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 Praise for
All That Is Bitter & Sweet

“Ashley Judd has written a deeply moving story—

amazingly, searingly frank. It is her life story, warts
and all. As I read her account of her childhood, I
asked ‘How could one so traumatized, so abused in
childhood, become the woman we know: so caring,
so altruistic, so compassionate, so concerned for
others, and so joyful?’ ”
—ARCHBISHOP DESMOND TUTU
“Ashley Judd has lived an extraordinary life. She has
learned from it and turned it into a blessing and a call
to action for others. Her journey is both moving and
inspiring, unique and universal. Reading about it
makes your own life make more sense.”
—MARIANNE WILLIAMSON
“This lovely woman, this movie star, this determined
dreamer will be familiar to you, assuming you have
struggled to resolve your childhood, carve out a
career, and make greater use of yourself. Ashley
Judd’s story reminds us to work harder and on more
important tasks, and promises that if we do,
contentedness awaits.”
—KELLY CORRIGAN, author of New York Times
bestseller The Middle Place and Lift
“Ashley Judd has given us magnetic and searingly
honest portrayals of diverse women on screen. Now
with the same honesty and magnetism, she brings us
her true self on the page. From her childhood to her
revolutionary empathy with women and girls living very
different lives, her path will inspire readers on
journeys of their own.”
—GLORIA STEINEM
“Judd’s hauntingly beautiful memoir reflects upon her
life as actress, wife, daughter, sister, woman of faith,
and ultimately, as friend of the world’s forgotten. All
That Is Bitter & Sweet is engaging as a narrative—I
could not put it down—but this is not your typical
‘celebrity memoir.’ All That Is Bitter & Sweet is written
with uncommon depth and uncommon love. It has the
power to transport you not only into the mind and spirit
of a true activist, but into the elusive meaning of our
shared humanity, and even into unexpected places in
your own soul. Prepare to have your eyes opened and
your heart jolted.”
—SUE MONK KIDD
“Over the last decade I have watched my gifted,
brilliant friend grow as an artist, but more important,
as a wise, deeply empathetic woman. I have read the
diaries that are the heart of this memoir since she
began traveling the world, fearing for her safety and
sanity, baffled why she chooses these grueling
missions. All That Is Bitter & Sweet will be a
revelation to readers, exposing Ashley Judd for what I
have known for years, that she is an amazing woman
doing extraordinary work.”
—MORGAN FREEMAN
“There are certain books that stay with you long after
the last page—Ashley Judd’s All That Is Bitter &
Sweet is that very type of book. With her sincere
honesty, her commitment to servant leadership, and
her intense passion for everything that she is involved
with, Ashley Judd presents a multilayered portrait of
how one person—committed, caring, and
conscientious—can truly make a difference. She may
be our program’s No. 1 fan, but after reading this, you
can count me as one of her top fans.”
—JOHN CALIPARI, head coach, University of Kentucky
 All That Is Bitter & Sweet is a work of nonfiction. Some names and
identifying details have been changed. As of press time, the URLs
displayed in this book link or refer to existing websites on the
Internet. Random House, Inc., is not responsible for, and should not
be deemed to endorse or recommend, any website other than its
own or any content available on the Internet (including without
limitation at any website, blog page, information page) that is not
created by Random House.
Copyright © 2011 by Ashley Judd
Foreword copyright © 2011 by Nicholas D. Kristof
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Ballantine Books,
an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group, a division of
Random House, Inc., New York.
BALLANTINE and colophon are registered trademarks of Random
House, Inc.
Grateful acknowledgment is made to the following for permission to
reprint previously published material:
Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company and SLL/Sterling
Lord Literistic, Inc.: Excerpt from “Unknown Girl in the Maternity
Ward” from To Bedlam and Part Way Back by Anne Sexton,
copyright © 1960 by Anne Sexton and copyright renewed © 1988 by
Linda G. Sexton. Electronic rights and rights outside of the United
States and Canada are administered by SLL/Sterling Lord Literistic,
Inc. Reprinted by permission of Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
Publishing Company and SLL/Sterling Lord Literistic, Inc.
Liveright Publishing Corporation: Four lines from “may my heart
always be open to little” from COMPLETE POEMS: 1904–1962 by E.
E. Cummings, edited by George J. Firmage, copyright 1938, ©
1966, 1991 by the Trustees for the E. E. Cummings Trust. Reprinted
by permission of Liveright Publishing Corporation.
Middlemarsh, Inc.: Excerpt from “Always Unsuitable” from Early
Grrrl: The Early Poems of Marge Piercy by Marge Piercy, copyright ©
1999 by Middlemarsh, Inc. All rights reserved. Reprinted by
permission of Middlemarsh, Inc.
Penguin Group UK and Johnson & Alcock Ltd: Four lines from
“Colours” from Yevtushenko: Selected Poems by Yevgeny
Yevtushenko, translated by Robin Milner-Gulland and Peter Levi
(Penguin Books, 1962), copyright © 1962 by Robin Milner-Gulland
and Peter Levi. Audio rights are controlled by Johnson & Alcock Ltd.
 Reprinted by permission of Penguin Group UK and Johnson &
Alcock Ltd.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Judd, Ashley.
All that is bitter & sweet : a memoir / by Ashley Judd with Maryanne
Vollers.
p. cm.
eISBN: 978-0-345-52482-9
1. Judd, Ashley. 2. Motion picture actors and actresses—United
States—Biography.
I. Vollers, Maryanne. II. Title.
PN2287.J83A3 2011
791.4302′8092—dc22
[B] 2011002939
www.ballantinebooks.com
Jacket design: Marietta Anastassatos
Jacket photo: © Kelly Campbell
v3.1
 For my beloved grandparents

