2.

PARTICULAR FAMILIES

All families are different

Most definitions of family focus on the composition of

a small group related by blood or commitment. But does it include
Does that definition cover all possibilities? Traditional concepts bring us
instantly exceptions to the mind.
Family: a group composed of parents and their children.
Exception: what happens to childless couples who love each other?
another for decades?
Family: the children of two parents, a group of related people
intimate form through blood.
Exception: What happens with a mixed family composed of parents
married in second marriages and step-siblings?
Families in a kibbutz extend their boundaries to include the comu-
nidad. A Mormon family composed of a man, his four wives and
their children consider themselves a nuclear family, no matter what anyone says
sociologists or the state itself. With current biotechnology, a family
can include a pair of biological children, conceived with her egg and her
sperm but gestated in the body of a stranger. On a recent occasion,
A lesbian couple was sued in a family court by the father.
biological father of their son, a gay friend who had been asked to donate
sperm. When her daughter was two years old, the donor sued them.
he claimed parental rights. The court declared that the daughter already had parents.
and the most convenient thing for the girl was not to alter her concept of family.
So, what is a family? The sociologist Stephanie Coontz (1992),
I would ask: at what moment and in what type of culture? A family is
always a segment of a broader group and in a historical period
particular.
People today tend to think of the term 'family' as a
family unit. But, according to the idea of the sociologist Lawrence Stone
(1980), the British family of two centuries ago would not have been a unit.
nuclear, but a group formed by the closest relatives. Stone has
stated that, in the open lineage system of that time, the
36 FAMILIES AND FAMILY THERAPY

the marriage was more concerned about the issue of the merging of assets and the
continuation of family lines that aim to unite companions
sentimental. In a time as recent as Napoleonic France, the
marriage contract of Pierre Riviére's parents shows the foundations
economic union (Minuchin, 1984). The children were at most a
part of the marriage possessions, such as land and the
cattle.
Furthermore, two tasks that are currently considered fundamental of the
family unit — the care of children born from the union and support
emotional of the wives— were then tasks much more typical of
kinship system. In fact, according to Stone, it was relatively
very little importance to the unity formed with the wife. If the husband and the
they came to take care of each other, certainly no harm was done;
but if a mutual affection was not developed, no one considered marriage
like a failure.
Nowadays, a woman's caregiving response to her child is assumed.
as something so fundamental that we call it instinctive. The historian
Frenchwoman Elizabeth Badinter (1980), however, has argued that it has been
for centuries the maternal answer was rare. Generally, children were raised
far from their parents, the girls sent as wet nurses and the boys as
apprentices. Perhaps one of the reasons for this detachment was the large number
of children who died in infancy. Until the level of infant mortality did not
started a to decline, by the beginning of the modern era, was little
It is advisable to love a child. Stone has highlighted that in the Middle Ages with
parents often gave several of their children the same name, hoping
that at least one could end up carrying it as an adult.
The nuclear family, as we know it today, started to become common.
with urbanization and industrialization and as a consequence of the improvement in the
hygiene and medical care of the scientific revolution. Family norms
they began to transform as European society also did
changed. By the middle of the 18th century, the nuclear family had come to be
the ideal accepted by the middle class. For the first time, the interdependence of
Wives and child care were considered tasks.
principles of the nuclear unit. Stone has estimated that such a change of the
family norms occurred about two hundred years ago.
Moreover, the autonomy and authority of the current nuclear family are ad-
recent acquisitions. Before this century, the community played a much
more important in what we today consider family duties. In America
colonial, just as in the 17th century in Europe, matters that today would be
considered private, such as unruly children, were
directly and explicitly regulated by the community. Individuals were discouraged from
gossips with the use of punishment. The immersions in chambers dis-
they disciplined those women who reprimanded their husbands.
During the colonial period, the law, as well as religion and customs
They were intimately concerned about family matters. To a woman who
he complained about receiving mistreatment, he could be perfectly ordered.
 Particular Families: All Families Are Different 37

