Act 1, Scene 1

ACT I SCENE I

In the bathroom, Violet Moone, a black woman in a maid's uniform, is scrubbing the bathroom mirror. She pause
like a bird.

MOONE Caw, caw, ahya, Caw, caw.

(In the parlor, Jen Parker Turner, a lovely, lithe woman with black flickering eyes, begins giving instructions to h
in the wings of the balcony dressed in her white debutante's gown. Teddy is a thin and strange-looking girl with l
lips.)

TURNER And now, announcing Miss Theadora Jenniquade Parker.

(Teddy slowly and stiffly moves to the center of the balcony. Throughout the following Teddy attempts to follow J

TURNER Now turn majestically toward the audience, filling the room with your stunningly youthful presence. R
up. Now let's see an elegant shimmer of a smile. Yes! Oh Yes! Now for your grand bow.

(Jen demonstrates for Teddy.) Remember your grand bow must be full, radiant, magnificent! You are one hundre
any of the jackasses sitting out in that banquet hall. You're a goddess and they're all swine. Do you have that?

-- 3 --

TEDDY PARKER Yes, ma'am.

TURNER Fine. Now bow to the swine. Oh, wonderful, Teddy. Flawlessly done. Now for the ascension. Keeping
the swine. Shimmering smile. Glorious. Now turn around, slowly, I want to see the whole gown. Oh, now isn't th
simply divine. Don't you feel divine?

TEDDY PARKER Divine. I feel divine.

TURNER Oh yes, and once you have on your jeweled cape and the diamond tiara -- Oh, and of course, your corre

TEDDY PARKER Right, the corrective makeup. That'll help, won't it?
TURNER Goodness, yes. Lord knows we'd all be hideous without it. I know, I'll run down and get your cape. Yo
with the new round-the-clock makeup kit. That way we'll be able to get a better sense of the ensemble as a whole

TEDDY PARKER Alright, Sweet Mama, I'll go fix it.

TURNER Good.

(Jen exits down the back stairs.)

TEDDY PARKER I'll go fix my face. My face. Face.

(In the bathroom Violet is scrubbing the floor. Once again she makes sounds like a bird.)

-- 4 --

MOONE Caw, caw, ahya, ahya, Caw, caw, caw.

(Teddy bursts into the bathroom.)

MOONE Oh, you scared me.

TEDDY PARKER Who are you?

MOONE Violet Moone. I'm working here. . .for today.

TEDDY PARKER Why were you making those strange sounds?

MOONE I don't know. I's just thinking 'bout the time when I heard them birds.

TEDDY PARKER What birds?

MOONE Well, first I thought it was some wild child crying. So I went outside in the pouring rain t'hunt for it and
them colors flying. The most beautiful colors alive -- just coming up outta them trees in the drowning rain. All th
mournful cry like there ain't nothing left but dying. My mama come and tol' me that them was tropical parrot bird
hear. It always stuck with me wondering, 'bout where they would of heard such mournful crying t'recollect.

TEDDY PARKER A lot of people cry. They could of heard it. . .anywhere.

MOONE Well, I come t'figure it musta been somewhere on the long journey that took them birds away from the
lonesomely homesick for. Ya see 'cause a bird's a sign.

-- 5 --

TEDDY PARKER What sorta sign?

MOONE A sign a' change. And that's why I'm going off to -- sunny, tropical L. A., California. They got real sand
ocean a'water.

TEDDY PARKER Umm. Well, maybe that's where I'll send my baby off to.

MOONE You got a baby?

TEDDY PARKER

(Pointing to her stomach.) Yeah. In here.

MOONE Oh.

TEDDY PARKER Violet, would you please hand me the Band-Aid box from up there?

MOONE

(Handing her the box.) Here.

TEDDY PARKER Thank you.

(Teddy opens the Band-Aid box, takes out a cigarette, and matchbook.) Wanna smoke?
(Violet shakes her head. Teddy lights up.)

TEDDY PARKER Me, I love to smoke.

(Bliss White and Hank Turner enter from the main stairs carrying an enormous amount of baggage: a tattered su
badminton racket, board game, small, artificial Christmas tree tied to it with rope, a birdcage, etc. Bliss has whi
huge stuffed animal. She is slender; her silky clothes seem to stick to her skin. Hank is a big lumbering man. He l
business suit.)

-- 6 --

HANK I'm not sure where Jen got off to.

WHITE Oh, oh, oh. Gracious God! Another stunning room!

HANK Well, the third story still needs a lot of work, but Jen wanted us all moved in here for Teddy's debutante d

(In the bathroom, Teddy smokes her cigarette as she mercilessly plucks her eyebrows with a pair of tweezers.)

TEDDY PARKER I don't like hair. I abhor it.

WHITE And where is our prominent Hattiesburg Debutante? Why, she must be on pins and needles.

HANK She was, ah, down modeling her gown for us earlier this morning --

(Jen enters from the back stairway. She carries Teddy's satin cape.)

HANK Jen, honey, hello --

WHITE Oh, Mama, Mama! Sweet, Sweet Mama!

TURNER Bliss, you've arrived! My darling child.

WHITE Oh, Mama, it's been so long. I've missed you so much!
TURNER Well, it's wonderful of you to come up from New Orleans for your sister's debut. I just hope you can --

-- 7 --

WHITE Of course. I -- of course. Delightful.

TURNER I've told Hank all about you. Isn't it true, we don't look a thing alike?

HANK Well, you're both mighty good-looking to me.

WHITE Oh, isn't he the charmer. Why, he'll just turn me giddy as a goose.

HANK

(After a beat.) So, Jen, how's Frances? Did she get in alright?

TURNER I don't know.

HANK Didn't you pick her up?

TURNER Was I supposed to?

HANK Good Lord, we discussed it thirty minutes last night!

TURNER Oh, now I remember. She was going to have pansies pinned to her lapel.

HANK

(Looking at his watch.) God, the poor girl was due in at the Trailway Station over an hour and a half ago. Christ o
can't call anyone! She can't talk!

TURNER I feel dreadful about this.

HANK Well, I've got to get right over there and try to locate the girl. I just hope to hell I find her! Holy God and

(Hank exits down the front stairway.)

-- 8 --

TURNER Poor Hank. He flares up like that since he stopped smoking.

(Jen takes a compact case out of her pocket, opens it, and takes out a cigarette.)

WHITE Yes, I can tell he's really a dear. Just a dear. Oh, Mama, you're smoking again.

TURNER Yes, damnit. Don't tell Teddy.

WHITE Oh, I won't. I wouldn't. I won't.

(Violet enters from the bathroom. She carries a pail.)

TURNER Oh, Violet, go down front and start waxing the entrance hall. When you finish that, wash all the front w
stuffing the shrimp.

(Violet exits down the front stairs, making noises like a bird.)

TURNER Oh, the shrimp! I'm boiling butterfly shrimp! They've probably completely disintegrated. Bliss, you run
in that bathroom.

WHITE So, Mama, where shall I stay?

TURNER Oh, anywhere up on the third floor. I believe there's a bed up there somewhere.

(Jen exits down the back stairway. Bliss looks at the cape with envy. In the bathroom Teddy takes the tweezers an

-- 9 --

TEDDY PARKER My Lord. My Lord. My face. My face.

(Bliss heads toward the bathroom.)

WHITE Teddy! Teddy! Teddy Bear!

TEDDY PARKER Bliss? Is that you?

(Bliss enters Jen's bathroom.)

WHITE Oh, Teddy, there you are, honey! Give me a hug! I want a hug.

TEDDY PARKER Oh, Bliss! Bliss!

WHITE Lord in heaven, what a luxurious bathroom.

TEDDY PARKER How are you?

WHITE

(Pulling back and looking at Teddy.) Good Christ, what's that on your face?

TEDDY PARKER A scratch. A cat scratched me. It was beige colored.

WHITE My God. Well, don't worry, we'll find something in here to fix it up with.

(Looking through her bag.) Hmm. But first let me put on just a dash of mascara. I see people so much better whe

TEDDY PARKER What?

WHITE You're smoking again?

-- 10 --

TEDDY PARKER Don't tell Mama. Swear you won't tell Mama.
WHITE Oh, I won't. I wouldn't. I won't.

(Teddy is dubious.)

WHITE So how is Mama anyway? Do you think she still hates me for being born?

(Teddy shrugs. Bliss begins putting makeup on herself)

WHITE It's so unfair. And now I'm forced to plead with her to take me in.

TEDDY PARKER You mean to live here?

WHITE I have no choice. I'm destitute, penniless, deserted, and alone. No one wants me. No one can stand me.

TEDDY PARKER What happened to your dog trainer boyfriend?

WHITE Oh, he said I couldn't dance. It's not true. I can dance. I dance. You've seen me dance!

TEDDY PARKER Uh-huh.

WHITE In an unprovoked rage, he threw all of my belongings out of the window. I had to scrape this blush up of
The few fine things from my marriage to the fat man were lost or destroyed.

(She sighs and begins putting makeup on Teddy.) So anyway, how is my former husband doing? Is Tommy still r

-- 11 --

TEDDY PARKER He's awfully large.

WHITE And how's my baby, Butterball?

TEDDY PARKER She's getting bigger and bigger.

WHITE God, I'm sick with guilt I never send Butterball anything at all. And I do love her so. She's my one child.

(About Teddy's makeup.) There, that looks much better.

TEDDY PARKER Tell me, Bliss, boys and men, they know, don't they? I mean they know a girl's eyelids aren't re
aren't really so dark and red and shiny. They know that, don't they?

WHITE Of course they're aware it's something of an illusion.

TEDDY PARKER Then why do they like it? Why do they want it? It's all a big trick.

WHITE Well, uh, my, Teddy. . .

(The doorbell rings.)

WHITE Ah, chimes! Chimes! I love the chimes! I wonder who's coming? I wonder who's there? Oh, who could i

(Teddy takes off her debutante gown.)

TEDDY PARKER Brighton's coming over. He's taking me to the hair salon.

-- 12 --

WHITE Brighton is coming here? He's actually speaking to Mama?

(Teddy puts on a black raincoat. She pulls the hood up over her head.)

TEDDY PARKER They all speak to her now that I'm having my debut.

WHITE You mean Mama is back in Theadora Parker's good graces?

TEDDY PARKER Yes, she is. Everyone has high hopes about my entrance into society. It's gonna turn everything

WHITE Divine. I'm sure. Divine.

(Brighton Parker enters from the front stairway with Violet leading him. Brighton is a very well dressed, proper
glasses and carries a cane.)

MOONE She's up here someplace.

BRIGHTON PARKER

(About the room.) Utterly atrocious. Ghastly. Hideous. Unspeakable.

(To Violet.) I know you. Your mother, Candy Moone, used to work for my grandmother, Theadora.

MOONE Yeah, I remember that lady. She rode in a wheelchair and fixed my mama leftover luncheon meat sandw

-- 13 --

BRIGHTON PARKER Yes, Grandmother's very generous. She's always thinking of others.

(Teddy puts a pair of wool socks on her hands.)

WHITE Teddy, why are you wearing socks on your hands?

TEDDY PARKER I wear them now instead of mittens.

WHITE Oh, thank God for my pharmaceutical regimen.

(Bliss takes a pill. Teddy enters the parlor from the bathroom.)

BRIGHTON PARKER Teddy, must you always wear that black raincoat?

TEDDY PARKER You never know about the weather.

(Bliss enters from the bathroom.)

WHITE Brighton! Brighton! It's me! I'm home. I've returned!

BRIGHTON PARKER Yes, I see. So you have.

WHITE Gracious Lord, merciful heavens, that's Daddy's doghead cane you're carrying. What in the world posses
piece of memorabilia?

BRIGHTON PARKER Grandmother gave it to me after Uncle Theodore died. I carry it with me as a reminder.

WHITE A reminder of gruesomeness.

-- 14 --

BRIGHTON PARKER Teddy, we don't have much time.

TEDDY PARKER I'm all ready. I'm all fine.

WHITE But first, won't y'all and the maid please help me carry up my luggage?

BRIGHTON PARKER All of this is yours?

WHITE I couldn't decide what to wear. So, Brighton, can you believe it? Mama's happily rich all over again.

(Teddy, Violet, Brighton, and Bliss start hauling luggage up the stairs.)

