua-hyung,” Seokmin said, diverting the attention to the eldest of them.
“Maybe you just need a good fuck, you know? Look at you, the bags under your eyes are so
heavy and you’ve been so grumpy lately.”

Jun was elated at the suggestion. “Yes, Shua-hyung, that’s a great idea. You should definitely
get laid.”

Joshua scoffed at their idea, thinking just how incredulous their suggestion was. “And how is
sex supposed to help me?”

“You’re a doctor, Joshua-hyung. You know the science behind it.”

Seokmin nodded in support of Jun. It’s not like Joshua didn’t know, he did study it in medical
school after all. He knows how hormones work. He just doesn’t know how sex would benefit
him, and how such an intimate act between two people can be so casually used as a stress-
reliever.

As if reading his mind, Seokmin continued, “You’ve been working so many 48-hour shifts,
hyung, you practically live in this hospital. You’re working on a paper while assisting Dr.
Nam in his artificial valve replacement study. Just yesterday you got a scolding from Dr. Jo
because you made an error after assisting in two back-to-back surgeries, and because Dr. Jo is
the biggest dick in the cardiothoracic surgery department. People who only know you as Dr.
Hong Jisoo would probably say your hobbies are reading medical books and sleeping.”

Hearing all those from Seokmin made Joshua bite his lower lip, something he did when he
was uncomfortable in a certain situation. But that didn’t make Seokmin wrong.

“What Seokmin is saying is, you’re going to crash and burn at this rate, Shua,” Jun said
tenderly, a hint of affection for his hyung. “You’re making being a doctor your whole life and
personality just so you could please your dad.”

He flinched at the word dad, his thoughts flashing to how his dad always wore a disappointed
look when it came to Joshua, his efforts never being enough.

“Shua-hyung,” said Jun, preventing Joshua from lingering too long in thoughts about his dad.
“You have your own life. Enjoy it sometimes.”

Joshua didn’t really know how to respond, feeling like any further discussions about how he
isn’t living his own life will lead into unwanted conversations. So, he tries to get back to their
original topic.

“So, I can enjoy my life by having sex?” he swallowed, trying to sound as if they didn’t
almost tread on thin ice with Joshua.

If his friends noticed his avoidance, they generously ignored it.

Jun shrugged. “Sure, I mean, that’s one way to enjoy life.”

“One great way,” Seokmin corrected.

“Sex is that great?”

“I mean, it’s possible to have bad sex, but the simple answer to that is, yes.”

Jun laughed at Joshua’s unimpressed look at Seokmin. “Shua-hyung, in all the time I’ve
known you, I haven’t seen you once date someone. Haven’t you experienced even once
having so much attraction to a certain person that you can’t help but kiss them? Or maybe
someone you’re already attracted to be so helplessly hot that you can’t help but feel warm
yourself, wanting some sort of… relief?”

Jun and Joshua do, in fact, go way back to college, with Jun being a year younger but they
somehow ended up being in the same circle of friends. They graduated medical school at the
same time and entered the same residency program at the hospital they’re currently working
at. And, true enough, Joshua hardly, if at all, dated during college up until now. His last real
relationship having been in high school, which ended pretty badly for the most part. He did
have some experience there, at least with kissing.

But Joshua isn’t that dense. He has found several persons attractive over the years, especially
during his college years, one particularly more memorable than others. A certain blonde
business management student, hair almost touching his shoulders unless otherwise tied back.
He was athletic despite his lean build, played various sports, but his favorite was soccer, and
Joshua did find him attractive even when he was drenched in sweat, just because he was so
confidently good whenever he was on the field. His grin was so cocky, but was also
endearing as if there was always a hidden mischief behind the glint in his eyes.

Remembering that time almost 7 to 8 years ago made him blush, giving ammunition to his
friends.
“Aha!” yelled Seokmin. Thankfully no other resident was using the on-call room, otherwise
they would have been thrown out a long time ago. “You’re blushing! So there is someone.”

“Oh my god, you are!” said Jun in disbelief. “What are you hiding from me Hong Jisoo.”

Joshua flinched at the use of his Korean name since his close friends hardly ever used that.

“Nothing. It was a long time ago,” glared Joshua. “Way back in college.”

The revelation made Jun frown. “In college? You were crushing on someone and we didn’t
even know?”

“Crushing sounds very high school, hyung,” said Seokmin.

Jun just waived the younger off. “So, who was it? And what’s the story behind it?”

Joshua bit his lip, avoiding their intrigued gazes. “It’s no one. There’s no story behind it. He
was hot, that’s all there is to it.”

Jun eyed him suspiciously, clearly not buying it.

“Fine, might not even know who it is since it was way back in college,” Jun relented. “But at
least we know you’ve been attracted to other people before.”

“But is there no one you’re attracted to right now, hyung?”

Joshua shook his head.

“How about I set you up with a friend of mine?” Seokmin smiled excitedly. “I know someone
who you might just like.”

Joshua grimaced at the offer. “I don’t intend to date anyone any time soon, Seok.”

“Not date, hyung! Just… you know,” Seokmin shrugged. “Just a good time.”

“Seokmin!” Joshua yelled, flustered at Seokmin’s offer.

“Hyung, stop being so dramatic,” Jun said. “It’s just sex. Something to relieve your stress and
make you feel good.”

Make me feel good? Would it really? Sure, he knows how sexual intercourse raises
endorphins and hormones to boost one’s mood. He’s seen Seokmin comeout of an empty
storage room looking blissfully dazed and satiated. He has never been that curious about it,
since he had other priorities that occupied his mind. That is, until now.

Would it really be so bad to have sex?

“Just think about it, hyung,” said Jun. “Or, you know, maybe you can try a sport.”

Seokmin chuckled at the last bit, and the conversation pretty much ended there since Joshua
and Seokmin had to go through their rounds next.

“Oh, hyung!” Jun called before the other two reached the door. “You’re coming to
Seungcheol-hyung’s birthday weekend, right?”

Joshua nodded. Seungcheol bugged Joshua for a whole week until he agreed to go to the
party, saying how it’ll be the first time in a while that all of them will be complete in one
place.
And with that, Joshua and Seokmin went to do their rounds with the attending professor for
the next hour or so. After updating the charts, they decided it was time to get another cup of
coffee to last them the last stretch of their shift.

They were making their way back to the cardiothoracic department when Joshua heard a
voice call out to him.

“Joshua!”

He turns around to see an old lady, probably in her 70s but still has strength in her strides,
elegance in her posture, and a warm smile on her face. She was accompanied by a younger
man in a crisp black coat and matching slacks.

“Chairwoman Yoon,” he said, meeting her halfway, a curious Seokmin behind him.

“Hello, my dear,” she greeted warmly. “I’m so glad I ran into you. It’s been so long.”

Joshua couldn’t help but smile back. “I’m sorry I haven’t visited you in a while, Chairwoman
Yoon—”

“Now, now. I’ve always said that you can call me grandma,” she frowned, trying to look
upset.

Joshua chuckled. “Grandma,” he corrected, earning a satisfied smile from the older woman.
“Residency has got me living in the hospital. And we haven’t had a gathering in a while.”

Grandma Yoon sighed. “Jeonghan’s been quite busy as well after taking over as CEO of Yoon
Restaurants Group. I’m sure it’s so hard for you guys to gather now that you’re all grown
up.”
There was a hint of sadness in Grandma Yoon’s voice. She was referring to their friend group
to which him and Jeonghan belong, which composed of friends from college.

“How was your check-up, Grandma Yoon?” Joshua asked instead.

“Just a normal check-up, my dear. Now that I’m old, I need to do this more regularly even if I
don’t feel anything wrong with my body,” she said.

“You’re not old, Grandma. Look at you,” Joshua said, earning him a smile from the older
Yoon.

Realizing that Seokmin has been standing awkwardly beside Joshua, Grandma Yoon asked,
“Is he your boyfriend, perhaps?”

Following Grandma Yoon’s line of sight, Joshua saw a confused Seokmin. Immediately he
shook his head and laughed.

“No, Grandma. He’s mine and Jun’s colleague, Dr. Lee,” he introduced. “We just finished our
rounds. Dr. Lee, this is Chairwoman Yoon.”

That caught Seokmin off guard, just realizing he was in the presence of a very, very important
person. He bowed nervously. Chairwoman Yoon of the Yoon Group of Companies was also a
shareholder in their hospital. Of course, who would have thought that such an important
person would just be walking around the busy areas of the hospital?

Grandma Yoon gave Seokmin an acknowledging nod before turning back her attention to the
young doctor Hong.

“That’s great to hear, Joshua. I always did wish that my Jeonghan would end up with you,”
she said mischievously for someone quite old.
Flustered, a blush crept on Joshua’s cheek. “Grandma!” he said, making Grandma Yoon
laugh at his reaction.

“What? You’d be the perfect son-in-law,” she said simply.

Joshua can feel the questioning look Seokmin was throwing his way, and was sure that
Seokmin was going to share this bit to Jun for the heck of it.

“Jeonghan and I don’t have that kind of relationship, Grandma,” Joshua said. “And we all
know how much he loves—”

“We don’t talk about her, my dear,” Grandma Yoon cut Joshua off. “I don’t want to hear her
name ever again, if I can help it.”

Joshua bit his cheeks, apologetic. “Sorry, Grandma.”

“No, no. Don’t be. I just really hate to be reminded of her.”

Joshua nodded and tried to change the topic. The topic of her was, it seemed, still sensitive
even though it has been a few months since Jeonghan and she broke up. But given that he
hasn’t really hung out with any of his college friends in the past few months, except for Jun
who happened to be his colleague, he hasn’t really been caught up with the goings on in his
friends’ lives, more so Jeonghan’s. There’s a sense of guilt that came to him.

“Were you on your way out?” Joshua said, and Grandma Yoon nods.

“Walk me out, would you?”

Joshua happily nodded, and Seokmin excuses himself so he can go back to their department,
saying he’ll meet Joshua there instead.
When they went outside, Grandma Yoon’s car was there waiting for her, prompt and on-time
given Grandma’s VIP status. Joshua expected nothing less. What he doesn’t expect is who
comes out of the black sedan to greet her.

“Grandma,” said the young man who stepped out of the car, wearing an obviously expensive
suit, his hair as if it were back in college with its current length, only now in its natural black
color.

“Jeonghan,” smiled Grandma Yoon when he came by her side. “Thanks for picking me up.
Look who I bumped into as I was walking here!”

Joshua waited as Jeonghan shifted his gaze from his grandmother to him. Warm brown eyes
met dark chocolate orbs, and for some reason, it made Joshua’s breath hitch. Has it been that
long since he’s seen Jeonghan?

The last time he saw the heir to the Yoon conglomerate was a few months ago. He hasn’t
been appointed CEO to the Yoon subsidiary at the time, and he was in a pretty bad state
emotionally. He was inconsolable and shut almost everyone out, except for Seungcheol, his
best friend. It got so bad that he was hospitalized for alcohol poisoning (that was the last time
Joshua saw him). After that, he left the country to heal and came back after his appointment
which they came to know after it reached the news.

Now he looked so much better, having gained some weight back. And yet, Joshua noticed, he
still looked quite sad.

“Joshua,” Jeonghan said, offering a courteous smile. “It’s been a while.”

He was still as handsome as ever, Joshua thought. His face was sculpted as if he were an
angel from the sky, high cheekbones, an enviable jaw line, and a piercing gaze. He stood with
both hands tucked in the pocket of his pants, he looked like he was plucked from the front
page of Vogue. Suddenly, he was taken back to his college days.
“Haven’t you experienced even once having so much attraction to a certain person that you
can’t help but kiss them?”

Fuck. Jun’s words were ringing in his head. Damn it.

“Hey, Jeonghan,” he managed to say, trying to give a warm smile, keeping his thoughts to
himself, buried way down deep. “It’s great to see you.”

Jeonghan gave him a small smile.

“Shall we go, Jeonghan?” Grandma Yoon nudge the young man beside her. He turned to his
grandmother and nodded.

“I guess I’ll see you soon, Joshua,” Jeonghan said. He must have been referring to
Seungcheol’s birthday getaway, Joshua thought.

“Yeah,” Joshua answered in the affirmative.

For some reason that Joshua couldn’t identify, he was now somewhat looking forward to
Seungcheol’s birthday celebration.

Seungcheol’s birthday was going to be celebrated in a resort in Jeju since it was still summer
and the beach is one of Seungcheol’s favorite places to go to. Of course, it helped that his
best friend’s company owns and manages the resort they were staying at, a resort they have
gone to a couple of times over the years. The birthday celebration started on Thursday and
would last until the weekend. Seungcheol was already in the resort when Joshua arrived with
Soonyoung and Mingyu. Jun and Minghao would arrive later that day, and Jeonghan
sometime in the evening as he had an important meeting to attend.

As the early birds, Seungcheol, Joshua, Soonyoung and Mingyu took the liberty in dividing
up the villas – Seungcheol rented out two villas located in the far end of the resort, giving
them the most privacy among visitors. One villa would be occupied by Seungcheol,
Minghao, Jun and Mingyu, and the other by Joshua, Jeonghan and Soonyoung. Each had
their own room (although they all suspect Minghao and Jun to sleep in one room anyways).

“Shua-hyung," called Soonyoung.

Among all his friends in their circle, Soonyoung was probably the one he was closest to. He
may have been a year younger, but he has known Soonyoung since middle school. Joshua
was fresh from the United States where he had spent his schooling up until then, shy and
reserved for not being as fluent in Korean as the other boys. Joshua joined multiple co-
curricular clubs in order to make friends but kids can be mean, excluding the weird-sounding
new kid. But Soonyoung was kind and played with him after their arts and crafts club.
Soonyoung was the first friend Joshua made in Korea.

They were situated at the resort’s outdoor restaurant facing the beach, Soonyoung ordering
both he and Joshua gin and tonic, convincing Joshua that there is no such thing as “too early
for alcohol”. Joshua can’t remember the last time he’s been to the beach, and it was likely in
this same resort with the same set of friends. He breathes in the smell of fresh air and sea salt,
so different from the usual sterilizer and cleaning agents that he was accustomed to being at
the hospital so often. The breeze was a good mixture of warm and windy, a perfect summer
combination, in Joshua’s opinion.

Soonyoung came back from the open bar and laid down a glass of colorless liquid. “Here’s
your gin and tonic. I expect you to thoroughly enjoy this weekend, so drink up!”

“We haven’t even had dinner yet.”

“So?” Soonyoung asked as if Joshua did not make any sense with what he had just said. “We
call this happy hour, hyung.”

“We’ll get drunk faster on an empty stomach,” Joshua frowned.

“Exactly the point. Drunk equals happy.”

“We can at least wait for the others to get here,” Joshua pointed out.

“They’ll catch up. What’s the point of coming here if you’re not going to have fun?”

“Do you think I won’t?” Joshua asked, taking a sip from his cold drink.

Soonyoung shrugged as he sat. “I think you don’t allow yourself enough leeway to have fun.”

“Soonyoung.”

“Alright, hyung. Just... just try to enjoy too. You deserve it.”

Joshua bit his lower lip unconsciously, taking another sip from his glass. It brought him back
to his conversation with Jun and Seokmin a couple of weeks back, and as much as he didn’t
want to let it bother him, it started to bother him.

But he doesn’t say anything about it to Soonyoung, or to Jun when he arrives with Minghao,
or when they’re all having dinner with a feast prepared for them in Seungcheol’s villa.

When Jeonghan arrived, it was late in the night and they were headed to the poolside area of
the resort where there was a party happening. With Seungcheol’s reservation (and Jeonghan’s
presence), they were able to secure a seated area for them as they waited to celebrate
Seungcheol’s birthday at midnight.

They all sat in the couches reserved for them, an assortment of alcohol from German beer to
Japanese whiskey laid before them, the party starting to pick up as more guests arrived to
dance and drink as if they were in an exclusive club in Gangnam.

“So,” Mingyu said leaning in as if to spill a secret, his tone a bit excited, getting Soonyoung
and Jun intrigued. “I haven’t told this to anyone, you guys are the first to know. I met
someone.”
He said it with so much innocence that Joshua thought he looked like a puppy with bright
eyes and a canine grin. However, his revelation didn’t really surprise anyone. Jeonghan and
Seungcheol were busy with their phones as they drank the drinks in their hands, not even
lifting their heads.

“Aish… What’s new about that?” Jun said.

“What do you mean? What’s new is that I like someone new,” huffed Mingyu.

“You always like someone new,” Soonyoung restated. “That’s basically your thing.”

“My thing?”

“You like someone, you fall in love,” Soonyoung giving air quotes in particular words before
continuing, “you date them, you break up, you mourn your break up and then you date
someone new.”

“We don’t even bother remembering the people you date because we know it won’t last,” said
Jun.

“Sometimes we even bet on how long they’ll last,” said Minghao, leaning his head on Jun’s
shoulder, relaxed and unbothered.

Mingyu’s face dropped animatedly. “You bet on my relationships?”

Minghao shrugged. “From time to time. It was Jeonghan’s idea.”

“Jeonghan-hyung!”
Upon hearing his name, the black-haired hyung turned to look at the source, mouthing
“what?”

“Is my love life that much of a joke that you bet on it?” Mingyu said.

Jeonghan rolled his eyes. “You’re so dramatic, and it was only around 2 or 3 times.”

“Anyway, so what makes this new one special?” Soonyoung generously brought them back
on track.

Mingyu pouted but quickly his expression changed upon remembering the story he’d been
wanting to share. “So, I met him while I was in Canada for work. He’s Korean and works for
the gallery we have a collaboration with, that’s how I met him. He’s tall and handsome, and
just every bit my type.”

“So, you’re dating?” asked Jun.

Mingyu shook his head. “No, but we will.”

“Does he know that you will be dating him?” asked Soonyoung, holding back a laugh.

“Not yet, I think he’s still hung up on his ex,” Mingyu explained. “But he’ll realize that I’m
the one for him.”

“The confidence is blowing me away,” Minghao scoffed.

“But, also, he’s in Canada,” Joshua chimed in, pointing out what he thought was the most
obvious problem to this non-relationship between Mingyu and whoever it was.
“He says he’ll be reassigned to a gallery here in Korea soon,” Mingyu said giddily, a strange
sight when one realizes that Mingyu is a big man, tall and muscly in all the right places. “I’m
just waiting for his transfer so I can make a move.”

“Let us know when that happens so we can place our bets,” said Soonyoung.

Mingyu glared at him. “Guys, I’m serious about this one!”

Minghao waved him off. “You say that about every other relationship you’ve had.”

“No, this is different, guys,” Mingyu said, his tone stern in his attempt to convince his
friends. “I just know, this is different.”

Soonyoung raised an eyebrow, “Maybe he’s just hot and it was your dick talking.”

Joshua almost choked on the beer he was drinking and Mingyu looked offended.

“Speaking of dicks,” Jun interrupted. “Soonyoung, Jeonghan-hyung, you guys were the
closest to Shua-hyung in college, right?”

The two and Joshua turned their attention to Jun, and Joshua eyed him suspiciously.

“So, I found out that Joshua-hyung liked someone back in college,” Jun’s tone was using an
annoying tone, similar to those old ladies who would gossip to their neighbors about what
they heard the night before. Joshua’s eyes grew wide, deer-like even.

“Huh?” uttered Soonyoung.

“Jun, what the fuck—”

“No, hyung, someone you wanted to fuck—”

“I never said that!”

“Shua-hyung, you did?”

“No, Soons—”

“Yes, Soonyoungie—”

Joshua gave out an exasperated sigh.

“So, who is it?” Soonyoung inquired.

Joshua was turning red as he felt the gaze of his other friends on him. They all knew he never
dated anyone in college, even in medical school, always saying he was too busy to think
about being in a relationship. He would even reject his friends’ efforts to set him up on blind
dates. Naturally, they’d be surprised to know he was interested in someone before and he
never told them.

“Jeonghan-hyung, did you know about this guy?” Soonyoung turned to Jeonghan when
Joshua wouldn’t respond.

Joshua turned to look at Jeonghan and found the older looking straight at him, his expression
was unreadable. He felt a lump on his throat as he looked at Jeonghan until the latter shook
his head.
“Nope.”

“Are you sure, hyung? Shua-hyung said this guy was hot,” Jun added, much to Joshua’s
continued embarrassment.

“Jun, there were a lot of hot guys in college,” Minghao pointed out.

Jun shrugged. “Maybe Joshua-hyung pointed it out to one of us, I’m so intrigued.”

They bickered on some more as they waited for midnight, but Joshua could feel that every
now and then Jeonghan would glance at him, making him uneasy and nervous. Did he
perhaps know? But that’s impossible, Joshua thought, since he’s pretty sure he’s never told
anyone. He shook away his thoughts some more by drinking two more bottles of beer, and
but reminding himself that it’s been more than 6 years since he graduated college, there was
nothing to worry about.

When the clock struck 12, they all greeted Seungcheol a happy 27th birthday and letting him
know he’s now an old man (lovingly). Then they went off to enjoy the night, with
Seungcheol, Jun, Mingyu and Soonyoung joining the drunk partygoers on makeshift dance
floor.

Joshua and Minghao stayed in the couch, the America-born finishing his third bottle of beer
that night and the Chinese holding his glass of red wine. Jeonghan was on the phone, likely
dealing with work-related matters. They watched in comfortable silence as their friends
partied away—Seungcheol, in the short time since he took to the floor, was now grinding
against an equally eager woman, Mingyu was vibing to the, what Joshua could only assume,
house music being played by the DJ, Soonyoung was showing off his dance moves in the
middle of the crowd, garnering cheers from strangers, and Jun was really feeling himself, his
languid movements easily distinguishable from Soonyoung’s more powerful moves but
equally beautiful.

“God, he’s so hot,” said Minghao biting his lip, obviously resisting a moan. Joshua doesn’t
have to ask to know he was referring to Jun, but he follows Minghao’s line of sight,
nonetheless.
It surprised Joshua how Jun was already also looking at Minghao as he continued to dance,
his hands moving over his body in a sensual way.

“If you’re going to eye-fuck him, why don’t you both just go back to the villa and do it?”
Joshua asked.

Minghao then took his gaze away from the tall Chinese man to look at Joshua, “I didn’t know
you knew what eye-fucking was, hyung.”

Joshua rolled his eyes. “I may not have a lot of experience, but I do know things.”

Minghao couldn’t help but chuckle at how Joshua sounded like a kid who was told he was
too young to talk about grown-up things.

It was silent for a while as they continued to drink until Joshua finally decided to ask, “So
what are you and Jun, anyway?”

“Hmm,” Minghao hummed. “Friends.”

“Friends who fuck,” Joshua clarified.

“Pretty much.”

“For how long now?”

“Almost two years.”

Joshua was hesitant, opening his mouth but then closing it again, tongue touching the roof of
his mouth. Minghao doesn’t fail to notice this so he offered, “Go ahead, hyung. I know
there’s something you want to ask.”

“Um… well. I’ve always been curious. Why did you agree to this set up?”

Minghao looked at Joshua and tilted his head in amusement. “Hmm. Well, I don’t think I
have a digestible answer for that exactly. Maybe because it’s easier with Jun,” he started.
Minghao can already see the confused look on Joshua’s face. “Maybe the simplest way I
could put it is that it this arrangement benefits both me and Jun as emotionally-unavailable
persons. Of course, it’s a plus that Jun is hot and great in bed.”

“And he’s okay with your arrangement?”

Minghao nodded. “Yes. He even suggested it.”

“Is sex that great?”

Minghao raised an eyebrow, caught off guard at the bluntness of Joshua’s question. “Sex with
Jun or sex in general?”

“In general,” answered Joshua. Minghao squinted his eyes, as if analyzing Joshua at the
sudden interest, and the latter tried to avoid his gaze.

“I didn’t know you were that interested in sex, hyung. Are you perhaps—”

“No!” Joshua exclaimed unintentionally. Minghao couldn’t help but laugh at him. He tried to
collect him before adding, “No. I just suddenly thought about it as we were talking,
honestly.”

“Whatever you say, hyung,” Minghao said, unconvinced but lets it go. “To answer your
question, yes, sex is great. I mean, it varies from person to person, but I think it’s something
the body naturally wants or needs from time to time.”
Joshua took a moment to process this as he took another sip of his beer. “Aren’t you afraid?”

“Of what?”

“Doesn’t that affect your friendship with Jun?”

Jun and Minghao have been best friends since college. It was so easy for them, given their
shared situation of being foreigners in another country, uprooted from the place they’ve
always known as home by their parents for one reason or another, and forced into an
unknown society.

“Or I guess what I really wanted to ask is if sex is that great to risk your friendship over.”

Minghao shrugged. “I don’t have an answer to that. But Jun and I know what we’re risking
and agreed to it anyway. I think that communication is important, and that we are clear with
our intentions. Both of us are satisfying a need of the other.”

But Joshua’s not sure he understood exactly so he decided to let it go for now. Minghao, on
the other hand, doesn’t.

“What about you, hyung?”

Joshua turned to Minghao with a raised eyebrow. “What about me?”

“Aren’t you a bit curious about sex?”

Joshua felt blood rushing up to his cheeks at the question, especially since Minghao was
giving him a knowing gaze. “I’m a doctor, Hao,” Joshua said, mumbling a bit in nervousness.
“I know about sex. I don’t need to be curious.”
“Sure, in theory you know about it. But, hyung,” said Minghao, leaning in as if to whisper to
Joshua a little secret no one else is meant to hear. “You have to do it to know what it really
feels like.”

Suddenly, he felt the heat rush all the way up to his cheeks and he’s pretty sure it wasn’t
because of the alcohol.

Just then, Jeonghan came back from his phone call sitting down as he poured himself another
glass of whiskey. He looked at the two who were conversing and noticed the just how red
Joshua was.

“Joshua, are you still okay?” he asked with a hint of concern. “You’re really red right now.”

Minghao laughed, a raised eyebrow from Jeonghan. “Don’t worry, hyung. It’s not because of
the alcohol.”

Hao’s a menace.

Luckily, Jeonghan doesn’t prod any further as his attention went back to his phone.

“Come on, hyung,” Joshua felt a tug of his arm. Minghao, who had just finished a bottle of
wine, was up and pulling the young doctor to stand. “I’m now alcohol-induced enough to go
and dive into that.” Minghao had earlier refused to go with Jun and the others reasoning that
“a crowd of sweaty, sticky bodies covered in sand or worse, chloride, grinding against each
other" was too gross and he was too sober "dive into the cesspool of potential STDs."

Joshua was clearly hesitant, a party of strangers was not really his thing.

“Hyung, let’s have some fun!” Minghao tried to convince as he looked over to Jeonghan.
“Jeonghan-hyung, come with us.”
“I think I’m good here,” Jeonghan said, unimpressed at the idea.

Unfortunately for Joshua, Minghao was persistently pulling him up and successfully dragged
him to the sea of inebriated mess, his ability to find where Jun and Mingyu were was just
amazing. When the DJ played an upbeat EDM song, the crowd started jumping and throwing
punches in the air to the beat of the music, and Joshua’s friends encouraged him to go along.
He did just that, luckily with the help of the alcohol he didn’t mind so much the tight space
that he was in and the strangers that would bump against him. Mingyu gave Joshua a fresh
bottle of beer which Joshua happily drank as the music changed and they went along with the
energy of the crowd.

It felt nice, he had to admit, to feel uninhibited, without the weight of his thoughts clouding
his brain. The bass of the music bounced against his skin and rang in his ears, the strobing
lights contrasting against the night sky made him want to close his eyes. The crowd would
shout lyrics to what Joshua assumed were this summer’s latest hits but he could barely
understand them anyway.

He let himself indulge with the encouragement of his friends, and allowed himself to enjoy
for the next three or four songs. It was then that he realized that Minghao and Jun were no
longer with them and had likely slipped out of the crowd to have some privacy. Mingyu then
went to get themselves more beer since they had finished the bottles in their hands, and told
Joshua that he would return soon.

It didn’t take long for him to register that he was now alone in a sea of strangers and started
to feel his anxiety creep in. He tried to calm himself down with the thought that Mingyu will
comeback any time soon and he just had to sway to the music while he waited.

However, panic started rising when he felt an unfamiliar hand on the small of his back. He
tried to ignore it thinking that it may have been someone passing by, until the hand lingered
longer than it should, somehow making its way lower, lower, until it reached his ass. He
flinched when the hand squeezed his cheek, making him turn around to find a complete
stranger smirking at him.

“Hey there,” he said in a low, slurred tone, dazed eyes taking a visual sweep over Joshua’s
entire form. Joshua smacked away the hand that was still touching his bum. “You’re a pretty
sight.”

Joshua said nothing but gave a disgusted look at the man, opting to get away from the creep
and back to where their reserved couches were.

However, before he could take any more steps away, he felt a tight grip on his wrist pulling
him back, his body crashing against the stranger. “Where are you going? Stay, let’s dance.”

“Let go!”

Joshua tried to pull his hand away but he was also feeling dizzy from the alcohol he’s
consumed, he’s not sure if he the creep was stronger, or he was just weakened by
intoxication. The man leaned his face in closer to Joshua’s, and Joshua turned his head away
by instinct. He could feel his heart beating faster, fear building inside him, what was
happening?

“I said, let me go!”

“You smell nice. Come with me, I’ll show you a good time,” the creep breathed onto the side
of Joshua’s face, just between his ear and neck. The smell of alcohol and cigarette was
emanating from the creep and invading Joshua’s olfactory senses in the worst way possible.
His voice felt icky, making his skin crawl. Joshua wasn’t aware of how fast or how slow time
was moving, only that suddenly he can feel the creep’s lips brush against neck.

Shit. This can’t be happening.

It took less than a second, and suddenly the wet feeling on his neck was gone, the face
hovering over his shoulder disappeared, and the grip on his hand was released. All that didn’t
register until he heard a loud thud and pained grunt.

The next thing he saw was the creep, clashing against other strangers in the crowd as he fell
back from a strong force. He felt a hand grip his wrist, and he followed the hand up to see to
whom it belonged.

“Jeonghan,” Joshua was sure only air came out of his mouth.

Jeonghan kept his icy cold gaze on the man stumbled on the floor who was too inebriated to
catch his bearings but was still able to shout profanities. There’s was blood dripping from the
side of the man’s lip. Those who were dancing nearby had stopped to watch the commotion,
unsure whether to intervene, or, Joshua thinks, were not sober enough to comprehend what
was happening. The music, however, kept playing, with those who didn’t even realize what
was going on just continuing to party the night away.

“What the hell—who the fuck are you?” the creep slurred, trying to get up but stumbling.

Jeonghan tugged on Joshua’s wrist, keeping him slightly behind the older man’s slender
form, and if Joshua was thinking more clearly, he would have taken that as somewhat of a
protective stance.

“Hyung,” it was Mingyu’s voice. “What’s going on—”

“This piece of shit was harassing Shua,” Jeonghan said coldly, keeping his eyes trained on the
creep as if waiting for him to get back up so he can land another punch at him.

“You—”

“I’ll make sure security deals with you,” was all Jeonghan said before releasing his grip on
Joshua’s wrist, sliding down until he was firmly holding the younger’s hand. This caused
Joshua to look at Jeonghan whose expression was painted with anger and annoyance.

Jeonghan turned on his heels and moved away from the crowd, taking Joshua with him.
 Chapter 2
Chapter Notes

Thank you for your interest in this story! I don't think I'm particularly good at writing,
but hopefully you're enjoying the story so far.

Sorry for the slow build, it will pick up soon! Apologize in advance for any typos, or
inconsistent tenses

See the end of the chapter for more notes

It took him a while to fully process what was going on, how he was no longer in a sea of
drunk guests, how he can hear the crashing of the waves against the shore instead of some
obnoxious remix the year’s most played songs, and how his hand was being securely held by
Yoon Jeonghan. He’s pretty sure they’ve been walking along the paved path for a while now
because they’re almost at their villas, and yet still, Jeonghan hasn’t said a word to him since
he warned off the creep who made unwanted advances on Joshua.

“Jeonghan,” Joshua finally decided to break the silence, his voice breathy, timid and unsure.

The owner of the name stopped walking and turned around to face the young doctor, looking
as if the latter’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts. His eyebrows were furrowed, and the
eyes still wore the same angry expression from earlier.

“Are you… Are you mad at me?”

At those words, the look of anger changed into something more akin to confusion. “What?
Why would I be mad at you?”

Joshua bit his lower lip, unsure. “You punched a guy because of me, you look like you still
want to punch someone, and you haven’t said a word to me since we left the party. It’s my
fault, I’m sorry.”
Jeonghan’s face visibly softened, his eyebrows relaxing as a let out a sigh. “I’m not mad at
you, Shuji.”

Shuji… Joshua doesn’t remember the last time he heard that nickname from Jeonghan. It’s
been so long.

“I’m mad at the asshole who made you uncomfortable. I still want to punch his stupid face.
And I haven’t said a word because I was focused on bringing you somewhere you felt safe.”

Suddenly, the cold breeze felt warmer and the fear and anxiety that had been lingering since
he found himself alone in the crowd had dissipated. He was now becoming hyperaware of the
hand that was enclosing his own and the comfort that emanated from the contact, the brown
eyes that were still focused on him, and Jeonghan’s scent which smelled a lot like citrus and a
garden of lilies.

“Are you okay?” Jeonghan’s low tone took Joshua away from his thanks, and he felt thankful
for that. “I’m sorry, I guess I should have asked this earlier, but are you hurt anywhere? Did
he hurt you?”

“Um…” Joshua mumbled as he tried to gather his thoughts. Then he shook his head. “No,
I’m not hurt.”

“Are you sure?”

Joshua nodded shyly.

It was only at this point that Jeonghan lets go of the hand he has been holding, and Joshua
instantly felt the loss of warmth that Jeonghan’s touch brought. He was tempted to chase after
it, but he couldn’t understand why.

“And it wasn’t your fault, okay?” Jeonghan said, his face serious. When he noticed Joshua’s
confused look, he added, “What happened earlier wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything
wrong. That creep was the one who came up to you and did what he did.”

“Maybe I—”

“There’s no maybe, Shuji,” Jeonghan cut Joshua off. “He did not have right to do what he
did. He was not entitled to do anything you didn’t consent to. It’s not your fault.”

He stared at Jeonghan, looking for any signs that the older was doubting his own words or for
any lie behind his statements. But he found none.

He was met with Jeonghan’s deep brown eyes, and he realized he’d forgot just how attractive
Jeonghan was – his piercing eyes accentuated by beautifully long lashes, enviably prominent
nose, high cheekbones that reflected the light so well against pale skin, together making him
look angelic, and pink plump lips that Joshua wants to—

No.

That wasn’t right. He can’t be thinking about kissing Jeonghan. No.

His breath hitched when he felt a warm touch brush against his cheek, chilled from the cold
night air.

“Hey, are you really okay?”

Joshua blinked. He thought he must be looking quite foolish now in front of Jeonghan.

“Yeah,” he breathed.
And for the first time that night, Jeonghan gave a smile as he let his hand drop from Joshua’s
face. It’s been a while too, Joshua remembered, since he saw Jeonghan smile, it was still
beautiful, but it was not like the contagiously bright smile he used to wear when they were in
college. There was something turning at the pit of Joshua’s stomach which he is trying hard
to ignore as he remembered memories of Jeonghan in college.

“Jeonghan,” Joshua managed to say. Jeonghan looked at him, head cocked to the side,
waiting, “Thank you.”

The next day, Joshua is greeted by a tight hug from Minghao when he shows up for brunch
(technically, it was really lunch, but it was their first meal of the day, so the American in
Joshua insisted that this was brunch) in Seungcheol’s villa.

“Hyung,” cried Minghao as he buried his face on the older shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

Joshua was confused by the sudden burst of affect, so he pulled Minghao away from his hug
and asked, “What for?”

“I heard what happened from Mingyu,” Minghao explained, eliciting an ah from the doctor.
“I’m sorry for leaving you there. We shouldn’t have done that.”

“I shouldn’t have left you alone, hyung. I’m sorry,” said Mingyu, his tone was evidently
guilty.

Patting Minghao’s back as the Chinese hugged him tighter, he shook his head.

“It’s not your fault, guys. And why are you making it seem like you should have babysat
me?” Joshua pouted jokingly to lighten the mood.

“We know you’re uncomfortable being in tight crowds and surrounded by people you don’t
know, hyung. We should’ve known better,” Jun said.
Joshua gave them a genuine smile as Minghao released him from the hug. “I’m really okay,
guys. Jeonghan was there to help me.”

Minghao raised an eyebrow. “Jeonghan-hyung?”

“Oh!” Mingyu exclaimed. “I forgot to mention. Jeonghan-hyung punched that creep!”

“He what?” a voice could be heard coming down from the stairs. It was Seungcheol. Jun,
Minghao and Soonyoung were wearing the same shocked expression as the eldest.

“Yeah,” Mingyu confirmed. “You should have been there. I was coming back after getting the
beer—the line was so long, hyung, so it took me a bit long, sorry. But back to the story, so I
was coming back to where I left Joshua-hyung and I saw Jeonghan-hyung pushing past
people, so I followed him. And a few steps later, he grabbed some random guy’s harm and
pulled him, then he used his other hand to land a punch on the guy. Then I asked him what
was going on and I realized that he pulled the guy away from Joshua-hyung. It all happened
so fast.”

“Oh my god,” Minghao’s mouth was agape. “We should never have left last night. I would
have loved to see Jeonghan-hyung throw a punch. That would be so hot.”

“Hao!” Joshua chided, that was definitely not the point. Although, he inwardly admitted that
it would have been hot, had he seen what happened.

“Jeonghan-hyung only punched him once. If it were me, I would have knocked that guy’s
teeth out,” Mingyu said, his normally puppy-like face now shifting into something more
predatory.

“Mingyu,” Joshua said, frowning. Why are all his friends this violent? “Jeonghan only did
that to get the guy to let go of me. He wouldn’t just beat the daylights out of the guy.”
He caught Seungcheol’s raised eyebrow, as if the eldest of them knew something he didn’t,
making Joshua feel uneasy.

“He’d deserve it, hyung.”

“I never would have thought Jeonghan-hyung could do something like that,” Soonyoung said.

Seungcheol scoffed. “Are you kidding me? Jeonghan was so much worse in college.”

“Huh?” asked Joshua. He never heard of a story where Jeonghan was involved in a fight or a
brawl.

“He was? When?” asked Minghao.

Joshua caught Seungcheol’s eye as if asking him to elaborate but Seungcheol waved it off,
“Another time.”

“It’s a good thing that Jeonghan-hyung was there, then,” said Soonyoung, impressed at the
thought of a war-freak Yoon Jeonghan. “Wew, now I wanna see him punch a guy. No videos,
guys?”

“We weren’t there, remember?” Jun rolled his eyes.

“Soonyoung,” Joshua used his reprimanding tone.

“So, then what happened?” Minghao brought them back to the topic.

Mingyu shrugged. “Nothing, Jeonghan-hyung to Shua-hyung away from the party.”

Minghao came in for another hug, still feeling guilty about leaving his hyung. “I’m so sorry,
hyung.”

Joshua reassured Minghao that he was okay before Seungcheol called them all to eat on the
balcony where the resort staff had prepared their brunch so they didn’t have to walk all the
way to the restaurant in the resort’s main hall. Jeonghan arrived an hour later having slept in.
They then dispersed to do their preferred activities, agreeing that they’ll all spend dinners
together and drink thereafter (if they’re not already drunk and passed out from any day
drinking, a comment aimed at Soonyoung, mostly).

Jun and Minghao decided they want to try as much of the activities the resort had to offer (or
Jun did and Minghao was an unwilling victim to Jun’s childish way of making you agree with
him), starting with the ATVs. Mingyu went back to sleep, saying this is the only time he’ll
get to sleep in and he’s not going to waste such a golden opportunity.

Unsure what to do himself, Joshua decided to accompany Soonyoung to the beach as the
younger one wanted to swim and bask in the sunlight. The young doctor brought his kindle
and positioned himself in one of the deckchairs lined up a few meters from the beach, safe
from the saltwater and under an umbrella. It was as good a time as any to do some reading,
Joshua thought, opening to a bookmarked page that he last read a month ago.

Not far off from where Joshua was seated was a volleyball court, one situated on sand, and
there was Seungcheol and Jeonghan playing with strangers on a friendly match, at least for as
long as Seungcheol doesn’t bring out his competitive side and Jeonghan doesn’t cheat
(playfully). They came after Soonyoung texted Seungcheol that there were people playing
volleyball, and Seungcheol decided to ditch some morning laps in the pool to play,
convincing Jeonghan to come along.

They were playing on opposing teams, exchanging some good rallies and some that ended
after just a serve. Jeonghan and Seungcheol were fairly decent, perhaps even better that most
of those they’re currently playing with, being naturally athletic people. Jeonghan, in
particular, had always excelled in sports.

The first time Joshua saw Jeonghan play soccer was when he was forced by Seungcheol to
watch an official collegiate volleyball game where Jeonghan was playing. It was in their first
year, and it was the semifinals. The stadium was quite full, to Joshua’s surprise and silent
anxiety, half was wearing a collective red color while the other side was a sea of blue.
Jeonghan was playing, though, so Joshua focused on that.

He didn’t know much about soccer but he was fairly impressed by how Jeonghan was playing
against seniors of the opposing school, dribbling the ball with much finesse, a playful smirk
on his face as he outplayed the player marking him. He had blonde hair then, tied in a half-
pony (because the length wouldn’t allow him to grab it all in one hair tie). He didn’t realize
how long he was focused on watching Jeonghan when he suddenly scores, followed by a
deafening roar of the crowd. Soon after a loud buzz marked the end of the game, with their
university securing their ticket to the finals.

But the part that he remembers the most from that memory was when Jeonghan met his eyes
in the crowd, wearing his unfairly charming boyish grin, so arrogant, and yet so handsome.
He waved towards the direction of him and Cheol, proud of himself but they were just as
proud of him. That was the time, perhaps, that Joshua admitted to himself that he may just
have a little crush on Yoon Jeonghan.

“Jeonghan-hyung looks so hot when he’s playing,” Soonyoung voice came out of nowhere,
breaking Joshua away from his thoughts, making the latter take in the image of Jeonghan in a
white muscle tee and a snapback. He took the empty deckchair beside Joshua and the beach
towel to dry off a little. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen him play soccer.”

That was true. Jeonghan stopped playing soccer when he graduated from college, even
though he could have been drafted into a professional team. On the other hand, Seungcheol
continued to play basketball professionally, and was now one of the best point guards in the
Korean Basketball League with one MVP trophy in his resume.

There was a moment when Jeonghan turned around after a point-earning spike that their eyes
met, so briefly that after a blink of an eye Jeonghan was back to facing the other team.
Feeling a little embarrassed, like he was caught staring too long or even staring at all, Joshua
returned to reading his kindle, trying not to be too obvious about how he forgot where he
stopped reading.

“Oh, looks like they’re done playing,” said Soonyoung after a few more minutes while he
towel-dried his hair. “Wait, did you see that?”
“See what?”

“That guy and that girl,” he pointed toward the volleyball court, unhelpfully. “They’re now
trying to hit on Jeonghan-hyung and, oh, looks like they’re trying to get his number.”

This made Joshua look up again, subtly scanning over where his friends were playing
volleyball and true enough, there was a guy who was trying to talk up to Jeonghan and a girl
who was eager to go next. Seungcheol, meanwhile, was approached by a staff from the resort.
There was a weird tightness in his chest as he watched Jeonghan talking to those people he
just played volleyball with, an unwelcome feeling. He couldn’t see the older’s reaction as his
back was turned to Joshua.

“Jeonghan-hyung has always been a heartthrob, hasn’t he, Shua-hyung?”

Bothered, he doesn’t respond and instead he shifted his focus back to his reading, or tries to
since Soonyoung kept narrating the scene as if Joshua was asking for a play-by-play. He
wanted to tell the fun-loving junior to shut the hell up, but why would he do that? This
caused Joshua to unconsciously read the same line over and over again.

“Aish…” sighed Soonyoung. “Looks like Jeonghan-hyung just rejected those poor souls.”
This made Joshua’s ears perk up. “Honestly, it’s not their fault. Jeonghan-hyung is just still
hung up on her.”

Right.

“Oh, here they come.”

Joshua looked up when Seungcheol and Jeonghan arrived at their spot, each holding their
own bottle of water.
“So, the yacht is ready and we can use it now,” said Seungcheol. “Jeonghan and I are going.
Do you guys want to go? We can watch the sunset while we’re on sea.”

This idea excited Soonyoung so much he jumped off his seat. “Yes! Let’s do that, hyung!”

“That sounds like a great idea,” Joshua smiled, and on the corner of his eye he can see a small
smile grow on a certain black-haired former athlete.

“Great!” said Seungcheol. “I’ll go over to the dock and see that everything’s ready. Can
someone go and get us some jackets? I’m sure it will be windy out there and it’ll get colder
as the night comes.”

Joshua stood up to volunteer. “I can do that, I need to return this to my room as well,” he
said, pertaining to his kindle.

“I’ll go with you,” said Jeonghan. “I want to change since I just played.”

“I’ll go with Cheol-hyung, then,” said Soonyoung. “But could you also get me a change of
clothes?”

Joshua nodded, and with that they started walking back to their villas.

The silence was a bit awkward for Joshua, with all the thoughts the had been running through
his brain over the past day. It was great that Jeonghan wasn’t much of a talker, and he can
pass off his awkwardness as a deliberate choice to be silent—

“How are you?” Jeonghan asked suddenly as they walked the cobbled path.

Caught off guard, he muttered “Huh?”

Jeonghan shrugged, keeping his eyes forward. “I mean, with what happened last night.”

“Oh,” he said, not really sure what to say. “Uh, I’m okay. Really.”

He saw Jeonghan nod, and the older made no further inquiry.

They arrive at the villas and the two make their way to their rooms to each get a jacket, and
Joshua left his kindly, preferring not to bring it to open sea. Joshua also dropped by
Soonyoung’s room and got him a change of clothes and a jacket. When he went outside, he
found Jeonghan on the phone, his jacket in hand. When Jeonghan turned around to see
Joshua, Joshua signaled that he’ll go ahead and fetch Seungcheol a jacket, to which Jeonghan
nodded. It looked like another business call.

When he entered the villa with Seungcheol’s keycard, he expected the villa to be empty. But
then he heard an unfamiliar sound, making him stop in his first step into the hallway. It was
faint so he almost doubted he even heard it, until he heard another sound, this time a bit
louder, this time a grunt.

He walked further in, the living room now in sight, and he peered a little to the corner where
he knew a sofa would be. Unmistakably now, he is certain that the sounds were coming from
the living room.

“Fuck,” Joshua heard a voice that he was familiar with, only whatever the voice said came in
the form of a loud moan. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

“So tight…” it was a different voice this time.

A few more steps and he saw the back of a head with faded red hair, confirming his
suspicions that the voice belonged to Minghao.

“Ah… Jun,” it came as another drawled out moan. There were also faint sounds of skin
slapping against skin. “I’m so near.”
What the hell is going on? Don’t tell me…

Joshua finally turned the corner, which he needed to do to get to the stairs going up to
Seungcheol’s room. He was met with the clothed back of Minghao on the couch, evidently
sitting on top of another person’s lap, probably Jun’s, Joshua surmised. Except, more than
just sitting, Minghao was moaning, panting, back arched and… bouncing?

From the mop of faded red hair, his eyes trailed down finally seeing how Minghao was naked
from his waist below and how he was bouncing off a—

“What the hell?” yelled Joshua. “Oh my god!”

Joshua’s loud voice seemed to have made Minghao and Jun realize another person was in the
villa now. They turned their heads to see Joshua who was shocked, to say the least, their
expressions mirroring each other. Quickly, but not quick enough, Minghao gets off of Jun,
grabbing the nearest piece of clothing or item each to cover their exposed manhood. Their
faces were flushed, only partly due to the embarrassment of being caught, their lips swollen
and Minghao’s exposed neck was marked with red spots.

“Hyung! Oh my god—” Minghao exclaimed.

“Hyung, shit I’m—”

“Oh god,” Joshua said, mixed in with whatever the other two were trying to say. He tried to
divert his gaze elsewhere, anywhere actually, that’s not on or near Jun and Minghao. “I, uh—
I was—Seungcheol needed a jacket so—fuck—I didn’t mean to disturb, I’ll be going upstairs
quickly, sorry.”

For some reason, Joshua felt even more embarrassed for walking in on them doing it on the
couch. He could feel his cheeks heating up real fast and his heart beating loudly. He was so
flustered that he almost missed a step and stumbled on the stairs. Upon entering Seungcheol’s
room, he grabbed the nearest jacket he could find among the clothes laid out and ran down
the stairs.

By the time he got back down, Jun and Minghao were now completely dressed but also
fumbling. He tried to avoid them when he got to the living room.

“Um, yeah, sorry again,” he said, not looking directly at them. “I’ll go now, okay?”

“Hyung, wait—”

But as he turned the corner to the hallway leading to the door, he bumped into Jeonghan who
held him by the shoulders. His eyes widened at the sight of the black-haired man, and
mentally cursed himself, because of all people to bump into right then and there, after
witnessing that, it had to be Yoon Jeonghan.

“Hey, what took you so—are you okay?”

Jeonghan squinted looking at Joshua’s flushed face and shocked eyes. But now, having
Jeonghan in such close proximity to his face, after catching his two other friends having sex,
just made him even more self-conscious for reasons unknown to Joshua.

“Jeonghan… I…”

“What happened?”

“Hyung!” Jun and Minghao could be heard as they turned to follow Joshua.

“Jeonghan-hyung?” Jun gulped.

“Jun? Minghao?” Joshua saw how Jeonghan’s gaze turned from him to Jun and Minghao’s
rather reddened skins, disheveled appearance, and apologetic looks. Clearly, he had pieced
two and two together.

Comically, Joshua turned around, his face contorted in an obviously forced smile, “Don’t
mind us, just… um… get back to whatever you were doing. And… you know… probably
inside your rooms.”

Before Jun or Minghao could get a word in, Joshua took Jeonghan’s wrist and pulled
Jeonghan out of the villa. They walked away from the villa in long strides, Jeonghan
allowing himself to be dragged, until they were a safe distance away when he finally resisted,
forcing Joshua to come to a stop along with him.

Surprised at the resistance, Joshua turned around and saw Jeonghan looking at him. “What?
Why’d you stop?”

Jeonghan didn’t respond, looking awfully serious, lips pressed into a thin line. But then, out
of nowhere, the older man burst into a fit of laughter. Joshua let go of his wrist, allowing
Jeonghan to hold on to his own knees as he continued to laugh, the other man unsure what
was so funny.

“Jeonghan, why are you laughing?” Joshua raised an eyebrow, a hint of annoyance in his
voice. “What’s so funny?”

It took perhaps another thirty seconds until Jeonghan calmed down, catching his breath to
respond,

“You. Look, you’re as red as a tomato.”

Joshua’s eyes widened, making Jeonghan chuckle even more. He definitely found this whole
situation amusing, much to Joshua’s chagrin.
“You literally look like a deer caught in headlights.”

“Jeonghan!” Joshua cried, embarrassed. “It’s not funny!”

Jeonghan shook his head, “Yes, yes, it’s very much funny.”

“Seriously?”

The older man could only nod, trying to suppress another fit of laughter.

“The memory of Jun and Minghao doing it,” he said with emphasis, “is forever carved in my
brain. I cannot unsee that. I am scarred and you are making fun of my misery.”

“Shua, you’re being overly dramatic.”

Joshua glared at him, but it only further amused Jeonghan as he wiped tears from his eyes.

“How did you even walk in on them?”

“I wasn’t being weird like you’re implying,” Joshua huffed with a pout that was so
unconvincing, it only made Jeonghan want to laugh some more. “They were doing it on the
living room. On the fucking couch! Which, by the way, I’m not sitting on anymore.”

“Alright,” Jeonghan said with a smile, ruffling Joshua’s brown hair affectionately. Joshua’s
pretty sure he would have blushed at the action had it not been for the fact that all his blood
was already permanently residing on his cheeks, at least that’s what he thinks from all the
blushing he’s done since last night. “At least we know you don’t have a voyeurism kink.”

“Jeonghan!”
Jeonghan gave a light airy chuckle. “Come on, let’s go to the dock.”

His laughter was bright, floating easily into the windy breeze, untroubled, so much like
Joshua’s favorite memory of Jeonghan. His eyes crinkled whenever he laughed like that, nose
scrunched with lines forming on his cheeks, ones Joshua knew were always couple with
mischief. Joshua realized that this was the first time in a long time that he’s heard Jeonghan’s
hearty laughter.

Next thing Joshua knew, Jeonghan took his hand and pulled him so they can continue
walking, the air between them much lighter, even though Joshua was still embarrassed.

Jeonghan eventually lets go before they reach the dock, and by the time they get there,
Seungcheol tells them to hurry up. Mingyu was also there after having been texted by
Seungcheol if he wanted to join them.

When they got on, Soonyoung asked what took them so long and if they saw Minghao and
Jun because they were not replying to their texts.

Flustered, Joshua shook his head.

“I’m sure they’re having fun on their own,” Jeonghan said nonchalantly, giving Joshua a
subtle, knowing wink. Joshua, on the other hand, simply rolled his eyes.

For the next few hours, they stayed and lounged in the yacht, relaxing, enjoying the view,
doing nothing in particular. The yacht was anchored meters away from the dock, surrounded
by the open sea, on the sides were mountainous terrains covered in green and beautiful rock
formations they’d never see in Seoul. They opened a champagne bottle, congratulating
Seungcheol for another year of life.

The sun was slowly setting now, the sky was about to be painted in an orange hue in the next
hour or so. Joshua admired how something as vast and unknown as the sea can be as calm as
it was right now, steady waters and a light warm breeze, making it hard to imagine that even
something as tranquil as the sight before them can actually turn into a dark, turbulent storm.
Much like life, he thought.

He’s sat on a lounge chair on the yacht’s upper deck, a beer bottle on the cup holder. He had
been chatting with Seungcheol for a while now, catching up.

Another presence in the form of Jeonghan arrived and took the seat beside Joshua.
Seungcheol got a beer from the cooler and handed it over to Jeonghan after removing the cap.
At that moment, the three same-aged friends from their circle are finally together sitting
down, it was almost nostalgic for Joshua.

“Jeonghan, I heard from my dad that you’ve been doing well in putting back several of the
Yoon Restaurants to the top of the market, but now they’re giving you Henggarae Limited? I
thought that after Yoon Restaurants you’d be appointed as CEO of the Yoon Group?”

This information was news to Joshua. The last time he talked to Grandma Yoon, Jeonghan
was still under Yoon Restaurants.

“Yeah,” Jeonghan said exhaling a tired sigh before taking a swig of his beer. “That was the
plan. But that old man convinced the board that I wasn’t ready yet and that I still needed to
prove myself. So, they gave me Henggarae.”

Henggarae was the Yoon Group’s subsidiary that was basically in the market of fast moving
consumer goods. It was responsible for several products under its brand such as shampoos,
soaps, milk, and the like.

“Who? Your grand uncle?”

Jeonghan only responded with a nod. Joshua doesn’t know much about his grand uncle, only
that his was the brother of Jeonghan’s paternal grandfather, and that Grandma Yoon and
Jeonghan did not have a good relationship with him.
“He’s been trying to show the board that I can’t take over,” Jeonghan explained.
“Henggarae’s about to launch a new line of products for babies, like baby milk and food. It’s
a market that Henggarae has been trying to capture for a while now, but our market position
has been low over the past few years. Now he wants me to do something the past CEOs of
Henggarae hasn’t been able to accomplish.”

“What an ass,” Seungcheol commented.

“Sometimes, it just feels never ending,” Jeonghan admitted. “But I can’t let him take what
my grandparents worked so hard to build.”

Joshua looked at Jeonghan tentatively as he took the information in, and he thinks there were
still so many things he didn’t know about Jeonghan. It made his heart fall a little at the
realization. He tore his gaze away when he realized that he’s been staring a bit too long, and
took another sip of his beer.

“At least you don’t have to take over your family’s company, Cheol,” said Jeonghan who was
still staring out to the sunset. The words somehow felt heavy for Joshua.

Seungcheol grinned, “That’s because I convinced my dad it’d be the worst decision ever
because I could potentially burn the company to the ground.”

“You mean you deliberately made yourself incompetent whenever your dad tried to make
your learn the ins and outs of your company,” scoffed Joshua, finally deciding it was time for
him to get a word in.

“Exactly,” he agreed. “And dad has Yucheol, anyway.”

“Or he probably has a grandchild from you somewhere, you never know.”

Seungcheol glared at his best friend, “Ya!”

“If anyone shows up at your doorstep claiming to be your child, I wouldn’t be surprised,”
Jeonghan added, eliciting a chuckle from Joshua.

“I don’t have an illegitimate child out there.”

“Can’t be sure, condoms break,” shrugged Jeonghan.

“Cheol, you know you should take responsibility for your actions,” Joshua contributed. “If
you do have a child out there.”

“I don’t—”

“He must be wondering who his father is—” said Jeonghan.

“And then he sees you on TV on one of your games—”

“Shua—”

“And realizes you look exactly alike.”

“Ah, how poetic.”

“I hate you both,” said Seungcheol, a hint of worry in his tone.

“Oh, were you actually nervous, Cheol?”

“Shua-ya, you’re supposed to be my kind, loving, gentle best friend,” said Seungcheol in a
pouty tone that made Jeonghan cringe. “You’re not supposed to ride on Jeonghan’s joke.”

But Joshua just giggled, having fun with their conversation, hoping it to last a little longer.

They continued to share stories, Joshua venting about a senior doctor who’d always make
some snide remarks about he was only a doctor because of nepotism, Seunghceol
complaining about his last date and how he was tricked into skinny dipping into a lake in
their countryside home while she ran off with his clothes, and all the while Soonyoung and
Mingyu were happily diving and swimming around the area.

“Jeonghan-ah,” said Sengcheol in a way where one could tell he’s been waiting for the
opportunity to bring this up. “I know it’s been a few months, but have you been able to talk to
Moyeon yet?”

From the corner of his eye, Joshua saw how Jeonghan flinched at the mention of her name.
Moyeon was a professional ballerina and Jeonghan’s long-time girlfriend and fiancée, well
ex- to both since they broke up around 4 months ago. It wasn’t much of a break-up
considering she left him high and dry a year after she got hired in a European ballet company
for a chance to play her dream role in her dream venue. She was beautiful and elegant, but
she was also very dedicated to her career.

Jeonghan gave a hollow laugh. “Is this your way of diverting from the fact that you had to
run butt naked back to your rest house, and got called a pervert by a group of grandmothers
passing by?”

“Okay, first of all, I was still on our property so the grandmas were trespassing,” Seungcheol
said with an air of defensiveness. “Second, I was not a pervert, she was!”

“But let me guess, that totally turned you on, right?”

The thought made Joshua blush, but he tried to hide it by chugging his beer.
“I mean,” Seungcheol grinned sheepishly. “Let’s just say it was a long night for the both of
us.”

“I’m pretty sure you could have been charged for indecent exposure, or something.”

“Eh,” Seungcheol shrugged. “But anyway, stop avoiding my question. Have you been able to
reach Moyeon already?”

It seemed Jeonghan could not escape the questioning anymore. The young CEO shook his
head and sighed. “I gave up trying to reach her when I got my appointment in Yoon
Restaurants. I tried to meet her in France when I went abroad after, well, you know, but she
refused.”

“Do you still love her?” Joshua didn’t know what made him ask this, but it came out of his
mouth before he could stop himself and now there was no way to take it back.

Thankfully, he looked at Jeonghan and he didn’t seem angry at the question. He was just
staring into the distance. It took him a while to reply that Joshua thought he’d just ignore the
question altogether.

“I mean, it was an 8-year relationship,” Jeonghan replied, his voice soft, lonely.

It didn’t answer the question, but maybe the implications were there. There was a tug in his
chest, a feeling of heaviness he couldn’t yet identify. Was it sadness? Was it disappointment?
Why was he feeling like this?

“Honestly, I can’t believe she did that to you, Han,” said Seungcheol sympathetically. “You
gave her everything, and yet she still did that to you. Can’t believe her.”

Neither can Joshua. He has known Moyeon since she and Jeonghan got together in their third
year of college. They weren’t particularly close since Joshua wasn’t particularly good at
meeting new people, which is why he only has a close circle of friends. But he’d always
thought they’d end up together, after all, it made sense after being together for so long.

“I guess life is just really unpredictable,” Joshua murmured enough for them to hear.

“But you have to move on, Han,” said Seungcheol. It sounded like Seungcheol has said this
so many times to him already, like a reminder or an alarm clock.

“Don’t worry, Cheol, really. I’m okay,” was all Jeonghan said. Joshua’s was not sure
Seungcheol actually believed him, but he seemed to let it go.

The topic was dropped when Mingyu and Soonyoung came and sat beside them to watch the
sunset.

The sky was getting even darker and the winds were colder when they get back to the dock.
They decided to just stay over at their villas where a bon fire was set up for them by the shore
along with their dinner prepared by the resort.

They get back to their villas and freshen up, and they gather one by one at the dinner set up
on the shore. There was a table enough to fit them, with an array of platters of raw meat and
vegetables, butane stoves, grillers, and a hotpot pot.

Jun and Minghao discreetly approached Joshua again to apologize and Joshua told them that
it would be best if they don’t talk about it as he felt just as embarrassed. Soonyoung at one
point pointed out that there was some weird tension between Joshua, Minghao and Jun,
teasing them that something must have happened. Damn Soonyoung and his instincts. They,
instead, brushed it off.

The rest of the night saw them sharing stories and recalling good times, all while grilling the
meat before them and eating them heartily, drinking beer or wine, cracking jokes or being the
butt of one. The night was young, and so were they. They laughed, drank, sang, and danced to
the music of their college years, increasing the nostalgia factor ten notches higher.
As midnight came, Seungcheol excused himself after receiving a text, Mingyu and Minghao
were by the villa’s balcony talking about Minghao’s upcoming gallery exhibit, and Jun was
nowhere to be found.

Soonyoung was the self-appointed DJ of the night, and his crowd of dancers had dwindled
down to now just him and Joshua (or rather, he wouldn’t let Joshua go). Shinee’s Don’t Call
Me was currently playing and Soonyoung’s energy was far from being depleted, now
encouraging Joshua to sway with him.

“Hyung, roll your body like this,” Soonyoung demonstrated.

Thankfully, Joshua had enough beer to go along, more comfortably now with only
Soonyoung there with him, no strangers and no creeps. So, he followed Soonyoung’s
movements, encouraged by the fun they’ve been having that night.

“Alright, hyung!” cheered Soonyoung as Joshua attempted a body roll with surprising ease.
“I knew you had it in you!”

The music continues to play as the bonfire flickered, a mixture of cold and warm surrounded
them. There are brief moments, however, when Joshua can feel eyes watching them, him, and
he can’t help but think they belonged to a man with chin-length black hair sitting by the
bonfire drinking his beer.

When the song ended, he couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed at how him and
Soonyoung have been dancing. Laughing, he buried his face in his hands while Soonyoung
praised him for dancing well.

“I need to tap out,” said Joshua lightheartedly. “I’m quite tipsy and tired, I need to rest,
Soons.”

“But, hyung, what about an A-Pink song?”

Joshua shook his head, “No, I’ve used up all my energy keeping up with you.”

Soonyoung frowned but relented. Soonyoung excused himself for the toilet and went back to
Seungcheol’s villa.

Alone now, he scanned the area realizing that Jeonghan was no longer where he thought the
older was. So, he decided to plop down on the sand, a good distance from the bonfire and
away from the direction the wind was blowing. He leaned back, supporting his weight with
his hands behind his back, tilting his head up as he closed his eyes. He let himself soak in the
weightlessness of his head and the numbness in his skin.

A sudden ice-cold touch made him open his eyes, and he was met warm brown eyes looking
fiery as the fire reflected on them, making him a little breathless.

He was holding out bottled water and gestured for Joshua to take it. When the younger took
the bottle, he muttered a small thank you, and Jeonghan sat down beside him.

They sat in pregnant silence as they looked at the fire blazing or listened to the waves ebbing
and flowing, and every now and then, an invisible tension hung in the air, tension that has
accumulated over the past two days day, in brushes of the skin or stolen glances, in names
called in breaths or words unsaid.

Joshua took small sips of water to keep himself from looking at Jeonghan, and he’s done well
so far until he heard an audible sigh. And unconsciously he turned to see the man sitting
beside him, the sight of him only lit by the blaze and the moonlight made something in his
stomach turn, tight and wanting.

He could really feel the alcohol’s effect, he was aware but also a bit dazed, he could think
about consequences but was also willing to throw caution into the wind. Just this once.

Biting his lip, he hesitated.

 What has gotten into me?

“Jeonghan.”

He’d been drinking, yes, but he supposed he needed it if only to have the courage to do what
he was about to do next.

“Have sex with me.”

Chapter End Notes

If you made it this far, thank you for reading! Do let me know your thoughts!
 Chapter 3
Chapter Notes

Just in time to celebrate the Jihan selca!!

Thank you for your continued interest in this fic. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint.
Full disclaimer, this is the first time I've written smut. Ever. So I hope it's not too bad.

I'm trying to pick up the pace of the story so I hope you bear with me.

Enjoy your reading!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

This wasn’t how he thought his night was going to go. If anyone told Joshua that he was
going to lose his virginity tonight, he would laugh so hard and told them how that was never
going to happen.

But alas, there he was on someone else’s bed, his lips sucked swollen, his mouth explored by
a tantalizing tongue, the skin across his chest and back touched by deft, eager hands, and his
voice making the most lewd and sinful moans he never imagined he could utter. His whole
body was on fire, and the gasoline was none other than Yoon Jeonghan.

Joshua didn’t know what had gotten into him when he initiated this an hour ago. They were
comfortably sitting by the bonfire, and he looked at Jeonghan, amazed at how beautifully
handsome he was, and felt something tighten at the pit of his stomach. Was it all the talk
about how he should get laid? Or all the sexual jokes and innuendos his friends have been
making throughout the trip? Or was it because he unwittingly walked in on two of his friends
doing it on the couch and looking shamelessly blissed out?

His mouth, sadly, was faster than his rationality.

“Have sex with me?”

There he said it. It’s out there and Jeonghan heard it, clearly, from the shocked expression he
wore on his face. He can’t take it back now.

And maybe he doesn’t want to.

Jeonghan’s flustered face then melted into laughter. “Joshua, did you forget to use your inner
voice or something? I didn’t know you had it in you to make jokes like that.”

It’s the way Jeonghan played it off as a joke so coolly that embarrassed Joshua, really.
“Jeonghan,” he said, half a whine, biting his cheeks.

But before he could say something more, Jeonghan stood up and dusted the sands off his
shorts. “Let’s go back to the villa,” Jeonghan said, his tone low and devoid of laughter. He
turned to his heels and started walking away towards their villa.

That stung a little. Or maybe a lot.

Thankfully, he still had alcohol in his system otherwise he would have wanted to bury his
head in the sand and cry. Instead, he followed Jeonghan to their villa, saying nothing until
they reach the second floor where their rooms were. Before Jeonghan could turn the handle
of his room, Joshua grabbed the older man’s wrist.

“Jeonghan, I wasn’t joking—”

Jeonghan turned around to face the younger, a serious expression on his face.

“Hong Jisoo!”

Shit. He’s using my Korean name.

Jeonghan took a deep breath after seeing the startled look on Joshua’s face, softening his
tone. “You’re drunk, Joshua. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

Joshua shook his head. “Yes, I drank tonight, and that’s probably the only reason I was even
able to say it,” he managed to say. “But I’m very much aware of what I said.”

“Joshua, do you even know what you’re asking for?” sighed Jeonghan.

He doesn’t immediately respond, thoughtful of the next words out of his mouth, and then he
poured out, “Everyone thinks I’m a prude, a stuck up, a bore. That I’m too focused on my
work, on doing what my parents want me to do, a puppy or a robot, they can’t decide. They
say I’m no fun, that I don’t know how to have fun, and they say I’m missing out on my
youth,” he paused, taking a deep breath. “I’m just trying to live a little, Jeonghan. I just want
to know if what they say is true. Just one night.”

“Shua…”

Joshua can see the reluctance in Jeonghan’s eyes, and it makes him feel dejected. He let go of
the wrist that he was still gripping.

He could feel the tears brimming around the corners of his eyes, so he looked down to avoid
Jeonghan’s gaze. It was like a cold basin of water washed over him, sobering him up, and
making the embarrassment he felt from the rejection come at him tenfold.

“Is it because you don’t find me attractive?” he said, his voice shaky. “Or because I’m
inexperienced? Or because I— Never mind. I know I’m not good enou—”

But before he could say more, before he could turn around and run away in shame, he felt
warm hands grab both sides of his face and lips crash into his own. It took a few seconds for
Joshua to process what was happening, before he kissed Jeonghan back, his hands
unconsciously movde to hold onto the older man’s waist in order to stabilize himself. Their
lips moved against each other until Jeonghan licks Joshua’s lower lip and the younger sighed,
instinctively parting his mouth ever so slightly to give Jeonghan entrance.
Jeonghan’s tongue tasted every corner of Joshua’s mouth, he was pretty sure Jeonghan could
taste the beer he was drinking just a while ago and hoped he didn’t mind it. The tongue
continued to roam and taste until it wrapped itself around Joshua’s tongue, eliciting a moan.
This caused Jeonghan to pull himself away, giving each other an opportunity to breath.

Still cupping Joshua’s face, Jeonghan gently rubbed Joshua’s cheekbone, making the younger
look into Jeonghan’s warm brown eyes. There was still a look of hesitance, but now it was
mixed with, what Joshua could only guess as, hunger and lust.

“Are you sure?” Jeonghan asked in between pants, his eyes boring into Joshua’s as if nothing
else mattered.

In response, Joshua nodded, and Jeonghan pulled him into his room.

At some point during their make-out, Joshua found himself on Jeonghan’s bed, their shirts
having been discarded a while back allowing the young doctor to appreciate the beautifully
sculpted torso of the man whose mouth is currently all over his body. The black-haired man
trailed his kisses from Joshua’s mouth, down to his neck (Joshua chiding him from sucking
on his neck to avoid leaving a mark), to his collarbone, and finally on Joshua’s nipples.
Jeonghan’s tongue licked and circled at the right bud, while his fingers deftly massaged the
other, leaving Joshua a moaning mess as he arched his back in pleasure.

So, this is what it felt like? To be touched. To be worshipped. It felt really good. Really good.
No wonder people loved to do it.

Jeonghan rubbed his clothed erection against the younger’s, the friction did wonders to
Joshua’s senses, everything new, everything felt. His moans getting louder and more erratic.
Jeonghan wrapped his free hand around the brown-haired man’s chest to keep him from
squirming.

“You’re so loud,” Jeonghan said with a proud smirk, pulling away from his work on Joshua’s
chest to face him. The look Jeonghan was giving him was affecting him so much, Joshua had
to turn away from Jeonghan’s burning gaze, embarrassed and silently hoping Soonyoung is
not in his room across the hall or if he was, he couldn’t hear the sounds they were making.
Jeonghan cupped Joshua’s face with one hand, making the doctor turn to face him so he
could plant a gentle kiss on his lips. His other hand trailed down to the hem of Joshua’s
shorts, tugging it lightly before saying, “We can still stop.”

“No,” Joshua said, a little too eager making Jeonghan snicker. “I want to do this.”

His confirmation made Jeonghan dive back into the younger’s lips, kissing him with much
more fervor while Joshua’s hands snaked around Jeonghan’s shoulders exploring the expanse
of skin down to the abdominals. Jeonghan unbuttoned Joshua’s shorts, and when he unzipped
them and massaged the younger man’s hard-on through his boxers.

“Jeonghan,” he whined at the contact.

The older man took this opportunity to pull away from the kiss and pull down the doctor’s
shorts and underwear, so the latter laid naked in front of him. Jeonghan licked his lower lip as
he took in the sight in front of him, making the other feel shy enough to cover his eyes with
his right arm. He then felt Jeonghan hover over him, removing the arm covering his face as
he kissed him again.

“You look beautiful, Shua,” he said pulling away from the kiss. Jeonghan sat up, making
Joshua open his eyes as he watched the older prop himself against the headboard of his bed.
He made a tapping motion on his legs. “Sit here.”

When Joshua took his position between Jeonghan’s legs, Jeonghan began kissing him again,
pulling him by the nape. Joshua hissed when he felt the first contact between his dick and
Jeonghan’s hand. Jeonghan rubbed his thumb against the tip, spreading the precum until his
hand fully gripped the cock, making Joshua whimper. He couldn’t believe someone else was
touching him like this.

Joshua’s grip on Jeonghan’s shoulder tightened when the latter started making pumping
movements, sliding up and down Joshua’s length, squeezing here and there. All the while,
Jeonghan doesn’t forget to give attention to Joshua’s lips, the skin below the earlobe, the neck
and the hollow of his collarbone, and his free hand massaging Joshua’s bare butt cheek.
These actions made Joshua moan even louder, much as he tried to suppress it by burying his
face on Jeonghan’s shoulder and biting his lips.

“Fuck, Jeonghan,” Joshua panted as the pit of his stomach tightened.

He could hear Jeonghan smirk. “You sound nice when you curse, Shua-yah.”

“Fuck,” he said again when Jeonghan picked up the pace. There was an unfamiliar warm
build up in the lower part of his stomach, edging him, pushing him. He may have never
experienced this before, but his medical knowledge knows what comes next. “Jeonghan, I—
ah—I think I’m gonna come. Please.”

Jeonghan tugged at the hair on the back of Joshua’s head, pulling the latter’s face away from
his shoulders so he could dive in for another kiss swallowing the moans escaping the doctor’s
lips. Using his thumb, he flicked the slit on Joshua’s cock. “Then come, Shuji.”

That was all it took for Joshua to release strings of cum spilling out to their stomachs, his
body shaking and falling onto Jeonghan’s as the latter continued to pump, allowing the
younger man to ride his high.

He let Joshua lie limp against him, panting and shivering.

It already felt this good with just his hands. What more if…

“Are you okay?” Jeonghan whispered.

“That felt really nice,” Joshua admitted, his face still buried in Jeonghan’s chest.

This made Jeonghan chuckle. “Are you still up to continue?”

He pulled himself away from Jeonghan, his hair disheveled, lips swollen and red, marks on
his chest and collarbone that he can hopefully hide under a shirt for the rest of their trip.

“Jeonghan,” he said, voice low and tentative.

“What is it, Shua?”

“Can I…” he stuttered a bit nervously, biting his lower lip, but Jeonghan gave him an
encouraging look. “Can I take you in my mouth?”

Jeonghan raised his eyebrows upon hearing Joshua’s request, but then grinned at the
younger’s boldness. “Are you sure?”

Joshua nodded shyly. “But I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s okay, I’ll guide you,” Jeonghan said planting a kiss on Joshua once again. “But, Shua, if
you can’t take it, you can stop at any time, okay?”

Joshua smiled, thankful for Jeonghan being so reassuring. He guided Joshua off his lap so he
can take off the rest of clothes. When his naked form faced Joshua, the latter couldn’t help
but gulp at the sight of Jeonghan’s erect member.

Jeonghan sat back against the headboard, legs spread apart as he signaled Joshua to prop
himself in between his legs. He guided Joshua’s head to lean towards Jeonghan’s length, as
he instructed, “Use your tongue first, lick the tip and spread it around. Lick it wet, it’ll be
easier for you.”

He did as he was told, earning a low grunt from the older man when his tongue presses on the
tip of Jeonghan’s cock, slowly, teasing as if Joshua knew what he was doing. With unsure
movements, the younger man wrapped his tongue around the member, spreading his saliva
and precum around it. The sight of Joshua’s slicked out tongue aroused Jeonghan even more,
making his dick throb in anticipation.
Cupping his face, Jeonghan said, “Now open your mouth—a little bit more, Shua. No teeth,
okay?” He helped align his dick to Joshua’s mouth and Joshua’s mouth was filling up with
the hard cock.

Soon enough, and as if on instinct, Joshua started moving up and down, with each bob he
tried to take in more of his length.

“Suck your cheeks in—ah… Fuck, Shua…”

He could hear the groans of pleasure coming from Jeonghan, the sight giving him more
confidence to continue what he was doing. Whatever his mouth couldn’t take, he covered
with his hand, remembering how Jeonghan’s own hand moved around his dick earlier.

“Shua, look at me,” Jeonghan grunted, and Joshua followed. The look that Jeonghan gave
him turned Joshua on even more, giving him the courage to take in Jeonghan until it hit the
back of his throat, tears forming in his eyes. He peeked at Jeonghan who’s head was thrown
back in pleasure. That was his doing, he thought. Jeonghan couldn’t have looked hotter in
Joshua’s eyes than in that moment.

He continued moving until he felt Jeonghan’s hands hold his face, making him stop.

“That’s enough, Shua,” said Jeonghan.

“Did I do something wrong?” Joshua asked worriedly as his mouth pulled out, wiping traces
of precum and saliva from his lips. “Did you not like that?”

Jeonghan shook his head. “No, that felt really nice. But I don’t want to finish off in your
mouth.”
Joshua understood what that meant. He watched as Jeonghan stood up and rummaged
through the stuff in his luggage and brought back with him a bottle of lube and a packet of
condom.

“So, do you just normally bring those around or you really thought you were going to get laid
during this trip?” Joshua said, hoping he sounded more teasing than nervous.

“I’ve always had them in my travel bag. Never took them out,” Jeonghan shrugged as he
knelt on the bed before Joshua. “Shua, I just want to make sure, so I want to ask you again,
are you sure you want to do this?”

Joshua gulped knowing what they’re about to do next is the real thing. This won’t change
much between us, right? We’ll still be friends after this, right? He asked himself, unable to
voice out his questions. Instead, he said, “Yes.”

Jeonghan held his face with one hand and kissed him once more, “Let me prepare you.”

“Jeonghan,” Joshua’s lips were just hovering over the other’s lips. “This is my first time. I
don’t know what to do.”

“I’ll guide you,” he said. “Your body will react on its own. Now turn around, and on your
knees.”

Joshua did as he was told, finding the position a little bit embarrassing. He could hear a bottle
cap being removed, Jeonghan was lubricating his fingers, and then Joshua felt cold liquid
dripping down between his butt cheeks. He then felt a hand grip one of his cheeks, making
him squirm.

“This might feel uncomfortable, okay? But we need to stretch you out, Shua,” Joshua
nodded, but he’s unsure if Jeonghan can see from the way they’re angled at the time. “I’m
putting one in, okay?”
He felt Jeonghan’s finger hover around his rim spreading the lube before inserting itself into
his hole. The sensation made Joshua suck in air and burying his face on the pillow which
smelled of citrus and lilies, Jeonghan’s scent. The finger started to move around, in and out,
while Jeonghan’s other hand rubbed up and down his back. He’s pretty sure Jeonghan said he
was putting another one in, but he was so focused on the sensation that it caught him by
surprise when another finger entered his hole.

“Relax, Shua,” Jeonghan instructed as his fingers did scissoring movements inside him,
spreading his walls. It was driving Joshua crazy. “That’s it,” he said when Joshua started to
loosen his muscles.

Then, Jeonghan added another finger making Joshua moan into the pillow. “Jeonghan,” he
groaned, muffled but heard.

Jeonghan continued to push and pull his fingers, every now and then curving and changing
his angles until he could find the spot. He knew he hit it once Joshua bucked up and moaned
even louder, and proud of himself, Jeonghan hit the spot a few more times making Joshua a
squirming mess before he pulled out his fingers.

“Jeonghan,” he said once more, this time a whine and he’s not sure how that came out of his
mouth. All he knew was that he felt so empty when Jeonghan removed his fingers and he’s
craving for more. More friction. More pleasure. More Jeonghan.

The older one couldn’t help but grin at the whine he just heard.

“You can turn around and lie on your back, Shua.”

And he did just that. Jeonghan, on the other hand, was opening the packet of condom and
rolling the rubber on his length, before putting a generous amount of lubricant on it and
spreading it around. Joshua couldn’t help but bite his lower lip in anticipation.

When he was done, Jeonghan positioned himself between the younger one’s legs, spreading
them apart and lifting them so Joshua can pull them toward his chest.
“This is going to hurt, okay?”

Joshua nodded, aware of what will happen, but unsure of how much pain he was about to
feel. He closed his eyes when he felt the tip of Jeonghan’s cock touch his opening, slowly
pushing itself in. Jeonghan was larger than average, both in girth and in length, which made
the doctor nervous, but he knew his body would adjust (that’s what the medical books say).
But right now, he’s not too sure of that, because it felt more like his body being torn apart. He
hissed and squirmed in pain, and he can feel tears falling from his eyes.

He then felt a hand against his cheek, brushing away the tears. “Shhh… It’ll be okay. You’ll
feel good soon.”

“It hurts,” he mumbled, unable to open his eyes to face Jeonghan.

“I know, I know,” Jeonghan’s voice was soothing. “Open your eyes, and focus on me
instead.”

When he opened his eyes, he was met by warm brown tones, focused on him, only him.
Jeonghan looked so handsome, so ethereal above him, and his eyes traced the older one’s
brows, down to his cheekbones, then to his nose, and finally on his red plump lips, making
him lick his own.

Jeonghan must have caught this as he dove down to capture Joshua’s lips in his, swiping his
tongue across, letting the younger one know that he wants access. Joshua parted his lips,
allowing Jeonghan’s tongue to take over the doctor’s mouth.

“You can move now,” Joshua said when they stopped kissing, catching their breaths.

Jeonghan moved slowly at first, letting Joshua’s body adjust to the movements until he
picked up a steady rhythm. Joshua can feel every drag, every push and pull, the emptying and
filling of his body. He sighed at how good he was feeling, the pain he felt earlier replaced
completely.
“Fuck, you’re still so tight,” Jeonghan said, pulling out before filling him back so full as his
ass hits the base of Jeonghan’s dick.

“Jeonghan… ah… fuck, Jeonghan…” Joshua moaned, unable to form coherent sentences.
Every pull and thrust of Jeonghan was putting his body aflame, driving him further and
further to the edge. How could this feel so good? It was driving him crazy, he couldn’t think
about anything else except how good Jeonghan was making him feel.

“Ugh, Shuji,” Jeonghan groaned. Hearing the elusive nickname made Joshua look at
Jeonghan. His eyes were closed, reeling in the feeling of being inside Joshua as he held him
tight on his waist, grounding him. He could only hope that he was making Jeonghan feel just
as good.

Then Jeonghan changed the angle, lifting one of Joshua’s legs over his shoulder as he
continued to thrust, and Jeonghan knew he was hitting his prostate when one particular thrust
made Joshua’s back arch, eyes rolled back and it was as if he was seeing starts, while his
hand gripped the sheets tightly.

Right now, all that could be heard in Jeonghan’s room was the lewd sounds of Joshua’s
moans and the squelching noise of skin slapping against skin. If Joshua wasn’t so deep down
into his pleasure, he would’ve been so ashamed of the sounds he was making, at the way he
looked bent before Jeonghan, and at the way his body reacted to every touch, every kiss,
every thrust. But right now, he didn’t care. Not when there was a pool building low in his
stomach, wanting to be released, not when he was at the edge of the cliff, ready to fall into
the peak of pleasure and into his ruin.

“Jeonghan,” he said like a prayer. “Jeonghan, I’m so close.”

“Me too, Shuji,” Jeonghan said, kissing him on his lips. “Come for me.”

Jeonghan continued his movements, faster, harder, driving Joshua off the edge and into his
orgasm. And he came undone and untouched. Pretty soon, Jeonghan finishes after a few more
thrusts, riding his own orgasm.
Joshua doesn’t know much about what happened after that as he fell asleep naked on
Jeonghan’s bed, tired and satiated.

When he woke up, everything felt so unreal and he even considered that everything could
have been one big wet dream. That is, until he inhaled the familiar scent of oranges and
blossoms, felt an arm around his waist that wasn’t his own, a brush of warm air on his neck,
and a soreness in the lower area of his body.

I just had sex with Yoon Jeonghan. The realization hit him hard and hints of panic start to
build up in his chest. He’s afraid to move, scared that any slight movement would awaken the
man behind him and they would have to talk and discuss what happened between them,
afraid that he’d say it was a mistake or that it was a bad experience for him, or that—

“You’re panicking,” a voice said, low and hoarse. Joshua’s body stiffens, “I know you’re
awake, Shua.”

He bit his lip out of habit and he felt his hip being tugged to the other side, flipping him until
he was faced with a disheveled young CEO, eyes swollen from the late night, lips plump and
hair a mess. Yet somehow, Joshua couldn’t help but find all that attractive.

He noticed that Jeonghan was clothed, and it was only then that he realized that he was also
clothed, wearing a shirt and boxers that weren’t his. He guessed Jeonghan must have cleaned
him up and placed him in fresh clothes when he fell asleep, making feel a little guilty for
letting the older man go through all that trouble.

“Hey,” was all he managed to say in his low honey-like voice, even made deeper having just
woken up.

“Hey, yourself,” Jeonghan said, staring at him. They stay like that for what felt like minutes
until Jeonghan asked, “How are you feeling?”
Joshua blinked a couple of times, unsure how to respond. “Um… I’m not sure? I feel a little
sore down… well, you know.”

“You should probably take some pain reliever,” he said calmly.

He’s calm. That’s a good thing, right? He’s not mad or pissed. He’s not running away or
telling me to leave. God, he looks so hot. So, so hot—okay, no. Calm down.

“You’re panicking again, aren’t you?” Jeonghan said, eyes still locked on Joshua that it
makes him think the older man is looking through his soul. It makes him feel bare.

He bit his cheeks, before finally admitting, “Honestly? Yeah. A little bit. Aren’t you?”

Jeonghan propped himself on his elbow. “Do you regret it?”

Joshua knows he’s referring to all they did last night. If he was being honest, he’s quite
surprised he initiated the whole thing, even going so far as to ask if he could suck Jeonghan
off (which he did). This was so unlike him, and yet it was one of the most liberating things
he’s ever done in his life. He does feel conflicted but at the same time—

“No, I don’t,” he said, returning Jeonghan’s gaze.

“Neither do I,” matched Jeonghan.

“But, Jeonghan,” Joshua whispered, hand unconsciously clutching at Jeonghan’s shirt. “I’m
not sure what happens after this.”

“Nothing has to change. We’re friends who are two consenting adults who also had
consensual sex.”
“So we’re okay? We’re still friends?” Joshua asked, and when the words came out of his
mouth, he realized how silly he sounded because why didn’t he think of this before he asked
Jeonghan to have sex with him.

Jeonghan cocked an eyebrow, his lips curling into a boyish grin. “Is that what you’re anxious
about?” He reached out his hand, ruffling Joshua’s bed hair to an even messier state. “Of
course we’re still friends. You’re important to me, Shua.”

The sincerity in his voice made Joshua smile, quashing the nerves that he was feeling up until
that point.

“Also, I didn’t know you were the loud type,” Jeonghan teased, changing the mood so
suddenly, dispelling the tension in the air. “And you sure love to curse when you’re being—”

“Oh my god, Jeonghan!” Joshua exclaimed.

“There you go again, screaming. Soonyoung might hear you.”

“Stop!”

Joshua felt the blood rush all the way up to his cheeks, staining his face red.

“What? It’s not a bad thing. I quite liked that you kept screaming my name—”

“Jeonghan!”

“Yes, like that!”

Joshua pulled the blanket over him, completely and utterly embarrassed. It was his first time,
so he wouldn’t have known what his habits would be like. And the way Jeonghan teased him
made the memories of the night before come flooding back, vividly, making him feel things.

Jeonghan laughed, and Joshua can help but feel annoyed at how the older one’s amusement
was at his expense.

“I hate you,” he mumbled, his voice muffled under the thick cloth.

“Shua, it’s okay,” Jeonghan said, a hint of bemusement in his voice. “You don’t have to be
embarrassed.”

“I hate you.”

“Come out from under there.”

“No.”

“You’re being childish.”

“Stop teasing me.”

“But you look so adorable all flustered, like last night when I was giving you a hand—”

“Jeonghan!”

He chuckled. Again with that airy laughter, it was making Joshua weak. “Okay, I’ll stop.”
“Really?”

“For now.”

A hand stuck out under the covers to give the young CEO a pinch on his side.

“Ow! Joshua!”

“You’re mean.”

“Come on, stop hiding.”

“No.”

“I’ll stop teasing you, I swear.”

Joshua didn’t respond. Instead, a mop of brown hair slowly peeked out of the white blanket
revealing a set of skeptic brown eyes.

“I’ll be good,” Jeonghan reiterated as Joshua’s head revealed itself. “Now come out of there
before they come looking for us. It’s almost noon.”

Indeed, it was so when he checked his phone. There were also messages from Minghao and
Seungcheol, letting them know that food is available at Seungcheol’s villa, and that they
should just drop by when they’re awake and “ready to show your wasted, hungover faces”.
Jeonghan is the first to get out of the bed making his way to his bathroom, and let Joshua
know that he can keep his clothes and return them whenever.
Joshua then made an attempt to cross to his room and luckily Soonyoung was nowhere to be
seen on the second floor. It turned out that Soonyoung passed out on the couch in the living
room, he must have been so drunk to be unable to make his way up to his room.

When Joshua arrived at Seungcheol’s villa, all fresh and presentable, wearing his own clothes
this time, Jeonghan and the rest were already there, except for Soonyoung who was still on
their couch in the other villa. They seemed to be busy teasing Seungcheol when Minghao
noticed something odd about Joshua.

“Why are you walking like that?” the younger Chinese asked.

Joshua stiffened, trying to avoid looking at Jeonghan. Damn him. Technically, the pain in his
ass was Jeonghan’s fault.

“Oh, I think I tripped on the stairs last night and fell on my butt and lower back,” he lied,
offering a small chuckle to make it look natural. “I can’t remember, I was a little drunk.”

“That’s dangerous, hyung!”

“Don’t worry, I’m just a little sore,” this time that was a truth.

He could feel Jeonghan stifling a laugh by drinking coffee and he unconsciously rolled his
eyes, before sitting down and taking at seat at the dining table, across Jeonghan and
Seungcheol whose backs were to the villa’s living room.

“Seuncheol-hyung, don’t think we forgot about you,” said Mingyu. “Just tell us where’d you
get those hickeys?”

Seunghceol groaned, they must have been pestering him for a while now.

“Is that why you disappeared last night, after dinner?” Jun inquired.
“Oh right! You got a text and then you practically bolted on us,” said Mingyu.

“So, tell us, Cheol-hyung?”

“You’re wearing that hickey like a badge of honor, you might as well tell us!” Minghao
teased.

“As long as it’s not a minor, Cheol, then I don’t really care,” Jeonghan chimed.

“Fuck you, Yoon,” Seungcheol glared. But his friends egged him on, as if they were high
schoolers eager to hear the latest school gossip of who’s dating who. He supposed it was
because they’re hardly ever complete like they are now, so it felt very much like their college
days, meeting up at the cafeteria, talking about anything and everything. Seungcheol sighed
defeatedly. “So, I met a couple the other night, at the party. They’re really hot.”

“Oh my god, are you a homewrecker?” shrieked Mingyu.

“No—fuck, what? Of course not, let me finish,” groaned Seungcheol. “As I was saying. I met
them and they kind of flirted with me, which I found weird, of course.”

“Both of them?” asked Jun.

“The guy first, then the girl,” Seungcheol answered. “It turns out they’re in a very open
relationship, and well, they said I was hot and that they’re very attracted to me—Oh, right, I
forgot to mention they’re American, you know, Joshua’s kind.”

“What do you mean my kind?”

“You know, liberated, open-minded, wild—oh right, you’re not that kind of American,”
Seungcheol laughed, making Joshua throw a rolled-up tissue at the eldest who just stuck his
tongue out. Childish, Joshua thought. “I’m kidding, Shu,” he said. “Anyway, the guy texted
me last night, asking me if I’m interested to hook up.”

“Oh, juicy!” grinned Minghao. At this point, none of them, with the exception of Jeonghan,
paid attention to their lunch.

“Of course, I was like, what? But he has a partner, right? I ask him, does his girlfriend know,
and he said yes, that she’s okay with it and all for it,” Seungcheol continued animatedly. “It’s
also been a while since, you know... I needed it. When I got to their room, get this, they were
both waiting for me!”

“What? Was it a set up or something?” Mingyu asked, confused.

Seungcheol, however, shook his head with a wide, delinquent grin. “Nope.”

“Why are you smiling like that?” asked Joshua.

“Did the girlfriend have a voyeurism kink or was it some kind of role play?” Minghao raised
an eyebrow.

“Even better.”

“Huh—wait,” said Jun. “No way… Did you—”

“So, you’re saying—”

“Oh my god, hyung!”

Seungcheol shrugged, a bit smugly. “Americans, what can I say? They’re pretty wild.” He
threw Joshua a wink but the latter just rolled his eyes.

“Wow, I can’t believe you,” Mingyu said, impressed. “You’re on a whole different level,
hyung.”

Joshua was a bit confused, but he caught on.

“How was it, though?” asked a curious Jun.

Seungcheol didn’t answer as quickly as they thought he would, pondering on his thoughts.
The thing about Seungcheol was that he tries to be as honest as possible, always telling it as it
is. “Well, it’s an experience. But honestly, I doubt I’d ever do it again.”

The admission surprised them as they know that Seungcheol was probably the most sexually
adventurous out of all of them. If there’s anyone who’d be willing to try the kinkiest thing out
there, it would be Seungcheol.

“I have to admit, it’s too wild, even for me.”

“Well, well. The great Choi Seungcheol has his limits,” teased Minghao.

Seungcheol, who was seated beside the younger man, punched him playfully. “I know you
guys think highly of me, but I do have my boundaries.”

“Where’s Soonyoung, anyway? He lives for this type of gossip,” asked Mingyu.

“Hey, my sexual life is not rumor fodder!”

“Just kidding, hyung. Of course we’d keep it on the down low,” said Jun.

“We can’t have your fuck boy image ruined by the fact that a threesome scares you,”
Jeonghan added.

“Soonyoung’s still passed out,” Joshua responded, before Seungcheol could throw a retort to
his best friend. “Or dead, I’m not too sure.”

“I’m here!” a voice announced from inside the villa, they turn to see the source of the voice.
“Stop trying to kill me, Shua-hyung. I already have a splitting headache.”

“Soonyoung, you missed all the juicy details,” said a chipper Minghao.

“About Jeonghan-hyung’s hickey?”

“Huh?” Minghao exclaimed.

Joshua suddenly froze at the mention of the hickey. Shit. He subtly lifted his gaze to check on
Jeonghan who was almost directly in front of him at the table, but he looked rather
unbothered.

“What hickey?” Seuncheol raised an eyebrow, tilting his head to the left to check on
Jeonghan’s neck.

“There,” he pointed as he stood behind Jeonghan, “under this left ear. I mean, I’m pretty sure
that’s a hickey.”

Jun stood up from his seat beside Joshua to inspect. “That does look like a hickey.”
“No way, hyung!” Mingyu giggled. “Did you also get some action last night?”

The sudden prodding at Jeonghan made Joshua very still and nervous, trying not to make it
obvious by trying to eat his lunch. Silently, he prayed to every god out there that no one
catches on.

“Where’d you get that, hyung?” asked Minghao.

“Nowhere,” said Jeonghan coolly, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Well, he could’ve gotten it before this trip,” Jun pointed out.

“No way, we would have noticed,” said Minghao.

“Wait, Shua-hyung,” called Mingyu, making Joshua look up nervously. Fuck. “I saw you and
Jeonghan-hyung last night, by the bonfire.” Fuck. “Did you…”

He gulped nervously.

“… see Jeonghan-hyung with anyone?”

“Uhm… no. I didn’t.”

“Are you sure, hyung? Maybe you’re just covering up for Jeonghan-hyung?” Jun said this
time, eyebrows wriggling, as if the act would get Joshua to talk.

“Or maybe you heard something coming from his room?” pried Minghao.
“Uhm…”

“Stop it,” Jeonghan said, firmly, clearly seeing Joshua getting uncomfortable. “I wasn’t with
anyone last night. And even if I was, it’s none of your business.”

Mingyu frowned. “So grumpy, hyung.”

Seungcheol decided to step in. “Okay, that’s enough. You already know Jeonghan would
never kiss and tell,” he said but then he locked eyes with Joshua, looking at the younger
curiously as if trying to decipher a lie. Joshua avoided the eldest’s gaze by shifting it
elsewhere.

“Wait, so if we weren’t talking about Jeonghan’s hickey, what was the ‘juicy gossip’ you
were all so excited about?” asked Soonyoung as he took his seat.

“Oh, well, Soons, get this…”

Minghao went on to tell Soonyoung about Seungcheol’s escapade and they make more jokes
about it. They also recalled how Soonyoung puked on the shared comfort room of
Seungcheol’s villa, so it’s currently off limits until the resort can have it cleaned. Mingyu also
complained about how annoying it was to hear Jun and Minghao last night again, and Jun
almost slipped about how Joshua caught them the day before. It was their last full day in the
resort and they wanted to bond and enjoy as much as they can before having to go back to the
city and back to work.

“You scolded me, and I tried my best not to leave a visible mark on you, but you had to leave
one on me,” Jeonghan whispered, clicking his tongue, trailing behind Seungcheol and the rest
of their friends as they were making their way to the vans which will take them to their
activities for the day. Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Mingyu were planning to head to the Jeju
Extreme Circuit for cart riding, and the rest were planning to trek Mt. Halla for some sight
seeing.

“Jeonghan,” Joshua pouted in a hushed whisper. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize.”
“You were just so into it?” he snickered, making the younger one blush.

“You keep teasing me, Han,” Joshua frowned, trying to give his best annoyed look but ends
up looking adorable.

Jeonghan chuckled. “You make it so fun to tease you.”

“That’s just mean.”

“Don’t worry,” Jeonghan said. “Only between the two of us.”

It was a little thrilling, Joshua had to admit, having that little secret between him and
Jeonghan. Sharing a knowing look like it was an inside joke. He’s never done this before.

“You have a different aura around you today, hyung,” Soonyoung noticed when they reached
the peak of the trek. “Hmm… I feel like something happened.”

It made Joshua flinch a little, and he hoped Soonyoung didn’t notice. He opted instead to
appreciate the view around them, the luscious vast greenery that he’d never see in Seoul.

“You do seem pretty… satisfied, hyung. Maybe this vacation made you more restful?”
Minghao offered taking in a deep breath to appreciate the fresh air.

Soonyoung shook his head, “Maybe, but it feels more than that. There’s a glow in him, you
know, kinda like what you get after sex?”

Joshua choked on air. Fuck. His instincts are too good.

“What the fuck, Soons?”

Soonyoung shrugged. “I’m not saying you had sex. Only that you have that kind of glow.
Looks good on you, though.”

Jun just laughed it off. “Seriously, Shua-hyung. You’re looking so much better that before we
arrived in Jeju. You should take vacations more often.”

He’s not sure it’s vacations that he needed to do more often. But he kept those thoughts in his
head.

At the same time, those thoughts remained with him all day. It made his skin feel hot
whenever he’d catch Jeonghan looking at him throughout the night since they got back from
their trek nearing dinner time. There was a jolt of electricity coursing through his veins when
their skin brushed against each other when Joshua passed Jeonghan a bottle of beer. When the
older one whispered so close to his ear because the music was too loud, it sent shivers down
his spine, weakening his knees. He wanted more.

Soonyoung and Seungcheol convinced them to attend the midsummer beach party being
thrown by the resort along the shores, their aim to party the night away. This time, they
agreed to look out for each other to prevent a similar incident from their first night.

Joshua found himself looking for Jeonghan from time to time if he’s not near him. He can’t
tell if he was doing this deliberately or unconsciously anymore, so he tried so hard to distract
himself by dancing with Soonyoung and Mingyu, or drinking with Seungcheol and Jun. But
his mood visibly dampened when Jeonghan excused himself to return to the villa as he had an
urgent work matter to review.

He’s itching to return to the villa as well, completely disinterested at the party, but finding no
good excuse to leave. That is, until Minghao and Jun decide to go, this time informing Joshua
so he isn’t left alone. But the young doctor took the opportunity to go with them, saying he’s
feeling tired from all the partying and drinking they’ve been doing for the past two nights,
opting to rest for his last night In Jeju.
 Now he found himself in front of a white door on the second floor of their villa, with an
internal battle of whether to knock or turn on his heels to go to his room instead across the
hall. Maybe he should have drunk more alcohol, he considered, because what if Jeonghan
thinks he’s being too much? What if Jeonghan didn’t actually enjoy last night as much as
Joshua did? What if Joshua wasn’t any good?

He was a little frustrated with himself. And yet, just one more night. Before he had to go
back to Seoul.

So, he knocked. Once. Twice. No answer. And then he realized, what if he was still busy with
work? Oh shit. He stepped back, ready to turn to his room when the door opened.

There stood a surprised Jeonghan, in his white t-shirt, chin-length hair tied back, stray strands
falling to frame his gorgeous face, and his glasses. Why does he look so good in glasses? He
looked heavenly, Joshua thought. The surprised look on the older man’s face didn’t last long
though, immediately replaced by an amused look as he leaned against his door’s frame, a
little smug, waiting for Joshua to speak.

The silence pained Joshua, but he knew it was his move.

“Jeonghan,” Joshua said, voice low and wanting. “One more night?”

He saw the amused smile turn into a wide grin, as he felt a hand wrap into his, pulling him in
for another amazing night.

Chapter End Notes

Let me know what you guys think of the chapter!

 Chapter 4
Chapter Notes

Hello! I'm back with a new chapter. This one took me a while because I couldn't decide
who's POV it should be on. But I decided we should maybe have a glimpse on what
Jeonghan has been thinking.

And thank you for your warm response to the last chapter! Since it was my first ever
smut, I was really worried.

There will be some text exchanges here. Bold and italicized for Joshua and just italicized
for Jeonghan.

Just a REMINDER of the mpreg tag. Please don't read if uncomfortable. Didn't get to
proofread this as much either since I really wanted to get this out already.

Hope you enjoy!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

It wasn’t just one more night.

In the couple of weeks that follow, Jeonghan and Joshua fell into an unexpectedly
comfortable routine of meeting up and spending their nights in tangled bodies and crumpled
sheets. It was like something in Joshua sparked, Jeonghan concluded, and continued to be
aflame, pulling Jeonghan in deeper and deeper.

But this is their Joshua he’s talking about. Their innocent, rule-abiding, sweet Joshua who
had always been averse to doing anything his parents would disapprove of. Then, Seungcheol
called him out on this one time.

“So,” Seungcheol initiated one time they were drinking in some speakeasy on a Wednesday
night after his training. “You and Joshua. What’s up with that?”

The question made Jeonghan flinch. “What do you mean?”

The older of the two rolled his eyes as he took a sip of his chosen 10-year-old whiskey. “I
know something’s going on with you two. Don’t try to lie to me.”

Jeonghan’s eyebrows furrowed cautiously.

“I know you, Jeonghan,” said Seungcheol as a matter-of-factly. “Something changed between

you and Joshua back when we were in Jeju. So, tell me, what’s up with the both of you?”

Jeonghan sighed. Soonyoung may have great instincts, but Seungcheol somehow just knows.
“We’re friends.”

“Right,” Seungcheol sneered. “Friends, huh?”

“Yes, we’re friends,” Jeonghan rolled his eyes.

“But you’re fucking each other.”

“How did you—”

“I didn’t, but thanks for confirming it to me,” Seungcheol snorted. “But seriously, Han? Fuck
buddies with Joshua, of all people?”

“It’s not like I intended it to be that way. He initiated it, and I thought he just wanted to know
what it’s like. I mean, come on, you saw how Jun and Minghao kept teasing him.”

“And you thought what better way to satisfy his curiosity by, what? Satisfying him? Again
and again?”

He flinched again.
“What do you want out of this, anyway, Jeonghan? Do you plan on dating Joshua?” the eldest
asked, but Jeonghan didn’t have an answer to that.

He could hear Seungcheol sigh as he took a sip of his whiskey, avoiding the athlete’s gaze.

“And what about Joshua? Did he tell you what he wants?”

Jeonghan shook his head.

If he was being honest, he didn’t really want to ask, because that meant there would be
expectations on both their parts. Right now, the past couple of weeks had just been easy, fun
and pleasurable—something he hasn’t had in a while. A part of him wanted to keep it that
way for a little longer.

“You’re a good person, Yoon Jeonghan. I know how devoted you were to Moyeon. But
Joshua’s Joshua. You know that, right?”