that she would return to her husband in order to preserve the social order (Skolnick,
1991). For the same reason, women and children were legally under the
control of the husband/brother or guardian. A child became by law in
person upon reaching adulthood. In the case of women, the influential
English jurist William Blackstone expresses the opinion that the law dictated
that the husband and wife were one, and that the husband was that 'one'.
We are taking this historical detour because family therapists
They must understand that families are different in historical contexts.
different. Imagine traveling through time to practice therapy with
a colonial family or with the family of Pierre Riviére in the 19th century,
France (Minuchin, 1984). Our traveling therapist should change his
conception of the family in each place and time it lands.
demands of therapy in different cultures and times would force him to reevaluate
the rules that until now he might have considered as universal.
Our exploratory therapist would like to pay particular attention to the
broad forces that shape families in a given period,
especially the public attitude of the time. For example, in the Union of
Soviet Socialist Republics, the laws changed when the ...
needs of the State. The first laws regarding marriage and of
abortion, relatively egalitarian as they correspond to loyalty towards a
feminist Marxism, were developed in an increasingly less liberal way
during the thirties, when the population was decreasing (Bell and Vogel,
1960). Jacques Donzelot, in his The policing of families (1979), explores a
similar phenomenon in France. When industrialization created the need for
a stable workforce, the institutions seemed to support the preservation
familiar (and a concomitant increase in the population). Similarly,
when France was establishing colonies overseas, societies
family-centered philanthropic efforts became very common. Care for
Children became the concern not only of doctors and educators.
but also by politicians like Robespierre, who attacked the practice of converting
to the girls as wet nurses. Consequently, political changes followed such as
response not to family needs, but to the purposes of the class
dominant policy.
Public policy continues to impact the American family.
currently, as a consequence of the rapid economic and social changes that
Western culture is experiencing. As a consequence, provisions
Relatives that just a few years ago were undeniable now seem irrelevant.
As always when significant periods of social change arise, the
a feeling that the social fabric is dangerously cracking
is finding expression in the fear of family changes. Some
people have made a portrait of 'the American family' according to
the ideal of the fifties: a friendly suburban home, which offered a
a warm refuge for highly valued children, and a father and husband who earned
the bread, which seemed
38 FAMILIES AND FAMILY THERAPY

eager to return home with a wife and mother from his same background. But,
beneath the surface of this style, in the golden age of the fifties, there was
tension and discontent, which generated the cultural revolutions of the years
sixty, inevitably followed by the reactions of the eighties. With
the stagnation of the eighties, liberated North America, 'green', of
the sixties and seventies became a land of 'sexual fear,
television evangelists, anti-drug and anti-pornography crusades" (Skolnick,
1991, p. 5). Now, in the nineties, it is becoming clear that the dream of the
new right to restore the nuclear family led by men
faces numerous challenges.
Where is the family heading? The only thing we can predict
It is certain that it will change. Families, like societies and the
Individuals can and must change to adapt to circumstances.
variables.Hurry to label adaptive change as deviant and
Pathogenic is a product of hysteria, not of history or reason.
Social psychologist Arlene Skolnick outlines three areas that can benefit
Bernard the family change in the decade of the nineties and afterwards. The
first it is economic. For example, the shift from the factory to the office
means that well-paid manual jobs are disappearing in the
to the extent that poorly paid jobs in the service sector are
increase. This change has been accompanied by a large movement
the scale of women within the workforce. In the current economy,
many women do not have the option to stay at home even though they want to
they will desire it. The impact of the female workforce outside the home, along with
with feminist ideas, the cultural ideal of marriage has changed into a
more equitable direction.
The second influencing factor in family change is demographic.
The care of children in a technological society carries a burden.
economically so strong that families are getting smaller and smaller. Families
Just two generations ago, they could have expected to have many children.
now they are planning to invest enormous efforts in care and the
education of only one or two children. At the same time, life expectancy
It is increasing and for the first time in history, people expect to reach old age.
Even despite the extended length of 'childhood,' a couple can
plan to stay together for many years after completing their
childcare function (they could very well need
to take care of their own elderly parents.
The third main change that Skolnick outlines is what she calls the
"psychological burguization", which also has profound implications
for the family. As a result of high levels of education and time
free, North Americans have become more introspective, more attentive to their
inner experience. Above all, they have come to be increasingly interested
more in the emotional quality of relationships not only familial, but also
work-related. This emphasis on warmth and intimacy has been of great importance in
the development of family therapy, particularly because it can create
discontent or frustration even when family life itself is in
consonance with social roles. It is no longer
 PARTICULAR FAMILIES: ALL FAMILIES ARE DIFFERENT 39

It is enough for a husband and father to be a good provider. A woman cannot

demonstrate her virtues as a wife through the contents of her pantry.
A child can no longer simply be expected to be submissive and obedient.
When one relies on family life to bring us happiness and fulfillment,
It is expected that perceived family problems will arise.

