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 Handling
Teamwork and
Respect for
Others

CE_Teamwork_fnl.indd 1 12/10/08 9:44:13 AM

 Being a Leader and Making Decisions

Being Fair and Honest

Dealing with Bullying

Dealing with Frustration and Anger

Handling Peer Pressure

Handling Teamwork and Respect for Others

Managing Conflict Resolution

Managing Responsibilities

Overcoming Prejudice

17256_CE_Teamwork_all_4p.e.indd 2 12/5/08 2:03:29 PM

 Handling
Teamwork and
Respect for
Others
TARA WELTY
INTRODUCTION BY CONSULTING EDITORS
Madonna M. Murphy, Ph.D.
University of St. Francis
and Sharon L. Banas
former Values Education Coordinator,
Sweet Home Central School District, New York

CE_Teamwork_fnl.indd 3 12/10/08 9:41:47 AM

Character Education: Handling Teamwork and Respect for Others
Copyright © 2009 by Infobase ­Publishing

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any
form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,
recording, or by any information storage or retrieval systems, without
permission in writing from the publisher. For information, ­contact:

Chelsea ­House
An imprint of Infobase ­Publishing
132 West 31st ­Street
New York NY ­10001

Library of Congress ­Cataloging-­in-­Publication ­Data

Welty, ­Tara.
   Handling teamwork and respect for others / Tara ­Welty.
     p. cm.—(Character education)
   Includes bibliographical references and ­index.
   ISBN 978-1-60413-117-8 (hardcover)
   1. Respect for persons.   2. Small groups.   I. Title.   II. ­ Series.
BJ1533.R42W45 ­2009
179’.9—dc22     ­­ 2008025308

Chelsea House books are available at special discounts when purchased in

bulk quantities for businesses, associations, institutions, or sales promotions.
Please call our Special Sales Department in New York at (212) 967-8800 or
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Text design by Annie O’Donnell

Cover design by Takeshi ­Takahashi

Printed in the United ­States

Bang NMSG 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 ­1

This book is printed on ­acid-­free ­paper.

All links and Web addresses were checked and verified to be correct at the time
of publication. Because of the dynamic nature of the Web, some addresses and
links may have changed since publication and may no longer be ­valid.
 CONTENTS
Introduction 7
by Madonna M. Murphy, Ph.D., professor of education
at University of St. Francis, Joliet, Illinois, and Sharon L.
Banas, former character education coordinator and middle
school social studies teacher, Sweet Home School District,
Amherst and Tonawanda, New York

1 What Is Teamwork? 13
2 What Is Respect? 21
3 What Is Self-Respect? 31
4 The Virtues of Teamwork 45
5 Teamwork in History 56
6 Fighting for Respect 67
7 Athletes and Teamwork 83
8 Modern Models of Teamwork and Respect 95
9 Build Your Character 104
Glossary 110
Bibliography 111
Further Resources 122
Picture Credits 123
Index 124
About the Author and Consultants 128

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17256_CE_Teamwork_all_4p.e.indd 6 12/5/08 2:03:37 PM
 INTRODUCTION

O
n February 14, 2008, as these books were being edited,
a shooting occurred at Northern Illinois University
(NIU) in DeKalb, Illinois. A former NIU graduate stu-
dent, dressed in black and armed with a shotgun and two
handguns, opened fire from the stage of a lecture hall. The
shooter killed five students and injured 16 others before com-
mitting suicide. What could have led someone to do this?
Could it have been prevented?
When the shooting started, student Dan Parmenter and his
girlfriend, Lauren Debrauwere, who was sitting next to him,
dropped to the floor between the rows of seats. Dan covered
Lauren with his body, held her hand, and began praying. The
shield of Dan’s body saved Lauren’s life, but Dan was fatally
wounded. In that hall, on February 14, 2008—Valentine’s
Day—one person’s deed was horrific and filled with hate;
another’s was heroic and loving.
The purpose of this series of books is to help prevent the
occurrence of this kind of violence by offering readers the
character education and social and emotional skills they need
to control their emotions and make good moral choices. This
series includes books on topics such as coping with bullying,
conflicts, peer pressure, prejudice, anger and frustration, and
numerous responsibilities, as well as learning how to handle
teamwork and respect for others, be fair and honest, and be
a good leader and decision-maker.
In his 1992 book, Why Johnny Can’t Tell Right from Wrong,1
William Kilpatrick coined the term “moral illiteracy” and
dedicated a whole chapter to it. Today, as he points out, people