BRIGHTON PARKER It is amazing. I never thought she'd marry that professional boor, even for the sake of mone

WHITE Why, I hear Hank Turner's very brilliant. They say he can talk spun gold in a courtroom.

BRIGHTON PARKER Yes, well, he did manage to save Aunt Jen's neck. And that was certainly quite a feat.

TEDDY PARKER No talking, no talking, no talking about any trials. That's all over. That's all behind us.

BRIGHTON PARKER
(To Teddy.) Where're you going?

TEDDY PARKER I'd like to wait down in the car. That big black car.

(Teddy exits down the main stairway.)

-- 15 --

BRIGHTON PARKER She's upset. She's got problems.

MOONE I know 'bout one of 'em.

(They exit up the stairs. Jen comes up the back stairs carrying a beautiful bouquet of debutante roses.)

TURNER Teddy! Where are you, my darling child? My wondrous salvation? Your debutante bouquet has arrived

(Jen enters the bathroom.) Teddy?

(Jen sees Teddy is not there. She twirls around smelling the bouquet.) They're so beautiful. Like all the untold se

(Jen looks at herself in the mirror, smiling sweetly. Her smile disappears.) Ah. Hmm, why'd you have to get to b

(Violet and Brighton come walking down the stairs.)

BRIGHTON PARKER It's amazing. The higher you go, the worse it gets. I'd rather live on a bed of nails than spen

MOONE It's kinda scary.

TURNER

(Exits from bathroom.) Brighton! To see your face again.

BRIGHTON PARKER Aunt Jen, hello.

-- 16 --
TURNER Well, come here and kiss me, my cherished child.

BRIGHTON PARKER I, no. No thank you.

TURNER Please. What's wrong? You always said I was your favorite aunt.

BRIGHTON PARKER Yes, and Uncle Theodore was Grandmother's only son.

TURNER How pompous you've become clutching that silly cane. Oh well, we'll turn it all around. Here, just look
roses remind you of the untold secrets of angels.

BRIGHTON PARKER Yes, but angels don't keep secrets.

TURNER No, then where's Teddy? I want her to see it.

BRIGHTON PARKER I believe she's down in Grandmother's limousine.

(Jen runs out on the balcony and waves below to Teddy.)

TURNER Teddy! Oh, Teddy!

BRIGHTON PARKER God, who'd ever think it? Her with those frail white hands and flowered charm. Who'd eve

MOONE What?

TURNER

(Disappears on the balcony.) Look up here, child!

-- 17 --

BRIGHTON PARKER That she murdered her own husband in that violent fashion.
TURNER

(Offstage.) Your bouquet, my angel!

MOONE Oh, Lordy! Is she the one from in the newspapers?

BRIGHTON PARKER That's she.

MOONE And the girl in the white dress, was it her daddy was murdered?

BRIGHTON PARKER

(Nods yes.) Yes. My Uncle Theodore. Three years ago.

MOONE Got bludgeoned to death with a cast iron skillet.

TURNER

(Offstage.) Tonight's going to be all you ever dreamed! I promise you! I promise!

(Lights fade to blackout.)

-- 18 --
Act 1, Scene 2

SCENE II

Bliss is standing with one leg in Jen's bathroom sink. She shaves her leg in a tattered peach
teddy as she sings an upbeat Spanish song. Jen sits at her dressing table in a beautiful rose-
colored slip. She is putting ointment onto sores on her skin.

TURNER

(Laughing with delight.) Oh, how sweet it is! How divine!

WHITE Marvelous, Mommie! Marvelous!

TURNER Just think, Bliss, tonight I'm going to get them all back --

WHITE Resplendent revenge!

TURNER

(Running on.) Everyone in this town who ever shunned or ostracized us.

WHITE Let them eat words! Oh, let them eat words.

(Jen puts on a robe.)

TURNER Imagine. We'll all drive out to the ball -- together again! Theadora Parker's going to
enter my new house and shake my dirty hand which will be dripping with jewels and gold.

WHITE Dear old Grandmama.

TURNER Ha! After my trial, the heartless bitch was happy to see all we had auctioned off to the
highest bidder.

-- 19 --

WHITE Yes, she was very bitter about it all. Very bitter.

TURNER She's hoping tonight will give some new air of respectability to the memory of her
infamous son. To the memory of her son. Why, this has got nothing to do with that wretched
man.

WHITE You never loved Daddy, did you, Mama? Even on your wedding day?

TURNER Of course not, Bliss. I told you that.

WHITE I'm glad you're with Hank now.

TURNER Yes, well, I never get tired of marrying for money.

WHITE No, why should you?

TURNER Exactly. Teddy needs every advantage. She's been put on probation up at Ole Miss.
The Tri-Delts have threatened to expel her -- for idiosyncratic behavior.

WHITE Well, frankly, her social skills do need a good deal of refining. She went out today
wearing socks on her hands instead of mittens. She's just trying to get attention. It's repulsive.
She's smoking again, too.

TURNER No! Oh, Goddamnit! The little liar! What am I going to do?

WHITE

(Shaving under her arm.) You've done all you can. You've married Hank. You have this splendid
mansion for her to live in. Why, tonight she's going to be presented at the Hattiesburg Debutante
Ball in a Paris gown strewn with antique pearls. It really oughta be enough for anyone.

(Cutting herself with the razor.) Aaah! Damnation! I cut myself. Look at this gash.

-- 20 --

TURNER

(Really sick.) No, I can't. I swear. Really, I used to look at bloody things, now they get me so
sick.

WHITE It's alright. I'll soak it up. It's not so bad.

(Bliss soaks up the blood. Jen leaves the bathroom and goes into the main room. Hank comes up
the main stairway. He is dripping with sweat.)

HANK She's nowhere to be found! I've had to notify the police. They're all out searching for her.
An Officer Shackelford is waiting downstairs to keep us posted.

(Bliss enters the living room in her teddy.)

WHITE

(Showing her underarm.) Look, Mama, the bleeding has spontaneously subsided.

(Hank paces over by the phone.)

HANK God, I just don't know what to do. I can't call up my dying sister and tell her I've lost her
only child. Oh, what have I done?! What have I done?!

(Hank goes to pour himself a straight bourbon.)

TURNER Oh, Hank, please, don't start drinking now. Remember tonight's Teddy's Debutante
Ball.

HANK Screw the ball, woman! I've lost my deaf niece!

(Violet comes up the back stairs with a huge tray of unpolished silver, silver polish, and rags.
Violet is uneasy in Jen's presence.)

-- 21 --

TURNER Oh, Violet, thank goodness. You've brought up the silver.

WHITE My rings! I haven't got on my rings! I'm flushed all over with embarrassment. I'm
simply dishabille without them.

TURNER The flowers! The flowers! Have they arrived?

MOONE Big bunches of 'em.

(Bliss flees into Jen's bathroom to retrieve her rings.)

TURNER

(To Violet.) Bring the red ones up here. The white ones stay below.
MOONE That's where I'll keep 'em.

(Violet exits down the back stairs. Hank pours himself another drink.)

HANK God Almighty. God Almighty.

TURNER Hank, please, I know you're upset --

HANK Yes, Jen, I am upset. Very upset.

(Bliss enters the main room, spraying herself with perfume.)

WHITE I'm drenching myself in lilac perfume. That's all there is to do.

HANK My sister, Sue, is literally eaten up with cancer --

-- 22 --

WHITE

(Still spraying.) Ugh.

HANK She could drop dead any minute --

WHITE

(Still spraying.) Poor thing.

HANK She sends her only daughter down here to go to this goddamn ball in a last-ditch effort to
find a husband --

WHITE

(Still spraying.) How pathetic!

HANK And what do we do? We lose the girl! She's gone. She's lost. She wasn't picked up.

TURNER Please, she's not lost. She's misplaced. Frances will be retrieved. It's inevitable.

HANK It'd suit you just fine if she never showed up. You didn't want my family included. Admit
it, Jen. You never did.

TURNER We're all delighted to have Frances.

HANK You're not delighted, Jen. You never even found her a date. You didn't mail out her
invitation. You're convinced she won't fit in. Come on! Face it! Look at the evidence!

TURNER She will fit in. We'll fit her in! Now please, Hank, stop raving like a lunatic -- go out
on the balcony and have a cigarette.

-- 23 --

HANK I don't smoke anymore!

TURNER Yes, you do. You do.

(Jen takes a cigarette and lighter out of her robe pocket, lights the cigarette, and hands it to
Hank.) There you are. There's your smoke.

HANK Alright, Jen. Alright.

(Hank goes out on the balcony to smoke his cigarette.)

WHITE Men. They're all wild. They're all crazy.

TURNER I know how to handle him. I can run him. It's just sometimes I don't have the patience.
There's only so much I can bear to swallow.

WHITE Absolutely. I don't know why his niece had to be invited. She's spent her whole life on
some dirt poor farm. She's probably never been to an occasion of any sort. I'm sure she can't
dance; she can't hear; she can't make chitchat.

(Violet enters up the back stairway with an armload of red flowers.)

MOONE Here're the red ones. The white ones are staying below.

WHITE

(Swooning.) Oh, how lovely! How divine! Mama, I must have a corsage for tonight. I need
money for an enormous arrangement. I want to erupt with foliage.

(Jen starts arranging the flowers.)

-- 24 --

TURNER Yes, you expect to be given everything your heart desires. You'll just lap it right up off
a silver platter. Why, my father never even once gave me a gift or a remembrance of any kind.

WHITE Yes, you told me.

TURNER At Christmas time I'd invent pets he'd given me, like a pony or a puppy or a parakeet.

WHITE I remember you named your pony Dodie.

TURNER Later I'd tell all my friends and acquaintances the pet had died. That way I was able to
save face. That's how I did it.

WHITE Yes, I know all that, Mama.

TURNER Well, then, polish the silver! Do something useful! Life isn't just some parade passing
by!

(Bliss starts polishing the silver.)

TURNER Violet, bring up the party favors. I want to arrange them in this urn. That way they'll be
a surprise. No one will know what they're picking. No one will see what's coming.

MOONE Caw, caw, ahya!

(Violet exits down the back stairway.)

TURNER Christ, I'd love to fire her. Unfortunately, I can't. I fired all the help yesterday. Do you
know she's the only person in the whole town Hank could find who'd come in and work for me
today. What am I, a leper?

(Teddy and Brighton come up the main stairway. Teddy wears a black raincoat with the hood
pulled up over her head and socks on her hands.)

-- 25 --

TEDDY PARKER

(Breathlessly.) Listen, everyone, there's a policeman downstairs. He's smoking a cigar in the
front hallway. What's he want? Mama, who's he come for?

WHITE Oh, he's only here about that deformed, I mean, deaf girl, Hank's niece. She's still lost.

TEDDY PARKER Oh, well, I hope they find her.

TURNER Don't worry. We're going to find Frances. Everything will work out perfectly. It always
does. Now, Teddy, what time is your friend David Brickman arriving from Atlanta?

TEDDY PARKER Oh. Oh, him. Him. This is very upsetting.

TURNER What?

TEDDY PARKER He's not coming.

TURNER What do you mean he's not coming? This has been arranged for months. His name's in
the program. He's your official escort.

TEDDY PARKER I know, I know. It's dreadful. But his mother called up and said he fell down
out on his lawn and broke his limb in two.

TURNER He what?

TEDDY PARKER His left limb just broke in two.

-- 26 --

TURNER But this can't be.

(Teddy sniffs, then quickly pulls off her hood to show her hair which has been put up on her head
in a bouffant style. Violet comes up the back stairway with a basket of party favors.)

TEDDY PARKER How do you like my hair? They did a nice job. Don't you see how the hairpiece
adds a lot of fullness to the head.

BRIGHTON PARKER It's very attractive.

WHITE

(Overlapping from "like my hair.") Well, they certainly poofed it out.

MOONE

(Overlapping from "nice job.") Real fancy.

TURNER Give me his number, Teddy. I'm calling his parents. This is an outrage. You tell me
this boy is from one of the finest families in Atlanta and he does this!

TEDDY PARKER Please, Mama, he didn't mean to take the spill.

TURNER I'll spill him! He can't back out on us at the last minute. Get me his number, Teddy.
Goddamnit, the little bastard's not gonna ditch us like dirt. Now run get me his number!

TEDDY PARKER Yes, Mama. I'll go get the number. I'll go get it.