SOCIOECONOMIC PERSPECTIVES ON THE FAMILY

Although Skolnick's description of the family offers a vision

sociological study of white middle-class families in the United States, it
it hardly stops to reflect the lives of many other families
North Americans. The experiences of poor families are often
very different, in aspects that go beyond economic deprivation, and
they have a great impact on family functioning. The intrusion of the
institutions is a good example. Many institutions, despite being very
respectful of the family boundaries of the middle class, they feel free to
intervene within poor families. In the name of the children, they burst in
in the family space creating not only a disorder of family organization
but also affiliations between children and institutions, giving power to the
children to challenge their parents. The schools, the welfare departments,
The authorities of the accommodations and the mental health institutions have
pseudo-solutions to the problems of families created among them all
the poor who contribute to family fragmentation. The effect of this
intrusionism is evident in cases like those of the Harris and Jimmy Smith.

The Harrises: a family without doors

Let's enter the home of the Harris family. It's easy to get in; in a way,
their home has no doors. Steven and Doris Harris, married for ten years,
They have four small children. They fought for years to have their own
housing with Steven's truck driver's pay. But six months ago, it was
fired. For the past month, they have been without a roof. The house where
They live now, it is not theirs; it belongs to a social service agency founded
by the government.
As far back as they can remember, the Harrises have been involved with services
social government. They have seen a so many social workers,
workers for the care of children, lawyers, and therapists who in their
memory all these professionals have merged into one. All
they shared the assumption that the Harris needed social services from
qualified workers who entered, without being announced or invited, into their
family space, physical and psychological.
The Harris have learned that when these workers enter their
territory brings invariable ideas very well defined about how
40 FAMILIES AND FAMILY THERAPY

it should be the family functioning. The addiction specialist

he tells Doris that she should focus exclusively on her recovery
from drug addiction. At the same time, the welfare worker
the child tells Doris to be less absorbed in herself and to
try harder to be a good mother. The specialist in drug addiction
inform the officer who supervises Doris's parole, while
The worker who helps with the care of the child keeps the judge informed.
familiar, who had previously filed a lawsuit for negligence in
the care of the child. As a result of all this, both the specialist in
drug dependencies and the social worker are in a position to
press Doris to adjust her schedules, despite the fact that such
agendas are diametrically opposed.
The addiction specialist and the social worker never co-
they communicate with each other. None of them speaks to Steven, who is virtually
invisible to them. Doris spends more time and effort dealing with the assistant
social and the addiction specialist who is with Steven. He is
becoming invisible even to her, staying farther and farther away
from home. He is still looking for a job, but he is getting fewer responses.
positive now than at any other time since she has been unemployed. Doris
she feels overwhelmed and burdened. Steven feels like a failure, someone second-rate.
Over the years, the Harrises, young or old, have developed...
Strategies to deal with intrusions from assistants. Children have
grown accustomed to the presence of strangers in his house. Responding
to the fact that such strangers tend a to take on oneself as individuals
well-intentioned people interested in them, the children have developed a stance
open and welcoming with which they receive and embrace these strangers.
Apparently it is a position of compromise, but deep down it is
Pseudo-intimacy disturbs due to the lack of boundaries it reveals.
Doris and Steven have developed their own version of the position of
pseudo-intimacy of their children. They have learned that their helpers value the
revelation ("to be with their problems"), so they have developed a language
stereotyped. At the content level, it is sufficiently filled with
intimate details meant to create the illusion of openness and acceptance of
expert. But in its ritualized delivery it serves as a buffer between the
family and the helpers who have not been sought or desired.
To appease these alleged helpers, at least for a while,
couple has learned to proclaim wisdom and the eminent good sense of
any advice or direction that your assistants may have been able to offer. But
to preserve some type of autonomy, they resist implementing the
suggestions. With this slowness, labels are inevitably earned:
"resistant," "passive-aggressive," and "manipulative," but the Harris do not.
they can see another way to protect their fragmented sense of dignity and the
privacy. Unfortunately, as the number grows
From such labels, the number of attendees who go home without
doors.
 PARTICULAR FAMILIES: ALL FAMILIES ARE DIFFERENT 41

As the Harrises are African American, there are important aspects in their case.
What are generics: members of homeless families find themselves
subject to the unpredictability of life and the need to confront
multiple assistants.