17256_CE_Teamwork_all_4p.e.indd 7 12/5/08 2:03:39 PM

 8 HANDLING TEAMWORK AND RESPECT FOR OTHERS

often do not recognize when they are in a situation that calls

for a moral choice, and they are not able to define what is right
and what is wrong in that situation. The California-based
Josephson Institute of Ethics agrees with these concerns. The
institute states that we have a “character deficit” in our soci-
ety today and points out that increasing numbers of young
people across the United States—from well-to-do as well as
disadvantaged backgrounds—demonstrate reckless disre-
gard for fundamental standards of ethical conduct.
According to the 2006 Josephson Institute Report Card on
the Ethics of American Youth, our children are at risk. This
report sets forth the results of a biannual written survey
completed in 2006 by more than 36,000 high school students
across the country. The compilers of the report found that 82
percent of the students surveyed admitted that they had lied
to a parent about something significant within the previous
year. Sixty percent admitted to having cheated during a test
at school, and 28 percent admitted to having stolen some-
thing from a store.2 (Various books in this series will tell of
other findings in this report.) Clearly, helping young people to
develop character is a need of national importance.
The United States Congress agrees. In 1994, in the joint
resolution that established National Character Counts Week,
Congress declared that “the character of a nation is only as
strong as the character of its individual citizens.” The reso-
lution also stated that “people do not automatically develop
good character and, therefore, conscientious efforts must
be made by youth-influencing institutions . . . to help young
people develop the essential traits and characteristics that
comprise good character.”3
Many stories can be told of people who have defended our
nation with character. One of the editors of this series knew
one such young man named Jason Dunham. On April 24,
2004, Corporal Jason L. Dunham was serving with the United
States Marines in Iraq. As Corporal Dunham’s squad was
conducting a reconnaissance mission, the men heard sounds
of rocket-propelled grenades and small arms fire. Corporal

17256_CE_Teamwork_all_4p.e.indd 8 12/5/08 2:03:40 PM

 Introduction 9

Dunham led a team of men toward that fire to assist their bat-
talion commander’s ambushed convoy. An insurgent leaped
out at Corporal Dunham, and he saw the man release a gre-
nade. Corporal Dunham alerted his team and immediately
covered the grenade with his helmet and his body. He lost his
own life, but he saved the lives of others on his team.
In January 2007, the Dunham family traveled to Washing-
ton, D.C., where President George W. Bush presented them
with Corporal Dunham’s posthumously awarded Congres-
sional Medal of Honor. In the words of the Medal of Honor
citation, “By his undaunted courage, intrepid fighting spirit,
and unwavering devotion to duty, Corporal Dunham gallantly
gave his life for his country.”4
Thomas Lickona, the author of several books including
Educating for Character and Character Matters, explains that
the premise of character education is that there are objec-
tively good human qualities—virtues—that are enduring
moral truths. Courage, fortitude, integrity, caring, citizenship,
and trustworthiness are just a few examples. These moral
truths transcend religious, cultural, and social differences
and help us to distinguish right from wrong. They are rooted
in our human nature. They tell us how we should act with
other human beings to promote human dignity and build a
well-functioning and civil society—a society in which every-
one lives by the golden rule.5
To develop his or her character, a person must understand
core virtues, care about them, and act upon them. This series
of books aims to help young readers want to become people
of character. The books will help young people understand
such core ethical values as fairness, honesty, responsibility,
respect, tolerance of others, fortitude, self-discipline, team-
work, and leadership. By offering examples of people today
and notable figures in history who live and have lived these
virtues, these books will inspire young readers to develop
these traits in themselves.
Finally, through these books, young readers will see that if
they act on these moral truths, they will make good choices.

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 10 HANDLING TEAMWORK AND RESPECT FOR OTHERS

They will be able to deal with frustration and anger, manage

conflict resolution, overcome prejudice, handle peer pressure,
and deal with bullying. The result, one hopes, will be middle
schools, high schools, and neighborhoods in which young
people care about one another and work with their class-
mates and neighbors to develop team spirit.
Character development is a lifelong task but an exciting
challenge. The need for it has been with us since the begin-
ning of civilization. As the ancient Greek philosopher Aristo-
tle explained in his Nicomachean Ethics:

The virtues we get by first exercising them . . . so too we

become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing tem-
perate acts, brave by doing brave acts. . . . Hence also it is
no easy task to be good . . . to do this to the right person,
to the right extent, at the right time, with the right motive,
and in the right way, that is not easy; wherefore goodness
is both rare and laudable and noble. . . . It makes no small
difference, then, whether we form habits of one kind or of
another from our very youth; it makes a very great differ-
ence, or rather all the difference.6

This development of one’s character is truly The Ultimate

Gift that we hope to give to our young people. In the movie
version of Jim Stovall’s book of the same name, a privileged
young man receives a most unexpected inheritance from his
grandfather. Instead of the sizeable inheritance of cash that
he expects, the young man receives 12 tasks—or “gifts”—
designed to challenge him on a journey of self-discovery.
The gifts confront him with character choices that force him
to decide how one can be truly happy. Is it the possession of
money that brings us happiness, or is it what we do with the
money that we have? Every one of us has been given gifts.
Will we keep our gifts to ourselves, or will we share them
with others?
Being a “person of character” can have multiple meanings.
Psychologist Steven Pinker asks an interesting question in a

