(Ebook) Unmet Expectations in Couple and Sex Therapy : Helping Couples Negotiate Realistic Relationships by Stephen J. Betchen ISBN 9781032417295, 9781000961508, 9781000961546, 9781003359470, 9781032417301, 1032417293, 1000961508, 1000961540, 1003359477 Kindle & PDF Formats
(Ebook) Unmet Expectations in Couple and Sex Therapy : Helping Couples Negotiate Realistic Relationships by Stephen J. Betchen ISBN 9781032417295, 9781000961508, 9781000961546, 9781003359470, 9781032417301, 1032417293, 1000961508, 1000961540, 1003359477 Kindle & PDF Formats
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“In the third text using his Master Conflict Theory, Dr. Betchen illustrates how to
deal with unmet sexual and relational expectations in conflicted couples. Betchen is
masterful in integrating psychodynamic and systemic protocols, producing another
valuable resource for beginning and expert clinicians alike.”
            Nancy Gambescia, PhD, Former Director, Post-Graduate Sex Therapy
                    Program, Council for Relationships, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
“In Unmet Expectations, Dr. Betchen masterfully synthesizes theory and practice
into a highly important text addressing the core issues of what brings couples into
treatment. Replete with diverse clinical examples, he outlines a well-constructed,
comprehensive process by which therapists most effectively can conceptualize and
implement Master Conflict Theory step-by-step. This is a must-have for a therapist
at any stage of practice.”
               Katherine Hertlein, PhD, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral
                                           Health, University of Nevada, Las Vegas
“In Unmet Expectations, Betchen uses his Master Conflict Theory to explain why
some couples continue to fall short of what they want and how they pull unsuspecting
therapists into the same unsatisfying pursuit. In his usual insightful way, Betchen
cuts through the confusion to explain the dynamics at work for both romantic part-
ners and how a therapist can skillfully offer these clients the ability to grow beyond
the limits of their past. And, as with the rest of his writing, it is rich with clinical
acumen that will make you a better therapist with both couples and individuals.”
                                    Ari Tuckman, PsyD, author ADHD After Dark:
                                                 Better Sex Life, Better Relationship
Unmet Expectations in Couple
and Sex Therapy
Stephen J. Betchen
Designed cover image: © Getty Images
First published 2024
by Routledge
605 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10158
and by Routledge
4 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon, OX14 4RN
Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business
© 2024 Stephen J. Betchen
The right of Stephen J. Betchen to be identified as author of this work
has been asserted in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright,
Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilised
in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or
hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information
storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers.
Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered
trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to
infringe.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Betchen, Stephen J., 1954– author.
Title: Unmet expectations in couple and sex therapy: helping couples
negotiate realistic relationships / Stephen J. Betchen.
Description: New York, NY : Routledge, 2024. |
Includes bibliographical references and index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2023018148 (print) | LCCN 2023018149 (ebook) |
ISBN 9781032417301 (hardback) | ISBN 9781032417295 (paperback) |
ISBN 9781003359470 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Sex therapy. | Couples therapy. | Marital psychotherapy.
Classification: LCC RC557 .B48 2024 (print) |
LCC RC557 (ebook) | DDC 616.89/1562–dc23/eng/20230607
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2023018148
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2023018149
ISBN: 978-1-032-41730-1 (hbk)
ISBN: 978-1-032-41729-5 (pbk)
ISBN: 978-1-003-35947-0 (ebk)
DOI: 10.4324/9781003359470
Typeset in Times New Roman
by Newgen Publishing UK
Helen Singer Kaplan, Elisabeth Young-Bruehl and
Najla Kowalewski
SECTION I
Understanding the Expectations of Couples      1
4   Sociocultural Influences                                            34
    Society 34
       Money/Finances 35
       Work vs. Domestic/Family Obligations 36
       Changes in Society 37
    Culture 39
       American-Born Greek Man and American-Born Greek Woman 40
       American-Born Italian Man and American-Born Italian Woman 41
       American-Born WASP Woman and Arab-born Man (Jordanian) 42
       American-Born Jewish Woman and Israeli-Born Man 43
       American-born Man and Columbian-Born Woman 45
       Israeli-Born Man and Israeli-Born Woman 46
       Arab-born Man and Arab-Born Woman (Lebanese) 47
       Asian-Born Man and Asian-Born Woman (Indian) 47
       Irish-Born Woman and Egyptian-Born Man 48
    Religion 49
       Christian Man and Christian Woman (Methodist) 49
       Jewish Man and Christian Woman (Lutheran) 50
    Race 51
       Black Man and Black Woman 51
       Black Man and White Woman 51
       Asian Man and Asian Woman (Chinese) 52
    Sex Orientation 53