Jimmy Smith
The way the foster care system influences the fa-
milias is another example of contextual distortion that affects the configuration
familiar. Jimmy, two years old, was an African American boy born with signs of
intoxication of his addicted mother. He suffers neurological injuries. At birth, the
the jury automatically declared his mother incapacitated, and Jimmy was sent
to an agency that worked with drug-dependent babies to care for them in
adoption. He was placed with an extremely paternal homosexual couple
that gave him all the possible care.
Jimmy was moving forward, and his foster parents wanted to adopt him.
The mother, who by this point had detoxified, contacted the agency.
to establish some contact with her son. She acknowledged that the parents of
Jimmy's reception was excellent and he did not oppose such adoption, but he wished
having any relationship with her son. The agency was concerned about that
contact with Jimmy would grant the biological mother parental rights, so
began to defend the adoptive parents. It was the same agency that created
an antagonistic and polarized relationship between the adoptive parents and the mother,
boycotting any creative possibility of commitment in which the
adoptive parents and the biological mother could collaborate.

ETHNIC PERSPECTIVES ON FAMILY

Unfortunately, family therapists have often accepted the

rules of the white social media class, maintaining their own perspectives
relatives in complete ignorance. Matters such as a status
minority are critical determining factors in family problems. The
The influence of ethnicity on families has been widely studied.
(McGoldrick, Pearce and Giordano, 1982). Despite the fact that the issues of the
ethnicity is often grouped with economic status, these intersect
All social classes. Surprisingly, the attainment of a status
of social media class by members of a certain ethnic group
it can lead to unexpected problems.
According to Nancy Boyd-Franklin (1989), African American middle-class families
media are supported by a tripod of three cultures. There are cultural elements
that can be traced back to African roots, those who are part of a
dominant North American culture, and finally there are the adaptations that the
people of color must stand up against racism in
42 FAMILIES AND FAMILY THERAPY

dominant culture. Multiple demands can strengthen identity,

but they can also lead to a confusion of values and roles, and to a
a sense of helplessness when facing cultural complexity.
The therapist working with an African American family may need
explore the complete family. The importance of the network of connections
relatives can trace back to African roots and, laterally, to the Ne-
contemporary need to confront poverty and racism. But a
a family of color that has attained a middle-class status may be
facing a stressful decision between helping the members of the
family or disconnect from them.
Other areas affected by a minority status may include the
family structural power. Power is shared more effectively by
the black wives who belong to their corresponding middle-class families
whites, perhaps because mothers of color have historically been
more likely than white mothers to be employed outside the home;
most of the women of color in the current middle social class had
working mothers. In a certain family, however, an ethic
Muslim law could dictate that a woman remains in a role
strictly confined to domestic tasks.
In Latin families, just like in families of color, the group of relatives
with relatively flexible limits, it can become important. The
Compadres can be a very important part of the significant family.
cooperation can be stressful and competition can be discouraging. The
hierarchies can be extremely clear, with organized roles
explicitly around generation and gender. Of women,
they expect to be submissive and for the men to protect their women. From one
mother is expected to be very self-sacrificing and devoted, especially for the
children. The couple's relationship with their children can perfectly reach
to consider oneself more important than the relationship of this couple with each other; in fact,
the other partner may have very little freedom for the functions
paternal.
Like the Harrises and Jimmy Smith, Maria and Corrine also per-
they belong to the group of families that must face the Department of
Well-being. But since they are Puerto Rican and the therapist is Hispanic, the
elements of ethnicity and language become an integral part of
therapeutic meeting.