17256_CE_Teamwork_all_4p.e.indd 10 12/5/08 2:03:42 PM

 Introduction 11

January 13, 2008, New York Times Magazine article titled “The
Moral Instinct”: “Which of the following people would you
say is the most admirable: Mother Teresa, Bill Gates or Nor-
man Borlaug?” Pinker goes on to explain that although most
people would say that, of course, Mother Teresa is the most
admirable—a true person of character who ministered to the
poor in Calcutta, was awarded the Noble Peace Prize, and
was ranked in an American poll as the most admired person
in the twentieth century—each of these three is a morally
admirable person.
Pinker points out that Bill Gates made billions through his
company Microsoft, but he also has decided to give away bil-
lions of dollars to help alleviate human misery in the United
States and around the world. His charitable foundation is
built on the principles that “All lives—no matter where they
are being lived—have equal value” and “To whom much is
given, much is expected.”
Pinker notes that very few people have heard of Norman
Borlaug, an agronomist who has spent his life developing
high-yielding varieties of crops for third world countries. He
is known as the “Father of the Green Revolution” because
he used agricultural science to reduce world hunger and, by
doing so, saved more than a billion lives. Borlaug is one of
only five people in history to have won the Nobel Peace Prize,
the Presidential Medal of Freedom, and the Congressional
Gold Medal. He has devoted his long professional life and his
scientific expertise to making the world a better place.
All of these people—although very different, from different
places, and with different gifts—are people of character. They
are, says Pinker, people with “a sixth sense, the moral sense.”
It is the sense of trying to do good in whatever situation one
finds oneself.7
The authors and editors of the series Character Education
hope that these books will help young readers discover their
gifts and develop them, guided by a moral compass. “Do
good and avoid evil.” “Become all that you can be—a person
of character.” The books in this series teach these things and
 12 HANDLING TEAMWORK AND RESPECT FOR OTHERS

more. These books will correlate well with national social

studies standards of learning. They will help teachers meet
state standards for teaching social and emotional skills, as
well as state guidelines for teaching ethics and character
education.

Madonna M. Murphy, Ph.D.

Author of Character Education in America’s Blue Ribbon
Schools and professor of education, University of St. Francis,
Joliet, Illinois

Sharon L. Banas, M.Ed.

Author of Caring Messages for the School Year and former
character education coordinator and middle school social
studies teacher, Sweet Home Central School District, Amherst
and Tonawanda, New York

FOOTNOTES
1. William Kilpatrick. Why Johnny Can’t Tell Right from Wrong,
New York: Simon and Schuster, 1992.
2. Josephson Institute, 2006 Josephson Institute Report Card
on the Ethics of American Youth: Part One – Integrity. Avail-
able online at: http://josephsoninstitute.org/pdf/ReportCard_
press-release_2006-1013.pdf.
3. House Joint Resolution 366. May 11, 1994, 103rd Congress. 2d
Session.
4. U.S. Army Center of Military History. The Medal of Honor.
Available online at: www.history.army.mil/moh.html.
5. Thomas Lickona, Educating for Character: Teaching Respect
and Responsibility in the Schools. New York: Bantam, 1991.
Thomas Lickona, Character Matters: How to Help Our Children
Develop Good Judgment, Integrity, and Other Essential Virtues.
New York: Simon and Schuster Touchstone Books, 2004.
6. Richard McKeon, editor, “Nicomachean Ethics.” Basic Works of
Aristotle, Chicago: Random House, Clarendon Press, 1941.
7. Steven Pinker, “The Moral Instinct,” The New York Times, Janu-
ary 13, 2008. Available online at www.newyorktimes.com.

17256_CE_Teamwork_all_4p.e.indd 12 12/5/08 2:03:42 PM

 WHAT IS 1
TEAMWORK?
“Alone we can do so little; together we can
do so much.”
—Helen Keller (1880–1968),
author and activist for the blind and deaf

S
ports players use it. Youth groups and scouting groups
use it. School groups use it, and employers definitely use
it. Behind virtually every big project is a team of people
working together to get it done. The benefits of working with
a team are spelled out right in the letters that make up the
word: Together Everyone Achieves More. This simple idea of
working together to accomplish more than any one person
could do alone is the essence of teamwork.
Take, for example, the Millbrook High School 2006–2007
Junior Class Council of Raleigh, North Carolina. The coun-
cil organized a school-wide effort to raise money for juve-
nile diabetes. Council members worked with leaders of the
school’s academic clubs and after-school groups to encour-
age them to participate in the fund-raiser. “Students made a
meaningful personal connection to diabetes because several
students in our school have it. We were all motivated to help
our friends,” explained class council president Eric Book.
Together, the students raised more than $12,000. That is
more than any other school in the entire state. By working