Moyeon, his ex-fiancée whom he thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with up
until nearly half a year ago when she called everything off. Honestly, it’s not like he didn’t
see their relationship falling apart. She was half-way across the world pursuing her dreams
while he was here making sure that the company his grandfather built is taken care of. It
started as her getting busy with hanging out with people from the ballet company and fancy
dinners with ballet patrons. Then she’d become too busy to answer his calls and texts, and
when they do get to speak to each other, it was like she couldn’t be bothered. But he tried to
understand, her mind must have been just as tired as her body from how much physical strain
ballerinas go through. He adjusted and adjusted. Then, out of nowhere, she broke up with
him.

He didn’t know where he went wrong, and it broke him for months.

So much so that he was almost declared unfit to handle the company by the faction led by his
grand uncle. This pulled him back to the reality that the world kept moving, even if he felt he
was in a standstill. He picked himself up, but he was still in pain.

That is until that weekend in Jeju.

For the first time in months, he didn’t find it hard to fall asleep and wallow in waves of
sadness and hurt. He didn’t have to distract himself with endless piles of work and documents
to keep his mind busy and body tired. There was peace, there was rest.

There was Joshua who made him feel alive again.

“I know, Cheol,” he said.

“Don’t use him as a distraction—”

“I’m not,” he said defensively, a little irked.

“Then don’t let it get messy, Jeonghan.”

Messy was the last thing Jeonghan wanted, especially for him and Joshua. That is, except for
the mess that was right in front of him at the moment.

“Jeonghan… ah…”Joshua panted, eyes closed, his ass slapping against the older man’s pelvis
as he rode Jeonghan.

Jeonghan’s hands were on the young doctor’s hips, helping as he moved up and down as
Joshua tried to look for that angle that will bring him over the edge.

“Fuck, you look so beautiful right now, Shua,” Jeonghan said in between sporadic grunts and
groans, because it was true. Joshua’s normally gentle and innocent features were painted with
lust, his hair slicked back from the sweat of their exercise, mouth ajar and eyes fluttering
from the pleasure. This was his doing. “So pretty fucking yourself on my dick.”

“Shut up,” groaned Joshua, opening his eyes and staring at Jeonghan’s burning gaze. Since
the first time they did it, Joshua has learned to be a little less pliant in bed, sometimes talking
back (giving Jeonghan leeway for some dirty talk), sometimes taking the active role of
touching Jeonghan or riding him.

“I thought my compliments turned you on?”

“I can think of better ways for you to use that mouth.”

Jeonghan grinned, his hand moving up from Joshua’s hip, making sure it’s always in contact
with Joshua’s skin until he reached Joshua’s shoulder. He pulled the younger one in,
capturing Joshua’s mouth in his, kissing him deeply and hungrily, and he can feel Joshua’s
walls tighten around his cock, making him groan.

“Han,” said Joshua into Jeonghan’s mouth. He can feel Joshua’s movements slow down, legs
shaking, which meant he was getting tired.

Jeonghan pulled away, chuckling slightly as his hands make their way back to his hips. He
lifted Joshua off him.

“On all fours,” he instructed and Joshua complied.

He paused to appreciate the beauty in front of him, large expanse of silky smooth skin,
flushed from all the heat of their activity, glistening in beads of sweat, and big doe eyes that
turned to look at him, “What’s taking you so long?”

Oh, and Joshua has become a little more impatient when he was edged.
So, he grabbed the younger’s hips tight as he pushed his length back in, earning him a moan
from the man beneath him. There was a sense of pride that builds inside him, seeing Joshua
moan and writhe under his touch, only his touch. It wasn’t long until he found Joshua’s sweet
spot, making the younger scream his name and his walls tighten around Jeonghan more.

“So tight,” he grunted.

“There,” said Joshua as Jeonghan continued to hit his prostate. “Jeonghan, please.”

He loved it when Joshua screamed his name. The way it rolled off his tongue, in a moan, in
his honey-like voice, begging, wanting. It was driving him off the edge.

“Jeonghan, I’m so close,” Joshua said as his hand that was gripping on the sheets so tightly
finds its way to his leaking, throbbing cock, pumping it to help him reach that climax.

“Fuck,” Jeonghan thrusted harder, hands squeezing Joshua’s hips which was sure to leave a
bruise. In just another minute, Joshua finished first, cum spreading on his pristine white
sheets. Jeonghan followed soon after, and they both fall limp into Joshua’s bed.

Once, he regained some strength he sat up to make his way to Joshua’s bathroom. “I’ll get
you a towel, then I’ll go ahead and shower.”

Joshua cocked his head, “You’re not staying tonight?”

It wasn’t like they had an after-sex routine. Sometimes Jeonghan stayed and they cuddled,
sometimes he didn’t. But Jeonghan always made sure to take care of Joshua after sex.

Jeonghan came out of the bathroom with a warm wet towel so Joshua could wipe the
stickiness off and make himself more comfortable. “I have a flight in a few hours, I have to
go back to my apartment to pack. I’ll be in Paris for a week for business.”
“Oh,” was all Joshua said, nodding in understanding.

When Joshua came out of the shower, Jeonghan was dressed and looking at his cellphone,
catching up on emails he might have missed. On the other hand, Joshua was in comfortable
clothing, ready to sleep before another 16-hour shift in the hospital.

Jeonghan looked up when he felt a dip on the bed and his eyes met Joshua’s. He sighed,
Seungcheol’s warning haunting him because he was right. He can’t keep them in this limbo
forever, he can’t be that selfish.

“Joshua, listen.”

Joshua raised an eyebrow, his movements tentative. “What is it?”

“We need to talk about… well, this,” he said, gesturing to the space between the two of them.

He noticed how Joshua tensed up, he knew that this would be an uncomfortable topic.

“It’s nothing bad, or anything,” he tried to say to ease Joshua’s evident worry. “It’s just, I’ve
just had my long-term relationship end a few months ago, and, I may be wrong, but you
haven’t been in a relationship in a while either,” Jeonghan paused, sighing. “I guess what I’m
saying is this thing we’re doing, this is new to me too.”

He looked at Joshua to see his reaction, the younger man appeared to have relaxed a little.

“I’m saying, let’s figure out what we want out of this,” said Jeonghan. “I’ll be gone for a
week, let’s talk about it when I get back?”

He saw how Joshua bit his lower lip, letting Jeonghan know that he was a little bit anxious.
“Okay,” Joshua said softly.

“Okay,” Jeonghan repeated with a soft smile. “You should rest now. I’ll get going.”

He stood up in front of Joshua, dipping down to leave a peck on the top of his head,
something he found himself doing recently before he leaves, and ruffled his brown hair
affectionately, earning him a soft smile from Joshua.

His days in Paris flew by like a blur. He met business partners and distributors of Henggarae
products, as well as potential distributors who have links with other countries in Europe to
widen the reach of Henggarae and enter more markets. He was able to close one important
deal which would allow them to sell some of their products in a high-end department store,
accomplishing one of his more important tasks as he took on the role of Henggarae’s CEO.

If he was being honest, he barely felt like he was in a different country since he was, for the
most part, always in office buildings, conference rooms, or his hotel room. The only
semblance of being abroad was the foreign words and accents surrounding him, his need of
an interpreter in most meetings (although he can speak some degree of French), and the bland
food which made him miss the seasoned spicy food of his home country.

He met up with Mingyu, one free night, at Almine Rech, a contemporary art gallery in
Marais. He was surprised at first to know that he and Mingyu were in the same city abroad,
and having nothing better to do, he agreed to meet with Mingyu and his friend. Mingyu said
that his friend invited him to play futsal with a few of the locals at a nearby futsal field, and
Jeonghan was very much up to play any form of sport, really. He bought some athletic attire
and cleats since he didn’t bring any, and then met up with Mingyu at the gallery.

Jeonghan wasn’t particularly familiar with the art scene so he doesn’t absorb as much the
information that Mingyu has been churning for the past half hour that they’ve been at the
gallery. They were looking at a painting called Chanel Shopping Bag, which was literally a
painting of a Chanel shopping bag, and he vaguely recalled Mingyu’s explanation how the
artist took on elements of consumer society in order to explore the collective consciousness,
or something like that.

There was one painting that caught his eye, one of the few pieces that were more abstract,
splotches of various shades of brown spread across the canvass, hidden behind splashes of
white, gray and a light blue, creating feather-like and whimsical imagery. It reminded him of
a brown-haired man, spread across pristine white sheets. Beautiful and innocent.

He sighed deeply, trying to shake the image out of his head, especially since that wasn’t the
right time and place to be remembering those images. It’s funny that somehow he managed to
think about Joshua in the most random things now.

“You like that painting, hyung?” asked Mingyu, noticing the length of time he’s been staring
at that specific painting. “This artist is quite young but the imagery he creates is quite
beautiful. I hope to bring his art to Seoul one day.”

Jeonghan hummed.

“Mingyu,” a low voice suddenly called out, causing the two to turn around.

They spot a tall, handsome, bespectacled figure approaching them, and his arrival made
Mingyu smile ear to ear.

“Wonwoo-hyung, are you finally done with your work?”

When the man named Wonwoo was finally in front of them, he responded, “Yeah. Sorry to
keep you waiting. I was surprised to know you were also in Paris.”

Mingyu gave him his signature puppy-like grin. “Seems a lot like fate to me.”

Wonwoo raised an eyebrow.

“Just kidding, hyung. It just so happens that I was sent by the foundation to coordinate with
another gallery here for one of their artists to showcase her art in Seoul.”
“I see,” Wonwoo said, and then turned to Jeonghan who was just by Mingyu’s side listening
quietly. “And this is…?”

“Oh, my bad. Wonwoo-hyung, this is a friend of mine, Yoon Jeonghan. Jeonghan-hyung, this
is Jeon Wonwoo, the one I told you about who works in an art gallery in Canada.”

They exchange a firm handshake and short pleasantries and Wonwoo asked after, “Yoon as in
from the Yoon Group?”

“Yup, as in Chairwoman Yoon’s grandson,” Mingyu confirmed. “Do you know the Yoons?”

“I’ve been told that Chairwoman Yoon’s foundation is a major sponsor of the gallery I’m
transferring to in Seoul. I was just… surprised to meet her grandson here,” Wonwoo said
nonchalantly.

Somehow, his tone made Jeonghan uncomfortable, and he’s not sure what about it was irking
him. He tried shaking it off, after all, it was his first time meeting the guy. Once they were
done with some small talk, they went to the indoor futsal field and joined some locals.
Mingyu and Jeonghan played for one side and Wonwoo for another.

Jeonghan was surprised that the raven-haired man was quite skillful, clearly having some
foundation in soccer or futsal with the way he dribbled the ball and passed it effortlessly.
Then, he noticed how Wonwoo made it a point to mark Jeonghan, as if wanting a one-on-one.
Sometime during the ten-minute mark, there was Wonwoo once again, defending against
Jeonghan. The young CEO, having only worn his cleats for the first time that night, lost his
footing for a moment, allowing Wonwoo to steal the ball and pass it to his teammate who was
able to score.

Wonwoo wore a proud smirk on his face, which kind of pissed Jeonghan.

“Wah, Wonwoo-hyung, you’re playing really well,” Mingyu complimented, smitten. He

turned to Jeonghan to say, “I can’t believe he outplayed you there.”
“Shut up,” Jeonghan hissed, moving past Mingyu.

Mingyu shrugged. “What? It’s true.”

Jeonghan couldn’t help but glare at the younger man, getting fired up to play. They continued
the game, and Jeonghan got hold of the ball once again. He found Wonwoo defending against
him again, and Jeonghan does a fake to the right, Wonwoo following his movement. But then
Jeonghan skillfully kicked the ball with the heel of his foot to the left and side stepped to
follow, making it past Wonwoo easily. He moved all the way up to the opponent’s goal post
and kicked it to the corner, scoring and tying the game.

His teammates celebrated the score with high fives, and it was Jeonghan’s turn to grin at
Wonwoo, letting him know that he won’t be beaten that easily. The game continued and for
another hour, with breaks in between, and Jeonghan, having warmed up, was able to
showcase his skills from collegiate soccer (although a bit rusty from not having played for a
long time, but good enough for a good time) by scoring another two goals.

When the game ended, Mingyu, Jeonghan and Wonwoo are on the bench and drinking some
water, catching their breaths.

“You played well, Yoon Jeonghan,” Wonwoo said as he toweled his face.

“He used to be a top collegiate player, hyung,” said Mingyu proudly. “It’s too bad he didn’t
go pro, but the Yoon Group needed an heir to the throne.”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes at the chuckling Mingyu.

“You played well yourself,” Jeonghan offered back because it was true, although not better
than him, of course. But he was polite enough to return the compliment.

“I used to play in high school,” Wonwoo said, not really looking at them. “But I got injured
so I had to stop playing to recover.”
Jeonghan didn’t turn to look at the bespectacled man but did notice that his voice was quite
solemn and sad. Since he wasn’t close to him, he chose not to prod. He could tell, though,
that Mingyu was curious, and was probably going to ask him about it when it was just the
two of them. In any case, Jeonghan chose not to join them at dinner, being all out of social
energy to spend more time with someone he just met.

When he got back to his hotel room, he ordered room service before taking a shower and it
arrived just after he finished cleaning up. When he was done eating, he checked his laptop for
any work that needed his immediate attention before calling it a night and lying on his bed.

However, Jeonghan knew it will probably take a while for him to sleep. He’s been having a
hard time sleeping for months now, and most nights he barely got a decent amount of sleep.
These nights, though, he would think about the situation he had with Joshua.

To distract himself, he opened his phone, scrolling through the few socials he actually used
until he found himself bored. He couldn’t care less about some person from high school who
barely remembered bragging about his new convertible. Mindlessly, he opened his messaging
app, scrolling to a familiar name and seeing their latest thread of messages.

want anything from paris?

Hmm. I heard the baguettes there are amazing.

you want something long and hard…

i see

Paris has a lot of those, I heard.

mine’s pretty amazing too

you won’t get that anywhere else

Jeonghan!!

So dirty.

And I’m kidding about the baguette.

Boarding?

in a while.

shua. don't forget to eat during your shift, you’ve been looking pale lately.

*thumbs up*

Safe skies, Han. See you when you get back.

The last message was from the day he flew to Paris, although they barely texted except to
align on what time they’d meet up and some friendly (read: naughty) banter here and there.
They’re too busy to text, honestly.

If anyone asked college Jeonghan if he ever thought he’d end up in this kind of set-up with
Hong Joshua, he would have snorted and brushed it off. Joshua was quite reserved, doesn’t
like going to events with large crowds and strangers, and kept his circle of friends small.
Some people thought he was standoffish like that, that maybe he thought he was too good for
everyone else, but Jeonghan knew that wasn’t the case.
Joshua is kind and compassionate. He always had a bottle of kibble to feed stray cats he
would pass by on a regular day. He once stayed up with Soonyoung in the library until
Soonyoung could finish a paper he had to write again from scratch after his laptop crashed.
He spent the day accompanying Jeonghan that one time the latter missed his dad so much, he
wanted to go to an amusement park where he had the best memories of his dad, even if
crowded places made him anxious.

That was the kind of person Joshua was. But he was also very filial, always following his
parents instructions, never wanting to disappoint them. He strayed away from anything that
could remotely be disapproved by his parents. Soonyoung once said he wasn’t always like
that. Now, Joshua always made decisions based on what his parents would want.

Which is why he was extremely taken aback when Joshua asked him to sleep with him that
night in Jeju.

He’s always been a little protective of Joshua because of how the world can be harsh to
someone like him. But remembering Seungcheol’s words, he can’t help but wonder what if
he’ll be the one to cause Joshua pain in the future.

He groaned, his thoughts hurting his head and making him turn on his bed in frustration.

Then he heard a ping.

He lifted his head on the pillow and tiredly checked his phone, half-expecting a message
from a certain brown-haired doctor. When he saw who it is from, however, he felt a tinge of
pain.

Hey

I heard you were in Paris

Can we meet? Whenever you’re free.

 That was the last text he expected to receive, and it was already half past 2am at this point.
He was tired, and he honestly doesn’t know if he’s thinking clearly anymore. Nonetheless, he
responded,

ok

He agreed to meet for brunch before he flies back to Seoul at a quaint café somewhere near
his hotel because he still had to check out. Arriving first, he picked a spot in the corner,
somewhere away from the line of sight of most customers. He placed an order for a light
sandwich, opting not to order coffee so he can sleep in the flight.

He was on his phone checking for emails when he heard the chair opposite him being pulled
against the tiled floor, prompting him to look up.

“Moyeon,” Jeonghan said.

There she was in front of him, a lithe young woman with dark long hair, neatly tied to a high
pony. She had a small face, prominent nose and cat-like eyes—the woman whom Jeonghan
was willing to spend the rest of his life with but who ended up breaking his heart.

“Jeonghan,” she greeted as she sat in front of him. “Thank you for making time to see me.”

Jeonghan didn’t respond, instead, he handed her the menu. “I don’t know what you’d like to
eat, so order what you want.”

Moyeon frowned a little. “You already know what I like.”

“That was before. So many things have changed so I can’t be sure anymore,” Jeonghan
shrugged.
She frowned, a touch of disappointment on her face. Was she not expecting him to be this
cold? Moyeon didn’t respond to that anymore and instead called the waited and placed her
order, before turning to look at Jeonghan who was back to looking at his phone once more.

“How are you?” she asked, breaking the silence.

“I’m good,” Jeonghan answered, closing his phone and settling it down at the table. It was a
half-truth. If she asked him a month ago, it would have been a lie. But since then, Jeonghan
had started feeling less broken, smiling more and missing Moyeon a lot less. “You?”

“I’ve been better.”

This piqued Jeonghan’s curiosity. He’d always thought that she had been doing great after
breaking up with him, because, after all, if she was hurting like he was then she would have
picked up his calls and talked to him, maybe discussed what was wrong and how to fix
things. But she didn’t. And now here she is, implying that she was having a hard time.

“Why’d you ask to meet?”

He noticed her flinch a little when he didn’t ask more about her well-being. He really can’t
decide what to make of her reactions.

“I wanted to talk.”

“About?”

“About us.”

Jeonghan furrowed his brows.

“Moyeon,” he started, a hint of irritation in his voice.

“You used to call me darling,” Moyeon gave a small, hopeful smile.

Jeonghan sighed. “What about us did you want to talk about? I don’t exactly have all day.”

Her shoulders dropped and she leaned in, reaching out to hold one of Jeonghan’s hands, and
he doesn’t know why he lets her. When he doesn’t pull away from her touch, he could tell she
felt a little bit braver.

“Jeonghan, I’ve missed you,” she said, rubbing circles on Jeonghan’s palm. “I’ve missed you
a lot.” Jeonghan looked at her, trying his best to maintain an impassive expression as she
continued. “I regret breaking up with you months ago, darling. It was the worst decision I’ve
ever made. Please… can we still work things out?”

She wore that expression, the one she used every time she wanted to ask something of
Jeonghan to make him give in with her wishes. Like that one time she wanted a Tiffany gold
bands because a coworker was bragging about receiving one from her boyfriend, or that one
time she wanted to join Jeonghan went he had a work trip to New York because she’s never
been there. Her version of puppy-dog eyes. But why, why does he feel so cold right now?
Didn’t he want her back?

“Jeonghan, my darling—”

“I was trying to contact you for months, I even flew to London to try and see you so we can
talk, but you refused. And now you want to get back together?” he said, pulling away from
her touch, trying to maintain the evenness in his voice, but the tinges of anger were clear.

“I’m sorry, darling, I wasn’t thinking clearly back then—”

“Why are you doing this, Kang Moyeon?” he saw her flinch at the use of her full name. “You
have no idea what I’ve been through the last few months. So, why? Why are you doing this
now?”

Then Jeonghan saw the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes. Damn. He always
did hate seeing her cry, of course, he loved her at lot and it pained him to see the person he
loved cry. But he cried too, for months on end.

“I’m so sorry, Jeonghan, I don’t know what else to say,” she cried.

He realized that people were starting to look at them but he tried his best to ignore the stares.

“Then tell me why you broke up with me.”

She bit her lips at she wiped the tears from her cheek. “I was having a hard time, balancing
our long-distance relationship and my ballet career. I was so tired… all the time. I was just
tired. The director, he kept on getting mad at me for not being focused during practice. My
position as prima ballerina was threatened and I just… I couldn’t balance you and my career.
Jeonghan, I’m sorry. But I realized that I can’t live without you. I love you, Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan felt his heart tighten at her explanation. He felt bad for her, for all the hardships she
was going through.

“I understand you were having a hard time, Moyeon,” he said softly. “But so was I. Just like
you I was having a hard time too—fending off so many people wanting to take me down
from the company, Grandma’s pressure to make me CEO, the burden of knowing the
livelihoods of thousands of people and their families are in my hands. I was also tired too.
But you, you were supposed to be my support, just like I was yours.”

“I’m so sorry, Jeonghan. Please… Please take me back,” she begged, trying to reach for
Jeonghan’s hand.

“To be honest, if you had said that a month ago, I would have taken you back in a heartbeat,”
Jeonghan said, pulling his hand away. “But, things have changed now, Moyeon. Even if I
agreed to get back together, we’re still in that same situation that we were back then, we’ll
still have the same problems and the reasons for why you broke up with me will still be
there.”

“No,” she exclaimed, shaking her head furiously. “Just give me… give me some more time to
sort things out here. I’ll being going back to Seoul soon, darling.”

“What? Why?”

Moyeon paused for a moment, hesitant. “I… I got injured, recently.”

Jeonghan raised an eyebrow and she extended her leg under the table. He saw a bandaged
right ankle that he hasn’t seen until she pointed it out.

“The doctor says I might not be able to dance professionally like I used to anymore,” she
said, her head low and voice solemn. “Even if it does, those bitches who claim to be my
friends are now vying for the position of prima ballerina,” she said spitefully. “I may have
lost my career, Jeonghan. I don’t want to lose you too—”

“Wait,” Jeonghan interrupted her. He can admit to himself that he was deeply concerned at
the fact that she was injured, more so that it was potentially a career-ending injury. Moyeon’s
whole life was about her being a ballerina, but still, he couldn’t help but feel off. “Are you
saying you want to get back together because you just lost your career? What is this, am I
supposed to be a consolation prize?”

“No—Jeonghan, that’s not what I meant,” she said urgently. “I still love you, that’s the truth.”

But Jeonghan shook his head. “I’m sorry, Moyeon. I can’t give you an answer right now.”

“Jeonghan, please. Just… just think about it,” she begged, her eyes brimming with tears once
more. “I’ll come back you, darling. Just, please, wait for me.”
The young CEO chose not to respond. Instead, he takes out his wallet and a few bills to pay
for their food before standing up.

“I have to go, I’ll be late for my flight.”

“Jeonghan…” Moyeon pleaded, but Jeonghan continued to walk away.

His mind was going crazy on the way back to the hotel, unable to believe that that whole
conversation just happened. Was Moyeon really planning to come back? Wasn’t he waiting
for this for a long time? So, why wasn’t he excited?

He tried not to think about Moyeon for the time being by either sleeping on the flight or
working when he was conscious, anything to distract himself. He didn’t want to go his mind
to tailspin like it did when they broke up, he can’t afford that anymore. There were just so
many things he that needed his attention: the deal he just closed that his team needed to work
on right away, the launch of the Henggarae’s baby products that still needed a lot of work in
production and marketing, his grandmother’s health and—

A ping on his phone brought him back from his thoughts.

It was Joshua.

Right, Joshua. He still had to talk to Joshua.

Great, he thought. He promised Seungcheol it wasn’t going to be a mess but it’s looking like
it’s headed there. He almost forgot that he still needed to talk to Joshua.

He swiped his phone up and the read the text from the young doctor.
Hey, are you back?

yeah. a few hours ago.

Can we have that talk?

okay. your apartment?

Okay.

i can be there in an hour.

See you.

For some reason, he felt like something was happening to Joshua from the way he texted. But
at the same time, he also had a decision to make.

His driver brought him to Joshua’s apartment and he got there in an hour like he said he
would. He takes the familiar elevator to the floor he knows Joshua’s apartment is situated,
walks the silent hallway until he’s faced with the white door he has become acquainted with
over the last couple of weeks.

He knocked thrice but no answer. He waited a little while longer until he heard a persistent
retching noise that sounded a lot like Joshua. Worried, he punched in the code he already
knew (he just wanted to be polite and not barge in unannounced) and called out the young
doctor’s name as soon as he entered.

Following the sound of Joshua vomiting, he turned to the kitchen where Joshua was hunched
over the sink.
 “Shua,” he went over to where the younger man was. “What’s happening?”

At that point, it appeared that Joshua stopped puking but he still looked a little bit sick.
Jeonghan, unsure what to do, placed a hand on Joshua’s back, rubbing soothing strokes
hoping it would somehow make him feel better.

“Water,” Joshua mumbled.

Quickly, Jeonghan opened the fridge to take out a bottled water, opening the cap before
giving the same to Joshua. Joshua drank the liquid and whispered a quick thank you.

“Are you okay? You don’t look too well, Shua,” Jeonghan said as he lead Joshua to the living
room couch. He sat beside him, an arm still on his back as support. “You might be
overworking yourself again. I told you not to ski—”

“I’m pregnant.”

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reaching the end! Hehe. I'm really excited to write the next chapter. We'll
be back to Joshua's POV.

Let me know your thoughts!!

 Chapter 5
Chapter Notes

Surprise! Decided to post this already since I was done with it and excited to get this
out. I already planned out what would happen in this chapter, but the more I write, the
longer it got and I ended up ending the chapter at a different point in the plot.

We move on to the angsty part!

Starting here I suppose I'll be shifting POVs more because of all the moving parts in the
story.

Thank you for all the comments and kudos you've left, I really appreciate them. I hope
you enjoy this chapter! More characters unlocked!

Disclaimer (because it's been a while), this is not based on true events and is purely
fictional. Forgive inaccuracies, typos, tense inconsistencies and the like. Also, I do not
belong to the medical profession so this may contain some inaccuracies. Thank you for
understanding!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Maybe you’re pregnant.”

It was a joke, of course. Seokmin just wanted to tease Joshua after he ran to the bathroom to
puke, because Seokmin would never have entertained the idea that the same could be true.
But Joshua knew better, because he is vividly aware of what happens behind closed doors
between him and Yoon Jeonghan.

They were at the café on the second floor of the hospital, at the east wing. Seokmin just
placed an order for iced americano and Joshua gestured that he wasn’t going to order
anything.

“Why? Don’t need a caffeine refill yet?”

Joshua shook his head. “Even the thought of drinking coffee is making me sick.”
“What did you eat, anyway? Maybe it’s food poisoning,” Seokmin offered as they stepped
aside and waited for Seokmin’s coffee to be prepared. “Is it the food stall down the street? I
hope not, I love their tteokbokki and odeng tang.”

“I haven’t eaten there the past few days, don’t worry,” said Joshua.

“Why don’t you get checked, you’re working in the hospital anyway. Could be a bug.”

“It might just be fatigue,” said Joshua as Seokmin took his order and they started walking to
their department. “I have been more tired than usual lately and I haven’t been eating well.”

“Hmm,” Seokmin said. “Your stomach is acting up. Remember yesterday when you said the
kimchi stew smelled bad and was making you blanch? And now you’re saying even coffee is
making you sick.”

“The kimchi stew smelled like piss,” said Joshua, bringing back the memories from
yesterday’s lunch that now made him want to puke again. “And I don’t know. Coffee is doing
weird things to my stomach. Can I develop some food aversions at my age?”

Seokmin shrug. “Seriously, hyung. If I didn’t know that you don’t have an active sex life, I
would seriously think you were pregnant.”

And then it really sunk in.

Oh god. Fatigue. Nausea. Food aversion. Fuck. It can’t be.

“You should get checked. Maybe do some bloodwork to see if anything is out of the
ordinary,” Seokmin continued. “Oh my god, look at you! You’re so pale.”
He felt frozen in place, panic starting to rise in his chest. The possibility of Seokmin being
correct was making him utterly nervous that he can’t think straight right now. He needed to
know.

“Seok,” Joshua said, his voice low and nervous. “I don’t think—I’m not feeling well. I think
I’ll just tell the chief resident I can’t finish my shift.”

Seokmin nodded, agreeing to the suggestion. “You really should, hyung. You won’t be
effective anyway if you’re not feeling well.”

“Okay, thanks,” he said, reeling back from his slight panic. “Oh, and don’t go mixing up
records again during rounds when I’m not there,” he added for good measure.

“Hyung! That was one time,” glared Seokmin.

“You told accidentally told a mother of a 10-year-old boy that his 68-year-old heart was
failing.”

“They had the same name!”

Joshua managed to laugh a little before going to the chief resident and explaining his
situation, then to the locker room to get his things.

When he gets back to his apartment, he’s carrying a bag with two pregnancy tests he bought
at a pharmacy blocks away from the hospital and his apartment, wanting the lowest chance of
running into someone he knows (not that he knew many people). He took the test
immediately, leaving the two sticks on his sink and ran a timer on his phone.

Unconsciously, he paced around his living room, thoughts running amuck. What would
happen if he was pregnant? His dad would be furious and disappointed. Pregnant out of
wedlock? Society would frown upon him, judge him. What about his work and his residency?
Everything he’s worked so hard for might go down the drain. What about Jeonghan? Oh god,
Jeonghan. How would he tell Jeonghan?

But, also, maybe he wasn’t pregnant and he really just has food poisoning. Maybe—

And the timer rung, prompting him that it was time to check the test. He made his way back
to the bathroom and peered over his sink.

Two lines. On both tests.

Joshua was fucked. Literally and figuratively.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

He was now pacing, once again, in his living room, hands clutching his hair hard he’s sure
that some strands have been pulled but he can’t really care about scalp health right now. His
heart was beating so fast it was ringing in his ears so loud that he can’t even process his
thoughts. He didn’t know what to do.

He reached for his phone after minutes of his thoughts going in overdrive, and called the first
person he thought of. The phone rung and each unanswered ring felt like his blood being
drained from his body.

“Hello?” the voice on the other end said after picking up on the fifth ring. “Hyung?”

“Soonyoung…” Joshua said, his voice a little shaky.

“Hey, hyung. Did you need anything?”

“Soonyoung,” there was a sob that followed.

“Hyung? Are you crying? What’s wrong?” Soonyoung sounded a little panicked now. When
Joshua didn’t immediately respond, Joshua can hear some shuffling on the other end of the
phone. “Hyung? Are you in your apartment? What’s wrong?”

“I… Please… Can you come over? I need you, please.”

Soonyoung didn’t hesitate to come over even if he had a class to teach in his family’s school
of performing arts, getting someone to substitute him so he can go to his friend who clearly
needed him. The younger man finds Joshua on the couch, hugging his legs and making
himself small, eyes a little red and hair a mess.

“Hyung,” Soonyoung said as he approached, taking the spot beside Joshua and putting an
arm over him. Briefly, he examines the young doctor for any physical wounds and breathes
out a sigh of relief from finding none. “What’s wrong, hyung?”

It took a while for Joshua to loosen up, releasing his legs from his arms’ embrace and turning
so he’s facing Soonyoung. Joshua hiccupped, biting his lips that already had signs of cuts
from Joshua’s teeth as if trying to prevent himself from crying.

“Hyung, what is it? You’re scaring me.”

“Soons…” Joshua finally said, his voice shaky. “I’m in trouble.”

“Trouble? Hyung, what do you mean?”

“Oh god, my dad would disown me. My colleagues are going to judge me. Seungcheol would
be so disappointed. And Jeonghan—oh god, Jeonghan,” Joshua was spiraling.
“Hyung, calm down. Can you explain what you meant by ‘trouble’?”

Joshua couldn’t respond and instead launched himself toward the younger man, hugging him
at his waist. Soonyoung jumped back in surprise, but then looked at his hyung who was
crying in front of him. It had been so long since he saw Joshua break down like this, the last
time was probably that one incident in college. It broke his heart to see one of his closest
friends hurting, and all he could do was gently pat his head hoping it would soothe Joshua
somehow until he was ready to talk.

A few minutes pass and Joshua was still frozen, his arms wrapped around Soonyoung, and
Soonyoung thought the position must be quite uncomfortable for Joshua.

“Hyung, tell me where the body is, I’ll take care of it for you, I swear,” Soonyoung was
unable to take the silence anymore.

Joshua turned to look up, his doe-eyes a bit swollen but he still looked adorable. “What
body?”

“You tell me,” said Soonyoung. “Doesn’t matter. I can deal with it for you.”

“What are you? Do you secretly belong to some mafia family?”

“No one will know, I promise. I’ll call Seungcheol-hyung, I’m sure he’d bring the shovel, and
Jeonghan-hyung will probably know a good disposal site—”

“Soons, I didn’t kill anyone,” Joshua frowned, his voice a bit muffled as his face was still
pressed against Soonyoung’s chest.

Soonyoung couldn’t help but chuckle. “You can tell me if you did though.”
“I swear,” Joshua finally pulled himself away from Soonyoung. “It’s not that kind of
trouble.”

“I’m just saying, you can tell me what it is.”

Joshua’s face softened, even managing a small laugh. “I know.”

Soonyoung smiled. “I’ll go get you some water. All that crying must makes you dehydrated.”

When Soonyoung comes back, he brought two bottles of water, and Joshua mouthed a thank
you. After that, silence enveloped them and Soonyoung waited until Joshua finally opened
his mouth.

“I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, I see. That’s not so bad, you’re just preg—you’re what?” Soonyoung exclaimed when it
finally sunk in. “P-p-pregnant? Hyung, what? Wait, you’re pregnant? How?”

Joshua flinched a little, not like he was expecting any other kind of reaction. “Do I have to
explain how sex works or…”

Soonyoung’s eyes widened even more. “You got pregnant after having sex?”

“No, Soonyoung. It was the immaculate conception,” Joshua said, managing to be sarcastic
somehow. “Yes, I had sex.”

“With who?” Soonyoung exclaimed, his tone a mix of shock and disbelief.

But Joshua couldn’t answer, looking down instead on his fidgeting fingers.
“I didn’t even know you were seeing some—wait,” Soonyoung paused, remembering
Joshua’s earlier breakdown and the names dropped. “Don’t tell me,” he started to piece the
pieces together as memories from Jeju came back to him. “Jeonghan-hyung?”

Without looking up at Soonyoung, Joshua slowly nodded, tears pooling in his eyes and
unable to stop the sobs that followed.

“Hyung,” Soonyoung’s felt an ache in his chest as he heard his friend’s cries. He pulled the
young doctor into a tight embrace.

“I don’t know what to do, Soonyoung,” Joshua’s whimpered. There was just so much fear in
him with the reality that he was pregnant and he absolutely did not know what to do. Was this
the price of the one time he let himself go?

“Shh,” Soonyoung soothed. “Have you talked to Jeonghan-hyung?”

Joshua shook his head. “I just found out a while ago. I don’t even know how I would tell
him.”

“You have to tell him, Shua-hyung.”

“What if he gets mad? What if he doesn’t want to take responsibility? I don’t know how to
deal with this, Soonyoung. I’m scared.”

“I know, hyung. I know it must be scary,” said Soonyoung as he patted Joshua’s back. “But
Jeonghan should know, and you must face this together. This is his responsibility too. I don’t
think he’ll leave you on your own on this one, hyung. But if he does, I’ll smack his head hard
and knock some senses into him, okay?”

“Soons.”
“And we’re here for you. You’re not alone.”

Joshua nodded against Soonyoung’s shoulder, but he’s not entirely comforted. There were
just so many things he worried about. Soonyoung stayed with Joshua for the rest of the day,
making sure that he’s okay and eats well, listening to his worries, giving him advice and
words of comfort, and talking about what he should do next.

Even so, Joshua’s mind had been all over the place the next couple of days while waiting for
Jeonghan to come back from Paris. No matter how Soonyoung reassured him, he couldn’t
help but overthink the situation, because who wouldn’t in his situation? Not to mention his
fatigue and nausea was making it so hard for him to focus and do well in work.

“Dr. Hong!” Dr. Jo shouted, making sure to catch the attention of every one within earshot.
“How hard is it to monitor the post-op patient? I told you to closely monitor his potassium
levels so why did I catch you taking a nap? Are you not taking your job seriously?”

All Joshua could do was look down at his feet and let the senior doctor scold him. It wasn’t
like he wasn’t monitoring the patient closely, he did check an hour ago and there was nothing
to report. He just happened to accidentally fall asleep. He knew he wasn’t a great doctor like
his dad who is a renowned cardiothoracic surgeon or his older brother who was naturally
gifted and belong to a limited number of neurosurgeons in the country. He also wasn’t adept
at business like his younger brother. He was just Joshua who was trying his best.

“Seriously, Dr. Hong, would you even be here if not for your last name?”

He doesn’t know why Dr. Jo always had it out for him but it wasn’t like he didn’t work hard
to get there, going through the grueling years of med school and internship, passing the
boards and still working hard for his residency. Perhaps Dr. Jo liked to bully Joshua because
he couldn’t do that against his father, the president of this hospital, who did not promote Dr.
Jo as chief of the cardiothoracic surgery department. And it wasn’t like President Hong
meddled in the hierarchy and training of residents for him to go easy on Joshua. Joshua can’t
make a mistake without Dr. Jo nitpicking at him and embarrassing him to the whole floor.
When Dr. Jo walks out from the ICU, there was a collective sigh of relief from the other
residents and the nursing staff. They understand that Joshua was always an easy prey for Dr.
Jo and sympathized.

“Dr. Hong, don’t take it to heart,” said one resident. “You know how Dr. Jo is.”

“And don’t worry. We know you were monitoring the post-op patient well,” said one of the
nurses.

He nodded meekly, acknowledging their attempts to comfort him. Honestly, he’s quite used
to Dr. Jo’s constant tirades and for the most part, he takes it as a learning experience. But he
is human, and it does get to him sometimes. There was no time to dwell on it, however, as he
started feeling a little dizzy. He stumbled and held on to the nurses station’s desk for support.

“Dr. Hong!” cried one of the residents as Joshua felt his knees weaken and give in.

There were cries that followed and footsteps rushing in, chairs being pushed aside, but all
that noise was fading into the background. He felt his butt make contact with the floor,
followed by his upper body, but he can’t focus enough to feel if he was hurt anywhere. Then
it all turned black.

When he regained consciousness, he recognizes that he was placed on a bed in the E.R., the
curtains around the bed he was in pulled together, giving him privacy. He moved to sit
upright and noticed the IV inserted into the vein in his arm inserting fluids into his system.
As if on cue, the curtains opened and a surprised Jun greeted him.

“Thank god, you’re finally awake.”

“What happened?” he asked, still a little weak.

“You fainted in the ICU,” Jun explained. “You were so fatigued that your body gave in. Even
now you still look quite pale.”
Fatigued and pregnant. Joshua sighed.

“Sorry for worrying you, Junnie.”

“Your brother also called me when he heard you fainted.”

“Johnny-hyung?” ah shit.

Jun nodded. “Sunbae was here actually, but he had a surgery so he left after making sure you
were okay.”

He made a mental note to text his brother later.

Jun frowned. “Hyung, I thought you’ve been doing so well after Jeju, you seemed rested and
happy. But now you seem like you’re sick all the time. Is something wrong?”

He bit his lip, unsure how to respond. “I’m okay, Jun. I’ll take care of my body better.” I have
to now.

“The E.R. doctor said you’re dehydrated and vitamin deficient. But he took some blood
samples to be sure. You’ll probably get the results later.”

Crap. A blood test.

He definitely wasn’t looking forward to that.

“Anyway, the chief resident said you should head back home and rest. Your shift’s over
anyway, so go have some breakfast and rest well, okay, hyung?”

“Okay.”

“Hyung, seriously.”

“Yes, Jun. I promise, I’ll rest.”

“Okay, I have to go now, I just really wanted to check on you.”

“Thank you,” Joshua smiled appreciatively.

When Jun was gone, he took his phone which was laid on the table beside his bed along with
his white coat. By this time, Jeonghan’s flight should have arrived. It won’t be long before his
dad finds out since the hospital just did a blood test on him. He’s sure it’ll reach his dad or his
older brother, privacy rules be damned. He needed to talk to Jeonghan as soon as possible.

Hey, are you back?

yeah. a few hours ago.

Can we have that talk?

okay. your apartment?

Okay.
i can be there in an hour.

See you.

“I’m pregnant,” Joshua blurted to the worried Jeonghan in front of him. That was it, he had to
say it now because he doesn’t if he can build up the courage if he let any more time pass.

Funny, he tended to blurt things out to Jeonghan, always surprising him with the words he’d
least expect. He felt a little apologetic, even.

“You’re… what?”

“Jeonghan,” Joshua said, apprehensive. “I’m pregnant.”

Joshua watched as the blood from Jeonghan’s face drained and the shock settling in, the
latter’s hand dropping from Joshua’s lower back. There were probably so many things going
on in Jeonghan’s head right now, just like when he found out about his pregnancy, but
Jeonghan’s lack of verbal response was making Joshua extremely anxious.

In fact, this talk was supposed to originally be about their little situation and arrangement. He
wasn’t even sure if Jeonghan wanted to continue their arrangement after coming back from
Paris or if he wanted it to stop. He most certainly didn’t know what Jeonghan felt about him
or if he felt anything at all, not that he was hopeful. But in the few weeks that they spent
together, mostly in bed, he didn’t mind if he could have something more with Jeonghan than
just sex. The young CEO was always so gentle with him, except maybe sometimes in bed
when he would—but Joshua’s thoughts digress. He was thoughtful and considerate, asking if
he ate and even sometimes they’d talk about their day, even ranting openly about their
frustrations. There were sometimes where Joshua thought maybe they could be something
more.
But he didn’t think it would be a baby.

And if Jeonghan didn’t want to be a part of this, Joshua honestly didn’t know what he was
going to do. He was really scared to face all of this alone.

“Jeonghan,” he tried again after what felt like minutes of silence. “Please say something.”

Joshua hesitated, but decided to reach out and hold Jeonghan’s hand, and the touch probably
brought him back because he was now looking at Joshua.

“You’re pregnant…” it was more a statement now than a question. “But.. how? I mean—I
know how. But, we used protection. I… How?”

The young doctor can understand the other’s reaction of confusion and disbelief, but
admittedly it did still hurt his pride. He debated whether he should seriously answer the older
one’s question.

“They’re never a hundred percent effective…” he said a little weak, looking down at his lap,
evidently quite scared.

Jeonghan must have noticed the tone of his voice because his features softened after Joshua
spoke. “Shua,” he sighed, a little more composed now. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound
so… doubtful. I’m just really shocked right now.”

“I understand,” Joshua said.

“Are you sure you’re pregnant?” asked Jeonghan because he needed to make sure.

“I took two tests, and I have the symptoms. I’m pretty sure,” said Joshua softly. “But I had a
blood test earlier today, I’m sure I’ll get confirmation in a few hours.”
Silence came once again because neither knew what to say next. It was so deafening, Joshua
was sure they could hear it if a needle fell on his wooden floor. But what could he say next?
Joshua sure as hell didn’t know what to do, or what to expect of this situation. He was only
sure that he needed Jeonghan to know.

“Are you mad?” Joshua asked, taking the courage to ask the questions that had been plaguing
him the past couple of days. “Will you… will you ask me to terminate this pregnancy?”

Jeonghan’s eyes widened in surprise, probably realizing how his silence was mentally
tormenting the young doctor.

“I’m not mad,” Jeonghan said, giving the hand that was still holding his a tight squeeze. “I’m
just… processing, still. And I’d never ask that of you, Joshua. I could never. But… that’s
your body, I’ll respect your decision.”

For the first time in days, Joshua felt relief wash over him. He knows this is just scratching
the surface of all the problems that are about to come, but hearing that Jeonghan isn’t mad or
ask him to do something he doesn’t want gave him some hope that everything will be okay.

“I don’t know what happens next, Jeonghan,” Joshua finally said. “What happens to us?”

And it was like a switch came on for Jeonghan, his expression changing to one of worry, and
even a hint of pain. Joshua suddenly felt like he said something wrong. This feeling was only
reinforced when Jeonghan pulled his hand away from Joshua’s grip, standing up, hands on
his hips and pacing.

“Jeonghan?” said Joshua. “Are you okay?” He knew that was silly to ask because who would
be okay to find out you’re fathering a child with someone you casually have sex with.

“Joshua, I—” Jeonghan said, his voice a little strained. This was one of the rare times he ever
saw Jeonghan lose his composure, so rare that the last time he saw it was when Moyeon
broke up with him.
Oh. Right. Moyeon. He must still be in love with her.

How did Joshua forget that Jeonghan might still be hung up with his ex? It’s not like their
arrangement was a promise of a future relationship (because even he didn’t think that far
ahead). What if he was still hopeful about getting back together with her and having this baby
ruined those chances? What if it’s all his fault. Oh god, Joshua felt sick and it could be more
than just morning sickness.

“Jeonghan—”

“I’m sorry,” Jeonghan suddenly said, making Joshua’s heart drop with just two words. “I… I
need time to process this, Joshua. I—” Joshua can feel the tears threatening to fall from his
eyes and he was trying his best to hold them back. “I don’t—I’m sorry to leave you like this,
but I—Shua, I just need to think about all this.”

“Jeonghan, please—”

But he was on his way out of Joshua’s apartment before Joshua could even get up from the
couch. The tears he was holding back now flowed down his cheeks as the fact that he was
just left there alone dawned upon him. God, this feels even worse than learning I was
pregnant.

Before he could even process everything, his cellphone pinged. Reluctantly, he checked the
message and the name he was dreading to see was on display.

Jisoo, come home. We need to talk.

It was time to face the music. Alone.

Once he cleaned himself up and washed his face, trying to lessen the swelling of his eyes, he
took a cab to his parents place, unable to trust himself with driving. His parents’ house was
located in one of the more upscale subdivisions in Seoul, a good distance from the hospital
which was why his parents got him an apartment so the hospital was just walking distance
given his long-hour shifts.

The cab stopped in front of familiar, large gated house. It wasn’t a mansion, so to speak, but
it was more than comfortable for a family with three kids. He rang the intercom and his face
was readily recognized, letting him in. The front garden greeted him—the grass was well-
kept and still green, easing into fall, it was cosmos and dahlias this time for autumn he noted
as he walked by patches of red and orange. His mom takes good care of the plants, it was her
little joy to see the garden thrive.

He has lived in this house all his life, the walls watched him grow up and the gardens were
witnesses to all the games him and his brother used to play. This was his home. Before, when
things were much simpler. To Joshua, this house hadn’t felt like home in a very long time.

When he entered, the house staff greeted him as well as his younger brother who came down
the stairs excitedly.

“Hyung!” his younger brother greeted him with a hug. “It’s been a while since you’ve
visited.”

“Vernon,” Joshua hugged back. The one thing he’s sad about not being able to come home
often was seeing his younger brother whom he loved dearly. Vernon was in his last year of
medical school and will be taking his internship in a few months.

“Hyung, you and Johnny-hyung are the only ones who still call me by my English name,”
laughed Vernon.

“Those are the names we grew up with back in the States,” Joshua said.

“Yeah, but we’re in Korea now.”

“My close friends call me Joshua.”

“But my friends call me Hansol,” Vernon deadpanned.

“Then that makes us special then.”

“What brings you home?”

“Dad called me, he wanted to talk.”

“Yikes,” Vernon said.

Joshua laughed emptily, trying not to look okay in front of his younger brother. He excused
himself knowing his father was waiting for him in the study. He took a deep breath as he
stood in front of the ornate wooden door, his left hand gripping his right, trying to steady it
from shaking. He was nervous and scared, and he was alone. When he imagined how this
would all go down, he hoped that he’d have Jeonghan by his side at least because they’d be
in it together. But that just wasn’t the case.

He knocked twice on the door of his dad’s study, the sound echoed in his ears, and he heard a
voice telling him to enter. It was just like how he remembered it, a somber looking office
with multiple bookshelves lined against dark grey walls, showcasing his father’s collection of
books. The blinds were pulled down, blocking the sun’s light from entering the room. On the
other side of the room was his dad’s desk, and there laid neatly organized notebooks and
books, a fountain pen, a small stack of papers and a computer (since most of the hospital’s
files were already on computers, tablets and the cloud). His mother was seated on one of the
two velvet chairs in front of his dad’s desk.

“Dad, mom,” he greeted first, bowing his head as a sign of respect.

“Jisoo, my love,” his mom, Young-ae, smiled and got up once she laid eyes on him to give
him a tight hug. “It’s been so long since you’ve come home.”

“Sorry, mom,” Jisoo said, apologetic. His mom was precious, she was sweet and kind, and
always doted on her husband and three sons. She always remembered to send food over,
scared that Joshua wasn’t eating right (her motherly instincts being spot on). Sometimes, he
felt bad for her mom for having all sons who tried to follow in their dad’s footsteps and
without a daughter she can bond with more.

His mom pouted adoringly. “You always apologize but still never visit more often.”

“Sit, Jisoo,” his dad instructed finally, and he and his mom sat down on the chairs.

Hong Joo-hwan is a strict but noble man, exuding authority in his actions both at home and in
the workplace. He isn’t affectionate toward his children, the opposite of his wife, but he made
sure to give praise where praise is due. It’s just that Joshua barely remembered when he was
at the receiving end of such praise or acknowledgement, whereas he could tell how his dad
was always proud of Johnny and Vernon.

“So, why did you ask to talk to me and Jisoo, honey?” Young-ae asked. Joshua froze,
knowing what was about to come.

Joo-hwan looked up to Joshua, using his index finger to fix the position of his glass before
talking. “I heard you passed out during your shift this morning.”

“What?” his mom exclaimed, turning to face Joshua with worried eyes. “Jisoo, you fainted?
My goodness, have you been taking care of yourself? Look at you, you’re so pale.”

“They did a blood test on you and I told them to give me the results,” he dad said. The
evenness and flatness of his dad’s low voice darkly contrasted the pounding of his chest.

“Dad—”
“Judging by the way you look, you already know.”

“Know what?” his mom asked.

“Are you going to tell your mom or am I?” his dad said darkly.

It was then that the tears started to fall from his face, worrying his mother. “Jisoo, why are
you crying? Are you okay? Are you sick? Please, tell me.”

“Mom,” Joshua turned to face his mother’s small and delicate frame, sniffling. “I’m
pregnant.”

“What?” Young-ae exclaimed in shock. “You’re pregnant? How?”

He looked at his mom’s expression and cried, “I’m so sorry, mom.”

“Jisoo…” he mother was torn between shock and wanting to comfort her crying child. “I—
We didn’t even know you were in a relationship. But now you’re pregnant?”

“Mom…” Joshua’s breathing hitched.

He could hear his dad sigh deeply. “You’re just in your second year of residency, you’ve
barely even learned how to be a surgeon. And you got yourself pregnant?”

“I’m sorry, dad,” Joshua said, his head down while his mom wrapped an arm around her son.
“What’s your sorry going to do, Jisoo? It’s already there. You’re already pregnant. I can’t
believe you, honestly, Jisoo. You’re already behind the rest of your batch mates when you
didn’t graduate on time, and you’re not exactly doing stellar work as a resident. You thought
it was a good idea to go around and get yourself pregnant? What were you thinking?”

“Honey…” Joshua’s mom tried to calm her husband and her crying son.

“No, stop coddling your son! He’s so irresponsible. A child out of wedlock? What the hell is
he thinking?”

His dad’s voice was now raised and his fury was evident, making Joshua cower and shrink
smaller than he already was. Why was he so irresponsible? He thought he was just trying to
be a normal person and trying to have some semblance of a life, he thought maybe he could
just be happy for a while. But now here he is. He has no one on his side.

“Who’s the other father, Jisoo?”

The question made him freeze. How was he supposed to answer that?

“I don’t want your child to be a bastard, so who’s the other father?”

He looked up at his dad for the first time since he admitted he was pregnant, and he can tell
his father was trying his best not to burst up in anger again, but that he was so close to it.

“Dad, I’m sorry… I…”

“What? Don’t tell me it’s a married man, Hong Jisoo—”

“No!” Joshua quickly said. “He’s not.”

“Jisoo, tell us who it is,” Young-ae tried to prod.

“We still… I still have t-to talk to h-him about this,” Joshua tried to say shakily. He didn’t
know what to say. He couldn’t just say it was Yoon Jeonghan, the grandson of Yoon Group,
one of their hospital’s shareholders and the apparent heir to one of the top conglomerates of
the country. Not when the said person told him he needed time to think about the situation
leaving him in his apartment. “Please, mom, dad.”

“Jisoo, I don’t want a repeat of what happened when you were in high school,” his dad said
sternly. “How long will you keep disappointing me?”

Disappointing.

It was something he should have been used to by now. He’s heard it all before. He supposed
no matter how hard he tried, no matter if he only had two hours of sleep reviewing for classes
in medical school, no matter if he practically lived in the hospital to get the experience he
needed, he would never meet his dad’s expectations because he was just always disappointed
with Joshua.

It was one mistake. One mistake he did when he was young and naïve. But his dad held it
against him ever since.

“You better bring that child’s other father here the next time you come here, Jisoo. Your child
is not going to be born out of wedlock, I’ll never allow it. Also, I’m putting you on indefinite
leave in the hospital until this is all settled.”

“Dad—”

“Joo-hwan, please, he’s our son,” Young-ae tried to plead. “Don’t be too harsh on him.”

“Then he better stop disappointing me,” his dad said. “You can leave.”
And just like muscle memory, he stood up and made his way out the study. He felt weak and
beaten, but he didn’t want to crumble in front of his dad and disappoint him again. He closed
the door behind him but he couldn’t cry yet. He forced himself to go up the stairs and in to
his childhood room, everything looked the same as he had left it except for what he knows
are new sheets as his mom would always make sure his room is ready for use in case he
visited the house. His eyes were so blurry with the tears that threatened to fall but he knew
this house like the back of his hand.

He lied down on his bed and allowed himself to finally cry again, covering his eyes with his
arm.

He blamed himself, because it was always his fault, his mistakes, his shortcomings. He never
did anything right. Always disappointing his parents, he was never going to be as good as his
siblings, and he wasn’t going to be good enough for Jeonghan. How could he even think he
was going to be a good parent to his unborn child?

He wallowed in his thoughts until he heard a knock and the sound of his door being opened.

“Jisoo,” he heard a soft, sweet voice call out. “Oh my, Jisoo.”

It was his mother who came to check up on him. He forced himself to sit up and face his
mother who was heartbroken to see him like that.

“Mom…”

“Shhh,” his mother sat beside him on his bed to embrace him and he buried his face on his
mother’s shoulder. “My child, it’s going to be okay.”

“Mom, I’m sorry,” he sobbed.

“Oh, my Jisoo,” his mother cooed, rubbing circles on Joshua’s back. Young-ae let her son cry
it out.

It took a while for him to finally stop crying, just wanting to let it all out. He felt drained and
tired, everything happening all at once today that he didn’t even have the opportunity to do
what Jun asked him to do – rest. This came as a painful realization when he felt something in
his lower abdomen ache, making him flinch and immediately putting his hand over his
stomach.

“Are you alright?” his mom asked, startled.

“I felt a little pain,” Joshua answered wearily.

His mother cupped his cheek, wiping out the dried tears and affectionately tapping his
swollen face. “You’ve been too stressed today, Jisoo. It’s bad for you and for your baby. You
should rest here first.”

Fear overcame him when he realized something bad could happen to the child, and suddenly
he felt helpless.

“Mom,” Joshua called softly. “I’m scared.”

His mom sighed, giving him the most understanding smile she could muster. “I know, Jisoo, I
know. It’s scary and overwhelming,” he can see the tears well up in his mom’s eyes, he was
making her cry and it hurt him even more. “Don’t worry, okay? Mom is here. I’ll be here for
you.”

“Mom,” Joshua said, wanting to cry from the reassurance his mom was giving him. He knew
from the start that his dad would upset with him, mad even, and Joshua was almost sure his
mom would be too. Why wouldn’t she?
But hearing her say that she would be there by his side through it all, it lifted such a heavy
weight he was carrying for the past few days. And for the first time, he actually believed he’ll
be okay.

He rested for a few hours as his mom ordered, rest which he also desperately needed, and
when he woke up it was already late in the night. He went down and his mom was waiting for
him to have dinner, and will not let him leave until he ate something.

“Mom,” he said after finishing his last bite of the food that was prepared. “Thank you so
much.”

Young-ae smiled knowingly.

“I had them prepare food for you to bring home. You have to start eating nutritiously, okay?
Let’s schedule a visit to the OB, I’ll accompany you,” his mom said in a manner which
implied Joshua could not refuse.

Soonyoung was furious, and maybe that was even an understatement.

He had called Joshua to check up on him, worried about his best friend’s state and how he
has been dealing with being pregnant. As expected, Joshua’s voice was weary, but more than
that he appeared sad and broken. At first, Joshua didn’t want to tell Soonyoung what
happened that day, but eventually he got Joshua to open up.

So, after failing to get a hold of Jeonghan, he was now on his way to Heaven’s Cloud Bar,
one of the establishments under Yoon Restaurants which he knew Jeonghan and Seuncheol
frequented. He entered the establishment and the security knew who he was, and told him
that Jeonghan was at their usual VIP room and he made his way there. The bar was upscale,
and had many rooms for corporate gatherings and confidential meetings, so Soonyoung made
past four or five rooms before he reached the room Jeonghan always liked to reserve.
The security let him in knowing he was one of Jeonghan’s closest friends, none the wiser.
When he entered, there was Jeonghan and Seungcheol in a deep conversation on the round
couch, each holding a glass of whiskey. Seungcheol was the first to notice his presence,
standing up to ask why he was there.

“Soonyoung,” said Seungcheol, causing Jeonghan to lift his gaze.

“Jeonghan-hyung, how could you?” Soonyoung ignored the eldest of his friends and went
straight to Jeonghan. “How could you leave Joshua-hyung like that?”

“Soonyoung, please,” Seungcheol tried to come between the two as Soonyoung was ready to
grab Jeonghan by the collar.

“No, Cheol-hyung. Joshua-hyung is so miserable right now. He’s stressed and scared, and
you left him this morning!” Soonyoung was only getting more annoyed at the lack of reaction
he was getting from the young CEO.

“Soonyoung,” Seungcheol tried again. “Please, calm down.”

Soonyoung then turned to look at Seungcheol. “You know, don’t you?”

The professional athlete sighed, turning to look at Jeonghan with a sympathetic look. “Yes,
he told me.”

“Did he tell you that he left Joshua-hyung alone after he told him?”

“Jeonghan also needs time to process, Soons. This isn’t easy for him either,” said
Seungcheol.

After hearing that, Soonyoung loosened his tensed muscles and sighed. He knew that finding
out you were going to be a father wasn’t that simple, especially when it wasn’t planned. He
knew he should be fair and understand that Jeonghan is probably just as shocked and
unprepared as his Joshua-hyung. But his heart broke for Joshua.

“I know that, hyung,” Soonyoung said, calmer this time. “But you have no idea how Joshua
fretted for days over telling Jeonghan-hyung since he found out. He’s not eating well because
it makes him nauseous or he just doesn’t have any appetite. He still had to work killer shifts
despite finding out he was pregnant because he can’t just tell his workplace that. He fainted
earlier today because he was fatigued and—”

“He what?” Jeonghan cut him off upon learning what happened to Joshua.

But Soonyoung doesn’t elaborate. “And when he finally told you, you panicked and left him
there in his own thoughts, worrying, spiraling, making him feel like he was alone in all of
this.”

“Wait, that’s not my intention,” Jeonghan said defensively. “I just—there’s just—I didn’t
mean to make him feel that way.”

“You already did, hyung,” Soonyoung said unforgivingly. “Then, his dad found out and
scolded him, placed him on indefinite leave.”

The color drained from both Seungcheol and Jeonghan knowing full well what Joshua’s
father was like and Joshua’s relationship with him.

“You’re having a hard time accepting all this, I know,” the dancer continued. “But Shua-
hyung has it much worse. He’s the one who’ll feel the changes in his body, bear the brunt of
the symptoms, be judged by the people around him. And you know what he’s like.”

“Fuck,” was all Jeonghan could say as he closed his eyes and threw his head against the
couch. “I’ll fix this.”

“You better.”
 -

He was able to get a full 8-hour sleep this time, the first since the trip from Jeju, all because
he didn’t need to wake up early for another shift at the hospital. When he opened his phone to
check, there were messages from Jun and Seokmin, as well as some emails and group chat
messages, but he decided to ignore that for the meantime because he was feeling hungry.
Joshua needed to take of his body more now, especially because he was carrying another life
in it. He can’t continue on with the lifestyle of a sleep-deprived and overworked resident.

Fortunately, the food that his mother had him bring back to his apartment were all things his
unpredictable taste buds and olfactory senses can take without making him nauseous. He took
some kimchi and stir fried it with leftover rice from yesterday, fried an egg and heated some
of the bulgogi and two side dishes from his mom. It was a hearty meal for breakfast, but he
was starving.

When he was done eating, he started going through his messages. His mom reminded him to
schedule a visit with the OBGYN, and he was about to respond to her when his doorbell
rang.

He lazily got up and went to the prompter to see who it was, surprised to see that it was
Jeonghan visiting him early in the morning. Gulping, he wondered what the young CEO was
doing there, although he knew it pretty much had to do with what he said to him yesterday.

Hurriedly, he opened the door and before him stood Jeonghan looking unfairly attractive.

“Joshua,” Jeonghan said. “I guess we should talk.”

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reaching it until the end! Hope the pacing is just right. The plot moves
along some more in the next chapter. Leave me with your thoughts!!
 Chapter 6
Chapter Notes

Hello! I'm back! Sorry it took so long. Work has been quite heavy recently taking up all
of my energy and brain power, it was so hard to write. Then I had to travel for work so,
it took a while for me to write this. But thank you for your patience and for everyone
who commented! You give me the energy to write faster.

ADDITIONAL TAGS!! Forced Marriage, Arranged Marriage and Traditional Asian

Culture. Being from an Asian country, I would say I'm pretty familiar with the values.
Hehe.

Hope you enjoy! Disclaimer that this is all fictional, and I'm not someone from the
medical field so I apologize for the inaccuracies.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

It’s been the longest week in Joshua’s life, even longer, and more emotionally and physically
draining than the time he was reviewing for his boards, and, god, did that week drag on. Then
he realized that this is only the start of the next 8 to 9 months, and that’s only the pregnancy,
and it scared him even more. The fears have been piling on despite the assurances of his mom
and Soonyoung, because, at the end of the day, it’s his baby, it’s his responsibility.

So, there’s some relief when Jeonghan said, “I’ll be here for you and the baby.”

Honestly, Joshua was scared that Jeonghan was going to say the complete opposite when he
found the older man in his doorstep that he was mentally preparing himself for the worst. But
Jeonghan opening up the conversation like that right after they sat on the couch caught
Joshua off guard.

“I’m sorry too,” Jeonghan added, his voice a little strained, so different from his usually
confident tone. “I shouldn’t have left you like that yesterday. You were already going through
a lot, and leaving you like that right after you told me was wrong of me.”

Joshua shook his head. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I could have handled it better.”

“You were shocked at the news, I understand.”

Jeonghan sighed, giving Joshua a fond look. “You’re making me feel worse by being so
understanding, Shua.”

The sudden change in Jeonghan’s demeanor made Joshua blush a little. “I-I’m sorry.”

“What exactly are you sorry for?” Jeonghan questioned, and Joshua blinked without a ready
answer. “You should fix your habit of apologizing for something that’s not your fault.”

“Jeonghan,” Joshua smiled softly. “Thank you for coming back.”

Jeonghan coughed, a little embarrassed and apologetic at how considerate Joshua was, and
tried to divert the conversation. “Have you eaten? I brought some food and fruits. You’ve
been very pale, you should eat more nutritiously now.”

“I have,” Joshua answered. “My mom packed me a lot of food last night. But thank you. Let
me put those away.”

He noticed how Jeonghan flinched, but decided not to call him out on it. He then stood to
grab the plastic bags that Jeonghan placed on the coffee table and made his way to his kitchen
to put the food and fruits in the refrigerator. Jeonghan followed him and leaned against the
island partition.

“So,” Jeonghan swallowed, making Joshua turn around as he places the last fruit in. “I guess
we should discuss how we’ll do this.”
Biting his lip, Joshua nodded, leaning against the kitchen countertop opposite Jeonghan.

“I heard your parents already know,” Jeonghan started, his voice a bit tentative, careful to
check Joshua’s reaction.

The doctor nodded slowly.

“So, your dad, how did he react?”

Joshua laughed hollowly, “As can be expected.”

“Are you okay?”

Joshua looked up to meet Jeonghan’s eyes, the sadness evident from the way his brown orbs
watered. “I’ve heard worse. And it really could have gone worse.”

“Shua,” Jeonghan said softly. Joshua saw Jeonghan slightly lift his body against the
countertop as if to move towards him, but then doesn’t, disappointing the young doctor. The
reluctance was clear as day, and Joshua can’t help but feel a little sorry for himself. Over the
past weeks, he had felt the warmth and comfort of having someone hold him, touch him, lay
beside him, even if he knows it wasn’t in a form of romantic relationship. Still, it made him
feel good and wanted. Now, seeing Jeonghan hesitate to touch him stung so much.

“It’s okay, Jeonghan,” Joshua said when Jeonghan’s words are left hanging, trying hard to
hide the hurt in his timbre. “It’s nothing new.”

There was thickness in the silence that fell between them, so thick you could cut through it
with a knife, but Joshua didn’t know what to say or do next.

“I’m surprised grandma hasn’t called me about it. If your parents know, they must have
called her by now.”
“Your grandma doesn’t know. My parents only know I’m pregnant.”

“So you mean…”

“I haven’t told them about you.”

“Why not?” Jeonghan’s brows furrowed a bit confused.

“I… Yesterday, after you, um, left, I didn’t know if you wanted anything to do with the
pregnancy and me, so…” Joshua trailed, seeing Jeonghan frown in remorse. “I didn’t want to
say anything to my parents pre-emptively since your family and my family know each other.
If they found out, they might have called you, or worse, grandma Yoon. I just… I don’t want
you to get dragged in this situation if you didn’t want to.”

Jeonghan bit the side of his cheeks, unable to speak.

“I’m sorry, Shua.”

But Joshua just gave Jeonghan a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“You went through so much yesterday, and I made it harder for you. I’m sorry.”

“My dad,” Joshua said, a bit hesitant. “He wants us to get married.”

Jeonghan’s eyes widened and it made Joshua gulp.

“To be more accurate, he wants me to marry the other father of my baby. He doesn’t want the
baby to be an illegitimate child.”

“Joshua—” Jeonghan stuttered, quite rattled by the sudden bring up of a wedding. “Wait—I
don’t think—”

Joshua looked down, wanting to hide his reaction from the man in front of him. If he were
being honest, he doesn’t know if he’d want to get married to Jeonghan either. Marriage hasn’t
been part of the plan, but if he ever did get married, he always hoped that it was with
someone he loved and who loved him back. As they are now, Jeonghan and Joshua’s
relationship wasn’t like that, although he acknowledges the fact that there is a special feeling
towards Jeonghan that he can’t quite place. Like how he always wanted to make the older
man feel relaxed after having a long and tired day at work. Or how he would cook a meal if
he knew Jeonghan was coming over so that Jeonghan could eat something homecooked
instead of take out, even though he was tired himself. Or also how he looked forward to their
little banters and conversations, so easy flowing as if it were the most natural thing in the
world.

At the same time, he’d want his child to have a complete family, a complete set of parents
who will shower him or her with love and affection. And, already, he felt like he’s failed at
that.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to get married just because we’re having a baby, don’t you?”

Joshua hummed, unable to speak his mind.

“So, what do we do now?”

“I have to tell grandma and auntie.”

Joshua visibly frowned. He knew they’ll find out soon enough, but grandma Yoon has always
been so kind and loving towards Joshua, and it made him sad to think he’ll be disappointing
her as well.
“I’m a little scared, Jeonghan,” Joshua admitted. “I’m not sure how grandma will take it.”

Jeonghan sighed knowingly. “It’s okay, it’ll be okay,” he tried to reassure the younger one.
“We’ll figure it out.”

Joshua found the courage to look Jeonghan in the eye, hoping to see something that will
anchor him and make him feel less like being in a gushing river, dragged by the currently
aimlessly, unsure and unrelenting. But he can’t seem to find it.

“Are you sure you want to come?”

“Yeah, let’s just rip the band aid off in one go,” said Joshua.

Jeonghan noticed how Joshua has been sullen after they talked the weekend before and today
when he picked Joshua up to bring him to the Yoon residence, but decided to ignore it as it
might just be the pregnancy making him moody.

The car arrived in the Yoon family residence, and the driver got out first to open the door for
the two men. The house is big and befitting of the Yoon family, with a grand front door and
marbled floors. Jeonghan and Joshua are greeted by maids who opened the door for them into
the foyer. In front of them is a grand staircase leading to the upper floor’s rooms and to their
left is the living room for greeting guests, where grandma Yoon and Jeonghan’s aunt were
chatting.

“Grandma, aunt Suryeon,” Jeonghan greeted as he makes his way to the living room with
Joshua tailing him.
“Jeonghan,” aunt Suryeon welcomed with a warm beautiful smile. “How nice of you to visit
our home once in a while.”

What she actually meant was that Jeonghan should come home more often, but aunt Suryeon
always loved to lace her words with other meanings.

“I brought Joshua today,” Jeonghan said just as his grandmother turns to greet him. Suddenly,
the old woman’s face lit up.

“Hi, Joshua,” smiled Suryeon. “It’s been so long, you’re all grown up already!”

“Joshua!” grandma Yoon stood up from her seat and opened her arms. Joshua immediately
came closer to hug the Yoon matriarch. “It’s so nice to see you here at our home.”

“Grandma, auntie, it’s so nice to see you both again,” Jeonghan felt the sincerity in Joshua’s
voice, his family had always been so fond of the gentle Joshua who used to hang out at
Jeonghan’s house along with Seungcheol.

“Wow, did you forget I’m here, grandma?” Jeonghan chimed, a small smile creeping up at the
sight in front of him.

Grandma Yoon rolled her eyes as she let go of Joshua to greet her grandson. “Jeonghan,
seriously, do you even remember you have a home here?”

Jeonghan twitched, “Sorry, grandma. I’ve been so busy catching up with Henggarae’s
paperwork, it’s just more convenient to stay at my apartment.”

Grandma Yoon sighed, understanding. She then gestured for everyone to sit and instructed
the help to prepare some drink and snacks. The matriarch was so eager to have the two there
that she had been asking questions and sharing stories that the two men hasn’t been able to
bring up the matter they came to discuss.
“Anyway, you should have seen Director Moon’s face when the news of his son’s scandal
suddenly played on the screen during the executive committee meeting. He looked like a wet
chick and his toupee was of no help. Karma is now digital, as the youngsters say.”

“I bet he didn’t count on his daughter-in-law to reveal the fact that his son cheated on his wife
and got another person pregnant,” Suryeon added, making Joshua gulp nervously.

“And his son was forced to resign from his father-in-law’s company and publicly apologize,”
grandma Yoon tsked.

“Anyway, enough about business,” Suryeon diverted. “So, Jeonghan, what brings you and
Joshua here?”

Grandma Yoon and Suryeon turn to the two expectantly, and Jeonghan turned to Joshua to
see if he’s ready. He noticed how Joshua has been fiddling with the napkin that was laid in
front of him along with the snacks and warm water that Joshua requested, now all crumpled
and torn in various places. Jeonghan could see how nervous Joshua is, unable to concentrate
on the conversation in the last half-hour, and Jeonghan wanted to help calm him down but
doesn’t know how. So, he had to bring up the topic now so both he and Joshua can stop being
on edge. It’s now or never.

“Actually, we want to talk to you about something important,” Jeonghan sat straight, ironing
out invisible creases on his pants with his hands, a gesture that doesn’t escape his
grandmother’s eagle eyes.

“Are you okay, Jeonghan? Why do you seem nervous?” grandma asked, and Jeonghan took a
deep breath. “Come on. Tell us the matter.”

“Grandma, aunt Suryeon,” Jeonghan started, pausing to take a final look at Joshua who gives
him a unsure nod to continue. “Joshua, he’s pregnant.”
There was a pause, and Jeonghan thought it’s just like those movies where usually cricket
sounds were inserted to highlight the silence.

“Grandma, auntie—”

“Wait, what?” Suryeon was the first to react and Jeonghan caught a glimpse of Joshua biting
his lip.

“You’re pregnant, Joshua dear?” repeated grandma Yoon, unable to mask the sadness in her
tone.

Joshua shyly nodded, unable to look at the two older women. “Y-yes.”

“And, grandma,” Jeonghan said before anyone can add anything. “I’m the other father.”

“What?” Suryeon screamed almost, standing up from the couch. “You and Joshua?”

“Yes, auntie,” Jeonghan confirmed. “He’s pregnant with our child.”

“Oh my god,” Suryeon fell back to the couch, and Joshua looked down at his hands.

“Grandma, I know this is shocking and I’m sorry to spring this on you,” Jeonghan turned to
the matriarch now, reaching out to hold her hand. “But this is where me and Joshua are at. I
hope you can stay calm and understand.”

But grandma remained silent, and Jeonghan thought she’s still processing the news,
especially when she said, “Joshua’s pregnant. And,” she enunciated slowly, finally looking up
to meet Jeonghan’s worried gaze. “You’re the other father?”
“Grandma,” Joshua finally spoke. “I’m so sorry, I—we—”

“That’s great news!” grandma suddenly yelled, tightening her hold on her grandson’s hand,
surprising the older of the two men. She then turned to look at Joshua who seemed like he
was ready to cry, and beamed at him. “You’re pregnant, and that’s Jeonghan’s baby! I
couldn’t be happier!”

The other three persons in the room all turned to grandma Yoon, shock clearly on their faces.

“Oh my, this is just the best news!” grandma exclaimed, utterly delighted.

“Wait, grandma,” Jeonghan finally regained his bearings. “You’re not mad?”

Grandma turned to the CEO, cocking her head, “Why would I be mad?”

“I got someone pregnant,” Jeonghan answered as if to say obviously.

“And that someone is Joshua.”

“So, you’re not mad because it’s Joshua?”

She then shifts her gaze to Joshua who has been frozen in his place.

“I always liked Joshua. I’m absolutely ecstatic that you two are about to have a child!”

Joshua blinked multiple times, in disbelief of the situation. Jeonghan too, as this was the last
reaction he expected from the Yoon matriarch.
“Joshua is kind, sweet and thoughtful,” grandma continued, eyes locked with Joshua,
emanating warmth. “He’s compassionate, and caring. I know since he and Seungcheol grew
up with you and from how I’ve observed him in the hospital. He’s hard-working and smart,
and has always been respectful of his elders. He would make a great parent.”

Jeonghan turned to look at Joshua, and he could see the round orbs water, salty streams
threatening to fall at the old woman’s sincere words.

“Grandma,” Joshua uttered, a bit choked.

“I’m more than happy, Joshua, that you will bear Jeonghan’s child because I know that child
will be in good hands.”

Now, Joshua was definitely crying.

“I guess congratulations are in order,” Suryeon said, smiling. The shock finally dissipating
and seeing as how grandma Yoon was happy at the news, then Suryeon can also only be
happy.

“And finally, my Jeonghan found a partner his can settle down with, well, you know,
someone who’s not—never mind,” grandma Yoon sighs happily and Jeonghan ignored the
last remark fully knowing what grandma was hinting at. “We have to plan your wedding as
soon as possible,” she added, causing Jeonghan to violently turn to her, as if almost causing a
whiplash. “We’ll have to do it soon so Joshua isn’t showing yet. It’ll just be intimate. I can’t
wait to talk to your parents, Joshu—”

“Grandma, no!”

Grandma Yoon was clearly taken aback by the sudden outburst from Jeonghan. “What?”

“We’re not having a wedding.”

“Oh, you want a civil ceremony? Sure, we can do that, and have a wedding after the birth—”

“No, grandma,” Jeonghan cut in. “We’re not getting married at all.”

Grandma and Suryeon looked at him as if what he had just said was in German.

“What do you mean you’re not getting married?” Suryeon asked.

“Exactly that, auntie.”

“What?” screamed grandma, her earlier happy demeanor shifting quickly into frustration.
“No, you have to get married!”

“Grandma, we can’t get married just because we’re pregnant,” sighed Jeonghan. He supposed
this wasn’t going to go smoothly now, the momentary relief gone.

“Are you saying you’re going to have your child, my first great grandson, out of wedlock?”
grandma hissed. “Unacceptable!”

“Grandma, you can’t force us to get married,” Jeonghan gritted his teeth.

“You can’t be serious right now—Joshua, you agreed to this?”

And they turn to look at Joshua who was now panicking from the sudden focus on him.
“Grandma… um, I…”
“It’s not right to get married just because we’re having a baby, grandma. Joshua and I aren’t
in that kind of relationship.”

“You mean to tell me you’re not even in a relationship with Joshua and you got him
pregnant?” grandma yelled, her chest heaving and it makes Joshua stand up worriedly and go
to grandma’s side.

“Grandma, please, calm down,” Joshua tried to soothe. “Your blood pressure—”

“Do you know what you’ll be doing to Joshua?” grandma said, ignoring Joshua’s pleas.
“He’ll be getting the shorter end of the stick, don’t you know? He’s the one bearing the child
and will be mocked by society for having a child out of wedlock, because that’s our society.
Do you know that? Have you thought about Joshua’s reputation or his feelings?”

Jeonghan grimaced at the scolding.

“And you, you won’t be scot-free,” grandma continued angrily. “Did you not hear us talk
about Director Moon’s son? You want to be the next big scandal in the corporate world?
You’re about to launch a line of baby products, and the most important part of selling those
kinds of products is that the parents trusts us enough to buy the products for the most
precious persons they brought into this world. Then what? The CEO impregnated someone,
his baby will be born out of wedlock, without a complete family. I can already read the
headlines, CEO of company selling baby products can’t take responsibility for his own child.
The board will eat this up and make sure Henggarae, and consequently you, fail!”

“Mom is right, Jeonghan. Uncle will use this against you.”

“This won’t only affect our companies. Did you forget that the Hong family owns and runs
the Hong Medical Group? It’ll also affect their reputation.”

Then grandma moved her hand to her chest, and all three of them panic. Suryeon instructed
them to bring grandma Yoon to her bedroom so she can rest and take some medication. They
don’t get to talk to grandma after that, afraid to aggravate her situation any more, and Joshua
started feeling a bit weary so Jeonghan decided to bring him back to his apartment. They’ll
figure this out some other day.

Joshua doesn’t see Jeonghan for the next week and he doesn’t text or call the older CEO
either, knowing he’s probably busy at work now, except for the times Jeonghan checked up
on Joshua or sent him food to ensure that he eats well. He has yet to talk to grandma Yoon
again but she is adamant about them getting married, and he has yet to tell his family about
Jeonghan. It was all just too messy.

He does, however, have breakfast with Seungcheol who called him up to ask him how he was
doing. Joshua could tell Seungcheol already knew, and as Jeonghan’s confidant, Joshua
should have expected it. He half expected Seungcheol to scold him for being so reckless, but
that never came, thankfully.

Seungcheol is one of his closest friends, but to Joshua, Seungcheol was also like an older
brother, always looking out for him since his college days. Sometimes, he even suspected that
it’s Seungcheol who always scared away those who try to bully the meek Joshua, because the
eldest of their friend group is a rather intimidating presence to people who don’t know him.

“How are you doing these days?” Seungcheol asked, although Joshua knew it was pertaining
to his pregnancy.

“It’s been hard, Cheol,” Joshua admitted with a timid smile. “The nausea is the worst, but
I’ve just been really tired these days.”

Seungcheol nodded in understanding. “And the rest of the things?” he meant dealing with
everyone else.

Joshua shrugged, “Still working on everything else.”

It was true. His dad hasn’t talked to him since that day he went home and hasn’t allowed him
to go back to work. Jun has been worried about what’s going on with Joshua that he’s texting
or calling every day and Joshua is running out of excuses. Since Jun is worried, so is
Minghao. Grandma Yoon has also been checking up on Joshua’s condition, and he still feels
sorry towards the older woman.

“But the baby, um…” Seungcheol tried, a little awkwardly. Joshua guessed this was the first
time he was dealing with a pregnant friend and found it amusing. “The baby’s fine?”

Joshua smiled. “I’ll be getting a check-up today with an OBGYN, so I’ll see if there’s
anything wrong—”

“There’s nothing wrong!” Seungcheol said almost immediately, startling Joshua and the other
restaurant goes near them. “Sorry. I meant, I’m sure everything is fine with the baby.”

Joshua giggled appreciatively. “Thanks, Cheol.”

“Is Jeonghan accompanying you?”

“Oh,” Joshua pulled down his upper lip with his teeth. “I didn’t tell him about it anymore.”

“Why not?”

“He’s been catching up with work. The whole pregnancy thing kind of took him away from
working for a day or two, I didn’t want to bother him anymore than needed.”

“Joshua, he’s also the father and the check-up concerns your baby. It wouldn’t be a bother to
him if you let him know,” Seungcheol frowned.

“I just feel like I’ve upended his life with this—”

“This is something you both did together, Shua. Stop taking all the burden on your own.”

Joshua felt a little relieved from hearing Seungcheol’s words, and knowing he wasn’t mad at
him for his stupid decisions that also affected Jeonghan.

“I’ll tell him next time. My mom will be with me in the check-up anyway,” Joshua offered as
a consolation which Seungcheol seemed to accept begrudgingly.

“Okay, fine,” Seungcheol said. “But please, Shua. Tell Jeonghan how you feel about these
things. Don’t carry everything by yourself.”

“Okay, Cheol,” Joshua responded.

“And, Shua,” Joshua looked up at Seungcheol expectantly. “I’m also just here, if you need
anything, okay?”

The young doctor nodded, “Thank you, Cheol. I’m so glad to hear that.”

“How’s the baby, Dr. Nam?” Young-ae asked as the doctor looks at the monitor while the
internal ultrasound is trying to create the sonogram.

Dr. Nam doesn’t respond immediately.

“Everything looks good, Joshua,” said Dr. Nam and Joshua let out a breath he was holding in.
“You’re about six and a half weeks, I would say. See here?” he points to a part of the
sonogram. “We have a fetal heartbeat.”
They fall silent for a while and soon, Joshua can clearly hear the heartbeat echo from the
ultrasound, and it made his heart swell. There was his baby, growing inside his tummy. He
teared up a little as he listened, he has seen several sonograms in med school and in his
internship, but this was the only time the creation of a life made him so emotional.

He felt his mom’s hand take his own, squeezing it and he turned to see his mother’s watery
eyes. “My baby is having a baby.”

“Mom, that sounds so weird,” Joshua chuckled wiping his own tears. He was initially scared
to go to this check-up, not knowing what to expect, but seeing his sonogram made the
emotional rollercoaster he went through for the past weeks disappear.

“It’s your first trimester, do take care and avoid anything stressful or heavy activities. This is
the trimester where miscarriages are highly likely,” Dr. Nam continued. “I’ll prescribe you
your prenatal vitamins and create the schedule of your check-ups.”

“Thank you, Dr. Nam,” smiled Joshua gratefully.

The old doctor could only return the same. “I’ve practically seen you grow up, Joshua. And
now you’re about to become a parent. To me, that only means I’m growing old.”

Joshua chuckled.

“Dr. Nam, thank you so much for agreeing to be my doctor and for keeping everything low
profile, even my visit here,” said Joshua.

“Joshua, you didn’t even have to ask,” reassure Dr. Nam. “Anyway, let’s get everything in
order. I’ll go to the office and I’ll leave you here so you can fix up.”
After getting his prescription and final reminders from Dr. Nam, Joshua left the clinic and his
mom went to check on his father. He was actually ready to leave the hospital when he is
unfortunately met by the last person he wanted to see as he rounded the corner.

“Well, if it isn’t Dr. Hong,” Dr. Jo said, his voice laced with displeasure. He was
accompanied by his residents. “Is your vacation finally over, Dr. Hong? Must be nice to have
a vacation.”

Being the polite man that he was raised, he bowed to his senior and greeted him curtly.

“Dr. Kim, when was the last time you had a vacation?” Dr. Jo asked one of the residents
behind him who was startled by the question.

“Oh—uh—”

“I suppose you haven’t had one in a while,” Dr. Jo snickered. “I guess if you want to have a
vacation you can ask Dr. Hong how you can score one. But I guess that won’t matter unless
you’re the son of—”

“But Dr. Jo, didn’t you just go to Hawaii last month?” a voice suddenly appeared from
behind the team of residents. “And then four months ago you filed for a month-long leave so
you can tour around the United States, or am I wrong? Perhaps the residents would be better
off asking you.”

The residents turn and saw who spoke, causing them to bow at the arrival of Hong Johnny.

“Ah. Well, if it isn’t the neuro prodigy,” hissed Dr. Jo as Johnny walked past them to stand
beside Joshua. “Dr. Hong, don’t you think I deserve those vacations, after all, I’ve been
working as a doctor for quite the number of years?”

“Of course, Dr. Jo. The Hong Medical Group values your hard work and dedication,” Johnny
countered, reminding the other doctor who he was bullying. “But, as I’ve pointed out, if the
residents need a point person for concerns on vacation leaves, they should go to you. After
all, Dr. Hong is on a medical leave, not a vacation.”

Dr. Jo’s eyes glare at the Hong brothers.

“So, Dr. Kim is it? If you need to file for a vacation leave, just ask Dr. Jo, okay?” Johnny
gave his sweetest smile, as if he didn’t just shut down the resident’s superior.

Unable to say anything more, Dr. Jo moved past the brothers and his residents scurry past
bowing as they try to catch up with their angered boss.

Joshua sighed. “He’ll make my life hell when I return to work.”

Johnny smiled sympathetically at his younger brother. “Maybe so. Just be sure not to let him
push you around too much, okay?”

“Hyung,” Joshua pouted as Johnny ruffled his hair.

“I’m sorry I haven’t come to talk to you. I already know,” Johnny said, and Joshua nodded in
understanding.

“Are you mad, hyung?”

Johnny shook his head. “Of course not. Just… worried. You’re my younger brother, I worry
about you. And, if I’m being honest, quite offended that you haven’t reached out to confide in
me.”

“I’m sorry, hyung. I was scared,” Joshua said. “I keep on disappointing every one. I’m
always the one creating problems for the family.”
“Stop,” Johnny’s tone was stern. “You have to let go of that incident, it’s been so long. That
was one mistake—”

“That mistake defined me for dad. It’s who he sees me as, hyung, we both know that,” Joshua
tried to laugh, but it was empty.

“Joshua, that’s not true.”

“It’s okay, hyung. I’ve long accepted that.”

“Shua, you know that—” and beep caused the older Hong to look at his phone. “Shit, what
timing.”

“Looks like there’s an emergency, hyung. You should go,” urged Joshua, partly because he
knew that as doctors, when it’s stated as an emergency, then it’s life or death, and partly
because he didn’t want to talk about it anymore and open up old unhealed wounds.

Johnny sighed. “I’m sorry, I have to go, Shua. But let’s talk soon, okay?”

Lips stretched into a tight smile and Joshua nodded before Johnny turned on his heels and
went back to the direction he came from. On the other hand, Joshua decided to continue his
walk to exit the hospital when he felt something bump against his legs, then a loud thud can
be heard.

Stumbling a little, Joshua checked to see what had just hit him and finds a crying boy butt flat
on the floor and crying. He couldn’t be more than five years old, and Joshua looked around to
see if the guardian was anywhere in sight, be the hallway seemed pretty empty.

He bended down to try to meet the little boy at the latter’s eye level and noticed a scrape on
his knee and dried blood.
“Hey, little kid,” Joshua tried to say gently. “Are you okay? Are you lost?”

“I can’t find my mommy!” the little boy cried.

“Oh, okay, okay. Let’s stop crying first okay? I’ll help you find your mom,” Joshua smiled,
and the boy stopped rubbing his eyes enough to look at Joshua. Joshua couldn’t help but
chuckle at the sight of the snot-faced kid, eyes swollen from crying. “So, will you stop crying
for hyung?”

Sniffling, the kid nodded.

“Okay, so why don’t we go to the nurses station and clean up your wound, and you can tell
me all about your mom.”

He lifted the crying kid, carrying him to avoid worsening the wound, and he also appeared to
be tired from looking for his mom. They go to the nearest nurses station and Joshua requested
for an antiseptic, cotton swab and a gauze from the nurse who easily recognized Joshua. He
brought the child inside the nurses station and made him sit on the chair while the nurse
brought the first aid tools.

“So,” Joshua started, kneeling down so he can easily reach the kids wounded knee. “What’s
your name?”

“Lee Do Jin,” the kid whimpered as the cotton swab tapped on the wound.

“Hi, Lee Do Jin-ssi,” Joshua said softly. “I’m Hong Jisoo,” he offered his Korean name
knowing how difficult his English name is to pronounce. “You’re very brave, aren’t you?”
Joshua smiled as the kid winced at the contact with his wound.

“I’m five,” he said holding out his little hand to show Joshua what five is. “Mommy says I’m
a big boy, so I have to be brave.”
Joshua chuckled, and so did the nurses who heard the exchange.

“Yes, you are,” Joshua indulged. “So, Lee Do Jin-ssi, can you tell me what happened and
how’d you get lost?”

It was then that the boy’s eyes started watering again, but Joshua can tell he was trying hard
not to cry after claiming he was brave. “Mommy was bringing my little sister to doctor, but I
saw kids playing outside. I told mommy I wanted to go play but she didn’t hear me. I went to
the playground and this bad boy pushed me.”

“Oh, did he now?”

The little boy nodded vigorously. “So I hurt my knee. I run to mommy but she’s gone.”

Joshua then put some ointment on top of the wound before putting on a gauze. When he was
done, he smiled at the boy. “There you go.”

“Dr. Hong,” a nurse called from the counter. “Security called, they said the mom is looking
for him on the pediatric wing. They say she’s on her way here.”

Joshua nodded and turned to the little boy. “You hear that? Your mommy will come here to
pick you up,” Joshua patted the kids messy hair. “Now, be brave until mommy gets here,
okay?”

To his surprise, the boy jumped off the chair and wrapped his small arms around Joshua’s
neck, hugging him tight. “Don’t leave, please,” Do Jin whispered.

This made Joshua’s heart melt, and he circled his arms around the boy’s little frame, securing
him and patting his back to comfort him. “Okay, I’ll wait with you.”
The mom arrived in less than five minutes, worry painted all over her face as she carried her
two-year old daughter in the carrier wrapped around her torso. She must have been walking
around to look for her son with how frantic she looked. She was quick to hug the kid before
scolding him for running off without her knowing, then apologized to Joshua and the nurses
for the trouble.

“I’m so sorry,” she bowed again. “And thank you for taking care of my son.”

Joshua shook his head, “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

Just then he felt a tug on his pants and it was Do Jin who was gesturing for Joshua to bend
down, and as he did, the boy gave him another hug.

“Thank you, hyung.”

And Joshua couldn’t help but smile.

“You’re really good with kids,” a familiar voice caught him off guard. He turned around to
see the young CEO leaning against the wall just past the nurses station giving Joshua a small
smile.

“Jeonghan? What are you doing here?”

He could hear the nurses whisper behind him at the sight of the handsome Yoon Jeonghan,
although they likely don’t know who he is.

“I came to see you, actually.”

“Huh? Why?”
Jeonghan tilted his head away from the nurses station and peering eyes. “Let’s go talk
somewhere else. There’s a park just walking distance from the hospital.”

Joshua nodded and said his goodbyes to the nurses as he followed Jeonghan who started to
walk.

“Are you hungry?”

“I’m good. I had a heavy breakfast with Cheol.”

Jeonghan hummed as they made their way outside the hospital. They turn the corner which
revealed a quaint park which large grassy areas and a playground for little kids, park benches
were placed in various areas. There were people reading books or just taking a break, other
laid mats to lie down on the grass or have a packed lunch. Jeonghan and Joshua cross the
street and enter the park, they walk a little further into the park before choosing a bench that
had little to no people around or passing by.

“How have you been?” Jeonghan asked as they sat down. “Are the symptoms easing up?”

Joshua shook his head. “The nausea is still the worst, and I still get easily tired. It’s still been
pretty hard to eat since most things make me want to vomit.”

Jeonghan grimaced, feeling bad. “Let me know what you’re able to eat. I’ll get you a lot of
those.”

“Thanks,” said Joshua simply, gripping the edge of the seat and crouching forward. “How are
you?” he asked back, noticing the bags under the older man’s eyes, the pale skin which told
Joshua that Jeonghan hasn’t been getting any sun, and Joshua thought he might have lost a
little weight too.

Jeonghan shrugged, leaning back against the park bench and slouching down, tearing from
the usual CEO posture he wears. “Putting out fires, basically,” he sighed, and Joshua gave
him an understanding look, encouraging him to tell more. “The products need more work if
we want to have an edge upon market entry, but that’s burning money so we need to come up
with a solution soon. On the marketing side, the team isn’t really coming up with something
workable for me. I also have someone in mind to endorse the products but it’s been really
difficult to convince him. It’s just been a lot this week.”

He must have realized that he was rambling on when he turned to look at Joshua who was
listening to him attentively.

“Sorry, that must have been boring to listen to.”

But Joshua shook his head. “It’s fine. I haven’t heard you talk so passionately about
something since your soccer days.”

Jeonghan chuckled. “Yeah, well. I really want this launch to be successful. I believe the
products are really good.”

“I’m sure it will be since you’re handling that. You just have to solve one problem at a time.”

Jeonghan nodded, a small smile creeping up his face.

“So, what did you want to see me for?” Joshua asked, having run out of small talk. He raised
his chin to look back at Jeonghan who was still leaning back against the bench.

“How was your check-up?” Jeonghan asked pointedly.

Joshua’s eyes widened in surprise, gulping. “You know about the—Seuncheol told you?”

Jeonghan leaned forward as Joshua pulled himself back, and now they evenly face each other.
“You could have told me about it, I could have accompanied you,” Jeonghan said, a little
downcast.

Unsure how to respond to that, Joshua cleared his throat. He decides to be honest, “I wasn’t
sure if I should bother you with this. As you’ve said, you’ve been quite busy with work, I
didn’t want to burden you with just a check-up.”

Jeonghan sighed, crossing his arms against his chest.

“And my mom came with me, she’s actually been very eager for the check-up, and I haven’t
told my parents about you so…”

“What did the doctor say? Is everything fine?”

Joshua’s mood immediately shifts to something more positive, leaning back and turning to
his side more comfortably. “I’m about six and a half weeks long, and the baby seems pretty
healthy. I was also prescribed my prenatal vitamins.”

“That’s good,” smiled Jeonghan. “But, Joshua,” Jeonghan paused, facing Joshua with a
serious look on his face. “Can you please let me know about your check-ups and other
schedules? Just tell me everything, what you like to eat, if you’re not feeling well, anything
you need, it’s okay.”

“But—”

“And if you say that you don’t want to bother me one more time—Look, it’s not a bother. It’s
our baby, ours. I have to share in the responsibility, okay? If I can’t make it, I’ll let you know,
but do give me a chance to make that decision.”

“Okay,” was all Joshua could say, touched by the sincerity in Jeonghan’s voice.
“I meant it,” Jeonghan continued, eyes locked with Joshua. “When I said I’ll be here for you
and the baby, I meant that.”

And for the second time today, Joshua’s heart expanded in his chest, and there was a pick up
in his heart beat that rung in his ears.

“Do you—” he stuttered. “Do you perhaps want to see the sonogram?”

“You have it?” there was a sudden change in Jeonghan’s expression, something akin to
excitement.

Joshua nodded and took out his phone, tapping an app and opening a file that was sent to him
by Dr. Nam. When the file loads, the same sonogram which he saw earlier in Dr. Nam’s
clinic showed, it was a recording.

“Here,” Joshua gave the phone to Jeonghan who held it carefully. He watched as Jeonghan
tried to make sense of the image. “See that area? That’s the baby.”

Jeonghan blinked a couple of times, looking at the image carefully and intently, making
Joshua smile at the sight. Jeonghan turned to Joshua opening his mouth, but Joshua put a
finger in front of his lips, gesturing for Jeonghan not to utter a sound. It felt like everything
around them was quiet too, no murmurs of strangers’ conversations, no cars honking, no
birds chirping. And then, there it was, the faint sounds of rhythmic beats.

Joshua watched as Jeonghan’s eyes widen at the realization.

“Is that—”

“That’s the baby’s fetal heartbeat,” Joshua confirmed, smiling his most genuine smile. He can
see the smile forming on Jeonghan’s lips, and Joshua can’t help but feel happy at this shared
moment.
Breaking off the eye contact first, Jeonghan turned his gaze back on the phone he was
holding. “That’s our baby.”

“Mm-hmm.”

Then, Joshua felt a hand slide down his own, lifting it from the bench to capture his hand.
Surprised, Joshua looked down and saw Jeonghan’s hand wrap around his own and
Jeonghan’s fingers intertwine with his. For the first time since he had broken the news to
Jeonghan, he felt that Jeonghan was there for him and will be there with him, to walk with
him through this path of uncertainty, to hold him through the worst days to come. He found
himself squeezing back, anchoring him back down to stable ground.

“Shua,” Jeonghan whispered, putting the phone down to face Joshua. Joshua lifted his head
to meet his gaze. “Do you want to get married?”

Startled by the question, Joshua blinked in confusion. “What?”

Jeonghan sighed, tightening his hold on Joshua’s hand. “Be honest, it’s okay. Would you
want us to get married?”

“I— I’m not—Wait—” Joshua breathed and he felt Jeonghan’s thumb rub against Joshua’s
knuckles, calming him down. Be honest. “I’m not sure, to be honest. Everything is scary for
me, Jeonghan. I’m scared to do this all alone. But, I’m more scared to make a mistake that
will affect our baby. I get what all our elders are telling us, I do, because what parent would
want their child to grow up in a broken family?” Joshua’s face distorted. “I know that doesn’t
mean getting married isn’t a mistake either. There’s no black and white way to go about this.
But I’d also never want you to do something you don’t want to do.”

Jeonghan’s expression remained soft.

“But do you want to get married?”

Joshua bit his lower lip, a long time mannerism. “I want a complete family. I want what’s
best for our child. Is that selfish?”

A lone tear escaped Joshua’s eye and Jeonghan is quick to wipe it away with his free hand,
brushing his thumb away from his cheek softly. “It’s not. I understand you.”

He leaned in to Jeonghan’s touch, a familiar warmth he had greatly missed.

“Let’s get married, Shua?”

“What?”

“Marry me,” Jeonghan repeated, his voice unwavering. “You’re right. We should be thinking
about what’s best for the child. I want that too. So, let’s get married.”

Joshua felt his mouth dry. “Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t ask you if I wasn’t prepared for your answer.”

“But… wait, that means you and Moy—”

“That’s been long over, Shua.”

“Jeonghan—”

“I’m not deciding this on a whim, I’ve thought this through. If you agree, then let’s get
married.”
Joshua’s breath hitched. He never thought Jeonghan would agree to getting married just
because he was pregnant. Joshua has been readying himself for being an unwedded parent,
and was prepared for a co-parenting relationship with Jeonghan despite his reservations. But
now, here was Jeonghan, presenting marriage albeit in the most unromantic of ways.

He breathed, his voice light. “Okay, let’s get married.”

A few days ago

He kicked another ball straight to the net, and he panted, out of breath from running and
dribbling the ball around for the past hour. The indoor soccer field had been rented by him
alone, and only him and his driver were there. He took another ball on the field with his foot
and began to dribble them to the other end of the field, imagining defenders blocking his way
as he did so until he was near enough to the goal post and kicked it in.

Finally, he allowed his whole body to fall down, back flat on the synthetic grass and an arm
cast over his face as he caught his breath.

“If you were going to tire yourself out playing alone, you should have called me,” said an
approaching voice. Jeonghan didn’t need to open his eyes to see who it was invading his
private time.

“You suck one-on-one. I’d have better time playing alone.”

“Then you should play basketball with me instead so I can totally beat you in court.”

Jeonghan snickered.
“What are you doing here, Cheol?”

“You weren’t replying to my texts.”

“I know you love me, but aren’t you a little too clingy, Cheol? You miss me that much?”

“You know my world revolves around you.”

“Is this your confession of love?”

Seungcheol finally reached Jeonghan and sat beside him.

“You know I’m not a fan of grand gestures.”

“Okay, okay. So, why are you really here?” Jeonghan lifted himself up and received a cold
bottle of water from Seungcheol. “Let me guess, the elders sent you over.”

“Auntie Suryeon and grandma wants me to talk to you.”

Jeonghan sighed after replenishing his water content.

“So, what have you to offer me, Seungcheol, to convince me to get married?” Jeonghan
snorted.

“I’m not here to convince you to do anything,” the older one said. “I just came so you can
have someone to talk about it. Like we always do.”
Jeonghan leaned back, his hands stretched behind him, holding him up as his legs splayed
forward.

“They want me and Joshua to get married. And I’m sure, so would Joshua’s parents once we
tell them about me being the other father.”

“Okay, and?”

“Cheol,” huffed Jeonghan. “I was just engaged a few months ago. In fact, if the wedding
pushed through I would have been married by now to the woman I loved. And now, barely
even a year, they want me to get married to someone else?”

“It’s not someone else, Han. It’s Joshua,” Cheol pointed out. “Our Shua. Who you got
pregnant, by the way.”

The words made Jeonghan tighten his grip on the grass, and he would have felt sorry about it
if it weren’t all artificial. “Even so, we’re not in that kind of relationship enough to get
married. Wouldn’t it be worse to be married just out of obligation and not out of love? What
if being in a marriage together brings out the worst in us and the relationship becomes toxic?
What if Joshua finds someone else he’d want to marry? What if—” But Jeonghan shook his
head.

“What if Moyeon comes back?” Seungcheol supplied.

“No, no.”

“Then what?”

“It’s just… I don’t think it’s right to get married out of obligation.”

“Do you not have feelings for Joshua?”

“What?” Jeonghan immediately turned to look at Seungcheol, as if what he said was utterly
ridiculous.

Seungcheol rolled his eyes. “You heard me. Do you not have feelings for our dear friend
Shua? Was it all really just sex?”

“Of—of course n—when you put it that way, you make it sound like it was a bad thing.”

“Jeonghan, you were in a long term relationship with Moyeon for 8 years. Then suddenly,
what? You’re having casual sex with a friend? Not just any friend. Joshua. Or did you forget
back in college—”

“Okay, I get your point,” Jeonghan sighed.

“Do you? You wouldn’t have agreed to that set up with just anybody. And you were never the
type for casual relationships.”

“Still, Joshua and I are not in a romantic relationship. My attraction to him isn’t enough of a
reason to get married.”

“And the baby?” asked Seungcheol. “Like I said, I’m not here to convince you to get married.
But think about your unborn child, Han. What kind of future or environment do you want
your child to grow up in?”

“So, I should get married for the sake of my child?”

“Ultimately, that’s yours and Joshua’s decision, which I believe you should also consider, by
the way. I’m just saying, the most important consideration here is your child.” Seungcheol
then turned to face Jeonghan. “Whatever you decide now, that will always affect your child.
How it will affect your child, we can’t say for sure. But, just make sure it’s a decision you can
live with, Jeonghan.”

There was a pause, Jeonghan contemplating his next words. Seungcheol noticed this and
could read what Jeonghan was already thinking about.

“Are you thinking about Moyeon?”

Jeonghan’s eye twitched, and he remembered how he told Seungcheol about meeting her in
Paris and what she had said. It was the same day that he found out about Joshua’s pregnancy.
He was so lost that night that he hadn’t even processed the possibility of Moyeon returning
yet.

“If you’re even considering factoring her in your decision, Jeonghan. Don’t. She left you and
you’ve taken a long time to process your healing. But more than that, she’s not even part of
this, of you and Joshua and your baby. So, don’t’.”

Jeonghan sighed. “I know, Seungcheol. I know that. But don’t you think I’m allowed to feel
bad about the fact that I was supposed to marry her? That I made all of these plans—plans
about the wedding, where we’ll live, the house I’ll have built, Sunday brunches and nights in
our room watching movies and eating popcorn. These were plans with her in it. Aren’t I
allowed to grieve that as I entertain the possibility of having to marry someone else?”

“Jeonghan—”

“I’m not saying I’ll get back together with her, Cheol. Even if she comes back. I’m really not.
I just… I think I’m allowed to feel bad about that.”

“Of course you are. But, honestly, Jeonghan, I’m glad that you don’t intend to get back
together with her,” Seungcheol sighed. “Because based on what you told me, even if she
comes back, it’s only because you are her fallback. Not because you are her choice.”
 “I know that.”

“And Joshua?”

“I don’t want to make things harder for him anymore than they are. I do care about him,
Cheol. You should know that.”

“I do,” nodded Seungcheol, eyeing his friend contemplatively. “But like I said, make the
decision you can live with.”

Chapter End Notes

Wew, thank you for making it all the way to the end of the chapter. What do you guys
think? Wedding chapter coming up next!