Tribes at War: María and Corrine

Maria, a twenty-year-old Puerto Rican woman, had two children, Peter, aged
three years, and Juana, six. María's mother and her stepfather, a minister
evangelist, she was thrown out of her house when she turned eighteen for being
surprised smoking marijuana. She found a relatively
I've been stable with Juan for six years, although we both have been coming in and out.
drugs.
 PARTICULAR FAMILIES: ALL FAMILIES ARE DIFFERENT 43

When María had her second baby, Juan's mother invited them to live
with her. It was a good time for María. She flourished under the support and the
care of Juan's mother and his older sister, Corrine. She had been
always feeling rejected, like someone abnormal. Now Juan's mother and
her sister was like family to her. She felt protected, guided, the
they took care of. But her relationship with Juan became troubled and he left. Shortly after,
Juan's mother asked María to leave.
Maria started using drugs again and Juan called the Department of
Welfare for them to take the children away. The jury declared María 'not a mother'
qualified" and, since she refused to cooperate with the social workers, she
issued a verdict prohibiting him from seeing the children. In reality, the
Juan's mother became a kind adoptive mother, leaving the children.
in the care of Juan's sister, Corrine. Expelled from the only experience.
positive experience she had, María went to take refuge in a group to
women addicted to drugs, where she stopped using them. She earned the right to
see her children once every two weeks. Corrine took the kids to that
They will visit the center. During a visit, both women fought, and María
he hit Corrine. The court issued a restraining order and not to María.
He was allowed to be more with his children.
What the court achieved was a disorganized family organization and
motionless. Corrine stopped working to fully dedicate herself to caregiving
children, restricting their social life and career. Being still young, they
became a full-time mother of two children who were not hers. Maria
she ended up in a group for homeless women, where she enjoyed having a family
substitute mainly composed of addicted women, even though in
At that moment, she was not. She was not allowed to see her children or help them with.
her care, while Corrine was becoming a young mother
socially isolated. In other words, the court had frozen
judicially a situation in which the conflict between family members
they had separated them, creating a no man's land and making absolutely
An impossible natural negotiation among family members.
I (Minuchin) was allowed to arrange family consultations that
included María, Corrine, and the children. I met with the two women
I was soft with them both in Spanish and in English. I praised Corrine elo-
I highlight their excellent childcare. At the same time, I emphasized with what
frequency was surprised to find herself blackmailing them. I became a participant in the
love of Mary and her responsibility towards the children, despite the fact that I observed
I reviewed the frequency with which she surprised herself by rejecting them when
they behaved badly. I concluded that both were excellent mothers, but that it would be
better for everyone if their different skills could be unified. We talk
of the importance of parenthood and the mutual support of the members of the
family, we talk about family loyalty highlighting the strong value that
grants the Latin culture to family solidarity. We comment that the court
I did not understand Latin families, and that I had imposed the values of the
dominant culture. It was not difficult for the two women, who
they essentially took care of each other
44 FAMILIES AND FAMILY THERAPY

from the other, as well as from the children, to agree that the court with its rigid stance
he had excluded them.
When working with a minority family, it is important that the
therapist evaluate whether the pressure of racism has penetrated the family
from the external world and how it has done so. In some families, the
family member who feels helpless in the face of racist pressures
work, can turn that rage and frustration into interpersonal abuse
within the family environment, where he or she feels powerful. It could be
it is necessary to direct or channel this anger in therapy, to distinguish between the
neuroticism and the response to real racism, and to help the family member and
the entire family to face it.
In order to ensure that the same clinician does not become a
racist or classist authority, some family therapists have suggested that
this area should underline the influence of all multicultural contexts
including families. Celia Falicov (1983) has proposed a
ecological definition of culture:
[Those sets] of behaviors and common adaptive experience
derivatives of belonging to a variety of different contexts: frameworks
ecological (rural, urban, suburban), religious values o philosophical,
nationality y ethnicity
occupation, migration patterns, and status of acculturation; or derived values
to take part in similar historical moments or particular ideologies
(pp. xiv-xv).

She has proposed that the belonging of each family member to

each context is fundamental to the therapist's vision.
An approach to the family in all its cultural contexts seems
theoretically correct, but the multiplicity of possible contexts means that
Generalizations for work can be difficult, if not impossible. What
Moreover, the cultural norms of what "should be" do not match.
necessarily with the rules maintained by a particular family. Falicov
he advocated for an approach to the family limit, precisely because this
diversity is highlighted and the trend of dominant culture is challenged to
imposing their values on minorities. But while she highlights everything
regarding ethnicity, cultural norms must always be examined in the
case of each individual family to ensure that the therapist, despite
his good intentions are not fitting the family into a stereotype
ethnic.
Family therapists have often been too comfortable.
clarifying family dynamics and leaving out social determinants
formulated, at best, vaguely. But the study of the
cultural matrix is not an end in itself. The concern for ethnicity is
one of the many elements that contribute to the theory and practice of
family therapy. It is something valuable in itself, but it should be recognized as
one of the many elements at play.
We are also annoyed by the inherent oversimplification of
many of the frequent efforts to develop 'culture-
 PARTICULAR FAMILIES: ALL FAMILIES ARE DIFFERENT 45