13

17256_CE_Teamwork_all_4p.e.indd 13 12/5/08 2:03:43 PM

 14 HANDLING TEAMWORK AND RESPECT FOR OTHERS

together, everyone achieved more to help young people with

diabetes.
The American Heritage Dictionary, Fourth Edition, defines
teamwork as “the cooperative effort by the members of a
group or team to achieve a common goal.” At Millbrook High
School, raising money for charity was the common goal. Each
student contributed his or her own efforts toward reaching
the goal. By cooperating with one another and individually
committing themselves to the project, the students success-
fully accomplished the team’s goal.

TEAM COMMITMENT
Imagine the best quarterback in the National Football
League (NFL) standing alone on a football field. Without
his teammates, or fellow members of his team, the player
is just a person standing on a big patch of grass. Even the
best player cannot win a game alone. Working with his
team, however, the quarterback has the potential to win the
Super Bowl.
Legendary football coach Vince Lombardi understood the
importance of teamwork. As coach for the Green Bay Pack-
ers, Lombardi inspired his players and led his team to six
division titles, five NFL championships, and two Super Bowls.
Lombardi was such a successful coach that the Super Bowl
trophy is named in his honor, the Vince Lombardi Trophy.
According to Lombardi, the secret to teamwork is commit-
ment: “Individual commitment to a group effort—that is what
makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a
civilization work.” Lombardi committed to his team, and his
team, in turn, committed to their coach. Offensive lineman
Jerry Kramer said of Lombardi, “He made us all better than
we thought we could be.” Lombardi knew that commitment
mattered on the field, but he also knew that it mattered in
everyday life.
Most people will never play football in the NFL or have a
coach like Vince Lombardi. Many will not even play sports at

17256_CE_Teamwork_all_4p.e.indd 14 12/5/08 2:03:45 PM

 What Is Teamwork? 15

Green Bay Packers coach Vince Lombardi, seen here getting a lift from
his players after a 1960 victory, inspired his players to work successfully
as a team to win games.

all. Almost everyone, however, will participate in a team at

some point in his or her lives. Teamwork is the engine that
powers our society. In the business world, teams brainstorm
creative ideas, plan a company’s future, and implement large
projects. In nonprofit organizations, teams of volunteers run
programs to better society. In the military, team members
depend upon one another as they risk their safety in military
operations. In athletics, teams compete to drive one another
to greater levels of performance.
Each time a person joins a team, he or she faces a choice:
commit to the team and its mission or not. That person’s
choice can be the difference between a successful team and
a failing team. After all, no team ever won the Super Bowl
without the commitment of every one of its players.
16 Handling Teamwork and Respect for ­Others

How Teams ­Work

Teams come together in all sorts of ways. A team might be
assigned to a school research project or selected for a sports
event. A person might be hired to a team for an ­after-­school
job, or people might select their own teams for a science fair
or service project. It does not matter whether teammates are
great friends, if they have not gotten along in the past, or if
they just met one another. What matters is that they learn to
work together in a productive ­way.
Scholars Jon R. Katzenbach and Douglas K. Smith stud-
ied teamwork at some of the country’s top companies. They

Team ­Pride

I n 2004, nobody expected the incoming Naples High School fresh-

man football team of Naples, Florida, to be very good. The players
were not big enough. Their skills were not developed enough. Accord-
ing to the local newspaper, The Naples Daily News, even the players’
own coach deemed the team “unremarkable.”
That is until, as seniors, the Golden Eagles took home the 2007
Class 3A State Championship, capping off a perfect 15-0 season. Early
in the game, the Naples High team faced fierce competition, but the
players never gave up. They believed in one another and themselves.
“It was all down to that, four years of work. . . . We did it when we had
to,” said player Kyle ­Lindquist.
The team’s 17-10 victory thrilled hometown fans. “For all of South-
west Florida, we felt an obligation to make them proud,” Coach Bill
Kramer said. “Our guys gave every single bit that they had, and we were
fortunate to come out on top.”
Player Nick Alajajian knows that his team’s win was due to the com-
mitment and hard work of the entire team. “I’m so very proud of every
one of my teammates. . . . Together we’ve got this 15-0 and a state
championship,” he said. With great pride, the formerly unremarkable
team grew into remarkable champions of ­teamwork.
 What Is Teamwork? 17

