Who started it?
The phrase "opposites attract and, like charges, repel each other," first formulated by the
French physicist Charles-Augustin de Coulomb in the 18th century, has become a familiar
idiom. This statement pertains to the law of electrostatics known as Coulomb's law.
According to this law, electric charges attract each other if they have opposite signs (positive
and negative), while they repel each other if they have the same signs.
Subsequently, this law has been analogously applied to describe interpersonal relationships.
The phrase "opposites attract" has been widely used in everyday language and literature to
denote situations where individuals with differing personalities, interests, or opinions are
drawn to each other. In the 1950s, sociologist Robert Francis Winch conducted a research
project on partner selection with the aim of exploring the phenomenon of whether individuals
with contrasting characteristics are drawn to each other. Throughout his inquiry, Winch
conducted interviews with married couples, analyzing aspects such as their relationships,
personalities, and preferences.
The attraction of opposites is more of a cultural phenomenon. We like stories when a good
girl falls in love with a bad guy, when a charismatic poor man manages to charm a cold rich
woman. It seems that such people complement each other, unite their “strengths”. Many
people think that the strengths of one partner should balance the “weaknesses” of the other.
For example, one of the couple may be sociable and cheerful, while the other may be shy
and serious. Extrovert + introvert, strong + weak - isn't that the ideal? Another question is
whether such relationships can last for a long time or only 2 hours in a movie. In fact, there is
no research to suggest that differences in personality, interests, education, politics,
upbringing, religion, or other traits lead to greater attraction. For example, in one study,
psychologists found that college students preferred descriptions of those whose written
biographies were similar to themselves or their ideal self.
Research of opposit attracts
Despite the popular belief that opposites attract, numerous researchers have consistently
debunked this notion over the years. Clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, specializing in
toxic relationships, emphasizes that research unequivocally refutes the idea, stating that
individuals with shared interests and temperaments are more likely to date. Multiple studies
support the notion that friends and romantic partners often share core beliefs, values, and
hobbies, while people tend to be drawn to those with similar physical features and
personalities. Essentially, both researchers and psychologists agree that individuals are
typically attracted to those who share traits, beliefs, and interests. Moreover, there's
evidence suggesting that opposites actually repel, particularly concerning views and values.
In today's increasingly polarized social, political, and cultural landscape, individuals might be
even less inclined to be attracted to those who hold significantly different opinions. Factors
like social media contribute to the creation of echo chambers, where individuals surround
themselves with like-minded individuals, further diminishing the relevance of the idea of
'opposites attract.
For instance, a study conducted by Markey and Markey in 2007, published in the Journal of
Social and Personal Relationships, revealed that husbands who were aloof or distant tended
to be less satisfied in their marriages if their wives displayed similar traits. Instead, they
preferred spouses who were warm and affectionate. Similarly, wives who were less warm
preferred partners who displayed warmth. This suggests that in some cases, individuals may
be attracted to partners who possess qualities they themselves lack.
However, these findings did not apply universally to all aspects of personality. For instance,
the research indicated that submissive wives tended to be happiest when paired with
partners who were also submissive. This trend persisted across various personality traits,
with outgoing individuals preferring outgoing partners and affectionate individuals seeking
affectionate partners.
Debunking this myth
The University of Colorado Boulder's extensive study challenges the idea that
"opposites attract" by examining over 130 traits in millions of couples over a century.
They found that partners are more likely to share similarities across a wide range of
traits, with 82% to 89% showing resemblance. While most traits showed a positive
correlation between partners, indicating similarity, a few, such as chronotype,
tendency to worry, and hearing difficulty, displayed a slight negative correlation. This
suggests that while partners generally share similarities, there are exceptions where
differences may occur in specific traits.
These findings have significant implications, particularly in genetic research, as they
emphasize the influence of "assortative mating" on study results, underscoring the
importance of considering partner similarities in genetic analyses.
The study found that between 82% and 89% of analyzed traits, ranging from political views
to the age of first sexual intercourse to substance use patterns, showed a tendency for
partners to be similar. In only 3% of traits, and only in one aspect of their analysis, did
individuals tend to partner with those who differed from them.
