Karizza Esguerra

COMM 2110
Relational Change Project
Date: November 29, 2015
This paper outlines my personal change project and how I managed to improve bad listening
habits and inappropriate responses. My goal was to better my active listening and to be more
sympathetic towards other peoples feelings while communicating with them. I wanted to
eliminate bad communication habits that have been affecting my interpersonal relationships. I
applied multiple strategies such as Confirming Responses, Improving Responding Skills, and
Manage Emotions. Throughout this project I have learned my bad communication flaws and how
these habits affect me on a daily basis. Although, I have improved my communication skills
using these strategies there is always room for improvement. One goal that I will be
implementing in the future will be to master the strategies that were applied to further improve
the way I communicate and the way I listen.
Unwanted Communication Pattern
I have a habit of not listening to the person I am in a conversation with when the topic doesnt
interest me or because I get impatient during the conversation. I find myself wandering off and
pretending to listen and at times I can be insensitive towards other peoples feelings whether it is
on purpose or not. I get defensive when I feel that I am being attacked when in reality it is for my
benefit and not theirs. It has been affecting my relationship with my boyfriend and anyone close
to me. I find that every time I do it, it annoys the other person and I find myself in an argument
with that other person. This annoying habit is affecting my relationship with the people that are
close to me and I need to change it. By improving such bad actions I realized that everything can
turn around for me and the people that I care about. My active listening can be better and I can
be a little more sensitive towards other peoples feeling when I talk to them.
Here are three examples:
One situation where this type of behavior occurred was at work. I came in late to work not
feeling very well. I had been late a few times for the last couple weeks because I was having a
hard time adjusting to my morning shift. My manager pulled me aside into his office with one of
the supervisors to talk to me about my tardiness. When he came up to me I just knew that it
wasnt going to be a great conversation because I was having an off day. My manager asked what
was going on with me and if I was okay because I was coming in late to work every day. He has
addressed the issue quite a few times before and we have talked about improving my tardiness.
When he brought up the topic again it ticked me off right away because I have heard it before
and it was the exact same issue. He mentioned that he has addressed the issue and nothing has
improved. I told him what was going on and I said to him that I know about the issue and it is a
problem that I am working on. I responded with an attitude trying to defend myself because I felt
that I was been attacked by him and the supervisor. The supervisor looked at me and said It has
been brought up quite a few times and if it keeps on happening I am going to have to write you

up. I responded and said, I understand and thats fine I am trying to come in early. To top it
off I told my manager that I felt that every time someone is late they only address the issue to me
because I am the first person that they see in the morning but when the night crew comes it is
okay that they are late because no one sees them when they come in. I let him know that to me it
seems that no one else is getting in trouble with this and they only talk to me about it. I didnt
like the fact that I didnt see anyone else get pulled aside about the same issue but me which is
exactly why I was very defensive about it. There was a lot of tension in the office between me
and my manager and there were comments getting fired back on forth. I could feel my anger
taking over me while talking to my manager and I could tell that I was getting very annoyed with
the topic and I couldnt wait to get out of there. I could tell my manager didnt like how the
conversation was going between us and after everything I just walked out and said okay and shut
the door. The conversation affected me and my managers work relationship because we didnt
talk like normal at work.
Another situation would be when I was staying at my moms house in Heber for the weekend. I
was talking to my family during dinner about my nephew taking a swimming class since he
doesnt know how to swim. My sister in law brought up that Marcus school in Heber is offering
a swimming class for little kids. My nephew who clearly doesnt know how to swim loves being
in the water but is too afraid to swim and my sister in law thought that itd be a good idea to take
swimming lessons. My mom and I agreed with my sister in law because we thought that it would
be a good idea for Marcus to start taking lessons. My brother on the other hand was a little off
the fence about it. We were giving my brother facts on how my nephew could benefit from
learning how to swim since none of us in the family know how. My brother started getting
frustrated because the lessons are a bit expensive and he thought that it would be easier to just
take my nephew swimming and teach him. I told my brother that he needed to realize that when
Marcus is with us in the pool he doesnt listen and is too stubborn to want to learn how to swim.
My brother was getting annoyed and frustrated because to him the issue was the lessons were too
much and for us itd be fact that itd benefit Marcus. As we continued to talk about it the
conversation started to heat up and my brother and I were starting to argue about it. My attitude
is that I usually wont stop talking about it until the other person sees my point. I realize that this
is a bad attitude to have because not everyone will agree to my opinion. I realized that the
conversation got worse because neither of us were going to give up until one agreed to the other.
The situation escalated quickly because my brother thought that he gets to decide what he wants
for his son when in reality his family should have a say in the situation. Although my mom and I
are willing to pay half of the cost my brother still wouldnt comply because to him our opinions
didnt matter. In this situation neither of us is listening to each other we are yelling over each
other trying to get our points across. I wasnt listening to him because my feelings took over me
and I was getting frustrated where I needed him to agree with me because if he didnt I get very
angry and dont even care to listen at all which is a bad habit to have.

