LOVE AS A CHANGE STRATEGY

Innovation, Growth, and Transformation

MOHAMMAD F. ANWAR | FRANK E. DANNA

JEFFREY F. MA | CHRISTOPHER J. PITRE

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ISBN: 9781394332182 (Cloth)

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To the past, present, and future employees and customers of Softway.

Foreword

Dear Reader,

I first met the guys—Mohammad, Chris, Frank, and Jeff—when we invited them to speak at the American Leadership Forum (ALF). From the moment they stepped into the room, their energy was undeniable: bold, passionate, and utterly committed to their mission of bringing humanity back into the workplace. Their message of love as a business strategy wasn't just a refreshing idea—it was a call to action. One that resonated deeply with me as the leader of an organization rooted in heart-centered, ethical leadership.

Years later, as Mohammad and Chris have become ALF Senior Fellows and Frank and Jeff prepare to begin their own fellowships, I find myself reflecting not just on their journey but also mine.

Love as a Change Strategy invites you into the messy, courageous, and often uncomfortable reality of what it means to lead change. It challenges the notion that transformation is just a matter of process or persuasion. In truth, it's personal. It's human. And it rarely goes as planned.

I've lived that reality.

Early in my career, I was tasked with leading a respected organization through a period of transformation. Armed with stakeholder feedback, data, and a bold new vision, I was ready to guide the change we needed. What I wasn't ready for was the resistance from the very people I respected and depended on most.

I remember being told, If it's not broken, why fix it? Despite the data, despite the clarity of purpose, I was met with fear, hesitation, and even quiet rebellion. I thought I had done everything right. But I'd overlooked something essential: the emotional, human side of change. My efforts—no matter how well-intentioned—were being perceived as threats. Not solutions.

That's when I paused. Slowed down. And leaned into the lessons I'd learned from the Art & Practice of Adaptive Leadership: that real change happens at the rate people can absorb, and that what often looks like resistance is actually protection—of identity, legacy, and meaning.

So, we retreated—literally and figuratively. I invited the team into conversation, not confrontation. We named what was sacred. We grieved what we had to leave behind. And only then—when we centered our humanity—were we able to move forward together.

That's the heartbeat of this book.

Love as a Change Strategy doesn't promise shortcuts. It doesn't sugarcoat the struggle. What it offers is something far more powerful: a way to lead change that honors people as people—not just resources, roles, or resistance.

It reminds us that change is survival—but change with love is evolution.

May you find in these pages both the courage to lead and the compassion to listen.

With hope,

Nory Angel, MBA

President

American Leadership Forum - Houston/Gulf Coast

Houston, Texas

The Elephant in the Room

Mohammad sat back in his chair, sighed, and looked out the conference room window. It was another beautiful spring day in Houston—not much to complain about, other than the ever-present humidity. Instead of enjoying the weather outside, though, he was stuck in this room in another full-day reorganization meeting that was going absolutely nowhere.

He should have been used to it by now. After all, this is exactly how the previous reorg meeting went, and the one before that, and the one before that, and the one before that. He loved, trusted, and respected the people on his executive leadership team. They'd been through hell together and always emerged stronger on the other end, so why were they stuck in perpetual reorganization limbo?

Mohammad looked over at Lacee. She was trying to keep her cool, but he knew that look on her face too well. She was frustrated. Really, really frustrated. It was all she could do to read through the graveyard that was the leadership team's agenda and rattle off all the outstanding work. [Task 1], incomplete. [Task 2], incomplete. [Task 3], incomplete. None of these tasks were hard, and yet none of them were getting done either. So what was going on? Why was no one taking ownership of their work?

Because everyone was scared of what the work actually meant.

The reorganization they were planning was no joke. For a few years now, Mohammad had known that Softway, the company he'd founded and led for over twenty years, needed to change. Sure, they'd had some successful years and were still profitable, but they weren't growing. They were stagnating. To set the company up for an ambitious growth strategy over the next ten years, the company needed to evolve. To evolve, they needed to intentionally shift some people into different seats. This meant a change in positions, a change in roles, a change in responsibilities, a change in departments, a change in just about everything.