(Teddy runs down the hall to her bedroom.)

-- 27 --

TURNER I won't be stepped on anymore. No one is ruining this night! No one!

WHITE Please, it's alright, Mama. Don't get upset. Whatever you do -- just don't -- do it.

TURNER

(To Bliss.) Did you clean up all of that hair in my bathroom sink?

WHITE I think so.

TURNER Well, make sure! You know how I hate hair! I abhor it! I can't stand to look at it. It
makes my skin crawl. Now, go and check on that hair.

WHITE It's always the same whenever I come home. It's always the same.

(Bliss runs into the bathroom and lights up a cigarette.)

TURNER Violet, go brew some tea. We need tea!

(Violet exits down the back stairway.)

TURNER

(To Brighton.) Why are you looking at me like that?

BRIGHTON PARKER It's so bewildering to me how I ever could have believed in your foolish
charm.

TURNER You were a lonely, fanciful child. We made each other laugh. I used to let you bake
buttermilk biscuits. You'd always eat a ball of the dough.

-- 28 --

BRIGHTON PARKER Yes, I enjoyed eating that ball of dough. I found it tasty. I believe I actually
preferred it to the biscuits.

(Teddy enters.)

TEDDY PARKER Here, Sweet Mama. Here's the number.

TURNER Thank you.

(Jen goes to the phone.)

BRIGHTON PARKER

(To Teddy.) Why can't anything ever work out with you people?

TEDDY PARKER We're snake-bit.

TURNER Teddy, the telephone number you've given me is missing a digit.

TEDDY PARKER Let me see. I thought it was correct. It's the one he gave me. Oh no, I must
have deleted a digit.

TURNER Goddamnit, I'm all set to bless them straight to hell. Call information! We need
directory assistance!!!

(Teddy goes to call on the phone.)

BRIGHTON PARKER Really, Aunt Jen, if the boy's leg is broken, I can't understand what good
it's going to do to make a scene.

TURNER That young man is going to honor his commitment to Teddy. He's obligated to us. He'll
have to send a replacement.

-- 29 --

TEDDY PARKER They're unlisted. They're so rich and powerful they're not even listed.

TURNER Please, Teddy, don't worry. We'll fix it. I'm sure Brighton knows some marvelous
young men.

BRIGHTON PARKER Me? You can't expect me! Good Lord, this is the very day of the ball. All
of my affiliates have made arrangements months in advance.

TEDDY PARKER They're all booked up.

TURNER Oh, come on, Brighton, anyone will do. A young boy. A grandfather type. We're not
being particular at the moment. Think! Think!

BRIGHTON PARKER Let me think. Let me think! Let me think!! No, I can't think! I can't think!
There's no one.

TEDDY PARKER No one.

BRIGHTON PARKER No one at all.

TURNER Well, then you'll just have to take her yourself.

BRIGHTON PARKER That's impossible. As the official representative from the Parker family,
I'm presenting her at the ball. The escort has got to be different from the presenter.
TURNER Oh, you're right. God. Good God.

TEDDY PARKER Please, Sweet Mama. Don't despair. I have a good solution.

-- 30 --

TURNER What?

TEDDY PARKER I'll send regrets. I'll say I have an acid stomach.

BRIGHTON PARKER I suppose if things can't be done properly. I mean, the whole purpose of
tonight was to enhance the Parker family image, not to disgrace it further.

TURNER

(Overlapping.) Shut up! You're not talking anymore. Shut up! Shut up! Let me think. Let me
think. Hank! You'll go with Hank. That's all. It's a radical move, but he's all we've got. Hank!

TEDDY PARKER Mama, wait --

TURNER

(Calling out on the balcony.) Hank, dear, are you about!

BRIGHTON PARKER You'll make us all laughingstocks.

(Hank enters from the balcony.)

HANK Yes, Jen, what is it?

TURNER Hank, dear, we've run into a little snag. Teddy requires an escort for this evening's ball.
And she's hoping you'll comply.

HANK You want me to be her date?

TURNER

(To Teddy.) See, dear, he'd be delighted.

-- 31 --

BRIGHTON PARKER This is ridiculous. The escort is supposed to be a young, eligible man, not
some ancient old goat who's married to the debutante's mother.

TEDDY PARKER

(In a whisper.) Unfortunately, I don't think he can waltz. I observed him at your wedding and he
couldn't waltz.

TURNER Nonsense. Hank has a natural grace. Here, take her in your arms. Spin her around the
ballroom floor.

(Teddy and Hank awkwardly begin to waltz.)

TURNER See there. There's nothing to it. Try to breathe. Breathe. Keep breathing.

(Hank steps on Teddy's foot.)

TEDDY PARKER Ah, my toes! He stepped on my toes! I think they're all broken for good!

HANK I'm so sorry. I'm such an ox. I'm known for my clumsiness.

TURNER Teddy, please, Hank would never break your toes. We'll rehearse his waltzing. It won't
be a problem.

BRIGHTON PARKER She doesn't want to go with him. It's apparent. I think we all know why.

TEDDY PARKER Oh, please, Sweet Mama, I just don't think I can go. My toes are broken.

-- 32 --
TURNER Listen to me, Teddy. I wish we could find you the perfect escort. I've tried so hard to
make this night just what you wanted. Why do you think I've spent this last year planning and
preparing and coordinating everything especially for you? Why, I had the florist make up nine
different rose bouquets before I approved the one that was exactly exquisitely right for your
ensemble. I know I can never change the past. But please, please don't deny me this ferocious
dream I have of giving you a future.

TEDDY PARKER Yes. I'll go with him. He'll be my date.

TURNER Fine, glorious.

HANK I don't like twisting her arm.

BRIGHTON PARKER She despises the man.

TEDDY PARKER I'll need a lot of makeup, though. A lot of it. All over my face.

TURNER We'll dance all night. It will be a spectacular occasion. We'll always remember it.

(Violet enters from the main stairway with a tea tray.)

MOONE The deaf girl. She's come. She's down there. She's gotten all dusty!

(Everyone heads out the front hall doorway.)

HANK Frances. Thank God! She's alive! Thank God. My dear, Frances.

-- 33 --

TURNER

(Overlapping.) See there! I knew it would all work out perfectly!

BRIGHTON PARKER
(Overlapping.) It's unbelievable! Now the deaf girl comes! Tonight will be so mortifying.

TEDDY PARKER

(Relishing the idea.) I wonder what it's like for her when she can't even hear anything at all.
Nothing at all.

(They all exit. Bliss sits alone in Jen's bathroom. She powders herself with an enormous powder
puff. Frances Walker enters the parlor from the back stairway. She is tall and strong and wears
a dust-covered suit. She moves awkwardly around the room carrying her dust-laden suitcase and
shoes. Bliss moves from the bathroom into the main room to get a drink to wash down some pills
she is taking. Bliss spots Frances.)

WHITE Oh, hello.

(Frances has had three summers of training at a deaf school, so she knows some sign language
and can read lips somewhat. However, since almost no one around her knows sign language, she
has invented her own way of communicating -- a very unique pantomime along with attempts at
speaking words. This will have to be developed by the actress.)

-- 34 --

WHITE Well, how do you do? I'm Bliss White.

WALKER "HELLO, I'M FRANCES WALKER."

WHITE Pardon? What's that? Oh! Oh, my God! You're the cousin.

(Bliss takes a pill, yelling and enunciating.) Yes, so won-der-ful to meet you. I'm Bliss White.
Comprende vous, ma chere?

(Frances nods yes and no.)

WHITE Yes, Bliss. Je m'appelle, Bliss.

WALKER "BLISS."

WHITE Yes! Very good! Très bien! Asseyez vous gentilmente. While I go get some help.
(Frances shakes her head in utter despair. She can hardly refrain from crying.)

WALKER "THIS HOUSE IS TOO BIG. TOO BEAUTIFUL."

WHITE

(Overlapping.) What's wrong? Why, you did very well.

WALKER "WHY DID I EVER COME? WHAT A FOOL!"

WHITE Oh, I shouldn't have been speaking French.

WALKER "MY MAMA'S SICK!"

WHITE

(Running on.) Why was I speaking Français! Good gracious! Silly me.

-- 35 --

WALKER "I MUST GO. HOME. I GO. I GO."

WHITE Oh no, don't go. Stay here. Stay. Stay! Sit! Sit!

WALKER "SIT. I'M NO DOG. I HATE DOGS."

WHITE Perhaps you'd like some tea.

WALKER "WHEN I WALK, THIS DOG GROWLS AT ME AND BITES."

WHITE

(Overlapping.) Oh my! This is ghastly! Mama. Somebody. Help. Help me!

WALKER "OH, I DON'T BELONG HERE. I'M ALL DIRTY."

WHITE Oh Lord. Oh Lordy.

WALKER "LOOK AT THIS. I'M COVERED WITH FILTH."

WHITE

(Overlapping.) What? What? Oh dear, dear, dear.

WALKER

(Overlapping.) "UGH, MY FEET. SMELL MY FEET."

WHITE Your feet?

WALKER "OH, THEY STINK."

WHITE Stink? Your feet stink. Your feet stink!

WALKER

(Overlapping.) "YEAH. YEAH. THEY DO!"

-- 36 --

WHITE Oh, well, here, we'll just spray them with perfume. We'll drench them in perfume.

(Bliss starts spraying Frances' feet with perfume.) There. That's good. I'll make it right. You'll
have fun. It will be a beautiful night for you. Your feet are lovely now. Just lovely.

(Frances looks up at Bliss and smiles.)

WALKER "YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL."

WHITE Yes. Well, anyway. Yes.

(Bliss sprays herself with perfume.)

(Lights fade to blackout.)

-- 37 --
Act 1, Scene 3

SCENE III

It is evening. Violet is wearing a formal maid's uniform. She is helping Hank finish dressing for
the ball. Hank fidgets as Violet hooks him into his black cummerbund. Hank has a shred of toilet
tissue stuck to his face over a cut he got shaving. Champagne has been laid out. The tea service
has been cleared.

HANK This waist thing's too tight. I feel like a stuck hog.

MOONE That's as loose as it'll go.

HANK Damn! T'hell with all this debutante crap. It's turned Jen into a crazy woman. Why, it was
no surprise to me when the maids and cook quit yesterday.

MOONE

(Picking up his cuff links.) Here, I'll get on your studs.

HANK I just can't tell you, Violet, how much I appreciate your coming t'help us out here on such
short notice. I wish you'd consider staying with us on a permanent basis.

MOONE Well, thing is come Monday morning, me and my kids are headed out for L. A.,
California.

HANK I tell you, Violet, breaking into the entertainment world is not going to be nearly as
simple as you may imagine. How would your mama have felt about you hauling all your kids off
to a strange place like California?

-- 38 --
MOONE Well, I know, Mr. Turner, that at my age I've already been a jailbird and nobody
expects much outta me. But I'll prove 'em wrong.

HANK I hope so, Violet, but I have some grave doubts about the practicality of your plans.

MOONE Thing is ever since I was alive I've had this longing t'be a circus clown. Originally, I
thought you had to be born a clown, and I cried all the time thinking how badly I felt 'cause I
could never be turned from a black colored person into a funny clown person. Then one day
watching TV, I discovered that clowns were man-made and if I just learned out at the circus
school in California -- I could change myself and become one, too. From then on, a whole wide
life appeared up before me.

(Suddenly Jen appears at the top of the stairs in a glamorous satin emerald gown. She carries a
dazzling gold jewelry case under her arm. Hank "oohs" at the sight of her.)

TURNER Good evening, everyone! Oh, let's illuminate the sky! What a night! What a time! Oh,
I'm so filled with excitement!

(Violet rushes out onto the balcony and starts lighting small lanterns.)

HANK God, your face.

TURNER What?

-- 39 --

HANK It sparkles.

TURNER Oh, Hank. Hank! Hank!

HANK

(Overlapping.) Like a Christmas tree when you smile. Like a lit up Christmas tree.

TURNER
(Laughing.) Yes, I feel aglow. I feel aglow.

HANK God, to hear you laugh. You know that first year we were married the only thing that ever
made you smile even faintly was sitting and watching a rainstorm come in.

TURNER Yes, you'd sit there with me and we'd watch the rain flood down.

