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 Oval Office Oddities An Irreverent Collection Of
Presidential Facts Follies And Foibles 2008 1st Edition Bill
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OVAL
★★ ★
OFF
★ ICE AN IRREVERENT
★★ ★

ODDITIES COLLECTION OF
PRESIDENTIAL
FACTS, FOLLIES,
AND FOIBLES
★
BILL FAWCETT
 ★★★
CONTENTS
★★★

★ INTRODUCTION v

★ 1 A FIELD GUIDE TO PAST AMERICAN PRESIDENTS,

1789 TO 1933 1

★ 2 CAMPAIGN PROMISES 11

★ 3 PRESIDENTIAL FIRSTS 31

★ 4 PRESIDENTIAL PECULIARITIES 46

★ 5 GEORGE WASHINGTON 65

★ 6 BEFORE AND AFTER 72

★ 7 THOMAS THE THINK ENGINE 83

★ 8 PRESIDENTS AS PEOPLE 92

★ 9 GRANT ME THIS 107

★ 10 DIGNITY, ALWAYS DIGNITY 115

★ 11 BODY POLITIC 130

★ 12 PRESIDENTIAL POLITICS 148

★ 13 LEFT AND RIGHT . . . 155

★ 14 WHEN, WHO, AND HOW MUCH? 164

★ 15 ON THE RECORD: PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARIES 177

★ 16 THE UNSINKABLE TEDDY ROOSEVELT 182

★ 17 COMMANDER IN CHIEF 198

★
iv

★ 18 FIRST LADY FOLLIES

CONTENTS

242

★ 19 FAMILY CAN BE FIRST FAMILY 263

★ 20 STRIPES IN THE STARS 271

★ 21 PRESIDENTIAL PETS 276

★ 22 PRESIDENTIAL PASTIMES 294

★ 23 PRESIDENTIAL YACHTS 299

★ 24 ASSASSINATIONS AND ATTEMPTED ASSASSINATIONS 309

★ 25 AND THE OTHER WAS ELECTED VICE PRESIDENT . . . 315

★ 26 THEY SAID THAT? 323

★ 27 WHITE HOUSE WONDERS 327

★ APPENDIX: RATING THE PRESIDENTS 339

About the Author

Other Books by Bill Fawcett

Credits

Cover

Copyright

About the Publisher

 ★★★
INTRODUCTION
★★★

T his is not a book about politics, issues, or lessons from his-

tory. What you have here is a book about the U.S. presi-
dents and those around them. The presidents have had an
immense impact on the nation and its history. Before you get
the impression there is any redeeming social or educational
value to Oval Office Oddities, be warned there isn’t. But if
you are occasionally tired of the political drama and the false
promises, we have a treat for you. You are cordially invited to
chuckle at one president who was denser than a box of rocks
and was only put into office by his wife or at half a dozen really
licentious past national leaders, each of whom made Bill Clin-
ton look like an angel.
So here you have it: hundreds of glimpses of the American
presidents, first ladies, even vice presidents as flawed, loving,
hating, and burping human beings. This book is in hundreds of
short sections so it can be read in little bits during brief breaks
or in big gulps that will keep you entertained on a long flight or
drive. So when you can’t stand one more campaign commercial
or empty promise, pick up this book and smile knowingly.
 ★★★
1
★★★

A FIELD GUIDE TO PAST

AMERICAN PRESIDENTS,
1789 TO 1933

A word of explanation on this first section is in order. The fact

is that just about everyone reading this book already knows a
lot about George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, FDR, JFK, and
a few of the other most renowned presidents. But what do you
know about Franklin Pierce? So, what follows is a crib sheet. Each
president is listed and there is actually a bit more about the more
obscure, often deservedly obscure, national leaders than those few
with whom we are most familiar. If you are at a nice snobby party
full of historians and pseudo-historians, keep this list handy and
astound your fellow guests. It is rather unlikely they will contest
a single insightful statement you make about Franklin Pierce or
even the relatively recent William Howard Taft.

George Washington 1789–1797

George Washington started poor and ambitious, married for
money, led the American Revolution and, almost single hand-
edly, set the standard and pattern for all future presidents. He
is also the first president to order American soldiers against
other Americans to put down a revolt, a distinction only he and
Abraham Lincoln, who led the entire nation in the Civil War,
share.
★
2

John Adams 1797–1801

OVAL OFFICE ODDITIES

A revolutionary leader who distrusted the masses. John Adams

was brilliant and one of the chief philosophical leaders of the
new nation. He also was not very good at day-to-day politick-
ing and was overwhelmed by infighting. Abigail Adams was one
of the first true feminists to appear in the nation, wife to one
president and mother to another.

Thomas Jefferson 1801–1809

Almost certainly the most intelligent and creative man ever to hold
the office. He was a renaissance man whose only real flaw was being
a great host who entertained himself into poverty. He was also the
president who made the Louisiana Purchase, which doubled the
size of the nation and opened the continent. So much can be said
about him that he has his own chapter in this book.