recorded common characteristics of successful teams. What

they found provides clues to how the best teams work. In
their 1993 Harvard Business Review article, “The Discipline
of Teams,” Katzenbach and Smith explained that members
of the best teams “encourage listening and responding con-
structively to views expressed by others, giving others the
benefit of the doubt, providing support, and recognizing the
interests and achievements of others.” Katzenbach and Smith
also outlined three essential things that all teams need: a
common purpose, goals, and diverse ­skills.
Teams need a common purpose. According to Katzenbach
and Smith, teams work best when they have a common pur-
pose, or reason for being on a team. The purpose may come
from a leader, such as from a coach, teacher, or boss. For
example, a science teacher might announce a ­ school-­wide
competition to see which team can build a balsa wood bridge
that supports the most weight. The students would have to
come together to develop their bridge entries. The purpose
may also come from within the team. For example, a group
of friends might decide to create a service project to help
support the military. Equipped with a common purpose, the
team can focus on setting goals for ­itself.
Teams need goals. The only way to know if a team is suc-
ceeding in its purpose is for the team to set goals for itself.
Goals are a way to check in with the work along the way.
Katzenbach and Smith call these “specific and measurable
performance goals.” When a goal is specific, it is clear. Every
member of the team understands what he or she is working
toward. A measurable goal can be calculated. In other words,
the team definitely knows whether or not it met its goal. For
example, entering a bridge in the school competition is a
common purpose. Building a bridge that supports more than
25 grams of weight is a specific and measurable goal. When
the task is complete, either the bridge stands or it breaks
under the weight. Likewise, beginning a service project for
the military provides common purpose, but committing to
 18 HANDLING TEAMWORK AND RESPECT FOR OTHERS

send out 500 care packages to U.S. military personnel pro-

vides a goal that is specific and measurable for the team.
Teams need members with diverse skills. Finally, Katzen-
bach and Smith emphasize that the skills of team members
are super important to a team’s success. Teamwork is, after
all, about dividing up the work. If every person on the bridge
team has the skills to design the look of the bridge but no
one has the skills to make it structurally sound, the team will
have a difficult time with the project. Likewise, the service
project will need a person to coordinate donations, one to
focus on mailing, one to work with the military, etc. So, when
bringing together teammates, it is important to think not just
about team members’ personalities but also about what skills
each person brings to the team.

ISSUES SURROUNDING TEAMWORK

Teamwork is a learned skill, just like learning to swim or
learning to solve an algebra problem. When a person is used
to working alone, it may be a challenge to be part of a team.
With commitment, however, any person can learn to become
a team player. There are some common challenges to look
out for to help the team be successful.
The first is accountability. Having a successful team
depends on the entire team taking responsibility for the
team’s success. That means that every team member must do
his or her part. When teammates feel that they can depend on
one another, they develop trust. That is why it is important for
team members to let their teammates know if they have been
let down. When team members realize that their teammates
depend on them, they are more likely to hold themselves
accountable for the actions. When expressing disappoint-
ment to a teammate, a team member should keep in mind
the goal of improving the relationship and strengthening the
team, not causing more conflict and hurt feelings.
Another challenge to teamwork happens when the group
is working really well together. Having a successful team is

17256_CE_Teamwork_all_4p.e.indd 18 12/5/08 2:03:51 PM

 What Is Teamwork? 19

Team ­Innovation

E very year, the ­ Lemelson-­MIT InvenTeams project provides grants

to student teams around the country who work to develop a new
invention to solve a problem. Teams must work together to identify a
problem they wish to solve, research the problem, and then invent a pro-
totype that solves the problem. Successfully inventing a new machine is
not an easy task. In 2006, students from the John D. O’Bryant School of
Mathematics and Science in Roxbury, ­Massachusetts, ­surveyed ­teachers
(continues)

As part of an InvenTeam project, students at John D. O’Bryant

School of Mathematics and Science worked together to solve
a problem at their school. They created an automatic por-
table blackboard eraser that can move horizontally across a
­blackboard.
 20 HANDLING TEAMWORK AND RESPECT FOR OTHERS

(continued)

from their school about what kind of technology would help them. They
found that chalkboard dust caused health problems for several of the
teachers. The team set out to invent an automatic blackboard eraser,
but they struggled to create a device that applied enough pressure to
the board.
“It took a long time to make . . . a lot of trial and error. I learned a
lot about teamwork and hard work,” said team member Lidza Louina.
The team’s final product, the portable automatic blackboard eraser, or
P.A.B.E., is proof of the team’s success.

a great accomplishment. When a team becomes successful,

it may find that there is less conflict within the group. When
everyone on the team agrees all the time, a team may be
starting to groupthink. Groupthink is when a group of people
have the same ideas and no one challenges ideas. The danger
of groupthink is that the team’s ideas may be less creative
or innovative. One way to avoid groupthink is to encourage
team members to challenge ideas even if they agree with
them. A team can always benefit from looking at ideas from
all possible sides before making a decision.
Lastly, teamwork can be challenged by a lack of respect
within the team. Team members must value one another as
partners and respect each other’s thoughts, ideas, and opin-
ions. With respect, team members feel good about their team.
Without it, the team will fall apart.