HANK Later on you got to where you'd laugh just a little. Lord, it made me cry to hear you laugh
so thin and strange. All I wanna do is be with you and hear your laughter soar.

TURNER No, don't ever leave me.

(Teddy enters from her room. She wears her debutante's gown, a white satin cape, silver
slippers, and carries a glittering evening bag. She looks as though she is ready for battle.)

TEDDY PARKER Here I am, Mama! I'm ready for the ball!

TURNER What a vision! Isn't she a vision!

-- 40 --

HANK Oh my goodness, she's pretty.

TURNER A belle! A real Southern belle.

TEDDY PARKER Clang, clang, clang.

TURNER Here now, you must wear this diamond necklace. It's the perfect adornment to your
gown.

(Jen takes a glittering necklace out of the jewel box.)

TEDDY PARKER Diamonds galore.

TURNER Isn't it beautiful. Like a treasure from a cherub's tomb. Hank gave it to me for our
anniversary.

HANK I love to give your mama things.

(Jen goes to put the necklace on Teddy.)

HANK Remember the first gift I ever gave you?

TURNER The Pontiac?

HANK No, honey, you were still in jail and I brought you in that homegrown tomato.

TURNER It's magnificent. How it sets off your eyes.

HANK You said it was the best tomato you'd ever had.

TURNER Run look at your sweet self in the mirror. You're the purest angel. The dearest one.

(Teddy goes into Jen's bathroom and stares at herself in the mirror.)

-- 41 --

HANK You said each bite was like an endless summer. Don't you remember the tomato?

TURNER Yes, of course, I'm very fond of vegetables.

(Holding up her jewels.) Let me see, what should I wear? I want to appear enormously enriched!
I want them all to be speechless with envy.

HANK God, you look so beautiful to me, I can't hardly stand it.

TURNER Oh, butter me up some more. Please, butter me up some more.

(Violet enters from the balcony. All the outdoor lanterns have been lit.)

HANK

(To Violet.) Violet, come in here and look at her! Why, I'd like to eat her right up with a silver
spoon. Mmm, mmm. Gobble, gobble.

TURNER

(Uncomfortable.) Hank, please, butter me up, but don't fry me in fat.

HANK Sorry, I just can't help it.

(Hank knocks over a vase of flowers.)

TURNER Oh, Hank, watch out! Those fresh flowers were sent in special for tonight!

HANK I'll get something t'sweep it up with.

(The doorbell rings.)

-- 42 --

TURNER God, that's Teddy's grandmother. They're here.

(To Hank.) What's that toilet paper doing stuck on your face?

HANK

(Pulling it off) Oh.

TURNER Oh, Hank, would you run upstairs and lock my jewels back in the safe?

HANK Alright.
TURNER Oh, and Hank, please don't come down without your jacket. Violet, would you get him
his jacket?

(To Hank.) Now, Hank, I know how much fun it is for you to let everyone think you're just a
loud, crazy, redneck who happens to have a brilliant mind; and if you want to hide behind that
facade, well, that's up to you, because Teddy and I will be proud of you no matter what. And
that's just the way we feel.

(Jen exits down the main stairway. Hank turns to Violet, who is sweeping up the flowers.)

HANK Great. She's using reverse psychology on me. How brilliant. God, she's really changed
since the day I met her in that little ol' county jail cell. I tell you one thing, Violet, a woman in
distress is enormously attractive to a man. And if he thinks he's gonna be able to offer a bit of
solace to her despair, well, he's a greased and cooked goose.

(Hank exits up the staircase with the jewel box. Violet exits down the back stairway. In the
bathroom, Teddy puts roll-on deodorant behind her knees. Frances slowly opens the bathroom
door. She wears a homemade dress and holds a white fur stole lovingly in her arms.)

-- 43 --

WALKER

(Tentatively holding out the fur.) "HI. . .COULD I. . .COULD I WEAR. . ."

TEDDY PARKER Have it. Have it. It's yours.

(Frances' face lights up. She throws the fur around her shoulders and spins around the room.)

WALKER "OH, THANK YOU, TEDDY, THANK YOU! MANY WARM THANKS."

(Bliss bursts into the bathroom wearing a green gown.)

WHITE See there. I told you she'd let you wear it!

WALKER "IT'S THE SOFTEST THING I'VE EVER FELT IN MY LIFE."

WHITE Yes, and it does make all the difference in the world! Oh, Teddy, Teddy. My God, if I
were only in your slippers, this would be the most thrilling night of my life. Why, I could burst
into hysterical tears thinking about how I was never ever allowed to be a debutante. Oh God,
never to be allowed. Not allowed. The agony.

(Teddy moans from her bowels.)

WHITE Oh, good God, don't be such a silly. Things aren't that serious. Here, let's go out and
have some pink champagne.

(They all move out into the parlor.)

-- 44 --

WHITE Come on now, we must be gay and frivolous tonight and spin ourselves into a high, high
fever.

(Frances awkwardly imitates the way Bliss is spinning and gliding across the floor. As she pours
champagne.)

WHITE That's it, Frances! Oh, what a stunning carriage! Doesn't she have the most stunning
carriage!

TEDDY PARKER Oh, she does! Boy, she does. Clang! Clang! Clang!

(Bliss hands out glasses of champagne.)

WHITE Here now, we must all drink up. It's a scientific fact that people who don't drink severely
limit their spiritual development!

(They all clink glasses and dance about. Hank appears at the top of the stairs. He slides down
the banister. They all look up at him and gasp.)

HANK Good evening, ladies!

WALKER "UNCLE HANK!"

WHITE What an athletic performance! What an amazing feat!

HANK My, and don't the three of you look so pretty! Like three angels on a cake!

WALKER

(Giving him a glass of champagne.) "PUNCH!"

-- 45 --

HANK Well, thank you, Frances. Cheers, everyone. Cheers.

WHITE I'm putting on some music! We must dance!

HANK

(To Teddy.) Well, I have been practicing, if you'd like to give it a whirl, Miss Teddy.

(The waltzing music begins.)

TEDDY PARKER Dancing's not for me.

HANK I'll look out for your toes.

TEDDY PARKER I'm saving myself for the ball.

(Bliss waves a rose at Hank with a smile.)

WHITE I'll dance with you.

(Bliss slings the rose over her shoulder.)

HANK Perhaps she's right. I am awful clumsy.

WHITE Oh, come on now. No fool, no fun.

(Bliss and Hank start dancing awkwardly. Frances watches with awe.)
WHITE Ah, I love dancing. I've always dreamed of spending my life as a ballerina doll spinning
madly on top of a jeweled music box.

(Picking up a quarter that she spots.) Oh, look, a quarter!

(Pressing the coin into his palm.) Here, you must keep it for me.

(Turning to Teddy and Frances.) Look, everyone, isn't he marvelous! Why, he's just a natural!

(Teddy watches with interest as Frances applauds the couple. Jen and Brighton enter from the
main stairway.)

-- 46 --

TURNER Oh, very good! Why, Hank, your waltzing is looking so much better! Just don't let
Bliss trip you up with her sense of rhythm. She's always been such an awkward dancer.

(Bliss stops dancing and goes to the record player.)

HANK Jen, please don't treat the girl like that.

TURNER Treat her like what? Teddy, Brighton's brought up your grandmother's tiara. Go put it
on and then hurry downstairs.

(Brighton hands Teddy the tiara. Bliss scratches the needle across the record. There is a horrible
screech. Bliss kicks the wall with her foot and bangs on it with her fist. Everyone looks at her.)

TURNER Really, Bliss, please. I don't want to get into another tiff. I was just teasing you, silly.

WHITE Teasing me? That's teasing?

TURNER Yes, because, you see, dancing is something that has always come so easily to me --

WHITE

(Swallowing pills with champagne.) Well, we all pale by comparison to you.

TURNER Good then. You just keep on taking those pills, but they're going to kill you just like
they killed Judy Garland. Only you won't have any fame, or money to show for it!

-- 47 --

HANK Jen --

TURNER

(To Hank.) And if you want to stay here and defend this pill-popper, please do! Everyone else,
we're leaving right now!

(Jen exits out the hall door. Bliss stops taking pills.)

HANK Sorry, honey. Sometimes I guess you'd just as soon she hit you with a stick.

BRIGHTON PARKER A stick perhaps, but not an iron skillet.

HANK Hey! You think that's funny?

BRIGHTON PARKER No, you're right. It's never funny when somebody gets away with murder.

(Hank grabs Brighton's tuxedo lapel.)

HANK You smug little bastard. You don't know shit.

BRIGHTON PARKER Maybe not. But ask Teddy. She knows the truth.

TEDDY PARKER

(To Brighton.) I don't know anything. You're a liar. There's nothing that I know. Shut up. Just
shut up! Oh, I need some more makeup. On my face. My face.

(Teddy goes to the bathroom where she proceeds to put on massive amounts of makeup.)

-- 48 --
HANK

(To Brighton.) After tonight I don't want you around here. I hope I'm making myself clear.

(Hank exits down the main stairway.)

BRIGHTON PARKER You people! You people! You're all festering with secrets and lies. And
that man! That man! Did you see how he walks? Just like a pig.

(Brighton laughs with a snort.)

WHITE Did you know, Brighton, that you snort when you laugh?

BRIGHTON PARKER No, I wasn't aware of it.

(He laughs and snorts once more. Bliss slings her champagne in his face.)

WHITE Then perhaps you'd better suppress your mirth.

(Brighton glares at her, too furious to move. Frances watches, amazed.)

BRIGHTON PARKER

(To Bliss.) Strange. Somehow, I always knew you were never really part of my family. Your
mannerisms are different. They're affected and coarse. The older you get, the more apparent it
becomes.

(Brighton turns and exits down the back stairway. Teddy comes out of the bathroom covered with
makeup, wearing the tiara on her head. She holds and pushes up the skin on her face with her
hands.)

-- 49 --

TEDDY PARKER Oh, my face, the skin up on my face. They say it never stops growing. It just
starts slowly sagging and slipping down. And soon, it'll kinda be hanging there like globs of
meat on a bone.

(Teddy stops at the bar and takes a slug of bourbon from the bottle.)
WHITE You are so sophomoric, Teddy. Sometimes you are so goddamn sophomoric!

TEDDY PARKER

(Squirting breath spray.) I gotta go see my grandmother, Theadora. She's waiting down there for
me. We're going off to the ball. But first I'd better remind her to hold that excess falling skin up
on her face.

WHITE Go on down to your precious grandmother! I don't want any part of her or the rest of
them! I'm glad my father was a fruit picker!!!

(Teddy exits down the main stairway. Bliss turns to Frances. She mimes some of the following for
Frances.)

WHITE Theodore wasn't my real father. Mama pretended he was, even though she was four
months gone by the time they got married.

WALKER "A BABY?"

WHITE Yes. Me. I was the baby. My fruit-picker father shot himself in the heart when he found
out about her wedding.

-- 50 --

WALKER "HURT HEART."

WHITE Exactly. All of this came out at Mama's trial. My debut was canceled. I married Tommy
to escape; things went sour; I fled. Still there was a relief in knowing Theodore Parker bore me
no relation. He was an abusive drug addict as well as an embezzler and thief. Even so, it's awful
Mama -- killed him. Ah, well, as you can see, it's all been very Byzantine.

(Bliss moves around the room. She feels sticky all over.) God, these underpants are sticking to
my skin. Here, let me get rid of them.

(Bliss reaches up under her skirt and shimmies off her green silk underpants. Frances watches
amazed.)
WHITE Sometimes I simply can't bear underwear. They're so nasty.

(Frances suddenly reaches up under her dress and takes off her cotton panties and holds them up
triumphantly. Bliss shakes her panties at Frances. Frances shakes hers at Bliss. Laughing, Bliss
runs with her panties to the balcony window and throws them over the edge.)

WHITE Au revoir.

(Frances holds her panties between her teeth and then slings them over the balcony railing. She
looks back at Bliss and shrugs. Bliss bursts into hysterical laughter. Frances starts laughing, too.
They collapse together on the floor in heaps of laughter.)

-- 51 --

WHITE Oh, God! Oh, God! I must go to the pot. Quick! Oh, God!

(Bliss gets up and rushes into the bathroom. Frances rushes after her. Bliss hikes up her skirt as
she dashes to the toilet in the alcove.)

