\idsartoluh With you lepine; ave, hea giel-poets, side by side, al brisk sn Fuvanesdite, makin, Masala: Nhontoe's purchases for hee: a total of six- levi banks fuandeuver ant paperback, relatively new books, olel battered Huanibwa throngih books — ala cost of 55.85, A staggering sum! Never in my hyo years of coming into the Stand had { handed over more than a few dol- ins to th vashier, and this time my hand might have trembled as | pushed hhyenty dollar bills at him, half expecting the bristly bearcled man to interro- ste mie: “Where'd you get so much money?” But as usual the cashier hardly save mye sevond glance. And Marilyn Monroe, burdened with no books, had slnaly slipped through the turnstile and was awaiting us atthe front door There, when we handed over her purchases in wo sturdy bags, she leaned forward. Bor a breathless moment we thought she might kiss our “hevks. Instead she pressed into our surprised hands a slender volume she lifted from one of the bags: Selected Poems of Marianne Moore. We stammered thanks, but already the blond actress had pulled the fedora down more tightly ‘over her head and had stepped out into the lightly falling snow, headed south, ‘un Broadway. We trailed behind her, unable to resist, waiting for her to hail a taxi, but she did not. We knew we must not follow her. By this time we were giddy with the strain of the past hous, gripping each other's hands in childlike lation. So happy! “Oh. Oh God. Marilyn Monroe, She gave usa baok. Was any of it real?” twas real: we ad Selected Poets of Marianne Moore to prove it That snowy early evening in March at Stranl Used Books. That magical ‘evening of Marilyn Monroe, when 1 kissed you for the first time. 12004] Joyce Caron Oates Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been? For Bob Dylan Her name was Connie. She was fifteen and she had a quick nervous singling habit of craning, her neck to glance into mirrors, or checking other people's faces to make ste her own was all right. Her mother, who noticed ‘everything and knew everything and who hadn't much reason any longer to look at her own face, always scolded Connie about it. "Stop gawking at your- self, who are you? You think you're so pretty?” she would say. Connie would raise her eyebrows at these familiar complaints and look right through her other, into a shadowy vision af herself as she was right at that moment: sheneve she was pretty and that was everything, Her mother had been pret ence too, you ould belive thowe old snapshots inte album but no hee Tooks were gone and that was why she was aly afer Connie, “Why don't you keep your zw clean ike your str? How've you go your hair ised — what the hell stinks? Hal spray? You don’ se your ster sing tha jak” erst ne was wenty-fur an sil lived at home She was see tary nthe high shoo! Connie attended andi that warn bad enough Wither inthe same tiling she woe so plain and chunky ase hat nie had to hear her pase all th ime by he mother an her thes sister, June did ths June did that she saved money and helped dean the foun nd cooked and Conse could dos thing er ind wasel fled with Ares dayereams: Theater was vay at work toe the ine and when ‘ecame home he wanted supper and e read the newspaper at super and after supper he wen to bed. te dat bother aking tach to ther, but round is bent ed Connie's mother kept picking at her unt! Cone ‘ished her mother wa dead ond se herself was dead ad it was all over “Semakes me want throw up sometime," she complained to ered. ‘She ha = high breathes, smuced voke which made everyting she sad @ There was one gon thing Jane went places with i ends of hes irs wh wera ss plain and steady she and so when Conti wanted Sorta moe acne The ater of Cnn’ bs i end rove th gis the tee esto town and lefthem oats shopping plaza 39 thatihey coud walk tough the stores or go toa move end when he ce Pickthem up gai ateleven he never bothred to ask wha thy a de They mist have been fare sight, walking around that shopping psa in the shorts and ft ballerina sippers that always cued