The art of not caring: 8 simple ways
to live a happy life
BYLACHLAN BROWNJANUARY 25, 2025
The distinction between not caring and being indifferent can be as simple as deciding what truly
matters.
Not caring isn’t about shirking responsibilities or dismissing others’ feelings. It’s about knowing
what’s worth your energy and what isn’t.
Mastering the art of not caring is about choosing to focus on what makes you happy. And believe
me, there are certain habits that can help you do this without becoming apathetic.
Here are some ways to help you navigate the art of not caring, while living a happier life.
1) Understand your priorities
The key to not caring about everything is to first identify what truly matters to you.
Let’s face it, we all have a limited amount of energy and time. It’s impossible, not to mention
exhausting, to care about everything that comes our way.
Knowing what is important to you – be it your family, career, hobby, or health – helps in
defining where you should be directing your energy.
This clarity can help you let go of the things that don’t align with your priorities.
Not caring isn’t about being cold or indifferent. It’s essentially about choosing where your
attention goes.
2) Learn to say no
One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned in my journey towards not caring excessively is
the power of saying ‘no’.
I used to be a ‘yes’ person, always agreeing to every request or invitation that came my way. I
thought it was the polite thing to do. But in reality, it left me feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
One day, I decided to experiment. A friend asked if I could help them move on a weekend.
Normally, I would have agreed instantly, despite having plans for some much-needed self-care.
This time, I respectfully declined. And guess what? The world didn’t fall apart. My friend
understood and managed without me, and I enjoyed a stress-free weekend.
That’s when I realized the importance of setting boundaries. Saying ‘no’ doesn’t make you a bad
person. It simply means you’re taking care of your needs, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
The more you practice saying ‘no’, the easier it becomes to let go of unnecessary worries and
live a happier life.
3) Embrace imperfection
In Japan, there’s a concept known as ‘Wabi-Sabi’. It’s a worldview centered on the acceptance
of transience and imperfection. Instead of striving for perfection, it encourages us to appreciate
the beauty in what’s naturally imperfect.
In our lives, striving for perfection can often lead to stress and disappointment. We worry about
every detail, obsess over minor flaws and end up missing out on the joy of the present moment.
But when we start embracing imperfection, we begin to see the beauty in our flaws and mistakes.
It not only alleviates the pressure to be perfect but also allows us to experience life more fully
and authentically.
4) Practice mindfulness
One of the fundamental teachings of Buddhism is mindfulness, the act of being fully present and
engaged in the current moment.
Mindfulness helps us to stop worrying about the past or future and focus on what’s happening
right now. It encourages us to experience life as it unfolds, without getting caught up in our
thoughts or emotions.
In fact, in my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and
Minimum Ego, I delve deeper into the power of mindfulness and how it can help individuals live
a fulfilling life free from unnecessary worries.
Practicing mindfulness doesn’t require a lot of time or resources. It can be as simple as paying
attention to your breath, noticing the sensations in your body, or just observing your
surroundings. It’s about being in tune with yourself and the world around you.
5) Stop comparing yourself to others
There was a time when I found myself constantly comparing my life to others. Whether it was
their success, appearance, or lifestyle, I always felt I fell short. This habit of comparison fueled
my insecurities and led me down the path of unhappiness.
Over time, I realized that everyone is on their own unique journey. We all have different paths,
different timelines, and different definitions of success. The only person I needed to compare
myself to was the person I was yesterday.
Once I started focusing on my own growth and stopped measuring my worth against others, I
found a sense of peace and contentment that I had never experienced before.
It’s important to remember that comparison is the thief of joy. By focusing on your own journey
and celebrating your progress, you can let go of unnecessary worries and live a happier life.
6) Allow yourself to feel negative
emotions
Now, this might seem a bit counter-intuitive. After all, isn’t the goal to be happy and avoid
negative feelings?
But here’s the thing: emotions, even negative ones, are a part of being human. By trying to
suppress or ignore them, we are denying a part of our existence.
In fact, allowing yourself to feel sad, angry, or anxious can actually be beneficial. It’s a way of
acknowledging your feelings, understanding them, and then allowing them to pass naturally.
When we bottle up our emotions, they tend to resurface later with greater intensity. But when we
allow ourselves to feel them fully and acknowledge their presence, they lose their power over us.
7) Practice gratitude
In our fast-paced lives, it’s easy to get caught up in what we don’t have or what’s not going right.
But what if we shifted our focus to what we do have and what is going well?
Practicing gratitude can be a powerful way to cultivate positivity and happiness. It’s about
appreciating the simple things in life that we often take for granted.
Maybe it’s a kind word from a friend, a beautiful sunset, or just the fact that you woke up this
morning. By focusing on these positive aspects, you shift your energy away from worries and
towards appreciation.
Try keeping a gratitude journal or simply take a moment each day to reflect on what you’re
grateful for. The more you practice gratitude, the less room there is for unnecessary worries and
the more space there is for joy.
8) Take care of your mental health
Amidst all the hustle and bustle, it’s crucial not to neglect your mental health. Just like our
physical well-being, our mental health needs attention and care too.