WHITE Ah, what a relief! I have a teeny-tiny bladder. Everyone in our family does. That was the
thing about being married to the fat man, all of his family had huge bladders. They could go solid
months without peeing.

(Bliss gets up, flushes the toilet, and goes to put on more mascara. Frances is brushing on
powder blush with a large makeup brush. Brighton and Violet come up the back stairway. Violet
carries a tray of enormous corsages. Brighton is cleaning his jacket with a damp rag.)

BRIGHTON PARKER Look, there, I'm stained for the night. I'm just livid. Actually, Ms. Moone,
since my Uncle Theodore's death I've tried to assume a refined appearance and a serious manner
to show respect for my grandmother's relentless grief. I feel it is my mission in life. I've found
that people need a mission. Otherwise there's confusion and if there is one thing we all must
avoid, Ms. Moone, that is confusion.

MOONE There's a whole mess of that going on.

BRIGHTON PARKER Yes, indeed, and it's not to be trifled with.

(Bliss and Frances come out of the bathroom into the parlor.)
 -- 52 --

BRIGHTON PARKER Oh, horrors!

WHITE

(To Frances.) Just ignore him.

BRIGHTON PARKER I'm stuffing the cleaning bill for this down your throat.

(Brighton turns away. Bliss sees the corsages.)

WHITE Why, look! The corsages have arrived! The bouquets for our breasts.

MOONE

(To Bliss.) Here's yours right here. It's the biggest one of all. I guess someone must adore you a
whole lot.

WHITE Well, yes, I sent it to myself. What I love most about corsages is the fact that they're so
very, very beautiful for only one night. How special that makes the one night.

(Frances is excitedly smelling all of the flowers. She picks up Teddy's bouquet, then puts it back.)

MOONE Here, Frances, this one's for you.

(Frances takes the corsage with delight, then starts to pin it on Violet.)

MOONE Oh no, it's not for me.

(Frances picks up the bouquet and offers it.)

WHITE No, Frances. Violet doesn't get a corsage. She's not going. She's the maid.

(Teddy comes rushing in from the main stairway. She is white with fear and is pulling at her
hairpiece.)
 -- 53 --

TEDDY PARKER Oh, Lord -- Oh, Lord. No, no. I can't go. I can't go to the fancy ball.

BRIGHTON PARKER Teddy, what's wrong? Are you alright?

TEDDY PARKER Grandmother says I look just like my daddy. She says I'm his spitting image.

(Looking into her veins.) She says she can see the Parker blood inside me. She can see it!

WHITE Oh, that old bitch is blind as a bat.

TEDDY PARKER I think I'd better not go. I think there are rats inside my hairpiece.

BRIGHTON PARKER We're in trouble. Big trouble.

TEDDY PARKER

(Running on.) Rats! Rats! I knew it all along. I'd better not go.

(Teddy exits into the bathroom and slams the door shut.)

WHITE Darling Teddy, always looking at the world through rose-colored glasses.

(Jen bursts into the room. She carries Teddy's cape and evening bag. In the bathroom, Teddy
starts pulling apart her hairpiece.)

TURNER Where's Teddy. Where'd she go? Bliss?!

(Bliss indicates the bathroom.)

-- 54 --

WHITE La toilette.
TURNER Please, everyone, get yourselves together. We've got to leave here this minute. I mean
it, everyone! This minute! Violet, run over to my room and bring me my sable fur, it's lying out
on the bed.

(Bliss and Frances go up the stairs. Violet exits to Jen's room. Jen goes into the bathroom with
Teddy. Brighton exits down the main stairway.)

TURNER Teddy, what are you doing?

TEDDY PARKER

(Pulling at her hair.) Do you see any rats in here? I thought I saw some rats.

TURNER Jesus, child, are you having a breakdown?

TEDDY PARKER Am I? I could be. I don't know. I wish Daddy were here. See, otherwise, they'll
all look at me and it'll just remind them of how he died and how he can't be here tonight.

TURNER Look, Teddy, even if your daddy had survived he wouldn't be here tonight. He would
have been convicted of embezzlement and fraud. He'd be stuck in jail for life.

TEDDY PARKER Alive though. He'd be alive.

TURNER Let it go, Teddy. Please. There's nothing left I can do. Let it go.

-- 55 --

TEDDY PARKER It just sticks in my mind how Daddy brought me that Peter Rabbit coloring
book after my thumb got smashed.

TURNER Well, does it also stick in your mind how he smashed your thumb and how he poured
scalding chili over my head and what he did to the gold-fish?

TEDDY PARKER He wasn't a well man. I know that. Oh, Mama, it just won't ever heal up. It's
raw scabs over raw scabs and now it's all ripping away.
TURNER Teddy, don't do this. Not now.

TEDDY PARKER They're all gonna see through me. Inside me.

(Hank enters the parlor from the main stairway.)

HANK

(Yelling.) Hey, people! Let's get this show on the road! Jen?! Hey, Jen!

TURNER

(From bathroom.) Yes, darling! We're coming!

HANK Well, Theadora's being wheeled out to her car right now. She wants Teddy to ride in
there with her!

TURNER

(Rapidly trying to do something with Teddy's torn-down hair.) We'll be right there!

HANK

(Pouring a drink.) Okay, but you'd better hurry. The roads to hell are paved with the skulls of
unpresented debutantes!

-- 56 --

TEDDY PARKER Why did you have to marry him?

TURNER I needed help. We had no money. I couldn't let you take that job in the school cafeteria.
You'd never have gotten into a proper sorority.

TEDDY PARKER I didn't care. I would have done the work. I would have done anything not to
lose you again, or hurt you. Hurt you to help me. Oh, my face. My face.
(Teddy pulls away from Jen, and rushes to the toilet to vomit. Jen wets a towel and goes to wash
Teddy's face.)

TURNER God, Teddy. How much have you been drinking? Are you going to be alright?

TEDDY PARKER Uh-huh. It's just. . .Mama, I'm pregnant.

(Jen stares at her wide-eyed.)

HANK

(Looking at his watch.) Hey, as a personal favor to me, could we all head out of here before the
goddamned sunrise!?

TURNER Whose is it? Is it that boy's from Atlanta? Is it that David Brickman's?

TEDDY PARKER There isn't any David Brickman from Atlanta. I just made him up.

TURNER What?

TEDDY PARKER I was gonna be dead by now, it wasn't gonna matter. But now I gotta wait for
this thing to be born. Even though I know it's going to be born horrible.

-- 57 --

HANK Let's move out! Roll 'em, roll 'em, roll 'em!

(Jen starts singing "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" in a frantic whisper, as she works with
Teddy's hair.)

HANK Hey, everyone! Let's get organized. Roll 'em, people! Roll 'em!

(Brighton enters from the main stairway.)

BRIGHTON PARKER Grandmother's waiting on all of y'all down in her car.

HANK Relax. Settle down!

BRIGHTON PARKER This is extremely rude.

HANK Relax. The night is young.

(Hank heads for the bar. He knocks into the silver vase of party favors causing the vase to
tumble to the floor: Sparkling colored prizes spill out across the rug. Jen stops singing.)

HANK Ah, Hell's fire! All the goddamn party favors. If I'm not the clumsiest man ever put on
God's earth.

(Hank kneels down on the floor and starts sweeping the prizes back into the silver vase. Bliss and
Frances come down the stairs carrying their wraps and evening bags.)

WHITE Oh, look at the treasures! The treasures.

(Bliss picks up a paper crown covered with glitter that is among the party favors.) A princess'
crown!

(Hank turns away from them, then turns back toward them wearing a red nose that fell from the
silver vase.)

-- 58 --

HANK Honk. Honk.

(Jen and Teddy enter the parlor from the bathroom. Teddy wears her cape and her tiara; her
hair is a mess. Frances picks up a gold fan.)

TURNER Oh, no, Hank, those party favors were to be given out after the ball.

HANK No problem. We'll put 'em all back.

TURNER We're going, everyone, now!

(To Hank.) Oh, Hank, come here.

(She takes the red nose off of Hank and drops it into the silver vase.)

BRIGHTON PARKER

(Overlapping, to Teddy.) Teddy, you and I are riding with Grandmother. We must hurry. They're
out there waiting.

WHITE

(Overlapping.) Teddy, dear, what's happened to your hair? You've destroyed your hair.

TURNER She's going to fix it in the car.

BRIGHTON PARKER

(To Teddy, handing her the debutante bouquet and a corsage.) Teddy, these are for you. You'll
have to pin them on in the car.

(To every-one.) Hurry up! Hurry up! Everyone's waiting.

-- 59 --

HANK

(Overlapping, to Bliss and Frances. They both keep their party favors.) My, what a lucky man I
am tonight, escorting all these beautiful dolls to the Hattiesburg Debutante Ball.

(Brighton, Teddy, Hank, Bliss, and Frances all exit out the hall door as Jen talks rapidly to
Violet while pinning on her corsage.)

TURNER

(Overlapping.) We'll be returning about two A. M. so be sure the canapés are prepared and the
bar is set up. You can heat up the hot hors d'oeuvres after we've arrived.

MOONE Alright.

(Helping Jen into her fur coat.) My, this is a fine silky fur.
TURNER Don't worry, Violet, when you're my age, You'll have a fur that's just as fine and just as
silky and you will have earned every Goddamned hair on it. Just like I have. 'Bye-'bye now.

MOONE 'Bye.

(Jen exits out the hall door. Blackout.)

END OF ACT I

-- 60 --
Act 2, Scene 1

ACT II SCENE I

Finger sandwiches, various canapés, and exotic cheeses have been put out on silver platters.
Teddy appears walking barefoot along the balcony railing, swinging her cape. Her dress is torn
and dirty. She no longer wears the hairpiece.

TEDDY PARKER Clang! Clang! Clang! I'm not a bell. Not a bell! No bell.

(Teddy jumps off the balcony railing and comes into the room. She is crazed with jubilation.)
Look, one cheese knife.

(Her eye catches the cheese knife. She picks it up and starts slashing at her face.) Okay. Fine.
Face. The face. Face. Whole face.

(Violet enters from the back stairs with a tray. She slings the tray aside and knocks the knife out
of Teddy's hand.)

MOONE What you wanna do? Look here, there's blood.

TEDDY PARKER

(With a fierce crazed triumph.) Violet, I'm no belle. Mama, she wanted me to go to that ball and
be a belle. But me, I'm no belle.

MOONE

(Handing Teddy a napkin.) There now. Hold that to the cut.

 -- 61 --

TEDDY PARKER A while ago, see, I was staying by myself at an old hotel up in Oxford,
Mississippi. After supper one night I got on the elevator to ride up to my room. And just as the
doors were about to close, a man stepped inside to ride up with me. I glanced over and saw his
left arm was cut off right above the elbow. He wore a short-sleeved shirt and you could see the
scarred nub. Then I caught sight of his face where the whole side of it was just. . .missing. I felt
sick and sticky, and wanted to get off the ride. My legs buckled out from under me; he reached
his good arm out to help me up. But I said to him, "You get away from me, you ugly man." Then
the elevator stopped. The doors opened. But he didn't move. He just stayed hovering over in a
corner with this weepy cry coming from inside his throat.

MOONE Uh-huh. Well, I'm sure it wasn't the first time people turned scared on him and caused
his feelings to be injured. I reckon he'd better get used to it.

TEDDY PARKER Violet, do you remember that baby I spoke to you about?

MOONE Yeah.

TEDDY PARKER It's his baby.

MOONE The bad-looking one on the elevator?

TEDDY PARKER Uh-huh. I kinda just did it to be polite. I was at a point, you see, where I
couldn't take on any more, ah, bad feelings, guilt. Just no more.

(Teddy offers a cigarette from a Band-Aid box.) Wanna smoke?

-- 62 --

MOONE No thanks.

(Teddy sniffs.)

TEDDY PARKER After we did it he said to me, "Mm-mm good." Can you believe it? "Mm-mm
good."
MOONE Kinda like you was M & M's or somptin'.

TEDDY PARKER Yeah. I still smell him on my skin sometimes.

(She sniffs.) God. I gotta stop that.

MOONE What?

TEDDY PARKER Sniffing. I sniff when I'm afraid.

MOONE What are you afraid of?

TEDDY PARKER

(A chill runs through her.) Hidden things.

(She sniffs.) Did you ever have hidden things?