Let me know your thoughts!

Oh, funnily I saw a cc of a filo au writer I follow (yes, I'm filo) where anon was asking
if I have a twitter. Hehe. I do, but I'm not confident enough to share it. I mostly use it to
read soc med aus. But let's see, maybe I can set up a writing account.
 Chapter 7
Chapter Notes

Thank you for patiently waiting!! Been looking forward to writing this chapter but then
it took me a while to be able to write out what I had in mind.

Hopefully you guys enjoy this, we see some moments in their relationship bloom, but
slow burn as tagged. Hehe. We also meet some new characters.

Thank you for all your comments, I enjoy reading them! Sorry for any typos and
grammatical errors, it's 1am where I am and I just wanna post this for you guys!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

The next two weeks passed by like a blur and the wedding came together smoothly with the
planning and preparation of Young-ae and Suryeon. It wasn’t going to be an extravagant
event with a grand ballroom of two hundred guests, floor-to-ceiling over-the-top decorations,
a seven-tier cake and an orchestra (much to the chagrin of Young-ae and Suryeon), but it will
be an intimate celebration, in the expansive garden of the Yoon estate. The gazebo
overlooking the city and its surrounding area was converted to be used for the ceremony.
White princess chairs were lined up for the guests while a path was created for an aisle, a
white carpet laid over carefully lined with white lilies and hydrangeas, mixed with pink
muhly grass to add a pop of color. On the entrance of the gazebo was an arc lined with vines
and strategically placed orchids, to give off an air of elegance with simplicity.

The guests were limited to the grooms’ closest friends and immediate family, as they wanted
to hold the wedding as lowkey as possible.

“I still can’t believe you’re getting married,” Minghao stressed again, sinking down on the
couch where Joshua sat, hugging the young doctor’s arm. A room was designated for him to
prepare and get ready. “And to Jeonghan-hyung no less.”

“It’s the fact that you’re pregnant for me that’s really surprising,” Jun said as he looked at
himself in the full-body mirror. “And to think we used to joke about your lack of sexual
activity.”
Joshua couldn’t help but be a little embarrassed as he sat in the room in his pristine white
suit. His brown hair, swept carefully to the side while a few strands fell on his forehead.

“Which is still a secret, Jun,” chided Soonyoung. “Especially from your colleagues in the
hospital.”

“Of course,” huffed Jun, facing them and crossing his arms. “Not gonna lie, I’m a little upset
we were the last to know.”

Joshua visibly frowned, remembering the day he and Jeonghan gathered them for a private
dinner to break the news. To say they were utterly surprised is an understatement with
Mingyu and Jun having the most questions.

“Jun…”

Soonyoung and Minghao instantly cast him a glare and Jun scampered to reassure his hyung.
“Hyung, I don’t mean it like that, I swear. It was a joke. Of course, I understand why you
didn’t tell us immediately.”

Joshua pursed his lip

“Hyung, please don’t pout like that,” frowned Jun. “Stop using your puppy dog eyes on me,
I’m not your future husband.”

“Junnie…”

“In fact, I’m even happy you finally had sex. All that pent up energy from working so hard, I
bet the sex was amazi—ow, Soonyoungie!”

“Seriously, Jun—”
“What? I’m just saying, I bet it was great sex—”

“Great sex with Jeonghan-hyung, I approve,” Minghao added with a smirk, making Joshua
twitch. Talking about his sex life like that was a little unnerving, not that anything that was
said wasn’t true, though he’ll never admit (read: brag) it out loud. Maybe.

“Although, we didn’t say get pregnant—” and he caught another icy glare from Minghao and
Soonyoung. “But I’m sure your baby will be cute as hell, and I will spoil that baby rotten just
you wait,” he said coughing.

“How are you feeling, hyung?” asked Soonyoung. “Are you nervous?”

Joshua grimaced, giving his three friends a rather contorted look.

“I mean, you’re getting married, of course you’d be a little nervous,” Minghao offered. “But
that’s natural, right?” he turned to Soonyoung for help.

“Of course, I mean even those who are madly in love can get—”

“Jun!” chastised Soonyoung.

Joshua exhaled a long breath. “Guys, seriously, I’m so thankful you’re here,” Joshua smiled.
“I am nervous, this is marriage we’re talking about. But I decided this—we decided this.”

“Hyung, of course we’re here for you,” smiled Minghao. “But, if you want to run away, just
give me a signal. I’ll have a getaway car ready and waiting, no questions asked.”

“Hao!” laughed Joshua.

“There will be no getaway cars, thank you,” a voice suddenly appeared, and they all turned to
see Jeonghan enter the room with Seungcheol and Mingyu. Minghao smiled sheepishly,
raising his hands as if he said nothing wrong.

“Congratulations, hyung,” the three greeted Jeonghan who was also wearing an expensively
tailored white tuxedo, long black hair slicked back into a half pony.

“Thank you,” smiled Jeonghan. “If you don’t mind, can I get the room alone with Joshua?”

The others nodded, giving the two grooms their ‘see you later’s and other well wishes before
leaving them alone, but not before Soonyoung gave Jeonghan a knowing look which
Jeonghan nodded to.

“Hey,” Jeonghan greeted as he sat beside Joshua. “How are you feeling, really?”

Joshua gave Jeonghan a smile. “Nervous. I guess we’re really doing this, aren’t we?”

“Do you feel nauseous or dizzy? Or are you hungry?”

Joshua shook his head. Thankfully, the baby is cooperative today, letting his papa go through
this day with the least amount of stress as possible.

“You look beautiful, by the way,” Jeonghan smiled, the compliment making Joshua blush. “I
just dropped by to check on you before we go down to take pictures. I guess we should have
pushed for the civil wedding at the courthouse for less fanfare,” Jeonghan chuckled.

“Jeonghan,” said Joshua. “Are you really sure about this?”

Jeonghan sighed, reaching for Joshua’s hand, squeezing it tight. “We’ve talked about this
several times already, haven’t we?” Joshua bit his lip. “I wouldn’t go through with this unless
I was sure.”

“But wouldn’t you have wanted to get married for love?” Joshua asked a little hesitantly.

“Wouldn’t you?”

Joshua couldn’t respond immediately. He knew he would have wanted to, but it wasn’t like
he was in a place to choose at the moment, and he supposed neither was Jeonghan.

“Look, maybe a union centered in love is what we always imagined we’d have, I don’t deny
that. But we both know that not all marriages that were founded on love lasts either,” said
Jeonghan looking directly at Joshua’s eyes. “It’s not like ours will be built on nothing, Shua.”

“What do you mean?”

“We have our friendship, don’t we?”

“Huh?”

“Sure, when we decided to get married it was because we wanted to do the right thing for our
child. It might make it seem like our marriage is nothing more than an arrangement because
of the pregnancy, but I don’t want to think of it that way. We were friends, are friends.”

Joshua chewed on the sides of his cheeks. “It’s just… I don’t want you to regret this later on.”

“I wouldn’t want you too either.”

“You can still leave and run away.”

“I won’t,” Jeonghan said, his tone serious, making Joshua’s breath hitch. “Will you?”

“Run away?” Joshua shook his head.

“Good. I don’t want to be a jilted groom,” Jeonghan said in an attempt to lighten the mood.
“Let’s figure this out along the way, okay? If things don’t work out, then let’s cross the bridge
when we get there.”

Jeonghan gave Joshua a reassuring smile that made Joshua let out a breath he had been
holding. This might not have been the wedding of his dreams, not that he had one planned
anyway, just that he’d always thought that his wedding would have more of the personality of
him and his partner, whoever that might be. But, for the Yoons and the Hongs, time was of
the essence in this wedding, and Jeonghan and Joshua had been willing participants.

“Oh,” Joshua suddenly remembered, causing him let go of Jeonghan’s hand to get something
from his bag. He took out a dark rectangular box that looked quite familiar. “I almost forgot. I
have a belated birthday gift for you.”

“What?” the surprised expression on Jeonghan’s face was quite animated. “You didn’t have
to.”

“We were quite hectic with having to deal with our families and the wedding preparations
that you didn’t get to celebrate your birthday.”

“You know I don’t often celebrate it,” Jeonghan said as he watched Joshua settle back into
the couch, and his eyes settled on the familiar Vacheron Constantin gold markings on the
black box. “Is that—”

“Here,” Joshua said with a smile, handing Jeonghan the black box as Jeonghan gave him a
confused look. “Remember that day when you showed me your room for when I, um… move
in? And I saw your Vacheron Constantin, the one you used to wear in college, but then you
said it’s broken. I kind of asked auntie Suryeon about it and she said you couldn’t find
someone who could fix it so you haven’t been wearing it.”

Jeonghan took a look inside the box after opening it, revealing the silver stainless steel
Overseas he loved to use even when he could afford to buy more trendy watches. Taking it
out, and looking carefully, he finally saw how the second hand was moving closer and closer
to the minute hand, and finally the minute hand moved as well. It was working. He blinked in
surprise, biting his lips between his teeth before looking back at Joshua.

“I asked Johnny-hyung if he knew anyone, being the biggest watch enthusiast I know.
Apparently, he had a go-to person for vintage watches who ‘is the real deal’. Then I asked
auntie Suryeon to help me get that watch, and well… there you go. I was a little scared you’d
notice and look for the watch.”

Joshua nervously tapped his fingers over his knee, waiting for a reaction from the young
CEO. Instead, he met the deep gaze of Jeonghan, holding the watch tightly over his chest and
then he suddenly thought, is he mad? Afterall, he did take the watch secretly and had
someone mess around with it (albeit a professional, so his brother said) behind his back.

“I can’t believe you did that,” Jeonghan finally spoke, looking at the watch once more.

Ah shit. No good deed goes unpunished.

Joshua was ready to apologize when Jeonghan looked up at him again.

“Thank you,” he said, a little teary this time. “I can’t believe you did that for me.”

There was something in the way Jeonghan looked at him, sincere and warm, that made his
heart race, accompanied by an odd tingly sensation in the pit of his stomach.

“Y-you’re not mad?”

Jeonghan shook his head. “This is the most thoughtful thing someone has done for me. But
why did you…”

“It’s your dad’s watch, right? It’s important to you because it’s your dad’s. You can always
get a new watch, but I know that is irreplaceable,” Joshua smiled.

“You remembered,” Jeonghan said softly, almost a whisper, but Joshua understood. He
fiddled with the watch until he looked at the back of the silver accessory. “It might have taken
some time, but love has its own perfect timing.”

“That’s the engraving,” Joshua remembered from when he looked at the watch.

Jeonghan nodded sighing. “This was a gift from my mom to my dad, that’s why it was his
most treasured watch. They went through a lot before they got together, so many ‘right love
at the wrong time’ moments that they could have made a movie out of it my dad used to say,”
Jeonghan reminisced longingly. “But eventually, they got their perfect timing.”

Joshua couldn’t help but feel a little touched, it was so rare for Jeonghan to share something
about himself, let alone about his parents who passed away when he was a lot younger. The
walls that Jeonghan built were just as high as the walls Joshua had. Was this Jeonghan
somehow letting him in?

“That’s beautiful,” Joshua whispered as Jeonghan looked at him.

Jeonghan’s gaze melted to something more of fondness before pulling his eyes away from
Joshua so he could remove the watch he was currently wearing (something just as
expensive), and took the Vacheron Constantin to his now free wrist and the click signified the
locking of the band. Jeonghan shook his arm a little, making the watch fall into place.

“Thank you, Shua.”

There it was again, Joshua’s heart was racing and he swore Jeonghan could hear it. Damn, he
thought. He was a cardiothoracic surgery resident, for god’s sake, and yet he can’t make his
heart calm down.

Before they could talk more, Suryeon came in to let them know the photographer has finished
setting up to take their portraits.

“Let’s do this?” Jeonghan sighed before holding out his hand for Joshua to take.

There was a pause, a nervous skip on his heartbeat, a momentary flutter in his stomach,
before reality sunk in. Taking the hand as he said, “Let’s do this.”

Luckily for Joshua, it was a simple wedding ceremony as it was just their closest friends and
family. No media, no business partners, only people Jeonghan and Joshua knew. Joshua could
definitely do without the added attention and pressure, or the ostentation that should have
been associated with a wedding between the heir of the Yoon Group of Companies and the
second son of the Hong Medical Group.

When he reached the end of the aisle, he and his parents were greeted by Jeonghan and
grandma Yoon, exchanging traditional formalities before the elders sat down in their
respective seats and the two grooms remained in the center, under the arch of the gazebo.

The wedding host proceeded to greet the wedding guests and went on to the ceremonial
exchange of wedding vows. The rings were presented and Jeonghan took the first one. He
looked at the silver band, a platinum Tiffany ring with textured milgrain edges—elegant but
not plain.

He let out a breath, before speaking. “Hong Joshua, I promise to love and cherish you from
this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,”
Jeonghan paused, brown orbs locked in his own as if searching for something, and Joshua
doesn’t know if he found it, “—for as long as we both shall live.”
It wasn’t a special vow, something he and Jeonghan practiced individually, just your ordinary
straight-from-the-book promise everyone expected. Still, there was something in Joshua, and
he doesn’t know why nor does he look for an explanation, that hoped Jeonghan will keep that
promise.

Jeonghan then took his hand, carefully inserting the band into Joshua’s ring finger, a perfect
fit. Then, it was Joshua’s turn. He peered up and saw that Jeonghan was watching him, and
he wondered what the other man was thinking.

Taking a deep breath, he said, “Yoon Jeonghan, I promise to love and cherish you from this
day forward, for better, for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, for as
long as we both shall live.”

Similar to Jeonghan’s movements, he took the ring and inserted the same on Jeonghan’s
finger, and he then felt Jeonghan squeeze his hands. He found Jeonghan’s steady gaze hold
him as the host spoke, so distracting that he doesn’t hear how he pronounced them as
husbands bound by marriage.

“You may now kiss,” said the host and a herd of cheers erupt, mostly from their friends.

He was still processing when he felt Jeonghan’s warm hand cup his left cheek while
Jeonghan’s right hand snaked around Joshua’s lower back. Jeonghan offered a smile, gentle
but small. The older leaned in and so quickly did he feel Jeonghan’s lips on his, the first time
they kissed since he told the young CEO he was pregnant. There was that warm feeling in his
stomach, causing him to close his eyes and lean in to the kiss, but it was cut short when
Jeonghan pulled away at the boisterous whistles of their friends, leaving a blushing Joshua
breathless.

“Congratulations!” they heard from everyone around them, as Jeonghan shook hands with
Joo-hwan, Joshua’s father, and Joshua received hugs from his mother and grandma Yoon who
both looked so elated and were on the verge of tears.

“My son, you’re married,” gushed Young-ae, holding her son’s hands tightly. “Oh my, I told
myself not to cry, but here I am.”
“Mom,” Joshua hushed, rubbing her hands soothingly. It was weird to hear them say that he
was now married, with how everything happened so fast, he can barely absorb the reality of
both being pregnant and now wed.

“Welcome to the family, Joshua,” hugged grandma Yoon when she had an opening. “I’m so
glad it’s you Jeonghan married.”

The last part she said in a whisper, making Joshua feel a mix of giddiness and guilt.

When they were done, they were approached by Johnny, Vernon and Seungkwan, the two
Hong brothers giving Jeonghan a firm handshake.

“My baby brother is married,” sighed Johnny, looking affectionately at the younger Hong.

“Better move fast, hyung. If not, Seungkwan and I will beat you to it,” grinned Vernon while
Seungkwan blushed, shoving the Hong’s maknae shyly yet wearing a mischievous glint in his
eyes. Vernon and Seungkwan had been dating for almost three years, straight out of college
and had been going strong. In fact, Vernon had once confided that he hoped to propose soon.

“Pass your boards first, Vernon,” Johnny chided, making the younger one cringe at the use of
his American name.

“Congratulations, hyung,” Seungkwan said beaming. “You and Jeonghan-ssi look beautiful
together.”

“Thank you,” Joshua said shyly, knowing nothing else he could respond with, although it did
elate something in him.

“You can call me hyung, Seungkwan-ssi,” said Jeonghan, smiling.

This made Seungkwan flash a bright smile saying, “Then you can just call me Seungkwan,
hyung!”

When Vernon, Seungkwan and Johnny left for the reception area, the couple was approached
by two familiar faces, surprising the newlyweds.

“Hyung,” one said. “Congratulations.”

“Jihoon,” said Jeonghan, a little gasp in his breath. “You made it.”

Jihoon gave a guilty smile and nodded. “Wouldn’t miss your wedding with Joshua-hyung,”
he said turning to the young doctor. “I surely wasn’t expecting you two to get married when
mom told me I needed to book a plane ride back here to make it to your wedding, but
surprise, surprise.”

“Jihoon, it’s been so long,” said Joshua, pulling the younger for a hug as he sent a nervous
look toward Jeonghan who appeared to be looking for someone in the crowd.

“What? No hug for me?” said the other man who stood behind Jihoon.

“Chan,” greeted Jeonghan. “I’m glad you could make it.”

The young man, Chan, snorted. “Yeah, sure. Whatever, hyung.”

“Chan, you’ve grown so much,” smiled Joshua. “You were in high school the last time I saw
you.”

“Yeah, well, we have being shipped off to another country to thank for that,” said Chan, with
no attempt to hide the venom in his words.
“Chan!” Jihoon tried to chastise.

“But don’t worry, Joshua-hyung. I’m back for good now. I guess we’ll be seeing more of
each other, Jeonghan-hyung, Joshua-hyung.”

“You’re both back for good?” Jeonghan asked, not remembering this being mentioned to him.

“Grandma requested me to come back a few months ago, and told Chan to come back as
well,” Jihoon said. “But we can talk more about it some other time, hyung. We should be
celebrating your wedding instead.”

Jeonghan nodded and Chan and Jihoon made their way to the reception which was set up on
the backyard of the Yoon residence.

“I didn’t know your cousins were going to make it,” said Joshua as he watched Jeonghan eye
the retreating figures of his cousins. Jeonghan was not expecting his cousins to come back to
Korea all of a sudden.

“Yeah, me too.”

Jihoon and Chan were Jeonghan’s cousins, his aunt Suryeon’s sons who had been in the
United States for the past six to seven years. Jihoon had been working in music production,
moving to New York after an offer to intern at a famous music label was made to him. On the
other hand, Chan was made to study abroad by Suryeon and grandma Yoon, and had stayed
there a couple more years after graduation to get some work experience. Due to the distance,
and having been busy, all three of them, Jeonghan hasn’t been able to keep in touch. But
seeing them now, especially Chan, he felt a tinge of guilt for not having done so when he
could.

Jeonghan did figure that Chan would come back some day as grandma and Suryeon would
surely want to train him for a position in the company. On the other hand, Jihoon was
perfectly happy with his job, a passion and love for music he had as far back as Jeonghan can
remember. Also, he always thought Jihoon never had the intention of returning to Korea
which is why things ended badly for him and—
“Seungcheol,” Jeonghan approached the lone man sitting on the front porch of the Yoon
estate. The athlete was sitting on the highest step on the porch, a glass of whiskey on hand
and a bottle of 18 year old Macallan by his side, probably taken from the Yoon’s alcohol bar
in the second floor which Seungcheol had unbridled access to.

“Yo,” Seungcheol greeted, head leaning back as he watched the newly wed sit beside him.

“Already contemplating how you’re being left behind when two of your closest friends are
now married?” Jeonghan said, grabbing the Macallan and pouring himself a generous amount
in the glass he brought.

“Definitely,” the older man said taking a sip of his preferred beverage. “Also, let’s not forget
how they’re about to have a child, so now my best friends will now have to trade getting
batshit drunk at clubs to sleepless nights with an infant, spontaneous trips to the Maldives to
Sunday afternoons at home, and hanging out with me to double dates with other married
couples. Ew.”

“First of all, we haven’t gotten drunk at clubs since we were in our early 20s,” said Jeonghan.
“Although, I can’t speak for Soonyoung. Second, we never went to the Maldives. And third,
ew is an overreaction, don’t you think?”

Seungcheol shrugged. “I probably got that from some romantic comedy I saw on Netflix.”

“Ah, so Netflix made you sit alone here on our porch when a wedding reception is happening
in the garden.”

“Well, you know I love myself my own main character moment.”

“Don’t you think it’s rude to do that in someone else’s wedding?”

“I think it’s the perfect setting!”

Jeonghan hummed, letting the silence fall between them.

Seungcheol coughed, it seemed intentional but Jeonghan decided not to call him out on it.
“You didn’t know he was coming back?” Seungcheol finally asked, and Jeonghan suspected
he’s been dying to know.

Jeonghan shook his head. “I was surprised when him and Chan came up to congratulate us.
Although I have a sinking feeling Chan didn’t mean his well wishes,” Jeonghan chuckled.

“When did that boy start hating you, anyway?”

“Who knows?” Jeonghan sighed. “It was a mess back then when he had to leave.”

“He’s grown so much. So different from the scrawny kid who used to follow you and Jihoon
around.”

“So many things have changed.”

“You think he’s changed as well?”

“Depends,” Jeonghan said, his shoulders falling. “The Jihoon I know may still be the same.
But your Jihoon… well…”

“There’s no my Jihoon, Han,” said Seungcheol a little dryly, making the younger of the two
turn to him. “There never was.”

“Cheol—”
“Well, anyway,” Seungcheol said dismissively. He stood up, leaving his glass of whiskey on
the floor and dusting the trousers of his black tuxedo from possible dirt having sat on the
floor. “I’ll call it a night, hope you don’t mind. I know it’s your wedding, but I’m pretty sure
you didn’t plan an after-party. That’s why I offered to throw you and Joshua a bachelor’s
party—”

“Are you still miffed about that? I’m so busy and Joshua can’t drink—”

“I’m just saying, as your best man—”

“We didn’t designate a best man. The wedding was planned by Aunt Sur—”

“As your best man,” Seungcheol insisted and enunciated. “I should have been given the
opportunity to make you live a night of regrets before your wedding. But, you flat out
rejected my offer. So now you’re stuck with this dinner reception with no after-party to
remember your wedding by.”

“Okay, Mr. Life-of-the-Party,” laughed Jeonghan who was now standing up, carrying both
glasses and the Macallan. “Can you drive?”

“Jeonghan, sometimes I get offended by the lack of trust you have in me.”

“Remember when you had to stop in the middle of the road because you had to vomit, and
you were using your dad’s vintage Mustang—”

“Hep! We don’t talk about the summer of 2015—”

“That was last year. You’re lucky there were no paparazzi around.”
But Seungcheol just shooed him away, as if the waving motion would make Jeonghan
disappear.

“I’m okay to drive, I promise. Now go and enjoy. You’re married now!” Seungcheol hollered
as he started making his way to the parking area where he car was parked.

Hearing the fact that he was married felt so weird to Jeonghan, and somehow it felt so unreal,
like an unfamiliar limb. But this was his reality now. He made his way back to the mansion to
return to the rest of the guests, but as he turned to the living room, he saw that it was
currently occupied by his now-husband and now-father-in-law. He was tempted to walk in, as
it was the quickest way to get to the garden where the reception was held, but the
conversation seemed like it couldn’t be disturbed.

“I expect you to be more responsible now, Jisoo,” Joo-hwan said in his stern tone. It was odd
for Jeonghan to hear Jisoo be called by his Korean name, even after he came to the Hong
household with Joshua to tell the latter’s family that his was the other father. “You’re married
into the Yoon family and you’re about to have a child. You can’t keep acting irresponsibly.”

“Yes, dad.” Joshua’s head was down, his fingers playing with each other as a manifestation of
nervousness. There was a tug, centered somewhere in Jeonghan’s chest, as if pulling him to
go to Joshua and hold his hand and take him away, the same feeling back in Jeju when he saw
the creep making Joshua uncomfortable.

“Once Dr. Nam clears you, you can return to work until such time when you need to take a
leave. I’ll inform the cardiothoracic surgery chief about your condition so we can have work
arrangements around it.”

“Thanks, dad.”

His dad sighed. “At least it was a Yoon, and not—forget it.”

Jeonghan’s eyebrow was raised as he stayed behind the door partitioning the foyer and the
living room, as he noticed how Joshua flinched at the words unsaid. What did Joo-hwan
mean by that?
“Jisoo, you’re now responsible for another life apart from your own. You’ll realize the joy,
happiness, and pride parenthood will bring you. But there will also be hardships, struggles,
and disappointments. I hope you can do your best to be the best parent to your child.”

Joshua’s head lowered even more, and a slow nod followed. There was a low exhale of
breath, and his father left to go back to the reception. It was only then that Joshua allowed
himself to sit on the couch, shoulders falling and arms limp.

Joo-hwan always seemed to have that effect on Joshua, as if draining all of the energy he had
in him, Jeonghan thought as he watched Joshua slump further into the couch. He noticed this
too, when he went to the Hong household with Joshua, ready to take responsibility for the
pregnancy and to marry the younger man.

He remembered that day clearly, Joshua was a nervous wreck. The young doctor tried his best
to seem calm, but all his mannerism showed and Jeonghan was all too familiar with them.
When they told Joo-hwan and Young-ae that Jeonghan was the other father, Joshua’s mom
was evidently surprised and she reacted as much. On the other hand, Joo-hwan remained
stoic and unwavering, and only had one important question in mind – if they were going to
get married. Joo-hwan’s presence was nerve-wracking, Jeonghan had to admit, even scarier
that facing the Yoon Group’s board of directors or shareholders, and he wasn’t sure if that
was because of Joo-hwan’s overall aura or the fact that he was Joshua’s father. He
remembered how after eating, Joo-hwan called Joshua to speak to him alone in his father’s
study, and how he came out looking drained. When asked about what they talked about,
Joshua recounted his dad’s questions and his scolding in between.

“Long day?” he said as he approached the brown-haired man.

Joshua opened his eyes, surprised to see Jeonghan as he approached and took the space
beside him, placing the two glasses and the whiskey on the low table in front of them.

“Long day.”

“I bet. You’re married now, after all.”

Joshua raised an eyebrow. “So are you.”

Jeonghan chuckled. “I guess so,” he leaned back and turned to his side. “Cheol already left,
by the way.”

It was Joshua who now turned to Jeonghan, elbow propped against the back of the couch.
“Oh. Because of…” he trailed, although Jeonghan already knew what the younger one was
pertaining to. Or who.

“Well,” he sighed, “that and pretty sure he’s still bummed about not being able to throw a
bachelor’s party. He’s been throwing a fit since we were dressing up, saying he had a whole
night planned involving a party bus, a tiger for Soonyoung, and Girl’s Generation, whatever
that meant.”

It elicited a lighthearted laugh from Joshua, making Jeonghan smile.

“Sounds traumatic.”

“With Seungcheol? Of course it is.”

“Probably not as traumatic as Jun’s encounter with grandma Yoon though.”

“Oh?” Jeonghan perked. “What happened?”

Joshua let out an airy giggle, and Jeonghan couldn’t help but appreciate the way his eyes
formed like crescents, as if mimicking Joshua’s own smile. Then he excitedly got into the
story of how he was pretty sure he was whispering something flirty (or dirty) to Minghao
every now and then, given the way Minghao either pinched Jun on his side or rolled his eyes.
“I’m pretty sure Hao would respond with something dirty, normally, but he seemed pretty off
tonight,” Joshua continued. “They were standing together while they were chatting with
grandma, Johnny-hyung and Jihoon, when Hao quietly moved away. Jun probably didn’t
notice because the next thing he did was whisper something to grandma and she was so
scandalized she gasped so loud. When Jun realized what happened he was so red and frozen
while grandma walked away saying ‘Wen Junhui, I can’t believe those words came out of
your mouth.’”

Joshua laughed and Jeonghan joined him.

“What did he say to grandma?”

“Something along the lines of ‘I can’t wait to spank your cute little ass tonight’—”

“Oh god,” Jeonghan groaned, internalizing the second hand embarrassment. “I can’t believe
he said that to grandma.”

“I don’t know how he can face her after this.”

“He’ll probably hide from her for a good few months.”

“Utter shame.”

“Our friends our embarrassing.”

Joshua laughed. “But we love them.”

“Unfortunately.”
They fell into silence once again, and somehow, it was rather comfortable this time. Unlike
the past couple of weeks of walking on eggshells around each other, unsure of what to say or
how to act as they are now forced into a situation they no longer have control over, there was
some sort of acceptance as if they just released a breath they didn’t know they were holding.

“So,” Joshua softly began. “Did you hear that a while ago?”

“Hear what?” Jeonghan asked, a little confused.

“Me and my dad.”

“Oh,” Jeonghan bit his lip. “I didn’t mean to. But we don’t have to talk about it if you’re
uncomfortable.”

Joshua didn’t reply immediately, it was as if he was contemplating, battling with himself
internally. Jeonghan knew how Joshua was so reserved, he let so little of himself be known to
others—his thoughts, his opinions, his worries, his past. As their friendship grew, Joshua
started to become more comfortable with Jeonghan and the others, he would comfortably join
in the conversation, offer some jabs or jokes at the expense of a whiny Mingyu or an irritable
Seungcheol, he would share in the misery of hell weeks and terror professors, and in the
weight problems that his friends couldn’t bear.

He offered so much of his kindness, understanding and compassion, but little to none of his
own pain and heartbreaks to let others help him carry it. And Jeonghan didn’t want to push
Joshua except to be ready when he was willing to open himself up to be cared for.

Joshua exhaled before deciding to speak again. “None of our friends probably know about
this except for Soonyoung, but…” and he raised his eyes to meet Jeonghan’s as if waiting for
a sign to go on. “When I was in high school, I had a boyfriend, my first love,” and Jeonghan
nodded encouragingly. Joshua looked at him weirdly at first, as if wondering why he wasn’t
surprised, but continued anyway. “It was our last year of high school, and he asked me out
while we were studying in the library, it was so unromantic. Truth be told, I liked him very
much even before we dated. He was smart, sweet, promising star of the soccer team, and he
made me feel loved. You could say it was a whirlwind romance, I fell in love with him so
deeply.”
Jeonghan carefully watched Joshua, how his eyes watered at the memory, his small but sad
smile as he recalled his first love, his fingers that played at the edges of his white jacket, and
he waited patiently for him to continue his story at his own comfortable pace.

“We were so in love back them, it felt like we could do anything. But,” it was then when the
tone of Joshua’s voice changed from speaking about a fond memory to something
melancholic. “My dad hated his parents. I guess the feeling is mutual with his parents. They
used to be business partners but my dad felt slighted by them after a deal had gone wrong.
When he found out that we were dating, he got so angry I thought he would disown me,”
Joshua laughed, but there was no humor in it. “I bet you could predict how the story goes,
almost. They wanted us to break up. I was so angry of course, I loved him so much and they
wanted to break us up.”

Joshua paused, no tears have fallen. He needed to catch a breath, and Jeonghan just continued
to watch him patiently, knowing it wasn’t time for him to speak.

“We were young and reckless. It felt very—what’s that phrase? Us against the world?”
Joshua peeked up at Jeonghan, thoughtful. “It was foolish, I suppose. We considered eloping,
can you believe it? A couple of teenagers with no knowledge about the real world, wanting to
elope,” Joshua sighed. “One night, we got into his white Kia Rio, I even remember. We
probably had a week’s worth of clothing in our bags. And with absolutely no idea where to
go, we drove off, thinking that love is all we need. And then…”

There was a hitch in his voice, almost like his lungs tightened, causing Jeonghan to sit up in
worry. But Joshua shook his head, holding his right hand up as if to say he was fine.

“We got into a car accident, you see. It was pretty bad,” Joshua exhaled, trying to control his
breathing. “When I woke up, I was in the hospital. My mom was crying beside my bed,
holding my hand. I had a few injuries but he had it worse.”

“Is he…”

“He’s alive,” Joshua assured. “My dad was furious, as can be expected. It was so
irresponsible of me to try and elope with him, having no money and no plan. And then we got
into an accident. But I didn’t care about my dad’s anger. I was worried about him, but they
wouldn’t let me see him. His parents wouldn’t let me. It turned out, he was badly injured. A
fractured shoulder, a few broken ribs and a broken leg that would take a long time to heal.”

“So you didn’t get to talk to him after the accident?”

“I did, actually. I found a way to talk to him,” Joshua recalled, turning his body to face
forward. “I thought he would have been worried about me too. I thought he would have been
happy to see me. But, instead he blamed me. He said he never should have met me. He never
should have loved me,” it was only then that a tear escaped Joshua’s eyes after having held it
in for as long as he did. “It was my fault he got injured so badly they had to take him to
Canada to get better treatment. It was my fault he wasn’t able to walk. It was my fault his
dreams of playing soccer disappeared in an instant. I ruined his life. I—”

“Stop!” Jeonghan said, a bit frustrated. The sudden outburst caused Joshua to look at
Jeonghan again. “None of those were your fault, Shua.”

“But it is,” Joshua’s voice was pained. “If I just followed my parents… if I didn’t get in the
car with him that night… if I—”

“Shua, can you hear yourself?” Jeonghan moved closer to Joshua instinctively. “How can
those be your fault? How can you cause an accident to happen when you were just in the
passenger seat? How could you have caused his injuries? How can you put all the blame on
yourself for a decision you both made?”

“I—”

“You were young, and you made stupid decisions, we all do,” Jeonghan said, taking Joshua’s
hands in his. “But to put all that blame on you, you’re being unfair to yourself, Shua.”

“But in the end my parents were right. I should have followed them…”
Jeonghan now understood better why Joshua was the way he is. This trauma marked a deep
scar on the young doctor that still hasn’t healed. He blamed himself for all that happened that
night because his dad blamed him, because his ex-boyfriend’s parents blamed him, and
finally because his ex-boyfriend blamed him as well. He carried all the blame and
disappointment on his own, so he devoted his whole life, his happiness, his choices to making
up for that mistake by trying to be a good son to his parents.

There was no room for him to make mistakes, or he made no room for that, because he didn’t
want to disappoint his parents any more than he already did. And in doing so, Joshua lost so
much of himself.

It pained him to see Joshua like this. That Joshua saw so little of the many other beautiful
things that he was, and only thought about how his parents saw him.

Jeonghan lifted his left hand to cup the young doctor’s cheek, using his thumb to wipe away
dried tears.

“Shh,” he said. “It wasn’t your fault. Don’t think about those anymore, Shua.”

“Sorry to trauma dump on you, Jeonghan,” Joshua tried to joke. “And to think it’s just the
first few hours of us being married.”

Jeonghan gave him a soft smile, shaking his head. “Off to a great start, I think.”

Joshua raised his own hand to hold the one that was cupping his face, giving it a little
squeeze. They remained like that for a few minutes until Joshua evened out his breathing.
When Jeonghan felt like Joshua was calmer, he dropped his hand but kept holding Joshua’s
own. They sat comfortably against the couch a little longer, allowing the noise from the
garden be their background until—

“Jeonghan,” Joshua drawled. “I know this is weird to bring up right now, but…”
Jeonghan raised his eyebrow at the younger man’s hesitation. “What is it?”

“Um…”

“It’s okay, just tell me.”

“You’re going to think it’s weird.”

“You prefacing it by calling it weird is going to make me think it’s weird."

Joshua hesitated but finally said, “I really want some passion fruit ice cream right now.”

“Huh?”

“Passion fruit ice cream.”

“Passion fruit…?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” he said unsure. “Let me call the waiter—”

“They don’t have any,” Joshua interrupted quickly, then retreating shyly. “I already asked
them and the house staff.”

Was this what they call pregnancy cravings? Jeonghan wondered.

 “There’s a store,” Joshua said, his head down, lips pursed. “In Myeongdong.”

Cute.

Jeonghan sighed, then smiled. “Come on. Let’s go to Myeongdong then.”

Joshua looked up, his mood instantly shifted, biting his lips to hold back a smile. Jeonghan
offered his hand and Joshua gladly took it, deciding to leave the reception quietly.

Chapter End Notes

Oof now they're married! Wondering what married life will be like for them hehe. More
of this in the next chapter. Hopefully you enjoyed this one.

Appreciate always your thoughts on the progression of the story.

 Chapter 8
Chapter Notes

Here's a new chapter, something I really enjoyed writing that I ended up writing faster
than usual. Hehe. So I hope you enjoy it too!

Thank you for all your warm and lovely feedback/comments, I really do enjoy reading
them!

We see more of JS and JH's relationship progressing and adjusting to being married.

Sorry for the typos, sometimes my eyes just get tired I don't notice even after
proofreading. General disclaimer that I do not belong to the medical field so I may be
(most probably) inaccurate with the terms I use and/or scenarios I write.

Enjoy!!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

It’s been a little short of a month since the wedding, and adjusting to life in the Yoon
household has been relatively easy for Joshua. Him and Jeonghan were ordered by the elders
to live at the estate instead of their respective apartments so they can take care of Joshua
better. Jeonghan’s old room was cleaned and adjusted for two people.

As he now stayed in the Yoon family’s main house, the Yoon’s house staff would have
breakfast and dinner prepared, and Joshua often joined the family members who were present
to eat. Grandma Yoon couldn’t help but dote on the pregnant grandson-in-law, catering to his
every need although he hardly asked for anything. Joshua was also not allowed to do heavy
tasks around the house, not that he needed to since the estate is fully staffed. One thing he
was thankful for, however, is being able to bond again with Jihoon, whom he hasn’t seen in
more than 6 years, and getting to know Chan more.

Of course, life in the Yoon family isn’t without its awkward moments. For example, he now
has to share a bed with his husband, Jeonghan, in the room Jeonghan grew up in. Not that he
hasn’t shared a bed with Jeonghan before (obviously), but now they weren’t really fooling
around, so to speak. Ironic, considering now they’re actually married.
Luckily for Joshua (or unluckily), the young CEO would often arrive very late into the night
that Joshua had already fallen asleep, and by the time the doctor woke up, Jeonghan would be
in the bathroom preparing for the day ahead.

One time, he entered the walk in closet to prepare Jeonghan’s clothes for that day, when his
husband came out of the bathroom wrapped only in a towel around his lower half. If he was
being honest, he quite liked looking at a freshly showered, wet-skinned, topless Yoon
Jeonghan, and the thought caused him to turn beet red (as if he hasn’t seen that before and
more). The playful smirk that the Yoon heir wore only further sent a warm feeling down the
pit of his stomach that Joshua tried very hard to ignore.

It doesn’t help that he’s constantly surrounded in their room by the alluring scent of citrus
and lilies, reminding him of heated nights.

Immediately after the wedding, Jeonghan returned to work, crazily busy with overseeing
Henggarae’s operations from manufacturing to distribution, and more so with the planned
launch of the baby products. The eldest Yoon grandson would go to site visits, expert
consulting, product testing, marketing meetings, and many other tasks as he had to be hands
on as the newly minted chief executive of Henggarae.

On the other hand, Joshua had returned to the hospital, but he had to take a pause on the usual
track of a cardiothoracic surgery resident. He was taken out of night rotations and surgeries
which take more than 2 hours as standing for too long may be bad for Joshua. Instead, he
agreed to assist the chief on more research as well as continue writing his paper. Joshua’s dad
cited medical reasons for the adjustment, without disclosing the fact of pregnancy, and, of
course, there are those who have found this arrangement rather unfair and privileged,
especially Dr. Jo and the few residents who suck up to him.

“Okay, we’re now at little past your twelve-week mark, Jisoo,” Dr. Nam said when Joshua
gets back to the consultation area. “Everything looks good so far. But do avoid strenuous
activities and situations.”

“Thanks, Dr. Nam,” beamed Joshua, pleased at the check-up results. “I’m glad to hear the
baby’s healthy.”

“And you look a lot better than your first check-up.”

Joshua nodded with a shy laugh. The situation has been a lot easier now that their families
know and has been supportive of his pregnancy.

“So,” Dr. Nam put his pen down after writing on his prescription pad. “This is your second
check-up, but the other father hasn’t joined you still?”

There was something in the older man’s tone, something one would normally recognize from
disapproving parents, that Joshua felt like he was being scolded.

“Oh, um,” Joshua stuttered a bit. “Actually, I wasn’t able to tell him about this appointment.
He’s been quite busy with work and—”

Dr. Nam’s deep sigh interrupted the young doctor. “Too busy to accompany you?”

“It’s not that, Dr. Nam,” Joshua tried to defend earnestly. “It’s just that there’s a lot on his
plate, and he’s been putting out fires in work, waking up early and coming home late, I didn’t
want to mess up his schedules.”

But the older doctor frowned, unimpressed.

“If you say so.”

Dr. Nam then dismissed him after giving the prescription and other reminders, and Joshua
quietly walked out of his clinic. Dr. Nam hardly took in any more pregnant patients, wanting
to retire from his practice in a few years, but Joshua’s family’s close relationship with Dr.
Nam caused the latter to make an exception. Plus, he adored Joshua since he was a little kid.

“There you are, hyung!” Jun hollered from afar as he ran towards Joshua with a paper bag in
his hands.
He stared at the panting man, brows furrowed. “Hey, why are you panting?”

“I’ve been looking for you, of course!” Jun frowned.

“But why?”

Jun came a bit closer after his breath evened out, whispering “How was your check-up?”

“Oh.”

Ever since the Chinese doctor found out about Joshua’s pregnancy, he’s been super attentive
to Joshua’s needs and movements. He always made sure Joshua wasn’t running, or getting
pushed by others, or checking up if he’s feeling nauseous. It was sweet, Joshua had to admit,
to have such a thoughtful friend in Jun.

“It was good,” Joshua gave a warm and bright smile, as if he was sunshine itself. Perhaps
talking about the life growing inside him made him bloom. “The baby is healthy and has a
strong heart beat.”

Jun let out a sigh of relief.

“Right,” Jun piped up, remembering the paper bag in his hand. “I’ve got your lunch.”

“Again?” Joshua asked incredulously. For every day since he returned to work, Jun had
brought lunch with him for Joshua, and if Jun’s shift wasn’t aligned with Joshua’s, Seokmin
brought him lunch.

Jun just happily nodded. “Yup, and it’s from your favorite ginseng chicken soup restaurant.”
“My favorite samgyetang restaurant?”

“Uh huh!”

“The one in Bukchon?”

“Uh…” Jun gulped nervously. “Yup!”

Joshua eyed him suspiciously. “And you knew that how?”

“Well… funny you asked,” Jun scratched an imaginary itch at the back of his nape. “Right,
Soonyoung mentioned it!” But Joshua’s eagle-eyed gaze remained. “Come on, hyung!
Enough with the questions. It’s lunch and you need to eat on time!”

And Jun started walking away before Joshua could say anything more, leading the walk to
the residents’ office in their department so they can eat their lunch, instead of the crowded
cafeteria.

Joshua had to admit, he’s been craving for the ginseng chicken soup since last night, and was
planning to eat there in the weekend when it was his rest day. When they get to the office, it
was empty and they set up the meal that Jun brought so they can eat, and he ate quite happily
that lunch.

“Wahhh…” exclaimed Jun as he placed the take out bowl down, all the soup drained. “That
was so good!”

Joshua nodded as he finished his chicken and drank the soup. “So good!”

“I can see why this is your favorite, hyung.”

“It hits the spot, doesn’t it?”

“And it’s perfect for the cold weather we’ve been having.”

“Thanks, Jun,” smiled Joshua. “You’ve been getting me lunch almost every day now. Why is
that?”

What Joshua asked suddenly made Jun stumble in his seat. “Nothing special, hyung,” Jun
said defensively. “I mean, you’re pregnant, so we have to look after you and make sure
you’re eating right and on time.”

“Right…” Joshua said as if contemplating to believe Jun at his word or not. Then he smiled
sincerely, grateful nonetheless. “Thanks, again.”

Jun nodded shyly.

“How’s it like getting back to work, hyung? Are you having a hard time?” Jun asked.

Joshua merely shrugged. “I’ve been getting tired quite easily and I can’t rely on caffeine now,
so it’s been a struggle. But, otherwise, it’s been okay. The chief has been very
understanding.”

“Dr. Jo probably can’t relate to being understanding,” Jun grumbled with a deep sigh. “He’s
such an asshole, really.”

“Jun, don’t say that.”

“What? It’s true!”

“Still, someone might hear you,” Joshua scolded.

“Shua-hyung, no need to defend him. Everyone in the department knows he has a stick up his
ass. It might be more acceptable to have him as a supervising doctor if he was actually as
competent as the chief and other professors. But he’s not. He just acts like he is.”

“Jun!”

“And he keeps making nasty side comments about you at every chance he gets, like how
you’re a nepo baby and that you're faking a medical condition just to get out of his service.”

Joshua shrugged, the comment doesn’t really affect him anymore. “It’s a partly true though,
the nepo baby part.”

Jun shook his head. “You worked hard to get here, hyung. I was there with you through
medical school. I know.”

Seeing how hard his friend was defending him made his heart swell appreciatively.
Somehow, he doesn’t know how he lucked out with such great friends.

“And let’s not pretend like it’s a secret that 70% of the doctors are where they are because
their parents or grandparents, uncles or aunts, are doctors too. It’s hard to get into a residency
program without using some sort of connection. Who is he kidding? Everyone knows he’s the
son-in-law of a minority stockholder too.”

“It’s really okay, Jun,” Joshua smiled.

“I just find it so hypocritical of him to always pick on you when you go through all the rigors
that every resident in this hospital goes through.”

“But I did get a special arrangement for my condition because of my dad,” Joshua admitted.
“But the hospital already has a policy for pregnancies anyway.”

Joshua just chuckled at the younger man’s quick retort to back Joshua up, even against
Joshua himself. It was sweet.

“Thanks, Jun,” Joshua said. “Seriously. I don’t know how I’d survive med school, and now
residency, without you.”

“Hyung, of course. We all need help to get through the difficult times in our lives.”

And somehow those words rung deep in Joshua.

“Anyway, let’s not get too emotional,” Joshua laughed, trying to shift the mood. “I know I’m
supposed to be the hormonal one, being pregnant and all, so stop being so dramatic, Jun.”

Jun’s mouth opened wide in feigned offense. “Excuse me?”

“I feel like I’m in the mood for sticky mango rice,” Joshua said dreamily, ignoring the
younger man.

“Mangoes? In this season?”

Joshua hummed, “Definitely craving for some sticky mango rice.”

-
Jeonghan frowned after looking at the text he received. He was in the elevator of the Yoon
Group’s building, where the main offices of all subsidiaries’ executives are centralized. His
trusted secretary noticed.

“Is there something wrong, sir?”

“Where do I get sticky mango rice at this time of the year?” sighed Jeonghan.

Soobin, his secretary, cocked an eyebrow. “Is it sir Joshua?”

“Do you know where we can buy sticky mango rice?” Jeonghan turned to Soobin
expectantly.

Taken aback, he stuttered, “Um… uh… I will… look into it, sir.”

“Great. Update me. Thanks, Soobin.”

Jeonghan was very much thankful. Ever since Joshua started his weird cravings, he’d have
Soobin scour the streets of Seoul (or every online seller on the internet) to get those for
Joshua, as much as possible. When Joshua was craving for passion fruit ice cream, Jeonghan
bought ten tubs so they didn’t have to keep going to Myeongdong. A few days later, the
doctor was craving for dragon fruit, blue berries and honeydews, so the young CEO had the
house staff buy every kind of fruit they can find so everything was within Joshua’s reach for
any sudden burst of craving.

But there were the odd ones too. Last week, Joshua really wanted coconut -flavored yogurt
that he almost cried. Jeonghan had no clue where to get that. The week before that Joshua
wanted eggplant pizza and Jeonghan couldn’t find a restaurant which offered the oddity.
Luckily, he used to be the CEO of a restaurants company and had access to their research and
development team.
The elevator chimed letting them know they’ve reached the 17th floor where Jeonghan’s
office is located. He is greeted by the receptionist.

“Good afternoon, sir,” she bowed politely. “Mr. Lee Chan is waiting for you in your office.”

“What?” Jeonghan looked to his secretary, confused. Soobin just shrugged, any such
appointment was not in his calendar.

“He said he needed you to approve something,” the receptionist said.

Jeonghan just sighed. “Okay.”

It wasn’t like he wasn’t happy to see his cousin, it’s just that he’s been very difficult to deal
with lately. Grandma brought Chan along during his first week back to Korea to her various
meetings related to the company, just so Chan can have a glimpse of the operations and status
of the company affairs. Then, grandma assigned him to Attacca Land Corporation, Yoon
Group’s real estate and development subsidiary, as a marketing assistant manager.

Meanwhile, at home, Chan acted like a mean-spirited little brat, especially towards his
mother, Suryeon, and Jeonghan. He would throw a snide remark here and there or roll his
eyes even when he knows Jeonghan is looking. Jeonghan doesn’t know, and frankly doesn’t
have the time, to deal with Chan’s attitude problem.

When he entered his spacious office, Chan was leisurely walking around, as if inspecting the
furnishings of Jeonghan, not really looking for anything incriminating but analyzing.

“Chan,” Jeonghan said, and the youngest Yoon cousin turned to see the CEO walking toward
him.

“I need you to approve this,” he said casually, walking to the front of Jeonghan’s desk while
the latter took a seat in his expensive swivel chair. Chan pushed a blue folder forward, the
insignia of the Yoon Group in gold embossment on the front.
Jeonghan wore the glasses he always leaves on his work desk, raising an eyebrow silently
instructing the younger to explain.

Chan rolled his eyes. “It’s a marketing proposal for a partnership between Henggarae and
Attacca. We’re planning to develop an application. It’s all there.”

“I’ll review it.”

“I kind of need that asap.”

“And I was only given this report today,” Jeonghan’s tone was stern. “I’ll review it.”

“Come on, hyung,” scoffed Chan, crossing his arms a bit petulantly. “I worked on that report
for two weeks, I can assure you it’s a good plan. Why are you making it hard for me?”

Jeonghan sighed, leaning back against his chair. “First of all, I’m not making it hard for you.
I won’t approve reports and plans just because the one who made it assured me it’s a good
plan. I have to actually read it.” Jeonghan didn’t need to hear the silent groan Chan was
making. “Second, you’re only able to give this report directly to me because I’m your cousin,
when, if we follow the proper protocols, Attacca’s marketing manager is supposed to present
this to Henggarae’s marketing team for approval before this gets to my desk. You bypassed a
lot of approvals by virtue of being my cousin. I’m making it easier for you by not returning
this to your marketing manager.”

“Look, hyung—”

“Chan, please, don’t do this again,” Jeonghan said, tone softening several levels. “We have
policies in place and we need to abide by them so others will too.”
The dampened look on Chan’s face stung a little, but Jeonghan needed to teach Chan because
he will be eaten alive by other executives otherwise.

“Fine,” was all the younger man said before walking out.

Jeonghan rubbed his temples, the encounter giving him a headache. He does want Chan to
learn and help him lead the Yoon Group in the future, after all, it’s their grandfather’s legacy.
But he has to deal with Henggarae first and ward of his grand uncle’s attempt to take over
before he can do that.

But it seemed like his grand uncle will not make it easy for him.

“Sir,” Soobin called, his voice a bit panicky. Jeonghan turned to look at him staring at his
phone with wide eyes. “You have to see this.”

“What is it?”

Soobin handed Jeonghan his phone, the screen was open to a headline of one of the bigger
online tabloid publications of Korea. The headline read: CEO Yoon of Henggarae abuses
power and attacks man in a resort owned by the Yoon Group.

“What the hell?”

He scrolled further down, and there was a video clip, blurring every one’s faces in that party
in Jeju, except for his own. He can clearly see himself punch the creep who was harassing
Joshua just a minute before the incident happened, but of course, that part wasn’t seen.

The article then went on to say that the author’s sources obtained information that “the young
CEO was just appointed to spearhead the launch of Henggarae’s line of products for
pregnant persons and babies. Yet, the said CEO is a violent man who punched a guest at his
resort just because he can. Are we really trusting the things our pregnant partners or our
babies consume to a company who has a CEO like him?”
He read a few of the comments and decided to stop, returning the phone to Soobin.

“Fuck, what the hell?” Jeonghan groaned. It was just one problem after another with
Henggarae.

“Sir, the tabloid is starting to get some traction.”

Just then, his phone rang and Suryeon’s name was on the screen. Jeonghan swiped to answer
the call, putting her on loud speaker.

“Jeonghan, what the hell was that video?” Suryeon exclaimed. “Is that real?”

Jeonghan sighed for the nth time that day. “Yes, auntie. It’s real.”

“Why did you punch a man? My god, Jeonghan,” Suryeon sounded frustrated on the other
line.

“Auntie, please, calm down. It was during Cheol’s birthday celebration in the Jeju resort.
There was a party and that creep I punched was harassing Joshua. I wouldn’t go punching
people without a reason.”

He could hear a gasp from the other end. “He what?” It was grandma Yoon’s shocked tone.
Suryeon was probably on speaker too.

“That was months ago, though. Why is this suddenly coming out now?” Suryeon wondered.

“It’s probably his doing,” Jeonghan guessed. Why else would something like this about him
come out? Jeonghan was pretty low profile as a chaebol heir, hardly any society news come
out about him.
“Sir, there are a lot of troll comments,” said Soobin who was scrolling through his tablet now.
“I think a troll farm is trying to get this article trending.”

“They even mentioned the launch of the new Henggarae products which we haven’t even
announced yet.”

“This isn’t good, Jeonghan,” grandma Yoon said. “The launch might fail before we can even
get there.”

“I know, grandma.”

“What are we going to do?”

“Well, since Jeonghan didn’t punch the guy without reason, then we should come out with a
statement explaining why he punched the man,” Suryeon suggested.

“People will just say we’re making up excuses,” said Soobin. “Unless we can show them
what happened before that. I’ll ask the resort for security footage.”

“Even so, will that be enough? Sure that man was making unwanted advances, but was
violence warranted?” grandma Yoon argued, a sigh evident in her tone.

There was silence as they thought of a solution.

It was Suryeon who finally came up with something. “Let’s announce it then.”

“Announce what, auntie?”

“Your marriage, and that you’re expecting a child.”

“What?”

“We were bound to announce it anyway, the timelines just moved up,” said Suryeon. “Look,
we announce that and then issue another statement. Then Jeonghan can say that he was
protecting his significant other who was being harassed,” Suryeon continued. “More people
can relate to that, especially those who are also expecting. They’d find this reasonable and
would find it commendable. Let’s turn the narrative around.”

Jeonghan felt like his head was going to explode.

“I agree. They’ll be even more sympathetic to know your partner whom you were protecting
is now expecting a child. We’re painting a family-friendly image for you,” said grandma, and
Jeonghan can imagine her nodding vigorously at the idea. He suspected, however, that she’s
just happy to have the opportunity to announce Jeonghan and Joshua’s marriage and her
future great grandchild.

“Grandma, wait,” Jeonghan said. “Can we please pause? Joshua and his family haven’t even
agreed to this. We can’t just announce something as big as that to save my reputation.”

“Joshua will agree knowing it’s for you,” Suryeon said.

“That’s not the point. I still have to ask him,” Jeonghan insisted.

“That’s fine. And you’re right. This affects Joshua as well because everyone around him will
know too,” grandma sympathized. “Talk to him and ask, Jeonghan.”

“Grandma—”

“Just ask,” she said. “If he’s not okay with it, then we can think of something else.”
Jeonghan leaned back, slumping down his leather swivel. He’s tired, overworked and
stressed, and now he has to deal with a PR issue about himself. Great. More than that, he felt
sorry that Joshua will have to be dragged along with this, which might affect his work and
may cause him stress and unwanted attention. He’s was not happy about this at all.

“Fine.”

He ended the call there and instructed Soobin to start doing the necessary – find a video
which shows the complete incident, identify the person who posted it and see if they can file
legal actions against them, have the PR team start drafting the statements, and buy sticky
mango rice.

He wanted to go home at this point and let his bed eat him, it was just too tiring to be a CEO,
and it wasn’t the glamorous life people think it was. If he closed his eyes, his mind wandered
to his room, where he is greeted by a couch facing a large television screen where he can
lounge and watch the news or a sporting event. If he looked to his right there was his large
bed in soft white sheets. If he breathed in, the familiar smell of his favorite cologne that has
seemingly been absorbed by his room now mixed with a scent of lemon with honey and
vanilla – Joshua. Yes, that was Joshua’s beautiful scent he has grown accustomed to over the
past few months which he can now indulge in every night. His thoughts then moved to the
image of a beautiful doe-eyed, brown-haired man welcoming him home with his warmest
smile and velvet voice.

Lately, he has found himself wanting to go home earlier and earlier than he normally would.
Being in the position that he is in, he was used to staying in the office where day and night
were so indistinguishable, he really only went back to his apartment to shower and get a
change of clothes. Now, something shifted.

Then there was a ping that pulled him out of his thoughts, his phone, which he had put on do-
not-disturb so he could rest even for half an hour, lit up signifying a message that came
through. But only one contact was exempted from his DND list, you know, in case of
emergencies. Everyone else can wait or message his secretary. He picked up his phone and
opened the message of a familiar contact name.

Hey. I saw the article. Are you okay?

All of a sudden, everything felt lighter.

yeah. the PR team is working on it.

Okay

Now, he’s unsure of what to type. He formed a few words before erasing them again. He
repeated that process a couple more times when a new message came in.

I’m sorry.

why?

for what?

The video.

You punched the guy because of me.

i punched the asshole because he deserved it.

i’m not sorry for doing that, shua. and the video being released is not your fault.

it was manipulated to paint a bad picture.

so don’t blame yourself.

It’s been a minute and there’s been no reply. So he typed again.

shua.

Okay.

good.

are you home already?

Yeah.

Are you coming home soon?

He paused, thumbs poised over his phone, staring. Home, he thought. Then his fingers
moved.

i probably won’t make it to dinner, but i won’t be long.

Okay. Come home safely.

See you.

Something, somewhere in his chest, grew, swelling and coming to life.

-

When he read this in his medical books, everything made sense, at least that’s what he
thought. Now that he’s experiencing it himself, he can’t understand how something in his
body can make him crave for something late in the evening, so much that he kind of wanted
to cry right now.

He scoured the kitchen, something he’s found himself doing several times already before and
the household staff is so used to it they just let him be instead of trying to help him because
most of the time, Joshua can’t even pinpoint what the hell it is he wants (or what the baby
wants). He went over the contents of the fridge even though he knew he wasn’t going to find
what he was craving for. Yet, he hoped something would call out to him and replace his
craving because, god, he was about to cry.

“What are you doing there?” a voice suddenly appeared, surprising him as if he was caught
red handed.

Slowly, he turned to the source of the voice, although he already knew who it was, his body
straightening from his crouching position. As he moved to face Jeonghan, he caught a
glimpse of the fond smile on his husband’s face, which slowly turned to a worried frown.

“Are you crying?” he asked placing down the things he brought home on the countertop, then
he circled the island to get to where Joshua was standing.

“About to,” Joshua sniffled. Damn his hormones, why does he want to cry?

“Why? What’s wrong?”

Jeonghan moved his hands and placed the younger one’s face in between them, and Joshua
thought of all the times the other has done this, spreading a warm feeling all over his body,
but especially his face. On instinct, he leaned into Jeonghan’s touch allowing himself to be
comforted.
“You’re going to laugh at me,” he mumbled, Joshua’s face squished like a bunny, making
Jeonghan smile.

“I’m already holding back right now, Shua,” Jeonghan said, his lips pressed but the ends
curling up as he fought the urge to laugh. He rubbed his thumb against Joshua’s cheeks
before letting go, and leaving Joshua wanting to chase the contact. “So, tell me the matter,
huh?”

“I’m… hungry.”

“Okay, there’s lots of food here,” Jeonghan offered. “I’m sure we can heat something up.”

“No,” Joshua whined, pouting. “Jeonghan, there’s nothing here I want.”

“So, what it is that you want to eat?”

“You won’t get annoyed or laugh?”

“I won’t.”

“Okay, because I think I’d want to punch you if you do.” Joshua sighed, eyeing the older man
carefully. “I really want sticky mango rice.”

“Sticky mango rice?”

“Yes.”
Jeonghan paused, letting a few seconds of silence go by. “Yeah, I don’t think we have that in
the house,” Jeonghan said, shaking his head for emphasis as he leaned against the kitchen
island.

“Are you being sarcastic?” Joshua said with a bit of irritation. “You do know it’s your child
who wants to eat it right? I don’t even like mangoes.”

Jeonghan released an airy laugh, and it made him look quite angelic. Which was unfair
because somehow it made Joshua’s irritation dissipate just as quick when he wanted to give
Jeonghan a hard time a little more.

“Alright, I feel like you’ll really cry if I keep it up,” said Jeonghan, not particularly strong-
willed against a crying Joshua. He turned to get the paper bag he set down on the counter.
“Lucky for you, I’m a very resourceful man.”

Joshua arched an eyebrow suspiciously. “Meaning?”

The CEO grinned as he took out a styrofoam takeout box whose logo he was unfamiliar with,
and opened the same only to reveal the bright yellow fruit sliced in long strips and the dome-
shaped glutinous rice doused in coconut milk.

Immediately, the younger man’s face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning seeing the
presents under the Christmas tree.

“Is this—” he gasped before turning to Jeonghan, leaping from his position by the fridge to
cross over to Jeonghan. “You got me sticky mango rice.”

Jeonghan took out the plastic utensils that the restaurant so thoughtfully included, placing it
in front of a very eager Joshua, smiling from ear to ear as he made himself comfortable on an
island chair.

Amused, Jeonghan quipped, “You’re this happy over mango sticky rice?”
Joshua nodded, “You have no idea. My body has been aching for this since this afternoon that
I was tempted to drive two hours just to go to the only restaurant I could find online and two
hours back.”

Jeonghan just hummed as he watched Joshua gobble up the food in satisfaction. While the
younger one ate, he grabbed a pitcher from the refrigerator and a glass, then poured the liquid
for Joshua.

“I can’t believe how much your taste palette changed because of the pregnancy,” mused
Jeonghan as he sat back on the island stool beside Joshua, propping his left elbow on the
countertop and leaning against his closed fist. “Like I remember how you refused to eat
anything with eggplant in it, you hated it so much. And then you go looking for eggplant
pizza.”

After finishing chewing, Joshua shyly laughed. “I find it so odd too. I mean, I’ve read all
about the hormonal changes back in medical school but experiencing it first hand is just so
weird.”

“I’ve read on it, actually, when your cravings started,” Jeonghan said, making Joshua raise an
eyebrow as he continued eating. “I saw one article where she craved for tuna doused in
chocolate milk, and another story where he wanted minced pork in his taro-flavored ice
cream,” the older man laughed in recollection. “When I was reading about, it was so gross
and weird. But seeing you, I get it. It happens.”

The doctor furrowed his brows, “My cravings are not gross.”

Jeonghan shrugged. “I mean, most are just random cravings, but you have to admit the
eggplant pizza would be disgusting if you weren’t pregnant.”

Joshua paused to contemplate. “Fine. That’s fair.”

“But you’re right, I am thankful that you didn’t ask for something like pickled durian
pudding,” Jeonghan chuckled.

He watched his husband’s eyes crinkle as he laughed, a playful smile that he often saw in
college was plastered on the young CEO’s face. Joshua is thinking it’s his favorite look on
Jeonghan because of how rare it was. It was not often that they have conversations like this
with how busy Jeonghan normally is, so this was nice. It felt more like an actual marriage
when they have moments like this.

“So,” Joshua said as he placed the fork down after taking the last piece of mango and eating
it. “You never told me how it is that you knew I was craving for this.”

Jeonghan smirked. “That’s because I never told you.”

“Mmhmm,” hummed Joshua, reflecting Jeonghan’s posture by propping his right elbow and
leaning against an open palm, brown eyes meeting hazel orbs. “Are you really not going to
tell me?”

Jeonghan shook his head. “It’s a trade secret, Shua.”

“Right…” Joshua drawled. “Hmm, I’m sure Jun is a valuable trade asset.”

It was Jeonghan’s turn to arch a brow before sighing having been found out. “He’s not so
valuable now if he can’t be discreet about it.”

“It’s a contributory fault on both your parts,” Joshua chuckled. “Like you weren’t being
obvious too.”

Jeonghan feigned offense by holding a hand against his chest. “Are you saying I’m anything
less than subtle?”
“How is it that Jun has been buying me lunch every day, from all my favorite places he didn’t
even know about?” Joshua started, and at first Jeonghan shrugged in denial. “And that
somehow, I mention to Jun something I’m craving and it’s always ready by the time I get
home or by breakfast the next day?”

“Maybe you have a guardian angel?” Jeonghan suggested innocently.

Joshua rolled his eyes, shocked at how Jeonghan can still keep up his act. “Hmm. Maybe I
do, and he happened to be text mates with Jun, and I didn’t happen to see their conversation
one time when he so happily told my guardian angel I wanted some coconut-flavored
yoghurt.”

“Ah, so you’re a snooper. Didn’t peg you for that, I have to admit.”

“Is it really snooping if he left his laptop on for me to use?”

“We’ll need a court decision for that I’m afraid,” smiled Jeonghan.

Joshua just smiled back, returning the amused and fond look Jeonghan was giving him.

“Thank you, Jeonghan,” Joshua said softly, almost a whisper if Jeonghan wasn’t so focused
on the younger man right now. “I appreciate everything.”

“There’s no need to thank me, Shua. I’m happy to do it for you.”

Joshua couldn’t resist the way his lips were pulled to a smile. And it’s as if something
bloomed in his chest, a familiar feeling he can’t quite identify yet. But it’s warm and
radiating, spreading all over his body. Blushing, he said, “You say that but I know Soobin
does all the heavy lifting”

Jeonghan frowned. “On my orders. So, his acts are my acts.”

Joshua chuckled, it was like sunshine. “If you say so.”

“If you’re really thankful, though,” Jeonghan said, watching him. “There is something you
can do for me.”

“And what would that be?”

“You can tell me the next time you have an appointment with your OBGYN, and you can let
me come with you.”

Joshua was startled, mouth open. He was caught.

“Remember? We agreed last time that you’d tell me and let me know.”

“Jun told you?” Joshua asked, guilt painted on his face.

Jeonghan nodded.

“He also told me the doctor said your condition is really good, and the baby is healthy.”

Great, that made Joshua feel even more guilty that Jeonghan had to hear it from someone
else. “Sorry,” was all Joshua could say. “I just didn’t want to—”

“Bother me?” Jeonghan sighed. “Joshua, you wouldn’t be bothering me. I already told you it
wouldn’t be.”

“Sorry. Are you mad?”

Jeonghan shook his head. “I’m not, Shua. But can you please let me know next time? I want
to accompany you. I want to be there.”

The words uttered made Joshua gulp, there it was again.

“Okay.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

They talk a little more about their day, how Jeonghan’s marketing team has been trying to get
an endorsement from one of the most credible doctors, any mother’s favorite, in the country,
but he kept refusing. Joshua talked about some of the patients that got discharged today
because they’re now cleared to go home after being in the hospital for quite a while. It was
mundane, very domestic, and yet, still, something so enjoyable for them.

“There’s also something I need to talk to you about, Shua,” said Jeonghan, sitting up a little
straighter.

Joshua can feel the mood change a little, it made him a little nervous.

“Is this about the article today?”

Jeonghan gave him a tentative nod.

“Are you okay?”

The older man blinked, as if surprised at the question, but then gave Joshua a reassuring
smile.

“Yeah. I’m okay. But I’ve talk to grandma and aunt Suryeon, and they’ve decided on the next
course of action,” he sighed.

“And that is?”

Jeonghan took a deep intake of breath before speaking. “They’re looking at the CCTV
footages as well as looking for guests who may have a video that shows what happened
before the moment I punched the creep.”

Joshua thought that makes complete sense, the video was obviously cut to make Jeonghan
seem like a violent person. The whole incident would show that Jeonghan had a reason for
reacting that way.

“If we do that though,” Jeonghan said slowly, “It’ll show why I punched him, and that was
because he was harassing you.”

“I know. That’s fine.”

“But it might not be enough to make the public think it was acceptable for me to punch him
or, as they say it online, be violent. So, grandma and auntie want to issue a statement in
addition to our version of what happened in Jeju. We’ll have to announce that we are married
and are expecting. That will give the public enough idea that what I did in Jeju was me being
protective of someone important to me.”

“Oh,” was all Joshua could mutter. “But at that time, we weren’t really…”

Jeonghan made a face, something Joshua can’t quite read, and he cocked his head to one side
as if asking Jeonghan if he’s saying something wrong.
Instead, Jeonghan said, “We won’t say that we were, we just need the public think that way.”

Joshua opened his mouth as if to say something, but closes it again when he didn’t know
what to say.

“I know that we weren’t supposed to make this public until much later, I’m sorry. If you’re
not okay with this, or if this will make you uncomfortable or if it’ll be hard for you, it’s okay.
We won’t do it. You can tell me how you really feel about this,” Jeonghan said.

If he was being honest, he didn’t really mind. Joshua knew they would have to do this sooner
or later, especially when he starts to show. He won’t be able to escape the questions of his
colleagues once that happens because it will be very obvious. Having the schedule moved up
seems to be a pattern with him and Jeonghan – from the sex, to the baby, to the marriage. It’s
quite funny to Joshua at this point. But it didn’t mean there wasn’t any fear. People will judge
him, say things about him that aren’t true, have opinions about his decisions that are
unsolicited. That’s just the society they live in.

Somehow, Jeonghan seemed to know the thoughts that were running through his head
because before Joshua realized it, a hand was wrapped around his own, spreading warmth
and comfort in the ministrations of his thumb.

“Hey,” Jeonghan called. “It’s okay, Shua. We don’t have to do it.”

Joshua squeezed the hand that was holding his, and gently shook his head. “It’s okay, Han.
Let’s do what grandma and auntie recommended.”

Jeonghan’s lips pressed to a thin line. “Are you sure? It’s really okay if you’re not. If we do
this, the whole hospital will know. You might have to take a leave earlier than expected—”

“Jeonghan,” Joshua smiled. “It’s okay. I knew this was coming sooner or later. It just
happened sooner,” he tried to laugh it off. “And I’m your husband now, we’re family. I have
to do what I can to help you too.”
Husband. Family. How strange it seemed to have those words fall from his lips, and yet it
seemed to anchor himself to Jeonghan.

“But still—”

“I’m really okay with it.”

They looked each other’s eyes, and Jeonghan seemed to be looking for something that he
might have found, because he then said, “Okay.”

Jeonghan then added, “I’ll tell grandma and auntie. They’ll talk to your dad and mom, since
I’m sure this will affect the Hong Medical Group, so they need to align on the optics.”

Joshua nodded in understanding.

“You’ll be here, right?” Joshua suddenly asked.

“Huh?”

“With whatever happens after… you won’t leave, right?”

There were so many things that could happen once the whole world is made aware of their
relationship. So many uncertainties and unknowns. But, Joshua just needed to know one
thing.

Jeonghan went down from where he was seated and walked the small distance separating him
and Joshua, his eyes never leaving the other’s. Joshua was so focused on those eyes that he
didn’t realize just how close Jeonghan was to him now, his face inchde closer and closer until
he felt a hand against his nape. Jeonghan leaned in, and Joshua was tomato red thinking
Jeonghan was about to kiss him, when he felt Jeonghan’s lips instead on his forehead.

“I won’t leave.”

Mingyu could hear the rustle and bustle of people moving around the arrival area of Incheon
airport. There were people who were arriving from all sorts of places, dragging luggage and
bags, calling on their cellphones or lining up for the cab or bus tickets. On the other hand,
there were those like him who was scanning the crowds, looking for familiar faces from the
sea of arriving passengers.

Then he found the one he was waiting for, a bespectacled young man with black hair, a black
turtle neck and brown trousers, and a thick black coat ready for the Seoul weather.

He waved excitedly to catch the other man’s attention until they locked eyes, the other man
was in utter surprise.

“Wonwoo!”

“Mingyu?” Wonwoo said in wonder as he approached closer, pushing his cart of two large
suitcases and a small one, in addition to the sling bag he was sporting. “What are you doing
here?”

Mingyu grinned toothily. “I came to pick you up of course.”

“I told you that you didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to, silly.”

 “Mingyu—”

“Look, we’re friends right? I know you said you weren’t looking into dating someone new,
but we can be friends,” for now, Mingyu thought the last part. “This is the first time you’re
coming back in over a decade, right? You need at least one friend to help you out. That can
be me, Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo sighed. “You won’t take no for an answer, will you?”

“Not on this one,” he said confidently.

“Fine,” Wonwoo said. “Thanks, Mingyu.”

Mingyu smiled, a small step forward, but still forward.

“Let’s go?”

Chapter End Notes

Sooo... what will Wonwoo's return mean for all of them? Hmmm haha. Hope you
enjoyed.

Share your thoughts!! See you in the next chapter!

 Chapter 9
Chapter Notes

Finally got to post a new chapter! This was the longest period before chapters so I
apologize, life has been busy and draining, I often didn't have it in me to write.

Thank you for all your comments in the last chapter, I love reading them!

Hope you enjoy this one! Excuse my typos, I barely proofread it. Also, I am not a chef
nor a doctor so please excuse the inaccuracies.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

It’s been a week since the announcement was made, a joint statement from the Henggarae
and Hong Medical Group officially stating that the eldest grandson of the Yoon family and
the second son of Hong Medical Group are now married and expecting. They had explained
the desire of the couple to keep their relationship private and requested the media and the
public to respect the couple’s privacy.

To counter the negative publicity targeted against Jeonghan, Henggarae also disclosed the
footage containing the incident in Jeju with an accompanying quote directly from Jeonghan
as was discussed by the families. Since then, the opinion of the public had dramatically
shifted and the issue died down.

It’s also been a week since Jeonghan had been visibly physically affectionate to Joshua,
starting from that subtle forehead kiss in the kitchen, and Joshua began to notice the change.
Before he leaves for work, he gives Joshua a small kiss on the temple, and when he comes
home, he does the same (whether Joshua was asleep or awake). Joshua couldn’t control the
way his lips would pull into a smile every time his husband did that, something bubbling
inside of him, a small pool of giggling butterflies that he felt almost childish.

Just like this morning.

“Good morning,” Jeonghan greeted, it was addressed to everyone at the table but what caught
almost everyone’s attention was the way he placed a kiss on the top of Joshua’s head before
taking his seat, as if it was the most normal thing to do.
While it went mostly unnoticed by Jihoon and Chan, grandma Yoon’s and Suryeon’s eyes
widen at the sudden display of affection. Grandma and Suryeon are aware that the
relationship between Jeonghan and Joshua isn’t of the romantic type when they pushed them
to get married. But it wasn’t like there wasn’t any relationship at all, right? They have a baby
on the way, after all. Nonetheless, the older women hoped that their relationship would still
develop into something more than a forced marriage or co-parenting, like the romantic saps
that they were. So, they couldn’t help but bite their lips together to prevent the smirk that was
forming on their face.

Reeling from the display, Joshua blushed profusely as Jeonghan took his seat at the dining
table. On weekends like this, Jeonghan started to join the family for breakfast since he’s now
back at the Yoon’s main residence.

Joshua then reached forward to lay down a plate of fluffy pancakes topped with strawberries
and honey in front of Jeonghan. Splayed before them were large plates of fried eggs, bacon,
rice and a fruit platter. A very American breakfast for that morning’s menu it seemed.

“You prepared breakfast?” Jeonghan asked, surprised.

“Yeah,” Joshua responded shyly as he took his place beside Jeonghan, a plate of his own
fluffy pancakes in front of him. “I’m no chef, though. So don’t expect much.”

“What are you saying, Joshua? All the food you’ve prepared for us have been nothing but
delectable,” Suryeon said as if she was the proud mom praising her young child.

Grandma Yoon nodded excitedly. “That’s right, my dear. I’m always so excited when they
tell me you’ve prepared the food.”

“You’ve been cooking for the house?” Jeonghan asked, turning his attention to the young
doctor with a confused look on his face. “Since when?”
Joshua opened his mouth to respond, but grandma beat him to it. “Joshua has prepared dinner
and breakfast a couple of times now.”

Blushing, Joshua humbly said, “I’ve just had a lot more free time on my hands. I wanted to
do something for the family.”

“But Jeonghan-hyung’s always either going to work early or coming home past dinner, so he
always misses it,” Jihoon added without taking his eyes off his phone.

“I’ve probably eaten more of Joshua-hyung’s cooking than you,” Chan said smugly.

“Mmm,” hummed Jihoon as he took a bite of his pancakes. “I really liked the galbi the other
night, Shua-hyung. I’ll be requesting that from time to time.”

Suryeon nodded, “Yes, I ate so much, Joshua, and I’m supposed to be on a cleanse.”

Joshua tried to laugh it off, not used to all the attention. “It’s not like you’re missing much,
Jeonghan. It’s just some basic home cooked meal, nothing special.”

The older man turned to his food, slicing a piece, and making sure to capture a piece of
everything on the plate. His face turned a bit sulky, as if he was a child deprived of something
all his other siblings got a piece of that made Joshua feel bad. Yet, he had to admit, Jeonghan
looked quite adorable.

Joshua watched expectantly as Jeonghan ate the pancake, it was the first time Jeonghan
would be tasting his cooking and Joshua could only hope that Jeonghan will like it.
Jeonghan’s family always praised his cooking, the sweet people that they are, even Chan who
had so little to say often would compliment Joshua. The doctor would take it as an
achievement if Chan would also smile along with eating his food. But of course, sometimes
he wondered if they were just being kind and would not like to offend the new addition to
their family, who happened to be pregnant, or they really liked his cooking. After all, his
hormones were all over the place, what tasted good for Joshua may not be delicious for
everyone else.
So, he looked at Jeonghan, biting his lip as he waited for a reaction.

He could tell that Suryeon caught him waiting when she chuckled and said, “Is it good? It is,
right?”

Jeonghan was still chewing but he gave his aunt a small nod.

“Aye—use your words, Jeonghan. I’m sure your husband would appreciate it.”

Jeonghan gulped, blushing. Well, that’s a first.

“It’s good, really good, Shua,” Jeonghan said softly, like only Joshua was meant to hear.

Joshua bit his lip to stop himself from smiling too wide. “Really? You mean that?”

“You know I do,” sighed Jeonghan.

He doesn’t know why, but out of all the compliments he’s received about his cooking,
somehow Jeonghan’s felt the most special, that everyone else can say nothing good about it
as long as Jeonghan enjoyed his food. The way the compliment made him feel reflected in
the way his doe eyes sparkled as he held Jeonghan’s gaze.

“I’m glad.”

They continued to eat, individually enjoying the peaceful Saturday morning like a normal
family.
“Today’s a Saturday, any plans?” asked Suryeon to all of the third generation Yoons.

Chan shrugged, being the first one to answer. “I’m meeting up with friends from high
school.”

“Shua and I will attend Minghao’s birthday celebration tonight,” Jeonghan said before
looking at Jihoon. “Are you going to the dinner, Jihoon?”

It’s been a month since the wedding, which meant it’s been a month since Jihoon returned
which was, in general, a happy event for their friend group. That is, except for Seungcheol
who had been a little elusive to their gatherings whenever he knew that Jihoon will be
attending. Of course, it wasn’t like any one could blame their friends who had missed Jihoon
just as much after not seeing him for years. Out of all of them, however, it seemed like
Jeonghan was the one caught in the middle between his cousin and his best friend.

Jihoon also looked rather unsure, as if he was undergoing his own internal battles.

“I’m not sure, hyung,” Jihoon answered. “I have a meeting with an artist later. I don’t know
how long that’ll take.”

“Okay.”

“Do you have plans before that, Jeonghan and Joshua?” asked grandma.

Joshua shook his head. “I was going to visit my mom but she has to accompany my dad in an
out of town event.”

“I’ll be catching up on paper—”

“Great! You both should accompany me today,” grandma chirped happily, cutting Jeonghan
off.
“But grandma—”

“Let’s start shopping for things in the nursery,” the Yoon matriarch said, ignoring his eldest
grandson. “You can decorate it whatever way you guys want to.”

Grandma Yoon generously allotted the old playroom of Jeonghan, Jihoon and Chan as the
nursery for her first great grandchild. Fittingly, it was just across the hall from Jeonghan’s
room. It hasn’t been used for years as the Yoon grandchildren grew up, each preferring to
coop up in their own rooms than play with the toy collection in the playroom, so it only
seemed appropriate to now dedicate that as a nursery for Joshua and Jeonghan’s baby.

The older Yoon women were so excited to have a new addition to the family and to the home,
but refrained from decorating the nursery themselves, acknowledging that Jeonghan and
Joshua hardly had anything go their way recently, even unable to hold a wedding the way
they wanted to, so this is something they gave to them. But grandma seemed to have grown
impatient as she badly was looking forward to start building the nursery, she even had all of
the old things there removed for disposal or donation. She had the old and peeling wallpapers
removed, and the floor retiled so everything was a blank canvass for Jeonghan and Joshua.

“Grandma,” Joshua piped up. “Isn’t it too early to be preparing the nursery? We’re barely in
to the second trimester.”

“Nonsense!” exclaimed grandma. “It’s never too early.”

“But, grandma, we don’t even know the sex of the baby—” Jeonghan tried to get a word in.

“So? Will that matter?”

“No, of course not—"

“We won’t shop for everything today,” grandma said. “I just need you both to start. I don’t
want to wait until we’re near the time of delivery.”

And that was how Jeonghan and Joshua found themselves in the department store’s baby
section in the mall on a Saturday afternoon. At the start of their shopping trip, grandma was
leading the way, telling them how they should go around and get the items that need to be
assembled into the nursery, like cribs, cabinets, and nursing chairs, before all the small things
that can follow. Short of pushing them to the baby section, grandma insisted they go around
and look at the items that speak out to them as they should decorate the nursery as they would
like. On the other hand, she’ll go ahead and rest at the mall’s members’ only lounge as they
shopped (she must have planned this all along, they thought).

It was overwhelming for Joshua, all these items for babies on display for them to choose
from. The sales lady came over to ask what type of crib they were looking for and he didn’t
even know there were types of cribs. There was a traditional crib, a mini crib, a baby cot, a
bassinet, a convertible crib… it was just so much.

Then there were the strollers, and the mini fridge for baby milk, the electronic rocker, the
toys, the clothes. He didn’t know there would be so much they needed.

Was he ready to be a father?

He gulped nervously as the sales lady continued to explain to Jeonghan the importance of
having a bassinet, having zoned out of the generous descriptions being provided a while back
now.

“How far along are you?” the sales lady smiled sweetly, genuinely curious, but Joshua wasn’t
able to process her question fast enough.

“Almost four months long,” Jeonghan answered in his stead.

“What exciting times,” she smiled. “As I was saying, if you’re just slowly building your
nursery, I suggest starting out with the bassinet and maybe a crib. The bassinet will be useful
for a newborn who won’t be moving a lot and the crib for when the baby is able to roll
around. Do you have any design or feature in mind?”

Design? And features? What features are there?

“We’ll have a look around first,” Jeonghan smiled, placing a hand on Joshua’s lower back.
“We’ll reach out if we’ve decided or have any questions.”

“Okay. Have fun!”

When she was back to the counter, Jeonghan turned to Joshua, concern etched on his face.

“Hey,” he started softly. “Is there something wrong? You’ve been a little out of it.”

Joshua blinked, realizing Jeonghan’s full attention on him. “Uhm, sorry, I just… it’s just a
lot.”

“If we can’t decide what to buy, let’s just come back another time. We can tell grandma we
needed to research more on these items.”

“That’s the thing,” Joshua said. “Maybe I should have researched these already. I know
nothing about what we need for the nursery.”

“It’s a learning process, Shua. We can just see what’s available here and think it over. Let’s
look at what brands are good, let’s check reviews—”

“Am I going to be a bad parent?”

That escalated quickly based on the look on Jeonghan’s eyes. He just blurted it out, the
overwhelming feeling suddenly took over after coming to the department store.

“Why do you say that?” asked Jeonghan, brows furrowed, as if Joshua just said something
crazy.

“I don’t think I’m prepared at all. I don’t know anything about cribs and bibs, and baby
bottles—I mean, I’m even a doctor for god’s sake. I’m so unprepared, I—”

“Hey.”

Jeonghan’s voice was stern as he felt firm hands hold him by the sides of his shoulders,
grounding him back, and it was only then that Joshua realized he was rambling anxiously,
fears resurfacing, consuming him.

“Shua, it’s okay,” Jeonghan said, his voice steady and sure. “You’re not going to be a bad
parent. This is a learning process. We’re both learning to be parents. Not just you, me as
well.”

Then, the hands holding him firm slid down to clasp his own hands, holding them tightly and
Joshua lets out a deep breath he didn’t realize he was holding in. Jeonghan’s touches have
had such an effect on him lately, it’s sometimes driving Joshua crazy.

“It’s scary because it’s unfamiliar. But don’t worry, Shua, okay? We have time, we’ll learn
and we’ll be more prepared when baby comes.”

Baby. Recently, Jeonghan had come to the habit of referring to their unborn child as ‘baby’,
which is not supposed to be weird, but now it’s almost like a name. Not ‘the’ baby, not ‘our’
baby, not ‘my’ baby. Baby.

Gentle thumbs rubbed circles on the back of his hands. It was so warm and tingly. That’s
another thing he’s been feeling a lot lately with all of Jeonghan's physical affection, he
always got that tingly, fluttering feeling all over his body.
Can he still blame his hormones for that?

“Let’s not panic, we’ll learn to be parents together.”

Joshua was still quiet, taking all of his husband’s words in, letting it sink. “Okay.”

Jeonghan smiled sheepishly. “I mean who knew we needed an electronic bottle warmer. I
thought we’d just need to submerge the bottle in hot water,” he joked in an effort to lighten
the mood.

The small gesture made Joshua smile, tightening his grip on Jeonghan’s hands. “I don’t think
we need it. Maybe it’s just nice to have.”

“It probably is.”

“And there’s just too many cribs to choose from.”

“The sales lady did say, these ones on this row are the best sellers and highly favored
brands,” Jeonghan said, letting go of one of Joshua’s hands so they can move around, but
keeping his hold on the other, pulling him to the direction he was pointing at. “The parts are
well made and sturdy, and the materials are safe for babies.”

Joshua finally looked around intently, reading the descriptions, looking at the design, and
comparing them in his head.

“Why don’t we choose a crib and we can assemble that first before we buy other things for
the nursery?”
“You love to assemble things, don’t you?” Joshua smiled as he remembered Jeonghan’s lego
collection that they left in the nursery. Although they’d have to move that once the baby starts
to move around, they wouldn’t want the baby to accidently swallow a piece of lego.

“It was a great hobby to keep my hands busy,” Jeonghan said. “And my dad was the one who
got me into it, buying my first set.”

Joshua smiled at this softly. It felt nice whenever Jeonghan willingly opened himself up by
providing a piece of information about him he normally wouldn’t share to others.

“An expensive hobby,” Joshua chuckled.

“Hey, I saved up my allowance for most of those sets.”

“We can’t keep them at the nursery though.”

“I know.”

“Maybe when baby grows up, he can play with your legos,” Joshua suggested with a grin.

But he could feel Jeonghan twitch. “Some of those sets are rare, they can’t just be played
with, Shua.”

“What if our kid wants to play with them though? You won’t let him or her?”

“I’ll teach him the art of preservation.”

“Jeonghan—”
“I’m just kidding,” he laughed. “I’d be happy to share a hobby with my kid, of course,
whatever that may be. But until baby grows that age, my legos are off limits.”

“Can we call baby something other than ‘baby’?”

“Hmm? Why?”

Joshua shrugged. “It’s just weird. Too literal, maybe? Or like, if someone else hears us, it’s
weird. Maybe we can give baby a temporary name?”

“I mean, I don’t mind. Have you thought of something?”

Joshua shook his head.

“Okay, we can think of something later. Speaking of hobbies, I’m still a little disappointed
that you’ve cooked for my family maybe a handful of times, and I only got to try your
cooking today.”

Joshua opened his mouth in disbelief. “You’re hardly ever home for breakfast or dinner,
Jeonghan.”

“We’ve been friends since college,” the older man pouted.

“I hardly had any time to cook for myself in college and after that, what more for other
people?”

“I didn’t even know you like to cook,” Jeonghan grumbled, his lips protruding into a frown,
softly whispering his next words as if they weren’t meant to be heard. “And I thought I knew
you well.”
“Are you… sulking?” Joshua asked pulling his hand in a playful way, bemused at the sight of
Jeonghan resembling a jealous kid.

It was cute, he hasn’t seen this side of Jeonghan since their college days.

“It’s just a hobby, Jeonghan,” Joshua smiled softly. “I wasn’t the most athletic kid, so my dad
hardly brought me to play basketball or golf with him like he would my siblings. Cooking
was something I bonded with my mom when we were left in the house.”

But Jeonghan is still pouting.

“Tell you what, why don’t I tell you ahead if I’ll be cooking for the family, hmm? And if you
can’t make it for that meal, then that’s on you,” Joshua giggled.

Jeonghan frowned at that, but still said, “Okay, fine. But I want some of that galbi they’re all
talking about too.”

Joshua looked at him affectionately and suddenly realization hit him.

It’s so domestic.

Everything they’re doing now—buying things for the nursery, holding each other’s hands in
the mall, talking about cooking meals, being parents. It’s all so domestic. Perhaps three
months ago he would have never imagined their forced marriage could result in this
domesticity, and yet—

“Oh,” Joshua piped up, distracted. “This one looks nice.” He was referring to a rather simple
modern-looking, rectangular shaped crib. The bars were round shaped, and the frame was of
a washed wood color that made it look elegant and would match any room design they would
decide on. The bed was adjustable too, depending on the ability of the baby to move.
“Hmm, it does,” Jeonghan commented as he inspected

They looked around some more at the options and looked at other items for future reference,
Joshua feeling a lot calmer now.

“Oh, look at this, Jeonghan!” Joshua said happily as he pointed to a baby rocker that looked
like a deer. “It’s so cute.”

Jeonghan looked and smiled.

“It kind of looks like you.”

“Huh? How so?”

“You have the same bambi eyes,” Jeonghan laughed as Joshua pouted. “It’s a compliment.
It’s cute. You have very nice eyes, Shua.”

Gosh, Joshua thought as he blushed. Jeonghan and his words.

In the end, Joshua started feeling a little tired and finally decided to get the crib and the deer
rocker Joshua was partial to. Grandma was pleased that they were able to buy a crib and the
rocker already and urge them to start building the nursery. Joshua wouldn’t say out loud, by
he was also very excited to start on their baby’s room.

It was around seven in the evening when they got to Minghao’s birthday dinner in a
members-only establishment in Gangnam, fit for Minghao’s refined tastes. The restaurant
was at the top floor of a building, directly above the floor of an exclusive club (not one of
those sleazy bars with, as Minghao would put it, god awful music and so poorly ventilated
you could smell the sex off the intoxicated persons grinding on each other on the dance
floor), so that those who wanted to party after dinner could move to Minghao’s reservation at
the club.

When they arrived, they are ushered in the private room reserved by Minghao. Joshua took a
step into the room but noticed that Jeonghan stayed behind, and he looked at him curiously.

“Go ahead,” Jeonghan insisted. “I just need to confirm something.”

Joshua nodded as he watched Jeonghan talk to the staff in charge of looking after them
tonight. He tried waiting for Jeonghan to finish but was pulled into a hug by Soonyoung.

“Hyung,” the younger beamed. “You’re finally here.”

“Hey, Soons,” Joshua greeted happily as he saw Minghao approach them over Soonyoung’s
shoulders, dressed ever so fashionably in his printed coat and matching pants over a see-
through black long sleeved top, reminiscent of the Victorian era. He fit the look of the room,
beige tufted walls with one side of the room being floor-to-ceiling glass windows to overlook
the city of Seoul, framed with brownish velvet curtains. The room was carpeted in brown
with hints of gold strands.

“Glad you could make it, Shua-hyung,” Minghao came to hug the new arrival.

“Happy birthday, Haohao,” Joshua fondly said, using a cute nickname used by Minghao’s
closest friends. “Our gift.”

He handed Minghao a paper bag, concealing a necklace Joshua saw in their trip to the mall
earlier that day that reminded him of Minghao.

“Oh, ‘our’ gift?” Minghao pointed out sheepishly.

The implication made Joshua blush, but felt like he should clarify nonetheless, “From me and
Jeonghan.”

“I only get one gift from the both of you?”

“Our funds are now conjugal, so will all our future gifts to all of you,” Jeonghan said as he
approached, hands in pocket, taking his place beside Joshua.

Seungcheol whistled approaching. “Wew, conjugal, huh? How very… married of you.”

This only made Joshua blush even further.

“Well, thank you, hyung. I’m sure I’ll love it,” Minghao smiled. “Shall we?”

Jeonghan, Seungcheol, and Soonyoung started to walk toward the rectangular dining table,
covered in ornate floral decorations and candles on candlestick holders. It was going to be a
tasting menu dinner for them tonight. Mingyu and Jun were already seated and chatting
about.

“Thank you for changing your plans to a dinner, Hao,” whispered Joshua as he walked at the
same pace as the younger Chinese. “I know you’d typically celebrate at a club or partying the
night away. But since I can’t really drink alcohol right now…”

“Oh, hyung, what are you saying? I’d rather celebrate my birthday with all of us complete,”
Minghao smiled sincerely. “If the rest of these unmarried, uncultured brats want to party, then
they can do it after we have a nice dinner.”

Joshua chuckled as they went to sit on their seats, with Minghao at the center, easily within
reach of anyone else in the table.
After they were all seated, only then did it occur to Joshua that there were two empty seats.

Curiously he asked, “Are we expecting more people to come, Hao?”

“Oh, yeah, well Mingyu’s friend, you know, the one he’s been dying to introduce to us, is
supposed to join us today,” Minghao explained.

Mingyu frowned. “Sorry, Hao. He’s been settling in and had a lot of errands to run and
paperwork to finish so he’ll be late. Maybe he’ll make it to whatever we’ll do after dinner.”

Minghao just waived it off to show that it was no trouble at all.

“The other one is Ji—”

“Hey, guys, sorry I’m late, it was a pain to get here during rush hour,” they all turned to the
source of the voice and there was Jihoon who had just entered their private room.

It’s not that they were completely caught off-guard that Jihoon was there, Minghao already
informed everyone, even Seungcheol, that Jihoon was invited. He was—is—still part of their
group, even though it’s been more than six years since they last seen each other. So one could
say Jihoon’s presence was something they were not quite used to anymore, but welcomed
nonetheless. Except maybe for Seungcheol.

It was still a wonder, at least for Joshua, what really happened between the two. All he knew
was that Jihoon choosing to move abroad was the straw that broke his relationship with
Seungcheol.

“Jihoon-hyung, you’re just in time,” Minghao smiled and gestured for the older one to take
the empty seat beside Joshua, which happened to be right across from Seungcheol. But, hey,
at least there was the table and the food and décor between the two of them. “Dinner’s just
about to be served.”
It was awkward at first, Joshua realized it’s probably the first time since the wedding that
they’ve encountered Seungcheol and Jihoon in one room together. He noticed how
Seungcheol was just a little bit tenser than usual although the eldest of them tried his best to
act and move as naturally as possible.

Meanwhile, Minghao tried to lessen the awkwardness by talking about the menu that was
prepared tonight, always eager to talk about good food, great wine (and amazing sex, really).
The dinner menu tonight was Asian fusion, the chef’s reinterpretations of Asia’s prominent
dishes and cuisines.

The eight-course meal began with the waiter’s introduction of the hors d’oeuvre, “Please
enjoy the Szechuan spicy chicken rolls with our special chili sauce.”

It was just as tasty as it looked.

They didn’t take long to finish and for the wait staff to remove their plates as they waited for
the soup to be served, engaging in conversation, catching up and sharing stories they waited
to tell each other personally.

The soup was light seafood soup, with doubled boiled sea cucumber and cordyceps.

“So, Mingyu,” Minghao started, placing down his soup spoon signifying he is done with the
course. “You friend,” he said with intended emphasis, “are you guys like… dating or
something?”

This caused their gentle giant to blush. Shaking his head, he responded, “No. We’re just
friends… for now.”

“You’ve never even told us his name,” Jun said, finishing his bowl.
“That’s because you’d stalk him,” grumbled Mingyu. “I don’t want you guys snooping
around.”

“Didn’t you say he was still hung up on his ex?” Soonyoung asked.

They noticed how Mingyu’s shoulders dropped, but he immediately picked himself up.
“Hmm, well yeah. He’s been upfront about there are things that he still needed to settle
before he can seriously date someone else.”

“So, he knows your intentions?” asked Jun.

Soonyoung laughed. “Mingyu’s so transparent, it’s more concerning if his friend doesn’t
realize Mingyu likes him.”

“Hey, I can be subtle.”

“No, you can’t,” Soonyoung retorted.

“You’re so easy to read, Gyu,” laughed Minghao.

“So, he knows you like him, right?” Seungcheol asked to which Mingyu nodded. “But,
Mingyu, I hope he’s not leading you on or something.”

Mingyu frowned, they can tell Seungcheol might have hit a nerve. “What do you mean?”

Seungcheol shrugged. “You said he knows you like him, but at the same time he says he’s
still working out his feeling for his ex. Yet, he still entertains you, allows you to tend to him
—”
“I’m willingly doing that, hyung. I’m the one who’s always reaching out,” Mingyu said, his
voice a bit softer as if losing confidence. “I really like him, hyung. So, when he arrives, can
you please, please, be nice and give him a chance?”

The sincerity in his voice pulled at the heartstrings of his friends. Mingyu, their little puppy,
always loved with his whole heart, giving a hundred percent in his relationships (at least the
ones that go beyond dating), and often got his heart broken. It’s understandable why they
would be protective of Mingyu.

Joshua could feel the dip in the mood with the turn of the conversation, and he knew that
their friends were just looking out for Mingyu. After all, they didn’t know who this friend is.

“Hey, of course,” Jun said trying to ease back into the purpose of their gathering, which was
celebratory and festive. He added, grinning, “We’ve got a lot of embarrassing stories to
share.”

“Yeah, like that time you accidentally called your hot ethics professor ‘mom’ instead of
ma’am,” Soonyoung offered, wriggling his eyebrows making Mingyu frown. “You said it
was a mispronunciation, but we all know it was a Freudian slip.”

They all chuckled at the memory. “Or when you were so drunk out of your mind one time,
you were crying about the ending of Twenty-Five Twenty-One, how unfair it was that they
were each other’s great loves only to not end up together, cursing the writers of the show,”
shared Minghao.

“That happened?” Joshua asked.

“Yeah. It was just last year, too,” Minghao responded.

“Hey! We agreed not to talk about it.”

“It was around the time he broke up with Eunwoo. Hence, the breakdown, and the projection
of his love life to the show’s main couple,” Soonyoung said, as a matter-of-fact. “He was so
dramatic saying ‘but they love each other, so why can’t they be together?’”

“Aww, Gyu,” said Joshua.

“I have a video.”

“Hao!”

They all laughed and the tension eased, bringing them back to the earlier state of their
gathering. The next courses were served—appetizer, salad and the main course. The main
course was a stir-fried Angus beef fillet, doused in mushroom and crushed garlic.

Eventually, they got to asking how Joshua was doing as well as the baby. For the most part,
they’re relatively updated, Soonyoung being Joshua’s best friend and Seungcheol being
Jeonghan’s. Jihoon lived with them and Jun worked with Joshua, and the Chinese doctor was
always ready to share to Minghao and Mingyu how the baby was doing. Joshua shared how
they bought a crib and a deer-shaped rocker earlier that day.

“Oh, hyung! Don’t buy everything, okay?” said Soonyoung. “You should hold a baby
shower, and we can get you the other things you need. My older sister had one when she had
my nephew.”

“That’s okay, Soons, you guys don’t need to buy those for us,” Joshua tried to politely refuse.
A baby shower? Was that necessary?

But Mingyu shook his head. “Hyung, we have to throw you a baby shower. That’s the first
baby of our group! Of course, we’ll spoil your baby rotten.”

“Plus, we also want to do that for you. We’d want to celebrate you, Jeonghan-hyung and the
baby, and show that we support you,” said Minghao. “No buts,” he added as he saw Joshua
open his mouth.

Joshua turned to Jeonghan, unsure if he was asking for help or to confirm that this was okay,
and Jeonghan just smiled at him.

“Let them do what they want,” he whispered softly, tapping Joshua’s hand under the table.
“They’re just very excited.”

Joshua nodded, sighing. “I know you’ll spoil the baby, but if our baby turns into a brat, I’ll
blame all of you.”

They all chuckled. “I’m sure that won’t happen because you and Jeonghan are the parents,
but we’ll definitely love your kid to bits,” Seungcheol said.

Of course they will. Joshua couldn’t help but touch his growing belly at the words, his child
was already so loved before it’s even born, and that made his heart overflow with happiness.
He was scared of a lot of things—will his child grow up well, will he or she grow up as a
kind and loving human, will they be able to provide their child with everything he or she
needs (especially love, understanding and support), will they have a good relationship, will
he be able to give his child a happy family—and most days, he’s still scared. But moments
like this made Joshua believe that everything will turn out fine.

Just as the main course was being cleared out to make room for dessert, Jeonghan had to take
a call from the office, so he went to the balcony for some privacy.

“He must be so busy with Henggarae,” Mingyu commented. “How are you doing, Shua-
hyung? You know, with the announcement and all?”

The question surprised Joshua, but of course his friends are curious. They’ve been sending
him supportive messages the past few days since the issue came out.

“It’s been making me a little anxious, I’ll admit. I’m not used to having so much attention on
me,” Joshua said a little quietly. “I kept getting SNS messages and email requests for an
interview from the media, I don’t even know how they got my number and personal email.
Jeonghan just told me to ignore it all as the Yoon Group and Hong Group will handle all
PRs.”

“Media can be such vultures sometimes, overstepping their boundaries just to get the story,”
sighed Seungcheol. “Imagine bombarding you through your personal contact information
instead of coursing it through your representatives when you’ve clearly stated you wanted
some privacy.”

“They can’t help it, hyung, it’s their job,” said Jun.

“And yet they still spread that malicious story about Jeonghan in Jeju,” grumbled
Seungcheol.

Seungcheol had been especially annoyed at the targeted publicity attack on Jeonghan, having
had his fair share of malicious rumors and tabloids due to his status as a professional athlete.
He hated how the media could sometimes have no regard for how they frame their stories or
how false or incomplete information affected not only the subject but the people around
them. He even hated it more how most netizens would jump on the hate train as they
conveniently hide behind their anonymity. It was a touchy subject for him.

“Hyung, that must have been so stressful for you,” said Soonyoung worriedly. “And even
more so that you’re pregnant.”

Joshua shook his head, trying to ease his friends’ worries. “It’s okay, Soonyoung. The issue
died down pretty quick and moved on to the next celebrity or high society gossip. I just had
to stay away from looking online and on social media.”

“That’s good, hyung. We just need to step away from the things that bring us stress,” said
Minghao. “You should really try meditating, hyung. It would be good for your pregnancy as
well.”

“Umm, let’s see, Hao,” Joshua laughed lightly, not quite sold on the idea of meditation.
Then, waiters came in with their trays, dessert was ready to be served.

“For dessert, we have our special peanut butter ice cream with aloe vera and lemon grass
jelly,” the waiter introduced as the servers began laying down the bowls in front of them.

But this caught the attention of Joshua, stopping the server from putting down the dessert in
front of him.

“I’m sorry, I won’t be able to eat that,” Joshua turned to the waiter, apologetic. “I’m allergic.”

“Oh, right, hyung,” said Minghao a bit startled as he remembered. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t able to
consider that when I picked the menu.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Mr. Hong,” the waiter said. “We’ve noted your allergies. For your dessert,
we’ve replaced the peanut butter ice cream with mango.”

Joshua turned to the waiter, surprised for many reasons. First, he knew who he was, but more
importantly, he knew his allergies.

“Oh, thank god,” said Minghao, relieved that his beloved hyung did not eat something so
dangerous to him throughout dinner.

“Wait, how did you know that?” asked Joshua.

“Mr. Yoon informed us ahead,” said the waiter casually as the server laid down the dish now
that there was nothing to worry about.

A look of surprise was clear on Joshua’s face. “He did? When?”

“When you both arrived. Mr. Yoon instructed that no peanuts should be served to you.”

“Why are you so surprised, Shua?” asked Seungcheol.

The question made Joshua jump a little, turning to Seungcheol wearing the same shocked
look.

“I… uh… I didn’t know he remembered about my allergy to peanuts.”

“We all know about your allergy, hyung,” smiled Jun.

“Oh, it’s just… I guess before Jeju we haven’t really hung out a lot, so I didn’t think he’d
remember.”

“Well, I guess that’s reasonable, I mean I kind of forgot until you said so to the waiter,” said
Mingyu. “Even Minghao forgot.”

“Hyung, I’m so sorry,” Minghao apologized again, guilt all over his face as he knew how
dangerous it could have been for Joshua.

“It’s okay, Hao. Nothing bad happened,” smiled Joshua.