Another situation where this occurred was when I was with my boyfriend. Just recently we were
at my house hanging out in my room. He and I were talking about his new job where I happened
to work. We were talking about his paperwork processing date and it so happened to fall on a
school day. I told my boyfriend that I am able to help him out and have Human Resources
change the date if needed that way he could make it to class. My boyfriend quickly responded
and said no without hesitation. It frustrated me a little bit because I always want the best for my
boyfriend and it made me upset because he didnt even consider that I am able to help. He said
no and that he is fine on missing class which is the last day before Thanksgiving break. This
essentially means that there will be important information that he will be missing for not making
it to class. My boyfriend said to me that he doesnt want to change the date for the processing
because he had just gotten hired and that it might give him a bad reputation. I told him that its
different and that Human Resources would understand because it is school related. Although I
gave him an option to help him he still turned it down. To me it felt like an insult because he
wouldnt take my help and I got defensive about it. The situation got out of hand because I
wouldnt take no for answer and I didnt realize that not everyone will agree with me. My
boyfriend and I got into an argument where he was very upset because I didnt understand that he
didnt need my help. I was looking out for him that way he wouldnt miss his class but to him he
didnt care to miss it because usually there isnt anything going on in the class. I didnt
understand that if he needed my help he would ask me, I didnt know that he only wanted me to
listen to him and not offer help. In this situation I wasnt listening carefully to what he actually
wanted and the cause of that was an argument that I can never take back.
In these situations I didnt realize how important the manage emotions strategy is, how important
it is to respond appropriately, and how important it is to manage my feelings. In the first scenario
I got into an argument with my manager because I took everything he said as an insult and I
didnt realize the fact that he was looking out for me. I took it upon myself as criticism when it
was nothing more than a gesture to help me with my tardiness. If I used the Manage Emotions
strategy and set my feelings aside then I wouldve had a better conversation and not the
conversation that went on. In the second scenario my brother and I got into a heated argument
because him and I didnt want to take no for an answer. I failed to respond appropriately and
failed to listen to him because of my emotions. If I had used the confirming responses strategy I
wouldve had a lovely meal at dinner with my family. Although, I didnt agree with him I
shouldve let my brother know that I understood his point. In the third scenario my boyfriend and
I were having a lovely night doing homework up until we had a disagreement about a certain
matter. If I wouldve applied Improving Responding Skills my boyfriend and I wouldve had a
enjoyed a great night. My actions to these scenarios prove that I have habits that need to change
to better my interpersonal relationships. Although it wont be easy I am certainly willing to try
and change them.
Strategies