       Gay Male Couple 53
       Lesbian Couple 54
SECTION II
Clinical Assessment of Expectations                                     61
       The Genogram 81
       Interactional Style 82
       Assessment Results 83
       Clinical Recommendations 84
    Assessing Olga and Simon 84
       The Initial Contact 84
       The First Session 86
       The Genogram 86
       Interactional Style 87
       Assessment Results 87
       Clinical Recommendations 88
SECTION III
Clinical Treatment                                                       91
       Assessment 129
       Treatment 131
    Treating Ken and Sybil: Sexual Symptom –Premature
       Ejaculation (PE) 140
       Initial Contact 140
       The First Session 142
       Genogram 142
       Interactional Style 143
       Assessment 143
       Treatment 144
7   The Therapist’s Expectations                             157
    The Therapist’s Failure to Structure Treatment 158
    The Therapist’s Expectation of Reciprocity 158
    The Therapist’s Misplaced Empathy 159
    When the Therapist Rushes Clinical Progress 159
    The Therapist’s Worst Fantasy 161
    When the Therapist Expects Too Little from Couples 162
    The Dynamics of the Therapist’s Conflict 163
Epilogue                                                     166
Index                                                        170
About the Author
Stephen J. Betchen, DSW, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and a certi-
fied sex therapist. He completed his doctorate at the University of Pennsylvania
with a specialization in marriage and family therapy and trained at Penn’s
Marriage Council of Philadelphia. He followed with a post-doctoral fellowship
at the New York Hospital-Cornell University Medical Center’s Payne Whitney
Clinic in psychology (sex therapy), a clinical psychoanalytic fellowship (clas-
sical) at the Institute of the Philadelphia Association for Psychoanalysis, and
study at the William Alanson White Institute in their Intensive Psychoanalytic
Psychotherapy Program. Dr. Betchen is the author of several scholarly articles
and chapters, magazine pieces and blogs, over 500 newspaper columns, and six
books on relationships. He is an AAMFT-approved supervisor and an AASECT
diplomate and certified supervisor and a former adjunct clinical professor in
the Department of Couple and Family Therapy at Thomas Jefferson University
and senior supervisor in the post-graduate Sex Therapy Program at the Council
for Relationships. He currently writes a monthly blog on relationships for
PsychologyToday.com and maintains a full-time private practice specializing in
couples/sex therapy in Cherry Hill, New Jersey.
Acknowledgments
My thanks to those couples who have shared their expectations, met and unmet,
with me over the years. Without them this book would never have been written.
I would also like to thank Heather Evans at Routledge who has now served as
editor for my third consecutive book. I could not have asked for anyone more
supportive and open to innovative ideas.
Preface
This is the third book on Master Conflict Theory (MCT) published by Routledge,
although each stand on its own. The first book, Master Conflict Therapy: A New
Model for Practicing Couples and Sex Therapy (co-authored), outlines the foun-
dation of the model, which was specifically designed to treat couples, and its
origins in Pre-Socratic Western Philosophy and the Greek theory of opposites.
The second book, Couples in Conflict: Clinical Techniques for Navigating
Sexual and Relationship Control Struggles, applies MCT to chronic control
struggles in couples. This third book, Unmet Expectations in Couple and Sex
Therapy: Helping Couples Negotiate Realistic Relationships, demonstrates the
use of the MCT model in working with couples who are conflicted about what to
expect from their relationships.
    After writing the foundation book, I was mainly interested in exploring those
issues that are common to couples but have received only scant attention in the
couples therapy literature. Almost every book on couples therapy mentions the
concepts of “control” and “expectations,” but no therapist or theoretician that
I am aware of has dedicated an entire book to either subject.
    By examining control and expectations from the perspective of conflict, these
concepts can be seen in all their complexity, yet are much more understand-
able and treatable. When applying conflict theory, it suddenly makes sense why
someone who claims to want control might also give it up or reject it, and why
an individual with certain expectations might also block them from being ful-
filled. These individuals are in conflict about their desires. A part of them needs
these desires fulfilled and part of them is uncomfortable achieving this. The
counterintuitive conflict theory approach explains, better than any other theory,
why couples are stuck with symptoms for years. As a colleague once said about
the model: “It makes sense of the nonsense.”
    Because I have always believed that every couples therapist should have sex
therapy training and vice versa, MCT is designed to treat those couples with
sexual and nonsexual problems. It has never made sense to me that marriage
and family therapy are inextricably linked whereas couples and sex therapy are
not. Families rarely report for therapy because of sexual problems, but this is a
common occurrence for couples.
xvi  
    Preface
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