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 FROM OPPRESSION TO GRACE

................. 15738$ $$FM 07-28-06 14:57:23 PS PAGE i

................. 15738$ $$FM 07-28-06 14:57:24 PS PAGE ii
 FROM OPPRESSION

TO GRACE
Women of Color and
Their Dilemmas in the Academy

Edited by
Theodorea Regina Berry
and Nathalie D. Mizelle

STERLING, VIRGINIA

................. 15738$ $$FM 07-28-06 14:57:26 PS PAGE iii

 copyright 䉷 2006 by stylus publishing, llc
Published by Stylus Publishing, LLC
22883 Quicksilver Drive
Sterling, Virginia 20166–2102

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be

reprinted or reproduced in any form or by any
electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or
hereafter invented, including photocopying, recording,
and information storage and retrieval, without
permission in writing from the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication-Data

From oppression to grace : women of color and their
dilemmas in the academy / edited by Theodorea Regina
Berry and Nathalie D. Mizelle.—1st ed.
p. cm.
ISBN 1-57922-110-6 (hard cover : alk. paper)
ISBN 1-57922-111-4 (pbk. : alk. paper)
1. Sex discrimination in higher education—United
States. 2. Women in higher education—United States.
3. Feminism and education—United States. I. Berry,
Theodorea Regina, 1963– II. Mizelle, Nathalie D.
LC212.82.F76 2005
379.1⬘9822—dc22
2005015760
ISBN: 1-57922-110-6 (cloth) /
13-digit ISBN: 978-1-57922-110-2
ISBN: 1-57922-111-4 (paper) /
13-digit ISBN: 978-1-57922-111-9

Printed in the United States of America

All first editions printed on acid-free paper

that meets the American National Standards Institute
Z39-48 Standard.

First Edition, 2006

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

................. 15738$ $$FM 07-28-06 14:57:28 PS PAGE iv

 CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ix

INTRODUCTION: WHAT THE FUCK, NOW WHAT? xi

The Social and Psychological Dilemmas of Multidimensional Being as a
Woman of Color in the Academy
Theodorea Regina Berry

PART ONE: MOVE ON UP A LITTLE HIGHER:

COMPLETING THE TERMINAL DEGREE

1. THE JOURNEY OF AN AFRICAN AMERICAN FEMALE

CHEMIST-SCHOLAR 3
Amanda C. Bryant-Friedrich

2. MY SKIN IS BROWN AND I DO NOT WEAR A TIE 13

Exploring My Selves as a Southern, Black, Educated, Christian Woman
Menthia P. Clark

3. BRIDGING IDENTITIES 24
Making Sense of Who We Are Becoming to Be
Aki Murata

4. WATCHING, MY OTHER EDUCATION 34

Vicarious Learning about Gender and Race in the Professorate
M. Francyne Huckaby

5. BALANCING THE MARGIN IS MY CENTER 44

A Navajo Woman’s Navigations through the Academy and Her Community
Tiffany S. Lee

6. TRANSITIONS 59
Finding My Voice
Tinaya Webb

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vi C O N TE N T S

7. IN BETWEEN CHINA AND NORTH AMERICA 68

Ming Fang He

8. BOTH OPPRESSOR AND OPPRESSED 77

An Asian Indian Woman’s Experience within the Academy
Kiran Katira

9. MENTORING AND ITS ROLE IN SCHOLARLY

DEVELOPMENT 89
Beatrice Bridglall

PART TWO: PRIDE AND PREJUDICE: FINDING YOUR

PLACE AFTER THE DEGREE

10. BEING ALL THINGS TO ALL PEOPLE 121

Expectations of and Demands on Women of Color in the Legal Academy
Danielle Conway-Jones

11. THE ‘‘INTERCULTURAL SPACE’’ WHERE WORLDS

COLLIDE 131
Amanda Kim

12. SIDES OF THE TENURE AND PROMOTION PROCESS

Can I Be a Parental Figure, Scholar, and Spouse? 138
Cassandra Sligh DeWalt

13. PERSPECTIVES ON NEGOTIATING IDENTITY AND

PROFESSION AT A HISTORICALLY BLACK COLLEGE
OR UNIVERSITY 147
Cassandra Sligh DeWalt, Cheryl Thompkins Horton

14. CHOOSING MY BEST THING 155

Black Motherhood and Academia
KaaVonia Hinton-Johnson

15. SEEN, NOT HEARD 168

A Conversation on What It Means to Be Black and Female in the Academy
LaVada Taylor Brandon

16. IN THIS PLACE WHERE I DON’T QUITE BELONG 195

Claiming the Ontoepistemological In-Between
Denise Taliaferro Baszile

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 C ON TE N T S vii

17. UNA LUCHA DE FRONTERAS (A STRUGGLE OF

BORDERS) 209
Women of Color in the Academy
Maria V. Balderrama, Mary T. Texeira, Elsa Valdez

PART THREE: WORDS OF WOMANHOOD WISDOM:

VOICES OF SENIOR FACULTY WHO ARE WOMEN
OF COLOR

18. CRITICAL RACE FEMINIST FOREMOTHERING 233

Multiplicities in the Post 9/11 World
Adrien Katherine Wing

19. A NUYORICAN IN THE ACADEMY 244

Lessons Learned
Sonia Nieto

INDEX 257

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................. 15738$ CNTS 07-28-06 14:57:27 PS PAGE viii
 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Theodorea Regina Berry, Ed.D. On this road along the journey, there are
many who have made the travel possible. But, first, there is the power of the
Holy Trinity, who makes all things possible, for which I am deeply grateful.
It is with sincere appreciation that I acknowledge my family. It is the
memory of my father, the late Richard Berry (April 24, 1934–February 3,
1998), that often encourages me when I just don’t feel like pushing forward.
And the special love of my mother, Verlene Catheryn Conway Berry (Febru-
ary 12, 1932–November 29, 2005), and my siblings, Kevin, Kimberlee, and
Andre, that has kept me strong. Special gratitude is extended to Henry L.
McDonald for his continuous support: Thank you for everything.
To my beloved sorority, Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc., you have
added new meaning to love and excellence in my life. Sorors Alissa Bonner,
Vivian Norton, Crystal Brown, Georgia Edwards, Bonita Benn, Mildred
Trent, and so many others have expressed immeasurable care and compas-
sion while supporting important and worthwhile endeavors. Special Delta
love to the sorors of 48 Destined to Deliver.
Colleagues such as Drs. James Anderson, Darrell Cleveland, Dionne
Danns, Kimberly Gomez, Annette Henry, Marvin Lynn, Tayari kwa Salaam,
David Stovall, Steve Tozer, William Trent, and William Watkins have gener-
ously expended their time and, frequently, their energy working with and/or
listening to this Philly girl as she embeds her Germantown ways into her
ivory-tower scholarship. I am grateful for your generosity. Special gratitude
is extended to my AERA-IES postdoctoral colleagues and Dr. Felice Levine
for her continuous support.
I am grateful for the loving prayers and support of my parish family at
Saint Phillip Neri Catholic Church. You were always with me, even on those
(numerous) days I was absent from your company, as I traveled on profes-
sional endeavors. Peace and blessings always!
To all of those who have touched my life in so many valuable ways,
I thank you. The fingerprints you have placed upon my heart will remain
forever.

ix

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x ACK N O W L ED GM EN TS

Nathalie D. Mizelle, Ph.D. To my beloved family: my mother and father,

Dr. Richard and Julye Mizelle; my brother, Richard Mizelle; my sister,
Dezmona Mizelle Howard; my brother-in-law, John Howard; and my neph-
ews, John and David, whose continued love and support have been my inspi-
ration. I cannot fail to thank my grandparents, Joseph and Mary Roberts,
whose unconditional love has made me who I am.

Drs. Berry and Mizelle both wish to thank Dr. Christine Sleeter, Cali-
fornia State University Monterey Bay, for her mentorship and guidance.
Without you, this project would not have come to fruition. Your direction
and support have truly been valuable. We sincerely appreciate your willing-
ness to share with us.
We also sincerely appreciate the wonderfully fulfilling relationship with
John Von Knorring, publisher and owner of Stylus Publishing. The process
of developing and implementing a project like this can be challenging. We
are grateful for your wisdom and guidance. Many, many blessings to you
always!
Most important, we wish to thank all of the contributors of this volume.
With your stories, many lessons can be found sprinkled throughout the
pages. Your words, your tremendously powerful, spiritual, thought-provoking
words, are now accessible for all the world to see! Thank you for sharing.

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 INTRODUCTION

WHAT THE F UCK, NOW WHAT?

