Welcome to “De-Escalation”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=
kl4wkIPiTcY
Emotional Safety in Conflict
When humans feel safe, we are
much more likely to employ
constructive conflict
management approaches than
when we are filled with fear.
(Hocker, Berry, Wilmot, p. 193)
Emotions Defined:
Modes of functioning, shaped by natural
selection, that coordinate physiological,
cognitive, motivational, behavioral, and
subjective responses in patterns that increase
the ability to meet the adaptive challenges of
situations that have recurred over evolutionary
time.
(Ness 1990 in HBW, p. 193)
Wise use of emotions facilitates
the transformation of conflicts, as
long as you listen to what
emotions tell you.
(HBW, p. 194)
Anger differs from aggression in
that aggression is an attack,
whereas “anger is the feeling
connected to a perceived
unfairness or injustice”
(Young-Eisendrath 1997, p. 26 in HBW, p. 204)
Understanding Escalation
Understanding Ourselves
• Others’ anger is NOT our responsibility
• There ARE things we can do to help
• It may not be about me
• Question One: How am I, in this moment?
• Question Two: What triggers me?
Triggers
Brainstorm: What is a trigger for
you?
De-Escalating Ourselves
• Self-care • Write down a script
• Avoiding potentially triggering
situations • Journalling
• Centering • Choose the timing
• Heightened Anger Baseline
• Metta Meditation • Zone out
• Allies • Relax
• Knowing Our Own Triggers
• Disengage yourself/walk away
• Thinking about it
• Take time by myself/reflection time • Talking to someone else
• Listening to music about it
• Doing something physical
•
• Self-isolation
Take deep breaths
• Go for a car ride
• Punching pillows
• Other….
Small Groups
How do you de-escalate yourself?
Experience with Potentially Violent
Situations
• Frequency:
– Yearly?
– Monthly?
– Weekly?
– Daily?
• Physical Violence Spectrum:
– Behaviours of Concern
– Threats
– Assault
What’s your experience?
Where are you are on the spectrum?
A
Daily
5
1
Severe:
“Minor”
Verbal threats life-
threatening
E
Yearly
Template by Training for Change
Preventing Escalation
Three Stages = Three Tactics
Boundaries
• Safety for yourself and others
• What does that feel like?
• Identify boundaries
STAGE ONE: Escalation
• Paraphrase, Open Questions
• Affirm: person, issue, desire to resolve
• What CAN you agree with?
• Problem-Solve
• Body Language
• Names
• Slow down
• Humour?
• Use “we” language
STAGE ONE: Escalation
• Give choices
• Distraction
• Silence
• Movement
• Care/Hospitality
• Remove the audience
• Seek out an audience
• Volume – up or down?
Uwinnipeg RecPlex “Script”
Chino Argueta
• You are welcome
here
• We are glad that this
is the place that you
have chosen to come
• It would be helpful
if…
• Here are some
possible solutions
Tactic:
Angled Stance
Tactic: Match and Lower
• History – Southern preaching
• Move the audience: “up” or “down”
• For De-Escalation:
• Match Intensity/Strength
• Lower Intensity/Strength
Stage Two:
Assertive Confrontation
• Affirm commitment, desire to help
• Be clear, brief, firm
• State problematic behavior
• Be clear about needed change
• State your intention to disengage (if need be)
• Third party help may be needed
Stage Three: Disengagement
• Stay Safe
• Communicate Clearly, Strongly and Briefly
• Commit to later re-engagement (if
appropriate)
• Disengage (do not bluff!)
• Get help
Metta Meditation
• May _______ be peaceful and happy
• May _______ be safe and protected from harm
• May _______ be free from mental and physical disease
• May _______ take care of themselves with ease
• 3 times
• 4 people
1. Ourselves
2. Someone we unconditionally love
3. Someone ‘neutral’
4. The ‘other’
Brainstorm: What is a “trigger”
Repetitive actions
for you? People saying
their opinions
when I didn’t ask
Disrespect
Dishonesty
Threats
that affect me for it
negatively Insult
Harassment Insuits, speaking
down to me
Not respecting Disrespect Lying
when I say no
insincerity Lying
Judging
Criticizing
Being unkind
Talking bad Don’t care what To others
about family I have to say
Invoking other Being judged
people in
personal Pretending Talking behind
business Taking stuff something is my back
Seeing a family Telling me things
without member hurt that I already true when it is
permission know obvious it is not
injustice When someone
shares
information
Judging
about me i did
Annoyed not give them
See someone permission to
Lying
getting bullied share
Lying
Brainstorm: What is a “trigger”
for you?
Name calling
Disrespect Not listening
Always listening
to someone
else’s problems Being accused
but mine don’t
matter
Assuming
Putting words in
my mouth
Childish
behaviour
Brainstorm: What is a “trigger”
for you? Using my
words/actions
against me
When someone
does not do
what I ask after
multiple times
When someone
yells at me/ is
overly
disappointed or
upset with me
Hurting other
people I love
When
someone is
disrespectful
