THE DUTIMATE SURVIVAL

GUIDE 10 BEING A GIN

ON LOVE, BODY IMAGE, SCHOOL, AND
MAKING IT THROUGH LIFE

CHRISTINA Dt WITTE
WITH CHROSTIN
 Digitized by the Internet Archive
in 2022 with funding from
Kahle/Austin Foundation

https://archive.org/details/ultimatesurvival0000dewi
THE UUTIMATE SURVIVAL
E A AAR
DTON LOVE, BODY IMAGE, SCHOOL , AND
MAKING IT THROUGH LIFE

CHRISTINA DE WITTE
WITH CHROSTIN
X

RPiITEENS
PHILADELPHIA
 Vv

FOR EMMELIEN,
MY MUSE
Copyright © 2018 by Christina De Witte
Hachette Book Group supports the right to free expression and the value of
copyright. The purpose of copyright is to encourage writers and artists to
produce the creative works that enrich our culture.
The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book without permission
is a theft of the author's intellectual property. If you would like permission to use
material from the book (other than for review purposes), please contact
[email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author's rights.
Running Press Teens
Hachette Book Group
1290 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10104
www.runningpress.com/rpkids
@RP_Kids
Printed in the United States of America
First Edition: August 2018
Published by Running Press Teens, an imprint of Perseus Books, LLC,
a subsidiary of Hachette Book Group, Inc. The Running Press Teens name
and logo is a trademark of the Hachette Book Group.
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The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content)
that are not owned by the publisher.
Print book cover and interior design by
Frances J. Soo Ping Chow.
Library of Congress Control Number: 2017959792
ISBNs: 978-0-7624-9043-1 (paperback), 978-0-7624-9042-4 (ebook)
LSC-C
10°98 Pears 4 3.241
 CONTENTS
Prelegue... 4
Chapter One:
MENTAL STUFF... 6

Chapter Two:
THE BEAUTY OF THE HUMAN BOOTY ...

Chapter Three:
ON FOOD COMAS AND FOOD BABIES... 48

Chapter Four:
FASHION NO-NO OR FASHION GURU?... 75

Chapter Five:
FRIENDS AND FAMILY BUSINESS... 94

Chapter Six:
LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL/SUCKS .. . 113

Chapter Seven:
SCHOOL AND WORK, WORK, WORK,
WORK, WORK... 134

Chapter Eight:
THE INTERNET OF THINGS... 163

Chapter Nine:
SUE VoMe i Loe

Chapter Ten:
UNITED IN DIVERSITY ... 223

Resources and References .. . 237

A (Cheesy) Special Thanks . . . 240
 PROLOGUE
Disclaimer: this is not the ultimate survival guide to being a girl.

ow, before you head back to the store and slam this book on the
counter, yelling something like, “I didn't order this! Give me my
money back!” first hear me out.
I'm not here to tell you how to live your life—as a girl, as a
teenager, or as a human being. I’m here to talk about my experiences
as a teenage girl and to share some of the stuff that | went through
when | was around your age.
Now, | literally just got out of puberty myself... or did I? Is it
ever really over? Who knows? But here's the point I'm trying to make:
my memories from “back in the day” are still fresh. As I’m writing this,
I'm twenty years old. To some of you, twenty might seem ancient; to
others, I'm practically an embryo. I'm good with both.
A couple years ago, | started drawing Chrostin as a getaway
from the real world. Chrostin is essentially a funnier, more
extroverted version of the real me. Recently, | collected my teen-
girl experiences and bundled them into this book. And The Ultimate
Survival Guide to Being a Girl is an answer to all the puberty
guides | used to read as a teenager. The trouble with those “helpful”
books | was given by well-meaning adults was that they only talked
about the physical changes you go through as an adolescent, like
growing pubic hair and battling acne,
| discovered firsthand that there's a lot more to puberty than
just the physical stuff. Being a teenage girl can be harsh. You will be

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 Prologue

judged all the time—at school, at work, out in public. You'll think that
you have a best friend, but then she'll stab you in the back. Perhaps
you'll be bullied, just like many other teens. You'll be sad, happy, and
angry all at the same time. Why? You don't know, and that makes you
even more confused.
| wanted to create a book that also talks about the other stuff
teens deal with—like mental health and diversity —because those
are the things you don't learn about at school. Look, | don’t have it
all figured out. I'm still growing up myself. In all likelihood, I'll have to
consult this book, too, from time to time, especially when I'm having
a meltdown, I'll read it just to remind myself that it's okay to have
bad days—that it’s normal to get confused by the things that happen
around you every day.
So, how does this book work?
You can read it on the toilet, on the train, in the waiting room at
the doctor's office, during your lunch break, at your grandma's house,
in your bed before you go to sleep—you get the point. This book can
be read anytime, anyplace. I've divided it into ten chapters. We'll start
really close to ourselves, by exploring our minds and bodies, before
working our way outward to look at how we deal with others and
with society in general. You choose where you start: whether you
want to read it front to back or back to front, or check out all the
comics and drawings first. There's no chronological order, so you can
put it down and pick it back up whenever you feel like it.
Are you ready for a journey into womanhood?

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 verything we do, think, or feel starts in our heads. That's why
this book begins by exploring the very center of who we are:
our brain and all the mental stuff we deal with as teenagers.

WHERE YOU DRAW THE LIE

OM BEG HONEST
l'm sorry to break it to you, but we all lie. And hey, as long as you're
not hiding a dead body in your backyard, there's not necessarily
anything wrong with that. We also change our minds a lot. That
doesn’t make us liars; rather, it makes us human beings, But when it
comes to honesty, do we really need to tell everybody everything?
Do other people really need to know the unembellished truth always?
Flash back to when | was thirteen: | went shopping for clothes
with the person | believed to be my best friend at the time. After
browsing the racks for a while, we made our way to the fitting
rooms to try on our items. We were, like | said, thirteen. But my

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 Chapter One: Mental Stuff

friend was more “grown-up” than | was, and by that | mean she
already had a D-cup bra at age eleven. It didn’t make her life easy; |
can tell you that.
To make a long story short, she was trying on an incredibly
hideous (and | mean, truly cringeworthy) top and then *insert
dramatic music* she asked for my opinion: did it look good on her?
It didn't.
| freaked out, because I'd never told her a single lie in the many
years we'd been friends. And now | had the following options in which
to answer my best friend:
_
er

1. Be honest and tell her the top didn’t look good on her. This
may have hurt her feelings, but at least she'd make the right
decision and ditch the ugly top. Best friends don't let each
other run around in unflattering attire, right? Right?!
2. Tell her | didn't necessarily dislike it, but that | prefer a
different top she'd tried on before, With this response, |
avoided having to make a negative comment about this shirt by
saying something positive and nice about a different shirt. See
what | did there? | didn't have to be a mean bitch to my friend
and | still saved her the embarrassment of being seen in public
wearing that atrocity of a top. Win-win!
3. Wait and gauge her reaction—see how she felt about the
top herself. Before she got the chance to ask me, I'd jump in
and ask her: ‘Well, what do you think?” If | was lucky, she'd tell
me she hated it as much as | do. If not, I'd improvise.
4, Immediately tell her she looked beautiful in everything she
tried on.| wanted my friend to feel good about herself, and if |
had to tell a lie for that, it was for a good cause.

There's no right or wrong answer here. The truth is that we are

often nicer to other people than we are to ourselves. At least, we
like to think we are. Sometimes it’s okay to hold your tongue or even
tell a little white lie to avoid hurting people's feelings.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

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We lie about tons of things and for a variety of reasons, such as:
* sparing people's feelings (like when your friend shows up with an
awful new haircut... );
«discussing our past (sure, | did volunteer work when | was twelve
and spent my days rescuing baby kittens ... );
*keeping our friend's secrets (nobody's l00-percent safe, except my
bestie); or
* avoiding looking ungrateful (when a friend made you a
drawing and it’s hella ugly, but you have to appreciate the effort,
although you never want to see it again. Not. Ever.).

There are times we choose to lie to protect others, and there

are times we don't. Sometimes we choose to be frank and just tell

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 Chapter One: Mental Stuff

it like it is. People might mistake you for a bitch, but remember:
there's a difference between being mean and being truthful. Also,
calling someone a bitch for giving their honest opinion doesn't qualify
as being nice, either, even if that person swears she'd never lie to
a friend.
If you ask me, being honest is great. People will value you and
your opinion more because they know youll tell the truth. But
remember: it's okay to tell a little fib sometimes. Suppose your sister
just had a baby and you don't think the child is adorable or cute at
all. What do you do? Most likely, you won't go telling your sister
that her offspring is positively hideous—for fear of hurting her and
Causing irreparable darnage to your relationship. So, not telling the
(whole) truth is perfectly okay at times, as long as you don’t go
overboard with it. Just remember: you'll quickly lose credibility if you
lie constantly, so always do so sparingly and about things that aren't
uber-important.

COPING WITH FAILURE

“If | don't have a car, a great job, a family, and a beautiful home by
the age of twenty-five, I’m a failure.” “Unless | earn a lot of money,
| don’t feel like I'm successful in life.” “If sornebody doesn't like me, it
means | messed up.”
Do the above when-l-have-this-then-l'll-be-happy ways of
thinking sound familiar to you? What if | told you that our lives could
be so much easier if we let go of the impossible standards we set
for ourselves?
We all want to be happy. I've never heard anyone complain about
being too blessed or too content, have you? However (and this is the
tricky part), no matter how happy we feel about ourselves, there's
always that one person (you know the one) who seems even happier,
and prettier, and cooler....S50 we tend not to settle for what we
have but keep aiming for something better, bigger. That’s why we are

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

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terribly hard on ourselves; nothing feels like it's good enough when
we compare ourselves with others. We then feel this urge to fulfill
the never-ending desire to be the best.
The key to avoiding this pitfall is compassion. And more
specifically: self-compassion. When you are compassionate, you
choose love over jealousy and anger. You choose love over the
envy you feel when someone else has something you don't,
Compassion can also help you get over negative past experiences
and rise above them. It's natural to be upset (and remain upset)
about unpleasant things that happened to you. It's normal to hold
a grudge against the people who caused you pain, But there’s an
alternative: instead of wallowing: you can try to accept that what's
done is done. You can't turn back time, but you can choose to invest

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 Chapter One: Mental Stuff

all this negative energy you have in a more positive way. If you
learn to simply let things slide sometimes, you'll feel freer and more
relaxed, Just let it go.
Did you know that holding on to anger can cause medical
problems in the long run, too? Stress, burnout, hyperventilation,
back problems, kidney problems, and many, many other nasty things
can spring up due to pent-up anger. The bottom line: it’s better for
your mental and physical health to choose love, to forgive, and to
leave some things in the past.
Loving yourself will also make it easier to cope with any failures
and setbacks you might experience. When you think about it, every
kind of experience will teach you something and enrich you in some
meaningful way. Once you discover the silver lining of failure (you
messed up, but you learned something!), it isn’t that bad anymore.
Once you realize that failing is a part of life, it won't feel like the end
of the world but rather an avenue toward learning new things. After
all, if we never make mistakes, how on earth are we supposed to
learn from ther?
Failure, pain, rejection... everyone makes mistakes and everyone
gets hurt sometimes. Although we tend to believe that the super
successful people we admire never fail and never have to deal
with rejection, that assumption couldn't be further from the truth.
J. K. Rowling is my all-time favorite example. Did you know that her
manuscript was rejected twelve times by book publishers? What if
she'd called it quits after the eleventh rejection? Well, thankfully she
didn't. And her Harry Potter series went on to sell more than 100
million copies. You go, girl!
Whatever adolescent life throws at you, try to accept that a
failure or setback doesn’t define who you are. You are not a failure;
you just made a mistake. Don't question yourself because of it—that
can seriously shake your self-esteem and confidence. Also, you need
to remember that you can't change the past, but you can shape your
future. The sooner you take a step toward positivity, the sooner
you'll be able to let go of all the bad stuff.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

THE WIDE SPECTRUM BF

EXTROVERSIOI ANID IMTREVERSION
Introverts and extroverts. Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psy-
choanalyst, coined those concepts in the early twentieth century.
Unfortunately, we have been using the terms to categorize people
ever since, and that’s a mistake. Here's why: it is a misconception to
believe that a person is either an introvert or an extrovert. Being
introverted or extroverted is more of a continuous spectrum. You
are not strictly one or the other, and your position on the scale may
vary from day to day,

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INTROVERT AMBIVERT EXTROVERT

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Such a man weuld be in the lunatic asylum.”
— Carl Jung

Most people don't strongly self-identify as introverted or extro-

verted, and thus are considered ambiverts. People who are ambiverts
have both introverted and extroverted tendencies. | am an ambivert
myself. For example, I'm very outgoing, but | also tend to get really
nervous when | have to meet someone | don't know. | love chatting
and talking over the phone, but my
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but | hate taking the first step. | can LUMBIC SYSTEM
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being antisocial, too, as | Atte lasscar :
appreciate my alone time.

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 Chapter One: Mental Stuff

The difference between introverts and extroverts is a chemical.

As you may know, our brain has the capacity to create a feel-good
hormone called dopamine. We all have different levels of dopamine-
fueled stimulation in our neocortex,
People who have naturally high levels of stimulation tend to
be introverts—they are cautious about getting overstimulated to
avoid anxiety or stress, People who have a lower level of stimulation,
on the other hand, can get bored easily and will look for external
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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

speak: to feel good. Ambiverts will experience a bit of both, depend-

ing on the situation. Sometimes you'll long for action and excitement;
other times you'll want to block out stimuli to protect yourself and
give yourself a rest. Both are fine, as long as you listen to your body
and your mind!

THE ART oF (eT)

GIG UP ort THINGS
It's a hard-knock life for teenagers. Do you sometimes feel like you've
been trying so hard to achieve something, but it’s just not working
out? Like you've poured your heart and soul into something you really
want, but the many hours of hard work and effort just don’t seem
to pay off? You may have made a little progress, but the result is
nowhere near what you'd hoped or imagined.
| personally believe everyone has at least one point in her life
where she feels like giving up—like throwing in the towel and calling
it quits. | think we can often see the appeal of it depending on the
situation. Keep in mind that this feeling is pretty much universal, so
whoever you turn to for support in your hour of need will have no
problem relating to your situation. Sometimes, a good cry ona
sympathetic shoulder is all you need to get your motivation back.
Unfortunately, there’s other times when—sigh—that's just not
enough to get you back on track.
| remember going through a very difficult time when | was in my
senior year of college, | had to juggle schoolwork and Chrostin work,
writing this book, and planning my first big Chrostin event. |had my
final school project to finish and a business to run, and it wasn't a
walk in the park, Everything went so fast, and | worked long hours.
One day, | got out of bed and immediately felt incredibly weak and
dizzy. Like, as soon as | got up, | had to lie down again. My back and
hands hurt so much, | couldn't draw for a while. It scared the shit out
of me. What if this was *dum dum dum* a burnout?

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 Chapter One: Mental Stuff

| wanted to get on top of the situation quickly, so | went to see

a doctor as soon as | could. He told me | “worked too much without
allowing myself a break now and then.” In order to get all my stuff
done, I'd been denying myself some much needed me-time.
“Do you breathe properly?” he asked.
“Breathe?” | said.
“People often forget how important breathing is. Do you feel like
you can't catch your breath sometimes? Like you're out of breath for
no reason?”
“Sometimes. When | feel a panic attack coming on.”
“Aha. Did you know that you can prevent panic attacks by
learning how to breathe correctly?”
Clearly, | didn't know that. But | took his advice, and I've been
feeling a lot better since that day.
It soon hit me that | had been working toward one big goal and
had lost sight of the smaller milestones along the way. My ultimate
goal was so far removed from what | was achieving day by day that
| constantly felt like giving up. It just seemed so unrealistic, like |was
never going to make it in the end, Luckily, my body warned me in time;
| had to take a break.
It is important to take time for yourself sometimes—not just
to rest, but also to celebrate your small successes, Don't put off
rewarding yourself until you've reached the end of the road, or
you'll struggle to stay motivated for the days, weeks, and maybe
even months it may take you to get there. Treat yourself! Treating
yourself can mean something different to each person. What do you
consider a great reward? Is it a shopping trip? A dessert? A certain
necklace you've been wanting for so long? Remember that treating
yourself is purely for you, and you should not worry about money,
calories, or others things in that moment. You deserve something nice
every now and then.
When you're busy, you tend to forget to celebrate the little
victories and accomplishments because you're too preoccupied with
ticking off items on your to-do list. | used to be oh-so-proud to tell

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

others that | was super busy. Busy, busy, busy. Too busy to attend that
barbecue or a night out with friends. |was working toward something.
| had a goal. | was focused, But was | happy? Not at all.
Nowadays, | make sure to schedule some me-time every week:
a digital detox, a long hot bath, a walk, a Netflix night, a trip into the
city or to the mall. find that it’s a lot easier to maintain my motiva-
tion in the long run if | allow myself some time to relax and look back
on all the minor milestones I've achieved. It's so much easier to chase
your dreams if you charge your batteries every now and again. You
don't see a car driving from point A to B without fuel, do you?
When you're having a tough time and you're tempted to give up,
try to remember why you started in the first place. Make a list if you
have to. Revive the motivation and enthusiasm you had in the beginning
so you'll be able to make it to the finish line.
Oh, and do you breathe properly? Read more about helpful breath-
ing exercises in the section about social anxieties on pages 25-26.

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 Chapter One: Mental Stuff

BREAKING THROUGH THAT

COMFORT ZONE
Friday May 19, 2017. My friend called to ask if we could hang out and
grab some dinner for her birthday. Birthday dinner? Yes, please!
“Of course! | would love to. Who's coming?” | asked.
“Oh, just a few people. Nothing fancy,” she said.
“Do | know them?”
“Um, you know me. And everyone's going to adore you.”
“Heh, okay. See you tonight.”
Oh no. | had this conversation at 2:00 p.m., and the dinner
wouldn't start until 7:00 p.m., giving me a solid five hours to panic. |
completely freaked out because the idea of meeting new people gives
me crippling anxiety. | had to find an excuse not to go. The people my
friend hangs out with are cool people. Like, overly social and famous
and relaxed and... hold on! What was | doing? | was overthinking this
again. | needed to get a grip. | needed to pull myself together before |
left my house. This was me, dreading the prospect of having to leave
my comfort zone.
A comfort zone is a situation, posi-
tion, or level that someone feels
comfortable and confident PANIC ZOME
in. Everything you do that GeHING_ Zone
doesn't excite you or
doesn't give you anxiety
is part of your comfort
zone. Perhaps you've (OMFORT ZONE
heard that stepping out
of your comfort zone
can be good for you.
But here's a whole list of
reasons why leaving your
cocoon is beneficial for you:

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

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1. Your comfort zone will gradually expand if you exceed

your boundaries sometimes. Every little step you take out
of your zone will help you feel more comfortable with
unfamiliar stuff in life. It teaches you to adapt and get used to
new situations.
2. You learn new things. Your brain will stimulate your
dopamine levels (the stuff that makes us happy and satisfied,
remember?) and encourage you to continue doing whatever it
is you're doing. We tend to look for the middle ground, where
we feel a little bit anxious but not too much. When you feel
less stressed and more comfortable, you've successfully
expanded your comfort zone. Congrats!
3. You'll grow more curious about other stuff in life and the
world in general. Doing something you've never done before
will fuel your curiosity,

So, meeting new people is not necessarily a bad thing. How much
you can (or want to) extend your comfort zone at a given time is
absolutely up to you, and only you. That said, there will inevitably
come a time when you have to be brave and face a scary, new
situation. That's why I'll provide some tips and tricks that helped me
broaden my horizons and expand my comfort zone:
* Say, “Screw it! What have | got to lose?” and do the thing.
Find someone to help/motivate/accompany you. Sharing an experi-
ence can lower the threshold and make a scary situation less, well,
scary. For example, take a friend to a networking event. You'll notice
it's not that bad. Go on your own the next time and think of it as a
new level in expanding your comfort zone.
*Prepare yourself mentally. Preparation is key. What can you expect
from the situation you're about to put yourself in? What's the
worst-case scenario? The more scenarios you anticipate, the fewer
surprises you'll run into.
Challenge yourself each day to do or learn something new. Smile at

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 Chapter One: Mental Stuff

people when you are outside walking; don't just stare at the ground,
Order something you've never ordered before at a restaurant. Take
a different route to school. Clean your room and throw everything
out that you haven't used in a year, Go out and start a conversation,
Listen to different kinds of music. Try a new hairstyle.
Don't know where to start? Try out this cool online tool called
whatismycomfortzone.com. After a short survey about your profes-
sional life, lifestyle, and adrenaline consumption, the tool gives you
some great and easy tips on how to extend your comfort zone.

STICK UP FOR YOURSELE!

At this point in my life, | think sticking up for myself comes down to
being able to say no to people without seeming rude or impolite. In
my experience, saying no and being rude are often treated as if they
are the same thing. They are not. Especially when | was a teenager,
| found it difficult to say what was on my mind. Today, | can say I'm
more assertive. Yes, it took me many years of learning. No, it wasn't
easy. But | no longer feel like people can walk all over me, so it was
worth the effort | made as a teen to become more confident and
self-assured,

HOW | FEEL AFTER THE AOOTH HOW | FEEL AFTER ONE TIME
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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

Sticking up for yourself becomes even more difficult when the

situation you're in involves people you are close to, like your best
friend, your partner, or your teacher/boss. But you need to know
why speaking up is important for your future (personal) life and
career. The main reason is that it's easy for people to take advantage
of you if you don’t open your mouth and speak up. And we wouldn't
want that, right?
Try to count how many times you've said yes this week to
things you actually wanted to say no to. If you have zero times,
congratulations! You can skip this section altogether and move on
with your carefree life. If you've counted more than five, | think we
should have a talk. Perhaps you don't want to hear what comes next,
but | promise it'll make you feel better in the end.
It may seem like a good idea to make the following resolution:
you'll never again promise to do something you don’t want to—not
ever. If you feel completely and totally uncomfortable with what you
are asked to do, that is absolutely the right way to go. More power
to ya! The reality is often more ambiguous and complex, however,
and there'll be times when youll feel inclined to agree to things you'd
rather say no to. And that's okay. Sometimes people will ask for
something without necessarily meaning to take advantage of you.
Such requests are called favors, and here are a few examples
of them:
* When your best friend calls and needs you, but you don't feel like
socializing. You would appreciate it if she respected your need to be
alone, but you talk to her anyway.
* When your sweetheart has a very boring family dinner coming up.
Although you know it’s going to be boring and his/her family will
most likely ask you the most embarrassing questions, it’s what you
do for your partner in crime.
* When your best friend asks you to help him move. Everyone knows
that moving involves a lot of stress, sweat, and lower-back pain. But
it's your best friend, and he will reward you by returning the favor
when you need it.

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Now that you know when it's okay to say yes, here are some
ways to say no when it's really necessary:
*No.
* No, thanks.
*No way.
>No way, José. (This one's extra funky.)
*Not for all the tea in China.
* Only when pigs fly.
All kidding aside, saying no is actually a matter of training your-
self how to do it. When you say it for the first time, you'll feel both
empowered and slightly guilty. Try to find a balance between being
super selfish and being utterly selfless. The more unwanted tasks you
manage to eliminate, the happier you'll be. Think of all the extra time
youll have for the things you actually enjoy doing... and for those
mildly unpleasant things for the benefit of your loved ones.

ABUT (ACCEPTING) FLAWS

Accepting your flaws is an important step toward achieving personal
success and becoming comfortable with yourself. Flaws can make
you feel very aware and self-conscious of yourself. Knowing and
understanding that there’s no such thing as a perfect human being is
a great first step to accepting who you are, flaws and all.
| had to look up the definition of a flaw—which is a noun—
and here's what | found: any small to large human imperfection in
a behavior and/or a characteristic and/or an imperfection in a
subset(s). Flaws are very personal and can be everything about
yourself that makes you feel weird about who you are.
Flaws can ultimately become our strengths, because they make us
the unique person we are. Without our flaws, we would be perfectly
complete human beings and that would make us even weirder. Also,
the things you consider flaws can be a reason for someone else to
like you.

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In 20l, when | was almost sixteen, |met a random guy at my high

school. We were the same age but were not in the same class. So, |
didn’t really know him, but | always thought he was kinda cute. As we
started seeing more of each other, we grew closer, and eventually
he became my first boyfriend. |remember being so shy because I'd
never kissed someone before. | considered my total lack of experience
a shortcoming
—it made me feel insecure. Luckily, he is a great guy
and my “flaw” (not being an experienced kisser) was never an issue in
our relationship. We were able to learn from each other, and that is
the most important thing. In hindsight, | feel silly for beating myself up
over my inexperience in the kissing department. It wasn't a real flaw
after all (and practicing was a highly efficient solution).
Another set of self-professed flaws we have to deal with are
those that have to do with our appearance. How do you tackle
those? First of all, remember that what you consider a flaw is often
something another person a) has never even noticed before, until you
point it out, or b) may find cute or attractive about you. Of course,
you don't have to look good for other people, but you do have to feel
good for yourself,
| always used to have a bit more hair growth than the average
girl. Especially on my legs, arms, and facial area. When | was younger,
| did gymnastics and absolutely adored wearing the standard-issue
leotards, | loved choosing a new print when I'd outgrown the previous
one. That is, until one day, when this guy on my team pointed out that
| had a bunch of arm hair. You know what? He was right, | did. But
the way he said it made it sound as if it were a really bad thing. A
dirty thing. Something to be ashamed of. Another girl from our group
Stood up for me, immediately replying that she “thought it was cute”
and jokingly adding that “it was warmer for the winter.” Although
the girl who defended me didn’t think my hairiness was a flaw, |
decided it was from that day onward,
For as long as | remember, I've struggled with the way | look. |
have a love-hate relationship with my Asian roots, because they made
me look different than most people at my school. Did | feel different

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 Chapter One: Mental Stuff

growing up? Yes, because people kept pointing out that | was
different, for whatever reason (as if | wasn't acutely aware of it
already). As a result, my being different made me feel like less of a
person at times, like |was worth less than the others, Which is
completely ridiculous, | know. Your looks don't (and won't ever) define
your qualities as a friend, an employee, a student, or a person, and
they most definitely don't determine your worth.
Here are some practical tips for turning your flaws into
something great:
*Every night, write down things AWS
that you like about yourself. List UNVQUE FEATURES
three things that you've done
well that day and three things
you like about your appearance.
You'll soon notice that there’s
no connection between your
achievements and how you look.
But it is important that you
feel good about both one
aspects of your person. _yweteq
* Tackle your bad habits. yWIQUE
For example, do you
smoke? Bad habits Joo-FAT
are often a coping UNIQUE VNIQVE
mechanism because
they give you a false sense of
control. Take real control and get | eo-BiG
UNIQUE
rid of the stuff that’s bad for youl!
«Find something you're really good at. Are you musical?
Then learn to play an instrument. Do you love to draw? Then go
to art school or take a summer drawing class. Find your thing
and develop your skills. The same goes for your looks: enhance the
features you like. |guarantee that’s a way to help you embrace
the ones you don't.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

SOCIAL AUIXITHES AMD

HOW To DEAL Wit THEM
Earlier, | told you the story of how | learned to step out of my com-
fort zone. When my friend asked me to join a birthday party where |
didn't know anyone except for her, my social anxiety kicked in almost
immediately. My heart rate skyrocketed. My palms became sweaty.
My thoughts went in overdrive.... What was wrong with me?
Social anxiety is the fear of being judged and evaluated
negatively by other people, and it leads to feelings of inadequacy,
inferiority, embarrassment, humiliation, and depression. And social
phobia (another term for Social Anxiety Disorder) is the third-largest
mental health-care problem in the world. That's right.

HOW SOLIAL PHOBIA MIGHT FEEL:

THEY'RE
CAN'T EAT
WHEN EVERNONE'S
PROBABLY LAUGHING WATCHING.

OH, NO. SOMEONE'S

APPROACHING ME.
WHY IS HE LOOKING «
Me IN THE ENES?
DON'T DO THAT.

—> AVL OF THESE THOUGHTS IN 30 SELONDS <—

You could argue that everyone gets a bit nervous at times and in
certain social contexts, But social phobia is more than just being shy.
People with a true social phobia tend to experience distress in the
following situations: meeting new people, making small talk, being the

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 Chapter One: Mental Stuff

center of attention, going on a date, taking exams, speaking in front

of a crowd, being watched or criticized, etc. They may feel extremely
uncomfortable, insecure, and self-conscious when they have to walk,
eat, or make a phone call in a public space. People with social anxiety
can experience this so intensely that they may prefer to avoid social
interaction to keep their stress level to a minimum.
The great news is that social phobia is fully treatable with
effective therapy, patience, and dedication. You may want to try to
control your anxiety on your own first, so here are some effective
tips to help you tackle your phobia step-by-step:
1. Call yourself out on being a Negative Nancy. The problem with
negative thoughts is that they're like self-fulfilling prophecies: if you
start out by thinking you're going to screw up, you're setting yourself
up for failure from the beginning. A negative mindset won't help you
overcome anything. Try to look more realistically at social situations
instead of feeding your fears. For example, if you have to do an oral
presentation in front of your class, remind yourself that people
probably won't even notice that you're nervous because they don't
care as much about the presentation as you do.
2. Shake off the thought that everyone is watching you. Everyone
is not watching you. Focus on being genuine and attentive, rather
than being perfect. Try to be present in the moment and listen to
what is happening around you. But try not to think about what others
are thinking because you can’t truly know what Is inside another
person's head.
3. Change your lifestyle. Did you know that a more active lifestyle
reduces stress and anxiety? Me neither! Try to drink less coffee, tea,
soda, or energy drinks, as they contain a lot of caffeine and sugar.
You may find such stimulants stimulating, but they can also stimulate
anxiety symptoms! Drink plenty of water, go for a run or a long walk,
and get enough sleep. If |don't sleep for at least eight hours a night, |
automatically feel more stressed the next day.
4, Learn to control your breath. Overbreathing (like when you're
hyperventilating) can lead to physical symptoms of anxiety, such as

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

dizziness, increased heart rate, and muscle tension. Meditation could

be a great option for learning to control your breathing.

a. Slow breathing can help you relieve anxiety and prevent

a panic attack. If breathing relaxation is something new to
you, it may be easiest to practice lying flat on your back with
knees bent and feet flat on the floor and slightly placed apart.
b. Next, place one hand on your chest and the other on
your abdomen.
c. Hold your breath and count to ten. Then, breathe out
firmly and think relax to yourself.
d. Inhale slowly through your nose for three seconds. You'll
notice that your hand on your abdomen should rise while the
hand on your chest is relatively still.
e. Then, exhale through your mouth for three seconds, making
that whooshing sound as you breathe out. Again, think relax
to yourself. Now, the hand on your abdomen should fall as
you exhale,
f, After a full minute of breathing this way, hold your
breath again for ten full seconds. Repeat this process for
five minutes. Once you feel like you have the hang of it lying
down, you can start practicing slow breathing sitting or even
standing. You can even control your breath in public.
$e

Sometimes, though, self-help isn't enough. Make sure to check

with your doctor if you feel you might benefit from professional
medical guidance, like therapy or medication. If you want to learn
more about social phobia, make sure to check out HelpGuide.org. You
can find tons of practical tips on how to stop worrying, to release
stress, to become more social, and more. Just remember: social phobia
is nothing to be ashamed of, A lot of people suffer from it, but you
can get the symptoms under control. If you apply the previous tips
and remember how to control your breath, you will take a big step
forward, Go you!

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 GRABS BAK

THE BEAUTY OF
THE HUMAN BOOTY

Ss a teenager, | struggled a lot with how | looked—with the

clothes | wanted to wear and with how | wished | looked like
someone else. This chapter deals with some important questions
you might have about our awesome pubescent female bodies—and
will hopefully inspire you to see the beautiful person in each one of us.

DETERMIIIG YOUR BODY TYPE

Think about this: no two bodies on this planet are identical. Each
and every one of our bodies is absolutely unique. People all over the
world come in millions of different sizes and shapes. Isn't that the
most beautiful thing? But, then, why do | still feel so weird about my
own shape? Why can't |just accept the way | look and go on with my
life? Appreciating the great diversity of body shapes is the first step
toward accepting your own.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

First of all, it's important to understand that what you see in

the media nowadays isn’t representative of what bodies really look
like. Take Taylor Hill, a supermodel who is absolutely flawless
wherever she appears. For her shoots, however, she’s surrounded by
a large team of personal trainers, stylists, makeup artists, and other
professionals. Her pictures are retouched in Photoshop to cover up
blemishes and imperfections. What we see on billboards and magazine
covers is not real life. Real life is the same Taylor sitting on the couch
at home without makeup, maybe even watching Stranger Things just
like the rest of us.

THE MOST COMMON BODN TYPES

(AWLORDING TO FASHION WEBSITES)
HOURGLASS : RECTANGLE:
EMPHASIZE THE WAIST
-Baath - HIGRUGHT THE SMALLEST PART
TAIGHUGHT
OF YOUR WAIST, SD YOUR HIPS
SKIRTS, WRAP DRESSES , WIDE- PROPORTIONAL
LEGGED PANTS ... ~TRY: RUFFLED ToPS, CROPPED
JAKES, TAPERED PANTS...
APPLE: PEAR:
é - FOWUS ON THE SHOULDERS | LEGS “= BALANCE YOUR FIGURE
- TRY = UNG COTS, HIGH WAIST — TRY : OFF THE -SHOULDER
HFS
SWING SKIRTS, Low WAIST A-UNE SKIRIS, BOOT GT
CIGAR PANTS».. PANTS, FLARE DRESIES...
THERE ARE MANY VARIATIONS To THESE BASIC SHAPES :

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 Chapter Two: The Beauty of the Human Booty

When it comes to understanding and accepting your body, you

may want to take a look at different body types first. It’s not always
your size or shape that matters: the fit of your clothes plays an
equally important role in how you look and feel about yourself. Rather
than shopping for trends, you can look for clothes that flatter your
body type; they'll make you feel comfortable and confident. There are
plenty of beautiful clothing lines for all body types nowadays (hooray!),
so youll definitely find some awesome pieces that fit you like a glove.
| used to be completely focused on the parts of my body that |
didn't like, but it's important to see your body as a whole. Dare to look
in the mirror and describe what you see. Try to be as objective as
you possibly can. Perhaps you have fairly long legs? Or relatively short
ones? Maybe you never noticed that you have awesome collar bones
or a long, elegant neck or a beautiful waistline?
Don't be afraid to examine your body. That's how you discover
the parts you like the most, so you can enhance them. It took me a
few years to get there, but | absolutely love how | look now. | learned
to embrace my Asian roots more. I've accepted that I'm not perfect,
but that's okay because nobody is.
Not sure what your body type is? I've listed a few examples. Of
course, it’s perfectly possible that you don't fully identify with one
of these but find yourself somewhere in the middle between two (or
even three or more) types. That’s cool, too!

WY THIGHS LOOK UKE THE SIZE

OF TEXAS WHE STATED
Obviously, Texas is huge and my thighs are not that big. But my
hips don't lie. |used to be a real stick figure when | was thirteen.
Over the course of the next two years, though, boobs started to
pop out. Hips started to expand. My waistline morphed into a bizarre
shape. What was happening? | did not order this. Can | speak to the
manager, please?

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

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STON
It's called puberty, and literally everybody has to go through this.
But back to your beautiful body. Whatever they look like, there are
always reasons to love your thighs. Thighs are truly wonderful. They
helped our mothers with giving birth to us. Laps are awesome because
puppies can fall asleep on them. Whether they are naturally small,
medium, or large, your hips and thighs are beautiful things for you to
embrace and enjoy.

WARING CLOTHING,
EVEN EIT DOESIUT FT THAT WELL
When | was in high school, | used to wear oversized shirts to cover my
female curves. | didn't wear makeup until | was sixteen. |even wanted
to be a boy sometimes. | used to be jealous of the fact that boys
simply have to unzip their pants in order to pee. There was something

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 Chapter Two: The Beauty of the Human Booty

laid-back and casual about boys, and this lead me to believe that
there wasn't as much pressure on them when it came to their looks,
friendships, grades, etc. | thought life would be a lot easier as a boy,

My tomboy phase came and went quickly. lt was more of a tough

facade I'd constructed to protect myself. | didn't want to be an actual
boy; | wanted to become the girl I'd always wanted to be but never
had had the chance to before. Slowly, | gave up skateboarding, started
wearing different clothes, and did my first experiments with makeup.
| felt like | was blooming.
But, apparently, not everyone in my so-called girl gang was
equally thrilled about the transformation | was undergoing. A few
girls bullied me. It started with exclusion. Turning their backs when
| approached. Sending hateful texts. Ignoring what | was saying.
Gossiping about me so | could hear. Giving me nasty looks in the
hallway. All the crappy shit.
The reason for the bullying? They couldn't keep up with the
changes | was experiencing and embracing. | was finally happy, but

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

they weren't digging that. It was confusing to me. Was | supposed

to go back to the old version of myself, someone | didn’t want to be
anymore, just to make my friends happy?
The answer was no. Hell no. Things escalated when | wore a skirt
for the first time. Gosh, you should have seen some of the girls’ faces.
They were angry with me because “| didn’t stay true to myself.” Girl,
let me tell you this: don’t let anyone tell you who you are or how you
should feel about the clothes you want to wear. You are in charge of
your own body and your own person. Be the person you want to be
and feel you are, no matter what anyone else says or thinks.
As | slowly grew apart from the negative people in my life, |
started to feel freer. | played around with different styles and
makeup looks. Nothing feels greater than discovering your own style.
| have to admit my experiments weren't always very flattering
or cute, but trying new things was the only way to find my own
personal look, which | now feel confident and wear with pride.

CHOOSIIG A TATTOO:
THE DOS AUD DOTS
Tattoos can be enhancing, and they often carry a very special
meaning. Other than being aesthetic or symbolic, they're also pretty
.., permanent. Before | tell you about the steps you should take in
preparation for getting inked, I'd like to inform you some more about
what tattooing actually is.
A tattoo is a form of body modification, because it changes
the way your body looks. A design (usually a very personal one) is
transferred onto the dermis layer of the skin using a rapidly moving
needle with ink to change the pigment of your skin. Before someone
can call themselves an official tattoo artist, they must have years
of practice and a number of certificates and qualifications. A tattoo
shop has to be perfectly in line with strict hygienic guidelines as well
in order to operate.

