Communication & Challenging Conversations PCMA 2014 Montreal
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The document emphasizes the importance of effective communication in challenging conversations, highlighting that listening builds trust and facilitates understanding among individuals. It discusses the concepts of dialogue, shared meaning, and emotional safety as critical elements for successful communication, especially when faced with sensitive topics. Additionally, it outlines strategies for providing constructive feedback and leading conversations that can enhance personal and organizational relationships.
Communication & Challenging Conversations PCMA 2014 Montreal
- 2. Communication & Perception How many legs do you see?
- 3. Strive first to understand, then be understood Everyone wants to heard and understood for who they are. Each person wants to be appreciated and valued. When you listen, magic happens. Listening allows a leader to been seen as a servant, not parent, judge, or critic. Listening builds others. Listening builds trust.
- 4. What are we really saying? Words Tone Body Language Communication is 7% about WHAT you say and 93% about WHO you say it to! 7% 55% 38% How do you think the communication pie is divided?
- 5. Definition com·mu·ni·ca·tion • an act or instance of transmitting • a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior communication • c.1384, "to impart, share," lit. "to make common”
- 7. Challenging Conversations A discussion between two of more people when two or more people where: (1) stakes are high (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong McKinley Solutions Inc. © 7
- 8. T-Charts - Activity What did I want to say? What did I really say?
- 9. McKinley Solutions Inc. © 9 Leadership and Challenging Conversations For a conversation to qualify as a “crucial conversation” it has to have an impact on the quality of your life. Does employee feedback have an impact on life? Can it be touchy and sensitive? Can employee feedback be a challenging conversation?
- 10. When we face Challenging Conversations we have 3 choices…
- 12. Choice #2 2. We can face them and handle them poorly.
- 13. Choice #3 3. We can face them and handle them well. continue
- 17. Choosing to Have the Conversation • At times we can plan how we want a conversation to go. • Other times, the conversation is spontaneous. • You have to be prepared to accept the consequences of any conversation you have.
- 20. Why is this so important?
- 21. What are the results of NOT having challenging conversations? • Low employee morale • Reduced efficiencies • Increased costs • Project delays You can’t hide forever!
- 22. CrucialConversations More than just in the workplace… • These conversational skills are not just for the workplace. • These conversational skills can improve your relationships, revitalize your community and improve your personal health.
- 23. The Power of Dialogue Dialogue: The free flow of meaning between two or more people Pool of Shared Meaning – Composed of thoughts and feelings; informs us and propels us into action – Results when everyone feels safe – Enhances people’s willingness to act on their decisions
- 24. Pool Of Shared Meaning Shared meaning is composed of thoughts and feelings (ours and theirs) and informs and propels us into action. SharedMeaning
- 25. SharedMeaning Benefits of a Shared Pool of Meaning 1. Successful dialogue results when everyone feels safe enough to add their meaning to the shared pool of meaning 2. Shared meaning enhances people’s willingness to act on their decisions.
- 26. Know What You Really Want Conversation. Focus on What you Want Out of the ConversationAsQ: What do I really want: for myself? for the other person? for the relationship? for the organization?
- 27. Words Speak Volumes Move from “but” to “and” mentality. StartWithHeart
- 28. Learn to Recognize Challenging Conversations The sooner you notice you’re not in dialogue, the quicker you can get back to dialogue, and lower the cost.
- 29. What is your Style Under Stress? Style Under Stress Quiz
- 30. SILENCE: purposefully withholding information from the dialogue. Used to avoid creating a problem. Always restricts the flow of meaning. Common forms of silence: MASKING: understating or selectively showing what you actually think. Sarcasm, Sugarcoating, Couching, etc. AVOIDING: not addressing the real issues. Changing subject, Shifting the focus to others, etc. WITHDRAWING: not engaging in the conversation any longer. Exiting conversation or room all together. Style Under Stress Quiz
- 31. Style Under Stress Quiz VIOLENCE: convincing, controlling, or compelling others to your viewpoint. Violates safety by forcing meaning into the pool. Common forms: CONTROLLING: coercing others to your way of thinking. Cutting others off, overstating your facts, speaking in absolutes, dominating conversation. LABELING: stereotyping or categorizing people. Name-calling, generalizing ATTACKING: belittling or threatening others
- 32. Learn to Look for 2 things: •When the conversation turns challenging • People don’t feel safe
- 33. When a Conversation Turns Challenging… 1.Clarify what you really want. 2.Clarify what you really don’t want. 3.Present your brain with a more complex problem.
- 34. Learn to Look: Content and Conditions There is a need for Dual‐ Processing during challenging conversations: –Look at content (what) –Look at conditions (why)
- 35. Make It Safe: Purpose and Respect When others move to silence or violence, STEP OUT. 3.MakeItSafe
- 36. Make It Safe: Purpose and Respect Which condition of safety is at risk? Mutual Purpose Do others believe you care about their goals? Mutual Respect Do others believe you respect them?