MOONE I used to write secrets in jars and bury the jars outside in the dirt.

TEDDY PARKER What kinda secrets did you bury?

MOONE Different things I had to get offa my chest.

TEDDY PARKER I know how that feels. On your chest. I've got things on my chest.

MOONE What things?

-- 63 --

TEDDY PARKER Certain acts. Irredeemable acts.

(Honking horns and screeching cars are heard.)

TEDDY PARKER Wait! Wait! Oh, it's them. Look, there they are. Brighton's jumping out of the
limousine heading for the front door swinging his cane.

MOONE Oh, yeah. And there's the rest of 'em pulling up behind. Why, who's that leaning outta
the window? Looks like they's getting sick to their stomach.

TEDDY PARKER That's Frances. I recognize the cape. Oh, there's Mama. Look at her shaking
her fists up at the sky.

BRIGHTON PARKER

(Offstage.) Teddy! Teddy, are you here?

TEDDY PARKER She's not gonna want me now. She's through with me. Finished.

(Brighton comes into the room from the main stairway.)

BRIGHTON PARKER There you are! Thank God I found you before your mother caught up with
you.

TEDDY PARKER I bet she wants me dead.

BRIGHTON PARKER What happened to your face?

TEDDY PARKER There was a dreadful accident.

-- 64 --

BRIGHTON PARKER Christ. Listen to me, Teddy, I spoke to Grandmother Theadora tonight.
She's aware of the damage Aunt Jen inflicted on you by forcing you to lie for her at the trial;
saying she acted in self-defense. Everyone saw there wasn't a mark on her.

TURNER

(Offstage.) Teddy! Teddy! Theadora Jenniquade!

(Violet exits down the back stairway.)

BRIGHTON PARKER Grandmother wants you to come live with her. She wants to give you a
chance to get away from your mother and regain your, well, your sanity.

TURNER

(Offstage.) Teddy! Are you here in this house? Are you here?

BRIGHTON PARKER In my opinion it's your only hope.

TURNER

(Offstage.) Teddy!

TEDDY PARKER Yes, I'll go. You tell her though. You break the news.

(Teddy disappears out onto the balcony. Jen and Bliss burst into the room from the main
stairway. Jen searches through the second floor calling for Teddy. Bliss helps halfheartedly.)

TURNER Teddy! Teddy!

-- 65 --

WHITE Teddy! Teddy Bear.

TURNER Teddy! Teddy! She's not here. God, to think I've always feared an early death. Christ,
if only I'd had one!

WHITE You can't make silk purses out of sows' ears.

TURNER

(Lighting up a cigarette from a package she keeps stuck under her garter.) But why act like a
banshee? Why destroy all I've done for her?
BRIGHTON PARKER Perhaps, if you hadn't brought along that professional boor you call a
husband, we could have managed to escape with some small semblance of dignity.

WHITE Not after Teddy made her first bow with her gown pulled up over her head and two feet
of toilet paper stuck to her slipper.

TURNER Oh, and then later I found her crawling under the banquet table smearing cream cheese
onto people's shoes.

BRIGHTON PARKER Was that before or after Hank broke Mrs. Carver's toe when he waltzed?

TURNER After. It was right before he instigated that horrific brawl. I started searching all over
for Teddy as soon as I discovered her hairpiece floating in the punch bowl.

-- 66 --

WHITE Disgusting.

BRIGHTON PARKER Yes, but the most pathetic display was how Mrs. Rover kept pumping that
idiot Frances for information about the reconciliation of our families.

WHITE Poor Frances. Everyone knew she'd fallen right off the turnip truck. No one even asked
her to dance.

TURNER When I find that girl, I'm going to shake her till her teeth fall out of her face. How
could she do this to me?! It's inexcusable! Everything was rehearsed!

(Hank and Violet burst in from the main stairway. Hank's shirt is torn, his face is bruised. He no
longer wears his bow tie or jacket. They are lugging in Frances who is sprawled all over the
place. She drags Teddy's white stole along after her. It is covered with champagne, dirt, and
vomit.)

HANK That's right, get her in here. Watch out for her head.

TURNER Oh, God.

BRIGHTON PARKER Oh, my.

(Jen runs to the bathroom to get a towel. Brighton grabs a wastepaper can.)

HANK Lay her over here. Sit her up. She might choke herself like that. Frances, Baby? It's your
Uncle Hank, here. Hey, are you gonna be okay?

(Jen enters from the bathroom.)

-- 67 --

WALKER "YES, I -- I --. WHAT WILL MAMA SAY?"

HANK Huh?

WALKER "NO ONE MARRIED ME! NO ONE ASKED ME TO DANCE."

HANK I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're saying.

WALKER "WHEN MAMA -- WHEN SHE DIES, SHE'LL KNOW I'M AN OLD MAID. NO
ONE ASKED ME TO DANCE!"

HANK Please, Baby.

WALKER "OH, LOOK! I RUINED TEDDY'S CAPE! LOOK! MAYBE I CAN WASH IT OUT.
YES. LET IT WASH OUT."

(Frances runs into the bathroom and starts trying to clean Teddy's soiled cape. Violet follows
after her.)

HANK God, I hate it when I can't understand what she's trying to say. I just hate it.

WHITE She was saying no one asked her to dance and she ruined Teddy's cape.
HANK Oh, yeah, well, I got that part t'do with Teddy's cape. So, ah, how about Teddy? Has
anyone heard from her?

WHITE No, she just ran off into the night. She does that very well, running off into the night.

TURNER It's a family trait.

-- 68 --

HANK Hmm. So, some party, eh? But look, folks, if we were always gonna do everything
perfect, why bother being born, right?

(Bliss and Brighton voice general groans of despair.)

TURNER Yeah, right.

HANK Hey, do I detect a pall of doom?

(To Jen.) Please, what can I do to make you happy? Hey now! Could I do a jig?!

(Hank does a silly jig. Hank flips the top of his toupee up and down several times. Jen screams in
disgust and rises to her feet.)

HANK Please, Jen, any fall from your grace is unbearable to me. Look, I'm sorry about that
scuffle.

TURNER Scuffle?! You broke a man's nose, tore up half the ballroom, and destroyed a whole
event!

HANK I didn't like how some of those people were treating us.

TURNER Do you think I did? Christ, I picked up a butter knife at the buffet table and everyone
fled in horror. God knows it wasn't easy being the only murderess at the ball. But I stood there
and stood it and smiled. I did it for Teddy. God, how could she betray me like that?
BRIGHTON PARKER Listen, Aunt Jen, about Teddy, well, Grandmother Theadora was very
upset about how things went tonight.

(Violet and Frances enter the main room from the bathroom.)

-- 69 --

TURNER Oh, really, Brighton. How surprising. Violet, please pass around the hors d'oeuvres.

BRIGHTON PARKER She, well, Grandmother, honestly feels Teddy's future is in grave jeopardy
if she stays, well, with you. I, ah, spoke to Teddy and she agreed to go live with Grandmother for
a time.

TURNER Brighton, why are you telling me such useless lies? Don't you think I know my own
daughter?

BRIGHTON PARKER No, not particularly.

(He calls out the balcony door.) Teddy! Teddy, will you come in here, please! I need your
corroboration.

(Brighton goes out onto the balcony.)

TURNER Is she out there? Is she here?

(Brighton enters with Teddy. Teddy keeps her head down.)

TURNER Teddy, Teddy, look at me. Look at me. What happened to your face?

TEDDY PARKER It broke out. I ate a lot of chocolate and it's all broken out.

BRIGHTON PARKER Just look at her, Aunt Jen. You've done this to her. You've made her crazy.
Go on, tell her, Teddy. Tell your mother you're going to stay with Grandmother from now on.

-- 70 --
TURNER Yes, tell me, Teddy. Tell me that.

TEDDY PARKER I thought it might be an idea.

TURNER I see.

(Jen goes out onto the balcony. There is a long moment of silence. Bliss moves up to Teddy.)

WHITE

(To Teddy.) She's mad at you. You're nothing but a disappointment. She hates the sight of you.

(Bliss moves away from Teddy. After a moment Jen enters from the balcony.)

TURNER Teddy, will you just tell me one thing? Where has my enchanted child gone?

TEDDY PARKER I don't know, Mama.

TURNER Why do you want to leave me? Haven't we always been the closest of friends?

TEDDY PARKER I thought you'd want me gone.

TURNER No. Oh, no. You're all I've got that's good. If I lose you, I have nothing. You're all the
hope I have left.

WHITE What about me, Mama? Don't you care anything for me? For moi? I'm not just some
sack of garbage. I'm your oldest child. I inherited your elegance. I resemble you in every way.
She -- She looks like some drowned rat.

-- 71 --

TURNER Bliss, don't start in on this. Not tonight.

WHITE You're obviously jealous of my angelic beauty. That's why you shun and neglect me.
TURNER Neglect you? I neglect you? Well, please, let us not forget about little Butterball when
we speak of neglected children. When was the last time you saw your child? What did you send
her for her birthday? I never once have forgotten your birthday. Although I wish to God I could!

WHITE Christ, why didn't they keep you in jail? I wish they'd stuck you in a hole forever! I hate
you!

TURNER You! You think I could be jealous of you! You dream you're some beautiful lady, but
you're nothing but a Southern strumpet whore!

WHITE Oh really, Mama, well, fuck you!

TURNER You! You bring all your filthy baggage in here to intrude on my life, but I'm throwing
you out! Out! Do you hear me! Out! Out! Out!

WHITE

(Overlapping.) Fuck you, Mother. Just fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you dead!

TURNER You're an unproductive being! A worthless mis-creation! You're cheap! Cheap! Cheap!

(Bliss can no longer endure the abuse. She flees up the stairs.)

-- 72 --

WHITE Aahh! Aahh! No more!

(Bliss trips on the stairs and falls. Frances rushes up to her.)

WALKER "OH BLISS! DEAR BLISS!"

WHITE Ugh! Look at you! There's green food between your teeth! You ugly, ugly thing! Get
away from me! Keep away!

(Frances flees into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Bliss exits up the stairway.)
TURNER Maybe I'm not a very good mother. Maybe I never should have had any children after
all.

BRIGHTON PARKER Your wife's insane.

HANK I know. I'm aware of it all.

TURNER Teddy, go put on some shoes. Pack some things. We're leaving here tonight.

TEDDY PARKER Leaving tonight?

TURNER I'm getting you out of this town for good. I don't like these people influencing you.
Move! Do you hear me?! Move! Move!

BRIGHTON PARKER

(Overlapping.) What are you so afraid of, Aunt Jen? Christ, no one's trying to get Teddy to
reverse her testimony. Besides, they can't try you twice for the same murder.

-- 73 --

TURNER

(To Teddy; running on.) And put on some makeup. Your face is a mess. Fix it right!

(Teddy exits to her bedroom.)

BRIGHTON PARKER

(Overlapping.) Teddy! Teddy! Aunt Jen, you can't do this. I'm calling Grandmother.

TURNER Not from my house. Get out of my house. I'll rip you to shreds. I know how it's done.

BRIGHTON PARKER You can be sure there are measures we can take.
TURNER Violet, show my nephew to the door. Don't let him lose his way.

BRIGHTON PARKER I'll be back. I'll be back tonight.

(Violet and Brighton exit down the main stairway.)

TURNER Hank. Oh, Hank, we've got to leave here right away. I hate this town! I hate these
people! I'd like to chop up every dreadful one of them and burn them all to ash ruins!

HANK Sure, I understand. Things didn't go -- the way you'd hoped. Look, I'll make us a
reservation at the Hotel Royal. We can stay there a week. Let things settle down.

TURNER You don't understand. I don't want to go to New Orleans for a week's vacation. I want
to move away from here for good. God, I just wish I knew -- I just wish I knew where we'd -- fit
in. Let's see. Have you ever been to Pennsylvania? How about Delaware? Or, or Maine? Yes,
Maine's way, way up there, isn't it? We could do well in Maine.

-- 74 --

HANK Jen, we can't just pick up and move lock, stock and barrel. All my work's here. And this
house. Christ, I just spent three fortunes building you this huge, enormous house. You said you
loved this house.

TURNER I don't love it. I don't. I want to go away. We'll never be able to live in this town. It was
foolish to try. I'll go get my jewels. We'll hire movers to handle the rest.