The Social and Psychological Dilemmas of
Multidimensional Being as a Woman of
Color in the Academy

Theodorea Regina Berry

Philadelphia, 2003. I walk into the living room of a longtime family friend
and godmother to my younger brother. ‘‘Come on in, Dr. Berry,’’ she
warmly greets after giving me a snug hug. Little has changed about this
room in the 30-plus years that I have known this woman and her family.
Just past the multipaned white door of the vestibule, there is a large wall
to the left filled with photographs of family members and friends: wedding
photos, graduation photos, baby photos. To the right across the room is a
fireplace with a mantel full of additional photos. On the side of the fireplace
closest to the front doorway is a large bay window completely occupied
with plants and tropical potted trees, some about 20 years old. On the
other side of the fireplace is a staircase leading to the second floor of the
house. Across from the staircase and along the same wall with the collage
of photographs is a long and large sofa that extends to one side of the
arched doorway to the dining room. On the other side of the doorway by
the staircase is a large wingback chair.
‘‘Oh, don’t call me Dr. Berry, Miss Mattie. My students don’t call me Dr.
Berry,’’ I gently protest. Miss Mattie proceeds to scold me for protesting, as
if I weren’t proud of my accomplishment. ‘‘You’re the only one from the
neighborhood to get an advanced degree, to go so far with your education.
You should be proud of that, girl. You stayed out of trouble, studied hard,
and got a good job. And you still come home. I’m proud of you. Be glad.’’
After I concede, we sit—Miss Mattie on the sofa and I in my favorite

xi

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xii I N T R O DU C T I O N

spot in the house, near the bottom of the staircase directly across from
her. We continue our conversation, with Miss Mattie giving me the latest
news about all of the people I grew up with in the neighborhood. New
home purchases. Illnesses. New jobs. Deaths. New cars. New babies.
‘‘Oh, wait. Let me get the baby photo album,’’ she inserts as she gets
up from the sofa and moves quickly into the dining room. Seconds later,
she emerges with a small but thick photo album. ‘‘I keep a photo album
with pictures of all the babies of kids from the neighborhood,’’ she states,
as she opens the photo album. I move to the sofa and together we look
through the album. At the end, Miss Mattie turns to me with a look of disap-
pointment and says, ‘‘You’re the only one of the kids from the neighbor-
hood who doesn’t have any kids. When are you gonna have some
babies?’’

6
A longtime male friend called me earlier in the day and, during our conver-
sation, expressed his guilt for not spending enough time with me while
complaining about being tired and working too hard. So, we agreed to get
together at my home just to hang out. We spent the evening relaxing in
front of the television—just chillin’. In fact, he was so tired he fell asleep in
the middle of the movie.
Just as he was about to leave, we went into the kitchen and began a
conversation. There we were, both divorced and, to the best of my knowl-
edge, both single, unattached, and alone. As in many homes of people I
know, my kitchen is the hub of activity. So, it was not strange that we would
end up standing and sitting in this brightly lit, well-decorated space. I sat
at my kitchen table, a counter-level maple set with a stainless steel table-
top and matching stool-height chairs, on one side of the room. He stood in
one corner of the room, leaning against the ivory countertop adorned with
red and white appliances and canisters. Somewhere in the conversation,
he started complaining about the number of African American women he
had encountered who he felt had questionable virtues—women he be-
lieved to be manipulating, selfish, or gold diggers. ‘‘They find out I’m a law-
yer and they think I have all kinds of money to spend on them. They
always want something from me but aren’t willing to do anything for me,’’
he ranted. I listened patiently. Then I tried to explain that he should not put
all African American women in a box, as if we were all the same. As he
continued, he noted, ‘‘There are few women like you. You’re not a single
mother; you’re not on welfare; you have a good job and a good education.

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 I N T R O D U CT IO N xiii

You’re gonna go far and do great things . . . but any dude who wants to be
with you has to live with riding on your coattails. He will have to understand
that he will be second to your career. You know, just like Oprah and Sted-
man. And nobody wants to be Stedman.’’

6
Another conference. Different town, same cast of significant characters.
But, I realize it’s part of being in the academy—an important part. My con-
ference roommate and I go out to what appears to be a very trendy restau-
rant for dinner that, subsequently, has a very trendy wait time for a table:
nearly an hour. And we decide to wait. While we wait, we engage in a con-
versation about the challenges of being in a dual-scholar household.
Mostly, as a graduate student in the midst of writing my dissertation and
longing for the day I’ll have a ‘‘real’’ life, I listen and take mental notes. You
see, she and her husband attended graduate school together and then
graduated together. This tall, slender, attractive, nearly 40 mother of two
seems to me very secure in her goals and her relationship. I perceive the
possibility of a mentoring relationship. However, as we continue our con-
versation, she reveals her dislike for male academic professionals who
stray from their marital relationship to pursue female students. ‘‘I would
never allow my husband to work so closely with a single female,’’ she
states, to make her point. ‘‘You mean to tell me that if your husband and I
had similar research interests and I wanted to work on a project with him,
you wouldn’t trust that nothing would happen?’’ I ask. She responds, ‘‘Ab-
solutely not. Too many hours working together alone. And things can
happen.’’

6
It’s always something (what the fuck?). As a woman of color, some facet of
my multidimensional being is always a problem, a dilemma for someone. My
social status in my personal, community, cultural, and professional spheres is
causing fatigue to my psyche. But I can’t change who I am. I won’t change
who I am.
I am an African American female teacher-educator, researcher, scholar,
and community activist who is also a daughter, sister, cousin, niece, and
aunt. I am single, divorced, and childless. I am also well educated, socially
conscious, multilingual, and well traveled. I was born and raised in a large,
urban, Northeastern locale, socially and politically tied to the African Ameri-
can community. I could go on and on because, you see, as a woman of color,

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xiv I N T R O DU C T I O N

there are multiple layers and sides to who I am. And one, if not more, of
those sides is involved in sociological and psychological collisions with soci-
etal and cultural norms, ideas, and realities.
Raised in a community that is now largely African American I find that
my trips home often remind me of the expectations of that community cul-
ture for an African American woman. Go to school. Stay out of trouble.
Find a husband. Buy a house. Have some kids. In her own way, Miss Mattie
reminded me that getting all the education you can is a good thing as long
as you find a husband, buy a house, and have some kids. Clearly, no matter
how many degrees I had earned, how much money I made, or how many
other things I did, I was being measured by the one thing only women can
do. Being Dr. Berry at home really didn’t matter much on that terrain. For
me, being Dr. Berry at home should mean that I can talk to friends and
family about what I do and why I do it, integrating the cultural with the
cerebral, while still kickin’ it with the brothas and sistahs from around the
way. It’s not that I don’t desire a home, a husband, and little ones to hug
and love, but I don’t see myself in such singular ways. Being a wife and
mother are only two of the many ways I want to be in this life. And, I realize
that when that transition happens, those two identities will need to be bal-
anced with the others I currently possess. The effects of the coexistence of
cultural and societal influences on the identities of women of color are many
and variable. Chapters in this book address the sociological and psychologi-
cal balancing of such identities.
My lawyer friend reminded me that many view it as unacceptable to be
a single mother. Now here is a well-educated African American man who, in
my mind, should be an ally to women of color. But he, like many others,
views single African American mothers in limited ways: on welfare, having
poor or limited education, with low-paying jobs. Yet, being with a successful,
well-educated, hard-working African American woman would to him mean
the man taking a backseat to the woman. Instead of seeing someone like
Stedman Graham as a supportive partner, lover, and friend whom he should
model after, he sees a man living in the shadow of an African American
woman. In what ways can a woman of color in the academy challenge the
very notion of such subservience, remain true to her work, and be loyal and
supportive in her relationships? Chapters in this book address the multiple
social positionalities of woman of color as scholar and spouse.
As a woman of color growing up in the academy, learning to stand on
my own, taking first steps, mastering the language, walking, running, falling,
and getting up to run again, I know that mentorship is important. It is im-