This research not only provides insight into the underlying dynamics of human relationships
but also holds significant implications for genetic research. Senior author and IBG Director
Matt Keller highlighted that many genetic models assume random mating among humans,
but this study suggests otherwise. The phenomenon of "assortative mating," where
individuals with similar traits form partnerships, can introduce bias into genetic study results.
Biological predisposition. Assortative mating.
Throughout history, human mating practices have exhibited a wide range of variations,
veering away from random coupling. These variations include polygyny, where men have
multiple wives, polyandry, where women have multiple husbands, endogamy (inbreeding),
exogamy (outbreeding), and hypergamy, often associated with polygyny, where women
marry up the socio-economic ladder. However, one deviation that has not been reliably
observed is the tendency for opposites to attract. Instead, assortative mating, which involves
individuals coupling based on their similarities in one or more characteristics, is the most
prevalent departure from random mating in Western societies.
Individual preferences in mate selection contribute to assortative mating, where individuals
seek partners with phenotypic characteristics reflecting similar genetic material. Thiessen
and Gregg proposed that this tendency represents a reproductive strategy balancing
endogamy and exogamy, enhancing genetic reproduction by mating with someone who
shares at least some genes. Consequently, individuals may differ in their selection
preferences, seeking mates with traits they themselves possess. Addressing a gap in
understanding, Thiessen and Gregg highlighted the need to identify precisely what traits
prospective mates consider important. Recent studies, including one by Buss and Barnes,
aimed to address this gap. In one study involving 93 married couples, the desirability of 76
characteristics in a potential mate was assessed, revealing common preferences, sex
differences, and individual preferences. This research sheds light on the complex dynamics
underlying mate selection and the diverse factors influencing individual preferences in
romantic relationships.
Evolutionary perspectives on mate selection trace back to Darwin's work, particularly in his
book "On the Origin of Species" published in 1859. Darwin noted that certain sex
differences, like the elaborate plumage of peacocks, appeared to lack direct survival value
and thus couldn't solely be explained by natural selection. To address this, he introduced the
concept of "sexual selection" as a complementary mechanism driving evolutionary change.
Darwin's theory of sexual selection encompasses two interconnected processes. The first is
intrasexual selection, where members of one sex compete amongst themselves for access
to mates of the opposite sex. The second process, intersexual selection, involves the
selective preferences expressed by members of one sex for certain traits or characteristics
in members of the opposite sex. These two processes together contribute to the evolution of
specific traits and behaviors related to mate attraction and competition within species.
Do pheromones contribute to attraction?
While extensive research delves into the dynamics of partner selection, recent studies
explore the possibility of biological attraction driven by pheromones. Although these elusive
scents have not been definitively proven to affect humans, they have been observed in
animals.
The quest for human pheromones has spanned many years. Pheromones are chemicals
secreted in sweat. Scientists have long speculated about the role of pheromones in sexual
attraction, and emerging evidence suggests a potential connection. In one study, women
evaluated men's attractiveness by sniffing their t-shirts. In another, men could discern a
woman's fertility through scent. Participants were drawn to various odors, indicating that
attractiveness might be influenced by scent, even without the identification of specific
pheromones.
Social psychologists study attraction, a crucial factor preceding mating, while personality
psychologists analyze enduring traits influencing mate selection. Biologists explore
evolutionary changes stemming from mating patterns, and behavioral geneticists investigate
assortative mating's implications on heritability estimates and trait correlations among
relatives. Assortative mating, wherein individuals with similar traits pair up, has been
scrutinized across various factors like physical attributes, age, ethnicity, religion,
socioeconomic status, intellect, personality, and social attitudes. This inclination toward
selecting similar mates is so prevalent that Thiessen (1979) suggests the term "assortative
narcissism."
Attitudes, opinions, and worldviews are psychological characteristics that display the most
pronounced assortative mating coefficients. Early investigations demonstrated significant
correlations between spouses concerning attitudes towards topics like war, birth control, and
contemporary political issues (Richardson, 1939). More contemporary research by Hill and
colleagues (1976) revealed a correlation of 0.5 for opinions on sex roles. Additionally,
unpublished work by Buss found correlations ranging from 0.37 to 0.5 for attitudes regarding
technological advancement, societal objectives, and similar domains.