competent roots." Culture involves much more than what it can

to determine in lists of concepts that aim to describe the values and give
a global view of a particular ethnic group. The implicit difficulties
when understanding a culture, one can consider the experiences of
Wai-Yung Lee when trying to teach family therapy in Hong Kong and in
my attempts to train paraprofessionals in family therapy during my
stay at the Philadelphia Clinic for Child Guidance.
When Wai-Yung Lee, who grew up in Hong Kong but works on
everything with Caucasian families in North America, started teaching in Hong
Four years ago, the usual 'east-west meeting' experienced a
Interesting turn. Presenting family therapy to your previous cultural group was
more confusing for her than it could have been for a foreigner. A
foreigners would have taken their ignorance of traditional values for granted.
But for Lee, his exploration or re-exploration of Hong Kong's culture in
relation to his teaching held one surprise after another.
Lee's supervisors had set notions about what works.
and it does not work with Chinese families, notions that she herself had shared
or accepted. But she found that if she accepted such notions, her teaching
it would have the effect of confirming, rather than questioning, its students and the
families I was working with to expand and to explore it
novel
Lee found that the biggest challenge of his work when working with
cultural groups to which he had belonged at one time, was to free oneself
herself from a culturally imposed straitjacket in order to reach
to be effective. The fact that she was Chinese created an interesting distortion.
in their teaching. Their experience in supervising their own culture was
threatened by their challenge to the visions of the family and by their responses
usual about what works and doesn't work in therapy. It was found that
same trapped between her American and Chinese culture, a feeling of
which had not been aware in their training of Western students
or in your work with Caucasian families. Only after leaving behind the
cultural "guardians" of their students and their own signs
internal cultural aspects, was able to lead his students to explore the
clinical implications of working with this particular group of families.
Three decades ago, I had a similar experience about the variations that
it involves introducing cultural awareness into the practice of family therapy,
when, along with Jay Haley, Braulio Montalvo, Marianne Walters,
Rae Weiner and Jerome Ford, we started a training program.
addressed to paraprofessionals at the Philadelphia Clinic for Guidance
Childish.
We were trying to correct an obvious bias. In the clinic, white therapists.
of social media class worked with a population mostly composed of
part by African Americans and Hispanic families of low socioeconomic status.
For that reason, we recruited a group of African Americans and Hispanics.
very motivated intelligent, but academically poorly educated
46 FAMILIES AND FAMILY THERAPY

two, and we trained them in family therapy. Our assumption was that, since
they belonged to the cultural groups with which they would work, they would hold a
instinctive knowledge of the cultural terrain they were going to move in
from their clinical work. However, it turned out that we erred on the side of naivety.
In addition to living in their own world, our future colleagues had
also coexisted in the dominant culture that had shaped us. From this
they had absorbed the prejudices about their own cultures that reflected,
and sometimes they exaggerated the prejudices of the dominant culture.
The training of these paraprofessionals took us three years. The goal
the training was to create workers who, like any other of the
clinic, regardless of their academic background, race o level
sociocultural, they could be therapists for any family that arrived
saying treatment. Were we idealistic and naive? Was it a blind attempt to
eliminate the differences? That would probably be the opinion today of
area, with its current emphasis on diversity.
We welcome the current concern for diversity as
a significant awareness raiser of the dangers of imposing values
majorities over minority populations. But we believe that also
There is a dangerous element in that socially and politically correct attitude:
some type of opposing fanaticism. As therapists, we always work with
different people from us. Therefore, we need to make sure of our
own ignorance, and of our assumptions about people who are different.
We need to incorporate elethos to understand diversity, but accepting it.
the time we must recognize that universals exist. As highlighted a while ago
years Harry Stack Sullivan: "Each and every one of us is above
of all humans.