No one's current role was guaranteed in the new org structure. Company vets who'd served over ten years would be asked to shift into new positions. Experienced team leaders who'd successfully driven results would be asked to become individual contributors. Even some executive leadership team members would be transitioning into different parts of the company. Greg, for instance, would be shifting from account management to the head of tech services—and one of his first jobs would be to tell all the lead architects on his team that they would now be consultants. Totally different role, totally different responsibility, and totally what we needed of Greg and the tech team to make this reorg work.

Everyone on the leadership team knew these planned changes might affect them, but Mohammad could see that no one wanted to discuss them. If he were being honest, he didn't want to, either. Like everyone else, he was scared.

He was scared to tell Saif, who'd been with the company for nineteen years, that he would no longer be vice president of technology services. He was scared to tell Saquib, who had cofounded the company with him, that he would become a level-four consultant. He was scared to tell Taj, his own brother, that he was also going to move off his current position and that they weren't sure where to slot him after that.

None of these conversations would be easy, so Mohammad avoided them. He'd hoped to create an environment where these conversations would come naturally through dialogue, and he'd hoped the leadership team would be introspective and self-aware enough to recognize these issues independently. Unfortunately, no one appeared willing to admit their own shortcomings and explore what seat in the organization might suit them best. The team was defensive, deflective, or dismissive, doing whatever they could to shift negative attention away from themselves and focus on their strengths.

Mohammad sighed again and let the tension in the room wash over him. Mohammad 1.0 would have told it like it is, he thought to himself. Moh 1.0 would backflip onto the table, rip a phonebook in half, and give ‘em all a piece of his mind. But he wasn't Mohammad 1.0 anymore, and phonebooks were hard to come by these days. That version of him got a much-needed upgrade when he pivoted the company—and himself—to embrace a culture of love. Mohammad 2.0 led with compassion and curiosity, but increasingly, he also struggled with being honest. Now, at version 2.1.3, when his team needed that honesty more than ever, Mohammad found himself lacking the courage to do what he knew was right.

Across the table sat Chris. Like Mohammad, Chris was detecting some master-level avoidance in the room. Sure, some issues were brought up, but their significance was being walked back, rationalized, or minimized. If only he'd brought his weak excuses bingo card with him. With all the Well, I didn't mean it like that, or I dunno, I'm just thinking out loud, or We're good, just a minor hiccup, but we handled it, he'd have filled out the whole thing out by now.

So, wait, are things good or not? Chris asked after the most recent updates, genuinely unsure where things stood. He'd heard the summaries and all the upbeat spin, but he couldn't square those picture-perfect stories with the reality he saw. As we mentioned, nearly every single task was incomplete, and things weren't adding up. For several weeks, he'd watched that same leadership team struggle through some big client-facing projects and swept those struggles under the rug. If this leadership team couldn't be honest about its performance on these known, black-and-white issues, then what reason did Chris have to think that they were being honest about their work on the reorg project?

Chris saw this contradiction. Everyone saw this contradiction. And yet, no one wanted to talk about it. It was like an elephant had followed the team into the meeting, staked out a seat in the corner of the room, and sat there silently judging the group as everyone went on and on about their strengths and how well everything was going.

Chris thought about his own contributions to the conversation, which, well, hadn't been much. He had plenty to say—Chris always has plenty to say—but he felt like he was at a Greek organization meeting where it was impossible to get a word in edgewise. Besides, he was much more comfortable sharing with Mohammad during their one-on-ones than in large groups. But nearly half of Softway's US team was in this room, so his mouth stayed shut. Now well into his own personal transformation journey, Chris knew that his sharp wit cut deep, and he didn't want to embarrass anybody or let that be the first time they got real feedback inside a public setting.