Ie de Weaik, wih charm Bracelet igling om fir thin wrt, they woul los together 1 whisper and nigh secret someone passed by whe see or intrested them Coie he long dar blond har at dew sane eye an she woe pot of pulled poner heed and puted out and he et of She et fall down her ac, She wore plover jersey blouse that Joked one ‘way when she watt fomeand anateway when she was ay rom home. Everything about her had to siesta tone for ome and one or anywhere thet wa not he: he wa hat could be dike and bobbing or ang rough to eake anyone think she was hearing mai ne hen er meth ‘which was ple and smirking mos ofthe tine, bu righ and pn on these venings ot er nugh which was cial and deling st omre —" Ha, ‘ery anny” — but lighptched and nerves anywhere like te iging fthecharmson be ast Sometimes they did go shopping ota move, but sometimes they went across the highway, Gckng fst across the busy rsd, toa dein taunt where oler kids hang ot The restau! was shaped ie» big Sot thogh sate dun eal bot and on its cep was otevelving gure ofa giningboy who eld honturgeraloOne nit in tidsumaner they a ver or the winahielde and faces all around her er face gleaming with donnanalky amie Se ore nase mil open he pa Hee so Ri Cece up tn wo ie tech tern Co ee te mai” a te esl, shoul or” They ae ee oer scopy and pss and Cone coud sp ce ee ef hopng ples hrigempy pring tan cee ead aed post nomad over the dives ert Se a ng les she couldn hear temas ar le ‘Next morning fune asked her how the movie was and Conn sl “Sos Sine ad that git and occasionally snot gil went out sever times vec at waa thereto the Hane Connie spent around the house — it TeENher Shatin geting infer movers way and thinking, dreaming, RIG bye he met But all the boy fel bck and dissolved ito a single enoteveraface bt an ides, a fehing, eed up with the urgentsistent pounding of the msi nthe hum ight at of Coie’ ne arvegiog er bck to the slight by finding things Forbert do ota ee ee sWhate shi aout the Petia ge” Fagen weld say nerves) "Oh, her That dope” She abwass row tk ca nesters nd suck isan he naher ws simpe Feehsenouh te ive her Her mother ws simple, Conmie though ar eet fle so much Hie mater went suing around ian Te ald bedteam slippers ancl complained over the telephone Pe ne toes te toe other called ip ad the to hen com a ape tind one i June's nave was entioned her mothers one ane and f Con's name was mentioned it as dap OHM eae ily meat ae disked Connie a ztualy Connie though tht race eta ertone cre she was pete, but the We fhe (proms pres of exasperation 9 sense tot they were tugging aa EE se rgmetinge bile ae either tem, Sometimes, cves ole, Beer mst foends, but somthing would come up—scme veaton Ney er ne ty uring sucenly around their heads — and tei foes en had th contr care inv Cue got up at even —none of het bothered with oe dace er oat de ah day Ton. the sun Hee red reahe wan't interest, lig he aa ort Stay ome lene thn” her ther sid sharply Cri a aoe dea inn chin and watched them dee 23 her father quit ad ela nonce sro so tha he could ack the car nt her mother with» fe Tae at 35 ais Rouse and Connie ear any ard notatall softened through the eindshield and oe ap i ane dressed np af she didnt ns what a barb eee on al the running yelling ds and the lies. Connie sat th het sie the eam denming and dazed withthe warmth about er afi Se eel tave the carers of ove ad le ind sipped over on uta the boy she had boon with he rught bone ana how nce he bad rare etiraays was nol the way sermon ie Jane would suppose teen te the wey es in movies and promise in songs ard when am the hack yard ra off he opened her eyes she hardly knee where see gale ferwelne ores and behind ithe sky was perfectly Hise inte thine achenon “ranch house” that eas now thee years ol startled Feri sed small She shook her head 35 ft get ava Teas tarot, She wen! ise the house and ted on the rao bon he go Se ten the edge of her be barefon, and steno ao eensand » half ton prograealed XYZ Sunday Janbore, reco seed of hard fas, shrieking songs she sang along, with, interspersed