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 Chapter Two: The Beauty of the Human Booty

Even if you've been thinking about getting a tattoo for a very

long time, from a legal perspective, you have to be at least eighteen
years old in the United States to be green-lighted for a tattoo without
parental consent. The regulation for minors differs from state to state.
You may need a written consent from your parent or guardian, or
you may need them to be present with you during the procedure. The
reason for this is that, according to the law, minors aren't equipped to
make a decision that is this drastic and life-changing. A tattoo may seem
cool, but you really have to think twice about making a choice this big. If
you woke up one morning thinking it might be awesome to get a tattoo,
you probably want to hit the breaks and take some time to think about
it first. No matter how much fun it is, planning a tattoo requires a
lot more than choosing a fun design that you like at the moment. It’s
something that will stay with you for the rest of your life.
Of course, I'm not here to tell you what you can and can't do (you
do you, girl), but regretting a tattoo is the last thing you want. If you
live with your parents, you need to make sure to at least inform them
of your plans. If they are not the tattoo-loving type, you should do
them the courtesy of involving them in the process. If nothing else, it
will help them get used to the idea. | made the mistake of simply coming
home one day with permanent ink on my arm. My brilliant reasoning was
that my dad wouldn't be able to do anything about it once it was done,
(He could hardly rub the ink off my arm, now could he?).., But needless
to say, | got the biggest earful of my life.
If you have thought it through and have discussed this with your
guardians if you're under eighteen, and you still can’t sleep at night
because you're so overly excited about a tattoo, you are probably
ready to start your decision-making process. | collected the following
tips with the help of my tattoo artist, and| trust they won't have you
ending up with a pizza tat on your forehead, Please don't disappoint me.

1. MAKE SURE YOU MEET THE CRITERIA.

You need to remember that you're not allowed to get a tattoo if:
* you're a minor (reread the section above to find out why)

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

* you're a minor and you have consent but are found to be too young
by the tattoo artist (they have the right to turn you down if they
feel you're not ready for the procedure)
* you're drunk or high on drugs
* you're allergic to the ink (talk about this with your doctor and artist
if you have any known allergies)

2, BE EXTRA CAREFUL ABOUT THE TATT00 DESIGN YOU CHOOSE.

“If you choose a tattoo that includes text, make sure that the spelling
is right. It's not the artist's fault if you left a spelling error or typo in
the design.
*Be careful with foreign languages, especially ones that use different
writing systems. Always make sure to double-check with a native
speaker that you have spelled something correctly or have the
phrase right. You'll regret taking Google Translate’s word for it if
your tattoo ends up spelling “sweet potato” in Chinese.
«Names. Unless they refer to a family member or someone who
passed away, it’s not a good idea. Friends, public figures/celebrities,
and relationships change. Your tattoo doesn't.
* Anything that's a trend right now. Trends come and go very quickly.
* Anything that’s offensive—l'm talking about offensive or racist
symbols, images, or sayings.
«Everything Internet or memes. Just don't,

3. TTT: THINK. THIS. THROUGH.

Take your time. There's no need to rush. If you still want a tattoo
after weeks of thinking and rethinking it, you know it's not a whim.

4, RESEARCH!
For many people, tattoos are works of art. And since they're so
personal, you may want to do some research/soul-searching before
you choose your design. Here are some things to think about as you
explore what sort of tattoo design you want:
* Who or what inspires you?

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* What style do you like? Check Pinterest for inspiration,

*Find a tattoo artist that suits you and your style. Take a good look
at the artist's portfolio and set up a meeting to see them in person,
You should feel comfortable and sure about the artist working on
you. If you don't, keep looking for the right person. Don't feel
pressured to settle for the first artist you encounter if they’re not
the right fit for you.
* There's only one rule of thumb here: don't get a tattoo on the
cheap. A good tattoo is worth every penny, and the finished result
will reflect the amount you paid for it. Adjust your budget, not your
tattoo or your choice of artist.
* Consider where you want the tat placed on your body. Do you want
it to be visible? Do you want to be able to cover it up for certain
occasions? Think about how noticable you want it to be before you
commit to inking yourself,

5. CREATE A DESIGN.
Artists appreciate it when you try to translate your ideas into a sketch
or drawing. Don't worry about it being “ugly” or “unprofessional.”
| promise you: bringing a sketch or drawing makes it easier for the
tattoo artist to understand what kind of design you have in mind. No
one can read your thoughts, so make sure what you want is clearly
communicated to the artist before the first needle prick.

6. BE PATIENT.
It may take some time before your favorite artist has an opening to
schedule an appointment with you. Don’t be surprised or disappointed
if it takes weeks or even months before you can get your tattoo, As
soon as all systems are a go and you've discussed your wishes, the
artist will make a custom design for you. Don't be afraid to add adjust-
ments or reject the proposal altogether—you're the one who has to
wear it for the rest of your life. Take a few days to see how you feel
about the design. Are you still sure? If so, then you're good to go!

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7.GET INFORMED.
If you've come this far and are still as excited as you were in the begin-
ning, you know you really want this and aren't just acting on an impulse.
Tattoo artists, even the most talented ones, are nothing without
their tools, Let's take a look at what they use to create their perma-
nent body art:
When the big day has finally arrived and you're ready to get inked,
here's a couple of things that are good to know about the procedure
and aftercare:

NTU TOOLS Youk TATTOO ARTIST USES

TATTOO MACHINE

AFTERCARE
MEDICAL SUPPLIES GLOVES
* Getting a tattoo can hurt like a bitch or it can be almost pain-free. It
all depends on the body part on which you choose to put your tat. As
a general rule, tattoos that are placed on an area of skin that's close
to the bone, such as your ribs, neck, spine, or collar bone, are the
most painful, because there is less padding from muscles and fat. Also
sensitive are the areas where your skin is really thin, such as the
insides of your arms, your feet, and your hands, Remember that any
tattoo will hurt a little bit. The good news is: the pain is temporary,
the tattoo is forever, Yay!

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* When your tattoo is done, the artist will cover it in plastic foil to
protect your clothes for the remainder of the day. In the days and
weeks after, some redness and swelling can occur on or around the
tattooed skin, and that area might feel a little itchy. All of this is normal.
Just stick to the aftercare routine recommended by your tattoo artist.
This routine generally consists of applying a special cream to the tattoo
a couple times a day.
* Avoid exposing your tattoo to the sun for the first few weeks/months,
Too much sun can cause the design to blur or can make the colors fade.
That would be a total waste, so make sure you always cover it up or at
least wear sunscreen!
*If you're worried that something is wrong, don't hesitate to contact
your artist for help or advice. They'll be happy to assist!

FIVE PRACTICAL TIPS [6 HELP You

FALL HH LOVE WITH YOUR BODY
One of the biggest questions | asked myself as a teenager is how
the heck people get to the point where they feel confident about
their bodies. While everybody else seemed absolutely beautiful and
comfortable in her own skin, | just sat there feeling trapped in a
package | didn’t care for at all: my body.
If there's one thing | found myself struggling with over and over
again, it was my body image. Unfortunately, | was one of the girls who
was brainwashed by society's beauty standards. As a young girl with
foreign roots, it was difficult to find people like me represented in
mainstream media, Why didn't | look like the women on billboards,
TV shows, or magazine covers? | couldn't identify with them, and that
didn't exactly help my self-esteem.
| soon figured out that no one was going to change my body image
for me; | would have to do the heavy lifting on my own. So | started to
take care of myself as a part of my self-love process. | followed five tips
that helped me improve my body image. I'll share them with you here:

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

RoWpl 1VEARN To_Aceer MSELE?

LISTENING To MY Body

FUELING MY
Bony WITH YUMMY, z
HEALTHY FOODS GETTING RUD OF PEOPLE
WHO MISTREATED MEY

UPDATING —~ “4
MY WARDROBE a

STOPPED OBSESSING ABOUT MY WEIGHT

1. Get rid of people who constantly judge you for how you look.
Seriously, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. If you love
you, other people will, too.
2. Listen to your body, Sometimes it tries to tell you things
you don't want to ignore. Sleep enough. Get enough rest. Take time.
Drink plenty of water. People tend to forget about their body's most
basic needs,
3. Update your wardrobe. | got rid of the clothes that made me
look like a potato and started looking for pieces that were cute and
comfortable, | was unapologetic about the way | looked, and that
felt so great!
4, Overcome your obsession with your weight (if you struggle with
this, like | did). | figured I'd lost enough time freaking out about my “ideal
body” and started living life instead, | found a new hobby. Walked around
naked, Treated myself. Allowed myself to fall in love again.
S. Fuel your body with healthy yummy foods. | discovered the
soothing and therapeutic effects of cooking, so | started to prepare
more (and more balanced) meals for myself. Of course, |still allow myself
to enjoy the occasional unhealthy snack in order to keep myself sane.

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 Chapter Two: The Beauty of the Human Booty

WHAT To Do WHeN
YOUR EARRINGS SMELL HASTY
If you wear earrings, you've experienced this at least once in your
life. You remove the earrings you've been wearing for the last couple
of days. You're not sure why, but something tells you to take a good
sniff. Nothing in your life could've prepared you for it, but there it is:
the damn things smell like French cheese on a hot summer day.
If it seems as if even the most hygienic person can't avoid ear
gunk, that’s because it's perfectly natural. We all have it. As a matter
of fact, it doesn’t have much to do with your personal hygiene at
all. It's natural for your body to secrete something called sebum, an
oil-like substance that lubricates your skin and makes it waterproof.
Sometimes, you can wipe the sebum off your jewelry and it looks like
a thick, yellowish drop of goo. Yuck!
The good news is that you can minimize the unpleasant smell
by following some very easy steps, which work for any kind of
metal piercing:

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

«If your earring holes are completely healed, you can take your earrings
off while you shower. Clean your piercing area with soap.
*Clean your body jewelry often, Metallic jewelry can easily be cleaned
with warm water.
* You can pour a drop of natural lavender oil on your earrings to
condition ther.
Ta-dahl If you stick to this easy routine, the cheesy smell will be
less noticeable,

WHY FEUIUITE HYGTEME PREDUCTS

SHOULD BE FREE
This is a question I've been asking myself for so many years. Mother
Nature gave us this beautiful thing called our period. This is what
happens when a female body discharges stuff (blood and excess tissue)
it no longer needs. It comes from the uterus, which prepares itself
every month (depending on your cycle) to receive a fertilized egg by
creating extra lining. If an egg is fertilized, it'll nestle in the uterus and
the woman will be pregnant. If not, she'll have her menstruation or
period. Is it natural? Yes. Is it weird? It can be a little bit weird the
first time.
| had some questions about menstruating | didn't dare ask my
friends or relatives.

Peried, Smells
Well, it shouldn't. Your period blood is the cleanest blood that will ever
leave your body, Regardless, a strong, metallic odor can sometimes
occur, Where does it come from? It happens when the period blood
comes into contact with air. If you change your sanitary napkin or tam-
pon frequently enough, there should be no unpleasant smells. Depending
on the type of product you use, you should change it every couple of
hours to make sure you are staying dry, hygenic, and un-smelly.

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 Chapter Two: The Beauty of the Human Booty

Using w Tampon Correctly

No period protection should hurt you. They are designed to make
your period a bit more bearable while being as minimally invasive
as possible. Look for the kind of product that best fits your needs.
There's tons of available options on the market nowadays, so I'm sure
you'll find your match!
_ Tampons come in different sizes and varieties to serve different
purposes. There are daytime and nighttime tampons, tampons meant
for exercising and sports, etc. Inserting a tampon might feel a little
funny at first, but it shouldn't hurt. However, if a tampon feels
uncomfortable to wear, there are a few alternatives you can try out.
In addition to tampons, you can try sanitary pads and menstrua-
tion cups. In general, there's two types of protection products:
external protection products (sanitary pads) absorb the blood once
it's outside of your body, whereas internal protection products
(tampons and cups) are placed inside your vagina to collect menstrual
blood and prevent it from leaving your body,
Both types are safe; you just have to figure out which type is
most compatible with your lifestyle. Are you an active girl? Are you
involved in a lot of sports? Consider trying a tampon or cup if you
move a lot, because those can feel more secure. Whatever you do,
always remember that the choice is completely up to you.
There is a slight risk of TSS (toxic shock syndrome), a disease
that is related to tampon usage. But don’t worry—the chances are
absolutely minimal that you'll develop TSS, and if you change your
tampon regularly (read the instructions to know exactly how often
you should do this), you'll be perfectly fine!
But aren't tampons and sanitary pads bad for the environment,
you might ask? If you're concerned about environmental issues, you
can try alternative options to sanitary pads and tampons. Most of
them are available in grocery stores or drugstores:
-Nenchlerine bleached all-cetten pads and tampons: They
look like the conventional products, but they are organic and more

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

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biodegradable, which also makes them a bit more expensive than
their regular counterparts. Available in some of the larger super-
markets and online.
-Reusable and washable pads and peried panties: Yes, they do
exist! They work the same but instead of throwing them away, you
wash them. They can be a little expensive at first, because you have
to buy them in bulk, but you can reuse them for years. Also a great
option for girls who are a little sensitive down below. Available in
natural products stores and online.
Sea sponge lampens: My mom uses these! They look like regular
sponges but are actually harvested from the ocean. When you insert
the sea sponge into your vagina, it absorbs the blood flow. The
sponges aren't very expensive individually, but you have to change
them frequently, just like regular tampons. Available in natural/bio
stores and online.

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 Chapter Two: The Beauty of the Human Booty

The Whys ef Paying fer

Feminine Hygiene Preducts
Feminine hygiene products are taxed as “luxury items.” Yep, you
read that right, and nope, I'm not kidding. The government thinks we
bleed for fun, so they think it's reasonable to let us pay thousands
of dollars to buy the accessories we need to stop the blood from
squirting all over the place.
All kidding aside, millions of women worldwide don't even have
access to period protection, and in India alone, 70 percent of repro-
ductive health conditions are caused by poor menstrual hygiene.
Luckily, more progressive countries are pioneering a number of
programs to correct this injustice. In July 2017, Scotland started a
six-month trial of free tampons and sanitary napkins, enabling low-
income women in the city of Aberdeen access to free feminine
hygiene products. Angela Constance, cabinet secretary, commented
that it's simply unacceptable that some girls and women are forced
to go without the sanitary products they need because they are
struggling financially. The program is expected to help more than one
thousand women in the city of Aberdeen, With this practical solution,
Scotland is trying to help eradicate period poverty. Hopefully, many
more countries worldwide will follow Scotland's lead in launching
similar initiatives. Go, Scotland!
If you want to learn more about period protection, check out
plannedparenthood.org and youngwomanshealthorg.

SHAVING Ol
| remember being friends with a girl in ninth grade. Let's call her Alice,
for the sake of the story. Alice was a blonde, and the hairs on her
body were rather thin and light in color, so they were less visible
and noticeable. Mine, on the contrary, were pitch-black and super
thick. We were both fourteen, and a lot of girls in our class were

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

experimenting with shaving and waxing. To me, the whole thing

felt a bit weird, and | didn’t really want to give it a try. Randomly
attacking my legs with a razor without any shaving knowledge just
wasn't something | was ready to do. I'd heard so many horror stories
about shaving: the hairs will come back and they'll be even thicker and
more numerous, the razor will tear your skin off, and so forth. In fact,
I'd already shaved my hairy arms using my dad's razor. That wasn't
the brightest idea, in hindsight, because the hairs grew back even
thicker and darker and in a very odd pattern.
Back to Alice. One day, we were sitting next to each other
during recess when out of the blue she pointed at my legs and
jokingly said, “I'm going to buy you a shaving kit for your next birth-
day!” Wait, what? Was this well-meant or was she poking fun?
ee

| knew my leg hair was more visible than hers, but was it really that
noticeable? | clearly had no clue. Notice how I'd never thought about
shaving my legs until someone pointed out that they “needed” to be
attended to,
Think about it: when did women decide to start getting rid of
their body hair? And more important, when did it stop being a choice
and start being a must?
First of all, growing body hair is a natural Ca
phenomenon for both men and women. ae
Facial hair, armpit hair, leg hair, pubic hair, a FRIDA KAHLO
back hair... wherever you have skin, you ap &
can grow hair.
Both boys and girls have facial hair.
Usually, it is unnoticeable with girls, Teenage
boys' facial hair becomes dark and thick
under the influence of testosterone (that's
the male sex hormone). Growing a beard is
one of the effects of male hormones. So is
noticeable facial hair something only boys have?
No. Girls can have visible facial hair, too.
Some girls might have a little moustache or a

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 Chapter Two: The Beauty of the Human Booty

es) R slight unibrow, just like the famous

Mexican painter Frida Kahlo,
6 HARNAAM KAUR & Another example is Harnaam
B CE edested sdlaede bach acl) glossy beard of
her own since she was sixteen. This is a
symptom of her PCOS (polycystic ovary
syndrome), a condition that messes with
a women’s sex hormone (estrogen and
progesterone) levels and throws them
off balance. Common symptoms include
hirutism, also known as hairiness.
For a very long time, Harnaam
chose to go through the painful
and tedious process of removing her facial hair, but that’s how
she allowed the bullies to get to her. She tried shaving, waxing,
plucking—everything. She wanted so badly to be accepted by others
when she hadn't fully accepted herself. With the help of her suppor-
tive brother, she slowly gained confidence. She finally let her beard
grow, Just for a couple of days, at first. Then later, she stopped going
to the beauty salon altogether and decided never to have her (she
uses female pronouns to refer to her beard) removed ever again, even
if she could!
The message Harnaam wants to spread is that women should do
whatever they want with their body hair. If it makes you sad, remove
it. If you like it, rock it!
So do you have to shave? To cut to the chase: no, you don't. But
you may have noticed there are some prejudices out there about
shaving, and different rules seem to apply for men and women. If
you already have some experience with shaving, you might or might
not have had an unpleasant, itchy burning on your skin, or maybe the
areas you've shaved have felt very dry and sensitive at times. In this
section, I'll explain what you can do to take care of your shaved skin
and what to do when you accidentally cut yourself while shaving
(because that can sting real bad!),

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

Shaving 101
Continued
When you're ready to start experimenting with hair removal, you'll
notice there are tons of different methods to choose from. The most
common ways of removing hair are: manual shaving with a razor,
electric shaving, and waxing (or plucking if it's tiny, facial hair).
There are so many different brands of razors out there, but
generally, the good old drugstore brands will definitely get the job
done. Prices for manual razors range from real cheap ($2), which |
don't recommend, to quite expensive ($20 to $30). The pricey ones
aren't necessarily any better than their more affordable counter-
parts, so any razor that’s bang in the middle of the price range will be
perfectly fine. For electric razors, you'll pay a lot more ($50 to $200).
Waxing strips are usually priced between $5 and $15, depending on
the brand and the number of strips in the box.
Whatever method you choose, taking care of your skin after
hair removal is extremely important. If you use a manual razor for
shaving, you're going to have a rough time if you don't use shaving
cream during and body lotion after running the razor over your skin.
Red, itchy skin is not uncommon if you don't take proper care of the
areas you shave. If you shave safely, however, you can easily achieve
smooth, hairless skin with zero or minimal irritation. Here are some
very quick tips that worked for me (and | have sensitive skin):
A bit of trial and error will probably be needed to find the hair
removal method that works best for you. I've tried waxing and
threading (with a thread in a beauty salon), but in the end, regular
shaving still works best for me. | use shaving cream for very
sensitive skin types, a razor that | change every two weeks,
and a moisturizer to hydrate my skin after shaving.
*Use a good shaving cream if you use a manual razor. Your skin can
feel tight if you only use water. Shaving cream makes it much
easier to move your razor across the skin surface, and it also helps
to keep your skin hydrated,

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 Chapter Two: The Beauty of the Human Booty

*Be careful when you shave (even when you're in a hurry because you
only have twenty minutes left to get ready for that party)! Razors
are sharp, and if you are too enthusiastic with them, you might end
up cutting yourself. If this happens, don't panic. It can sting like a
mofo, and there might be what looks like a lot of blood, Rinse the
cut with water and disinfect it once you're out of the shower or
bath. It's best not to cover the cut with a Band-Aid, though; if you
allow air to get to it, the cut will scab over and heal faster.
* Take care of your shaving zones, wherever they are. Keep the skin
hydrated and use baby powder to treat any irritation you may have.
Especially for your bikini line, baby powder or baby lotion can go a
long way in treating mild shaving rashes or bumps.
*Leave plenty of time between two shaving sessions. If you shave too
often, the hair will grow back very quickly and you may end up with
ingrown hairs. Trust me: you don't want that.
«Drink enough water to keep your skin supple and healthy.
Remember that shaving is a choice, never a must.

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 ON FOOD COMAS AND
FOOD BABIES

hy is it so important to have a healthy relationship with food?

Read on to find answers to some pressing and important
food questions!

WHY UNHTALTHY Foods

ARE DEUCIOUS . . . BUT $6 BAD!
| enjoy a good bowl of pasta from time to time. | allow myself to have
a nice dessert after dinner. | can't resist my favorite kind of chips,
and | have a soda every now and then. | know that eating junk food
regularly is linked to many health problems, such as heart diseases and
high blood pressure. Then why do | keep doing this to myself? | know
that with every bite of pizza and every sip of soda, I'm slowly killing
myself, but | just find eating junk food so satisfying.
What is it that makes doughnuts, ice cream, chips, and pizza so

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 Chapter Three: On Food Comas and Food Babies

delicious? And addictive? | often curse the unfairness of it all. | wish

junk food was healthy and vegetables weren't.
Michael Moss is a New York Times journalist and the writer of
Salt, Sugar, Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us, Steven Witherly
is a food scientist who's spent the last twenty years looking for
that one thing that makes certain foods tastier than others and has
collected his findings in his report ‘Why Humans Like Junk Food,” So
it's safé to say that both men are junk-food experts.
According to Moss, junk food can be seen as a kind of legalized
narcotic. The big fast-food companies have succeeded in manipulating
three key ingredients to make these bad-for-you foods irresistable:
salt, sugar, and fat. Those ingredients behave like drugs in our brain—
they give us pleasure and satisfaction. And, of course, if we consume
large amounts of those three substances, they'll always leave us
craving more, simply to keep satisfying the high levels we've become
accustomed to. Moss explains that the team of scientists employed by
junk-food companies calculate precisely how much of each ingredient
is needed to keep their consumers hooked. And they keep tweaking
this secret formula to make their food even more addictive.
Whitherly, in his report, discusses the “Big Six,” which are six
factors that determine why certain foods are more delicious and
addictive than others. Our favorite snacks usually show most, or all,
of the following characteristics:
- Taste Hedenics, as Whitherly calls them. “Delicious” foods contain a
lot of salt, sugar, MSG (flavor enhancers), and flavor-active com-
pounds, The quantities are measured carefully to maximize psycho-
logical effects. Taste plays an important role in how much we enjoy
certain foods, as well as other parameters such as temperature,
texture, and fat percentage.
Dynamic Centrast. The tastiest foods have contrasting textures
and flavors. We like it when our foods crunch, snap, crackle, and pop.
Along with food hedonics, this is the most important reason why
we like certain foods better than others. Also, our food has to look
good; we are visual creatures, after all.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

-Eveked Qualities. Part of the reason why we like certain foods is

that we remember how much we enjoyed eating them in the past.
Thinking about it, we remember exactly what that meal tasted like,
and so we're happy to discover that it’s still just as yummy when we
order it the next time. This kind of food nostalgia explains why the
recipes to some classic foods and drinks, such as the Big Mac and
Coca-Cola, have been the same for many years.
- Feed Pleasure Equatien. If a food or a drink has a low calorie
count, the manufacturer has to add more bells and whistles to the
recipe to increase the overall pleasure. Think about diet sodas: they
have less sugar and calories, but if you read the label, you'll find a
whole bunch of additives and extra stuff used to make it taste good.
-Caleric Density. If 0 is the score for water and 9 for pure fat, the
sweet spot for junk food is somewhere around 4 to 5.
Emulsion Theery. Our taste buds adore emulsions. We enjoy it
when two liquids or substances that do not naturally mix are joined
together. Salt-fat or sugar-fat combos especially are almost univer-
sally considered yummy.
All of these theories might seem a bit abstract to us, because
most of the time we have absolutely no clue what's in our junk food.
Bearing the Big Six in mind makes it a little easier to understand
why we like, let's say, Doritos—a popular brand of tortilla chips that
brings a lot of pleasure to a lot of people. The chips combine high
quantities of salt with high quantities of sugar. That's right, sugar.
Even though we don't really notice it, it’s there, and it's what gives
the chips their signature flavor. The seasoning gives them an extra
kick and increases salivation. The tortilla chips are crispy and crunchy,
and the evoked qualities are enhanced. Whenever you buy your
favorite kind of Doritos, they taste exactly the same as they did the
last time—that's why they're never not good,
So, yes, there are scientific reasons that explain why your brain
likes junk food: big brands have succeeded in creating a perfect
balance between sweet and savory that your brain just love love
loves. Food companies spend millions and millions of dollars to design

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 Chapter Three: On Food Comas and Food Babies

the kind of foods that get you hooked,

Luckily for us, we can conquer this addiction. Obviously, it’s
nothing like being addicted to a hard drug, but some people do expe-
rience a really strong urge to consume these processed foods that is
almost like a drug addict's yearning for the next hit. Certain people
simply have a stronger hedonic drive for junk food than others. In
addition to psychical reasons, there are a number of psychological
reasons why people might crave junk food, for example, stress or
emotional eating.

Hi EVERYONE. MY NAME [S
CHROSTIN AND 1 HAVE BEEN
A JUNK FOoD JUNKIE FOR
3 MEARS NOW...

The question is: can we kick the habit and beat this addiction on
our own? The answer is yes. If you eat less junk food, you'll crave less
junk food, Unfortunately, it’s not always that simple. “Just stop doing
it” is the theoretical solution to any kind of addiction, but the reality
is a little more complicated. Here are some practical suggestions to
help you break the fast-food eating cycle:
“If you don't keep junk food around the house, you can't eat it. My
lifestyle and health coach, Amy, tells me that when |go grocery
shopping, | should try to stay in the outer aisles of the supermarket.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

Why? Because that's where the vegetables, fruits, and other healthy
foods tend to be. The deeper you go into a grocery store, the more
processed foods youll find.
*My grandma once told me: if you can’t pronounce the ingredients,
don't buy it. By that she meant stearing clear of all the chemicals
that are added for flavor or the preservatives that help keep the
food edible for a long time.
-Experiment with cooking. You can find lots of delicious and easy
recipes on Pinterest, even weekly menus! Try new things and mix up
your meals to keep things interesting.
* Avoid stress-eating. | know, | shouldn't be talking. |often make this
mistake myself. But recently, I've managed to find other ways of
coping with my stress. We all have stress sometimes, but there are
other, healthier ways to reduce it. You could try breathing exercises
or yoga. Going for a run, listening to music, or creating art are really
good options, too,
«Remember that each day is a new day. Okay, so maybe you overdid
it a little on the ice cream and pizza yesterday, but that doesn't
mean you can't try again today. Every day is a new opportunity to
take better care of yourself.
There's a lot more to be said about (junk) food, so if you're
interested, here are some great documentaries on this topic. Because
we all love food and we all love movies, right?
* Cowspiracy: The Sustainability Secret (2014): explores the claim
that animal agriculture is the number-one threat to the environment
nowadays.
*Food, Inc, (2008); deals with the issue of corporate farming in
America.
* Soul Food Junkies (2012): positions the cultural implications of African
American soul food against their healthfulness,
* Super Size Me (2004): about a guy who eats nothing but McDonald's,
three times a day, for an entire month.
*Hungry for Change (2012): claims to reveal all the secrets the diet
industry is keeping from you.

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 Chapter Three: On Food
Comas and Food Babies

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WHY DRMKING WATER CAN

CHANGE YOUR LITE
You probably already know that your body mostly consists of water:
about 60 percent. On average, we lose one to two liters of water a
day from breathing alone. Sweating and urinating also cause us to lose
a lot of water. All that water has to come from somewhere— that's
why we have to, you've guessed it, drink it!
If you don't drink enough, your body will become dehydrated.
When this happens, your cells run dry and have a hard time taking
care of the daily routines of your body. If you're thirsty, it’s actually
already too late. You should avoid getting thirsty by proactively
drinking enough water during the day. You can do that by taking a
water bottle with you to school, work, or the gym. You'll be sipping
more water and you won't even know you're doing it. Obviously,
you'll have to pee more often, but that’s just how your body works,
and you'll get used to it eventually.
If you're fully hydrated, which is good, your pee should be color-
less, If you're somewhat hydrated, your pee might be a bit yellowish.
If your pee is a really dark shade of yellow, it means your body is
severely dehydrated. What's the big deal, you're wondering? Well,
since water is a very important fluid in your body (it helps to trans-
port nutrients, keeps your muscles flexible, speeds up the healing
process when you're sick, etc,), it needs to be replenished and
refreshed from time to time. If not, your skin will get dry, youll
feel tired and low on energy, you'll get headaches, and you could
experience a whole range of other health problems.
Every health website or magazine will probably tell you
something different about the amount of water you should drink.
Some will claim 33 ounces (| liter) is enough, while others will insist
that 67 ounces (2 liters) is nowhere near enough. The truth is, every
person has different needs, For example, if you're an athlete, you
probably need to drink more water than the average person. You can

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 Chapter Three: On Food Comas and Food Babies

find out how much water you need on a normal day by dividing your
weight (in pounds) by two (result in ounces), For example: | weigh
132 pounds. I32 divided by 2 is 66 ounces. That's approximately 195
liters (or about 8 cups) of water a day. Of course, on days when |
exercise or it's hot outside, I'll need to drink additional cups in order
to stay hydrated.

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Ceffee and Tew Are

Net Substitutes fer Water!
Yes, coffee and tea contain water. However, caffeinated drinks also
flush the water out of your system. So don’t count on them alone
to keep you hydrated. Avoid drinks like sodas and soft drinks, because
they contain a lot of sugar and artificial flavors that are really bad
for you. The best option is just to drink plain water.
You think it’s boring? It doesn’t have to be!
Here's how to pimp your basic water:
*Buy a hipster water bottle that will motivate you to drink water.
*If you like it fresh, add some lemon, lime, and mint to your
water bottle.
°If you like it fruity, try a combo of strawberries, raspberries, and
blueberries. For extra flavor, gently squeeze the fruits before you
add them to your water.
«Strawberry, watermelon, and kiwi are your best friends! Simply add
them to your water to give that detox boost your body deserves.
*Experiment with combos of flavors: grapefruit and thyme, pineapple
and rosemary, cucumber and lemon... or simply create your own.

IT’S CooL [6
STAY HYDRATED
You can start your morning the right way: while you were sleeping,
a lot of toxins and waste products have built up overnight and your
body has become super dehydrated. As soon as you wake up, drink a
large cup of water just to kick-start your metabolism and to get your
blood flowing. Do the same thing before you go to bed, The water
will help your body detox during the night.
Take water breaks during the day. Get up from your desk or sofa
and get a glass of water, or sip regularly from your water bottle.
Drink water before and after you eat, approximately thirty minutes

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 Chapter Three: On Food Comas and Food Babies

before and thirty minutes after every meal. This helps your digestive
system process your food.
Also, keep an eye on your skin and body. You can often tell from
your skin if your body needs more water or not. If you don't drink
enough, your skin can lose elasticity and appear more wrinkly than it
actually is. Your skin is your biggest organ, so you better take good
care of it. —
When you exercise, always keep water close. Drink before,
during, and after every workout—
it's recommended to take a few
sips at least every twenty minutes or so. Remember to keep your
water and sodium (salt) intake balanced.
Eat more fruits and veggies! Boring? Maybe. Hydrating? Sure!
Watermelon, strawberries, tomatoes, cucumbers, broccoli, peppers,
cauliflower, and grapefruit are examples of juicy foods that
contain more than 90 percent water. And getting water this way
is fun, because you don't have to drink it.
Avoid drinking a lot of alcohol (and only if you are of legal age,
of course). You might feel like you're hydrating by doing so, but that’s
mostly because the alcohol disturbs the communication between
your kidneys and your brain. In other words: when you drink alcohol,
your body “forgets” to tell you that it needs water, which can result
in dehydration.
Drinking too much water is also a thing, and it’s called hyponatre-
mia. It can be dangerous. If your cells have to absorb too much excess
water, they start to swell up. If your brain cells are swollen, that
can cause a lot of health problems, such as confusion, disorientation,
nausea, cramps, bad headaches, and even coma. Hyponatremia has
killed a number of marathon runners in the past.
So, always keep a healthy balance, peeps! The trick is not to
wait until you're thirsty and to make sure you drink enough, but don't
overdo your water intake, either.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

SUGAR Cova: HOW SWEETS

CAI WAKE YOu FEEL BAD
It's strange, right? Eating sugar, which should give you an energy boost
right away, can actually make you feel lazy or tired in the end. You
might be energetic or hyper for a while, but as soon as the sugar buzz
wears off, you'll start feeling sluggish and sleepy. There are many rea-
sons that explain why you feel this way, but it usually has something
to do with your blood-sugar level. When you eat or drink something
sugary, this causes a sudden spike in your blood-sugar level, and your
body then needs to recover and adjust to this sudden change.
If you often feel really tired after consuming sugary goods, you
should consult your doctor to check for sugar-related conditions like
diabetes. However, if it only happens once in a while, you shouldn't be
worried, because this is normal for many people.
Your body works hard to balance your sugar levels, and this takes
a lot of energy under any circumstances. If you add overly sugary
foods to the mix, your body has to work extra hard to maintain the
status quo. As a counterreaction, it releases a hormone called insulin
to gradually lower the blood-sugar level. This is when you can feel your
energy levels plummet and you become tired or lazy.
Sounds familiar? Then maybe you should take a close look at your
sugar intake. Consider the following foods. Do you recognize a lot of
stuff you've been eating recently?
* Cake, chocolates, candy, pastries, anything confectionery
Fruit (bananas, grapes, apples, pineapple) but also fruit and
vegetable juices
*Pizza, potatoes, chips, and pasta. You might not expect this, but
processed foods contain a lot of artificial sweeteners that can
make you feel dizzy and tired. The body treats those sugars like
any other kind of sugar.
*Dairy products (e.g, milk, yogurt)
*Corn products (e.g., popcorn, cornbread)

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 Chapter Three: On Food Comas and Food Babies

Giving Up Sugar?—
That’s the Questien
Hold on, sister! One step at a time. If you're used to having sugar e
very day (from fruit, desserts, junk food, or other foods), it’s not
recommended to completely remove it from your diet all of the
sudden. Even if giving up sugar is a long-term goal you've set for
yourself, do it in baby steps so your body can get used to the change.
However, | suggest you consult with a professional first before you
take any action. If you want to keep your energy level up, it’s best
to avoid drastic changes to your eating patterns (such as crash diets),
so your blood-sugar levels remain stable.

Hew Net te Feel Tred

After Eating Sugary Feeds
There’s a number of things you can do, First of all, drink plenty of
water to keep your body cells working. Dehydration can lead to
tiredness, as explained previously. Eat smaller meals, and eat more
frequently. If possible, eat your meals around the same time every day.
If you eat more frequently, but smaller amounts, it’s easier for your
digestive system to process your food, Less energy used = less tired.
Eat more foods that are high in fiber (beans, nuts, blackberries)
and fewer foods that are high in carbohydrates (white bread, white
rice), My health coach taught me that fibrous foods keep you satisfied
for longer, so you'll have fewer cravings after or between your meals.
Another great way to prevent fatigue after sugar intake is to
exercise. Exercising for twenty minutes, three times a week, will
increase your productivity and energy levels while reducing your
Stress levels.
| took the test myself and reduced my sugar intake for one whole
week, In my experience, one week was too short to really feel the
difference—you'll probably be able to notice the first real effects
after two or three weeks. My findings, though, were as follows:

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

- Surprisingly, | felt more energetic in the morning, and | am the laziest

person in the whole country in the morning hours. | usually lie around
stinking in my bed for about an hour before | finally manage to get
up. To my own surprise, after two or three days of eating less sugar,
| found myself jumping out of bed right as the alarm sounded.
*| did get crankier and fussier —especially during the first days. My
mood swings were more intense than usual, but I'm not sure if that
was only because of the lack of sugar.
~My sugar cravings were crazy in the beginning, but | conquered them
after only a week. Instead of mindlessly snacking on junk, | grabbed a
handful of nuts or some rice crackers when | felt hungry.
*Normally, | drink my tea with a teaspoon of agave syrup. Although
that's a natural sweetener, | gave it up, too. In the beginning, | disliked
the pure taste of the tea. | soon realized why: I'd become addicted
to the fake sweet taste of my favorite hot beverage. | switched to
forest fruit tea for that week, because it’s naturally sweeter and
doesn't require any additional sugar to be tasty.
*| couldn't stop eating the natural sugars that are found in fruits. |
felt like | was allowed to keep something sweet in my diet, so | kept
eating fruit, mostly bananas and apples.
*My stomach felt less bloated,
In general, | didn't experience that much of a difference in my
one-week trial: my skin stayed the same and | didn’t lose any weight.
Not that that was my intention, but | kind of expected it to happen.
Regardless, trying to reduce your sugar intake will certainly
benefit your health. I'm not saying you should completely cut out
sugar, because |) removing all sugars from your diet is really difficult,
as sugar Is almost everywhere, and 2) you should discuss the
implications of any diet with your doctor first to make sure you
are approaching such an eating change healthily.

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 Chapter Three: On Food Comas and Food Babies

YOU SHOULD EAT BREAKTAST!

Why do you need breakfast? People always say that breakfast is the
most important meal of the day. Well, it's true, It’s easy to skip break-
fast, or to think that you're not hungry in the morning, but let me tell
you why you should have a good, solid breakfast every day:

1. Breakfast is the best way to recharge your batteries. Whole-

grain bread, oatmeal, and fruit are an easy way to get energy-
boosting nutrients into your system. Eating breakfast means
saying good-bye to sleepiness in class.
2. Breakfast will help you concentrate better. Your brain needs
fuel, too, as it’s been very active during the night. If you want to
learn something in class and actually remember it later, having
breakfast will improve your alertness and memory.
3. Breakfast will help you maintain a healthy weight. Yes, | used
to think that skipping breakfast was a way to limit my calories,
but this is a huge misunderstanding. If you don't have a nutritious
breakfast, you'll be craving more quick snacks during the day, which
can have a negative impact on your weight and overall health.
4. Even if you don't feel hungry, breakfast can be super delish.
There are endless tasty options and recipes (try banana pancakes
or quick wraps) other than boring and unhealthy cereal to eat in
the morning. You can prepare your breakfast before you go to
bed, so the only thing you have to do in the morning is grab it
from the fridge!

