A telephone call

Dorothy Parker

Please, God, let him call me now. Dear God, let him call me now. I am not going to
ask nothing more of you, I really won't. It's not much to ask. It would be so
little for you, God, something so, so small. Just let me call now. For
please, God. Please, please, please.

If I don't think about it, maybe the phone will ring. Sometimes it does. If I could
think of something else. If I could think of something else. Maybe if I count to
five hundred by five, sound before it ends. I am going to count
slowly. No tricks. And if it sounds when I reach three hundred, I am not going to
Stop, I'm not going to answer until I reach five hundred. Five, ten, fifteen,
veinte, veinticinco, treinta, treinta y cinco, cuarenta, cuarenta y cinco,
fifty... Oh, please, call. Please.

This is the last time I am going to look at the watch. I am not going to look again. It is
It's ten past seven. She said she would call at five. "I will call you at five, darling."
I think it was at that moment that he said: "darling". I'm almost sure that
it was at that moment. I know he called me 'darling' twice, and the other was
when he said goodbye. "Goodbye, darling." He was busy and couldn't talk.
much in the office, but he called me "darling" twice. My call cannot
to have bothered him. I know we shouldn't call them many times; I know that not
they like it. When you do it, they know that you are thinking of them and that you
you want, and it makes them hate you. But I hadn't spoken to him in three days,
three days. And all I did was ask her how she was, just like
Anyone can call and ask him. That can't have bothered him. No.
I could have thought that I was bothering him. "No, of course not,"
he said. And he said that he would call me. He didn't have to say that. I didn't ask him to.
It's true I didn't do it. I'm sure I didn't do it. I don't think he's promising.
call me and then never do it. Please don't let him do that, God.
Please, no.

I'll call you at five, darling.

hurry, and there were people around him, but he called me "darling" twice. That is
mine, mine. I have that, even if I never see it again. Oh, but it's so little.
It's not enough. Nothing is enough if I don't see it again. Please, let me go.
to see him again, God. Please, I love him so much. I love him a lot. I'm going to be
Goodbye, God. I will try to be a better person, I will, if you let me see it.
new. If you let him call me. Oh, let him call me now.

Ah, do not despise my prayer, God. You sit there, so white and old,
with all the angels around and the stars gliding in your surroundings. And
I have been imploring you for a phone call. Ah, don't laugh, God.
You see, you don't know how it feels. You are so sure, there on your throne, with the
great blue lounging beneath you. Nothing can touch you, no one can
twist your heart in his hand. This is suffering, God, this is suffering
bad, bad. Won't you help me? For the love of your Son, help me. You said that
you would do what was asked of you in his name. Oh, God, in the name of your only
and beloved Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord, who calls me now.

I have to stop this. I shouldn’t be like this. Let's see. Suppose a young man
He says he's going to call a girl, and then something happens and he doesn't. It's not that
terrible, right? Why? It is happening all over the world right now.
Moment. Oh, what do I care about what is happening in the whole world? Why
Why can't the phone ring? Why can't it? Why not? No
Could you sound? Come on, please, right? Damn ugly and shiny thing. Is it that you
Would it hurt to sound? Oh, that would hurt you. Damn it! I'm going to tear your
dirty roots of the wall and I will break that black and arrogant face for you
small pieces. Go to hell.

No, no, no. I have to stop. I have to think of something else. This is what
I am going to do it. I am going to put the clock in the other room. Then I won't be able to.
I would see it. If I wanted to look at it, I would have to enter the bedroom, and that would be something

What to do. Maybe, before I see him again, he will call me. I am going to be
so sweet with him, if he calls me. If he says he can't see me tonight, I
I'll say: 'Don't worry, it's okay, dear. Seriously, of course it is
good. I am going to be exactly as I was when I met him. So maybe I
I liked again. I was always sweet, then. Oh, it's so easy to be sweet.
with people before loving them.

I think I still have to like him/her a little. He/She wouldn't have called me 'darling' otherwise.
Sometimes today, if he no longer likes me. Not everything is lost if he still likes me.
a little, even if just a little bit. You will see, God, if you would let me call you, no
I would have to ask you for nothing more. I would be sweet with him, I would be cheerful, just from
the way it used to be, and then he will love me again. And then I
I should never have to ask you for anything else. Don't you see, God? So, would you let
Can you call me now? Could you please, please?

Are you punishing me, God, for having been bad? Are you angry with me?
Oh, but God, there are such bad people; you can't punish just me. And
I didn't do that much wrong, it couldn't have been that much. I didn't hurt anyone, God.
Things are only bad when they hurt people. I didn't hurt a single one.
Alma, you know. You know that I didn't do wrong, right, God? So, will you let
call me now?

If he doesn't call me, I'm going to know that God is angry with me. I'm going to tell to
five hundred at a time, and if He hasn't called me by then, I will know that God
he will never help me again. That will be the signal. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty,
twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five, forty, forty-five, fifty
fifty-five... I did wrong. I knew I was doing wrong. All right, God,
send me to hell. You think you scare me with your hell, don't you? That
You think that your hell is worse than mine.