When I realized that I have bad habits to change I decided to apply the following strategies to
help me achieve my goal. I wanted to be able to have a normal conversation with the people that
I communicate with on a daily basis. By applying these strategies I am certain that I will be able
to reach my goal and will get a good outcome out of it.
The first strategy is how to provide confirming responses which is an other-oriented statement
that causes others to value themselves more (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 148). Confirming
responses have multiple ways to make sure the person using this strategy is applying it correctly.
This strategy is to make sure the person on the other side of the conversation is supported with
confirming responses to make them feel good about themselves. This strategy allows the people
that are communicating to be able to feel confirmed and supported (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond,
2015, p. 148). It will help me acknowledge people directly, to understand other perspectives even
if I dont agree with them, to be able to provide supportive responses, to express positive
feelings, and to be able to provide compliment (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 149). Instead
of providing disconfirming messages I need to realize that I need to give confirming responses to
the people that I am in a conversation with because if I fail to do so it is going to affect my
interpersonal relationships in a negative way. This strategy should be able to help me have a
better communication on a daily basis whether it is at school, work, or my personal life. This
strategy will help me defeat my bad habit because it requires careful listening and attention to the
other person which I fail to do at times.
The following are the different strategies of Confirming Responses:
1. Direct Acknowledgment - this strategy is to respond directly to
something another person says to you, you are acknowledging not only the statement, but
also that the person is worth responding to (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 149).
2. Agreement About Judgments - when confirming someones
evaluation of something, you are also affirming that persons sense of taste and judgment
(Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 149).
3. Supportive Response - When you express reassurance and
understanding, you are confirming a persons right to his or her feelings (Beebe, Beebe,
Redmond, 2015, p. 149).
4. Clarifying Response - When you seek a greater understanding of
another persons message you are confirming that he or she is worth your time and
trouble. Clarifying responses also encourage the other person to talk in order to explore
his or her feelings (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 149).
5. Expression of Positive Feeling - We feel confirmed or valued when
someone else agrees with our expression of joy or excitement (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond,
2015, p. 149).

6. Compliment - When you tell people you like what they have done
or said, what they are wearing, or how they look, you are confirming their sense of worth
(Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 149).
Examples:
Today, I used the strategy of Confirming Responses while at work. I was talking to my
coworkers about what we are doing for one of our friends birthday which is coming up soon.
My night shift manager which I do not like came in and started talking to us trying to change the
subject that way he could be a part of the conversation which I find very annoying. I thought to
myself, Can he not wait until were done talking that way he can talk about whatever it is he
had in mind?
Today, instead of ignoring him and pretending like I didnt hear him which is what I do every
time I see him, I acknowledged his presence and said hello and told him what we were talking
about instead of ignoring him and making him feel awful about himself. Usually when the night
shift manager comes in he quickly interrupts everyone elses conversation and tries to be a part
of it. Today it was different because when the night shift manager came in he quickly walked
towards where the girls and I were standing and said, Well hey there girls how are you guys this
afternoon? Of course we responded and said, Great how are you. and continued with our
conversation and included him to make him feel better and not feel excluded. It was very
different today because I did something that I wouldnt normally do that way someone else feels
better about themselves, and to be quite honest it felt great.
Today, I used the strategy of Confirming Responses once again. I was talking to my significant
other about politics. I asked my boyfriend which presidential incumbents he had his mind set on
and he responded and said, I was thinking of Donald Trump because hes a businessman and he
will help the United States financially. Normally when I disagree with someone I would say,
How and why? and I would argue with them until they agree with me but today was different. I
knew just not to start a conflict because it wasnt worth the argument.
Instead, I responded and said, Thats true he is a very successful businessman and I think that
would be cool but babe dont you think that viewing the political side of him would be very
important also other than the business side of him? He stopped and thought about it for a few
minutes and said, I agree with you I think that it is very important that someone who knows
about politics will run this country, I just thought that him being a great businessman is cool
since I love everything about business. Of course I responded and said, Yes babe I admire that
you love business and that you are very passionate about it and I also think that Trump would be
a good candidate I just wish he wasnt so ignorant. The conversation went well because we gave
each other very great opinions and the conversation went very smooth and we learned something
new about each other. Using the confirming strategy helped because although I had a different
opinion than my boyfriend I didnt disagree with him but I simply let him know what I had in
mind.