James Madison 1809–1817

An author and the chief supporter of the Constitution. He wrote
extensively, helping to get the document accepted. He was analytical,
cautious, and logical. His views on government molded the United
States and are reflected in the nature of the nation even today.

James Monroe 1817–1825

President Monroe was the first of the “foreign policy presidents.”
He could be concerned with such things because matters were
going smoothly inside the still-new nation. Perhaps his great-
est accomplishment was the Monroe Doctrine, which basically
told foreign powers to stay out of the Western Hemisphere. The
irony of this is that it was mostly enforced by the British, who
actually had a navy, not the United States, which really didn’t.

John Quincy Adams 1825–1829

Son of John Adams, he spent sixty-six years in government ser-
vice. He was a determined and skilled negotiator before becom-
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 A FIELD GUIDE TO PAST AMERICAN PRESIDENTS, 1789–1933 ★
3

ing president, but somewhere along the way he lost his drive.
His term was lackluster, and he failed to be reelected.

Andrew Jackson 1829–1837

The first of the people’s presidents, Jackson was from the then
frontier state of Tennessee. He was rough-hewn, took offense
easily, and was said to have fought, and survived, a hundred
duels and certainly did fight more than most. He was against
a central bank and other reforms we now take for granted.
He was also the military hero of his day, having beaten both
American Indians and then the British in battle. His victory at
New Orleans energized the nation and helped restore its self-
confidence.

Martin Van Buren 1837–1841

Van Buren was the campaign organizer who put Andrew Jack-
son into office. In repayment, Jackson named him his succes-
sor and that seems to have been enough to get him elected.
Where Jackson was all rough edges and frontier attitudes, Van
Buren was a politician full of street smarts. He had the mis-
fortune to be president during one of the worst depressions
in the nation’s history, and though he did form the national
bank, he failed to really deal with the problem. Jackson was a
tough act to follow, and Van Buren was simply not equipped
to do that.

William Henry Harrison 1841

He was the first candidate to run what we would recognize
today as being an actual campaign for the presidency. Being
the oldest president elected up to that time, he wanted to
prove how robust he was by delivering his hour-long inau-
gural speech without wearing a coat on a very cold and damp
day. He did, and the resulting illnesses killed him a month
later.
★
4

John Tyler 1841–1845

OVAL OFFICE ODDITIES

Succeeded to the presidency when Harrison died. The program

for replacing a dead president hadn’t really been set, and by just
taking the office and daring others to challenge him, Tyler set-
tled what could have been a very messy issue. He was not popu-
lar with Congress and did not get many of his programs passed.
He was the first president to have his veto overridden. He also
actively helped to get Texas admitted as a state. Tyler was always
troubled by the North-South split and once headed a peace
commission, but eventually saw all efforts fail. He served as a
senator for the Confederate States of America, where he was
the only U.S. president to swear an oath to a nation at war with
the United States.

James Knox Polk 1845–1849

This president was a strict Methodist who forbade drinking
and dancing in the White House. He was a major force in the
expansion of the United States through the addition of the
western and southwestern portions of the continent to the still-
young nation. The Mexican-American War was fought during
his term. He was never very popular, but historians have been
much kinder to his presidency than his contemporaries were.

Zachary Taylor 1849–1850

Win a war, get elected president. A good slogan helps, as it ear-
lier did for General Harrison, who led the battle of Tippecanoe.
Winning the Mexican-American War worked for Zachary Tay-
lor, too, along with presidents from Washington to Eisenhower.
Taylor was president for only sixteen months, much to the relief
of the party that elected him. No one knew his politics when he
was elected, and though he was from Virginia, he took an anti-
slavery stand, bringing California in as a free state and upset-
ting the balance. His few months in office actually started the
skid that ended with the American Civil War.
 A FIELD GUIDE TO PAST AMERICAN PRESIDENTS, 1789–1933 ★
5

Millard Fillmore 1850–1853

Inheriting the office upon the death of Taylor, Millard Fill-
more may not be a household name, but is there anyone today
who has not at least chuckled at the name itself? It has become
something of a joke name and with good cause. Taking over for
Taylor, Fillmore accomplished little except bringing in a new
and bigger bathtub to the White House. Strong of character
personally, he was too legalistic and doctrinaire and too poor
a politician to slow the slide to war. He was the first of three
presidents whose inaction led to the struggle.

Franklin Pierce 1853–1857

Though from New England, Pierce never forgot that Southern
votes helped put him in office. What Pierce did regarding slav-
ery invariably made things worse, even while pleasing his slave-
owning supporters. He was often clinically depressed and this
robbed him of much of his effectiveness at a time when the
nation needed a strong leader.

James Buchanan 1857–1861

Buchanan is often rated one of the worst presidents, deservedly
so. He was a good lawyer and a really bad president. He failed
to do anything at all about the divide growing over slavery and
was no more effective at dealing with a financial depression in
1857 that certainly made everything worse. People forget that
Buchanan, not Lincoln, was president when Fort Sumter was
fired on and the Confederacy seceded.