EASY ANID GREAT WAYS

(o FAT BREAKFAST
We've all been there: you're running late for school, you're hungry and
half-dressed and crazy stressed because you haven't packed your bag

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

yet. Your mom is telling you to eat your breakfast first, because
that's important. No time!” you yell as you run out the door and start
chasing after your school bus.
Okay, so you didn’t have breakfast, you can't concentrate in class,
and you feel like you might pass out soon. Your body is running on Its
last drops of fuel, and you feel super dizzy and cranky all day. Not too
much fun, is It?
Let's rewind a couple hours and take a look at a scenario in which
you actually make time for breakfast. I'm not suggesting you devour a
complete Sunday brunch when your time is limited and you have to get
ready for school, but there are some quick, easy, and delicious options
that will get the job done.
Don't believe me? Try some of these recipes and you'll be shocked;

EASY BREAKFAST YOGURT

1 mins
Greek yogurt, plain yogurt, Your favorite kind of jam
or any kind of yogurt you like Chopped almonds
Honey or agave syrup or other nuts
Take a bowl and add all the ingredients, placing the jam and nuts on top.

Sa,
EXPRESS OATMEAL
4-5 mins
Instant oatmeal Fresh berries
Skim milk or almond milk Cocoa powder (or cinnamon)
Microwave the oatmeal and milk in a bowl for about two minutes. Add
the berries and sprinkle some cocoa powder (or cinnamon) on top for
extra flavor.

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 Chapter Three: On Food Comas and Food Babies

Oa>
LYN,
KY
LY,
FRUIT CROSTINI
4 mins
Baguette, sliced Honey
Ricotta cheese Sliced strawberries
Mix the ricotta and honey. Spread the honey on the pieces of baguette.
Add the sliced strawberries on top.

Bless
WHOLE GRAIN PORRIDGE
10 heurs + 10 mins
lA cups water Y2 cup cornmeal
¥Y, cup oats | tbsp vanilla extract (optional)
¥% cup barley A pinch of kosher salt
3 tbsp brown sugar | tbsp cinnamon
Add the water, oats, barley, brown sugar, cornmeal, vanilla (optional),
salt, and cinnamon in a slow cooker, Leave it to soak overnight. In the
morning, place the cooker on high heat and cook until soft. Pour it in
a bowl and top with your favorite nuts or fruit.

SSB CSD
SMOKED SALMON BAGEL
3 mins
Bagel, split A bit of chopped parsley
Cream cheese A bit of chopped chives
Smoked salmon, in slices Kosher salt & pepper
Toast the bagel. Spread some cream cheese on it, add the salmon
slices, and season with the herbs and spices.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

If you still think you don't have enough time to prepare any of
these in the morning, make something that you can eat on the go, like
a wrap, smoothie, or sandwich. Also, take some fruit with you, like an
apple, banana, or pear,

+ DELICIOUS SNACKS ON THE GO:

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YoU CANNOT SURVIVE It RAVEN MEBDLES

ALONE (’1 $6 SERRY)
| remember having a lot of ramen noodles as a kid, because my Asian
mom would often prepare them as a quick snack or a light meal. The
way she cooked the instant ramen got me hooked. She didn't just
pour water over them and let them soak for a minute; no, she literally
cooked them, then stir-fried them in a wok, added veggies, chicken,
or beef, and used her own spices instead of the flavor package
that came with the noodles, After tasting my mom's special ramen
noodles, | never wanted to have anything else in my life ever again.
| honestly thought ramen noodles were the best thing ever, but
it never crossed my mind that living on noodles alone might be super
unhealthy, Let’s take a look at what could happen if you did.
There's this girl in the UK named Georgi Readman, who's been
eating just ramen noodles for more than thirteen years, and she isn’t
planning on changing that anytime soon. As a reason for this weird
diet, Georgi claims that she can't stand the texture of fruits, veggies,
or any other type of food, Thoughts of other foods make her sick.
But ramen noodles don't bother her. So that's what she eats.
As a result, Georgi can't meet her friends for dinner unless
there's noodles on the menu. She even freaks out if something else

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 Chapter Three: On Food Comas and Food Babies

comes into contact with the noodles she's eating.

Another story stars Kieran Dooley, who was inspired by the
movie Super Size Me, and who tried to live off ramen noodles for a
month and got totally sick as a result. His challenge was to eat nothing
but three packs of instant noodles a day. As a student, he'd already
gone through.a phase when he ate them every day, so he didn’t think
it would be that difficult.
He tried to keep the experiment interesting by choosing
different flavors, But when he studied the nutrition label on the
packages, he noticed something alarming: each pack contained about
300 milligrams of sodium (it's recommended to limit your salt intake
to 2,300 milligrams a day). Too much sodium increases your risk of suf-
fering strokes, heart attacks, and high blood pressure. But the sodium
was not the only problem Dooley had to deal with. Some days, he
wasn't even able to finish his three packs because he was so nauseated.
By the end of the challenge, he’d lost an unhealthy twenty-four
pounds (approximately eleven kilos), and he felt lethargic and sick to his
stomach all the time. Apart from the physical effects, he also became
extremely moody and cranky.
Dooley wouldn't want to repeat the noodle diet ever again. “It
was hell, but it was worth it, in the name of science,” he concludes.

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ab DREAMING SHE HAD EATEN ALL THE
RAMEN INTHE WORLD AND
THERE WOVLD RE NOTHING
LEFT 10
EAT...

What both stories teach us is that living solely off a product

that is basically a salty snack is not a healthy way to live. Doctors
say that Georgi is malnourished and that she has the health of an
eighty-year-old, when she’s only eighteen years old. The key is to stick
to a balanced diet that provides enough vitamins.

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W1Y PEERS KEEP TELLING WIE,

"You SHOULDIU'T BE EATING THATE
Whenever |'m lazing on the couch with some friends, and I'm devour-
ing my favorite kind of chips, there's always at least one person
who just has to tell me that “chips aren't healthy.” | often pretend
| don’t hear the comment, and | usually continue to enjoy my snack.
But then, suddenly, the guilt kicks in. / shouldn't have been eating this
..,and | start to feel really bad about myself. And then there's the
times when | go out with my friends and we find ourselves craving a
midnight snack after we're done partying. | feel doubly guilty when I'm
the only one in the group having a midnight snack. Most of my friends
wouldn't dream of telling me to resist my late-night cravings, but | can
sense their judging eyes staring at me every time I'm devouring
a cheesy garlic bread by myself.
| remember this one time | had a friend over my house, and she
was obsessed with losing weight. That's fine—that’s what she was
into—but often she would shame other people for eating the stuff
she wouldn't eat. She probably didn’t even realize that she was doing
it, but she was. So this one particular night, we were having mac and
cheese for dinner, and she left the cheesy crust on the side of her
plate. After we were done eating, | asked if she was going to finish
that cheesy crust (some people save it for last, because it’s just the
best part), and she got all angry with me, claiming that | was trying
to make her fat. | wasn't. | was simply trying to find out if she still
wanted the cheesy crust or not, because if she didn't, |wanted to
finish it. The comment she made, however, sent me straight into guilt-
trip mode and made me question my eating habits, So no, | didn't take
her cheesy crust in the end and |felt extra bad about having wanted
to eat it in the first place.
I'm a girl who loves good, greasy food, and | know |'m not the
only one. | enjoy a good mac and cheese, fries, pizza, and pasta. And |
would never tell anyone that they shouldn't enjoy those things. That’s

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 Chapter Three: On Food Comas and Food Babies

because | hate it when other people do it to me. Trying to go all

health-coach style on me and telling me what | should and shouldn't
eat ... Gah! That’s why | won't do it to you, either. The choice of
what you put into your mouth is completely yours; all I'll do is provide
a few healthier alternatives.
| try to promote a healthy relationship with food, and | don't
think you should feel bad or curse yourself for having something
unhealthy from time to time. At the same time, I'm also here to tell
you that you don't have to eat a bag of chips if you don’t want to,
If clean eating is your thing, | salute you. But again, finding the right
balance is key, even when you're eating healthy.

FOOD NEVER DISAPPDINTS ME.

It might not be my place to tell you what you should or shouldn't
be eating, but | can tell you what | have stopped eating or drinking
since | was a teenager. Not because | don't like the taste (because
in most cases | still do), but because what | was eating was pretty
unhealthy for my body. Let's take a look at the stuff | stopped eating
and drinking after high school. Consider this list just a suggestion

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

of what you could possibly reduce in your diet to make your eating
choices a little healthier:
- Energy drinks. All types, all flavors—l| drank them all: Not only at
times when | was cramming for a test or an exam, but throughout
any regular day: when | woke up or when | was hanging around at
home. | drank about 33 ounces of energy drinks a day. Take it from
me, the momentary buzz is not worth the seriously harmful effects
on your body. | stopped drinking energy drinks and switched to
coffee to still get that caffeine jolt, but | never have more than one
cup of coffee a day, either.
White bread. | loved white bread as a teenager, because | hated the
taste of the seeds in whole-grain bread, All good, nutritious ele-
ments are omitted from white bread, making it virtually worthless
nutrition-wise. | taught myself to get used to whole-wheat bread,
and | find it delicious now.
-Diel sedasg. | got rid of these, as they contain a ton of sweeteners
and artificial flavors. So | steer clear of them nowadays. When | do
drink soda, |just go for the regular kind and skip the diet.
Notice how quite a few junk food items seem to be missing from
the list? Well, that’s because | still eat or drink them. However, | don't
do so every day and not even every week. | try to keep a balance
between clean food and junk food, and | also try not to worry about
judgmental friends who may have a different view of eating these
types of foods,

To WAT OR HOT 18 WITAT?

Perhaps you've considered becoming a vegetarian (meaning you
stop consuming meat and fish) or even a vegan (meaning you stop
consuming all meat, as well as other foods that are processed using
animal products, like milk, eggs, butter, and so forth), Maybe you're
a vegetarian or a vegan already, in which case most of what comes
next won't be news to you. If you are thinking about becoming a

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 Chapter Three: On Food Comas and Food Babies

herbivore, continue to read all about my experiences with meat

and vegetarianism.
About 200,000 years ago, the human species started to evolve,
especially when it came to how they consumed their food. They
discovered that cooking their foods made them easier to digest.
As a long-term result over many, many generations, the human
digestive system became smaller, because it didn't have to work as
hard as it did before.
Our ancestors’ diet consisted mainly of vegetables, supplemented
by a bit of meat. The smarter humans became, the bigger their
brains grew and the more energy they required, so they learned how
to hunt and kill animals more efficiently
—to feed their growing brains.
Wherever tribes of humans migrated, many of their preferred prey
animals soon became extinct. (That should give you an idea of how
much meat they consumed.) They killed so many animals for meat that
they were eventually forced into agriculture to avoid starving
to death.
So, yes, meat was a very big deal to our ancestors, but the human
race has evolved some more since then. These days, we no longer
need to hunt or eat lots of meat just to make it through winter.
Today, vegetarians are generally just as healthy as meat-eaters, and
they are less likely to suffer from heart diseases.

Carnivere er Vegetarian?
The Cenundrum
Meat has the perfect taste combination that gets many people hooked:
umami mixed with salt and the taste of grilled fat. Basically, you can
get addicted to meat. But does that mean we actually need it?
No, we don't. We have a wide range of alternative sources that
can provide the protein and vitamins our body needs. Choosing to eat
more consciously can save your health, millions of animals, and the
environment. Cutting meat from your diet helps the environment a lot
more than using less water or saving on electricity.

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Did you know that the production of one burger uses just as much
water as a hundred days of showering? Me neither. Or that ten pounds
of grain (455 kilos) is needed to produce a single pound of beef? Every
day, we clear huge patches of rain forest to build farms in order to
sustain our meat addiction. Long story short: the meat industry is the
number-one climate killer.
If we take a look at how, let's say, eggs and milk are produced, we
have to face the fact that those products generally don't come from
bio farms where animals have a great life. No, in almost 100 percent of
all cases, our eggs and milk come from intensive livestock farming,
where animals are treated like sh*t. They are kept in the smallest
cages possible, so that farmers can make as much money as possible.
Baby piglets are castrated at a very young age, chickens have their
beaks cut off, and anirnals are slaughtered alive without any kind of
anaesthetic. So, if we continue to buy animal products that are the result
of such terrible practices, we are basically financing this kind of cruelty.

T CAN'T GIVE UP
Rule Weal Ter Ow THOSE TC
HUMAN THIGHS?

Despite all the horror that goes on behind the scenes, advertise-
ments insist that we need animal products to keep a balanced diet. How
many of us didn't grow up hearing that drinking milk would make our
bones stronger? That's bullsh*t, by the way. Almost all of the nutrients
we need for building strong bones can be found in higher concentrations
in plant-based alternatives. You'll only need to find an alternative source
of vitamin BI2, since this vitamin doesn't naturally occur in vegetables,
It takes a lot of courage to admit that eating meat is wrong, but, in
fact, you can already make a change by understanding and acknowledging
that animal cruelty is wrong and should be stopped, Before | started

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 Chapter Three: On Food Comas and Food Babies

doing research on the topic for this book, | was already trying to
take small steps and giving up one animal product at a time. These
were some super-easy things | started doing, almost subconsciously,
and they've been part of my daily life ever since:
* Drinking almond or coconut milk instead of cows’ milk.
*Sweetening with agave syrup instead of honey.
+ Introducing at least one or two vegetarian-only days each week.
*Eating soy-based yogurt instead of regular yogurt.
* Choosing a vegetarian dish when ordering at a restaurant.
* Buying vegan cheese.
These simple steps have really helped me on my way toward a
healthier and cruelty-free lifestyle. In time, it would be awesome if |
could avoid all animal products | come across on a daily basis, But, as
with any drastic changes in your diet, it's not the best idea to over-
haul everything overnight. First things first: | gradually cut out red
meat, and honestly? | haven't craved a steak in over a year now.
In Belgium, an annual campaign called “Days Without Meat”
challenges people to give up meat for forty days. This vegetarian
initiative has gained a lot of popularity in the past couple of years,
and it’s become a yearly tradition that challenges meat-eaters to
discover how diverse and delicious veggie life can be. | used to be one
of those meat-eaters, and! was super proud when | completed the
challenge. | have to admit that it wasn't always easy, Perhaps because
| went cold turkey (pun intended); | stopped eating meat from one day
to the next without any steady decrease or preparation, But by the
time the challenge neared its conclusion, | found myself experimenting
with tons of new plant-based recipes, and | have to admit | had a lot
of fun discovering new tastes and flavors.
If you're thinking about giving vegetarianism a try, but you're
worried you'll have uncontrollable meat cravings, have no fear. You
can trick your mind into thinking you're eating meat when you're
actually eating veggies or other substitute products. Forget about
the myth that vegetarians only eat tofu and kale—it's outdated and
ridiculous. Being a vegetarian is certainly not boring!

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

Bul). . . Cheese!
That's true: cheese is made from milk and milk comes from cows,
goats, and other animals. If you give up meat (on some days), you're
already on the right track. If you want to take your cruelty-free diet
to the next level, you can switch to vegan cheese. | promise there
are plenty of different kinds out there, and| can assure you that they
taste the same as regular cheese, minus the guilt!

The Costs of the Veggie Life

You're right that some processed vegetarian meat substitutes are
pricey. But those things aren't always the healthiest options, either.
Like other processed foods, they contain a lot of salt, so they're not
always as good for you as you might think. Foods such as vegetables,
fruits, nuts, seitan, tempeh, and quinoa are much better alternatives,
and they don't have to be expensive, especially if you buy them locally.
Some of the worst things you can eat as a vegetarian are:
Veggie burgers and meatless chicken nuggets —they contain a lot
of sodium.
- Artificially sweetened pretein pewders —you don't want this to be
your primary source of protein. Instead, choose products that contain
natural ingredients,
Salted nuts —these have too much sugar and salt, which means
you're losing all the benefits.
»Meck meals —they are typically high in sodium and they're still
processed,
- Anything fried —if you chose the veggie option of spring rolls, for
example, that’s okay, You can have it from time to time, but don’t
overdo it. Eating fried vegetarian stuff is no better for your health
than eating fried meat,
Plan your meals ahead, preferably for the whole week, This can
actually save you a lot of time and money. The veggies you buy can be
used in multiple meals during the week. For example, if you're cooking

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 Chapter Three: On Food Comas and Food Babies

a homemade veggie tomato pasta on Monday, you can save the sauce
that's leftover and use it as a burrito dip later that week. The options
are endless and really fun. Cooking can be therapeutic, and if you
cook your own meals from scratch, you'll experience a great sense of
accomplishment and increase your healthy-food intake.

Hew te Deal with

a Carniverieus Family
| Know it can be difficult to persuade your parents to do something
that's completely new to them. Perhaps your family has been used to
eating meat for decades and a collective change might require some
more motivation. A first step toward getting them on board is to
openly tell them that you're trying to change your diet. That can be
enough to convince your family to cook different things for you.
| had a hard time persuading my family to eat healthy and green,
even for just a week. Unfortunately, they're still not enthusiastic about
doing so, but that doesn't keep me from doing my thing.
Some practical tips to gradually change your family’s diet:
«Begin by telling them about what you're trying to do, Have a conver-
sation about how important it is to have a balanced diet—for the
environment, for society, and for your personal overall health.
*Prove that eating green doesn't have to be boring. Even better: cook
a nice meal for your family and invite them to discover something
amazing they may never have tried.
«Even if you can't convince them to eat green every day, you can at
least try to have a veggie night once a week. Let them get used to
the idea. People are creatures of habit, and as soon as they adapt to
any kind of vegetarian routine, they'll be more open to the whole idea.
«Remember that not having meat isn't the problem; it's the will to
change a deeply rooted habit. Give then the meat facts regularly so
they'll remember why they’re doing this again.
* Don't expect a sudden change if they aren't ready yet. Changing
something takes time, encouragement, motivation, and dedication,

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

So yes, it is pretty healthy to stop eating meat. Not only will it

improve your health, but it'll also reduce your carbon footprint. Make
sure that you're getting all the nutrients your body needs and adjust
your food intake accordingly. There are a bunch of creative recipe
ideas that taste even better than your old faithful beef cheeseburger.
The options are practically limitless. If you're looking for veggie/vegan
inspiration, make sure to check out:
* onegreenplanet.org and ecowatch.com
*Pinterest for super quick and easy inspiration. Also ideal for girls on
a budget!
Instagram accounts to give a quick follow for delicious ideas:
@brusselsvegan, @mynewroots, @loveandlemons, @gkstories,
@lifeofavegetarian, to name a few
* Awesome recipe books like Vegan; The Cookbook by Jean-Christian
Jury, Love Real Food by Kathryne Taylor, Bowls of Goodness by
Nina Olsson, The New Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone by
Deborah Madison, and On Vegetables by Jeremy Fox
LS

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 FASHION NO-NO
OK FASHION GURU?

ashion queen or fashion noob? Let’s be honest, who has a unique

Style at the age of twelve? Well, | sure didn't. Read all about
creating your personal look, some easy DIYs, finding the right
bra, and more!

CREATING YOUR OWI STYLE

VS. FASHION TRENDS
If there's one thing in life that literally has zero rules to it, it’s fashion,
What people consider fashionable is very subjective, however, and it’s
all a matter of taste. As a matter of fact, you can wear whatever
you want! How cool is that?
Before we dig deeper into the world of fashion, here are some
quick tips on how to find your own style without wasting buckets full
of money on clothes:

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

1.1 previously talked about body shapes. You can save yourself
a lot of time, money, and frustration by looking for pieces that
fit your body type. Why? Because wearing clothes that are cool
and comfortable is a win-win. You'll feel extra confident if you're
comfortable in what you wear, and finding stylish cuts designed
to fit your body shape is a good first step in that direction.
2. Instead of focusing on trends and replacing your entire
wardrobe every season, it's a good idea to invest in a number
of basics (you only need like ten) that you can combine with
more trendy items or statement pieces that are totally you.
The wonderful thing about basics is that they are pretty much
timeless and allow for endless mixing and matching.
3. If you have too many clothes and want to downsize your
wardrobe, here's a tip: ignore the little voice in your head that
whispers, “| might still wear this” every time you pick up an item
that hasn't seen the outside of your closet in forever. If you
haven't worn a piece in the last year, you'll probably never wear
it again and won't miss it when it's gone. And remember: it’s a lot
easier to compose an outfit if you have limited options. Donate
the clothes you no longer need to a charity or sell them, but
don't throw them away! You could make someone very happy
with your lightly worn clothes.
4. If you're a fan of black clothes like me, consider wearing other
colors once in a while. You'll be surprised how much easier it is
to find nice pieces. Don't feel comfortable in brightly colored
outfits just yet? Try them on ina clothing store without actually
buying them. That's how you can get used to the image of you in
something other than black.
5. Relax. Fashion is a language, not a science. Fashion mistakes are
there to be made, so don't be afraid to get it wrong a couple
of times before you find the right balance between slayage and
comfort, Creating your own style doesn't happen overnight.

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 Chapter Four: Fashion No-No or Fashion Guru?

THE 1) MUST - HAVES

— ACLORDING TO (AROSTIN<—
‘ G
BASIC WHITE SAIRT BuMUse

F
—> PUMPS OR

SNEAKERS
—~ BASIC SWEATER SUN
CLASSIC
>
DRESS
> (JEANS) SKIRT
The difference between style and trends is that style never
fades, while trends are temporary. Keeping up with every trend out
there is exhausting, not to mention expensive. If you follow each
trend, your closet will burst sooner or later. Unlike your wallet.
There's more to style than finding the right clothes and acces-
sories. It's an attitude, and it’s the way you rock your looks and show
your confidence. It reflects how you perceive yourself, as a fierce
young lady who is owning it!
Still looking for style ideas to create your own personal look?
YouTube, Instagram, Pinterest, and lookbooks are endless sources of
#inspiration!

Feelpreef Hairstyles
fer Different Hair Types
We all want to wear our hair out of the way sometimes. Special
thanks goes to my friends who have different hair types than | do and
who added their faves.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

ACTUAL EASY HAIRSTYLES Y=

THAT YOu (AW TRY ON
You OR Youve FRIENDS|
@ SPACE BUNS
> BRUSH EVERYTHING OUT
* SPLIT Your HAIR IN HALF
* TIE EACH SIDE IN ABUN
> PULLOUT Some HAIRS FoR A MESSIER LOOK
- SPRAY SOME DRYSHAMPeo
|HAIR SPRAY To
FINISH THE Loo

@ HEAD SCARE/ BANDANA

" PICK A SCARE oF Your CHOICE
* WRAP IT AROUND Your HEAD OR TIE YOURHAIR FIRST
* MAKE A KNOT AT THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD
& - SECURE WITH ABOBBY PIN ON EACH SIDE
(
@) MESSY TOP BUN (WORKS BEST WITH UNWASHED HAIR)
- TAKE ALLOF YouR HAIR, TIE IT INA BUN
+ WITH YOUR HANDS, LOOSEN EVERN THING UP A &T
8. PVLL QUT SOME HAIR FoR A MESSIER LOOK
. MAKE IT MORE CASUAL WITH SEA SALT SPRAY
@ cepnead Bercy waves (HEATLES)
* BEFORE YoU GOTO BED, TE YOUR HAIR IN UC BUNS
* THE WEXT MORNING, RELEASE THE BUNS» SHAKE
* SEA SALT SPRAY HAIR SPRAY HELPSEH ACHIEVE
AWD KEEP THE BEACHY LOOK

© WAU WP HALE Down

* BRUSH OUT YOUR HAIR
“) 4, ° TAME A FEW PIECES OF YOUR HAIR, PuriT IN ABUN
* LEAVE THe REST OUT
> GREAT IF YOUR HAIZ IS GREASY BUT YoU WANT
TO WAIT AN EXTRA DAY

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 Chapter Four: Fashion No-No or Fashion Guru?

Nine Life-Saving- Makeup Hacks

Being a broke college student, | love collecting all kinds of tips that
Save me money and effort. Let's take a look at the following cheap
and cheerful tricks that have saved me on multiple occassions!
1. Are your thighs rubbing against each other in that miniskirt
youre wearing on a hot summer day? Fear not. Take some baby
powder with you in your bag. Apply the powder to your inner
thighs to avoid red and itchy skin. Shake it, baby, and repeat
whenever necessary!

Vag) THIGHS GIVE YouR THIGHS TADAl

RVBBING
THAT LEAVE You A Good RUB WITH :
WITH JTURY SKIN? BABY POWDER

2. Forgot your mascara? Oh no! Put a teaspoon in some hot

water and (very carefully) rub the rounded side against your
eyelashes, in an upward motion. The heat will temporarily lift your
lashes to give your eyes a more open look!

HACK #2

oO Fw
FORGOT Your olacea \ CAREFULLY |STROKE
MASCARA [LACH THE SPOON WITH
(RULER? shears THE ROUND SIDE.
WATER HEAT Will TEMPORARILY
(YRL YOUR LASHES

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

3. Make your own skin mask with stuff you find around the house!

HAK 473
(A) BLACKHEAD CLEARING FACIAL MASK

O + Sw ‘eo

A EG A TEASPOON
WHITE LEMON JVICE

—
an mae
MIX ToGeTHER ——— APPLY ON NOSE—> S - AQ MINS — RINSE
— —_ —

® “SWEET CINNAMON. FAGAL. MASK

ores & ea + Oe
A TABLESPOON A TABLESPOON A TABLESPOON rr
GROUND NUTMEG RAW HONEY GROUND LINNAMO
vw MOISTURIZE
— BUND INGREDIENTS —> EQUALLY Arey ON FACE —> 30 MINS —>RINSE~M
— ts —_ —_——— _-_ =

~ GB AVoLADD MASK FOR DRM SKIN x

& eS = ayer + Ue = . =0
2 TABLESPOONS — 2 TABLESPOONS A
RAW HONEY st ee OLIVE OIL ANGO

——) WIX ALLOF THESE —> APPLY ON FALE —> 20 MINS—> RINSE © DRY
SOURCE : GRANDMA

4, No eyeliner? No problem! Take a fine brush, dip it in some dark

eyebrow or eye-shadow powder, and draw away! It will take a
bit
more time and precision work, but the effect is actually cool.

HACK#4

oe /a om
EYE -LINER SMALL BRIKH ON FLEEK!
EMPTY 2 AND EVE SHADOW/
EVEBRow COLOR

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 Chapter Four: Fashion No-No or Fashion Guru?

S. If you can't afford those fancy candy-colored ChapSticks

with fruity flavors, buy a jar of Vaseline instead, It's super cheap,
fragrance-free and unflavored, and it's great stuff for multiple
purposes: you can use it to treat chapped or dry lips, use it as an
SFX makeup base, use it to hydrate dry skin that is very sensitive,
or use it as eyebrow gel.

HACK RS

eB
G ¥
x

~~ USE VASELINE SHINE BRIGHT

CHAPPED LIPS? OVERNIGHT SISTER!

Benus tip: | always put a dab of Vaseline on my lips before | go

to sleep, so | wake up every morning with soft lips that can handle
the heat or the cold.
6. Coconut oil is a great product for keeping your hair healthy
and soft. Just put a couple drops on the dry or split ends of your hair
after you shower. Result? Glossier and healthier ends! It also makes
your hair easier to brush.

iA) S

HAIR WITH (OLONUT Olt EASIER To

,SPLIT ENDS?
DRY 6 YOUR BEST HANDLE,
\END GLOSSIER
As HAIRI

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

7. Here's how to turn every glossy lipstick into a matte one:

a. Put on your glossy lipstick as you normally do.
b. Take a tissue and pull it apart until you have one layer left.
Press it against your lips.
c. Take a brush with some mattifying powder (or baby
powder) and press it on the tissue.
d. Slowly pull the tissue from your lips and ta-dah! Soft and
matte lips!

HACK #4

or.
HoW To TVRN =
AWY UPSTICK INTO
A MATTE ONE THIN TISSUE +
MATTIFYING POWDER
PRESSED ON TSSVE

8. Ran out of blush? Chrostin to the rescue! Take a red lipstick

tube (or any color you like). Apply a tiny amount on your cheekbones
and rub it in, Dab it with a beauty blender or brush and there you
go: cheeky cheeks!

YAK #8

wwe aaa — >

F Q
RAN OUT OF BLUSH? TINY AMOUNT PINCH IT
OF LIPSTICK OUT

9. My lips can get a bit dry or chapped sometimes. A good

scrub can make your lips feel soft and full again. Just take a pinch of
kitchen salt and softly scrub it on your lips. Don't lick your lips, and

© Or 8 9 Or 8 8 O18 6 06 .w6jo: hy ©e®e ee © 80 OOo ew Of

 Chapter Four: Fashion No-No or Fashion Guru?

don't scrub too hard. Rub the salt in small, gentle circular motions
for about thirty seconds. Rinse, dry, and feel the softness. Scrubbing
your lips is great for removing dead skin cells and dry skin and makes
it easier to apply lipstick after!

HACKRS

Peay “e oy

DAIED-OUT TOOTHBRUSH t SCRUB GENTLY

LUPS SOME SALT FOR 30 SECS

Fwe Budget Tips

fer Geng Shopping
Let's be honest, we've all been there: you literally just got your
paycheck or babysitting money and boom—it's all gone. You couldn't
help yourself. You simply had to buy that new thing, whatever it
was—clothes, accessories, junk food, or snacks. Then the guilt usually
kicks in immediately after you blow your freshly earned money. You
start to think, What have | done?
If you want to avoid this kind of surprise in the future, here
are some money-saving hacks that have helped me control my
shopping addiction!
1. Run the numbers. Keep your receipts and calculate how much
money you've spent in the past month. That’s how you can keep track
of the money that's going out the door, We tend to forget how much
we've been spending, and that’s why we sometimes have to gasp for
air when we check our account balance. Assign categories to your
purchases and expenses, so you can easily see what you spend the
bulk of your money on. This also makes it easier to come up with a
targeted plan to save some money here and there.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

2. Ask yourself the following questions:

* How many of the things on this pie chart did | actually need?
* Can't | bring snacks from home instead of buying them on
the go?
*Do | even have enough space for all the stuff I've bought?
«What made me buy this item? Am | actually using it, or did |
just think it was cool/pretty/nice to have?

LAST WEEK, | HAD $60,

BOUGHT A FEW SNALKS,
50 | SHOULD HAVE...$50?

3. Imagine you are in need of new pants and you go out to buy
a pair. A great way of going about this is to look for pants online so
you'll have an idea of how much money you'll spend on the pair you
want. Since they're pants, it’s nice to be able to try them on before
you decide to buy them, so | suggest going to a store to see how they
fit you. Before heading to the store or mall, set your budget and take
only that amount of money along. Don’t bring extra cash or a credit
card! Just bring along the amount in your budget. It might feel weird
at first, but you'll feel grateful and proud of yourself afterward,
Compare the price you found online to the price in the store and go
for the best deal
4. Keep track of the money you've saved. You can put that
money in a piggy bank or jar or a bank account, and save it for

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 Chapter Four: Fashion No-No or Fashion Guru?

something special or important that actually costs a lot. Write the

number on a sticker and put it on the jar, so you have always your
goal in sight. Some top saving goals:
*a tattoo
*a trip (around the world or just down the road a bit)
*an expensive designer piece
*a new bike/car
*a new laptop/iPad/drawing tablet/etc.
S. Try thrift shopping. You'll be surprised how many gems you
can find at thrift stores. Remember: Not all secondhand clothes are
smelly or old-fashioned, I've scored a number of (otherwise expen-
sive) designer pieces at secondhand stores or thrift shops for a very
good price! There'll be more on thrift shopping later in this chapter.
6. Plan, plan, plan! Planning is everything. Did you save $5 this
week? Great, write that down. That $5 will come in handy for the
pair of shoes you want to buy so badly. Keep in mind that if you plan
things beforehand, it becomes a lot easier to save money. It'll give
you a sense of satisfaction when you manage to put money aside for
something big you've wanted for a long time.

BOOKS,
mvsic ses

ENTERTAINMENT, \ i (CLOTHES » MAKE -UP

DATE NIGUTS,
ACTIVITIES

(Ut FOR~ ~ SNACKS » GOING OUT

My CAT) DINNERS
|
THINGS |
RERUN DON'T
NEED
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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

PEOPLE STARE AT WE WHEN WtAR

wy FAVORITE OUTFIT
Here's a scenario to consider. Every morning you wake up to the
following choice:

1. You put on an outfit that you think is plain enough, so people

won't stare at you. You play it safe so you'll blend in and won't
be noticed. Or,
2. You wear whatever you like, because the only person that
has to like your outfit is... you.

Wearing the clothes you like is a form of self-expression anda

way of communicating how you feel, what you like, or what you stand
for. You might even come across someone who has the same taste
as you! People are social animals and value their culture of habits and
social norms. There are several reasons why people might stare at
you (there's a logical explanation for that, and it has nothing to do
with you as a person),
«When your outfit doesn’t match the dress code.
*When your outfit doesn't match the season. Wearing booty shorts
and a tank top in winter will likely turn a few heads, but mostly
because people are worried that you're freezing.
* When you're in a foreign country and local people are not used to
your Style.
So, what do you do when people stare at you and it makes
you feel kinda weird? Try smiling! Flashing a smile is inviting and
comforting to people, and 99.9 percent of the time that person will
smile back. And even if they don't, they're probably so shocked that
you smiled at them that they'll think twice before staring at someone
again, Either way, you win.
It's okay for people to check out your outfit, as long as
they don't judge or harass you for wearing it. You chose to rock

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 Chapter Four: Fashion No-No or Fashion Guru?

your outfit today, so... let them stare! You probably stare, too,
sometimes, without even being aware of it. Mother Nature gave us
eyes to stare at all the gorgeous outfits in the world!
ls it in people's nature to stare? Absolutely. But if you have social
anxiety (see chapter | for more on that), you may be inclined to inter-
pret people's stares as looks of disgust or disapproval, which they
aren't (in most cases). This phenomenon is called the spotlight effect:
you basically overestimate how much attention people pay to you or
your behavior. To be honest, people don't care that much about you
and are mostly preoccupied with themselves. So whenever you feel
super self-conscious just remember the spotlight effect. Most people

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

aren't even aware that they're staring at you, because they are too
consumed by their own thoughts.

BRAS
Why should you wear a bra? Well, you shouldn't, or at least not all
the time. Scientists agree that wearing a bra all the time can cause
health problems, while never wearing one can lead to a lack of
support and possible back pain.
A bra is designed to support your boobs. It keeps them in place
when you're playing sports, for example, and can help prevent breast
tissue injury. If you have larger breasts, it's important to invest in
high-quality bras that fit you properly in order to avoid back prob-
lems, muscle pain, and even headaches!
Finding out your bra size is really not that difficult. You can do
it yourself or ask your mom or a Sales rep to assist you. Don't be
embarrassed to ask store assistants for help—they do this every day!
The following easy steps will help you determine your cup and
bra size:
oes Se ee eee nd ee
1. Take a measuring tape and put it around your rib cage right
underneath your boobs. Pull tightly, but not too tight. Add 5
inches (12.5 centimeters) and round up to the nearest even
number. This is your band size.
2. Now, measure the fullest part of your breast by putting
the measuring tape around your boobs and across your nipples,
Then, subtract the measurement from step one from the num-
ber you measured just now. The difference between these two
is your cup size. | =AP2-=B,3 =C,4 =D, 5 =DDietc
3. So, the first measurement (mine is 38) combined with your
second measurement (mine is B, but sometimes C) = your bra
size! Mine is 38B.

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 Chapter Four: Fashion No-No or Fashion Guru?

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CORSET
TRIANGLE BRA [=
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HOW 16 HID A BRA THAT'S Bort!
CUTE AMD CoifoRTABLe
Honestly, a bra that is super gorgeous, super comfortable, and maybe
even a little sexy at the same time is like a hidden treasure—it'll take
you quite the journey to find it, and there are no maps to tell you
where to look. Discovering a bra that suits your boobs and your (life)
Style perfectly might require a lot of fitting, searching, and groaning.
When my boobs started to grow (| was about fourteen years old),
| simply went out to look for a bra that had to meet the following
criteria: cute, cheap, and supportive. | soon found out that the best
bras are usually not the cheapest. | had to lower my standards to match
my budget and remove “supportive” from my list of requirements. And
so | bought my very first A-cup bra: it was cute, it was cheap... but
needless to say, the fit was a disaster. The band size I'd chosen was
waaaaay too small and | ended up hurting my back and boobs.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

lt was not cute. At all. But even then, it didn't occur to me that
maybe | was doing something wrong, | simply thought people wore
bras like this all the time.
Remember that every brand and bra style fits differently. Don't
hesitate to try out different styles, brands, or fabrics until you know
what you like. Play around with the straps until your bra fits you
at the shoulders. The bra shouldn't hurt your skin or make you feel
strapped in, nor should it feel too loose around your breasts, Adjust
the back strap until the bra feels secure but comfortable.

YOUR KICK-START To THRIET SHOPPING

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. There are so many
reasons why | love thrift stores: they’re cheap, they sell unique stuff,
and they are great for the community and the environment. The idea
of finding something awesome for a very low price excites me to no
end! Here's why we all should go thrift shopping more often:
1. The main idea of secondhand stores is that they are better
for the environment than regular retailers that sell new clothes items,
because most major brands nowadays produce clothing that isn’t
designed to last a long time. The quality of the fabric and stitching is
often inferior to that of the clothes you find at thrift shops, too.
2. |t’s cheap. Like, super cheap.
3. You can actually find treasures at thrift stores. This is
where | got my vintage Diesel jean jacket, some G-Star sneakers,
cowboy boots, a fake fur coat, jewelry, several pairs of cool vintage
sunglasses . . . literally everything | love to wear on a weekly basis.
4. It is always a surprise. You never know what you're going to
find at a secondhand store. No monthly collections—everything is
just super-limited edition!
S. If you have a pile of clothes you want to get rid of, the local
thrift store is your best friend. Remember that the clothes have to
be clean and ready for wearing when you bring them in for donation.

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 Chapter Four: Fashion No-No or Fashion Guru?

6. Did you know that thrift stores often hold huge discount
sales? I'm talking sales on sales on sales!
7. Be careful about buying makeup at a secondhand store,
though. While it's tempting to score highend makeup cheaply, make
sure that the packaging is still sealed and check the expiration date,
because expired makeup can cause irritation to your skin.
If this hasn't convinced you to at least check out a couple of
thrift stores, | don't know what will. If it has, enjoy your first thrift
store haul! But ahem... remember the budget hacks discussed earlier
in this chapter and don't overdo it!

ACCESBHRIZING YOUR WARDROBE

6A BUDGE
Good news: you don’t need expensive stuff in order to look awe-
some. | used to make my own accessories from old pieces of jewelry,
clothes, and thrifted goods, Chokers, necklaces, bracelets, and even
earrings can all be found cheaply if you just take your time and find
the right deals! It's so easy, and so much fun to do.
Psst! Handmade jewelry is also a cool gift idea! Here are some of
my all-time favorite DIY-hacks for awesome jewelry and accessories:

1. The Cheker
Why spend $10 on a necklace if you can make twenty of them for the
same price? Here's what you'll need:

HACK #4: THE CHOKER

© -
GET SOME JEWELRY
(WEWVET)CORD «SPRING CLASPS,“ Bigg

tm cao ——
42-14"

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

2.A Coel One-ef-a-Kind Necklace

Not a fan of chokers? A necklace that no one else has can be just
as cheap to make. You can find any type of plain necklace or chain in
your local craft or hobby store, Next, look out for cool pendants,
vintage or otherwise. You guessed it: thrift shops are the place to be
for unique charms and pendants. You'll be the only one with a neck-
lace this special!