Tee. Satins fon "Bobby King’*" An Took ere you girs a Napoleon's Baer charley want you to pa Tal chose attention to ths sone coming Asc Cane paid close atlention here ated in 2 glow of slow pulse oy ator ar ysl ut ofthe nus ite en yl Pa out the ars lite soon, ented ina rested out with ea ene ise aid fa of hr chest Attra while se heer car coming up the drive, She sat up at once, stotlod eden it ould be heather 29 soon. Te gravel ept crunching Sil the way in from the soa — the deieway ws kong. ihc rindow oss a car she did’ no It a6 am open jalopy. painted = ght mold tee caught the sun opaquel. Her heart began o pound and her nau natch at hes hat cheshing tn she whispered “Chast Chas renng hove fa she looked, The cnr came f02 stp tthe side door anit {helen nounde four short tape as ths were a signal Connie new ‘She ment inte the htchen and approseed the door showy, then han curt the sree enn er hor escorting dow off he sep, There were PAN the cer and nove she recogized the drive: he had shaggy, shabby lsc ni that looked ray nea wg and he was grinning athe, sin’ Inte am "he sa ‘Wo the el co yo ink you a” Coie i “olga Fl be ost, dt [don teven know who you as Sheapoke sullen corfu shove nofteest or plessune an he spoke inafaatbergntmanetone, Connie ask past hia tthe ober boy aking her tne He ad air bnewn haz witha ek that ll oto his foreead. is sie THe nave hima ere emibarosed lok, buts for he hadnt even bothered recta she Beth bs wore sugleses, The driers lasses were metalic "ou wants cme fr rde?” he sid {Core snr ant her ai al ose ver one shuld Soi ike my ea? lew pant jos he sa wht” She pretended ig ehasing fies aay fom the door Deriich believe me, or what” he a Loken even Les who you ae,” Connie said in igs, Her Eli's gor adie tee. Mines hroke down He ited i arn and showed he the ite tala ie boy was hokng and new Connie Pear Hear the muse Twas the same pengeam tha was playing inside the Tobby King?” shes iste him al he He. ink e's roa.” He's Hind of geet” Connie sai eluant “ite, tat gy Fe brows where the ation is Connie bused tle because the loses made imposible or he te ? sce just a thes Boy wa looking at. She lant decide she ed him ot TEENS ct ere and no she dawn in the danrway and wouldnt come (fowrargnfuch ing. She se" Wha sll thot staf pointed on your ca? “Cattena reat iD" He opened the door very carefully, as i be was esi High fal off Fe ou just a earful, planting is feet Srey the qoundl the tiny metalic wort in his lasses slowing dawn ke goatne Ferdonine snd inthe midst of Cons’ right green Blouse. "This hee is ry tenn wih he said. asc eo wns writen in trike lackleters om the side, with a drawing of # round grinning face that reminded Connie of pumpkin. except tore sunglasses “I ean intros myself Tm Arnold Fiend and thats my real name and I'm gonoa be your (Pend, hones, and inside de a's Elie Oca, he's Kind sh.” Ele brought ita ‘Svtor upto hs shoulder and balanced i thee, "Now these numbers are a Secret coe, honey” Arnold Fiend explained He rad ofthe numbers 381, 17 and raised his eyebrons at hero see wha she thought of tha bul she i = tle mach oft The left rear fender had been sachet and around as ‘wate, on the gleanung gol background: DONE BY enaz7 Nowa One, Connie had ta laugh at that, Arnold Frond was plessed at her laughter and looked up ater "Around the othe sice's a fot mone — you wanta come aed No. “Why no ‘Why should 2 “Donte wanta se what'son the car? Donic wants gofra ride” don’t row” ivy “Igo hing to do. “Like what" “Things. He laughed aif she had said something furay. He slapped his thighs. He was tannin a strange way leaning back agains the car a8 fhe were blaming himsl. He wnerttall only an inch or aller then se woul be if sliecame down to him Connie liked the way he was dreseed, which was the ‘vay all of dhem dressed igh faded jean stated Into lack, sce boots. 