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 I N T R O DU C T I O N xv

portant to have someone who is willing to guide and direct you (and, some-
times hold your hand) through the growing stages. It is important to have
someone help you stand, hold your hands when you are learning to walk,
and pick you up when you fall. But, as a single woman in the academy, I
suffered the shock of learning that there are barriers to getting mentored,
especially when there is the desire to be mentored by someone who looks
like you. This book addresses the negative and positive psychological effects
of being (or not being) mentored.
Now what? The women of color highlighted in this volume are from
various walks of life and have endured differing and numerous trials and
tribulations, joys and celebrations in American society in relationship to the
multidimensionality of being a woman of color. The academy, a microcosm
of this society, bears no exception to the existence of these dilemmas and
rewards. Issues of race and gender have complicated our lives because ‘‘those
identified as ‘people of color’ have been changed according to political cir-
cumstance’’ (Castenell & Pinar, 1993, p. 3) by those identified as ‘‘White’’ in
American society. This was an attempt to place people of color ‘‘into mono-
lithic, racialized categories’’ (p. 3) to perpetuate oppression, subdue and sup-
press conflict, and silence voices. The same holds true regarding the identity
of womanhood. The White supremacist patriarchal thinking (hooks, 1994,
2001) often promoted in the United States leads both men and women to
consider ‘‘tending to the house and home, to the needs of children, as wom-
an’s work’’ (hooks, 2001, p. 129), ‘‘leads men to be ‘emotionally unavail-
able’ ’’ (p. 129), and ‘‘still encourages women and men to believe that
paternal contribution to parenting is never as important as that of mothers’’
(p. 141). Identity that is placed upon us tends to be static. However, identity
is a gendered, racialized, and historical construct. It is construed from what
we know and what we don’t know. It is construed from our experiences
through and in place and time. For women of color, these experiences con-
struct differences that we negotiate within the dominant culture that usually
places us on the periphery of society.
Critical Race Feminism (CRF) places women of color in the center,
rather than the margins, of the discussion, debate, contemplation, reflection,
theorization, research, and praxis of our lives as we coexist in dominant cul-
ture. With its historical, philosophical, and developmental roots in law, CRF
examines the intersections of race and gender in relationship to power
(Wing, 1997). It has its origins in Critical Legal Studies (CLS), a movement
that attracted White women and people of color because it challenged main-

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xvi I N T R O DU C T I O N

stream legal ideas that oppressed White women and people of color for years
(Delgado, 1995; Wing, 1997).
From the CLS movement evolved the Critical Race Theory (CRT)
genre, of which CRF is a part. CRF was developed based on the need to
voice a distinction in the experiences between men of color and White
women. The feminist movement appeared to exclude race as a domination
factor in women’s experiences (Davis, 1983; Delgado, 1995; hooks, 1984,
1990; Wing, 1997). Additionally, CRT perspectives ‘‘assumed that women of
color’s experiences were the same as that of men’’ (Wing, 1997, p. 3).
Three of the four characteristics of CRF are especially important to this
particular work. First, CRF is supportive of and concerned with theory and
practice. Adherents of the CRF movement believe abstract theorizing must
be supported with actual concerns of the community. This book addresses
issues concerning the academic community, home, and family in the per-
sonal narratives contributed. Second, CRF supports a discourse of resistance.
This is to avoid the acceptance of the status quo, the dominant discourse
regarding women of color as women and scholars, and to assist women of
color toward overcoming the ‘‘double bind’’ (Wing, 1997, p. 5) of race and
gender while providing different voices as multirepresentations of the counter-
stories. Including the personal narratives of women of color from various
ethnic, social, and cultural backgrounds seeks to accomplish this goal. Third,
CRF adherents utilize narrative or storytelling as counterstories to the narra-
tive(s) of the dominant culture. This is done to emphasize critical race femi-
nists as ‘‘anti-essentialists who call for a deeper understanding of the lives of
women of color based on the multiple nature of their identities’’ (Romeo &
Stewart, 1999, p. 4).
From Oppression to Grace: Women of Color and Their Dilemmas in the
Academy highlights the experiences of women of color (women of African,
Native American, Latina, East Indian, Korean, and Japanese descent) as stu-
dents in pursuit of terminal degrees and as faculty members across the
United States continuing to navigate the academy while facing the dilemmas
embedded for others regarding the intersections of our work and our identi-
ties. This book focuses on the theoretical and philosophical viewpoints and
understandings regarding the complexities and entanglements involved in
coexisting within multiple identities embedded in race and gender within the
academy with CRF as a central perspective. This book also explores various
sociological, political, and ideological forces (and the histories embedded
therein) that shape the experiences within this place.
Part One, Move on Up a Little Higher: Completing the Terminal De-

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 I N T R O DU C T IO N xvii

gree, provides works from scholars Amanda C. Bryant-Friedrich, Menthia P.

Clark, Aki Murata, M. Francyne Huckaby, Tiffany S. Lee, Tinaya Webb,
Ming Fang He, Kiran Katira, and Beatrice Bridglall. Their works, collec-
tively, address issues of participating in the process toward a terminal degree,
sociological and psychological struggles they encountered in the process, and
the lessons they learned along the way. In each of their narratives, growth
and guidance are central themes that permeate the multiplicity of their lives
as emerging women-of-color scholars.
Part Two, Pride and Prejudice: Finding Your Place after the Degree
(scholars Danielle Conway-Jones, Amanda Kim, Cassandra Sligh DeWalt,
Cheryl Thompkins Horton, KaaVonia Hinton-Johnson, LaVada Taylor
Brandon, Denise Taliaferro Baszile, Maria V. Balderrama, Mary T. Texeira,
and Elsa Valdez) addresses the lives of these women with multiple identities
as scholars with family, with friends, at home, and at work. Central to these
narratives is the complicatedness of being all they are without being every-
thing to everyone.
Scholars Adrian K. Wing and Sonia Nieto provide us with experienced
guidance in Part Three, Words of Womanhood Wisdom: Voices of Senior
Faculty Who Are Women of Color. Each scholar shares her journey with us
and, in doing so, provides us with valuable lessons learned, foregrounded in
the knowledge and revelation of their continual growth.
Although the focus of this text involves life in the academy for women
of color through the central theoretical lenses of CRF, this text also includes
diverse scholarship relating to the intersections of race and gender and the
complicatedness therein. Menthia Clark utilizes Smith’s (2003) ‘‘dis-danc-
ing’’ as a means of viewing the complexities and, sometimes, discomfort in
the moving to and fro between her intellectual and Southern identities as a
Christian, African American emerging scholar. Ming Fang He develops a
theoretical framework of in-betweenness, resisting the assumed movement
from oppression to grace in her personal identity as Chinese woman-of-color
intercontinental scholar. Amanda Kim focuses on Berry’s (2001) use of inter-
cultural space to identify her place as Korean American woman of color,
scholar, and family member. Both KaaVonia Hinton-Johnson and Denise
Taliaferro Baszile address the work of Patricia Hill Collins (1990, 1994, 2000)
to place forward and center their issues of Black motherhood and belonging-
ness, respectively, as women of color in the academy. Additionally, Baszile
centers womanist ideology from the work of Alice Walker. As an advocate of
CRF, I do not see these lenses working in opposition to CRF as a framework
for this text. Rather, I view them as upholding some of the very tenets of this

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xviii I N T R O DU CT IO N

theoretical framework. All of these lenses center the identities of women of

color. Additionally, each of them permits, encourages, and incorporates
story/counterstory as a means of defying stereotypes/master narratives re-
garding women of color. Most important, each of these lenses puts forward
a discourse of resistance, upholding the very significance of the presence of
women of color in the academy. It is the multidimensionality of our lives
within the community at large that makes our presence valid and viable.
This book emphasizes that women of color in the academy face dilem-
mas as emerging and existing scholars that profoundly shape our ways of
being and living in the world. Likewise, it illuminates for readers various
ways in which our work is shaped by our individual experiences, opportuni-
ties, and consciousnesses. This book highlights, through the lenses of CRF
and other theoretical frameworks intersecting race and gender, the signifi-
cance of the multidimensional nature of the lives of women of color scholars
as we navigate through oppression and conflict in concert with issues of iden-
tity and self-definition.

References
Berry, J. W. (2001). A psychology of immigration. Journal of Social Issues, 57(3), 615–
631.
Castenell, L. A., Jr., & Pinar, W. F. (1993). Introduction. In L. A. Castenell, Jr., &
W. F. Pinar (Eds.), Understanding curriculum as racial text: Representations of
identity and difference in education (pp. 1–30). Albany, NY: State University of
New York Press.
Collins, P. H. (1994). Shifting the center: Race, class, and feminist theorizing about
motherhood. In E. N. Glenn, G. Chang, & L. R. Focey (Eds.), Mothering: Ideol-
ogy, experience, and agency (pp. 45–65). New York: Routledge.
Collins, P. H. (1990/2000). Black feminist thought: Knowledge, consciousness, and the
politics of empowerment. New York: Routledge.
Davis, A. Y. (1983). Women, race, and class. New York: Vintage Books.
Delgado, R., & Stefancic, J. (Eds.). (1995). Critical race theory: The cutting edge. Phil-
adelphia: Temple University Press.
hooks, b. (1984). Feminist theory: From margin to center. Boston: South End Press.
hooks, b. (1990). Yearning: Race, gender, and cultural politics. Boston: South End
Press.
hooks, b. (1994). Teaching to transgress: Education as the practice of freedom. New
York: Routledge.
hooks, b. (2001). Salvation: Black people and love. New York: William Morrow.