Taking sip of his wine, Seungcheol said easily, “As long as you’re eating with Jeonghan, you
won’t have to worry about eating something you’re allergic to.”

Joshua titled his head, confused. “What do you mean by that?”

“The first thing he does when he enters a restaurant is ask if they serve anything with
peanuts, and the second thing is to tell them you’re allergic to peanuts.”

The information is news to Joshua. Jeonghan does this?

“Since when?”

Seungcheol shrugged. “Since college, I guess? Remember when we ate out after class and
you had that horrible allergic reaction because we didn’t know the sauce had crushed
peanuts?”

Joshua’s eyebrows furrowed as he tried to remember the incident. It was in first year college,
Jeonghan and Seungcheol were ecstatic to have just finished their midterms and said that the
three of them should eat and drink that night. They convinced Joshua to come along to
celebrate the end of their hell week. They were eating and drinking just fine until Joshua
started turning red, his face was starting to swell and was having a difficulty breathing.
Jeonghan and Seungcheol realized he was having a horrible allergic reaction and called
emergency services immediately. It was such a scary experience for them as Joshua could
have died if emergency services didn’t administer epinephrine immediately.

Ever since then, they knew they had to be careful with what Joshua ate.

Seungcheol nodded. “You didn’t know? It became a habit for him.”

“I… um… I didn’t know.”

“So, that’s why he instructed the house staff to not keep or use any peanuts in the house,”
Jihoon said thoughtfully.

Joshua turned to Jihoon, “He did?”

“Yeah, mom said so when she was instructing the staff when you were moving in.”

“Oh,” was all Joshua could say. Thankfully, the others didn’t dwell too long on his surprise
and ate their dessert as they moved on to other topics of conversation.

He never knew that Jeonghan did that for him, he had always been careful with what he ate
having had a couple of close encounters as a kid and that one unfortunate incident in college.
So, Joshua always thought that no other incident occurred because he was being careful (and
that’s likely true as he’s not always with Jeonghan). But to hear how Jeonghan had his safety
in mind, not only tonight, but in other instances in the past, gave him an odd feeling in his
chest.

His thoughts and his heart started to race, was Jeonghan always this thoughtful and caring?
Joshua always knew Jeonghan was a good, no, even a great, friend. Ever since they got
married, Jeonghan had been attentive to his needs, buying the food he craved for, making
sure he drank his pre-natal vitamins, asking how he was doing and if he was feeling okay.

But, in Joshua’s mind, it was because he was carrying the young CEO’s child and is now
Jeonghan’s husband through a forced marriage. Joshua never actually considered just how
much Jeonghan cared for him all along.

So, when they were all done with dessert, wine was being refilled and the mignardise course
was being served, and Jeonghan had still not come back from his call. Joshua stepped out to
the balcony to check on his husband. As he opened the big glass-paned door to the balcony,
he could feel a gush of wind blow past him, making him shiver, realizing that he left his coat
on draped over his seat where they ate.

The balcony was almost like a garden, potted plants and flowers surrounding the glass panes.
A vintage swing with a cushion and a fountain statue added more personality to the balcony.

“Look, we can’t keep waiting for them to deliver what should have been delivered last week.
It’s causing too much delay for all other parts of the operation and is also losing us money,”
sighed Jeonghan, his tone laced with so much frustration. He was facing the cityscape, hand
holding on the railing separating safety and an immediate fall, his other hand on his phone
pressed against his ear.
Joshua decided not to interrupt and sat on a swing couch, wrapping his arms around his own
body for warmth.

“Tomorrow, start looking for new suppliers. Conduct a bidding and check with legal to
terminate our contract with them. I hate suppliers who overpromise and underdeliver,” he
instructed the person on the other end of the call. “I don’t care if we’ve had a relationship
with them for years, that doesn’t excuse their inefficiency. In fact, review all prior
deliverables by them and check just how long they’ve been underperforming.”

Jeonghan was probably waiting for the person on the other end to respond.

“Okay. That’s all,” he sighed as his ended the call.

He slid his hand through his hair in frustration. Joshua kind of felt bad at how stressed
Jeonghan has been. Being this young and having to take over the CEO positions of two
companies to fix their problems in a bid to prove his worth to inherit his grandfather’s legacy.
He imagined it can be too much at times for Jeonghan to bear all those responsibilities, even
if he doesn’t complain or say it out loud.

When Jeonghan turned around, he noticed the presence of Joshua who was looking back at
him with a worried gaze.

“What are you doing out here?” Jeonghan asked, stepping forward towards Joshua.

“I wanted to check on you,” Joshua kept his eyes on Jeonghan. “You missed dessert.”

“Sorry, had another fire to put out.”

As if almost on instinct, his body moving on its own, he extended a hand to Jeonghan.
Jeonghan looked at the open palm, questioning, but Joshua simply waited. So, the older one
took his hand and their fingers closed around each other as Joshua tugged him down.
Following, Jeonghan sat beside Joshua.

“You’re cold,” Jeonghan noticed. “Why didn’t you bring your jacket out here?”

Joshua shrugged. “I forgot.”

The response made Jeonghan sigh as he peeled off his own jacket and placed it over Joshua’s
shoulders. The gesture made Joshua blush, especially after knowing what Jeonghan did
earlier. “Use this, and don’t resist. You might catch a cold.”

“Okay.”

They sat in comfortable silence as they laid back on the swing, letting it sway just a little as
they looked onto the skyline.

“How was dessert?” Jeonghan asked, breaking the silence.

“Hmm, they gave me mango ice cream,” Joshua responded. “It was good. But not as good as
the mango sticky rice you bought me,” he said cheekily.

“First, passion fruit, and now mangoes,” chuckled Jeonghan. “Our baby loves tropical fruits.”

Our baby. Again, Jeonghan’s words did wonders to Joshua.

“I could only eat the ice cream, though. I didn’t realize our baby didn’t like lemon grass jelly
until today,” laughed Joshua.

“What a picky eater.”

“I bet the baby got that from you,” said Joshua sheepishly.

Jeonghan turned to him, feigning offense. “Excuse me? I was a very obedient child. I even
got the ‘most obedient award’ in kindergarten.”

“I would have believed that if I didn’t meet college Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan laughed, knowing it to be true.

“Is everything okay?” Joshua asked. “You seemed really frustrated back then.”

Jeonghan hummed. “I was, but… I feel calmer now.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Jeonghan sighed, likely remembering the conversation he just had. “Just an issue with a
supplier. It’s looking like a lot of contracts were being given out to companies which had
connections with the previous management even though they don’t deserve the contract. We
might have some cleaning to do internally. This, and with the launch of the new products,
there’s just a lot of operational issues to address.”

Joshua nodded in understanding. He knew a thing or two about managing a business, having
had some background as his father ran the hospital.

“How’s the launch preparation going?”

Jeonghan’s shoulders dropped, sighing. “Overall, we were able to get back on track. But
we’ve hit a wall with the doctor who we want to endorse our products.”
“Oh, a doctor?”

“Yeah. He used to endorse products before, a long time ago. His name is trusted by a lot of
parents when it comes to pregnancy and their newborn children, he was a really popular
doctor. New generation parents might not know him that well anymore since he’s not that
active, but their parents would, and that’s one target market we’re aiming for since new
parents would obviously listen to their parents,” Jeonghan explained as he turned to look at
Joshua, who was nodding along. “Sorry, it might be a little boring listening to all these
business talk.”

Joshua then turned to him and smiled. “It’s okay. I like listening to you,” he admitted.

“You do?”

It was then that Joshua realized what he had just said and blushed.

“Um, well, yeah,” he said, unable to deny what he had already admitted to. “I mean, I like
listening to you talk. I don’t know if it’s your voice, but somehow, it makes me calm and
grounded.” He saw Jeonghan look at him curiously. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s the baby too?
Maybe the baby likes hearing your voice.”

“Ah,” Jeonghan said, unable to stop the smile forming on his lips.

“And,” Joshua added all of a sudden, as if the honesty wouldn’t stop flowing. “I like hearing
about your day. You ask about mine too. I like that you share these things with me. I didn’t
always have someone to talk to before. I mean, there’s Soonyoung and Jun who I see often,
but when I’m home, back in my apartment, after a long day of work, I just… I was alone, you
know? I guess, it’s nice to have someone to talk to.”

Jeonghan just looked at him, and he’s unable to read what’s going on in the older man’s head,
but his gaze... Jeonghan’s gaze was warm, even as the cold air hits his face, Jeonghan
emanated warmth. He wanted to stay close to Jeonghan, wanted to touch him, he was so
tempted to reach out.

“I like it too.”

“Like what?”

Jeonghan held his gaze. “I like it when you ask me about my day. I like it when you ask if
I’m okay. I like that you listen, like really listen, to what I have to say even if you don’t know
what I’m talking about, and not get annoyed.”

“Why would I get annoyed—”

“I like talking to you too. Very much.”

And Joshua doesn’t realize just how long they’ve stared into each other’s brown eyes,
drowning in the gaze that told them they were the only ones the other can see right now, their
surroundings, the cold night breeze, the noise from the party happening inside, they all faded
out. All Joshua could see is how Jeonghan leaned in, their faces just mere centimeters apart,
Jeonghan’s warm minty breath in stark contrast to the cold air on his skin, his citrusy scent
invading his senses making him warm and electrified inside.

“Shua, I really want to kiss you right now,” Jeonghan whispered, but it was so clear to
Joshua, his voice seemed octaves lower sending Joshua shivers.

“Jeonghan—”

“Can I?”

Joshua doesn’t trust himself to respond. So instead, he leaned into Jeonghan, tilting his head
as he closed the gap between them, meeting his husband’s lips, molding into them.
Jeonghan was surprised at first, but melted into Joshua as well. His body moved closer to the
younger man, hand snaking behind the jacket he gave Joshua to support his lower back, the
other hand cupping Joshua’s face, making Joshua warm in all places Jeonghan touched.

This was the first time they kissed like this, with desire, with want, since they found out
Joshua was pregnant. Their lips moved to a rhythm they were both familiar with, and as if it
were muscle memory, Joshua wrapped his hands around Jeonghan’s neck.

The kiss was soft and gentle, as if reintroducing themselves to each other, but at the same
time, it was making them want more.

So, Jeonghan bit Joshua’s lower lip, eliciting a soft moan form the younger man. Not letting
the opportunity go to waste, Jeonghan slipped in his tongue, taking control of the kiss as he
tasted every corner of Joshua’s mouth. The act made Joshua tighten his grip on Jeonghan’s
neck, pulling him close, deepening the kiss as he sucked on Jeonghan’s tongue. It was
Jeonghan’s turn to groan.

They only pull away when they needed air to breathe, realizing they were still humans with
limitations. Still, Jeonghan’s hands didn’t leave where they touch Joshua, and Joshua settled
his hands on Jeonghan’s chest, feeling how it heaved up and down as Jeonghan breathed.

He was flushed from the heat of what they just did, and Joshua could feel his body want
more. He could see that Jeonghan did too, the way his eyes stared at him with want.

They let their breathing catch up to them, and Joshua felt Jeonghan thumb over his lips,
wiping away the saliva that shone on Joshua’s plump lips.

“Sorry,” Jeonghan said, breaking Joshua’s trance. “I was… I may have gotten a little too into
it.”

They did. Both of them. Joshua was also very much into it. The nights they spent in Jeju and
in his apartment just a few months ago came flooding back in, making him blush profusely.
Luckily, the kiss already made him a little flush that Jeonghan wouldn’t be able to tell
anyway what Joshua was thinking.

Joshua realized that they may have crossed the line again. Sure, they were married and
they’re allowed to do more than just kiss and society would not find that inappropriate at all.
But still, it was a forced marriage. That kiss was not something people in forced marriages
do. That kiss was… full of want and desire, and other feelings Joshua can’t put a finger into.

“It’s okay,” Joshua whispered, breathless. “It’s okay. It’s okay, right?”

Joshua bit his lower lip as he leaned into Jeonghan’s touch, letting Jeonghan caress his
cheeks.

“It’s okay, Shuji,” Jeonghan smiled knowingly, easing the panic building up in Joshua’s chest.
He then leaned in, but this time to place a chaste kiss on the younger man’s forehead. “I
promise, it’s okay.”

“Shuji…” Joshua whispered. “Only you ever used that nickname on me.”

“That’s because I came up with it,” Jeonghan grinned. “Did you not like it then?”

Joshua shook his head, “The complete opposite. I liked it when you called me that. It made
me feel… special.”

Jeonghan hummed, moving his hand from Joshua’s face to the younger’s own hand,
wrapping itself around it.

“I never knew why you stopped calling me that.”

Jeonghan then looked from Joshua to their hands that held each other, a sad look on his face.
“Sorry.”

“It’s nothing to be sorry about.”

And then they heard the glass doors open, it was Soonyoung.

“Hey, hyungs. Aren’t you coming back inside? It’s cold out here,” Soonyoung said when he
sees them on the swing. “Also, Mingyu went to fetch his friend from the lobby. He wants to
introduce him to us.”

“Sure. We’ll head on inside, Soonyoung,” said Jeonghan to which Soonyoung nodded, the
younger turning around to head back into the dining room. Jeonghan then turned to Joshua, a
smile on his face. “Let’s go?”

Joshua smiled back, warmth spread all over his body. “Okay.”

He took Jeonghan’s outstretched hand as he stood, and Jeonghan kept their hands together
even as they entered the room. Once inside, he could see Mingyu enter, followed by an
unknown figure, unrecognizable behind their tall friend’s bigger frame.

“Should we leave soon?” Jeonghan whispered. “It’s getting late and I’m sure they’ll be
headed down to the bar drink after.”

Joshua nodded. “Yes, please. I’m getting a bit sleepy.”

Jeonghan just smiled at the cute way Joshua yawned, hiding it from everyone else in the
room.
“Guys, I’d like to introduce you to someone,” Mingyu’s voice echoed in the room, calling
everyone’s attention.

Then, moving slowly, a man stepped out from behind Mingyu. It took a few seconds for
Joshua to process who it was, until he realized he already knew him. His sharp jawline, cat-
like eyes behind circular-rimmed glasses, jet-black hair gelled back neatly, broad shoulders
and tall frame—Joshua can’t be mistaken.

“This is Jeon Wonwoo,” Mingyu said but Joshua didn’t need to hear him to know who it was.

Then he locked eyes with him, the man he knew so well… at least perhaps a decade ago.
Wonwoo’s stare caused Joshua to freeze on the spot, his hand tightening around Jeonghan,
causing the older man to look at him. At his frozen state, the words of his friends only came
out of indecipherable buzzes.

It can’t be him.

“Jeon Wonwoo?” Soonyoung’s loud voice suddenly pierced through. “What the hell are you
doing here?”

Now, everyone’s attention was on Soonyoung. Even Joshua and Wonwoo turned to
Soonyoung who’s face suddenly turned to one of infuriation.

“You? You’re Mingyu’s friend?”

“Soonyoung,” was all Wonwoo said.

Now, everyone in the room was confused, especially Mingyu who was looking between
Soonyoung and Wonwoo.

“Wait. You know each other?” asked Mingyu.

Soonyoung scoffed and Wonwoo nodded. None of them said anything to explain the
situation.

But it didn’t seem to be the end of surprises when Wonwoo turned to face Joshua again.

“Shua,” he said in his low voice, causing Joshua to move back, a step behind Jeonghan. “It’s
been a while.”

No. This can’t be happening, Joshua thought as he felt something in his chest constrict. Why
was he not warned? How can he face a ghost from his past so unprepared like this?

“Jeon Wonwoo, don’t you dare,” Soonyoung stepped in.

“What the hell is going on?” demanded Mingyu. “Hyung, how do you know each other?
More importantly, what’s wrong? Are you… angry?”

Jeonghan, on the other hand, turned to Joshua who appeared to have become pale.

“Shua,” he called, but Joshua didn’t respond. “Shua—Shuji!”

Finally, Joshua turned to face a worried Jeonghan. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Joshua shook his head furiously, panicked eyes stared back at Jeonghan. “Jeonghan—please,
let’s go home. Let’s go. Please.”

Jeonghan looked from him to Wonwoo, knowing Joshua’s sudden change in mood had
something to do with the man’s arrival. But Joshua’s frantic state didn’t give him room to
inquire or be curious. Instead, taking his hand out of Joshua’s grip, making the younger man’s
 eyes widen momentarily at the sudden loss of contact, he wrapped a protective arm over
Joshua’s form.

“Sorry, guys,” Jeonghan suddenly said as no one seemed to be answering Mingyu’s

questions. “Joshua isn’t feeling well. I think we’ll head home now.”

Jeonghan dipped his head apologetically to his friends, eyeing Wonwoo suspiciously as the
other man took an unsure step forward.

“Jihoon, could you please handover Shua’s jacket?” Jeonghan asked, and Jihoon immediately
complied, the tension in the room going.

He placed the coat over his arm, the other arm never leaving Joshua.

“Happy birthday, Hao. Sorry we have to leave a bit earlier than planned,” Jeonghan said
courteously.

Minghao just looked confused. “Uh… no worries, hyung. Thank you for coming. Shua-
hyung, please rest up.”

Feeling eyes boring into him, he turned to look at Jeonghan again, pleading. “Jeonghan…”

Jeonghan smiled at him reassuringly, ushering Joshua to take the first step so they can leave
the room. Joshua looked down as he walked, avoiding Mingyu and Wonwoo as they reach the
exit of the room. Only then was he able to breathe.

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading and please let me know your thoughts on the chapter!
Since it's comeback season, please give Super and F*ck My Life a stream! Love love
love the new album! (Please someone tell me how to place a link here, I can't seem to
link the videos)

See you in the next chapter!

 Chapter 10
Chapter Notes

Hi! Wanted to upload this in time for my birthday, but I couldn't finish in time. But
here's a new chapter I enjoyed writing a lot!

Hope you like it.

Sorry for the typos. Also, not a chef or a doctor so sorry for the inaccuracies.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

He had a lot of questions on his mind, and they were running a mile a minute. He couldn’t
quite understand what just happened, he didn’t know where to start. So, all Mingyu could ask
was—

“What’s going on?”

Mingyu first turned to the bespectacled man beside him who looked like he was weighing in
his head the next words out of his mouth, then his eyes moved to the furious form of
Soonyoung, still glaring at his visitor.

“Soonyoung-hyung, do you know each other?” Mingyu hoped his hyung would give him an
explanation.

“Can someone please say something?” demanded an agitated Minghao. The shift in the
events of his birthday was distressing, to say the least. His hyungs leaving early after Joshua
appeared to have lost all the color on his face upon Wonwoo’s arrival, Mingyu’s guest clearly
unwelcomed by Soonyoung, and the rest of them completely clueless at what was happening.

Jun moved to Minghao’s side to calm the younger Chinese by rubbing his arms.
“Soonyoung,” Seuncheol finally spoke up, his voice unusually authoritative. Even as the
eldest, Seungcheol remained goofy and very comfortable with his friends, even those who
were not of the same age. To hear him use this tone was a rarity. “Can you calm down? Why
are you shouting at Wonwoo-ssi?”

“Why are you here, Wonwoo?”

Wonwoo sighed, adjusting his glasses. “Mingyu invited me, Soonyoung.”

Soonyoung scoffed. “Seriously?”

“Hyung, please,” Mingyu begged. “Don’t you think you’re being rude? I really don’t
understand why you’re being so hostile to my guest.”

“Ask him,” each word emphasized as Soonyoung growled. “Can’t believe you have the nerve
to show yourself before Shua-hyung like that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Soons?” asked Seungcheol.

“Soonyoung-hyung—”

“Sorry for ruining the night, Hao,” Soongyoung said, avoiding Mingyu’s pleading eyes. “I
think I’ll go ahead, not really in a partying mood anymore.”

“Soons, wait—” Jihoon tried to stop, but Soonyoung went ahead and left the room,
completely ignoring Wonwoo as he walked past.

“What the hell just happened?” Minghao asked to no one in particular. “Oh god, I need a
stronger drink.”
Mingyu, Seungcheol, Jihoon and Jun were just as dumbfounded. They’ve never seen
Soonyoung so furious, even more than when he told Jeonghan off a couple of months ago (at
least in Seungcheol’s memory). Soonyoung may be loud and often times spoke whatever
came into his mind, a bit tactless but well-meaning, yet never unreasonably angry. So,
whatever it was that angered him with Wonwoo’s appearance must have been something
serious.

“I’m sorry,” Wonwoo finally spoke up, causing the heads to turn toward him. “It seems my
presence caused all this mess tonight.”

Seungcheol wrinkled his nose in a frown. “Can you tell us why Soonyoung and Shua reacted
that way?”

Wonwoo looked hesitant to answer, so he offered instead, “Perhaps they should be the ones to
tell you guys their side.”

“And what about your side?” asked Mingyu, his arms crossed over his chest in a rather
retracted stance, his back hunched like he was hesitant. He was still confused and was
honestly getting frustrated at Wonwoo’s refusal to explain. “I really don’t understand what
just happened.”

“Gyu,” Wonwoo sighed. “Perhaps we can talk about this privately?” the newcomer
whispered the last part, eyeing the piercing gaze of Mingyu’s friends.

Mingyu frowned but understood, Wonwoo did not know his other friends and it would be
weird for Wonwoo to explain their friends’ behaviors himself. To be frank, out of all the
persons in the room, Minghao deserved an explanation as his birthday celebration was
practically ruined by whatever transpired a few minutes ago. But they don’t know Wonwoo
and Wonwoo doesn’t know them.

The tall man then turned to his same-age friend with an apologetic look. “Minghao, I’m so
sorry for what happened. I’ll make it up to you—”
“I don’t see how any of this is your fault, Mingyu,” Minghao interrupted as he rubbed his
head, giving Wonwoo the side eye before sighing. “You’re clearly in the dark like the rest of
us here.”

“Still,” said Mingyu. “We’ll step out—”

Interrupting Mingyu midsentence, Minghao waived his hand. “No, stay. The room is reserved
until the restaurant closes, so you can talk here if you want. I’m going to the bar downstairs
to get myself a drink. Jun-hyung, Seungcheol-hyung, Jihoon-hyung, care to join me?”

The older men nodded, taking their jackets and things as they followed Minghao out of the
room, stealing glances at the two before completely losing sight of them. When Minghao,
Seungcheol, Jihoon and Jun were out of earshot, and the waiters were told to clear out,
Mingyu sat down on one of the seats and waited for Wonwoo to sit beside him.

Mingyu heaved another sigh, this was not how he wanted this night to go. He wanted to
introduce Wonwoo to his friends, let them see what he saw in him, maybe even befriend him
since he’s been gone from Korea for almost a decade, and maybe, just maybe, there can be
some progress in whatever relationship they have. Instead, he got the shock of his life when
two of his friends already knew who Wonwoo was, excluding Jeonghan who had already met
him, and worse, they didn’t seem to like Wonwoo one bit. How could he not know this?

“I don’t even know where to start,” Mingyu said, his tone devoid of the eagerness it had
earlier that night.

But it seemed like Wonwoo wasn’t willing to give out any details without being prodded
either.

So, Mingyu asked instead, “How do you know Soonyoung-hyung and Joshua-hyung?”

“I know them from high school,” Wonwoo responded as-a-matter-of-factly.

“You were friends?”

Wonwoo shook his head, “Not exactly.”

“Then what? Why was Soonyoung-hyung mad at you? Why did Shua-hyung look like he saw
a ghost?”

“Mingyu—”

“Please, Wonwoo. I brought you here. I think I deserve to know why this night ended the
way it did.”

Wonwoo paused, hesitant to say whatever answer was on his mind, but Mingyu did not back
down, staring at Wonwoo expectantly, pleadingly.

“Joshua and I…” he said, taking in a deep breath. “We… we used to date. Back in high
school, we were boyfriends.”

It seemed like Mingyu just received a punch to his gut. His eyes grew wide, and mouth
opened, unable to process what he had just heard. “You… what?” Mingyu muttered, not
expecting an answer. “You and Shua-hyung were together in high school? We… I didn’t
know Joshua-hyung dated, let alone had an ex.”

“I guess he never talked about me after all,” Wonwoo gave out a hollow laugh, although
nothing about the situation was funny.

Mingyu was still processing when he asked, “So, wait. Why did they react that way then? If
you just used to date, why were their reactions so extreme? I don’t understand.”

“Shua and I, we didn’t end on good terms,” Wonwoo bit his lips, dipping his head down. He
seemed ashamed, as if speaking about the biggest mistake of his life.
“So what? Lots of couples end their relationship on bad terms, what happened to make them
react that way?”

Wonwoo looked at Mingyu, as if asking him to give him a pass, but Mingyu stood firm.

“I… I hurt him, Mingyu. I broke him,” Wonwoo said, pain was clear on his voice. Mingyu
didn’t say anything, but his initial reaction was one of confusion and shock. “I broke his heart
and his self-worth. When we were younger, I convinced him to run away with me—it was a
crazy plan altogether, stupid, really. Our parents didn’t like us for each other, you see. We got
into a car accident—remember, I told you about my injury?”

Mingyu nodded, hesitantly, but did not interrupt.

“It was really bad. The doctors, they said even with a successful surgery, even if I recover
nicely, even with physical therapy, I could never play soccer the way that I used to again. I
can live a normal, functional life, but I can no longer play the sport that I loved and what I
was best at. It was… it was such a horrible feeling, Mingyu,” Wonwoo choked. Mingyu
realized this is probably the most vulnerable Wonwoo had been with him. “I thought that, if
we ran away for a few days, our parents would get worried, treat our relationship seriously
and allow us to date freely. Instead, my dreams and my goals, the scholarships, the chance to
play professionally one day, they were taken away from me because of my stupid,
irresponsible decision.”

Wonwoo let out a breath he was holding in before he continued.

“But, I was young and selfish. So, I blamed it all on Joshua—”

“Wait—why? It’s not his fault—”

“I know. I couldn’t admit that it was my fault. I couldn’t accept that I lost all my dreams
because of me. It didn’t help that my parents kept blaming him too. That he was a bad
influence on me, that it was his fault why their son was in such a pitiful state. I couldn’t bear
to blame myself, so, I blamed the person who was the easiest to blame. I passed the fault on
to someone whom I could blame. I blamed Joshua for everything,” Wonwoo paused, biting
his lip. “When I saw him after the accident, I took out all my broken dreams and devastation
on him and told him just as much. I said horrible things to him even though I knew how
fragile he could be, I—I hurt him pretty badly, Mingyu. And then I left him.”

Mingyu couldn’t process everything he had just learned. Why didn’t he know what happened
to his hyung? Why did it have to be Wonwoo? Why did he feel so hurt and betrayed right
now?

“I know, from the few friends I kept in contact with after I left, that he was so broken after.
He was more recluse. What’s more was that, because I blamed him, so did my friends and my
teammates,” Wonwoo said, the guilt was painted all over his eyes. “I let other people hurt
him.”

“Wonwoo—wait, I… I don’t know what to do with everything you’re telling me,” Mingyu
put his hand up, signalling Wonwoo to stop. “How—why—the ex...” The ex. It was then that
the realization dawned on Mingyu. “The ex you have unsettled feelings for, you mean to
say…”

He looked at Wonwoo, unable to continue his sentence. The way Wonwoo looked at him
apologetically said it all.

“I’m sorry, Gyu—”

“Did you know?” Mingyu couldn’t believe what he was finding out. There was this
tightening feeling in his chest, it was suffocating him, tearing him from the inside. “Did you
know that Joshua-hyung and Soonyoung-hyung were my friends?”

“Mingyu—”

“Just, please,” he cut Wonwoo off. “Just answer me, please.”

“Yes, I saw them on your posts online.”

Mingyu’s shoulders fell, disheartened. “You knew all along?”

“Since after you left Canada.”

Mingyu had experienced the feeling of the phrase “my heart sank” one too many times in his
lifetimes. But somehow, nothing seemed to hurt more than this. His heart felt like it sank
from its place in his chest and broke into a million tiny pieces. Wonwoo knew, all this time,
that Mingyu was friends with the ex he had unresolved feelings for. He felt used and lied to,
he felt betrayed, he felt—

“So, you knew, when I invited you to come tonight, you knew you’d be meeting Joshua-
hyung.” It wasn’t a question anymore. Now, Mingyu recalled why Soonyoung was in such
disbelief that Wonwoo would just come here because Mingyu invited him. Wonwoo had an
agenda, and he used Mingyu for it.

“Mingyu—” Wonwoo seemed like he wanted to say something to appease the taller man yet
did not have anything to say. “I wasn’t sure they would come. But I knew the possibility that
Joshua and Soonyoung would.”

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Mingyu mumbled in disbelief, mostly to himself as his
dug his hands into his scalp in frustration. “You used me.”

“I’m sorry, Mingyu. That wasn’t my intention.”

“How could that not be your intention?” Mingyu growled in anger, standing up as he paced
the room. “More than that, you agreed to accompany me to my friend’s birthday knowing
you would meet Joshua and Soonyoung. You deliberately let me ruin my friend’s birthday by
bringing you here!”
“I didn’t think they’d react that way, Gyu. I swear,” Wonwoo stood up as well, putting his
hands up as some sort of gesture of sincerity. “Please, Mingyu. I didn’t mean to let it turn out
this way.”

When Wonwoo took a step forward toward Mingyu, the taller man stepped back, making
Wonwoo flinch at the reaction.

“Mingyu, I’m sorry.”

But the younger man shook his head. “What exactly did you aim to achieve here, Wonwoo?
You came here knowing who will be here. What were you expecting to happen?”

Wonwoo bit his lip.

“I’m really sorry, Gyu. I just… When you invited me, I really was going to say no. But I
don’t know why I suddenly agreed. I—I did hope to see Joshua today. Maybe talk to him, and
—I honestly haven’t thought that far ahead.”

Every word felt like a stab to his chest. Wonwoo’s sole purpose of coming with Mingyu
tonight was to see his ex-boyfriend, who happened to be one of Mingyu’s dearest friends.

“He’s married.”

“I know.”

“They’re about to have a baby.”

“I know,” Wonwoo repeated.

“So… why?”

“One of the reasons I agreed to work in Korea was to fix things. Make amends and maybe…”
Wonwoo sighed, but Mingyu didn’t need to hear the words to know what Wonwoo wanted to
say. “But just last week, I found out that he was married and expecting.”

Mingyu laughed hollowly, devoid of any humor. “I can’t believe this. I’m so dumb.”

Wonwoo dared to take a step forward, “I’m sorry—”

“I can’t do this right now,” Mingyu shook his head taking a step back, his voice strained with
hurt. He can see the guilt in Wonwoo’s eyes but he won’t allow himself to dwell on that.
“Maybe it’s best if we don’t communicate for a while.”

He doesn’t let Wonwoo respond, and the latter doesn’t try to stop him when he heads straight
for the exit.

Jeonghan watched as his husband slept on their bed, Joshua’s peaceful state in slumber a
stark contrast to the anxious form on their way home. Joshua was trembling as he held on
tightly to Jeonghan’s hand during the entire car ride until he was eventually rendered tired by
the traffic, falling against Jeonghan who left him to sleep.

Facing Joshua’s serene state, an elbow propped on his right, he traced with his eyes the
outlines of the doctor’s closed eyes and long lashes, his prominent nose to his cheekbones,
his beautiful jawline and plump lips. Everything about Joshua was beautiful, Jeonghan knew
that, even back then in college. Joshua was kind as he was beautiful, and Jeonghan admired
that. Joshua was selfless to a fault.

Which is why he can’t understand how someone who claimed to love Joshua could hurt him
so badly that even a decade later, the pain rendered Joshua paralyzed at the sight of a man he
hadn’t seen for a very long time. He didn’t need Joshua to explain who it was, he already had
an inkling, which was only confirmed when Soonyoung called him to ask how Joshua was
doing.

“Soonyoung,” Jeonghan called after updating the younger man. “Jeon Wonwoo… he’s
Shua’s ex, isn’t he?”

There was a few seconds silence on the other end of the line, telling Jeonghan that the other
man was surprised Jeonghan knew about it.

“Joshua told me about his ex and the accident, but not the name,” Jeonghan offered.

He could hear Soonyoung sigh.

“Yeah. It’s him.”

Instinctively, he extended his hand and let it hover over Joshua, reluctant at first until he
finally let it set on the side of the younger man’s face. Joshua’s sleeping form did not react,
thankfully, as the last thing Jeonghan wanted was to disturb his husband’s slumber. Gently,
carefully, he rubbed his thumb over Joshua’s cheekbone with silent wish that it could
somehow take some of the pain and panic away.

Just then, Joshua slowly opened his eyes, surprising Jeonghan.

Without retracting his hand, he asked, “Sorry, did I wake you?”

He thought Joshua would have been in a state of drowsiness from waking up mid-sleep, but
he seemed pretty clearheaded.

Joshua slightly shook his head, “It’s okay.”

“Are you feeling better?” Jeonghan asked, voice low, almost like a whisper, even though they
were the only ones in their room right now.

Joshua nodded slowly, their eyes never leaving each other. “Jeonghan…”

The older man waited a minute, or two, but nothing came next.

“You don’t have to tell me about it if you don’t feel like it,” Jeonghan reassured has he
continued to caress Joshua’s cheek. He already had an idea anyway, and he didn’t want to
stress Joshua any more than what happened today, he doesn’t want the younger man to have
to recall awful memories or negative feelings. He’s seen how Joshua was when he first met
him in college—afraid of socializing, distant, and aloof. Where other people would call him
haughty and snobby, Jeonghan just thought that he was lonely. Now, he knew just how much
baggage and damage Joshua carried.

Then, to his surprise, Joshua pulled out his hand from under their comforter, and placed his
hand on top of Jeonghan’s, leaning into the touch. Jeonghan realized that in the past month of
them sharing a bed, this is probably the closest they’ve been in proximity.

“You don’t have to bear everything alone as well,” Jeonghan said. He didn’t mean to be so
honest, but somehow, in this moment of vulnerability for the both of them, he couldn’t help
it. “You could share them to me too, Shuji.”

Something in Joshua’s eyes glimmered, Jeonghan thought. He looked so beautiful too, the
way Joshua stared back at him.

“Jeonghan?” it was so soft, Jeonghan wouldn’t have heard it if they weren’t this close to each
other.

“Hm?”
“Can I… can I hug you? As I sleep?”

Jeonghan blinked, unsure if he was hearing Joshua correctly, but Joshua didn’t take it back
either. He felt something bloom in his chest.

Instead of responding, he moved himself closer to Joshua (a bit of a challenge under their
heavy comforter, but Jeonghan managed), eliminating the gap between them, but making sure
that he and their baby weren’t uncomfortable. He released his hand from Joshua’s face, and
encased his husband’s frame in his arm. His other arm was awkwardly placed on top of their
pillows until Joshua raised his head slightly so Jeonghan could tuck his arm under.

Joshua responded by wrapping his arm around Jeonghan’s midsection and nuzzling his face
in the space between Jeonghan’s neck and shoulders. Jeonghan could feel the way Joshua
inhaled against Jeonghan’s skin, sending shivers down Jeonghan’s spine.

“Was this all it took for you to feel better?” Jeonghan mused, rubbing circular motions on
Joshua’s back. “I should have hugged you tight a lot earlier then.”

Joshua dug his face deeper into Jeonghan’s shoulders, as if he were hiding.

“It’s your baby,” he grumbled, slightly pinching the skin on Jeonghan’s back. “Our baby
loves the way you smell.”

Jeonghan laughed while flinching, he was so amused.

“Okay then, you can smell me all you want from now on,” Jeonghan teased affectionately.

“It’s your fault, you always smell so good,” Jeonghan doesn’t see the way Joshua’s cheeks
redden at the admission.
Jeonghan hummed in response. “Okay, okay. It’s my fault then. I just have such good taste in
body wash and cologne.”

“You always smell like citrus and flowers.”

“Jo Malone, Orange Blossom,” he smiled.

“Do you douse yourself in it? It’s like stuck on your skin, you always smell like that even if
you haven’t resprayed your cologne.”

Jeonghan laughed.

They were quiet for a while after that, Jeonghan keeping Joshua encased in his arms. He can’t
quite remember the last time he held Joshua like this, it was probably in one of those nights
they spent together. Joshua always seemed so fragile, so precious, but Jeonghan knows
Joshua isn’t made of glass, he’s much stronger than that. He may get hurt easily, bruised and
gashed, but Joshua’s resilient, he endures, strengthened by scars, though he may not realize it.

“Jeonghan,” Joshua mumbled from under Jeonghan.

“Yeah?” he responded sleepily.

“Where did the nickname Joshuji come from?” he asked all of a sudden. “It’s like one day
you just started calling me that.”

“Hmm,” hummed Jeonghan, trying to remember the memory. It was so far back, he kind of
almost forgot. It was because of the first day he saw Joshua, in one of the halls, in one of the
busy buildings of they university. Joshua looked like a lost puppy navigating the bustling
hallway, students moving about, minding their businesses, and trying to get to their
destinations. It looked like the number of people greatly bothered Joshua as he squirmed
around, unsure where to go while at the same time trying to avoid people.
Jeonghan kind of initially thought he looked like a worm. It’s really funny in his head. He
helped Joshua get away from the crowd by pulling him to the side, it was the first time they
met each other.

“Can I keep that as my secret?” Jeonghan said teasingly.

He could feel Joshua pout against his shoulder.

“Why, what is it? Is it embarrassing?”

Jeonghan shook his head as softly as he could so as not to disrupt Joshua’s position beneath
his head. “No, of course not. Not to me. It’s cute.”

“Cute? Then tell me.”

“I don’t want to,” Jeonghan said. “I want to keep it as my secret.”

“Unfair.”

“Only I know, don’t worry.”

“Fine,” Joshua grumbled. His fingers were now playfully pulling at Jeonghan’s pajama shirts.
“So, why did you stop calling me Joshuji?”

Jeonghan’s other hand moved to pat Joshua’s hair. “That’s a harder question to answer,”
laughed Jeonghan.
“Huh? Why is that?” This time, Joshua pulled away so he can look at Jeonghan, too curious.
He thought it would be something easy like ‘oh, we drifted apart’, ‘oh, it was a pretty childish
nickname’.

He looked down to see Joshua staring at him with curiosity, big doe eyes that no longer
seemed pained and anxious. That was good, at least.

“Hmm,” Jeonghan considered. “Do you really want to know?”

“Why are you so secretive about this?” joked Joshua, a bemused smile on his face.

“These are my deepest darkest secrets, you know?” joked Jeonghan, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Tell me, I’m too curious now,” pouted Joshua.

Jeonghan looked at him again, an adoring look in his eyes.

It took a minute before he decided to answer, “It’s because you broke my heart.”

Joshua’s eyes shot open, “What?”

Jeonghan looked at him, amused but there was something else that lingered there, a memory
playing in his mind that only he knows.

“What do you mean I broke your heart?”

“It means what it means. You broke my heart.”

“H-how?”

A sly grin grew on his face. “Ah, well. Now that’s another secret for another time.”

“What?” Joshua gaped. “Jeonghan, you can’t leave me hanging like this.”

“Do you remember, you used to call me Hannie too?” Jeonghan mused, ignoring Joshua’s
question. “Why did that stop?”

“Because… well, we kinda grew apart around senior year.”

That was true.

“And, I went to med school, you went to work for your company. We hardly met and all, just
for the important occasions. It didn’t seem like we were close enough for me to call you that
anymore.”

“Hmm,” was all Jeonghan could say as he continued to pat Joshua’s head like he was lulling
him.

“So, how did I break your heart?” Joshua wouldn’t relent, and Jeonghan found it adorable,
really. “Did I say something hurtful? Did I do something you didn’t like? Did I really break
your heart?”

“Calm down, Shuji,” chuckled Jeonghan. “I’ll tell you next time, okay? Don’t dwell on it. I
promise, it’s nothing like what you’re thinking right now.”

Joshua frowned, not satisfied. “Why don’t you just tell me now then?”
“Another time, not tonight, okay?” Jeonghan said it in a tone as if he were speaking to a kid.
“Go to sleep, it’s really late now.”

“Jeonghan,” Joshua whined but instead of giving in, Jeonghan pulled him closer, placing his
husband’s head back against his shoulder, and soothing him to sleep. Joshua didn’t argue
anymore after that, allowing himself to melt into Jeonghan’s arms and embrace and scent,
falling asleep just after a few minutes, the events earlier that night seemingly forgotten.

Joshua could feel himself come into consciousness when he felt the rays of the sun pass in
between their curtains and hit his face. His eyes began to adjust to the light as his body tried
to move and stretch as well, until he became conscious of a weight over his stomach, and, no,
it wasn’t the baby he was carrying. Then, he remembered. He and Jeonghan cuddled each
other to sleep. His back was now pressed against Jeonghan’s chest, the older one embracing
him from the back, arms draped over his tummy and face nuzzled against Joshua’s hair.

He felt the blood rush to his cheeks as he replayed the events of the night before, and how he
initiated it. But, at the same time, he quite liked waking up like this. It felt oddly…
comforting (not necessarily comfortable because what is comfortable when you are
pregnant).

But now, he really needed to use the toilet. He was conflicted to stay like this a little longer
and let Jeonghan sleep some more or wiggle his way out and possibly wake up Jeonghan. His
bladder won.

First, he tried to lift himself to gain some leverage and he could feel Jeonghan stir. Then, he
lightly held Jeonghan’s wrist that was hovering over his belly, trying as gently as possible to
lift it over his body. However, even before he could move it halfway, the arm moved on its
own, reclaiming its position and holding him even tighter. The sudden grip over his body
caused him to press against Jeonghan’s chest even more.

“Hmm…” Jeonghan grumbled against Joshua’s ear, sending shivers down his spine. He’s
heard Jeonghan’s morning voice many times before, but somehow, this particular morning
just felt so new. “Stay. Let’s sleep some more.”
And Joshua really wanted to. He looked at the clock and it was seven in the morning, way
later than the time Jeonghan would normally get up, and Joshua realized this must have been
the most sleep Jeonghan has had in a long time (at least since they were married). He felt
guilty not to let him do so.

“Okay,” he whispered, unsure that Jeonghan even heard it as he felt Jeonghan’s breathing
even out against his back.

His body relaxed after a few breaths, putting his hand atop Jeonghan’s which were resting
just above his slightly showing bump, and he couldn’t help but smile. Him, Jeonghan, and
their child. He absorbed this moment, the feel of Jeonghan’s breath against his ears and nape,
his husband’s arms over his frame, the rise and fall of Jeonhan’s chest, and his ever-alluring
scent he couldn’t get enough of (or their baby, as Joshua would justify). Then there’s more.

Oh.

Wait.

Something hard was pressing against his lower back. It couldn’t have been Jeonghan’s knee,
or his other hand… so, it could only have been—

Oh.

Well, it’s not like this wasn’t a normal occurrence, even for Joshua. Morning wood was
perfectly normal, and a sign of good health (down there), even he knew this as a doctor. Even
he experienced this a number of times before. But having your handsome husband, the father
of your child-to-be, have his pressed against you like this, it made Joshua feel things.

He could feel his body heat up, and it didn’t help that pregnancy hormones can make him
more prone to, well, feeling horny. Sure, there have been times in the past month that Joshua
would feel a little heated, a little tingly, a little… frustrated. When you have the only man
you’ve ever had sex with sleep beside you every night, take a shower in the same room, card
his hand through his wet damp hair, and sometimes catch him with only a towel on, of course
Joshua can feel frustrated.

Now this. This was a little too much, if Joshua was being honest, especially since they
weren’t doing that.

“Jeonghan…” Joshua said, a little too ragged than he would like, but hopefully Jeonghan
doesn’t notice.

“Hmm?”

“I um…” Joshua tried to wriggle at first, but this only seemed to make Jeonghan tighten his
grip.

“Shuji,” Jeonghan groaned against Joshua’s nape. “I thought we agreed to sleep some more?”

It’s that low, just-woke-up bedroom voice again. So not helping.

“I need to—um… use the bathroom,” Joshua managed.

“Now?” Jeonghan began to stir. “Just a few more minutes.”

“Jeonghan—” but Jeonghan doesn’t budge. “You’re also kind of… poking me.”

“Hmm…” Jeonghan hummed, unbothered. “Normal reaction in the morning, Shuji.

Especially, since you cuddled with me all night…”

Joshua felt a mixture of embarrassment and pride, but he really can’t take both right now.
“Jeong—I really need—Hannie…”

And this somehow made Jeonghan perk up.

“Hmm… alright,” Jeonghan said and Joshua could hear the grin behind the words, releasing
his arm from Joshua who mumbled a thanks, and allowing the younger man to finally sit up.
“Good morning.”

Jeonghan was perched on an elbow, hair in a beautiful mess, and eyes still hazy from sleep.

“Good morning,” Joshua said softly, blushing.

Jeonghan smiled, looking at him intently before his eyes turned from sweet to worried. “You
okay? You look flushed.”

“Huh?” Joshua felt a bit embarrassed now. How was he supposed to respond to that? He was
flushed because this was the first morning they woke up like this, so close and so intimate,
since they got married. He was flushed because of all the physical contact with Jeonghan
over the past twenty-four hours coming to mind all at once. He was flushed because he just
had Jeonghan’s hard on pressing against him. No, he can’t say any of that. “I—the sun was
directly hitting me. It—I easily turn red when I’m directly against sunlight.”

And Jeonghan bought it.

“Okay, I’ll make sure to the curtains are completely closed before sleeping so you’re not
uncomfortable.”

“It’s really not a problem,” Joshua mumbled softly.

“Don’t you need to go to the bathroom?” Jeonghan recalled, and it was like a lightbulb was
turned on above Joshua’s head.

“Oh, yeah,” Joshua said, taking the comforter off of his legs and he was about to get off their
bed when he remembered, and without thinking he asked, “What are you—your… um…”

Jeonghan looked at him confused as he sat up as well, looking for his phone to check his
emails.

“What was that, Shuji?” he asked after he found his phone.

“Your… um… don’t you need help with… aren’t you going to do something about your…”
Joshua was unsure how to say it so his eyes moved from Jeonghan’s to that area just below
his waist, covered completely by the blanket. Then Jeonghan understood with a smirk.

“Oh that?” Jeonghan wore a mischievous smile. “Are you offering to help?”

And suddenly the heat in the room turned up by degrees (or that’s what Joshua felt).
Honestly, he didn’t know why he asked. Curiosity got over him (all the good that’s done). He
wanted to know what Jeonghan would do because—well, he didn’t know why he wanted to
know. But Joshua wanted to know. How was Jeonghan going to relieve that? Did he need
help? Was he going to look for help? What will he think about as he relieved himself?

Why do I want to know?

Immediately, Joshua shook his head flustered. “No, no… I was just—”

Jeonghan couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight.

“I mean… if you need help…” Joshua trailed, lacking confidence.

But Jeonghan just smiled at him endearingly. “Hey, I won’t ask you to do something you’re
not comfortable with. Don’t worry about this, a cold shower will do the trick.”

Something stirred at the pit of Joshua’s stomach, and it sure isn’t the baby. Something wanted
him to say, yes, he’ll help Jeonghan, but at the same time the words can’t make their way out
of his mouth. Sure, they’ve done a lot more than just helping each other to relief. But doing
these intimate and sexual acts as casual fuck buddies and as a married couple is completely
different.

Joshua recognized that, and, as it appeared, so did Jeonghan.

They don’t say anything more and they do their respective businesses in the bathroom.

When Jeonghan is finished showering, Joshua was still in their bedroom focused on his
phone that he didn't notice Jeonghan approach until he felt the dip in the bed.

“Hannie,” Joshua said turning to face Jeonghan, somehow the nickname was rolling off his
tongue more easily now. “Soonyoung wants to come over.”

“Okay, does he want to have lunch here?”

“I’ll ask him.” It was silent for a few minutes as Joshua texts away until Joshua asked, “Are
you not going to ask me?”

Jeonghan raised an eyebrow, “Ask you what?”

“About last night? About,” Joshua hesitated for a second. “Wonwoo.”

“Do you want to talk about it with me?” Jeonghan asked and waited for Joshua to answer, but
the latter wasn’t sure what to respond. He didn’t really know either what to talk about. Apart
from seeing Wonwoo for the first time in years last night and the way he reacted, he doesn’t
really know what to say. “Because if you do, I’m here to listen. Okay?”

Jeonghan reached out to hold Joshua’s hand, something reassuring.

“To be honest, I don’t really know what to talk about,” said Joshua. “I know you have an idea
of who he is. Yes, he’s the ex-boyfriend I told you about.” Joshua bit his lip, nervous to bring
up the topic. “I was shocked to see him again, that was pretty clear last night. It just… it
brought back a lot of memories and awful feelings, and I just couldn’t control how I reacted.”

Jeonghan nodded slowly, listening, taking it in.

“And Soonyoung’s coming over, I guess he just wants to check up on me.”

“Alright,” Jeonghan said. “I’ll just be in the study then, I’ll go over some paperwork for my
meetings tomorrow.”

“Okay, always the busy CEO,” sighed Joshua with a hint of a smile. “I’ll go to the kitchen
then, see what I can prepare for lunch.”

Jeonghan blinked as if pleasantly surprised. “Oh, you’re going to cook?”

“There’s enough time,” Joshua nodded. “It looks like everyone else in the house have their
plans today, so it won’t be hard to cook for the three of us.”

“Galbi?” Jeonghan asked expectantly.

“I don’t think we have ingredients for that, Hannie,” Joshua said apologetically.
Jeonghan frowned.

“Next time?”

Jeonghan paused, as if something brilliant came to mind. “Let’s buy the ingredients then.”

“Huh?”

“After lunch, let’s go to the grocery and buy what you need to cook galbi.”

“But—”

“Please?”

Jeonghan pouted. Joshua blinked as if trying to see if this was real. Jeonghan was childishly
pouting at Joshua because he wanted Joshua to cook him galbi. It was a really cute face too.

Sighing, he responded, “Fine.”

And Jeonghan wore a triumphant grin.

“I can’t believe he had the nerve to show up there last night,” Soonyoung paced around the
garden. Soonyoung arrived earlier than expected so Joshua left the lunch preparation to the
household staff. Joshua thought that if Soonyoung drank the tea he had prepared for him he
would calm down, but now it’s just sitting pretty at the coffee table, all cold by now.
“Soonyoung, please calm down,” Joshua urged. “You’re stressing me out when you pace like
that.”

The younger man turned to face Joshua guiltily. “Sorry, hyung. I’m just so frustrated.”

“I know,” Joshua said gently as Soonyoung sat back down across Joshua.

“So, he tried to contact you?” Joshua repeated what Soonyoung told him earlier.

Soonyoung rolled his eyes. “Can you believe him? I’ll have a word with Joy when I see her, I
can’t believe she gave out my number like that.”

“What did he say?”

Soonyoung sighed, as if trying to gather some willpower to relay the things Wonwoo had
said. “He apologized for ruining the night, he said he didn’t know how badly we would react
to seeing him. Seriously, how did he think we were going to react?”

They wouldn’t have known until it happened. It’s not like seeing Wonwoo again was
something Joshua thought about or practiced. He moved on, as painful as it was, and tried to
bury everything that happened in the past, even though the wounds were still there.

“What did you say to him?”

“I gave him the finger,” Soonyoung replied and Joshua looked confused. “You know? That
emoji?”

“Ah.”
“Then, he asked me how you were.” Joshua could tell just how Soonyoung was ready to
combust. “And I told him to fuck off, words this time.”

“I see,” Joshua said, unsure how to respond.

Soonyoung paused, hesitant to say his next words, contemplating if he should just let it be.
But in the end, he continued, “He wants to talk to you. He asked for your number and that he
hoped you’d be willing to talk to him.”

“I don’t really want to talk to him, Soons,” Joshua frowned.

“I know, hyung,” Soonyoung sighed. “I didn’t reply anyway. But, I do think he knows where
you work. I mean, obviously where else would you work.”

“You think he’d do that? Go to me at my workplace?” Joshua asked nervously. He can could
the way he did at dinner, but at his place of work, he can’t.

Soonyoung shrugged. “I don’t know him anymore so I wouldn’t put it past him.”

“So, you think I should talk to him?”

“If you don’t want to, then don’t, hyung. I’m just saying, be prepared to see him again now
that he’s back.”

Joshua nodded, apprehensive at the idea of seeing Wonwoo again unexpectedly.

“How’s Mingyu?” was the question Joshua had been wanting to ask since Soonyoung
arrived. He sent a text message to Mingyu this morning but he hasn’t replied, and Joshua
can’t help but be worried at the lack of response. He didn’t want to bombard Mingyu either,
thinking maybe he just needed some space after what happened last night. Joshua doesn’t
know what Wonwoo told him, but Jun said they left them at the restaurant to talk.

Soonyoung bit his lip and shook his head. “He hasn’t replied to me, hyung. Minghao said
he’d check up on Mingyu.”

Joshua nodded, his head downcast in worry.

“We can talk about something else then. Can I see the nursery before we eat lunch?”
Soonyoung asked, changing the subject.

“Oh, but there’s nothing there yet except the unassembled crib and rocker. We haven’t even
decided on what to paint the walls, so there’s really nothing much to see,” smiled Joshua.

“Okay, send me progress pictures, hyung,” smiled Soonyoung. “How about on the marriage
front? How’s everything with Jeonghan-hyung?”

And at the mention of his husband, Joshua perked up a little. “We’re doing okay, Soons.
Actually, it’s been better than I expected.”

“Oh really?”

Joshua smiled. “I guess the fact that this was, technically, a forced marriage made me think
that we’d be strangers living together, co-parenting, living under the same room and all. All
those dramas on television about loveless marriage, I thought ours would be something like
that,” Joshua giggled until he realized—“not that we’re in love or anything!” Joshua blushed
and Soonyoung raised an eyebrow. “But, it’s been nice, Soons. Jeonghan…” Joshua trailed,
his voice full of affection. “Jeonghan’s been so good. Maybe, even better than good.”

There was something in Joshua’s tone, something even Soonyoung had noticed, so much
more different from how Joshua talked about Jeonghan before.
“That’s sounds really great, hyung,” Soonyoung gave a soft smile. “I only hope that you can
have that family you always wanted.”

Joshua bit his lip, in an attempt to stop himself from smiling widely at the thought of a family
—him, Jeonghan and their baby. Just the three of them and whatever the future held.

Just as Jeonghan said, they went to the grocery and bought all the ingredients Joshua needed
to cook the dish Jeonghan’s family seems to love but he had never gotten a chance to try. In
fact, he bought much more than necessary just in case Joshua wanted to cook the dish again
some other time (or, Joshua thinks, in case Jeonghan wanted Joshua to cook him some).
Jeonghan also bought a lot of snacks and fruits he knew Joshua liked just in case Joshua
craved for them at any time.

Now, Jeonghan was hanging back in the kitchen, watching Joshua cook, to the discomfort of
the rest of the household staff.

“Jeonghan, why don’t you just wait in the room or in your study? I’ll call for you when the
food is ready,” Joshua suggested feeling for the staff who find it uneasy to move around when
the eldest grandson and heir to the Yoon Group was hovering over them (over Joshua).
“You’re making them nervous.”

Joshua tipped his head over to the staff fidgeting around, finding something to do while
Joshua cooked. Jeonghan just ignored them and Joshua was now busy reducing the sauce for
the galbi, his own personal recipe that makes the dish special.

“I want to watch you cook,” Jeonghan simply said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the
world. “I’ve never seen you cook before.”

Joshua rolled his eyes, but the older one wouldn’t know since his back was facing Jeonghan.
“Fine,” Joshua said, taking a small sip of the sauce after blowing on the spoon. He then
turned to Jeonghan, “Want to taste?”

Jeonghan nodded excitedly, coming close to where Joshua was and took a small sip from the
same spoon, his eyes widening after tasting the same.

“What do you think?” he asked putting away the tasting spoon.

Jeonghan licked his lips and grinned. “Can’t wait to eat it.”

This made Joshua smile. Turning to one of the staff, he instructed, “You can put the meat in
and stir them in the sauce. Just around four to five minutes since the meat was already cooked
earlier.”

The staff approached the stove and took the wooden spoon from Joshua and began stirring.

“Let’s get ready for dinner?” Joshua let out a hand and Jeonghan took it without question.
They returned to their room and changed from their outside clothes in time for dinner.

Jeonghan ate the galbi happily, as well as the other side dishes that were reheated for them. It
was only the two of them that night, having dinner at the big dining room of the Yoon house.
This was the first time they had dinner alone at the house, and it felt nice and simple, just the
two of them eating food prepared by Joshua. Joshua thought, he could spend more nights like
this with Jeonghan and feel happy. When dinner was finished, Jeonghan invited Joshua to
walk a little walk and to have tea in the garden, something about how walking is good for the
pregnancy.

“How was your talk with Soonyoung?” Jeonghan asked while they had some tea (non-
caffeinated for Joshua, of course) in the gazebo overlooking the city after a few minutes of
walking. They decided to have something to help them digest the food they ate. It was a cool
night and they wore thick jackets as they sipped their warm drinks.
“It was Soonyoung venting for the most part,” Joshua chuckled. “Like a debriefing of sorts.”

“Sounds like Soons,” Jeonghan snorted.

“Mingyu still hasn’t replied to me,” Joshua said meekly, the worry evident in his voice. “Do
you think he’s okay?”

Jeonghan nodded. “Give him time, he’ll reach out when he’s ready.”

“Is he mad at me?” Joshua asked, hands hugging the teacup for warmth. “Because of what
happened last night? How I reacted? It was rude to act the way I did. I don’t know what
Wonwoo told him, but…”

“Why would he be mad at you, Shua?” frowned Jeonghan. “You didn’t do anything wrong,
okay? You weren’t rude, and your reaction and your feelings were valid.”

He didn’t respond. Joshua still worried about their puppy-like friend who always wore his
heart on his sleeve. Joshua just hoped that Mingyu was okay.

“Wonwoo wants to talk to me,” he then said softly, not looking up to meet Jeonghan’s eyes.

There was a pause, so Joshua looked up to meet Jeonghan’s intent gaze.

“Do you want to?”

“Not really. I don’t know,” Joshua said honestly. “I don’t know what he wants to talk about.
I'm a little scared to meet him.”
Jeonghan cocked his head to the side. “What are you worried about?”

“What will we talk about?” Joshua responded. “What if he brings up what happened in the
past and blame me? If he’s still mad at me? What if he hasn’t forgiven me? I… I’m not sure
I’m strong enough to face my past yet, Jeonghan.”

There was a flash of hurt in Jeonghan’s eyes, too quick for Joshua to notice as the Yoon heir
moved closer beside Joshua, taking the younger’s hands in his own.

“Shua,” Jeonghan began softly. “Firstly, what happened to the both of you, that accident, it
wasn’t your fault. You shouldn’t be blamed for something you can’t control.”

Joshua bit his lip as he stared into Jeonghan’s eyes.

“Second, and more importantly, you are strong. You’re stronger than you think,” Jeonghan
said. “You’ve been broken and wounded, but here you are. Your fears do not mean you aren’t
strong. You’re so much more than your past and mistakes, if you could only see that. But, if
you feel a bit weak sometimes, or if you need a little more strength, I’m here.”

“Jeonghan,” Joshua felt comforted by his husband’s words, magnified by the rubbing motions
of Jeonghan’s thumbs against the back of his hand. It was gentle and emanating warmth, a
nice feeling in this cold night.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” Jeonghan continued, a familiar advice.
“But maybe you also need to face your past to truly move on and heal.”

Joshua knew that Jeonghan had a point. Now that Wonwoo was back, and, clearly, he wanted
to meet with Joshua, they’ll eventually cross paths again. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be
truly ready for that encounter, but he supposed it’s better if he were the one in control of
when that happens.
 “I’ll think about it,” Joshua gave a small smile, returning the squeeze to Jeonghan’s hands,
hoping that the gesture let the other know just how much Joshua appreciated him.

They continued the rest of the night in comfortable silence, finishing the tea that was
prepared for them before they go up to their room. When they do, Jeonghan headed for the
bathroom and Joshua is left on their bed. He fished out his phone from his pocket, and
swiped it open, looking for the name on the topmost of his messages list. He typed out
something and immediately hit send before he could think twice.

You can give him my number.

Chapter End Notes

Thanks for reading and I hope you liked it. I hope the pacing is not too bad, I have the
outline for the story but when I start writing out the scenes I end up writing so much.
Haha.

Share your thoughts!

Also, if you've finished this chapter, please give Super MV and F*ck My Life MV a
stream hehe. See you on the next one.
 Chapter 11
Chapter Notes

Back with a new chapter (missed jihan day by a few hours but it took me a while to
finish this)! Thank you for all your comments (and greetings), I greatly appreciate them.

This chapter will be jihan-centered!

ADDITIONAL TAGS (PLEASE READ): Abortion (mentioned for a short potion),

workplace bullying, a lot of mentions of their pregnancy, smut at the end of this chapter.
If uncomfortable, don't proceed.

Apologies for any typos, been typing away for hours to get this done. Haven't replied to
the comments in the last chapter, promise to get to them soon!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

He got a text almost immediately the next day. It read—

Hi Joshua. It’s Wonwoo.

Sorry for what happened during your friend’s birthday. I didn’t mean to surprise you like
that.

I was hoping we could talk sometime

When you’re free, of course

If that’s okay with you.

I understand if you need time

I’ll wait for your response.

He doesn’t reply immediately. Or that day. Or the next. Or that week even. Then—

It’s been almost a month and Joshua still hasn’t responded to Wonwoo’s texts, and neither has
the latter texted again or insisted to meet, or even approach him either in work or in his home.
He was thankful, honestly, that Wonwoo was keeping his distance until Joshua was ready to
meet and talk to him. Whenever that would be.

By now, Joshua is about a little over four months pregnant, and he’s finally beginning to
show. It isn’t that obvious when Joshua wore sweaters and oversized shirts and button-ups, or
when he’s wearing a hoodie or jacket. But, Jeonghan can see the changes, especially since
they share the same room and bathroom, and Joshua could swear he could see a glimmer in
the young CEO’s eyes every time he chanced upon the baby bump, a small smile forming as
he watched Joshua look at himself in the mirror, or when he’s lying down in their bed,
pajamas failing to hide the slightly protruding belly.

One time over a week ago, Joshua was facing their full-length mirror in their walk-in closet,
his pajama shirt inched above his belly with one hand as he was checking to see the changes.
He turned to one side and another and saw the first physical signs of his body changing,
accommodating the baby growing inside his tummy. His free hand caressed his growing
belly, biting a smile with the realization that their little one is growing day by day.

He felt quite emotional, actually. As he began to see his stomach grow, the realization of the
life growing within him became more palpable, more real.

It’s one thing to see and read it in books and on patients he has worked with or seen go in and
out of the hospital or clinics, it’s another thing to experience it for himself.

Joshua was looking so intently at his tummy that he didn’t notice the shower turn off, the
door to the bathroom open, a half-naked Jeonghan finding Joshua in their walk-in closet,
observing the younger man with a fond look in his face as he leaned against the bathroom’s
door frame, arms crossed against his chest.
“You’re growing so well, little one,” hummed Joshua, unable to stop himself from smiling
ear to ear as he gently rubbed a soothing motion over his bump. “Please stop craving weird
things for papa, hmm?”

Jeonghan couldn’t hold back his chuckle at the last thing Joshua said, making his presence
known to the young doctor.

“Jeonghan!” Joshua exclaimed in surprise. “You’re done showering?”

The answer was obvious, but it was the first thing that came out of Joshua’s mouth, a defense
mechanism for being caught off guard. Of course, it didn’t help that Jeonghan was fresh off
the shower, skin glowing from the heat of the water, hair damp, leaning against the
doorframe, all smirking and shirtless, a towel over his lower half that failed to hide those
lines defining his abdominals, and those specific lines that draw lower and lower and
disappear where the absorbent cloth begins. God, Jeonghan looked so good (hot). Joshua
wasn’t sure for what reason his mind was short circuiting.

Jeonghan didn’t mind, answering with a simple nod.

“Don’t worry about your weird cravings,” grinned Jeonghan, pushing himself off the wall
and walking toward Joshua. “Daddy will get whatever you want.”

Daddy?!?!?

Jeonghan was now just a foot away from Joshua, both standing in front of the full-length
mirror.

“W-what?” Joshua stammered, the blood quickly rushing to his cheeks, unable to hide his
shock (or embarrassment, he’s not sure). Sure, over the past couple of weeks, Joshua could
tell something changed in their dynamics—Joshua would often cook food for Jeonghan (the
rest of the Yoon family included), waking up early and packing him lunch (the containers
would always come back empty so Joshua could only assume that Jeonghan happily
consumed everything), Jeonghan gave him a peck on the lips every now and then (discreetly,
or else they’ll never hear the end of it from grandma and Suryeon), and they find themselves
snuggling up to each other as they slept (they can’t help it, Joshua craved for Jeonghan’s
scent and Jeonghan always slept better holding Joshua in his arms).

And the mature adults that they were, they never really talked about it.

“Why are you so surprised?” Jeonghan snorted. “I’m our little one’s daddy, aren’t I?”

Joshua blinked, feeling utterly embarrassed.

“Why, Shuji?” Jeonghan raised a knowing brow. “Were you, perhaps,” fuck, “thinking I was
referring to being your daddy?”

“Wha—” Joshua choked on air. “No, of course n—”

“Because, I mean, I suppose I don’t really mind,” Jeonghan shrugged with an air of
nonchalance. “Admittedly, this wasn’t the kink I think you would have—”

“I—Kink? Wha—I don’t!”

Jeonghan eyed him, lips curved into a mischievous grin, as if telling Joshua, really?

“I don’t, Hannie—I swear, I—”

He felt like his inability to form coherent sentences was betraying him in the worst possible
way, and Jeonghan erupted in boisterous laughter, droplets of water spreading around him as
his head shook. “Shuji, calm down,” he cooed, his laughter slowly dissipating as a hand
propped against the counter where their expensive jewelry, watches, neck ties and belts were
housed. “I’m just kidding.”
Joshua’s frantic face turned into a pout, cheeks puffed out, displeased at being joked at like
that.

Jeonghan, on the other hand, wore a shit-eating grin. “I’m kidding, I promise.”

“You’re mean.”

“You’re cute.”

As if proving his point, Joshua pouted even harder.

“If you do have a kink, we should really talk abo—”

“Jeonghan!” Joshua instinctively shoved Jeonghan, with no actual force.

“Okay, I’ll stop,” Jeonghan giggled, amused.

Now, it was quiet, just them and their breathing, and suddenly, Joshua became hyperaware of
their proximity and Jeonghan’s lack of clothes. It was a good thing he was still a little flushed
from the earlier exchange as he tried to look anywhere but Jeonghan’s body, finally making
his way to Jeonghan’s warm, brown eyes, only to find that they were staring right back at
him.

Jeonghan was smiling, warm and soft, just like his eyes, as if he was looking at something he
found priceless and precious, a look of fondness that Joshua didn’t know what to do with. His
heart felt erratic, suddenly its beats becoming louder than the silence, a lump in his throat
wanting to be swallowed. Then, slowly, Jeonghan’s gaze moved down, but somehow
Joshua’s was still stuck where they were.

“Can I?” the silence was broken with Jeonghan soft voice, taking Joshua away from his
thoughts.
Joshua blinked. “C-can you what?”

It was only then that Joshua followed Jeonghan’s line of sight down to his belly that he had
been caressing all this time.

“Oh.”

“If you don’t mind, that is.”

“Uh… no, of course not—I mean—I don’t mind,” Joshua managed to say.

Their eyes met again, and this time, Joshua smiled, nodding, telling Jeonghan to go ahead.
The older man held out his hand and let it hover over Joshua’s. Joshua then removed his
hand, now both of his hands held his shirt up, just enough to show the small bump. Jeonghan
was reluctant, as if was about to touch a precious art piece in a French gallery that he wasn’t
supposed to.

Feeling his hesitance, Joshua gently took his hand, the touch making Jeonghan jump, and
guided it to his stomach. Jeonghan’s fingers made contact with Joshua’s stomach, slowly and
gently until it lay on top of Joshua’s tummy.

Joshua looked up to find Jeonghan looking intently at his hand over the baby bump, curious
and perplexed. It was the first time Jeonghan had asked to touch his stomach like this, to
really feel their little growing baby. And Joshua couldn’t help but feel some sense of
contentment at the sight, biting his lip unconsciously, relishing in the feeling of Jeonghan’s
skin over his belly where their baby is. It was like all three of them were connected at that
moment.

“Our baby is really growing,” Jeonghan mumbled, a small smile growing on his face.
Unconsciously, he started rubbing the tummy in an up and down motion, as if it would allow
him to feel more of their unborn child.
Joshua hummed, reeling in the feeling of Jeonghan’s motions. Warmth spread all over his
body— that kind of giggly warmth one feels at Christmas eve at the family table, or on one’s
birthday surprised by family and friends— and then, he realized, he was happy. In this
moment, Joshua was happy and content with Jeonghan and their baby.

As if thinking the same thing, they look up to meet each other’s eyes, mirroring each other’s
smile and blush.

They were now closer than just a foot, maybe mere inches away. Joshua suddenly aware of
the orange blossom smell he loved so much engulfing him, making him dizzy, making him
feel warm (not to be confused with the one earlier, no). He could feel the calloused hand of
Jeonghan move from his belly to his waist, the older man’s other hand doing the same to the
opposite side, centering Joshua.

He supposed he knew where this was going, but he couldn’t help but feel excited as Jeonghan
leaned in, pressing his lips against Joshua’s own. A perfect fit, Joshua would now like to brag
after all the kisses they’ve shared. It was chaste and gentle at first, just lips slotting against
each other, until Joshua wrapped his arms around Jeonghan’s neck, pulling him close and
deepening the kiss which Jeonghan happily obliged.

Now, a week later, Joshua had another appointment with Dr. Nam which he had (thankfully)
let Jeonghan know ahead of time. Jeonghan made sure not to (really, he told Soobin not to)
schedule anything during the time of the appointment.

It was an early appointment, Dr. Nam being a morning person and Joshua and Jeonghan
taking a few hours away from work for the routine checkup.

Joshua led Jeonghan toward the clinic when he noticed how Jeonghan paused at the door,
causing him to follow the older man’s line of sight to the name plate on the wall beside the
door.

“What’s wrong?” Joshua asked.

Jeonghan’s brows furrowed, contemplating. “Your OB is Dr. Nam Ilseong?”

“Yeah. He’s a good friend of my family,” Jeonghan made a weird face, causing Joshua to ask,
“Do you know him?”

Jeonghan doesn’t respond immediately, taking his eyes off the wall, turning to Joshua about
to speak. “Actually—”

“Dr. Hong Joshua?” the obstetrics department’s nurse currently assigned to Dr. Nam’s clinic
peered from the door, cutting Jeonghan before he could speak. “I thought I heard you, Dr.
Hong. Dr. Nam is inside already, you can come,” she smiled until she finally noticed the man
in the neatly pressed suit behind Joshua. “Oh, is he—”

“Ah,” smiled Joshua, a hand gesturing to the man behind him. “He’s my husband, nurse
Lee.”

“Oh!” she exclaimed in glee. “Well then, both of you can come in now.”

When they come in, Dr. Nam is busy on his phone, not immediately noticing their presence
until nurse Lee called his attention.

“Dr. Nam, Dr. Hong and his husband are here,” she said softly.

It was only then that Dr. Nam looked up, greeting Joshua with a smile. “Joshua,” he said
before his eyes moved to the slightly older man that was following the young doctor.

Joshua noticed how Dr. Nam’s expression change upon catching sight of Jeonghan. “Dr.
Nam, my husband,” Joshua gestured, “Yoon Jeonghan.”

Dr. Nam merely gave a small nod of acknowledgement while Jeonghan gave a respectful bow
of his head. “Ah, well,” Dr. Nam drawled. “Nice of you to finally make one of these check-
ups.”

The disinterest in Dr. Nam’s voice and the side comment made Joshua flinch. Dr. Nam hasn’t
had a good impression of Jeonghan because, well… Joshua hasn’t brought Jeonghan to his
previous check-ups. He felt quite guilty at the cold treatment Dr. Nam was giving his
husband because both instances were due to him not telling Jeonghan about the
appointments.

Joshua guiltily turned to look at Jeonghan who showed no sign of offense, instead Jeonghan
gave Joshua a small smile, a hand at the small of his back tapping him lightly as if to remind
him to sit down already.

Dr. Nam was now checking Joshua’s charts on the tablet and the computer. “So, Joshua, how
have you been feeling?”

This was standard as with his previous check-ups. Joshua openly narrated anything that might
be of important to note—discomfort, pain, unusual bowel movements, spotting—thankfully,
nothing to be concerned about.

“Alright, so the morning sickness has definitely decreased. That’s great to hear,” Dr. Nam
said with a smile as he stood up. “Now, let’s get an ultrasound?”

Joshua and Jeonghan follow Dr. Nam and nurse Lee to the attached room, and Joshua
positioned himself on the bed, lifting his sweater just enough for his baby bump to show.
Jeonghan stood on the other side of the bed, opposite Dr. Nam, offering Joshua a gentle smile
and a comforting hand. Joshua doesn’t think twice to take it, a sense of comfort and calm
overcoming him instantly that he doesn’t even hear latex gloves being worn and snapped
against skin.

The machines are on when they settle down and Dr. Nam is handed a bottle by nurse Lee.
“Okay, Joshua, let me pour on the gel now.”

Gel is then poured on Joshua’s belly, the cool feeling starling him but immediately relaxes
into it. Dr. Nam then placed the transducer atop his belly and began to move it around, the gel
spreading evenly around Joshua’s stomach. Slowly, an image began to form on the computer
screen.

“Hmm…” Dr. Nam hummed as he continued to move the transducer. “Well, there you go,
Joshua, Jeonghan.”

Joshua turned to look at the screen and he’s sure Jeonghan did the same at the mention of his
name.

“Can you see that? There’s your baby we can now see the crown and the limbs,” Dr. Nam
said happily. Sure enough, there on the screen was a more definitive shape of a small human
being, so small yet very much alive. “Everything looks good. The baby’s around twelve to
thirteen centimeters now, just about the size of a turnip!”

Dr. Nam’s voice was so excited, his expression so animated. It seemed like this was his
favorite part of being an OBGYN, telling expecting parents just how big the fetus is and
comparing them to fruits and vegetables.

Yes, his baby is now the size of a turnip. Something in that sentence, along with the image of
the baby on the screen, made him tear up.

Joshua almost forgot he was holding Jeonghan’s hand until he felt a light squeeze, making
him turn to face his husband. But to his surprise, Jeonghan’s gaze was fixed on the monitor,
he seemed simply entranced at the image of their baby. He didn’t have the heart to pull his
gaze away so he simply squeezed back.

“In a few weeks we can have a definitive reading of your baby’s sex,” Dr. Nam said as he set
the transducer aside. “If you want to know, that is.”

Joshua blinked as the nurse gave him a towel to wipe off the gel. “Oh, right.”

“We can set up an appointment for that.”

Joshua then turned to Jeonghan who looked at him equally unsure.

“We’ll talk about it, Dr. Nam,” Jeonghan answered, a smile on his face. “If we want to find
out, that is.”

Joshua nodded as well.

“Okay then,” Dr. Nam said. He left them in the attached room as Joshua fixed up, returning
to his table as he waited for them.

When Dr. Nam was seemingly out of earshot, Jeonghan finally let out a breath he seemed to
have been holding onto. “Wow,” was all he could say.

Joshua turned to him after fixing his sweater and sitting up. “Hmm?”

“It was—” Jeonghan said, trying to find the words to properly describe his feelings. “It was
amazing to see our baby on the monitor. I’ve read the books and I have an idea on what our
baby could look like at this stage, but… when the monitor showed—I was just—when I saw
—I couldn’t believe—did you feel like this all those times before?”

It was such a rare occurrence for Jeonghan to be unable to communicate clearly and
eloquently. He was always so good, so careful with his words to convey himself properly,
something he learned from his grandfather, a skill he needed to be a good entrepreneur. Yet,
here he was, stumbling on his words.

“Overwhelmed?” Joshua offered knowingly.

Jeonghan looked at him, his eyes a bit watery. “Overjoyed.”

Joshua took Jeonghan’s hand this time, squeezing them tightly. “Always. Scaringly all the
time.”

Then, taking Joshua by surprise, Jeonghan engulfed the young doctor in a tight hug.
“Jeonghan?”

“Sorry,” Jeonghan whispered.

“For what?” Joshua tried to say evenly, trying to calm his beating heart that he hoped
Jeonghan couldn’t feel against his own chest.

“For only accompanying you now,” Jeonghan said. “For letting you be overwhelmed alone.”

Joshua could feel tears prickling at the edge of his eyes. The words were so simple, nothing
grandiose or poetic, no literary declarations of love or anything. Yet his heart was pounding
so fast contradicting the sense of comfort overflowing within him with Jeonghan’s touch. He
liked this, so much. He internally wished they could stay like this for a really long time.

Why was he like this? What was these feelings that seemed to just grow as the months
passed? He’s felt this before, at the park near the hospital, at the kitchen in their home, at the
balcony of the restaurant on Minghao’s birthday, in their walk-in closet, in their bed. All
those times with Jeonghan. Only Jeonghan.

Perhaps he wouldn’t have let go from Jeonghan’s embrace had the nurse not called him. But
at least, he got a forehead kiss out of it.

Dr. Nam gave final reminders and a new prescription for Joshua’s pre-natal vitamins while,
every now and then he would eye Jeonghan, as if testing him if he were listening. Dr. Nam
might not show it, but Joshua thought his perception of Jeonghan could be changing.

“Alright, don’t forget everything I’ve told you, okay, Joshua?” it felt more like a nag, and
Joshua would have been annoyed, were it not for the fatherly way Dr. Nam always treated the
young doctor. “And you, Jeonghan,” he turned sharply to the CEO. “Take care of your
husband, make sure he eats healthily, sleeps enough and to avoid anything that would stress
him out.”

“Yes, Dr. Nam,” Jeonghan replied curtly.

“Okay, that would be all then. Nurse Lee will give you a copy of the prescription and the
sonogram.”

Dr. Nam stood up to leave to the attached room. Immediately, Joshua turned to Jeonghan and
asked, “Could you please wait for nurse Lee and get the prescription from her? I just need to
ask Dr. Nam something.”

Jeonghan nodded without any question and Joshua followed the old doctor inside the
attached room.

“Dr. Nam,” Joshua called out, causing Dr. Nam to turn.

“Is there something else I forgot to discuss?”

Joshua shook his head, moving closer to Dr. Nam, wanting to be out of earshot of Jeonghan
and nurse Lee. “I have a question.”

Dr. Nam then turned to fully face Joshua, waiting curiously for the query, his posture telling
Joshua to ask away.

“Um… I don’t know how to say this—”

“Don’t be shy now, I’m your OBGYN, there’s nothing that can surprise me at this point,
Joshua,” Dr. Nam encouraged.
“Uh… well… You see, lately—or the past weeks—I’ve been feeling a bit… bothered,”
Joshua tried to explain without much success. Dr. Nam looked confused.

“Are you feeling any discomfort?”

Joshua shook his head eagerly. “No, no. It’s not really that, Dr. Nam. It’s more of… I get a
little—um—frustrated? Like my body, it’s…”

At that point, Dr. Nam seemed to get the picture. “My god, Joshua, you’re a doctor. You can
say horny if you want to.”

“Dr. Nam!” Joshua exclaimed in hushed tones, afraid Jeonghan could hear. “You don’t have
to put it that way.”

Dr. Nam rolled his eyes, something Joshua had never seen him do before. “You already know
how the change in a pregnant person’s blood flow can increase arousal, and there is the
increase of certain hormones that cause your libido to increase. It’s nothing you don’t already
know, Joshua.”

The way Dr. Nam said it so casually made Joshua feel even more embarrassed. He did know
that, but what he wanted to know was—

“But what can I do about it?” Joshua’s voice turned into something more urgent, pleading.
“There are just times when I feel so bothered and uncomfortable. Honestly, Dr. Nam,
sometimes it can get more uncomfortable than morning sickness.”

Dr. Nam looked at him with a disappointed gaze, as if the answer was so obvious.

“Joshua, want to know how you can be relieved of that discomfort? Have sex with your
husband.”
“Dr. Nam!” Joshua felt scandalized.

“What? There’s nothing wrong with having sex while pregnant if you have no complications.
Based on your check-up, sex should be fine. Nothing too rough, and if you feel any strange
kind of pain, then you stop.”

“But—”

Dr. Nam sighed again. “Just have sex. You’re married and are already pregnant. What’s the
worst that could happen?”

Joshua was left stunned as Dr. Nam turned his back and walked to exit the attached room. It
was true. He was married to the other father of his child, he was already pregnant, they’ve
already had sex before (obviously). He can’t just ask Jeonghan to have sex (yes, it’s silly to
think of that way considering that’s exactly how they had sex in the first place).

“Shua,” he twitched at the familiar voice. “Are you done?”

He turned to see Jeonghan holding the pieces of paper and realized he must have been
standing all alone in his thoughts for a while now. Joshua walked toward Jeonghan who was
waiting for him, a smile on his face, a hand outstretched toward him as if holding hands was
something they’ve been doing for a long time. It’s not, and yet, as Joshua reached out to grab
it, thinking it’s the most natural thing in the world.

They walk the hallways of the obstetrics wing, Jeonghan letting Joshua know of his schedule
that day and how he’ll be home in time for dinner tonight. Joshua nodded, feeling thankful
Jeonghan never asked about what he asked Dr. Nam.

They reached a busy hallway, almost near the lobby when someone called out for Joshua,
causing both of them to turn to the source.
“Joshua-hyung!”

A tall, smiling Seokmin greeted them.

“Wow, it’s so great to see you!” the younger doctor beamed. “I’ve been on night shift for the
past weeks that I never get to catch you on shift.”

“Oh yeah,” smiled Joshua apologetically. “I’ve missed you quite a bit, Seok.”

Seokmin smiled as bright as the sun. “We have so much to catch up on, but first, hyung,”
Seokmin then leaned in to whisper, “Aren’t you going to introduce me to…”

He trailed until Joshua realized what he meant.

“Oh! Right, Seokmin, this is my husband, Yoon Jeonghan,” Joshua said before turning to
Jeonghan who was patiently waiting by his side. “Jeonghan, this is my colleague and friend, a
dongsaeng, Dr. Lee Seokmin.”

Seokmin beamed at the introduction. “I’ve been wanting to meet the man who finally made
Shua-hyung have sex—”

“Seokmin!” Joshua chided, embarrassed, but Seokmin simply giggled mischievously.

“Just kidding, hyung.”

“Nice to meet you, Dr. Lee—”

“Just call me Seokmin,” Seokmin smiled. “Joshua-hyung is like an older brother, he’s taken
such great care of me, honestly I don’t know how I would have survived in this hospital
without him and Jun-hyung.”

“Oh, you’re friends with Jun too?”

Seokmin nodded eagerly.

“Then, just call me hyung.”

Seokmin’s jaw dropped in surprise. “Really?”

Jeonghan simply nodded. “You’re my husband’s good friend and dongsaeng. You’re also
close with Jun. I think I’d be more comfortable if you just called me hyung too.”

Seokmin was obviously biting his lips to prevent a wide grin from spreading across his
cheeks. “Then, I’ll call you hyung, Jeonghan-hyung!”

Jeonghan smiled. “Oh, but you’ll have to excuse me. I have to leave for work now.”

“Oh, you’re going already?”

Jeonghan smiled, nodding. “Don’t see me out, I’ll go ahead,” Jeonghan placed a chaste kiss
on Joshua’s forehead, the public display making the younger man blush in surprise. “I’ll see
you at home.”

When Jeonghan was no longer visible, he could feel Seokmin cling to him eagerly like a
koala. They began walking to the resident’s locker room so Joshua could prepare for his shift.
“Oh my god, hyung!” Seokmin exclaimed loudly. “I mean, I’ve seen pictures of your
husband online, but, god, they don’t do him justice!”
Joshua had to agree, though he didn’t say it out loud.

“I can’t believe you’re married, and I can’t believe you’re married to him,” Seokmin
continued excitedly. “But it makes sense, you know. You guys look absolutely gorgeous
together. And the fond look he gave you before kissing your forehead? I’ve never wanted to
be in a relationship until I saw you too just now.”

“Seokmin, you’re exaggerating.”

“Yes, I am. I don’t want to be in a relationship,” Seokmin said immediately. “Especially not
after that god-awful experience with my Tinder date a few years back.”

“Huh? What Tinder date?”

“Oh, I haven’t told you about it?” Seokmin pull them into a stop at a near-empty hallway. “A
couple of years back, I was tempted to try dating for real. So, I went on Tinder—and before
you say anything, yes, I know that’s not what you use Tinder for. But I wanted sex too, a date
and sex.” Leave it to Seokmin to make sure that if he doesn’t get a potential relationship, at
least he gets laid. “Well, anyway. The date started out nice, he seemed like a nice guy, sweet,
a good listener, quite goofy even, just like me.”

“Hmm, seems like a catch.”

“Oh, no. It was going fine until we had to pay the bill. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the type
to ask my date to pay for me, not that I’ve had much experience in dating. But, hyung,”
Seokmin’s eyes turned wide animatedly as he recalled the incident. “I left my wallet. I swear,
I didn’t mean it, but all my cards and cash were there. So, I asked him, kindly, if he could foot
the bill. I apologized because I honestly left my wallet unintentionally, but he scoffed at me.
He asked if I was for real. He told me I chose such an expensive restaurant and conveniently
forgot my wallet?”

Joshua shrugged, pulling Seokmin to continue walking. “I mean, you did forget your wallet.”
“I told him I’d wire him the money, but he didn’t believe me. Thought I was rude. Well, he
was just as rude!”

Joshua chuckled at his friend’s strong feelings at the memory.

“God, dating was so tiring. Never tried it again. Just casual sex from then on.”

“Hmm, you say that, but,” Joshua hummed contemplatively, “One thing I learned is, you
never know what the future holds for you.”

Seokming shrugged, still clinging to Joshua. “Maybe. But I hope I’d never date someone like
him again. If I ever decide to try dating again.”

They turned the last corner near their locker room and, to Joshua’s dismay, he is met with Dr.
Jo. He’s been able to successfully avoid Dr. Jo for the past month being assigned to less
heavy tasks and working mostly on research and diagnosis under the cardiothoracic
department head’s tutelage. Unfortunately, today Joshua wasn’t so lucky.

“Ah, well, if it isn’t the great Dr. Hong,” Dr. Jo went straight to mocking as if it were his
most enjoyable pass time. Joshua honestly doesn’t know what got him the ire of the
professor. The residents following Dr. Jo weren’t as eager though, reluctant to join along.
“Still strolling around instead of preparing for your shift?”

Despite the obvious dig at Joshua, he still politely bowed at his senior, along with Seokmin
who felt a little tense, not wanting to add any more ammunition for the old man to use against
him.

“Pregnancy looks good on you, especially since you get to stay in the surgery program
without doing any actual surgery.”

Joshua bit his tongue to prevent him from saying anything he might regret back.
“Dr. Hong, don’t you think you’re being too much?” Dr. Jo asked, not really expecting a
reply. “Taking up a resident’s slot in the surgery program when it could have been filled by
someone who’s actually able to do the work?”

“Dr. Jo, I’m sorry if you think that way—”

Dr. Jo tsked, not letting Joshua speak. “But I guess that’s your privilege as a Hong, must be
nice, right?”

Joshua’s lips thinned into a straight line, not letting the words get to him.

“You can get pregnant and not really work,” Dr. Jo snickered, words laced with venom.
“Some residents would terminate their pregnancy considering that to be a hindrance to their
career, but you—”

“Are you telling my husband that he should have aborted our child?” a cold voice suddenly
appeared, and Joshua turned to see the familiar form of Yoon Jeonghan, his expression
unreadable. He walked toward Joshua but looked directly at Dr. Jo’s eyes.

Dr. Jo was frozen in place, caught off guard by the sudden appearance of the young CEO.

Jeonghan repeated, more clearly and coldly, “You’re telling my husband that he should have
aborted the heir to the Yoon Group and the first grandchild of the Hong Group. Is that what
you’re saying, Dr…” Jeonghan then eyed the name on the white coat, “Jo?”

“You’re…”

“Yoon Jeonghan.”

Dr. Jo visibly gulped.

“Dr. Jo,” Jeonghan called, his voice unable to hide the disgust and annoyance. “You haven’t
answered my question.”

“Mr. Yoon—”

“Ah… so you know who I am,” Jeonghan said, it was his turn to use a mocking tone. “I think
I know who you are, Dr. Jo. The second son-in-law of CEO Moon of Moonshin Manpower.”

Dr. Jo visibly gulped.

“Mr. Yoon, I wasn’t saying that at all—”

“I wonder what your father-in-law will say if I suddenly terminate all our contractor
agreements with him—”

“Mr. Yoon!”

But Jeonghan was not the least bit scared of the old man’s raised voice and reddened face. Dr.
Jo almost looked splotchy now.

“How dare you insult Dr. Hong like that? Did you think you could get away with insulting a
person to the point of bullying them just because you hold a rank higher than them? Or that
they should just take all your crap as they’re just residents or so as not scandalize the Hong
name?”

“I was merely disciplining my residents, Mr. Yoon. I think I have that authority here.”

“I thought Dr. Hong was not performing any surgery-heavy tasks and was not in your service
—”
“He’s still part of the cardiothoracic surgery department!”

“He’s not part of your service,” Jeonghan did not back down and the tension was rising.
Joshua couldn’t help but tug at his husbands arm, wanting to break the tension before any
more people arrive at the hallway. Jeonghan turned to look at his husband’s frantic face,
causing his own to soften.

Jeonghan smiled, hoping to ease Joshua’s worries, before he turned to face Dr. Jo again.

“I don’t take kindly to any threat to my husband or my child’s safety, Dr. Jo. You insinuating
—”

“There was no such thing—”

“—anything like that again, and I will not be so merciful.”

Jeonghan didn’t wait for Dr. Jo to respond, urging Joshua to move along, and Seokmin
nervously followed, avoiding Dr. Jo like a plague as they move past him and his team of
residents. They entered the locker room which was conveniently empty while Seokmin knew
it was time to give the couple their privacy.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Joshua smiled. Dr. Jo’s insults and tirades were nothing new, although his words
became harsher and harsher as time passed by. “I thought you left.”

“Oh,” Jeonghan remembered the paper bag he was holding. “I forgot I asked the driver to buy
you food from the restaurant you liked while we were having the check-up. I came back to
give this to you.”
Joshua took the paper bag, recognizing the logo on it. “Thanks,” he said softly.

“Does he always bully you like that?”

Joshua shrugged. “I try to avoid him as much as I can. He used to be just a mean boss before,
but he’s been a lot crueler ever since I got pregnant. He thinks I’ve been receiving too much
special privileges.”

Jeonghan frowned. “Still, he had no right to say those things to you.”

“I’m a little bit used to it.”

And for a second time that day, he is caged into Jeonghan’s secure embrace. Yet again,
Joshua’s heart skipped a beat, erratic, frantic, just before settling down into an even pace, or
that’s what he felt like as he melted into Jeonghan’s touch.

“Those words can still cut deep.”

Joshua hummed, smiling against Jeonghan’s shoulder as he encircles his own arms over
Jeonghan’s waist, pulling him impossibly closer. “You’re making it all better right now, if I’m
being honest.”

That night, they sit comfortably on their sofa at the nook in their room, facing the television
Jeonghan intentionally left open for some white noise. Jeonghan was reading a report for
Henggarae, as he usually did at night. Except, tonight he decided to do in their room than in
the study. Joshua was reading a book, one of the pregnancy books he bought online and
recommended by Dr. Nam.

“Shua,” Jeonghan called, setting his report down.

He was wearing plain white shirt and sweatpants, and his round-rimmed glasses, something
Joshua only saw use when working. Somehow, the whole look made him seem even more
attractive, Joshua thought to himself. Fuck. Joshua tried to bury those thoughts, but helplessly
failed because suddenly, all of Dr. Nam’s words came flooding back.

Have sex with your husband.

“Shua, you okay?” Jeonghan’s voice pulled him back.

“Uh, yeah, what were you saying?”

Jeonghan looked at him suspiciously but decided to believe Joshua. “There’s an emergency in
our distribution center in Hong Kong, I need to take an urgent trip there tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Joshua said, a sudden surge of sadness flowing through his body. “I hope everything is
okay.”

Jeonghan sighed, he seemed pretty stressed about it. “I’ll get to assess the situation when I
get there tomorrow. Hopefully, it’s something we can remediate immediately.”

“How long will you be in Hong Kong?”

“I’m not sure, I’m sorry,” Jeonghan said apologetically. “If the problem is fixed easily,
hopefully no more than three to four days.”

“Oh.”

That’s pretty long.

It’s not like Joshua can’t take care of himself. Before being married to Jeonghan and living
with the Yoons, he’s been living on his own. So, why does the thought of spending the next
few days without Jeonghan make him feel sad?

As if reading his worries, Jeonghan reassured, “Don’t worry, aunt Suryeon will be here to
help you if you need anything. I’ll ask Soonyoung to check up on—”

“It’s okay, I understand,” Joshua smiled sincerely. “You need to attend to this urgently, I’m
sure it’s very important. I understand.”

Jeonghan smiled in return.

“I’ll return as soon as I can, okay?”

Joshua tried not to seem too sulky, “Okay.”

“Let me know what you want from Hong Kong, I’ll get that for you.”

“Nothing I can think of.”

“But if you do, just let me know. Maybe you’ll crave something in the next few days,”
Jeonghan said as a joke.

Joshua mumbled, “But it’s not like you can get whatever I crave for on the same day if you’re
outside the country.”

It wasn’t meant to be heard, but it was anyway.

“Are you sulking?”

But Joshua just turned his face further away from Jeonghan’s line of sight.

“Hey, now, if you’re craving anything just tell me, still. I’ll have someone get that for you,
promise.”

“It’s fine,” Joshua said almost begrudgingly.

Jeonghan just chuckled. “Didn’t know you had this side to you, Shuji.”

“What side?”

Jeonghan grinned. “One that sounds like you’ll miss me.”

“So what if I will?” he mumbled out loud.

Shit. He said it faster than he could think about it. Fuck. He can’t take it back now, not when
Jeonghan clearly heard it, his smirk turning into surprise and then into… another grin?

“Is that our baby talking again or is it you?”

Joshua pouted, blush creeping to his cheeks, unable (read: too embarrassed) to respond. He
turned away from Jeonghan, facing the television instead ignoring the question.

“Shit, Shua. You’re so adorable, you make me want to kiss you.”

He turned to Jeonghan, almost whipping his head at the speed. One would think that, at the
amount of times they’ve kissed, words like those wouldn’t fluster Joshua anymore. And yet,
here he was, beet red and gulping at the sight of Jeonghan in his glasses and white shirt, but
ultimately his eyes landed on how Jeonghan was biting his lips like he was hungry.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Jeonghan said, his voice an octave lower.

But Joshua couldn’t focus on anything except Jeonghan’s lips.

“Like what?”

“Like you want to kiss me too.”

He was caught, there was no need to deny it at this point. Breathlessly, he said, “I do.”

That was all that Jeonghan needed to dive in, his glasses already set aside so as to avoid
getting broken, holding Joshua’s face with one hand and kissing him with intent and fervor. It
started out slow, similar to their kiss a week ago, Jeonghan trying to match Joshua’s rhythm,
his hands steadying Joshua’s waist through his silk pajamas. But, Joshua was hungry, pulling
Jeonghan in to deepen the kiss which the latter was very much willing to comply. Jeonghan
then bit Joshua’s lower lip to make them part, making entry for his tongue to take charge.

It was only a matter of time until their kiss turned sloppy, Jeonghan sucking on Joshua’s
tongue, drawing out a moan from the younger man. As if triggering something in him,
Jeonghan pulled away, using the opportunity to catch their breaths, tugging on Joshua’s waist
with his one hand and tapping his lap with another.

“Sit here,” he instructed, voice ragged.

Joshua was eager to oblige, straddling Jeonghan immediately, papers, folders and books long
forgotten. Jeonghan captured Joshua’s lips once again while his hands busily massaged
Joshua’s sides and thighs. It’s been a while.
It wasn’t long until Jeonghan moved from Joshua’s mouth to his jaw and down to Joshua’s
neck, leaving a wet trail behind. Jeonghan sucked at a place just below Joshua’s ear, a
sensitive spot he already knew from past long heated nights. Joshua exhaled breathlessly at
the sensation, the heat he had been feeling for the past few weeks had never been more
unbearable than right now.

“Jeonghan,” Joshua practically moaned.

The CEO hummed against Joshua’s supple skin at the hollow of his neck.

Joshua doesn’t even realize that he was already grinding on Jeonghan clothed thigh,
frustrated at the pool of warmth at the pit of his stomach wanting release. On the other hand,
Jeonghan’s hands were focused elsewhere, making their way under Joshua’s pajama shirt and
making contact with skin. Rubbing his sides at first, Jeonghan’s hands make their way up,
calloused hands brushing past Joshua’s sensitive nubs, eliciting a drawn out moan.

“Fuck, Jeonghan,” Joshua continued to grind until his movements caused him to center on
Jeonghan’s growing hard on.

Jeonghan groaned, his lips detaching from Joshua’s neck (where he was busy leaving a
mark). Suddenly, realization hit him.

“Shuji,” he said, but Joshua continued to grind, wanting to feel good. “Shuji—Shua!”

Joshua stopped, frustrated and annoyed.

“Jeonghan, please, can we?” his eyes were dazed and near tears.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea—”

“Do you not want to?” Joshua frowned, his confidence waning.

Jeonghan was quick to respond. “No, no—god, I want to, Shuji. I just… I don’t want to hurt
you. You’re pregnant.”

“It’s okay,” Joshua whispered. “Pregnant people can have sex, Jeonghan.”

Joshua can feel Jeonghan’s resolve start to dwindle as he tried his luck moving his hips.
Jeonghan grunted at the friction between the hardened cocks, so he held Joshua in place
again.

“Joshua—wait. This could be dangerous for you and the baby.”

“Dr. Nam said it was okay,” Joshua urged, his voice becoming more strained by the desire for
relief. “I asked him, a while ago.”

This surprised Jeonghan given the confused expression he wore. “You did?”

Feeling a bit embarrassed at the admission, Joshua buried his face on Jeonghan’s neck before
saying, “Yes. I did. I’ve been… frustrated for a while now, Jeonghan. He said it was okay.
Just… nothing too rough. So, please. Can you please do something about this?”

“Fuck,” Jeonghan groaned. “You’re sure you want to do this?”

Joshua pulled himself away to face Jeonghan’s gaze. “Yes, Jeonghan. I’m sure.”

Jeonghan dove in once again, kissing Joshua passionately, like he’s been deprived for so long.
Joshua is eager to reciprocate, pulling Jeonghan close. Kissing Jeonghan was hypnotizing,
everything else around Joshua fades almost instantly, so he doesn’t realize when Jeonghan
has carried them to the bed until he was made to comfortably lie down.
“Fuck, Shua,” Jeonghan pulled away, now looking at Joshua, all panting and needy. “Are we
really doing this?”

“Jeonghan,” Joshua said, his voice heady. “I want you.”

It doesn’t take long for them to lose their clothes in kisses and touches, baring it all for each
other once again.

“I don’t want to be finished off by your hands, Jeonghan, please. I want you in me,” Joshua
whined as Jeonghan stopped his ministrations on their dicks, ending the foreplay.

“Okay, okay,” Jeonghan soothed, giving Joshua another wet and sloppy kiss before moving
away to the side. Jeonghan took the lube from his bedside drawer before making his way to
the waiting Joshua, propped against the pillows carefully supporting him. Jeonghan wanted
this to be as comfortable for Joshua as possible. “I’ll prep you, okay?”

Joshua nodded as he watched Jeonghan coat his fingers with the thick liquid and spreading
his legs. Jeonghan generously poured an amount by Joshua’s entrance, the cold sensation
making him shiver. Jeonghan’s other hand massaged Joshua’s thigh, urging him to relax as
his finger met Joshua’s tight entrance, rubbing circles over it before finally breaching in.
Joshua gasps at the sensation, the pain was just as he remembered it, but his desire for release
was stronger.

Still, Jeonghan leaned in, kissing Joshua again, his other hand rubbing his nipple, distracting
Joshua from the pain that he didn’t notice how Jeonghan inserted a second finger. Jeonghan’s
fingers slid in and out, and then he made scissoring movements, trying to loosen Joshua’s
walls to make the penetration easier later for Joshua.

“Hannie,” Joshua moaned when Jeonghan curved his fingers inside him. “You can add
another one.” Jeonghan did just that, adding another finger to stretch out Joshua more, until
Joshua felt that he was ready.
Jeonghan was about to take a condom from his drawer when Joshua stopped him.

“I’m already pregnant, Jeonghan,” Joshua giggled. “Not sure what we’ll need the condom for.
We’re both clean anyway.”

Joshua was right and he was a little eager to feel Jeonghan’s rawness inside him, if he were
being honest.

“Please, Jeonghan,” Joshua said, calling Jeonghan’s attention.

The older one leaned in to kiss Joshua again, Joshua was beginning to think Jeonghan loved
kissing a little too much, but it wasn’t like Joshua minded. Jeonghan lined his cock at
Joshua’s entrance, and slowly let himself enter.

Joshua let out a helpless moan, pain and pleasure mixing in all at once, igniting his body and
setting it aflame. Jeonghan wanted to take his time, the tightness making it hard for him, but
he was more focused on making sure Joshua didn’t hurt in any way more than necessary and
in any manner that could harm their baby.

He bottomed out, causing both of them to moan at the sensation. Joshua could feel his body
burn, every nerve was on fire and Jeonghan hasn’t even moved. He loved the feeling, he
loved what Jeonghan could make his body feel.

“You can move now, Hannie.”

So, Jeonghan did. Slowly at first, and this caused Joshua to feel every drag of Jeonghan’s
dick out and inside him, every curve, every vein, Joshua could feel it against his walls. It was
driving him crazy. Jeonghan was also trying his best to keep his cool, wanting to set a steady
rhythm for the both of them. But the way Joshua moaned his name, saying it like a prayer,
panting and breathless under him—it was taking all of him not to ruin Joshua with his touch.

“Hannie—ah—ungh—faster, please—” Joshua managed in between ragged breaths.

“Fuck, Shuji—so tight—so good,” Jeonghan said in between snaps of his hips, picking up the
pace as Joshua insisted.

“Kiss—” Joshua begged.

Jeonghan leaned down, first kissing Joshua chest, sucking at random places, then at his
neglected nipples, a small bite which caused Joshua to shiver beneath him, before moving to
his neck filled with red patches already, and finally locking lips with Joshua again.

One particular thrust, however, caused Joshua to almost scream, back arching in pleasure,
chanting Jeonghan to hit the same spot over and over again. Jeonghan held him tight, as if he
were holding on for dear life, so tight that Joshua couldn’t tell where his limbs began and
where Jeonghan’s ended.

The white noise of the television had been completely forgotten, and all Joshua could hear
with the little lucidity he had left were their lewd and obscene noises, the slapping of skin
against skin, the squelching noises between their heat, his own loud moans that felt distinct
from himself—he loved it all.

“Hannie,” he prayed, holding on to Jeonghan’s back so tightly as if it were his only grip with
reality. “S’ close—”

“Let go, baby. Cum for me,” Jeonghan panted as his free hand moved in between their
bodies, gripping Joshua’s neglected and throbbing dick, pumping it to completion.

Joshua couldn’t tell if it were the new endearment he heard Jeonghan use for the first time, or
the way Jeonghan told him to come. But in a matter of seconds, he can feel the tight coil in
his abdomen finally break free, his back arched, leaving no gap between his and Jeonghan’s
chest, head thrown back, eyes only seeing white. Every fiber of his body was on fire, yet he
felt no pain, only bliss. Jeonghan let him ride his high, continuing to pump his cock, cum shot
in between their bodies, until Joshua laid limp and breathless.
A whine escaped Joshua’s lips as he could feel Jeonghan’s cock slip out from inside him, his
nerves electrifying. He opened his eyes as much as he can as he watched Jeonghan relieve
himself, spilling his own cum on their blanket. Then he let himself lay beside Joshua,
catching their breaths as they allow themselves to take in what happened.

“Are you okay?” Jeonghan asked after a few minutes of restful silence, turning to face
Joshua. “Are you hurt anywhere?”

It took a while longer for Joshua to answer, evening out his breathing. “I’m okay, Hannie,”
Joshua turned to face Jeonghan ever so slightly. “I’m okay, really. It felt so good.”

Jeonghan couldn’t help but grin, yet he didn’t tease Joshua any more than necessary. Inching
closer, he moved to cup Joshua’s cheeks, thumb rubbing against his cheekbone affectionately.
“I’m glad.”

