EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE
Emotional Intelligence (EI)
Using this
Ability to recognize awareness to
and understand manage yourself
emotions and relationships
with others
Emotional Intelligence
• The capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and
to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.
• “Emotional Intelligence is the key to both personal and professional
success"
Aristotle says,
“Anybody can become angry – that is
easy, but to be angry with the right
person and to the right degree and at
the right time and for the right
purpose, and in the right way – that
is not within everybody’s power and
is not easy.”
EQ – SUCCESS FACTOR
• Personality – fixed somewhere between the ages of 5-8
• IQ – our capacity to learn is set at 17 years old
• EQ – can be developed continually
4 Skills of Emotional Intelligence
WHAT I SEE WHAT I DO
PERSONAL Self-Awareness Self-Management
COMPETENCE
Emotional
Intelligence
SOCIAL
COMPETENCE
Social Awareness Relationship Management
Self-Awareness
• Ability to recognize what you are feeling
• Understanding your habitual emotional responses to events
• Recognizing how your emotions affect your behavior and
performance
High scores:
• You see yourself as others see you
• Have a good sense of your abilities (realistic self-assessment)
• Know your limitations
• Self-confident
• Strategies to develop:
• Work on identifying your emotions
• Ask others how you are affecting them: Seek and accept feedback
• Work on admitting what you need to change
• Anticipate button pushers
Self-Management
• Ability to stay focused and think clearly when you have powerful
emotions (thinks before acting)
• Controls or redirects disruptive impulses and moods
• Ability to suspend judgments
High Scores:
• Able to manage own emotional state
• Does not easily panic
• Takes responsibility for actions
• Do not make hasty decisions that you might later regret
• Open to change/adaptable
• Trustworthy
Strategies to develop:
• Control self talk ⎯ Eliminate ANT’s (Automatic Negative Thoughts)
• Work on not blaming others
• Find others to learn from (seek out mentors)
Motivation
• Ability to use your deepest emotions to move and guide you towards
your goals
• Has a passion to work for reasons other than money or status
High scores
• Able to take initiative
• Perseveres in the face of obstacles and setbacks
• Goal-oriented
• Optimism
• Loyal
Strategies to develop:
• Practice being positive (attitude)
• Set SMART goals for yourself
• Identify opportunities to take initiative
Empathy
• Ability to sense, understand and respond to what other people are
feeling
• Requires level of self-awareness ⎯ awareness of your emotions allow
you to read emotions of others
High scores:
• Sensitive to others
• Service oriented
Strategies to develop:
• Watch your body language
• Actively listen
• Put yourself in their shoes before judging
• Practice people watching
• Be socially present
Relationship Management
• Ability to manage, influence and inspire emotions in others
• Ability to find common ground and build rapport
High scores:
• Able to handle emotions in relationships
• Able to influence and inspire others
• Fosters teamwork and collaboration
• Strategies to develop:
• Avoid giving mixed signals
• Work to build trust with others by keeping your word, being
dependable, and being reliable
• Be honest and communicate boundaries
• Set realistic expectations for yourself and others
• Acknowledge other people’s feelings
Practice Developing
Your Emotional
Intelligence
• Think of an experience that was particularly stressful for you at work. Visualize removing
yourself from the situation. Answer the following:
1. What did you do well? What worked?
2. What didn’t work?
3. What were you feeling? Were you aware of how you were feeling at the time?
4. How did you feel about yourself? Did you have courage and faith in your abilities?
5. Did your emotions influence the way you thought about yourself? others involved? the
event? How?
6. What do you think the other person was feeling? Is it uncertain or did they state their
feelings to you?
7. Was there open dialogue? Did you, respectfully, speak up for yourself while allowing the
other to contribute to the conversation? Did you and the other person keep a respectful
tone?
What did you learn?
Coaching Emotional
Intelligence
• Actively listen and repeat back. Ask questions.
• Ask if they want someone to listen (they are just venting) or want your
help or advice
• Look for valid concerns and validate their feelings
• Ask them to reflect on and identify what they are feeling
• Encourage them to apologize whenever they are in error
• Be calm even if they are not. Encourage breathing, if needed.
• Do not participate in slander or destructive communication about
others involved
• Encourage them to believe in their worth
• Motivate to persevere and accept setbacks
• Be careful on your delivery of this piece of advice
• Be positive
• Ask what is the outcome he/she wants most? (versus what problems they
want to avoid, what they think or fear might happen versus reality)
• Respectfully encourage them to assume good intent for all parties involved.
• Be honest, give feedback with empathy
• Encourage to find common ground
• Motivate to address problem versus letting things build up and get worse
• If they are dealing with a power gradient or bully, suggest they get help.
They cannot handle this on their own. i.e. get a mentor, help of a
supervisor, etc.
• Encourage direct communication with all parties involved.
• Encourage to be assertive i.e. respectfully speak up for themselves (set up
healthy boundaries, express needs)
• Help the individual to accurately assess the situation and realistically define
a professional response to parties involved.
Remember!
• You are probably too hard on yourself so accept your strengths and believe that you
can develop and overcome your weaknesses.
• No one is perfect: not you, not them.
• If you are prone to ANTS, get help to stop.
• Assume good intent by default. You make your life harder if you jump to conclusions
• You are in a unique position to be a role model
• Be courageous and committed to yourself