17256_CE_Teamwork_all_4p.e.indd 20 12/5/08 2:03:55 PM

 WHAT IS 2
RESPECT?
“There is no respect for others without
humility in one’s self.”
—Henri Frédéric Amiel (1821–1881),
Swiss philosopher and poet

I
n 1967, the United States was in the midst of a cultural shift.
The civil rights movement had made strides toward gain-
ing equal rights for African Americans. Inspired by those
successes, the women’s movement was energized to fight for
women’s equality. That summer, Aretha Franklin released her
own version of an Otis Redding song that would become an
anthem for both movements. In the song, as its title suggests,
Franklin demands one thing: “Respect.”
The civil rights and women’s movements were based on
the idea that every person, regardless of race or gender, is
worthy of respect. The same idea—that “all men are cre-
ated equal”—is put forth in the Declaration of Independence,
though at the time it was written that line meant white men
(and not women, or men of other races). Throughout history,
groups of people have courageously stood up to those in
power in order to gain respect.
Respect is something that everyone wants and deserves,
but people rarely stop to think about the meaning of the

21

17256_CE_Teamwork_all_4p.e.indd 21 12/5/08 2:03:56 PM

 22 HANDLING TEAMWORK AND RESPECT FOR OTHERS

word. The American Heritage Dictionary, Fourth Edition,

defines respect as “a feeling of appreciative, often deferen-
tial regard.” To treat people with respect is to treat them
as though they matter. In her book What Do You Stand
For?, award-winning author and teacher Barbara A. Lewis
explains that respect is “about relationships: with people we
know and people we don’t know; with our society, culture,
government, and God or Higher Power; with the planet we
live on and the living things we share with it; even with
ourselves.”

RESPECT IS A VIRTUE
Almost everyone has thought or heard someone say, “I want
to be a good person.” People have been trying to define what
it means to be “good” since the beginning of civilization. The
ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle wrote about the impor-
tance of virtues. Aristotle wrote that virtue is “concerned
with choice . . . between two vices . . . with regard to what is
best and right.” In other words, a good, or virtuous, person
chooses to do the right thing when faced with the choice
between right and wrong. According to Aristotle, people
gain some virtues though practice and habit. Wisdom is one
example. If a person makes a habit of acting wisely, he or she
will become a wise person.
In his 2004 book, Character Matters, author Thomas Lick-
ona defines virtues as “objectively good human qualities.”
According to Lickona, a respected psychologist and educa-
tor, trends such as fashion and popular music may change,
but virtues such as justice and kindness “transcend time and
culture.” Lickona means that being kind was “cool” in ancient
Greece, it is cool today, and it will be cool in 100 years. Treat-
ing others with respect is cool, too. If a person makes a habit
of acting with respect toward others, he or she will become a
respectful person. A respectful person has one of the virtues
that “good people” share.

17256_CE_Teamwork_all_4p.e.indd 22 12/5/08 2:03:57 PM

 What Is Respect? 23

SHOWING RESPECT MATTERS

The way people act provides clues about who they are. People
who treat others with respect say with their actions, I believe
that every human being is important. As Barbara A. Lewis
writes, “When you treat all people with respect— especially
those who can’t do anything special for you—you accept
what they are and appreciate what they may become. This
type of respect is unselfish, sensitive, and the foundation for
many other values and other character traits.”
Showing respect to someone is not the same as having
respect for that person. When a person has respect for some-
one, he or she is familiar with the person and admires him
or her. A person may have respect for parents, a teacher, or
a known leader. When a person shows respect, it does not
matter if he or she knows or even likes the person. By show-
ing respect to all people, we acknowledge that every person
has the same right to life on Earth as every other person. The
novelist Pearl S. Buck wrote in the book, To My Daughters,
With Love, “You cannot make yourself feel something you do

A TEEN SHOWS RESPECT

uring his eighth-grade year, Anthony Menard began volunteering
D at the Barton Senior Center in Barton, Vermont. Twice a week, he
helped serve meals, pour coffee, make desserts, and wash dishes for
the senior citizens at the center. Though he began volunteering to help
others, Menard found that the experience positively impacted his own
life. “The best part of volunteering with senior citizens is the knowledge
and experience you gain from them,” he said. Menard’s community
recognized his service work. Vermont Governor Jim Douglas awarded
him the “Bridging the Generations” award for demonstrating respect for
senior citizens. Anthony was also named “Outstanding Young Volunteer
of the Year” by the Ladies Auxiliary to the Veterans of Foreign Wars.