If you’re constantly feeling worried or overwhelmed, it might be a good idea to seek professional
help. Therapists and counselors are trained to help you navigate your feelings and provide you
with tools to manage stress and anxiety.
There’s no shame in asking for help. Taking care of your mental health is one of the most
important steps you can take towards living a happy life, free from unnecessary worries.
Final thoughts: It’s a journey
The art of not caring is not about being indifferent or dismissive. It’s about understanding what
truly matters, where your energy is best spent, and learning to let go of the rest.
This journey is unique for everyone. It’s about self-discovery, setting boundaries, and embracing
the beauty of imperfection and transience.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum
Ego, I delve deeper into these principles and offer practical ways to apply them in everyday life.
It’s a guide to help you navigate this journey towards a happier, more carefree life.
The road might seem challenging at times, but remember that each step brings you closer to a
state of peace and contentment. As you embark on this journey, remember to celebrate your
progress and be gentle with yourself.
In the end, it’s not about reaching a destination but appreciating the journey. So take a deep
breath, let go of the unnecessary worries, and embrace the art of not caring. The key to living a
happier life is in your hands.
Lachlan Brown
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Happiness: Why Having a Purpose
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Discover why true happiness stems from purpose and relationships rather than wealth
or achievements.
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The debate around whether money can buy happiness has been ongoing for years.
Some argue persuasively that it can, while others strongly disagree. In this article, I’ll
explore why I believe money alone can’t buy happiness and dive into some of the most
influential studies on this topic. These studies suggest that purpose particularly “small p”
purpose might hold the key to lasting happiness instead.
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Research on Money and Happiness
The idea that money correlates with happiness has been studied extensively, with
findings showing a complex relationship. Let’s take a closer look at three significant
studies that have shaped this discussion.
The 2010 Study by Kahneman and Deaton
In 2010, Daniel Kahneman and Angus Deaton analyzed data from the Gallup Well-
Being Index, which collected responses from 450,000 U.S. residents in 2008 and 2009.
Participants were asked to reflect on their overall life satisfaction and emotional
experiences. This was a retrospective study since the data had already been collected.
The researchers found that income did correlate with happiness, but only up to a certain
point. Their findings suggested that happiness increased with income up to about
$75,000 annually (adjusted for inflation, this figure would be higher today). Beyond that
threshold, additional income didn’t significantly improve emotional well-being.
While the study provided valuable insights, it had its limitations. It only analyzed data
over a short time span (one to two years) and relied on self-reported information. For
these reasons, its conclusions should be interpreted cautiously.
Discover More
The 2016 Study by Matthew Killingsworth
In 2016, Matthew Killingsworth carried out a new study using updated methods. He
gathered data through an app called “Track Your Happiness,” which prompted
participants to report their emotional state, activities, and surroundings multiple times a
day in real-time. Like the Kahneman and Deaton study, this was also retrospective in
nature.
Killingsworth’s findings echoed the earlier study: as income increased, so did
happiness. However, his research suggested that even beyond the $75,000 threshold,
additional wealth could still provide incremental gains in happiness—though not as
dramatically as earlier income increases.
While this study used innovative data collection methods, it had its own limitations. It
spanned only seven to eight years and couldn’t establish causation between income
and happiness, only a correlation.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development
For a more comprehensive perspective, we turn to the Harvard Study of Adult
Development, one of the longest-running and most in-depth studies on happiness.
Unlike the previous studies, this was a prospective study, meaning it followed
participants over decades, collecting data at regular intervals.
The study began in 1938 with 724 men, split between Harvard students and boys from
disadvantaged neighborhoods in Boston. Over time, it expanded to include their
spouses and children, eventually encompassing thousands of participants. Researchers
conducted interviews, questionnaires, medical exams, and more, tracking participants
for over 80 years. The findings were striking. Happiness, they discovered, wasn’t
strongly linked to income, wealth, achievements, or even purpose itself. Instead, it was
most closely tied to social connections relationships and a sense of community.
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Why Purpose Still Matters
You might wonder: if happiness is mainly connected to relationships, where does
purpose fit in? I’ve written extensively about how purpose particularly “small p” purpose,
or purpose rooted in everyday activities contributes to happiness, health, and longevity.
Here’s how the dots connect: when you pursue your “small p” purpose the activities that
ignite your passion and give you a sense of fulfillment you naturally become the best
version of yourself. This attracts others to you, building relationships and fostering a
sense of community.
Purpose-driven individuals draw in like-minded people: collaborators, mentors, and
students. They create networks centered on shared passions. In this way, purpose
becomes the foundation for the connections that the Harvard study found to be
essential for happiness.
Pursuing a Purposeful Community
To address the age-old question: I don’t believe money can buy happiness. While
studies like those by Kahneman, Deaton, and Killingsworth show a link between wealth
and happiness, they don’t prove causation. Additionally, their short-term, retrospective
designs limit their scope.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development, on the other hand, provides a far more
compelling conclusion. Over 80 years of research found that happiness is deeply rooted
in social connections. And when you pursue your “small p” purpose, you naturally build
those connections. Purpose-driven communities, then, may be the true secret to a
fulfilling life.
Don’t chase money for happiness. Pursue your goals, and you'll find meaningful
relationships and happiness along the way.