“You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are
sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite and He
bends with you His might that
His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
So he loves also the bow that is stable.”
—KAHLIL GIBRAN, The Prophet
 Love is a great thing, yea, a great and
thorough good; by itself it makes everything
that is heavy, light; and it bears evenly all that
is uneven. For love carries a burden that is
no burden, and makes everything that is
bitter sweet and tasteful.
—THOMAS À KEMPIS, The Imitation of Christ
 CONTENTS

Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Epigraph
FOREWORD by Nicholas D. Kristof
PROLOGUE

Chapter 1 FAMILY OF CHANCE, FAMILY OF

CHOICE
Chapter 2 THE SAFEST PLACE IN THE WORLD
Chapter 3 BUTTERMILK AND MORNING GLORIES
Chapter 4 THROUGH THE TRAPDOOR
Chapter 5 MAKING OF A RABBLE-ROUSER
Chapter 6 OUK SREY LEAK
Chapter 7 AVENGING ANGEL OF THE
SISTERHOOD
Chapter 8 DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL
Chapter 9 EURYDICE IN AFRICA
Chapter 10 THE RICE TENTS
Chapter 11 PRAYING WITH MY PRESENCE
Chapter 12 BUMPING INTO MYSELF
Chapter 13 DELIVERANCE
Chapter 14 SHADES OF HOPE
Chapter 15 THE LOST CHILD FOUND
Chapter 16 PROJECT LIFE
Chapter 17 OFF THE MAT, INTO THE WORLD
Chapter 18 ADVENTURES IN BOLLYWOOD
Chapter 19 A HOLY MESS
Chapter 20 THE WHITE FLOWER OF RWANDA
Chapter 21 THE REPUBLIC OF RAPE
Chapter 22 THE CLICK
Chapter 23 CRIMSON DREAMS
EPILOGUE
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
NOTES
About the Author
 FOREWORD
NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF

