Self Regulation
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Self-regulation theory proposes that people expend effort to control their thoughts, words, and actions in order to behave in a way that aligns with their goals and values. Effective self-regulation requires skills like impulse control, emotional awareness, and the ability to delay gratification. When self-regulation fails, it can lead to problems like outbursts of anger or addiction to unhealthy behaviors. Developing self-awareness and the ability to observe one's own reactions are important skills for maintaining self-control and making thoughtful choices.
Self Regulation
- 2. Everything can be taken from a man but the last of human freedoms – the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances, to choose one's way. Viktor Frankl, "Man's Search for Meaning."
- 3. Self-Regulation Theory Self-regulation theory (SRT) says that we expend effort in control of what we think, say and do, trying to be the person we want to be, both in particular situations and in the longer-term. Much self-regulation is in stopping ourselves from doing things we know we should not do, for example preventing ourselves from impolitely telling other people that they are stupid. Self-regulation is also applied in creating positive behavior, such as studying for exams. Self-regulation is typically needed when there is a conflict of motivations, for example to run away from a fire as opposed to helping to rescue victims of the fire (ChangingMinds.org, 2015).
- 4. What “Regulate” Means That’s what we mean by regulating your emotions and impulses or urges. Most basically, it’s about (1) intentionally decreasing or increasing the intensity of an emotion, and (2) deciding whether or not to act on an impulse or desire. This involves skills like: • Deciding and controlling where you focus your attention. • As something’s ‘going down,’ deciding and controlling when and how much attention you focus on different aspects of the situation, including your own thoughts, feelings, and impulses. • Choosing how you think about your emotional reactions to things. • Stopping yourself from acting on a sudden impulse. • Stopping yourself from acting on a desire or craving. • Thinking, imagining, and doing things that are calming when you’re angry, anxious, afraid, addictively craving, etc (ChangingMinds.org, 2015).
- 5. Four Components of Self-Regulation • Standards: Of desirable behavior. • Motivation: To meet standards. • Monitoring: Of situations and thoughts that precede breaking standards. • Willpower: Internal strength to control urges (ChangingMinds.org, 2015).
- 6. Self-regulation includes impulse control, the management of short-term desires. People with low impulse control prone to acting on immediate desires. This is one route for such people to find their way to jail as many criminal acts occur in the heat of the moment. For non-violent people it can lead to losing friends through careless outbursts, or financial problems caused by making too many impulse purchases. (ChangingMinds.org, 2015)
- 7. Do you want a marshmallow… now?
- 8. Common Negative Feelings • Frustration/irritation. • Worry/nervousness. • Anger/aggravation. • Dislike. • Disappointment/unhappiness (Smith 2015).
- 9. Frustration/Irritation • Stop and evaluate – One of the best things you can do is mentally stop yourself, and look at the situation. Ask yourself why you feel frustrated. Write it down, and be specific. Then think of one positive thing about your current situation. • Find something positive about the situation – Thinking about a positive aspect of your situation often makes you look at things in a different way. This small change in your thinking can improve your mood. When it's people who are causing your frustration, they're probably not doing it deliberately to annoy you. And if it's a thing that's bothering you – well, it's certainly not personal! Don't get mad, just move on. • Remember the last time you felt frustrated – The last time you were frustrated about something, the situation probably worked out just fine after a while, right? Your feelings of frustration or irritation probably didn't do much to solve the problem then, which means they're not doing anything for you right now (Smith 2015).
- 10. Worry/Nervousness • Don't surround yourself with worry and anxiety –. Worrying tends to lead to more worrying, and that isn't good for anyone. • Try deep-breathing exercises – This helps slow your breathing and your heart rate. Breathe in slowly for five seconds, then breathe out slowly for five seconds. Focus on your breathing, and nothing else. Do this at least five times. • Focus on how to improve the situation – If you fear being laid off, and you sit there and worry, that probably won't help you keep your job. Instead, why not brainstorm ways to bring in more business, and show how valuable you are to the company? • Write down your worries in a worry log – If you find that worries are churning around inside your mind, write them down in a notebook or "worry log," and then schedule a time to deal with them. Before that time, you can forget about these worries, knowing that you'll deal with them. When it comes to the time you've scheduled, conduct a proper risk analysis around these things, and take whatever actions are necessary to mitigate any risks (Smith 2015).