HACK 2 : (HEAP NECKLALE

O
te Vy) A .

O 4
HANDMADE) ANY UNIQUE
A VINTAGE NECKLACE ear NECKLACE!

3. Pur It
Creating your own pin is super easy. First, choose the kind of safety
pin you want to use. They come in various colors and sizes; | like mine
gold-colored and small. Next, pick some beads, pearls, pom-poms, or
whatever else you can pin through. This type of pin looks really cool

OR
on a denim jacket or a white shirt.

WALK43: PIN IT

SAFETY PINS POM POMS, PEARLS,

4, The Scarf
Who says your neck is only for wearing necklaces? You can find the
cutest scarfs and shawls for just a few bucks. Whether you tie them
around your neck or wrist, or put them in your hair, a pretty scarf is
the perfect finishing touch to your outfit. Ta-dah! Multiple looks with
just one accessory,

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 Chapter Four: Fashion No-No or Fashion Guru?

WALK #4 : THE SCARE

5. Secend Life
Instead of throwing old items of clothing away, try giving them an
update! Spice them up with awesome patches and buttons. It's cheaper
than buying new clothes, but it looks like you've scored a new piece!
Don't throw away clothes that are eligible for reimagining!
A bit of cutting, sewing, and stitching is all it takes to create a new
wardrobe from items you have laying around.
Old jeans are really fun to get crafty with; they can be turned
into shorts, scarfs, belts, or shoulder bags. So awesome. Are your
pants a little boring? Choose a fabric in a color you like and cut
two long strips. Stitch or sew them onto the side of your pants and
voila—a new, stylish, and fun look!

HACKADS : NEW LIFE

{j-R-o-u
AN OLD DRESS... (AN... NeW STUFF

fl
BORING JEANS COOL JEANS!

SPICE UP WITH:

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 FRIENDS AND
FAMILY BUSINESS
riends are the family you choose. But what about the family
members you're stuck with? How do you survive that annual family
gathering? How do you tell something difficult to someone you
care about? Learn all about how to deal with friends and fam in the
following pages.

THE DREADED
FAVULY HOLIDAY GATHERINGS
Winter is coming (or maybe it’s already here), and people are decor-
ating their homes and front yards. The streets are beautifully lit
and smell like warm family meals and happiness. Whether or not you
celebrate Christmas, the hacks discussed in this chapter can be used to
survive any awkward family celebration or holiday. | summed up some
of the moments | frequently share with my family, but feel free to use
your personal anecdotes as a backdrop to the topics brought up here.

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 Chapter Five: Friends and Family Business

A fun game to play with the younger members of the family is...
Farnily Bingo! Just listen carefully to what others are saying and doing,
but don't make it too obvious. Create different versions for each
player (arrange the boxes in a different order on each of the charts)
and yell “BINGO! if you can tick off three boxes in a row.
Here's an example, but feel free to insert catchphrases that are
typical of your family:

FAMILY CHRISTMAS =BINGO

FUN GUARANTEED
*yow'sscroou2" |SOMEONE CAN'T ]*QUIT LOOKING |)
STAND LOSING AT YOUR PHONE
AND JOIN US!"

SOMEONE WEARS | FAM MEMBER SOMEONE

AN \WGLY X-MAS YEUS ABOVE
SWEATER EVERY ONE ELSE

FAMILY MEMBER |SOMEONE MENTIONS |“IT's peucious!“

STARTS TD CRY f& PAST \NUDENT
TIMES!
FUN
AND
EXCITING

1. The classic questien: semeene

in the family asks ifyew
have a bey- er girlfriend.
Don't be taken aback by the question, and don't let it make you feel
uncomfortable! Prepare yourself mentally. Answer calmly or jokingly,
both are fine. What you don't want to do is sit in silence, glaring
angrily, with a tomato-red face. The person who asked likely just
wants to know if someone is going to join the table at the next family
gathering. If you do have a special someone in your life, bring them to
the party. That way, they have to answer all the annoying questions
and you are safe for the rest of the evening. Yes!
You could also prepare some tricky questions yourself. Make them
awkward, like, “Auntie, where do babies come from?” or “Grandma,
do you believe in aliens?” Fun times and deep convos guaranteed.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

2. Yew are constant yeur phene, aveiding awkward

enly
cenves, and semeone mentions il.
Maybe you only see your family once (or a couple times) a year.
It's not going to kill you if you leave your social media accounts a
little silent for just one afternoon or evening. You might miss some
interesting discussions or developments at the family table if you
are plugged into your phone all the time. Talk to your cousins. This
is your family, and while you're there to spend time with them, you
might as well get into it.

3. The grewn-ups are gelting drunk and starting te make

racist comments.
Abort mission. | repeat: abort mission. Alcohol and family tensions are
the perfect recipe for fights and traumatic holiday memories. Stay
positive. Try to change the subject. Take one for the team and
volunteer to share details about your personal life for once. Since
everyone Is so keen to hear about what’s going on with you, this could
put an end to their argument. If that doesn’t work, walk away. Go
play with the family pet or try to guess what's in the wrapped boxes
under the tree. The kids shouldn't have to be the victim of grown-ups
discussing stupid stuff. Make your own damn party!

4, Yew epen w Christnas gift and are werking really hard

le hide your disappointment
when the sender asks what
yew think.
You may remember this from chapter |: telling a little white lie isn’t
always a bad thing. In this situation, you don’t want to come across
as a spoiled or ungrateful brat, and you certainly don't want to hurt
your family member's feelings. They put time and effort into picking
out a present for you. Give them a friendly nod, put on your poker
face, force a smile, and say thank you. They will probably forget
about this gift soon, anyway, and once you are out of their sight,
you can always donate it to your local thrift store,

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 Chapter Five: Friends and Family Business

S. A family member accidentally blurts eut ene efyeur

secrels. Everybedy is staring at yew right new.
Too bad, there's no coming back from this. There's no point in getting
angry with the person as that will only lead to more tension. Damage
control is the best policy; salvage the situation as well as you can.
Calmly explain to your family what happened and give them some
context to help them understand how you ended up doing what you
did. Chances are your family will understand, After the festivities, have
a proper discussion about what happened with anyone you feel needs
additional explanation. You should also confront the person who spilled
the beans; tell them they broke your trust and hurt your feelings.
Family gatherings are always unpredictable. Somehow, you know
and also don't know what to expect. It’s normal to feel anxious
about this. Just try to enjoy your time together and everything will
be cool. (And remember, it’s only a small amount of time, so you can
make it through!)

BREAKIIG DIFFICULT MEWS

(6 FRIENDS GR FAMILY
Having to tell something unpleasant or difficult to someone is never
a fun thing. Your hands get sweaty, your heart rate increases, you
feel stressed out— we've all been there once or twice, haven't we?
But after telling your difficult news, you'll feel a thousand times lighter.
Here are some methods that helped me get through a number of
tough conversations with friends and family:

Situatien ffl: You have to tell your parent(s) about something you've
done wrong, To illustrate this, I'll use the example of getting a very
bad grade in a class. Failing in school is a stressful thing on its own, but
having to show your bad report card or grades to your parents and
seeing their disappointed looks just makes it twice as painful. So here’s
how you can go about breaking the bad news to them:

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

1. Prepare yourself for the conversation. First, calm down. If

you're not calm, they won't be calm. Remember that getting a bad
grade is something that happens to almost everybody at some point
in their school career, Perspective is everything.
2. Choose honesty and tell them you screwed up or that you
didn't understand the material and didn't ask for any help. It may be
tempting to hide the truth, but believe me, it will come out in the
end and youll be in even bigger trouble if you choose to sit on it
for a while.
3. Plan your conversation with your parents and do a small run
through in your head. If possible, talk about it with your teacher first;
maybe (s)he can help you by setting up a study plan to show to your
parents. This shows that you acknowledge the gravity of the situation
and are already taking steps to improve it.
4. Choose the right time and a comfortable location to tell them
about your bad grades, such as your living room or your bedroom.
Allow them to have some time first after they come home from
work before you hit them with the news.

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 Chapter Five: Friends and Family Business

S. Sit down, take a deep breath, and calmly explain how it all
happened, Perhaps you didn't study enough? Maybe you didn't under-
stand the material fully? Or is there something else going on? Talk
about it—now's the right moment.
6. Explain to your parents how you are going to address the
problem. Maybe suggest getting a tutor or a study buddy? Let them
throw in their two cents: if you allow them to contribute to the plan,
they'll feel involved and helpful.
7.Most of the time, your parents will understand and support you
no matter what. They might give you a fair punishment because you
didn't study hard enough. Or they might insist on helping you prepare
for the next test. Anger or frustration on their part are also normal
reactions; they want to see you do well at school. However, if they
attack you (verbally or physically), make sure to talk with someone
about this, because that is not a normal reaction. That is abuse.
A bad grade is not the end of the world, and it can be fixed easily.
But what if you have something far more serious to tell your parents?
What if you're worried that your parents will kick you out of the
house because of what you're about to say?

Situatien ff2: Your best friends know that you like girls. They are cool
with it. You haven't told your parents yet, but you finally feel ready
to do so. While coming out can be a great relief for many LGBTQIA+
teens, it’s an incredibly difficult thing to do so it’s important to prepare
well for this talk with your family. To do so, follow these guidelines:
1. Write everything down in a bulleted list—what you think,
how you feel, what you want to say. Getting really nervous and
blacking out right before the talk is not uncommon, but it’s very
inconvenient. If you get tongue-tied, at least you'll have put your
notes in writing and can use that to help you get across what you
wanted to say.
2. Decide how you want to tell your family. Are you a good
writer? Send a letter or an e-mail. This is a great option if you're
afraid of their first reaction. A phone call is more intimate, and

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

you always have the option of hanging up if you have to. If you feel
confident enough, tell them in person. You can also do so ina very
creative way, such as a short video or animation, or a drawing or
painting. Or even a song, why the heck not?
3. Prepare yourself for the questions they'll ask. If you antici-
pate the things they'll want to know, youll be better equipped to
give them a confident answer.
4, All the while, you should remember that being gay or bi (or
something else) is totally cool. No matter how your parents react,
know that you are a valuable member of society and that you're
not alone.
S. lf your parents don't know much about the LGBTQIA+
community, inform them any way you can (assuming they're
open to learning about it). You can point them to articles, helpful
websites, films, documentaries ... anything that can help them
understand where you're coming from.
6. Give them some time. This kind of news can be a total
shocker to parents. Don't worry, though: these things take time
to process (unless they've known or suspected all along and aren't
surprised at all).
7. If the conversation escalates to an argument and you feel
unsafe, contact someone close to you who you can trust. Find a
safe space where you can be yourself, Call a friend or the police
if things get out of hand.

HOW [6 STOP SiBLUNGS FRoW

BORROWING STUTT WiTHOUT PERWUSStOn
| have a younger brother, and a big part of our relationship consists of
arguing about stuff we borrowed from each other without asking per-
mission. If you notice that your sibling has taken something from your
room for the millionth time without asking, and you want the thievery
to end, here are some quick ways to help you settle the matter:

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 Chapter Five: Friends and Family Business

SIBLINGS

1. Talk about it. | can hear you thinking, Don’t you know that I've
tried that already? I'm sure you have, but I'm talking about a proper,
grown-up conversation. Write down the reasons why you don't like it
when people take stuff from your room. Don't yell or lose your temper
with your sibling when you're discussing this. You won't get your point
across unless you stay calm, and they won't learn anything. Also, losing
your sh*t will make it harder to bring the topic up again, and in the
meantime, they'll feel free to keep “borrowing” your things. If you're
lucky, they might feel guilty and stop doing it for some time, but just
know it probably won't be forever.
2. If a warning has no effect, you could try locking your room when
you leave the house (if your parents will allow it, of course). Another
option is to hide your stuff in random places or to take a picture of
your belongings before you go out. That way, you can compare the
picture to the state of your room when you return. One time, | even
went as far as to spread cooking flour all over the floor so that | could
tell by the footprints if someone had been trespassing in my room while
| was away.
Completely paranoid, right?
The downside to this method is that it's very time consuming, plus
you may lose your own stuff because you can't remember where you
put it.
3. You've probably already tried methods | and 2 at some point, so
I'd like to suggest a third way to solve this issue: open your closet and
your other possessions to your siblings and invite them to borrow your
things. Allow them to use whatever they want on two conditions: they

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

have to promise to put everything back where they found it, and
they have to agree to let you borrow anything you like from them
as well. You can’t wear all of your clothes or use all of your stuff at
the same time, right? So why not let them borrow something if they
really want to? If they break your agreement, though, you can involve
your parents. Also, take a look at what it is that your siblings always
borrow. Is it the same item over and over again? Perhaps it’s a sweet
idea to give it to them if they love it so much, and treat yourself by
replacing it with something you'd really like to have instead.
If none of those methods work, getting angry is still not a good
option. Try to explain why you are so upset with your sibling when
they borrow things without your permission. If they learn to under-
stand the impact of their behavior, they'll be more likely to change it
(or at least one would hope).

REAL FRIEMIDS VS.

FAKE FRIENDS
If you want a quick friendship test, use the checklist on the next page
to evaluate your friend's behavior. But remember: this checklist can
only give you an indication of whether your friend is real or fake.

BREAKING UP IS HARD (oDO...

ESPECIALLY AINONG FRIENDS
Sometimes we have to break up with people in our lives, And some
of those people, unfortunately, are our friends, Friendships can end
because you slowly drifted apart or because one of you had to move
across the country. Or maybe you stopped being friends after a huge,
terrible fight. Whatever happened, in a lot of cases it’s okay to just
let the friendship go. If it was meant to be, you'd still be friends, or
you may even be friends again in the future.

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 Chapter Five: Friends and Family Business

A REAL FRIEND A FAKE FRIEND

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

It's okay if you feel like you and your friend are not the same as
you were in the beginning of your friendship. People change, all the
time. You are changing even as you read this. Maybe you've had a series
of arguments with your friend or you simply don’t enjoy your time
together anymore. Perhaps you've figured out that your friend Is
actually a fake friend (run the checklist on page 103 to find out). There
are various reasons why friends suddenly stop liking each other, and
that's perfectly normal. There are quite a few ways to cut off a
friend, and while none of them are pleasant, the relief once it’s over
can be satisfying, You can literally feel the weight being lifted off your
shoulders, and you'll be able to start enjoying other things in life again.
Deleting your former friend on all social media and blocking her
number without further explanation might seem like the easiest way
to end a friendship, and she'd definitely get the hint, but it might not
be the best way to go. Shell likely feel offended or upset, and you'll
probably have to face her again one day, anyway. Save yourself the
awkwardness of having to explain why you blocked her and handle the
situation proactively, like the mature person you are.
Instead of cutting your friend out of your life, you can consider
giving your friendship another chance and voice your concerns about
your changing relationship first. Maybe the other person wasn't even
aware that you've been feeling this way, and maybe she’s willing
to change the thing that bugs you about her. In that case, you can
choose to try to make this work again. If the other person agrees to
part ways, you can both close this chapter in life like two adults, No
fighting, no hard feelings, no anger. Just life. This break-up scenario
saves both of you a lot of hurt, and you also get the chance to ask any
remaining questions you might have about why the friendship is ending.
The same goes for your soon-to-be-ex-friend,
Just remember that breaking up with someone is not always
easy (and it sure as hell isn't fun), but it's often the healthiest choice in
the long run. You have the power to decide who you want in your life
and who you want to let go, Be sure to prepare yourself before you
walk into the conversation, so you're ready to deal with the aftermath.

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 Chapter Five: Friends and Family Business

Remember to stick to your guns and guard your boundaries. If you

have to, cut off all communication with that ex-friend, including
social media.

HAL BETTER TEXT

TH FUNNY MEME DH. THAT'S RIGHT.
\ FORGOT.

The most important message | can offer you is to take care of

yourself. The breakup is going to sting a bit in the beginning, but the
pain will fade away. If your ex-friend becomes emotional and refuses
to accept your decision at first, that's normal. Give her the time she
needs to process and accept this new stage, especially if she didn't
really see this coming.

T'S WOT YOUR FAULT:

HOW [6 DEAL WITH PUSHY FRIEMIDS
“C'mon. Just one drink. You'll feel so much more laid-back,” friends
tell me at a party. And even if | don't feel like drinking, | agree to it
anyway, so that my friends won't make fun of me or so | won't feel
left out, What you experience in this kind of situation is called peer
pressure, and it happens when people encourage you to do things that
you, deep down, don't want to do, But you're facing a very difficult
battle. Do you stay true to yourself, or do you follow the rest of the
group in their decision, even if you don't feel comfortable doing so?

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

It's not just kids or teenagers who have to deal with pressure
from their peers: adults face this, too, and more often than you'd
think. People give in to peer pressure because we want to fit in and
be appreciated, or because we fear that we'll be made fun of if we
don't play along. Peer pressure is not always a bad thing, which makes
it difficult to tell when it’s okay and when it’s not. An example of
positive peer pressure can be when your friends or family members
encourage you to try something new or to enrich yourself and grow
as a person.
Alison Bell, who writes for Teen magazine, has listed some great
tips to avoid (negative) peer pressure. With the help of her tricks, |
made this list, and | swear by it:
Ne
1. Say no like you mean it. Body language says it all, honestly.
If you sound hesitant and stare at the ground when you try
to say no to something, your friends/peers will pick up on that
and push you even more until you give in.
2.Remember that you don't need to have a reason to Say no.
No means no, always. When your friends ask why not, just say,
“Because | don’t want to.”
3. Don't buy into the bullsh*t that “everybody's doing it.” Not
everybody's doing it, | promise.
4. Don't pressure others!
5. Evaluate your friendships. True friends don't constantly
push you to do stuff you aren't comfortable with or don't
want to do, Learn how to get rid of fake friendships earlier in
this chapter.
6. Remove yourself from the situation and from those friends!
Leave. Exit. You don't have to stay somewhere you don't feel
comfortable.

When you're entering college (or even in some high schools),

peer pressure can get even trickier to navigate. Pressure might be
put on you to use drugs or alcohol, to have sex, or to do something

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 Chapter Five: Friends and Family Business

to someone else, like bullying. Some students cave in to the pressure

because they have low self-esteem or because they're having a hard
time figuring out who they really are.
We constantly look for approval from our peers, because their
apporval means we are accepted and part of the group. But if peer
pressure is the glue that holds the group together, this sense of
acceptance is actually fake, and it might leave you feeling empty
instead of fulfilled.
If your friends are pushing you to drink, to do drugs, or to go out
when you don't feel like doing those things, they might say that you
are “boring” or “weak.” Alcohol, drugs, and parties might be their
main source of entertainment, and they might believe that this is
what college is all about. But don't fall for it; you don't have to feel
the same way or act like they do.
Yes, we all want to have fun, but having fun can mean something
totally different to you. And that’s cool, too. If your friends don't
respect that, it might be time to find other friends who share the
same values and interests as you.
| love a great party every now and then. | can
dance all night long and not touch a single drop
of alcohol. Not because |'m against drinking on
principle, but |just don't need it to have a
blast. Also, | remember everything the next
morning and | get to wake up feeling abso-
lutely fresh. No hangover for me. Do my
friends judge me for that? No, because
they are awesome and respect my
choices, my body, and my decisions.
Conclusion? Saying no doesn't
make you a loser or weak. Actually, it
means you have enough self-respect to make the
choices you're comfortable with. And that, my friend, is what people
look up to! You're hella strong when you stick to your guns and do
what you want.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

DIVORCES SUCK, BUT HERE'S

How) (6 SURVIVE THEM
Divorces suck. My parents got divorced when | was nine years old, so
| don't remember all that much about what it was like before when
we were still a “happy family.” My dad used to work night shifts,
and my mom went away a lot during the day for work. | don’t blame
them for splitting up. When a relationship doesn’t work, there's no
point in forcing two people to love each other. Maybe if they'd stayed
together for the kids (my brother and me), growing up would've
been a bit easier for us. But | honestly wouldn't know, because they
decided to part ways.
It didn't take very long for me to understand what was going
on between my parents, but | bet it was very hard for them to tell
us about their decision to split up. Having my parents decide to get
a divorce was one thing, but when they told us they both had new
partners already, that hit me like a truck. So right away, my parents
basically quashed my hopes of them getting back together one day. |
hated the idea of other people invading our little family. | even hid my
mom's new wedding ring once, because | didn't want her to be with
a guy who wasn't my dad.
| have to admit that | wasn't always the easiest child to cope
with, especially when | was a young adult. |was a teenager when |
met my stepparents, so things weren't always that easy. | was a teen,
and an angry one at that. Nothing was fair, according to me. So |
had a very hard time accepting my stepparents. | didn’t have a stable
relationship with either of them. Eventually, | think these experiences
made me the confident person | am today. Stepparent-stepchild
relationships aren't always bad, though. Some kids get along fine with
their stepparents, or even become closer to their stepparents than
to their actual parents.
Maybe your parents are going through a divorce right now, or
maybe they're recently separated, Parents get divorced for various

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 Chapter Five: Friends and Family Business

reasons. Maybe their relationship just wasn't working anymore, or

maybe there was a lack of communication, alcohol or other drug
abuse, domestic violence, money issues, general unhappiness, cheating
... the reasons go on and on. It's very normal to be riding an emo-
tional roller coaster during the divorce process and even for a long
time after the divorce becomes final. You have to adjust to so many
changes in your everyday life, and that’s a lot to take in all at once.
You can experience stress, loneliness, anger, anxiety, guilt, or sadness,
But maybe you'll also feel relief and happiness that some changes have
been made to put an end to a very stressful situation at home.
Whatever the reason for the divorce, you're going to have to deal
with the outcome either way. Some changes will affect your daily life,
so you might as well be prepared for them. Custody arrangements may
be implemented and you/the court will have to decide which parent
you are going to see when and for how long. Which parent are you
going to live with? Then there is the question of moving: Do you have
to move all of your stuff or just part of it? And what about school?
Do you have to change schools? How will your other family members
react to the divorce? Are you still talking to thern? Can you count on
them when you feel upset?
The process is going be a rough one, but you should always
remember that none of it is your fault. You didn’t choose to be in this
situation, right? It's important that you reassure your parents that
you love them both equally (if you want to stay in touch with both of
them, that is). Your parents should never try to put you in the middle
or use you as a person to complain to about the other parent. If they
do, tell them their behavior upsets you and that you don't want to
pick sides,
Take as much time as you need to get over the pain and stress
the divorce has caused you. Some people are okay with it after a
few weeks; others take years to accept it. Even many years after the
divorce, it’s okay if you still have very strong feelings about it.
And it's not unlikely that you will still have strong feelings about It
after a couple of years, because that’s when you might have to wrap

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

your head around even HOW A DIVORCE CAN

yw) FEEL
more changes. Maybe you
are now in a new family \
situation. Your parents might find a new part-
ner, and maybe you'll have stepbrothers
and stepsisters. Or what about a new
baby entering the picture? Or what if
one of your parents has a same-sex
partner? It's normal to have completely
new feelings about this. It’s all right to vent
these emotions to both of your parents.
Many teens make the mistake of keeping
their feelings to themselves. It might be
good for you to write them down, draw
them out, or talk about them. Going for
a walk or playing sports can help to
release tension caused by changing family
situations, too.
Last but not least, look for a person
who you trust and can talk to. It could be "|
a friend or a family member (like your grand- "
parents, brothers or sisters, uncle or aunt...) but )
sometimes it's a good idea to talk to a health-care
professional as well. They can give you advice on how to deal
with your specific situation in the way that’s best for you,

CREATE YOUR OWI

PRIVATE SPACE
Privacy can be hard to get sometimes, especially when you have to
share a room with one or more siblings. Even if you have your own
room, family members might still burst into your room without
warning. Trust me, I've been there. | had to share an attic room with

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 Chapter Five: Friends and Family Business

my younger brother for many years, which became super weird when
| started turning into a woman. Undressing became uncomfortable: |
couldn't chat with my girlfriends privately on my computer or on the
phone; even listening to music or watching TV became tough, because
we had completely different tastes. But what if you do have your own
room, but still feel like you have no privacy?
You can start by talking about it. Most of the time, your family
isn't even aware that they're being annoying. Start by telling them
what you're doing or planning on doing in your room. Say that you're
playing an online game or working on a school project. Or tell them
when you're having someone over and you want to spend some alone
time without interruption. Build enough trust so your parents don't
have to come into your room for an unimportant reason. If you
prove that you're responsible and trustworthy, your parents will stop
treating you like a little kid.
Of course, trust comes with a price tag. If you want to be
treated like an adult, you have to behave like one. Remember that
your parents are still responsible for you and don't want you to get
up to weird stuff. And yes, they have the right to at least ask what
you're doing.
Other quick tips to gain more privacy or trust in your house are:
«Put a password on your devices. And make it one that's hard
to crack.
* Incognito function on your web browser is your best friend.
Don't leave stuff in your room that actually belongs somewhere else
in the house, like plates and glasses. That way, no one has a reason
to go into your room to collect them.
*Reassure your family that you're doing well. Or if you're not doing
well, tell them so. The more you involve your family in your life, the
more the trust will grow.
*Help your parents around the house. If you're active in the house-
hold, your family will be grateful and treat you like an adult more.
Privacy is a matter of trust, mutual respect, and decency. If you
show that to others, they'll show it to you, too.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

Copy this door hanger, cut it out, and hang it on your doorknob.

1AM WORKING
(HILLING,
——> OR BOI—_
PLEASE
DON'T
DONT 8

COME BACK LATER

— CLOVE IS BEAUTIFUL/SUCKS5 —
hy does love feel like you're flying but can also feel like you've
been hit by a truck? Love is a very difficult topic to understand
but... maybe we don't need to understand it at all.

Ol BEG tH L6VE AMID

WHAT IT DOES [6 You
There is no clear definition that describes what it feels like to be In
love, because the feeling can be different from person to person. The
super strong feeling that you might experience in the beginning of a
relationship is called infatuation, and it can turn into real love later on.
Is there a specific sign that tells you when you are in love? No.
But your own gut feeling can tell you that you are. You might feel a
warm and fuzzy sensation when you think about that specific person.
The thought of them makes you happy and puts a smile on your face
for no reason,
When | fell in love for the first time, which was in 20Il, it made

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

me stop thinking rationally for a while, Everything | did (or didn't

do) was controlled by my intense emotions. | couldn't eat, sleep, or
study for weeks, because it felt like | had a million little worms in my
stomach. | was constantly thinking about my crush, and it made me so
incredibly happy. It took a lot of courage for me to finally ask him out
...and we recently celebrated our five-and-a-half-year anniversary
together. How did | know it would work out? | didn’t.
We went to the same high school, so | saw him every day. | care-
fully picked out my outfits and tried to look extra cute when | knew
there was a chance | could *randomly* bump into him. Maybe it’s a
bit creepy, but | kinda remembered when and where he had classes,
so | took the longer route to my own, just so that | could see him
for a few seconds. The things you do for love, right? | remember
making so many drawings and love notes for him (he now has three
shoeboxes filled with my creations),
| was only fifteen at the time, but | just knew that | was in love.
People often told me that it was puppy love, but | just felt like he
was the right guy for me. Love is a feeling, honestly. So, when do
you know youre in love? To me, it was when | caught myself doing
stupid things to get his attention. | didn't pretend to be dumber or
cooler than | was (that’s just not how | roll), but | just made an extra
effort to get him to notice me. A few months later, the happy buzz

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 Chapter Six: Love Is Beautiful/Sucks

of excitement slowly wore off and made room for real, genuine love.
| felt the desire to take care of our relationship, to work hard so we
could have nice things and travel together.
Being in love feels a bit like a warm blanket on a winter evening,
Or an ice-cold drink on a blistering-hot summer day. Or like taking a
sweet chocolate bath. For a while, being in love can make you feel like
you have zero problems or stress. Being in love can make you feel like
you're surrounded by ten of the cutest puppies you've ever seen, Or
kittens, if you're a cat person.
It also makes you feel good about yourself, because if your love is
reciprocated, it means the other person sees something in you that's
worth loving. You open up to the person you are enamored with,
which is a risk you take because it makes you very vulnerable, but
your intuition tells you that it might be worth it.
We can't help falling in love: our brain makes a strong cocktail of
chemicals and substances that make us feel this way. Some scientists
even say that being in love is similar to having an addiction—and, well,
they're not wrong. You become addicted to your lover's presence,
their words, their attention. Sometimes, a part of our brain can sud-
denly wonder why we fell for this specific person, because “they're
not even that attractive” or “they're kinda weird,” but maybe that's
exactly why you like them. When you're in love, like really in love, the
feeling goes way deeper than just physical appearance: you like the
other person because you find them funny, witty, smart, geeky, cute,
sweet, etc. Your feelings might scare you a little bit in the beginning,
but that fear will slowly fade away as you give in to the beautiful
feeling of being in love, and you won't care about what other people
think about you two, either.
Are you still not sure if you're in love? Here are a few telltale
signs of being struck by Cupid's arrow:
- You light up when you hear or see the other person. Your heart
might skip a beat when they text you. Their presence, not just
their attention, gives you a sensational feeling and can make your
whole day.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

* You can’t quite explain why you like them. It's... everything!
The way they talk about their passions, their smile, their interests,
the way they do things, and so on.
* You don’t doubt it anymore: you are sure that you like this person.
And you want them to like you back.
* When you're watching a romantic movie, you picture yourself and
the person you like doing the things you see onscreen,
* You are always talking to them in your head, having nonstop
imaginary conversations. Daydreams in which you invent all sorts
of scenarios about the two of you are also very common.
* You never really want to say good-bye to them.
* You feel nervous and shy when you're around them.
- You're always either waiting for a text from them or thinking about
the next thing to text to them.
«Everything they say seems super interesting, even if it’s not.
* You start to feel responsible for their happiness and you want to
make them happy, too.
Wherever you two are, you feel complete, like you don't need
anything else to be happy at that moment. Everything feels right. You
love each other despite (or maybe for?) your quirky sides. You can
stop pretending to be someone else and finally be who you truly are,
which feels .. . like coming home.

UNREQUITED ANID
UNRECIPROCATED LOVE
One-sided love sucks. It sucks bad, If you've ever liked someone but
your feelings were unrequited, you know what it's like when you can't
be with the person you want and feel undesired at the same time. It’s
weird, because your heart is broken before you even have a chance
at a relationship. It can be a devastating feeling. And it can hurt your
ego, too, But there are some things you can do to help deal with
unanswered, unattainable love,

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 Chapter Six:Love Is Beautiful/Sucks

You can't help who you fall

in love with; it’s not a rational
decision, It's all about emotions,
and those are hard to control. So,
first of all, don't blame yourself
for loving someone. If that person
doesn't reciprocate your love, just
know that it's not you, but the situ-
ation. Maybe there's a logical reason ———————
why that person rejected you. Maybe the
other person has a significant other you don't know about or a
different sexual orientation. Maybe that person is not ready for
a relationship or are just not interested in being in one. Whatever
the reason is, | have good news for you: you can get over it.
1. First of all, stop questioning yourself. We are quick to find all
sorts of flaws and blame ourselves for not being loved back by our
crushes. This can make you feel really insecure about yourself. You may
Start thinking, What's wrong with me? Hold on, sister, there's nothing
wrong with you! We all look different and have different personalities,
and it's okay if someone isn't attracted to you, physically or mentally.
2. Try not to take it personally. Again, it's not you; it's the situa-
tion you're both stuck in. Just imagine how difficult it must've been for
the other person to break your heart. You can't choose who you fall
for, and neither can other people. You know it’s beyond that person's
control, so why blame yourself for something neither of you can do
anything about? You cannot push people to love you, right?
3. Don't be too harsh on yourself. For some reason, we tend to
torture ourselves when we're hurt, but try to be kind to yourself,
Don't punish yourself for something that’s not your fault. Try to turn
your disappointment into motivation and start taking care of yourself.
Go shopping, get a makeover, take a trip, go for an adventure, talk
more to people, go out more often, take a bath, learn how to cook,
teach yourself to play the guitar, go work-out, have a girls night ...
you get the idea.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

4. When we find out that our feelings for someone are unre-
ciprocated, our natural reaction is to hit the pause button and wallow
in our misery for a while. That's perfectly fine, but don't let this go
on for too long. There's a time when you should try to unpause your
life and start living again! Let’s face it: you can't sit in your room
waiting for that one person to love you back forever. There are
literally so many people out there who'd be happy to meet you and,
who knows, fall in love with you. But you're not going to bump into
those amazing people if you hide away feeling sorry for yourself.
S. Take a step back. Maybe it's better for you to take some
distance from the person who rejected you. It can help to unfollow
them on all social media. You don't have to completely delete or
block them, but make sure you do something so you're not constantly
confronted with their face. Every time you see them after they've
rejected you, it'll be like a little stab to the heart. And that will make
it harder for you to move on.
Try to remember that heartbreak is something most people go
through at some point, and the world is not going to end because
someone doesn't love you back. There might come a time in your life
when you reject someone. The more you allow yourself to learn from
this experience, the quicker you'll be able to move on and
meet someone awesome—someone who's worthy of your love and
will love you back unconditionally. Being a teenager is hard; we all
know that. We go through a lot of (growing) pains in our adolescent
years, But they say time heals all wounds, and I'll tell you what ... it
really does,

HOW Do 1ASK Sovntortt

Out ort A DATE?
According to a survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, the
majority of American teenagers prefer being asked out on a date in
person, despite the many social media options available today. Going

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 Chapter Six:Love Is Beautiful/Sucks

the old-fashioned route and asking someone to go out face-to-face

shows that you're willing to make an effort, take a gamble, and risk
being rejected in person. | can definitely see how a digital rejection
might be less hurtful and also be easier to forget.
First of all, it's perfectly okay for a girl to ask someone out.
We live in the twenty-first century. Some people might even find it
cool or ballsy; after all, it takes guts to confront someone in person.
Whether it is for prom, homecoming, or just your average Saturday
night, try to come up with a great way to ask your crush out.
If you don't know how your crush would prefer to be asked out,
then maybe you don't know them well enough yet. Get to know each
other a bit first, talk more often, become friends ... you'll feel more
confident when you eventually do ask them out. Instead of asking
them out for an official date, you could ask them for a casual
hangout to get to know each other some more. Whatever you do,
don't expect a stranger to be your significant other after one date.
Or two. | mean, it’s possible, but it's not very likely. A guy once asked
me out when | barely knew him. | felt awkward and uncomfortable
and declined. If we had known each other a bit better, | might have
said yes.
So, let’s say you're friends with another person
and you decide you want to ask him or her out on
a date because your feelings for that person are
more than just friends. Other than taking a blind
guess and improvising a date at the last second,
it's probably smart to give it some thought
before the big day arrives. Where and how do
you want the date to be? Do you want it to
be just the two of you, or do you want to go
somewhere other people can see you? Both
have their advantages, but the important
thing is that you feel comfortable with \
the setting you choose. Maybe meeting in
public is not a bad idea for the first time. ver

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

Do you want to get cozy (like at the movies) or go for a night out
dancing (like at a club)? Do you want to go out for coffee or are you
more interested in taking a walk? If you know the other person a bit,
you might already know what their interests and favorite activities
are, so make sure you plan something they'd consider fun, too.
Okay, now that you've decided on where and what you want to
do on the date, it’s time to pop the question. How the hell do you do
that? What if the other person says no? What if (s)he freaks out and
doesn't want to be friends with you anymore? What if, what if, what
if? Here's the thing: drop the “what if” attitude and go for it. You
can't win if you don't play the game. And so what if the other person
says no? You'll be hurt, but you'll survive.
Here are some practical ways to ask someone out:
* Try to do it in person. Most people appreciate it when you make
an effort and put yourself out there. Also, you can see the other
person's reaction immediately, which tells you a lot more about how
excited they are (or aren't) than in a text or e-mail. | know it's scary;
I've been there before.
If you're better at writing down your feelings, then do that. Write
him or her a letter, a love note, or an e-mail. Make it fun; love and
dating are fun, Include a little coupon for your date-to-be. People
appreciate a little humor or wittiness in a date invitation.
* This one might seem a bit creepy, but do some research. If you don't
know each other very well, you can check their social media to find
out more about what they like, what their interests are, or where
they like to travel. You'll then have a wide range of topics to discuss
and ask questions about. And let's be honest: you've already snooped
around their accounts anyway, am | right?
*If you're too nervous to be alone with your crush, try a group date,
Just a casual hangout with friends from your class or school. You'll
have some time to talk with your crush in a comfortable environ-
ment without the pressure of a one-on-one date. If you find yourself
having awkward silence with your crush, then there’s other people
there to fill in the blanks.

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 Chapter Six: Love Is Beautiful /Sucks

Go for it! Take the jump and just ask if the person wants to go
out with you. Worst-case scenario: you're turned down, but maybe
that's not such a bad thing in the bigger scheme of things. If they
reject you, at least you'll know how they really feel about you, and
then you can move on. You can stop investing time in a relationship
that wasn't going to work anyway. You deserve someone who's not
only attracted to you, but who loves and wants you as much as you
love and want them.

)-E-X:
LES TALK ABOUT IT
When are you ready to have sex? While some teens are “early birds”
and others “‘late bloomers,” don't be influenced by what others
consider an okay age is to have sexual intercourse, Being ready to
have sex is a decision or feeling that is |00-percent personal, so don't
let anybody else call the shots on this one.
How old is old enough? It seems to be a never-ending and pretty
pointless debate, because some teenagers are mature at a young age,
while others seem to stay twelve forever. What | mean is: there isn’t
one benchmark age after which everybody is ready to have sex; it
just doesn't work that way. From a legal perspective, both parties
have to be at least sixteen years old (and in some states, seventeen
or even eighteen). This is called the age of consent. You're allowed to
have sex at or after that age according to the law.
So, that’s where the problem starts: What if you feel ready
before the legal age? Or what if you're old enough and you're not
ready at all, but you feel pressured to have intercourse because your
friends are doing it? And what if you and your significant other are
under the legal age but feel ready?
The key to a healthy relationship with yourself and others is
communication. Talk to someone about this huge moment in your life
before you act on it. Maybe it's an older brother or sister, mom or

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

dad, friends, a guidance counselor, your grandparents (why not?), or

anyone else you trust. And talk to your partner, too. There's nothing
wrong with wanting to talk about sex first, before actually having it.
It's a pretty damn smart move, if you ask me. If you don't know how to
get access to birth control, maybe your parents can provide it for you
in the beginning. Free contraception is often available at community
contraceptive clinics, sexual health clinics, some youth people's services,
your doctor’s office, and the like. Do a little research or ask friends to
give you advice on getting contraceptives before you have sex.