................. 15738$ INTR 07-28-06 14:57:35 PS PAGE xviii

 I N T R O DU C T I O N xix

Smith, D. (2003). Foreword. In G. G. Generett & R. B. Jeffries (Eds.), Black women

in the field: Experiences understanding ourselves and others through qualitative re-
search (pp. x–xii). Creskill, NJ: Hampton Press.
Wing, A. K. (Ed.). (1997). Critical race feminism: A reader. New York: New York
University Press.

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................. 15738$ INTR 07-28-06 14:57:35 PS PAGE xx
 PA R T O N E

MOVE ON UP A LITTLE
HIGHER: COMPLETING THE
TERMINAL DEGREE

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................. 15738$ PRT1 07-28-06 14:57:36 PS PAGE 2
 1
THE JOURNEY OF AN AFRICAN
AMERICAN FEMALE
CHEMIST-SCHOLAR
Amanda C. Bryant-Friedrich

The Author
Born in Enfield, North Carolina, Dr. Amanda Bryant-Friedrich attended the public
schools of Halifax County. The daughter of a farmer, she spent most of her time
working on the family farm or taking care of the home when she was not in school.
As she got older, she worked on other farms in the community. After graduating
from high school as valedictorian of her class, she decided to attend college at North
Carolina Central University in Durham. From the day she stepped foot on campus,
she knew that chemistry was her major. She jumped immediately into the chemistry
curriculum and during her second year started doing laboratory research under the
mentorship of Professor John Meyer as a Minority Biomedical Research Support
(MBRS) student. Finding that the laboratory setting was a perfect match for her,
she became involved in laboratory research. For several summers, she spent time as
an industrial intern at both Dow Chemical Company in Midland, Michigan, and
Merck Sharpe and Dohme Research Laboratories in Lansdale, Pennsylvania. Even
though these experiences were very enjoyable and challenging, she knew that she
wanted to be a researcher in an academic setting.
Amanda dreamed of attending Duke University. After graduating from high
school, she was offered a full academic scholarship to attend this university but was
strongly advised by her guidance counselors not to attend. Even after completing
four years of undergraduate education, the idea of attending Duke remained very
important to her. In the fall of 1990, she enrolled as a first-year graduate student in
the Department of Chemistry at Duke University with the intention of obtaining a
Ph.D. in chemistry. After two very long and difficult years of struggling to prove to

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4 M O V E O N U P A L I T T L E HI GH ER

the department that she was worthy of being given the opportunity to pursue a
Ph.D. in the department, Amanda was awarded a Master of Science in chemistry
and allowed to begin her doctoral research. About six months into the doctoral
program, she was informed that her research director had been denied tenure and
was told that she would have to switch to another research group and another
project.
At this point Amanda decided to pursue her Ph.D. in Germany. German univer-
sities accepted her M.S. degree as the first two years of graduate study, which was
not the case for American institutions. In 1993, after attending several weeks of
German-language classes, Amanda began her doctoral studies under the direction of
Prof. Richard Neidlein at the Universität Heidelberg in Heidelberg, Germany,
where she was able to pursue her area of interest in the field of organic chemistry.
Professor Neidlein was in a pharmaceutical chemistry department, which allowed
her to learn a great deal about not only the synthetic preparation of organic com-
pounds as drugs, but also the technology and biology involved in the development
of medications. In 1997, Amanda Bryant-Friedrich was awarded a Dr. rer. nat. in
pharmaceutical chemistry.
Dr. Bryant-Friedrich acquired a postdoctoral fellowship at the University of Basel
in Switzerland in 1997 immediately following the completion of her degree. It was
at this time that she was introduced to the use of organic chemistry as a tool for the
investigation of biological mechanisms, her current area of research. It was in the
laboratories of Prof. Bernd Giese that she learned how to perform research in a
multidisciplinary fashion. After spending two years in his laboratories, she decided
that it was time for her to return to her home country and try her hand at indepen-
dent academic research.
Dr. Bryant-Friedrich is currently an assistant professor of chemistry at Oakland
University in Rochester, Michigan. In her current position, she has directed the
research of several undergraduate and graduate students and has presented work at
regional, national, and international conferences. She is the recipient of several re-
search grants, with the National Science Foundation’s Early Career Development
Award (CAREER) the most prestigious. Her research combines the areas of syn-
thetic organic and physical organic chemistry with bioorganic and biophysical meth-
ods to investigate several biological processes that involve nucleic acids. Her primary
focus is to understand the mechanism by which cancer develops in the human body
and to find ways to prevent these events from occurring.

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 J O U RN EY O F AN AF RI CA N A ME RI CA N F E M AL E C H E MI S T - S CH O L AR 5

A
rriving at the point in your journey where you turn to look at how
you actually arrived at your destination is always a defining moment.
If you like what you see, you can actually sit and rest for some time
to enjoy the view. If your journey was a wonderful experience, you can keep
going to find out what other new things you can discover. If you don’t like
what you see or you want to forget the trip, you can run as fast as you can
until you arrive at a new point and start the process again. My trip to acade-
mia involved a lot of running and very little enjoying of the view. I per-
formed well in school, always mastering the materials presented to me and
always thirsty for more. I was taught from very early in my life that mediocre
was not acceptable and that school was to be my top priority. This resound-
ing message came from my parents, my aunts and uncles, my many cousins,
and even the sweet little old White lady for whom my mother made clothes.
This attitude, along with the work ethic that my parents instilled in me and
the idea that hard work came in many different forms, some clean and enjoy-
able and others dirty and unpleasant, made it possible for me to graduate at
the top of my high school class and later magna cum laude from North Car-
olina Central University (NCCU) with a bachelor’s degree in chemistry.
Gaining admittance to a graduate program in chemistry was not diffi-
cult. The low numbers of minorities and women in the physical sciences
was then—and still remains—a point of national concern. Efforts to recruit
individuals like me into the science and engineering fields were intense, and
offers of admittance with beautifully accommodating financial aid packages
were easy to come by. I actually applied to and subsequently gained admit-
tance to only two universities, The Ohio State University and Duke Univer-
sity. The dream of going to Duke had been with me for many years as the

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6 M O V E O N U P A L I TT L E HI GH ER

result of a seed that was planted in me by that same sweet little old White
lady for whom my mother made clothes. She always spoke fondly of her
experiences at the university and extolled the high quality of her academic
experience. Directly after graduating from high school, I was offered a full
academic scholarship to attend Duke. However, because of the discourage-
ment of school counselors and a basic ‘‘gut’’ feeling, I decided that this was
most likely not the best place for me at that time in my life. This decision
completely directed the rest of my journey.
I would never have imagined that admittance to the Ph.D. program at
Duke was just the beginning of a rite of passage that would take me years of
hard knocks to complete. The academic training that I gained at NCCU was
excellent in that it taught me how to learn. However, I was not exposed to
the materials required for success in the graduate program of which I was a
part, at least not at the same level of intensity as the other students who
entered with me. This made the initial course work very difficult and gave
me a sense of fear and self-doubt that I had never experienced before. During
that phase of my academic training, there was no time to contemplate why
or how I had come to this point in my journey, because all of my energies
were focused on continuing the trip. I can attribute my success in this gradu-
ate program to many different elements, but one of the most important
would be my friends. When I started this program, I met and befriended a
wonderful group of graduate students and postdoctoral researchers who
came from a variety of socioeconomic backgrounds, ethnicities, and nation-
alities. No matter our differences, we all had a general love of humanity and
an overwhelming desire to become excellent scientists in common. My weak-
nesses in physical chemistry were corrected by a wonderful classmate, who
happened to come from China and who not only provided me with explana-
tions of concepts that I had never seen before, but also performed this task
with the compassion and patience required to make sure that learning the
material was neither painful nor demeaning. My grip on organic chemistry
was strengthened by a cohort of three students also interested in organic
chemistry, two of whom happened to be of African descent, African Ameri-
can and Afro-Caribbean, and the other a ‘‘nontraditional student’’ who re-
turned to graduate school after a period of time working in the real world.
Organic chemistry, my strongest subject and the area in which I had decided
to concentrate my academic studies, was exciting for all of us and a common
thread that made our friendships unique and our commitment to the success
of the whole very strong. These are only two of many examples that taught
me that becoming a part of a group and not a bystander was my only means