He closed the gap for another kiss, this time gentler, less urgent, but it still sent shivers down
Joshua’s spine. He felt that same overwhelming sense of happiness earlier today as he stared
into Jeonghan eyes as they part.

“Jeonghan, I—”

Love you.

The last two words were caught in his throat, this time his control was faster than his mouth.
Did he really just think that? Did he really just want to tell Jeonghan he loved him?

Wait. Pause.

“Hmm?”

Jeonghan was waiting.

 “I—” love you. Fuck. “I feel sticky.”

Jeonghan giggled. Joshua loved it. Fuck.

“Alright, I’ll clean us up and change the sheets.”

Chapter End Notes

Happy jihan day! Share your thoughts!!

 Chapter 12
Chapter Notes

Hello! Thank you for being patient with me! It's been a very busy few weeks at work.

So, here's a new chapter. Included some smut because I was so jihan deprived lately that
I felt like writing one, also because there won't be much of that for a while. Hehe.

Please know I appreciate all your comments and support!

As usual, please note I'm not in the medical field so some things may likely be
inaccurate. Please forgive my typos and grammatical errors, I try to proofread but I still
miss some (or a lot). Hope you enjoy this one!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

They slept in tangled limbs under new, fresh sheets.

After their activity last night, Joshua felt very much satisfied, especially after cleaning up in
their bathtub. He slept comfortably in Jeonghan’s oversized shirt and wrapped in Jeonghan’s
arms, the scent of orange blossoms lulling him to slumber, easily putting his thoughts of love
at the back of his mind to give way to weariness.

When consciousness started to take over, the early signs of the morning seeping through the
room in the form of noises outside the window, Joshua began to stir, slowly opening his eyes,
finding himself nuzzled against his husband’s bare chest, taking in his scent, hand pressed
against taut muscles, and the events of the night before flooding back into his thoughts. At
the thought of the heated night before, he could feel the soreness in the lower half of his
body. No matter how gentle Jeonghan was (and he was so lovely and gentle, Joshua thought),
he was still going to feel sore given how long it has been since he last had sex.

Joshua couldn’t help but smile to himself, a tingly feeling rushing through his body as his
fingers began mindlessly tracing the muscles of his pectorals.

He looked up at the sleeping face of the older man, his usually stern, CEO façade, rendered
angelic by slumber, a face sculpted and favored by the gods. Joshua thought he could stare at
it all morning if Jeonghan allowed him to. Jeonghan’s sharp edges, the ones that other people
saw most of the time, Joshua had realized, were always softened with Joshua. It felt as if only
Joshua was allowed to see, to experience, to know this version of Jeonghan.

An overwhelming urge to cherish that privilege seeped through Joshua’s veins. This is what
he wanted. He is what’s his.
It was only a little past five in the morning, they still have enough time to put in more sleep,
but something stirred inside Joshua just as Jeonghan seemed to slowly begin to awaken.

“Hmm,” Jeonghan hummed without opening his eyes. “Sleep some more, Shuji.”

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

There was a light nod of the head. “Can’t help it when you touch my bare skin like that.”

Only then did Joshua realize that his fingers were still drawing unidentifiable shapes on
Jeonghan’s chest. “Oops,” Joshua chuckled playfully, stopping his unconscious movements
and letting his hand lay flat on Jeonghan chest. As they laid there in silence, Joshua thought
he could feel Jeonghan’s heartbeat in his hands.

“Can’t sleep anymore?” Jeonghan finally turned a bit toward Joshua, eyes opening, and they
meet eye to eye.

“No,” Joshua whispered.

“You should try,” yawned Jeonghan, his hand now glazing against Joshua’s cheek. “You can
probably have another hour of sleep before you have to prepare for work. Dr. Nam did say
you should always be well-rested.”

A smile crept up on Joshua’s face hearing Jeonghan speak on his welfare. In the last couple
of months that they’ve been married, everything seemed like they were slowly falling into
place. While he’s not sure what the finished puzzle looked like, he just felt that this is where
he belonged and where he wanted to stay in for a very, very long time.

“I’ll leave for the airport around eleven,” Jeonghan said as if reciting his schedule for the day.

The reminder, however, dampened Joshua’s chipper mood. Right. Jeonghan will be leaving
for a couple of days on travel. He really shouldn’t be too bothered about it, as the CEO,
Jeonghan will always be flying around and needed in places where Yoon Group operated.
Perhaps the lack of travel for the past few months was a conscious effort to allow them to
adjust into the married life.

Joshua continued to look in Jeonghan’s eyes, and he could tell his eyes probably betrayed
him, reflecting what he really felt inside as he observed Jeonghan’s features soften.
Jeonghan’s hand moved down from his face to under the blankets, falling on top of Joshua’s
hip, rubbing soothing motions over the thin fabric of the shirt.

“Hey, it’ll be a quick trip. I’ll be back before you know it,” Jeonghan said softly. “You’re cute
when you sulk, but I’d rather you not. I hate the idea that you’re sad or annoyed at me.”

Joshua could burst right now.

“Your ego’s so inflated, Yoon Jeonghan,” Joshua said, trying to hide the blush he could feel
was coming. “Not everything is about you.”
Jeonghan chuckled. “Well, who wouldn’t get an inflated ego if someone like you admitted
you’d miss me.”

“I never admitted to anything,” Joshua pouted.

“Sure, you did. Last night.”

“It was a hypothetical question suggesting a possible situation of me missing you,” Joshua
defended. “No admission was made.”

Jeonghan grinned. “Well, I could say it was implied.”

“Then you’d be assuming.”

It was nice, Joshua thought, how they could talk and banter like this and be comfortable in
each other’s presence, whether they’d be talking about random things or basking in silence.

“Come on, sleep some more.”

Joshua shook his head, he really didn’t feel like sleeping right now. Especially not when he
knew Jeonghan would have to leave in the next few hours and it’ll take days for him to
return. He could feel Jeonghan’s hand move dangerously close to his bare thighs, unsure if he
was teasing or not. But he decided—

“I can think of something better to do than sleep,” Joshua said softly, barely above a whisper
as his own hands moved from Jeonghan’s chest, sliding up slowly to the older man’s
shoulders, and finally, fingers locking behind Jeonghan’s neck. Next, Joshua’s eyes travelled
from staring at Jeonghan’s own brown ones, down to his prominent nose and finally to those
luscious lips.

Perhaps Jeonghan thought the same when he saw Jeonghan lick his lip, so, bravely, he pulled
the older man toward him, tilting his head to the side, locking their lips together. The kiss
started slow, carefully moving over lips that were just swollen a few hours ago. It was mostly
teeth until Jeonghan sucked on Joshua’s lower lip, making Joshua part his lips in a breathless
moan, pulling Jeonghan in more. Jeonghan doesn’t waste the opportunity to dive inside,
tongue sweeping every corner of Joshua’s mouth it could reach.

Jeonghan’s curious hand makes its way to Joshua’s bare thigh, caressing and tracing invisible
lines, the sensation exciting Joshua’s senses. Not satisfied with the contact, Joshua pressed
himself against Jeonghan’s chest, causing the latter’s hand to move behind to Joshua’s butt
cheek and instinctively giving it a squeeze.

Joshua moans at the action, taking the chance to pull apart and catch air.

Jeonghan licked his lips. “I’m not complaining or anything,” he panted, catching his breath.
“Last night was quite a surprise. What’s with all this… drive?”

“What do you mean?”

“I think I know where you want this to lead,” he said softly, trying not to sound too
accusatory or teasing. Jeonghan brushed his fingers along the hair falling on Joshua’s
forehead.

“Oh,” Joshua blushed, and paused to think. “I mean, I can explain the science of it all.
Hormones and what not.”

Jeonghan chuckled. “You’re telling me that your pregnancy hormones are making you
horny?” the Yoon heir leaned in, lips hovering over Joshua’s in a ghostly touch, teasing but
wanting.

Joshua shivered. “Yes. It helps that you’re very, very attractive, too.”

There were words that hung in the air that only Joshua knew, but now was not the time to
dwell on that.

“Well,” Jeonghan gave him another squeeze, causing Joshua to squeal. “I’d be glad to be of
service then.”

They’re back into devouring each other’s mouths, messier than earlier, hungrier than earlier.
Jeonghan moved away, down to Joshua’s exposed neck, proof of last night’s events evident
and on display. His lips lingered over a mark between the neck and the shoulder and latched
on, licking and sucking like he remembered, wanting to drive a reaction from Joshua, and he
did, as Joshua let out sound in between a gasp and a moan, pleasing Jeonghan. He gave that
spot one last small bite before moving back up to capture Joshua’s mouth.

“Jeonghan,” Joshua breathed in between open-mouthed kisses. “I need—”

And as if reading his mind, Jeonghan placed his thigh in between Joshua’s legs, pulling them
apart with his hand that is now behind Joshua’s thigh. Jeonghan then proceeded to push his
clothed leg against Joshua’s naked crotch, feeling it already hardened, making Joshua
whimper at the contact. Jeonghan pressed again, then rubbed, sensation changing between
pressure and friction.

“Ah—fuck—” Joshua cried and whimpered at the sensation as he pulled on Jeonghan’s hair,
making the latter groan.

At this point, they were still lying down on their bed, under their covers, facing each other,
hands all over each other.

Jeonghan placed his hand once again behind Joshua’s thigh, tugging it over his legs and
pulling Joshua’s body carefully as he turned his own, so that now, Joshua was lying on top of
Jeonghan. Jeonghan’s right hand now moved up Joshua’s nape, pulling him close to kiss him
some more while his other hand now roamed inside the oversized shirt Joshua was wearing.

The way Joshua kissed back, it was like he wanted to get something across to Jeonghan
without words. He wanted to reach the deepest places of Jeonghan, to have him, to know him
better than anyone else.
“Shua,” Jeonghan grunted in between. “You’re driving me crazy.”

A fire within Joshua burned at the words. He rolled his hips instinctively against Jeonghan’s
still clothed crotch, making the other meet his movements in a frantic need for friction. The
actions derived sounds of want from both of them.

Joshua pulled away first, pulling himself up and supporting himself with his knees on either
side of Jeonghan’s hips. Jeonghan moved up to support his back against their pillows and
headboard.

They were a flushed mess, but Joshua relished the way he made the put-together, handsome
and ethereal Jeonghan that way.

“Last night,” Joshua began, lip in between his teeth a bit hesitant. “You called me baby.”

He meant that as a question, he just didn’t know what to ask.

Jeonghan looked at him hungrily, but paused his movements, his face softened at Joshua’s
words. He held him at his hips before saying, “I did. Were you… uncomfortable with that?”
Joshua was thinking when Jeonghan added, “Sorry, it just came out. If you don’t—”

Then he shook his head, hands still on Jeonghan’s bare chest. “I didn’t not like it,” he said a
little shyly, cheeks flushing if they weren’t already flushed from all that they were doing.
Deep inside, it was more than that, it made him feel like Jeonghan was his.

“So, it’s okay if I call you that?” Jeonghan asked after a moment, his voice tentative, like they
were treading in unknown waters again.

The thought stirred something in him, making his hands trail lower, tracing the expanse of
Jeonghan’s upped body until finally settling on the waistband of his sweatpants.

Bashfully, he nodded. “Yeah.”

And the widest boyish grin grew on Jeonghan’s face as his pulled up and locked Joshua in an
embrace, kissing him. “Okay, baby.”

Hearing that made Joshua even hotter, his lower body rutting against Jeonghan’s, feeling the
latter’s hardened cock between his ass. “Jeonghan,” he moaned as he felt the older grip the
edges of the shirt he was wearing, lifting it over his head and now he was completely naked
on top of Jeonghan.

“You’re so beautiful, baby,” Jeonghan praised as he peppered kisses on Joshua’s now

exposed collar bone. He could feel himself leaking. “You can call me that too, I don’t mind,”
his voice was so low, so deep, Joshua wanted to hear it over and over again.

He kept rutting against Jeonghan, the heat boiling up inside him needing more. “Hannie,
please,” he hissed. “It’s getting painful. I need you.”

“Hannie?”
God, Jeonghan was being insufferable now.

Joshua whimpered. “Babe—please.”

He could feel Jeonghan grin against his skin before reaching for the lube on the bedside table.

“Can I—” Joshua bit his lip as he met Jeonghan’s wanting eyes. He gripped Jeonghan’s
waistband tightly. “Can I ride you?”

It wouldn’t be the first time, and Joshua quite preferred this position (something that he kept
to himself). It felt empowering somehow to see his partner come undone underneath him.

Worry etched on Jeonghan’s face. “Shua, are you sure we can do that? Won’t you be
uncomfortable?”

Joshua shook his head. “It’s okay.”

Jeonghan seemed hesitant, but he couldn’t deny that he liked the idea. “You’d let me know if
anything felt wrong or if it hurt?”

“I will,” Joshua nodded. He knew Jeonghan’s was just concerned as Joshua was pregnant.

Jeonghan sighed, “Okay. Do you want me to prep you first?”

“It’s just been a few hours, Hannie,” Joshua said knowing what his body can take. “It’s
okay.”

Joshua dove in for a kiss this time, hoping to reassure Jeonghan enough as he tugged on the
waistband he was gripping. Taking a hint, Jeonghan lifted himself so Joshua could pull the
sweats down, revealing his lack of underwear. No matter how many times he’s seen
Jeonghan’s length, the sight still brought impure thoughts to Joshua’s mind. He reached
down, giving the cock a few slow strokes, feeling it harden even more at his touch. Jeonghan
hissed at the contact, then he put a generous amount of lube on himself.

“You sure?” Jeonghan asked one final time, holding on to Joshua’s hips.

Joshua nodded, lifting himself a little and positioning himself above Jeonghan. Slowly, he
sank down into Jeonghan’s length, feeling himself open up. It burned a little, still, despite
being a little loose from the night before.

“So tight,” Jeonghan groaned as he felt himself being squeezed, leaning back against the
headboard.

Joshua moaned as Jeonghan bottomed out, closing his eyes, as he felt himself be filled up by
Jeonghan. This position always made him feel the most filled up, reaching places inside him
he didn’t know could be reached. It felt so good.

They both stayed still for a few minutes, allowing Joshua to adjust, making out to fill the
need for more contact.
“I’ll start moving now,” Joshua finally said, and Jeonghan nods, leaning back as Joshua
leveraged himself on the bed, palms digging deep into the mattress.

His movements started out slow, rocking his hips back and forth, leaning forward toward
Jeonghan who happily pulled him into a deep kiss. There was something about the way they
moved, slow and sensual, not rushed or hungry, that made it feel almost… loving.

Joshua could feel every edge, curve and corner of Jeonghan inside him as he moved,
Jeonghan letting him take the lead. He panted as the sensations electrified his nerves,
Jeonghan’s lips moved downward at the hollow of Joshua’s collarbone, hands moving up and
down Joshua’s body, rubbing through hardened nipples.

Although it made him burn, Joshua knew he wasn’t going to come this way so he pushed
Jeonghan down, a hand pressing against Jeonghan’s chest as leverage and another behind him
on the older one’s thigh. He then started raising his hips just a little bit, the drag making him
moan in pleasure. Up and down, in small movements, before he started picking up.

“Ungh—babe—” Jeonghan uttered in strangled groans. “Fuck—you’re doing so good, baby.”

Joshua trembled at the endearment, encouraging him to continue his movements.

“Jeonghan,” Joshua called like a prayer. Jeonghan answered by giving attention to Joshua’s
nubs, pinching and rubbing.

He can feel his abdomen tighten the more he moved, but he needed more. After a few
minutes, he could feel his thighs feel the strain, making him slow down. Joshua leaned down
to kiss Jeonghan, returning to rocking motions.

“Jeonghan—babe—” Joshua panted.

“Hmm,” Jeonghan hummed against Joshua’s lips, now able to hug Joshua’s slim waist. “Need
help, baby?”

“Please,” Joshua begged.

Jeonghan grinned. “You did well, babe. Let me,” pulling Joshua in for a deep kiss as he
began to thrust his hips upward, jolting Joshua in surprise.

“Ah—fuck—ah,” he moaned against their kiss, but Jeonghan swallowed it, muffling Joshua
as Jeonghan continued to thrust at a rhythm. “More—” Joshua said, his voice ragged and
Jeonghan was only happy to oblige.

Changing the angle, Jeonghan pushed them forward off the bed, using the headboard to
support his back. The young CEO placed his hands on Joshua’s hips while Joshua held on to
his shoulders.

Jeonghan started his movements again, in and out and thrusting into Joshua in a much more
erratic pace. He held onto Joshua’s waist (Joshua felt like it was going to leave marks but he
didn’t mind at all), holding Joshua in place as he pounded. It didn’t take long until Jeonghan
found a certain spot that made Joshua’s body shake, back arching and eyes rolling back.
“There—Hannie—”

Driven by the need to release, Joshua started moving again, hips meeting hips halfway, skin
slapping against skin even louder than earlier.

“Shit—Shua—you’re driving me insane, babe.”

“So close, please,” Joshua continued to move in sync with Jeonghan, hands digging into
Jeonghan’s shoulders.

“Look at me, baby,” Jeonghan ordered slowing his movements until Joshua complied. Their
brown eyes meet and Jeonghan grinned, licking his lips. He looked so fucking good. His
thrusts started picking up pace, and Joshua was so close.

“Jeonghan—ah—hng—close—”

“I’m close too, baby,” Jeonghan groaned, his eyes locked on Joshua. He could feel a hand
come between them and wrap around his neglected cock, moving as their bodies did.

“Come inside,” Joshua said in between broken breaths, remembering how Jeonghan finished
off the night before, understanding that he didn’t want to overstimulate Joshua in his sensitive
state. “Please.”

But Joshua could barely process Jeonghan’s response as he started to feel the fiery bubble
inside him grow and grow, until finally it burst, and every part of his body felt like it was on
fire. His vision turned white as his body uncontrollably trembled as he can feel his come spill
over Jeonghan’s hand and in between their abdomens.

He can feel Jeonghan slow down but he knew the older wasn’t done. So, he locked his arms
around Jeonghan and moved against his trembling and tired body.

“Shua—babe—ugh—” Jeonghan tried to stop but Joshua’s movements made it impossibly

hard.

“No—inside,” Joshua breathed against Jeonghan’s ear. “Inside please.”

And that was enough for Jeonghan to continue moving, stilling Joshua by the hips so he
could do the work until Jeonghan groaned hard. Joshua could feel his husband filling him up
with hot come, it’s the first time too. Something in Joshua bloomed in pride as Jeonghan
emptied out inside him.

Jeonghan encased him tightly around his waist as they tried to catch their breaths, warm and
flushed skin melting into each other. He laid them both down so they were more comfortable,
still inside Joshua, facing each other’s blissed out state, Jeonghan brushing off the hair from
Joshua’s sweaty forehead. Joshua wanted to stay like this a little longer, nuzzling himself into
Jeonghan’s space.

They (finally) get up around half an hour later so they could bathe, and Joshua could help
Jeonghan pack. Jeonghan decided to bring Joshua to work and drop by the office for some
urgent paperwork that needed to be signed. Joshua helped Jeonghan pick out his clothes and
neatly pack them in his suitcase as Jeonghan showered. Joshua wore a turtleneck today to
hide the hickeys that Jeonghan (affectionately) painted on Joshua’s neck.

When everything was ready, they go down for a quick breakfast.

“Good morning, you two,” grandma greeted.

“Good morning, grandma,” smiled Joshua while Jeonghan gave her a kiss at the top of the
forehead.

They take their seats and Suryeon eyed them suspiciously. Jeonghan doesn’t notice and gets
some food for his and Joshua’s plate and Joshua whispered a quiet thanks.

“You two,” said Suryeon, causing them to look at the elder Yoon. “You look… awfully happy
this morning,” a hint of suspicion on her tone.

“Ah, yes! You look rather glowing,” grandma took note as well, pleased. “Especially you,
Joshua. Must be the pregnancy glow?”

Joshua laughed nervously, “Umm… yes, grandma. It might be.”

“Hmm,” hummed Jeonghan before a very low snicker. “Pregnancy hormones, they’re really
something, huh?”

Joshua reached over to pinch Jeonghan in his thigh, the other flinched to the surprise of the
Yoon elders.

“They say if you’re glowing, it might just be a baby boy!” Suryeon said cheerily.

Joshua smiled. “I’ll be happy as long as the baby is healthy, auntie.”

“Yes, definitely,” grandma agreed. “Are you going to Hong Kong today, Jeonghan?”

Then the discussion went on to business as Jeonghan reported on the issue at the distribution
center in Hong Kong, as well as the plans for the launch of the new line of products in a
month’s time or so. With just enough time to spare, Jeonghan and Joshua arrive at the
hospital to drop the young doctor off.

“I’ll go ahead,” said Joshua, hand on the handle of the door of the car. “Please take care in
Hong Kong.” Come back home safely.

“I will, don’t worry,” Jeonghan smiled, placing a chaste peck on Joshua’s cheek. “Eat well
and don’t get stressed. Avoid Dr. Jo and let Soobin or aunt Suryeon know if you need
anything.”

“Okay.” I’ll miss you.

“I’ll be back before you know it.”

Before he could say anything more without thinking, Joshua got off and watched the car be
driven off by their driver. He was about to enter the hospital when he received a text from
Soonyoung.

Hyung, r u free tonight?

Dinner with Jihoon and Minghao.

You up for it?

Joshua considered for a moment, but then again it has been a while since he met with the
others, even Soonyoung. He’s been wanting some update on Mingyu as well. So, he texted
back.

Sure.

The day went on slowly and without much fuss. He (thankfully) did not encounter Dr. Jo.
Seokmin was cheeky as ever, recounting a story of how he assisted in a pediatric open heart
surgery, marveling at how small a baby’s heart really was, and was overwhelmed when the
surgery ended up successful, allowing the baby to live a normal life growing up. Sometime in
the afternoon, he received a text from Jeonghan letting Joshua know that he had arrived
safely (to Joshua’s relief), checked in the hotel and on his way to the distribution center.

Jun, on the other hand, seemed really out-of-it and a bit tired. It wasn’t often that Jun wasn’t
in the mood to joke around with Seokmin, but today he seemed to prefer to coop up in the on-
call room while he wasn’t doing rounds or assisting in surgery. Joshua didn’t pry and would
ask Jun when he was more comfortable to share.

They have dinner at April Shower, a restaurant belonging to the Yoon Group where Jihoon
made a reservation so they could get a private room. Jihoon also took the liberty of ordering
ahead for them. They ate their dinner while catching up on Soonyoung’s class’s upcoming
recital, Jihoon’s new music and the new art Minghao has been working on until dessert was
served.

“Hyung, you look good,” smiled Minghao, taking a bite off the cake. “You’re glowing.”

“Pregnancy looks good on you,” added Soonyoung. “If you weren’t pregnant, I’d joke that
you just have that after-sex glow on you.”

Joshua almost choked on the water he was drinking. Even now, he can’t get used to all the
sex-related jokes and innuendoes of his friends. It always catches him off-guard.

“You can’t be sure, Soonyoung,” Jihoon snorted.

“Huh?”
Jihoon chuckled. “Let’s just say I saw you fixing your turtleneck earlier this morning, and
I’m pretty sure we don’t have mosquitos inside the house, hyung.”

Joshua’s eyes widen animatedly.

“Oh my god, Shua-hyung, you little minx,” Minghao gaped. “Are you hiding hickeys?”

“Shua-hyung?” gasped Soonyoung in surprise and excitement, like college kids gossiping
about their latest hook-ups.

Joshua snapped his head toward Jihoon. “Jihoon!”

“What?” Jihoon shrugged. “Is it supposed to be a secret that you a Jeonghan-hyung make out
or maybe, you know… more?”

“Oh my god, guys,” groaned Joshua, blushing furiously.

“Shua-hyung, don’t be embarrassed. You’re married, you’re allowed to do stuff like those
with Jeonghan-hyung,” said Minghao reassuringly. “I mean, that’s what got you guys here in
the first place.”

Joshua wanted to bury his face in his hands.

“So, what are you guys anyway?” asked Soonyoung.

“They’re married. We attended the wedding, remember?” Minghao offered sarcastically,

earning an eyeroll from Soonyoung.

“That’s not what I meant, Hao.”

“But they are. It shouldn’t be that much of an issue if they make out or have sex,” Minghao
said so coolly.

“No, I mean—at least, within our circle, we know that you guys married under different
circumstances,” Soonyoung explained. “So, are you and Jeonghan-hyung like—I don’t know,
together? I mean, not together because you’re married, I mean… you know, is your
relationship now different?”

Joshua didn’t know how to answer that. He realized for sure, on his end something shifted.
The attraction he felt for Jeonghan months ago is not the same feeling he has toward him
now. It’s no longer just lust or desires of the flesh

“I… I don’t know,” Joshua said, feeling the mood change. “I guess something changed,
something shifted.”

They listened to him carefully but Joshua found it difficult to explain, partly because it was
difficult to pinpoint to begin with and the other part is that he’s scared to admit it out loud.

“What changed?”
Joshua shrugged. “It’s just… different. Good different, I guess?”

Minghao took a long sip of the glass of Chateau Margaux Bordeaux he ordered, sighing.
“Well, sex really does change everything.” There was a little more behind his words than
he’d like to let out, Joshua felt.

“It’s not just that,” said Joshua softly.

“Hmm…” Soonyoung pondered, his already scrutinizing the situation. “Maybe you’re
developing actual feelings for him, hyung.”

There was a pregnant pause, at least for Joshua, because he already knew the answer to that.

Joshua let out a breath. “If I’m being honest, I like it when he holds my hand when I’m
nervous or fidgety, especially when we have dinner with my family. I like it when he
comforts me when the hormones make me feel awful. I like cooking food for him and his
family, and when he says they taste good, I know I smile like a fool. I like this, whatever this
is.”

More than that, he longs for Jeonghan’s warm touches, he yearns for his comfort all the time,
he looks forward to greeting him in the morning and when he comes home, he doesn’t mind
listening as Jeonghan talked about business (and all the so-called boring stuff) before
Jeonghan asks him about his day, he’s excited to assemble their crib and their deer-looking
rocker together, and build the nursery how they like it. He wants this domestic life with
Jeonghan and he doesn’t know if that’s something he’s allowed to feel.

“You’re falling for him,” Jihoon finally said after looking at Joshua intently. “Maybe you’ve
fallen already.”

Joshua gulped. “What makes you say that?”

“The way you look when you talk about him, hyung,” shrugged Jihoon. “It’s like how
Seungcheol used to look at me.”

They all frown at the mention of Seungcheol. Jihoon rarely voluntarily talked about him.

Ever since he came back from to Korea, Jihoon has tried to talk to Seungcheol but the latter
had avoided him like he was the plague. Seungcheol refused to answer his texts or calls,
refused to meet up, and avoided him whenever they’d be forced to meet in a group setting.

“Jihoon…”

“It’s okay, Soons,” Jihoon smiled weakly. “I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. But I won’t give
up just yet.”

Joshua wondered how Jihoon could endure all that. “You really love him?”

The young music producer nodded. “I do. I know everything was mainly my fault, but I still
want to try, if it’s not too late.”
“What if no matter how much you try, he still won’t come back to you?”

Jihoon sighed, “I’ll just have to accept that, hyung. If it won’t play out the way I want it to,
then maybe, at least, we can both get the closure we need and move on properly. Because I
know we both need this too.”

“Isn’t it scary?” Minghao chimed in softly. “To bet on something like that, to bet on your
friendship, and lose it?”

“What can I do, Hao? Seungcheol and I are already here,” Jihoon wore a painful smile.
“We’ve crossed a line long ago. I don’t think we can go back to being friends anymore. And
I’m more scared to regret not trying.”

Minghao leaned back on his chair as if contemplating something important. But Joshua
noticed the change in his expression. “You think that can’t happen? You becoming friends
again?”

Jihoon shook his head. “Me and Cheol? I don’t think so, not after everything. If ever, maybe
after a really long time, after we both heal.”

“I see,” Minghao said, taking another sip of the wine but letting the glass linger longer on his
lips, as if he weren’t really drinking from it.

“Hao,” Joshua bit his lip. “Are you and Jun okay?”

Minghao looked up quickly at the mention of the older Chinese’s name.

“I noticed…” Joshua hesitated, “Well, today, I noticed that Jun was pretty out of it. He was
clearly not in the mood for anything. It’s just… so unlike him.”

A pained expression creeped up Minghao’s face, as if he had just been punched in the gut.
But this only lasted for a moment as he tried to shake something off that Joshua couldn’t
quite identify.

Minghao tensed ever so slightly, placing his glass down. “Well, we fought. Jun and I, I mean.
We fought a few days ago and it’s a pretty big fight.”

“Oh,” they all say.

“Are you guys okay?” asked Soonyoung.

Minghao shrugged. “Well, we’ll work through it. We always do.”

Joshua knew Minghao was trying to sound his usual unapologetic and confident self, but
there was a hint in his tone giving him away.

“Don’t worry too much, guys,” Minghao added, smiling his usual cheeky smile. “Promise.
It’ll be okay.”
They looked at each other, then Soonyoung said, “This is why I stick to dating apps. I can’t
imagine dating any of you guys.” They all look at him, mouths agape. “What? Our friend
group are composed of narcissists, perpetually horny, or otherwise emotionally constipated
men, and that one occasional serial monogamist. Why would I want to date any of you?”

Jihoon and Minghao look offended, but otherwise find truth in that. “Okay, you have valid
points there. But seriously? Dating apps?”

“What?” Soonyoung narrowed his eyes at Minghao at the judgment.

“Gosh, where do I start? Like how can you even date or fuck random strangers? Like, hello?
STDs, possible thieves, kidnappers, murderers… bad sex?”

“Which are all very much possible when you date normally,” shrugged Soonyoung. “Just
saying.”

Minghao frowned. “Okay, fine. I get your point. But dating apps are still weird.”

“I mean, for me, the worst experience was a date gone horribly wrong,” Soonyoung said,
unbothered. “But, honestly, it’s not a bad place if you just want a quick, no-strings-attached
fuck.”

“You do you.”

“So, I guess we go back to you and Jeonghan-hyung,” Soonyoung tried to ease the
conversation. “You’re starting to like him? Like, falling for him?”

Joshua momentarily forgot how they were discussing about his feelings and Soonyoung just
had to remind him, flinching upon hearing the question.

“I’m—He’s not hard to love, Soons,” Joshua said, avoiding the answer but giving something
honest. “But… I’m just—it’s just—I’m a little scared?” his voice was unsure. “Jeonghan and
I, we’re in this marriage already, something that’s a little more permanent than a fling or
dating, and we’ll be having a child. So far, what we are now is working fine. If I get feelings
involved…”

“That’s fair, hyung. At the end of the day, someone is risking it all by choosing to love
someone they’re unsure loves them back,” sighed Jihoon, and Joshua noticed how Minghao
flinched a little. “But if I may, Shua-hyung, I can tell you that I haven’t seen Jeonghan-hyung
care about someone as much as he cares about you.”

Joshua raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean? He had Moyeon, didn’t he?”

But Jihoon simply shrugged. “I’m just telling you what my eyes can see.”

It took Joshua a moment to think of something to say. “We don’t really know how a person
really feels, you know? He may make me feel special and taken care of and maybe even
loved, but that doesn’t mean he loves me that way. Even people who have told me they loved
me didn’t really mean it.”
Self-doubt. It always ate at Joshua, especially when the insecurities have been fueled by
words of the people he loved and admired. It made Joshua doubt how someone could love
him back the way he is or just because.

“Hyung, you’re very special to Jeonghan-hyung. At the very least maybe you can try
exploring your feelings and see where it leads,” Jihoon offered.

Joshua shook his head lightly. “It’s just… I’m okay with what we are right now. I don’t want
to be greedy about this.”

They understood, though. It’s hard to be greedy and risk a good thing, even if your heart
screams for more.

“Hyung, if you don’t mind me asking, have you talked to Wonwoo?”

Joshua looked up to meet Soonyoung’s eyes, evidently surprised at the mention of Wonwoo.

“Oh, uh… sorry for bringing it up, hyung. It’s just…” Soonyoung tried to clarify, not wanting
Joshua to feel uncomfortable at the mention of Wonwoo. “I know I told you that you don’t
have to do anything you don’t want to do. It’s just, Jihoon mentioned getting some closure,
and I thought… well, I just thought that maybe now is the best time to have that closure with
Wonwoo. Maybe some of the things you’re feeling now is still tied to Wonwoo?”

That’s right. Wonwoo. The man he used to think was the love of his life. His first love, his
first heart break. It wouldn’t be wrong to think that his hesitance about love is still somewhat
tied to Wonwoo, to the pain and the scars left behind that day years ago.

“I haven’t, actually,” sighed Joshua.

“Speaking of Wonwoo,” Jihoon spoke up when Joshua didn’t seem like he had more to say.
“How’s Mingyu? Last time I heard he flew to Rome for work.”

Minghao groaned. “That big baby. He up and left without telling any of us.”

“But he’s back, right?” Soonyoung wondered.

“Yeah. He came back last week,” Minghao said. “We had drinks. He seemed a lot better. Just
that he still clearly likes the guy, and they’ve been talking. But Mingyu doesn’t want to act on
anything right now.”

He doesn’t want to act until Wonwoo settled his feelings. Joshua could tell that’s what
Minghao wanted to say but didn’t in consideration of Joshua.

“Have you talked to him, hyung?” asked Minghao. “He told me he’d send you a message.”

“Oh, yeah,” he responded a little late. “He did. He told me he was fine and not to worry about
him. And,” he paused, a small painful smile on his face. “That I shouldn’t blame myself for
anything because he doesn’t. He’ll visit soon to help me paint the nursery’s walls.”

Soonyoung let out a sigh. “That guy. He sure knows how to make people worry.”
“Hey!” pouted Minghao, causing their heads to snap toward him. “I want to help paint your
nursery, hyung! Let me help!”

They all then burst out laughing.

When he got home, he was still contemplating the discussion he had earlier with his friends.
Thinking about his relationship with Jeonghan, suddenly the room felt a lot emptier without
his presence and the thought that he won’t be home for the next few days. He sat on their bed,
relief washing over him when it still smells like Jeonghan.

He missed him.

Joshua was used to living alone. For the good part of his college days up until he got married,
he’s been living in an apartment unit provided by his parents for proximity to his schools and
workplace. He had learned to wake up alone and sleep alone, eat alone and study alone. For
the past decade, nothing really felt like home. Even the Hong’s main residence didn’t feel
much like home as he always felt like walking tightrope whenever he was there (sure, his
mother tried her best to make him feel at home, but that all the pressure and disappointment
of his father overweighed his mother’s warmth).

So, lonely and alone just meshed together that he couldn’t tell them apart.

However, ever since he moved into the Yoon’s main house, ever since he married Jeonghan,
he’s been feeling less and less lonely, and definitely less and less alone. It’s a little scary to
think that he’s now gotten somewhat used to having someone around, to depend on, to share
his day with and to be comfortable with, even in silence, after being alone for such a long
time.

So, he recognized, he misses Jeonghan a lot.

He misses him, and maybe feel even more than he cared to admit. Because it’s scary. He’s
scared. The last time he loved a person with so much of his heart and being, the same person
broke him and left him. He loved his parents, but sometimes he felt like he had to be so much
better than himself to deserve their love.

But Jeonghan was different. He always somehow felt enough with Jeonghan. He never asked
for more, he never asked Joshua to change despite the many imperfections Joshua had.
Jeonghan had always been a great person, he always excelled in whatever he put his mind on.
Joshua was just Joshua, simple, boring, mediocre at best. So, how could someone as amazing
as Jeonghan ever want someone like Joshua, more so love him.

And what was that tightening feeling inside his chest at the thought of Jeonghan not loving
him back? What was that drop in his stomach, that tug on his heart? Why did he suddenly
hope to be someone enough for Jeonghan?

He doesn’t know. Or, rather, doesn’t want to face the answer just yet.

But he knew there was at least something he should do so he could move forward with
himself. He took his phone and opened its messages, searching for a number not yet saved
and wrote up a message.

Two days later, it’s a Saturday. Today is the day he is set to meet Wonwoo to talk to him. He
texted him that same night he went out with Soonyoung and the guys, and Wonwoo
immediately agreed.

Joshua had texted Jeonghan about, just to let him know. Their messages were sparse and far
between as Jeonghan had been, as far as Joshua understood, on the ground at the distribution
center as he tried to solve the problem, and at night he would catch up on work with the
Seoul main office.

are u sure?

Jeonghan asked via text.

Yeah. I think it’s time.

ok.

you can do it, shua.

i'm a call away.

He arrived at the café, a quaint little coffee shop near the hospital, but not where his
colleagues often got their caffeine fix. It was a little more hidden, between alleys that one
would have to intentionally pass to see the café, and so it would provide them with the
privacy they needed. Already, he spotted a young bespectacled young man waiting for him
from behind the glass pane. He opened the doors, signaling that someone had arrived and
Wonwoo immediately looked up to see him.

Reluctantly, Joshua approached his table and gripped the chair across Wonwoo.

“Hey,” Wonwoo greeted awkwardly as Joshua pulled his chair to sit.

“Hi.”

“I ordered a drink already,” an Americano, Joshua noted. Wonwoo seemed to have grown
from his sweet tooth. “I can order yours, if you want.”

“It’s okay,” Joshua stood up instead. “I’ll do it.” He made his way to the counter and ordered
himself a lemonade. He returned to the table with his drink.

It was an awkward first few minutes, and Wonwoo volunteered to ease them into
conversation.

“Thanks, Shua,” Wonwoo began a little hesitantly. “Thank you for agreeing to meet with
me.”

Joshua nodded. “Sorry, it took a while.”

The younger man shook his head. “It’s okay. I understand,” Wonwoo gave a small smile.
Now that Joshua thought about it, he kind of forgotten what Wonwoo’s smile looked like.

In his memory, Wonwoo was a cool and adventurous guy, especially in high school. It’s that
fun personality that drew people to him. He was smart, played soccer exceptionally, was good
at computer games, easy to befriend and was just overall well-rounded. When he was with
Wonwoo, he felt a little more daring, like the world was at their fingertips, and that they
could do anything.

His first love. Jeon Wonwoo. The man who tried to teach him how to kick a soccer ball (and
failed), who showed him how to read comic books and play online games, who first taught
him how to drink a soju bomb. For a brief time in his life, he brought Joshua out of his shell,
made him laugh and have fun doing things he never thought of doing. But at the same time,
being Wonwoo’s boyfriend meant keeping up with him and the things he loved to do,
befriending his friends who seems like they were always whispering behind Joshua’s back,
and trying to be a better, different version of himself deserving to have the title of Wonwoo’s
boyfriend.

Joshua thought he’d panic once he saw Wonwoo face to face, just like the time in Minghao’s
birthday. Yet here he was.

“How are you?”

Joshua smiled softly, “I’m good.”

“You look good,” Wonwoo said.

“How about you?”

“I’m okay,” said Wonwoo. “I’m working in the art industry now. Can you believe?”

There was an effort to try to make the conversation light, Wonwoo was definitely trying.

“I actually have some work with the Yoon Foundation’s gallery,” Wonwoo added. “I’ve met
Chairwoman Yoon recently.”

“Oh,” was all Joshua could utter. “Do you enjoy your work?”

Wonwoo smiled. “Yeah, I really do.”

“That’s good.”

“You’re a doctor now,” he stated. “I honestly didn’t think you’d follow in the footsteps of
your family.”

“I guess it was just logical for me to go into the medical field,” Joshua shrugged.

“Right,” Wonwoo said. The awkward silence returned, a little too heavy, but he’s now here.
Wonwoo sighed, “I wanted to talk to you to give you the apology I’ve owed you for a long
time now.”

Still, Joshua didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry.”

It was odd, Joshua thought. He thought that if he’d hear Wonwoo mention anything about
their past, he’d breakdown and cry. He imagined the memories come flooding in and
overcome him with emotions. Yet, here was his first love, talking about one of the things that
hurt him the most, and Joshua felt… fine.

Maybe because at some point when he imagined this encounter, he thought there was still
some anger in Wonwoo about the incident. Maybe Wonwoo still blamed him. At the same
time, maybe he was angry at Wonwoo—for leaving him and hurting him.

But no.

“I’m sorry for everything I said back then, at the hospital,” Wonwoo said, so unsure of
himself, a sight Joshua never thought he’d see. “I should have never said those words back
then. It was never your fault, Shua, I hope you know that. It’s many years too late, but I just
wanted to tell you, it was not your fault. The accident—if anything, it was mine. I was the
one driving. But still,” Wonwoo looked up to meet Joshua in the eyes, making Joshua falter a
little. “I blamed you and hurt you, you didn’t deserve any of that.”

“Wonwoo…” it was the first called he said his first love’s name in years.

“Shua, I’m sorry,” Wonwoo said again, the guilt more prominent in his shaky voice now. “I
was stupid and young, and I know those aren’t good enough excuses. For everything I’ve
done and everything you’ve went through because of that… I’m sorry.”

Joshua didn’t say anything immediately, taking time to take everything in. He navigated his
feelings, until he realized—

“I forgive you.”

“Shua…”

Joshua shook his head. “To be honest, I wasn’t sure what to feel if I ever heard those words
from you. I guess I always thought you were still mad at me for what happened.”

There was a clearly pained look on Wonwoo’s face. “Joshua—”

“I had a hard time, after you left,” Joshua said, a little solemn. “I took everything you said to
heart, and it pained me to know that you were suffering somewhere, and that it was my
fault.” Wonwoo tried to say something, but Joshua spoke again. “But somehow, honestly, I’m
relieved.”

Wonwoo looked at him.

“I didn’t know I needed to hear those words until I did,” Joshua gave him a small smile. “So,
thank you.”

It was like a huge weight was lifted off his chest.

“And I forgive you.”

Wonwoo was silent, his eyes began to water making his lift his glasses so he can discreetly
wipe his tears away.

“Thank you.”

They sat in silence, absorbing everything they have just said to each other, both waiting for
someone to say anything more. A familiar bell-like sound caught Joshua’s attention, and he
looked at his lit phone, he doesn’t notice the eyes following his own.

everything ok?

It was Jeonghan. Joshua doesn’t realize how he smiles after reading the message, as he
opened his phone to type and reply, and even after he hit send.

“You must love him,” Wonwoo suddenly said and Joshua looked up to find the other man
looking at him.

“Huh?”
 “You must love your husband,” Wonwoo smiled, a hint of sadness in his eyes. “You look
happy, Shua.”

Joshua blinked, thinking is he that obvious? Unconsciously, his moved on top of his belly.

Joshua fought the instinct of his lips to curve into a smile. “Yeah. I’m happy.”

“I’m glad.”

“Wonwoo,” Joshua said. “I hope you can fix whatever it is you have with Mingyu. He’s a
wonderful person.”

A momentary glimpse of hurt flashed through Wonwoo’s face, but Joshua doesn’t point it
out. “I’m trying.”

Joshua smiled earnestly. “Let’s move forward with our lives.”

Over the couple of days, Jeonghan still hasn’t come home. Suryeon said the problem in Hong
Kong is taking longer than expected, although she did comment that Jeonghan should have
fixed it by now.

Every so often, Joshua found himself looking at his phone, hoping for a certain name to have
popped up on screen. Jeonghan’s messages have been much sparser, and he hasn’t called in
the past two days. It shouldn’t bother Joshua because Jeonghan is very busy, so much so that
he had to fight the urge to text first. But he badly missed his husband.

Unable to sleep, he scrolled through his phone as he laid in bed. He scrolled through posts
about birthdays, promotions, life events, pet posts until one headline caught his eye, making
his stomach drop:

CEO Yoon Jeonghan seen having breakfast with ex-fiancée ballerina Kang Moyeon in
Hong Kong

Chapter End Notes

So?? Thoughts??

Also, I decided to just make a new twt account for writing stuff. Don't know how active
I'll be there (it's fairly new, today new, I have like 1 tweet). But if you want to talk to me
there, go ahead!

Twt: pautriestowrite
 Chapter 13
Chapter Notes

Hi! Sorry for the longer wait than usual, I had to take a break from writing as I felt a
little burnt out. Thank you for your patience and for your support for this story. It really
does encourage me!

This chapter is shorter than usual as I wanted to end it on a certain part hehe. Sorry in
advance. But I still hope it lives up to your expectations.

As usual, please forgive the inconsistencies, inaccuracies and errors. I hope you enjoy
this chapter!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

It’s past two in the morning and he hasn’t been able to sleep a wink. No matter how much he
rolled around in their bed, shifting positions, hugging his pillow, he still couldn’t fall asleep.

He decided that he should perhaps get some warm milk in the kitchen hoping it would help
him with said problem.

When he got to the kitchen, he warmed himself a glass of milk and took a seat at the island
counter, taking small sips of the milk and unconsciously staring at his phone. He doesn’t even
know why he’s staring at the black screen. (It’s a lie, he knew why.)

He frowned as he continued to wait, failing to notice another presence enter the kitchen area.

“Odd to see you here at this time, hyung,” the voice said, making Joshua jump.

“Good lord, Chan, you scared me.”

Chan raised an eyebrow. “I walked into the kitchen in plain sight, hyung. It’s not my fault
you were so engrossed staring at your phone to notice.”
The accusation made him blush. “Oh,” he said shyly. “Sorry about that. Couldn’t sleep.”

Chan hummed, not saying anything more, thankfully. Instead, he rummaged through the
refrigerator. Joshua observed the youngest Yoon cousin as he looked around, seemingly
unable to find what he was looking for.

“Did you come down to eat?”

Chan sighed and closed the fridge, seemingly unsatisfied. “I just finished writing a report for
the board, and I didn’t realize I haven’t eaten. Honestly, I’d settle for ramen at this point.”

This made Joshua chuckle. Much as Chan seemed to dislike his older cousin, they seem very
much alike – workaholic to a fault.

“Hmm, I can whip you up some omurice?”

Chan’s face suddenly lit up, a sign that he was, indeed, the maknae of the family. But then
quickly frowned, saying, “It’s okay, hyung. I don’t want you to go to all that trouble.”

Joshua shook his head, finding the youngest adorable. “Not at all. It’s very easy to make, and
I saw some left over rice in the cooker.”

He could see the conflict in Chan’s eyes, but gave him a reassuring smile. Chan bit his lip, “If
you’re sure it isn’t any trouble, hyung. I’d really love some.”

And it didn’t take Joshua long to cook up some food for Chan. It was a simple dish, but Chan
heartily ate it all, to Joshua’s delight and amusement. Chan ate as Joshua continued to drink
his (now not-so-warm) milk, and Joshua thought Chan reminded him of his own little brother,
Vernon. It warmed his heart to be able to see Chan eating happily.
As they stayed in comfortable silence, Joshua couldn’t help but sneak a glance at his phone,
tapping it once making it light up to his home screen. All it revealed was the time, it was
almost three in the morning, and the date. Nothing else. Still, nothing else.

Unconsciously, he sighed, unknowingly catching the attention of Chan who watched him
thoughtfully.

“He was probably just busy and likely hasn’t even seen that post, hyung,” Chan suddenly
said, breaking the silence.

Joshua snapped his head towards Chan, surprised. “Huh?”

“You saw the post about him and…” Chan trailed, but Joshua understood. “Is that why you
couldn’t sleep, hyung?”

Blinking, Joshua shook his head. “No, of course not. I was just... the pregnancy hormones
sometimes make it difficult for me to sleep.”

An obvious lie and Chan clearly didn’t buy it.

“I’ve been going down to the kitchen almost every night around this time, and I never once
saw you here.”

Joshua couldn’t say anything to refute that.

Chan chuckled.

“It’s not that, Chan. It wasn’t because of the article,” he tried to say, almost stumbling at his
words. “I just—I’m not—I know he’s busy, and it’s not like he has to report or explain
anything to me—”
“He’s your husband, hyung,” Chan said. “It’s okay to be bothered by what you read.” Joshua
bit his lip, it did indeed bothered him more than he cared to admit. “But, as much as
Jeonghan-hyung and I are not exactly in good terms right now—I mean he practically
wouldn’t give me a break regarding my proposals, always rejecting my ideas, and giving me
a hard time,” Chan took a deep breath. Joshua knew Jeonghan was just hard on Chan so he
can be a better leader for their company. “Still, despite all his flaws, because he has a lot,
hyung,” Chan exclaimed as if to convince Joshua to believe him, “he wouldn’t disrespect
your marriage. He’s a noble guy, much to my annoyance,” sighed Chan. “I guess, what I’m
trying to say is, don’t overthink what you saw. I’m sure there’s a perfectly good explanation
for it.”

Joshua didn’t expect Chan, of all people, to comfort him like this, more so to vouch for
Jeonghan, and yet his found some relief in the younger’s words. He was right, he was letting
his thoughts bother him more than they should. So, he tried his best to sleep when he goes
back to his room, allowing himself to hug Jeonghan’s pillow, as he had been doing almost
every night since Jeonghan left for Hong Kong, to catch some of his scent.

Thankfully, when morning came, Jeonghan finally called him.

“Hi there.”

The voice on the other end sounded weary and tired.

“Hey,” Joshua responded softly.

It was silence for a while.

“Sorry.”

Joshua gulped. “For what?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about seeing Moyeon, and even more that you had to find out
through that tabloid,” he said the last part with disdain. Joshua understood. They were,
technically, regular people, except that they belong to families that can be said to be part of
high society or chaebols. Somehow, their privacy isn’t as respected as much as others. He
could only imagine what it’s like for celebrities and public figures.

“You don’t have to explain—”

“I do!” Jeonghan said immediately. “And I want to,” he heard Jeonghan exhale. “I’m not
trying to hide anything. I was supposed to have breakfast with a business associate when she
showed up in the restaurant. I don’t know she was related to that business associate so she
managed to set that up. That’s what was happening when those pictures were taken.”

Joshua just stayed silent, unsure what to say.

“She… she wanted us to talk. She needed help. She had to retire from professional ballet due
to her injury and didn’t have anyone to turn to. She wanted to—” it sounded like he took a
deep breath before continuing, “—get back together.”

If it was physically possible, Joshua was sure he felt his heart drop. Moyeon wanted
Jeonghan back. It was like a bucket of his worst fears that he wasn’t even aware of was
poured on him.

“But,” Jeonghan said, bringing him back to the conversation. “I won’t do that. You know
that, right?”

Joshua doesn’t respond. He, in fact, doesn’t know.

“Shua… I hope you don’t misunderstand. I wasn’t planning to meet her. I don’t plan on
getting back together with her,” Jeonghan said. “Shuji…”
It was a good thing he was still in their room, seated on their bed, as he felt his knees weaken.
He felt like the air around him was pulled away, making it hard for him to speak, to breathe.
He held on to his growing tummy, almost like it was the only thing anchoring him. There
were so many things he wanted to say, but all he could muster was—

“Do you?”

“Huh?” Jeonghan seemed confused. “Do I what?”

“Do you want to get back with her?”

“Shuji, I already said I—”

“You said you won’t do it,” Joshua suddenly found the voice to speak. “But, do you want
to?”

Silence. It was almost deafening, piercing into Joshua like knives with every second that
passed.

“I don’t,” Jeonghan finally said. But somehow, it was just a few seconds too late.

Again, Joshua didn’t know what to say to that, he didn’t know if he believed it. So, instead,
he asked, “When are you coming home?”

Jeonghan doesn’t immediately respond. “I know I’ve been breaking a lot of my promises. But,
please know, I’m trying to come home as fast as I can.”

It wasn’t really an answer, but Joshua felt like he couldn’t demand for more.
“Okay,” was all he said.

“Shuji, have you and our baby been doing well?” Jeonghan said as if he’s been waiting to
ask that from the start.

“Yeah,” was all Joshua could muster. “We’re okay, Jeonghan.”

“That’s good,” he said. “Please eat healthily and rest well, Shua. Avoid too much sweets,
your appetite can’t seem to take that.”

Joshua nodded as if Jeonghan could see him. “How about you? You sound awfully tired.”

Jeonghan hummed. “It’s been… a lot. The distribution center is a mess with a sudden labor
issue sprung on me when I arrived. We’ve been working around the clock to resolve the issue
with their union leader. We’re hoping to arrive at a settlement soon.”

Joshua frowned. Jeonghan must have been dealing with so much alone in a foreign country,
and he wanted so much to comfort the older one somehow, and it stung that he can’t seem to
do so where he is.

“I see,” Joshua said. “I hope you’re also eating well and getting some sleep, Jeonghan. You
need to rest to.”

“I know,” Jeonghan said and Joshua doesn’t know if he was imagining a lilt in the young
CEO’s voice. “I have to go now, Shuji. The car just arrived at the hotel to pick me up.”

“Okay,” Joshua said weakly.

“Bye.”
“Bye.”

When the call dropped, he could feel his body instinctively sink unto his bed as if wanting to
be swallowed. He was overwhelmed with feelings – frustrated that Jeonghan is still not
coming home, a bout of uselessness for not being able to be beside his husband right now,
and a little hurt. The thoughts he had pushed back when he resolved to marry Jeonghan
suddenly came crashing down on him. He knew that by marrying Jeonghan he was ruining
the CEO’s chances of getting back together with his ex-fiancée. He knew that by being
pregnant with Jeonghan’s child he was creating a permanent link between him and Jeonghan
against the latter’s will. He knew that he was depriving Jeonghan of the chances of having the
family he dreamed of with the person he actually loved.

He knew, yet, he pushed all those thoughts down as Jeonghan kept reassuring Joshua that the
decision was mutual, that he was okay with marrying someone he didn’t love, that he wanted
his unborn child a complete family.

And, as if reality was there to slap him in his face, all those fears and worries he had
conveniently tucked away are now coming to haunt him in the form of Moyeon.

She wanted him back. His ex-girlfriend of eight years, the woman he proposed to, the
beautiful and elegant prima ballerina he was supposed to marry and build a family with. She
wanted him back. Joshua knew, deep inside, that if she wanted to, she probably really could
take Jeonghan away from him. And it scared the hell out of Joshua.

But Jeonghan said he doesn’t. He remembered. He repeated. He wanted to trust those words
instead of his fears. He wouldn’t disrespect your marriage. Chan said that. Jeonghan
wouldn’t.

So, Joshua does what he does best: push the unwanted thoughts to the back of his head. As
long as Jeonghan came home, it should all be fine.

Three more days pass by and it’s a Saturday again, and Jeonghan still hasn’t come home.
Sure, Jeonghan would send a text every now and then, but Joshua would rather have
Jeonghan there with him. He resolved to focus on work and other things to get his mind off
unwanted thoughts. Initially, it was harder than expected when he heard grandma scolding
Jeonghan over the phone when he went down for breakfast that same day he talked to
Jeonghan, and when he received texts from his friends asking about the article. He answered
their questions and grandma’s worries as graciously as he could to avoid worrying them, but
it didn’t quelch his own. It was a good thing that no other articles came up.

Luckily, Mingyu was coming by that day to paint on the nursery. It will help distract Joshua
some more.

It was definitely awkward at the start, it was the first time he saw Mingyu since Minghao’s
birthday. But, as soon as he got to the nursery, Mingyu’s face lit up with excitement, the walls
of the room were his huge canvasses to work on as he pleased.

“Hyung,” Mingyu grinned toothily. “Do you have any sketches, pictures or inspirations you
want me to work with?”

Joshua smiled, it was nice to see Mingyu like this again. “Not really, although I did love the
idea of it being greens, almost forest-like? Green seemed like a nice neutral color and easy on
the eyes. Oh, and animals? I think it would help in the baby’s brain development,” Joshua
animatedly said.

“So you did think about it,” Mingyu teased.

Joshua chuckled. “Okay, maybe I started searching up nursery interior decorations on the
internet when we finalized a date for you to paint.”

“Any pictures saved?”

“Can I show you?”

Mingyu nodded and Joshua went to their room to grab his iPad. “Here,” and they flipped
through Joshua’s gallery.
“Oh, this is a nice idea,” Mingyu said as he swiped. “I like this rainforest concept, very
calming. I can work with this. I can also draw cute animals around.”

Joshua’s excitement started to show. “Can you also paint a deer?” he asked almost shyly.
“Jeonghan and I bought a rocker in the shape of a deer.”

This made Mingyu laugh. “Sure, hyung. Got you covered. Let’s see how I go today and we
can estimate how much time I’ll take to paint all the walls.”

“Thanks, Gyu,” smiled Joshua.

The tall man started to lay out the materials he bought, including the non-toxic paint he
bought that would be safe for new born babies. Meanwhile, Joshua prepared some snacks for
the both of them. While Mingyu worked to bring the nursery to life, Joshua watched in awe,
it was the first time he watched Mingyu work like that.

Mingyu always loved the arts. He studied it extensively like Minghao. He loved the history
of it, the story they told and the messages they held. Minghao painted professionally, while
Mingyu did it as more of a hobby, preferring to work with artists and galleries. Hence, it was
a rare sight to see Mingyu work like he was working on the blank walls in front of Joshua.

He started by drawing on a portion of the wall before actually painting them. Everything
about the process looked amazing to Joshua. Mingyu mixed paint thoughtfully, his strokes
against the walls were deliberate and gentle at the same time, and the colors began to take
shape. Perhaps this is what passion looked like.

After about two hours of Mingyu continuously working on the walls, they took a break and
ate the food Joshua prepared in the living room as it was already too cold in December to
have it outside.

“Hyung, these are so good,” Mingyu exclaimed as munched on the egg drop sandwich Joshua
prepared. “You could seriously make a business out of these.”
These kinds of praises were still unusual for Joshua, but he was grateful for them
nonetheless.

“Thanks, I’ve been wanting to try making these for a while now and I finally had the time
today,” smiled Joshua.

“The eggs are so fluffy,” the taller man said with a groan after taking a bite.

Joshua giggled. “Glad you like them. Your my test subject for these. I’ll make Jeonghan some
when he gets back.”

He said the last part in an almost hopeful tone that Mingyu didn’t seem to miss.

“So, when is hyung coming home?”

Somehow, he felt a little embarrassed to not have an answer. Shrugging, he said, “Not really
sure. He’s still settling a matter with the workers of the distribution center.”

Mingyu nodded in understanding. “You okay, hyung?”

“Huh?”

“About the—you know,” Mingyu tried to avoid any unwanted words. “I know in the chat you
said it was nothing, but still, I wanted to ask you.”

“Oh,” Joshua mouthed. He paused first, thinking of what to say. “I’m okay, really,” he tried to
say convincingly.

“He met his ex while he was in another country, doesn’t that bother you?” Mingyu asked.
Joshua bit his lip, briefly wondering if there was any double meaning intended. “I mean, I’d
be lying if I said it didn’t bother me. But… I can’t control who he meets, Gyu.”

“But you’re married.”

“Not in that way,” Joshua said almost woefully. “Not in the way that I have a right police
what he does.”

Mingyu frowned, a look of disappointment on his face. “You’re too nice, hyung. You have
every right to do so, at least for things like those.”

“Did you feel that way? When I talked to Wonwoo?”

He knew he was getting into untested waters with Mingyu. In all the years they’ve been
friends, they never had an issue which rocked their friendship quite like this—like he could
lose Mingyu over something that was completely out of his control.

Mingyu smiled weakly. “That’s different, hyung. I clearly have no right to have any qualms
about that. We’re not even dating.”

“Your feelings are valid, Gyu.”

“And so are yours, hyung.”

A reminder he needed to hear.

“And that talk you had with Wonwoo, I know you both needed that, hyung. I’d never hold
that against you,” Mingyu’s tone was warm with no hint of animosity. Still, as if these talks
were way out of his comfort zone, Mingyu stretched out his legs and his hands ran through
his cargo pants, as if ironing them.

Joshua tried to smile, playing with his fingers as he said, “Sorry, Gyu. I should have been
honest with you guys about my past. I should’ve—”

Mingyu raised his hands like he’s waiving off imaginary smoke. “Hyung, stop. You don’t
need to apologize. You had no obligation to tell us about your past. If anything, I should have
also been honest about Wonwoo’s identity. I don’t blame you… for anything. Please know
that.”

Finally, a weight he was carrying in his chest lifted somehow. Soonyoung kept telling Joshua
that it was not his fault, yet it almost seemed instinctual to Joshua to somehow blame himself,
even if it was completely out of his control. Perhaps it was developed from his past trauma
that he never realized he made a habit of over time.

“I guess we both didn’t expect the world to be so small,” Joshua chuckled softly.

“Yeah,” Mingyu laughed hollowly. “Who would’ve thought?”

“But,” Joshua started, almost hesitating to continue. “How are you? How are you really,
Gyu?”

Mingyu looked down, biting his lips like a guilty child. “First, hyung, let me apologize for
being so MIA on you guys. I shouldn’t have shut you guys off like that.”

Joshua shook his head, understanding where Mingyu was coming from. “We understand,
Mingyu. We know you needed time.”

“Still,” Mingyu exhaled. “I wasn’t a good friend when I let you carry that burden. So, I’m
sorry, hyung.” Joshua responded with a smile that reflected his warmth.
Mingyu paused, clutching his hands together and taking a deep breath before continuing.

“To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything for anyone as much as I have for
Wonwoo. It’s crazy, right, hyung?” it was rhetorical. “I know our friends keep joking that I’m
the one who easily falls in love out of everyone. But I must be insane, hyung. Because,
somehow, with Wonwoo, I’ve fallen even deeper and we’re not even in a relationship. I don’t
even know what it is about him—he’s not affectionate, cold most of the time, even—it takes
him hours to reply back, he doesn’t react to my jokes and he likes cats! I’m allergic to cats,
hyung!”

He stopped, taking another deep breath.

“I don’t get it, hyung. Why does he have that effect on me?”

“Gyu…”

“Still, I know that he’s not ready to accept my feelings,” a sad smile crept up the younger
man’s face. “And I don’t know how long I could wait for him to sort out his. I have to protect
my heart too.”

“Mingyu…”

“But, Shua-hyung,” Mingyu looked up to meet his Joshua-hyung’s eyes. “I don’t want to
have any regrets. I’ve already realized that my feelings for Wonwoo are too strong to walk
away. So, I don’t want to have any regrets.”

It was so unsettling for Joshua to see the determination in Mingyu’s eyes, how Mingyu can
love so unabashedly and sincerely despite the scars that his heart wore. The exact opposite of
Joshua who had been so scared to let himself love the way he loved when he was younger,
afraid of getting hurt again, afraid of being abandoned again, afraid of disappointing the
people around him again. Yet, here was Mingyu who had been through much more
heartbreaks but still willing give love a shot with all the pain it could return to him.
“Mingyu, how are you able to be so brave?”

The taller man smiled. “I don’t like what-ifs, hyung. It’s not like I lay my heart out there to be
completely shattered, hyung. I know when to walk away. It’s more of me accepting the risk of
an outcome that could hurt me and knowing that I might not come out of it unscathed. I’m
prepared for that. But I want to also have the chance to have that happiness too.”

The confusion in Joshua’s eyes seemed to have been evident as Mingyu’s features soften.

“I hope you could also be brave enough to demand the love that you deserve, Shua-hyung,”
Mingyu smiled with the utmost sincerity.

What Mingyu said left Joshua thinking.

To distract himself he’s now sitting on a mat on the nursery, he opened up the box of the deer
rocker after an itching urge to assemble the same. The nursery was a little messy—a part of
the wall has been painted by Mingyu (to be continued over the next few days), the portion of
the room near such wall was covered in plastic and devoid of any nearby furniture, closed
paint cans and brushes laid on the plastic. Joshua situated himself on an area farthest from the
painted wall.

The pieces and tools were scattered before him as he mindlessly looked at the instructions.
He started piecing the obvious pieces together, like the legs to the rocker, screwing it in place.
The body seemed a bit more complicated and the screws seemed harder to put in place.

Putting the screw driver down after a failing to put a screw in, he sighed deeply. He then
remembered how he and Jeonghan agreed to assemble these together but Jeonghan has been
gone for more than a week now and he can’t help but feel like he should get something done
while he’s away. Or maybe, he thought, it would help him miss Jeonghan less.
Then he remembered the day they bought this, how the rocker reminded them of Joshua’s
deer-like features, which was one of the reasons they bought it, and it made him a little
sadder.

“God, even a simple thing like this, I can’t do right,” he frowned looking at his half-finished
deer rocker. It shouldn’t be that hard, the instructions even said “simple and easy”, it was
almost mocking. Well, fuck that, it wasn’t. A part of him wanted to cry—he was frustrated,
he was annoyed, and if he cared to admit it, he was also lonely. Joshua really can’t tell if it
was the hormones hitting him again or not, but he just was feeling so much all at once.

Just as he was about to cry, a knock on the door was heard. The door wasn’t even closed so
Joshua easily saw grandma Yoon standing by the doorframe, peering in to look at him.

“Hey, Joshua,” she greeted with the warmest smile. She was truly so motherly. “I brought
some warm milk for you. Chan said he saw you stay up a few nights ago and the warm milk
helped you sleep.”

Oh, right. It was almost midnight. Grandma must have heard or seen the lights open.

One of the house staff appeared from behind grandma with a glass of warm milk and handed
it over to Joshua who received it with a small thank you. Grandma took a seat on one of the
few furniture left in the room.

She looked around while Joshua took a sip of his milk. “I can see that Mingyu worked hard
today. It’s just part of the wall but it already looks quite promising.”

Joshua beamed proudly. “He did, didn’t he, grandma? He was able to translate what I told
him so easily.”

“You’re very excited, aren’t you?”

Nodding, he responded, “When he started painting, I could really see this room come to life.”

“That’s nice, my dear,” grandma said as she watched Joshua continue to drink the milk. “But,
why are you assembling that now? Maybe you should wait for Jeonghan so he could help you
assemble those.”

“Oh,” Joshua slightly jumped at the mention of Jeonghan’s name. Grandma must have seen
him frustrated when he couldn’t screw in a part. “I… I just wanted to get a head start. The
room’s now getting painted, and once the this and the crib is assembled, we can buy more
things like cabinets and shelves,” Joshua reasoned, mostly things that he’s coming up with on
the spot. “Also, he’s been so busy, he might not have a lot of time to do this… so I might as
well.”

There was a sad note in his tone that grandma surely noticed.

“That brat,” grandma suddenly said, surprising Joshua. “What’s taking him so long fixing the
problem there and leaving you here like this.”

Grandma looked irritated, but then her face softened, turning to Joshua once more.

“You miss him, don’t you?”

Joshua blinked, unsure how to response. “Um… well… I understand that he has important
things to attend to.”

Grandma smiled. “Jeonghan…” she started to say. “He’s so much like his grandfather, such a
workaholic. Even when we were both newlyweds, he was working so hard to grow his small
business. Back then it was just a small store, we didn’t have a lot of space and products but
he had such a business acumen. He almost missed the birth of our first child because he was
still at work when I was rushed to the hospital,” she laughed at the memory, even though
Joshua suspected that must have been a very stressful time for her.
“Grandfather Yoon worked really hard,” Joshua said.

The Yoon matriarch nodded. “Joshua, did you know that we were in an arranged marriage
too?”

Joshua’s eyes widened in surprise. “What?”

Grandma chuckled. “Well, it’s not a story known to the public. But, it was true. My father
wanted to marry me off to him because he saw such promise in him. I hated him, back then,
you know? He wasn’t my first love. I had somebody I loved but I had to break it off because
of the arranged marriage.”

“Really? Is that true, grandma?” Joshua couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He always
thought Jeonghan’s grandparents were the epitome of love.

“Yes. It’s true,” she smiled, fondly remembering the past. “Because I hated being married to
someone I didn’t love, I was such a brat to him. I made life at our home a nightmare for him.
But still, he was patient, and kind and understanding. He never got mad at me. He was so
good to me, Joshua. I didn’t realize how or when I began to fall in love with him, but I did.
My love for him grew, and it only grew further when we had our two children.”

“Grandma, I didn’t know…”

“You might think it was hypocritical of me to force you and Jeonghan into marriage since I
was forced into one—”

“The circumstances are different, grandma,” Joshua said softly.

Grandma hummed. “I know, but still. I suppose I see in you and Jeonghan what I saw in me
and my husband. I still do.”
“Grandma, were you happy?”

“The happiest, my dear,” she smiled. “Our relationship wasn’t perfect, we didn’t start out
perfectly. We became friends before lovers, even though we were already married. We went
through a lot, some trials almost broke us, but we were able to get past it. It wasn’t easy, it
never is, my dear Joshua.”

Joshua bit his lip. “Your love story sounds beautiful, grandma. I could only hope to have that
same love you experienced in my life.”

“You could, Joshua. You might not just see it yet,” grandma said knowingly. “Just because
things are hard doesn’t mean it will always be that way. In the same vein, not everything in a
relationship is paradise, Joshua. Things that are too sweet will eventually rot your teeth. I
know the past few days have been hard on you, with Jeonghan being away and that horrible
tabloid article,” she almost seethed as she said the last part. “It’s okay to miss him, I truly
know what that feels like,” grandma smiled, reaching out to cup Joshua’s face gently. “I can
see how you genuinely care for Jeonghan, my dear, and I can’t be happier to have you as his
partner. But more than that, know that my love for you is genuine, and I treat you like you are
my own grandchild, Joshua. If you feel lonely, I’m here and so is your aunt Suryeon. We love
you.”

Joshua didn’t realize how he started to tear up until grandma gently brushed some tears away
with her thumb. He truly did appreciate the Yoon family for welcoming him so warmly, for
never making him feel like an outsider, and for treating him like one of their own.

“If Jeonghan ever hurt you, I promise to be the first person to hit some sense into him, okay?”
grandma continued. “I have a walking stick exactly for that purpose.”

And it successfully made Joshua laugh despite his tears.

“Thank you, grandma,” he smiled.

“Hush now, stop crying,” grandma patted his cheek gently. “You should get out more to take
your mind off things. Why don’t you accompany Jihoon to Jeonghan’s old apartment
tomorrow? He might need to occupy it for a while due to his work, and you can help him
bring home some of Jeonghan’s stuff that he left there.”

“Sure, grandma,” he said as he wiped a tear. “Thank you.”

“Thanks for accompanying me, hyung,” said Jihoon as they hop off the elevator of the
condominium developed in partnership with Seungcheol’s family’s real estate development
company. The units in this floor were few as these were the prime units and Jeonghan
occupied the unit to be nearer to the Yoon’s main building.

“Sure thing, and as grandma said, I need to go out more,” Joshua chuckled softly.

“So, we’re really just here to check what else I need to bring to the unit and to take home
some of Jeonghan-hyung’s things that he left here.”

“Alright, sounds easy.”

They arrive in front of the unit and Jihoon entered the passcode which Jeonghan gave him
when they offered Jihoon the use of the unit. The sound of the locks unlocking are heard and
Jihoon presses on the handle, pushing the door forward.

“After we’re done here, we can have lunch outside,” Jihoon said as he began to walk in.

“Sure, I’m down,” Joshua said as he followed.

“We can maybe call Minghao, his studio is nearby. If he’s free maybe he can join—”
Joshua noticed how Jihoon stopped, catching up to him. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Hyung?”

Joshua thought Jihoon called him, but he wasn’t looking at Joshua. So, he followed Jihoon’s
line of sight and found that there was someone else in the unit with them. More than that, it
was someone familiar, someone Joshua had been waiting for and he turned out to be standing
right there in front of them by the unit’s living room.

“Jeonghan?” Joshua said facing the equally surprised young CEO. He seemed like he just
woke up as he was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a plain white shirt. Clearly he didn’t
look like he just arrived from Hong Kong.

“Shua—Jihoon—”

“Hyung, you’re already back in Seoul?” Jihoon asked confused.

“What are you two doing here?” he asked like he was caught.

“I’m moving in here in a few days, remember?” Jihoon explained. “But wait, hyung, what are
you doing here? Why didn’t you go straight to the main house if you’re already back?”

Joshua had this weird feeling in his stomach, like something was wrong. Jeonghan looked
from Jihoon to Joshua, his usual calm demeanor seemingly lost.

“When did you come back?” Joshua managed to ask.

“Shua, I—”
“Jeonghan?” an unfamiliar voice suddenly came from one of the two rooms of the unit. “Who
are you talking to?”

They all turn to see who it was and somehow Joshua wished he just stayed home today.

There stood by the door a tall, lithe woman, with long black hair flowing effortlessly, in
contrast to her pale skin. She was in her pajamas, silky like the tone of her voice when she
spoke.

“Oh, Jihoon, Joshua,” she said almost innocently.

There was an uncomfortable feeling building in Joshua’s chest, something heavy and
suffocating. He was panicking. This was the source of his most recent worries coming to life.

“Moyeon,” Jihoon said as if confirming Joshua’s thoughts. “What are you doing here?”

“Jeonghan brought me here,” she said sweetly.

They turn to Jeonghan who looked stressed about the situation, and it pained Joshua. “Look,
it’s not whatever you’re thinking—”

“Jihoon, maybe we can do what we’re supposed to do another day,” Joshua said, tugging on
Jihoon’s arm like it was a call for help. He didn’t want to stay here, he wanted to leave.

Perhaps if he looked toward Jeonghan, he could see the pain in the older man’s eyes as
Jeonghan watched him.

“Uh, sure, hyung,” Jihoon said. “We’ll talk later, Jeonghan-hyung.”

 “Wait—”

“Let’s go,” Joshua whispered as he began to walk toward the door.

“Shua, please, wait—”

He could hear footsteps following them as they opened the door and reach the hallway and
Moyeon calling for Jeonghan as if wanting him to stop.

“Shua!” Jeonghan caught up to them and closed the door to his apartment. This caused
Jihoon and Joshua to turn around, facing the somewhat frantic Jeonghan. “Please, let’s talk.”

Chapter End Notes

How was it?? I suppose the ex fiancee is officially back. Thoughts?

Talk to me on twitter if you feel like it: @pautriestowrite

 Chapter 14
Chapter Notes

Helloooo. I've returned with the next chapter. I know I left you all in a cliffhanger and I
hope this somehow makes up for it. Thank you for all your comments and support!!

PLEASE READ!!
ADDITIONAL TAGS: Mentions of Suicide

Hope you enjoy this! Please don't forget to separate fiction from the actual members too!
Hehe.

Disclaimer: I'm not in the medical field so I apologize for inaccuracies. Sorry for
inaccuracies in general, as well as typos and other grammatical errors.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Please, Shua,” he begged with his eyes, reaching out to hold both of Joshua’s hand with an
equal amount of gentleness and tightness. “Let me explain.”

“Jeonghan, please,” Joshua said, trying not to cry in front of Jeonghan. He pulled his hands.

“It’s really not what you think—”

“Hyung, please—” Jihoon tried to say.

“What’s going on here?” another voice said, and they turn to see Seungcheol in the hallway
approaching them. “Shua? Jihoon?”

When Seungcheol arrived to where they were at, realization dawned on him. Meanwhile,
Jeonghan’s sole focus was on Joshua.

“Please, Shua, just—let’s talk. I can explain everything,” Jeonghan pleaded. It was a tone
Joshua had never heard him use before, like he was afraid, like a child wanting to be heard. It
tugged at Joshua’s heart as much as he didn’t want them to.

As much as the sight he caught earlier pained him, he wanted to hear Jeonghan out. There
was no point in being hard on the older man and let misunderstanding take over them.

“I’m not going back in there, Jeonghan,” Joshua made an effort to even out his voice and
standing firm.

Momentary relief painted Jeonghan’s eyes. “We won’t,” Jeonghan said before turning to
Seungcheol. “Cheol, can we?”
Three pairs of eyes turn to Seungcheol who looked back with equal confusion. Eventually
understanding the request, Seungcheol sighed and nodded.

“Why are you asking Cheol?” Joshua asked.

“I own the unit across Jeonghan’s,” was what Seungcheol responded.

Right. This was built in partnership with the Chois, of course Seungcheol had a unit.

“Wait, Cheol,” said Joshua, suddenly realizing what was happening. “Did you know?”

Seungcheol gulped. He knew, and that fact hurt Joshua even more.

“Shua—”

“Let’s talk then, Jeonghan,” Joshua said coldly and Jeonghan wasted no time entering the
code to Seungcheol’s unit. “Jihoon, sorry. You can go ahead, I can make my way back to the
house.”

Jihoon shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, hyung. Take your time. I’ll wait for you. Just
message me.”

Joshua nodded as Jeonghan led the way into Seungcheol’s apartment. The door closed as they
both entered, and another door opened in the hallway.

“Jeonghan, what’s taking you so long—” Moyeon peered out into the hallway, eyes searching
for the young CEO. “Seungcheol? Where’s Jeonghan?”

Jihoon glared at her, unable to hide the irritation in his voice. “He’s talking to his husband.”

Moyeon visibly deflated, unused to the hostility she was receiving. “Jihoon, please. Don’t be
like that.” She then turned to Seungcheol when Jihoon didn’t soften. “Cheol, please. Tell
Jeonghan I need him.”

“Stop it, Moyeon. I’m not obligated to do anything for you. And truthfully, neither is
Jeonghan,” frowned Seungcheol. “Jeonghan might not see it, but I can see through you. Stop
trying to manipulate my friend.”

“Seungcheol! I’m not—”

But instead, Seungcheol grabbed Jihoon by the wrist and pulled him away. “Let’s go
somewhere else while waiting for them,” was all he said and Jihoon, surprised by the older
man’s action, allowed himself to be pulled away, leaving a frustrated former ballerina yelling
in the hallway.

Joshua entered Seungcheol’s unit, it was his first time there. It very much fit Seungcheol’s
bachelor image with the use of cool tones in his décor and furniture. Joshua removed his coat,
a clothing choice to fight off the cold December air, and hung it over Seungcheol’s coat rack.
Jeonghan led him gently to the living room. In his peripheral, he spotted near the door of one
of the rooms familiar luggage that he helped pack more than a week ago.

Jeonghan started when Joshua took a seat on Seungcheol’s leather couch. “Did you want
anything? Water maybe?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t want anything. Let’s just… talk.”

“Okay,” Jeonghan said softly, a contrast to his usually confident demeanor. He took a seat on
the same leather couch, a distance between them that was felt both physically and
emotionally. “Where do you want me to start?”

Joshua sighed. “I don’t know, Jeonghan. You’re the one who wanted to talk.”

Jeonghan flinched, unused to the cold treatment from Joshua. There was a pang of guilt that
hit him seeing Jeonghan’s reaction, after all, what right did he have to demand an
explanation? But Jeonghan said he would, so there they were.

“Then let me start off by saying that it’s not what you think,” Jeonghan said, looking at
Joshua to observe his every expression and gesture. “There’s nothing going on between me
and Moyeon, I can assure you that.”

Joshua scoffed almost instinctively. “So what is she doing in your apartment unit then?” he
grumbled almost incoherently.

“That day we talked about the article, remember that?” Jeonghan asked, but received no
response. So he continued, “I was determined to return home in the next two days whether or
not I finish all the business I need to in Hong Kong. I even asked Soobin to book the flight. I
promise, I was ready to come home,” Jeonghan saw Joshua look a bit unsure. “Then, I got a
call from a hospital,” he continued, earning a confused look from Joshua. Jeonghan took a
deep breath, “Moyeon was brought in after overdosing on sleeping pills. Apparently I was the
emergency contact on her phone.”

Joshua gulped, not knowing how to respond.

“To be honest, I panicked when I got the call,” Jeonghan almost trembled, words sticking to
his throat. “They told me once I got to the hospital what happened. When I heard that—a lot
of bad memories started flooding in.”

Joshua knew what he was talking about, memories of his mom. He didn’t know about the
details, he just knew it was one of the darkest times in Jeonghan’s life.

“I went to see her in the emergency room. Fortunately, the doctor said they were able to
pump it out of her system, but she needed to be watched over in case she attempted
anything,” clasping his hands together, he exhaled looking down. “I just couldn’t leave her
like that, Shua. I couldn’t.”

Of course, he couldn’t. That was his ex-fiancée lying on the hospital bed, someone who held
Jeonghan’s heart the longest. He couldn’t, especially not if she tried to take her own life.
Jeonghan wouldn’t be able to bear that.

“So, you brought her back here with you?” he stuttered to ask.

Jeonghan glanced up and saw the unreadable expression on Joshua’s face. “She wouldn’t let
me call any of her family, wouldn’t let me send her to the US where her parents are. She
begged me to take her back to Korea. She promised to put her life back together and to get
back on her feet in Korea, where she could still be regarded as a prima ballerina. She begged
me, Shua.”

And who was Joshua to question what Jeonghan agreed to do for other people. He could tell
that Jeonghan was studying his expressions, but even he himself can’t decipher his own
feelings. He wondered if Jeonghan could.

“I agreed,” Jeonghan tugged at his lip, “on the condition that she also get some therapy.
Because she needed it after everything she went through, with the end of her career, and after
trying to…”

Jeonghan couldn’t get himself to finish that sentence, and Joshua understood.

“So, she’s staying at your apartment?”

“For the time being,” Jeonghan rushed to respond. “I told her she can stay for a few days
while she finds a place. I’m just trying to help her get things in order before coming home.”

Joshua can feel his heart constrict and, on instinct, placed a protective hand over his belly.
The action caught Jeonghan’s attention but he was hesitant to go near him.

“When did you come back?” Joshua finally asked the question he was dying to know the
answer to, but he knew whatever answer he gave would hurt him either way.

Jeonghan gulped, inching a bit closer to Joshua. “Yesterday.”

Joshua could feel the tears he’d been holding back finally fall, worrying the frantic Jeonghan.

“I’m sorry, Shua, please don’t cr—”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Joshua finally asked. He bent down, putting both of his hands
over his tummy as he cried, feeling his whole body overflow with emotions. He’s never been
this emotional before, and perhaps later he’d wonder if it were just his hormones. “If nothing
was wrong, if nothing was going on, why couldn’t you tell me?”

Suddenly, he felt himself enveloped but warm, familiar arms.

“I’m sorry, Shua,” Jeonghan said, repeated like it was a prayer. “I’m sorry, I don’t have any
good excuse for that. I panicked ever since that hospital call, and everything was just…
everything was just a blur, my mind was all over the place once I got to the hospital. It’s not
an excuse. It’s all my fault.”

“I’ve been waiting for you to come home,” Joshua cried further, hunching even smaller.
“I know, I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“I waited…”

“I’m sorry.”

“I even assembled the damn rocker—”

Joshua hiccupped, weakly trying to push Jeonghan away.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Joshua dared to admit.

Jeonghan tightened his embrace, “Me too. I missed you so badly, Shua. I missed you and our
baby. So much.”

“But you haven’t come home.”

“I’m so sorry, Shuji. I’ve been wanting to come home too. I swear. I’ve missed you so
much.”

Joshua allowed himself to cry, to offload some of the emotions he’s been burying down for
more than a week now, and Jeonghan took them all in. Joshua cried for a few good minutes
while Jeonghan held him close, trying his best to comfort his husband.

It hurt. The last few days were lonely and barely bearable, but he waited as much as he
patiently could. But finding out that Jeonghan had already arrived, it hurt. And he showed
this to him, he showed how lonely he was, how hurt he was, how much he missed him, he
showed it to Jeonghan who accepted it all.

Jeonghan held him tight, making his presence physically known. Joshua cried and held
Jeonghan close. He allowed Jeonghan to see his vulnerabilities and Jeonghan embraced them.

When Joshua finally calmed down, Jeonghan got him a glass of water which Joshua
accepted. Now that they’ve both been able to say what they wanted to say, at least most of it,
they’re unsure of what to say next. But there were still some unanswered questions plaguing
Joshua.

“When are you coming home?” Joshua finally asked, trying not to sniffle. “Does grandma
know you’re back in Seoul?”

Jeonghan bit his cheeks, shaking his head. “No. She’d never allow me to help Moyeon if she
knew.”

Somehow, despite the words exchanged earlier, there’s still a slight sting at Joshua’s heart,
because despite everything, he’s still only Jeonghan’s spouse on paper. Moyeon was the
woman he once loved. She’s back and Jeonghan’s helping her, and it hurt him to know just
how close Moyeon is to them, to Jeonghan.

Joshua swallowed. “So, you’re staying with her?”

Jeonghan then realized what Joshua was thinking, and immediately waved his hands as if it
would chase away the thoughts off Joshua’s mind. “I’m not staying with her, Shua—I would
never do that—I slept here in Seungcheol’s unit last night,” he explained in haste, the
presence of his luggage now making sense. “Nothing’s going on, Shua. This morning, she
called saying she needs help—that’s why I was in my unit a while ago. I’m just really trying
to help her out until she can get therapy, that’s it. She’s staying at the unit because it’s the
only place I could bring her to right now. I promise I’ll sort it all out soon.”

Joshua found himself unable to completely trust those words—

“Just, please, Shua,” Jeonghan said softly, holding Joshua’s hands like a lifeline. “Just give
me some time. I’ll fix everything. I’m coming home soon.”

But he allowed himself to. Because he was already in love with Jeonghan.

Seungcheol brought them to the café at the building’s first floor and Jihoon sent Joshua a text
that he’ll be waiting for him there. They ordered a drink separately and Seungcheol picked a
seat first. Jihoon was initially hesitant if Seungcheol was willing to have him sit on the same
table, but when he approached and Seungcheol did not violently react, he took the courage
and sat in front of the older man.

They sat in silence for a good few minutes until Jihoon finally asked, “Seungcheol, what’s
Moyeon doing here?”

Without turning to look at Jihoon, Seungcheol sighed. “You should probably ask Jeonghan
that yourself. I don’t think I’m in a position to say anything. And if I’m being honest, I don’t
really know much right now.”

Jihoon understood.

Jihoon isn’t that close with Moyeon as he wasn’t around for the majority of Jeonghan’s
relationship. He just remembered when Jeonghan suddenly introduced him to Moyeon after
returning from the US where they met, she was reserved and refined, she sat perfectly straight
as a ballerina should, she spoke little to them and always clung to Jeonghan’s side. So, Jihoon
doesn’t know her that well and never made an effort to, but he does remember the aftermath
of her breaking off the engagement.

“I hope she isn’t here to cause any trouble with Jeonghan-hyung,” Jihoon said softly.

Seungcheol hummed, “Yeah, me too.”

Then they were back to silence, each sipping their own choice of drinks and Seungcheol was
on his phone as if checking for anything that might interest him. Jihoon looked at him and
thought this is the first time since he came back that he’s alone with Seungcheol and
Seungcheol hasn’t run away, making him both nervous and somewhat sad. His eyes traced
the outline of the athlete’s jaw, then to his curly mop of a hair, creased forehead and thick
furrowed eyebrows (he must have seen something that annoyed him online), to his big round
expressive eyes, his nose, and finally his plump red lips.

He looked exactly the same, except that maybe his face lost some of the baby fat it had back
then and maybe he’s gained muscle from all the training and playing he’s done. But still, he
looked exactly the same as he did six years ago and Jihoon felt something in his heart clench.

He was still the man Jihoon fell in love with.

It was as if Seungcheol must have felt him staring, so he looked up, their eyes met, and
Jihoon felt caught.

“Is something in my face? Why are you staring?” Seungcheol asked in his low voice, a little
annoyed.

Jihoon shook his head, “N-no, it’s nothing.”

Seungcheol went back to looking at his phone, and Jihoon felt himself exhale. He then
wondered when has it ever been this awkward to be around Seungcheol? Seungcheol had
always been the approachable one, the one who always befriended you first, the one who
would do his best not to make anyone feel left out. Yet, right now, he felt very iced out. This
wasn’t the way it was supposed to be, Jihoon thought.

He mustered up some courage and said, “Seungcheol?”

And the older man looked up from his phone yet again. “Hm?”

“Um… H-how are you?” he managed to say. He didn’t think this through.

Seungcheol sighed. “We don’t have to make small talk, Jihoon.”

“Please—” he said almost immediately, not wanting to be shut down just yet. “I want to
know.”

Seungcheol looked at him, scrutinizing, but eventually relents. He sighed, “I’m okay. Still
playing basketball. Our team won the last game and the season is looking good for us
overall.”

Jihoon gave a small smile as he was pleased Seungcheol somehow indulged him. “I see.
That’s good to hear, Cheol.”

Seungcheol looked up at him, and he stared back. There was a look of conflict in
Seungcheol’s eyes as if an internal battle was going on in his head.

“And you?”

This took Jihoon by surprise. Since he’s been back, Seungcheol had never shown interest in
how he was doing.
“Oh… uh… I’m good. I’ve been working with some producers, I have some music I helped
create that came out and was decently successful.”

Seungcheol hummed. “I heard,” he said softly. “Sounds like your career is working out fine,
Jihoon.”

“Uh… yeah. It’s been busy transitioning here, but… yeah.”

“So, I guess you ended up having a career here anyway,” Seungcheol scoffed, a tad of
bitterness in his tone, surprising Jihoon. Seungcheol realizing what he had said just looked
away and towards the window.

Jihoon played with his fingers as he figured out what to say next. “Sorry,” was the best he
could come up with at the moment.

Seungcheol sighed, he knew he opened the can of worms. “Let’s not talk about it. It’s all in
the past anyway.”

“Still, Seungcheol, I’m sorry,” Jihoon kept scratching at that one spot in this palm, it habit
whenever he was in uncomfortable or confrontational situations.

“Jihoon—” Seungcheol almost growled, a little frustrated. “Please, drop it.”

But Jihoon knew if he didn’t say it now, he might never get the chance to again.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. But I needed to go. You know that.”

Seungcheol, having enough, replied, “You said you’d come back. You never did.”

“I thought you’d follow.”

Seungcheol laughed hollowly. He knew it was a stupid thing to say, and neither was it fair
because before he left, he promised Seungcheol he’d be back, that they’d finally be able to be
together. But he never did.

“Yeah, well I guess we just weren’t meant to be, Jihoon.”

The next day and Joshua wasn’t feeling any better. All the weariness he felt from the effects
of yesterday seemed to have physically manifested as he felt tired and sore. Still, he had to
show up to work, it was a Monday.

He ran through the motions of a slow morning at the hospital, checking charts and doing
research for the chief.

“You look pale, hyung,” Jun said worriedly, leaning against a work desk looking at Joshua
intently. They were in the resident’s work station as Jun just finished his rounds. “Maybe you
should take a leave and rest up.”
Joshua shook his head. “I think I’ll feel worse staying at home,” he mumbled. When Jun
looked at him confused, he simply responded, “I swear I’m okay. I’m having lunch with
grandma later at the gallery nearby, I’ll be sure to eat something nutritious, okay?”

Jun looked reluctant but let it go.

“What about you, Junnie?” Joshua suddenly asked catching Jun by surprise. “How are you?
Minghao said last week that you guys… um… fought?”

Jun blinked a couple of times, like a deer caught in headlights. “He did?”

Joshua almost bit his tongue. “Oh, I mean, he mentioned it but didn’t elaborate.”

Then Jun went silent, his head downcast, and Joshua just waited until he was ready to talk
about it. “Hyung, you know about my arrangement with Minghao, right? Did you—did you
ever think we were crazy for entering into this kind of setup?”

Joshua pushed his chair away from his desk to get a clearer view of Jun. When he couldn’t
get a read, he responded with, “Who am I to say that when Jeonghan and I ended up here?”

He tried to accompany it with a slight chuckle to lighten the mood, but there was a heaviness
in his tone that Jun surely would have noticed if it weren’t for the Chinese doctor’s own
messy thoughts.

“But you and Jeonghan-hyung didn’t actually have feelings for each other,” Jun mumbled.

Joshua pursed his lips, “I thought you guys didn’t either? You were the one who proposed the
set up, right?”

“Right…” Jun sighed. “I only did that because I thought it was the only for me to be as close
to Minghao as possible. And maybe, even just have the smallest possibility that he’d actually
love me the way I love him.”

Jun’s admission caught Jun off guard. “So you…?”

Nodding slowly, he sighed. “For a very long time, hyung.”

“You managed to hide it this long?”

“I knew that if I tell him, he’d run away immediately,” Jun scoffed. “I guess I just thought his
feelings might have changed.”

“Junnie…”

“We fought because I got jealous he agreed to go out on a blind date his parents set him up
on,” sighed Jun. “I wasn’t proud of it, but I just felt… I wish that sometimes he thought about
me too.”

Joshua was surprised to find out Jun had feelings for Minghao, and that despite those
feelings, he willingly put himself in a situation that could either bring them closer or tear
them apart. Was love worth risking all of that? He could see that it not only affected Jun, but
also Minghao, based on his demeanor the last time they met. But this was their problem to
resolve.

“Don’t worry about it, hyung,” Jun forced a smile seeing Joshua’s worried face. “I’ll figure it
out. So, don’t worry about it, okay?”

Joshua nodded hesitantly as he knew he’d still worry about his friends. But he let it go
because Jun didn’t want to talk about it further.

By lunch time, the driver picked him up and brought him to the gallery that the grandma
Yoon’s foundation was sponsoring. She wanted to treat Joshua who had either been cooped
up at their home or working at the hospital for the past week, and the gallery had a very nice
Italian restaurant that grandma Yoon loved to visit. However, the driver informed Joshua that
grandma Yoon is running late from her previous engagement so Joshua will have to wait a
while.

While waiting for grandma, Joshua decided to go check one of the open exhibits in the
gallery the one displaying the works of an artist who used graphite as their main medium of
work. Joshua wasn’t that knowledgeable about art. He had no background or training, or even
know the first thing about what he was looking it.

The artist mainly drew mundane things and places from the early 2000s, something so
common that people could rarely see the beauty in them. But as Joshua looked at the
drawings, he could see places and things he could relate to, bringing in a wave of nostalgia.
There was one of an playground, there were no distinctive features that would allow Joshua
to know which playground it was but he remembered how he didn’t have the confidence to
play with other kids back in the US for being the one that looked different. And when he
moved to Korea, he was the one who sounded weird. He would have loved to play around
with other kids his age on the slides, the jungle gyms, the crawl tubes or the spinners.

Still, he was lucky enough to find lifelong friends as he grew up.

Thinking about it made him place a protective arm over his belly. He imagined his child
growing up healthy and playful, cheerful and energetic. He closed his eyes and imagined him
playing on a playground, in his kindergarten school uniform, playing with other little human
beings running around and being kids.

And then, he imagined himself sitting on one of the benches watching over his child with a
smile as a warm hands hold his. He turned to find the beautiful and angelic smile of his
husband. A future. More specifically, a future with Jeonghan. That’s what he was thinking
about.

But as he opened his eyes, he found himself shedding a small tear as he remembered recent
events that make him wonder if something so beautiful like what he had just imagined could
ever come true. He wants it, he wants that future with his child and his husband. Together. A
family. His heart ached at the thought that it might not happen.
“I only wish I could give you everything you need in this world, my love,” Joshua whispered
as he looked at his bump, gently caressing it.

Then, a voice took him out of his trance. “Shua?”

He immediately wiped his cheeks and turned to find Wonwoo approaching him.

“Wonwoo?”

“It is you,” the bespectacled man smiled as he finally reached where Joshua was. Oh yeah, he
worked for a gallery and it must have been this one. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh,” Joshua began to gather his thoughts. “I’m having lunch with grandma Yoon. I’m just
waiting for her.”

Wonwoo smiled. “I see.”

When they both didn’t know what to say next, they faced the art pieces and Joshua suddenly
felt the awkwardness between them.

“Do you know the artist?” Wonwoo suddenly asked.

“Of these works?” Joshua clarified to which Wonwoo nodded. “To be honest, I’m not quite
familiar.”

Wonwoo chuckled. “Well, she is more of an up-and-coming artist, but a lot of the younger art
collectors have been eyeing her work. This collection of hers is part of trilogy. To be precise,
this is her second collection so this is the second part.”

“Oh,” Joshua muttered, looking at the art.

“The theme for this collection is Memories Forgotten,” Wonwoo said. “She said, there are
moments forgotten, feelings buried, but not lost. They’re just waiting to be remembered.”

Joshua took it in as he studied the drawing in a new light.

They were in silence for a good minute until Wonwoo turned to him and asked, “So, how are
you?”

Joshua blinked and turned to Wonwoo. “Oh, um… I’m good, Wonwoo.”

But then he felt like he was being examined by the younger man. “You look unwell, Shua.
Are you sure?”

“Y-yeah. Just a little tired,” Joshua lied. “With the pregnancy and working, you know…”

“Then shouldn’t you take time off work to rest?”

Joshua made a face like he knew what Wonwoo was getting at but also that he didn’t really
want to explain it all.
“When it gets more difficult for me to work, I’ll start my leave, so…”

“You shouldn’t overwork yourself, Joshua,” Wonwoo said sympathetically. “For you and
your baby.”

“I know,” Joshua responded, caressing his belly still. He’s starting to feel a little worked up
from the prodding. He knew Wonwoo meant well, but he couldn’t help feeling that way.
“Don’t worry about me.”

Wonwoo still looked a little worried.

“And Jeonghan? Is he back?” Wonwoo asked abruptly and Joshua looked confused. “You
mentioned when we met that he had a business trip in Hong Kong?”

“He is,” he answered instinctively because it was true. “Why do you ask?”

“Maybe we should call him to accompany you while you wait for grandma? I’m sure if he
hears that you’re feeling a bit unwell—”

“No!” he exclaimed a bit irritably. “No—he’s um—busy. Very busy. I don’t want to bother
him.”

Wonwoo looked a little skeptic, probably seeing the reaction of Joshua. “Sorry, I didn’t mean
to sound nosy. I was just wondering.”

Joshua bit his lip, a little guilty. “Sorry, I must have sounded rude just then.”

The younger man shook his head, “No, I understand.”

They were back to being silent.

“You’re excited?” asked Wonwoo again in an effort for a conversation. Joshua turned to him.
“The baby?”

And then Joshua’s face lit up, like it was the biggest joy in his life. “Yeah.”

“I’m happy for you, Shua,” Wonwoo smiled and Joshua returned the same. “Come on, let’s
go to the restaurant, I’ll walk you there.”

Joshua nodded and thought it was best to wait for grandma in the restaurant, seated and
resting. Wonwoo started walking ahead and Joshua started taking his first steps when he
suddenly felt very dizzy, from his perspective the floor was somehow moving, and his vision
began to blur.

He stumbled, almost falling, but Joshua somehow managed another step. But everything
became too much and he could hear Wonwoo shout.

“Shua!”

But it all turned black.

-

Wonwoo immediately called Joshua’s driver who was waiting for Joshua by the lobby, an
unconscious Joshua in his arms. They rush them to the hospital, the nearest one being where
Joshua worked.

Thankfully Jun was on duty in the emergency room and immediately (albeit frantically)
attended to Joshua, calling for the obstetrics attending. They run some tests while Wonwoo
instructed the driver to call grandma Yoon. Eventually, Joshua was moved to a private room
as they waited for Dr. Nam to return to Seoul to check up on Joshua. Meanwhile, a panic-
stricken grandma Yoon arrived with her secretary in tow. One look at the sleeping Joshua
made her want to cry.

“Oh my goodness, Joshua,” she wailed as she approached Joshua’s bed, Wonwoo and Jun
moved away to make room for grandma. “What happened? How is he?”

The attending obstetrics doctor spoke. “Chairwoman Yoon, he’s okay. We’ve given him some
fluids for hydration.”

“Why did he faint?” she asked taking the seat by the bed and stroking Joshua’s hair gently.

“What he experienced is what we can vasovagal syncope, and in Joshua’s case, it seemed like
his blood pressure dropped, which could have been a result of stress or anxiety that he might
have been experiencing.”

Grandma Yoon deeply sighed. “My poor, Joshua,” she said fretfully before turning to her
secretary. “Where’s Jeonghan? Has anyone told him? Tell him to come home right away.”

“Is Jeonghan still not back yet, grandma?” Jun had the urge to ask as unlike Seungcheol, he
wasn’t aware of where Jeonghan is.

Grandma shook her head saying, “No, he’s still in Hong Kong.”

Wonwoo’s face scrunched in confusion. “Chairwoman Yoon, I thought Jeonghan was already
back in Korea?”

“Oh, Jeon Wonwoo? What are you doing here?” grandma turned to the bespectacled man,
failing to notice his presence due to her earlier worry.

“Um, I was the person with Joshua when he fainted.”

“You two know each other?”

Wonwoo nodded, his neck stiffening. Jun also visibly tensed. “We were acquaintances in high
school and have been catching up recently.”

“I see,” grandma Yoon asked no further. “To answer your question, no, he’s not yet back.”

“But,” Wonwoo hesitated for a split second. “Joshua said he was already back. He came back
the other day.”
“No, that can’t be. He would have been home then,” grandma said confidently.

“Are you sure that’s what Joshua said?” asked Jun.

“That’s strange,” Wonwoo said. “He seemed sure. And there was no reason for him to lie
about it. Joshua said Jeonghan already arrived in Seoul.”

Grandma Yoon pondered, and that was true, there was no reason for Joshua to lie about
Jeonghan returning. Then she remembered how she hasn’t received any updates from
Jeonghan for the past few days making her suspicious.

“Get me Soobin on the phone now,” grandma Yoon ordered her secretary. The secretary
immediately got his phone and searched through his contacts.

While grandma Yoon waited, the door swung open and there stood Dr. Hong Johnny with a
worried look on his face. Jun and the obstetrics doctor bow and Johnny rushed to Joshua’s
side.

“I was just informed after my surgery, is he okay?”

The doctor explained as she had explained to grandma Yoon, who had just stepped out to talk
to Soobin on the phone.

“Who was with Joshua when he fainted?” Johnny asked.

Wonwoo spoke, “Me, sunbae.”

Johnny looked up, surprised to see Wonwoo there. “Jeon Wonwoo? What are doing here—
Wait? You’re the one with Joshua?”

“Sunbae, it was just a coincidence. He was going to have lunch with Chairwoman Yoon at the
gallery’s restaurant and I happen to work there,” Wonwoo explained, not wanting to get
Joshua in trouble with his family.

Johnny still eyed him with skepticism. “You shouldn’t stay here long. I’m sure my dad had
heard of what happened and will visit Joshua soon enough.”

Wonwoo sighed and nodded in understanding.

Jeonghan was back in his apartment unit to talk to Moyeon about scheduling an appointment
with a therapist and finding her work in Seoul. Yesterday he was unable to do so as she was
quite hysterical after being left alone and he was genuinely physically exhausted. But he’s
made a few calls already, he’s been sorting everything as fast as he could.

“Moyeon, I only agreed to take you with me to Seoul so you can get therapy,” Jeonghan said
tiredly. “If you don’t agree to do this, I will stop helping you.”
Moyeon laid down a plate of food she prepared. “Jeonghan, don’t you want to eat first. Look,
I’ve cooked us some lunch. I’ve been practicing!”

“I’ve already eaten, Moyeon. Please, can we focus?”

The ex-ballerina frowned. “We just got back from Hong Kong, Jeonghan. Shouldn’t we enjoy
first and relax? We can spend time toge—”

“Moyeon,” he interrupted, the iciness on his voice evident. “I told you, I’m not getting back
together with you. I’m helping you now because of the years we’ve shared and you were
once a part of my life. But I’m telling you now, don’t expect a relationship with me. I’m
going back home tonight so—”

She adamantly shook her head. “But, Jeonghan, you still love me, don’t you? I’m still the one
you love and want to marry. I’m here now. I’m back. I’m ready! Please, let’s get back
together. Don’t leave me here!” She reached out through the table and grabbed Jeonghan’s
hand which he pulled away instantly, angering her.

He sighed heavily. “We talked about this, remember?”

“Why can’t we, Jeonghan? I’m finally ready. Can’t you see? Please! I want you back. I need
you back,” she begged.

The conversation is going in circles, Jeonghan felt. Moyeon just simply refused to take no for
an answer. “It’s over, Moyeon. We’ve ended things over a year ago.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. “But we can still make it work, right? You still love me, right?”

The heavy denial Moyeon dwelled in was making things hard for Jeonghan. Moyeon was
treated like a princess by her family, so when she wanted to move to Seoul to pursue being a
ballerina, they let her even though they had to work hard to support her expenses. Her family
wasn’t nearly as rich as Jeonghan’s, but they supported her with all their might. Moyeon
wanted to live the grandiose lifestyle, to be known as a prima ballerina and travel the world,
to have all eyes on her and to have all the luxuries spent on her. She expected the same
treatment from Jeonghan and everyone else around her, which is why she was used to getting
her way without much regard for everyone around her.

She wasn’t always like that. When she and Jeonghan were starting out, she was sweet and
caring, and she made every effort on their relationship. They supported each other until she
started feeling like her dreams were more important than his.

“I’m sorry, Moyeon. I don’t feel the same way for you anymore. It’s really over,” Jeonghan
sighed helplessly. “I’m just trying to help you get back on your feet. So, please, stop bringing
up our past.”

“Jeonghan, please, I promise to be better,” she stood up from her seat and went to Jeonghan’s
side, kneeling before him, pleading. “I’ll be better, better than Joshua—”
“Moyeon, stop!” Jeonghan stood up, angered, moving away from Moyeon and to the living
room. Moyeon chased him. Putting his hands up, ears red, he gritted, “Just stop, please.”