BIRTH CONTROL TIPS

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VAGINAL RING
There is a wide range of options for contraception, including the
following:
*male condoms: worn on the penis, available at pharmacies, supermar-
kets, vending machines in public restrooms, online, etc. They're very
effective if used correctly. They stop a man’s semen from coming into
contact with his sexual partner,

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 Chapter Six:Love Is Beautiful/Sucks

* female condoms: worn inside the vagina to prevent semen getting

into the womb; also highly effective if used correctly. You can find
them in pharmacies, supermarkets, online, etc.
* progestogen-only pill: this “mini-pill” is an oral contraceptive pill,
to be taken around the same time every day. This pill contains
the hormone progesterone, but not estrogen. If taken correctly,
it's almost l00-percent effective. It doesn't protect against STIs
(sexually transmitted infections). Use the pill in combination with
condoms to be completely safe. Some of them are available for free,
but not all of them. Always talk to your doctor first if you want to
start taking birth-control pills.
*combined pill; also known as “‘the pill,” this is to be taken around the
same time every day. This pill contains the hormones progesterone
and estrogen. If taken correctly, it’s almost 100-percent effective. It
doesn't protect against STIs, though. Use the pill in combination with
condoms to be completely safe. Apart from preventing pregnancies,
it's also used for treating heavy or painful periods, as it helps release
the tension and pain. Most types are available for free, but not all of
them. Always talk to your doctor first if you want to start taking
birth-control pills.
* vaginal ring: small, plastic ring that you put inside your vagina and
remove after twenty-one days. This is also highly effective, and you
don't have to think about it every day (like you do with birth-control
pills), but it doesn't protect against STIs. Use in combination with
condoms to be completely safe.
¢an IUD: a little T-shaped device made from plastic and copper that's
inserted into your uterus by a doctor. It's highly effective, and it can
last up to five or even ten years, so you don’t have to think about
it every day. It doesn't protect against STIs. Use condoms too to be
completely safe.
The overview | just gave is very brief, and it only covers some
of the options out there, because those are the only contraceptive
methods | have some kind of experience with. The most important
thing about birth control is that you choose the method that fits you

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

best. All of the options listed have their own advantages and
disadvantages. | really can’t stress this enough: talk to your doctor
first so you can figure out which method is the most ideal for your
body and lifestyle. Ask for more information or alternative options
if you're interested,
Whatever you do, having unprotected sex should never be an
option to consider. Even if you're in a steady relationship and you're
both STl-free, you should think about the other consequences of
having unprotected sex. It doesn't matter how healthy you are: you're
always at risk of catching an ST! or having an unwanted pregnancy.
Even if you're sure you're clean, you might have an ST! you're not
aware of, because most of the symptoms are not noticeable. Just
because you don't see or feel anything doesn’t mean it isn't there!
If you're really unlucky, you can catch an STD in a public toilet, by
sharing a towel with your best friend, or by wiping in the wrong
direction after going number two. Wearing the same underwear for
too long or not changing your period protection frequently enough
can cause problems, too.
In conclusion: if you and your partner both feel ready to have sex
and to do it safely, there's only one important rule left to mention:
have fun!

CHROSTIN'S FIVE
GRIGIIAL DATE IDEAS
Looking for an original date idea to do with your crush? Maybe you're
in a relationship and you want to do something different for a change
to spice up your romance? You came to right place, girl. Sit down,
relax, and take a look at my five favorite dates.
*Spoiler alert: dinner and a movie are not on the list. Don't
get me wrong—| love going to the movies or going out for dinner
sometimes. But | mean, that's what we always do. | love surprises
and | love surprising my date even more.

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 Chapter Six:Love Is Beautiful/Sucks

1. Build aw Netflix-fert.
| used to do this with my s/o
when we were in the beginning
of our relationship. We thought
it was really cool to actually build
something together, and we had a
great hiding place to make out in
afterward while watching our
favorite Netflix shows. This is
a very cute date idea when
it's cold or raining outside,
but when you still want to
do something active. Also in the same category: have a pillow fight,
binge-watch horror movies in the fort, listen to some music, and just
chill or talk.
2. Be a leurist uv yewr ewn Cewn. You may think you know your
city, but you probably won't know everything until you see it through
the eyes of a tourist! Here's the trick: look for touristy attractions
in your town and plan a route.
Make sure to include breaks for DANA
ice cream or coffee. Take lots of
pictures, like you've never been to
that place before. This date has
the added benefit of teaching you
more about your town.
3. lake classes. Probably not
the best option if you and your
date aren't a real couple yet, because taking classes means you'll have
to attend them more than once. First, find something you're both
good at or at least interested in. It's an opportunity to learn new
things, and doing stuff together will make you and your lover grow
even closer, Win-winl
4, Hest w game-and-snack nighl. Games can be either
digital or old-school boardgames, whichever you like. You both bring

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

snacks or drinks. Playing games

together can teach you a lot
about your date—maybe
they're crazy competitive [7] Tos] @
or super patient and helpful Sez
when you're struggling to get the hang of a
favorite game. And people's true nature is always revealed if they
lose! If you're not a gamer, but you do like a bit of adventure or
competition, this could be your thing!
5. Ceek tegether. Whether it’s baking a cake, making dinner,
or preparing lunch, cooking is a great activity to do together,
and you have food afterward.
It also gives you something to -9 ns

talk about, in case you're ner-

vous or don't know each other et owl
that well yet. Either way, it's
a good opportunity to share a FD Cae) Se)
meal together without spend- <==
—] S—
ing too much money, too. \aal =
| absolutely love those
five date ideas, but of course you can add more things to the list,
depending on what you like to do. If you think outside of the tried-
and-true date box, fun times are guaranteed!

EMIDING A BAD RELATIONSHIP tt

THE LEAST PAIIFUL WAY
There are many reasons why you might be unhappy in your
relationship. Does your partner call you names? Are they passive-
aggressive, or even just plain aggressive? Do you feel alone and
excluded, even when you're together? Are you in love with someone
else? Is your partner extremely jealous or controlling? Does he or
she make you feel bad about yourself, or force you to do things you

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 Chapter Six:Love Is Beautiful/Sucks

don't want to do? Are you just generally unhappy or simply not in love
anymore? Whatever the reason might be, it's probably best if you end
your relationship sooner rather than later, because being together is
likely unhealthy for you both.

dg ND
REMITO ER
SELF :1WAS (Ng
AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
AND PUTING MYSELF FIRST IS
BY NoT A CRIME!)
REASONS WHY \ BROKE UP (AND SHOULD
TRIES To
REMEMBER WHEN THE PERSON
(OME BACK):

There is no “good” way to break up with your significant other.

No matter what your reason for dumping them is, remember that
open communication is key. Your partner might feel differently about
your relationship and be shocked, sad, and hurt by the breakup. Try to
talk your way through any conflicts that might arise. The good-bye-
talk is a very difficult conversation to have and never fun to do or
receive. You have to realize that you're going to hurt your partner's
feelings no matter what you say, because rejection always hurts, But
if you're honest and open, it can take the sting out of it a little bit for
the other person.
There are a number of classic mistakes you might be ternpted
to make when you break up with someone. Sometimes people can't

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

seem to be bothered to end things properly, but unless we do, the

other person is left behind with a lot of questions and a lot of heart-
break, And neither of you will have learned anything about having a
respectful relationship.
Sometimes it’s tempting to lie about the reason you're breaking
up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, While this saves you the unplea-
sant task of hurting your partner's feelings, the truth will come out
in the end and they'll be even more hurt because they didn’t hear it
from you first. So rip off the Band-Aid and spare yourself the future
drama; honesty is the best policy here.
Another common mistake is breaking up via social media. If
you two were in a committed relationship and shared some special
moments together, you can't just end all of that with a WhatsApp
message or Snapchat. Your partner deserves proper closure, Dumping
someone online or via text will make that person feel like he or she
never meant anything to you. | understand why it might seem easier
to you, but it definitely doesn't help the other person.
Another strategy that is a no-go is to avoid having to dump your
partner by getting them to dump you. It can be tempting to start
being rude to your significant other, or to cheat, lie, call them names,
or ignore them—anything to provoke them so they'll do your dirty
work for you. Let me tell you: this kind of behavior will only make
things worse, and it's not a fair way to end your relationship. Imagine
if the roles were reversed; you wouldn't want people playing games
with you like that, would you? The rule to live by here is to treat
other people the way you'd like to be treated,
Take a look back on your relationship and try to figure out where
things went wrong, in your opinion. Maybe there was a specific
moment when something happened or changed, Maybe you can't pin-
point it at all and have no clue why it didn’t work out, It’s normal for
feelings to change. Having a change of heart is a legit reason to end
a relationship, but you have to communicate that with your partner.
Keeping your changed feelings to yourself will turn your relationship
into a ticking time bomb that will explode sooner or later,

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Once you've decided to have the tough talk, choose a

comfortable and private location for you and your (soon-to-be-ex)
partner —somewhere you are alone and no one can bother you. Make
sure glasses of water are available, as is a box of tissues. Be up front
and straightforward, Don't beat around the bush, Never blame the
other person, but talk about yourself and your feelings instead, Be
prepared for emotional outbursts and possibly a lot of questions, but
hopefully at the end of the conversation, you'll have a clean break,
If the two of you agree to remain friends, that’s amazing. If it's
too painful for either one of you right away, though, it might take
some time, or it might never happen where you can be just friends.
This is a possible consequence you have to take into account before
you break up with someone: you don't just lose your partner —you
might also lose your friend.
Breaking up is never fun. Just approach the situation with care,
because you're dealing with another person's heart here. If you handle
the breakup with grace and empathy, it'll make it easier for the other
person to get over you eventually. In the end, you'll both be able to
put the past behind you and move on.

GLUING BROKE PIECES BACK TOGETHER:

HOW T6 FIX A BROKEN HEART
A broken heart might be the worst feeling in the whole world, Maybe
you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back, or maybe
you've recently been dumped by your sweetheart. Perhaps you were
cheated on, or maybe you recently broke up with someone yourself,
That's right: just because a breakup was your idea doesn't mean it
can't also hurt your heart.
It's normal to feel very sad for a while after losing sorneone you
love, even if the other person has treated you with respect during
the breakup. You might be in shock at first, especially if you didn't see
the end of the relationship coming. There's no way of knowing for

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

how long you'll be sad or upset. Some people only need a few days or
weeks before they bounce back; others take months or even a year
to completely recover from a breakup. It’s important that you allow
yourself some time to grieve. Cry as much as you have to, and for as
long as you have to. After that, it’s time to pick yourself up and start
thinking about letting go.
Letting go is definitely easier said than done. Some people dis-
tract themselves by finding a rebound lover—someone they hook up
with just to fill the void and get the affection they crave. That could
work for a while, but be careful not to hurt that person's feelings
after you are done rebounding. After all, you only started seeing
them to get over your ex, but they may genuinely have fallen for you.

Qn-

NEW CONFRONTATION
with CRUSH! x NOT TAKING
areas Q@ vex SELECARE

Nor p/
PROPERLY

As you gradually mend your broken heart, don’t forget to take

care of yourself and your body, Your physiological health is just as
important as your mental health. Take your mind off your sad or
negative feelings by getting some exercise, taking a long shower or
a bath, going out for fresh air, writing down your thoughts, and so
on. Talk to others about how you feel, and you'll see that there is so
much more to life than mourning an ended relationship.
Staying in touch with your ex can be tricky as there are upsides
and downsides to consider. Decide for yourself if you want to still be
friends. It can be helpful to be able to talk to them about how you

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feel, even after you've broken up, Try to avoid making him or her feel
guilty about dumping you (if that's the case), because that’s not a nice
thing to do and it won't get you anywhere. If you both are on friendly
terms again and maybe even hanging out, this can stir up old feelings
on both sides, so be careful about getting back together with your ex.
Chances are that you both just miss the idea of having a relationship,
rather than miss being a couple. If you decide that you don't want to
keep in touch with your ex, that’s okay, too. Just make it clear to your
ex in a friendly and respectful way.
Whether you're the dumper or the dumpee, the end of a
relationship always provides a valuable life lesson. What did you learn
from this relationship? What can you do better next time? What
were some other factors that led to the breakup? How big was your
part in what went wrong?
Lastly, don't worry about finding a new significant other. Time
really does heal all wounds, so you just have to wait and give yourself
as long as you need, Once you're completely healed, you can start
thinking about opening yourself up to a new love. In the meantime,
allow yourself some recovery time and give yourself some credit for
being as strong as you are. This is an opportunity for self-discovery
and some self-love, too.

DEALING WITH AN EX:

THE Dos AND Don'TS
Dealing with your ex can sometimes be a little tricky. You still might
have a lot of feelings for this person, but deep down you know it’s
better for both of you to stay out of each other's life. Maybe you
still have to face them because you go to the same school or have
the same part-time job. And what if they start dating someone
new—how will you cope with that?
It's important for you to heal first. You're hurt, upset, sad, angry,
lonely, or jealous. And that's perfectly normal. You shared some of

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the happiest moments of your life with this person and all of the
sudden they're gone.
It's normal to have very strong feelings about your ex when you
see him again, or when you find out that she started dating someone
new. Remember that your ex has the right to move on, too, even if
that person does it before you. It's not a competition. Don't focus on
being the first to get over your breakup but rather focus on your
future and on healing your heart. Seeing your ex with someone new
can be extremely painful, but learning that there's no more hope of
the two of you getting back together might help you get over the
relationship faster,
Here are some other tips to help you deal with your ex ina
healthy way:
- Try net
te be ever ly jealeus. It's very normal to be jealous of your
ex, especially when you see he is having a great time without you.
Maybe it's his way of coping with the breakup. Don't worry too

GToP COMPARING YOURSELF To

YouR &X's NEW PARTNER.
TT'LL DRIVE You CRAZY.

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 Chapter Six:Love Is Beautiful/Sucks

much about what your ex gets up to, and keep the reasons why you
broke up in mind to help you get through the harder moments. Write
down the reasons and read them over and over again, It makes it
easier to get over your ex and to stop being jealous of everything
he's (not) doing.
-Slep cemparing yourselfte ether peeple, especially if your ex has
a new partner. Like | said before: relationships aren't about who's
the best, the prettiest, the funniest, or the smartest. If your ex had
wanted to stay with you, that's what she would've done. Remember
that it's the other person's loss, and that you don’t have to compete
with their new partner. You don't want to be the crazy, obsessive
ex, right?
-Dewt stalk! The less you see your ex, the less you have to think
about him. Avoid the places you know he might be, unless you can
handle a confrontation in a mature way. It might also be a good idea
to avoid online stalking. It’s obsessive and very destructive to your
health. And it can be just as problematic as stalking someone in per-
son. Be careful not to check out your ex on social media too often.
- Talk abeul your feelings with ethers. Have a chat with someone
you trust and explain what you're feeling. A good friend will listen
to you and offer you a shoulder to cry on when you need it. Just
remember to vent your feelings from time to time; don't keep them
all inside. Getting things off your chest will leave you feeling a little
more relaxed and clearheaded.
-Dewt make your mutual friends pick sides. The breakup is hard
for you, but it can also be very awkward for your mutual friends,
They like both of you, so it’s unfair to make them choose between
the two of you. Try not to gossip about your ex with them, either.
You don't want to be that person.
Give yourself time, space, and freedom. Your daily life will be
very different without your partner, but that doesn’t necessarily
mean that it'll be worse. Embrace your independence and focus on
your personal goals while you have some time to yourself, You never
know when that new and special someone will enter your life.

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 SCHOOL AND WORK, WORK,
WORK, WORK, WORK
e spend the largest chunk of our days at school or at work.
But what about the things we don't learn at school but still
need in our (professional) lives? In this part you'll read more
about how to survive high school, write the perfect résumé, be more
productive, and so much more!

HIGH SCHOBL IS $6 WERD!

To me, honestly, high school was the weirdest period in my life. |
of ten look back on that time and wonder, “What was | thinking?”
Between the ages of twelve and eighteen, | went through so many
changes and transformations. | had so many different groups of
friends, ended up at the weirdest parties and places, hooked up with
the wrong people, and did many other strange things. | wore the
craziest fashion, and in hindsight, | wonder why nobody tried to stop
me from being so odd. | was constantly going back and forth between

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who | was and who | was trying to be. | had my heart broken, not just
by people | had a crush on, but also, and worse, by people | considered
my best friends.
High school was harsh; people were bullied, excluded, and picked
on, People gossiped behind others’ backs, High school was a game,
really. It was one big competition to decide who was the prettiest,
smartest, slimmest, coolest, or most popular, Nothing else really
mattered, It was all about who said what about whom. Grades were
only important if you were doing exceptionally well or disastrously
bad. Everything and everyone in between was not interesting enough
to talk about.
And they say high school is the greatest time of your life? Give
me a break.
We all know high school can be a long, big chapter in our lives.
We struggle with our identity,
our grades, our love lives, our | DON'T KNOW WHY eveRyeooy
Social statuses, our friend-
CALLS ME WEIRO. THEY DON'T evEN
ships, our time management, KNOW ME!
our health, our families, our
daily water intake, and
|
our mental health. | know GH SCHOOL
| shouldn't complain; the
education | received is a
Sw iad
U/o
privilege and I'm grateful
for the chances I've been
given. | know | should feel
thankful to have been able to go to school at all, but that doesn't
change the fact that high school is super weird! But why is it like that?
When we are teenagers, we are young, the world is ours, and yet
we are expected to sit on a chair for eight hours each day, listening
to someone explain something that we'll soon forget anyway, We
try to concentrate, but we're thinking about hanging out with friends
later. Or about what we might have for dinner that night. “Ring!”
Finally the bell chimes for the day to end. We go home, and our

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parents ask how school went. We say, “Fine,” like we do every day
before escaping to our rooms. Before shutting the door, our parents
ask, “What did you learn?” Nothing. Nothing at all.
You want to learn, but do you hate studying? Join my team. | was
always excited to learn new stuff, about life and about the world. |
found history very interesting and | always tried my best during gym
class, But | wanted more. | wanted to learn how to cook, how to sew,
how to do my taxes, how to survive a house fire, how to give CPR,
how to wash my clothes, how to fix things that are broken, and how
to properly paint a wall. My home situation was complicated, and |
didn't get to learn all of those skills when | was a kid.
| can’t even count the number of times | wondered how the stuff
they taught me in school was in any way relevant to my own life. To
me, high school seemed to be all about memorizing facts for the sole
purpose of passing a test. Fun trivia, definitions, dates... that's why
my grades were pretty average. It’s not because | didn't care or didn't
take an interest—| just wasn't very good at studying. | loved learning
new skills and languages, but studying the names and functions of
each cell in the human body just wasn’t my thing.
Next: homework. | remember being incredibly anxious and
stressed out all the time because of the piles of homework | had
waiting for me after class. Time management wasn't my strong
suit, and | was a real perfectionist, so | procrastinated on everything
because | wanted it to be perfect before | handed it in. The result?
| always finished my assignments at the very last minute, so most
of the work was done in a rush since | didn't have any more time.
Homework is a huge part of our stress in high school,
The homework issue brings me to another reason why high
school is so weird; the expectations are absolutely insane. Some kids
in my class got so nervous when they didn't get straight A’s—not
because they were disappointed by the grade or because they didn't
put the work in, but because they were afraid that their parents or
guardians would be angry with them. That's one thing that | could
never wrap my head around: high school shouldn't teach kids to be

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afraid of failing. High school students are under so much pressure to

achieve, but what good does it do them? It’s a question | still haven't
figured out, even four years after | graduated,
When | started college, | quickly learned that no one actually
cared about other people's grades. Everyone was going through the
same thing and that was what united us. There was no distinction
between the people who got good grades and those who got
bad grades,
It's true: it does get better after high school. People tend to say
that college is very difficult, but in this sense, it’s a lot easier. |wasted
many years of my adolescence putting pressure on myself to live
up to impossible standards. lf | had the chance to do it all again, I'd
spend more time on my personal development and growth instead of
worrying about each little pop quiz.
Another reason why high school is so weird has to do with your
age and puberty. Going to school can be difficult at any age, but it’s
ten times worse when you're a teenager. As a teen, you're expected
to listen, behave, and succeed, And, big surprise, none of this works
the other way around: grown-ups don't really listen to you because
they insist that you don't know what you're doing, saying, or feeling.
In the meantime, you're dealing with your first period, trying new
things with your clothes and makeup, figuring out who your real
friends are, and so on. You'll get boobs and hips and feel mostly
confused about them. And oh, did that person just flirt with you?
Not sure, That leaves you even more confused, You'll get hair in weird
places, too, and wonder if you need to shave it or not. As if high
school on its own isn't bad enough, going through puberty makes It
even more unbearable.
Lastly, being popular (or not) can determine your entire high
school experience. | used to have one main group of friends, but | was
friendly with a lot of other people, too. | hated when people decided
they couldn't stand others when they'd never even really met them. |
wasn't the prettiest girl, but | had a great sense of humor that made
me “popular” in a way. As | said earlier, high school is just a game, and

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it's not until you move on from it that you realize how ridiculous and
meaningless the whole concept of popularity really is.
High school is weird for many reasons. It’s mainly a combo of
high expectations, puberty, age, the pressure to be popular, and the
stress of homework. However awful it may seem right now, | can
promise you it will get better. Soon, you'll be old enough to choose
your own workplace, friends, and place to live. Does that scare you? |
understand, because growing up is scary. For now, enjoy your time as
a student. Both have their advantages!

7] a —?
D wP
%

HERE'S WHAT You CAN Do

IF SOWITOME IS BULLIED
Whether it’s you or somebody else who's being bullied, it's always
difficult to deal with this situation, Bullying is not always that visible
at school (take cyberbullying, for example), which makes it even
more difficult to tackle. If people were picking on you, you'd want
someone to help you and stand up for you, right? So that's what you
should try to do when you see someone else being bullied, But how do
you intervene without seeming overprotective or making yourself a
target for the bullies, too?
Letting that person know that you're there for them whenever
they need you can already make all the difference in the world, Sit
with the bullied person during lunch or breaks (not every day, not
all the time, but occasionally) and talk to them. Don't give in to peer
pressure, and don't let the bullies intimidate you. (Learn more about

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peer pressure and how to resist it in chapter 5.) It's important to

remember that it's never okay to bully someone back. Don't fight fire
with fire, It could even make things worse for your friend, and you
don't want that on your conscience, right?
Before you do anything, you have to know for sure that the
person you're trying to help is being bullied. It can be hard to get more
information, because people who are bullied can be reluctant to talk
about it—either because they are too upset or ashamed, or because
they are afraid something will happen if they tell others what's been
going on. The following are some red flags you can look out for: is the
person absent from school a lot, or do they seem distracted in class?
Have you heard any (nasty) rumors about them lately? Are they being
left out during breaks, or are they repeatedly the last one picked for
a team in gym class? Do you see them alone often? Have you seen
people post strange or offensive things about them in group chats or
on social media? Have you heard people gossiping about this person,
in order to hurt them? Have you seen the person being verbally or
physically abused? Is it one person who's doing the bullying, or is
there a whole group involved? If you answered yes multiple times
to the above questions, you can be pretty positive that person is
being bullied.
Bullying can be extremely stressful and hurtful, and some victims
have to seek professional help to cope with the trauma. It can cause
a lot of long-term mental and physical problems, such as self-harm,
eating disorders, suicidal thoughts, low self-esteem, trust issues, and
so forth. So it’s important to get a victim of bullying help right away.
But why do people bully? If you want to understand a bully's
behavior, it can help you to learn more about the bully’s background
or home situation. There are many reasons why people bully, and it
happens everywhere: in schools, at work, at home, on the playground,
in the military ... literally everywhere! A recent study by Ditch The
Label (ditchthelabelorg) has shown that, contrary to what most
people think, bullying does not happen because of who the victim is,
or what they do, or what they look like. Bullying happens because

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bullies have issues of their own that they

aren't dealing with. Here's some of the things
bullies might be going through that can help
explain (but not excuse) their behavior:
Stress and trawma: We all respond to
stress in different ways. Some of us use
positive behaviors (meditation, therapy,
sports) to reduce stress, while others use
negative behaviors (bullying, violence,
drugs). Some people simply don’t know how
to cope with stress at all.
- They were bullied themselves un the past:
Bullying is often used as a defense
mechanism and bullies start picking on
people so that people won't pick on them.
- They have w difficull heme situatien:
About 30 percent of all bullies feel their
parents or guardians don't spend enough
time with them on a daily basis. They feel
rejected by the people who are supposed to
love them unconditionally, and so they start
behaving badly to get their attention.
- They are insecure abeul relalienships: Bullies often feel like their
closest friends and family aren't very supportive or loving.
You now know the most common reasons why bullies pick on
others, but how can you help their victims? First of all, you tell
victims of bullying that they are not alone. You might feel there isn't
much you can do, but simply being there to support them can make a
huge difference. Also, it might be a good move to involve some adults.
Are you afraid that your friend or relative is in danger from
some bully? Report the bullying to an adult that you trust: a teacher,
a parent, or a school counselor. There's a good chance they'll take
action and inform the principal or the bully's parents. Although you're
only trying to help them, be aware that the victim of the bullying

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might be really worried or ashamed that you told other people what's
going on. They might even get angry with you for meddling in their
business. Handle the situation with care and discretion, otherwise it
might cause even more stress for the bullied person,
You can tell your friend or relative (or anyone you know who's
being targeted by a bully) to join the DTL-community (Ditch the
Label), DTL is one of the largest anti-bullying organizations in the
world. They provide free access to expert help from one of their
digital mentors, or you can post your questions or thoughts on the
forum to get advice from people with similar experiences. All of it is
anonymous, too, which is helpful for those who are afraid of being
seen as weak.
But what if you're the bully? First of all, don’t label yourself as a
bully —it's not productive. Bullying is a behavior and not your identity,
and yes, you can change your actions. Try to figure out why you bully
others. Is there something going on in your life that you're reacting
to? Once you understand what's causing your bad behavior, you can
start to deal with the underlying problem.
Talk about your situation, whether it’s with a friend, an adult you
trust, or a professional counselor or therapist. You'll be surprised how
empowering and liberating it can be just to sit with somebody you
trust and tell them what's been eating at you. Remember that pulling
someone else down is never going to raise you higher. Understand
the impact of bullying: what you're doing can truly harm people and
potentially scar them for life.
No matter which side of the situation you're on, we're all here
to learn in this life, not to point fingers and judge. More than anything
else, I'd like to advise you to seek the support you need both if you are
being bullied or if you find yourself a bully to others.
You can find more on this topic on the following anti-bullying
websites: http://www.antibullyingpro.com/useful-anti-bullying-
websites/ and www.ditchthelabel.org. Some movies and series that
taught me a lot about bullying were: A Girl Like Her, Spijt!, and
Audrie & Daisy.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

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It took me months of procrastination before | finally started writing
this book. For weeks, | lay awake at night worrying that it wouldn't be
finished on time. | dealt with a lot of stress and random panic attacks
those last couple of weeks ... and it was all because | waited too

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 Chapter Seven: School and Work, Work, Work, Work, Work

long to get to work on the writing and illustrating for the book. In
the final months before my deadline, | started working like a lunatic in
order to get everything done.
Why did | torture myself like that in the final weeks leading up
to the deadline? | was given plenty of time to complete the project:
all | had to do was write one chapter a month for about a year, | let it
drag out so far that | had to write a chapter a week in order to get
the manuscript done.
ls it because | like to work under pressure? Or am | just a lazy
person? Do | enjoy the stress? Or am | just constantly making excuses
for not writing?
The truth is: we all procrastinate sometimes. It’s very easy
to say, “I'll do that tomorrow,” and then tomorrow becomes the
day after tomorrow, and that becomes next week, and next week
becomes never. We invent all kinds of creative excuses not to do
what we're supposed to, What was your latest excuse for putting off
exercising? Was it too cold, too hot, too humid, too tiring, too late?
Or how about not completing a task like your homework or chores?
But we don't just postpone the small stuff. In fact, it’s actually
the bigger items on our to-do list that we tend to postpone the
most, because they make us the most afraid of failing. Here are a
few examples of scary things you might prefer to put off: big school
assignments, dealing with fake friends, telling your crush that you like
them, pursuing your dreams, or wanting a new job but being anxious
to apply for one.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

We constantly tell ourselves that today is not the right time.

That might be true in some cases, but most often it's just an excuse
to avoid taking a big leap. That's how our fears grow even larger,
instead of smaller. And as time rolls by, our dreams and aspirations
for “someday” remain exactly that: dreams and aspirations. You have
to consider the possibility that someday might not come around in
time, that perhaps you'll actually be too old, too financially unstable,
or quite simply too late if you put off what you should be doing today.
Things we procrastinate the most on include:

«Exercising * Answering letters

* Cleaning or e-mails
* Calling our family to see *Investing or saving money
how they're doing for later
*Filing things, especially «Getting organized
paperwork *Learning a new language
* Asking someone out «Getting to bed at
«Studying for a test at school a reasonable hour
* Apologizing to someone * Trying new recipes
*Keeping up with reading for * Getting a different
school or work haircut

Some of the things above might seem like minor things, but
they can still be examples of the fears | was talking about earlier.
Anything related to work or school, no matter how small the
individual task, can trigger your performance anxiety and make you
afraid of imperfection or failure. Depending on how messy you are,
the thought of organizing your things can seem overwhelming. If you
put off handling your finances or making important decisions, this can
indicate a fear of failure as well. If you procrastinate in confronting
people, it might mean you're afraid of rejection or conflict.
Luckily, there's a number of very practical things that can help
us get rid of our bad habit of procrastination. The rule of thumb is to
live life now: don't wait until it’s too late. It’s all a matter of getting

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 Chapter Seven: School and Work, Work, Work, Work, Work

out of your comfort zone, really. Remember what we talked about

in chapter |? It can give us stress and anxiety to face things that are
outside our comfort zone, but taking the plunge is the only way to
expand your horizons. Mixing up your daily routine can be a very
helpful way to stop procrastinating.
First of all, plan your tasks and deadlines, Whether they're for
school, work, your hobby, your family, or your friends, you schedule
that sh*t. Make an Importance/Urgency Matrix (see below). You can
make a matrix for each part of your life, so you don't mix personal
things with your school assignments. Stephen Covey (American
businessman, keynote speaker, and author of the bestsellers The 7
Habits of Highly Effective People and First Things First) popularized
the concept of a Time Management Matrix by suggesting the use
of four quadrants. If you categorize your tasks according to their
importance and urgency, you can easily see which one you need to do
first. In other words, the matrix will tell you what your priorities are.
Covey’s matrix looks like this:

IMPORTANT AND URGENT: NOT URGENT BUT IMPORTANT:

ACTUAL WORK (1) ZEN WORK (2)
* Big School Project * Planning a Trip
» Feeding the Cat w/ the Girlfriends

* Seeing the Doctor * Planning Some “Me Time”

* Guitar Class

NOT IMPORTANT BUT URGENT: NOT IMPORTANT AND NOT

NAG WORK (3) URGENT: BUSY WORK (4)
- Texting My Sweetheart * Mindless Scrolling
Constantly on the Web, TV
- Giving Attention to My Pet * Checking Social Media,
All the Time playing The Sims
- Tagging My Bestie in - Any Time-Wasting Activity,
All. Those Memes Like Having the Sudden Urge
to Clean My Room Instead
of Working on the Big
School Project

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

The top left quadrant contains the most important and urgent tasks:
those needing to be dealt with right now. In number two, on the top
right, we find tasks that are important but not urgent. This is the
quadrant that we should focus on if we want to achieve our long-
term goals, according to Covey. In the bottom left we have a bunch
of things that need to be eliminated or minimized. The tasks in this
quadrant can be annoying because they take up a lot of your time
and are mostly important to other people, not so much to you. The
bottom right quadrant contains things that are not important and not
urgent—they add no value to your work and are mostly a waste of
your time.
This is an effective example of how you can organize your
daily tasks and improve your productivity. Here are some other quick
tips to help boost your productivity. Now stop procrastinating and
start doing!
1. Set a deadline for each task. It doesn't matter how big or
small the task is, if it doesn’t have a due date, it’s way too easy for
you to put it off. Break the task or goal into smaller steps, which
makes it easier and less overwhelming to start.
2. Visualize your goal. Put up pictures of the places you want to
be able to travel to, the college you want to attend, someone you
admire in the skill you want to master, and the like. Talk about your
goals with others. Dress for the job you want instead of the job you
have, Once you start believing that you're on your way to success,
you have the positive mindset to get there.
3. Reward yourself for the progress you make. Sometimes you
just have to treat yourself after a very productive day, Did you finish
a big assignment? Well, good for you! You deserve a night out or a
bowl of ice cream. If you set up a reward system to celebrate small
achievements, you'll be able to do more in smaller steps. Before you
even notice, you'll be one step closer to your goal.
4. There is no such thing as the right time. Step out of your
comfort zone at least one a day. It doesn't really matter how fast
you're going; what matters is that you are going. Whatever your

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 Chapter Seven: School and Work, Work, Work, Work, Work

pace, you're already moving faster than anyone sitting on the couch
at the moment.
5. The Ten-Minute Rule. This one is very effective for me. | tell
myself I'll do something for just ten minutes— whether it's exercising
or writing this book. This makes it easier to get started, and once |
do, | always end up doing a full-body workout or a couple hours of
writing, It feels so great and rewarding afterward having done more
than the ten minutes | set out to do!
6. Do it for the rush you get afterward, The adrenaline, the kick,
or the satisfaction you feel after you complete something is a reward
in itself. It makes you feel so good about yourself and motivates you
to keep going. And remember: no matter how much you've been
procrastinating, it's never too late to get yourself together and make
a Start.
7. Focus on things that really matter, not just on low-hanging
fruit or quick gains. | know this one's difficult. |used put a lot of time
and energy into gaining more followers on social media, but now |
focus my attention on my long-term work. | want to create things
that'll be meaningful for a very long time, such as this book (Qua-
drant 2), instead of obsessing over my follower count or my next
Facebook status (Quadrant 4).
HOW | FEEL AFTER Nor
PRORASTINATING ONCE

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

8. Make it harder for yourself to procrastinate. If you do your

homework in your room, it's very tempting to take a power nap
instead. Keep your work and private life separate. Instead, go to the
library, sit in the living room, or go to a café with your laptop. Or do
your homework with a friend. You'll be more efficient and get the
work done more quickly.
9. Visualize your timeline. Mark your deadlines on a calendar and
use different colors for different tasks.
10. Prepare yourself before you get to work. You'll notice things
go more smoothly if you've done your research and prep first. Put
away the things that might distract you (such as your phone, games,
TV), get your coffee or tea ready, and go, go, go!

WRITING A KICK-ASS RESUME

A résumé is another term for a CV (curriculum vitae), which is a
written compilation of your education, work experience, and
accomplishments. Generally, you'll need this document (along with
a cover letter) in order to apply for a job. A (short) job interview
is usually also a part of the application process, Creating a badass
résumé can help you in your search for the perfect job.
In your résumé, you basically try to sell yourself to an employer.
Some people are too shy or afraid to put themselves out there and
find it difficult to toot their own horns without feeling like a walking
advertisement for themselves. Even the most outgoing people can
have some trouble nailing it with a résumé. When it comes down
to It, most applicants fail to be an eye-catcher for prospective
employers, But a well-written résumé can be very persuasive, so if
you do that right, you're far more likely to be invited for an interview.
Youlll even have a better shot than people who are more qualified
than you but submitted a sucky résumé.
A good résumé tells everything about you professionally and
academically, preferably in less than one page. Extra additions such as

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examples of your work and a cover letter are not included in this one
page. The first couple lines of your résumé are the most important,
so you better make them count! Start by choosing a nice layout
(there are many free templates available on the Internet if you don't
know how to create your own). Don't make it look too plain, but don't
overdo it, either. Find the right balance: makes sure it pops but is still
easy to read,
Start by giving your personal information; your full name, (e-mail)
address, phone number ... all the factual data. Then proceed to list
your skills, your academic history or current studies, and if there's
room, your hobbies and interests. Those are the basic elements that
make up a résumé. The following tips might come in handy if you
want to stand out from the crowd and make your application extra
awesome.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

*|f you're looking for a job that also includes working on or with the
Internet, it's a good idea to link your (professional) websites and
profiles, such as LinkedIn. You can add the websites of companies
you've worked for in the past, or the school you went or are going
to. Your current studies can be an advantage: they serve as proof of
your social skills, as well as your writing and computer skills.
*Be specific and personal. Avoid using vague words to describe
yourself, such as: flexible, social, team player, hard worker, dynamic,
motivated, go-getter. In a résumé, everyone is suddenly flexible, very
social, and a team player. Focus on the skills that are relevant to the
job you're applying for, and use words like created, launched, won,
managed, trained, improved, got into, achieved. An efficient way
to do this is by using examples from your previous work or school
experience.
ee

Dew't use: I'm creative.