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 J O U R N EY OF AN AF RI CA N A ME R I CA N F E M AL E C H E MI S T - S CH O L AR 7

of obtaining my goal. Belonging was not difficult when I realized that out-
wardly we had many differences but inwardly we had commonalities that
would allow us to surmount any barriers that language or culture could
build.
The support of friends can, however, only go so far. All of the fear and
self-doubt that were precipitated by my difficulties in the initial course work
affected one of the most important decisions that a graduate student makes,
choosing a research mentor. This choice dictates the overall tone of one’s
graduate experience in the sciences to a large extent. The relationship be-
tween a graduate student and his or her research advisor is one characterized
by codependency and a need to please on the part of the mentored. When
this relationship is dysfunctional, it has the same impact on the student as
being a member of a dysfunctional family has on a child. The other members
of the research group share this experience with you, and this group truly
takes on the appearance of a dysfunctional unit. During the first semester of
my graduate program, I was required to choose a research advisor. I knew
that the mentor whom I ultimately chose was a treasure of knowledge from
which I could obtain a great deal. However, I also knew from the experiences
of other graduate students in his group that he was not the easiest person to
work with and that the day-to-day laboratory atmosphere was a difficult one.
Owing to my lack of confidence in my abilities and my diminished self-
image, I decided it would be best for me to choose someone who was desper-
ate for students to work in his or her laboratory but in whom other students
would not be interested. After making this decision and becoming a part of
the family, I made some very startling discoveries. The female members of
the laboratory felt a significant amount of gender bias. We attempted to sup-
port each other as much as we could. At some point during my time there,
we had all emerged in tears from meetings with our research advisor as the
result of comments he made attacking our abilities and our desire to become
good scientists.
After the course work was successfully completed and the department
decided that I still had something to prove, it was announced to me that I
would have to go through the preparation and defense of a master’s thesis in
order to enter the Ph.D. program formally. The fulfillment of such a require-
ment was not usually necessary for progression through the doctoral pro-
gram. This was definitely a point where looking back was not an option
because the trip leading to that point had been bitterly difficult and I wanted
the trip ahead to be over as soon as possible. The fact that I had to prepare
a thesis and defend it immediately made me different from the rest of my

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8 M O V E O N U P A L I TT L E H I GH ER

classmates and put an incredible dent in my already shattered ego. Again,

my newly made friends came to my rescue. How? By not making me feel
different through treating my preparation for the master’s exam just as they
treated their own preparation for the preliminary exams that were a require-
ment to become a Ph.D. candidate. They also provided me with academic
and emotional support as well as the type of encouragement that friends pro-
vide in hard times. One of these friends, who provided me with the crucial
coaching and support that resulted in the very successful defense of my the-
sis, is now my husband.
My research advisor was denied tenure several months after I received
my master’s degree. At this point, I realized that the entire experience had
brought me to a point where I should make some serious decisions about my
pursuit of happiness. The loss of my research mentor, as the result of a nega-
tive tenure decision, meant that I would have to find a new mentor either at
Duke or at another university. It would also mean beginning a new research
project with a new chemical direction. Having invested more than two years
in obtaining my master’s degree and having already started the research for
my dissertation, I was devastated. This devastation resulted in the most life-
changing decision I have ever made: to leave the country and pursue my
Ph.D. in Europe.
Besides the academic challenge, the cultural challenge related to pursu-
ing a graduate degree in a top-ranked university was quite daunting. Circum-
venting one’s own cultural norms and expectations can be difficult. Being
thrown unexpectedly into a new culture is like getting on the wrong plane
and landing in a foreign country whose language and culture you know only
superficially. Climbing the academic ladder has had some of the same hall-
marks for me. Because many African Americans of my generation are still
the first in the family to attend graduate school, the nuances of the academic
world at this level are still foreign to us, and we have few guides, mentors, or
family accounts that can teach us how to avoid the pits in the road from our
own cultural perspective. African American culture for me has always been
one full of nurturing, where hard work is merited and you are never beaten
when you are down. Many of those who have gone through the very difficult
experience of obtaining a Ph.D. and the additional trials and tribulations
related to becoming a faculty member have decided that the experience
should be just as difficult for those who follow them. This type of initiation-
through-hazing mentality is most likely not something that most people
would expect to find in an academic environment. This stress, compounded
with the lack of preparation that many African Americans enter graduate

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 J O U R N EY OF AN AF RI CA N A ME R I CA N F E M AL E C H E MI S T - S CH O L AR 9

programs with, especially in the sciences, makes the experience for many al-
most unbearable. The feeling of isolation based on race and/or ethnicity, and
the realization that the same prejudices that we encounter on a regular basis
in the grocery store or the mall department store are also found within the
ivy-covered towers, can be earth shattering. It is extremely difficult to make
someone of another ethnic background truly understand that a fear of ‘‘the
man’’ that was instilled in you at an early age for your own safety affects
your interactions with non–African American faculty and students. That the
feelings of discomfort you felt as a child when entering a restaurant filled
with mostly White patrons may come back to you when you enter a class-
room of the same description is difficult to explain to someone who has not
experienced such discomfort. These feelings made it very difficult for me to
seek help when help was needed or to make demands that would have been
in my better interest instead of taking what was given to me.
Many African Americans throughout history have abandoned the
United States to pursue knowledge and understanding without the restraints
of racial bias. It is true that European countries also have their own issues
with racial and ethnic oppression. However, without the historical baggage
that the United States carries when it comes to the treatment of people of
color in higher education, some of the factors that I have mentioned that
make the graduate experience so difficult for many of us fall away in Europe.
In Germany, where I received my Dr. rer. nat in pharmaceutical chemistry,
I never felt that failure was expected of me because of my skin color. I was
given the opportunity to prove myself to my teachers and schoolmates with-
out battling preconceived bias. After completing my degree, I moved on to
Switzerland, where I performed postdoctoral research. Again, the same was
true. I believed my intellect was allowed to flourish under these conditions.
There was, however, one drawback to my decision to leave the country.
I knew from very early on in my academic career that I wanted to become a
faculty member at a research-oriented university. Having left the United
States after obtaining my master’s degree, I had not established the type of
professional connections needed to obtain a faculty position. I contacted
American professors who came to visit my university when I was a postdoc-
toral researcher, but most of them offered only superficial support or none
at all. In attempts to gain some type of footing in the academic arena, I
accepted a position as a lecturer at a large urban research-intensive university.
My graduate and postdoctoral research experiences encompassed a span
of approximately six years. These years coincided with an age range in which
most young adults develop many of the social and political viewpoints that

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10 M O V E O N U P A L I TT LE H I GH E R

shape them as individuals for the rest of their lives. As it would be, I devel-
oped into a strong-willed ‘‘womanist’’ who always looks for the good in every
individual and believes that the future should be better than the past. A naı̈ve
and optimistic individual, I thought that academia in the United States
would have the same attitude, at least to some extent, as I did. It was the
most painful experience in my life to find that this was not true.
When the company for which my husband worked decided to transfer
him from Germany to the United States, I started to look for positions in
the same geographical area as his new location. We had spent the two years
of my postdoctoral fellowship at different addresses, and we knew that we
did not want to do this again. I sent an application to a university for a
lecturer position through the wife of a professional acquaintance of my hus-
band’s who also held a lecturer position at the university. The department
chair seemed very excited about the prospect of having someone of my de-
scription become a part of the faculty. He expressed to me that he saw a need
for more diversity in the department and that the position could very likely
turn into a tenure track appointment. This urban university, which boasts
one of the highest enrollments of minority students without the classification
of a historically Black college and university, has an excellent reputation both
in research and in the quality of education that it offers. It was also 30 min-
utes away from our new place of residence, so, of course, when I was offered
the position, I jumped at the opportunity. Very shortly after my arrival I
began to teach several courses and became a quite popular instructor. My
teaching evaluations were outstanding, and my interactions with the stu-
dents were very positive. I was generously given $1,000 to perform research
in a small space provided by the department chair. Things were starting off
well. However, it took only a short amount of time for me to realize that
even though several of my colleagues were very supportive of me becoming
an assistant professor on the faculty, several members of the faculty had no
interest in my receiving a tenure track appointment. This resulted in discus-
sions that attacked my reputation as a scientist and included references to
my being considered for hiring only because of my race and gender. After
making the realization that I was in hostile territory, I presented the depart-
ment with an ultimatum—either tenure track or I would leave and start
looking for other academic positions. The department ultimately decided
not even to give me the chance to present myself as a serious faculty candi-
date through an interview. Having me around in a subordinate position as
an instructor who could assist the vast number of students thirsty for men-