(Jen starts up the stairs to get her jewels.)

HANK Jen, please. You're overwrought. Your rational mind has gone askew.

TURNER You don't understand. Teddy's in trouble. She's pregnant.

HANK Ah, Lord.

TURNER We'll have to get rid of it. I won't let her life be ruined like mine was, but we can't do it
here. We'll take care of all that up in Maine.

HANK Have you talked to Teddy about this? What does she want to do?

TURNER She wants what I want.

HANK Have you asked her?

TURNER Teddy's surrounded by people that are breaking her down, turning her against me. I've
got to get her safe. And if you won't help me, I'll go without you.

-- 75 --

HANK We're married. We stay together. You can't go without me.

TURNER Yes, I can. Don't think you can hold me here. I own all of the jewelry upstairs in that
safe. It's registered in my name. I saw to it this time that I wouldn't be left holding nothing.

HANK Is that what you think? That I'd leave you holding nothing? When have I ever been cheap
with you? Why, I've given you everything your blood-cold bitch heart's desired. You've used me
up real good.

TURNER I never asked you for all of your help and salvation. I didn't want to end up owing you
a whole lot of blood I could never pay back.

HANK Don't worry, Jen, you don't owe me a goddamn thing. Not blood or nothing. You're free
and clear. Go on. Go! Oh, wait. All the jewelry's yours, right? Well, here's my watch. Take it.

(He slings it at her.) And my ring. And these; they're all yours.

(He slings his cuff links at her.) Live it up! Here, take some silver with you! It's a bonus prize!

(Hank slings a silver tray and goblets across the room.)

TURNER Look at you! Just look! You're nothing but a redneck bull. God, am I sick of trying to
keep you penned in.

-- 76 --

HANK Nothing worked, did it? The new clothes, the toupee, the fancy manicure. Christ, you
even changed my toothpaste brand and deodorant bar. Tell me, wasn't there anything about me
you could stand besides my money?

TURNER No, there was nothing. Nothing at all.

HANK Which car do you want to take with you?

TURNER We'll take the Lincoln.

HANK Alright. I'll go get it out of the garage and pull it around front for you.

(Hank exits down the main stairway. Jen goes into the bathroom where Frances is sitting at the
dressing table scrubbing her teeth with a wash rag.)

TURNER You! This is my bathroom. Get out! I've got to pack. I'm through with all of you.
Leave me alone.

(Frances flees into the parlor. Jen slings various random toilet articles into a quilted bag, then
exits into her bedroom. Violet comes up the back stairway with a large tray. Frances sees her
and starts to head up the stairs. Violet begins picking up various hors d'oeuvre plates. Frances
haughtily motions to Violet to pour her a glass of champagne. Violet pours the champagne.
Frances demands her to fill the glass. Violet fills the glass. Frances slings the wine into Violet's
face. Violet exits down the back stairway. Frances walks around the room with a sense of
gloating victory. After a few moments her sense of triumph turns to regretful despair. She sinks
to the floor in anguish. Bliss comes down the stairway. She is taking a pill and humming a sad
French song. Without noticing Frances, she goes to the phone and dials.)

-- 77 --

WHITE
(Into phone.) Yes, hello? Is this Tommy?. . .Well, hi, this is Blissy. I'm, oh, just visiting here in
town for a while. . .Yes, right, for Teddy's Debutante Ball. How's my little girl? How's Butterball
-- did she know I was going to the ball?. . .Oh, well, anyway tell her I'm going to give her the
jeweled princess' crown I received as a party favor. I want her to have it. . .Listen, Tommy, could
I, ah, could I come see you sometime?. . .Well, it's just, I -- I miss you and Butterball an awful
lot, and I'd really like to maybe -- try and come back home. . .Right. Well, of course, I know it's
very difficult to live with me day in and day out. . .It's just I can't seem to make it on my own.
My last employer accused me of lying about graduating from high school. He said I couldn't
make change properly. I've got to tell you, I just don't know what's going to become of me. .
.Yes. Certainly, I understand how you feel. . .Uh-huh. I see. . .No, really it was just a -- fleeting
fancy I had. You see, it occurred to me that I'd be able to teach Butterball how to tell time and tie
her shoe. I didn't learn how to do those two things until very late and I remember feeling so
badly about it. . .You will? Well, good then. That's very good. So, Tommy, good-bye.

(Bliss puts the phone down. With a laugh.) Oh, well, maybe it was a mistake sleeping with every
one of his friends before leaving the state.

(Bliss goes to the tape player and punches a button. A Chopin waltz plays. Bliss turns off the
light, dances alone then spots Frances who is sitting on the floor staring at her.)

-- 78 --

WHITE Look, I'm sorry I said that about the green in your teeth.

WALKER "LOOK HERE. IT'S GONE."

WHITE Yes. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be cruel. I just have this sort of hole inside me. This
desperate longing to love and be loved. Somehow it cripples me. It makes me be cruel.

WALKER "YES. LOVE. HOLE."

WHITE Yes. You understand me. I can talk to you.

(Bliss touches Frances softly. The moment is very potent. Bliss gets up and runs to the balcony.
Frances follows her.)

WHITE Oh, smell that night grass. I love t' smell nice things.

(They smell the grass. Then gently, slowly, they begin dancing together.)
WHITE

(Still dancing.) Look at the moon. A rose pink moon.

WALKER

(Touching Bliss' lips.) "IT'S RED. . .IT'S RED JUST LIKE YOUR LIPS."

(Bliss reaches for Frances' hand. She kisses the palm of it softly. Then she holds Frances' hand
in hers as she kisses Frances full on the lips. Bliss continues kissing Frances passionately on the
neck and shoulders, as she feels the fullness of her breasts.)

-- 79 --

WHITE Yes, just two lost souls dancing on the rooftop together.

(Bliss pulls Frances to the floor as she unzips her dress. Jen enters the parlor from her room.
She has changed out of her gown into traveling clothes. She wears her mink coat and carries a
suitcase. She turns on the light and sees Bliss and Frances.)

TURNER Oh, and I thought they considered that something of a taboo down in this part of the
state.

(Frances leaps up and rushes off down the back stairway. Bliss gets up and looks after Frances.
Jen starts up the stairs.)

TURNER Cheap. You're cheap, cheap, cheap.

WHITE That's not true. I don't believe you anymore. It's not true.

(Jen exits up the stairs. Bliss exits out onto the balcony. Teddy enters from the hallway. She
wears her debutante gown with black loafers and carries a round makeup bag. Violet enters
from the back stairway. She has changed into a worn-out fraternity T-shirt, polyester pants, and
a worn-down pair of shoes.)

MOONE I'm ready to go home.

TEDDY PARKER Alright. We'll take you. We're going, too.

(Teddy gets a cheese knife, pulls up her skirt, and cuts her leg.)

-- 80 --

MOONE I can't get involved with you people no more.

TEDDY PARKER I'm just slicing away at it. That's all I can do for now. After I have the child of
the elevator man, then I can stop it for good. Violet, have you ever wanted to stop it for good?

MOONE I did one time. It was after my mama died eating them leftover lunch meat sandwiches
this white lady'd given over to her. I felt such hatred inside my heart I went out wild on the
streets and stole whatever I wanted and didn't have. They caught me and I paid my time. Now
I'm starting new.

TEDDY PARKER Me; I can't start new. I got too many things on my chest. I keep trying to push
them down, but they keep gripping back up at me.

MOONE Just like an old snapping turtle.

TEDDY PARKER Huh?

MOONE A snapping turtle. They don't never let loose till it thunders.

TEDDY PARKER But it never does thunder. I got all this lightning inside me. But it won't ever
thunder.

MOONE Then you make it thunder. You make it. Ya don't wanna end up like my brother. He just
laid himself down on a railroad track and died.

-- 81 --

TEDDY PARKER Why'd he do that?

MOONE I guess he just couldn't see no other way.

(After a moment Jen comes hurrying down the staircase with her jewels.)

TURNER Teddy, are you packed? Teddy?

TEDDY PARKER

(Turning to her.) Mama --

TURNER What?

TEDDY PARKER I can't go.

TURNER Why not?

TEDDY PARKER I'm afraid.

TURNER Afraid of what?

TEDDY PARKER Afraid of you.

TURNER Christ. Jesus Christ. How can that be? I've given up everything for you. Everything.

TEDDY PARKER Don't give up any more. I don't want it.

TURNER Yes you do. You're in trouble. You need help. I'll get you a doctor. We'll fix it. It won't
be a problem.

TEDDY PARKER But it is a problem. It is.

BRIGHTON PARKER

(Offstage.) Teddy! Teddy!

 -- 82 --

HANK

(Offstage.) Get out! I'll tear your head off!

BRIGHTON PARKER

(Offstage.) Stay away from me! Get away! Teddy!

(Hank and Brighton come racing up the front stairway.)

TURNER

(Overlapping.) Don't let him in here! Keep him out!

BRIGHTON PARKER Take your hands off --

HANK I'm sick of dealing with you people.

(Hank slings Brighton across the room.) All of you. I mean all of you.

BRIGHTON PARKER Teddy, Grandmother's outside in her car.

TURNER Hank. Get him out. Hank --

(Hank starts up the stairs.)

BRIGHTON PARKER She wants to talk to you.

TURNER She's not talking to anyone.

TEDDY PARKER Yes I am. There's something I have to say.

TURNER You are not saying anything. You're coming with me.
TEDDY PARKER No way, no way. I'm having this baby. I'm not gonna kill it too. I'm not killing
anybody anymore.

-- 83 --

BRIGHTON PARKER Teddy, what do you mean?

TURNER Don't listen to her. She's utterly deluded. She's having a breakdown. Leave her alone.

TEDDY PARKER

(Overlapping.) I'm not afraid of telling anymore. I'm sorry, Mama. I'm past afraid.

TURNER Shut up! You'll ruin all I've done for you. You'll destroy your whole life! Don't do this
to me!

TEDDY PARKER

(Overlapping.) Give up, Mama. You can't stop me. You never could.

BRIGHTON PARKER

(Overlapping.) Teddy, what is it? What are you saying?

TEDDY PARKER I'm saying how I did it. I smashed Daddy with that black pan and he fell over
into his turnip greens cold dead. It was me that killed him. It was me that smashed him dead!

BRIGHTON PARKER

(Overlapping.) Christ. Oh Christ.

TURNER

(Overlapping as she violently shakes Teddy.) She's a liar! She's smoking again too! She says she
doesn't smoke but she does! I know it! I've smelt it on her.
(She begins slapping Teddy repeatedly. She slings her across a chaise lounge.) You liar! Traitor!
Shut up! Shut up your mouth! I'll knock it off! I'll shut it up for good!

(Hank comes down the stairs and pulls Jen away.)

-- 84 --

HANK God, stop, Jen. Christ, stop!

(Teddy groans in agony as blood falls into the lap of her white gown.)

TEDDY PARKER Oh no! Oh no! I knew it would be born horrible!

TURNER

(Overlapping.) My God. My God.

BRIGHTON PARKER Holy God. Please, please.

(Hank rushes to Teddy and holds her in his arms.)

HANK It's alright, Teddy.

(To Brighton.) Call the hospital.

(To Teddy.) It'll be alright.

(Brighton goes to the phone.)

TEDDY PARKER

(Reaching her arms out to Jen.) Mama!! I want my Mama! Please, Mama!

TURNER

(Overlapping.) Yes. Alright. Okay.

(Jen goes to the floor and takes Teddy in her arms. Hank moves away from them.)
TURNER I'm here, baby. I'm right here.

(Blackout.)

-- 85 --
Act 2, Scene 2

SCENE II

It is early the following morning. Frances is sitting on the sofa in her dusty traveling clothes
staring out into space. Her suitcase sits by the stairway. Violet enters from the back stairway
with a breakfast tray. She looks exhausted. She sets the tray down on the coffee table. Francis
looks up at Violet and then hides her face. Violet looks at her and turns away. Hank enters from
Jen's bedroom carrying a large suitcase.

HANK Violet, hello. Thanks for getting the breakfast. Listen, soon as Teddy comes back from
the hospital we'll be heading up to Pontotoc. My sister Sue's taken a turn for the worse. I'll drop
you home on the way.

MOONE Good.