- 11. Anger/Aggravation • Watch for early signs of anger – Only you know the danger signs when anger is building, so learn to recognize them when they begin. Stopping your anger early is key. Remember, you can choose how you react in a situation. Just because your first instinct is to become angry doesn't mean it's the correct response. • If you start to get angry, stop what you're doing – Close your eyes, and practice the deep-breathing exercise. This interrupts your angry thoughts, and it helps put you back on a more positive path. • Picture yourself when you're angry – If you imagine how you look and behave while you're angry, it gives you some perspective on the situation. For instance, if you're about to shout at your co-worker, imagine how you would look. Is your face red? Are you waving your arms around? Would you want to work with someone like that? Probably not (Smith 2015).
- 12. Dislike • Be respectful – If you have to work with someone you don't get along with, then it's time to set aside your pride and ego. Treat the person with courtesy and respect, as you would treat anyone else. Just because this person behaves in an unprofessional manner, that doesn't mean you should as well. • Be assertive – If the other person is rude and unprofessional, then firmly explain that you refuse to be treated that way, and calmly leave the situation. Remember, set the example (Smith 2015).
- 13. Disappointment/Unhappiness • Look at your mindset – Take a moment to realize that things won't always go your way. If they did, life would be a straight road instead of one with hills and valleys, ups and downs, right? And it's the hills and valleys that often make life so interesting. • Adjust your goal – If you're disappointed that you didn't reach a goal, that doesn't mean the goal is no longer reachable. Keep the goal, but make a small change – for example, delay the deadline. • Record your thoughts – Write down exactly what is making you unhappy. Is it a co-worker? Is it your job? Do you have too much to do? Once you identify the problem, start brainstorming ways to solve it or work around it. Remember, you always have the power to change your situation. • Smile! – Strange as it may sound, forcing a smile – or even a grimace – onto your face can often make you feel happy (this is one of the strange ways in which we humans are "wired.") Try it – you may be surprised (Smith 2015)!
- 14. Ask Yourself… • What am I reacting to? • What is it that I think is going to happen here? • What's the worst (and best) that could happen? What's most likely to happen? • Am I getting things out of proportion? • Am I underestimating my ability to cope? • Am I mind-reading what others might be thinking? • Am I believing I can predict the future? • Is there another way of looking at this? • What advice would I give someone else in this situation? • Just because I feel bad, doesn't mean things really are bad. • Am I jumping to conclusions about what this person meant? Am I misreading between the lines? Is it possible that they didn't mean that? (GetSelfHelp.com.uk, 2015).
- 15. Key Skill: Step Back A key skill: Being able to step back – in the midst of situations – and reflect on what you’re thinking, feeling, and wanting to do. That includes remembering your values and goals, and what’s truly important in the situation and/or the relationship. If you can observe the reactions you’re having, and think about them as they are happening, then you’ve gained more control over your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. You’ve opened the door to making choices, not just having reactions (1in6.org, 2015).
- 16. Key Skill: Emotional Awareness Emotional awareness is another key. It’s critical to know what you’re feeling, especially when you’re having mixed feelings (e.g., sadness and anger, shame and resentment). Without that awareness, you’re on ‘autopilot,’ driven by old habits. But if you have emotional awareness, you can realize what’s happening before it’s too late. You can have real control over your responses. You can make good choices that you’ll feel good about later. What requires regulation in these ways? Impulses that pop up suddenly and could get acted out automatically. Familiar but painful emotions like sadness, fear, and shame that can last for minutes, hours or days. And desires or cravings that build over time and feel increasingly hard to resist, if only to escape the stress and craving. Surely you can come up with examples in your own life – and see where your self-regulation skill are strongest and weakest (1in6.org, 2015).
- 19. References • 1in6.org. (2015). Regulating emotions & impulses. Retrieve from https://1in6.org/men/get- information/online-readings/self-regulation-and- addictions/regulating-emotions-impulses/ • ChangingMinds.org. (2015). Self-regulation theory. Retrieved from http://changingminds.org/explanations/theories/self_reg ulation.htm • GetSelfHelp.com.uk. (2015). Emotion regulation. Retrieved from http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/emotionregulation.htm • Smith,C. (2015). Managing your emotions at work: Controlling your feelings before they control you. Retrieved from http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newCDV_41.ht m