De use: I've worked for several brands (including X, Y, and Z)
and created logos and website headers, | also illustrate and
animate. You can find more of my work on my website (X) and
my Instagram (Y).
Dew use: I'm a team player.
De- wse: Having worked on several group projects at school, I've
learned how to work on a team and delegate tasks. I'm more of a
team leader, not a boss.
Dew use: | took part in an art competition once and did well.
De use: Won Silver Medal at the (X) Live Art Competition
in 2018,
Dewt use: | got accepted into the XYZ University Communica-
tion Program.
De- use: | got accepted into the XYZ University Communication
Program (7 percent admission rate, XYZ selects twenty-five
students per semester),

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 Chapter Seven: School and Work, Work, Work, Work, Work

*If you find it hard to describe your skills or strengths, ask your
friends or family for feedback. They'll likely come up with qualities
you didn't think of yourself or remind you of past accomplishments
that you've forgotten. They can also help point out the obvious:
things that you take for granted and forgot to mention because
they're so, well, obvious.
*Be straightforward and honest. There’s nothing more improper
than lying about your skills or your past. Just because you listed the
school(s) you went to doesn't mean the employer will automatically
assume that you successfully completed the course or program.
They'll need proof. True, some jobs don't require a degree, but if you
lie about the school you went to or the degree you have, you might
lose your chance of getting the job. If you haven't graduated yet, just
be honest about it.
If you're in college, you can add your extracurricular activities
and interests to increase the appeal of your résumé. Maybe you're
into politics, history, or science fiction—you never know when
your hobbies might come in handy. General knowledge and showing
interest in different things make you an attractive applicant. If you
already have an internship under your belt, specify your role there
(for example, “communication intern at company X”’).
Proofread. If you've read your own CV multiple times, it’s harder
to catch a typo. It’s a good idea to ask a few friends or relatives to
proofread the document before you submit it. A typo or grammar
mistake can be a deal breaker for some employers.
Update your résumé regularly. Add new experiences as you go
along. Treat your résumé as a living document by adding new skills,
courses you've taken, awards you've won... everything that might be
relevant. Even if you already have a job, do it for future reference,
Get yourself out there! Send your résumé to multiple recruiters.
Write them a professional e-mail, including a brief introduction, a
short paragarph to explain why you want the job, and also include
your awesome résumé as an attachment.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

HOW (8 STAND OUT WHEN

APPLYING FORA JOB
Applying for a (first) job is always very exciting. Student or part-
time jobs are often limited in hours or short in duration, because you
have to be at school on weekdays. The jobs are usually unrelated to
what you're studying in school, and you should think of them as a way
to earn some extra money, not a full salary, Here's some inspiration
for part-time jobs: waiter/waitress, host(ess), bartender, barista,

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 Chapter Seven: School and Work, Work, Work, Work, Work

cashier, sales clerk, babysitter, after-school tutor, front desk associ-

ate, cleaner, ice-cream scooper, smoothie maker, library assistant, or
maybe a paid intern (if you're a college student). | bet there are tons
of options in your neighborhood.
| know that working part-time can be difficult while you're still in
high school or college, and that's why you should look for the perfect
job that fits your schedule. Here are some factors that you should
keep in mind when you choose a job:
-Make sure that the jeb is nearby, er at least easy te get te. You
don't want to stress yourself out about making it there on time or
make a bad impression by arriving late.
Schedule yeur shifts accerding te yeur scheel heurs. Some jobs
will require you to work mornings or nights, weekends or holidays.
Make sure your school-work balance stays manageable. Don't bite
off more than you can chew.
- Find a jeb yew like. It's okay to have your eyes on the prize and to
focus mostly on the pay when you look for a job. It'll earn you the
money you need to go on a nice vacation or to buy yourself things.
But try to choose a job you'll enjoy doing as well. You don’t have to
love it, but make sure you don't hate it. It'll be hard to stick with it if
you dislike it.
-Dees the
jeb help you with yeur fulure career? If your part-time
job is relevant to your professional area of interest, you're already a
big step ahead. You could work as an intern for your favorite brand,
start-up, or local business. The experience you'll build there might be
very valuable at a later point in your career.
Now that you know what you should take into account, It’s time
to go job hunting! Where can you find a job? What are the dos and
don'ts to survive your first job interview? Of course, not every part-
time job requires a full-blown, lengthy interview. If you simply want to
earn some extra money, you could look for a job that is easy to learn
or doesn’t require much experience or skills. However, if you're after
a job that demands a bit more professionalism or might be a stepping
stone to your dream career after graduation, keep on reading!

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

WHERE CAI FIND A S06?

Before you apply for a job, you'll obviously first need to find an
opening that you're interested in. If you have some companies in mind
that you'd like to work for, check their websites or social media pages
to find out if they're hiring. Also, you can register with a temp agency
or a recruitment agency: they'll get in touch with you if they have a
job opening that might interest you. They usually have a database of
positions waiting to be filled,
Social media is perfect for job hunting: Twitter, LinkedIn,
Instagram, Facebook, etc. Just write a witty post to inform people
that you're looking for a job—I40 characters can be enough to
convince someone to hire you!
Ask your friends or family if they know someone who needs an
extra hand. They might be able to give you a heads-up when they
learn about a new opening somewhere. Another great tip is to simply
walk in to a company or store you are interested in and ask if they
are hiring. That's how | found my first job as a waitress, and | kept
it for over two years. Not every store or company will have a spot
available, but this is still one of the most effective ways to find a job.
Because it’s ballsy and shows initiative!

THE JOB INTERVIEW:

THE DOS AND Dort'TS
If you're invited for an interview for a job you applied for (congrats!),
you should be aware of some of the dos and don'ts of interviewing,
You totally should:
° Prepare yourself. Do lots of research about the company, the
position, and the person who will be interviewing you. The more you
know, the better your chances at getting the job.
“Show up en lime and with your best altitude. Nothing is more
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 Chapter Seven: School and Work, Work, Work, Work, Work

annoying to an employer than an applicant who shows up late for a

first interview. It's downright rude and shows a lack of respect.
-Give a firm handshake when yew meet your interviewer. A good
handshake shows that you're confident, determined, and motivated.
Make eye contact and smile from time to time while conversing with
the interviewer. Sit up straight and look people in the eye.
- Think befere yeu answer. A good technique is to give a brief
summary of your answer first, and to elaborate on the individual
points after. It's better to take your time to form a well-considered
response than to rush. It's an interview, not a race!
-Ask questiens! Inquiring about the job, the employer, or the indus-
try itself shows that you're genuinely interested and eager to learn.

GOING To A JoB INTERVIEW

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

You totally shouldn't:

-Drink, eat, er chew gum during the interview, |t's unprofessional
and disrespectful.
-Answer ony calls er text messages. Instead, leave your phone in your
bag and put it on silent mode or shut it off completely.
- Lie. Lying won't get you anywhere, Give an honest answer to the
questions you're asked, even if you have to admit you don't have the
answer for something.
- Shew up Wwearury Your leggings er jeFqgurys. Dress appropriately,
because first impressions matter. I'm not saying you should wear
a full three-piece suit, but your outfit should be in line with what
the company is all about. Dress for the job you want. Wear clean
clothes, brush your hair and your teeth, and make sure that you feel
comfortable in what you are wearing,
-Fergel
te breathe. Stress can make you forget a lot of things, but you
should never let your nerves take the upper hand. If you're nervous, do
some breathing exercises before you go into the interview
—it really
helps! But be descreet about it—you don't necessarily want your
interviewer to see how nervous you are,
- Talk abeut urelevant, lepics. Potential employers don't expect you
to talk about your love life or your religion. Keep it professional, unless
you're asked about other stuff. Making a joke is allowed, but don't
overdo it.

Benus lips fer Standing Oul

Ameny Other Candidates
*Give plenty of examples to highlight your previous work experience
and list some of the things that interest you outside of school, such as
blogging, writing music, leading a sports team, coaching, tutoring, etc.
* Write a thank-you letter or e-mail within twenty-four hours of your
interview, Tell the recruiters you're looking forward to hearing from
them, that you enjoyed your conversation, and that you look forward
to the next steps.

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 Chapter Seven: School and Work, Work, Work, Work, Work

*Don't forget to start and finish by explaining why you want the job.
Recruiters want to see passion and eagerness.
*Be yourself. There's no need to be somebody else. Employers will
hire you for who you are, not for who you want to be.

WHEN YOUR PASSION AND

YOUR PARENTS’ WISHES Dott'T wit
All parents want their kids to be successful. Every time your parents
give you the “doctor-lawyer-engineer” lecture, try to remember
that they mean well—they want you to have a successful career
and an amazing future. But what if your dream doesn't involve
becoming a doctor, lawyer, or engineer? What if you're
passionate about something else? What if you
want to become an artist? What if you want
to grow up to be the next Shakespeare or
to star in a Netflix original series? What if
you have no clue what you want to be yet,
you just Know what you don’t want to be?
Wherever you're at, the important thing
here is how to tell your parents that you
don't see yourself in a white coat with a
stethoscope around your neck, or sitting at a desk °
behind a nameplate that reads CEO.
At first, you might feel as if your
parents won't let you choose what you want
to be. You might get some resistance from
them, but that’s mostly because they
worry about you and want to
protect you, It's their job; they 1S
can't help it. Also, it can be a little
scary for them to watch you make your
own decisions and find your own path in life. On top

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

of that, they might also feel regret or envy because they never got
to chase their dreams when they were younger. Remember that the
world was a different place when your parents were your age; back
then it wasn't as easy for young people to follow their passions as It
is now.
| grew up in a middle-class family of laborers. My dad and
grandma worked at the national postal service, my granddad was a
technician at a hospital, and my mom, who had been a singer in her
home country, worked as a cleaning lady. So, they did nothing fancy
or high ranking, | would say. They all just worked really hard to earn
enough money to feed the family. But that’s why my brother and |
feel enormous pressure to succeed in life. In our family, we are the
first ones to continue our education after high school. My mom never
got the chance to study in her home country, so it’s really important
to her that we do so, She never got the chance to fully develop
herself or get a degree, so she wants to make sure that we do.
| was never too sure—| still am not—about what | wanted to
be when | grew up. As a child, | wanted to be a vet, a professor, or a
teacher. Later, |wanted to be a weather reporter. | changed my mind
a lot, but | was always sure about one thing: | didn't want to study
for it. Without knowing what | really wanted, | finished high school
and began studying communication management in college right after.
Maybe | could've traveled for a year first? Studied abroad? Learned
a new skill? Or | could've just started working, as | knew even before
| started that studying wasn't the right thing for me. In the end,
| enjoyed my years in college, although | knew from the beginning
that | didn't want to work in the communications field. That's partly
because I'm still figuring out what one actually does with a degree
in communications, but also because part of me wants to become a
full-time artist.
The arts (and there are other examples, including many of the
humanities) are still not fully accepted as a profession, and people
often think of them as hobbies, not careers. “Find a real job” and
“youll need a degree anyway” are only a few of the prejudices | have

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to deal with as an artist. Many people are biased and quick to think
that art can't be a full-time job, unless you make it big as an artist. It
was never my dream to become a professional artist, or a writer, or
both. And that’s mainly because no one ever told me that those were
actual options. | didn't know | could do that! So becoming a full-time
illustrator was more like a pipe dream.
My dream was to make my parents proud, because | was the first
in our family to go to college. My mom always wanted me to become
a teacher, but | soon ruled out that option. |t just wasn't for me. One
time in high school, | had the crazy idea to switch to an art school in
a different city. | was young and influenced by the wild enthusiasm of
my friend, who desperately wanted to go herself. | wasn’t allowed to
go, of course, and the plan soon slipped to the back of my mind. | kept
going to a drawing academy once a week instead. It wasn't the same,
but | understood why my parents didn't let me switch schools. | hadn't
thought through why | wanted to go. | was only fourteen or fifteen
at the time and not ready to commute to another city by myself
every day. | also didn't discuss the option properly with my parents. |
just sprung it on them and that didn’t go over so well. And | couldn't
honesty answer the question as to why | wanted to go. Did! want to
go for myself or simply for my friend?
If you're considering something similar at the moment, I'm not
implying that you haven't thought about your decision enough; I'm just
saying that | did not. However, you should really think it through, and
you should feel completely ready and motivated before you make a
move. Also, make sure you do it for you, not because your friends are
doing it.
The most important tip | can give you is to start communicating
with your parents up front about your goals and your aspiriations.
Open up honestly to them. Perhaps they'll be hesitant at first. “Will
you earn any money doing this job? Can you make a living doing this?”
will likely be foremost on their minds and you should be prepared to
answer these questions. Your parents want you to be comfortable,
happy, and successful as an adult. Maybe they want your life to be

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

easier and better than theirs. In the end, | don’t think they really care
what you become; they just want you to have the life you want and
to be making the right choice for you.
Essentially, your parents just want you to be happy. Great,
so do you, and you want them to be happy, too. If you talk about your
plans openly with them, they'll eventually understand and be proud
of you for your choices. Also, try to make them see that sometimes
it's better to regret the things you've done in life than the things
you never tried,

THAT HIRST PAYCHECK

IS Of 56 SWEET
| remember being fourteen and getting my first summer job, which
meant | also got my first paycheck. | wasn't saving for anything in
particular, but | knew that | wanted to be more independent from
my parents. | wanted to buy myself some cute clothes, candy, and
movie tickets. But what if you really have no clue what to do with
the money you're earning in your part-time job? If you have a steady
income (because you work every week or during school vacations),
you might be saving for something that requires a lot of money (such
as a trip, your tuition, or even a tattoo), or maybe you just want
some extra spending money, like | did.
When | got my first real job at nineteen, |worked as a freelance
illustrator for a Belgian magazine. | remember receiving my first legit
salary and the amount was so huge to me, | didn't even know what
to do with it. |ended up buying a professional drawing tablet, which
was an investment in a way. Two years later, | still use that same
drawing tablet.
There's no “best way” to spend your first salary or paycheck.
It all depends on your situation and what you want to spend it on,
Getting your first paycheck is a very special moment, though, and
almost everyone remembers what they bought with the money,

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Here are a few meaningful ways you could use it:

Save it, er ab least a part ef it. This paycheck is a milestone and
the start of your financial freedom is something special!
Buy something. Yes, buy something! Treat yourself. Do it yourself
and pay for it with your own cash or debit card. The feeling of
independence is truly great and the novelty of it will wear off soon,

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

so you better enjoy the rush now. Make sure you don’t overdo it
with the spending, though, unless you're sure you'll save more the
next time.
- Pay back any leans er debts. Have you borrowed money from
people recently? Time to pay them back (preferably with a thank-
you note, too).
-Help- semeene elge. Whether it's buying food for someone in need
or donating to a charity, give something back. You have the luxury
of being able to afford food, clothes, and nice things, but there are
so many people out there who can't make ends meet. Donating even
a small amount can make a big difference.
-Buy something fer yeur parent(s). Give them something special,
something they deserve for taking care of you for so long. You're
growing up, and getting your first paycheck is a big part of becoming
financially independent. Time to say thanks.
«Invest. Think about getting life insurance or putting money ina
Roth IRA or mutual fund. Although you're very young and probably
not particularly interested in taxes, insurance, and the like, getting
insurance or investing is a smart move. The younger you are, the
more affordable these things are.

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 e spend a lot of time online: checking social media, reading the
news, shopping for favorite brands, watching TV or online
series. This is all made possible on the awesome interwebs. But
as beautiful as the Internet is, it can a dangerous place, too, if you're
not careful.

WHILLEMUALS’ BIGGEST ADDICTION:

THE SMARTPHONE?
When | was in my final year of college, we had a course called
Communication Research. For our final oral exam, we were allowed
to discuss a topic of our choice, and | picked “Cell Phone Addiction in
Youngsters.” For research, | read a study (which was rather old) on
why adolescents feel the need to check their phones constantly,
Why is it, exactly, that we can't seem to put our smartphones
down? And how bad does it have to be before we're truly addicted?
ls it even possible to become addicted to technology? Can we really

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

compare phones to drugs like alcohol or weed? The answer to all of

the above is yes, but it’s even more difficult to notice and to know
where to draw the line. Also, people underestimate the effects of a
phone addiction on them and their well-being.
Our smartphone has become an important part of our daily
lives, We use it every day to call, chat, text, or check social
media. We even keep it by our bedside at night. Even when we
) are spending time with our friends or family, it has become
completely normal to answer phone calls or return texts
almost immediately. Why do we feel the need to answer these
texts or to check our social media feeds constantly, even while
we are in the company of our friends and family?
The line between overuse and addiction Is very
thin. Dr. David Greenfield, founder of the Center
for Internet and Technology Addiction, confirms
that many people overuse their smartphones.
According to him, you are moving into addiction
territory if you can't stop using your phone,
even when you know it’s ruining (parts of) your life.
If you can't help being on your phone, even when you know you really
shouldn't be, that lack of control is an important sign of addiction,
he concludes.
You've probably read some articles on how your phone's blue
light can keep you awake at night or how social media can make feel
sad or depressed, There are a bunch of psychological effects related
to smartphone addiction, including the following:
- Sleep disturbance: The bright light from your smartphone or
tablet screen can decrease your sleep quality. It can take you
longer to fall asleep because your brain is still active from the light
of your screen,
- Relationship preblems: As your online connections grow and
flourish, your offline relationships might suffer. It's possible that
you're neglecting the people you interact with in real life as a result
of your excessive cell phone and social media use.

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 Chapter Eight: The Internet of Things

-Anxiely: Research has shown that college students who use

their phones a lot are more likely to feel anxious and restless in
their downtime.
>A bunch ef physical effects can also be added to this list: eye
fatigue, itchy or burning eyes, neck problems (notice how you're
constantly looking down at your phone, tablet, or computer), and
so on. There's also an increased risk of car accidents caused by
texting and driving, which can be just as dangerous and deadly as
drinking and driving!

Breaking the Phene

Addictien
If you find yourself checking your phone first thing in the morning—
before even getting out of bed—you might have a serious problem.
Get rid of this habit by starting your day in a healthy way. Try to get
out of bed immediately, stretch, drink a glass of water, meditate, and
eat a healthy breakfast without looking at your phone. Try it and
you'll feel so much fresher during the day. Your phone shouldn't be a
part of your morning routine.
Part of the problem is that we have our phone with us almost
constantly, The only time we're not checking our besties' Facebook
statuses is when we're taking a shower. We find ourselves mindlessly
passing time by touching our screens, even when we should be doing
homework or other productive things. In fact, we're constantly
distracted by the ringing, buzzing, beeping, and pinging of our phones.
The result? Your focus is completely gone and you're getting absolutely
zero work done. The solution? Create phone-free zones and times
throughout your day. For example: if you do your homework between
4:00 and 6:00 pm, completely shut down your phone and focus on the
task in front of you. Also create a no-phone zone, such as the living
room or your bedroom, especially in the last two hours before bed-
time. Also, don't leave your phone under your pillow while you sleep!
This can be very dangerous for two reasons: radiation and explosion.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

We somehow feel the urge to be connected to the outside

and Internet all the time. When we aren't, we instantly experience
FOMO: the fear of missing out. You think you're missing out on
all the important stuff that's happening in the online world, while
actually, your life is happening right now. If you find yourself texting,
checking Facebook, or tweeting while you're having a conversation
with someone, you should know that's kinda rude. Even if everybody's
doing it. It breaks down friendships and can ruin your relationships
with others. Your behavior implies that the virtual message you're
replying to, which can totally wait in 99.9 percent of all cases, is more
important than the person in front of you. Leave your phone at home,
or put it on “do not disturb” mode so you'll get zero beeps from new
notifications while you are with a friend or your family.
Another way of measuring how addicted to your phone you
are is how anxious you feel if you don’t have it with you. Do you feel
uncomfortable, ill at ease, or even terrified if your phone is out of
sight? Do you feel more comfortable when you feel your phone in
your pocket, not because you need it, but just because you know
it's there?
If you answered yes to the above, then try a digital detox.
Go without social media or your phone for at least a whole day,
preferably even a week. When you go back online, you'll notice that
the notifications you received in your absence weren't life-changing
at all. Heck, most of the time when you take out your phone, it's
not even because someone has actually called or texted you; rather,
you're just constantly waiting for something to happen—a message,
a notification, more likes on a post. After a digital detox, you'll realize
how unimportant social media is. Repeat it regularly, and you'll smell
the flowers and hear the birds singing again. There’s more to life than
the digital world, trust me.
Try to imagine how people got by twenty years ago. | think
I'm part of one of the last generations born into a world without
smartphones and tablets, Honestly, I'm not Saying that things were
necessarily better back then, but they were very different for sure,

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 Chapter Eight: The Internet of Things

Writing and sending love letters was the norm, not the exception.
We played outside more often than kids do today. While we were
growing up, Internet technology started to boom. In my teenage
years, we used MSN Messenger and Netlog, Suddenly, we were taking
pictures of ourselves and posting them (the word selfie hadn't even
been invented yet) and creating an online persona.
Of course, technology has made our lives easier and more
efficient in many ways. We live at a very high speed and the online
information-flow never stops. That's why it’s hard for us to keep up
with everything, and it’s also why we feel left out whenever we can't
check our social media for a while. But the sooner we realize that
the offline world is the real world, where the real stuff happens, the
sooner well be able to get rid of this twenty-first-century addiction.

THE TRUTH
ABST ViRTUAL FRIENDS
The top locations for teens to hang out with their friends are school,
someone's house, or online. Now that technology is everywhere, it
has become so much easier to meet friends and even lifelong partners
on the Internet. Social media, online video games, and fandom sites
have made it easy to interact with awesome people around the world
who share the same interests as you. In all honesty, it's a lot easier to
start a conversation online than in real life—especially with someone
you might like or want to hang out with. And if it doesn’t work out,
it's not like you have to see that person anywhere, ever.
Your physical friends can't be around you 24/7, And we get a lot
of updates on their lives on social media, too, Having virtual friends
can be much better than having friends in real life, because you met in
a virtual place where you both ended up because you're interested in
the same thing. In that way you have a connection on a different level.
The Internet allows us to talk to people we want to associate with.
There’s no social structure, like a school or club, that forces us to

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

interact with these people, and the Internet isn’t interested in labeling
us or putting us into boxes.
For example, it only takes a few seconds to find someone
who's an equally huge fan of your idol as you are. And the beautiful
thing is, they're not ashamed to openly express their fandom on the
Internet. In real life, depending on how “cool” your idol is, that can be
a lot more difficult to do. In the virtual world, you're able to express
yourself to an online community of people who understand what
you're saying. Virtual friends can make you feel more confident, loved,
and appreciated than some “real” people.
When it comes to keeping in touch, virtual friendships can be a
little different from real-life friendships. Your virtual friend might live
on the other side of the planet, and there you have the first problem:
time zones. You'll have to find a moment when you're both awake and
have a moment to talk to keep each other updated, Obviously, you
don't have to go through all that trouble with your real-life friends.
But if your online friendship makes you happy and satisfies your social
needs, isn't it worth it? You can still talk to each other almost every
day, share inside jokes, and send each other memes and songs to keep
your digital friendship alive. You can even think about visiting them,
wherever they live—a new adventure for you to ~
share together, in real life!
A friend is someone who cares for
you, remembers your birthday, and offers a
shoulder to cry on. If you feel like someone
you've met online could provide you all of
these things and more, it's only a matter of time
before you're going to want to meet each other in
real life. If you both want to, you can move your
friendship from the virtual world to the real one, je)
You might even fall in love, too. If you do decide 7
you want to meet your virtual friend, though, you should
be extra careful: you never really know for sure who's on the other
side of your screen, even if you've called or Skyped them before. It's

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believed by many that people are less genuine ME ON SOUAL MEDIA:

online than in real life, so always keep in mind
that you might be in for a disappointment,
or even worse: a trap, Make sure that, when
OMG, GUYS!!!
you'r NEVER Gue,,
you're meeting up in real life, you feel comfort- syst HAPPENED 1Wp
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able enough. Maybe it’s a good idea to meet in
Mg
a group first. Or at least in a public area like
a coffee shop or a shopping mall. Also, always
let a parent or a friend know where you're
going and who you are going to meet. Remember:
you're seeing a stranger for the very first time
and you should make sure that you're safe. ME IRL:
But I'm not here to make you afraid of online
relationships. They can be really great, and some DON 'T TAKE UP
might turn into lifelong friendships. I've met
so many interesting and awesome people ‘
through social media, and | never would've
known them if | wasn’t active online. Some
of them became real friends that | trust deeply.
Thanks to the Internet, it’s easier to chat with
Chrostin fans, too. And | can send messages to
my own idols without having to look up their
address to write them a fan letter. Sometimes
they respond and that's an awesome feeling! We are literally a few
clicks away from each other,
Despite the fact that we are less likely to meet our virtual
friends in real life, they can sometimes be closer to us than our real-
life friends. Some teens simply don't feel comfortable talking face-
to-face and prefer chatting online. In terms of sharing thoughts and
communicating, both offline and online friendships are equally valuable.
However, if most of your social interactions take place online, you
might get so used to expressing yourself through texting and chatting
that you forget how to communicate with people in the real world.
Make sure you don't forget how to have an old-fashioned, real-life

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conversation! If you don't interact with people in real life, you'll lose
out on developing some important communication skills that you'll
need in order to deal with all kinds of situations. For example,
confronting someone face-to-face is a whole different ball game
compared to doing so online. Make sure you don’t put yourself at a
disadvantage by letting your real-life social skills become all rusty.

ONLINE DATING DOS AND Don'TS

It's super easy to lie about who you are on the Internet. Pictures that
aren't yours can easily become yours; all you have to do is post them
and claim ownership over them. You can pretend to be a teenage boy
or girl, even if you're actually a grown man or woman with bad inten-
tions. This phenomenon is called catfishing: actively tricking someone
into believing you're someone else. A catfish will invest incredible
amounts of time into creating a backstory that seems legit and will
go through any amount of trouble to gain their victim's trust. Once
the trust is earned, it’s super easy to set a date to meet face-to-face.
You might be tempted to meet up with people you've met online in
secret, without telling your parents or friends. This can be incredibly
dangerous; even if they are the person in the pictures they sent you,
you still don't know what their intentions might be.

Hi THERE, You LOOKED

WANNA MAKE DIFFERENT
ONLINE...

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To avoid this kind of situation, I've listed the dos and don'ts of
teenage online dating here:

DON’T:
*be careless about giving away your private information. No person on
the Internet should know your personal details. Keep your full name,
address, location, and other private details to yourself.
*meet up in a private place. That's asking for problems, really, It’s only
okay to meet up at a private place if you know each other well enough
and if other people are aware of your whereabouts.
*send nude pictures that include your face. Obviously, it's best if you
don't send any nude pics at all, for many different reasons, but if you
choose to do so, never include your face so that no one can recognize
you on the photos. Also, try to make the environment of the photo
less distinct so that people can't identify your location. Always be
aware of the potential consequences of the pictures you send over
the Internet. Remember that everything you put online can be traced
and shared,
*send money to someone you only know on the Internet. You never
know what they're going to use the money for, and there's a good
chance they'll scam you just to get more money.
- engage if the other person wants you to do stuff that you don't like.
This could be anything. You have the right to say no, and if the
person you're talking to doesn’t understand or respect that, that’s
an obvious red flag.
*pretend to be someone you're not. Honesty is the best policy in online
dating. After all, you also want the other person to be honest with you.
*ever give away your passwords to your social media accounts (or any
other password for that matter).
* push the other person too much if they don't reply to your message(s)
immediately. Remember that the other person doesn't have to answer
or
you right away. Perhaps they're thinking about what to write back,
have
maybe they simply forgot about it. If you sense that they might
lost interest, accept this as well and chat with other people.

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DO:
*stay true to yourself online. It’s okay to show a better version of
yourself, but don't feed people false information to make yourself
look better or more interesting. The person has to like you for who
you are, not for who you pretend to be.
* tell an adult about your Internet date if you decide to meet up in
real life.
* find out if you and your online crush have the same values and
opinions on important issues, or at least make sure you'll have stuff
to talk about in real life.
*meet up in a public space. That could be any place where other
people can see the two of you: a café, a movie theater, a restaurant,
a local park, etc.
*warn someone if you feel uncomfortable. Always have someone on
hand in case your date turns out to be a complete weirdo and you
want to leave ASAP! Remember that you never ever have to stay
anywhere you don't feel like staying.
*create a music playlist to tell the other person how you feel.
suse the right amount of emojis. They can make a message so much
more fun!
sunfriend the person if you don't feel comfortable dating anymore.
It's okay to block them if you feel that your privacy or your safety
is in danger,
Looking for a safe way to date
online as a teenager? There are no
guarantees when you talk to i)
people online, but there are Be
a few tips on how to stay Gea 8
as safe as possible in the
digital world, Avoid chat ;
systems like Chatroulette,
Chatrandom, and Omeegle.
Those apps connect you to
strangers all over the world and

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are especially tricky because they offer a video chat option, It's highly
unlikely that you'll find the love of your life on one of these systems,
as most of the visitors on there are adult men looking for young boys
and girls, nudity, and explicit conversations. Just saying: there are
better platforms out there.
Here are some alternatives to “adult” dating apps like Tinder,
Grindr, and more “serious” dating websites:
-Spetafriend: Allows teen and tweens to swipe on profiles, get
pictures and connect with nearby strangers. They claim they're not
a dating app, but a way to make new friends. Spotafriend describes
itself as an app for people aged thirteen to nineteen.
~MyLel: Aimed at teenagers for social networking and dating. You
have to be at least thirteen to be on this app, and no older than
nineteen. Be aware of predators regardless of those age restrictions.
The app recently received a low rating from Common Sense Media
because of the large number of explicit photos circulating on there.
- Ywbe: An app for teenagers thirteen and up. Yubo (formerly Yellow)
is often described as the “Tinder for Teens,” because the system
is the same (with the swiping and all). Be careful, though, because
there is no age verification system included in the app.
«MeetMe: A famous online flirting and social networking app with
over one million active users. The app requires access to your
geolocator, so be mindful of who you match with, as they can see
where you are.
Skewb: Pretty much the same system as MeetMe, as it uses your
phone's GPS to connect to people nearby. Due to increased
moderation, this might be one of the safest options. For example,
it's not possible to send pictures in private conversations, and people
can't see your precise location, either, only a general region.
Of course, it's not up to me to tell you what you can and can't
do when it comes to dating, but | can at least inform you about the
safest options. As a teenager who grew up using the beta versions
of these kinds of apps, | can honestly tell you that online dating is
exciting, fun, and inspiring, if you do it safely. Meeting new people is

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great but can be dangerous, too. If you're looking for someone in your
neighborhood to date, try to remember the dos and don'ts from the
lists on previous page. And have fun! If you want more information on
dating and sex, read all about it in chapter 6.

OUUITE CONFLICTS: WHAT ARE THEY

ANID HOW fe DEAL Wit THEW
Even online, where people are relatively safe behind their phone or
computer screen, it’s not uncommon to run into some pretty weird
or unpleasant situations, and cyberbullying is one of them. Someone
might make nasty comments about you or someone else you know
based on your online photos or profiles. This can give you anxiety or
stress, and it can be very upsetting to read. Cyberbullying is a very
serious issue and should never be ignored or left unchallenged. It can
be just as bad as real-life bullying in terms of psychological consequen-
ces, On top of that, it can be very difficult to find who's behind the
bullying, because the Internet makes it super easy to stay anonymous
and to fly under the radar,
There are many forms of cyberbullying—here are five common
types. The important thing for you to do is understand how cyber-
bullying happens, how you can recognize the sings, and what you can
do about it.

1. Online Stalkers
Ever since Chrostin got her own Instagram page, her following grew
slowly but steadily. Most of her fans were young, female, and were
interested in Chrostin because they enjoy the witty comics. By most,
| mean 93 percent of all Chrostin's followers. | felt great about having
created my own safe space online. But then, completely out of the
blue, some men started to message me, addressing me personally.
Theoretically, there is nothing wrong with that, as my page is also

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 Chapter Eight: The Internet of Things

meant for men who appreciate my comics. But the tone of their
messages changed after | replied, At first, | was friendly and accepted
the compliments they gave me, but | also kept a firm distance. |
was never trying to be anything more than simply polite; |wanted
to avoid being mean or dismissive, as most of them probably didn't
mean any harm. Unfortunately, some of them mistook my politeness
for flirtation and started to message me more and more for no
apparent reason. They told me that | looked pretty today, that | was
mesmerizing, that my smile was beautiful, that | reminded them of
some character from a computer game (don't ask, that was just plain
creepy), and many more things. At first, | didn’t see any problem with
this. A compliment never hurt anybody, right?

Right. But a compliment is a compliment, and stalking some-

one on a daily basis is something else. There was this one guy in
particular —let’s call him Alex. Alex lived in New York and noticed
that | was visiting the city for business. Alex talked to me a lot online,
and | tried to reply as often as | could. When he started to push me
to hang out with him when we were both in New York, that was
a huge red flag to me. | was in Brooklyn for a photoshoot, and as |

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

posted some Instastories about the shoot, he continuously messaged

me to tell me how “jaw dropping” | looked. For the record: the pho-
toshoot was for the author photo for this book. It was 23 degrees
outside, and | was literally wearing a turtleneck and long trousers. And
even if | had been wearing a more showy outfit, that still wouldn't
have given him the right to harass me like that. A male friend of mine
even thought the situation was frightening, because Alex constantly
wanted to know where | was and desperately wanted to know why
we couldn't hang out.
| ended up telling Alex that he was being creepy and stalky, to
which he replied that it was a joke and not intended that way. Right.
A joke. None of it was a joke until | called him out on it. His desire
to meet me. His creepy intentions. His stalky behavior and constant
inquiries to find out where | was. None of that was a joke, at least not
to me. After the confrontation, | blocked him from my page so that he
couldn't see anything new | posted. Unfortunately, he wasn't the first
and he won't be the last person | encounter who has a weird stalker
vibe. The moral of this story is that you should never stay polite to
someone who tries to invade your privacy or personal space. If they
make you feel weird or uncomfortable, take it as a warning sign that
you should take action. Luckily for me, | didn’t respond to his invitations
to meet, because my instinct told me it wasn't a good idea to meet up
with a strange man in a country I'd never visited before in my life.
Unfortunately, online stalking is not a new phenomenon and it
happens every day to countless teenagers around the world. Social
media has made it really easy to create fake accounts and to pretend
to be someone else in order to get things from another person: talking
about private stuff, blackmailing, chatting, sharing private information
or explicit photos, meeting up, and so on,
If you are confronted with this kind of behaviour in any way,
please speak up. If someone stalks you or harasses you online, tell a
friend or an adult, Tell them you feel uncomfortable with the way that
person talks to you. In some cases, involving a parent or other adult
you trust can be enough to scare the stalker away. Other times, the

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Stalker might be more persistent and not give up so easily, Of course,

being stalked is never fun, but there are a few practical things you
can do to handle the situation (or to prevent it):
* Adjust your privacy settings on social media. Allow friends and
family only to see your profile and what you post. This might seem
like an obvious tip, but teens nowadays seem to be less aware of
online privacy. On Twitter, you can always shield your tweets from
general public viewing. The same goes for Instagram, Snapchat, and
Facebook; decide how public you want your accounts to be, but be
mindful—if you throw your stuff out there for everyone to see, it’s
almost unavoidable to have some creeps staring at your summer
vacay pics. | know, | should be the first to openly admit that having
social media accounts with a relatively big following isn't always the
most private way to socialize. That's why | also created a private
account: the 700 followers | have on there are peanuts compared to
the 50K followers on my public Instagram account. On my private
(meaning: locked) account, | share my selfies and other more trivial
and personal content. That’s because | don’t feel the need for my
followers to know every little detail about my private life, and it’s
my way to keep the creeps away.
-Bleck, repert, and delete. lf a Facebook friend bothers you, don't
feel sorry for them; just delete them. Preferably block them, too, so
there is no way they can view your profile online again. If someone
is Stalking you anonymously, report it to Facebook right away so
their account gets shut down. The same steps apply to followers on
Instagram, Snapchat, or Twitter.
-Mute the Instagram cemments. With this feature, you can mute the
comments section of your Instagram page. Then, if the harassment
or bullying won't stop, at least you're not confronted with it.
-Decument everything. Tweets, statuses, posts, messages, and
all can be deleted or taken down at any time. Make sure to take
screenshots, save links, and remember the (screen) names of the
stalkers. If the stalking gets out of hand, at least you'll have evidence
of the harassment so you can provide that to the police if necessary.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

-Be carefwl with the gee-layz. A geo-tag is the link to your location,
and it's your choice to share it or not. Teens think of it as a fun
feature to let their friends know where they are and what they're
doing at the moment. They often forget that, if their profile is
public, everyone can see where they are and who they are with.
It's a very easy way for predators to locate young teens without
being noticed.
-Never ever give away private infermalien enline—not yours, not
someone else's. That includes phone numbers, private e-mail ‘
addresses, physical addresses, where somebody G

Sit
(
works, and so forth.
If none of this is enough, and the harass-
ment continues, call the police and get them
up to speed on the situation, Stalking can be
a very serious and scary matter, and if you
feel that your privacy or your life might be
in danger, don't ignore your instincts. Tell a
trusted adult and be sure to protect yourself.
Suggested further reading: The Smart
Girl’s Guide to Privacy: A Privacy Guide for the
Rest of Us by Violet Blue.

2. Secial, Media Fights

Have you ever been involved in a social media fight? Or at least
seen one? In the years I've been active on social media, I've witnessed
my fair share of online fights. Whether it's between celebrities
or between people | vaguely know, it's always kind of exciting and
entertaining. But what if you're a part of the fight? And why do so
many fights happen on social media anyway?
Many online debates or fights start because someone (or multiple
people) disagrees with something you've posted online, It can be a
picture, a tweet, a post, a status... that other person might feel the
need to tell you you're wrong publicly, or they might want to tell you

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that they take offense to what you posted, Then come the com-
ments, and things often start to heat up from that point. Mean things
are being said and personal attacks are being launched. At this point,
more people (who have nothing to do with the fight) will likely get
involved in the argument, either to rush to the defense of the person
they think is right or to harass the other party.
Whatever you do, try not to add fuel to the social media fight
fire and try not to engage with the haters who are attacking you.
If things get personal, it’s only because the other person/people are
interested in hurting you, not in having a mature debate. If you all
want to have a proper discussion, be respectful of each other and
add legitimate, valid arguments. Online fights usually blow over really
quickly and tomorrow they'll be old news. Every decision you make
during the argument, however, can impact the course of the fight.
Own up to things you said earlier; deleting posts won't make the issue
go away. It can even make things worse because it makes you look a
little weak, like you're admitting that you were wrong. Also, remem-
ber that people take screenshots faster than they blink, so even if
you do delete a post, it could very likely be added as photographic
evidence against you later.
| was caught in the middle of a social media storm once while |
was working for a magazine in Belgium. A competing famous
magazine—l'll leave their name out of the story—stole a joke/comic
that | had made a few hours prior to their post. Of course, | was
furious, because their post was a
big success and for me, as a you SHOULDN'T
inning
beginning illustrator,
illustrator that was wave Peet
err TRE
exposure that could've helped
me a lot. In my rage, | wrote a
blog post to vent about how
difficult it was for a small fish
like me to compete with a large
company like theirs. Instead of
giving me a credit for the comic,

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

they took down the post and sent me a letter of apology via e-mail,
which was a victory to me. But it didn’t end there. In the meantime,
people had started accusing me of plagiarism and being an attention
seeker. People | didn't even know started to attack me personally
and told me | didn't have a sense of humor and sucked at drawing.
What did all of that even have to do with my blog post? You guessed
it—nothing.
| left my phone alone for a whole day and night, because |
wanted things to calm down a bit. Of course, | was freaking out on
the inside, but | figured it wasn't the best idea to get more deeply
involved in this fight with people | didn't even know. In social media
fights, it’s best to keep the conversation between you and the other
person as much as possible without responding to any third parties
who get involved later.
Surviving your first online battle will automatically make you
more careful about what you tweet or post in the near future, but
prevention is always best. Before you share anything on social media,
ask yourself the following questions about your post:
* Could it affect me, my friends, or my reputation?
«What would my parents or friends think if | posted this?
* Will |stand by my opinion, no matter what?
Remember: social media is a tricky beast and there are no
guarantees that what you post, however inoffensive you think it
to be, won't come under attack by an online troll. No matter how
innocent and harmless your post, there's always a chance youll get
caught in a sh*tstorm you didn’t see coming. People have different
opinions and perspectives on life, so they might interpret your tweet,
post, or status differently than you intended. Don't let this hold you
back, and don't be afraid to post and share whatever you like.
The unpredictability of social media can be a beautiful thing, too:
strangers on the Internet might surprise you by giving you compli-
ments or by telling you they couldn't agree more with what you're
Saying. Just Know that when posting something, you are putting
yourself out there and must be ready for anything to happen,

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3. Online Trel[s
A troll is Internet slang for someone who starts arguments or tries
to upset people by posting irrelevant or off-topic messages on a
forum, blog, online community, or chat room. Their only intention is to
provoke an emotional response from people who read their post,
just for the troll's own entertainment. In recent years, the
concept of trolling has become more and more associated
with online harassment. Trolls enjoy
getting under people's skin and feed
off their anger, disgust, and outrage.
Like circus clowns, Internet trolls hide
behind anonymous accounts and fake usernames.
That makes it even more difficult to trace the
person behind the harassment.
Annoyingly, trolls are all over the Internet.
You'll find them on any site that offers an open
comment section where people can freely express * TYPING
their thoughts and opinions. Getting rid of them
is hard, because there are so many people on the Internet and it’s
impossible to control what everyone writes. Blocking, deleting, or
banning a troll can be a good first step, as well as reporting that
person or account to the site administrator or moderator. If it's your
own website or blog that is the victim of a troll, you could simply
close off the comments section.
Trolls come in all shapes and sizes, and they all have their own
particular reason for trolling. Most of them do it only for the sake
of trolling, but others might have different intentions, Here are a few
types of trolls to be on the lookout for:
- Hale Speech Trell: Targets people based on prejudice, including
women, people of color, religious people, LGBTQIA+ people, etc.
-Cyberbully TrelW: A general troll with no specific target. This
type of troll simply hates on everyone by calling them names and
insulting them.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

- Argument Trell: Always want the last word and won't budge until
others give up. Usually slaps you around the ears with statistics,
scientific studies, and links to websites to prove a point.
Grammar Nazi Trell: Feels the need to rub people's noses in it when
they make a spelling mistake or grammatical error on an online post
or article. They'll correct the offending mistake or sentence with an
asterisk symbol and add a sneering comment. They draw attention
away from the actual topic and use the editorial mistakes as a way
to undermine the other person's argument.
-Griefing Trell: This phenomenon comes from the online gaming
world, It’s used to describe a group of players who create a bunch
of free accounts, and then gang up on and attack a single player to
ruin their gaming experience. In a broader context, griefing happens
when a lot of people each put in a minor effort, such as posting a
hateful tweet, to create a big, cumulative effect. One hateful tweet
is easy to ignore, but if you receive fifty of them in quick succession,
the effect could be horrible.
Of course, there are many more types of online trolls, but the
ones mentioned are the most common. Trolls like to “flame” people,
meaning to verbally attack them online. Flaming can take the form
of name-calling or insulting and is directed at a specific person.
Topics such as politics, abortion, immigration, racism, religion, or
anything LGBTQIA+-related are typical triggers for flaming attacks.
A frequent flamer is definitely an Internet troll.
Trolls are like demons; they feed on negative energy. And so
they push random people’s buttons and fire insults at them to get a
reaction. They place themselves outside of the social order, meaning
they don't hold themselves accountable because they think social
rules don't apply to them. They find it amusing when the person they
are attacking gets angry or upset with them. So how can you defeat
an online troll?
Well, you certainly won't win by playing their game. Trolls are
childish attention seekers who enjoy drama and quick-fire emotional
responses. Don't encourage them by giving them what they want.

