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XII
I
T is wonderful to lie here in the quiet and to know that it is all
ended. Already the world is saying, “Let’s forget that there was
a war.” That’s natural for people fatigued by contemplating
tragedy; but which is the more inconvenient—to have been a
spectator or an endurer of tragedy? It’s all very well for the
spectators to say, “It’s over, thank God. We’re safe now, let’s go
home and be gay as we once were.” But how can we, who were
comrades in the ordeal, ever forget? And the rest of the world which
only watched from afar, what right has it to forget? Now that it has
been saved by other men’s loss, is it its obligations that it would
forget? Would it forget the pain which our bodies will always
remember? Would it forget the cold, the thirst, the weariness, the
wounds, the forlornness, the despairing courage which it did not
share? Would it forget the dead who forewent their gladness,
believing that their immortality was secured by the gratitude which
would commemorate their simple heroism? If it does forget, it
absconds like a blackguard debtor, cheating both us and the dead.
For we fought not for victory alone, but to establish a loftier
standard, so that the world in recalling the price we paid might make
itself kinder and better. As I lie here in hospital, six stories up, with
the throb of London beating distantly like a receding drum beneath
my window, I am sometimes uncertain whether any of the scenes I
have lived through ever happened. The war grows unreal and vague.
Surely those ex-plumbers, ex-bricklayers, ex-piano-tuners with whom
I marched, are only imagined. At this distance it seems incredible
that such men should have found the fortitude to make themselves
the knights of Armageddon. They were so ordinary, so ignorant of
their true greatness, so blind to the magnanimous courage of their
martyrdom. Ordinary, ignorant and blind they were; perhaps their
indifference to their worth was their outstanding glory. Yet these
everyday men proved not by ones or twos, but in their millions that
the spirit of righteous freedom only slumbers. In remembering their
example never again can we believe ourselves ignoble or that the
race of sacrificial men is ever ended.
My little Major, with the V. C. ribbon on his breast, came on leave
from Mons the other day and hopped in, merry as ever, to see me.
He was at the Front when the Armistice was declared: I was eager
to hear about it. “How did the men take it?” I asked him. “Like any
other happening,” he said.
“But wasn’t there any excitement or cheering?”
“There may have been, but I didn’t see it,” he told me. “We were
marching up to a fresh attack when the word reached us. We halted
and drew in to the side of the road, feeling a trifle discontented on
account of the cold. One felt warmer, you understand, while in
motion. It was a raw day, being November. When the news had
been confirmed, we turned back to the last town in search of billets.
The chaps cracked a smile then, when they discovered that they
were to have a solid night’s rest with a roof above their heads.”
I levered myself up in bed and stared at Charlie Wraith. Despite all
that I knew of the Front, I found it hard to credit this utter lack of
emotion. In the old days all our talk had been of when the war
would end—how we would throw aside authority, cock our guns up
and fire off salvo after salvo to the heavens. We had promised
ourselves that we would go over the top for a last time as a kind of
sporting luxury, and beat up the Hun just once more for luck to
prove that we still had plenty of ginger left. The flying-men had
asserted that they would head their planes in the direction of Boche-
land and send them off unpiloted to put the wind up the enemy.
Every mad prank had been imagined and discussed for making our
celebration memorable and effective. From the Channel to
Switzerland the Front should blaze and be clangourous. And this was
actually how the greatest war in history bad fizzled out: they had
drawn in to the side of the road, felt cold and turned back to the
nearest town in search of billets. Had the Major told me that the
men had shewn resentment, feeling that they had been baulked of
an immenser victory, I could have understood that.
But this account of stoical indifference was astounding. I tried to
put some of my surprise into words.
“If they weren’t glad, perhaps they were disappointed?”
“Not disappointed,” he said. “We’d been through too much to be
either happy or sad. I think we’d got past feeling anything. We were
sort of numb. I’m no good at expressing myself. Some of the
married chaps sighed contentedly and whispered, more to
themselves than aloud, ‘Well, that’s that.’ They meant, I suppose,
that they’d be seeing their wives again presently. But most of us
didn’t say a word; we just carried on as if nothing out of the
ordinary had occurred.”