I shouldn't. I shouldn't do this. Suppose it got late for him to call me; no
You have to get hysterical. Maybe he won't call; maybe he's already on his way here.
without calling on the phone. He will be perplexed if he sees that I have been crying. I won't tell them

I like that you cry. Don't cry. I ask God that I could make him cry. Me
I would like to make him cry and roll on the ground and feel his heavy heart.
big and oozing inside it. I would like to be able to make him go through a
hell.

He doesn't wish me a hell. I don't even know if he knows how I feel about him.
I would like them to know, but without me telling them. They don't like it when you tell them.
What made you cry? They don't like it when you tell them that you're unhappy because of it.
of them. If you do, they think you are possessive and demanding. And then they hate you.
They hate you every time you say something you really think. You always have to
keep playing games. Oh, I thought it wasn't necessary, I thought that
this was so great that I could say what I wanted. I guess you can't,
never. I suppose there is nothing big enough for that,
never. Oh, if he called me, I wouldn't tell him that I had been sad because of him.
They hated sad people. I would be so sweet and cheerful that I couldn't help it.
get attached to me. If only he would call me. If only he would call me.
Maybe that's what's happening. Maybe he's coming here without calling me. Maybe he's ...
on the way. Maybe something happened to him. No, nothing can happen to him. I can't
I can’t even imagine such a thing. I never imagine him run over. I never have.
sight withdrawn, still and long and dead. I wish it were dead. It is
a terrible desire. It is a lovely desire. If I were dead, it would be mine. If
if I were dead, I would never think of today and these last weeks. Only
I would remember the splendid times. Everything would be beautiful. I would like that
he were dead. I wish he were dead, dead, dead.

What nonsense. It is foolish to go around wishing for people to die, so

just because they didn't call you at the time they said. Maybe the clock was fast,
I don't know if it has the correct time. Perhaps its delay is not real. Anything.
He could have delayed it a bit. Maybe he had to stay at the office.
Maybe he went to his house to call me from there, and someone visited him. He didn't
likes to call me in front of people. Maybe he's worried, even if he is a
a little, for keeping me waiting. They may even expect me to call them. I
I could do that. I could call him.

I mustn't. I mustn't, I mustn't. Oh, God, please don't let me do it.

please, foresee that I dare. I know, God, as well as you, that if it
Worrying about me, I would have called no matter where I am or how many people there are.
It has around. Please let me know, God. I do not ask you to do it for me.
It's easy, don't help me; you can't do it, even though you could create a world.
whole. Just let me know, God. Don't let me continue with hopes. No
I want to keep comforting myself. Please, don't let me be filled with
hopes, dear God. No, please.

I'm not going to call him. I will never call him again as long as I live. He can rot.
in hell before you call it. You don't need to give me strength, God,
I already have it. If he wants me, he can have me. He knows where I am. He knows
What am I waiting for here? He is so sure of me, so sure. I wonder
why they hate us as soon as they are sure of one. I think it would be so
sweet to be safe.

It would be so easy to call him. Then I would know everything. Maybe I wouldn't be so foolish. Such
Maybe he wouldn't mind. Maybe he would even like it. Maybe he has been trying to
call me. Sometimes people try and try to call someone, but the number
does not respond. I'm not saying that to comfort myself, that really happens.
You know what really happens, God. Oh, God, keep me away from that.
phone. Keep me away. Let me keep a bit of pride.
I think I will need it, God. I think it will be the only thing I have.

Oh, what does pride matter when I can't stand being without talking to him?
This pride is so silly and miserable. The real pride, the great one,
it consists of not having pride. I'm not saying that just because I want to
call it. No. That's true, I know it's true. I am going to be great. I am going to
free myself from small prides.

Please, God, do not let me call him. Please, God.

I don't see what pride has to do with this. This is something too
small to put the pride, to cause such a commotion. It may be that I have it
misunderstood. Maybe he told me to call him at five. "Call me at
"Five o'clock, darling." He could have said that perfectly. It's very possible.
I must not have heard well. 'Call me at five, darling.' I'm almost
sure that he said that. God, don’t let me say these things. Make me
know, please let me know.

I'm going to think about something else. I'm going to sit in silence. If I could stay
still. If I could stay still. Perhaps I can read. Oh, all the books
they are about people who truly and sweetly love each other. What do they gain?
writing that? Don't they know it's not true? Don't they know it's a
lie, a damned lie? Why do they have to write those things if they know
How it hurts? Damn them, damn, damn.

I won't do it. I'm going to stay calm. This is nothing to get upset about. Look. Suppose
that it was someone I don't know very well. Suppose it was another girl.
Then I would call the phone and say: "Well, for God's sake, what has happened to you?"
past?" That is what I would do, without thinking about it. Can't I be casual and natural just
Why do I love him? I can be it. Honestly, I can be it. I will call him, and I will be.
so light and pleasant. Let's see if I won't do it, God. Oh, don't let me call it.
No, no, no.

God, are you really not going to let me call? Are you sure, God? Couldn't you, for
please, give in? No? I'm not even asking you to let me call now, God, just
Let him do it in a little while. I am going to count five hundred by fives.
I will do it slowly and carefully. If he hasn't called by then, I
I will call. I will do it. Oh, please, dear God, dear merciful God, my
Blessed Father in heaven, let him call before then! Please,
God. Please.

Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five...

END

A Telephone Call
The Bookman, January 1928