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 J O U RN EY O F AN AF RI CA N A ME RI CA N F E M AL E C H E MI S T - S CH O L AR 11

toring or to give the appearance of increased diversity was fine, but consider-
ing me as the well-rounded scientist that I am was out of the question.
Even though the desire to diversify academic departments across the
country is a genuine objective, the success rate is dismal, to say the least. One
of the reasons for this can be derived from my experience. Well-meaning
individuals who have the power to make change try diligently to force others
to get on the bandwagon that preaches inclusion of all individuals in all aca-
demic arenas. This tactic is very hurtful for the new person who is brought
in, especially if he or she has no idea as to the real motivations for the hire.
The promotion of diversity through faculty hiring should be based on choos-
ing quality individuals, those who have a strong desire to perform well and
a true understanding of the need for the representation of all groups in all
aspects of society. It should not be done to enhance the image of an individ-
ual, a department, or a university by creating the appearance of social pro-
gressiveness. Just having one of ‘‘those’’ is not enough to truly create a race-,
ethnic-, and gender-unbiased atmosphere. There must be a general feeling
of cohesiveness among the whole that the success of the entire country is
based on the success of each individual, each race, and both men and
women.
All of my experiences prepared me for my current position as an assistant
professor of chemistry at Oakland University in Rochester, Michigan. The
university is a progressive suburban institution that offers high-quality in-
struction and the infrastructure and commitment required to perform cutting-
edge research. The most difficult part of being a minority at such a progres-
sive institution is that you are very frequently called to the plate to participate
in all aspects of university life because of the institution’s strong desire to
establish full inclusion of all individuals in every aspect of the academic proc-
ess. Owing to the still low numbers of minority faculty at Oakland and most
other institutions, achieving this goal requires that a few serve in many differ-
ent capacities. This requirement combined with the normal responsibilities
of an assistant professor can be a bit overwhelming.
On a final note, I would just like to muse a few moments about some
of the things that still surprise me about the attitudes of students and faculty
both minority and majority. I have had so many students come to me and
say in a hushed whisper that I am the first African American teacher that
they have ever had since they started kindergarten. Those who are socially
aware speak to me about the struggles that I must have overcome to get to
the point in my career where I am today. I often remind them that we all
have our struggles. Whether they are created by the constructs of an ailing

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12 M O V E O N U P A LI TT L E HI GH ER

society or by the shortcomings of an unhealthy family situation, they are still

struggles, and the same tactics can be used to overcome their difficulties and
obtain their dreams.
As far as faculty members are concerned, I have made a very important
decision. Those who have no interest in my continued success are of no in-
terest to me. Through conference attendance and participation in several
professional organizations and committees, I have established a very support-
ive network of world-renowned scientists who are committed not only to my
success but the success of others like me. They accept me not only as a mi-
nority female but also, more important, as a scientist who is committed to
the advancement of my discipline and improvement of the quality of life of
all individuals through science. How did I create this network? I used my
work as my business card. When the scientific community recognized the
significance and quality of my work, the gender and the race of the individ-
ual behind the work became much less important.

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 2
MY SKIN IS BROWN AND
I D O N OT W E AR A TIE
Exploring My Selves as a Southern,
Black, Educated, Christian Woman

Menthia P. Clark

The Author
Menthia P. Clark’s educational career has always been centered on activism, so
much so that prior to entering the doctoral program, she did not even know the
differences between the big ‘‘qs’’—qualitative and quantitative research. After earn-
ing her master’s degree in educational administration, she decided to work and travel
before pursuing her life’s dream of teaching middle school English. These travels
sent her to Malawi, Central Africa, where she worked with the International Foun-
dation for Education and Self-Help as a member of the Teachers for Africa program.
The cohort was assigned to develop special education programs in this newly demo-
cratic state. Though Menthia did not meet the minimum three-year teaching re-
quirement, a sign language course she had taken out of curiosity became her ticket
to Africa. The only applicant from the pool with such knowledge, she became the
‘‘Sign Language Expert,’’ with the daunting job assignment of developing a sign
language for the country of Malawi.
Menthia accepted the challenge, admittedly a bit fearful, but excited about the
task she faced. While in Malawi, she taught teacher trainees who were working with
hearing-impaired children. One day, while observing the children, she noticed the
trainees’ fascination with the American Sign Language book she carried everywhere.
They had never seen a documentation of sign language, and they were amazed to
see it in print. This was her motivation to produce a book to ‘‘legitimize’’ their
language. Instead of teaching the American Sign Language, she worked with the

13

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14 M O V E O N U P A L I TT LE H I GH E R

teacher trainees and the hearing-impaired children to publish the first and only sign
language book in the country, Children’s Sign Language at Maryview School for the
Deaf in Malawi. Menthia took the teacher trainees into the schools to observe and
document their language, using the hearing-impaired students as experts and a local
artist to complete the work for this publication. This was her first major research
project.
Upon completing her tenure in Malawi, Menthia returned to the United States
with the intent to complete more research and enroll in a graduate program. She
applied and was accepted at a prestigious Midwestern university and found that the
‘‘culture shock’’ was more profound at this school than what she had experienced
when she moved to Malawi! After one semester, she transferred to Louisiana State
University (LSU), where she is currently a doctoral candidate in the Department of
Educational Leadership.
Menthia makes the most of her graduate program, maximizing opportunities to
present at conferences, attend symposiums, and encourage other graduate students
to do the same. Though she has not attended any football games at LSU, she is still
recognized as an outstanding student, earning the Huel Perkins Doctoral Fellow-
ship, and she is the founder and president of the ELRC Graduate Student Associa-
tion. She has presented papers at American Educational Research Association,
Southwest Educational Research Association, and Louisiana Educational Research
Association conferences. In addition, she serves the Baton Rouge community, as a
board member for a nonprofit agency that assists former women inmates, Connec-
tions for Life, Inc., and as a cell leader at Bethany World Prayer Center. This year,
the Baton Rouge chapter of the American Association for University Women
awarded Menthia a scholarship to support her dissertation research, which is an
ethnography focusing on academic achievement and racial identity among high-
achieving Black female middle school students. She looks forward to completing her
dissertation, graduating, and engaging in the next exciting challenge.

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 M Y S KI N I S B RO W N AN D I DO N O T W E A R A TI E 15

O
ne day in a graduate-level course at a large Midwestern university,
the White male professor jokingly claimed he felt powerless be-
cause his normal style of delivering the lecture was thwarted by the
stimulating conversations of the students. Instead of stopping the discussions
in which we were so passionately involved, he allowed the talk to continue
and joined the debate. When commenting on the professor’s ‘‘lack of power’’
this particular night, a male graduate student who noticed his uncommonly
casual attire jokingly warned, ‘‘Next week wear a tie; then you will get your
power back.’’ Immediately my mind began to wander as I processed that
statement, and I came to the jarring conclusion that the tie is a piece of
clothing that indicates power, but I do not wear a tie. I frankly asked my
fellow classmate, ‘‘Well, what do I wear when I want to exude power?’’ He
paused, looked me over, and rudely retorted, ‘‘Wear a power suit.’’
While everyone else in the class laughed, I searched for the face of some-
one—anyone—who did not find humor in such a sexist comment. I found
no one. As class continued, I thought about the meanings of these images
and the connection between a typically male piece of clothing and power.
Questions came to my mind, such as, Why is it that when a woman in a
position of authority wears a suit, it is not simply a suit, but it is known as a
‘‘power suit’’? This widely held belief suggests that without that clothing,
she cannot exude authority. Why is a tie, a Westernized masculine clothing
accessory, considered the ultimate expression of power? As I thought even
deeper, I came to a painful, yet startlingly true, realization: not only is the
professor the ‘‘right’’ gender, and thus able to wear comfortably the authen-
tic symbol of power, he is also the ‘‘right’’ race, and thus able to assume a
position of authority comfortably (Meyers, 2002). When I, a Black female,

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16 M O V E O N U P A L I TT LE H I GH E R

wish to exude authority, should I wear a ‘‘power suit’’ (skirt or pants?) since
I do not wear a tie? That is only a small piece of the puzzle; what can I do
about my race? Is there anything I can wear that displays power despite the
fact that not only am I a woman, but I am a Black woman?
Prior to attending that university, I taught sign language for one year in
Malawi, Central Africa, and traveled extensively throughout the United
States. However, coming back to America and subsequent experiences at that
institution constituted the biggest ‘‘culture shock’’ I had ever faced. This was
my first year facing the rigors of the academy; I had been sheltered at my
historically Black undergraduate institution and nurtured by a Black female
mentor at the institution where I received my master’s degree.1 This place,
however, was quite different, for other Black female graduate students also
expressed a lack of shelter, nurture, and protection in their respective depart-
ments in conversations about our experiences. After one semester, I decided
that my emotional health and sense of belonging were too important to sac-
rifice, so I transferred without any regrets. That seemingly minute ‘‘power
suit’’ incident was only one example of a series of disappointments and hos-
tilities I endured. However, it became the foundation of my investigation of
the intricacies of being a Black, educated, Christian woman from the South.
My search for understanding of identity led me to Lorde (1990; in Wing,
2000), who claims there are many coexisting selves that constitute an indi-
vidual, though women are often forced to choose which self to portray: ‘‘I
find I am constantly encouraged to pluck out some aspect of myself and
present this as a meaningful whole, eclipsing or denying the other parts of
myself. But this is a destructive and fragmented way to live’’ (p. 85). So I
began to consider myself juxtaposed against my selves. My self as a South-
erner. My self as a Black woman. My self as an educated woman. My self as
a Christian. My future self. Utilizing the lens of Critical Race Feminism
(Wing, 2000), which explores the lives of women facing multiple discrimina-
tion framed in the belief that ‘‘identity is not additive. Black women are
not White women plus color, or Black men plus gender’’ (p. 7), this essay
deconstructs and reconstructs my selves through personal narrative, philo-
sophical musings, and counterstories (Delgado, 1995).