I think this picture of dumb subjection to duty made me realise
more than anything the sheer cost of victory in spiritual energy to
the men who bought it with their blood. While London, New York
and Paris went mad, climbing lamp-posts, changing hats, dragging
tin cans through the streets and converting themselves into
impromptu jazz bands, these men, whose valour was being
commemorated, pulled in to the side of the road, felt cold, and
limped back to the nearest town in search of billets. They were “sort
of numb.” They’d been through too much to feel either happy or
sad. “Well, that’s that,” they had said, and thanked God for the
luxury of a secure night’s rest and the comfort of a roof above their
heads.
And yet, why I should have been so surprised I don’t quite know.
The Major’s picture was consistent with everything I had learned of
the fighting man—precisely what one might have expected. That I
should have been surprised only proves to me how thoroughly
normal and civilian we are beneath our khaki. Here am I, a few
weeks out of the line, finding myself amazed at conduct which would
have been mine, had I lasted. “Well, that’s that”—it sums up in a
phrase the whole philosophy of the Front, which teaches:—“Don’t
whine. Endure what you can’t alter. Get over the hard bits of the
road by pushing forward. Never know when you’re licked. Never be
elated when you’ve won. Whether you win or lose, don’t sit down;
seize on to the next most difficult thing that you may conquer. For
it’s not the winning or the losing, it’s the eternal trying that counts—
And that’s that.” It is the “eternal trying” of my last fight that lives
most vividly in my memory. We were in that murder-hole, you will
remember, to the left of the Cambrai-Arras road. Our job was to
smash the Hindenburg Line and to go as much further as our
strength would carry us. Our objective was to be the ending of the
war or, in the words of the Major, “Berlin or nothing.”
The night before the show the enemy made a last determined
effort to knock us out. We had distinct orders not to retaliate; our
first round was to be fired with the opening of the offensive. So we
had to lie down in silence and take our punishment.
Shortly after sunset the trouble commenced. The enemy must
have run forward a number of guns.
Without warning a tremendous bombardment opened up. It was
as though the walls of Heaven were tumbling about our heads. In
our narrow valley, where batteries were lined up like taxi-cabs on a
stand, shells of every kind and calibre began to fall—whizz-bangs,
incendiary, high explosive, gas. Shooting at random over so small an
area so densely packed, it was almost impossible not to hit
something. As darkness thickened, the night became lurid with
burning gun-pits and ammunition. Against the dancing flames men
could be seen, running, gesticulating and working like fiends to put
the fires out. High above the whistling of the shells we heard the
ominous throb of planes, and bombs commenced dropping. By this
time we had struggled into our gas-helmets and lay crouched in little
groups in the bottom of shell-holes. We were of no use. We had
been forbidden to reply. We were simply waiting to be slaughtered.
I don’t know what happened at the other batteries, but our Major
took matters into his own hands. “We shall have no men left for
tomorrow at this rate,” he said; so he ordered the chaps to get out
of the bombarded area and to scatter. The instructions for the attack
had just come in, and he had to make out the barrage-tables. To do
this it would be necessary to light a candle, but it would be suicide
to show any lights while the planes were overhead. Seizing his
fighting map and scales, he retired in search of a dug-out; soon only
I and one signaller were left. We had to remain on the position to
answer the ‘phone and to keep in touch with the rear.
We lay there hugging the ground. We had had no time to build
overhead protection; the weather being warm, we had contented
ourselves with digging holes three feet deep and spreading over
them ground-sheets to keep the rain out. Our sensations were those
of men who were lying on an erupting volcano. The earth quivered
under us and the air was thick with the avalanche of falling dibris.
The valves of our gas-masks felt choked with dust; we were well-
nigh suffocated and buried. The ground-sheets above our heads
flapped in rags. Stones and bits of chalk, thrown up by the
concussion, bruised us. We were always expecting that the next
shell would end us. They came over with the galloping thud of
cavalry, ker plunk, ker-plunk, ker-phunk. The roars of the explosions,
which followed the thuds of impact, were like the fierce ha-has of
ten thousand maniacs.
