Dating & Sex Guide for Male Virgins

Get into social circles. Put yourself where women are: join clubs, classes, sports teams, or
volunteer activities that interest you. Don’t rely on “waiting for love to happen” – meet
people through friends, campus events, hobbies or local meetups. Practice saying “hi” and
asking simple questions. Psychology research shows that showing genuine interest in others
makes them open up to you. For example, ask about her day or hobbies and really listen.

Use confident body language. Stand tall with good posture and make eye contact (studies
find women prefer men who walk upright and even sway with confidence). Avoid crossed
arms or slouching (open posture signals you’re approachable). According to an
observational study, men who “took up more space” with open, dominant gestures had
more success meeting women. So relax your shoulders, smile, and don’t hunch – even a
slight shoulder back shift projects confidence.

Start conversations naturally. A simple opener works better than cheesy pickup lines.
Compliment something specific (e.g. “Nice shirt – where’d you get that?”) or ask an open-
ended question. Keep it light at first. For instance, at a party ask “How do you know the
host?” or about a hobby you see her with. As Psychology Today advises, even just asking
“How’s your day?” shows interest and gets you started. Don’t put pressure on making it
deep – the goal is a friendly chat.

Leverage small talk into plans. If you hit it off, suggest continuing the conversation later.
Propose grabbing coffee or studying together. Keep it low-key: you’re just hanging out, not
jumping straight to a date or hookup. Once you’re talking comfortably, let
friendship/attraction build. The key is to keep progressing slowly– each interaction (eye
contact, a smile, a hug) is one more step toward a relationship.

## Online Dating & Dating App Tactics

Profile photos: Use clear, well-lit pictures where you’re smiling and look approachable. Dr.
Jess Carbino (Bumble’s sociologist) found that guys who smile in photos get swiped right
much more often – a genuine smile projects kindness and approachability. Include one
photo of your full body and avoid sunglasses or gimmicky filters. A quick tip: ask a friend to
take several shots of you doing something you enjoy (sports, cooking, etc.) so your profile
shows real interests.

Write a compelling bio:Don’t just list your favorite movies or brag. Research shows that
profiles are more appealing when they emphasize *interest in the other person*. For
example, say what you’d love to learn about a partner, not just about yourself. A good line
might be: “I love good stories – tell me about the last book or show you couldn’t put down.”
This signals you’re curious about her life. In short, focus on what you want to learn about her
and what you’d give to see in a relationship (support, understanding), not just your own
hobbies.

Message effectively: Personalize your first message to show you read her profile. Ask a
question about something she mentioned (her pet, a travel photo, a hobby). Keep it short
and friendly, not cheesy. Avoid generic greetings like “hey” alone. Instead say something like
“Hey, I see you love hiking – what’s your favorite trail around here?” This demonstrates
genuine interest (and she’s much more likely to respond). Remember: the goal is to start a
conversation, so give her something to talk about.

Move offline smartly: Don’t message forever; aim to chat enough that you both feel
comfortable. Then suggest a safe, public meet-up (coffee or a group event) – not a risky
night date. A light plan like grabbing a drink after a class can be a good first step. In your
chats, pay attention to comfort levels: if she jokes and teases, you can be a bit playful. If
she’s more reserved, stay polite and gradually open up.

Building Social Confidence & Overcoming Anxiety

Practice small interactions. Social confidence grows with action. Each time you talk to a girl,
congratulate yourself – even a simple “hi” is progress. Psychologist Diane Barth suggests
starting extremely small: even asking *“how are you?”* to a casual acquaintance is enough
practice. Over time, these tiny successes (and learning from the awkward attempts) will
stack up. Remember, *“even extroverts don’t click with everyone they meet”* – so cut
yourself some slack and keep trying.

Ask and listen Focus outward to ease nerves. Be interested, not interesting. One expert
notes: her husband learns more about people in minutes by asking questions because he
genuinely wants to know, and as a result people enjoy talking to him. Apply that: ask open-
ended questions (What’s your favorite song right now? How’s your day been?) and pay close
attention. It takes pressure off you (“What do I say?!”) and makes her feel valued.

Prepare topics. Anxiety spikes when you blank out. Combat this by planning a few
conversation starters beforehand. Think of easy subjects: weekend plans, favorite food, a
current event or movie. Even simple clichés (hometown, job/school, hobbies) work. If you
learn something about her (she’s a dog person, studies art, etc.), ask a follow-up next time.
Practicing with friends or in front of a mirror can also reduce panic. The goal is to not freeze
up – better to ask a silly question than nothing at all.

Step out gradually. Push yourself a little beyond comfort each time. For example, if you
usually only say hello, try starting a short conversation. Barth advises to “gently, kindly nudge
yourself out of your comfort zone.”* When you meet a girl you like, remind yourself it’s “not
a date or the rest of your life, just an opportunity to get to know someone”. Each small
interaction makes the next one easier. Think of dating as a slow-build: you don’t have to be a
superstar charmer right away, just keep making those small steps.