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 Chapter Eight: The Internet of Things

Ignore them instead. Trolls lose all of their power if you don't give
them any attention. | know it's difficult to let the troll have the last
word, but you'll prove that you're the grown-up in the situation. If they
continue to harass you, report them. If enough people report the troll,
the site's moderators will take action and remove the troll. Until that
time, you can mute the troll or block them from your page.
But why do people enjoy being trolls? Well, these are often people
who suffer from low self-esteem. When online, insecure people can
easily achieve some kind of power to hold without actually having to
face others directly. Fear and anxiety are the building blocks of low
self-esteem, and the Internet makes it really easy to vent those nega-
tive emotions through alter egos and fake accounts. Internet trolls live
on the Internet 24/7, always ready to insult someone. If they manage
to hurt or upset someone, they consider this a victory. But if you're
living in your parents’ basement at twenty-eight years of age and
spend your time hating on everything and everyone on the Internet,
who's the real loser?
And remember, kids: don’t feed the trolls!

4. Revenge Pern
Maybe you've never heard about revenge porn, but if you know what
revenge is, and you know what porn is, I'm sure you can put two and
two together. Revenge porn is a type of online harassment. It happens
when someone posts or distributes explicit photos or videos from
their ex-partner without his or her permission. The pictures or videos
end up all over forums, websites, their own social media, anonymous
networks, and so on, and they usually include the victim's name and a
mean caption.
Becoming the victim of revenge porn can do serious damage to a
person's life: anyone who Googles their name, including future employ-
ers or lovers, will find the porn pictures. Other than jeopardize the
victim's future career and love life, revenge porn can also destroy a
person's self-esteem, body image, and their trust in others.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

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If it happens to you, the first thing to remember is that none of

it is your fault. Revenge porn is abuse. Of course, there'll be people
who tell you that you should've known better, and sure, thanks,
Captain Hindsight, but what if you trusted the other person? What
if you shared a lot of intimate information because the other person
made you believe they were safe to do so with? What if you were in
a relationship for a while and nothing in his behavior made you suspect
he was capable of this type of harassment?
Unfortunately, online revenge porn is nothing new and has
become an increasingly large problem over the past couple years. It's
incredibly hard to put a stop to this revenge-porn epidemic, because
smartphones (and other devices) with cameras that can record, edit,
and share media in a matter of seconds are everywhere. As soon as
a picture or video is leaked, there’s no way to take it back. However,
you can try to control the damage by making sure the offending
picture or video is deleted right away.
Here are some quick, practical tips on how to prevent or deal
with revenge porn: ¢
1. First of all: prevention, prevention, prevention! Think long and
hard before you trust someone with your private photos and videos,
Before you take a leap of faith, remember that the other person
might break your trust. Deep down, you know why you probably

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shouldn't be sending private photos to someone online, because any

material you send might come back to bite you in the ass. Yes, apps
like Snapchat and Cyberdust can guarantee that your pics will be
deleted as soon as they are viewed, But they can't promise you that
your recipient won't take a screenshot first! Talk about this with your
partner so you can come to an agreement that matches your expec-
tations and strengthens your trust before you share anything private
and personal with them via social media or text.
2. Don't be sorry you took the pictures or video. You made the
choice to create them, not to distribute them. So don't beat yourself
up if you do end up being a victim of revenge porn. Victim blaming is
never the right way to go. Besides, think of the many celebrities
who have been the target of revenge porn. They are in the public eye
and their photos spread a thousand times as fast. But do they let it
stop them from sharing private footage with their loved ones? Of
course not!
3. If you become the victim of revenge porn, try to stay calm.
Don't make it worse by retaliating against the person who's behind it,
because that’s a perfect way to mess up things even more. Letting
your emotions cloud your vision won't help the situation. Take a deep
breath before you do anything else.
4, Take legal action if you feel you want to. You can find a list of
legal resources on cybercivilrights.org. It’s important to have many
kinds of evidence against the person who uploaded sensitive content
about you. If you want to use the privacy law, you have to prove that
the person is harassing you. Take as many screenshots as possible,
because the person can and will delete all the evidence sooner or
later, Most states in the United States have anti-cyberbullying laws in
place that (in some cases) might be applied to revenge porn. However,
youll still have to prove that the pornographic images or video were
posted out of emotional distress or revenge. In order to have the
porn itself removed, it might be best to play the copyright law card;
this is a useful strategy if you are the one who made the pictures or
videos and not the other person.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

5. Manage your online search results. If you want to avoid future

disasters in your professional or private life, be proactive and hide
the content through good search engine optimization (SEO). Take
control of your Google results by adding neutral and positive content,
so people see that stuff first when they Google your name. If you
surround your name with positive search results, this'll help minimize
the negative impact of the revenge porn to your reputation.
6. Take time for yourself. Recovering from this kind of situation
is not easy, and it won't be a smooth ride. It might be a while before
you'll be able to trust people again, including yourself. | know being
patient can be difficult, but as cliché as it might sound, time does heal
all wounds and people will forget about the incident eventually. In the
meantime, make sure to focus on you and take care of yourself.
Remember that you're not alone in this situation, even if it might
feel that way. Talk to a friend or a relative about what happened
to you and look for the emotional support you need. No matter how
big of a mess you're in right now, you'll find a light at the end of the
tunnel with the help of your friends and family!

5. Catfish
When | was in art school in 2010, my class had to watch a new
documentary no one had heard about before. | groaned at the idea
of having to sit through the whole thing, because | felt it had nothing
to do with art and was probably going to be just another boring
documentary about some artist who
thought he'd created something new
and extraordinary,
We started to watch the film, and
it was about a guy who met a girl on the Internet, and they
started dating online soon after. The guy was a really hand-
some young man, and the girl he was dating was equally gorgeous,
Her name was Megan, From the moment they met online, they'd been
chatting nonstop. They started calling each other on the phone and

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 Chapter Eight: The Internet of Things

exchanging spicy sexts. So obviously, the two wanted to meet up in

real life to see how things would work out. So the guy and a group of
his filmmaking buddies set out to go meet her.
That's when the first red flag began popped. The filmmaker
discovered that the musical covers Megan had been sending him were
fake, but the team encouraged him to continue the relationship for
the sake of the documentary. They wanted to know if Megan was
really Megan.
After many months, the guy and Megan finally arranged to
meet. When they arrive at her house, the filmmaker's fear was
confirmed—the beautiful young girl he’d fallen for online turned out
to be an older woman named Angela. Angela admitted that she'd
created a Facebook page for Megan and had invented an entire
community of family and friends around her to make it look more
realistic. In the nine months the guy and Angela were chatting, they
exchanged more than |,500 messages.
If you haven't it figured it out already, the movie we watched in
art class was Nev Schulman’s Catfish. The film was a huge critical
and commercial success and provided the inspiration for the enor-
mously popular MTV show.
A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone else online,
either for attention or to dupe or scam someone. The deception
often involves love and emotions, which makes it harder to cope with,
Catfishing stories hardly ever result in a real-life relationship because
of all the lying that's been going on. A catfish will lie about anything
and everything: his or her identity, gender, age, location, occupation,
financial status, body type, and even his or her feelings.

HELP! I’VE BEEN CATFISHED!

The general rule is if someone seems too good to be true online, they
probably are. If you notice that an online acquaintance's life is a little
too perfect or unrealistic, it's not unlikely that you're talking to a
person with a faked profile, created with pictures taken from online
sources, Other signs that you might be dealing with a catfish include:

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

* The conversations are getting really serious really fast. Actually, too
fast. A catfish will try to worm his way into your personal life ASAP,
so he can pretend to care about you.
* The other person doesn't want to show her face. She'll claim that she
doesn't have a smartphone, webcam, or Skype. Nowadays, a webcam
is really not that expensive and not being able to download Skype is a
just a flat-out lie. A lot of people have smartphones nowadays, too,
which makes video-chatting even easier.
«He has an excuse for being broke and asks if you can send him a small
amount of money to pay for something, like a plane ticket he needs
to visit a sick relative, It always starts with something small he needs,
but he'll then need more. Remember never to give away your bank
account information to anyone, especially a stranger online.
lf you ask her to send a selfie or just a regular picture, she'll always
have an excuse for not sending one right away. Of course, that’s
because she’s likely not who she claims to be, and she needs time to
look for a picture to steal from the person she’s pretending to be.
«When you try to confront him about being fake, he always seem to
have an excuse ready. He reassures you that he loves you and that
you'll meet up soon. He talks you up and make you feel good. Don't
buy into the bullshit, and try not to fall for his pretty words.
Her life appears to be extremely hectic, and she seems to have a
lot of problems concerning her family, love life, or financial situation,
She'll try to deceive you with sob stories, so you'll feel sorry for her
and be more willing to go along with anything she proposes,
*Something about the other person seems off, but you can't tell
exactly what it is. If you have suspicions, you are probably right. Your
gut feeling is telling you that something is terribly wrong and that
you should end all contact with the person immediately.

WHAT TO DO ABOUT CATFISHING

First of all, you have to be sure you're being catfished. The catfish
checklist above is just an indication, so try to make absolutely sure
you're being deceived before you do anything,

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Here are a few things you can do to avoid any further damage
from a nasty online catfish:

1. Stay calm, Honestly, being

catfished can be as painful as a
breakup, and having your sus-
picions confirmed can be crushing.
Ask the other person tricky questions:
a catfish will not be able to give a
plausible or bullshit-free answer.
2. Repert, bleck, and delete. The
damage between you two is already done, but you'll probably
want to stop the catfish from targeting others. Report the
catfish to the platform where the catfishing took place (a
dating site, a social network), Dating websites usually have a
reporting section where you can share your story and where
the catfish can be blocked or banned.
3. Never meel up with peeple you dent knew er trust.
The catfish might pretend to be a boy or girl your age who's
interested in a real-life relationship, when, in fact, they're an
adult with other intentions. Always be careful when you arrange
to meet someone you know only from the Internet. Read more
online dating dos and don'ts earlier in this chapter.
4. De yew want te stay in leuch with yeur catfish? This
might seem like a crazy question, but in general there are two
types of catfish: those who pretend to be someone else just to
mess with you or scam you, and those who lie about who they
are because they’re too insecure to interact with you as them-
selves. |wouldn't really recommend staying in the touch with
the first group, but you might stay friends with a catfish of
the second type. It’s not crazy to feel that way, either; you've
shared so many moments together, and it is completely up to
you to decide if you want to continue the relationship or not.

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THE CATFISH AFTERMATH

Being catfished means having your feelings hurt by someone you
trusted, You might have shared some intimate moments or romantic
dreams for the future with that person that now are quashed,
Whether you decide to stay friends (or even more) or not, the
choice is up to you, However, you should allow yourself some time
to process what happened and how you can protect yourself from a
repeat down the road,
It's perfectly okay to feel angry with the person who deceived
you, but remember you're not alone. Catfishing is a common pheno-
menon; there are thousands of people out there who've been tricked
just like you have and who know exactly how you're feeling. The
catfish is always wrong, so don’t blame yourself for putting your faith
in that person.
Don't let your emotions guide your actions. Before you do
anything, take a deep breath and look at the damage. How bad is it?
Did you share any private details, such as passwords or bank

YOU BELONG
THERE!

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 Chapter Eight: The Internet of Things

information, with the person? If so, change all of those passwords

ASAP and call your bank; they'll answer any questions you might have
about scamming and fraud and can help you protect yourself and
your money.
No matter how painful, being catfished can turn into a valuable
life lesson. Treat it like you would any other breakup and try to take
something meaningful from the experience. Where did it go wrong,
according to you? Were there any red flags? If so, what were they?
The more you learn from this, the sooner you'll be able to go on with
your life. Everyone has their own way of coping with this kind of
betrayal, but | promise you'll be more careful the next time you meet
someone new online.

FOUR TIPS FOR A HEALTHY

FRIMATION Diet
Clay Johnson is a blogger and the author of The Information Diet: A
Case for Conscious Consumption. In his opinion, a healthy information
diet is one that is limited to a couple hours spent online or engaging
with media a day. His own personal diet consists of six hours a day
in total. In those six hours, he does all kinds of digital activities that
require his attention but that don't involve human interaction. If an
activity involves a URL, a mouse, or a remote control, it has to take
place within the six-hour time frame. He doesn't include accidental
exposure, such as advertisements or music in grocery stores.
Of those six hours, he spends about two hours on entertainment
and four hours on work-related research and communication. On
weekends, he spends the full six hours on whatever he wants. The
only condition is that he only gets six hours and not a minute more.
By limiting his digital intake to six hours a day, he's forced to do other
stuff, like go for a walk or cook a good dinner. He claims that this
trick has been a hugely beneficial, not only to his productivity, but also
to his marriage and his overall health.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

Johnson also believes that, in the same way junk food leads to
health problems, junk information kills our productivity and efficiency
and makes us ignorant. On his blog, InfoVegan, he shares a bunch
of tips for a healthy information diet. | collected some of his most
important tips and added a few of my own:

Keep Track
ef Yeur Consumption
Time yourself and start monitoring what kind of information you're
taking in. It’s a bit like a food diet, where you keep track of what you
eat every day, except you're examining your digital media intake
instead of your calories. Get yourself a notebook and write down
what you're taking in (such as movies, television, social media). When
you're doing something on your computer or your smartphone, use
a tool like rescuetime.com; it runs secretly in the background and
keeps track of time spent on apps and websites. It'll give you a pretty
accurate overview of how much time you spend on your devices and
what you spend that time doing. In the beginning, you'll be surprised
to learn just how much precious time you've wasted on useless apps
such as Twitter and Facebook.

Create a Healthy
Infermatien Meal Plan
As with a normal meal, you can plan your information meals before-
hand, Create a good mix between news (New York Times, Google
News, Huffington Post ... whatever reliable news source you choose),
nonfiction (anything of your interest, not just stuff you look at for
work or school), social networks (keep this part sto a minimum, as
social media is usually only useful to help you kill some time), and
enrichment (a part of your daily consumption, and this part is often
forgotten or neglected, and should consist of podcasts, TED talks,
documentaries),

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 Chapter Eight: The Internet of Things

Set Up Yeur System

There are a number of handy desktop tools out there to help keep
you productive and focused. Some of them are apps that work on
your smartphone, which is a notorious attention-killer! Here's a short
list of what you can do to help you stay more focused while online:
-Adbleck: Seriously, get an ad blocker. It's a browser extension
that blocks advertisements on major websites. It works for Google
Chrome and Mozilla Firefox.
- Facebeck Netificatien Seltings: Uncheck the box next to “Send
me important updates and summary e-mails instead of individual
notification e-mail.’ Next, visit the notification settings on Facebook
and uncheck every box. You can also choose to disable the ads in
your Facebook timeline.
- Twitter Settings: Uncheck every box on the Twitter Settings page.
-Pul yeur phene en “de nel disturb” mede: On iPhones it's the
little half-moon icon in your control center. If you're an Android user,
you might want to check your phone's settings for available options.
Now you won't be disturbed by any unnecessary notifications.
-Ferest: This is a great app that my friends use when they are
studying. Basically, you plant a tree whenever you want to focus.
You choose for how long you want to leave your phone alone, and
the tree will grow for the amount of time you selected. The tree
dies if you leave the app. If you keep building your forest, every
single tree represents a time span during which you were focused
on something else (or at least not playing with your phone).
Put down your phone sometimes and focus on what's important
in life!

Keep the Balance

Adapting to a new diet is always hard in the beginning, but being
persistent pays off. Sooner or later youlll learn what's important
enough to attract your attention and to hold it. Mindlessly scrolling

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through Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter feeds are not going to help
you fall asleep. Reading a book, writing a poem, or working out will.
Of course, technology helps us a lot in our daily lives—at school and
at work. Just remember to maintain a healthy balance between what's
important and what's useless in the media you consume and you will
feel more productive and focused on a daily basis.

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 Chapter Eight: The Internet of Things

STAYING TRUE To
YOUR (VIRIWAL) SELL
Perhaps the real question to ask is, “Why do we fake being happy on
social media and how do we stop ourselves from doing it?” This is one
of the biggest questions | struggled with as a teen. My generation
grew up with the rise of smartphones and social media apps. When-
ever we post online, we're usually giving our network an update about
our (private and professional) lives. It's basically the same thing as
going for drinks with friends, but like, a whole lot of friends you don't
really know in a huge, crowded club,
| think almost everyone feels a sense of being let down when
our latest picture doesn't get as many likes as we'd hoped. How many
of us have posted a selfie, desperately waiting for that one person
to see it and he doesn't? How many of us have been jealous, at least
once, of our friend's bikini pic from the beach last summer? Social
media is a whole different world, where we say and post things
we probably wouldn't say or do in real life. On social media, we can
pretend to have whatever and be whoever the f*** we want.
We fake a lot of things online, and it’s time to face the fact that
it’s kinda ridiculous. We compare ourselves to fake images and try to
shush our insecurities by creating fake pictures ourselves, That's our
way of telling our social media followers that our life is great, that
we're doing fine, and that we're just great always! But who are we
kidding, actually, other than ourselves? Here's some classic things we
like to embellish on social media:
«Our leeks. We know our best angles and the cutest filters, and
that's how we can pretend to look almost perfect. But honestly, we
don't look anything like ourselves anymore, We have become truly
skilled in the art of faking the perfect selfie, and it usually takes a
lot—finding the right lighting that makes our features pop, looking
for the perfect angle, and holding a weird pose that is kinda breaking
our backs. Yup, fifty likes guaranteed!

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

THINGS YOU DON'T SEE OW souiAL MEDIA

BUT ARE SUPER NORMAL -

_ ME, BEING STRESSED

OvT BY THE TINIEST
THING

ME, LOOWNG _
AT MY BEST,
CHILLING AND
ENTJOYUNING
LIFE TO THE
FULLEST

THINGS You Do SEE oN SOLLALS BUT

DOW'T HAPPEN EVERY DAN:

Our relalienships. You know, all the cutie patootie pics of

couples on vacation? Or their anniversary celebration? Or their
picnic together? Or their canoe trip? We all know that one
couple that just has to post everything on social media, hashtagging
#couplegoals #forever. | bet they are fighting every day but feel the
need to make sure everyone thinks their relationship is all that.

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 Chapter Eight: The Internet of Things

-Partying and going te cencerts. Let's be honest, how many videos

of friends attending a concert or festival have you actually watched?
Most of them are poor quality and just plain deafening. The reason
Why our friends post them is to make sure that everyone knows they
were at the concert or party. The content doesn't matter in the least.
- Feed, | hardly ever take any food pics, because I've usually finished
half my dish by the time | remember to take a picture. Unless taking
pictures of food is your job, no one really cares about your #foodporn
Instagram pic. First of all: the viewers can't taste it, so that’s a bum-
mer, And second; it probably doesn't look half as good in the pictures
as it does in real life.
- Traveling. Astonishing sunsets, beautiful local markets, beaches,
and mountains. We've seen it all in your stories, But where are the
delayed-flight selfies? The picture of you putting on aloe vera after
being severely sunburned? Or that time you got food poisoning?
I'm kidding about the last one (am |?), but instead of showing the
reality of traveling, we prefer the picture-perfect moment on the
Golden Gate Bridge in the golden hour, with an amazeballs filter
to top it off.
-Our attitude. We pretend to be a lot cooler, more assertive, and
confident than we really are. To be honest, it’s pretty easy to create
an online persona that has almost zero in common with the person
you really are. Our lives are messy, and we all suffer setbacks and ride
emotional roller coasters. But at all costs, we'll stay cool on our social
network sites.
| have to admit, I’m guilty of all this, too. So for the sake of
everyone, myself included, we should give some serious thought to how
we can change the way we present ourselves on social media. Our
obsession with flaunting our lives is both the cause and the effect of
the brag culture we've created and are now stuck in. Social media tends
to be some kind of popularity contest. (Who has the most likes? Who
has the best pics? Who has the best body?) Whether we mean to
or not, whether we like it or not, we all judge others by their online
presence and are judged by them in return.

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But there’s hope! So many people on social media are absolu-

tely not what they claim to be, They seem to have a lot of friends,
awesome dinners, and the best parties, but does that mean they're
necessarily happier than us? Probably not, and that’s exactly why you
shouldn't believe everything you see on your social media feed. Don't
attach too much value or meaning to it, and don’t compare yourself
to everything you see while scrolling. Everyone, literally everyone, has
their bad moments or days.
Social media is not real life, but we already knew that. The tricky
part is this: although we all know that social media is one big charade,
we still keep taking those pics and posting those statuses. Why is
that? Because social media is everywhere, and thus we live in a world
where oversharing has become the norm. At the same time, we live in
a society that seems to think beauty is more important than skills. And
sadly, we get most of our self-esteem from the confirmation of our
friends and peers nowadays instead of finding it within ourselves.
We like to think we're super social and connected, but in reality,
we are lonelier than ever. Damn, what can we actually do to turn
this around?
Now that you understand how it happens and, most important,
why it happens, you can try to tackle the problem at its roots. If you
don't want to give up social media (yet), that’s perfectly fine. I'm the
last person to tell you you should, But you might want to consider
trying the following:
- Live censcieusly. Be aware of the fact that you automatically grab
your phone when your date gets up to go to the bathroom. Why do
you do that? Because you feel awkward just sitting there by yourself,
and you don't know what to do with your hands. Look around! Pay
more attention to the things that are happening around you.
-Pul your phone away when yewre having dimmer. Next time you
visit a restaurant, play the phone stacking game: everyone who is
at the dinner has to put her phone down on the table, on top of
everybody else's phones, creating a tall stack. The first person to
touch her phone has to pay the bill.

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 Chapter Eight: The Internet of Things

- Ditch the perfectienism. Do you generally walk down the street

with a filter over your eyes? No, and neither do |. Don't waste your
time creating the perfect picture that doesn't even look like the real
you, You're only fooling yourself.
-Build mere gernine and face-te-face relationships. Try leaving
your phone at home for one full day. You'll be so much more aware
of your surroundings. Smile, greet people you pass on the street.
Connect with people in real life.
Remember that self-esteem comes from the inside, not from the
approval of others with a simple like or love button.

THE WtPORTANICE OF YOUR

OVLMTE PRIVACY
Let's say you're walking home from school, and you suddenly notice
you're being followed by someone you don't know. They follow you
all the way back to your house. Creepy, right? And great, now they
know where you live. How does that make you feel?

Scared? You have every right to be terrified.

What if | told you it’s really not that difficult at all to find
out where people live, even if they've never explicitly shared that
information, and even without physically stalking them? Do the test

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

yourself: go online and time how long it takes you to find out some
pretty personal information about someone you don't know at all. If
you do a little bit of digging, |bet you can at least find that person's
gender, age, home country, current location, profession, marital situa-
tion, pets, children, and so on. People usually aren't very protective of
this kind of private information. When asked why they give so many
details about their life away on social media, their answer is often
that they have nothing to hide or be embarrassed about. That might
be the case, but they're missing the point. Being careless about the
information you share online can be dangerous.
Why is it so dangerous, you might wonder? Because our private
information is so precious. On the Internet, data is invaluable. Infor-
mation is power and money. People will steal, sell, and analyze any
information they can get their hands on. Websites and apps keep
track of every move you make, and gathering data is a big part of
what websites are designed to do. By data | mean, who we are and
what we do online. We leave a digital trail every time we shop online,
book a vacation, or even when we're chatting with our friends! The
more we do any of those things, the more information about us is
registered and logged,
Okay, you might think, but why is privacy so important?
We all have stuff that we don’t want other people to know. And
that's fine! For example, you wouldn't want the whole world to know
how much you earn or how well you do at school. You might not want
your medical records and certainly not your bank account information
accessible to just anyone. And what about your menstrual cycle?
Some things you simply want to keep to yourself, and that’s why we
have to protect our right to privacy both in person and online.
Companies track and use whatever information they can find
about you. | once purchased a kitten collar, and before | knew it,
other companies started e-mailing me about their cat products, and
all the advertisements | saw on YouTube suddenly were for cat food,
Based on what sites had learned about me (how old my kitten was,
my previous cat-related purchases) companies smacked me around

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 Chapter Eight: The Internet of Things

the ears with other cat stuff. Which is super creepy, if you really
think about it.
No matter how easy it is to get used to all of this, it is not nor-
mal. You should remember that this kind of information is, and always
will be, yours. Companies will try to steal data on you to better
market their product. So as much as you can, protect what is yours.
| collected some useful tips to help you protect your online
privacy, inspired by the blog of a famous Internet security service
called Norton:
- Secure yeur passwerds. Make your passwords as difficult as you
possibly can. Make them difficult to guess, make them nonsensical,
and use lots of symbols and numbers. Also: change your passwords
regularly, as they becomes easy to track after a while.
- Check yeur privacy sellings. Who can see your content?
-Remember that everything yew've ence posted semehew slays en
the Internet: That's called a digital footprint.
-Be careful with free Wi-Fi hetspets. They're not always secure, and
you don't even know what kind of information you're sharing with
this public wifi, Never handle stuff that involves sensitive informa-
tion, such as bank transactions, on public Wi-Fi networks.
Delete any data thal yeu ne lenger use. If you haven't used an
app or program in a long time, just delete it.
“Never pest yeur phene number er heme address anywhere enline.
Be careful who you share this information with,

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 EXPECTATIONS

SOUEN

REALTY

Chapter Nine

am part of society. You are, too, We all are. But what kind of
society do you want to live in? Since we are all part of it, we do
have something to say about it, don't we?
My grandpa is always saying things like, “When | was your age,
things were better.” Does this sound familiar to you? People (mostly
grown-ups and the elderly) say this to express their frustration
with “kids these days” (aka. the younger generation), The other day,
however, | caught myself uttering the same exact sentence when |
saw a young boy riding a hoverboard down the street while playing
with a fidget spinner in his hand, | genuinely thought it was danger-
ous to spin and drive at the same time, so | mentally labeled this kid
somehow dumber than | was at his age. Maybe I'm acting just as old
as my grandpa?
| thought the same thing when | overheard a young girl crying
and screaming in a toy store. She was yelling and calling her mom
names, which made me think about my own childhood, Was | that
rude as a child? Was | that spoiled when | was younger? After asking
myself those questions, | could suddenly relate to older adults; it kinda

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 Chapter Nine: Society vs. Me

“GRANDMA, TELL ME ABOUT THE TIME

WHEN Yov WERE \YouNG|"
— WELL, BACK IN MY DAYS, KIDS WERE
DRIVING ELECTRIC VEHICLES wiTH FIDGET
SPINNERS ON THEIR HEADS.

THOSE WERE
THE DANS,

makes sense for them to think that what the kids are doing is weird
or not as good as before.
Every generation has its doubts about the one to follow, and
this has been going on for many generations. English satirist Douglas
Adams says: “Anything that is in the world when you're born is
normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world
works, Anything that’s invented between when you're fifteen and
thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you probably
can get a career in it. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is
against the natural order of things.”
So, naturally, our parents and grandparents aren't familiar with
everything new our generation grows up with. The last few decades
have been a roller-coaster ride of digital revolutions and the growth
of social media. Our parents might understand this new world (toa
certain extent), since they experienced the rise of the first personal

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computers and the early Internet era. Maybe they even helped shape
the new technological landscape. This evolution, however, is logically
more difficult for our grandparents to wrap their heads around as
they never knew a world as digital as the one we live in today.
What's the best way to close this generational gap? Our (grand)
parents should be more open to our culture and immerse themselves
in it. If our parents and teachers would simply try to get involved in a
positive way by talking to us and asking questions about video games,
music, videos, trends, and the like, that would be a tiny step forward.
All the new Internet gadgets and apps make our parents slightly
uncomfortable because they are unfamiliar. Believe me when | tell you
they simply can’t help their ignorance; they don't know as much about
social media as we do. Whenever they need your help with setting up
a Facebook or Instagram account, try not to get annoyed, but see it
as an opportunity for you to help your parents better understand the
world we take for granted. The more they “get” the things that are
important in your life, the better for youl
If we want to close the generation gap between us and our
parents and grandparents, we'll have to help each other out. They can
help us, too, by teaching us some common sense about assimilating
new media and modern content into their lives, and we can help them
whenever they have difficulty understanding new digital stuff.
And maybe, just maybe, I'll bring a fidget spinner along the
next time | go cruising on my hoverboard. Maybe | don’t know what
I'm missing.

CHANGING THE WORLD:

EVERYBITE CAN DO IT
When | was kid, | believed that every grown-up was capable of
changing the world, As | grew up, | slowly became discouraged by the
way our world actually works, and | soon realized that changing the
world was not going to be as easy as | once thought it would. | truly

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 Chapter Nine: Society vs. Me

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

believed | could singlehandedly end poverty worldwide and put a stop

to wars and save all the animals and achieve world peace when | was
a little kid. Like many other people out there, | wanted to make big
changes so the world would be a better place for all of us.
As | got older, though, it become clear that it was impossible for
me to achieve any of those things on my own. But big changes aren't
always about big actions. Big changes are usually the result of doing
little things, but doing them consistently. And that’s a comforting
thought, knowing that we all can make a difference, even if it’s small.
It's even more comforting to learn that every change starts from
within yourself: by making small adjustments to our own lives, and
encouraging our friends and family to do the same, we can create a
snowball effect. The key is to be consistent.

HOW TO EXPRESS YOURSELE

WITHOUT BENG RUDE ABGUT IT
Being able to express your opinion is your personal right. However,
being rude about it is not. We all have our own beliefs, values, and
perspectives, At some point in our lives, we will encounter people
who don't agree with us. But even when we're not on the same
page, we should always tolerate and respect other people's opinions.
During my teenage years, that was something | struggled with a lot
because |) | was afraid to express my own opinion when | disagreed
with someone, and 2) | was scared of other people's reactions if our
opinons differed, Other people's feelings were more important to me
than my own,
Learning how to communicate in a nonviolent way has helped me
dismantle quite a few personal, professional, and political differences,
First of all, listen to what the other person is saying before you
answer, It is very impolite and disrespectful to interrupt someone,
and you can't expect the other person to be respectful if you aren't,
Use the phrases “in my view,” “in my opinion,” “| feel,” “I think,” “if you

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 Chapter Nine: Society vs. Me

ask me,” “to be honest, | am convinced that,” “‘by this | mean,’ “to
be more precise, | would appreciate if,” and so on, Don't use phrases
such as, “you're wrong, let me tell you why | am right,” “loser, you
don't know what you're talking about,” “you always do this or that,”
yee

“don't be so sensitive,” etc.

When you're having an argument with someone who's your
friend or partner, it can be difficult not to let it get personal. Still, you
should try to avoid launching personal attacks, as they add no value
to the conversation; they only bring the other person down, Remem-
ber that your goal is to present your own ideas, not to undermine
someone else's. You don't have to agree with what the other person
is saying, but trying to see things from their point of view is a good
step toward understanding each other a little better.
if there's an actual problem between you and your friend, family
member, or partner, and you're not just having a debate about politics
.
or whatever, remember that there are two sides to every argument
It's a mistake to only consider your own. You don't have to agree
with them if you have a different opinion, but don't attribute your
emotions to other people.

THE ART OF RENIG A FEIUST

in recent years,
The word feminist has gained a negative connotation
. A feminist is
but it has been widely misinterpreted throughout history
economic equality of
someone who believes in the social, political, and
men. A feminist is not
the sexes. A feminist is not someone who hates
not someone who
a woman who can't find a man. A feminist is also
time to take the word
hates anything remotely girly or feminine. It's
back to its true meaning.
Adichie wrote the book
Novelist and feminist Chimamanda Ngozi
Talk she gave in 2013.
We Should All Be Feminists, based on the TEDx
woman who says: ‘Yes,
Adichie's defines a feminist as “a man or a
, and we must fix it. We
there's a problem with gender as it is today
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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

must do better.”” And that's a definition | can relate to and identify

with, Some people believe feminism means that women should have
the right to choose the lifestyle they want; others think it means men
and women should be equal in all aspects. Neither interpretation is
wrong, but how you choose to understand the concept of feminism is
completely up to you.
Basically, everyone can be a feminist. That holds true as long
as you support the general idea that men and women should be
treated equally. What about the biological differences between
men and women? We can't ignore them, right? Certainly, there are
biological differences between men and women. We have different
biological abilities. We have different hormones and different sexual
organs, But we're all human beings, and one gender is not superior
to the other.
Back in the day—and we're talking hundreds of thousands of
years ago—the person who had the most muscle was likely to be the
leader of the group, and in most cases, that person was a man. But
nowadays, we no longer need superior physical strength to go hunting
or to survive in the wilderness, so whoever we put in charge these
days is not necessarily the strongest dude in the group. Nowadays,
we need someone who is creative, intelligent, innovative ... and
there's no gender linked to any of those key attributes.
In her TEDx Talk, Adichie promoted raising girls and boys equally.
She openly asked, “What if boys and girls were raised not to link
masculinity with money? What if the attitude wasn't ‘the boy has to
pay,’ but rather ‘whoever has more money should pay?”
If it were that easy, I'd wake up in the morning and throw on on
whatever the f*** | wanted, without having to worry about getting
catcalled on the streets. If it were that easy, | wouldn't have to deal
with sexist jokes about my Thai heritage. If it were that easy, other
girls and women would've supported me more often, instead of seeing
me as a competitor and putting me down.
Feminism is not about how you look or what you wear. It’s not
about who you date or fall in love with, It's not about thinking you

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 Chapter Nine: Society vs. Me

deserve more than someone else. It's about thinking you deserve the
same. Women are already strong; we just want society to perceive us
as strong, too.
Men are affected by gender-role expectations, as well, which tell
them how to dress or act in given circumstances. Feminists believe
that each individual, with her or his own unique set of strengths and
talents, should be seen as a human being in her or his own right, not
as a female or a male. According to the culture we live in, men are
not supposed to cry or show emotions. And they are supposed to |
ook masculine. They are expected to be career-obsessed go-getters
who love beer and sports. So it's important to understand that the
basic principle promoted in feminism does not only serve women—
feminism strives to put an end to gender roles that impact both
women and men.

THE SALARY GAP:

WORE THAN JUST SOME DGLLARS
is the difference
The salary gap, also known as the gender pay gap,
an Association
between the salaries men and women make. The Americ
a report on the
of University Women (AAUW) recently released
r Pay Gap.” The
subject, titled “The Simple Truth about the Gende
gap and how it affects
report exposes the mechanism behind the pay
ounds. It also explains
women of all ages, races, and educational backgr
what we can do to close the gap.
ng full-time in the US
In 2015, studies revealed that women worki
men working the same
were typically paid only 80 percent of what
the 970s, the salary gap has
jobs earned. Hello, 20-percent gap?! Since
more women received an
been steadily shrinking because more and
at a higher level. At the same
education and entered the work force
. However, the gap is unlikely
time, men’s wages have risen more slowly
e between 1960 and 2015 Is
to go away on its own. If the rate of chang
the same salary as men until 2059.
any indication, women won't be paid
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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

Say what?
The salary gap affects all kinds of women. However, the gender
gap is even larger for women of color: among full-time workers in
2015, Hispanic and Latina, African American, American Indian, Native
Hawaiian, and other native women had lower annual incomes than
non-Hispanic white and Asian American women. And as women grow
older, their incomes tend to increase with age, but that increase
slows down at age forty-five and tends to decrease after fifty-five.
Generally, at age thirty-five, women earn around 90 percent of what
men working the same job are paid.
At first glance, getting a good education seems like a foolproof
solution to earning equal pay, right? Well, while it has proven to be a
useful tool for increasing women’s earnings, it's still not enough to
close the gender wage gap. Why? Because no matter the level of
academic achievement, women still earn less than men, just because
they are women. In some cases, the pay gap increases along with the
level of education. The infuriating conclusion: a woman can get a top-
notch education, but her salary will still be determined by her sex
and her race.