It was long past midnight before the strafe died down. By that
time the Hun felt fairly confident that few, if any of us, had survived.
One by one, through the altered landscape, our men crept back. By
the red glow of dying conflagrations, they set patiently to work to
clean their guns and set their fuses, so that all might be ready for
revenge. We did not number them as they returned. It was
impossible in the darkness, but we knew by the spattered human
fragments that in the surrounding shell-holes many a stout fellow
had gone west.
A little whiteness spread along the eastern horizon. We stared at
our luminous wrist-watches. The second-hand had one more
revolution to travel. The whistle sounded; our turn had come. If the
enemy-had supposed that he had exterminated us. his
disillusionment must have been bitter. There were batteries which he
had crippled, but none that he had silenced. Like fiery serpents,
even from where we were, we could see our bursting shrapnel
hissing down on his tormented trenches.
And now, when it was too late, he made a furious effort to
complete our destruction. He tried to bury us beneath the weight of
metal that he sent racing through the semi-darkness. Men and guns
were blotted out by the dust of explosions; but the whistle for each
new lift in the barrage went on sounding. It seemed a miracle that
our shells did not collide with his in mid-air.
His anger was not for long. Of a sudden, from intensity it died
down into nothing. We knew what that meant: the bayonets of our
infantry were tossing human hay in his trenches, our heavy artillery
was raking his batteries, and our tanks were going forward, tracking
down their prey like blood-hounds.
Dawn strengthened. From a shadowy hint of whiteness it became
a pillar of flame, from a pillar of flame a shaft of dazzling brightness.
We gazed on the night’s work. It was as though a gigantic plough
had furrowed the valley from end to end. Guns leaned over on their
axles with their wheels smashed; the men who should have been
serving them lay scattered about, hair buried and scarcely
recognisable. Charred piles of ammunition smoked lazily and
occasionally sputtered like Camp fireworks. We marvelled how we
had escaped; all the guns of our battery were still in action. Again it
must have been the swamp that had saved them.
We could estimate the progress that our infantry were making by
the orders to lengthen our range, which we kept receiving across the
‘phone. They were going very rapidly. The enemy resistance could
not have been as strong as had been expected. We judged that the
first wave of our attack must be almost through the Hindenburg
Line. Soon it would be necessary for us to hook in and move forward
if we were not to get out of touch.
It was eight o’clock when our teams arrived with Heming riding at
their head. None of us commented on his presence. He had
disobeyed the summons to England and was taking one last chance
in battle of maintaining his silence forever. We knew then that the
woman whom he had loved was guilty—that whatever he could have
said would have told against her. His face had a sterner expression
than I had ever seen it wear; it looked gray and haggard. Only his
eyes had their steady gaze of untroubled brave resolution. He rode
up to the Major and reported the number of the men and horses
killed and wounded that night at the wagon-lines. “It was the
bombing planes did it,” he said; “they were right on top of us. We’re
short of gunners now, so I had to bring Suzette.”
Then he took his instructions and rode back to the teams to keep
them out of shell-fire till they were needed.
An hour went by. The Major had got mounted and gone forward
to a windmill, just behind the furthest point of our attack, from
where he could watch developments and send back for us the
moment we were required. He was determined this time to be in the
thick of it. His last words had been that, if our Headquarters tried to
hold us back, we were to let our wires to the rear go down and obey
him only; he would be answerable.
Already several batteries had hooked in and disappeared over the
crest at the gallop. We were beginning to feel impatient and fearful
lest once again we were to see very little of the fun, when the
Major’s orderly came in sight taking shell-holes like a steeple-chaser.
Pulling his horse up on its haunches, he delivered a written
message:
“Our infantry have broken the Hindenburg Line, but the enemy are
massed behind it. They’ve led our chaps into a trap and are putting
up their real fight in their support-trenches. Our tanks have gone on
and cannot help. Much of our artillery fire is at too long range to be
effective. Close support is absolutely necessary. Our infantry are
being pushed back. Move the battery up by sections. Captain
Homing taking the leading section and you the rear, with an interval
of at least ten minutes between them. We are practically in sight of
the Boche, so leave twenty yards between your guns and wagons.