Chris resolved to introspect more on why he hadn't been willing to speak up. In the meantime, he'd keep doing what he'd always done, quietly working by himself on his task list. On a team with no ownership, any supposed collaboration would just mean he'd end up doing all the work anyway. It was like suffering through group projects in high school all over again.

A few spots down the table to Chris's right, Frank was thinking the same thing. Man, someone should really address the elephant in the room and say something about all this darn tension! He'd do it, but it wasn't his problem. He'd been with the company for twelve years. He wasn't the one who had to change roles. He was fine. After feeling like an impostor his entire adult life, Frank finally felt like Softway had given him a place to belong. Why would he want to give that up now?

From his privileged position in the room, Frank felt detached and aloof. I'm not the one who sucks, he told himself. It's everyone else. They can pry my title from my cold, dead hands.

Frank looked down the table toward Jeff. Good old Jeff, master of the pickleball court. Frank had always admired Jeff for his attentiveness and insights. But now, Jeff didn't look like he was doing too good. He looked tired.

He was. He was really tired—tired of watching people do nothing but convert oxygen into carbon dioxide, tired of seeing people jockey for a better position in the org structure, tired of watching everyone duck responsibility for the fact that they weren't getting any meaningful work done. As far as he could see, the only person getting anything done was Lacee, and no one was making her job any easier.

And in that moment, it hit him. Crap, Jeff thought, I'm part of the problem, too.

His mind started to swirl. He used to bristle when others would complain that Softway had been dealing with the same problems for over a decade. He disagreed. Sure, some issues still lingered from before, but the naysayers were missing the bigger picture. Look how much they'd accomplished! In less than a decade, Softway had transformed from a toxic, failing culture to a team of connected, aligned, and human high performers. Why couldn't the naysayers see that?

Because, he realized, it wasn't enough. What good was a culture of love if Softway's leadership team still couldn't get out of its own way?

Jeff glanced over at the elephant. The elephant glanced back. Then, almost imperceptibly, it looked him dead in the eye and nodded.

Jeff knew what he had to do. Slowly, he readjusted his glasses, cleared his throat, and stood up to speak.

This isn't working, he said. What are we even doing here?

Everyone froze.

Every meeting, we commit to the same things. Then at the next meeting, we all get together to learn no one's done anything they committed to, Jeff continued. We keep failing over and over again. Are we serious about this change or not?

Then, Jeff proceeded to outline all the problems he'd seen with the reorg. First, he talked about himself and his position—or, should he say, his three positions. He hadn't been quite clear about his job since the last reorganization. All he knew was that one of his roles was project manager director, and he hadn't been that great at it. Next, Jeff took aim at Saif and discussed how he probably didn't belong in his position either. Hand in hand with the elephant, he went through the room one by one, highlighting the challenges each person faced in their current jobs and the challenges Softway faced if they remained in them.

Look, I know I bring some value, Jeff said, but like many of us, I was put in my role out of necessity, not because I deserved it. And I'm not the only person that has happened to over the years.

Harsh. But Jeff was right, and everybody knew it.

We can't hold onto these positions so tightly when they might not be the best fit for us, he said. "If we want to do something different with the company, then we have to be something different in this company."

Yeah, you go, Jeff. Frank thought to himself. That's just what everyone else who's not me needed to hear. What a brave thing to say.

If we're going to be in this, then we must all agree in this space that, after today, we're releasing our grip on any preconceived notions regarding our jobs or titles, Jeff said. Do we agree that we're all willing to do whatever it takes to make this reorganization successful, even if that means losing our status?

The room fell silent. It was deafening.

Then, from the corner, the elephant stood up and started to slow clap, followed by Mohammad, Chris, Frank, and the rest of the leadership team. Applause filled the air as the elephant hoisted Jeff onto its shoulders, paraded him around the room, and celebrated Jeff for single-handedly saving the company. Off in the distance, Chris swore he could hear a choir of Beyoncés singing the most heavenly of melodies.