17256_CE_Teamwork_all_4p.e.indd 23 12/5/08 2:03:58 PM

 24 HANDLING TEAMWORK AND RESPECT FOR OTHERS

not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your
feelings.” When people show respect to others, even those
they do not agree with or like, they show appreciation for the
diversity that makes our planet interesting and special.

GETTING RESPECT
When people get respect, they feel good—both about them-
selves and about the person that respected them. Both the
giver and the receiver of respect benefit. On the contrary,
being disrespected makes people feel bad about themselves
and others. Nobody benefits from disrespect. Comedian Rod-
ney Dangerfield used to joke that he got “no respect.” The
character he created was always looking for respect, but he
never found it. Because being respected feels good, many
people look for ways to get respect from their peers, family,
and strangers. Some people use bullying or rudeness to try
to get it. Lewis explains why these methods do not work:
“People fear bullies, but they don’t respect them.” In fact, the
best way to be respected by others is simply to treat others
with respect.

WAYS PEOPLE SHOW RESPECT

People communicate respect (or lack of it) with what they
wear, say, and do. In his book 20 Things I Want My Kid to
Know, author and former high school teacher Hal Urban
writes, “Showing our respect is the only proof that we have
it.” In other words, people only know we have respect when
we show it to them.
With regard to respect, the old idiom, or expression,
“actions speak louder than words” rings true. The things
people do to show respect mean much more than simply say-
ing they have it. Urban writes about four “pillars of respect,”
or actions that show respect: manners, language, honoring
the rules, and appreciating differences. Two additional pillars
could be added to Urban’s list: clothing and following the
Golden Rule.

17256_CE_Teamwork_all_4p.e.indd 24 12/5/08 2:03:58 PM

 What Is Respect? 25

Manners
Everyone can recall a time when he or she wasn’t treated
with respect or kindness. Most likely, the other person’s rude-
ness made him or her feel upset, hurt, annoyed, or angry. In
the early 1900s, Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw wrote,
“Without good manners, human society becomes intolerable
and impossible.” He meant that nobody wants to live in a soci-
ety of rude people. Being rude communicates a lack of con-
sideration and respect for others. Being polite, on the other
hand, communicates respect. Polite people have good man-
ners. Given the choice between a society of rude people and a
society of polite people, most people would choose ­polite.

Language
The language people use says a lot about them. Disrespectful
people use disrespectful language. Disrespectful language
focuses on the negative. It includes cursing, but it is more than
that. ­ Put-­downs, sarcasm, complaints, pessimism, insults,
lies, and rumors are all kinds of disrespectful language.
Respectful language, on the other hand, focuses on the posi-
tive. It includes praise, encouragement, optimism, honesty,
sympathy, thanks, and sincere compliments. Every year, high
school teacher Hal Urban conducts a survey of language with
the students in his class. Without fail, the students respond
that they hear negative, disrespectful language more often
than positive, respectful language. They even admit that they
are more likely to speak negatively than positively. Urban
encourages his students to focus on speaking more respect-
fully because “what comes out of our mouths does, indeed,
reveal what’s stored in our hearts.” In other words, respectful
language reveals a respectful ­person.

Clothing
Different styles of clothing are appropriate for different occa-
sions. A person would obviously not wear a formal suit to
the beach or a swimsuit to the prom. However, many people
26 Handling Teamwork and Respect for ­Others

would not think twice about wearing jeans to a job interview.

When people meet for the first time, clothing is one of the
first things they notice. An employer interviewing a person in
jeans might think, “This person does not respect me enough
to dress for the interview. I’d rather hire someone else.”
Respectful people dress with the intent of making a good
impression, no matter who they may ­meet.

Honoring the ­Rules

Parents have rules. Schools have rules. Sports have rules.
Jobs have rules. Societies have rules (called laws). The reason
for rules is so that every person lives by the same guidelines;
or, as Urban writes, “to establish a sense of fairness.” Sports
provide a clear example of the necessity of ­ rules—­without
them, there would be no games, no points, and no fairly
chosen winners. Respectful people honor the rules because
doing so respects the authority of the rule maker. Teens may
not always like the rules their parents make, for example,
but following those rules shows their parents respect. When
parents feel their child respects them, they are more likely
to respond by showing respect toward their child. They may
even consider a change to the rules, if well presented. As
adults, ­ law-­abiding citizens gain more respect in the com-
munity than ­criminals.