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 Chapter Nine: Society vs. Me

lf all of this is a bit too abstract, here's a couple of examples

(the numbers are from 2015):
* Female truck drivers usually get paid $632 a week, while their male
coworkers receive $75l for doing the exact same job.
Female software developers typically earn $1,415 weekly, while male
software developers make $1,751 in the same week.
» Female financial managers are paid $130 per paycheck, whereas their
male counterparts get paid $1,732. That's a gap of 35 percent!
This isn't right, but you can do something about it!
Women can adopt strategies to negotiate equal pay. The AAUW
organizes workshops to empower women, encouraging them to stand
up for themselves when it comes to salary, benefits, and promotions.
The workshop has taught many women valuable skills that will be
useful for years to come. Check out their website (salary.aauw.org)
to discover free workshops hosted in your area. Can't finda work-
school
shop in your neighborhood? Organize your own, or inspire your
and professio nals
to host one. The workshops are meant for students
alike, so you can take your mom, sister, or friend with you!
if not,
Find out if equal pay laws are strong in your state, and
on equal pay!
write to your Congress person to move their asses

Struggling with the Iden ef Being w Feminist

y, and if it wasn't for
Society has come a long way in the past centur
took to the streets
all the feminists who opened their mouths and
wouldn't be able to
to fight for what was rightfully theirs, women
needs feminism. For both
vote today. But even in 2017, the world still
everyone is free to get
women and men. We'll need feminism until
r of countries abolish
married to the person she loves; until a numbe
ting their baby girls and
female circumcision practices that are mutila
women as possessions to be
women; until certain cultures stop seeing
n who work the same job
bought and sold; and until men and wome
things (and many more)
are paid the same salary. Until all of those
are fixed, yes, we'll need feminists.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

Feminism has helped me accept myself more, and it's made me

realize that | can wear what | want to wear, behave how | want to
behave, and be who | am, no matter what other people might think.
| love wearing my three-piece suit, and | don’t care if it looks “mas-
culine” to some. | think | look bomb in it. The general message here is
that equality is key, even in the politically turbulent times we live in.
So should you be a feminist? Maybe you already are without even
knowing it. Or maybe you're not and don’t want to be labeled as one.
That's okay. Some people don't feel the need to express their opinion
about this topic, and that’s perfectly fine. But it is interesting to learn
about sexism in our society and what people are doing to fight it.
| consider myself a feminist, and for me, that label goes beyond
equal rights. Feminism is about accepting and tolerating both genders
and everything in between. | firmly believe that everyone should be
able to make free choices in her life, and until we reach that point, |
will continue to spread that message.

DiSCRMIMATION:
THE WS AID OUTS
When someone is discriminated against, it means people treat that
person unfairly because of who they are or because of certain
characteristics they possess. If you've ever been treated badly by
another person just because you are (or you look) a little different,
you've been the victim of discrimination. People can be discriminated
against for the following:

- Your age *Pregnancy and maternity

* Your gender * Your sexual preference
* Your race or ethnicity and orientation
* Your disabilities or handicaps *Marriage and
* Your religions and beliefs civil partnership

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 Chapter Nine: Society vs. Me

If you like to know more about these types, continue reading:

Age-related discrimination is called ageism, and you might have
experienced this yourself at some point. It happens when a person Is
treated unfairly because of her age. Teenagers and senior citizens are
typical victims of this type of discrimination. It seems that society has
a way of considering younger and older peoples’ voices and opinions as
inferior. And that’s not cool. Just because you're young doesn't mean
you can't contribute to society or have great ideas or make sensible
decisions. So never let anyone (not your teachers, peers, or community
members) tell you you're not worth listening to.
Sadly, racism (particularly at school) is a lot more common than
you might think. Racism entails the discrimination of a person on the
as
basis of her skin color and can be seen as the failure of our society
a whole to provide a safe environment for people who have a different
skin color, culture, or ethnicity.
ed
If someone mistreats you because of your sex, gender, or perceiv
men
gender, you're a victim of sexism. Equal gender rights between
have a long
and women are still not a reality in society today, and we
All women (and
way to go before the existing unbalance is corrected.
access to birth
men) should be able to express thernselves freely, have
be paid equally
control, have the right to choose abortion or adoption,
This should go
for the same job, and live free from (sexual) assault.
get there, people
without saying, but clearly, it still doesn't. Until we
will keep suffering from sexism.
means you're
Another type of discrimination is homophobia, which
Whether you are
treated badly because of your sexual orientation.
or pansexual, no one has
gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, two-spirit,
identity —ever. Some
the right to harass you because of your sexual
ng else that isn't hetero-
people are convinced that being gay (or anythi
e no one has the right to
sexual) is wrong. The opposite is true, becaus
gay. Everyone, including every
discriminate or attack someone for being
has the right to be attracted
member of the LGBTOIA+ community,
be judged or mistreated for
to whoever they want. No one should ever
any sexual preference.
being who they are, and that includes
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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

As a teenager, there were times when | was guilty of homophobia,

too, albeit subconsciously and indirectly. For example, | used to say,
“OMG, that's so gay” to describe something that | thought wasn't cool
or funny. | was fourteen or so, and | honestly had no clue that | might've
been hurting others with this homophobic phrase until one of my best
friends, who is gay, explained how incredibly hurtful and disrespectful
it was. | stopped using it then and there. This experience made me learn
my lesson and ever since, I've been more aware of the power of words
and how miserable they can make other people feel.
Transphobia is defined as the irrational fear or hatred of transgen-
der people, or anyone who doesn't fit in with traditional male-female
gender norms, It's important to note that there is a difference between
“sex” and “gender”: your sex is what you're born with between your
legs (a vagina, a penis, or both). Your gender is whatever you choose to
be—it comes from the inside and represents how you identify yourself.
For some people, their sex and gender match;
whereas for others, they don't. A transgender person can also self-
identify as both genders at the same time or as neither of them. Sadly,
transgender people often have to deal with transphobia in the form of
verbal harassment or violence inflicted upon them by individual people.
However, we should all be able to choose whoever we want to be and
feel supported and accepted no matter how we self-identify.
When you're being treated badly because of a disability of any
kind, you're a victim of ableism. lt means that people wrongly judge you
because of your disabilities. Ableism also means that you don't get the
chances you deserve in your academic, professional, or personal life.
Discrimination can also happen against someone whose body type
differs from the generalized norm or accepted standard. If someone is
mistreated for having a larger body size, that's called fat phobia. The
opposite, an irrational fear of skinny people, is called macilentophobia.
We all know high school can be really horrible, especially if you're strug-
gling with how you look. The media and society keep dictating what
the ideal body looks like, but often that's an image that’s nowhere near
realistic to achieve. If someone doesn't fit the image, however, it can

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 Chapter Nine: Society vs. Me

make them feel really terrible about themselves and they can develop a
negative body image as a result. Our world needs to realize ASAP that
health and beauty come in all shapes, colors, and sizes!
Classism happens when someone is treated unfairly because of
her social status. Society tends to label people who have less money
as less smart or interesting. However, having a certain amount of cash
doesn't make you cool; it's your attitude toward other people and
how you treat them that makes you cool and awesome. Having less
money doesn’t make you any less smart, desirable, or capable. If you're
lucky enough to be able to buy whatever you want, you shouldn't feel
guilty about it, but you should be aware of how privileged you are and
understand that not everyone is as fortunate as you. If we support each
other and overcome our struggles together, we become stronger
and more successful in life. Other people might have to struggle a bit
more than we do in order to succeed, but we can all help them out by
breaking the stigma that surrounds the less fortunate.
These are some of the types of discrimination we might experience
ation,
in our society. If you or someone you know is a victim of discrimin
Remembe r that
there are a few things you can do to stop the injustice.
about the
it's never your fault and you're not alone in fighting this. Talk
and look
discrimination you are experiencing with an adult you trust
non as old as time,
for possible solutions. Discrimination is a phenome
that can make
and it’s notoriously difficult to get rid of. There’s no cure
and
discrimination disappear overnight. But we can look at ourselves
in our schools
think about what we can do to help fight discrimination
discrimination in
and lives. Here are a few ways you can help combat
your school, at home, or out in the community:
one, calmly and politely
* Don't make offensive jokes. If someone makes
just remain silent
tell them it’s inappropriate, rude, and ignorant. Don't
on the issue.
l with what you Say.
* Think about the language you use and be carefu
ive and should never be
“That's so gay” or “That's retarded” are offens
own up to it, apologize,
said. If you find a phrase like that slipping out,
and try not to do it again.
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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

* Ask questions and listen to others before you judge people.

«Learn about other cultures and differences: travel to countries
you've never been before and get to know locals. Stay open minded
when trying something new in another country or when you're with
a family that has other values than you.
Educate yourself and understand what is happening politically around
the world, Don't just repeat what you've read but develop your own
opinion about what's happening.
«Never accept anything homophobic, sexist, or racist. Stand up
for someone who gets bullied on the train, at school, at work, or
in public.
There are many forms of discrimination, but what they all have
in common is the oppression of people. Discrimination takes power
away from an individual or a group. People who are discriminated
against can experience harassment, bullying, or mistreatment. If you're
being abused at school, that’s never your fault and you should always
report it to a staff member, because school is supposed to make you
feel safe.
We're all different, and that’s what makes our world colorful and
exciting. Bashing someone for being different than you is completely
wrong. You wouldn't want others to mistreat you, right? If we can all
learn to be a little more tolerant every day, society would be less of
a hard world to live in for everyone who differs from “the norm.”

FITTING Wt ANID
FEELING LEFT OUT
Whether we are part of the-popular crowd or are more of a floater,
at some point, we all feel a bit left out and like we don't fit in.
In our hypersocial world, we are more likely to feel lonely and
isolated than previous generations. We feel the need to be online
constantly and to let the world know we exist, preferably by
sharing gorgeous pictures and interesting status updates, That's just

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 Chapter Nine: Society vs. Me

the online world, but even there you'll sometimes feel like you don't
really fit in if you're being your true self.

WHERE \ TRULY FIT IN.

ffFEELS LIKE THERES NO PLA+o

come
At school, if you feel like you are the “Weird one,” it can
of friends,
to a point where you don't feel comfortable in any group
own, even if you
or where you feel more comfortable being on your
don't belong some-
don’t want to be. And that sucks. Feeling like you
Here's a number
where can make you feel lonely, sad, and depressed.
don't fit in, and what
of possible reasons why you might feel as if you
you can do about it:
understand you. You
«You don't think people at school will actually
and you simply haven't
feel like a complete stranger to everyone,
sts as you yet. If you're
found any people who share the same intere
you're good at sports?
a book lover, join a book club! Or maybe
making a bunch of new
Joining a school sports team can help you
s is a great tool for
friends. Sharing the same interests or hobbie
starting a conversation.
what people think of you. Being
«You are shy and constantly afraid of
are. Practice being more open
shy is okay—it's a part of who you
s a chance. People who accept
and engaging. Give yourself and other

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

you for who you are without criticizing you are truly “your people.”
Learn more about comfort zones and how to step out of them in
chapter |, Stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things
will help you open up more and expand your boundaries.
- You haven't completely embraced who you are yet. If you feel like
you don't have any deep or profound friendships, but mostly shallow
and superficial connections, you might want to find your inner self
first. Figure out for yourself what you like, what your interests are,
and what you're into. | used to like stuff that other kids in my class
liked in order to fit in. But the truth is, finding what out what you
like is way more pleasant! For example, | grew up with hard rock
music. That music genre was never really popular with the children
in my class. They liked pop music (which is totally okay), but | never
felt that anyone gave my music a chance. Until one day, | gave a
presentation about Black Sabbath in tenth grade. | was super nervous
because | thought the girls would give me a stinky look, but at the
end... it felt so awesome! | distinguished myself from the rest, and
at the end of the presentation a girl came up to me and said it was
a cool subject. We later became good (music) friends. Finding and
accepting your typical self is the best building block for creating
fulfilling friendships.
* Your BFF is not your BFF anymore. If you feel like you're slowly
drifting apart, or the friendship just isn't working anymore, it might
be because one (or both) of you has changed. Sometimes, the best
policy is to let them go.
* You feel judged by people all the time. The best solution to this is
to stop caring about what other people think and start enjoying
yourself and your hobbies instead, Easier said than done? Yes. But
will you feel better after you cut off toxic people? Absolutely. The
trick is to be completely honest with yourself, Do you like these
people anyway? Do you really value their opinions and why? Asking
yourself these questions will help you with finding out if you hang
around with these people for the wrong reasons. If you realize that
some people around you aren't very supportive or uplifting, it’s best

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 Chapter Nine: Society vs. Me

to put yourself first and take action. Tell them frankly how you feel.
This can go in two ways: they are willing to change something and
be more accepting, or nothing changes and you both go your own
way. Either way it's a win-win!
«People might make the mistake of thinking you are different, because
you look different. Honestly, how many times have we misjudged
people because of how they look? How many girls have turned out
to be actually pretty cool and chill, despite their reputation and
appearance? How many friends did we mislabel as weirdos before
we actually got to know them? Exactly. | once received the tip to
surprise others in a positive way. Say “hi” yourself for once. Go sit
next to someone you've never met before. Have lunch with someone
you think is cool but never dared to say something to. People often
misjudge others. To erase this behavior, we can start being more
open ourselves.
The most important thing to remember is that there's nothing
wrong with you. Fitting in just takes a little courage and motivation
sometimes, and the willingness to let go of the wrong people in your
life so you can find the people you truly jive with.

FAWIOUS PEOPLE: THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE

I THE WORLD... oR UOT?
you. |
My childhood dream was to become famous. |'m not kidding
e lives (and
always believed that famous people lived crazy, awesom
(and still
that they all had swimming pools). | genuinely believed
believe?) that celebrities live a more privileged life.
appealed
| don't know what it was about being famous that
d to be.
to me, specifically, but | just knew that's what | wante
older. When |
Fortunately, | kind of lost that dream as | got a little
of it as the way to
first started drawing Chrostin, | never thought
were actually going
success, because | never expected that people
goals to reach with
to like my work. Now | believe that | have other

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

my webcomics. |want them to entertain, motivate, and inspire people.

Yes, |just said that. | aspire to be an inspiration—not just for myself,
but also for others. | want to encourage people to do whatever they
want, to aim high and shoot for the stars, Because that’s what | did,
too. That's why I'm sitting here at 4:00 a.m, (don't judge me) writing
this very paragraph of this book that I’m about to publish. Am | going
to be famous for it? Probably not. But you can't say | never tried to
leave my mark.
Back to real celebrities. | used to look up to people who accom-
plished a lot in their lives and worked their asses off to become what
they always wanted to be. So in that sense, yes, | want the same. But
| also ask myself if it’s worth it. Are celebrities actually happy? Since |
don't know any really famous people, | can’t ask them. But | did some
research and | found others who did get the chance to ask a number
of famous people the million-dollar question: is fame, wealth, and
material success the key to happiness?
There's plenty of celebrities who've talked openly about what
success really does to them, and honestly? Their answers are really
disappointing. As | kind of expected, but somehow didn't want to
admit, famous people generally aren't happy, precisely because they
are famous. Being famous, it turns out, isn’t very fulfilling at all. In
fact, some actors and musicians have even stated that, as their
success grew larger and larger, so did their feelings of anxiety
and depression.
Eric Clapton, a very famous rock star, admitted in interviews
that despite having more than he could've ever imagined—an amazing
career as a guitar god, cars, a beautiful house, a very bright future—
he felt suicidal on a daily basis. Model Cara Delevingne once confirmed
that, while we might think that owning beautiful things and feeling
loved by everyone will make us truly happy, this isn't always the case.
Lady Gaga once stated that she doesn't want to spend her days
shaking hands and taking selfies, because it feels like a shallow thing
to do when she has a lot more to offer than her image alone.
| soon understood that my obsession with fame was not based

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 Chapter Nine: Society vs, Me

'M THE MOST

FAMOVS PERSON...

on anything substantial; it was more of a hypothetical daydream.

It's natural for us to think that celebrities have perfect lives,
because that's how they're portrayed in the media (as the prettiest,
wealthiest, coolest peeps on the planet). But listening to their behind-
the-scenes stories, |now understand that they're just human beings.
Like you and me. Except more famous.
To sum up, | still think it’s okay to daydream about becoming a
celebrity (because why not?). Just try to take the whole concept with
a pinch of salt, and remember that there’s so much more to life than
being famous. And that fame doesn't necessarily mean happiness.

Git BEG A HAPPY PERSON

of finding
Model Cara Delevingne has stressed the importance
scovery is the
your true self and that your journey toward self-di
iter and rapper,
most important one you'll ever make. Tupac, songwr
and see your
once said that you should be able to look in the mirror
the eye and know
soul—that you should be able to look yourself in
more important than
that you didn't sell your soul. Bottom line: what's
loved by the people
being admired by the public is being valued and
That is one way to
who surround us and who make us feel alive.
become a happy person.
me see that “our
Tom Shadyac, comedian and producer, made
the winner gets it all
culture is obsessed with competition, where
e where authenticity and
We should realize that we live in a cultur
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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

creativity gets depressed and that’s the reason why we are pitting
against each other.”
We blame society, but we are society.
So how can you be happy in a society where the best is only
good enough?

HAPPINESS CHANGE UST

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W: are all unique; | don't have to tell you that. But what is it that
makes us special really?

STEREOTYPE ALERT!
mplified image of a
A stereotype is a widely held but fixed and oversi
are basically judg-
particular person or group of people. Stereotypes
actually knowing them.
ments we make about things or people without
, and culture, You've
Stereotypes usually revolve around race, gender
of them) before:
probably heard these stereotypes (or versions
*Men should be leaders.
«Americans are lazy and obese.
+ All muslims are terrorists.
*Blond girls are dumb.
+ All models have anorexia.
*Gay men are feminine.
ty.
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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

Almost every culture has its own stereotypes. Stereotyping,

however, can be hurtful. Even if a stereotype is positive, using it still
means you're labeling people without knowing them. Try not to base
your opinion of someone or a group of people on stereotypes alone:
mingle and talk with different people from different backgrounds and
places, That way, you can decide for yourself what that person is like
based on your own experiences instead of merely making assumptions
based on known stereotypes.

SUBCULTURES: THE FACTS

A subculture or a social group is, as the name already suggests, a sub-
category of a larger culture. Subcultures are often all about exploring
who you are and discovering what you stand for. As teenagers, we
create our identities as we're growing up. Exploring our values is a
very important part of adolescence and a way of finding the people
who think and behave the same as we do.

THE SUBCULTURES THAT WFWWENCED ME.

HIP HOP CULTURE

Mei!
Different social groups each have their own unwritten guidelines
on how to act, think, and dress. If you find a group that makes you
feel comfortable, you may want to adapt the same behaviors and
dress code to give you a strong bond and sense of belonging. Finding

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 Chapter Ten: United in Diversity

a group to be a part of can boost your social skills and, in general, it's
super fun to feel accepted by people who are just like you.
| remember being a skater girl when | was a teenager. | dressed
like the skaters, behaved like them, and talked like them. My family
was convinced that it was just a phase, and it turned out they were
right. But fortunately, my parents let me experiment and try things
out to find my place. Being a part of the skater community taught
me important things that | still remember and use today. The skaters
were genuine and welcoming. They respected everyone, newbie
or not. Overall, they were very open and social. Those are key
characteristics | still carry in me, almost eight years later.
People young and old need to feel validated and valued. The
following are a couple examples of just a few different subcultures
you might find yourself a part of:
- Gamer: Gamers usually game together after school, whether online
or offline, and they often talk about games during lunch or play
games at school, too.
-Gethv: A subculture that started in the 1980s and originally revolved
around listening to goth music. Goth people typically adopt certain
stylistic features, such as black clothing and black-dyed hair. They
usually listen to gothic rock but are also open to other music genres
such as post-punk, death rock, industrial, and so on,
-Cyberculture: Another name for computer culture, this is a subcul-
ture that is emerging from the use of computer networks (online
communities, multiplayer gaming, social gaming, apps). Members
of a cyberculture like to engage with political, sociological, and
psychological issues that arise from networked interactions.
emotional
-Fime: A subculture that is characterized by an emphasis on
fashion
expression, an “emo” is someone who likes to dress in emo
studded belts,
(usually black clothes, T-shirts with emo band names,
and usually
sneakers), displays rather emotional characteristics,
ive,
listens to a type of rock music that's known for its express
their own
emotional, and confessional lyrics. Emo people have
defining style but are often confused with goths.
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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

-Hip-hep: A subculture and art movement, originally developed by

African Americans from the South Bronx during the late 1970s. Hip-
hop is characterized by a number of elements, including rapping, break
dancing, b-boying and b-girling, and spray-paint art (graffiti), Clothing
and hair styles have always been a big part of hip-hop's image since
its inception. Hip-hop clothing styles have changed over the decades
but can generally be described as urban, baggy street wear.
- Hipster: This is someone who usually listens to indie and alterna-
tive music and likes to sin against all existing fashion rules, thereby
creating their own fashion statements. A lot of hipster fashion items
can be found in thrift stores. Hipsters generally have an alternative
lifestyle; they are more likely to be progressive and enjoy organic or
vegan food.
Of course, there are a bunch of other subcultures and social
groups you might find yourself in: anime fandom, fitness or body-
building, cosplaying, furry fandom, glam rock, grunge rock, hacker
culture, high culture, hippies, pinup and vintage clothing, role-playing
gamers, ravers, skaters, riot grrrls, scouting, science-fiction fandom,
surfers, straight edge, vampire lifestyle, and many more.
Identifying with a certain subculture might lead to some friction
between you and your parents, especially if they aren't so supportive
of the subculture you identify with. It could be the music you listen to,
the way you dress, or how you talk or behave. Usually this happens
because your parents don't know a lot about the friends you hang out
with or about the values you all share. Try to involve your parents in
the things that interest you, so they can get a general idea of what
it is that interests you and so they won't be so sceptical about your
choices and friend groups. Always be respectful, and don't expect
your parents to understand your subculture in the blink of an eye. Give
them time to adapt to your way of dressing and to your interests and
ideas. It might be hard to imagine, but chances are your parents were
part of a subculture as teens, too—and maybe they still are! Ask ques-
tions on how and what they did back in the day and see if you might
find some common ground with them that you didn't know you had,

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 Chapter Ten: United in Diversity

EVE THINGS (6 KEEP HL MID WHE ARGUING

WITH SOvIEOITE You Dor'T AGREE WITH
Unnecessary fights are never fun, especially if you're fighting over
something that is hard to find common ground on. You can try as
hard as you might to convince the other person you're right; the
other person will try to do the exact same thing. In the previous
chapter, you can read some of the best ways to express your opinion
without being rude or hurting another person's feelings.
Imagine you're having an argument with someone, be It your
spouse, friend, parent, or boss. Try to remember these five things
when disagreeing with another person:
1. Don't let your anger get the best of you. Don't start calling
the other person names. You'll soon regret it and won't find it pro-
ductive to your argument. If you feel yourself losing control, count to
ten in your head, take a deep breath, and think about what you want
to say before blurting it out. If that doesn't help, ask for a quick break
So you can compose yourself before continuing the argument.
2. Listen first, instead of thinking about a good comeback. Youll
be able to give a better and more specific reply to their arguments if
you take the time to listen to what they are actually saying.
3. Don't bring up past mistakes the other person may have
made, especially if they're already water under the bridge. They have
nothing to do with the argument you're having now and will only
make you sound petty in your debate with them.
4, Don't randomly change the subject until you're done discussing
the topic at hand. It's okay to decide to agree to disagree but don't
say.
end the argument until you feel that both sides have had their
5. People miscommunicate, and misunderstandings happen.
to admit
Arguments can, in fact, be healthy sometimes. Being willing
culpability will teach you much more than you would think.
In general, just don't be a jerk when you are arguing with
belt and
someone else. Don't punch the other person below the
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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

always treat them the way you want to be treated: with RESPECT.
To learn more about arguing without anger, | suggest you read
the following: The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing
the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner and Non-
violent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for
Healthy Relationships by Marshall B. Rosenberg.

FIGHTING FOR EQUALITY EVEN It

IT FEELS USELESS
Often we might feel like we are in a constanct balancing act— trying
to do what's right and feeling dejected because our efforts don't
seem to be making a difference. This can lead you to lose the motiva-
tion to keep fighting (and to possibly lose your faith in all humanity).
Let's face the facts: all of us aren't born equal. In a social context,
this means that all of us aren't given the exact same chances. When
we use the word equality in this context, we're talking about the
equality of opportunity. No people, whatever UNTHE
their origin or skin color, should ever be denied yy ST\{E WARRIOR
y
participation in social institutions.
Other than a society of equal chances, what are
some of the things you would like to see changed to
make the world a more equal place? Imagine if what
you want became a reality: how would you feel?
Happy? Satisfied? At peace? What if | told you
that the only thing needed to make that change is
action from people who support it... people like
you? Yes, you are able to make that change, if you
want it enough.
It seems as if this life requires us to fight a lot for
all sorts of things: for the people we love, for our
health, for our jobs, and for bringing about social
change. Where do we find the courage and the
y ior)

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 Chapter Ten: United in Diversity

energy to keep fighting when it's so easy to just give up on something

that is not easy to accomplish?
Stay focused on the solution and remind yourself what you're
fighting for, which will help you stay productive. Also, don't be afraid to
lose the first few battles before you see any improvement. Any change
you inspire, no matter how small, is change and should be celebrated.
But how do we even now if something's worth fighting for? Ask
yourself whether the situation you're in is so distressing that it needs
to be addressed, If the answer is yes, you go ahead and fight. However,
don't start any battle unless you do it in a constructive way.

THE ABCS OF THE LGBIO.

The abbreviation LGBTQ stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender,
and queer or questioning, The acronym denotes a community of people
across the entire spectrum of possible sexual orientations and gender
identities, People often use the short version (LGBT or LGBTQ), when
they actually mean to include all the different groups within LGBT TT-
QOQOIA+. Let’s take a look what each letter stands for:
Lesbian: A female homosexual, someone who has romantic or sexual
feelings toward other women.
Gay: Primarily refers to a homosexual man (who has romantic or sexual
feelings toward other men), but lesbians can also be referred to as gay.
Bisexual: Someone who is attracted, romantically and/or sexually, to
both women and men—or to people with any other type of gender
identity (sometimes termed pansexual).
Transgender: Umbrella term for people whose gender differs from the
at
gender that is typically associated with the sex they were assigned
birth. In many cases, this is shortened to the word trans.
Transsexual: Someone with an inconsistent gender identity. They
assigned
are usually not culturally associated with the sex they were
at birth.
individuals
Two-spirited: Umbrella term used to describe gender-variant

ALE COCCIRS IO
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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

who don't conform to gender norms held by their communities

(specifically people within indigenous communities).
Queer: Umbrella term for sexual and gender minorities.
Questioning: Someone who's exploring his or her gender, sexual
identity, orientation, or all three at once.
Intersex: Variation in sex characteristics including chromosome,
gonads, or genitals that do not allow for someone to be distinctly
identified as male or female.
Asexual: Also known as nonsexual, this is someone who has little or no
interest in sexual activity or has a lack of sexual attraction to anyone.

Additional terms in use also include:

Pansexualer Omnisexual: This is someone who has romantic,
emotional, or sexual feelings for people of any sex or gender.
They may refer to themselves as gender blind.
Agender er Genderless er Gender-free: These people are those who
self-identify as having no gender at all (basically they do not conform
to traditional gender norms).
Gender Queer: Umbrella term for gender identities that are not
strictly masculine or feminine but include configurations outside the
gender binary.
Bigender: Gender identity where someone moves between feminine
and masculine identities and behaviors.
Gender Varianter Gender Nencenfermity: This describes behavior
that doesn't match with masculine and feminine gender norms.
Pangender: Someone who identifies as all genders.
AWy: Anyone who considers him- or herself a friend of the
LGBTQ+ community.
A person's gender identity indicates whether that person feels
male, female, transgender, or none of the above, regardless of his or
her biological sex (which is traditionally determined by having a penis
or a vagina). Gender expression is a person's expression of his or her
gender identity through the way he or she dresses or behaves.
The above list is constantly growing and evolving, so you don't

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 Chapter Ten: United in Diversity

have to memorize all the different definitions. As long as you use the
preferred terms and pronouns, and do so respectfully, you'll be paying
the LGBTQ+ community the respect it deserves,

EMRICHINIG YOUR LITE

THROUGH OTHER CULTURES
Learning about the habits, foods, practices, politics, and rituals of a
culture can be an invaluable life lesson and experience. Knowing how
different people live can deepen your understanding of the many
cultures of this world. Whether it is through traveling, reading, being
an exchange student, or having a best friend with a different cultural
background, there are tons of ways to get a taste of a culture that is
not yours.
Here's my list of arguments for why you should actively learn
about new cultures and ways of doing things:
1. It teaches you to think in new ways. As a baby and a kid,
you learn things the way they are taught to you (and typically as
is considered normal for your culture). It’s interesting to know how
other people learn the same things in a different way. Understanding
different approaches to life is always enriching.
2. You'll understand more about the world. When you see for
yourself how other people eat, dress, and generally live their lives,
you develop empathy for them. Many problems and wars are the
result of ignorance and misunderstanding and a lack of empathy. If
you give others a chance, they'll have respect for you in return.
3. You'll understand why cultural differences are important to
If
all of us. The way we think and solve problems is not the only way.
gies to solve
we work together, we can combine ideas and technolo
problems.
4, It's just super interesting. Showing an interest in different
have to
cultures helps reduce racism and prejudice, too. You don't
travel to learn more about the world, either. Even if you can't

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

physically visit other cultures, you can still read books, watch docu-
mentaries, search the Internet, and learn from discussions with other
people who have visited or who grew up in a different cultural setting.
5. It's fun and enjoyable. It's exercise for your mind, and it can
be very entertaining. Learning a new language, eating different foods,
exploring different habits ... all of these expand your horizons and you
may find something you really connect with, too.
Some people feel the need to openly express their intolerant atti-
tudes and feelings toward other cultures. If someone has an irrational
fear or hatred of foreigners, that's called xenophobia. Unfortunately,
xenophobia can sometimes lead to violence and discrimination, Xeno-
phobia is more common than we think, and it can affect pretty much
everybody in the circle of people who surround you. Xenophobia often
happens because people aren't aware of what goes on in the world
outside their comfort zones. They are, quite simply, afraid of things
they don't know.
A lot of those negative feelings are inspired by the images of
different cultures that media spreads. If xenophobes would switch off
their televisions or computers and actually get to know the people
they're so afraid of, they’d most likely find that people are generally
pretty similar across cultures. They might have slightly different takes
on certain aspects of life, but the fact that we're all human beings
means there's always common ground to be found. A major problem
with xenophobia is that many people aren't open to learning about
other cultures; they're much too stubborn to consider changing their
opinions and moving beyond their prejudices.
Another major problem in combating cultural differences lies in
miscommunication, which then can lead to irrational fears or even
hatred, However, it’s easy to avoid such misunderstandings by learning
more about how people in other countries or cultures communicate,
both verbally and nonverbally.
It's always important to remember that there are big differences
between individual members of a culture, in the same way that all
Americans are far from one stereotyped version. Maybe, just maybe,

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 Chapter Ten: United in Diversity

your world will have a little more color and feel a bit more peaceful
if you open yourself up to exploring all the beautiful cultures in it.

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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

How CAI t EMIBRACT

WY DIFFERENCE AS A STRENGTH?
We are all different. We have different abilities and talents. We have
different tastes in music and fashion. We don't always agree on poli-
tics or on which TV shows we like. We have different skin tones, hair
types, and eye color. Some of us like boys; some of us like girls; some
of us like both; and others prefer something in between. Some of us
are differently abled. Others struggle to find their own identities. You
get my point—we’re all unique and special in some way, right? But
then, what makes it so easy for us to admire other people's abilities
and accept their quirks but so hard to embrace our own?
Let's agree that no one has any business deciding what we
should look like, ever. Still, we convince ourselves that endless
compliments and jealous looks from others is what we need in order
to love who we are. We constantly compare ourselves to others,
and it’s making us sad, angry, and, most of all, tired Because we
can't, and never will be, like the person we want to be. We can only
be ourselves.
We are so forgiving and accepting toward others, but so
unforgiving for ourselves. Since | became unapologetic about myself,
started putting myself first at times, and learned how to take care
of myself, I've discovered that those are the most important things
we should be doing. Sometimes | wonder if other people experience
the same feelings. |wonder if my cousin in Thailand worries about
the same things at night. Sometimes | even feel guilty because | think
I'm worrying about stuff that doesn't really matter. | mean, | have a
home, a beautiful job, a wonderful group of friends, and a great guy
by my side. What more could | possibly want from this super awe-
some, privileged life?
Repeat after me: “It’s not a crime to like myself.” In fact, it’s
perfectly cool to like yourself and the way you look. How often do
you say the words, “| love and approve of myself” out loud? Never?

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 Chapter Ten: United in Diversity

Try it. |know it sounds super corny the first time, but that's because
the idea of accepting yourself makes you uncomfortable, Never
underestimate the power of giving yourself a good pep talk from
time to time.
Do the things that you like. How often do you refrain from
doing something you really want to do just because you're afraid that
other people might think it’s silly or that you'll look stupid? It took
me many years to work up the courage to buy the clothes | liked, to
wear the makeup | thought looked cute, or to openly wear a bikini. |
turned things around for myself because | woke up one day thinking,
what if |just did the things that I've been dreaming about? Things like
wearing cute clothes, experimenting with makeup and accessories,
and, most important, embracing my heritage. What did | have to lose?
Absolutely nothing. As it turned out, none of it was as scary as I'd
feared, and the only person who'd been holding me back all that time
was...me.| know my body and looks are different from my friends’,
but that’s exactly what makes me me.
These are a couple of people who inspire me on a daily basis
and who remind me that we should all be a little nicer to ourselves,
regardless of how we look:
-@bedypesilivememes: The girl behind this meme page is very
inspirational and makes YouTube videos, as well. Even if the body-
positive movement in general seems mostly focused on girls who are
curvy or plus-sized, this girl tries to make sure she includes all types
of women in her content.
-@slaythepatriarchy: Reminding members of the LGBTQ+
community (and everyone else, too) to love and embrace them-
selves, no matter how they self-identify.
-@kinglimaa: A model with a hijab, proving that beauty comes
in all shapes and religions.
skin
-@mdinflew: Cruelty-free makeup for people with different
makeup
tones, created in response to the lack of diversity in the
industry.
ed by volunteers
- @wemencanplay: A nonprofit organization power
te
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 The Ultimate Survival Guide to Being a Girl

girls
that promotes sports and creates opportunities for women and
to get active.
-@upandeutcemic: Awesomely beautiful, moving, and relatable
comics about a transgender woman sharing her everyday
experiences.
-@bretmanreck: An Internet icon who proves that makeup knows no
gender by creating hilariously entertaining videos in which he shows
his stunning talent.
- @lavernecex: You may know her from the Netflix series Orange
Is the New Black, but she’s so much more than a seriously talented
actress—she’s also an active advocate for transgender rights.
- @yesimhetinthis: Hilarious webcomic about the misadventures of a
slightly sweaty Muslim American woman.
All of the people on this list use their platform to inspire others,
and it's truly wonderful to see how many people they've helped on
their way toward self-acceptance. Whether it’s through modeling,
photos, blog posts, comedy, videos, art, or comics, these creators
have embraced themselves and have made it their mission to help
others accomplish the same. If you're struggling to accept your looks
and are trying to learn how to turn your unique qualities into real
strenghts, having a role model can help you a lot. Even | created a
YouTube video on how | stopped having negative thoughts about
myself, It is called “You Are Awesome—l Tips and Tricks to Realize
That,” and you can find it on my YouTube channel (Chrostin).
| have talked enough about myself now. It’s your time to shine
and to change all the negative, toxic self-talk in your head and learn
the most empowering magic trick in the world: to love and appreciate
yourself, If we all start doing this, then maybe the world will be
slightly more united in its diversity. But as you know, every big change
starts small. So do that small thing: accept yourself.
The time is now. Start today.

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 RESOURCES
AND REFERENCES
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the-simple-truth-about-the-gender-pay-gap/.
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Gallo, A. “Choose the Right Words in an Argument.” (June 16, 2014). Retrieved from
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 A (CHEESY)
SPECIAL THANKS
e
would love to take this moment to thank a couple of awesom
human beings who helped me with realizing this book.
Firstly, thank you to Mark Gottlieb for giving me this amazing
to
opportunity and supporting me along the way. A special thanks
my all-female team at Running Press, especially Julie and Frances, for
their sincere guidance and help for completing this work. You've taken
a chance on me, and | hope | made it totally worth it, To Elise Joris,
for running the final sprint with me. We had a few intense weeks, but
l'm happy | shared them with you.
A special mention to Miss Liliane Priem, probably the best
teacher a student can wish for, always telling me not to give up.
Thank you for keeping me on the right track at school and giving me
a million chances when | mess up.
My family and friends: for always supporting my ambitions, both
financially and mentally. Peter, who is my accountant, my assistant,
advisor, and dad. To my best friends: you guys rock. When I'm rich, Il
pay you back all the drinks you've advanced.
To my girl Emmelien, to whom | have dedicated this book. Em, you
stood by me since day one. Without you, | would not be writing this
page at the moment.
My sweetheart, Mikel, for all your kindness, support, and provi-
ding the right snacks. 4
To all the girls and women around the globe who (indirectly)
inspired me to write this book: you are the future.
And finally, to all the people who are offended because they
didn't make this page: you mean a lot to me! You are supporting a
young woman's dream and that's the best thing ever.

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 HOWARD COUNTY LIBRARY SYSTEM

SAV kep Witt AMUSING ! The ultimat ide to being a

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run YOUNG WOMEN NAVIG 735 SOE

—|] 31267420327619
The Teen's Guige to wort werner

CELEBRATE WHAT MAKES YOU

‘v7: YOU! «.
ith friends, social media, body image, and more, navigating
young adulthood can seem impossible. Follow Instagram’s
loveable Chrostin as she provides humorous and relatable
advice for all of the struggles you face, like:

Sticking up for yourself Foo AVERAGE

Dealing with your body UNIQVE
Creating your own fashion
Eating food that's good
for you Fee-
Coping with trolls
and bullies
Surviving a breakup
Loving who you are

Christing De Witte began creating $14.99 in USA.

comics in art school. Despite negative $19.49 in Canada
criticism, she continued to pursue her ISBN 978-0-7624-9043-1
dream of creating webcomics and in
time, Chrostin was born. Christina
studies Communications and lives in a
small city in Belgium. |
|| |
9"780762"490431
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