Build confidence off-scene. Outside dating, boost your self-esteem and social skills. Keep
hobbies, exercise (even research confirms exercise *“substantially enhances physical
appearance,”* which can indirectly boost confidence), and pursue friendships. Practice
social skills in low-pressure settings: chat with a store clerk, classmates, or even someone in
line. The more you talk to people in general, the less scary talking to girls becomes. Also
consider mindfulness or breathing exercises to calm anxiety in the moment. And be patient
with yourself – self-love is key: “learn to love, forgive, and accept yourself,” so you’re kinder
to yourself if a date feels awkward.

Looksmaxxing & Stylemaxxing Tips

Hygiene is non-negotiable. Shower before a date (Men’s Health bluntly: *“Bathe,

obviously”* – you don’t want to show up unkempt or stinky). Trim nose/ear hair and keep
facial hair neat (even if it’s stubble). Neaten any beard – a well-groomed look is surprisingly
impactful. Brush your teeth and consider a whitening strip or at least a good floss. Use
deodorant or cologne subtly; smelling clean and fresh makes you instantly more appealing.

Tend to your face and hair. Keep your skin clean: wash your face daily with a gentle cleanser.
If you have acne, use appropriate products. Eyes and eyebrows – trim any stray hairs. Men’s
Health also advises doing a quick haircut a week or so before a date (not hours before, in
case it goes wrong) so you look sharp but natural. A little effort goes a long way: even
learning a simple haircut or fade can improve your look. Choose a hairstyle that suits your
face (even online tutorials can guide you). And don’t sleep on a beard: if you don’t want a
full beard, shave carefully and keep sideburns tidy or maintain a short stubble.

Dress well – fit matters. Wear clothes that fit your body (not baggy or too tight). A study
found that even minor clothing upgrades (like a tailored suit instead of off-the-rack) made a
man be rated more confident and successful. You don’t need fancy outfits – well-fitting,
clean clothes do the job. Try a classic outfit: a plain t-shirt or button-down and nice jeans or
chinos. One tip: dress one level above what the situation calls for (if others are in jeans and a
tee, a clean button-down and dark jeans will make you stand out without being over the
top). A smart watch or simple bracelet can add polish. If possible, iron or neatly steam your
clothes so they look crisp. Women notice the little details of neatness.

posture and physique. Stand tall, and take up space: Physiology and psychology experts
agree that good posture makes you look more confident and even healthier. Don’t slouch or
cross arms when talking. At the gym or home, focus on exercises that build an upright chest
and back (push-ups, rows) – stronger shoulders make you look broader and more attractive.
Research confirms: regular exercise **improves physical appearance**, even if you just build
a bit of muscle tone. You don’t have to become Mr. Olympia – consistency (30 min a few
times a week) and healthy eating will trim fat and firm muscle, which women find attractive.
Remember to hold your head up and smile; that alone instantly upgrades your look.

Skincare, hair and style routines. Learn a basic skincare routine: wash your face (and
moisturizer if needed) daily. If you’re breakout-prone, use products with salicylic acid or see
a dermatologist. On date day, groom any rough patches (pluck stray eyebrow hairs, shave
clean where needed). For hair, a little product (gel or pomade) can tame messy hair and give
it style. Sunglasses and a neat haircut also project a put-together image. On style: keep it
simple and clean. Avoid graphic tees with offensive prints. A few good shirts (solid colors,
subtle patterns) and dark denim or khakis can take you far. Appearances do count for a first
impression – one study showed minor clothing changes significantly changed how positively
men were perceived – so it’s worth spending a little time on your look.

First-time sex isn’t a pop quiz. Your mindset matters: pick someone you trust and feel safe
with, and be honest with each other. Research shows people have more satisfaction having
sex with a steady partner they trust. Talk beforehand about what you both want and don’t
want. Consent is *everything*: as Trojan advises, “Consent is vital in all sexual behavior”.
Ensure you’ve both explicitly agreed to everything before it happens. Set the scene in a
private, comfortable spot (a planned bedroom or safe house). Flo Health suggests that a
**“cozy place”** where you feel at ease can greatly reduce first-time anxiety. Bring
protection – have condoms on hand (Trojan notes they’re 98% effective against pregnancy
and also guard against STIs) and consider birth control if needed. Keep your phone on silent
and make sure you won’t be interrupted so you can relax. Remember: it’s perfectly normal if
things feel awkward. Go slow – focus on kissing and touching first. Flo notes that foreplay
(kissing, petting) **“involves a lot of kissing and touching, which can help you feel more
comfortable with your own body as well as your partner’s”**.

Go step-by-step. Sex often progresses naturally: kissing → neck/ear caresses → removing

clothes → touching genitals → oral → intercourse. You control the pace. Start with a soft kiss
and check that she’s into it (does she kiss you back? Smile?). If she’s comfortable, try gently
touching her arms or shoulders. Compliment her (“You look beautiful” or “You smell nice”
goes a long way). If she responds well, move to more intimate areas gradually. Always watch
her reactions and listen (even a silent *“Is this okay?”*). Communication is sexy, not cringey.
A simple, “Let me know if you want me to slow down,” shows respect.
*Use foreplay and lubrication.*Spend plenty of time on foreplay: caress, hug, massage her
back or breasts (with her consent), and let arousal build. Lubrication is your friend: either
natural or a store-bought water-based lube will make things smoother and more
comfortable. Take deep breaths and try to relax your body. If she’s very nervous, gentle oral
sex or finger stimulation can help her become more comfortable and lubricated before any
penetration. There’s no rush to “finish” – focus on what feels good together.