“Jeonghan!” she cried, hugging him desperately in surprise.

“Stop, you can’t keep doing this,” he tried to pry her hands off him without hurting her. “You
can’t keep playing the victim card, Moyeon! I told you I’m not getting back together with
you. You acting like—like this, I’m not going to tolerate it anymore. I will stop—”

A beep could be heard from the door, someone was entering the passcode to the unit. They
both turn to see who was coming inside the apartment, and both are surprised to see who was
standing by the door.

Grandma Yoon stood there visibly aghast at the sight of Jeonghan and Moyeon, eyes glaring
at them, seething in anger.

“Grandma?” Jeonghan’s mouth was agape as he stared at the woman approaching them, her
secretary and Soobin, who had a guilty look plastered on his face, in tow as if trying to stop
her. At the presence of the Yoon matriarch, Moyeon released Jeonghan from her grasps.
“Grandma, what are you—”

A resounding slap echoed in the apartment unit, skin making contact against skin, shocking
everyone else in the room.

“Yoon Jeonghan!” her anger echoed through the apartment.

The secretaries visibly froze. Moyeon covered her mouth in shock, muttering, “Grandma,
please—"

And another slap, but on a different surface of skin. “That was for what you put my grandson
through. And don’t you dare call me grandma,” she said in disgust as she stared at the young
woman cowering in fear. “You lost all right.”

“Grandma—”

“You!” she turned to Jeonghan. “What the hell do you think you’re doing here with her?”

“Please, grandma, calm down, your blood pressure—”

“Don’t touch me, Yoon Jeonghan!” she growled when Jeonghan tried to reach out. “What is
she doing here?”

“Grandma, I’m just trying to help her,” Jeonghan tried to explain. “Can we sit and talk?”

But grandma Yoon glared at him. “She’s trying to get back together with you, isn’t she?”

“Gran—Chairwoman, please, I love Jeonghan—”

Grandma Yoon was tempted to give her another slap, but tried her best not to, trying to even
her breathing. She was fuming.
“How dare you, Kang Moyeon? He’s married and is expecting a child? How can you even
think of breaking a family up?” grandma cried. “Have you no shame? Were you always this
low?”

“Chairwoman, please… Please, I’ll do everything—”

“I’m not getting back together with her, grandma,” Jeonghan butted in, his voice clear as a
cloudless sky. “So, please, calm down. Your health—”

“Jeonghan!” Moyeon cried in frustration.

“And you, Yoon Jeonghan,” she yelled. “How could you be here with your ex while your
pregnant husband is in the hospital right now?”

“What?” Jeonghan looked visibly shocked at the news. “What do you mean he’s in the
hospital?”

“Joshua was rushed to the hospital. How could you not be the first person to know?”

And with those words, Jeonghan’s world froze.

“W-what?” he stuttered.

“Joshua fainted from stress and anxiety and was rushed to the hospital,” grandma Yoon
gritted. “All while you’re here with her.”

“I—I—” Jeonghan’s mind was running a mile-a-minute. His heart constricted at the thought
of Joshua in the hospital and something horrible having happened to him. “I need to see him
—I need to go—”

Moyeon was suddenly scrambling on her feet to get to Jeonghan, almost tripping on her
steps. She grabbed his hand desperately. “Jeonghan, no! Please stay! I need you! You can’t do
this to me, Jeonghan—”

But Jeonghan couldn’t care about her at this point, and it’s shown in his eyes that reflected
nothing but worry and concern for his husband as he pushed her hands away. “I have to go!
Soobin—”

He doesn’t even see her right now. He turned to his secretary who was just as panicked,
nodding to signal that he’ll bring Jeonghan to Joshua immediately.

He successfully pried her hands off with force this time, and ran toward the door, his
secretary hurriedly following him without need of instructions, ignoring the shouts of the
young woman he leaves in the unit. All that he could think about was seeing Joshua and
making sure he and their baby are okay.

Grandma Yoon also started to move, leaving a distraught Moyeon behind, but stopped to say,
“I’ll deal with you later.”
Chapter End Notes

Welp. Grandma is our hero.

Thoughts??
 Chapter 15
Chapter Notes

Hi! I'm back with a new chapter hehe. Got a little too excited to write this, so here it is.

PLEASE READ. ADDITIONAL TAGS: Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mentions of

Death.

As usual, please know I'm not a medical professional so expect some inaccuracies. I
apologize in advance for typos and other errors.

Hope you enjoy this one!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

The hospital has been one of his least favorite places to be. If he could avoid going to a
hospital, he would. There were just so many bad memories there.

He knew this one would just add to that list.

He barged in the door of the room Soobin told him Joshua would be in, and the people inside
turned to see the newcomer but he paid them no mind. All he cared about was the man
currently lying down on the hospital bed, an IV injected into his veins and beeping machines
beside his bed adding to his anxiety.

“Shua,” he breathed as he approached, panic written all over his face. He took in the sleeping
form of his husband, pale and thinned, and it was like a jab to his gut.

“Jeonghan,” a voice called, and he turned to see Johnny who had been sitting on the couch
talking to his residents to whom he was giving instructions to. Given Joshua’s status and
family, the private room he was in was one for VIPs–there was a couch set, a dining area, and
a personal comfort room. A room big enough to make the patient and his family comfortable
while in the hospital, and yet nothing here made Jeonghan comfortable.

“Hyung, please tell me what happened,” Jeonghan pleaded as the residents bowed and took
their leave.

Johnny walked over to the other side of the bed. “I talked to the OB that attended him a while
ago. He said Joshua’s blood pressure dropped causing him to faint, and based on the tests ran
it is highly likely that Joshua had been very distressed lately.”

Jeonghan gnawed at his lower lip and cheeks as he listened to Johnny’s explanation.
“Is he safe? And our baby?” he asked anxiously looking at Joshua, his hand instinctively
finding Joshua’s and squeezing it.

Johnny nodded even if Jeonghan’s eyes were focused on Joshua. “Yeah, they’re safe. Joshua
just needs to rest more and avoid stress to minimize the possibility of this happening again.
His pregnancy might be more delicate given his mental and physical state right now, so he
really has to take care of his body. For him and the baby.”

This was his fault. That’s what he kept replaying in his head. He caused this to happen to
Joshua and he doesn’t know how he could forgive himself if anything ever happened to them.

His free hand went to caress the young doctor’s pale face, his thumb brushing against
Joshua’s cheekbones. He couldn’t help but fret over the lack of color on his face.

“Shua… I’m so sorry. So sorry, baby. I should have been there for you… I should have been
better for you and our little one,” he whispered, voice strained by the overwhelming guilt
building up inside him. A tear started to fall on his face, followed by another until he didn’t
realize he was crying.

“He’ll be okay, Jeonghan,” assured Johnny. “We’ll all just have to take care of him better.”

Definitely. Jeonghan will definitely do better for Joshua and their child, he promised himself
as he continued to gently caress Joshua’s face.

“Okay, hyung.”

The door swung open and in came Jun followed by Wonwoo, the latter’s presence surprising
Jeonghan.

“Jeonghan-hyung!” Jun greeted happily. “Thank god, you’re finally here.”

Jeonghan nodded in response and then turned to Wonwoo. “Wonwoo, what are you doing
here?”

“He was the one who brought Joshua in,” Johnny said making Jeonghan’s face scrunch in
confusion.

“You were with Shua?”

Wonwoo approached and took a look at Joshua before answering, fixing his glasses on his
face in the process. “He was waiting for Chairwoman Yoon in the gallery for lunch and I
happened to work there. While I accompanied him to the restaurant he fainted and I was able
to catch him before he hit the ground.”

Something in the way Wonwoo looked at him irked Jeonghan, like he was asking him ‘where
were you?’

“Thanks,” he said, albeit impassively.

“No need to thank me,” Wonwoo said. “I’m glad to have been there for Shua before anything
bad could happen.”

Jeonghan felt a little attacked, although he knew Wonwoo couldn’t possibly know what has
been happening with him and Joshua over the past few days. Still, he supposed he deserved
it.

But all those feelings were washed away when he felt something squeeze his hand. Surprised,
he turned to look at his hand that was still holding Joshua’s and found that it was the latter’s
hand that was moving.

He leaned in, “Shua?”

This caused Johnny, Jun and Wonwoo to approach the bed.

“Baby, are you awake now?” Jeonghan said, his face etched in worry.

Joshua stirred a bit, slowly opening his eyes. Jeonghan could tell his eyes were still adjusting
to the light, and the young doctor started to take in the view in front of him. He looked
around, before finally settling on a pair of worried brown eyes.

“Jeonghan…”

Jeonghan held Joshua’s hand with both of his tightly. “Yes, baby. I’m here. I’m here, Shua.”

Joshua’s movements were slow and weak, his voice a bit hoarse. Then, as if the memories
were flooding in, his eyes grew wide. “Jeonghan—our baby? Is our baby okay? Jeonghan—”

The young CEO sat down on the empty space on Joshua’s bed as Joshua’s grip tightened on
his hand, pulling him in.

“Shh… Shuji, calm down. Yes, our baby is fine. You’re fine now, you both are,” he said
slowly and soothingly, wiping away the tears that started to well and fall from Joshua’s eyes
so that Joshua can better absorb the information.

He can see the expression suddenly change in Joshua’s face from worry to relief, and it also
relieved him that Joshua was calming down.

“You’re sure?” Joshua asked expectantly.

Jeonghan nodded with a reassuring smile. “Johnny-hyung can explain it to you, Shua.”

Joshua then took in the presence of the other people in the room, all with worried looks on
their faces.

“Hyung,” Joshua said weakly as he looked at his brother.

“Yes, Joshua. Everything’s fine now. You just have to rest well, okay?” Johnny reassured.
Then he turned to Jun and Wonwoo and suddenly he remembered everything else,
unconsciously squeezing Jeonghan’s hand.

“Wonwoo–what are you…”

“I brought you in after you fainted,” Wonwoo said softly. “I’m glad you’re okay, Shua.”

Joshua gulped as he looked at Johnny who nodded.

“Oh. I–I see. Thank you, Wonwoo,” Joshua said, giving the bespectacled man a small smile.
“I appreciate that.”

Wonwoo returned the smile warmly, and somehow Jeonghan couldn’t help but feel a little
annoyed at the exchange. Annoyed at Wonwoo or at himself, he wasn’t quite sure. Right now,
anyway, all that matters was Joshua was okay and that he was now awake.

“Wonwoo, I know I said you could stay before my dad gets here,” sighed Johnny. “He might
come anytime soon. Since Joshua already woke up and Jeonghan’s here, maybe you should
go. I don’t want to be rude, but I’m not sure how my parents will react if they catch you
here.”

“Hyung…” Joshua called meekly, the worry on his face was evident. This would be the first
time since his high school days were his parents would see Wonwoo again and, if anything,
Joshua knew his father still treated Wonwoo as a dark smear in Joshua’s past.

Jeonghan tried to gently rub circles on Joshua’s hand hoping it could help him relax.

“It’s okay, Shua. Dad is coming from a conference outside of Seoul with Mom. They’re still
on their way.”

Wonwoo must have noticed the panic the arrival of Joshua’s parents bring him, so he said,
“Yeah, I should go ahead now. I’m glad you’re safe, Shua.”

Joshua turned to Wonwoo with thankful eyes. “Thanks, Wonwoo.”

“No need, Shua. I owe you so much more than this,” the art curator said and he slowly exited
the room.

Jeonghan unknowingly clenched Joshua’s hand a little tighter, making Joshua look up in
worry, but had no time to ask when Johnny and Jun excused themselves to tend to their work
in the hospital. Johnny said he’ll have the OB doctor come by to check on Joshua.

Now alone with Joshua, Jeonghan pulled a seat close to the bed. Joshua pulled himself up and
Jeonghan assisted in adjusting the bed to a comfortable angle for Joshua.

“How are you feeling now? Do you want anything?” Jeonghan asked when Joshua leaned
back against fluffed pillows.

“I’d love some water, please,” Joshua said and Jeonghan immediately got to his feet and went
to the refrigerator where there were ready bottles of water. He got one and opened it for
Joshua before handing it to the younger.

He sat back down as he waited for Joshua to finish drinking so he can take the bottle from
Joshua’s hands.

They sat in silence for a while just letting themselves take in each other’s presence. Jeonghan
missed this. He missed so badly Joshua’s presence during his whole stay in Hong Kong and
since he returned, and he’s thankful he could be beside him right now and that Joshua was
letting him.

“I’m sorry,” Joshua said, surprising Jeonghan who looked up at him.

“What for?”

Joshua bit his lips as if stopping himself from crying. “I–I wasn’t being careful. I put our
baby’s life in danger–I’m sorry, Jeonghan–I–”

But then Jeonghan immediately got up, sat in the space beside Joshua, placing a hand at the
back of the brown-haired man’s head and another at his back and pulled the crying man into
his chest.

“Shh… Shuji, don’t cry, please,” Jeonghan hushed, gently rubbing soothing strokes on
Joshua’s back hoping it would help him calm down. “It’s not your fault. It’s not. You did
everything right, baby.” He could feel Joshua’s hands pull at his shirt, crumpling the fabric as
the younger man nuzzled between Jeonghan’s neck. Jeonghan pressed against Joshua’s hair,
“It’s my fault. It’s all my fault, I should have come home sooner–been a better husband to
you, a dad to our baby. It’s my fault. I’m sorry, so, so sorry.”

Jeonghan could feel Joshua’s trembling hands loosen on his shirt until they were completely
let go, and then Joshua’s hands moved behind Jeonghan’s waist, embracing him. He hated
himself for making Joshua feel this way, for letting Joshua go through this. He hated himself
more than anyone else could place a judgment on him.

Joshua sniffled against Jeonghan’s neck, “Jeonghan…”

The position was uncomfortable for Jeonghan from where he sat as Joshua pulled him in, and
he continued to encase Joshua in his arms. But he didn’t mind, he’d endure it all just to have
Joshua this close once again.

Jeonghan loosened his tense muscles as he held Joshua even closer, taking in his scent that he
longed for while he was gone.

“Shh now, Shuji,” Jeonghan hummed. “It’s all going to be okay. Please don’t worry
anymore.”

They held that position until Joshua settled down. Joshua let go of his hold first, leaning back
so they could now face each other, and Jeonghan could see the heavy bags beneath his
husband’s puffy eyes, and internally scolded himself for what he put Joshua through. He
raised his hand to cup Joshua’s cheek, tender touches to which Joshua leaned into. He rubbed
the skin beneath Joshua’s eyes, hoping he could make them disappear and that he could bring
color into his face once more. If only magic were real.

“I’m so sorry, Shuji,” Jeonghan softly said once more.

To his surprise, Joshua held the hand cupping his cheek, pulling it down and holding it with
both his hands.

“Your cheek,” Joshua mumbled. “It’s red.”

Startled, Jeonghan shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you coming home now?” Joshua asked, hope evident in his voice.

The question was like a bucket of ice cold water being dumped on him. The man before him,
the beautiful, beautiful man, was an angel. And the realization that he hurt someone as
beautiful as Joshua was a slap stronger than what his grandmother gave him earlier because
he couldn’t believe he could do something like that to Joshua.

He didn’t even realize that he was crying until Joshua gently placed his hand on his face and
wiped the tears away.

“Why are you crying?”

“I don’t deserve you…” Jeonghan mumbled as he stared at those kind brown eyes that
seemed like they were looking through his soul.

Joshua tilted his head, confused. “What?”

Jeonghan shook his head. “I’m home now, Shuji. I’m here with you,” Jeonghan smiled
through his tears. “I’m home.”

Joshua smiled back right before the door opened and Joshua could see his own family enter
the room. His mom frantically ran to her son’s side and Jeonghan politely stood up to give
way, discreetly wiping his tears as he greeted his in-laws.

“Jisoo,” his mom quickly held her son’s hand and checked his condition. “My dear, what
happened?”

“His blood pressure dropped making him faint, mom,” Johnny answered from behind them.
“He just needs to rest.”

He heard Joo-hwan sigh heavily. “Jisoo, you should be taking better care of yourself as you
are carrying another life in you. You should no longer be just thinking about yourself. You’re
a doctor, no less.”

Joshua bit his lip, he looked hurt from his dad’s words. “Sorry–”

“Dad,” Jeonghan interrupted. “I’m sure he didn’t want this to happen. In any case, it’s my
fault. I’m the one who stressed Joshua out.”
Joshua looked at Jeonghan like he was crazy for saying that to his father, but Jeonghan stood
his ground.

“I’ll take better care of Joshua, dad,” Jeonghan said. “So, if it’s okay, please don’t scold him
anymore. It’s really not his fault.”

Joo-hwan eyed Jeonghan and then Joshua and sighed, placing his hands behind his back
posturing dominance. “Then, Jeonghan, can I expect that you’d also not let my son anywhere
near Jeon Wonwoo?”

Joshua’s eyes grew wide. They knew his father was aware of anything that would go on in
this hospital, especially the fact that the person who brought Joshua in was Wonwoo. But the
fact that he knew it right away—

“Dad–”

“It’s not like that, dad–”

“Honey–”

“I thought you’d be making better decisions now, Jisoo,” Joo-hwan clicked his tongue,
shaking his head in disapproval. It didn’t take a yell to let Joshua know his dad was not
happy. “You said you wouldn’t make the same mistakes as before. Are you going to keep
disappointing me, Jisoo?”

Jeonghan wanted to speak up again, but he saw how Joshua’s hands trembled, clutching the
blanket anxiously so he quickly moved to hold Joshua and calm him down.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he whispered softly.

“Dad, please,” Johnny spoke up this time. “Let’s not distress Joshua any more. He needs to
rest.”

Jeonghan turned to Joo-hwan adding, “Please don’t misunderstand, dad. They just met by
coincidence. Joshua was supposed to have lunch with grandma.”

Still, the Joo-hwan’s expression remained unimpressed. “In any case, Jisoo, given what
happened and the advice of the OB doctor who attended to you, you should start your leave
pregnancy leave effective immediately. Working in a high-stress environment such as this
hospital will only add to your stress, I suppose.”

Joshua bit his lip but nodded nonetheless, he knew the decision was practically final anyway.
His dad’s word was just as good as law in this hospital.

Young-ae turned to Joshua again. “Oh, my Jisoo. Don’t worry, we’ll take care of you, okay?”

Joo-hwan left after that and Young-ae stayed with Jeonghan to attend to Joshua who was to
stay the night in the hospital for observation. Suryeon arrived after dinner to give Jeonghan a
change of clothes and the latter stayed the night. They didn’t talk much anymore after
Suryeon and Young-ae left, allowing Joshua to rest more since he’d been awake since the
afternoon while Jeonghan quietly caught up on work and ignoring incessant calls from a
particular person and ended up falling asleep on the couch.

In the morning, Joshua was discharged and was cleared by Dr. Nam to go home after he
checked up on him earlier that day. Grandma came to check on Joshua and to accompany the
couple back home.

“Seuncheol sent your things over,” grandma said, still giving Jeonghan a rather cold
treatment since yesterday. “On Moyeon,” she sighed. “I won’t let you let her stay there any
longer. She’ll have to find a place in the next few days, Jihoon will be using the apartment.”

Joshua was waiting in the van as Jeonghan and grandma was talking outside discreetly.

“I know, grandma,” Jeonghan said. “I’ll sort everything out.”

When they get home, Jeonghan brought Joshua up to their room so he can rest, the latter still
feeling a bit weak. Joshua laid on their bed while Jeonghan took a shower as he still had to go
to the office to catch up on work. He stepped out of their walk-in closet and he found Joshua
seated on their bed, his eyes staring intently at Jeonghan’s phone.

“Is something the matter, Shua?” Jeonghan asked as he approached, a towel around his
shoulders as he was still drying his hair.

Joshua looked up at him, his eyes a little tired. “She’s been calling you nonstop.”

Immediately, he sat down on their bed, facing Joshua as he took his phone from his hand, and
sure enough, it was buzzing and Moyeon’s name was clear on the screen. Still, Jeonghan
rejected the call, set it aside and took Joshua’s hand instead.

“Jeonghan,” Joshua said softly. “I’ve been wanting to ask you, but I guess I just wasn’t sure
how…”

He already had an idea, but still Jeonghan asked, “What is it?”

“Now that you’re back here… what about her?”

Jeonghan smiled weakly, rubbing Joshua’s hands with his thumbs. “I told you, and I meant
it–I’m only helping her get back on her feet here. That’s all.”

“She’s been looking for you,” Joshua said, more like a statement than a question.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m staying here,” said Jeonghan, eyes looking directly at Joshua, easing
the younger man’s doubts and fears. “With you. Just you.”

Joshua swallowed, his hands squeezing back. “You mean that?”

Jeonghan paused, he could see the doubts and insecurities flooding Joshua’s eyes and he
wanted nothing more than to ease those away.
“Shua, when I saw how hurt you were when you saw me in the apartment unit, I knew just
how big of a mistake I made,” Jeonghan started, his eyes filled with guilt. “But still, I asked
for time and understanding from you and you still gave that.”

Then he closed his eyes, as if remembering something painful.

“Then, when–” he choked, words caught in his throat, “when grandma said that you were
rushed to the hospital, it was like–like everything around me just stopped, and then
everything felt like it was crumbling. I was so scared… so scared, Shua.”

“Jeonghan…”

“And all I could think about was seeing you and finding out how you were doing–you and
our baby, I needed to see you immediately,” Jeonghan continued before he opened his eyes.
“Then, when I saw you in that bed, unconscious, I thought to myself, I can’t lose you. I can’t
lose both of you, Shuji.”

“You didn’t, Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan shook his head. “You mean so much to me, Shua–so much–you can’t even imagine.
And I was wrong, to not prioritize you and our child, and for that I almost lost you. You are
my priority now, Shua. You.” And he reached out, hesitant at first, but as if Joshua read his
mind, the younger man guided Jeonghan’s hand to his belly. “Both of you.”

He gently caressed Joshua’s bump. “I’ll do better, Shua. I promise, I’ll be better.”

Joshua smiled after hearing that, and Jeonghan wanted to make sure that from here on out,
he’d only make Joshua smile even more.

The next few days had been very exhausting for Jeonghan. He had a lot of work to catch up
on, on top of all the work he still had to finish. During that time, a few of their friends had
come by to visit Joshua and also to keep him entertained as he was effectively on leave.
Vernon and Seungkwan dropped by as well as Vernon was not able to catch his brother in the
hospital. He had been dealing with Moyeon through his secretary, namely, he had found
Moyeon a job as a ballet instructor in a popular studio in Seoul and had scheduled her an
appointment with a therapist. He also found her another apartment to move into near that
studio.

As can be expected, she was even more hysterical when Jeonghan refused to talk to her
directly and would lash out at Soobin. She called Jeonghan incessantly but Jeonghan wanted
her to know that there were boundaries to be made. Surprisingly, a few days after, she
somehow managed to stay quiet and accepted the help Jeonghan offered. She accepted the
instructor job and moved into the apartment, having enough savings to pay for the rent on her
own.

Things between Jeonghan and Joshua are still a little off, not like how it used to be before he
went to Hong Kong. He could tell they were both walking on eggshells around each other,
words hung in the air and unsure actions placed some distance between them. Jeonghan is
aware that not everything can go back to how he left it, but he will make it up to Joshua, he
promised.

“Hey,” Jeonghan greeted when he got out of their bathroom and found Joshua sitting on their
bed. The latter looked up and offered a smile.

“Mingyu is coming by today to continue the nursery,” Joshua said, closing his phone.

Jeonghan nodded. He has seen the nursery and saw the newly painted patch of wall, and he
could clearly see Joshua’s vision interpreted by Mingyu and it made him smile. He also
already saw the deer rocker having been assembled, a pang of guilt suddenly hitting him
again.

He broke down that night, upon laying eyes on the rocker, while Joshua was asleep in their
room. He cried, trying so hard to muffle the sounds so no one could hear him, and hit himself
on the chest, feeling all the weight of the fear of losing Joshua and their baby, of Joshua being
alone, of hurting Joshua. He cried them all that night hugging close the deer rocker that his
husband assembled by himself.

“Alright, let me know if you need anything there,” Jeonghan offered. “Seungcheol also asked
to meet me tonight,” Jeonghan bit his lip. “He talked to Jihoon apparently and I guess he
needs to vent… If that’s okay with you?”

Joshua frowned. “Jeonghan, of course. You don’t have to ask permission from me. You know
that, right?”

Jeonghan went to sit beside Joshua, a hand scratching his nape. “Am I making things
awkward?”

“To be honest? A little,” Joshua admitted. “I know you’re sorry, and you’re making up for
it… but–can we–let’s try to go back to… I don’t know… normal?”

Jeonghan breathed, “Okay. I’d want that to.”

Joshua smiled a little.

“So, Jihoon and Seungcheol?”

Jeonghan sighed. “Yeah, apparently. Jihoon hasn’t said anything, not that I’ve seen him
around the house lately.”

“But at least they finally talked, right?” offered Joshua to which Jeonghan gave a soft smile.

“Perhaps. There’s a lot of unresolved issues between them. Seungcheol won’t be able to run
from them forever.”

-
Heaven’s Cloud was Seungcheol’s favorite place to drink which offered him the most privacy
apart from his own apartment. Of course, it helped that he was the best friend of the heir to
the Yoon Group, and as a kind-of celebrity with his professional athlete status, he’d rather
drink where no one was around to listen in or watch him, or worse, take videos of him. He’s
had his fair share of scandals in the past from not being careful enough.

When Jeonghan arrived, Seungcheol had already started drinking a bottle of Macallan on the
table. He’d never buy that off the shelf of a bar unless he really needed it.

“That bad?” Jeonghan asked, taking his coat off and sitting opposite of Seungcheol.

“He’s now living across me, Jeonghan,” grumbled Seungcheol, staring down at his glass.
“Damn, why did I agree to a unit right in front of yours? What a dumb decision.”

Jeonghan chuckled and Seungcheol glared at him.

“It’s not funny. I bumped into him a couple of times already and I keep scrambling away
looking like a fool doing so.”

“Why are you avoiding him, I thought you guys talked already?”

“It wasn’t that kind of talk, there were so many things unsaid,” exhaled Seungcheol, leaning
back against the leather couch. “But…”

“But?”

“He asked if we can try again…” it was almost a whisper but Jeonghan heard him clearly.

Jihoon moved to the US before his last year of college, and he stayed there for six years
without ever returning to Korea even once. Seungcheol took that to mean that he no longer
planned to keep his promise of returning. When Jihoon stopped responding to him, when
Seungcheol accepted that it was over for them, or whatever it is they had, he went into a
downward spiral worse than Jeonghan’s. He resorted to alcohol and sleeping around (which
he still did now only moderately) until it almost ruined his life.

“And you said?”

“What did you expect me to say? Of course I said no,” Seungcheol huffed, taking another sip
of the whiskey. “How could he even ask that of me after leaving me and ghosting me like
that?”

Jeonghan sighed.

“I know he’s your cousin, Han,” Seungcheol said. “But I loved him with everything I had. I
know we were kids then, we were rash to act on our feelings for each other given the
circumstances back then, knowing he had to leave for a while. But, Han, he never came back,
and that broke me.”

Jeonghan let the silence linger a bit longer, pondering. “You don’t love Jihoon anymore?”
Jeonghan asked, pouring himself a drink.
Seungcheol clicked his tongue. “Jeonghan, you know that loving someone doesn’t mean it’s
easy to forgive them and take them back in our lives. In fact, the more you love someone, the
greater the pain it gives when they hurt you, when they leave you.”

“So, you do love him?”

Seungcheol laughed hollowly, staring at the still brown liquid in his glass. “When he didn’t
return to Korea after graduating and he stopped communicating with me, I flew there myself.
I looked for him when you guys wouldn’t tell me where he was, you remember?” Jeonghan
flinched, this was Seungcheol’s rock bottom. “Until I found him working in a music label. I
didn’t go to him immediately, watching from afar, wondering what was so great with his life
there that he couldn’t go back to me. Then I saw him happy in his element, happy with the
people surrounding him, and perhaps he was even in a relationship with that guy who always
clung to his side with fleeting touches on his arm. I don’t know–I don’t want to know. The
way he laughed with him, the way they talked about music together...”

“Cheol…”

“And I realized–” Seungcheol scoffed. “I no longer had a place in his future. He no longer
made space for me. So, what was I supposed to do? How can I force myself on someone who
no longer remembered the promises he made with me?”

He took another swig of his whiskey, downing whatever remained in his glass before pouring
himself another.

“So, it makes me question,” Seungcheol gulped. “Why does he want to get back together?
Why now? Why after all these years?”

Jeonghan understood Seungcheol. He saw the man at his lowest and watched him pick
himself back up. It wasn’t easy.

“Why don’t you try listening to his explanation, Cheol?”

Seungcheol shook his head, “What’s the use? It’s six years too late.”

“Cheol–”

“I’ve vented out what I wanted to,” Seungcheol exhaled long and hard. “Let’s let it go for
now, Jeonghan, please?”

The young CEO knew that when the latter didn’t want to talk about something, he meant it. It
also meant that there things that he still needed to process on his own and didn’t want others
to chime in until he’s ready to talk about it more. Seungcheol had always been honest but also
he tended to process his emotions on his own.

Jeonghan sighed. “Fine.”

They wallow in silence, each sipping their whiskey and the food that was brought in after
Jeonghan made an order.
“So… Jeonghan,” Seungcheol started and Jeonghan raised an eyebrow. “Now that Jihoon is
my neighbor, that means that Moyeon had to move.”

Jeonghan shrugged, letting his shoulders fall. “Jihoon was really supposed to use the unit
already, and grandma made arrangements to move Moyeon out. I heard from Soobin that she
threw a tantrum before she agreed to move.”

“Ah, I recall the building admin talking about that,” Seungcheol grimaced. “Does that mean
you haven’t contacted her since that day when… you know?”

Jeonghan nodded. “I shouldn’t have let her convince me into bringing her back in the first
place.”

“She used your weakness against you, Jeonghan,” Seungcheol shook his head. “It wasn’t the
first time she tried that, remember? But she knew it would work on you.”

- One Week Ago -

Jeonghan trembled as he heard from the doctor that Moyeon drank several sleeping pills all at
once, even as the doctor explained (as much as his English could muster) that they were able
to pump it out of her system and that she was now safe. It was a dangerous dose but she
called for an ambulance right away.

The doctor explained that Moyeon should see a psychiatrist for her mental condition.

But Jeonghan could only nod, still trembling as horrible memories of the past came flooding
in.

He couldn’t go immediately to the bed where Moyeon was because he needed to collect
himself, so he went out and sat on a bench for some air. Despite being in a foreign country,
all hospitals smelled the same, of alcohol and disinfectants, of life but also of death. He knew
it all from memory–from the time his dad suffered from a terminal illness that he had to go
back and forth to the hospital in a span of a couple months until he ultimately passed away, to
the time they rushed his mom to the hospital that one horrible day in his third year of college.

Ever since his dad passed away, Jeonghan’s mom had a hard time coping with grief and loss,
despite the support of himself, his aunt and uncle and grandma Yoon. She was beside herself
with anguish that she fell into a deep depression. His dad was the love of her life and she lost
him too soon, too fast, that she couldn’t deal with the sadness that she felt.

It hurt Jeonghan to see his mom suffering so much and wished that she could think of
Jeonghan as well–that he needed her too, that he was also grieving the loss of his father, that
he also needed a rock to depend on.

But the loss was too much for his mom and one night she took one too many sleeping pills. It
was too late when they brought her to the hospital.

After losing his parents so quickly, grandma Yoon brought Jeonghan to the US for a few
months and he underwent therapy. He met Moyeon in the US during that time. She knew all
about his loss.

She knew and she weaponized it.

Hours later, Moyeon woke up and Jeonghan brought Moyeon back to her hotel room.
Moyeon started begging Jeonghan to get back together again, telling him that she was all
alone now, she had nothing–she lost her dance company, her roles, her ability to dance, her
everything. She said Jeonghan was all she had now.

“Moyeon, how many times do I have to tell you,” Jeonghan groaned, pulling at his hair in
frustration. “I’m already married, I’m about to have a child–”

“I don’t care!” Moyeon hysterically yelled. “We–I–You can get divorced. We’ll adopt the
child and I can be the mother of your child–”

Jeonghan’s eyes grew wide at the suggestion. “What the fuck, Moyeon!”

“I can do that, Jeonghan. For you, I can love that child like my own–”

“No!” Jeonghan growled. “I’m not divorcing Joshua and I would never take our child away
from him.”

Moyeon sneered, her face contorting to something dark. “So, you love him now? Did you
always love him? Even when we were together, is that it? Is that why you treated him so
specially–”

“Moyeon!”

“Were you cheating on me behind my back? He seduced you didn’t he? He–”

“What are you talking about?” growled Jeonghan, rising from where he sat on the hotel
room’s couch. “Don’t you dare bring Joshua into this like that. You have no right!” Jeonghan
glared.

“It’s all his fault, isn’t it?” Moyeon practically growled. “It’s all Joshua’s fault.”

Jeonghan’s eyes turned dark at the mention of Joshua’s name, surprising even Moyeon.
“Don’t you dare. Nothing in this situation is his fault.”

“He stole you away from me!”

“We broke up! You ended things so you could pursue your dreams without limitation, or did
you conveniently forget that?” Jeonghan said through gritted teeth before taking a deep
breath. “I’ve accepted that, and even though I never told you, I wished you well. You had
every right to pursue your dreams. But what I did after we ended our relationship, who I’ve
been with, who I married—we were over by then, Moyeon. Joshua did nothing wrong.”

“How could you say that?” Moyeon said, nearly in tears. “You don’t think I notice how
special he is to you? How you care for him more than your other friends? How you look at
him?”
“I was going to marry you, remember? I was loyal to you. Now you accuse me of cheating on
you? I gave you everything you asked for. But you—you were always about you, your
dreams, your goals, your career. And I supported you because it made you happy!”

But she never showed the same effort for Jeonghan who was always the one finding time to
call her when she’s not training, the one flying to whatever country Moyeon was in just to
spend some time with her, the one making plans.

Moyeon stood up as well, pulling at her hair. “What was wrong with that? Being a ballerina
is hard work and competition is cut throat, I have to train and perform abroad to get better
opportunities. What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing! I supported you through it all,” Jeonghan carded his hair with his hands in
frustration. “But, Moyeon, a relationship is a two-way street. I gave and gave, and you took
and took. Whenever we had time for a call, you never asked me how I was doing, you never
listened to my stories because they were ‘boring’ you, you never tried flying to Seoul on a
holiday to meet me halfway. Most importantly, you called off our engagement because you
weren’t ready to settle down.”

“But I’m ready now,” she said frustratedly.

He breathed out, “And I’m no longer in love with you, Moyeon. You have to accept that.”

“I can’t. Jeonghan, please,” Moyeon ran to him, hugging him. “Please, just one more chance.
I can’t live without you. I’ll die–”

“Moyeon, stop!” Jeonghan pried her hands away. “You can’t keep using that against me.
That’s low.”

“Jeonghan, please… just… I need you…”

The night dragged on, exhausting Jeonghan physically and mentally until Moyeon got
Jeonghan to agree to help her build a new life in Seoul, even if they don’t get back together.

- Present -

“It was low of Moyeon to use your trauma against you, Jeonghan,” gritted Seungcheol. “She
did that once before to get what she wanted, and she did so again.”

“I know, Cheol,” Jeonghan slumped down the couch, even remembering what happened in
Hong Kong drained him so much. “It was hard, Cheol. It was like she was saying whatever
happens to her will be my fault, she was putting her life in my hands.”

Seungcheol sighed. “If I’m being honest, Han, I wouldn’t believe a thing that comes out of
her mouth.”

Jeonghan nodded, feeling the weight of his problems on his chest. He took another sip of the
whiskey in the hopes that alcohol would somehow take some of them away.
“How’s Shua?” Seungcheol asked. “Sorry for not dropping by, I just… I didn’t have the
mental capacity to see Jihoon again after that.”

“He’s okay now, Cheol, don’t worry,” Jeonghan responded softly.

He could see how Seungcheol was relieved by Jeonghan’s words, he knew the older of the
two of them felt a little guilty after Joshua found out Seungcheol already knew Jeonghan was
back.

“It’s good that you’re finally back home,” Seugncheol added.

Twirling the glass on his hand, he mindlessly watched the brown liquid swirl around ice. He
thought about the man waiting for him at home, and he didn’t want to drink too much alcohol
so he won’t smell like it when he lies down beside his husband. He doesn’t notice the smile
that snuck up on his lips at the thought of coming home to Joshua, but Seungcheol surely did.

“You love him,” the older man declared. It wasn’t a question anymore, and Jeonghan
supposed he was that transparent.

“I do.”

A smug grin slowly appeared on the basketball player’s face, as if expecting the response
already. “I’m not even surprised.”

Jeonghan chuckled. “That obvious?”

Nothing got past Seungcheol when it came to Jeonghan.

“Your first love, huh?” Seungcheol teased, an annoying smirk plastered on his face that
Jeonghan wanted to wipe off. “After all these years?”

Jeonghan realized just how long it’s been since he first met Joshua.

“Funny how fate works,” Jeonghan mused at the thought, tapping his finger on the whiskey
glass.

“You never confessed to him then,” Seungcheol said, taking a sip of his whiskey. “You were
all so protective of him and always caring for him. Why didn’t you ever make a move?”

Why didn’t he?

He remembered those days back in college, it all seemed like a lifetime ago. A sad smile
formed on his thin lips.

He recalled how he was ready to confess to Joshua, on the last week of their second year of
college, he even woke up early to buy the freshest of daisies from a local flower shop
(Joshua’s favorite, he’d learned). He had sent the younger man a text, asking where he would
be and the latter replied that he was in their college’s quad. Jeonghan had told Joshua to wait
for him there because he had something to say.
When he got there he saw a tall man talking to Joshua, so Jeonghan stayed behind the door
leading into the quadrangle. Jeonghan didn’t know who he was, but he was rather burly, and
after Joshua said something the man walked away seemingly dejected. Soonyoung then came
out from the corner, approaching Joshua, and he still remembered how that conversation
went–

- Nine Years Ago -

“I didn’t think you’d reject him outright, hyung,” Soonyoung said, sitting down beside
Joshua on the bench. Joshua had a book open on his lap and an unfinished cup of coffee on
his other side.

There weren’t many people on campus anymore since it’s the last week of the semester and
many students have finished their exams and have gone home or on vacation. The quad was
rather empty save for a few persons napping on the grass or sitting on faraway benches.

“Why don’t you try going out on a date with them first?” Soonyoung asked and Jeonghan can
feel himself get irritated at the first year’s suggestion to Joshua, but he kept himself hidden
behind the wall.

Joshua giggled, and oh, how lovely did that sound to Jeonghan. “You know dating isn’t a
priority right now, Soons.”

Soonyoung frowned with a whiny sound. “Oh, hyung. Don’t tell me you’re still hung up on
your ex–”

An ex? When did Joshua have an ex and why hasn’t Joshua told them about it.

“Soonyoung!”

“Come on, hyung,” Soonyoung grumbled. “You can’t keep letting what he did to you hold
you back. I know what happened was traumatizing but while he’s trying to live his best life,
you’re stuck here, hyung, and that’s not fair.”

Somehow, just by Soonyoung’s words alone, Jeonghan can’t help but clench his fists, almost
crumpling the wrapper of the bouquet he was holding. Who would hurt and traumatize
Joshua like that? Joshua was the kindest and purest soul he’s ever met.

“It’s not that, Soons.” Joshua said so softly that Jeonghan might not have heard him if he
wasn’t intently listening to him. “I don’t think I’m hung up on him, like you would say, but…
with everything that happened, I just don’t think that getting into a relationship is something I
can do right now.”

Soonyoung doesn’t appear to give up. “But, hyung, not everyone is like him. There are better
persons out there like Seungcheol-hyung or… or… Jeonghan-hyung! He’s great, and
attentive and he cares about you a lot. He’s always so gentle when it comes to you–”

Jeonghan couldn’t stop himself from grinning after hearing that. He had a sudden burst of
appreciation for Soonyoung.
“No,” Joshua chuckled. “You know I can’t date them.”

And it was like his stomach dropped.

“Hyung, why?” whined Soonyoung. “They’re great persons–”

“And they’re my friends. Good friends! They’re even better persons, smart, athletic, stars of
the university. Everyone wants to be their friend. I’m so lucky that they even wanted to be
mine,” smiled Joshua with a hint of sadness. “How could they possibly want to date someone
as simple and useless like me.”

Soonyoung’s mouth dropped agape. “Hyung, how could you say that about you?”

Soonyoung was right, because, to Jeonghan, Joshua was the greatest person he’s ever met.

“And you know how my dad got when he found out about my relationship before,” Joshua’s
tone suddenly changed, voice almost hitching. “I need to focus on my studies. I don’t want to
disappoint him again, Soons. I just can’t. I need to focus, I need to do everything right this
time.”

“Hyung…”

That made Jeonghan realize he doesn’t stand a chance with Joshua. Not now. And if he ever
confessed his feelings, their friendship might change and it might just make things harder for
Joshua and he didn’t want that.

So, he walked away, placing the bouquet he brought by the door, heavy feet dragged through
the hallways of the college building. He received a text from the brown-haired sophomore he
was suppose to confess to, asking him where he was.

He texted a lame excuse, apologizing that he can’t make it.

- Present -

“I wasn’t what he needed back then,” Jeonghan said distractedly, his voice filled with some
distant sadness Seungcheol couldn't quite place. And maybe that’s okay. The following year
was the lowest of his life.

Maybe that is why the eldest asked, “And now?”

Jeonghan suddenly perked up, confidently answering, “I want to love him better. I want to
love him in the way he deserves. I’m going to make it up to him, Cheol.”

Seungcheol bit back a smile.

“When did you realize?”

Jeonghan sucked in a breath before answering, “I suppose it never really disappeared? I don’t
know how to explain it,” he leaned back into the leather couch, dipping his head back. “I
tried to move on from my feelings for him, from everything bad that was happening in my
 life at that time when I met Moyeon. But, when I came back, it still felt natural to care about
him, to check that he went home safely, to make sure there were no nuts in his food and that
he eats well, to not let him get bullied by mean-spirited persons–I still cared for him a lot.
But–maybe, all along, I still had feelings for him and I just didn’t realize it until all of this
happened.”

He couldn’t see how Seungcheol rolled his eyes. “Obviously. You were never the type to
sleep around for fun.”

As if ignoring Seuncheol’s words, Jeonghan continued. “I knew for sure that I had fallen in
love with him again at Minghao’s party, when we talked on the balcony–no, maybe I’ve been
in love with him all along–I don’t even know,” he admitted with a laugh.

“You’re down bad, my friend.”

Jeonghan smiled, “I am. I really am.”

The eldest couldn’t hold his bemusement and almost giggled at what Jeonghan said. “And
Joshua? How does he feel?”

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan responded honestly. “But I’ll love him and take care of him for as
long as he’ll let me.”

Chapter End Notes

There we go with a not-so-cliffhanger! Haha. Hope the timeline isn't confusing either.
Thoughts??

Not sure how quickly I'll get the next chapter up, might take more than a week this time
just cause... life.

You shout at me as well at twt: @pautriestowrite

See you at the next chapter!

 Chapter 16
Chapter Notes

Hello! I was able to finish this faster than I expected, I honestly thought I'd take a little
longer to get myself writing. Thank you for all your comments and messages, I'll try to
reply to them soon.

PLEASE READ. ADDITIONAL TAGS: Mentions of death

As usual, please know I'm not a medical professional so expect some inaccuracies. I
apologize in advance for typos and other errors.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Not having to go to work at the hospital for the next few months, Joshua realized just how
much free time he had on his hands. Granted, it had only been a week since his discharge
from the hospital.

Cooking was one of the things he started doing more, and learning new dishes for the family
to try. But even so, there wasn’t much to do after cooking. Thankfully, he wasn’t restricted to
bed rest and was allowed to still perform physical activities, so long as Joshua avoided things
that would stress him out.

That particular day, Mingyu and Minghao came to the house—Mingyu was just about
finished painting all the walls of the nursery and Minghao just wanted something to do
(maybe even paint over Mingyu’s work, if he were that bored). Mingyu was just putting the
paint coat over the walls and he was done—the room looked like a mini rainforest, full of
calming colors of greens and browns, dashes of yellows and oranges, and hidden blues and
whites. The trees and stumps looked animatedly abundant and vibrant, the animals looked
playful and cute, and if you looked closely, there were little bugs painted in by Minghao
(with Mingyu’s approval), like little easter eggs to keep them amused. The room was coming
to life.

“There,” Mingyu said, placing down his brush and letting his hands rest on his hips, just in
time as Joshua entered the nursery after prepping for their dinner. “It’s done.”

Hands on his hips, Joshua took a look around the room, soaking in the finished work and his
jaw dropped in awe. The room looked so much different—he couldn’t remember how it
looked like with bare and lifeless walls.

“This is so beautiful, you guys,” Joshua bit his lip as if to stop himself from smiling too
widely. “Thank you.”
Mingyu’s toothy grin showed. “Of course, hyung. I was more than honored to paint my future
godchild’s room.”

Minghao scoffed, “I see how it goes. You want that godparent title, huh?”

“Well, what can I say if I’m the better choice?”

“In what way?”

“Everything! I’m good at arts, I’m good at sports, I can spoil the kid—”

“So can I—”

Joshua decided to interrupt before the same-age friends really turn this into a legitimate
argument. “Kids,” Joshua called out. “Don’t fight now.”

“Hyung…”

Joshua just chuckled. He knew the two wouldn’t like to be called kids, but he can’t help it if
his two tall dongsaengs were being annoyingly adorable.

“Thanks, again, you two,” Joshua smiled. “I really, really love what you did here.”

“Mostly me, but whatever,” grumbled Mingyu under his breath. Joshua heard it, of course,
and just chuckled. Mingyu loved to be playful after all.

“Gyu, you can freshen up before we have dinner. You’re covered in paint.”

The room was still, in all honesty, messy. The floor and the shelves were covered in plastic,
the windows were taped around and covered in paper, and there was no furniture except for
an armchair couch and few stools they could sit down on while they stayed in the room and
the deer rocker that Joshua proudly assembled.

“Alright, hyung,” Mingyu said as he picked up his sports bag on the side of the room and
proceeded to the bathroom for a shower.

When they were alone, Joshua took the opportunity to sit on the white armchair (which
somehow survived all the painting done around the room from a safe distance), making
himself comfortable and Minghao asked, “So, how are you doing, hyung? Are you okay
now?”

Joshua knew Minghao was referring to his health, having been worried about the time Joshua
was rushed to the hospital. “Yeah,” Joshua smiled. “Been resting a lot.”

“You’re not bored yet, are you? You could come with me to a pottery class I’ve been taking.
You know, I’ve been trying other mediums of art,” shrugged Minghao.

“Oh really?”
The Chinese man nodded. “Yeah,” Minghao said. “I’ve been in a slump lately, can’t seem to
get anything on canvass. Maybe if I try something new I’d get some spark back.”

Joshua hummed looking at Minghao curiously.

“Don’t look at me like that, hyung,” Minghao grumbled as he pouted, sitting on the floor
without a mind of the dust and the paint that would cling to him. “It’s not about him.”

Joshua shrugged, biting down a grin. “I didn’t say anything.”

“You were thinking it. I can see the gears on your pretty little head turning.”

“At least my head is pretty,” Joshua mused. “You don’t want to talk about it?”

Minghao shook his head.

Joshua sighed, relenting.

“Tell me what you’ve been up to, hyung! It’s been, what? A week since you were rushed to
the hospital—I got quite the scare, you know,” Minghao recounted, Joshua mouthing a small
tiny sorry. “But I’m glad you and your baby are fine. I would have pulled Moyeon’s hair if
anything happened to you.”

Joshua frowned at the violence implied but then smiled, silently thankful for having such
thoughtful friends.

“Hmm…” Joshua hummed, tapping his fingers on the arm rest and recounting his week as he
sunk down on the armchair, a hand over his growing belly. He’s about five months long now
and his bump is clear and evident.

Suryeon had been busy managing grandma’s foundation and she once invited Joshua to
accompany her to a pre-school which the foundation sponsored. Joshua was more than happy
to oblige. He had visited the pre-school twice this week as part of Suryeon’s agenda and he
happily played with the kids.

“Aside from learning to cook more dishes, I went with aunt Suryeon to a pre-school
recently,” recounted Joshua. “We were turning over the books donated by grandma’s
foundation. It was fun.”

“You sound like you enjoyed it a lot.”

Joshua nodded.

“You’ve always been fond of kids,” Minghao chuckled, looking at Joshua with softness.
“Maybe you even enjoy it more since you’re expecting. Maybe the parent in you is kicking
in.”

Mingyu returned a few minutes later, fresh and clean. Joshua invited them to dinner at the
dining area.
“Hyung, it’s your birthday in a few days,” Mingyu pointed out. “Any plans?”

Indeed it was almost December 30, and Joshua’s birthday was coming up soon. In truth, he
almost forgot about it had it not been for his mom and Suryeon who thought of planning
something to celebrate his birthday. It’s not usual for him to celebrate his birthday coming
from a family of busy people and him being busy himself, but there seemed to be some
renewed energy of celebrating his birthday.

“Not much,” Joshua responded. “Jeonghan and I will have lunch with my family and dinner
here at the house with Jeonghan’s side.”

“And we’ll celebrate together, right?” Minghao chirped, excited for a reason to get together
and drink.

Joshua sighed, relenting. “Of course. Aunt Suryeon already said to invite you guys so we can
celebrate together. Just a small gathering for us.”

“Yes!” Minghao exclaimed like he had just emerged victorious. “Don’t worry, hyung. We’ll
drink on your behalf.”

Joshua simply rolled his eyes.

They continued eating the dinner Joshua prepared, catching up on simple things and talking
about their friends. Joshua found it interesting how just a few months ago, he hardly had time
to catch up with his friends, always reasoning that he had a shift in the hospital or that he was
too tired and needed to catch up on rest (all true, don’t get him wrong). But ever since the
weekend they spent on Jeju, and perhaps because of many other incidents along the way, it
feels like he had just revived his friendships with his friends. He’d been hanging out with
them more, they’ve been actively seeking him out and taking care of him.

“How are you and Jeonghan-hyung?” asked Mingyu just after he told a story about how
someone just tried to sell their gallery a fake Polke. It was just so ridiculous.

“We’re okay,” is Joshua’s short answer.

He supposed he didn’t really know how to explain it. Since he got back from the hospital, he
could feel Jeonghan’s sincerity in making it up to Joshua. Jeonghan has been so much more
attentive and caring, he even promised they’d assemble the crib soon. He’d sometimes catch
Moyeon’s name showing up on Jeonghan’s phone, but Jeonghan actively refused to answer or
reply. Yet, sometimes, he couldn’t help but feel guilty for practically ruining the chance of
Moyeon and Jeonghan getting back together, and even guiltier for being happy having
Jeonghan home with him.

“That’s good,” Minghao commented. “God, I couldn’t believe it when I heard about Moyeon
returning. I almost needed to stop Soonyoung from going over to where Moyeon was
staying.”

Joshua grimaced at the thought, after all, he knew the damage that Soonyoung could do.
“Hope she doesn’t do anything crazy again, hyung,” said Mingyu to which Joshua gave a
small smile. He felt a lot more at ease with his friends by his side.

The house help brought out the dessert just as Jeonghan arrived from work. He settled down
in his seat beside Joshua and was served some dinner and Minghao and Mingyu happily
caught him up with their talks.

“Hyung, I heard the launch of Henggarae’s new products were pushed back,” said Mingyu.

Jeonghan sighed, he’s been so busy because of this. “Yeah. The board isn’t happy, but it can’t
be helped. Luckily, we were able to launch the app that Chan proposed and it was quite
successful, improving Henggarae’s sale so it gave me some leeway.”

“Chan may not be expressive, but he does care about you,” Joshua smiled remembering how
Chan was working late nights on this project.

Jeonghan hummed. Clearly, Chan learned from another Yoon.

They munch on their dessert and cans of beer were served at the instruction of Jeonghan (a
bottle of refined wine for Minghao, obviously). They agreed to drink a little as a night cap
(none for the pregnant Joshua who was served with non-caffeinated tea), and Mingyu took
this an opportunity to bring something up.

“Hyung, I hope you don’t mind me asking, and you can say no, of course,” Mingyu started, a
bit nervous. “Is it okay if I bring Wonwoo to your birthday?”

The mention of Wonwoo’s name perked up ears all around.

Mingyu rambled on. “I know that he’s not really in all of your good graces, and I understand
if you don’t want him there. It’s just that… um, how do I say it… I guess I just want him to
know you guys more and vice versa.”

Joshua could sense Jeonghan somehow tense up a little, but he doesn’t let Jeonghan know
that he’s noticed. While he and Wonwoo are not exactly friends, he can say that he doesn’t
feel as anxious and awkward around him anymore know that they’ve had their closure.

Looking over to Jeonghan, he gave the older man an inquiring look.

Jeonghan looked at him and he visibly relaxes. “It’s your day, Shua. If you’re okay with it,
then I’m okay with it as well.”

Joshua smiled at him, thankful for the understanding. Joshua knew that having Wonwoo get
closer to them would make Mingyu happy. Although he doesn’t know the state of their
relationship, he is aware that Mingyu wanted to give this his best and not have any regrets,
and if bringing Wonwoo to their gathering would help Mingyu, then so be it.

“Sure, Gyu. I don’t mind,” smiled Joshua.

Mingyu smiled his toothy grin and was about to say his thanks to the couple when Minghao
got a call, excusing himself to take it.
“Is there anything you want for your birthday, hyung? Maybe something for the baby?”
Mingyu asked excitedly. Talking about the baby often made Mingyu all giddy.

Joshua chuckled and shook his head. “Nothing, Gyu. Honestly, you working on the nursery at
no charge is enough. I love the room so much!”

“I’m so glad, hyung,” Mingyu smiled widely.

“Thanks, Mingyu,” Jeonghan added. “Everyone in the house have nothing but compliments.”

The big guy that Mingyu is, it was so odd to see him scrunch up, getting all shy at the
compliments.

Then a frantic Minghao came back. “Sorry, hyung. I have to go. Something urgent came up.”

The three looked up at Minghao who was picking up his things to leave. “What’s the matter?
Do you need us to bring you somewhere?” Mingyu asked worriedly.

“It’s okay, Gyu. It’s nothing life threatening, but I’m needed somewhere else,” Minghao
explained in a rush.

“Okay, Hao,” Jeonghan said. “Then be sure to drive calmly, okay?”

“Yes, hyung,” Minghao smiled politely. “Sorry again for leaving so abruptly.”

“Don’t worry about it, Hao. Take care,” Joshua bid his farewell and Minghao left to his
emergency.

When Minghao arrived at Heaven’s Cloud, Jun and Jihoon were practically passed out on the
couch and a frustrated Soonyoung trying to sober them up to no avail.

“Sorry for calling you,” Soonyoung said as soon as Minghao approached. “It’s just that it’ll
be difficult for me to handle two drunk men.”

Minghao shook his head in understanding. “It’s okay, hyung. I’ll bring Jun home.”

Sighing in relief that he finally has some help, Soonyoung nodded.

“Is Jihoon-hyung okay?”

Soonyoung groaned. “This guy doesn’t drink. So, what do you expect when he suddenly
gives in to Jun’s prodding and downs shot after shot. There you go,” he gestured to the young
music producer splayed out on the couch.

“I can’t believe he actually drank alcohol,” said Minghao.

“Yeah, well… I guess there’s no limit to what a broken heart can do,” sighed Soonyoung as
he tried to poke Jihoon with the intention of making him drink some water to sober up and
hydrate.

Minghao then went over to the other side where Jun was leaning back against the couch. He
reeked of gin, which wasn’t Jun’s usual choice of alcohol making Minghao sigh.

“Jun,” Minghao nudged. “Jun, can you get up? I’ll bring you home now.”

With a little shake, Jun started to move groggily, blinking into consciousness.

“Oh, look. It’s Haohao,” Jun’s words slurred making a funny face as he squinted, and then he
frowned. “Why are you here?”

“I’m taking you home now, Jun,” Minghao said patiently (he knew he meditated for a
reason). “Let’s go.”

Jun hummed like he understood what Minghao said, ungracefully standing up (and stumbling
down before standing up again) causing Minghao to extend an arm out, but Jun pushes it
away.

“I can walk on my own,” Jun grumbled, pushing past Minghao and walking unsteadily. He
doesn’t pay attention to Soonyoung who was having his own struggles with Jihoon.

Minghao followed suit, picking up Jun’s coat, phone and wallet which he left on the table
before mumbling to Soonyoung. “Hyung, we’ll go ahead.”

Soonyoung gave a small acknowledgment before making another phone call.

It was like Jun was on autopilot, knowing where to round the corner, which elevator to get
into, waiting for Minghao to pick the parking lot floor and making his way to Minghao’s red
convertible. Jun was all too familiar with it, and somehow Minghao wouldn’t doubt that even
if he didn’t come tonight, Jun would have been able to get home on his own (but Soonyoung
would never take that chance).

The car ride was silent, with Jun reclining the passenger seat all the way back and covering
his face with his arm and Minghao putting on a playlist and focusing on driving to Jun’s
apartment. When he reached the familiar building, he was let in the basement parking and
parked at the spot allotted to Jun’s unit.

“We’re here,” Minghao said, keeping the engine running for the heater.

Jun took his arm off his face, indicating that he was awake throughout the whole ride. He
began returning the seat to its usual posture and mumbled a small ‘thanks’ but Minghao
doesn’t want to let him go just yet.

Minghao knew that it was probably time to face the music and discuss the matters that have
been plaguing their ‘relationship’ for the past couple of weeks. Minghao also knew why they
were both delaying this talk, but the younger Chinese knew that Jun might be taking it too
far.
“Jun, let’s talk,” Minghao said, voice cold and even, causing Jun to let go of his hold on the
car door.

Jun sighed, reluctantly facing Minghao without saying a word.

“What are you doing to yourself, Jun? Why are you getting drunk on a bar like this?”
Minghao turned his body towards Jun, the tight space of the car making it difficult for him.

Sure, it’s not like they haven’t gotten shit-faced on alcohol before, they were college students
once who loved to party and enjoy what life had to offer. But never had Minghao seen Jun get
so irresponsibly intoxicated ever since he’d passed his medical boards.

“What? What exactly am I doing to myself?”

“This! I’ve never been called to pick you up at a bar before,” Minghao said, frustration was
clear in his voice.

“Am I not allowed to drink anymore? I don’t understand why you’re so worked up, Hao,”
Jun said defensively, crossing his arms and leaning back against the door.

They might be enclosed in the tight space of Minghao’s convertible, but Minghao has never
felt so distant from Jun as he did at that moment.

“Jun—what the fuck—you’re a doctor for god’s sake!”

“Exactly!” Jun yelled, and Jun hardly ever yelled at Minghao, taking him aback. “Have you
considered that maybe, just maybe, as a doctor, I might need this, one night of this? Whatever
this is!”

“Jun—”

“Because if you’d just return my calls you’d know that—that—” Jun choked, the tears
forming on the corners of his eyes were threatening to fall. “I lost a patient today. A patient I
took care of for months in the hope of saving her life. She died, on our operating table.
And… and I just needed something to dull the pain—all of it—”

Minghao was frozen, unsure what to respond and unused to the Jun that was in front of him
right now.

“Because the place I used to run to for rest isn’t exactly welcoming me right now.”

Minghao could clearly see the brokenness in Jun’s eyes as the tears escaped. His usually
happy and mischievous Jun was devoid of his usual shine and infectious energy, and it was so
foreign for Minghao who had been used to adapting to new things. Yet, this was the one thing
he wished he never had to discover. It pained him to watch Jun break down like this because
he knew that he was a big part of it all, if not the reason for all of it.

“So, can you just please save me the lecture, Hao.”

“That’s not—” but Minghao didn’t really know what to say. What could he say?
Between the two of them, Jun was always the one who knew how to express himself with
words (and that’s not saying much because they were both emotionally constipated persons).
Minghao had a sharp tongue and always ran is mouth with his opinions and advice to other
people. But when it came to being able to communicate, to express his feelings, Minghao
turned to his brush that perhaps he could only understand what each stroke meant.

Jun closed his eyes and took a deep breath to steady himself.

After what felt like minutes, Jun finally opened his eyes, no longer filled with the anger and
despair that Minghao saw earlier and replaced by a completely different emotion.

“I’m so tired, Hao.”

Resignation.

“So, so tired.”

If the young artist could paint what he saw in Jun right now, it would be in dark hues and
grey shades, colors he never thought he would associate with Jun.

Minghao felt himself tremble, but he held his hand down.

“It’s… maybe you should take some rest, Jun,” Minghao said with as much evenness as he
could muster.

Jun looked at him with sadness in his eyes.

“Yeah.”

But it felt like Jun was referring to something completely different that it made Minghao’s
stomach drop. He’s losing Jun.

“Hao, I’m sorry, I don’t think I can keep my promise. I don’t think I can go back to being just
your friend.”

It’s been a couple days and they let the paint in the nursery set in and dry, and they’ve aired
out the smell (although they’ve used a brand that is pregnancy-friendly, Jeonghan still wanted
to limit Joshua’s exposure until they could no longer smell traces of paint). At this point, the
room has been cleaned, the plastic covers were removed from the floors and shelves, the dirt
and dust swept off, new furniture added, and the playmat Joshua ordered had been laid out on
the floor.

Jeonghan was settled on the mat when Joshua came into the room — the parts of the crib laid
out in front of him in an organized manner, arranged in type of part and size, the instruction
manual splayed out to his right, and a screwdriver in his hand as he tightened a screw into
one of the bigger pieces. He was so concentrated on the project that he didn’t notice Joshua
come in until he spoke.

“Hey,” greeted Joshua as he tried to sit down on the mat. This proved to be a little more
difficult given his growing stomach, making it harder for him to bend down, so Jeonghan was
quick to assist. “I brought you some snacks and a drink.”

“You could sit on the chair more comfortably, you know?” Jeonghan chuckled as he settled
back down on the mat.

Joshua grinned. “I like to be nearer to the action.”

“Nothing exciting here,” Jeonghan retorted gesturing to the neatly laid out workspace.

“It’s quite fascinating watching these get assembled,” Joshua giggled.

“Ha,” Jeonghan exclaimed animatedly. “The rocker got you all addicted to assembling stuff, I
see.”

Shaking his head, he stuck out his tongue. “No, I hated the process. Or well, let’s just say it
wasn’t fun for me.”

And a quick pang of guilt painted Jeonghan’s face remembering how Joshua worked on the
rocker while Jeonghan wasn’t home, when Joshua felt most alone. Of course he wouldn’t
enjoy it.

As if reading his mind, Joshua extended his hand and Jeonghan took it in his like a visceral
reaction, a natural instinct. The younger one squeezes it reassuringly.

Joshua smiled. “I quite like watching you assemble rather than doing it myself. I get the
appeal, I understand why you have a lot of legos.”

Returning the smile, Jeonghan grinned, “Well then sit back and relax. I’ll finish this crib
tonight, okay?”

Just as he said, Jeonghan worked on the crib and Joshua leaned back, stretching out his legs
to be more comfortable where he sat watching Jeonghan. Jeonghan had always been adept
with his hands and it showed as he swiftly worked on the tools and parts, from time to time
checking on the instructional paper to check if he’s on the right track (although it was pretty
obvious from the way the crib started to take shape). As the minutes passed by, the pieces on
the mat became fewer and fewer, each part now being pieced together to form the bed in
which their baby will sleep on. Soon enough, the frames were fixed together, the base
secured, and the wheels attached, and their crib was finally assembled.

Jeonghan wiped his slightly sweaty forehead before he placed down the screwdriver, pleased
with himself as he looked at assembled crib. But turning to see his husband’s reaction pleased
him more.
Brown eyes grew wide as they watched the finished product of Jeonghan’s handywork and
seeing the picture on the box set aside on the corner of the nursery come to life.

“There you go,” Jeonghan flashed his boyish grin.

“It looks just like the assembled one we saw in the mall,” Joshua’s mouth was still agape,
then he pouted cutely. “You did it so fast. I took so long with the rocker and that was much
more simple.”

Jeonghan shook his head. “You worked so well on that, Shua.”

“You weren’t there. Grandma would tell you I struggled with that,” Joshua laughed but
Jeonghan didn’t.

“Sorry about that,” Jeonghan said, his body retracting a bit. “I should have been there to help
you on that.”

Joshua frowned. “Hey, I told you to stop feeling guilty about it, remember?”

Jeonghan tried to visibly relax, to show Joshua that he’s trying to be at ease, even though he
still felt guilty. He couldn’t help it as every time he was reminded of the pain Joshua must
have felt and being the cause of it, it broke him a little. Yet, the ever-kind Joshua would
always tell him that it’s okay, he’s forgiven and they should move past it.

“Anyway,” Joshua started in an effort to change the subject. “The crib looks really pretty, and
it looks good against the wall. You’re really good at assembling things, Jeonghan.”

He let him change it. “Yeah, I guess it’s always been kind of a hobby. Like soccer, working
on things with my hands was quite therapeutic.”

Joshua smiled. “Yeah, you really looked like you were enjoying yourself assembling the
crib.”

Jeonghan leaned back against the wall. “Now that this is done, we can start buying other
things and completing the room.”

Joshua nodded, excited at the thought. It seemed like it was no longer as daunting as a couple
of months back when they were clueless about being first time parents. Now, they’ve read
more and studied up on parenting and childcare. The excited look on Joshua’s face at the
thought of filling the room up was making Jeonghan giddy himself.

“Since you’re done, let’s eat the snacks I prepared, hm?” Joshua said, getting ready to stand
up. Jeonghan was quicker, now by Joshua’s side to help him. They settle down in the two-
seater couch that the staff brought in once the room was cleaned along with the small table
other pieces of furniture. These were all from the pieces Joshua began to order when Mingyu
was halfway done with the room and he had so much time to shop online (it was a little
addicting looking at things to buy online, Joshua admitted once).

The young doctor prepared little sandwiches and juice. The help brought a fresh bucket of ice
given the time it took for Jeonghan to finish up.
“So, you went to the pre-school again today with aunt Suryeon?” Jeonghan asked after
munching on a sandwich.

Joshua nodded smiling. “Yeah. The turnover was finished and we came back to read to the
kids and bringing them lunch.”

“You had fun?”

“So much. I enjoyed going to the pre-school, it kind of reminded me about how I once
wanted to become a pre-school teacher myself,” Joshua couldn’t help but smile, and it made
Jeonghan think about how Joshua had never smiled as wide when he talked about his own
work.

Jeonghan leaned back, making himself comfortable on the couch turning his body more
towards Joshua. “You did?”

Joshua followed suit and they were now sat face-to-face. “Hmm… well, yeah. It’s not that I
liked teaching or that I thought I’d be a good teacher or anything. I just liked being around
kids. They’re simple and they’re kinder. They don’t have prejudices or judgments. They’re
just kinder to the world.”

Right. Joshua grew feeling like an outsider for a majority of his life, even often times bullied
by other people who couldn’t be bothered to just offer up a little kindness and understanding.
It made Jeonghan wish he could have met Joshua earlier and maybe he could have felt less
lonely and alone.

“Do you still want to be a teacher?”

Joshua leaned his head into the couch, eyes never leaving the familiar brown gaze of
Jeonghan. “Honestly? It’s not something I really think about. I love children and it would
have been nice to have a job or career related to that, but it is what it is. When I think about it,
I don’t have to be a teacher specifically,” the young doctor lowered his head, his voice getting
softer as he spoke. “I would have maybe enjoyed being a doctor more if my practice were,
say, pediatrics or pediatric surgery.”

Jeonghan picked up on the wavering confidence in Joshua’s tone. “You can still shift your
specialty.”

Joshua gently shook his head, puffing his cheeks cutely. “If I shift now, I’d be late again. I’ll
fall behind my peers again. I’m already going to be late again as it is.”

Joshua tried to play it off as a joke, but Jeonghan didn’t buy it.

“So? It’s not like high school or even college where falling behind a year or two feels like
you’re being left behind, even if it shouldn’t be that way. This is the rest of your life and
career. You’re allowed to figure things out late and go from there.”

Joshua seemed thoughtful for a moment, as if considering Jeonghan’s words. “Even if I

wanted to, dad won’t approve.”
“Why not? You’d still be a doctor, it’ll just be a different specialty.”

Joshua unconsciously started playing with the hem of his pajama shirt. “How do I put it—
cardiothoracic surgery, in the hierarchy of fields... it’s pretty high up there. Getting into the
program is tough in itself. I’m not saying other fields aren’t important, of course they are!
But—if I make it through this program… if I just…”

“It’ll make your dad proud?” Jeonghan supplied finally, understanding what Joshua was
trying to say.

Joshua played it off with a shrug, as if hesitant to open up a dam and let all the raging waters
flow. But Jeonghan understood, he witnessed Joshua’s struggles in college and even more so
now that they’re married, he’s been given a closer look at their father-son relationship.

“For what it’s worth,” Jeonghan said softly, leaning forward and closing their distance. “You
don’t need his validation to be proud of yourself, Shua. You’ve come a pretty long way and
you’ve worked hard.”

He wanted to emanate some warmth, to make Joshua understand that he was already amazing
as it is.

“And personally, I think you’d make a great teacher or a pediatric doctor. You’re great with
kids, witnessed it myself.”

Joshua bit his lip, perhaps trying to bite down his tears or a smile, Jeonghan couldn’t tell.

“Also, if it’s not already clear, you’d be a great parent too.”

Joshua laughed earnestly, wiping away a tear that escaped. “Gosh, Jeonghan. Why are you
trying to make me cry?”

It earned him a harmless slap against his chest but Jeonghan caught his hand instead, holding
it in his own and keeping it warm. He traced small circles on the back of Joshua’s hand and
they settle in silence for a bit.

“What about you?”

Jeonghan tilted his head, confused. “Me?”

Joshua hesitated, as if a lump was caught in his throat. “Any regrets or ‘could have been’s?”

It was an unexpected question since it was something he doesn’t really think about. Still he
answered, “Now that I think about it, many.”

Joshua visibly frowned but picked himself up quickly. “Like?”

Jeonghan looked thoughtful, thinking of the words he wanted to say.

“Like… maybe I could have been a professional soccer player—who knows, maybe I could
have played in the national team and won a goal in the last Olympics,” he chuckled, amused
at the thought. “Or, maybe I could have been an engineer. I actually considered studying civil
engineering for college and I actually got in that program for another university.”

Joshua’s mouth formed an ‘o’. “Really? I didn’t know that.”

Nodding, Jeonghan explained, “I always enjoyed building things. I thought I’d make a great
engineer,” he said with a small laugh. “But I guess that path of taking over the company was
laid out for me as soon as I was born.”

“I guess we’re alike in that aspect,” Joshua observed.

“Yeah,” Jeonghan said, squeezing Joshua’s hand in understanding. “It’s not that I don’t enjoy
working for the company because I do. It’s my family’s legacy, of course I’d want to do what
I can to preserve that. So, I suppose, all of those ‘could have been’s, I don’t really think about
them as I don’t see the point.”

Joshua looked at him curiously as if studying him, searching for something that Jeonghan
doesn’t quite know.

“You stand by all the decisions you’ve made in your life?” Joshua suddenly asked.

With that questions, all of the important decisions Jeonghan has made in his life so far came
to him in quick flashes.

The course he chose to take in college.

Agreeing to go on a date with Moyeon in the United States.

Rejecting offers to be drafted in the professional soccer league.

Working straight for the Yoon group after graduation.

Proposing to Moyeon.

Agreeing to sleep with Joshua that night in Jeju.

Agreeing to marry Joshua.

Marrying Joshua and coming home to him.

He doesn’t regret any of those because it has led him all to where he is right now.

With confidence, Jeonghan responded, “I do.”

Joshua looked at him with eyes that look like they had so much to say, and Jeonghan wanted
Joshua to tell him everything. He wanted to know what Joshua was thinking about right then
and there, he wanted to ease all of Joshua’s worries away and let the younger know just how
he felt. So, with courage, he added—
“But I do have one ‘could have been’ that I now wonder if things could have turned out a bit
differently.”

Joshua gulped and Jeonghan could feel his hand tense.

“What’s that?” the younger man asked reluctantly.

Jeonghan watched Joshua’s eyes, hoping his own gaze could get his feelings across.

“What if I confessed to my first love? What if—” he paused, observing the smallest of
reactions from Joshua. “—what if I didn’t get scared back then and tried my best to make him
fall in love with me?”

Joshua gasped, surprised. “F-first love?”

“Yeah. My first love—”

“Moyeon?”

It was understandable. She was the first relationship he ever introduced to his friends.

Shaking his head, he said straightly, “No. My first love, I met him way back in the early days
of college.”

Joshua seemed confused and Jeonghan could tell the cogs in Joshua’s head were turning.

“Who—no—I meant, do you regret it? Not getting together with your first love?”

Jeonghan bit the inside of his cheeks.

“No. I don’t actually.”

“But you said—”

“I understand now… my mom’s message in my dad’s watch. It might have taken some time,
but love has its own perfect timing.”

Jeonghan could tell Joshua remembered because he saw Joshua mouthing the words along
with him.

“Because it probably would not have worked out, me and him, back then. And, maybe, it was
meant to be that way so it could be like this right now,” Jeonghan continued softly, slowly,
letting the words sink in for Joshua as he held his hand tightly.

Joshua looked startled, confused mostly, and Jeonghan couldn’t read what he was thinking.
“What?”

“It’s you, Shua.”

“Wait—what?”
Jeonghan leaned forward, with his free hand, he held Joshua’s face, looking directly in his
eyes with all of the courage he could muster.

This was it. He was going to let Joshua know what he truly felt. He was putting it all out
there now.

“You’re my first love,” Jeonghan breathed. “I loved you then. And I’m in love with you
now.”

Joshua’s eyes grew wide in surprise as if he never expected this at all. Well, neither did
Jeonghan. He wasn’t planning on confessing but he thought the moment was right, that
everything had fallen into place.

And Jeonghan couldn’t help but anticipate for Joshua’s response, like a teenager in love
making his first confession. Because, he could feel it, that maybe Joshua felt the same way.
His heart thumped loudly in his chest, echoing the mix of emotions he was feeling at the
moment – excitement, nervousness, anxiety, fear— all the way up to his head that he swore
perhaps Joshua could hear it, feel it.

But seconds turned into ten, twenty, a full minute but still the younger one couldn’t find the
words, and Jeonghan thought that maybe he sprung this onto Joshua too fast, too soon.
Silently, he berated himself for it.

“Joshua, you don’t have to answer right now—” he tried to say.

“I—Jeonghan—wait—” Joshua finally spoke, albeit brokenly. “I don’t understand what

you’re saying. I—”

“Shua, it’s okay,” Jeonghan said, a small nervous smile on his face, rubbing soothing strokes
on the doctor’s face. “You can take your time.”

“You’re… You’re in love with me?” Joshua questioned.

The disbelief in Joshua’s tone tore a little away at Jeonghan’s heart. Still, calmly, he said,
“Yes, Shua. I am. For a while now and even back then, I love you.”

“Jeonghan—but—” Joshua pulled his hand away, making Jeonghan feel bare and cold. “You
don’t have to say things like that—I know this marriage is arranged, I’m not expecting this to
be more. You don’t have to force yourself to love—”

“Shua,” Jeonghan cut in softly, trying not to match Joshua’s frantic words. “I’m not. I mean
every word.”

“But, Jeonghan… I don’t understand. How could—I’m sorry, it’s just… are you even sure it’s
love?”

He could tell that his expression must have visibly changed when Joshua frantically said—

“You might just be mistaken. Jeonghan, if this is just you pitying me—”
“Shua, you know me,” Jeonghan said immediately, his voice a bit pained that even he
couldn’t recognize it. “I wouldn’t say things like this so easily and without meaning them.”

“But, Jeonghan!”

He could tell from Joshua’s tearful eyes that Joshua was getting overwhelmed with his
thoughts and his feelings, stressing him out. It was the last thing Jeonghan wanted.

Jeonghan thought that, maybe this time, with just a little bit of courage which he lacked
nearly a decade ago, maybe things would now fall into place for both him and Joshua.
Maybe, this time was their right time.

But he was wrong.

He thought that, maybe, Joshua had started feeling the same for him. After all the moments
they spent together, after all the time they spent together, after imagining the family they’ll
build together.

But he was wrong.

Joshua didn’t feel the same way. And it hurt him so much.

But he held it in, because Joshua and their baby was his first priority, and he didn’t want
Joshua to feel bad over his unreciprocated feelings. So, with all his might, he mustered a
smile of understanding.

“Shh… Shua, it’s okay,” Jeonghan reassured the panicking Joshua. “It’s okay, Shua. It’s
okay.”

His hand dropped down to search for Joshua’s again, squeezing them.

“Jeonghan—I—”

“You don’t have to say anything, Shua,” Jeonghan said softly. “It’s okay.”

“Jeonghan…”

“Don’t worry about what I said, okay? I’m sorry for springing that on you,” Jeonghan
apologized, a tight smile on his face. “I was too rash, and I should have thought about your
feelings first. I’m sorry.”

“—Han—Hannie—” Joshua’s voice was now strained, choked.

“It’s okay,” Jeonghan kept repeating.

Joshua sniffled. “But—us—”

Jeonghan shook his head. “Nothing changes. It’s okay. I’m here. I’ll always be here for you.
I’m just here. Always.”
 “—I’m sorry…”

And those words almost broke him. But he didn’t want to break in front of Joshua, he didn’t
want to be his burden.

“You don’t have to say anything, Shua. My feelings… Perhaps I just wanted to let it out,”
Jeonghan smiled, leaning in a placing a kiss on Joshua’s forehead.

“Jeonghan—”

“Don’t worry about it, okay? It’s not anything to stress about,” Jeonghan said against his
tearing heart. “I’ll… I’ll go ahead and shower. We should rest now. I’ll call the maid to clean
this up.”

Jeonghan stood up when Joshua didn’t say anything more. If he didn’t move away, he doesn’t
know how long he could hide how broken he felt.

And if he cried that night, he made sure not to let Joshua hear a sob.

Chapter End Notes

Wew. Well... thoughts? Haha.

Based on my notes, there's only a few chapters left! Thanks for reading up until now <3
See you in the next one!

Shout at me here too if you want: @pautriestowrite

 Chapter 17
Chapter Notes

Hi! And I'm back with a new chapter! I don't have much to say, except thank you for
your support as usual! I'll try to respond to your comments soon, I just wanted to drop
this first.

While I was trying to finish this up earlier, my laptop kind of restarted and I wasn't able
to save the changes. So I had to write up a portion all over again.

With that, please excuse my typos and grammatical errors, I'm a bit beat.

Enjoy!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

If someone told Joshua one year ago if he thought on his next birthday he would be five
months pregnant and married, he would have kicked that person in their shin for the bad joke
(no, he wouldn’t, he’d just laugh it off). And if they told him it was Jeonghan who he’d
marry, Joshua would respond that they were out of their minds (and now probably kick their
shins). Yet here he is, a year older and married to Yoon Jeonghan, who just three days ago
had confessed to him that he was in love with Joshua, waking up alone in their bed.

It's been three days. Three awkward days of Jeonghan walking on eggshells around him, an
awkward mix of being attentive yet cautious, caring yet avoiding Joshua, never bringing up
the confession or Joshua’s lack of response. It felt like a wall was built between him and
Jeonghan and he doesn’t know if it’s for his benefit or the young CEO’s.

Even so, he wouldn’t know what to say to Jeonghan anyway.

Why did Jeonghan say those things?

He was Jeonghan’s first love?

Joshua couldn’t believe that. Yes, Jeonghan had always been a great friend to him. Because
of Jeonghan, he met Seungcheol and became friends with them. Because of them, his first
year of college was bearable even if Soonyoung wasn’t with him. Jeonghan was considerate
and kind, always asking him to have lunch or to study together so Joshua wouldn’t feel alone.
Because he was friends with Jeonghan and Seungcheol, other people wouldn’t think about
bullying him. But that was it.

Never once did he think that Jeonghan liked him more than the friendship he was shown.

He’s in love with Joshua? Wait—

Wasn’t he in love with Moyeon? Wasn’t he grieving the end of their relationship when he
decided to come home to Joshua that day? He remembered distinctly hearing Jeonghan sob
after waking up in the middle of the night.

In his life, Joshua had never seen Jeonghan breakdown like he did that night. Not even when
during the times he saw Jeonghan after learning of his parents’ passing, Jeonghan still
seemed to pull himself together.

But their first night back from the hospital, he saw Jeonghan slouched down against the bare
wall of the nursery, eyes closed tight shut, arm over his mouth as if to muffle his sobs, his
free hand over his chest as his trying to claw out his heart and he was crying. Jeonghan was
crying as silently as he could, but the pain felt so loud and clear for Joshua, thumping in his
ears like a bass drum. Jeonghan was hurting and it was his fault. He was keeping Jeonghan
away from the person he loved.

He went back to his bed trying to drown out Jeonghan’s cries with his own.

So, he doesn’t understand why Jeonghan would say that he was in love with Joshua.
Jeonghan didn’t have to say all that just because they were in this forced marriage. Jeonghan
didn’t have to force a love that wasn’t there, at least on the older man’s part. It made Joshua
feel like he was being pitied, that he was begging for scraps of the older man’s love, and the
feeling was ugly.
Things have never been more awkward between them than in the past few days, not even the
days leading up to their wedding was this strained. He could feel it as Jeonghan emerged
from the bathroom having prepared for the day ahead, surprised to see Joshua awake.

“Oh, Shua,” Jeonghan said stiffly.

Equally awkward, Joshua greeted, “H-hey.”

With tentative steps, Jeonghan approached their bed. “Did you sleep well?”

It was abysmal, but Joshua responded in the affirmative.

“I’ll go ahead down for breakfast and I have some paper work before we head out,” Jeonghan
said, grabbing his phone on the bedside table.

Joshua nodded as he watched Jeonghan retreat, a lump in his throat started to form.

Then, Jeonghan paused. “Oh,” he said before giving a small but warm smile. “Happy
birthday, Shua.”

Right. It was his birthday.

Smiling a little, he answered, “Thanks, Jeonghan.”

He received warm greetings and hugs and congratulatory wishes from the rest of the Yoon
family as soon as he descended to the dining area. They even served the traditional seaweed
soup to celebrate the occasion. He was so thankful for having his in-laws so loving when it
came to him. In a way, he supposed, he married with great luck.

By lunch, Jeonghan and Joshua went to the Hong residence where they had lunch with
Joshua’s family. Young-ae happily prepared a feast of a lunch for her son’s birthday, with
Joo-hwan, Johnny, and Vernon in attendance. They were even joined by Joshua’s paternal
grandparents who had been retired and living peacefully just a little off of Seoul and
Seungkwan.

Lunch, thankfully, went off without much of a hitch, with Joo-hwan being rather amiable,
spending most of the time talking to Jeonghan. Joshua grandparents were eager to catch up
with Joshua and talk about his baby happily saying that they’ve lived so well they’ll be able
to witness the birth of their great grandchild. Joshua also invited his brothers and Seungkwan
to the dinner and the younger couple said they’ll come.

Joshua’s parents won’t come anymore to the dinner as they’ll see each other again the next
day to ring in the new year, and to spend time with Joo-hwan’s parents.

By dinner, things were pretty busy around the Yoon mansion especially with the arrival of
their friends. Grandma Yoon and Suryeon entertained their guests, talking to Mingyu and
Wonwoo about the gallery and interesting stories in the art scene.

Jeonghan was taking the gifts brought by their friends, which mostly were for the baby. The
couple specifically requested that if any gifts were to be given, they’d appreciate it if it were
for their child instead since Joshua couldn’t think of anything he wanted for himself. Joshua
and Jihoon were entertaining Soonyoung and Minghao, while Chan was happy to catch up
with Vernon and Seungkwan.

Joshua, Jihoon, Soonyoung and Minghao were in their own little corner in the living which
was rearranged to accommodate a number of guests and to add a few decorative ornaments
for the birthday celebration.

“So, Jun really took a leave of absence from the hospital?” Soonyoung asked.
Joshua nodded. “Yeah, Johnny-hyung told me. When I called Junnie, he was already in
China. He said he just needed a break. I heard from Johnny-hyung that he lost a patient and
that really took a toll on him.”

Discreetly, Joshua turned to check on Minghao who seemed rather affected.

“You didn’t know that Jun went to back home for a while?” Jihoon turned to Minghao who
shook his head. “That’s odd.”

Minghao sighed. “Not really. Things kind of went from bad to worse between the two of us
after I picked him up a few days back.”

They all give him a surprised look.

“I just… I didn’t know just how much he was hurting,” Minghao admitted. It was such a rare
sight to see Minghao so vulnerable. Whatever was happening between Jun and Minghao must
be that bad for Minghao to be this affected, although they knew that his relationship with Jun
had always been one of the things Minghao treasured the most.

“Hao, is everything alright?” Soonyoung asked, worried.

“You and Jun never let an issue get this bad,” Jihoon added.

Minghao tried to casually wipe a tear that escaped his eye (crying was not something
Minghao did often) and this worried them.

“I admit that I have taken my relationship with Jun for granted, thinking he’d always be there
no matter what happened,” Minghao said, tightening his grip on the wine glass he was
holding (it wasn’t a celebration unless Minghao had his hands on a glass of wine). “He, uh…
He admitted that he’s been in love with me the whole time, and it really affected our
dynamics.”
Knowing faces were made, it’s not like they couldn’t see how Jun seemed to act towards
Minghao, the special treatment, the affection.

“I just… If I had known I wouldn’t have agreed to this set up.”

“Why?” Soonyoung asked.

“Because—it’s a recipe for disaster when feelings are involved.”

“You really didn’t know Jun had feelings for you?” Soonyoung raised a sharp eyebrow. “Or
you just didn’t want to entertain the possibility that he did so you could remain oblivious?”

“Soonyoung-hyung, you know that’s not it…”

Joshua decided to step in. “What about you, Hao? Do you feel anything for Jun?”

“Hyung, you know he’s very important to me, but…” Minghao paused, like something was
caught in his throat. “I’m not a good person to love. What if this whole love thing ruined our
friendship? I don’t think I can lose Jun that way.”

“Jeonghan-hyung and Joshua-hyung seem to make it work,” Jihoon pointed out, making
Joshua tense up. “I mean, you can’t say it won’t until you try.”

“They’re in a different situation, Jihoon-hyung.”

Or maybe not. Jihoon doesn’t see how awkward him and Jeonghan have been over the past
few days since he hasn’t been staying at the Yoon mansion. But Minghao had a point. Joshua
might have just ruined something good between him and Jeonghan.
“Look,” Soonyoung sighed. “You’re both my friends, and I don’t know what’s going on
inside both of your heads. But, Minghao, at this point, won’t things be ruined anyway? Why
not take a risk for a chance at a long lasting, loving relationship instead of doing nothing and
essentially losing Jun?”

Was it really that easy?

Minghao paused, thinking deeply. “I don’t know, hyung. I don’t have an answer to that. But
all I know is that I’ll fix it. I have to,” said Minghao, trying his best to seem strong and sure.
“It’s Jun.”

They know he means it because Minghao never says things so easily.

When it was time for them to take their places in the dining area where dinner will be served,
Jihoon noticed the three extra placement of crockery. He knew Seungcheol was invited and
they were informed before hand that Jun wouldn’t be able to come.

“Hyung, are we expecting other guests?” Jihoon whispered to Jeonghan who was about to
take his seat beside Joshua.

“Joshua’s colleague will be coming, and… Seungcheol will also be bringing a friend,” he
said the last part hesitantly.

A friend?

And as if on cue, Seungcheol arrived just in time before dinner was to be served.
“Sorry I’m late,” Seungcheol greeted with a cheeky smile as he entered the dining area,
bowing to the elders and grinning mischievously at Jeonghan when their eyes met. “Training
ran a little longer today.”

“Oh, Seungcheol dear, you’re just in time!” grandma exclaimed when the professional athlete
came in for a hug. It was only then that grandma and everyone else noticed the person trailing
behind Seungcheol.

Noticing everyone’s eyes shifting, he turned to the woman standing behind him. “I brought a
friend with me,” he said, taking his place beside her to introduce her. “Everyone, this is Im
Nayeon. She’s also one of our team’s physical therapists.”

The woman, Nayeon, bowed her head politely, as did the rest of the room.

“Sorry for intruding. I thought I would just be dropping Seungcheol off,” she smiled
apologetically. She was cute, with her bunny teeth and big round eyes, Jihoon admitted
internally.

But why did Seungcheol bring her anyway?

“Nonsense, welcome,” grandma said.

“It’s great that you could join us, Nayeon,” Jeonghan greeted politely, to Jihoon’s surprise.

Beaming, Nayeon held out a paper bag she was holding. “Thank you. Joshua, happy
birthday! Please accept my small gift.”

Joshua smiled, taking the gift. “Thank you, Nayeon. It’s nice to see again.”

Oh, so Seungcheol must have introduced her to Joshua-hyung and Jeonghan-hyung, Jihoon
thought, a little hurt.
Jeonghan took the gift from Joshua so he could place it along with the other gifts, and said,
“Come and take your seats, you can stay over there beside Chan. Dinner will be served.”

Unfortunately, those seats just happen to be across from Jihoon, much to the music
producer’s dismay. He watched as Seungcheol takes out the seat for her and introducing her
to Chan on his left, and Mingyu and Wonwoo to Nayeon’s right. It created an awful feeling
within him, a heavy knot at the pit of his stomach that he couldn’t untie.

It wasn’t long before their eyes met, a challenging look from the eldest of their friend group
was staring right at him.

Jihoon swallowed uncomfortably, feeling the heavy tension in the room. He wanted to say
something, shout even, but he couldn’t, a lump stuck in his throat.

Seungcheol was about to look away when another voice entered the room.

“Hello! Sorry for being late,” the voice said as heads turned to see who it was. “Traffic was
horrible.”

A tall man with a bright smile was at the dining room entrance, politely bowing.

“Seokmin, you made it,” said Joshua who was about to stand from his seat to greet him when
another voice interrupted.

“You?!”

They all turn to the source across the room, and Soonyoung was up from his seat, an
accusatory finger pointed at the younger doctor.
It took a while for Seokmin to register who yelled at him. “You?”

“What are you doing here?” they both asked simultaneously as the heads turned from one to
another.

“Do you guys know each other?” Joshua asked in confusion.

“Hyung,” Seokmin said first, a finger now pointed at Soonyoung, mirroring the other.
“Remember my horrible Tinder date?”

Soonyoung audibly scoffed. “Excuse me? Horrible?!”

“That’s him!”

The room was a mix of surprised and confused expressions, no one knew who to focus on.

“I was horrible? You’re the one who said you left your wallet as a flimsy excuse not to pay!”

Offended, Seokmin put his hands on his hips, laughing hollowly. “I offered to wire you the
money but you kept accusing me of swindling you!”

“Because who would believe your excuse?”

“I came from a 12-hour shift! I was in a rush!”

“Oh my god,” groaned Joshua who was assisted by Jeonghan back to sit down, gently
rubbing his shoulder.
Minghao snorted, “See? Nothing good comes out of using Tinder.”

Mingyu whistled, “Soonyoung-hyung on Tinder? I never knew.”

“Wow,” another voice commented.

“Small world,” laughed another.

“Guys,” Jeonghan finally asserted his voice. “Let’s all calm down. Soonyoung and Seokmin,
if you have unresolved feelings, please discuss it later after dinner.”

“Hyung!” they both wailed in frustration.

Jeonghan held up his hands. “Dinner is about to be served. No more of this please. Seokmin,
you can stay beside Vernon.”

And Seokmin did just that, sitting down but not before Vernon managed to whisper with a
mischievous smirk, “So, Soonyoung-hyung huh?”

Seokmin merely rolled his eyes, whispering back, “Don’t remind me.”

“Okay,” grandma said with a clap with an amused expression. “Glad that everyone’s settled.
Let’s enjoy dinner for our dear Joshua’s birthday, okay?”

And so they did, each little group conversing in their own bubble, introductions made for
those who do not know each other yet. However, Jihoon couldn’t help but steal glances over
at the pair in front him who were giggling in hushed whispers as they appear to happily eat.
He felt annoyed, even somewhat betrayed. Why did Seungcheol bring someone to their
gathering? Was it to spite Jihoon? Was it to slap on his face that they had no chance? But
what about what happened a few days ago?
He was so engrossed in his thoughts until a little elbow nudge from Jeonghan who sat beside
him pulled him out of them.

“Stop glaring.”

“I’m not,” Jihoon huffed.

“Then stop staring,” Jeonghan said in hushed tones. “You’re being so obvious that you’re
affected.”

But he was. He was greatly affected.

When dinner was over, grandma and Suryeon retired to their rooms, telling the young ones to
enjoy the rest of the night as they pleased. Jeonghan had the alcohol served so their guests
could enjoy and they dispersed into their little groups so they could catch up or continue
unfinished conversations.

After about an hour, Nayeon and Seungcheol approached Joshua was talking to Vernon and
Seungkwan. “Joshua, I’ll head out. I still have a long drive going home and an early morning
tomorrow. Thank you for letting me join in on your celebration,” Nayeon smiled.

“Thank you as well for your gift. Have a safe drive home.”

Nayeon nodded and Seungcheol accompanied her to her car.

“Hey,” Jeonghan approached, carrying Joshua’s gifts. “I’ll bring this up to the nursery,
okay?”
“You need help, hyung?” Vernon offered but Jeonghan shook his head.

“I got this. You guys enjoy,” smiled Jeonghan.

“Are you sure?” Joshua asked in a tone only Jeonghan could hear.

Jeonghan nodded with a small smile, making his way to the stairs. Joshua could tell Jeonghan
just wanted to avoid interacting with other people already, and maybe even an attempt at
avoiding Joshua, a thought which stung at his heart.

“Let’s go back to the living room?” Seungkwan suggested as Joshua watched Jeonghan
ascend the staircase.

Joshua nodded mindlessly before stopping his footsteps. “You guys go ahead. I’ll just grab a
bottle of water.”

He just needed a moment to breathe. This whole day was a little overwhelming although he
was thankful his family and friends made time to celebrate his day. Still, he wasn’t used to all
the attention, especially when the only attention he craved for was Jeonghan’s who was being
a little distant. In truth, he should be the one distancing himself from Jeonghan, giving the
latter more time to think through the things he said, but somehow it was the other way
around.

He didn’t like feeling such distance from Jeonghan, he hated it. But how do they go back to
before?

When he returned to the living room, Seungcheol was back and they were all comfortably
seated around, or leaning against the furniture as they talked. Joshua decided to hang back by
the entrance, not really making his presence known, listening in to their friends talking. He
was a little peopled-out if he were being honest.
“I still can’t believe it’s only been five months since the trip in Jeju,” said Soonyoung
thoughtfully. “So many things have changed since then.”

Seungcheol chortled. “You can say that again.”

“Jihoon-hyung and Chan returning to the country, Mingyu introducing Wonwoo of all
people,” Soonyoung said in a (mostly) joking tone. “I meant that lovingly, Gyu,” he added
for good measure. “And to top it all off, Shua-hyung and Jeonghan-hyung getting married
and having a baby.”

Of course there were a lot of things unsaid, like how Jun and Minghao’s friends-with-benefits
arrangement started to crumble, Jihoon’s return opening old wounds for him and Seungcheol,
Wonwoo turned out to be Joshua’s ex-boyfriend, and, of course, Moyeon’s return.

“And to think, it all started for Jeonghan-hyung and Joshua-hyung when Jeonghan-hyung
punched that creep on our first night in Jeju,” Minghao recounted wistfully. “You can’t tell
me otherwise.”

“Can’t be too sure,” Seungcheol mumbled under his breath.

But Joshua who was standing near where Seungcheol sat could hear it clearly. He felt a bit
bothered by the tone of it. Did Seungcheol know?

“That was still so unexpected for me,” Soonyoung said animatedly, as if he was once again
experiencing the shock from the first he heard it. “Jeonghan-hyung is always so easy-going,
calm, cool, collected and all that. Then he just punches a guy? Where did that behavior come
from?”

Seokmin chimed in excitedly to which Soonyoung rolled his eyes. “So, the video that went
around, that’s the event you’re referring to?”
Mingyu nodded. “I saw him throw the punch myself. Didn’t know Jeonghan had a mean right
hook too!”

Even Chan seemed visibly impressed. None of them ever saw Jeonghan participate in a fight,
it seemed so unlike his good and easy-going nature. Sure, when he started working for Yoon
Group, he became a much more strictly-business figure, always straight to the point and
concise, but college Jeonghan was fun and cheerfully infectious, bright smiles and
mischievous grins. But, someone knew otherwise, it seemed.

“Well, I guess who wouldn’t want to punch that creep. If I caught him too I’d give more than
just one punch,” said Soonyoung.

“I still can’t believe that happened to hyung. I’d also beat that guy up if I were there,” Vernon
said with a shake of his head, an arm protectively around Seungkwan.

Mingyu chuckled at all of their protective instincts. “I suppose I am still most surprised about
Jeonghan-hyung being so protective.”

“Are you kidding? He was even worse in college,” Seungcheol finally stepped in, seemingly
unable to take the wrong information being said about Jeonghan.

“Huh?” they almost said collectively.

Minghao tilted his head, raising a sharp eyebrow. “I don’t recall Jeonghan-hyung getting into
trouble for a fight in college.”

Seungcheol shrugged. “First of all, he wouldn’t get in trouble for that. Second, you guys
weren’t in college yet.”

Wait. They all entered college the same year, but Joshua doesn’t remember Jeonghan getting
into a fight. What is Seungcheol referring to?
“When—no, why did he get into a fight?” Mingyu seemingly asking the right questions.

“You guys wouldn’t know—oh wait, no Soonyoung was there!”

Soonyoung’s looked surprised at the sudden mention of his name like he was being accused
of something. “What?”

“Not in the fight,” Seungcheol clarified. “Remember when you visited the campus to watch a
soccer game?”

Soonyoung pursed his lips, trying hard to remember the event Seungcheol was referring to
until a memory stood out. “Wait—I watched a soccer game… the only game I remember was
when I met up with Shua-hyung and that horrible incident happened.”

Horrible incident? Joshua tried to remember what incident Soonyoung was referring to. And
then it clicked.

“Yeah. Remember when those stupid soccer team members ganged up on Joshua?”
Seunghceol said through gritted teeth, recalling the memory.

That was the one. He remembered that day, it was the first game he ever watched of
Jeonghan’s—the semi-finals of the collegiate championships, Seungcheol got him to come
and Soonyoung agreed to accompany Joshua who felt anxious about big crowds. It was a
unique experience, although for the most part he just watched Jeonghan play because he
really wasn’t that interested in the sport. He almost buried what happened after the game
deep in the recesses of his memory.

“What happened?” Mingyu asked, his earlier excited demeanor shifted.

Soonyoung sighed. “Well, Jeonghan-hyung’s game just finished and the crowds started
exiting the stadium. Cheol-hyung told us to wait for him at one of the entrances since he was
going to go get Jeonghan-hyung and they can celebrate together. I needed to go to the
comfort room so I left Joshua-hyung for a while, and when I came back there were three guys
surrounding him and taunting him. Actually…” Soonyoung then hesitantly looked at
Wonwoo and let out a breath. “Those were former soccer players from our high school.”

He remembered clearly what those boys were saying to him. They were Wonwoo’s former
teammates who used to blame Joshua for Wonwoo’s injuries and consequently the loss of
their high school’s prized player. They used to bully Joshua when Wonwoo left for Canada
and Joshua supposed, finding him in the stadium that day in college, they found an
opportunity to vent out their frustrations at him once again.

Joshua doesn’t notice how Wonwoo’s body shrunk, guilt overcoming him.

“When I came back, they had Joshua-hyung pinned against the wall, one of they buried his
fingers on Joshua’s shoulder holding him tightly and saying horrible things to him—why he
came to the university, that he was bringing his bad luck to them, that he was on the hunt for
the next soccer player he could ruin—”

Joshua bit his lower lip at the memory. He tried to push them away, begging them to stop,
that he wasn’t doing anything to them, but they wouldn’t relent. Joshua would cower in fear
of them hurting him, shrinking and shaking, trembling as he mumbled apologies they didn’t
deserve.

Breathing deeply, Joshua took a step back from the doorframe, wanting to run away almost
until he heard Jeonghan’s name mentioned again.

“When Jeonghan and I came, Jeonghan pulled them away from Joshua,” Seungcheol
continued for Soonyoung. “I think Soonyoung took the opportunity to pull Joshua away and I
brought them to the parking lot to my car.”

Vernon clenched his fist, hearing this for the first time. “What the hell? Who the fuck do they
think they are?”
“What despicable people,” spat Minghao.

Seungcheol continued, “When I got back to Jeonghan, he was beating the shit out of those
people. I never knew Jeonghan knew how to fight until then actually, that scrawny ass kid.”

Collective gasps and surprised faces were seen around the living room.

“Seriously?”

“That happened?”

“Woah, I can’t believe Jeonghan-hyung.”

Joshua wasn’t sure who was saying what anymore, but the sentiment was the same. Jeonghan
seriously did that? Joshua never knew. All he remembered was that he never encountered
those guys again for the rest of his stay in college. He thought it was just his (very elusive)
good luck that he never did.

Coughing to get their attention, Seungcheol went on, “Three versus one was, of course,
difficult so Jeonghan took a few punches to himself. When I got in to help, I think they
started to realize who we were. They were basically getting onto the bad side of the only first
year starting player of the soccer team when they didn’t even make it to the line-up, and to
add to that, the heir to the Yoon Group. I never saw Jeonghan so furious in all our years of
friendship,” Seungcheol snorted.

Neither did Joshua.

Crossing his arms, Minghao mumbled, “Who knew Jeonghan-hyung had that side?”

“Well, it’s not like he shows us just how protective he is,” Soonyoung rolled his eyes.
Seungcheol shook his head. “That’s because he’s only like that to Shua.”

At this point, Seungcheol was just out there spilling all of Jeonghan’s secrets.

Only to him? Is Seungcheol for real? Why would he—

“You’re my first love. I loved you then. And I’m in love with you now.”

So was it true all along?

“Yeah,” as if Seungcheol was answering his question. “He never let anyone bully Shua again
after that. And I mean, anyone who tried to bully Shua made an enemy out of Yoon
Jeonghan. You’d go that far for the people you love.”

What? Love?

Reeling in from the stories untold unknowingly (or knowingly) spilled by Seuncheol, Joshua
needed to take a step back from it all. He couldn’t process what he heard.

Retreating, he zoned out the voices of their guests comfortably talking in the living room, no
longer listening to their reactions, until he found himself in the (thankfully) empty kitchen.
He found stability gripping onto the island counter, thoughts still stormed by all that he just
heard and trying to sort them all out.

Was Jeonghan telling the truth all along? Did he really love Joshua since they were in
college? Sure, he grew a crush on the soccer team’s star player, because who wouldn’t? It felt
nice to have a friend like Jeonghan who made an effort to not make Joshua feel alone. He’d
never admit the slight bitterness he felt when Jeonghan introduced Moyeon as his girlfriend
in their third year of college after returning from the US. Little things, at most a harmless
crush.
But he was apparently Jeonghan’s first love. Jeonghan loved him—loves him.

He needed to find Jeonghan and talk to him. He needed to—

“Joshua?”

And on the other side of the island counter stood another man. “Wonwoo.”

“Hey,” Wonwoo smiled tentatively, keeping his distance. “You okay? You seem a little out of
it?”

Joshua blinked, trying to compartmentalize his thoughts. “Um… yeah. Just… a little
overwhelmed, I suppose.”

Wonwoo hummed. “Well, it is your birthday,” the bespectacled man offered trying to drive
the conversation forward, but Joshua’s thoughts just seemed to be elsewhere.

Silence followed soon, each of them wanting to say the words at the tips of their tongue but
hesitating. In the end, it was Wonwoo who spoke first.

“Sorry,” he said.

Joshua looked at him confused, unsure if he missed something with all of the thoughts
running through his mind or not.

“You were harassed by my former team mates from high school,” Wonwoo bit his lip, guilt
written on his face. “Sorry. That wasn’t right. That shouldn’t have happened to you.”
“You weren’t the one who bullied me,” Joshua said. “You don’t need to apologize for their
actions.”

“Yeah but I might as well have instigated it because I blamed you for what happened,”
Wonwoo said, his voice getting softer as he spoke. “I suppose I still don’t know the extent of
damage I caused you.”

Joshua paused, collecting his thoughts. Yes, the years after that incident have been hard on
Joshua for many reasons, one of them being the way Wonwoo’s friends and team mates
treated him. When he thought about it now, he doesn’t think about those moments anymore
as, for the most part, he was able to have a peaceful college life because of… Jeonghan. A
truth revealed to him at that moment.