Allow Me to Introduce My Selves: Shall We Dance?

Historically, Black women have been unjustly slapped by the gargantuan
hands of media and societal misrepresentations that depict us as too loud,
brassy, flashy, dominant, sexualized, and overbearing (hooks, 1981; Jones &

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 M Y S KI N I S B R O W N AN D I D O N O T W EA R A TI E 17

Shorter-Gooden, 2003). The great tragedy is the entrance and permeation of

these stereotypes in higher education, where these images take residence and
are expressed in inequitable hiring practices and discriminatory attitudes
(Gregory, 1999; Meyers, 2002). Black women in the academy who contend
with such stereotypes often unconsciously disengage from themselves and
create or emerge into new women, women who are disenfranchised and
racked with conflict over the need to express who they really are (Fordham,
1993; Jones & Shorter-Gooden, 2003). The turmoil between changing, alter-
ing, suppressing, or forgetting the former self and re-creating and emerging
as a new academic self disconnected from the past leaves women scholars
with a fragmented, unauthentic identity. Women of color in the academy
often express difficulty in merging their different selves into a whole when
the institution does not value or validate the uniqueness of their race, class,
gender, or background (Fordham, 1993; Gregory, 1999; Jones & Shorter-
Gooden, 2003; Smith, 2003; Snearl, 1997). As Smith (2003) explains:

As a Black woman who has been educated in some rather elite White insti-
tutions, I struggled, and still struggle, to ‘‘prove’’ myself worthy of such a
‘‘privilege.’’ I work hard at staying in my mind and not allowing spirit
to visit me as I speak about critical education theory, womanist/feminist
theory and pedagogy, or qualitative/ethnographic research. It is the dis-
dancing with myself that creates a kind of distancing from the southern
Black girl/woman who enjoys spirit-filled conversations that push the
boundaries of a different kind of intellectual life. (p. vii)

Smith’s (2003) very accurate description of ‘‘dis-dancing’’ captures my life in

the academy as I evaluate my experiences in the classroom, attending confer-
ences, and during scholarly presentations. Like Smith (2003), I also grew up
in the South, and I find myself dancing between my intellectual and South-
ern identities. I dance between my native, Southern tongue and the academic
tongue that I continuously refine (Lanehart, 2002). When I get too excited
in intellectual/academic circles, I find myself reverting to a Southern twang
that I try to subvert in such arenas. So I switch back to my educated self,
calm down, and begin speaking again. It is a never-ending ‘‘dis-dancing,’’
not a tango, because that takes two, but more of a lindy hop, which is a
constantly evolving, ever-flowing rhythmic dance movement that is re-cre-
ated and refined as it is produced.
When women in the academy dance between identities, it creates a hier-
archy between selves, and the Black/Southern/working class/ethnic self is
often relegated to a lower position than the academic self. Fortunately, I am

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18 M O V E O N U P A L I TT L E HI GH ER

now at a place in my academic endeavors where I feel a relative sense of

success in merging, collaborating, and infusing my selves into my scholarly
work. In fact, this dance has brought me to my dissertation topic on Black
high-achieving middle school girls who are proud of their academic accom-
plishments, and also proud to be Black, a topic of great concern, because,
unfortunately, I did not have the liberty to enjoy my academic success and
Black identity as an adolescent.
Though I dance between identities, I am keenly aware that my academic
status is more advantageous than my Southern identity in some respects and
affords me the opportunity to enter into circles and arenas in which my race/
class does not. As Wing (2000) states, women of color, though subject to
multiple forms of discrimination, have some identities that relatively privi-
lege them. I wrestle with this statement, painful as it is to someone who tries
to ‘‘keep it real,’’ because it is the stark realization that some people view me
in higher regard than other Black women because I am educated. Reluc-
tantly, I accept this privilege with the ultimate humility and innate knowl-
edge that although I have chosen the less-traveled road of intellectualism, I
do not believe that I am better than people who are not educated. Smith’s
(2003) identity as a member of the academy and my identity as a doctoral
candidate preclude our shared Southern heritage and allow us privileges that
many of our other sisters of color with similar backgrounds are not privy to
(Wing, 2000), thus bringing into question the possession of such privilege,
and causing concern with the necessity to prove our worth.
‘‘Dis-dancing’’ (Smith, 2003) oneself and engaging in fragmenting of
identities (Lorde, 1990) is a common activity among high-achieving Black
women, and these dilemmas do not begin upon entrance into the academy.
However, they are evidenced from childhood and extend into adulthood
(Fordham, 1993; Grantham & Ford, 1998; Hemmings, 1998; Horvat & An-
tonio, 1999; Schultz, 1999). Female members of the academy contend with
pressure to alter their behaviors and appearances to fit into this male-
dominated arena and are involved in strategies such as gender passing (Ford-
ham, 1993), silencing (Davidson, 1996; Evans, 1988; Fordham, 1993; Har-
rison, 1997; Irvine, 1990), cultural code switching (Horvat & Antonio, 1999;
Lei, 2003; Schultz, 1999), and shifting (Jones & Shorter-Gooden, 2003) to
detract from negative stereotypes of women. Unfortunately, a high-achieving
woman of color must often work tirelessly to prove she is educated, articu-
late, and well spoken, and she often counteracts negative images through an
equally disturbing means of silence (Davidson, 1996; Evans, 1988; Fordham,
1993; Lei, 2003).

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 M Y S KI N I S B R O W N AN D I D O N O T W EA R A TI E 19

As Evans (1988) explains in her landmark article about loud Black girls,
schools often fail to acknowledge the existence of high-achieving Black fe-
male students, and, therefore, despite her academic achievement she was in-
visible, ignored, and unrecognized at school. Fordham (1993) elaborated on
the concept of silence and gender passing, noting that ‘‘for African American
women in the Academy, being taken seriously also means disassociating one-
self from the image of loud Black girls’’ (p. 22) because high-achieving
women ‘‘are compelled to pass as the male dominant other if they desire to
achieve a modicum of academic success’’ (p. 3). Similarly, Jones and Shorter-
Gooden (2003) describe the constant struggle that Black women undergo as
they alter their identities by ‘‘shifting.’’ This strategy of changing from Black
to White, to corporate to cool, is developed to cope with the many demands.
However, these constant inner and outer changes diminish the joys of au-
thentic lives and leave Black women depressed, conflicted, weary, and iso-
lated.
My intellectualism has evolved through many phases. Phases of silenc-
ing. Phases of invisibility. Phases of unrecognition. As a Black female grow-
ing up in the South, I had mixed feelings about the meaning of being a Black
female and the meaning of being smart. I did understand that I was a Black
person, and I and other Black people I knew certainly participated in similar
activities. Yes, I lived a very stereotypical Southern Black girl life. I grew up
in an all-Black community and attended an all-Black church. I watched Soul
Train and Good Times with my cousins, ate cornbread and greens with my
grandmother, and endured getting my hair braided by my older sister. I vis-
ited my extended family in Mississippi and snubbed my city-girl nose at their
‘‘country’’ lifestyle. Also, I did understand that I was smart. I made good
grades in school, completed my homework every day, and even perfected my
handwriting skills so the teacher would choose me to write on the board. I
did, however, misunderstand the reasons my smartness remained unac-
knowledged at school. Though my parents supported my efforts, at school I
passed along with either good or mediocre grades, never caused problems,
never stepped out of line, but was still never encouraged to higher levels of
achievement (Evans, 1988). The year I was bold enough to enter the spelling
bee, I defeated the White female incumbent, only to find my success under-
mined as her family and the school authorities questioned my eligibility, by
bringing me into the counselor’s office to inquire about my grades to ensure
that I met the requirements for participating.
Fast-forward fifteen years. I have now completed my bachelor’s degree,
master’s degree, and a year abroad teaching, efforts I chose of my own voli-