2 bell that pulled his wast in and showed how leat he was, and a white pull et shi that a6 lie sled and showed the bard small muscles of his srs and shoulders He looked a fhe probably di hard work, iting anc Carrying things Even ie neck looked mse. And iste oa = amar face seo: the prov ana chin and eheeks slg darkened, becae he ha’ tshaved fora day or two, a the nose long and hawk, srifing nif sheweres teat he was going to gobble up and twas joke Conn, you aint tel te truth Ths is your day set aide fora rde swith me and you know i” hes stil nughing. The way be straightened ‘nd vcavered ron hs tf laughing showed that aa been all ake How do you knw what my name a? ahead suspicion. “vs Cone “Maye and maybe not” Lisow my Connie,” he ai ngging his inger Nov she remembered im even better backs the restaurant and her cheeks warned a the dhought ‘of how she socked in her bret jst tthe moment she pase him — how she must have looked 1 hin. And he ad remembered her. “Ellie and came out ew especialy for you," heseid “Fiera im back How about) ‘Where ‘Where what?” ‘Where're we ging?” He eked at her He tok of he ngs and he sw how pal the ssn amu ees eles hat wee ot nso bind Tan Niatyer wer chipsct broken ls haste ght an amb aoe ee oi wast te oa tong fore somewhere fo ome Fine wrasse eno “Fat for aie, Conte sweeten neve sad my tame wos Co” sei But Know what ov your same anal abut yu, lots of things? Ar Pend i He ante yet stl ning ck Sei ineadeafinptopy"Iioek aspect iret nyo, sue a prety gl eon out ll out you eT kw your patents and ser are gone sree an know where ape ow log thy gig Be gone an Sow who you Were fas igt d your best ee’ name s Betty ge Bn fe spoke in a simple lilting voice, exactly as if he were reciting the sword tong is asus hers evrything was te In he a Ee Tinned up the volume on sad sd di ot other lok arora the. ie can sin tne back sak” Amal Friend sid He indeed is fend with cot rk his chin af Elie did no coun al she could not sother wth him Tow you find oat al at stuf Connie si “Ltn: ety Schult and Tony ks an mm Penge ant Nancy evingor hes. na cant. "Rayon Slay ana Bb utter Do yesh al howe ie” Toww everybody Lock, jour bading Yow ot from around hee “But —how come we never sw yoo “Bute youcew me ble” he sil. He ke down at his boot a he vere titted" de® eet gues armenbe yo” Cone ea He Toke ths, beaming He wos pleased He began to snack tine with he mus om Eli's ai. ppg hfs igh together. ‘Sune take! nay tom his aml othe cs which wes pintd bright ‘Sow rte eyestleakatit She oka tht mae, anu HE. And reTine rot oder wasn exprsion at wa iar = MAN FNC wide was anespresson fad sd th yea beore but ld seh sear She kel a fore whe site mon eat someting oer that eid nat yet brow Whose yw thinking about? Hu" Arnold Fiend demanded, "Not “Think maybe cn’ dive good?” How dol kon?” ; ‘ours atard gil thane How come?” be sid “Doo you know tm our oend® Dn ose me ul ny signin the awh You walked by” what sgn?‘My sign” And he drew an X in the ly leaning out toward er They were maybe ten fet apt Alter hs hand fellback tohisside the X was stil in the ai almost visible: Consie let the sersen door close and ato perc ill ine i, nesing tothe sic fom her radio and the boys blend together, ‘She stated at Amold Fein Hlestood that so sti relaxed, pretending tobe felted, wil ie hand ly a the door handle ap if he were heepng mse Up that way aod adn nition of ever moving again. She recognized most {things about hin the igh ons that showed his highs and batocks an the fgimny leather boots a he tght shir and even that slippery tend sale {this that sleepy dreamy se heal he bys used to get across ens they ‘lid’ want to put int sols. She recognized all his and also the singsong vay he talked, slightly mocking, kidding but serious and ite melas nd she rsogalze the way he epped one Ht against te ther in homage > the perpetual musicbehind brn, Buta ese things did not come together ‘She said suddenly, "Hey, how old ae your” His smile faced, She could see then thst he wasn'ta ki, he was much ‘older thy, maybe more. At this koowledge her heart began to pound fete “That's ese thing task, Ca tcha see 'm your oven age?” “Like hell you ae. “Oramaybe a coupa yes older, eighteen, “Eighteen?” she said doubly ee grinned #0 mamsure her apd Lines appeared atthe comers of Nis mouth, His teh wes big and white He gine so Broadly his eyes Became slisend she sve how thik the las were, hick and black asi parted with ‘block tale mater. Then he seemed to become entharassed, abruptly, Sd looked over his shoulder at Fle. "Hi, he's eazy” he said. “Aint he "in he's ant real character” Ele was tl stening tothe msc, Hs su [loses fol nothang about what he was thinking He wore a bight orange hit uabultonud Ralway to show his ces, which was a pale, Dish chest land not muscular lie Arnold Friends, His shit collar woe med up all ‘ound sn he very tips ofthe collar pointed out past his eh as hey were pectin him He was presing the transistor radio up agaist hs ea and st Thre ina kindof daze, nghtin the sun “He's hind strange,” Connie said “Hey, she says you'te Kinda strange! Kinda strange!” Amol Fiend “ied. He pounded on the cat to gt Elles atention Fle turned for the fast Ure and Cone saw with shock that he wasn a id either — he had fi Tats face, chek revere lightly asi the veins grew to closet the sur face of hi skin the fave of» forty-yearold baby. Connie felt a wove of dizi ess is ihe al his sght and altars atin ait iting fr something 0 ‘change the shockof the soment mabe all ight gain Elle’ lps sept shap- ing woads, munbling long with the words Blasting his eae Mab yu ta belies yo away” Cann al sin. “What? How come?” Amold Friend cried. "We come out here to take you fra tide, Ife Sunday” He tad the voice of the man on the radio now. It trasthe same voce, Connie thugh "Don cha ow it's Sunday al day and honey, no matter Who you were with Ist night tay you'r with Amol Friend and don’ you forget il Maye you better stp out her,” he said, and this as was ina different voice le was ile ter, 28 the heat was Sally geting obi "No. got things tod: “Hey "You two better eave: ‘We ain't leaving unl you come with ws.” “Like ll an =" ‘Conn, do fol around with me, Iman —L mein, dont oul hes, shaking hishead. He laughed inensolousy He placed his sunglasses ‘on top of his head, carefully 96 fhe were indeed retin wig, aa Drought thestems down behind his ests Connie sare at hi another nave o lez ‘eas and fae fsng inher so tt fora moment he wast even in cas at \vasjust bur standing there against his gold car. and she ha the ie tha he Tod duven up the driveway all ight but had come from nowhere ete that su belonged nowhere and that everthing about hit and even the music that was so familiar to her was oly bala “my father comes anc sees you “Heaintcoming. He'sata barbecue.” “How do ys know that” une T's Right DoW they're—ul—Uey'te drinking. Siting round,” he sai vaguely, squinting a fhe were staring ll the way o fown nd over ty Aunt Til's backyard. Then the vision seemed fo lest sed he rocked energetically: “Yeah. Siting around. There's your sister in a Bae ress uh? And high heels, the poor sod bitch—nothing lke you, sweet heat! And your mther’s helping some ft wean mith the com, theyre leaning the con — usking the corn =" “What fot woman?” Connie ced “How do [hnove what ft woman, f don’t know every goxann ft ‘woman ine world! Amol Fiend laughed "Oh, that's Mrs, Hornby... Who vied her? Conn sai She fet» lie ight beaded. Her breath was coming uch ‘She's oo fat I-dn ikethes fat.Iik thern the way you are honey: he sid sning seepil at her They stared at ech ofr fora whit through the sereen door He sid softly, “Now shat you're going to dof hs you're ‘going to come out that door You're going tit up font with ae and Eli's {going tosis the back hell with Eli igh? This a’ Elie date, Yue ry dat. 'm your aver bony” “What? Your'westzy — "Yes, 'm your lover You don’ know what that is but yo will he sid now that toa, how all about you Bu lok’ ral ice and you ci ask or nobody better than me, or more polite. Jala keep my word ll you how iti, Yim always nie at st, the fs tme Lol you so fight you ‘won' think you have fry to getaway or pretend anything because youl Know you cant And 'icome inside you where sal eco ane youl pve ie tome nid youl ove ne