Be prepared: condoms and safety. Condom use should not kill the mood – in fact, Trojan
suggests **practice beforehand so you’re not fumbling in the moment. Have them within
reach (maybe in a desk drawer or nightstand). If you have trouble with condoms breaking,
try a different brand or add extra lube. The Flo guide stresses: always use protection **“to
protect yourself from unsafe sex”**. If you’re not ready for pregnancy, plan for it (condoms
*and* birth control).

* **Expect some discomfort – it’s normal.** Many people bleed or feel stretching the first
time (as your body needs to adjust). Trojan warns that first penetration can feel
uncomfortable or even a bit painful for a few moments. If it hurts too much, pause and give
more foreplay or try a different angle. It should **not** be excruciating; listen to each other
and stop if pain persists. Remember that *“sex is not supposed to hurt”*, and if discomfort
continues, get checked by a doctor.

* **Relax and enjoy (or try again later).** Anxiety is common, so do what you can to chill
out: Flo recommends centering yourself on the moment and **not rushing the next step**.
Even if it’s not perfect (for most guys, the first time isn’t mind-blowing), that’s okay. Flo
reminds us: it’s **“very common to have a less-than-perfect first time… you can always try
again later”**. There’s no “one shot” rule. If things aren’t working, take a break or cuddle.
What matters is both partners feel safe and cared for.

## Escalating Physically & Emotionally with a Partner

* **Build connection slowly.** Let intimacy grow step by step. Start with casual touch: put
your arm around her during a movie or take her hand when you walk. Gradually increase
contact as she seems receptive. For example, linger with light touches on her knee or
shoulder. If she leans in or smiles, that’s a green light. When you kiss, do it softly at first. If
she kisses back eagerly, you can try something deeper. Remember: *touch begets touch*.

* **Share your thoughts.** Emotional intimacy often follows self-disclosure. Share a little
about yourself (hobbies, funny stories, your favorite music) and encourage her to share too.
Research shows that sharing personal information reduces anxiety and boosts the urge to
connect. So don’t be afraid to open up. If you were nervous, it’s fine to admit that (“I’m a bit
nervous, but I really like you”). Honesty can be very endearing and builds trust.
* **Compliments and feedback.** Sincerely compliment her (looks, laugh, intelligence). This
makes her feel valued and more emotionally close. If she compliments you, thank her
graciously. Express that you enjoy being with her and having her attention – that emotional
validation can make both of you more comfortable with physical closeness.

* **Watch and ask for cues.** A key part of escalation is reading body language. If she
moans or moves closer when you kiss or touch, keep going. If she pulls away or looks uneasy,
pause and talk. You can gently ask, *“How do you feel?”* or *“Do you want more kissing?”*
This shows you care about her comfort. A good rule: if she’s relaxed (breathing evenly,
smiling, no tense muscles), you’re probably on the right track.

* **Be respectful of boundaries.** Always be ready to stop or slow down. If she asks to stop
or seems uncomfortable, respect that immediately – pushing past a “no” kills trust.
Emotional intimacy increases when she knows you listen and respect her limits.

**Contraception & Location:** Have a solid plan for safety and privacy. Trojan’s guide
stresses having a *“safer sex plan”*, meaning both of you agree on contraception and
disease prevention. This starts with condoms (Trojan: stock up on easy-to-use condoms
beforehand) or other birth control if needed. Keep protection within reach – wearing it after
undressing can be awkward, so slip it on as needed. For the setting: pick a **private,
comfortable place**. Ideally it’s somewhere familiar (her or your room) where you won’t be
disturbed. According to advice from Flo and Trojan, being in a “cozy” known location can
ease anxiety. Make sure your phone’s silent and any roommates won’t pop in. Lying down on
a dark towel can avoid stains in case of bleeding. And **legal note**: ensure you and your
partner are both of legal age and fully consenting. Always follow the law – in most places
that means both parties should be 18 or older (or as required locally) to avoid trouble.

* **Time and place:** Don’t rush into having sex because a clock is ticking or someone is
pressuring you. Only go further when you both *want* to. If you’re in a public or semi-public
space (car, beach, park), think twice: privacy and comfort might be low. It’s better to wait
until you’re in a safe indoor spot.

* **Safety check:** Before getting intimate, make sure you both feel entirely ready. Flo
warns that the best time is when *you’re sure you want it, not just when your partner wants
you to*. Never negotiate sex if either partner is under pressure. Trust your gut.

* **Aftercare:** After sex, take time to cuddle or talk. This helps build an emotional bond.
Check on her: *“Are you okay?”* Offering water or a snack, and reassuring words, show
care. Sex isn’t just physical – it’s a shared vulnerable moment. A kind debrief (“That was
nice,” or even funny if something went awkwardly) can solidify the emotional connection.