- 37. 3.MakeitSafe Apologize and Contrast Apologize when you have made a mistake. Contrast to fix misunderstandings. Start with what you don't intend or mean. Then explain what you do intend or mean
- 38. 3.MakeitSafe Try to Contrast I don’t want to…. I do want to…
- 39. Harness Your Emotions If we take control of our emotions and stories, they won’t control us. 4.MasterYourStories
- 41. State Your Path SHARE your facts TELL your story (facts + conclusion) ASK for others’ paths (humility) TALK tentatively ENCOURAGE testing ‐ make it safe for others to express differing views Talking tools for sensitive topics
- 42. Learning to Listen Effective communication begins with effective listening, such that you build trust and work toward achieving insight through a step by step process.
- 43. Listening Defined “Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble.” ~ Frank Tyger
- 44. • For leisure and pleasure • To take part in a dialogue or discussion • To gather information • To receive instructions • To comprehend • To get the essence of what is being said Reasons we Listen
- 45. Benefits of Effective Listening Skills for Personal Growth and Development Learning the skill of Effective Listening benefits personal development and relationships: • Effective Communication • Decreased Misconceptions • Stronger Connections • Personal Development
- 46. Hearing Listening≠ Listening is an active process of communication that involves comprehending or understanding the meaning of what is being said before a response is made.
- 47. The stages of the listening process occur in sequence: 1. Hearing 2. Attention 3. Understanding 4.Remembering 5.Evaluating 6.Responding
- 48. Stages in the Listening Process Hearing Attention Understanding Remembering Evaluating Responding
- 49. Asking the Right Questions Closed-ended questions allow for dichotomous answers: Yes/No - True/False - This/That It encourages short or single-word answers. Open-ended questions encourage full, meaningful answers. It draws out the speaker’s own knowledge and emotions.
- 50. Active Listening 4 Listening Tools for helping others share their paths to action –ASK them to tell their stories –MIRROR to confirm feelings –PARAPHRASE to acknowledge their story –PRIME when you’re getting nowhere
- 51. Move to Action: Decision Making Command: Decisions made by authority Consult: Input gathered from the group. Vote: An agreed-upon percentage swings the decision. Consensus: Everyone comes to an agreement and supports the final decision.
- 52. Finish Clearly Determine who does what by when. Make deliverables crystal clear. Set a follow‐up time. Record the commitments and then follow up. Finally, hold people accountable to their promises.
- 53. Feedback is all about INFORMATION Feedback can be positive, negative or simply neutral. Without feedback, the performer is like a blind worker. The failure to perform feedback is a feedback itself: NO FEEDBACK, and communicates the message that no one cares about performance or the performer. People want to excel. And to know how they are doing, they need feedback information.
- 54. Asking the Right Questions Closed-ended questions allow for dichotomous answers: Yes/No - True/False - This/That It encourages short or single-word answers Open-ended questions encourage full, meaningful answers It draws out the speaker’s own knowledge and emotions
- 55. Ten Common Mistakes in Giving Feedback 1.The feedback judges individuals, not actions. 2.The feedback is too vague. 3.The feedback speaks for others 4.Negative feedback gets sandwiched between positive messages. 5.The feedback is exaggerated with generalities.
- 56. Ten Common Mistakes in Giving Feedback 6.The feedback psychoanalyzes the motives behind behaviour. 7.The feedback goes on too long. 8.The feedback contains an implied threat. 9.The feedback uses inappropriate humour. 10.The feedback is a question, not a statement.
- 57. 4 - Step Feedback Model Step 1 Identify the behavior Step 2 Describe the effects of behavior Step 3 Describe change you would like to see Step 4 Gain commitment to change
- 58. Characteristics of a Good Feedback System P – Performance standard oriented E – Easily understandable R – Routed to the right person F – Frequent O – On target R – Relevant M – Measurable E – Expressed positively R – Real and Honest S – Self-administered
- 59. The Coaching Concept Evaluate to determine knowledge, skill and confidence levels. Define objectives that can be measured periodically. Clarify direction, goals and accountability. Encourage peer coaching.
- 60. The Coaching Concept Coaching involves giving advice, skills building, creating challenges, removing barriers, building better processes, learning through discovery, etc. Deal with emotional obstacles by helping them through change. Give feedback. Lead by example.
- 61. Clear Direction? • Where are you going? Clear Strategy? • How are you going to get there? Clear set of Expectations? • What does your team expect from you ? • What do you expect from the team? 61McKinley Solutions Inc. © The Challenge of Change
- 62. 1. Why are we changing? 2. What is in it for me? 3. What can we/I to do differently? 4. What tools/support do we have? 5. How will we be measured? © 2011 McKinley Solutions Guiding Questions
- 63. STOP-START-CONTINUE Individual & Group Challenge: Use a Start-Stop-Continue template to create specific action for yourself 63McKinley Solutions Inc. © Take Action Now
- 65. Mark R. Thompson w: www.mckinleysolutions.com e: [email protected] t: 888-769-1577 www.twitter.com/mckinleysolns www.slideshare.net/mckinleysolutions www.delicious.com/mckinleysolutions www.flickr.com/photos/mckinleysolutions www.facebook.com/mckinleysolutions www.linkedin.com/company/mckinley-solutions