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20 M O V E O N U P A L I TT LE H I GH E R

tion. When I decided to pursue a doctoral degree instead of coming back to

my hometown of Memphis, Tennessee, to teach English, many of my ex-
tended family members were confused about that decision. In their minds,
my choice to continue in school was irrational—I already had two degrees,
so it was time to get a real job and a husband. I did not blame my well-
meaning family members for their lack of knowledge on women who aspire
for higher education, because I am the first family member, male or female,
to pursue a Ph.D. My grandmother’s house in the ‘‘country’’ is not the place
to invoke discussions on feminism, gender equality, or women’s rights, and
I often silence my reactions to their comments, fully realizing my silence
as an adherence to patriarchy (hooks, 1994, 2001). My comments would be
interpreted as rude, so I listen to their philosophies on women, sports,
media, and religion and call my first-generation Ph.D. friend who has similar
experiences to critique our shared silences in the company of our families.2
As I continue to dance, this lindy hop through my identities is ever ex-
panding and evolving, as new aspects of my self emerge. Two years ago, I
went through a major life transformation, and I rededicated my life to Jesus
Christ, with the firm commitment to be guided by Him in every area. Be-
cause religious affiliation is an important aspect of identity (Wing, 2000),
my premier concern was how a Black woman with strong views on race,
politics, women’s rights, and equality would properly merge newfound
Christian beliefs with academic scholarship. Though my faith is the guiding
force of all that I accomplish, I had worries that I would have to subvert
this identity. One day as I was in the library gathering books related to my
dissertation, I found a very comforting and affirming message in Kunjufu’s
(1988) introduction of To Be Popular or Smart: The Black Peer Group that
spoke directly to my concerns: ‘‘I am a Christian, my Lord and Savior is
Jesus Christ. I want everyone to know, because some people assume if you
have an African name, believe in self-determination, don’t eat meat, and be-
lieve in God, you must be from another religious persuasion’’ (p. v). This
bold, outright affirmation of his faith made me feel more relaxed in the
world of the academy, where I often feel isolated in expressing my beliefs.
Though I know there are ‘‘out’’ Christian scholars, I truly treasure the can-
dor of his stance. Kunjufu’s (1988) expression of his Christian identity, and
his further explanation of how these beliefs lead him throughout his research,
assured me that I could still maintain both my academic and my Christian
identities without compromise.

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 M Y S KI N I S B RO W N AN D I DO N O T W E A R A T I E 21

My Future Self
Being a Black, female Ph.D. candidate can be lonesome, and it has isolated
me from people I love who do not understand my struggles and my need for
solitude, or who question my motives for remaining in school for such an
extensive period (hooks, 1991). My friends who completed their bachelor’s
degree and did not pursue graduate work are confused about my financial
sacrifices because they went to school for a shorter period of time yet are
already receiving a higher salary than that of a first-year professor. My South-
ern family continually asks when I will graduate, and they believe I fear en-
tering the real world of work because they view the intangible tasks of
reading, writing, and thinking as procrastination and overindulgence in ‘‘free
time.’’ My Christian friends and personal beliefs remind me to remain hum-
ble though my academic identity is privileging (Wing, 2000), for there are
so few Black females who have earned Ph.D. degrees.
As I persevere through my graduate program and learn more about the
struggles, triumphs, and successes of Black women, I realize I was taught
very little about myself as a Black person and as a woman in this society.
Jones and Shorter-Gooden (2003) describe our successes despite the persis-
tent misrepresentations that we have endured:

Black women in America . . . have risen over years of oppression so that,

today, after years of dealing with society’s racist and sexist misconceptions,
with its brutal hostilities and unthinkable mistreatment, not only are they
supporting families, they’re leading corporations, major media organiza-
tions, the military, our state and federal governments. (p. 1)

Reflecting upon my educational experiences, I am aware that this drain in

my exposure to successful Black women has been consistent, because of the
exclusion of Black people’s contributions in the curriculum (Kincheloe,
1993). Essentially, I was taught that as a Black female in America, I have no
existence, and that which is, is not worthy of being taught. With the omis-
sion of Black women’s contributions in academic arenas, negative media im-
ages, low societal expectations, and the denigration of women in society as a
whole, women of all races in the academy have the charge to deconstruct
these images.
As I become closer to being yet another statistic because there are so
few Black women faculty at predominantly White institutions (Carteledge,
Gardner, & Tillman, 1995), the misrepresentations, omissions, and invalida-

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22 M O V E O N U P A LI TT L E H I GH ER

tions in the academy cause me to question my future career moves. Though

the Black intellectuals who nurture me at conferences encourage me to pur-
sue the academic life, I often wonder if I will be among the Black women
doctoral recipients who do not seek such employment (Gregory, 1999). If I
do choose higher education, will I work in the ‘‘safer’’ environment of the
historically Black college? Or will I pursue my first love and original inten-
tion before earning a Ph.D. was even a consideration—to teach English to
middle school students? Though I am unsure of my next challenge, I am
confident that I will succeed—even though my skin is brown and I do not
wear a tie.

References
Carteledge, G., Gardner, R., III, & Tillman, L. (1995). African-Americans in higher
education special education: Issues in recruitment and retention. TESE, 18(3),
166–178.
Davidson, A. (1996). Making and molding identities in schools: Student narratives on
race, gender, and academic engagement. Albany, NY: State University of New York
Press.
Delgado, R. (1995). Storytelling for oppositionists and others: A plea for narrative. In
R. Delgado (Ed.), Critical race theory: The cutting edge (pp. 60–70). Philadelphia:
Temple University Press.
Evans, G. (1988). Those loud Black girls. In Learning to lose: Sexism and education
(pp. 17–32). London, England: The Women’s Press.
Fordham, S. (1993). ‘‘Those loud Black girls’’: (Black) women, silence, and gender
‘‘passing’’ in the academy. Anthropology & Education Quarterly, 24(3), 3–32.
Grantham, T., & Ford, D. (1998). A case study of the social needs of Danisha: An
underachieving gifted African-American female. Roeper Review, 21(2), 96–101.
Gregory, S. T. (1999). Black women in the Academy: The secrets to success and achieve-
ment. Lanham, MD: University Press of America.
Harrison, J. (1997). Lisa’s quiet fight: School structure and African-American adoles-
cent females. In K. Lomotey (Ed.), Sailing against the wind: African-Americans
and women in U.S. education (pp. 45–54). New York: State University of New
York Press.
Hemmings, A. (1998). The self-transformations of African American achievers.
Youth & Society, 29(3), 330–368.
hooks, b. (1981). Ain’t I a woman: Black women and feminism. Cambridge, MA:
South End Press.
hooks, b. (1991). Black women intellectuals. In b. hooks & C. West (Eds.), Breaking
bread: Insurgent Black intellectual life (pp. 147–174). Boston: South End Press.

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hooks, b. (1994). Teaching to transgress: Education as the practice of freedom. New

York: Routledge.
Horvat, E. M., & Antonio, A. L. (1999). ‘‘Hey those shoes are out of uniform’’:
African-American girls in an elite high school and the importance of habitus.
Anthropology & Education Quarterly, 30(3), 317–342.
Irvine, J. (1990). Black students and school failure: Policies, practices, and prescriptions.
New York: Greenwood Press.
Jones, C., & Shorter-Gooden, K. (2003). Shifting: The double lives of Black women
in America. New York: Harper Collins.
Kincheloe, J. (1993). Toward a critical politics of teacher thinking: Mapping the post-
modern. Westport, CO: Bergin & Garvey.
Kunjufu, J. (1988). To be popular or smart: The Black peer group. Chicago, IL: Afri-
can-American Images.
Lanehart, S. L. (2002). Sista, speak! Black women kinfolk talk about language and
literacy. Austin: University of Texas Press.
Lei, J. L. (2003). (Un)necessary toughness? Those ‘‘loud Black girls’’ and those
‘‘quiet Asian boys.’’ Anthropology & Education Quarterly, 34(2), 158–181.
Meyers, L. W. (2002). A broken silence: Voices of African-American women in the
academy. Westport, CO: Bergin & Garvey.
Schultz, K. (1999). Identity narratives: Stories from the lives of urban adolescent
females. The Urban Review, 31(1), 79–105.
Smith, D. (2003). Foreword. In G. G. Generett & R. B. Jeffries (Eds.), Black women
in the field: Experiences understanding ourselves and others through qualitative re-
search (pp. x–xii). Creskill, NJ: Hampton Press.
Snearl, G. E. (1997). Sailing against the wind: African American women, higher edu-
cation, and power. In K. Lomotey (Ed.), Sailing against the wind: African-Ameri-
cans and women in U.S. education (pp. 125–132). New York: State University of
New York Press.
Wing, A. K. (2000). Global critical race feminism: An international reader. New York:
New York University Press.

Endnotes
1. Dr. Linda Tillman was my advisor and mentor at the University of New Or-
leans, and she continues to provide support and encouragement.
2. Tameka Cage, another Southern, Black, educated, Christian woman from
Shreveport, Louisiana, is a graduate student in the English department at Louisiana
State University.

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