Okay, so none of that last bit happened. But that's what it felt like to be in that room.

By addressing the elephant in the room, Jeff articulated the core problem preventing Softway from achieving meaningful change for the better part of a year: everyone. In all of their previous meetings, they had agreed to discuss the reorganization only in terms of structures, needs, and roles. They were designing, not assigning, and they were convinced that now wasn't the time to consider who would occupy which seat on the org chart.

Except it was. People are going to be people. That's what they do. Softway leadership were all in alignment on what the restructure should look like, but they were all concerned about how they would fit into the equation. Unable to divorce themselves and their stakes in the reorganization plan, they had been unwilling to take ownership and lead the change they wanted to create.

But then Jeff threw down the gauntlet. If Softway was going to change the organization, first they had to commit, in that room, to doing what it took to move the company forward. If that meant a lesser position for some of those within the company, then so be it.

So, one by one, each committed to the reorganization project once and for all. Then they nailed their change journey perfectly, and they all lived happily ever after.

Just kidding.

We still struggled with our reorg. Every organization will struggle with a change that big. As we embarked on this journey, some of the team weren't fully bought in, some of their objectives needed to be refined, and some of their timelines were overly ambitious.

That's okay. Change is a process, not a snap of the fingers. Eventually, we arrived at our destination with a fully aligned team, a realigned org chart, and a wide-open path to growth.

So, what was the secret sauce? Love.

Yes, really: L-O-V-E.

Love as a Change Strategy is not your grandfather's change management book. Actually, it's not a change management book at all, because we are not your typical change management consultants.

This is a change leadership book written for change leaders by change leaders. We know our stuff: we've read the research, led workshops and strategic initiatives, and walked the talk. In this book, we distill our broad experiences into a practical approach you can apply to your organization today.

At the center of this framework are people. Not processes, not systems, not technology, but people.

People make the change machine run. They are the beginning, middle, and end of the change journey. Fail to engage your people, and you will fail to create meaningful change. This truth holds no matter the scale or nature of your change. You can set your alarm and join a gym, but that alone won't get you shredded. You can enter your new role as the chair of the local parent-teacher association (PTA) with dreams and ambitions, but you still need to engage the other volunteers to realize your plans. You can map out the most amazing reorganization plan and lay out the steps meticulously, but your people still have to see themselves in that plan before committing. Get the people part right, or the rest won't matter.

Of course, change is still hard, even when you put people at the center. You won't find five surprising life hacks or seven daily habits to fake your way through change leadership here. Expect things to get messy at times—really messy.

Most books on change leave the messy part out. Like a real estate agent staging a house, they stuff all the unseemly bits into the guest room closet and pretend it isn't there. We lean into these moments—or, as one of our clients calls them, rumbles. Why? Because you don't lead change with warm fuzzies. That's not what we mean by leading with love. Leading change the right way is just as hard, if not harder, than leading change the wrong way. We want you to lead change the right way. So, we're going to throw the doors open to that crammed closet and show you what real, human-driven change looks like.

The following chapters are filled with stories, lessons, and examples like the one you just read. Some of these stories will be about us, and some will be about our clients. They won't always be sunshine and roses, but they will always be human. As you read through everything, give yourself permission to feel actual human emotions. You might laugh a little. You might cry a little. Both are okay. Actually, they're great. To get in the rumble and lead change with love, we must be direct, honest, and unburdened by ego. Only by working through our experiences and extracting our own lessons can we hope to move forward as humans trying to do right in the world.

Remember to bring yourself to this work, too. Whether you're an intentional change leader tasked with transforming a large company or an accidental change leader tasked with overhauling the local PTA, your experiences and perspective matter. We're glad to have you here and to share part of our journey with you.

With that said, and with apologies to famed boxing announcer Michael Buffer, let's get ready to rumble.

The Elephant in the Room

Have you ever been in a situation where you knew, liked, and trusted the people around you, but for some reason, those people weren't producing results? If so, what