HANK

(Handing her an enormous wad of money.) Look, ah, here's your money. I'm adding in a little
extra for all the inconveniences we've caused you. I apologize for everything. I'm deeply
embarrassed 'bout all those events happening. But people in this world'll love each other and hate
each other -- you never know which; there's a wonderment to it all.

MOONE Yeah, well, I'll go down and get my things so I can go home.

HANK Okay.

(Violet exits down the back stairway. Hank sits down with Frances.)

-- 86 --

HANK Hey, how ya doing?

(He takes the silver cover off of the breakfast plate.) Mmm. Look here what we've got for
breakfast this morning. Lotsa good fresh eggs and sausage. Here, try some.

(Frances shakes her head.)

HANK Well, how 'bout some hot grits? I know you like your grits. Here, we'll fix it up for you
with a load of butter; and then give it some good ole salt and pepper. Yeah. Now stir it all
around. There you go.

(Hank offers her the bowl of grits. Frances shakes her head.)

WALKER "YOU'RE VERY NICE, UNCLE HANK, BUT I JUST DO NOT FEEL HUNGRY."

HANK What? Not enough butter? Here, we'll add more butter. I like mine buttery too. Now,
come on now. Ya gotta eat something. It's a long drive home. A really long drive all the way
t'Pontotoc.

WALKER "PLEASE, I DON'T WANT IT. PLEASE!"

HANK Well, look, then you don't have to eat it. Here, I can go on and eat it myself. Hell, it's
fixed just like I like it.

(Hank takes a big bite of grits. Bliss enters the parlor from the main stairway. She still wears her
evening gown.)

-- 87 --

WHITE Hi, we're back. Teddy's downstairs. I think she feels a little weak. Maybe you should
help carry her up to her room.

HANK Alright. Good. Be glad to.

(Hank exits down the main stairway.)

WHITE I heard they called about your mother.

WALKER "YES."
WHITE She's. . .doing poorly.

WALKER "YES. VERY."

WHITE I'm so sorry.

(A beat.) Frances.

WALKER "HUH?"

WHITE I hope I didn't -- I mean last night -- I guess, I just. . .like you very much.

WALKER "YOU DO?"

WHITE Uh-huh. I do. Yes.

WALKER "OH."

WHITE Yes.

WALKER "BLISS?"

WHITE Yes?

WALKER "WHEN I GO HOME -- "

WHITE Home.

-- 88 --

WALKER "YES, I'D LIKE -- I MEAN IF YOU -- IT'S JUST -- "

WHITE What? What?

WALKER "BLISS, WOULD YOU WANT TO GO HOME WITH ME?"

WHITE Enchanté. Delightful. Yes.

WALKER "GOOD."

WHITE Good. Yes. Well, then I've got to run and go change. And pack. I'll -- just be a minute.

WALKER "I'LL HELP YOU."

WHITE Help, yes, alright. Thank you. Alright.

(Bliss and Frances exit up the stairs. Hank carries Teddy into the parlor from the main stairway.
Teddy wears a brand-new quilted robe.)

TEDDY PARKER But you really don't need to carry me. I can walk fine. You could pull out your
back.

HANK You're light as a feather.

TEDDY PARKER

(Seeing breakfast tray.) Oh, look, is that food? I'm starving.

HANK

(Putting her down.) Sure. Here, sit down and eat. There's a whole plate that's wasting.

(Handing her a plate.) There you go.

-- 89 --
TEDDY PARKER Great.

HANK Here, you want some butter on your grits? It's a lot better with butter.

TEDDY PARKER Oh, yes. I love butter. And salt and pepper too.

HANK

(Stirring.) Okay. There you go.

(Watching her take a bite.) Good?

TEDDY PARKER Yeah. That's good.

HANK Well. . .good.

TEDDY PARKER

(As she eats.) Hank.

HANK Yeah?

TEDDY PARKER Did you always know I was guilty of Daddy dying?

HANK Well, now, guilt can only be determined by a jury of your peers in a court of law. But ask
me if I knew you did it. Yeah, I knew.

TEDDY PARKER Did she tell you?

HANK Lord, no. God, Jen lied every which way. It's just I had my suppositions. Though 'course I
never knew about the exact circumstances surrounding the deal. I just figured you didn't intend
to actually, ah. . .
TEDDY PARKER Kill him.

-- 90 --

HANK Yeah.

TEDDY PARKER

(Putting jam on her toast.) I don't think I did. Maybe. He broke into the house really crazy that
evening. He kept yelling about how he was gonna break Mama all up; cut her to stringy pieces.
Seems he'd just found out about her filing for divorce. I served him some coffee and turnip
greens, trying t' calm him down. But then he slings the sugar bowl at my chest and starts
screaming about how there's not enough sugar, it's not full enough and he's sick of scraping the
bottom of the bowl -- and he's gonna scrape the bottom of her bowl with this switch-blade knife
he pulls out. Well, I go to get a broom t' clean up the sugar, but then I hear Mama's car. He hears
it too and stops yelling and just sits silently eating turnip greens off the blade of his knife. The
car door slams and I hear Mama coming up the walk, that's when I just grab the black skillet and
walk back over and smash his skull. To stop him. Just t' stop him till she can run away. That's all
I wanted -- to let her run away.

HANK Sure. That's all you wanted.

TEDDY PARKER I cry sometimes thinking how little I miss him.

HANK Hell, there's no way to blame you for doing what you did.

(Teddy looks at him, then looks away.)

-- 91 --

HANK Nah. I'm just curious about why you went on and hit him the seven more times.

TEDDY PARKER I didn't. She did.

HANK What?
TEDDY PARKER Yeah. Mama came in and saw what I'd done, but she told me Daddy wasn't
really dead. Then she took the pan and kept on hitting him, telling me she was the one that was
doing it, that I never did!

HANK

(Wryly amazed.) Jesus, Jen.

TEDDY PARKER But we both knew the truth. It was a bad lie to keep between us.

(Bliss and Frances come down the stairway. They are carrying Bliss' luggage. Bliss is dressed
for traveling.)

WHITE

(To Frances.) No, really, I think I'd be quite marvelous at hoeing the corn and skinning potatoes.

HANK Oh, good, Frances.

WHITE

(Running on.) Why, people in our family are known for their muscular shoulder blades.

HANK

(To Frances.) We need t' head out right away.

-- 92 --

WHITE

(To Hank.) I'm going too. Frances asked me to come.

HANK Well fine.

(Hank exits down the main stairway carrying a load of luggage.)

WALKER "‘BYE, TEDDY. I HAD A LOVELY TIME."

TEDDY PARKER

(To Frances.) Oh, well, thank you for coming.

WHITE

(To Teddy, as she hands her the princess' crown.) See that Butterball gets this princess' crown.
Tell her it's from her mama. Take care, Teddy Bear.

(Brighton enters from the main stairway. He wears a suit but is quite disheveled. He no longer
carries the cane.)

BRIGHTON PARKER Teddy! Teddy!

TEDDY PARKER Good-bye, Bliss.

WHITE Farewell, farewell.

(Bliss and Frances exit down the main stairs.)

BRIGHTON PARKER Good-bye. Good-bye.

(Brighton turns to Teddy.) Teddy, why did you tell Grandmother? Why did you tell her about
what you did? Why in the world?

-- 93 --

TEDDY PARKER I got tired.

BRIGHTON PARKER Tired? You got tired? Fine. Well, it was a dreadful mistake. I don't know
what she's going to do. She's certainly not going to take you in.

TEDDY PARKER Yes, I know, she told me.

BRIGHTON PARKER Well, what are you going to do? You can't stay here, with all these -- these
unhealthy dynamics.

TEDDY PARKER Yes. I'd like some time to get on my feet. Could I stay out at your lake cottage
till I do that?

BRIGHTON PARKER No. Oh no. But Grandmother would never approve. She'd consider me a
traitor. Good Lord. Good heavens! I don't understand anything. Life! It's a horrible, hopeless
mystery chock-full of confusion. Oh, well, go pack your things. I'll drive you out to the lake. Let
me pull the car around. Confusion. What can you do about it? There it is.

(Brighton exits down the main stairway and Teddy exits to her bedroom. Jen enters up the back
stairway. She wears the fur coat. Jen looks around the room and shivers. Hank enters from the
main stairway.)

HANK Hello, I --

TURNER Hank --

HANK I have to get these bags. We're on our way to Pontotoc.

-- 94 --

TURNER Yes -- well -- so. . .

HANK So. . .

TURNER . . . Do you want me to be gone when you get back?

HANK Whatever.

TURNER Well, anyway, my lost angel, you're better off without me.

HANK Yeah, 'cause it's been a constant struggle to prove my worth to you.
TURNER I guess there's just some blackness buried so deep inside my chest you never could
have pulled it out with a pair of pliers.

HANK God. Then there's only one problem.

TURNER What's that?

HANK I won't be able t' see your face sparkle no more.

TURNER Oh please. . .Butter me up. Butter me up some more.

(Hank picks up the bags and exits down the main stairway. Jen turns and goes into her
bathroom. She is devastated. She turns on the bath water.)

TURNER Oh God. Oh God.

(Jen throws her blue bath crystals into the tub. She stirs the water with her trembling hand and
chants.) Please, please, please. Stop please, please.

(Jen leaves the bathroom and goes into her bedroom. Teddy enters the parlor from her room,
dressed in jeans and a shirt, carrying a suitcase. She hears the water running in Jen's bathroom.
Teddy sets down her suitcase. She goes out onto the balcony. Violet enters up the back stairway.
She carries a large tote bag that has "Le Bag" written on it.)

-- 95 --

MOONE Is Mr. Turner ready to leave?

TEDDY PARKER Yes. He went downstairs.

MOONE Alright.

TEDDY PARKER

(Glancing out on the balcony.) Oh, look! Out there!

MOONE What?

TEDDY PARKER A bird.

MOONE Where?

TEDDY PARKER Right there, Violet. By the white branch!

MOONE Yeah! I see. There it goes! It was green.

TEDDY PARKER Uh-huh, green.

(Teddy and Violet look at each other. Violet turns and exits down the main stairway. Jen enters
the bathroom nude with a large towel wrapped around her shoulders. She is trembling like a
newborn bird. She walks over to the tub and puts her hand in the water to feel the temperature.
She turns off the running water, drops the towel, and gets into the tub. Teddy, who hears the
water stop, walks over to the door and goes inside the room.)

TEDDY PARKER Hello.

TURNER Teddy.

TEDDY PARKER Your psoriasis has broken out again.

-- 96 --

TURNER I know. It's spreading.

(Looking at her skin.) God, look how the ravages of time have conquered me. All these cracks
and sores and ugliness. I hate it so much. Being trapped inside this -- body.

TEDDY PARKER You need to visit the doctor up in Memphis again. Where's your tube of
medicine?
TURNER On the counter.

(Teddy gets the tube and Jen's compact case that holds the cigarettes.)

TEDDY PARKER You wanna smoke?

TURNER Sure. Let's have a smoke.

(Teddy lights up a cigarette and hands it to Jen. She lights another one for herself. Then she
gently begins rubbing the ointment over her mother's sores. Brighton enters from the main
stairway. He glances around the room looking for Teddy. He picks up the small suitcase.)

BRIGHTON PARKER

(Calling toward Teddy's room.) Teddy, I had this idea! I could pick up some biscuit dough on the
way to the cottage.

(He laughs with a snort.) Teddy?! I've got your bag. I'll be down in the car.

(Brighton exits down the main stairway.)

-- 97 --

TURNER Are you leaving?

TEDDY PARKER Yes.

TURNER Alright.

TEDDY PARKER Mama?

TURNER What?

TEDDY PARKER I don't have a feeling anymore like it's never gonna get better.
TURNER You don't?

TEDDY PARKER No.

TURNER Why's that?

TEDDY PARKER It's like I can smell the rain coming and I can feel it's gonna start to thunder.

TURNER It is? It's gonna thunder?

TEDDY PARKER Yeah, and that ole snapping turtle's gonna let loose and I'll just be standing
there in the rain and in the thunder and these arms will want to hold onto somebody and have
their arms holding onto me.

TURNER Hmm. Well. I hope so. I, well, I. . .Yes. Good. Yes.

(Teddy continues putting on the ointment, as they both smoke cigarettes and the lights fade to
blackout.)

END OF PLAY

(END OF PLAY)