“I’ve let that go, Wonwoo,” Joshua said, a small smile on his face. “When I forgave you,
when I had my closure, I’ve let all of those go.”

Wonwoo still looked hesitant, unsure.

“You should too,” Joshua added. Thoughtfully, he continued, unconsciously putting his hand
over his stomach, thinking about Jeonghan and their baby, a realization hitting him. “I think
I’m in a place where I just want to look forward.”

Biting his cheeks, Wonwoo softly said, “I’m sorry I couldn’t love you the way you deserved
back then.”

Perhaps now Joshua understood better, why he and Wonwoo didn’t work out the way he
thought they would back then. Why happy-ever-afters were only in fairy tales—it’s because
no love is perfect. It grows as people grow, it learns as people learn. It hurts because it
strengthens, it brings you down so you know how to stand back up again.

Joshua smiled. “It’s in the past, Wonwoo. Perhaps we both had to grow from that time to love
the right person better.” He paused, biting his lips as the image of a black-haired man with
angelic features came to mind. “So, I hope for you that the next person you love, you can
love them right.”
“I wish nothing but happiness for you, Joshua,” Wonwoo managed to say with a smile. It was
such an easy smile, Joshua thought, something that he hasn’t seen on Wonwoo for a very long
time. Something akin to acceptance.

“Thanks, Wonwoo. Me too, I wish the same for you.”

Now, he needed to do one very important thing.

Joshua excused himself saying he had something important to do, and Wonwoo already knew
Joshua went to find Jeonghan. For the first time since he came back, it felt more of a relief for
Wonwoo that Joshua had Jeonghan. He no longer felt jealous or bitter, or wished that it was
him. It was an acceptance that was a long time coming.

He turned around, ready to head back to the people in the living room when he saw someone
standing by the door frame, catching him by surprise.

“Mingyu,” he said breathlessly.

“You still love him.”

It was a statement, no longer a question. But Mingyu wore the same pained look on his face
the night he found out that Joshua was the ex Wonwoo had unresolved feelings for. He
wished he could do something about it, he wished he could take the pain away from Mingyu,
but no words would come out of his mouth, like something caught his voice making him
unable to speak.

Mingyu bit his lower lip, laughing emptily like it was the most unfunny joke in the world.
“I suppose I should have known,” Mingyu said, his voice a bit choked. Wonwoo wanted to
take a step forward, but he felt frozen in his place. “But I guess I needed to see it so I could
finally face the truth.”

He wanted to reach out and hold the taller man’s hand. “Mingyu—”

“I never stood a chance with you.”

“No, Mingyu—”

Mingyu lowered his head, tears streamed down his face and still Wonwoo couldn’t move.

“I did my best, right, Wonwoo?” Mingyu tried as much as possible to muffle broken sobs.
“But I guess I have to learn when to give up.”

“Mingyu…” and Wonwoo could feel the tears start to sting around his eyes. He was finally
able to take a step forward, wanting to comfort the bigger man in front of him, but as he did
so, Mingyu took a step back.

“Thank you,” Mingyu said, finally looking back up at Wonwoo. “Thanks for letting me try
my best. But… I’ll stop now, Wonwoo.”

And with that, Wonwoo was suddenly faced with the retreating back of Kim Mingyu. Yet
again, he managed to hurt someone who only tried to love him as best they could.

“Fuck.”

-
The night seemed to die down when no one knew where Joshua and Jeonghan went (they all
just assumed the couple went to rest, especially since one of them was pregnant), and then
Mingyu suddenly bid his goodbye, Wonwoo going after him, and one by one they started to
leave.

Along with Minghao and Soonyoung who went to their cars, Seungcheol made his way to
Jeonghan’s black Bentley (a car he hardly drove for being too flashy), having already asked
Jeonghan earlier if he could borrow it so he could drive home. He felt tired, both physically
and emotionally.

He was about to start the car when the passenger side door sprung open and in came a fairly
inebriated Jihoon.

Sighing, he leaned back against the car. “What the fuck are you doing, Jihoon?”

“Take me home.”

“Jihoon, stop.”

“We live in the same building, right across from each other. You could do that for me, can’t
you?”

“Jihoon—”

“Why did you bring her?” he asked, sounding a bit broken.

But Seungcheol didn’t answer.

“Are you dating her?”

Still no response.

“Did you bring her to spite me?” Jihoon said through gritted teeth. “Seungcheol, why are you
doing this to me.”

“Jihoon, I’m not doing anything to you. Let’s not do this.”

“Cheol,” Jihoon faced him, biting back his cries. “Why? Why can’t we just try again?”

Seungcheol brought a hand to his face in frustration. He was tired of this conversation.

“We talked about this, Jihoon.” Jihoon looked so broken that it was hurting Seungcheol as
well, but he couldn’t break now.

“So are we just going to forget what happened three nights ago?” The tears began to flow,
Jihoon wiped them off as aggressively as they fell.

“That was a mistake.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“I picked you up from Heaven’s Cloud because Soonyoung needed help bringing you home,”
Seungcheol sighed. “I was just drinking before going there. We both were uner the influence
of alcohol. What happened… it was a mistake.”

“Cheol,” Jihoon cried, his hands over his face. “Please. Can’t you choose me again? Can’t it
be me again?”
The sight was painful for him too. He never wanted to see Jihoon hurt and crying like this.
When he saw Jihoon happy, achieving his dreams, being with the people who shared his
interests and passion, he was happy for him too. It hurt that it couldn’t be him that stood
beside Jihoon, it hurt that Jihoon forgot to make space for him in his plans, it hurt every day.
But he took comfort in knowing that Jihoon was happy.

So, to see the man he once loved with everything he had break down in front of him like this,
it hurt too.

But, it was different this time. So much time has passed, so many things have changed. He
was no longer the same person that Jihoon loved.

“Jihoon, please… don’t do this,” he said softly, prying off Jihoon’s hands from his face to get
a look at the younger man. “Don’t do this.”

“Cheol… I still love you,” Jihoon pleaded as Seungcheol wiped the tears away from his face.

Seungcheol knew, deep down, that there were still remnants of his feelings for Jihoon. Those
kinds of feelings never fade away completely, he believed. That’s why when Jihoon came
back, he still felt a little bit of the pain he once felt before.

But was that enough to ignite the flame that was put out so long ago by Jihoon himself?

“Please, Cheol,” Jihoon leaned forward, the younger’s tearful face now just inches away from
his own. “Please.”

Seungcheol could see the desperation in the younger man’s eyes, begging him, pleading him.
And, before he could even process his own thoughts, warm, wet lips were pressed against his
own, arms snaked around his neck like they never wanted let go. Jihoon kissed his with so
much want and boldness, anguish and hope, that suddenly, he found himself kissing him back
just as he did nights ago.
-

When Joshua arrived at the nursery, there he found the man who had been the subject of his
thoughts over the past few days, the man who had made his mind go haywire and made a
mess out of his feelings. Finally, he was going to settle it all right now.

“Jeonghan,” he breathed, causing the older man to turn around from arranging the gifts given
to them by their friends on the shelves and cabinets.

“Shua?” Jeonghan said, seeming a little startled and worried as he looked at the flushed
Joshua. “Is everything okay? Why are you panting?”

“I needed to talk to you.”

Jeonghan approached Joshua, a worried look on his face. “Okay? Why don’t we sit so you
can rest—”

“Is it true?” Joshua interrupted, not wanting to lose the courage to confront Jeonghan now.

Jeonghan looked at him confused. “What is?”

“That you beat up those guys back in college? The ones who were ganging up on me after
your soccer game?”

To Jeonghan, the question must have seemed out of nowhere, bringing up an event that
happened almost a decade ago.

“What—huh?”
“Did you really get into fights for me?”

“Joshua, wait—I didn’t get into fights like I was looking for it. I just… I hated how people
would hurt or bully you for no reason, so I would just… ward them off,” Jeonghan mumbled
as if he were talking about evil spirits.

“And every time we ate out, you’d make sure that there were no peanuts in my food?”

“Shua, where are all of these coming from?” Jeonghan asked but Joshua just gave him a
pleading look. “Yes. Of course. After that incident where you had an allergic reaction, I
didn’t want to risk it happening again.”

“And you’d always study with me and make sure I went home safe,” Joshua said as if
recounting the past. “Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Why did you do all those things for me?”

Jeognhan sighed, shoulders dropping down like they were weary. “You know why. I already
told you, I already loved you back then.”

Joshua chewed on his cheeks, wanting to believe everything. Jeonghan took a tentative step
forward.

“Shua, let’s go sit on the couch. You can’t be standing for too long,” Jeonghan tried to
convince Joshua but he shook his head, so Jeonghan stood in place.

“But—Moyeon—”
Jeonghan frowned knowingly, “Shua, I told you. It’s over between us, it’s been for a long
time now. There’s nothing between me and Moyeon—”

“Exactly!” Joshua cried. “Your relationship with Moyeon, your eight-year relationship just
ended. She was the one you were supposed to marry and build a life with, and you are still
grieving your relationship with her. So how could you be in love with me?”

“Shua, what are you talking about?” Jeonghan asked, seemingly genuinely confused.

Joshua hiccupped. “That night—when we came back from the hospital. I… I heard you
crying here, in the nursery. You were crying so much. Hurting because of you and Moyeon,
and it’s all my fault why you can’t be together—”

“Joshua, no! That’s not it at all,” Jeonghan cut him. “That wasn’t it. I wasn’t crying because
of her.”

Joshua looked at him like he was about to cry.

“That night, the past few days finally weighed down on me. All the feelings I pushed down
the days before, I just let them all out that night,” Jeonghan said, his voice low and heavy.
“I… I thought I almost lost you and the baby. And the last time I saw you, I hurt you by
bringing Moyeon back to Korea. I… I broke down because I felt so guilty… because if I lost
you I could never forgive myself. I love you so much that I couldn’t bear the thought of
losing you and our child. I couldn’t lose another person I love, especially not you.”

What?

“I love you. So much.”

“Why? Why me?” he asked, voice a little broken and unsure. “How could someone like you
love someone like me?”
Jeonghan furrowed his brows, as if in disbelief that he was being asked such a question.
“What do you mean someone like you? Why not you?”

“Jeonghan, I’m an awkward, socially inept, average person who never excelled in anything.
I’m no sporty like Seungcheol or your team mates, or smart like Jun and Mingyu, or graceful
or elegant like Minghao or even… Moyeon,” he said the last part with a pained expression.
“I’m not fun or exciting like your classmates, I don’t crack funny jokes like Soonyoung.
There’s nothing attractive about me. I’m not anything special. Even my parents think so.”

“Shua—”

“So, why? Why do you love me?”

“Do I need a reason?” Jeonghan asked back with as much intensity. “I just do. It’s not
anything you are or aren’t. It’s just been you.”

But Joshua didn’t look convinced. Taking his chances, Jeonghan took a couple of more steps
forward, finally standing face-to-face with Joshua, as he took the younger man’s hands in his.

“But if you need a reason to hold on to, then,” Jeonghan said, voice softer now as squeezed
Joshua’s hands tightly before continuing. “Your smile is the most beautiful smile I’ve seen.
Whenever you smile at me, it’s like I’m faced with the warmth of the sun, it makes me melt.
You have the most beautiful voice I’ve heard, I could listen to it all day if you’d let me.
You’re easily flustered that it’s cute, that’s the first thing that made me interested in you when
we first met in the hallway in college. To me, you’re beautiful, so beautiful.”

Joshua could feel the tears prickling at the sides of his eyes as Jeonghan looked at him
warmly.

“You’re the kindest person I know. You always put others first before your own. Like when
you wait for Soonyoung or Jun to finish their schoolwork at the library so they wouldn’t be
alone. Or when you patiently teach Seungcheol English for his essay writing class like a
saint. You took care of the people around you. So, I wanted to be that person who took care
of you.”

Jeonghan brought up his hand so he could wipe away the tears from Joshua’s cheeks.

“You were never interested in my reputation, and you became my friend just because. You
listened to all my stories and rants without judgment or invalidating my feelings. You stayed
by my side when I lost my parents,” Joshua could feel his hand be squeezed tighter at the last
part. “You’ve always been smart and hard-working, you’re a great friend so who cares if
you’re awkward sometimes. You’re the most gracious person I know. But even if you believe
that you’re none of those things, it doesn’t matter to me. I love you because you’re you.”

And it was just like that when all the worries Joshua had been plagued with suddenly
dissipate, making him feel lighter, making his heart grow bigger.

“Jeonghan,” Joshua suddenly moved to encircle his arms around Jeonghan’s waist and
burying his face on the older man’s neck.

After being momentarily surprised at the action, Jeonghan circled his arms around Joshua
engulfing him in his arms.

“It’s okay if you don’t believe me yet,” Jeonghan said softly. “I know we didn’t exactly start
off conventionally, with, well, you know—being secretly in love with you, to friends with
benefits, to finding out we were having a baby and getting married. But, if you let me, I’ll
love you properly this time. I’ll show you that I mean it.”

He didn’t need to. Joshua already knew.

“I love you,” he finally said, muffled against Jeonghan’s neck.

Joshua felt Jeonghan freeze at the admission, even he himself were surprised at the words
that came out of his mouth so easily. So, he pulled away and looked at the warm brown eyes
gazing at him.

“What?”

“I love you,” Joshua repeated. “I love you too.”

Jeonghan bit his lips, like he was trying not to cry.

“I thought I was the one who fell first during this forced marriage. I was scared because… I
was scared to lose you because I thought you didn’t feel the same way, and— and who am I
to be loved by you and—” Joshua said breathless, wanting to explain himself but not
knowing where to start. “I love you, Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan didn’t need anything more when pulled Joshua closer to him, a hand cupping
Joshua’s face and the other supporting his back.

“I love you, Shua.”

And Joshua was the one to close the remaining gap between them, reaching for Jeonghan’s
lips and moving his hand to Jeonghan’s nape, pulling him close. Jeonghan welcomed the kiss,
letting their lips slot together, like they were always meant to be.

Joshua can feel his body relax in Jeonghan’s arms, melting into his husband as he encircled
his arms around Jeonghan’s neck while the latter’s arms move to his waist, grounding him
and keeping them stable. Their kiss started out hurried, like they’ve been making up for lost
time, until they were able to settle on a steady rhythm.

When they pull away, they’re both flushed and breathless, puffy eyes and cheeks with streaks
of tear stains. But they didn’t care. They both looked beautiful to each other.

Jeonghan looked at his watch on his left arm, making Joshua look at him curiously.
 “11:17,” Jeonghan said. “It’s still you’re birthday, baby.”

This made Joshua chuckle.

“Happy birthday, my Shuji,” Jeonghan said, placing a chaste kiss on Joshua’s forehead,
making the younger man smile at the sweetness of it all.

And Joshua couldn’t help but feel warm and fuzzy, having the two best gifts he never knew
he wanted with him right at that moment—Jeonghan and their baby.

Chapter End Notes

Omo. Thoughts??? A not-so cliffhanger for you guys! Hope you enjoyed this one.

OT13 in one setting hihi, finally.

Also, I know some characters don't appear as much or have their own storylines. Sorry
for that if some of you are looking for those. As much as I'd want to, that would just be
so much to write and that might just make the plot messy. Hope you understand!

See you in the next one!

 Chapter 18
Chapter Notes

Hello!! Thank you for waiting :)

Can't believe we're already at chapter 18 :') thanks to everyone who supported and
continues to look forward to this.

This chapter will have some time skips hehe. Enjoy!

Please excuse the medical inaccuracies, among others, typos and grammatical errors.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

- One Month Later -

“Looks like you’re having a…” Dr. Nam squinted at the monitor, “girl!”

Jeonghan and Joshua both looked surprised at the news. They will love their baby no matter
what the sex turned out to be, but they were nonetheless pleasantly surprised that they were
having a girl. Grandma and Suryeon were hoping for a girl of course, after raising three boys,
so this news would be very welcome.

Seungkwan offered to throw them a gender-reveal party, which seemed to be trendy

nowadays, but Joshua and Jeonghan didn’t want too much fanfare and are happy with just
knowing that their baby is healthy.

“A girl,” swooned Joshua as he looked at the monitor from where he lay in the examination
bed, squeezing Jeonghan’s hand that was holding his. “We’re having a girl.”

A tearful Joshua looked up at his husband who was equally overcome by emotions.
“Wow,” Jeonghan smiled, his voice softening as he caressed the top of Joshua’s head with his
free hand. “I can’t believe we’re having a girl, my love.”

It’s been one month since his birthday, which meant a month since their confession and yet
Joshua still got all tingly and fuzzy inside whenever Jeonghan called him so affectionately
with endearments.

Blushing, Joshua smiled back.

“Congratulations, you two,” coughed Dr. Nam, catching the lovers’ attention who thanked
him. “Your baby looks quite healthy, but nonetheless, always take care of yourself, Joshua.
Avoid dangerous and strenuous activities, also avoid getting stressed as we head into the final
stages of your pregnancy. Your back is going to feel a lot more tired and strained, you’ll feel
a lot of discomfort, that’s normal. If there’s anything out of the ordinary, just give me a call.”

Joshua nodded. “Okay, thank you, Dr. Nam.”

“You can fix up, the nurse will assist you,” Dr. Nam said, tucking away the equipment before
turning to Jeonghan. “Jeonghan, can I talk to you in my clinic in the meantime?”

Jeonghan and Joshua exchanged glances before the older one nodded and followed Dr. Nam
out of the examination room. Once they’ve sat, Dr. Nam brought out a folder and gave it to
Jeonghan from across the desk.

“What’s this?” Jeonghan asked, but Dr. Nam signaled him to open it. When he did, he saw a
seemingly familiar document, something he has read before only this time there was a stamp
affixed to it. “Dr. Nam, this is the contract we drafted for you—”

“I know,” Dr. Nam said, leaning back onto his leather chair. “And I am agreeing to endorse
Henggarae’s products.”

Jeonghan blinked in surprise, unsure if he heard the old man correctly. “But… I thought—”
“As you may know, I tend to be picky with the products I endorse, especially if they would
affect not only my patients but also people similarly situated as them. So, when there are
companies or manufacturers who come to me with their product proposals and marketing
plans, I look at them with scrutiny. I don’t only have to believe the products but also the one
who sells them.”

Jeonghan listened carefully.

Dr. Nam fixed his glasses, leaning forward. “You see, Jeonghan, I have to believe that the
companies who make these products also believe in them too and actually care for the market
they’re selling it to. And at first, I didn’t believe you or Henggarae, and your sincerity in the
baby products you were going to release, especially since you barely made an effort to
accompany Joshua to his appointments.”

Jeonghan definitely remembered that time, when he didn’t make Joshua feel like he was
ready for this too, when Joshua didn’t feel comfortable enough to let Jeonghan know about
the appointments and updates on the baby at the fear that he was bothering Jeonghan.

“I honestly was so disappointed when Joshua would show up alone or with his mom, when
you are both the parents of this child. You are both responsible for your baby.”

“That’s why you always rejected our proposals,” Jeonghan said in understanding.

Dr. Nam shrugged. “I don’t do endorsements just for the money. I need to believe in what I
urge people to use or purchase.”

“So what made you change your mind?”

“You.”
Jeonghan looked at him confused.

“Over the past few months, I can see a change in you and the way you care for your pregnant
husband. I can see someone who’d be a good father, and in turn, who’d care for the products
that are out there for babies and expectant parents,” Dr. Nam explained. “So, I gave your
proposal another look and I studied your products. I am convinced that your products are
good and will be good for others.”

Jeonghan swallowed, unsure what to say. He’s never approached Dr. Nam himself to
convince him given the close relationship between his husband’s family and Dr. Nam. He
didn’t want to put both his husband and the good doctor in a precarious situation. In fact, the
inability of his marketing team to convince Dr. Nam led him to instruct his team to come up
with a different way to market their products.

“Thank you, Dr. Nam, for giving Henggarae and myself a chance,” said Jeonghan just as
Joshua came out of the examination room.

They bid their thanks to Dr. Nam and left the clinic, and they met with Jun for lunch. On the
walk to the restaurant across the hospital, Joshua inquired on what they talked about and
Jeonghan relayed to him what Dr. Nam said.

Joshua frowned. “Oh, that’s my fault. I was the one that didn’t tell you about my
appointments.”

Jeonghan stopped walking, taking Joshua’s hand in his and intertwining their fingers. “It’s
not. You weren’t comfortable enough to tell me, that’s on me.”

The warmth that Jeonghan’s touch gave off always managed to relax Joshua, a comfort meant
just for him.

Hand in hand, they entered the restaurant which wasn’t that full yet since it was still too early
for the usual lunch break, and they found Jun easily in one of the tables. They made their way
to Jun who seemed happy to see them.
“Hyung!” Jun greeted. It’s been a while since they saw the younger doctor, having taken a
leave of absence for nearly a month. “I heard today you were going to find out the sex of
your baby.”

Jun had an eager expression on his face that was almost comical, just like how he usually was
before things got messy between him and Minghao.

“And who told you that?” Jeonghan asked as he called for the menu.

“Seokmin,” Jun wriggled his eyebrows while Joshua shook his head in disapproval. “So, did
you find out yet?”

“Yup, we did,” Joshua grinned widely, biting his lips as if trying to stop himself. “We’re
having a girl!”

Jun almost squealed in excitement, luckily there weren’t much people in the restaurant. “Oh
my god!”

“Babe, I thought we were going to tell grandma, aunt Suryeon and your parents first?”
frowned Jeonghan as Jun kept on fussing about.

“They’ll all know today anyway,” Joshua giggled with a hint of mischief in his tone, causing
Jeonghan to soften his features. “Just don’t go around spreading it, Junnie. We’d like to be
the one to tell everyone.”

Jun sat up straight, as if it would help him seem more trustworthy. “You got it, hyung,” he did
a mini salute.

Once the excitement settled down between Jun and Joshua, Jeonghan ordered their food and
it was served after a while, and they ate while listening to Jun talk about the things he did for
the past month.

“You were on leave for almost a month,” Joshua pointed out. “Are you feeling better now?”

There was a calmness that enveloped Jun, something that Joshua wasn’t used to seeing, but it
somehow looked good on Jun. Nodding slowly, he responded, “It was good to spend time
with my parents. They don’t get to visit me here often. I was really able to rest and
recuperate.”

Joshua smiled at him. “That’s good. You look good, Junnie.”

“Thanks, Shua-hyung.”

“So, what did you do while you were away?” Jeonghan asked, driving the conversation.

“Hmm… I travelled around—hiked, drove to new places, brought my parents to a resort for
the weekend,” Jun recounted with an amused look on his face. “I tried food I never tried
before. I tried new things like woodcarving and yoga.”

“Interesting choices,” said Jeonghan. “We should try hiking together one time.”

“No thanks, hyung. I actually hated it,” Jun said, eliciting laughs from the couple. “But for
the most part I spent time working on myself. And I think that’s what I really needed.”

He paused for a while, contemplating his next words.

“I suppose, this time away gave me a chance to know myself,” Jun chuckled but it was more
to himself. “Sounds cliché hearing it out loud, but… I think I needed to know if I could be
happy without… you know. And… it turns out, I can.”
Joshua and Jeonghan looked at him with understanding eyes. Joshua even wondered how Jun
must have felt in his time away, processing his feelings, and finding acceptance in things he
could not control. He’s happy for Jun. Yet, he can’t help but wonder if Minghao was similarly
okay. From how it sounds, Jun and Minghao has yet to speak to each other since Jun came
back.

“You have such a great aura around you, actually,” Joshua observed.

Jun chuckled. “What are you talking about, hyung? You’re the one who has a great aura. You
look so much happier and healthy. Is that an effect of pregnancy?”

The comment made Joshua turn to Jeonghan, meeting the older man’s eyes and smiling. Was
it an effect of pregnancy? Maybe. He supposed it was the catalyst of everything he’s enjoying
now. For the most part, Joshua has just never felt happiness and contentment like he was
feeling for the past month.

“You could say that,” Joshua mumbled mindlessly and Jun smiled at their exchange. “But
seriously, Jun. I’m glad you’re back.”

“Thanks, Shua-hyung. Truth be told, I did still miss working. It’s a different kind of
satisfaction when I work. Rest was good, but now I’m ready to get back into the grind!”

As they ate, Jun made Joshua and Jeonghan tell him of the things he missed, like how
Seokmin and Soonyoung had actually gone out on a (bad) date, and seem to be texting each
other now (surprise!), or how Mingyu left for Paris after the new year for some work and it
seemed like things were looking rocky for him and Wonwoo, or how it’s been weird hanging
around Jihoon and Seungcheol who seem to be having a hard time figuring things out.

One other thing that happened was another tabloid about Jeonghan and Joshua’s marriage
came out just a week prior, this time saying how they only married because Jeonghan got
Joshua pregnant. The article even dared to call their marriage a sham with an absurd
allegation that Jeonghan was always planning to divorce Joshua after the baby is born and to
get back together with his ex-fiancée who was just waiting for them to separate.
“What?” Jun exclaimed. “Did they really publish something like that? Who wrote it?”

Joshua shrugged. “It was anonymous. Grandma thought it could have been another smear
campaign against Jeonghan by his granduncle.”

“Honestly, I don’t think these smear campaigns are his doing. He’s already in a lot of trouble
as it is after we exposed him for embezzling funds from the company and hiding it in his
slush fund,” said Jeonghan. Apparently, grandma, aunt Suryeon, Jeonghan and Chan had
been working on this for a while after the company’s chief financial officer came to grandma
with his suspicions. After exposing him to the board, their granduncle had been in hiding. “A
smear campaign targeted against me doesn’t help him in any way and would just be a waste
of money he doesn’t have access to anymore.”

Jun frowned. “If not him, then who?”

“I have my suspicions.”

“The article didn’t do any harm, at least,” Joshua said. “It was just ignored since Jeonghan
and I were seen together often.”

Jun sighed. “I suppose so.”

- Another Month Later –

“Babe, I’ve gotten so big.”

Joshua stood in front of the full-body mirror in their walk-in closet, moving side to side as he
looked at himself from head to toe. He doesn’t take too long to check himself out on the
mirror except to check if he’s presentable enough to leave the house, but over the past couple
of months he’s been observing how his body has changed. Usually, he’s in awe of how his
body could house and grow another human being.
Today, however, a different feeling overcame him.

“You look beautiful, my love,” cooed Jeonghan who wrapped his arms around Joshua’s
waste, hugging him from behind.

Despite Jeonghan’s reassurance, Joshua pouts.

“Look, my feet and hands are swollen, I’ve added weight on my face and arms, my skin
looks dry and patchy…”

This wasn’t the first time Jeonghan had heard Joshua voice out his insecurities, but his
husband sounded a lot more affected today than most days.

Jeonghan kissed Joshua’s cheek to give him some comfort. “Baby, your body changes
because of you pregnancy—“

“I know that—“

“It’s doing something so wonderful, protecting and allowing our little girl to grow,” he
continued, ignoring Joshua’s eye roll. “I look at you every day and think ‘how lucky am I to
have such a beautiful and amazing person as my husband.’”

“You’re only saying that because we’re already married…” Joshua sulked, but Jeonghan just
thought he was cute.

The CEO embraced him tighter. “That and because you’re carrying my baby.”

Joshua glared at him through the mirror, ready to slap him when Jeonghan added—
“And because I love you. You look beautiful to me in all forms.”

The doctor pouted. “And if my body doesn’t go back to the way it was even after I give
birth?”

“In all forms, baby,” Jeonghan grinned against Joshua’s hair, swaying their bodies lightly as
he felt Joshua release the tension in his body.

“Always?”

“And forever.”

“Ew, cheesy.”

Jeonghan chuckled against Joshua’s skin, placing an innocent kiss on Joshua’s neck, both of
them thinking how if they spent mornings like this every day for the rest of their lives, they’d
never complain.

“Come on, I still have to bring you somewhere.”

Joshua pulled away from Jeonghan so they could face each other. “Are you really not going
to tell where?”

Shaking his head, Jeonghan responded, “Stop looking at me so suspiciously. I promise you’ll
like this.”

“Okay, fine.”
It was a thirty minute drive from the Yoon mansion to where their driver took them — an
area being developed somewhere almost at the outskirts of Seoul. It was a quiet area, just a
few houses built so far and they stop at a corner lot overlooking Seoul, overgrown grass and a
tree or two welcomed them.

Jeonghan guided them out of the car and they stood in front of the empty lot, a puzzled look
on Joshua’s face.

“Is this what you wanted to show me?” he asked curiously, looking around for, well,
anything.

It was sometime in February now, and they were still in the throes of winter. Joshua snuggled
into his scarf and coat, feeling the cold winds hit his skin.

“Mhmm,” Jeonghan hummed with a satisfied exhale. “What do you think?”

Joshua raised an eyebrow, confused. “What do I think of what? We’re in standing in front
of… grass.”

Chucking, Jeonghan took Joshua’s hand and placed it inside his own coat pocket where a hot
pack was waiting.

The CEO pointed to the right side. “Well, I was thinking we could have the living room there,
it would be facing the garden with floor to ceiling windows so we can enjoy the view. And
over here,” he pointed a bit forward, “can be the kid’s playroom. Here on the left, we can
have the kitchen and the dining room can also face the view. We can also put a study or office
room somewhere in the first floor.”

Joshua looked at him, an even more puzzled look on his face.

Jeonghan continued. “And the second floor will have our rooms, of course. A big family
room where we can watch movies and play games. And we’ll have a big space for our garden
where the kids can go around and play, learn how to ride a bike. While they’re young we can
build a mini playground. And we’ll have a little nook where we can eat outside enjoying the
fresh air. Except winter. Oh, but we can have a firepit for winter.”

Something in Joshua was blooming, especially when Jeonghan turned to look at him, an
expectant look on his face.

“So, what do you think?”

“Wait, I’m still confused,” Joshua shook his head a little.

Jeonghan turned so they’re now facing each other and he took Joshua’s other hand in his. “I
want us to build our home here. This will be ours. Just you and me. And all our future kids.”

“Kids?” Joshua arched an eyebrow.

Jeonghan chuckled. “Well, only if you want more. Whatever you decide, my love.”

“But aren’t we already staying in your house?”

“That’s really my grandparents’ house, they built that. And I think that if it were ever passed
down, it should go to aunt Suryeon and then to Chan or Jihoon, or both of them. After all, if’s
aunt Suryeon who’s been taking care of grandma and the house. That’s for her.”

“So this…” Joshua trailed, turning his head to the lot.

“I bought this sometime before I went to Hong Kong. The transfer of title was finalized
recently,” Jeonghan explained. “This is ours, Shua.”
Joshua bit his lip, the feeling inside him bubbling as he imagined the things Jeonghan said
earlier — the living room, the kitchen, the playroom, the garden. He couldn’t help but picture
it in his head.

“I want us to have our own place. We can build it however we want. We don’t have to do this
immediately, of course. But we can build our memories here,” Jeonghan said, almost
breathless as he looked at Joshua who took everything in. “For our family. So, what do you
think?”

Our family. Their growing family.

Joshua couldn’t stop the smile on his face from widening. He couldn’t believe Jeonghan
prepared all of this for them. It didn’t matter that the February air was still cold, Joshua felt
all kinds of warm inside.

“I know it’s not as big as the Yoon mansion or your parents’ place—“

Joshua suddenly leapt forward, encircling his arms around Jeonghan’s waist, pulling him
close.

“It’s perfect. I love it already,” Joshua breathed against Jeonghan’s ear.

Jeonghan instinctively wrapped his arms around Joshua, encasing him in his warmth, smiling
against the younger’s hair.

“Thank you, Jeonghan,” Joshua said as he snuggled into Jeonghan’s neck. “I can’t wait to
build this home with you.”

“I love you, baby.”

“I love you too, Jeonghan.”

- Another, another month later -

Today was the day for Jeonghan that he had been preparing for with his team for months. The
day they would launch Henggarae’s new products which his whole team had worked hard for.

“You look great, babe,” Joshua smiled adjusting Jeonghan’s tie. “Congratulations on today!”

Jeonghan smiled, softening at the words of his husband. “Thank you, my love.”

“Okay, it’s almost time,” one of the staff coordinating the event said. “We can head over to
the ballroom, sirs, ma’ams.”

They were currently in a suite reserved for the Yoon family and their close guests, with a
living room, dining area and several rooms where guests could use to sleep or prepare. In the
room with them were grandma, Suryeon, Jihoon and Chan who were all getting ready for the
event as well. With the instructions of the coordinator, they are ushered out of the suite and
led to the ballroom.

As soon as they enter, the guests, including their shareholders and business partners, as well
as persons from the media stood up, welcoming their arrival. Cameras were heard being
clicked as they interacted with their guests.

Jeonghan and Joshua came to greet Joshua’s parents who came to support their son-in-law.

“Thank you for taking the time support us today, mom, dad,” Jeonghan said.

Young-ae smiled. “Of course, Jeonghan. You’re family.”

“Congratulations on this successful launch, Jeonghan,” Joo-hwan said.

They were also greeted by their friends who came to show their support, particularly
Seungcheol, Minghao, and Soonyoung.

There were still a few more guests to greet and thank, and all was running smoothly until an
unexpected figure came up to them.

“Congratulations, Jeonghan,” Moyeon said, smiling innocently. She looked dressed for the
occasion too, wearing a black long gown and her hair slicked back.

Jeonghan and Joshua shared a look before Jeonghan gave a curt response. “Moyeon, thank
you. We weren’t expecting you to come.”

At all.

A thin smile stretched over Moyeon’s face. “Hmm, it’s not like you’ve been answering my
calls. But, now, now. I’m not here to cause trouble. It’s not like I haven’t accompanied you in
similar events in the past. I genuinely want to give you my sincerest support for another job
well done.”

Soon, cameras can be heard flashing at them. The sight of the Jeonghan and Joshua with
Jeonghan’s ex-fiancée seemed to be click-worthy for them.

Moyeon then turned to Joshua, an eerie smile on her face. “Nice to see you again, Joshua.”

But Joshua could only offer a hesitant smile. Thankfully, he could feel the protective arm of
Jeonghan wrap behind him as if telling him it’s okay.

“Anyway, Moyeon, I hope you enjoy the event. We’ll have to take our seats now,” Jeonghan
said as he guided Joshua toward their table, the questioning eyes of the Yoon family looking
at Moyeon and then at them. As they took their seat, he whispered, “Sorry. I didn’t know she
was coming.”

Joshua shook his head. He knew that Jeonghan wouldn’t do that. “I know. But…” he said a
bit hesitantly as the host took the stage. “I have a bad feeling about her being here.”

Jeonghan held his hand and rubbed soothing circles with his thumb. “If she causes trouble,
I’ll have her removed from the hotel, okay?”

Joshua nodded, but still, there was this uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach. He
tried to ignore it as the program started, hearing the small claps from their guests as the host
introduced Jeonghan who had to let go of his hand when the CEO took to the main podium.

“Thank you, everyone, for coming today as we launch Henggarae’s newest products,”
Jeonghan started his speech. He went on to introduce the new products and shared stories of
how they came to be. Jeonghan thanked his team for their hard work and long hours, the
board and the shareholders for their trust, his family for their support. Then he said, “And
thank you to my husband, Joshua, who had been my pillar of strength over the past few
months. As I myself am I father-to-be, the development of these products became more
meaningful and important to me. So, I am happy to share these products with you today.”

He ended his speech by sharing a video his team prepared.

While the video played, Jeonghan took his seat beside Joshua and the latter immediately
extended his hand to hold in his own. Joshua laid his head on Jeonghan’s shoulder, watching
his husband’s hard work flash on the screen.

When the program ended, the guests began to interact, mainly to congratulate Henggarae and
to talk about business. Jeonghan had been going around talking to shareholders and directors,
as well as their business partners, each giving them a little bit of his time as respect.

Being at eight months pregnant, Joshua got tired rather easily and eventually had to excuse
himself to return to the suite to rest. Jeonghan told him that he’d follow soon after, with just a
few more guests to entertain.
Joshua entered the suite, heading over to the living room to get a bottle of water from the
table when he heard the door click letting him know that someone opened the door, thinking
Jeonghan couldn’t have followed him so soon.

He turned to find the last person he wanted to see. “Moyeon? What are you doing here?”

The former ballerina let the wooden doors close behind her.

“What?” she asked in a mocking tone. “Just because you’re Jeonghan’s husband now, you
think I don’t know my way around here? I was the one who used to accompany him for these
events.”

Joshua rubbed his head as Moyeon seemed to like to rub it in how she was the one who did
all of this first with Jeonghan. Normally, it wouldn’t bother Joshua anymore as over the past
few months, he knew his relationship and trust on Jeonghan had strengthened, accepting each
other’s pasts and moving forward together. However, at his tired state, this wasn’t what he
needed right now, he just wanted to rest from all the socializing and moving around.

“Moyeon, if there’s something you need or want to say, just say it,” Joshua said.

This would actually be the first time he’d be having a conversation alone with Moyeon. They
were never close when Jeonghan still dated her, and would only see her in group gatherings
or events. There was also never a need to talk to her since she always seemed disinterested.

“You’re really something, aren’t you?” Moyeon’s tone was obviously mocking, walking
around the suite as if looking around mindlessly.

Joshua sighed feeling tired. “Just get straight to the point, Moyeon. I’m really not in the
mood to listen to you right now.”
“You’re only really confident now since you’re married to Jeonghan,” Moyeon said through
gritted teeth as she walked toward Joshua. “But we both know Jeonghan is only staying with
you for your baby.”

Joshua could feel his eyes twitch at her words. Still, evening his voice, Joshua said, “You
don’t know anything about my relationship with Jeonghan.”

“He probably only married you because he had to, his grandma forced him because he got
you pregnant,” she sneered. “He doesn’t love you like he loved me.”

Annoyance started to build up in Joshua’s body, but he tried to calm down. It wasn’t good to
get all riled up.

“You said it yourself, he loved you. Past tense. Move on.”

Moyeon scoffed, placing her dainty hands over her hips in a play to look dominant. “You
really believe that? Joshua, Jeonghan could divorce you any time. Didn’t you see the news
last month? Once he realizes that you are not anything special, he’ll drop you and your child
and come back to me.”

That really hit a nerve. Joshua doesn’t let a lot of words get to him, he’s used to people who
judged him or called him names, belittled him or didn’t acknowledge him. But he would not
accept such things said to or about his child.

“You’re delusional!” Joshua yelled, clutching his stomach protectively, his words causing
Moyeon’s face to contort. “Jeonghan would never do what you’re saying. If you know
anything from the time you were together then you’d know Jeonghan would never do what
you’re saying.”

Moyeon was suddenly in front of him, making Joshua very uncomfortable with their
proximity. Her eyes were red and were clouded by anger Joshua knew was directed at him.
He tried to take a step back to put some space between them but she grabbed him by the
elbow, poorly made manicure digging into his skin.
“You—“

“What the hell? Let me go!” he swung his arm losing her grip on his arm. “Get out. Get out
before I call security!”

“I hate you!” Moyeon yelled, grabbing Joshua by the arms, shaking him. “You ruined
everything! You and your stupid baby ruined everything!”

Moyeon was seemingly out of her mind as she held on to Joshua tightly, the latter trying to
get the former ballerina to stop.

“Moyeon, stop! Let go!” he pushed her away, and she flailed backwards, almost falling if not
for the wall behind her. He was still physically stronger than her. “You’re crazy!”

Joshua was getting a little frantic, he didn’t know Moyeon would get physical with him and
that was the last thing he needed. He needed to get Moyeon out of the room and he found his
phone on the table where he got the water bottle. As quickly as he could, he took the few
steps toward the table, reaching out to grab his phone.

However, just as he was about to open the phone to make a call, he felt her body behind him.

“I hate you! This is all your fault!” Moyeon was unhinged at this point, with all her might,
pushing Joshua from the back.

Before he knew it, he was already falling, his own feet unable to keep him balanced. He hit
the table, he could tell, but he didn’t know what part of his body, it all happened too fast. He
was only able to open his eyes when he felt his hands clutching the carpeted floor.

Something was wrong.

Pain, he was feeling pain. His mind was running wild trying to register where the pain was
coming from, until he realized—

Immediately, his hands were on his belly, eyes wide and breathing erratic.

No. No. No.

“Oh my god—“ he could hear the voice of the woman who pushed him but he couldn’t even
pay attention to that.

Blood. He could see traces of blood on his pants. He’s bleeding.

“No,” his voice came out broken. “No—no—“

This can’t be happening. Not their baby, please.

He nervously touched the patch of red that continued to grow on his thighs, and upon seeing
the liquid transferred onto his fingers, panic instantly overcame his entire body.

“Jeonghan!” a shrill and loud voice screamed, pierced through the walls, he couldn’t even tell
it was his own. “Jeonghan! Help! Someone help! Please help!”

He couldn’t even process when the wooden doors burst open and the calls for his name
started pouring in, the audible gasps of shock, screaming questions he didn’t have the time to
answer.

Joshua was only able to register one voice.

“Joshua! What happ—“ he couldn’t see the frightened look on Jeonghan’s face upon seeing
him on the floor. “Joshua!”

Jeonghan was suddenly kneeling in front of him, unsure where to put his hands, unsure what
to say or do.

“Jeonghan! I’m bleeding—Our baby!” Joshua cried shakingly clutching at Jeonghan’s coat,
tears falling down his face in complete fear. “Our baby, Jeonghan!“

With his vision blurred by his tears, he couldn’t see the way Jeonghan’s face paled.

“Get the car ready, now!” he recognized his father’s voice who was kneeling on the other side
now. “Jisoo… calm down, son. We’re taking you to the hospital. Calm down and tell me what
happened.”

“Moyeon… she—pushed me,” Joshua cried, pushing down the pain he was feeling, trying to
unsuccessfully calm his breathing to explain. He could see their heads turn to the frightened
woman in the corner. He continued, “I fell. I—I hit the table.”

“Okay, okay,” his father’s words seemed to fade, the pain ringing through Joshua’s ears.

He’s scared. So scared.

“Dad,” Joshua wailed. “My baby. Please, dad.”

“It’s going to be okay, Jisoo,” his dad said, brushing his hand over Joshua’s hard to try and
calm his son. He never heard his dad’s voice as shaky as it was at that moment. “Jeonghan,
let’s take Jisoo to the car.”

Joshua could feel arms tucked under his legs and around his back before he was lifted off the
ground.
He didn’t know where it hurt–if it was the tightening cramps at his lower belly, the blunt pain
spreading at his lower back, or the pressure at his pelvis– but he knew that something was
wrong.

“Jeonghan,” he kept crying, thinking about their child. “Jeonghan, our baby… save our
baby.”

Jeonghan was rushing through the crowds, even the media caught them running toward the
exit where their car was waiting. Jeonghan kept shouting for them to get out of their way, his
voice filled with urgency and agitation. Joo-hwan was on the phone, calling the hospital.

They step into the car waiting for them. “We’re on our way to the hospital, baby,” Jeonghan
tried to reassure his husband who was crying in his arms, as he tried his best to hide his own
panic, his own fears. “We’re on our way. It’s going to be okay. You’ll be okay. You’ll both be
okay.”

A prayer both of them tried to hold on to.

The emergency room was waiting for them when the car arrived by the driveway, the gurney
ready as well as Dr. Nam, a couple more doctors and nurses. When Jeonghan carried Joshua
out of the car and laid him down on the gurney, Joo-hwan was already briefing Dr. Nam and
the other doctors, orders were being thrown out for tests as they rolled Joshua inside.

They brought Joshua into one of the beds, closing the curtains and forcing Jeonghan to stay
behind while they performed their jobs.

This scene wasn’t unfamiliar to Jeonghan–he’s been here before. But it’s never something he
could get used to, and he’d never want to. He felt his chest tighten as Joo-hwan was talking to
the doctors, tears were falling down his face, and he felt his knees weaken.
Just then, he felt arms hold him and he turned to find Seungcheol holding him up–he was
about to fall and he didn’t even realize it. He started to sob as soon as Seungcheol put his
arms around him.

“It’s going to be okay, Han,” Seungcheol comforted.

It took a few more minutes before Dr. Nam and Joo-hwan approached Jeonghan. “We need to
operate on Joshua immediately, Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan stood up from where he was seated. “Will they be okay?”

“Joshua is only at thirty-four weeks, but he’s already in preterm labor. We have to operate
now or… we could lose them both.”

Color is washed from Jeonghan’s face, the implications of the words of Dr. Nam hitting him
like a boulder.

“Okay, then. If that’s what we need to save them,” Jeonghan said, his voice unsteady. “Please,
do everything to save them. Save my husband and my child.”

Yet, despite his agreement, there was still this unsettled look on the doctors’ faces.

“Why? What’s wrong?” he hesitated to ask. “Dad?”

“Jeonghan, because of Joshua’s fall and him delivering even before he’s at thirty-seven
weeks, there’s a high probability that there will be complications encountered during the
surgery,” Joo-hwan said, his head low. “It might even come down to choosing who to
prioritize.”
 “Dad…”

“I’m sorry… I know this is hard…”

“I–I can’t– Dad, how can I even choose?” Jeonghan cried. “That’s my husband and my
child!”

Joo-hwan bit his lip, trying to hold back his own tears.

“Jeonghan, I know it’s hard…” Dr. Nam started. “But we need to get Joshua in an operating
room as soon as possible. We need your decision.”

He clutched at his chest, feeling it tighten. Jeonghan can’t even begin to imagine losing either
of them. How can he even imagine that? He’s lost too many people in his life as it is, and
now they expect him to just easily decide who he’s willing to lose? How?

“Jeonghan—”

“I can’t—”

“We can’t delay this anymore, we’ll lose them both—”

He closed his eyes, crying. His heart being crushed by the weight of the decision he had to
make.

“Joshua.”

Chapter End Notes

Well, that was hard to write. But as I've mentioned, this was loosely based on You're My
Destiny / Fated to Love You. I'm sorry.

Thoughts?

Shout at me: twt

 Chapter 19
Chapter Notes

Hello!! Sorry this took a while. It was hard to get into the headspace to write with the
stuff that went down the past two weeks. But here it is!

Hope you enjoy this one :)

Sorry for the medical inaccuracies, do excuse them. Also for the grammatical errors and
typos.

CW: scenes at the hospital, scenes of the NICU and ICU

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Jeonghan is pacing around the waiting area, unable to calm himself, multiple thoughts
running through his head all at the same time—good outcomes, bad outcomes, worse
outcomes—they come and go in his thoughts, driving him insane. The tears have dried from
his face, stains leaving their marks on his cheeks, his earlier neatly-gelled hair in disarray,
necktie loose, and his coat jacket long misplaced. It wasn’t long after Joshua was rolled into
the operating room that the rest of their families and friends arrived, trying to comfort
Jeonghan who was on the verge of a breakdown.

Grandma and Young-ae were in the hallway with Jeonghan, along with Seungcheol, Jihoon,
Soonyoung and Minghao, backs hunched and praying to the gods for Joshua and the baby’s
safety. Vernon and Johnny soon arrived after hearing the news. Suryeon and Chan were
dealing with the press in back in the hotel venue.

Each passing minute on the digital clock on top of the electronic doors of the OR felt

“J-jeonghan,” a voice trembled and everyone’s heads were raised at the unexpected
appearance of the woman who was the reason they were all gathered in the hospital right
now.

“You!” Jeonghan raged upon seeing her, charging at the pale woman to the surprise of those
around him, all the color drowned from her face. He gripped Moyeon by her arms, shaking
her in seething anger. “You! How could you? Why? Why would you do that to Joshua—to
our baby? Why?!”

“J-jeonghan, please—let me explain—”

She was visibly shaken although it wasn’t clear if it was from what she did or from
Jeonghan’s outburst. All Jeonghan could see was red.

“What did Joshua and our baby ever do to you?!”

By this time, Seungcheol and Minghao were trying to pry Jeonghan off Moyeon, afraid he
was going to do something to her. No one has ever seen Jeonghan rage like that.

“Jeonghan—”

“Hyung, calm down—”

“I’m sorry, I—I didn’t mean to—I swear, I didn’t mean to hurt them. It was an accident—”

Just then, a loud, resounding slap of skin against skin can be heard echoing throughout the
hallway. “You pushed my son! You lunatic!”

It was Young-ae who had pushed her way through, causing Jeonghan to let go of Moyeon as
she gave Moyeon a red hand-shaped print on her face. It was Vernon who tried to pull his
mom back right after.

“Mom!”

“If anything happens to them, I swear—"

“I didn’t—I don’t know what came over me. Joshua made me so mad—”

“Kang Moyeon!” Jeonghan growled.

“Jeonghan, please… believe me. I didn’t mean it,” tears streamed down her face, but
Jeonghan felt no sense of pity.

“I—I gave you so much leeway, Kang Moyeon,” Jeonghan seethed through gritted teeth,
bloodshot eyes never leaving Moyeon’s frightened ones. The use of her full name made her
reel back, scared. “I brought you back, I helped you get back on your feet, got you a job—
and what? You do this to me and the people I love?”

“Jeonghan—”

Jeonghan’s voice dipped terribly low, menacing, vengeful. “Even when your return caused so
much misunderstanding between me and my husband, I never held it against you because that
was my mistake. Still, don’t you think you should at least have some shame?”

“Jeonghan, what are you saying?” Moyeon shuddered.

The Yoon CEO narrowed his eyes on her, fury seeping through his dark gaze. “You think I
don’t know that you’re the one behind the tabloids? You think I didn’t find out you had the
tabloids take pictures of us in Hong Kong, and spread those baseless articles about divorce?”
The other people in the hallway gave looks of shock and surprise, even Moyeon who was
now holding on the wall to keep herself upright. “And yet I let those go because I thought,
perhaps you’re just hurt and looking for attention. Was I being too kind, Kang Moyeon?”

“I—I’m—No, Jeonghan… That’s not…”

Jeonghan took a step closer, fists curled up in balls so much so that his own nails dug into his
skin. “And you think I don’t know why you called off our engagement? That I didn’t know
about the married man you had an affair with?”

The former ballerina’s eyes grew wide. “J-jeonghan—”

“That the reason you’ve been blackballed from the industry is not only because of your injury
but because his wife, the ballet company’s sponsor, found out?” Jeonghan said, wanting each
word to hurt.

Moyeon shook her head, crying, while everyone else’s jaws were dropped. That is, except for
Seungcheol who seemed to know that last bit.

“That’s not true—I love you, Jeonghan. I—I—that time was a mistake—"

Seungcheol sighed. “Don’t you get it? He was never going to get back together with you.”

“Haven’t I been gracious, Kang Moyeon, as to not reveal all of those?” Jeonghan took
another step toward Moyeon as if ready to rip into her. “Yet, how dare you hurt Joshua?!
How dare you hurt our child—my child?!”

Jeonghan’s screams caused Moyeon to fall to her knees in tears, mumbling apologies and
excuses that, quite frankly, Jeonghan couldn’t care less about.

“You—you! If anything happens to my husband and child—I’m never going to forgive you,
Kang Moyeon. You’d better start praying to all the gods you believe in, because I swear—”
Jeonghan growled loudly in frustration, turning away from Moyeon before suddenly kicking
one of the unoccupied chairs, the sound of steel metal being hit bouncing off the walls.

-
Joo-hwan joined them in the waiting area not long after the confrontation, with Seungcheol
forcing a shaky Moyeon to leave. They all stood up as soon the operating room wing’s door
opened, Dr. Nam walking out accompanied by two other doctors who assisted in the delivery
and operation.

“Dr. Nam,” exclaimed Joo-hwan causing the rest to stand up at the arrival of the doctors. Dr.
Nam was still in his scrubs and scrub cap, indicating that the operation just finished.

“Dr. Nam,” said a frantic Jeonghan, making his way to the old obstetrician. “How’s Joshua
and our baby?”

This scene was all too familiar for Jeonghan. He just wished—no, he prayed— this one will
turn out different.

Dr. Nam didn’t speak immediately, making Jeonghan more nervous by the millisecond. He
was trying to read Dr. Nam’s face but it was very difficult. He just needed to hear good news
right now.

With an exhale, Dr. Nam started, “We were able to successfully deliver the baby.”

The first sentence caused everyone who was holding their breaths to release it.

“During the surgery, we had some complications,” Dr. Nam explained, causing Jeonghan to
hold his breath once again. “He bled excessively during and after the delivery and we had to
address the source of the bleeding.”

Jeonghan felt his heart drop at the explanation.

“We successfully stopped the bleeding and Joshua is now stable,” Dr. Nam said. “He’ll be
monitored at the ICU for the meantime in case of any complications. If no further
complications appear, he’ll be brought to a private room after.”
Jeonghan closed his eyes, tears falling as he silently thanked the heavens for keeping Joshua
safe. He could feel his grandmother hold his hand in understanding.

“He’s alright now, Jeonghan,” grandma whispered.

“The baby is likewise stable. However, since the baby was born before she could come into
full term, her lungs are underdeveloped,” Dr. Nam continued, causing Jeonghan to open his
eyes. “We’ll have to keep her in the NICU for the meantime as we monitor her development
and if any further complications occur.”

Jeonghan could feel his knees weaken at the news that both of them were safe for now, it was
like a boulder was lifted off his chest and he’s able to breathe more freely. He can breathe for
now. They’re safe.

He could hear the other cries around him, from Young-ae, grandma and Soonyoung, all
relieved at the news.

“Can I see them?” Jeonghan asked, his voice trembling still. “Please?”

Dr. Nam nodded. “Joshua is still in the OR, he’ll be brought to the ICU a bit later. Your baby
is already at the NICU so you can see her first. I can talk to Dr. Hong in the meantime.”

“Thanks, Dr. Nam,” Joo-hwan said, his own eyes tearful, his body more relaxed as if the
tension has been released from his body. “I’ll head over to your office.”

Dr. Nam and the other doctors left not long after and Jeonghan allowed himself to fall into
the seats, feeling like he is no longer able to support his own weight. He sobbed into his
hands, letting the tears flow, not caring that he was still in the presence of others.
Seungcheol sat down beside him, patting his back in a steady rhythm, just a sign to let him
know everything is going to be okay. Jeonghan allowed his head to fall into Seungcheol’s
chest, his friend who has seen him in his highest of highs and lowest of lows.

“It’s okay now, Han. Joshua’s okay. The baby is okay,” Seungcheol said calmly and
soothingly. “You’ll be okay.”

As he waited for Joshua to be transferred to the ICU, Jeonghan visited the NICU where their
little girl was currently placed after changing his clothes stained with blood, the fresh batch
provided by Suryeon and Chan before going to the hospital. Jeonghan was allowed to go
inside the NICU after being clothed in sterile gloves, a gown, mask, and a cap, to prevent the
transfer of any virus or bacteria to the babies recovering or being monitored. The NICU was a
rather overwhelming, various machines and two rows of incubators stretching the length of
the room, some were vacant but most had a recovering infant occupying it. There were other
parents around tending to their babies, just as he was guided to the incubator where his baby
was in not too far from the nurses station.

The incubator was a small box, resembling a little tank for viewing. As he got close, he is
able to see his little girl. She was so small… so much smaller than he imagined, than other
babies he’s seen. He was told that she was around five pounds in weight, eighteen inches
long. Her body was seemed small for her head, but the doctor said it was because she was a
preterm baby—a preemie, as they called her.

“She’s so small…” He mumbled unconsciously as he stood by the side of the incubator,

almost hovering over the little box.

It was the first time he’s seeing her, their little girl. He couldn’t believe she was already here,
and to think they just finished completing the nursery back at home, filling it with all the
basic necessities, clothes, furniture and equipment they thought they’d need. Yet despite all
the preparation, here he stood in front of his child, unready and scared.

Her eyes were closed, an oxygen mask covered her small face to help her breathe, monitors
taped on her chest and fingers that lead to the machines that tell her vitals and other stats that
Jeonghan couldn’t quite understand.
It looked scary.

To see your newborn child in that state was frightening and overwhelming.

The nurse stood on the side. “She’s stable now, Mr. Yoon. She’s able to breathe on her own
for the most part despite her underdeveloped lungs. We’ll just have to monitor her for now.”

Jeonghan chewed at his lips from behind his mask as he listened to the nurse. It ached him to
be seeing his baby in this state. He always imagined that he’d be by Joshua’s side after the
delivery, waiting for the nurses to bring their baby to their private room where they, along
with their family and closest friends, are waiting, and their baby would be rolled in and given
to them to hold and embrace.

Not here. Not here in front of this box that looked more like a cage than anything, not clothed
in protective gear at the risk of giving an infection to an immunocompromised infant, and
definitely not while his own husband, the other father of his child, was recovering in the
intensive care unit.

He must have looked hesitant and afraid because the nurse suddenly urged him, “Go on, you
can put your hand in and touch her.”

Jeonghan blinked, comprehending her words. “Can I?”

He couldn’t tell with her mask, but he supposed she smiled. “Yes, of course. She’s a strong
girl.”

“Like her papa…” he whispered.

Shaking hands make their way to the two hand sized holes on his side of the incubator,
making their way inside the box. It was warm inside, Jeonghan noticed, to regulate the
temperature of the baby. Slow and unsure fingers approach the unconscious infant, he
uncurled his pointer finger, until it finally made contact with the smallest hands he had seen
in his life.

He wiggled his finger until it was wrapped around the infant’s tiny hand. Her skin was still
flushed and wrinkly, her face scrunched and splotchy, but still, he knew she would looked
just like Joshua.

“Hey there,” he said softly, not noticing that the nurse had stepped away, giving him his
privacy. “Hi.”

He observed her, memorized every feature, carved every curve and edge of her into his brain.
That’s his little girl there.

Jeonghan marveled at the sleeping infant, his other hand ghosting over her little leg and foot,
almost touching, scared to do any harm. She was so fragile in Jeonghan’s eyes, too precious
to break.

Then, he felt a brush against his gloved finger, the one uncurled into the baby’s small hand.
And he saw how she, with whatever baby strength she had, grabbed into her daddy’s finger,
like she was holding it tight. She was holding on.

With that little touch, Jeonghan cried, held back tears falling once again. She held on, their
baby was strong, just like Joshua. She stayed alive and the guilt he felt over his previous
decision pours over him like a bucket of ice-cold waiter.

“I’m so sorry, my baby,” Jeonghan whimpered in hushed tones, mindful of other parents and
patients in the NICU. “Daddy is so sorry. Please, baby, my princess, please hold on. Okay?”

Jeonghan bit his lip, hard enough that he could taste the metallic tinge on his tongue. He
leaned his head forward, into the box as he sobbed.
“Daddy will spend the rest of his life making it up to you, my princess,” Jeonghan continued,
moving his hand in such small motions but her little hand looked like it was being gently
shaken. “You’ve been so strong, please be strong just a little bit longer, baby. Be strong so we
can take you home. I love you so much—we—your papa and I, we love you so much. Please,
princess, stay strong.”

He stayed there in that position until the nurse tapped him, saying there was a person who
was calling for him outside. It turned out that Chan was sent to tell him that Joshua was
already in the ICU, stable but was being monitored.

As much as he was hesitant to leave his newborn daughter, he also badly wanted to see his
husband.

He visited Joshua in the ICU along with Joshua’s parents. Joshua’s parents eventually left the
room to talk to the doctor and then visit their granddaughter in the NICU. He was asleep, yet
Joshua still looked tired and pale, and Jeonghan felt his heart tighten at the state of his
husband. How he wished there was something more he could do for the younger, but for now,
he could only wait for Joshua to recover.

Jeonghan couldn’t help but gently brush at the protruding cheekbone of his husband, as softly
as possible, caressing his face like it was the most previous porcelain vase in the world.

“My love,” he started to say, heart breaking at the thought that Joshua couldn’t respond to
him right now. “I just saw our baby girl. She’s so pretty, just like you. And strong, also just
like you. I know you’d love to see her soon, so please stay strong. I love you so much, baby.”

Though his hands are gloved, he hoped that the unconscious Joshua could still feel his
warmth.

He wasn’t able to stay long due to the visiting hours policy of the ICU, and at the behest of
Joshua’s father and his grandmother, Jeonghan and Chan returned to the Yoon mansion so
Jeonghan could take a shower (maybe slip in a nap) and get a new batch of clothes before
going back to the hospital.
It was a quiet drive back to the house, Chan at the wheel while Jeonghan still seemed a little
out of it with everything that happened and just seeing his little girl for the first time, and
Chan really didn’t know what to say so he just kept mum.

“Thanks, Chan,” Jeonghan finally broke the silence, shoulders down, head thrown back, gaze
out the passenger window mindlessly watching the blurry images of the streets pass them by.

Chan glanced to the side at his cousin. “For what?” he inquired, confused.

Jeonghan shrugged, eyes not really focused on anything. “For today. For handling the press,
taking charge of the rest of the launch. For helping me with all of the Henggarae matters
while I… can’t focus.”

Chan blinked, taken aback by the older Yoon’s words. “Uh… it’s nothing. It’s for the
company, after all.”

“I also haven’t thanked you for spotting granduncle’s embezzlement and building that case,”
said Jeonghan. “You really helped in exposing all of that and his co-conspirators.”

The shorter man tried to act nonchalant. “We all knew he was up to no good. His biggest
downfall was he got too greedy.”

They settle back in silence, something that was more familiar for the both of them (at least
ever since Chan came back), as they navigate the streets of Seoul on the way back to their
residence, the radio playing at the background, largely ignored by both of them.

It was Jeonghan that broke the silence again. “Sorry I’ve been so hard on you ever since you
came back. I hope you know I’m not doing that just for the sake of making it hard for you.”

Chan snorted, causing Jeonghan to finally turn to him. “I admit, you infuriate me most of the
time, hyung. But… I know. I know you were doing all of that to train me, to make me better
and all that stuff. I suppose it just hurts my ego especially when it’s you.”
“I always wondered why you get so annoyed at me…” Jeonghan mumbled but it was loud
enough for Chan to hear within the little space that were currently in.

Chan tightens his grip on the steering wheel as if contemplating a decision. Ultimately, he
releases the tension when they reach a red traffic light.

“I don’t know if this is the appropriate time to tell you all of this,” Chan started, his voice
uncertain. “When I was younger, you were actually my idol. Did you know that?”

Jeonghan sat up a little bit straighter, body tilted just a little more toward Chan. “I was?”

Chan nodded, gazing straight ahead as the green light flashed. “You were so cool, star athlete,
top student—you always took care of me, played soccer with me, taught me and Jihoon how
to ride a bike.” Jeonghan continued to look at Chan. It’s been so long since they had a decent
conversation that wasn’t about work. “You were always there for me so it always felt like I
had another older brother. So, even if my dad was too busy or forgot about promising to take
me to a baseball game, you were there. I was fine.”

Jeonghan remembered all of the things Chan said. The three Yoon cousins used to be so close
and inseparable as kids. They wrecked mischief all over the Yoon house, sometimes even
Seungcheol joined them in their misadventures.

“But then, well, you know… you lost your parents… Jihoon-hyung and I lost dad not too
long after,” Chan said solemnly. “And Jihoon-hyung and I were sent to the US for our
safety.”

“Chan…”

“I guess back then I thought that you’d support me when I said I wanted to stay behind with
all of you,” Chan shrugged, still not looking at Jeonghan whose eyes were fixed on him. “I
resented you and mom for sending me abroad, away from my friends, away from my family,
at the time I needed you guys the most. I get it. But I was still grieving. And it was so lonely
there, you know?”

Jeonghan didn’t know what to say, he still remembered the day they had to send Jihoon and
Chan to the US. He remembered how Chan hugged him tightly, asking Jeonghan to let him
stay, to ask their grandma not to send them away. But, as much as it pained him, Jeonghan
had to reject him.

After that, Chan’s resentment of Jeonghan grew and it didn’t help that he had to start working
for the company, making him busy and unable to patch his broken relationship with his
cousin. That was on him, he realized.

“Chan, I’m sorry,” Jeonghan said, voice low and pained.

“To be honest, hyung, I was mad at you for years,” Chan let out an empty laugh. “When I
came home, I really wanted to spite you. But… the truth is, I guess I just really missed you.”

“I’m sorry.”

Chan shook his head, still unable to look Jeonghan in the eye. “It’s okay. I’m sorry too. It’s
not like I made it easy for you.”

“Chan,” Jeonghan called, sincerity evident in his voice. “I promise, I’ll make it up to you.”

Seemingly on perfect timing, they arrived at the estate, parking the car at its designated spot.
Chan turned to Jeonghan, giving him a small but genuine smile.

“Let’s go. You still have to return to the hospital.”

-
Jun was on duty when Joshua was brought into the hospital so he didn’t learn about what
happened until he got out of an eight-hour surgery and the residents were talking about it.
Immediately, he ran to the ICU where he saw Joshua’s parents talking to the doctors and
Jeonghan inside the room with Joshua. He couldn’t believe that Joshua was there on the
hospital bed of the intensive care unit after receiving emergency surgery.

He opted to call Seungcheol to learn about what happened when Minghao suddenly appeared.

“Jun,” the younger man called.

The doctor was surprised to see Minghao who was holding a cup of coffee that had the logo
of the coffee shop on the hospital’s second floor.

“Hao,” Jun acknowledged.

“You just finished surgery?”

Jun nodded. “How’d you know?”

“Seokmin was here a while ago and he told us. He and Soonyoung are off somewhere.”

“Ah…”

“Have you gone in and seen Shua-hyung?” Minghao asked as they move to the benches
sparsely occupied.

The young doctor shook his head. “I came here right after I heard the residents talk about
Joshua-hyung. I have no idea what happened. Shua-hyung’s parents are inside as well as
Jeonghan-hyung. I don’t want to make it too crowded.”
Minghao took the liberty to explain what happened that led them to where they are now. Jun’s
expression changed throughout Minghao’s retelling of the events, as well as what he’s heard
from the doctors so far after the surgery.

Jun’s fists were tightly curled into a ball. “That fucking—I swear if I ever see her—”

“Take a number,” Minghao said, sipping his coffee. “I would have pulled her hair out if
auntie Young-ae didn’t get to her first.”

They sat in silence for a while, just looking at the electronic doors, unsure of what they’re
waiting for. It’s been a while since they last saw each other. Jun noticed how Minghao has
become visibly thinner, his cheekbones protruding more prominently, eyes a little tired. He
knows Minghao has been working on his next exhibit and had been having a hard time
getting all of the pieces ready by the deadline set by the gallery and his agent.

“How are you doing, Hao?” Jun asked, breaking the silence. “Your exhibit is nearing, right?”

Jun noticed how Minghao tightened his grip on his coffee cup. “Well… it’s coming, I
suppose,” there was a soft, empty laughter that came with his words. “Don’t worry about me,
Jun. It’ll be fine.”

Still, the older man couldn’t help but worry. He knew Minghao inside and out, he knew his
favorite food, favorite wine, favorite pieces of clothing. He knew what made him tick and
what pushed his buttons. He knew that Minghao had always been excited about his exhibits,
inspired and confident. But this was a different Minghao.

However, he didn’t know if he had a right to meddle in his life anymore. Not that he had a
right to begin with anyway.

“Hao…” Jun said. “About your confession…”

Right. Minghao confessed to him when he came back.

It was the words he longed to hear from Minghao, the ones he hoped and prayed for but
never came. Not until that day, not after he’s healed himself.

“It’s okay, Jun,” Minghao gave him a small smile. “I understand.”

“I… still need time to think about it,” Jun said softly.

“I know, it’s okay,” Minghao said. “I was the one who was late.”

“Sorry.”

Minghao shook his head softly. “Don’t be. Just…” Jun looked at him. “I hope that you could
still come to my exhibit.”

Jun smiled, small and tight. “Okay.”

When he woke up, the first thing Joshua felt was how heavy his body was, how hard it was
for him to lift his eyelids, his fingers, his arms, or his legs. He felt all sorts of sore and
dehydrated, and he couldn’t yet process his thoughts.

The light was blinding, but soon enough his eyes adjusted and it dawned on him that he was
not in his room. The room he was in was of gray walls and smelled like alcohol, with a hint
of fresh bamboo diffuser. He’s seen this room before and recognized the scent. Oh… he was
in a hospital.
Soon, he heard faint voices seemingly calling his name. He wanted to answer but his throat
was parched, itchy even. He blinked looking around and he saw familiar faces. He turned to
his right, and there was Jeonghan, his puffed eyes and the heavy bags below them didn’t
escape Joshua. Over Jeonghan’s shoulder was his dad, and to his right was his mom.

But wait… why was he in the hospital?

Then, like a bolt of thunder, realization hit him. The event for the Henggarae launch,
Jeonghan’s speech, him going back to the suite, Moyeon confronting him, him falling, the
pain in his stomach—

“Joshua?” Jeonghan was holding on to Joshua’s own, he didn’t even realize that he was
squeezing Jeonghan’s hand so tightly.

“Jeonghan—” he coughed, throat rough. Joshua jolted upright, pain traveling through his
muscles and a sting at his stomach. His stomach. He realized his body felt so different… it
felt empty. He turned to look at Jeonghan, eyes bulging, body trembling. “Jeonghan—our
baby—our baby…where’s our baby?”

Joshua’s eyes started to water, pleading at Jeonghan to answer him.

“Shua, calm down,” Jeonghan said softly at the hysterical Joshua.

Joshua cried. “Is she okay? Jeonghan, what happened to our baby?”

Jeonghan said calmly, “She’s okay, Shua. She’s okay.”

Momentary relief washed over him when he heard Jeonghan’s words, releasing some of the
tension on his body. “She is?”

“She is, baby,” Jeonghan reassured. “Please relax, Shua. You also just had surgery.”
Joshua leaned laid back down at the guidance of Jeonghan.

“You were brought into emergency surgery and we had to deliver the baby,” he then heard his
dad talk. Suddenly, he realized there were other people in the room, including grandma Yoon
and his brother, Vernon. “Your surgeon can give you more details, he’s on his way here. But
as for your baby, she was delivered safely. Since she was born prematurely, she’s in the NICU
for observation.”

“Dad, is she going to be okay?” Joshua spoke, his voice broken.

His dad offered him a small smile with the faintest hint of what Joshua suspected was
affection. Joshua could no longer recall the last time his dad smiled at him or because of him.
Still, his mind could only worry about his daughter right now.

“She will be, Jisoo,” his dad reassured.

“Can… can I see her? Please?” Joshua begged, tears threatening to fall from his eyes once
more. Despite his dad’s reassurance, he still wanted to see for himself.

“Baby,” it was his mom who spoke this time. “Let’s wait for your doctor to see you and
check on you, okay?” His mom gently stroked the top of his head, and Joshua can see the
bags on her eyes. She was probably just as tired as Jeonghan over the past couple of days.

“Don’t worry, Shua,” Jeonghan said softly on his other side. “Aunt Suryeon is there right
now, and sometimes Johnny-hyung goes to check when I’m not there. Let’s just wait for your
doctor first.”

Joshua nodded hesitantly, the uneasiness in his heart still lingered despite their reassurances.
He couldn’t help it, he still hasn’t seen his baby. He looked at Jeonghan’s tired eyes and his
heart ached.
“I’m sorry,” Joshua suddenly said. “I’m sorry, Jeonghan. It’s all my fault—I—our baby—”

“Shh…” Jeonghan immediately enclosed Joshua in his embrace, giving his arm soft and
gentle rubs. “It’s not your fault, my love. It’s not. She’s okay. You’re okay.”

“Sorry…” he continued to cry in Jeonghan’s arms. He couldn’t explain all the things he was
feeling then, he just had this overwhelming sense of helplessness and uselessness, making
him continuously mumble apologies.

Dr. Nam came and Joshua tried his best to calm down, listening to his doctor’s explanation of
what happened during surgery, his current state, and the doctor’s instructions for recovery.
After, Dr. Nam allowed him to visit the NICU so he can see his daughter. Jeonghan
accompanied Joshua who had to be put in a wheelchair to avoid opening up his stitches.

To say he was nervous to see his baby was an understatement. On the ride down the elevator
and the travel through the familiar corridors of the hospital, he nervously played with his
fingers and crumpled the hospital gown he wore. He’s been assigned to the NICU before,
during a neonatal and obstetrics rotation in his internship. He’s taken care of babies who had
to be placed in incubators, preemies, babies with congenital heart defects, and all sorts of
other cases. In the same vein, he’s seen those that weren’t able to make it. It was always so
much harder to take care of sick babies in the hospital, they can’t tell you if they feel
anything wrong, they look so helpless in their small forms.

Now, it was his own child who was in one of those incubators.

Once they were in the sanitized gowns and caps, gloved and masked up, Jeonghan wheeled
Joshua toward their baby. His heart thumped loudly as he got closer until they stop in front of
one incubator, the name plate “Baby Yoon” at the front of the box. Jeonghan assisted Joshua
to stand so he can get a clearer look.

When he first laid eyes on his baby, he didn’t know what to feel. She was so small. From her
arms and fingers to her legs and toes. Her eyes were closed shut, which was normal for
newborn babies, and her tiny little digits clenched at air. She was so small Joshua thought she
could break. She had wires around her and a mask on her face, and something clenched at his
heart.
“Jeonghan, is she…”

Jeonghan let his hand settle at the small of his husband’s back. “She’s our daughter, my
love,” he smiled behind his mask, the fondness evident in his voice.

Joshua swallowed a lump, tears escaping his eyes. Unconsciously, he grabbed at Jeonghan’s
hand tightly. “She’s so small…”

“She is,” Jeonghan responded. “She’s beautiful like you.”

“I—I somehow still can’t believe she’s here…”

He heard a soft chuckle from Jeonghan. “Me too.”

“She’s going to be okay, right?”

He sounded so unsure, so scared.

“Yes, baby,” Jeonghan said. “Remember what Dr. Nam said? She’ll just have to stay here for
a couple of weeks to be monitored. But everything looks good so far. Okay?”

He remembered what Dr. Nam said, but as soon as he laid eyes on her, worry and fear
overcame him.

“I’m so sorry, my baby,” Joshua said softly, a small whimper escaping his lips. “Papa is sorry
for letting you go through this—for not being able to protect you.”
“Shua…”

“Sorry… I’m sorry,” Joshua cried, leaning into Jeonghan who embraced him.

Jeonghan soothed Joshua, calming him down with gentle words and reassurances. A nurse
came to hand the crying parent some tissue which Jeonghan accepted. When Joshua stopped
crying, he took a careful step forward, towering over the box with Jeonghan right beside him.
He placed a reluctant hand on the box, feeling the warmth of the heater on his gloved hand.

“Go ahead, Shua,” Jeonghan encouraged. “You can touch her.”

Joshua bit his lip, contemplating, until he shook his head. “No, it’s okay. This is okay for
me.”

“Baby, it’s okay. I’ve held her hand—”

But still, the younger man shook his head.

“I—I might wake her up, make her… uncomfortable,” Joshua excused. “It’s okay. I can just
look at her.”

“You won’t, Shua,” Jeonghan tried to reassure. “She’ll be okay, I promise.”

“Another time,” Joshua simply said.

He can tell that Jeonghan looked at him worriedly, but he just looked at his daughter, tears
brimming at the sides of his eyes. It was all still unbelievable for Joshua. Jeonghan thankfully
didn’t press him on.
They stay there for an hour until Joshua started feeling a little weary, and Jeonghan decided
Joshua should get back to his room for now.

Joshua rested against the chair as Jeonghan wheeled him back to his room. They exit the
elevator upon reaching their floor and turn at the nurses’ station where a figure was waiting
by the entrance to the VIP ward who appeared to be nervously waiting for someone. They
didn’t really pay attention until their names were called.

“Jeonghan, Joshua,” said the familiar voice, stopping Jeonghan in his tracks where they’re
now faced by the nervous figure of Moyeon. “I—”

The couple’s eyes grew wide at the sight of Moyeon who was now walking closer to where
they are.

“Jeonghan, what is she doing here?” Joshua said, his breathing was starting to run unevenly
as his hand searched for Jeonghan. “What the hell are you—”

“I heard you were awake and I wanted to—”

“What the hell is she doing here?” Joshua turned to Jeonghan, pain and anger evident in his
eyes as he gripped his husband’s hand tightly. “I don’t want her here, Jeonghan. Get her to
leave, please!”

“Joshua, I’m here to apologize,” Moyeon pleaded, taking a step closer. “I just want to talk.”

“No! Don’t come closer!” Joshua finally yelled as he saw Moyeon walk toward them. Eyes
around turned to them as Jeonghan yelled at the nurses for security. “Stay away from me!”
“Moyeon, I need you to leave! Now!” Jeonghan’s voice was raised, anger simmering at his
throat. “Nurse, please get the security here immediately! Now!”

“I’m sorry, Joshua, Jeonghan,” Moyeon said over their voices, crouching down to meet
Joshua at eye level, too close for Joshua’s comfort.

“Stay away!” Joshua yelled, pushing himself back against the wheelchair. “Don’t come near
me! Get her away from me, Jeonghan, please!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Moyeon repeated, kneeling down in front of Joshua to their surprise.
“Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to. I swear. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

The sight of Moyeon kneeling in front of him right now made him pause for a moment, and
Moyeon took this as an opportunity to talk.

“I was just so mad, so angry that I didn’t even realize what I was doing. I swear, I didn’t
mean to hurt you, especially not your baby—I heard that your baby is safe, I’m relieved—”

Joshua couldn’t take what she was saying anymore. He reached forward, hand outstretched
until it made contact with Moyeon’s face, giving her a hard slap that echoed throughout the
ward.

“Shua!” Jeonghan called out, catching Joshua before he fell forward and possibly hurting
himself.

The force of the slap caused Moyeon to fall to her side, holding her reddened cheek, tears
brimming on the edges of her eyes in utter shock.

“You—you don’t have the right to talk about my daughter, let alone feel relieved,” Joshua
seethed, tears flowing down his face. “Because of you—you—she’s in intensive care, hooked
up in wires and monitors when she’s not even supposed to be born yet. She—we almost died,
you selfish bitch. So, you don’t get to feel relieved.” Jeonghan tried to pull him back, afraid
he’s strain himself after just waking up, or worse, get hurt. “How dare you even think you’re
allowed to feel relieved? You don’t get to force me to face you just so you can say sorry and
feel better about yourself.”

Everybody around them was still in shock, even the security who have just arrived and Joo-
hwan and Johnny who were called by the nurses to inform them of the commotion. Jeonghan
was held on to Joshua tightly, afraid the younger man was going to open his wound or
collapse.

“What? Did you think that by coming here, dropping down to your knees and saying sorry,
it’s all supposed to be okay? Did you come here expecting I’d forgive you so easily? Let you
off the hook, is that it? I may have been a pushover before, Kang Moyeon, but if you think
I’d ever forgive you for putting my child’s life in danger—that’s never going to happen,”
Joshua said, pausing to take a deep breath. “I never want to see your face ever again.”

Moyeon was still stunned on the floor, unable to move an inch. Clearly, she wasn’t expecting
Joshua to be so harsh and cold-hearted against her.

Joshua closed his eyes and leaned back, holding Jeonghan’s hand on his shoulders.
“Jeonghan, please. Bring me back to my room.”

“Security,” he could hear his father bark orders around as Jeonghan wheeled him past
Moyeon and into the VIP ward. “Get her out of here. She’s permanently banned from this
hospital, let every staff and employee know. Anyone who lets her inside will face sanctions.”

Jeonghan assisted Joshua back onto the bed, carefully laying him down.

“Jeonghan,” Joshua called, pain in his voice, tears in his eyes. “Please. I don’t want her near
me, us. Get her out of our lives. I don’t feel safe knowing she’s near us.”

Jeonghan nodded, caressing Joshua’s face lovingly. “Don’t worry, my love. I’ll handle it.”
“Please, Jeonghan,” Joshua cried. Jeonghan held him tight, placing a kiss at Joshua’s
forehead.

“She won’t get anywhere near us anymore, Shua. I promise.”

It was already ten in the evening. It’s been a few days since the incident and Jihoon had been
visiting Joshua in the hospital when his time permitted.

Jihoon heard the familiar sounds of the apartment passcode being entered and sure enough, a
tired looking Seungcheol in his tracksuit and a sports bag slung over his shoulder entered the
apartment. It took Seungcheol a few seconds after removing his shoes to register that Jihoon
was in his apartment, waiting for him.

“Oh,” the athlete said. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

“I texted you,” Jihoon said, trying not to sound too accusatory. “Inviting you to dinner. I even
cooked.”

Seungcheol turned to see the dining table with food ready to be eaten.

“Training ran late, and the boys wanted to have a drink,” Seungcheol said. “Didn’t see your
text, sorry.”

“Cheol…”

Seungcheol frowned. “Fine. Let’s eat.”

Jihoon didn’t know what to feel. They’ve been in this weird state for more than three months
now—Jihoon would reach out, they’d meet, they’d hook up, and not talk about what needed
to be discussed. They would spend nights in each other’s apartment, on good days, have
breakfast and coffee together, sometimes dinner.

Yet still, Seungcheol felt distant, cold. Even if he was near, even with their touch, the warmth
of their skin at the deepest hours of the night, Seungcheol still felt far away from him.

Seungcheol always pushing, Jihoon always pulling.

When he decided he wanted to work things out with Seungcheol, he thought he could stand
all that Seungcheol would give him. Anything, as long as he got Seungcheol back. But he
realized, maybe he was at his tipping point.

Was this how Seungcheol felt? When he stopped replying to Seungcheol, when he left him on
read or delivered, when he disappeared—was this how helpless Seungcheol felt?

“What are we doing, Cheol?” Jihoon asked as he watched Seungcheol approach the dining
table, pulling a chair and sitting down.

“I thought you wanted to have dinner?”

“No,” Jihoon said. “This isn’t what I want. I want to spend time with you. I want to have a
decent conversation with you. I want to bring back what we were before. Cheol,” Jihoon
sighed, exasperated. “What are we doing?”

“Jihoon, I told you. This was all I could give you,” Seungcheol rubbed his hands over his
face. “I told you not to expect anything more—”

“I know!” Jihoon almost yelled. “I know. I know that but still—still I hoped… I hoped I
could make you feel for me what you felt before.”
“We should stop this—”

Jihoon took the seat beside Seungcheol, taking the athlete’s hands in his and squeezing them
tight. “Is there really no way for us to bring back what we had? Cheol, please,” Jihoon’s eyes
began to well up.

“Jihoon…”

“I still love you, you know that.”

“It’s way back in the past already, Hoonie…”

Jihoon cried. “Then why? Why did we go through all of these? Why did you make me hope
for the past three months? Was it to spite me, Cheol?”

Seungcheol shook his head, taking his hand away to wipe the tears off Jihoon’s face. “No, of
course not.”

“Then, tell me! Did you just string me along? Do you really not love me anymore?” Jihoon’s
voice cracked, the pain leaking through.

“I—I tried, Jihoon. I really did,” Seungcheol exhaled, looking at Jihoon with apologetic eyes.
“But… I guess it still hurts. The love I had for you can’t overcome my pain. I just… can’t
bring back the past me that loved you so much.”

Jihoon closed his eyes, hoping that everything he heard was just a figment of his imagination.

“We have to move forward now, Jihoon, we can’t go back to the past,” Seungcheol said, still
caressing Jihoon’s face softly. “Take the job.”
“What?” Jihoon asked, confused.

“I saw the offer. You left your laptop screen on while you were in the shower and I saw the
email,” Seungcheol explain with a small apologetic smile. “I shouldn’t have, but I read it. I
know you loved your job back in New York. And now you’ll have the chance to work for an
even bigger stage. So, take it.”

“But, Cheol…”

“We both need to heal, Jihoon,” Seungcheol said as he embraced a sobbing Jihoon into his
arms. “Let’s let each other go.”

It’s been a week since, and Joshua had been recuperating fairly well. Although he’s still
advised to take things easy, avoid strenuous walking until the incision completely heals, he’s
been able to walk quite easily over the couple of days. Dr. Nam said Joshua could be
discharged in a couple days’ time, but their baby might have to stay for two more weeks.

Jeonghan and Joshua also finally decided on the name. It wasn’t really a big fanfare when
they decided on it. No big reveal, no exciting post or announcement. They’ve been discussing
their options since they got the sex of the baby, they just thought they had more time to make
a final choice.

“What do you think about ‘Hyejin’?” it was Jeonghan who suggested. They were in the
NICU at the time, visiting their baby and watching her be fed.

“Hyejin?” Joshua looked at Jeonghan curiously. They like the name it’s one that has been in
the mix for a while now although they never really decided on it.
“I mean, it’s fitting, don’t you think?” Jeonghan said as he gently played with the baby’s hand
with just his thumb and pointed finger. “In a way it means blessing. And she’s a precious
blessing to us.”

Joshua smiled as Jeonghan explained. “It’s beautiful, just like her. Hyejin,” Joshua called as
he looked at his daughter.

“Our little princess, Hyejin,” Jeonghan said, trying to bite back his smile that really no one
would be able to see. “We love you, our Hyejin.”

They let everyone know after that.

Tonight, Joshua decided to walk around for a bit, not having Jeonghan watch his every move
as he needed to go back home that day to work on some papers with grandma and Chan.
Joshua didn’t mind, feeling a bit guilty that Jeonghan had been by his side almost the whole
week and working in his room, Soobin, his secretary, bringing the necessary paper work, or
sometimes having meetings online to accommodate Jeonghan. Jeonghan insisted he’d rather
be there with Joshua and Hyejin, it would also be for his peace of mind.

So tonight, he decided to walk to the NICU alone.

It was a quiet walk, and none of the medical staff he saw along the way stopped him from
roaming around despite it being past visiting hours. They were familiar with Joshua, either as
a colleague or a member of the Hong family.

What surprised him, however, was finding his father outside of the NICU, looking past the
transparent automatic doors.

“Dad?”

The Hong patriarch immediately turned after hearing Joshua’s voice. “Jisoo? What are you
doing here at this hour?”
“I… um… Jeonghan went home for tonight and I wanted to check on Hyejin,” Joshua
explained, standing an arm’s length from his dad as they both looked through the transparent
doors. From his view he could see the incubator of his baby girl. She no longer had to wear
the oxygen mask as her lungs seemed to be developing well on their own.

“Hyejin is doing well, isn’t she?”

Joshua hummed. “She’s a fighter.”

“Yeah, she is,” his father agreed. “She’s grown in the past week and also gained weight.”

“I’m thankful.”

There was a moment of silence until Joo-hwan asked, “What about you, son? How are you
feeling?”

The question caught Joshua offguard. He’s not quite sure why his dad was asking that. “Oh…
I’m okay. Dr. Nam says the incision is healing well and everything seems to look fine.”

“That’s good,” Joo-hwan said in a small voice Joshua isn’t quite familiar with. Joo-hwan
looked at Joshua with eyes that looked like the older doctor was examining him. “And
emotionally?”

“Huh?” Joshua blinked, confused, although he had an idea as to what Joo-hwan was alluding
to.

“There are times when giving birth can be a traumatic event for parents, you know? The
strains put on the body can be physically traumatizing. But there are other times where one
can experience emotional trauma,” Joo-hwan said, looking back at the door. “Especially
when giving birth prematurely, or under stressful and traumatic circumstances.”
“Dad…” Joshua wasn’t sure what to say.

Joshua started fiddling at his hospital gown, biting his lip nervously. He hasn’t really been
able to process his emotions, often busying his thoughts with how Hyejin is doing.

“I’m scared…”

Joo-hwan turned to his son once again, “It’s okay, Jisoo.”

“I’m sorry, dad,” Joshua said, eyes watering a bit. “I know I keep disappointing you… failing
you. I failed to protect my baby. I put her life in danger. I don’t know how to be a good parent
—I—I’m sorry I’ve disappointed you again—”

His words were cut when he felt arms wrap around him. His dad was hugging him. He
couldn’t even remember the last time his dad embraced him.

Joshua couldn’t help but cry once he felt his dad envelope him in his arms. “Dad… do you
hate me?”

He felt his dad tense at the question.

“Of course not.” Joshua could sense the hurt in Joo-hwan’s voice. “How could I hate you?
You’re my son.”

“But all I do is disappoint you—"

“No, no, Jisoo,” his dad quickly said. “You’re not a disappointment. I’m sorry for making
you think that all your life. It’s not your fault, son.”
“Dad…” the tears stained Joo-hwan’s white coat as Joshua buried himself onto his father’s
shoulder. “Dad, I’m sorry.”

“Shh… Jisoo, it’s not your fault. It’s mine. It’s my fault you’re feeling this way. I’m sorry.”

Joshua felt a shaky hand tap at his back, trying to soothe him. It took a while for Joshua to
gain his composure as Joo-hwan continued to comfort his son.

When Joshua stopped crying, Joo-hwan guided him to the benches against the walls of the
hallway. Joshua still shouldn’t be standing up for too long.

“Dad,” Joshua said, fiddling at his gown. “Am I a bad parent?”

Joo-hwan looked at his son, adjusting his glasses before leaning against the wall. “Of course
not, Jisoo.”

“But I…” Joshua trailed, unsure how to explain his feelings.

Joo-hwan looked at him, deciding to speak first. “When your brother Johnny was born, your
mom and I were barely in our twenties. I was a resident just trying to make it through the
program as well. We were young and just as unsure on how to be good parents. Every little
thing we would panic, a small fever, a little cough, a bump in the head. Gosh, I remember we
were trying to navigate it just as much as any new parent would,” Joo-hwan sighed as he
reminisced. “It didn’t get any easier with you and Hansol, you know?”

Joshua couldn’t imagine his strict, put-together parents being confused and frantic around
babies.

Joo-hwan chuckled as he remembered a fond memory. “I remember, when you were about
four or five years old, your mom took Hansol with her to her parents for a visit. You and
Johnny were at daycare, and I was a fellow for cardiothoracic surgery. I fell asleep in the on-
call room because I was so tired that I forgot to pick you and your brother up until your mom
called and asked to talk to you. That was the first time your mom got so mad at me, she made
me sleep at the living room that night. I was mad at myself too, I couldn’t believe I forgot.
Being a parent isn’t easy, Jisoo.”

“I don’t remember that happening,” Joshua mumbled.

“When you three were born, we became responsible for lives other than our own. We had to
make sure you were safe, fed, healthy, and that you grew up well. Those aren’t easy burdens,
Jisoo. But we chose to bring you into this world, we chose to take on that responsibility and
we tried our best,” Joo-hwan said, his head lowered toward the last part. “I know I wasn’t
always the best father to you and your siblings. In my desire for you three to grow up and
have a good life, I became hard on you, cold, distant. I forgot that you also needed to feel
loved, appreciated, validated. I’m sorry for that, Jisoo.”

“Dad…”

“Parents aren’t perfect,” Joo-hwan offered a small smile. “You aren’t always going to be a
good parent, you’re going to make mistakes. But mistakes don’t make you a bad one either.”

Joshua bit his lip. “Dad, I’m scared.”

“I know… I know,” Joo-hwan scooted closer to Joshua, patting his back. “And it’s
understandable, son. You’ve been through a very traumatic event both physically and
emotionally. I understand. But, Jisoo, remember that you’re not alone in this. You have your
husband, you have us. I’ll be here, okay?”

This was the first time in a very, very long time that Joshua felt like his father was there for
him. Not to point out his mistakes, not to fix his mess, but to just be there as a father should.

He still feels scared out of his mind sometimes, especially when he sees his daughter looking
helpless and fragile, the fear in him seemed to take over. He couldn’t explain it, it’s just there.
He wanted the feeling to go away.
Chapter End Notes

Thoughts?

Notes: "NICU" refers to neonatal intensive care unit (or something similar depending on
where you are)

Saying this in advance, there will be special chapters for the side couples so please
understand if some of their moments feel like it skipped a lot.

Shout at me: twt

 Chapter 20
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

It took another two weeks for Hyejin to be discharged from the hospital and brought home by
Jeonghan and Joshua. It was almost the end of April by this time.

Since that time, Hyejin had gained more weight and grew a little, Joshua was thankful he was
able to produce milk that gave their baby antibodies and lessened the risk of bowel
complications. For that, Joshua felt relieved he was able to give some level of protection to
Hyejin.

Still, the fears in Joshua didn’t subside easily, the thought of hurting or endangering Hyejin
kept flooding in as soon as he considered carrying her. He decided to see a therapist as soon
as he was allowed to help him overcome his trauma and fears, and Jeonghan was ever
supportive of that.

On the day they brought Hyejin home, the Yoon residence was ecstatically festive. It wasn’t
only grandma and Suryeon who were happy to welcome the newborn baby into the house,
but also the household staff who gushed at how cute and beautiful Hyejin was. Jeonghan
carried her inside and grandma and Suryeon took turns carrying and cradling the newborn.

“Oh, what a beautiful girl,” grandma cooed, lightly bouncing Hyejin in her arms while they
sat on the couch. “You have your papa’s beautiful doe eyes and your daddy’s cheeky smile.”

Suryeon was tickling Hyejin’s cheeks with her finger.

“She also has the Yoon nose and cheekbones, doesn’t she?” she said with a baby voice. “I’m
gonna spoil you, our little princess.”

“Aunt Suryeon!” Jeonghan exclaimed, albeit in a loving manner.

Suryeon narrowed her eyes at Jeonghan and Joshua chuckled. “What? She’s practically my
granddaughter, my first grandchild! It’s your job to discipline and my job to spoil.”

Grandma wiggled around making baby faces at Hyejin. “She’s right, that’s what I did with
you boys.”

“I don’t remember being spoiled by you, grandma,” Jeonghan rolled his eyes.

Grandma turned to look at Jeonghan, offended. “What? You don’t remember when I kept
sneaking you chocolates even when your mom said you get too hyper after eating sweets? Or
when I bought you those… what do you call them? Legos? Even though your dad said you
had so many toys already?”

“Ah, now I remember why you were my favorite grandma,” Jeonghan joked, earning an
elbow to the ribs from Joshua. “Ow, baby, what was that for?”

Joshua just chuckled.

“He still buys himself those Legos, grandma,” Joshua added before turning to Jeonghan.

“It’s my little enjoyment and stress-reliever. They’re worth every penny, baby,” Jeonghan
maneuvered so he could hug Joshua from the back. “Plus, they’re always something our kids
can enjoy when they get older.”

Joshua’s eyes widened, correcting the older man, “Kid, Jeonghan.”

“For now,” Jeonghan replied cheekily, burying his face in Joshua’s neck, making the young
doctor blush.

“Jeonghan—”
“But still ultimately your decision, my love,” Jeonghan added quickly, leaving a small kiss
behind Joshua’s ear, to the amusement of the Yoon women.

Regaining his composure, he reminded, “No Legos near Hyejin anytime soon, got it?”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes. “I know, I know.” The banter was lighthearted, he knew the lego
pieces could be dangerous to a baby, even to toddlers.

“I’m so glad we have her home now,” grandma sighed in relief. She wasn’t able to see Hyejin
much in the hospital due to her own health, she was hesitant to enter the intensive care unit.

Jeonghan squeezed Joshua’s hand as they both watched their family fawned over the new
arrival, happy to see the warm welcome. “So are we, grandma.”

Before Hyejin could wake up grumpily, Jeonghan took the infant in his arms and he and
Joshua made their way to their room where the crib was placed a short distance from their
bed. Hyejin will be staying in their room for the meantime, and they’ll move her to the
nursery after a few months. Joshua laid down the bags they brought with them on the couch
as Jeonghan laid Hyejin in the crib, the baby fast asleep.

Joshua plopped on their bed, stretching out to Jeonghan. “It’s been quite a day.”

Jeonghan hummed as he went nearer to Joshua, standing in front of him as the younger man
encloses his arms around Jeonghan’s waist, pulling him in for a hug. Jeonghan hugged him
back, petting Joshua’s hair.

“Tired?”

Joshua nodded against Jeonghan’s stomach, burying himself in Jeonghan’s citrusy scent.
Jeonghan leaned down, capturing Joshua’s lips in a kiss.

“Thank you, Hannie,” Joshua said against Jeonghan’s lips.

“You did well today, my love,” preened Jeonghan, stroking his husband’s hair.

Joshua scrunched his face. “You did most of the work and I still feel tired.”

“Baby, you were going around all day getting things ready for Hyejin.”

“You did all the heavy lifting. The baby basket, the bags. Fed the milk to Hyejin, put her to
sleep. You carried Hyejin the whole time— I—” Joshua gulped, guilt seeping through his
system. “Sorry, babe.”

“You don’t have to apologize, my love,” Jeonghan’s smile turned into a small frown as he
continued to look down at his husband. His husband sat beside him on the bed, taking both of
Joshua’s hands in his.

“I’m sorry… I just—I wasn’t strong enough—I’m not strong enough,” Joshua almost choked
on his words, holding on to Jeonghan’s hands tightly. “But I’m trying… Please bear with
me.”

Jeonghan was already aware of the emotional trauma Joshua was experiencing, he noticed it
immediately but Joo-hwan was able to elaborate on it. They talked before and Jeonghan had
been very understanding and patient with Joshua, encouraging him to go to therapy and
helping him ease his burdens. But despite Jeonghan’s reassurances, Joshua still felt guilty. He
loved his daughter, so very, very much. But he was afraid of so many things and those fears
have manifested in his inability to physically hold his child. And Joshua is sure it hurts
Jeonghan just as much to see the physical distance between Joshua and their child.

Softly, Jeonghan shook his head. “I know, baby. I know you’re scared and you’re still
working on overcoming your fears. But…” Jeonghan cupped Joshua’s face, brushing away
stray tears as they fell. “You’re stronger than you think, love. You’re so very strong and I
couldn’t be prouder of you.”

“You’re only saying that,” Joshua tried to make light of it by chuckling.

“No, I’m not,” Jeonghan smiled fondly. “You carried Hyejin for eight months, endured all the
nausea, discomfort, aches and pains, as she grew healthily in your body. You sacrificed so
much by that alone,” Jeonghan’s words were full of so much love and affection. “And on that
day, you fought to keep her alive. You did you utmost best to deliver her safely, at the
expense of your own life.”

Joshua could see the pain swim around Jeonghan’s eyes as he recalled that day. “Jeonghan…”

“Shua, my love,” it was Jeonghan’s voice that almost cracked this time. “Our little girl is
alive because of you, your strength, your love. Until now, your body is working to protect
her. And I’m so thankful that you fought for the both of you, that I get to wake up every
morning knowing I’ll get to see you both and love you both. So, please don’t doubt yourself,
love. You’re strong. A great parent. Hyejin and I couldn’t be luckier.”

“Jeonghan,” Joshua leaned forward to wrap his arms around Jeonghan and bury his face in
the older man’s neck, muffling his voice. “I love you.”

Jeonghan smiled against Joshua’s hair. “I love you too. We’ll be here for you. Always.”

The warmth brought about by Jeonghan’s words spread throughout Joshua’s body. And
although he still had his doubts, those unsolicited thoughts that would bother him now and
then, Jeonghan’s words eased them all.

“Hyung,” Mingyu pouted as carried Hyejin in his arms and played with Hyejin’s fingers.
“She’s so adorable.”
“Mingyu, you keep hogging her!” accused Soonyoung, arms crossed.

The two were visiting Joshua and Hyejin in the Yoon mansion, they were currently in the
nursery, fawning over the little one.

“I just got back from Paris, Soonyoung-hyung. Let me spend more time with my
goddaughter!”

“And since when were you designated as the godparent?” Soonyoung huffed.

Joshua couldn’t help but laugh from where he sat on the couch, watching the two bicker as
they played with Hyejin. Luckily, Hyejin was in the mood to entertain and has not cried at all.

“Now, now,” hushed Joshua. “I thought I only had one child. Don’t make me scold you
both.”

Soonyoung looked at Joshua apologetically before glaring at Mingyu, then cooing at Hyejin.
It was a nice sight.

“She looks like you, hyung,” said Mingyu. “I never thought about having kids, but seeing
Hyejin, I might just reconsider.”

Soonyoung snorted absentmindedly. “You’d need to have a lover first.”

Mingyu eyed Soonyoung narrowly, but the latter ignored him. “Can’t believe that Seokmin
guy can stand dating you.”

Soonyoung shrugged. “What can I say? He was charmed.”

Joshua rolled his eyes as he remembered how they hated each other after their first date.
Somehow, the two managed to get past their initial bad impressions of each other (apparently
the sexual tension overpowered that) and they’ve been getting to know each other better.
Seokmin never forgets his wallet now.

Mingyu scoffed. “With what?”

“My radiating beauty and effortless humor.”

“Doubt it,” Mingyu mumbled, earning him another glare from the shorter man.

“At least I have a boyfriend.”

“Does he know that?”

“Sometimes, I like it better when you were in Paris,” Soonyoung held his tongue out to annoy
Mingyu, but the latter was now fazed, swaying to soothe the baby in his arms. It was
harmless banter, but Joshua still silently prayed no one would take it too far.

Thankfully the nanny came back with some snacks to be served. She took the baby in her
arms so that Mingyu can enjoy the snacks along with Joshua and Soonyoung.

“So, hyung, how are you?” Mingyu asked as he sat down on the couch while Soonyoung sat
on one of the other chairs. “I heard about what happened. Sorry I couldn’t visit you
immediately, my contract in Paris was strict and my schedule was really tight.”

“No need to apologize, Gyu. I understand,” smiled Joshua. He also hated to think that he’d
trouble his friends.
Mingyu frowned. “I still can’t believe that you didn’t file a case against Moyeon. She should
be put behind bars, hyung.”

Joshua sighed. “I considered that too. But it would have been so stressful for me to have to
attend hearings and give testimonies, reliving what happened? All while Hyejin and I were
still recuperating.”

“But Jeonghan-hyung sent her away already, right?” Soonyoung asked.

The young doctor nodded. “She lost the job Jeonghan got her and she was still blacklisted
from the ballet community. Jeonghan also contacted her parents and told them what
happened. They flew in to get her. She had no choice but to go back to them, they were very
mad and she couldn’t sustain herself independently here. Jeonghan also made it clear that if
she ever came back to Korea, we’d file cases against her.”

“God, if I ever see her, I swear,” Soonyoung muttered, the frustration evident in his voice.

Joshua gave a small smile, “I just really want her out of our lives. I feel much better knowing
she’s not in the country too.”

“She doesn’t have a face to show here anymore either,” Mingyu added. “What she did was all
over the news.”

Soonyoung took a sip of the juice before saying, “But we all know she’s shameless.”

“Sure, I agree she is. But would she really? All her secrets are out,” said Mingyu.

Joshua sighed, waving a hand. “Let’s not talk about her anymore. How was Paris?”

“Still the same,” Mingyu laughed.

Soonyoung said flatly, “You make it sound so exciting.”

“What? I’ve been there for work a couple of times before,” Mingyu shrugged. “It’s not really
that novel anymore.”

“Then why take the work there?”

“It’s not so much the work, I guess,” Mingyu responded softly. “The work wasn’t really
anything different from what I’ve done in the past. I took it mainly so I could get away.”

“And? Did it help?” Soonyoung asked before taking a bit of the biscuits prepared for them.

The eldest in the room noticed how Mingyu’s shoulders fell. “Honestly? I missed him. I still
do. And it’s crazy because, I never missed someone I broke up with like I do with him, and
we didn’t even break up!”

A hollow laugh escaped Mingyu, and the two let the younger man collect his thoughts.

“I’m just… I don’t know,” Mingyu sighed. “I still like him, hyung. But… I know I said I
don’t want to have any regrets, I really did try. But I’m not sure I’m willing to put myself
through that uncertainty again.”

Joshua could see the conflict in Mingyu’s eyes. He reached out, taking Mingyu’s hand in his.
“It’s okay, Gyu. There’s no timeline for healing or moving on. You’re allowed to feel that
way.”

Mingyu paused, an affectionate smile on his face. “All I know is, I tried my best. If this is
how it ends for me and him, then I have to accept that.”
“And sometimes, that’s all we can do, Mingyu,” said Soonyoung softly.

Mingyu nodded, offering a small smile. Quickly shifting to a toothy grin, he said, “Luckily, I
can now give my hundred percent attention to my beautiful godchild. Now, let me play with
Hyejin again.”

And that was Mingyu’s way of ending the conversation about Wonwoo and the two relent.
Silently, as his guests make baby faces at the sleep newborn, Joshua took out his phone,
sending a text as discreetly as possible.

He’s back.

I don’t know why I’m telling you this.

But if you’re looking for another chance, it’s now.

Love him right this time, Wonwoo.

It was Sunday, the second week of June. It was also the last day of Minghao’s exhibit, his
third one since his career took off. Jun had been staring at the invitation for a while now, it
was a small poster card of the exhibit “Snapshoot” and the ticket that came along with it.
Today was the last day, the exhibit is open until ten in the evening.

Jun kept staring at the card on his table, contemplating whether or not he should go. He’s
been to all other exhibits of Minghao, official or unofficial, even those back in college when
Minghao wasn’t as prominent as he was now. This would be the first he’d miss, if ever.