It’s a sacrifice job, so expect a hot time. My orderly will show
Captain Homing where to come into action.”
Heming came up just as I had finished reading the crumpled slip
of paper. I handed it to him. He glanced it through in silence. His
face broke into a smile. “It may be death,” he said.
He signalled for his teams to come up. While they were hooking
in, he spoke with me quietly. “Once on the Somme I asked you to
give a message to a lady if I were wiped out. I wasn’t; but I may be
to-day. If that happens, I want you to give her the same message.
Tell her that I did everything that she might feel proud of our
friendship.” He met my eye and looked away. “In years to come
she’ll need something to make her feel proud, so don’t spoil it. Don’t
tell her about Suzette.... But you chaps, however many of you are
left—you’ll take care of Suzette. I know that!”
“We’ll take care of Suzette,” I said.
“And my message——?”
“I’ll deliver your message.”
The guns were pulling out. I watched them file off round the
swamp, followed by their ammunition-wagons. When the last wagon
was clear, Heming waved his hand to me.
“Good luck,” I shouted.
He galloped off to the head of the column. Then I noticed that
someone was running to catch up behind. For a moment I thought it
was a gunner of the detachments; then I recognised Suzette. They
went at the walk across the valley; as they neared the top of the
crest on the other side, shells began to burst. They were now a
target for the enemy, and broke into first the trot and then the
gallop. In a cloud of dust and smoke they disappeared from sight.
Ten minutes later the centre section went forward. About fifteen
minutes after that I pulled out taking with me the remaining section.
I glanced back at my men. We’d been in tight corners before
together. I would take a bet on how they would behave. Among
them all there was only one query-mark—Driver Trottrot. He was
riding lead of one of the first-line wagons. If he’d got over his fear of
shell-fire, within the next hour he would have his chance to prove it.
There was only one road by which to climb the crest; it had been
well advertised by the other batteries. As we reached the top, we
were skeletoned against the sky-line and hell broke loose about us.
Setting spurs to our horses, we went off at the wild tear. With the
vehicles swaying and thundering behind us, we passed over the first
line of resistance, which our infantry had captured that morning. The
air was heavy with the smell of gas, but worse than the gas were
the incendiary shells, which sent up showers of liquid fire where they
struck, maddening the horses.
On account of the trench-systems it was impossible to go across
the open country, so we had to bear to the right and come down on
to the Cambrai-Arras road. It was crowded with transport—tanks,
pontoons and lorries full of engineers, being rushed up to bridge and
hold the canals in the belief that the attack was still going ahead. We
had to slow down to the crawl in places. The road was a sure target
for the enemy; he knew that it was our one means of advance and,
consequently, gave it constant attention. One vehicle struck caused a
block in the traffic for half a mile; men worked furiously among the
falling shells to drag the cripples to one side. In the ditches, where
they had fallen that morning, dead horses and men, both the
enemy’s and ours, lay crushed and crumpled. No one wished to pay
heed to them; we did our utmost to ignore them as though they
were utterly negligible. But they seemed to cry out to us, appealing
for our pity; then, when we shuddered, threatening us with the
same terrifying, uncared-for Nemesis. When we let our eyes rest on
them they were lying harmless and quiet, but we had the feeling
that behind our backs they sat up with their wounds gaping, and
gnawed their fists at us. Our animals shied at the corpses, breaking
into a sweat and becoming unmanageable, If the dead were not a
sufficient warning of what war could do to us, there was always the
crimson returning tide of battered men, washing grievously past us
back to Arras like a stream of blood.
Patriotism and glory! They sounded empty words compared with
life. There was only one word that was an incentive to keep us
steady—pride. We might survive; we did not wish to live with selves
who would have to hang their heads. Yes, and there was another
incentive—duty: the thought of comrades still further forward, to
whom the roar of our eighteen-pounders would be happy as a peal
of bells.