Abraham Lincoln 1861–1865

He seems to have been as wise, concerned, humanitarian, deter-
mined, and caring as he is portrayed. Lincoln overcame much
personal tragedy and was the strong commander-in-chief
needed to preserve the Union and, afterward, the caring leader
who wanted to heal the nation’s wounds quickly. He fought
★
6 OVAL OFFICE ODDITIES

the Civil War with great determination and just as quickly par-
doned all but a few of the rebel leaders. His assassination has to
rank as one of the worst tragedies in American history, and it
changed the course of the nation.

Andrew Johnson 1865–1869

One of the reasons we so mourn Lincoln is that his succes-
sor was a total disaster in a time when strong leadership was
needed. Andrew Johnson was on the ticket to appeal to the bor-
der states and offer hope for conciliation to the Southern states
once they were defeated. Historians today sometimes concede
that Johnson meant well, but all agree his incompetence and
style made for disaster.

Ulysses Simpson Grant 1869–1877

As presidents go, Grant was a good general. He was an abysmal
businessman who managed to go broke for a fourth or fifth time,
depending how you count, after leaving office. Grant was bet-
ter at the business of the nation than handling his own money.
When he took over the government, the money floated to pay
for the Civil War was still causing massive inflation. By the time
he left office, the nation was on a hard money policy that lead
it to decades of prosperity. As president, Grant was betrayed by
many of his corrupt appointees and mired in scandal, but no
one questioned his personal integrity. He was, particularly by
those who had fought under him, highly regarded even after his
death. Though Grant was born and raised in Illinois, Grant’s
Tomb, where he and his wife are buried, is in Manhattan.

Rutherford Birchard Hayes 1877–1881

Don’t you just love those old names? Hayes was in some ways
the first modern president. He strongly rebuilt the power of the
presidency and was himself progressive, with concern for the
growing financial difference between the rich and poor and for
 A FIELD GUIDE TO PAST AMERICAN PRESIDENTS, 1789–1933 ★
7

prison reform. This was the beginning of the age of the great
industrial robber barons, such as Carnegie and Rockefeller.
Perhaps what he left the nation more than anything else was a
massive reform of the civil service system, replacing patronage
with competence.

James Garfield 1881

Inaugurated in March. Shot in July. Spent the next eighty days
suffering and died in September. For the short time he did serve
as president, there was not only a lack of need for any drastic
actions, but his philosophy that government “was to keep the
peace and stand outside the sunshine of the people,” that is, do
as little as possible and let the people handle things. This would
have made major decisions unlikely. He was greatly mourned
and is now mostly forgotten.

Chester Alan Arthur 1881–1885

Like those of all presidents of the era, Arthur’s whiskers were
impressive. Not much else about his more than three years as
president was. He is known for two accomplishments. The first
is to carry on the work of professionalizing the federal employ-
ees. The second is that he can be considered the father of the
modern U.S. Navy. As he was neither impressively bright nor that
astute a politician, there is not much more to say about him.

Grover Cleveland 1885–1889 and 1893–1897

He was born Steven Grover Cleveland, so he must have preferred
Grover to Steven. He is the only president to be elected twice but
not in a row. He had an illegitimate son whom he devotedly sup-
ported, and when this became an election issue, politicians were
shocked to find the people approved of his being supportive of the
child. His problems when president were often financial in nature,
and he handled them well, maintaining and restoring prosperity.
His terms were times of great unrest, including massive strikes and
★
8 OVAL OFFICE ODDITIES

riots. Cleveland often sided with the businessmen and during the
Pullman Strike placed Chicago under martial law.

Benjamin Harrison 1889–1893

This president was also a war hero during the Civil War. It is
not that Benjamin Harrison was a bad president—he wasn’t. It
was just that a hostile Congress made most of this president’s
four years not very memorable. He felt that the nation was get-
ting away from the rule of law and, as a very successful lawyer,
promised to rectify this. In many ways he did, strengthening the
courts and enforcing laws. Harrison was also more concerned
with foreign affairs. He greatly strengthened pan-American
relationships, and dealt at various times with near-war crises
involving Britain, Germany, Italy, and even Chile.

William McKinley 1897–1901

This president was always rumored, mostly unfairly, to be the
tool of political boss Mark Hanna. McKinley was a devout
Methodist and a bit old-fashioned; he entertained guests by
reading Bible passages. He did have a thing for cigars and the
very occasional glass of wine. One legacy he has left us is the
special relationship the United States has with Britain. It was
under his administration that this was solidified by a series of
cooperative efforts and it has remained a part of both nations’
policies for over a century.

Theodore Roosevelt 1901–1909

The term colorful should be defined as “like Teddy Roosevelt.”
Born to money, he was a cowboy, soldier, big game hunter,
police chief, environmentalist, writer, and just about everything
else that made him bigger then life. He was, almost without
question, the most colorful president. He was also a jingoistic
expansionist who was never afraid to exert a little military mus-
cle. The first time he sent the newly built and modern Great
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78 gibbon The

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