Age appears to be the variable for which assortative mating, or similarity with one's mate, is
particularly strong. Correlations between spouses regarding age typically fall between 0.7
and 0.9, with an average of about 0.8. A correlation above 0.5 is considered high in this
context. It's worth noting that younger couples tend to have more similar ages compared to
older couples, reflecting a wider age gap between spouses in second marriages (Secord,
1983). Additionally, spouses exhibit similarities in race, religion, ethnic background, and
socioeconomic status. For instance, Burgess and Wallin (1953) found that 79.4% of couples
in their sample shared the same religious faith, significantly higher than the 37.1% expected
by chance alone. Recent data also supports similar levels of assortative mating based on
religion (Buss, 1984b). Further, Warren (1966) reported correlations of approximately 0.6 for
educational level, 0.3 for socioeconomic status, and 0.2 for the number of siblings each
spouse had. When controlling for education level, the correlation for socioeconomic status
decreases but remains statistically significant.
Key facts
Less than ten years later, another social psychology researcher based in the United States,
Donn Byrne, presented a challenge to the hypothesis of opposites attracting through his own
study. Byrne proposed that "a stranger who is known to have attitudes similar to those of the
subject is better liked than a stranger with attitudes dissimilar to those of the subject," and
further posited that such a stranger would be perceived as "more intelligent, better informed,
more moral, and better adjusted." His research provided support for both of these
hypotheses.
Angela Bahn, an associate professor of psychology at Wellesley College in the United
States, regards Byrne's work as a pivotal moment, stating, "Ever since, there’s been really
strong, widespread evidence for similarity attraction." Bahn's own study in 2017 reinforced
this notion. In her research, pairs of individuals were approached in public spaces in
Massachusetts, revealing statistically significant similarity between the pairs across "86% of
variables measured," which encompassed attitudes, values, recreational pursuits, and
substance usage. Specifically, friends and romantic partners exhibited close alignment in
attitudes regarding topics such as gay marriage, abortion, the role of government in citizens'
lives, and the significance of religion.
Nevertheless, despite the prevalence of evidence supporting similarity attraction, there exist
numerous factors that may give the impression that opposites attract. Superficial disparities
between individuals can sometimes create the illusion of opposition when, in reality, their
fundamental values—whether related to family, political ideology, or other aspects—are
likely to align. For instance, as Durvasula suggests, a seemingly contrasting pair such as a
"straight-laced accountant" and a
"disinhibited artist" may exhibit similar values despite their superficial differences.
Dating apps often facilitate the search for similar partners, yet this doesn't negate the
potential for success among couples with divergent values and views. While finding common
ground is crucial in relationships, there can be benefits to disagreements or even
fundamental opposition between partners.
Ipek Kucuk, a dating and trends expert at the Happn dating app, shares her experience of
transitioning from dating someone with whom she "agreed on everything" to someone with
alternate perspectives on contentious issues like vaccination and religion. Despite initial
shock, Kucuk found that engaging with her current partner's differing opinions stimulated
growth and broadened her perspective, leading to appreciation for the diversity of
viewpoints.However, Kucuk highlights the importance of sharing certain core beliefs with an
intimate partner, such as feminism and support for LGBTQ rights. Many individuals share
this preference, emphasizing the significance of alignment on fundamental values in
romantic relationships.
Summary
Given all the aforementioned points, it can be hypothesized that the myth of "opposites
attract" has been widely prevalent in our society, leading to its portrayal in films and series
where love between characters is depicted in an unhealthy manner and often does not
reflect true human emotions. As researchers have shown, individuals choose partners based
on vastly different reasons, yet the only circumstance where individuals truly "attract
opposites" is through pheromones and genetic predisposition, where individuals
unconsciously seek contrasting genes through body odor to create the strongest genes.
However, as studies demonstrate, people more often choose partners based on similar
interests, political views, and various traits stemming from childhood.
I hope that in this paper, I have been able to elucidate all the nuances of this myth, debunk
it, and shed light on this topic from the appropriate perspective. Thank you for your attention!
List of references:
1. https://neurosciencenews.com/opposites-attraction-psychology-23877/
2. https://www.jstor.org/stable/27853061?seq=1
3. https://www.onlymyhealth.com/study-reveals-that-opposites-attract-is-a-myth-
1694268163
4. https://www.verywellmind.com/is-it-true-that-opposites-attract-in-relationships-
5194818
5. https://neurosciencenews.com/opposites-attraction-psychology-23877/