He’d already received messages from Mingyu and Soonyoung asking if he’d be going (he
didn’t reply to them and, thankfully, they didn’t press him either). Mingyu and Seungcheol
attended on the first day while the rest of their friend group attended the second day.

“You’ve been staring at that for the past half hour, hyung.” It was Seokmin who pointed that
out, circling in his swivel chair in the residents’ office. “I went there with Soonyoung. It was
a great exhibit.”

It was only then that Jun looked up at Seokmin, a wide, knowing smile on his face.

“I already know it’s great,” he whispered low, but Seokmin heard him. Of course he knew
that, he’d expect nothing less from Minghao.

“You should go.”

Jun’s eyebrows met in the middle, furrowed.

“I mean, apart from the fact that the pieces were amazing,” Seokmin started. “You’ve spent a
good part of your day thinking about whether you should or shouldn’t.”

“So?”

“Clearly, you want to go,” Seokmin shrugged, leaning back on his chair after he stopped
spinning. “You’re just waiting to think of a reason that outweighs that desire.”

With those words, Jun felt a little bare. “Am not,” he argued, sounding more petulant than he
intended.

The younger doctor just rolled his eyes. “Stop overthinking it and just go. If anything, just to
support your friend.”
Jun groaned. “Were you always this annoying?”

“I was always this wise.”

“You suck. I liked it better when you were just fucking around. Being in a monogamous
relationship changed you,” Jun said, no real venom behind his words.

Seokmin smirked. “Yeah. Yeah. Obviously it changes you.”

Jun’s shift didn’t end until nine in the evening. If he took the subway right after, he’d get
there in twenty minutes or so. But it so happened that an emergency came in and he couldn’t
leave until it was half an hour past nine, giving him little time to make it to the exhibition.
Still, he tried.

It was almost ten minutes before ten when he got to the gallery, the guard telling him it’s
almost time to close and Jun said he’ll take what he can get, presenting his ticket and was
then allowed to enter. He navigated the gallery, making past the works of other artists, some
on pottery, some on sculpting, until he reached a familiar tarpaulin. In big, bold prints was the
word “Snapshoot” and the name Xu Minghao below it.

He entered the empty exhibit, all the guests have left the gallery at this point so he had the
place all to himself. While the emptiness should feel rather eerie, there was some special
feeling about seeing the art pieces when no one else was around.

It was a ten-piece collection of paintings, a special room just for Minghao’s pieces, hung on
the walls and backlit by lights to give emphasis to the details made by the artist.

“It Started With Rain” was the first piece. A combination of strokes in various shades of blue,
gray and white. The rain wasn’t explicit, but the colored showed the scene. Black shadows
under a yellow umbrella.

Wait.
It was so familiar.

And then it hit Jun.

The scene was just like the first time Jun and Minghao met in college. It was a rainy day and
Jun didn’t have an umbrella with him. He was stuck by the entrance of the building where
he’d just finished fixing his schedule for the school year as he waited for the rain to stop. The
sky was dark and gloomy, a mix of grays in the blue skies as rain fell hard on the brick road.

Various persons had passed him by, opening their umbrellas while others braved the rain to
get to the next building. But Jun was too shy to ask if he could share an umbrella.

On his peripheral, he saw a yellow umbrella open up. Another person with an umbrella. He
sighed, muttering curses in his native language under his breath, not realizing how this caught
the other man’s attention.

“You’re Chinese?” the other man asked, speaking in the same tongue as Jun, catching the
latter by surprise.

He blinked, turning to the man beside him whose hair was in platinum silver. It looked good
on him.

Jun nodded. “Yeah. You?”

The silver-haired man chortled, his round-shaped glasses falling from the bridge of his nose.
“Obviously.”

That made Jun smile as he watched the man close the umbrella, mindful of the other people
passing by. He had only met a few other Chinese students during his first year of college in
Korea, most of whom were either staying only for the year or he’d hardly got to hang out
with.

Extending his hand, he introduced himself, “Wen Junhui.”

“Xu Minghao.”

“First year?”

“Yeah. Fine Arts.”

“Second Year. Psychology.”

Minghao smiled, it was charming and warm. Familiar, even though it was the first time they
met.

“Where are you off to?” Minghao asked.

“The cafeteria,” Jun said, sighing. “Some of my friends are there. But the rain won’t seem to
stop any time soon.”

“Let’s share,” Minghao said. “I’m headed in that direction.”

And, as they say, the rest was history. Staring at the picture brought a lot of memories back
from the time he introduced him to Joshua, Jeonghan, Seungcheol, Jihoon and Soonyoung
that day.

Jun moved on to the next painting, “I Hate Snow”.

The gray and while strokes were more prominent against the reddish ones, depicting a snowy
day in what appeared to be their university. Jun could recognize the familiar structure that
used to be their dormitory in college. In his second year of college, he decided to stay in
Korea for the holidays since his parents would be traveling. Minghao also stayed behind.

Most of the students left in the university were the foreigners who didn’t go home for
vacation. Although their friends had invited them to spend their time with them, Jun and
Minghao opted to explore the city during that time of the year on their own.

In a very rare instance, snow fell in Seoul that day. For Jun, the sight looked magical since it
didn’t usually snow in his hometown. But Minghao hated being wet.

“I hate snow,” he muttered in Chinese. Jun laughed, and they spent the rest of the night in
their dorm room, warm and dry.

The next painting, “Spontaneous Misadventures” was another familiar memory from the past.
The image of a ranger which Seungcheol happily lent Jun, with two figures at the back
drinking a can of beer was staring Jun in the face.

He remembered. This was the solo road trip he and Minghao took after Jun’s graduation and
before he entered medical school. The ranger lost gas in the middle of nowhere and they both
sat at the back, eating the snacks they prepared for the trip as they waited for assistance.

Recalling it made him laugh.

He realized all the paintings in this collections were memories of Minghao, but more than
that, it was memories he had with Jun. Each of the painting represented a time they spent
together, a milestone, a special occasion, or even just a simple day they spent together.

With each painting he passed, he can feel his heart beat quicken, constrict and expand. There
was a flow of unexplainable emotions inside him that he can’t quite explain— fondness,
happiness, sadness, nostalgia, longing? He’s not sure.
Finally, he reached the last painting.

“A Secret Wish”

The colors are now of yellow, brown and orange, the colors of autumn. It was the back of a
man sitting on a park bench, looking at the nothing and everything in front of him. He knew
what that was. It was him.

That was the familiar park where he had spent his afternoons in the time he spent in China
when he tried to get away just months back.

He was there.

He doesn’t know how to react. Minghao was there.

“Jun?”

A voice took him out of his thoughts, turning to see Minghao there. He looked very much
like the acclaimed artist he is.

“It is you,” Minghao said, his voice soft but surprised. “You came—wait, are you crying?”

Jun didn’t even realize when the tears started to fall. Instinctively, he wiped them from his
face.

“Sorry… I don’t know why—I—”

“It’s okay,” a small smile appeared on Minghao’s face. They turn to face the painting again,
and Jun felt the tension in the room increase.

Suddenly, he didn’t know what to do. All of these paintings—they were of him, of them.
What was this all supposed to mean?

“Did you like the it?” Minghao asked softly, not turning to face Jun. His usual cool and
confident demeanor sounding a little unsure, although he tried to hide it.

Jun played with his hands inside his jacket pocket, unsure what to say. He was still trying to
process everything.

“Your works are always beautiful, Hao,” Jun said, not directly answering the question.

“Some critics have already said that this collection is so… unlike me,” Minghao let out a
small chuckle, looking at his feet, back hunched, so unlike his usual immaculate posture.
“The style I used was a little different, the color palettes, the subject…”

“I noticed,” Jun’s voice was just as small.

Silence ensued, awkward, charged, but somehow familiar. Jun could use familiar.

“I didn’t think you’d make it,” Minghao broke the silence.

“Me too.”

“I’m glad you came though,” Minghao turned to him, Jun still facing the painting.

Biting his lip, he asked, “What’s the secret wish?”

“Hmm…” Minghao hummed, “Isn’t it obvious?”

Jun looked at him, head tilted.

“You.”

Jun held his breath at the answer, surprised at Minghao’s sudden burst of confidence.

“Why didn’t you come up to me then?”

A sad smile crept up on Minghao’s face. “It didn’t feel right for me to invade your space, to
ambush you with sudden declarations of love that you probably can’t trust. Especially not
during the time you were looking for your peace.”

Jun didn’t say anything back immediately, a whirl of emotions building inside him.

“So you do this instead?”

“I can express myself better this way,” Minghao explained, voice small. “I’m not good with
words, you know that. The things I want to say don’t always come out right. Most of the time
I’m blunt with my opinions, but when it comes to communicating what I feel, I’m the worst
at it. But painting? I’m good at that.”

Jun felt frozen at his place, eyes holding the other man’s gaze.

“So, here,” Minghao’s outstretched his arms, indicating his pieces. “Here is my love letter to
you, Wen Junhui.”
Jun inhaled sharply, a warm feeling enveloping his being at the other man’s words. He’s seen
and stared at each piece, taking in each stroke, each shade, each shape. He recounted the
memories that were etched in the canvass, reliving them, cherishing them. He tried to find the
meaning in them. As to whose meaning it was is up for debate. And at the end of it all, it only
led him to one conclusion: he was still very much in love with this man.

“You have the worst timing in the world,” Jun let out a breath he was holding, a small laugh
escaping his lips.

Minghao took a step forward. “I know.”

“I finally learned how to be happy without you.”

Another step forward.

“I realized, even if I lose you, our friendship, I’ll be okay. Eventually… I’ll be okay.”

Another step forward.

“I know.”

“But…” Minghao’s movements paused, waiting for Jun to continue, worry etched on his
face. “I love you. I can be happy without you, but I’d rather much be happy with you. Loving
you. And I realized that, now, I can love you without sacrificing myself.”

“Jun,” Minghao said, his voice cracking as tears started to fall from his eyes.

It was Jun now who took a step forward. They were face-to-face when Jun took a hold of
Minghao’s face between his hands, each cupping a cheek.
“I love you too,” Minghao said in between tears. Jun smiled, the happiest smile he’s ever
given, pulling Minghao in, closing the gap between them and kissing the younger man
deeply.

July came along and by then, it had two months since they were able to bring Hyejin home,
two months of regularly going to therapy for Joshua.

It wasn’t an easy road for him, he had to work through a lot and Jeonghan had always been
there for him, whether he needed a sounding board or simply a tight hug to sleep. Sometimes,
he’d find himself crying for reasons he couldn’t really explain, but still, Jeonghan
understood. It took a while but he was able to see improvement in himself, now able to
somewhat hold his baby’s hands, playing with her foot, caressing her full cheeks, giving her a
small kiss on the forehead.

Joshua cried the first time he held his daughter’s hands, Hyejin gripped Joshua’s pinky finger
tightly like she didn’t want to let go. He sobbed happily that night.

Around this time, Hyejin had also grown a bit more, adding weight and growing in length.
With her being a bit more fussy, a nanny stayed with Joshua most of the time when Jeonghan
was away at work. Of course, grandma, Young-ae and Suryeon doted on the little princess—
grandma would accompany Jeonghan and Joshua on a morning walk with Hyejin on a
stroller, Young-ae would visit often to take care of Joshua and Hyejin, and take care of her
when Joshua had therapy, and Suryeon would spend her free time playing with Hyejin in the
nursery. It was a family effort.

Then there were the excited uncles who took turns visiting Hyejin at the Yoon home.

And when Jeonghan, grandma Yoon, Suryeon and Chan had to fly to Jeju for the annual
stockholders’ meeting of the Yoon Group’s holding company for an overnight trip, Joshua
stayed behind with Hyejin. The nanny, Mrs. Cho, stayed in Jeonghan and Joshua’s bedroom
to assist Joshua with Hyejin on an extra mattress that was laid out for her.
But at nearly five in the morning, Joshua is stirred awake by the cries of Hyejin. Groggily, he
wakes up. This wasn’t an unusual occurrence, Hyejin had been crying at the wee hours of the
night for the past months now, normal for newborn babies. Only, most of the time, he and
Jeonghan would wake up to attend to her needs.

With Jeonghan away, Joshua went straight to the crib to check on Hyejin who was crying her
heart out.

“Hyejin-ah,” Joshua cooed. “What’s wrong, my baby?”

Joshua reached out his hand to hold Hyejin’s, allowing her to flail Joshua’s hand around.

“Shh… my darling,” Joshua whispers soothingly as he looked up to find the nanny’s mattress
empty. “Mrs. Cho?” Joshua called out, looking around the room but Mrs. Cho was not
around. “Where could she be?” he wondered to himself.

Hyejin continued to cry, holding on to Joshua’s hand tightly. His other hand patted her diaper
and it wasn’t full. She didn’t need a change.

“It’s okay, my baby. Wait, papa will look for Mrs. Cho, okay?” Joshua said even though
Hyejin wouldn’t understand.

He tried pulling away but he felt Hyejin’s pull on his fingers, she didn’t want to let go. So,
Joshua stayed put.

“Mrs. Cho?” he tried calling out louder, but no Mrs. Cho came to the room. Maybe she went
to her quarters? Maybe she used her bathroom there?

But as Hyejin continued to cry, Joshua felt a little distressed. He hated hearing her cry, but he
hated more that he couldn’t do anything to soothe her. He frantically looked around, he
couldn’t call grandma or aunt Suryeon to help since they were away as well.
“Oh, my baby, please stop crying,” he looked at Hyejin, her tears stained her puffy cheeks.
Joshua bit his lips nervously, he didn’t know what to do.

He was tempted to call Jeonghan on his phone but what could that do? He was in Jeju and
would not be able to fly to their room fast enough.

Another painful minute passed and still no sign of Mrs. Cho, and Hyejin was still desperately
crying.

His heart squeezed hearing his little girl cry. He’s been trying to make amused and weird
noises to distract her but she still wouldn’t stop.

“Hyejin-ah,” Joshua frowned as he looked at his baby fussing around, grip tightening around
Joshua’s finger, pulling him, telling Joshua she wanted to be carried. But he was scared.

What was he scared of? Hurting her? Breaking her?

It’s not like it was the first time that happened to someone because of him, or so he spent
years thinking that way.

Well, it almost happened to Hyejin. He almost lost her too.

So, he couldn’t help but fear that he might cause his daughter pain and suffering, like he had
done before.

It’s not your fault.

That’s what Jeonghan had said. That’s what Wonwoo had said. That’s also what his dad said.
He knows they meant every word. But it was harder than he thought to erase the words that
had been etched into him for so long now.

Now, as Joshua looked at his daughter, his baby, she was crying so hard Joshua thought she
must be in pain right now. It hurt him so much to see his daughter like that.

“Please stop crying,” he silently begged, almost in tears himself.

Yet Hyejin kept pulling at him, she wouldn’t let him go.

Do you trust me that much? He asked in his head.

It was then that his baby looked at him, or at least that was what Joshua felt, with her tear-
filled eyes, she looked at Joshua, as if calling for him. She was calling for his papa.

And it was like his body moved on its own, reaching out for his child inside the crib, a hand
on each of her sides as he carefully lifted her off the cushion and into his chest. A hand
moved under her while another held her back securely.

She felt warm against him, her head resting against his shoulder as she continued to cry.

“There, there, my baby Hyejin,” Joshua said in soft, hushed tones, making small bounces to
comfort his child. “It’s okay now, papa’s here.”

He didn’t even realize what he was doing, it was like his body was on autopilot.

Joshua made a rhythm out of patting Hyejin’s small back, until he realized she stopped crying
entirely.
Something in his chest bloomed. He wanted to cry when it dawned on him what he was
doing.

“Hyejin-ah, papa’s here,” Joshua snuggled closer her closer, peppering light kisses on her
small head, holding tears back happily. “Papa loves you so much. So, so much.”

Joshua laughed softly when he realized she was making bubbles with her saliva, drooling as
she shakily grabbed at Joshua’s shirt. She felt safe and secure in her papa’s arms even if it’s
the first time she’s been held by them. Joshua couldn’t be happier.

When Mrs. Cho arrived, surprise was written all over her face as Joshua continued to pace
around the room to soothe the infant back to sleep. Without much noise, Joshua gestured to
her that he’s got the situation under control and she can go about her other chores.

He ended up in the nursery, sitting in the armchair that was also supposed to serve as a
nursing chair, humming a tune as Hyejin continued to lay on his chest, sleeping peacefully.
He was so focused watching Hyejin sleep that he didn’t realize a voice calling his name until
someone opened the door.

“Shua?”

It was Jeonghan peering inside. He looked like he barely got any sleep.

“Hannie?” Joshua said in surprise, trying not to move at the risk of waking up the baby in his
arms. He looked at the digital clock by the shelf, it was only a little past seven in the
morning. “What are you doing back so early? I thought your flight back was after lunch?”

Jeonghan slowly entered the nursey, he was in jeans, a simple shirt and a leather jacket. He
still looked unfairly handsome for someone who had been travelling in the early hours of the
morning. “I took an earlier flight so I can go home faster to you.”
Joshua rolled his eyes at his cheesy answer.

“But instead of surprising you, it seems like I’m the one who’s surprised.” Jeonghan moved
toward Joshua, giving the younger man a soft kiss on the top of his head.

Joshua looked up at him with watery eyes. “I’m surprised too,” he said softly. “She was
crying and when I woke up, Mrs. Cho wasn’t around, and she kept crying—I—she wanted
me to carry him, and seeing her cry, I—and I picked her up, Jeonghan,” he said almost
breathless.

Biting his lips, it was like Jeonghan wanted to cry as well. “That’s great, my love.”

“She stopped crying, Hannie,” Joshua added, a big smile on his face. “She stopped crying as
soon as I cradled her.”

“She knows it’s you, my love. She knows it’s her papa,” Jeonghan bent down, crouching so
he can meet Joshua at eye level. “I’m so proud of you, baby.”

“Which baby?” Joshua said, furrowing his eyebrows jokingly.

Jeonghan laughed heartily, wiping a tear from his eye. “You, my big baby. I’m so proud of
you, Shua.”

“Jeonghan, I’m so happy,” Joshua said, his whole body relaxing as if all the tension, the
burden, the anxiety had left Joshua’s body.

Jeonghan’s hand reached out, caressing Joshua’s head as he leaned into the armrest where he
laid his chin atop his folder arm. “Me too. I love you both so much.”

With the two most important persons in his life with him in that moment, Joshua couldn’t
describe the happiness he felt. He never thought he could reach this level of happiness and
contentment, and yet here he was, holding his world in his arms while the love of his life held
him in his.

If Mingyu was being honest, he never thought he’d be sitting across Wonwoo at this very
instant, two months since he came back from Paris. They haven’t spoken since that New
Year, ignoring the messages Wonwoo sent when he first went to the City of Love (yeah, right,
Mingyu thought) until the older man stopped messaging him altogether, and even when he
came back, he hasn’t heard from Wonwoo until that day when Mingyu received a text asking
him if he was free for coffee.

He almost didn’t reply, really. But ultimately, he decided it’s probably time. Was it going to
be a closure or not? He was about to find out.

Nothing much has changed since he last saw the bespectacled man, maybe he’s grown a bit
thinner in the face, but he seemed pretty much the same.

“Hey,” the older greeted when Mingyu arrived. They were at the café attached to the gallery
where Mingyu worked. It was quaint and quiet, not much people were around since it was a
Tuesday afternoon.

“Hi,” Mingyu said, taking a seat opposite of Wonwoo. Things have been awkward between
him and Wonwoo before, but this feels a whole lot of new for Mingyu.

“It’s been a while,” Wonwoo said, he looked a bit nervous.

Mingyu simply nodded.

“You look well,” Wonwoo offered. “Drinks?”

The younger man nodded, and placed an order when a waiter came. It was painfully silent—
painful because Mingyu, a man full of enthusiasm and energy, didn’t know how to act around
Wonwoo. Mingyu could see Wonwoo’s effort to try and drive the conversation but Mingyu
just wanted to know one thing.

“Why did you ask to meet?” Mingyu finally said after finishing almost half of his iced
Americano.

Mingyu came in prepared for the end of whatever it is he had with Wonwoo. At least, that’s
what he’s been mentally training himself since he agreed to meet.

Wonwoo bit his lip, fingers tapping silently on his dress pants, seemingly trying to figure out
what to say.

“Um… I don’t know where to start, really,” he said, uncertainty in his voice. There was a
lump heavy in his throat. “I’m sorry, Mingyu. I—”

“Wonwoo,” Mingyu cut in, sighing. There was a heaviness in his chest he thought he had
long let go of. “You don’t have to say sorry.”

“I do. I hurt you.”

Mingyu shook his head, trying his best to smile. “Not on purpose. It was my choice to stay
even though you clearly said you didn’t know when you would be ready. You can’t force
yourself to feel things you don’t feel, Wonwoo. So please, I beg you, don’t apologize for
that.”

Wonwoo opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but closed it again. There was
hesitation in his eyes, or was it worry? Mingyu isn’t quite sure.

“Sorry, I’m not saying this right,” Wonwoo then said.

Mingyu looked at him, confused.

“It might have been your choice to stay, Gyu, but in truth, I could have easily asked you to
stop. I should have, it would have spared you from more pain. And for that, I’m sorry.

“Wonwoo—”

“I’m sorry because I was selfish, Mingyu,” Wonwoo continued before Mingyu could get a
word in. He stretched out his hand, reaching for the taller man’s own from across the table
and giving it a little squeeze. “I was selfish because even when I knew that staying by my
side hurt you, I was… in a way, glad that you were there. Knowing you were there for me
made me feel safe and less lonely. And that was unfair because I couldn’t give you the love
you deserved. I couldn’t love you the way you wanted me to.”

“And that’s okay.”

But Wonwoo shook his head, offering a small smile.

“I hate the part of myself that hurt you so much because you don’t deserve that, Mingyu.”

“It was a choice to risk it for you, Wonwoo.”

“I know.”

“And, I’m better now,” Mingyu said, sighing. “Not completely, but I’ll get there. I won’t be
chasing after you anymore, I won’t be hoping for a chance that you will love me back.”

“That’s okay,” Wonwoo said. “Let me do that now.”

Upon hearing the words, Mingyu’s eyes grew wide.

“W-what? What do you mean?”

“I’m sorry I took too long, Mingyu,” Wonwoo said softly, a bit shaky, like he was trying to
gain some confidence. “I… I have fallen in love with you.”

Mingyu blinked in confusion. What was Wonwoo saying?

“I know, it sounds confusing. I don’t know when or how, all I know is that over time, my
feelings for you grew,” Wonwoo continued. Mingyu can feel his heart beat start to pick up its
pace. “It wasn’t like it hit me overnight. I could tell I have affection for you. You’ve always
been important to me, Mingyu. But I was also still trying to figure out my old feelings for
Joshua, and it was just… confusing? I didn’t know where my feelings for Shua ended and
where my feelings for you began.”

It took a few seconds for the words to sink in, and even then he was still trying to process all
that.

“I—I don’t understand.”

“When you saw me talking to Joshua on his birthday, that was me putting an end to my
feelings for him. I wanted to end that so I could finally process my feelings for you,”
Wonwoo explained slowly and softly. “But… yeah. You then left and… I tried to reach out to
you, but I understand why you didn’t,” Wonwoo quickly said the last part, trying not to make
Mingyu feel guilty. “And I realized, I too still had many things to fix about myself so it took
me a while to reach out to you.”

“Wonwoo…” Mingyu held his breath.

“I’m saying, I’m in love with you, Kim Mingyu,” Wonwoo confidently said, looking straight
into Mingyu’s eyes as he tried to convey his feelings if words weren’t enough. “I know I’m
late. And I’m sorry, so sorry for that… but, if you allow me to, I’d like to have the chance to
prove my feelings to you.”

“But, Wonwoo—”

Is he hearing this right?

“I know this sounds so sudden, but it’s not,” Wonwoo exhales. “I thought about this long and
hard for the past months.”

Mingyu swallowed, unsure what to say. Sure, he’s dreamed of this moment before but he
kind of already gave up on that. He thought they were going to meet for closure, but
everything seemed to go on a different direction.

“Wonwoo… I—I don’t know what to say… I’m—”

“It’s okay, Mingyu,” smiled Wonwoo reassuringly. “It’s my turn. Let me show you that I love
you. Let me earn another chance with you. Will you let me, Mingyu?”

Mingyu held his breath. Was this really happening? Unconsciously, he squeezed Wonwoo’s
hand, something to make him feel anchored to reality. It’s real. His heartbeat was starting to
be erratic, or at least that’s what he felt because his chest seemed like it was going to explode.

With a breathless exhale, he answered, “Okay.”

“Hyejin-ah,” Joshua cooed, bouncing the little human in his arms. “Papa and daddy will miss
you so much. We won’t be gone for too long, okay?”
Suryeon chuckled. “The first time is always the hardest.”

After a (very) long discussion and some convincing, Joshua and Jeonghan agreed to go to
Seungcheol’s small birthday celebration in Jeju (again!) and leave Hyejin in the care of
Suryeon and Young-ae during the three-day trip.

“Don’t be too dramatic,” Young-ae chided playfully, knowing fully well what her son is
feeling as a first-time parent. “It’s only for a few days, and, like we’ve already said, you need
to have a vacation too.”

Jeonghan arrived with their bags, putting them down so he can give a kiss on Hyejin’s puffy
cheeks.

“Yeah,” grandma nodded. “You two need to take some time off. Jeonghan, you’ve been
working very hard the past few months. And, Joshua, you’ve been taking care of Hyejin full-
time. You two deserve some time off… and some time alone.”

Grandma added a wink at the end that, making the women chuckle knowingly.

“You’ll be going back to the hospital next month as well,” Young-ae pointed out. Joshua’s
application to transfer his residency from cardiothoracic surgery to pediatric surgery had been
approved and his leave was just about to end. “So, use this opportunity! You don’t know
when you’ll have some time off again.”

Joshua was so reluctant at first. He’s been so focused and hands-on in taking care of Hyejin
that he didn’t feel comfortable letting other people take care of her. But what his mom said
was true. And he’ll start working again soon so he definitely needed to trust other people
with his child. Good thing his mom and Suryeon were happy volunteers.

“Okay,” Joshua relented, carefully handing the carefree infant to his mother. “But you’ll call
us if anything happens? I’ll be available anytime, just call me—”
“We got it, darling,” grandma insisted, shooing them away lovingly. “Now, now. Go. Enjoy
some time away. Have fun with your friends. Make another baby.”

“Grandma!” Joshua exclaimed, blushing profusely.

Jeonghan grinned. “I like the idea, grandma— ouch!”

Joshua elbowed Jeonghan who winced in pain. They all laugh and Joshua enjoyed the sight
of their united family.

“Just kidding, Shuji,” Jeonghan wooed, placing an arm around Joshua and a kiss to his
temple.

They gave more goodbyes to Hyejin, reminding her how much they love her, even if she
can’t understand words yet, before they were brought to the airport.

They arrived at Jeju last among their friends. They were a bigger group now with Soonyoung
bringing Seokmin and Mingyu bringing Wonwoo. They occupied the same two villas from
the year before, and Jisoo thought not much had changed except them. Apart from bringing
new people with them in their trip, they opted to be a little more laid back this year round,
just relaxing by the beach, a bonfire set up, catching up and just hanging out.

“That’s so… disgustingly romantic,” Soonyoung made a belching sound after Jun shared
(read: pressured to share) how he and Minghao finally patched things up and became an
official couple.

“What’s that I hear? Is that what they call… jealousy?” Jun mocked.

“Wait—so all of your paintings in that exhibit was about Jun-hyung?” Seokmin couldn’t help
but confirm.
Minghao hid his grin behind his glass of wine, simply nodding in response. “Well, about him
and me… us, if I want to be accurate.” Jun hugged Minghao, who was sat on his legs on the
beach chair, closer, snuggling into the younger man’s sides.

Mingyu is surprised too. He’s usually good at catching those things but he completely missed
that. “Wow.”

“That’s so sweet, Hao,” Joshua said, melting into Jeonghan in the sunlounger they occupied.
“And the paintings were beautiful.”

“Cheesy.”

“Jealous.”

“That was a nice exhibit, Minghao,” Wonwoo complimented.

Mingyu turned to Wonwoo, sitting on another chair beside his. “I could paint you too, you
know?”

Jun scoffed. “Competitive?”

“Hey, it’s sweet if your partner makes art inspired by you,” Mingyu said.

Soonyoung looked at Seokmin expectantly. “What?” Seokmin asked. “Do you want me to
paint you or something? What are you, a French girl?” And that remarked earned the
youngest doctor a hard slap on his back. “Ouch! You think I can paint?”

They laugh at the antics, enjoying the cozy night, sharing stories and talking about the most
random of things.
Soonyoung sighed. “It still surprises me when I think about how much had changed from a
year ago. Look at how we’re not partying it up by the poolside grinding up against each
other,” Soonyoung paused to look at Minghao and Jun, “or punching some drunk creep in the
face,” then turning to face Jeonghan, “or having a threesome with complete strangers.”

The last part made Seungcheol spit out the beer he was drinking, choking a bit. “Ya! Kwon
Soonyoung!”

“Oh my god, what?” a shocked Seokmin gasped. “A threesome? Wild! Even I haven’t tried
that yet—ouch!” That earned him another slap from Soonyoung.

“Oh wait, I remember,” Jun burst out laughing. “With that couple you met at the party, right?
Americans,” he added glancing at Joshua who looked at him as if asking what?

Jeonghan coughed, catching Jun’s attention and it was only then did they realize that Jihoon
mustn’t have known about that. The guilty look on their faces doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Guys, it’s okay,” Jihoon gave a small smile, hands waving in the air as if to dispel any
awkwardness.

“That’s brave of you to bring up, Jun, considering Shua caught you and Minghao having sex
on the couch,” Seungcheol countered.

“Wha—Cheol-hyung!”

“Oh my god—” Joshua paled.

Minghao almost dropped the wine glass he was holding. “Hyung!”

“I didn’t bring it up, hyung. Soonyoung did!” Jun felt wrongly attacked.

“He what?” Mingyu gasped. It seemed like it was one surprise after another. “On the couch—
wait? You mean our couch? In our villa? Oh my—I was just lounging there earlier!”

Minghao rolled his eyes on his same-age friend. “Oh please, Gyu. Don’t be dramatic, that
was a year ago!”

“I’m going to need disinfectants. And a shower—”

“How did you even know?”

“I heard Jun and Hao talking about it when we came back from the yacht.”

“Oh my god,” Joshua twisted to bury his face in Jeonghan’s neck, too embarrassed as he
recalled the incident.

Jeonghan couldn’t help but find it funny. “Why are you embarrassed? It wasn’t like you were
the one caught,” he whispered to his husband.

“A threesome and getting caught having sex,” Seokmin recounted. “Wow, must have been a
fun time.”

Seungcheol and Jun glare at the newcomer who just laughed it off playfully.

Soonyoung laughed mischievously. “Looking back so much stuff happened. I didn’t know
then but Shua-hyung lost his—”
“Soonyoung!” Joshua sat up immediately, beet red, cutting off Soonyoung before his said
anything more. Most of them probably already knew what Soonyoung was going to say so
they couldn’t help but laugh at the panic their poor little friend is going through. “Oh my god,
don’t!”

That earned Soonyoung a death glare that was anything but menacing.

Jeonghan tried to comfort the flustered Joshua but gently stroking his back and giving him a
kiss at his temple.

Joshua eased back into Jeonghan’s arms, letting his embarrassment die down when another
topic is opened up. Now, as he looked at his friends, he couldn’t help but feel warm inside.
When they go about their regular lives, there’s not really a lot of opportunities for them to
gather like this, it being difficult to find a common time for all. So, making time to gather is
an effort for all of them, and Joshua can’t help but be thankful to have such constant people
in their lives.

“Aren’t you cold?”

Jihoon turned to the voice that suddenly appeared, and he found Seungcheol taking a seat in
the sand along with him. As the night went deeper, one-by-one his friends retired to their
rooms or somewhere else, and Jihoon decided to stay by the shore and listen to the waves.

“A bit,” answered Jihoon, tugging his hoodie closer to his body as a gust of cold wind passed
them by. “There aren’t a lot of accessible beaches in New York. Just trying to make the most
out of this.”

They turn to look at the sea, barely able to distinguish anything under the dark night sky. The
only source of light was some from the villas, their bonfire which was gradually dying out
and the moon above.
“When do you fly for New York?”

“Next week.”

Seungcheol hummed in acknowledgment.

They let the silence envelop them, only the crashing of the waves against the shore and the
hiss of the winds could be heard.

The harsh cold air and the wetness of the sand should have bothered Jihoon, really. But he
just felt numb. If it was because of the many times he’s cried over the past few months, he
doesn’t know. He’s buried himself in work as much as he can, finishing up his ongoing
projects before leaving for New York to take on the work opportunity presented to him. And
when his mind isn’t focused on work, his tired body would cry himself to sleep.

At first he only felt pain. Then he allowed himself to feel, really feel everything—sadness,
regret, longing, all of the things he buried when he left Seungcheol the first time. He didn’t
try to shove his feelings down by meeting other people like he did last time.

If this was his penance, so be it.

There were times where he wondered if this was some kind of trial for them, a tall hurdle, a
turbulent time.

Perhaps if they get past this, they can come back to each other.

Perhaps he can come back to him.

Perhaps.
Perhaps this is the end.

Jihoon wondered if he was clinging on to that sliver of hope all too much. Is he crazy for
allowing himself to hope? Hope that one day everything will fall into place for both of them?
What if this really was the end?

The thought hurt. It constricts at his chest, makes it hard to breathe.

He had to let him go. Seungcheol wanted this and it would be unfair to the older man for
Jihoon to be selfish again. Seungcheol needed to heal… he deserved to heal. Jihoon too.
Even if he wanted to hold on, he knew he was only holding on to sand.

The silence felt heavy, the darkness still, all the words left unsaid hung in the air for the cold
wind to take with it as it blew away.

But Jihoon supposed, if he waited a little longer, the warm sun will come up again.

“Baby,” Jeonghan nuzzled his face in the curve of Joshua’s neck, placing a wet kiss just
below his jaw. Joshua is straddling him at the edge of their bed, arms wrapped around
Jeonghan’s neck. “Do you—realize?”

“Hmm,” Joshua hummed, a shiver ran down his spine when Jeonghan sucked at the area
when his neck and shoulder met.

“This is the same room where we—you know,” Jeonghan said, pulling away to watch
Joshua’s reaction. He’s already flushed from the make-out session that started after Jeonghan
came out of the shower with only his linen shorts on.

Turning red at the reminder, Joshua buried his face under Jeonghan’s chin.
“Hannie,” he whined, placing a kiss at Jeonghan’s Adam’s apple.

“No need to be embarrassed, baby,” Jeonghan said, rubbing smooth circles on Joshua’s waist
under the latter’s shirt. “Looking back, you were so cute saying you wanted to have sex with
me.”

That earned him a bite on his neck.

“Ow! Shuji—” he groaned when he felt Joshua lick over bite, that will leave a mark for sure.
“I should have realized then you have a thing for marking your territory.”

“Stop teasing,” Joshua pouted, pulling away so they’re facing each other.

Jeonghan laughed at the pouty man, lips pursed adorably just aching to be kissed. “So whiny
tonight.”

Rightfully so. This is the first time (yes, that’s right) they actually have a night to themselves
since Hyejin was born—no crib in the room, no baby sleeping just a meter away from their
bed, no waking up at ungodly hours of the night after a shrieking cry from their newborn.
Just them.

This would also be the first time they had the chance to even be intimate since before
Jeonghan left for Hong Kong. They had to be careful after Joshua had been spotting, and
even after birth, Joshua’s body needed time to heal.

“You don’t want to?” Joshua looked at him with a frown.

Jeonghan lowered his hands until they were cupping Joshua’s ass, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“Baby, you have no idea how long I’ve been holding back.”
The words have Joshua bite back a smile just before Jeonghan dove in for another kiss. It got
heated pretty fast, each wanting to unbottle all the pent up energy they’ve been reserving for
months. Lost in Jeonghan’s kisses, Joshua grinded over Jeonghan’s crotch, feeling something
hard underneath, the friction doing wonders to his own body.

Grunting, Jeonghan moved to shed Joshua of his shirt, and once it’s discarded his hands roam
all over Joshua’s exposed skin, grazing the sensitive buds that elicit a gasp from Joshua.

“Hmm,” Jeonghan moaned as he tasted Joshua’s smooth skin. “What do you say, Shuji?”

But it was hard for the latter to focus. “W-what?” he stammered when Jeonghan sucked on
his nipple while simultaneously kneading his left ass cheek.

“Should we make a baby?”

“Wha—Hannie—ah—” he gasped at the amazing sensations Jeonghan was making him feel.
When Jeonghan pulled away to admire Joshua’s wrecked expression, Joshua pouted. “I—
Don’t you think—I just—”

Jeonghan cut him off by kissing him, gently this time. “Hey. I’m not pressuring you, my love.
Sorry. I meant it as… well, dirty talk, or something like that.”

“I—I know,” Joshua said, trying to catch his breath.

Jeonghan softly tucked stray hair behind Joshua’s ear. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” it was soft and small. “It’s just… I don’t mind growing our family,” he added a
little shyly. “But… We didn’t really get to enjoy our relationship to ourselves before. Maybe
we can take our time this time?”

A soft peck landed on Joshua’s lips. “Of course, my love. Let’s take our time, hm?”
Joshua couldn’t help but smile, a warm feeling growing in his chest. He leaned in this time,
circling his arms around Jeonghan as he went in for a kiss.

Passionate and hot, they’re bodies wanting to be nothing but closer. Closer and closer.
Joshua’s hands moved down, holding on to the waistband of Jeonghan’s shorts, tugging
shyly.

“Hannie, babe,” he called in gasps. “Do you want me to?”

“Hmm?” Jeonghan looked up, staring at the eyes of his husband that was filled with
eagerness and desire.

Joshua felt even hotter in his cheeks when he said, “I can suck you off.”

A grin stretched on Jeonghan lips, finding his lover adorable. “Not tonight—I mean, next
time. I don’t think I need that right now,” Jeonghan licked his lips watching Joshua shiver
when he grinded his hard on against Joshua’s, letting the younger man know just how ready
he is by what they’ve been doing so far. “But definitely next time.”

Joshua doesn’t register how Jeonghan flipped them over, laying him comfortably on the bed.
They shed the last remnants of clothes, only the warmth of their skin and their growing desire
keeping them warm during the cold night.

Writhing underneath the man he loved was Joshua, being prepared by Jeonghan, who made
sure his husband is comfortable and not in pain, taking his time in pleasuring Joshua. The
room filled with Joshua’s soft moans and cries of Jeonghan’s name, songs in Jeonghan’s ears
if he was ever asked.

“Jeonghan,” Joshua cried out particularly loud after a specific spot was hit. “Jeong—ah—
please, need you.”
“Still so loud,” Jeonghan smirked as he prepared himself, putting on a condom and
positioning himself between Joshua’s legs. “Ready, Shuji?”

Still in a dazed state, breathing heavily, Joshua makes small movements that resemble a nod.

He was gentle, of course, it’s been a while, easing himself inside Joshua, watching his
expression for any sign of pain and discomfort. He leaned down, capturing Joshua in another
lip lock as he bottomed out, wanting Joshua to only feel good.

When he felt Joshua relax around him, he pulled away. They were locked in each other’s
gazes, as if the other’s eyes held the world.

“You’re so beautiful, Shua,” Jeonghan couldn’t help but say, his free hand gently stroking
Joshua’s cheek, holding him like he was the most precious porcelain in the world.

“I love you,” Joshua was breathless under Jeonghan’s intense gaze.

“I love you.”

And they meant it with all their hearts. It was different this time. They weren’t just taken over
by curiosity or lust or desire. This was an overflow of affection, genuine love. They wanted
the other to know just how much the other meant to them in every kiss, every touch, every
praise and word uttered in their most vulnerable state.

Whenever Joshua called for Jeonghan’s name, he wanted nothing more than to be closer,
never needing to know where Jeonghan ended and where he began. Connected in almost
every way.

Whenever Jeonghan touched Joshua, he never wants to let go. He’ll hold on for as long as
Joshua would let him.
“Jeonghan,” Joshua moaned, feeling that coil inside him stretch beyond Joshua’s imagination.
Each thrust, driving Joshua closer to release.

Nails dug on the skin of Jeonghan’s back, but he can’t even feel them. All he cared about was
Joshua.

“Shua—love—ah,” Jeonghan grunted. He caught Joshua’s moans in his mouth, holding the
younger man in his lower back as he arched in pleasure, keeping him impossibly close.

“Close—”

“Me too—”

“Jeonghan—”

“Come, love,” Jeonghan increased the pace, hitting that one spot that drove Joshua crazy. He
can feel Joshua tighten around him, he brought his hand between them to help, and he doesn’t
stop until Joshua releases, shaking through the intensity of his orgasm.

It doesn’t take long for Jeonghan to follow, spilling into the rubber while Joshua recovers
from his high.

“I love you so much,” Jeonghan kept saying, peppering the wrecked Joshua in wet kisses as
he tried to catch his own breath as well.

Before passing out, Joshua doesn’t miss the chance to tell Jeonghan that he loved him too.

-
On their last night in the beach, Jeonghan invited Joshua for a stroll along the shore. The sun
was setting, and the weather was a perfect mix of warm and cold. They walked hand in hand,
watching their footprints appear on the sand and disappear with the ebb and flow of the sea.

The others were also doing their own thing, some exploring Jeju before heading home, others
trying to get as much sleep before returning to the real world. It was a weekend well-spent.

“Did you enjoy?” Jeonghan asked as they strolled aimlessly.

“This trip? Yeah, of course. It was restful,” answered Joshua with a smile. “But honestly, I
can wait to get home to Hyejin. I miss our little girl.”

Jeonghan chuckled. “I miss her too. But I’m glad I got to spend the weekend with you.”

Joshua blushed. He wondered how long it will take until his husband’s words no longer had
the effect of creating butterflies in his stomach. But he doesn’t mind if he never gets used to
it.

“Me too.”

“Let’s go back here,” Jeonghan added. “With Hyejin next time. Or we can go somewhere
else, anywhere, as long as we’re together.”

“I’d very much like that,” smiled Joshua, feeling giddy at the idea of family vacations. “We
can bring her when it’s warmer. I’d hate for her to catch a cold.”

Jeonghan nodded.

“We can also do other things we haven’t been able to do as a couple,” the older one
suggested, a hint of mischief in his voice. Joshua raised an eyebrow. “Like go to an
amusement park, or watch a concert. Oh, a picnic!”
Joshua chuckled. “That sounds like fun. I can prepare our food.”

Jeonghan hummed in agreement. “We can also watch a movie in a cinema. I think we’ve only
ever watched one in our room or the family room.”

“Only because you’re so cautious about me getting hurt or getting sick from being in a
crowded place,” Joshua rolled his eyes.

“You wanted to go without me. I wouldn’t be able to look after you.”

“I could have asked Soonyoung or Seungkwan to join me.”

“Now we can do it together,” Jeonghan insisted. “Don’t be upset.”

“I’m not, silly. I’d love to go to the movies with you.”

“And eat ice cream after.”

“But no more passion fruit flavor, please,” Joshua winced. He tried the ice cream he used to
crave over after giving birth and it did not taste good.

“Anything you want,” Jeonghan smiled.

They continue walking hand in hand, basking in the warmth of the setting sun. “Wow, we
actually weren’t able to do a lot of couple stuff now that I think about it.”

“Hmm,” Jeonghan hummed. “Do you regret it?”

Joshua shook his head. “I don’t want to think about it that way. I’m happy where we are. And
I’m happy we have Hyejin in our lives.”

It was true. Sure, it wasn’t conventional. Nothing in the past year was conventional. There
were ups and there were lots of downs. There were a lot of things he had to overcome, and
many things he learned from it all. And despite everything, Joshua was the happiest he’s ever
been. He wouldn’t exchange that for anything.

Just then, he realized that Jeonghan had let go of his hand and was no longer walking beside
him. Worried, he turned to look for Jeonghan, only to find him having stopped in his tracks, a
few steps behind… kneeling on one knee.

“Jeonghan—what are you doing?” he asked in surprise.

Instead of answering, Jeonghan held out a small velvet box.

Joshua gasped, it could only mean one thing right?

“Jeonghan—”

“Shua, my love, I know there are a lot to make up for in our relationship. We didn’t really get
to court or date, or for me to propose and have an engagement, or a wedding that you wanted.
The circumstances drove us to dive right into a marriage we weren’t prepared to be in,”
Jeonghan paused to breathe, and Joshua stood frozen taking in the words Jeonghan had said.
“Like you, I don’t regret any of it. Somehow, everything fell into place for us and I couldn’t
be luckier to have married you and have Hyejin. I love you so much, Shua.”

Joshua bit his lip, tears pressed against his eyes.

“You deserve only the best. And so, even if it’s late and unconventional, I want to you to
experience everything you’ve missed out on.”
Catching his breath, Joshua managed to say, “Jeonghan, why are you proposing? We’re
already married!”

Jeonghan laughed at the cute but panicked Joshua. “I want to give it all to you, Shuji. All the
dates you want, the proposal you deserve, the wedding of your dreams—if you let me.”

“Hannie…”

“So, Joshua Hong, the love of my life,” Jeonghan breathed. “Will you marry me… again?”

“Jeonghan,” Joshua covered his mouth with his hands when Jeonghan opened the small
velvet box to reveal a beautiful engagement ring. Unlike the typical diamond ring, the stone
was blue, Blue Zicron, his birthstone.

“Babe, I’m waiting,” Jeonghan joked, but he’s knee was probably getting tired.

“Of course, of course!” Joshua exclaimed, a few tears falling from his eyes in happiness.
Jeonghan bit back a grin as he took Joshua’s hand and placed the ring into his ring finger, just
before the wedding band that resembled his own.

Jeonghan stood up and immediately he was pulled into a hug by Joshua.

“I love you, Shua,” Jeonghan whispered, kissing Joshua in his temple. He felt Joshua tighten
the embrace.

“I love you too.”

Everything seemingly coming full circle, back in this place where everything started for
Joshua.
 If he was being honest, he didn’t need a proposal, or another wedding. He was perfectly
content where he is now. But if he’d venture a guess, perhaps life was making it up to him.
And if life threw anymore curveballs, he’ll make it through. He’s not alone anymore.

Chapter End Notes

END

If you made it this far, thank you so, so much! I never thought this story would get this
much support because I’m such a rusty writer and I didn’t know if I could pull off this
plot. I also thought I’d give up somewhere down the road, but here we are! Thank you
for joining me in this journey.

I hope the ending was somewhat satisfying. As for myself, I thoroughly enjoyed writing
this! I hope I brought the characters to life and their journeys and struggles.

I have a LOT to improve on as a writer, so I just want to thank you all for your kind
words! Your comments, feedback, tweets and messages encouraged me a lot!

There are special chapters in the plan, for YH and the other ships, perhaps the in-
betweens and what comes after. It might not be immediate as there are other stories I’ve
been really wanting to work on. I’m also going to go through all the chapters again and
make some edits on some of the typos I’ve seen (I’m so bothered with the ones I didn’t
catch).

Some fun facts, I suppose:

1. The original plot I outlined was really supposed to follow the key turning points of
Fated to Love You / You are my Destiny (so, if you know, you know). Are you happy it
didn’t? Haha.
2. Joshua’s ex was supposed to be just another douchebag but I had a wonshua agenda.
3. Jicheol was not initially in the plans. Neither was Seoksoon. But the storylines just
came to me as I wrote.
4. I wanted to write something for Verkwan too, but I felt too overwhelmed with having
several plots running at the same time (sorry, my Verkwan, in another fic!).
5. This also contains my first ever smut. Lol. I was really unsure if those scenes (and all
other smut that came after) turned out satisfying but thank you for your kind comments
on those scenes.

See you on the next one!

 Special Chapter 1
Chapter Summary

A glimpse into Jeonghan and Joshua's life two and a half years later.

Chapter Notes

A little something for Joshua's birthday! Happy to have finished this on time.

Please enjoy!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Happy birthday, my love.”

Warm breath brushed against his ear, followed by a soft peck, making him smile as he let
consciousness take over. The sun peeked through the gaps of their curtains, greeting him with
flickers of light.

He had let himself sleep a little longer today after a long shift at the hospital so he can spend
the next three days with his family.

“Papa!” he felt their king sized bed sink at his foot, a weight sloppily crawling between him
and Jeonghan, making space for herself as she climbed on Joshua. “Papa, wakey, wakey!
Burtday! Burtday!”

Joshua stirred, opening his eyes and immediately catching the excited face of his two-year-
old, beaming at him. He then caught the grin of his handsome husband, all freshened up. It
was unfair when he was still a little groggy, traces of sleep still in his eyes. A smile formed at
his lips at the sight of them, his heart growing in size.
“Good morning to you, my baby Hyejin,” Joshua cooed, sitting up and reaching out for his
daughter who happily hugged him.

“Papa, your burtday!” she mumbled with familiar words, the mispronunciations were nothing
short of endearing.

Joshua giggled. “Yes, baby. It is. Thank you for remembering.” He placed a small kiss on her
forehead.

“No kisses for me?” Jeonghan pouted, crossing his arms. “I coached her and everything.”

And there was his big baby. Before getting married to Jeonghan, Joshua had no idea he had
this side. Sure, in college he was quite playful, a little mischievous, a charmer. But three
years into their marriage and it still surprised Joshua how childish, pouty, and clingy
Jeonghan can be.

“Is someone looking for a reward or something?” Joshua raised a brow.

“Attention and affection would be nice,” Jeonghan answered with a shrug.

“I thought I was the one with the birthday.”

“I can give you all the attention and affection you want, my love, just say the word,”
Jeonghan grinned, then placed his hands over his kid’s ears. “I can even make love to you—”

“Jeonghan, our child is here!”

“—when she’s asleep. Let me finish, baby.”

Joshua laughed as he leaned over to give Jeonghan a kiss. “Good morning, love. And thank
you for the birthday greeting.”

“Me too, me too. Kiss puh-wease,” Hyejin pushed her parents apart so she can be between
them again. They laugh at their child’s antics, obvious who she takes after.

“Of course, our princess needs her kisses,” Jeonghan took Hyejin from Joshua’s lap and into
his, placing a long kiss at her puffy cheeks.

Hyejin giggled at the attention she received, her doe-eyes crinkling into crescents, a trait that
she got from Joshua.

“Papa, your gift. Let’s go! Go outside puh-wease!”

Joshua looked at them confused. “A gift for me?”

“Yes, papa! Up! Up! Go outside now puh-wease!” Her small hands wrapped around
Jeonghan’s and Joshua’s, pulling them up from the bed with her little strength. “Let’s go puh-
wease. Your gift!”

Jeonghan laughed, standing up to entertain his child. “Yes, papa’s gift is waiting in the dining
room, isn’t it, my princess?”

Hyejin nodded excitedly. “Go now puh-wease!” It’s adorable how she loved to say ‘please’.
That’s one thing the couple had always taught her when talking to others, to say things with
respect and politeness, and always treat the people around her kindly. “Puh-wease, papa,
dada!”

Jeonghan looked at Joshua with a wide grin, helping him get up from under the covers.
“Come on, love. Your gift is waiting. Hyejin and I worked hard on it.”
“Okay, okay, papa’s getting up now,” Joshua played along as they shuffle into their house
slippers and make their way down to the dining room. He tried to pry some more but Hyejin
just kept saying it was a surprise, and who was he to put a damper into his daughter’s
surprise.

It’s been a few months since they’ve officially moved into their house — the house they built
on the lot Jeonghan bought for them back then. They took their time to build it, planning the
architecture, choosing the materials, furnishing the interior, until they now built a house they
can call their own. Of course, grandma Yoon didn’t want them to move out, enjoying the
liveliness of Hyejin in the Yoon mansion, but she respected their decision. With Chan
currently dating someone seriously, who knows, he might even get married soon.

Making their way down, Hyejin, in her Cinnamoroll pajamas, kept pulling at her parents with
her little hands and shaky feet. She’s almost three now, and she’s grown so active and playful,
you wouldn’t think she was born in such unimaginable circumstances. She is their little ball
of sunshine.

“Papa, happy burtday!” she yelled as cheerily as she can when they turned the corner to their
dining room, her hands spread out in a big reveal even though she’s still so much shorter than
their dining table.

Joshua is greeted by yellow and white balloons adorning the wall of their dining area where
Minghao’s painting is supposed to hang (Minghao’s painting safely tucked in the corner to
make way for the day’s decorations), the golden inflatables spelling out ‘happy birthday
Joshua’ in gold and all caps. On their dining table was breakfast, cooked and ready to be
eaten.

“Wow,” he gasped in surprise, adding a bit of exaggeration for his little girl. “You prepared
all this, my baby?”

The toddler ran to his papa with open arms, wanting to be carried, and Joshua was happy to
oblige, kissing her at her cheeks. “Yes! Me and dada.”

Joshua’s eyes swiped over the food laid out on the table — waffles with strawberries on the
side, sausages, and sunny side-up eggs (a little burnt on the edges). “You cooked?” Joshua
asked, sporting a dubious look on his face as he turned around to Jeonghan.
Feigning offense, he pouted. “What? I did! You can even ask Mrs. Cho.”

Joshua looked at him suspiciously while the older one wrapped his arms around Joshua’s
waist, hugging him from behind. “You don’t know how to cook.”

“Doesn’t mean I didn’t try learning,” Jeonghan whispered, kissing the back of Joshua’s head.

“Really?” Joshua asked, melting in his husband’s arms while carrying his child. In all the
time he’s known Jeonghan, he’d never seen him cook anything other than instant noodles and
the last time he attempted to fry anything, grandma banned him from the kitchen for a month.
In the time they were married, it was always Joshua who cooked and Jeonghan being the
annoying (lovingly) spectator in the kitchen.

“Mhmm,” Jeonghan hummed against Joshua’s hair. “You don’t believe me?”

“Remember when you almost burned down the kitchen trying to fry eggs because Chan dared
you?”

“I didn’t almost burn down the kitchen—”

“Just aunt Suryeon’s newly bought ceramic frying pan, which came in a set.”

Joshua could feel Jeonghan shrug. “Which is why we installed an induction stove in our
house,” Jeonghan added. “See, nothing burnt. And I practiced, Shuji. Even had a few trial
runs with Mrs. Cho. All for you, babe.”

“I feel special,” Joshua chuckled.

“I bwoke eggs, papa,” Hyejin chimed in, bragging about her contribution of cracking open
the eggs (Mrs. Cho assisting right behind her).

“Wow, you did so well, Hyejin,” Joshua cooed, nuzzling his nose in Hyejin’s neck, tickling
the child into laughing. “Thank you,” Joshua sighed contentedly, heart nearly bursting at the
seams. “I love you both so much.”

“And we love you, my love,” Jeonghan said, bringing out a bouquet of daisies he’d kept
hidden from behind the island. “For you. Happy birthday,” Jeonghan kissed Joshua on the
cheek as he handed Joshua the bouquet.

Joshua accepted them feeling utterly pampered so early in the morning. “These are lovely,
thank you.”

It was a lazy morning spent having breakfast with his little family, Hyejin on Jeonghan’s lap
as he fed her small slices of the waffle, Hyejin making a little mess with the syrup, and
Joshua being showered with love. They didn’t always get to spend their mornings like this,
especially when Jeonghan and Joshua had to get to work early. Relaxed mornings like these
were always treasured.

“Baby, do you want coffee?” Jeonghan asked as he poured himself some.

Joshua shook his head, making Jeonghan raise an eyebrow. On a regular day, Joshua needed
caffeine in his system.

“Stomach still acting up?” Jeonghan asked.

Joshua shook his head, smiling. “No, just not in the mood for coffee. It’s my rest day from
both work and caffeine.”

Jeonghan chuckled. “Okay, birthday boy.”

“Dad! We go see gwammy?” Hyejin looked up at Jeonghan from his lap after chewing a
strawberry, her favorite fruit. She appeared to take a lot from Jeonghan it seemed.

“Yes, my princess. We see gwammy, and gwamma suryeon and gwamma young-ae today,”
Jeonghan imitated the way Hyejin spoke. To celebrate Joshua’s birthday, they’ll be having
dinner at the Yoon’s tonight with their family and friends, becoming like a yearly tradition.

“And gwampa?”

“Mhmm,” Jeonghan hummed. “And uncle Seungcheol, and uncle Chan—”

Hyejin made a face, scrunching into a frown, looking like a squished potato. “Don’t like
uncle Channie.”

Joshua and Jeonghan laughed. Chan had a way of annoying Hyejin, always picking at her,
teasing her until she cried calling for her papa. At first he did it accidentally, but since then, it
just seemed to be their thing (at least to Chan).

“Uncle Channie is annoying right, my princess?” Jeonghan egged and Hyejin nodded eagerly.
“Yes, you are my daughter indeed.”

“Hannie!” Joshua chided.

They laugh it off, enjoying the rest of their breakfast until Mrs. Cho took Hyejin from
Jeonghan to bathe her and her syrup-covered hands. Joshua spent the rest of the day resting, a
long warm bath in their tub, and a restful nap to make up for the recent long nights in the
hospital. He was still in the residency program for pediatric surgery, and pretty soon he will
have to take the boards for his specialty. Luckily, he’s in a better mental state now with a
support system that encourages and inspires him. When he found himself having thoughts of
feeling left behind by his batchmates, he would tell himself that he’s just moving at his own
pace, a pace that works for him and that he shouldn’t feel rushed. It’s a marathon, not a race.
Sometimes, Joshua contemplated on just how much his life had changed over the last few
years, often asking himself if he deserved the happiness his little family gave him. And it
wasn’t just Jeonghan and Hyejin, it was his friends who have stood by him and always had
his back, and the Yoons who have accepted him warmly and wholeheartedly. And his family,
who, despite their shortcomings, had come through for him during the most important times
in his life.

It’s Jeonghan who kept reminding him in his times of doubt, he deserves to be loved, to be
happy, and he shouldn’t ever think otherwise.

Things aren’t always perfect. Relationships aren’t perfect. There were times where even he
and Jeonghan would have arguments and disagreements (thankfully neither one of them were
too prideful to let a fight last until the next day). There were times where work would still tire
him out to the point of exhaustion, especially when they lose patients, because doctors aren’t
perfect too. Life isn’t perfect.

But he was definitely content.

And so when his family and friends gathered to celebrate another year in his life, he felt an
overwhelming sense of appreciation for the people around him.

“Hyung, happy birthday!” Hansol greeted Joshua with a brotherly hug after finding him in
the kitchen overseeing the food to be served, Seungkwan trailing close behind him.

“Happy birthday, hyung!” Seungkwan greeted with the warmest smile.

“Thank you, you guys,” Joshua said as he pulled away. “It’s great you don’t have a shift
today, Vernon.”

“Yeah, but then I have to take the New Year’s Eve shift. I can already picture the emergency
room ablaze with all the new year incidents and accidents,” Hansol sighed, feeling tired
already. He had just started his residency program in general surgery.
“Oh, so you’re not celebrating the new year together?”

Seungkwan shook his head. “I’ll be going to Jeju while he’s working. It’s a good time to
spend time with my family and work on some wedding plans.”

That’s right. Hansol popped the question a few months ago and Seungkwan said yes (of
course!). Their families were ecstatic when they learned of the engagement, knowing that it
was years in the making with Hansol and Seungkwan.

“Hyung, you never told me it’s such a nightmare to plan a wedding!” Seungkwan pouted,
clutching at Hansol’s arm.

“That’s because you want everything to be perfect, babe,” Hansol joked, kissing
Seungkwan’s temple.

Joshua chuckled as the memories came to him fondly. “To be fair, my first one was
practically a shotgun wedding. And the second one, we just wanted it to be simple but ours.”

Seungkwan sighed. “There’s just so much to plan.”

“Just step back and take a look at the overall picture so it doesn’t get too overwhelming,”
smiled Joshua, rubbing at Seungkwan’s arm in understanding. “And don’t be afraid to ask for
help when you need it, okay?”

Seungkwan and Hansol smiled. “Thanks, hyung,” Seungkwan said before going back to
where the rest of the guests were.

When Joshua had finished instructing the staff, he went to the living room where his family
and friends were relaxing before dinner was to be served. Jeonghan, Seungcheol and
Wonwoo were chatting in one corner of the room, Soonyoung, Seokmin and Jun were on the
couches, while his parents, grandma Yoon and aunt Suryeon were in the dining area. Joshua
approached Minghao and Mingyu who were happily entertaining Hyejin.

“Uncle Mingoo, look!” Hyejin raised her toy plates with toy dishes to Mingyu. “I cook!”

Mingyu shot Hyejin an exaggeratedly impressed look. “Impressive, Hyejin-ah! Will you let
uncle Mingoo taste your cooking?”

“No!”

Mingyu frowned while Joshua and Minghao laughed.

“I’ll show dada!” Hyejin wiggled out of Mingyu’s embrace, yellow dress flouncing about as
she made her way to her other father who happily carried her onto his lap.

“She’s grown so big already,” Minghao said. “Can’t believe she’s turning three in a few
months.”

“And she’s so mischievous,” Mingyu groaned. “Definitely learned that from Jeonghan-
hyung.”

Joshua laughed. His little girl does know how to rile up his uncles. “Yeah, time passed by real
fast, huh?”

“You can say that again,” Mingyu grinned. “Pretty soon Hao’s going to have a little mini him
running around, driving Jun crazy.”

Oh, and yeah. One of the biggest surprises of the past year was Minghao and Jun’s
announcement that they were expecting!
They’ve been together for almost three years now too, and they moved in together after one
year of (officially) dating. The little bun in the oven is an unexpected, but an otherwise very
welcome, surprise.

“How’s pregnancy treating you, Hao?” Joshua asked, remembering how Minghao called
Joshua one night, crying after an outburst Minghao couldn’t quite comprehend himself. Jun
then talked to him the next day at work, dark bags under his eyes, telling him how Minghao’s
been having a hard time with the pregnancy.

Minghao groaned. “Terrible still. But better than last month. The morning sickness has
subsided, finally!”

“Makes you wonder why one would want to get pregnant,” Mingyu grimaced.

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s been rough,” Minghao started, voice hinting at fondness. “But the
idea of bringing this life into the world, the thought that in a few months I’ll get to hold our
baby in my arms… Honestly, I can’t wait.” A smile grew on Minghao’s face. “Of course, I’ll
have to lay off red wine for months more after that, honestly one of my biggest sacrifices. But
still.”

They laugh at that, Minghao still able to joke about his red wine.

Mingyu sighed as he watched Jeonghan, Seungcheol and Wonwoo entertain Hyejin. “It’s so
strange thinking about Minghao and Jun-hyung having kids. Sure, Shua-hyung and
Jeonghan-hyung have Hyejin, but now we’ll have another one!”

“Who knows, more may be on the way,” Minghao shrugged.

Joshua and Mingyu turned to him with raised eyebrows as if there’s a secret Minghao is privy
to that they’re not aware of.
“What? I mean, Seungcheol-hyung is getting married next month to Nayeon-noona.
Seungcheol-hyung has said he’d love to have a kid too.”

Joshua felt himself breathe out a sigh of relief.

“I thought someone else was pregnant,” Mingyu snorted. “But I can imagine Seungcheol-
hyung with kids, actually. He’s changed so much over the years.”

“What about you, Gyu?” Minghao asked. “Any plans?”

Mingyu shook his head. “We haven’t really talked about it. I mean… It has crossed my mind
but… I don’t know.”

Joshua and Minghao could tell the hesitance in Mingyu’s voice and decided not to press.
Mingyu and Wonwoo’s relationship had been going good over the past years, although they
would sometimes spend months apart due to work taking them outside the country. They’ve
also been enjoying traveling together and exploring the world, with a few conversations
about settling down, but no concrete plans as of yet.

“Don’t worry, it’ll all work out,” Joshua smiled because somehow it does. It might not
always be in the way they want it to work out, but it’ll be in the way they need.

Just like how Joshua’s parents had mended their relationship with Wonwoo, accepting that he
will be a constant presence because of the friendship built between him and Joshua and his
friends, as well as his relationship with Mingyu. It took some time, but they got there.

Dinner went by smoothly, some small talk and catching up here and there and a lovely toast
for the celebrant.

Soon, the guests started to take their leave, it wasn’t like they were younger any more, getting
wasted, spending the night because they were too drunk to drive, and waking up to a raging
hangover.
“You sure you’re feeling okay?” Jeonghan whispered as they walked out the door with
Seungcheol, carrying a sleepy Hyejin in his arms.

“Huh?”

“You ate so little and you didn’t even drink the champagne for your toast.”

Joshua shrugged, a small smile on his face. “Just didn’t want to upset the tummy since I just
started feeling better. Don’t worry about it.”

They stop when Seungcheol does, their same-age friend turning to fae them.

“Happy birthday again, Shua,” Seungcheol came in for a small hug. “Nayeon’s sorry she
couldn’t make it. She hasn’t been feeling well lately.”

A lightbulb is lit at the back of Joshua’s mind, but kept it to himself.

“It’s okay. She’s been under a lot of stress planning the wedding too, I understand,” Joshua
smiled.

Seungcheol laughed shyly. “Yeah, that’s coming around, isn’t it?”

“The great bachelor Choi Seungcheol finally tying the knot,” Jeonghan smirked. “Who knew
we’d ever get here.”

“What can I say? Settling down doesn’t seem too bad whenever I look at you two,”
Seungcheol grinned.
A short moment of silence lingered between them and Jeonghan asked, “You’re happy,
right?”

Seungcheol smiled. “Yeah. I am, Han. I’m happy.”

Jeonghan returned the smile with his own wide grin.

“We’re happy for you,” Joshua said before Seungcheol waves making his way to his car.

Jeonghan and Joshua said their goodbyes to their family as well before driving to their own
home. Immediately, they settled their daughter in her room, changing her clothes to
something more comfortable while she remained fast asleep. They kiss her goodnight and
head over to their own bedroom.

When they got in their room, Jeonghan pulled Joshua to him, locking the young doctor in his
embrace. “So,” he whispered against the younger man’s ear, rubbing circles on the small of
Joshua’s back. “How about I make good on my offer this morning, hm?”

Joshua shivered at Jeonghan’s warm breath. “W-what offer?”

Jeonghan’s mouth moved to hover over Joshua’s mouth. “Birthday se—”

“Jeonghan!” Joshua immediately covered Jeonghan’s mouth, the tips of his ears turning a
bright shade of red.

The older man laughed at Joshua’s antics. “Baby, we’ve been married for three years and
have a child together but you’re still shy about saying sex out loud.”

“Jeonghan…” Joshua nuzzled his head between Jeonghan’s head and shoulders.
Endeared, Jeonghan pulled him tighter, turning so Joshua is now caged between their wall
and Jeonghan’s body, both hands on Joshua’s slim waist. Joshua pulled away, now looking at
Jeonghan’s intent gaze, radiating warmth, love and affection, making Joshua want to melt. He
didn’t even notice when Jeonghan closed the small gap between them, lips locked like puzzle
pieces fitted perfectly together.

Closing his eyes, Joshua wrapped his hands around Jeonghan’s neck, pulling his husband
close as the kisses ran deeper, tongue in play. Joshua’s body felt the growing heat as
Jeonghan pressed his own weight against the younger man. Even though they’ve done this a
lot of times now, having many times studied each other’s bodies, reactions, mannerisms, still,
each time felt like the first time—like they can never have enough of each other.

Parting to breathe, Jeonghan managed to ask in between ragged breaths, “My love… Do you
want to?”

Joshua’s red with heated cheeks. He doesn’t have to clarify, pressing his forehead against
Jeonghan’s, nodding in response.

So Jeonghan maneuvered them to their bed, their bodies still pressed against each other, lips
locked except when they’re discarding clothes to the floor. Carefully, because to Jeonghan,
Joshua’s more precious than anything, Jeonghan laid Joshua on the bed, moving his lips to
worship the rest of Joshua’s body with kisses, trailing from Joshua’s jaws to his chest. Joshua
moaned from the heavenly feeling sent through his body by Jeonghan’s touches.

“Jeonghan…” Joshua sighed when his husband latched on to one of his buds, nipping and
sucking, while his fingers toyed with the other. Unconsciously, Joshua hoisted his hips
upward, grinding against Jeonghan’s hardened shaft.

“A little eager, baby?” Jeonghan groaned as Joshua continued to grind. Jeonghan pulled away
to have a look at the mess below him, hands steading Joshua at his pelvis. Already flushed
and bothered, Joshua shied away from the teasing, hiding his face onto the pillow. Three
years in and Joshua would still get shy at Jeonghan’s intense gaze. Well, if you have a
husband with the most beautiful yet intense eyes, who wouldn’t?

“Stop teasing, Hannie,” Joshua whined, pulling Jeonghan down for more kisses, like all he
wanted was to be physically in contact with Jeonghan, skin to skin.
Jeonghan accepted Joshua’s eagerness wholly, pushing his body down against Joshua and
sliding his hand between them to capture their dicks with his hand, giving them much needed
attention.

A breathless gasp escaped Joshua as he writhed in pleasure with Jeonghan’s actions and the
older man took the opportunity to pull away.

“On your knees, baby. I’ll prep you,” he said as he let go of his hold. Joshua was obedient
and immediately turned over while Jeonghan took the lube from their bedside table.

Long, languid strokes along his hips and up his back made Joshua relax at the upcoming
intrusion. Jeonghan left kisses along his spine, whispering sweet and beautiful words only
meant for Joshua.

When Jeonghan squeezed Joshua’s cheeks apart, he expected the cold jelly-like liquid to
make contact with his rim, instead, he felt Jeonghan’s tongue swipe over it. He shivered from
the realization of what Jeonghan was about to do. He moaned helplessly as Jeonghan rimmed
him, his tongue moving expertly inside of Joshua, opening him up. Joshua moaned and
squirmed as he held a deathly grip on the comforter, the heat building inside him.

Joshua’s walls tightened around Jeonghan, his thighs shaking, making it known that he was
close.

“Not yet, my love,” Jeonghan said, leaving a wet trail in his wake.

Joshua’s breath slowed down, the tension easing. He whined, “Hannie… Please…”

“Please what, baby?”

Joshua can hear the bottle cap open, and Jeonghan is spreading lube on his fingers.
Hazed and dizzy, he muttered, “Fill me up already, please…”

“Be patient, my love,” Jeonghan said, his unlubed hand soothing Joshua at his side. Soon, he
felt Jeonghan’s finger inside him, opening him up some more. Another followed soon after,
and another, until Jeonghan felt that Joshua was ready.

Jeonghan aligned his length at Joshua’s awaiting hole, slowly inserting himself. Both groaned
at the sudden wave of pleasure brought by their connection, Jeonghan’s left hand wrapping
around Joshua’s stomach while his other acted as a leverage on Joshua’s hip as he filled the
younger one up to the hilt.

“So good, baby… so warm.” Jeonghan leaned down, hugging Joshua close while he muttered
breathlessly against Joshua’s ear, making the latter shiver in delight.

Jeonghan kissed the skin on Joshua’s nape, waiting for him to adjust, showering him with ‘I
love you’s and Joshua’s heart grew larger each time. It still surprises them that, somehow, the
intimacy and the passion hasn’t died down. That they have so much love to give each other,
from a source that won’t dry up or run out. Each time felt new, yet familiar at the same time.

Joshua exhaled, “Please move, Hannie.”

Jeonghan gladly complied. He started out slow, building a rhythm as he thrusted in and out of
Joshua. The young doctor reveled at the feeling of being filled over and over again, his
insides feeling every vein, every contour and every edge of Jeonghan.

“Hngg—Hannie…” Joshua cried as Jeonghan increased his pace, tears at edge of his eyes
from the tension building up inside him.

But Jeonghan wanted Joshua’s pleasure to last. Joshua’s pleasure always came first.
Stopping his movements, to the surprise of the younger man, he pulled out, eliciting a long
whine from the man beneath him. He flipped Joshua over so he’s on his back. Joshua looked
so wrecked, skin red and hot, drool dripping down the side of his lips, tears falling from his
eyes.

“Wanna see your face, baby,” Jeonghan groaned as he inserted himself back into Joshua.

“Jeonghan—ahh…” Joshua panted as each thrust of Jeonghan took his breath away.

The young CEO leaned down, taking Joshua’s lips in his, kissing the younger deeply and
passionately. With shaky hands, Joshua managed to wrap his arms around Jeonghan’s neck
pulling him close, like he was never close enough.

“I love you,” Jeonghan whispered, lips barely parted. “I love you so much, baby.”

“I love you, Hannie,” Joshua exhaled before arching his back off the bed, Jeonghan hitting
his prostate over and over again. “Hannie… ‘m close… please—”

“Come for me, Shuji,” Jeonghan grunted against Joshua’s skin, sliding his hand between
them, he helped Joshua finish. With Joshua tightening around him, it doesn’t take him long to
reach his own climax.

Settled between their sweaty bodies, flushed skins, and warm breaths are their overflowing
hearts.

All washed, clean and dressed in one of Jeonghan’s oversized shirts (including the blanket
because Joshua hated unclean sheets), Joshua waited for Jeonghan to come back to their room
after grabbing a pitcher of water he had requested after their little exercise.
Jeonghan entered their room, pitcher and glasses on a tray, finding Joshua propped against
the headboard of their bed, a small yellow box on his lap. Jeonghan set the tray on his
bedside table before sitting down.

“What’s that, my love?” Jeonghan inquired.

Joshua’s smile was ear-to-ear. “A present!”

“From whom?”

“From me, to you,” Joshua then took the box from his lap and handed it to Jeonghan.

Wearing a confused expression, Jeonghan tilted his head to the side. “A present for me? But
why?”

Joshua simply shrugged. “Why not?”

Frowning, Jeonghan replied, “It’s your birthday, I should be the one giving you a present.”

“It’s my birthday, so I get to do what I want, babe,” Joshua smiled mischievously.

“That’s unfair, you didn’t even allow me to get you a gift,” Jeonghan pouted.

“And yet I saw a new Chanel necklace among my things,” Joshua raised a knowing brow.
“You think I wouldn’t notice that? You’re not that sly, Mr. Yoon.”

Jeonghan let out a mischievous laugh, getting caught despite what he thought was a good
attempt to slip in his gift to Joshua who deserved nothing but the best. “Okay, okay, you
caught me. It’s just that I saw it and thought of you.”
Joshua huffed, Jeonghan had a habit of spoiling Joshua and some of the times he found it
unnecessary. “Okay, babe. Thank you for the gift, it looks pretty. But, can you please take
mine and open it?”

Jeonghan finally took the yellow box covered in a golden ribbon, looking at it curiously. He
untied the ribbon first before looking up at Joshua, eyes eager and expectant. The box was
too small and light to be a new watch but also too big to be any form of jewelry, so Jeonghan
couldn’t help but wonder what the box contained.

“Open it, Hannie,” Joshua said eagerly, eyes smiling as much as his lips.

And so Jeonghan complied. He opened the lid of the box to reveal an overturned small piece
of paper. “Huh?” he mumbled, but Joshua just urged him to take it and look at it.

So he took the photo out of the box and turned it to see a familiar image, familiar because
he’s seen something similar years ago. A largely black image with flashes of white in the
middle — it was a sonogram.

Jeonghan’s mouth was wide open, his heart started to pace double time. He looked at Joshua
who was biting his lower lip anxiously, but a hint of a smile in his face.

“Shua, is this what I think it is?” Jeonghan almost stuttered to ask.

Joshua nodded. “Yes, Hannie. I’m pregnant.”

He’s been in this position before, a few years back, but unlike the first time, this time he was
no longer fearful of what Jeonghan’s reaction would be or how their relationship would
change. Joshua watched as Jeonghan’s expression changed from one of confusion, to
momentary shock, finally settling on one clear emotion: happiness. Joshua could swear he
could feel his heart grow two sizes as he watched the tears form on Jeonghan’s eyes and the
sheer happiness written on his face.
“Jeonghan,” Joshua called again at the speechless man. “Please say something.”

He reached out, taking Jeonghan’s hands in his, squeezing them tightly, grounding him.

“You’re pregnant… You’re really pregnant?” Jeonghan asked, still processing, and Joshua
nodded.

“Mhmm. About seven weeks long, babe.”

And in an instant, he caged Joshua in his tight embrace. “Fuck. You’re pregnant,” he said a
little breathlessly against Joshua’s ear.

Joshua hugged him back, caressing Jeonghan with long strokes trying to soothe the latter’s
emotions. “Are you happy, my love?”

“Very,” Jeonghan replied instantly, no hesitation. “So very happy.” Jeonghan pulled away,
leaving some space between them so he could take a look at his husband. “Thank you. I love
you so much, Shua. So, so much.”

Joshua smiled tenderly. “I love you, Jeonghan.”

“We’re having another baby,” Jeonghan grinned as if he had just won the lottery.

“Round two, babe?”

“Round two,” Jeonghan grinned.

 Chuckling, Joshua confirmed, “Hope you’re ready for another cycle of crazy pregnancy
cravings, babe.”

Jeonghan leaned in for a meaningful kiss. “I’d give you the world if you asked me, my love.
Happy birthday.”

Chapter End Notes

Hope you liked this special chapter! Not sure when the others will come out, but at least
one more is in the works.

Til the next one!

Happy birthday to our Joshua!

 Special Chapter 2
Chapter Summary

Missing moments in Jun and Hao's story, and a moment in Jeonghan and Joshua's
second wedding.

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

“Xiwang,” Minghao called out as he watched three mini humans zoom past them in their
little wobbly bicycles. “Darling, please be careful.”

Joshua giggled, amusement lighting up his face. “She’s such a lively child. Jun’s mini-me,”
Joshua said fondly. “I’m glad the kids are growing up to be great friends. Jungwonie and
Woobinie missed little Xiwang when you spent the last two months in China.”

Minghao hummed. “Yeah. We want to have her spend time with Jun’s parents, and Jun also
misses them. And we want her to learn our culture and heritage, which is still a big part of us
even if we’re already based here in Korea.”

“Of course, that’s also a big part of who she is,” smiled Joshua.

“Papa!” a little girl in her pink knitted sweater and denim overalls, streaks of dirt painting the
elbows, knees and butt areas of her clothes, came running to Minghao. “Look!” and she
opened small hands, equally covered in soil, revealing a caterpillar rolling about.

Minghao’s first instinct was to flinch back (he was not a fan of bugs). “Oh… how—uh…
lovely, darling.”

“Uncle Haohao, dada said it turns to buttefwy!” Jungwon appears, equally scrappy, hands
extending outward as if to mimic wings.
Joshua took a peek. “Well, would you look at that! A caterpillar!”

“Papa! Buttefwy!” Jungwon pointed happily.

“But there’s no wings,” Woobin, a curious boy, called out. “Mama said buttefry has wings.”

“Not yet buttefwy, Binnie,” Jungwon said. “When it grow!”

Giggling, the older man nodded animatedly. “Yes, my love. It’ll grow into a butterfly. It will
build a cocoon and take a long nap, and then bloom into a beautiful butterfly.”

“Papa, pretty!” smiled Xiweng in awe.

While Minghao wasn’t a fan of bugs, he’d never discourage his child from rolling about in
dirt, catching critters and being curious. It was beautiful to see her be in awe of the things
around her. He had also been trying not to get too worked up whenever his daughter tripped
or got a scratch or a bump.

“It’s all part of being a child,” Jun reminded him often.

“Yes, my sweetheart,” Minghao managed a smile. “Now, why don’t you put it back, darling,
to where you found the little thing so it can grow into a butterfly?”

“Okay, papa!” Xiwang energetically obeyed, running toward the garden, Jungwon and
Woobin in tow, and laid the caterpillar onto the shrubs, bidding it farewell.

With an affectionate chuckle, Minghao noted, “She’s been enjoying playing in our new home
more. Jeonghan-hyung’s suggestion to live in a house instead of a condominium was really
great advice. She gets to enjoy playing in the garden and having Jungwon over, instead of
being cooped up in our old apartment, always on her tablet or watching tv.”

It was Jeonghan that convinced Jun to purchase the property in the same subdivision where
the former was residing. And although it was a huge purchase, it was worth it to see their
little girl enjoying her childhood.

Joshua hummed in agreement. “Your perspective really changes once you have a child.”

“And I don’t have to bring her to the studio when I’m working on my art because we
dedicated an area at home for that.”

“Or she can stay over at our place,” Joshua added. “Hyejin adores Xiwang too, and so does
Jeonghan.”

Minghao was thankful to have Joshua and his family so near them. “Gosh, when did we
become such adults, hyung? I remember when my only problems were making sure I didn't
run out of my favorite vintage wines and having great sex.”

“Hao!”

“The kids won’t hear us from here, hyung,” Minghao laughed. “They’re in their own little
world now.”

Joshua frowned, but eventually broke into a light chuckle. “Who’d have thought we’d ever
get here?”

Laughing still, “Not me.”

And indeed, he’d never thought he’d be where he was right at that moment — residing in a
quiet, residential village away from the hustle and bustle of the city, committed to his best
friend and the only man he’s ever truly loved, and settled down with him and their beautiful
daughter. Nope, it would have never occurred to the Minghao of six years back.

For the longest time, Minghao didn’t believe in love and marriage.

There wasn’t any grand reason or trauma behind it, it was just the way he grew up. It was all
he’s ever known. His parents’ marriage was a product of a contract between two families, a
business merger. They were cordial, friendly, intimate only when needed, yet they had no
love for each other. No romantic love. They had Minghao, the youngest of their three
children. Neither of his parents were very affectionate. Never communicated. However, they
gave him all the material things he needed and more, allowed him to pursue the arts and
funded his living expenses in another country.

Eventually, his parents divorced. It was amicable, yet another business deal.

He understood early on that love doesn’t exist for everybody.

Then Wen Junhui entered his life and everything he knew was challenged. Jun was his first
friend in Korea, someone who came into his life like they were meant to meet. Jun was
warmth and comfort rolled into one, and he was his best friend.

Years ago

When Jun confessed to him one night they had a big fight, he knew he made a big mistake in
their setup. Fall in love? Was that something he could do? No. He didn’t know what love
was.

“I’m tired.”
Jun’s words that night, the night he picked him up when the doctor was too drunk to drive,
tore away at his heart. He was losing Jun and he knew it.

“Hao, I’m sorry, I don’t think I can keep my promise. I don’t think I can go back to being just
your friend.”

“No,” he wanted to say but couldn’t. A huge lump stuck in his throat. He can’t lose Jun but
there he was unable to tell Jun what he needed to say. He messed up. The pain that Jun’s eyes
reflected haunted him for nights.

He never wanted to lose Jun. Not Jun.

But he could see it in the doctor’s eyes. He was tired. He was bruised and beaten. Resigned.

It was his fault, wasn’t it? He wore Jun out. But he warned Jun before, right? He told him he
doesn’t believe in love. Why didn’t Jun listen? Why did Jun persist in a setup that only ended
up breaking him bit by bit until there was nothing left? Why did Jun let Minghao do that to
him?

He never wanted to hurt Jun. Jun was special to Minghao, a friend more precious than any
other. It may have been the sense of kinship from being foreigners in the same country,
speaking the same language among people who can’t understand them. But he could tell, no
matter how he tried to deny it, that Jun held special feelings for him. He should have stopped
Jun then, but something in him didn’t want him to lose Jun.

So he took the selfish route.

Jun left a few days after that, flying to China, only telling his superior in the hospital about it.

Minghao tried to get on like nothing happened, Jun wouldn’t talk to him anyway. But days
passed and his canvas was still blank. A bare piece of cloth staring back at him, a reflection
of his own hollowness, just as empty as Jun’s eyes the last time he saw them.
He did that, didn’t he?

“Hao, you’ve been cooped up in your studio for three fucking days,” Mingyu groaned. How
did he even get into Minghao’s studio? “Have you even eaten yet?”

“Mingyu,” he uttered, voice dry and cracked, like he hadn’t used it for some time. “It’s
empty.”

The realization didn’t hit him like a slap on the face or a bucket of water being poured on
him. No. It came in waves, slow and steady, ebbing and flowing until he was fully engulfed.

“What if I’m too late?” he asked, unsure.

Minghao was almost never unsure. He was always confident about himself, that’s how he
lived so far. He stood by his decisions because he understood that life is too short for regrets.

“Even if you are, you have to try,” Mingyu responded with a tone of understanding. “You’ll
regret it more if you don’t.”

“Mingyu,” Minghao sounded like he was pleading. “I don’t want to lose Jun."

“You’ll have to tell him that yourself.”

And that was how he ended up flying to China, all the way to Jun’s hometown for the first
time in his life, trying to muster the courage to visit Jun in his house. When he got there,
however, he was told that the Wens were not at home, however, their son was likely in the
neighborhood park where he liked to spend his afternoons.
The park was big, the pathway surrounded by trees, orange and yellow and green, while the
afternoon breeze blew through creating those rustling sounds. Eventually, the path opened to
a field, the sun hitting the grass with warmth as kids ran around with their friends with
unworried minds. He scanned the area filled with unfamiliar faces, nannies watching over the
kids, parents pushing strollers with their infants, strangers walking their dogs.

He questioned himself, asking why he was even there, but really, it was likely the fear
clouding his mind.

But then his eyes landed on a familiar frame, seated alone on one of the park benches focused
on nothing and everything. There was his Jun.

There was this sudden pounding in his chest, a quickened pace, as he watched Jun silently
from a safe distance away. He tried to take a step forward, but somehow he was stuck where
he stood.

Was it fear? Shame? Regret? It was probably all of them all at once.

What would he say to Jun? Where would he start? He didn’t even know. What could he say
to take all the pain away from Jun, to turn back time and be better for Jun?

If he could only do that.

He watched Jun as the sun moved toward the west, painting the sky orange. It’s only been a
couple of weeks since he last saw Jun, but he seemed different from that last time. Hair a
little longer, face somewhat scruffy, cheeks a little thinner. His heart ached as he watched Jun,
wanting to touch him, to hug him and tell him what he felt—that he was sorry, that he would
fix things.

But did he even have that right?

His thoughts were cut short when Jun finally stood up, sighing deeply, as if he were telling
the wind to take all his pain away. Jun walked in the other direction and Minghao stayed
where he was.

When Minghao saw Jun again when the doctor finally returned to Korea, he felt different.
Sure, he seemed to have gotten back to his cheerful yet mischievous self, but Minghao could
tell, Jun had changed.

It’s not in anything he said or did, but it was like Jun had slipped away from him.

And he didn’t know what he was thinking because the fear suddenly gripped his chest tightly,
and he felt unable to breathe at the thought. So, that’s how he ended in front of Jun’s
apartment door, ringing the doorbell in the hopes that the man who had been the center of his
thoughts would open them and welcome him.

Indeed, Jun opened the door, but, somehow, he didn’t feel welcomed.

“Jun,” Minghao breathed, and now they’re face to face.

“Hao,” Jun said. “What are you doing here?”

“I—I… Can we talk inside?”

Jun bit his lip, hesitance marking his features. “I don’t think that’s a good i—”

“Please?” Minghao sounded like he was begging. “I just…”

With a resigned breath, Jun moved aside. “Okay.”

When Minghao entered the apartment, it was just as he remembered it. Yet, it felt different
because now they’re engulfed by tense silence, neither knew who should speak up first. But
since it was Minghao who insisted they talk, he spoke first.

Saying the first honest thought in his mind as he looked at Jun, his best friend, his long time
friend, he said, “I missed you. I missed you so much.”

Jun’s shoulders dropped, eyes scanning through Minghao as well. “I missed you too.”

Silence took over again. He came to Jun hastily, just as he did when he went to China.
Because he was never good with words, he was never really able to express his thoughts and
feelings through what came out of his mouth.

“How are you?” he tried instead, trying to build up his confidence.

Jun frowned, he wasn’t in the mood. “Minghao, please, you said you wanted to talk.”

“I do!” Minghao instantly said. “I do… I just… I just really missed you. And I don’t know
where to start.”

Sighing, Jun leaned against the island counter, crossing his arms defensively. Meanwhile,
Minghao felt like he had no support to hold on to. It took a few more minutes before he
managed to speak again.

“I’m sorry, Jun.” His throat was dry as he tried to swallow. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I
didn’t want to ever hurt you, but I did.”

“You know I don’t blame you, right? It’s not your fault you couldn’t give more than what you
gave me.”
“Jun—”

“I knew my limits but still asked for more. I was unfair to you.”

Minghao tried to take a step forward, but Jun seemed defensive. “Junnie…”

“I’ve done some thinking while I was gone and I’ve realized that I have been unfair—both to
you and myself.”

This is it, isn’t it? He’s about to lose Jun. He’s losing Jun.

“I’ve given up so much of myself in loving you that I can’t even recognize who I am beyond
someone hopelessly in love with you—”

“Jun—”

“—Hao, I’ve accepted that we’d never be—”

“I love you.”

Jun suddenly closed his mouth, shock painting his face. Minghao can’t believe he said it out
loud too, but he’s said it.

“—W-what?”

“I—I love you, Jun,” he said again, taking a step forward. “I know what I’ve said before. I
know I hurt you. I know I— I love you.”
“Minghao, if you’re just saying because— because you’re scared to lose our friendship—
that’s not fair.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” Minghao’s voice cracked.

“Hao, please. Stop—”

“But I love you. I know I may be too late—I know that,”Minghao interrupted him. “You
know what my childhood was like, I’ve told you all about my family. I didn’t know what love
looked like because all I’ve ever seen growing up was how relationships were to serve a
purpose, a tool, a convenience. Transactional. Beneficial. I couldn’t recognize your love
because—well—I didn’t know what it was supposed to look like, what it was supposed to
feel like.”

Jun looked surprised and confused, mouth open like he wanted to say something but no
words escaped him.

“It took a while for me to come to terms with my feelings because—well, frankly it scares the
shit out of me. But it scared me more to think of losing you.”

“Hao…” Jun mumbled, doubt clouding over him. “You’re scared of losing me, I can
understand that. But.. Hao. What about me? What about what I lost?”

Minghao smiled at him with a mix of sadness, hurt and understanding. He half-expected it.
“I’m really too late?”

Jun gulped, Minghao’s voice has never sounded so vulnerable. “Hao… it’s just— I’ve
accepted the fact that we would never be on the same page, that my feelings for you will
always be one-sided. But—but now you say all this and I… I went away to heal. I want to
heal.”
Biting his lower lip, Minghao fought the urge to cry. It’s all his fault.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Just… I need time— we both need time to process all of this. I— I’m sorry, Minghao.”

Minghao forced a smile, he didn’t want to hurt Jun any longer. So he went home that night
and cried his heart out.

Over the next months, he translated all of his feelings through painting, hoping at least, in
some way, he’d manage to truly convey to Jun how he felt.

Jeonghan and Joshua decided to renew their vows on their second anniversary, back to the
resort where, arguably, everything began for them both. It was just as intimate as their first
wedding, with only their immediate families and closest of friends, also with Hyejin, no
longer in Joshua’s tummy.

Even though they were renewing their vows, it was almost like a redo of their wedding, this
time to celebrate their love and union with sincerity.

Minghao and Jun sat beside each other as they watched Joshua walk down the aisle, a
bouquet of daisies in his hand, as a string quartet played masterfully in the background.
Minghao noticed how Jeonghan bit his lip the moment he saw Joshua, trying to stop himself
from crying out of joy.

“They’re so in love,” Minghao whispered with a soft, content smile.

Jun, who was watching Joshua, turned to him. “Hmm?”

“Nothing,” Minghao said with a small shake of his head. “This wedding is beautiful. They
look beautiful.”

Jun held Minghao’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “Couldn’t agree more,” Jun smiled,
giving Minghao a kiss on his temple.

The ceremony went on smoothly, and the sun was just about to set, casting a beautiful pink
and orange hue over the sky as the officiant called for Joshua and Jeonghan to recite their
vows. Joshua exhaled nervously and Jeonghan took the doctor’s hands in his, warming them,
whispering ‘I love you’, making Joshua smile.

Love really was beautiful.

“Jeonghan,” Joshua nibbled on his bottom lip nervously. Jeonghan rubbed the back of his
hand with his thumb, helping the other relax. “I once had a thought that I would probably
grow old alone. Love wasn’t something I thought I could dream or hope to have because…
well, how could someone love me?”

Jeonghan frowned and tightened his grip.

“Then you came, telling me you love me, even way back then when you had no reason to,”
Joshua smiled at him reassuringly.

“Shua,” Jeonghan said softly.

“You loved me when I felt most unloveable. You loved me when I had nothing to give. You
loved me without asking anything in return. Jeonghan, you are the purest form of love I
know,” Joshua’s voice faltered as his eyes watered. “Thank you for loving me the way you
do. Now I stand here in front of our family and friends—again, dare I say,” Joshua giggled,
“to make the vows I plan to keep for the rest of our lives. Jeonghan, I promise to listen to you
when you need a sounding board, to celebrate you for your wins, but also hold your hand in
your losses, the shoulder you lean on when you need to rest.”
Jeonghan smiled at him warmly, wiping away a stray tear on Joshua’s face.

“My love, I promise to let you convince me to watch a horror movie once a month and let
you buy legos from time to time,” the chuckles and jeers could be heard from their guests. “I
promise to welcome you home with a warm hug and a home-cooked meal as you have made
a home with me. I will not doubt your love and will always choose you, our family, above
anything else. I love you so much, Yoon Jeonghan.”

Joshua couldn’t keep the tears from falling after finishing his vows. As their family and
friends cheered, Jeonghan cupped his face and leaned in to kiss him softly on his forehead.

They took a minute to settle and Joshua nudged Jeonghan for it was his turn to say his vows.
With a small cough, he held Joshua’s hands once again.

“Joshua, my love, my first love, if I told college freshman Jeonghan that he would later marry
the pretty boy he was crushing on since the day he pulled him from the sea of students in the
busy hallway, he would probably hit me on the arm for joking,” he exhaled deeply, squeezing
Joshua’s hands. “Yet, here you are before me, pretty, beautiful and kind as ever. Life can be
funny that way, because after years of being secretly in love with you, and thinking that I
didn’t stand a chance, who would have thought that you would be the one following me to
my room right here in this resort, asking me to—”

Joshua quickly pulled their hands to cover Jeonghan’s mouth. “Jeonghan!”

Seungcheol and Mingyu howled (while their friends laughed) as Joshua turned a shade of
pink.

Jeonghan chuckled as he placed a kiss on the back of Joshua’s hand, calming the young
doctor.

“It must be our fate, right? The universe, despite all those bumps and misdirections along the
way, brought us here—brought us Hyejin,” and they both turned to look at their daughter
happily bouncing on grandma Yoon’s lap. “I have loved you for a long time, Shua, the love of
my life. I can’t promise that everything will work out as planned or that the rest of our road
will be smooth-sailing. But I promise to make sure there are no nuts in your food, to
assemble our furniture,” Joshua giggled at that, “I promise to always communicate with you,
in every decision and every problem that we face, I will hold your hand through it all, Shua. I
promise to love you for the rest of our lives. I love you so much.”

Silently, Joshua mouthed ‘I love you too’, making Jeonghan smile widely.

Seungcheol was the first to stand, howling for the couple to kiss. “Make it a good kiss! Not
those teenage, puppy love, lip smacks,” he jeered.

“Jeonghan-hyung, redeem yourself!” Soonyoung screamed. “We want a real kiss!”

While Jeonghan smirked at his friends, Joshua turned into a tomato at their request. Still, not
one to back down from a challenge, Jeonghan snaked his arm around Joshua’s waist, securing
his lower back, while his left hand held onto Joshua’s neck, diving in for a deep kiss. Joshua,
although surprised, wrapped his hands around Jeonghan’s neck. The crowd cheered and
howled, Chan carrying Hyejin from grandma’s lap so she could celebrate along with them.

As the night came in, and they partied on the makeshift dance floor by the shore, Jun pulled
Minghao to dance with him as a slow song played. Jun placed his hands on Minghao’s waist,
gazing at the latter so lovingly, Minghao wondered if he would melt under his gaze.

With lithe movements, Minghao wrapped his hands around Jun’s shoulders, leaning in to rest
his head on Jun’s chest.

“Tired?” Jun’s gentle voice asked.

He lightly shook his head. “Just soaking in the moment.”

They swayed around, instinctively matching the rhythm of the song. Minghao unknowingly
snuggled closer to Jun’s neck, drawn to his warmth. He thought he knew what contentment
was like—being independent and financially secure—but only now, in the arms of Jun, did he
fully realize what it was like to be happy and content.

“Is this something you would want too?” Jun suddenly broke Minghao’s trance.

“What is?” he hummed, refusing to move from his comfortable position.

“This. A wedding. A marriage…”

Oh. Well, he supposed this was something they haven’t talked about. He pulled away only
slightly, arms still snaked around Jun, to meet his eyes.

“I suppose I haven’t really thought about that,” Minghao answered honestly.

“This is not me asking or proposing, by the way,” Jun said in haste, wanting to dispel any
pressure Minghao might feel from his question. “I guess seeing Jeonghan-hyung and Shua-
hyung get married again just made me think about it—us. The future.”

Minghao tilted his head, thoughtful.

“You don’t have to answer,” Jun added.

“Hmm… Can I be honest?”

“Always.”
“I’ve never really considered marriage for me,” Minghao was thoughtful in his choice of
words. “It’s just—well, I grew up knowing only one type of marriage, the transactional one.
So it wasn’t something I thought of or dreamed about, you know?”

Jun hummed to let Minghao know he was listening.

“And I also don’t think getting married is something that is necessary for couples who love
each other, not diminishing those who do get married. When I see Jeonghan-hyung and
Joshua-hyung, I think ‘oh, so people can get married for love’.”

“But you still don’t believe in marriage?”

Minghao shrugged. “I believe that two people who love each other can keep on loving each
other in a committed relationship even without marriage.”

When Jun didn’t say anything after, Minghao studied Jun’s expression, trying to get a clue on
his feelings.

“Is it something that’s important to you, babe? You know we can always talk about it, right?”

Jun appeared to have been taken out of his thoughts, but he gave Minghao a warm smile. “I
suppose I’ve thought about it a couple of times. Seeing my parents’ relationship as I grew up,
marriage seemed like a natural progression for every couple. But I understand where you’re
coming from, babe.”

Minghao smiled back.

“To answer your question, marriage isn’t as important to me as you,” Jun said with the most
understanding tone, tucking Minghao’s hair behind his ear. Minghao couldn’t help but
wonder if Jun was real and if he was really his. “You’re here with me. I am happy.”
It’s funny how simple words like those could make his heart swell. Was this really what love
was like? The overwhelming feeling made him hug Jun tightly, surprising the older man.

“Jun, I want you to know that I am committed to you—to us. I want a future with you. I love
you.”

Jun chuckled, nuzzling into Minghao’s hair. “And I love you too. I want a future with you,
with or without marriage.”

Jun rushed to the ER after getting a text from one of the residents that his boyfriend had been
brought in. The curtains swung open and Minghao found the worried face of Jun, breathless
and sweating.

“Are you okay?” was the first thing he asked, checking for any visible signs of distress or
pain.

“I fainted after finishing my interview with a magazine,” Minghao answered, reaching out for
Jun’s hands to calm him down. “My manager brought me to the ER to be sure.”

Jun sat down on his bed, checking Minghao’s arms and face. “Have the doctors come in and
checked on you? Wait, I’ll call request for—”

“Babe, calm down,” Minghao rolled his eyes but wore a gentle smile. “I feel okay now. The
doctors drew some blood and hooked me into an IV. It could just be some stomach bug. I’ve
been feeling a little queasy.”

Jun sighed heavily.

“I was worried when I got a message saying you were brought to the ER.”
Minghao hummed, tucking the sweaty strands of hair away from Jun’s face. “You’re sweet.”

Jun stayed by Minghao’s side while waiting for the doctor to come back with the results,
despite the younger man’s insistence that Jun resume his work.

Minghao had this fluttering, bubbling feeling in his stomach as he watched Jun, decked in his
white coat and looking at his phone, as he sat beside Minghao on his bed— the same feeling
he got when he wakes up to a freshly cooked breakfast and newly brewed coffee, and a
handwritten sticky note telling him to eat well, and when he is traveling overseas for work
and Jun calls him to throw a little sexual innuendo before suddenly spurting “take care,
okay?”, and when he’s exhausted and uninspired and suddenly he’s being pulled to the car
and they’re driving somewhere only Jun knows.

The silent “I love you”s.

And he’s once again hit with the realization that he is in love with Wen Junhui. And he is
happy.

So, when the doctor came back and told them that it was nothing to be worried about and that
Minghao was simply expecting, he didn’t have a single doubt in his mind.

“Are… are we happy we’re pregnant?” Jun asked when the doctor stepped out to let the
news sink in.

Minghao could already tell Jun’s feelings about it. He saw how he doted on Hyejin and how
he enjoyed playing with Minghao’s nieces and nephews. He saw how he brightened when the
doctor told them the news.

Yet, here was Jun again, making sure they’re on the same page.
“Yes, we’re happy,” Minghao smiled knowingly. “We’re very, very happy.”

Jun exhaled. “Oh, thank god.”

“You idiot,” Minghao chuckled.

“It’s not like we planned this.”

“You say that, but when we have unprotected sex—”

“Ya! I always ask you!”

“Always the gentleman.”

Jun moved closer, taking Minghao’s hands in his. “But just so we’re clear, you want this
right?”

Minghao looked at Jun, his face softening. “I do,” Minghao answered. “But, babe… I’ll
admit that I’m scared. I know nothing about being a parent, and I didn’t exactly have the best
examples growing up.”

Then, he was engulfed in Jun’s warm embrace. “Baby, I know. We’re in this together, okay?
I’m here for you. Always.”

His body relaxed and melted into Jun, hugging the latter back.

“You better be,” Minghao smiled through his laughter. “Even if I become mean and moody
—”
“—more than you already are?”

“Because I can’t drink wine anymore,” Minghao slapped his back affectionately. “And I gain
weight, and can’t move around, and I’ll keep complaining about everything, and probably be
the most annoying person ever?”

“Babe, you have me. Always.”

Present

Minghao was perched on the couch in their living room, sipping his wine and drawing on a
sketchbook when Jun came home after a long shift in the hospital.

“Babe, I’m home,” Jun moved to the back of the couch and kissed the top of Minghao’s head.

Minghao looked up to see his boyfriend’s tired face.

“Hi,” he smiled sweetly. “Welcome home.”

Jun leaned down and gave Minghao a proper kiss which the latter eagerly reciprocated.

“Have you eaten?”

Jun nodded and moved to the other side so he could sit down. “How was your day?”
Minghao smiled.

“Joshua-hyung brought Jungwon and Woobin over and the kids played all afternoon. Xiwang
is completely drained and now sleeping heavily,” Minghao relayed with contentment in his
voice. “Seungcheol-hyung picked up little Woobin. Jeonghan-hyung passed by to pick Shua-
hyung and Jungwon up, being so annoyingly whipped considering they live just a few blocks
away.”

“It’s just an excuse to get Joshua-hyung home. You know how clingy he gets,” Jun chuckled.
“What about you? Tired?”

“I’m just having a night cap and I’ll probably call it a night after this glass.”

Jun hummed, leaning his head against Minghao’s shoulder after the latter placed his glass on
the coffee table. He quietly watched Minghao draw, shading and creating strokes on the white
piece of paper with graphite until it became shapes, slowly until it would eventually form into
one cohesive image.

“Go and wash up, babe, so you can change into something comfortable,” Minghao softly said
as he felt Jun dozing off on his side.

“Hmm,” Jun murmured before placing another kiss on Minghao’s temple, obediently getting
up and taking his jacket and bag to the room.

Minghao sighed as he watched the sleepy Jun go up the staircase and disappear into the upper
floor. It felt so wonderfully domestic and Minghao couldn’t complain. He never thought he
would settle down like this, alway thinking that he enjoyed the independent life with no
restrictions as to what he can do and where he can go.

But here he is, happy to have his home with his lover and their child, and happy to be home
with them.
 When he finished his drink, he tidied up the living room and made his way up their stairs and
peered into their little girl’s room. He’s not surprised to find Jun there, freshly bathed and in
his pajamas, leaning down and giving their sweet daughter a good night’s kiss on her
forehead.

His heart swelled at the sight of his lover looking so fondly at their child. Oh how far they’ve
come. And when Jun looked up, their eyes met, and he smiled, exchanging their silent ‘I love
you’s.

This wasn’t where he ever thought he’d be, but he can’t imagine being anywhere else right
now than with his little family.

Chapter End Notes

Hope you enjoyed this special chapter!

Not gonna lie, I've been in an awful writing slump. Took me 3 months to get this chapter
finished. Also didn't proofread as thoroughly so sorry for the typos and grammatical
errors.

See you in the next one!

End Notes

What do you guys think so far? Let me know!

Please drop by the Archive and comment to let the creator know if you enjoyed their work!