The essence of being a famous Hollywood actor is

that you have cameras constantly pursuing you. It’s a
law as fundamental as gravity: A lens seeks a star. To
those in the crosshairs, the paparazzi are as annoying
as they are inescapable—like a swarm of mosquitoes
by a lake. Some stars simply go into hiding. Instead,
Ashley Judd invites the cameras to join her as she
tackles AIDS in Madagascar or sex trafficking in
India. She uses her fame to focus attention on issues
of vital importance to all of us, while giving voice to the
voiceless around the world.
After college, she almost entered the Peace Corps
—in which case, she might today be working for, say,
Population Services International in Cambodia.
These days, what do you know, she is working for PSI
in Cambodia—and in Nicaragua, South Africa, and
everywhere in between, as a board member and
global ambassador. This isn’t just a photo op, but a
calling. She advocates for more than a dozen groups,
ranging from Equality Now to Defenders of Wildlife,
and has spoken out passionately on topics from coal
mining to family planning. In 2010, she put her
Hollywood career on hold and earned a mid-career
degree at the Harvard Kennedy School of
Government. That’s serious.
A solid chunk of All That Is Bitter & Sweet is
Ashley’s recounting of the stories she has heard from
the front lines in the struggle to improve reproductive
health and fight poverty and injustice around the world.
Those survivors are some of the world’s greatest
experts on these issues, and she gives them the
microphone.
Ashley’s cause is a monumental struggle. The
central moral challenge of the nineteenth century was
slavery, and in the twentieth century it was
totalitarianism. In this century, the equivalent moral
challenge is to address the oppression that is the lot
of so many women and girls around the world—the
millions of girls trafficked into brothels, the tens of
millions who are kept out of school, the hundreds of
thousands of young women who die in childbirth each
year, the millions whose genitals are mutilated, and
so on. And quite apart from the injustices, addressing
these issues is a practical imperative: The best way
to bring stability to fractured societies such as
Afghanistan and Pakistan, and the most effective way
to fight poverty worldwide, is to educate girls and
bring those educated women out of the margins of
society and into the formal economy. That’s the work
that Ashley bears witness to in this memoir.
When I opened the book, I expected to encounter
descriptions of neglect and sexual abuse in Africa
and Asia. What surprised me was that some of the
abuse and neglect described is closer to home,
swirling around Ashley herself as a young girl. That
abuse, including a rape while Ashley was a fifteen-
year-old trying to pursue life as a fashion model
halfway around the world, left deep emotional scars
that she has had to deal with as an adult. So this book
intertwines tales of personal abuse with examination
of mass abuses—they are not just parallel, but also
complementary. After reading her personal story, I
think I understand better why Ashley has been so
committed to addressing injustices afflicting girls in
Guatemala, Cambodia, Kenya: Her own legacy of
abuse left her emotionally fragile, yes, but it also left
her armed with unusual empathy. Her antennae were
always out for other little Ashleys, some in far more
dire circumstances.
There’s a tendency to tune out these kinds of global
problems, seeing them as sad but inevitable.
Prostitution, after all, is often described as “the
world’s oldest profession.” And if babies die of
diarrhea or measles in Africa, if women die in
childbirth there, that’s seen as tragic but also the
bleak reality of the world we live in. Humanitarians
may have inadvertently fed this fatalism by focusing
relentlessly on the world’s problems and ignoring the
successes, for the truth is that there has been huge
progress. In 1960, there were about 20 million
children dying annually before the age of five. With
today’s increased world population, that’s equivalent
to 55 million children. Instead, because of new clinics
and hospitals, vaccinations and malaria medicines,
bed nets and sanitation, the toll has dipped to about 8
million each year. That’s still far too many children
dying needlessly, but it also means that more than 40
million children’s lives are being saved annually—a
stunning achievement.
Cynics sometimes say that saving lives just leads
to population explosions and more Malthusian
tragedies ahead. But in fact when parents see that
their children will survive, they have fewer. Family
sizes are coming down sharply in poor countries
around the world. We’re also getting smarter about
what interventions are cost-effective. And
microsavings (helping the poor save money
effectively) seems to be even more effective than
microlending in lifting people out of penury. In short,
this war on global poverty is one that we’re winning.
It’s not depressing, but encouraging. For the first time
in the history of the world, all human beings may have
an opportunity to make something of themselves.
And that’s what this book is: an ultimately
encouraging exploration of some grim topics. Ashley
plumbs the depths of depression—her own struggles
with her mental health, and her painful encounters with
global ill health—but it’s also a story of resiliency and
triumph. Ashley persevered and worked out her
traumas. And she also is spending her life chipping
away at injustices and poverty around the world. So
beat the drums. Sound the trumpets. This is a tale that
is not melancholic but inspiring. It deserves the
spotlight that Ashley brings to it—and, yes, the pesky
cameras, too.
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