Appreciating ­Differences
In addition to diverse cultures, the world is full of people
with diverse ideas. Each person has his or her own point
of view about political issues, food, fashion, entertainment,
etc. Sometimes, it is tempting to judge others because their
ideas and preferences do not match our own. When people
judge, according to Urban, they are saying, “You are not
okay, because you are not like me.” That is a ­ self-­centered
and disrespectful way to think. If everyone shared the same
viewpoint and ideas, the world would be pretty dull. There
would not be new ideas for movies, artwork, novels, plays,
 What Is Respect? 27

Maya Lin Respects Vietnam ­Veterans

I n 1981, Maya Lin was a 21-­year-­old undergraduate student at Yale

University. That year, Lin won a competition to design a memorial
for the soldiers who died in the Vietnam War, a war fought from 1956
to 1975 between communist North Vietnam and its allies and U.S.-
supported South Vietnam. Vietnam was an unpopular war, and many
people still had bitter feelings about it. “The politics had eclipsed the
veterans, their service, and their lives,” Lin ­said.
Lin designed a simple and elegant memorial to honor the war’s
veterans. Carved into a wall of stone are the names of the 58,249 sol-
diers who gave their lives during the Vietnam War. At first, some people
did not like the memorial because it looked different from traditional
memorials. However, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington,
D.C., has come to be one of America’s most beloved monuments. It is
a symbol of respect toward our country’s ­military.

music, recipes, fashion, or political debate. There would not

exist a richness of life that comes from different cultures. By
appreciating the differences of others, we acknowledge that
it is those differences that bring excitement and new ideas to
the ­world.

Following the Golden ­Rule

Everyone knows the Golden Rule: Treat others as you would
like to be treated. Respectful people actually follow it. The
Golden Rule is the foundation of showing respect to others.
In fact, if people always treated others as they themselves
wanted to be treated, there would be no need to mention
the other pillars of respect. People would do them automati-
cally. Living by the Golden Rule means paying attention to
other people, showing them consideration, listening to them,
learning about them, being kind, and lending a helping hand.
When people live by the Golden Rule, they not only show
 28 HANDLING TEAMWORK AND RESPECT FOR OTHERS

others respect, but they also earn the respect of others. In

addition, they demonstrate respect for themselves.

A MODEL OF RESPECT
As the wealthiest man in the world, Bill Gates, the cofounder
of Microsoft, could have kept his billions of dollars for him-
self. Instead, Gates and his wife, Melinda, decided use their
money to improve the lives of others. They started the Bill
& Melinda Gates Foundation with one core philosophy: “We
believe that all lives have equal value, no matter where they
are being lived.”
The foundation offers monetary grants to help solve im-
portant world problems, such as improving health and reduc-
ing extreme poverty in the developing world and improving
education in the United States. The foundation has already
committed to give more than $16 billion in grants to orga-
nizations such as the United Negro College Fund, Malaria
Vaccine Initiative, Save the Children, and the United Way. By
using their money to help all people lead healthy, productive
lives, Bill and Melinda Gates demonstrate an incredible re-
spect for humankind. Their work will make a lasting impact
on the world.

ISSUES SURROUNDING RESPECT

It would be great if everybody showed respect all the time.
Unfortunately, that is not the case. As Hal Urban points
out, disrespectful language and behavior is common. It is
not always easy to show respect, especially if one receives
disrespect first. The good news is that every person has the
opportunity to choose respect instead.
One issue surrounding respect pops up during disagree-
ments. Without respect, a disagreement can quickly turn
into an argument or fight. During the 2007 presidential pri-
maries for the Democratic nomination, candidate Barack
Obama said of his opponents, “We can disagree without

17256_CE_Teamwork_all_4p.e.indd 28 12/5/08 2:04:00 PM

 What Is Respect? 29

A GIFT OF RESPECT
n 2006, Warren Buffett, a
I stock market investor and
the world’s second- richest
man, made an amazing
announcement. He would
give away 85 percent of his
wealth to charity, most of it
to the Bill & Melinda Gates
Foundation. Over time, this
foundation will receive $31 bil-
lion or more from Buffett, the Bill and Melinda Gates (left and mid-
dle) created their foundation with
largest gift ever given to such
the belief that all lives are equally
an organization.
important. Above, they stand with
Buffett was inspired by the
Warren Buffett at a press confer-
generosity and hard work of ence in 2006 to announce Buffett’s
the Gates, his friends. He had pledge to the foundation of 10 mil-
always planned to give away lion Class B shares of his company,
much of his wealth after his Berkshire Hathaway, which were
death. After seeing the Gates valued at more than $31 billion.
Foundation in action, however,
he decided not to wait. “You
don’t get an opportunity like
that ordinarily,” he said. “I’m getting two people enormously success-
ful at something, where I’ve had a chance to see what they’ve done,
where I know they will keep doing it.” Buffett shows great respect for
the Gates and their mission.
In addition to his donation, Buffett joined the foundation to help
Bill and Melinda distribute grants. The three work together as a team.
Of their partnership with Buffett, the Gates said, “Working with Warren
and with our partners around the world, we have a tremendous oppor-
tunity to make a positive difference in people’s lives.” That is a gift that
benefits everyone.

17256_CE_Teamwork_all_4p.e.indd 29 12/5/08 2:04:01 PM

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