Crawling, hailing, trotting for brief spells, we had travelled about
four thousand yards when we saw the windmill on the rise, from
which the Major was observing, and in front of the windmill the
Hindenburg Line which we were supposed to have smashed. In the
plain which stretched behind the mill, our sacrifice batteries were
strong out, belching fire. Across the plain our supporting infantry
were trickling up in Indian file, winding their way about the batteries
in action and side-stepping to avoid the bursting shells.
Suddenly we understood, as though the meaning of what for four
years we had been doing were being revealed to us for the first
time. In a flash we saw war’s glory, its wickedness, magnanimity,
challenge and the amazing fortitude it begets in men. It taught
unbrave, ordinary chaps how to try and go on trying, long after hope
seemed at an end. Each one of those batteries out there in the plain
was like a “Little Revenge,” surrounded and dragged down by weight
of numbers; but out or sheer self-respecting stubbornness it never
ceased spurting fire. Everyone of those infantry, plodding stolidly
forward, was quaking at the thought of the Judgment Day up front;
but each one of them would rather die a thousand deaths than shew
the white-feather. The sight was blinding, maddening, intoxicating. If
those chaps didn’t mind dying, why should we hang on to life?
Leaving the first-line wagons parked by the roadside, we set off at
the gallop with the guns and firing-battery wagons to where we saw
Heming’s four guns blazing away in the sunshine. The infantry stood
aside to give us passage. They waved their caps and shouted. We
could not hear a word of what they said; we only saw their lips
moving. The pounding of our going drowned all other sounds.
We swung into line on Heming’s right, flinging our horses back on
their haunches. Before we had had time to unhook, a shell had burst
directly under the centre team of A. Sub’s gun; men and horses
were rolling. We dragged our drivers out and had to shoot the
horses before we could get the gun into action. Then Bedlam broke
loose.
Whether it was that the enemy had seen the heads of our
horsemen above the rise and had got the line on us over open
sights, or whether he had seen the flash of Heming’s firing before
we had come up, we could not tell. In any case he was upon us
now. All along the line of guns his hurricane of shells began to burst.
They fell on top and plus and minus of us. shutting us off from help.
From our wagon-lines on the roadside our peril had been sized up
and teams were coming at the gallop to drag us out. They never got
as far as us. Two hundred yards short, as though he had been
potting at them with a rifle, the enemy caught them, and they
crashed and sank in a cloud of dust. No sooner were they down than
fresh teams dashed out. By his riding I recognised the lead-driver of
the foremost team as Trottrot. At last his opportunity had come. He
was winning his spurs and proving to all the watching world that he
was not yellow He would never reach us. He was riding towards
certain and useless death. He was almost in the storm-centre, when
I ran out and signalled him back.
In the middle of the battery, as cool and collected as if nothing
were happening, Heming sat, his map-board on his knees. Suzette
knelt beside him, doing his pencilling and listening through the
‘phone to the directions of the Major from up front. Now and then he
looked up to give his orders for new ranges and angles; the
expression on his face was triumphant. Every so often he left his
map-board and walked among the men, encouraging them, “Stick to
it, boys. We’ve got to blow the enemy out of the wire. It won’t take
much longer now.”
But the boys were growing fewer. There were less and less of us
to hear him every time he spoke to us. Three guns had been
knocked out, and their crews were lying dead about them. Now
there were only two left; now only one.
Suzette was setting fuzes. Heming was loading and putting on the
ranges. I was laying and firing. We were all three wounded. We
three had taken the places of the dead gunners and seemed to have
been going through these motions, alone and mechanically, keeping
the remaining gun in action, ever since eternity had begun.
Something happened to end it—a roar, a sheet of dame; then
darkness.
A stream of warmth was trickling down my face and neck. I
opened my eyes. The gun was lying over on its side; like
worshippers at mass, Heming and Suzette were kneeling with
clasped hands, their faces towards the red altar of the enemy. As I
watched, their faces drew together and his arm went about her.
Their action became symbolic; it was like England greeting France in
the hour of agony.
Everything faded. The shock and clamour drifted into silence. The
test of scarlet was ended.
Here in the white orderliness of a sheeted bed, with the
accustomedness of peace on every hand, it is strange to remember.
THE END
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