The second strategy is Improving Responding Skills which is providing the right response while
in a conversation. It is important to make sure that while communicating the person in the
conversation feel valued, taken seriously, understood, etc Usually, during a conversation it is
important to recognize the other persons feelings that way the response that is given is an
appropriate response (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 141). This strategy allows both sides to
be engaged in the conversation. This strategy helps that way the right response is provided to
another person (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 141). This strategy also helps that way a
person thinks about the other persons needs rather than their own needs (Beebe, Beebe,
Redmond, 2015, p. 141). I have come to realize that by using this strategy I can improve my
response in every conversation that I have. I can provide appropriate questions, paraphrase
accurately, provide well-timed responses, provide usable information, and appropriately adapt
your responses (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 141). There are many ways on how to
implement this strategy such as waiting to respond when emotions are calm to make sure the
response is relevant, I have learned that everything doesnt have to be discussed and made a big
deal, I have also learned to stop using you messages and use I messages, and to not interrupt
the speaker (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 141-144). By applying this strategy on my day to
day conversations I am confident that I will get the best results.
The following are the different strategies of Improving Responding Skills:
1. Ask Appropriate Questions - to ask appropriate questions to get additional
details that might have been missed and to make sure the message is understood correctly
(Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 141).
2. Accurately Paraphrase to summarize ones facts and ideas to get better
understanding (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 142).
3. Provide Well-Timed Responses - to respond during the most appropriate
time (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 143).
4. Provide Usable Information - to give information that the speaker will
benefit from (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 143).
5. Appropriately Adapt Your Responses to adapt and make messages more
efficient and effective; to adapt our message length, style, word choice, and content to
mirror the messages of others (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 144).
Examples:
Today I used the Improving Responding Skills strategy once again while at work. Like a
normal person I have my days and I wasnt having a great morning. When I got into work I
wasnt feeling very well and I had a lot in my mind. Typically when I have a lot in mind I am
very quiet and like to exclude myself from everyone. My manager had just gotten to work and
came up to talk to me to see how I am doing which he does every morning when we work. My
manager and I have been working side by side for three years and he knows exactly when I want
to be left alone and when something is up.

Today instead of ignoring him and giving him nonverbal messages I decided to apply the
Improving Responding skills and acknowledged my manager. I realized that it wouldnt do me
any good if I ignored him when he was only trying to make sure that I was okay. When my
manager came up to me he said, Hey Karizza how are you doing? You okay? I responded and
said, Yeah, Im fine Im just tired and hungry. He quickly responded and said, This might be
weird but for some reason I know when you are in a bad mood and giggles afterwards. After
talking to my manager I realized that I need to leave my stress at home because it is affecting my
relationship with my co-workers and my job performance. By applying the Improving
Responding skills I was able to avoid an awkward conversation with my manager and I realized
that I can affect other people also when I act the way I normally would. This strategy helped me
plenty of times and I will continue to use it because it makes me better.
Today I used the Improving Responding Skills strategy at work while talking to my co-worker
Bonnie. Bonnie started working at the front desk a few weeks ago and is still learning how
everything works and how to talk to guests. The way Bonnie talks can sometimes come off rude
and offensive to other people without her noticing. Today while at the desk Bonnie was helping a
couple of guests and she didnt know what to do. Instead of coming up to me to get my help she
yells at me and says, Karizza can you come here and help me. I look at her and asked her,
What do you need help with. She replied and said, I dont know can you just come here and
look at it. The way she said it made me upset and made the guests uncomfortable.
Today, instead of reacting how I normally would I thought about the guests and how important it
is to be professional. I calmed myself down before I responded with something that I wouldve
regretted. Instead of talking back to her and telling her that she needs to ask nicely in front of the
guests I asked her politely, Okay, can you explain or show me what you need exactly so I can
help you? She leaned on the desk and was shaking her head and said, I dont know can you
just do the check out for me. The way she was in front of the guests was making both the guests
uncomfortable so I just hurried and did what I could to get the guests checked out. I sent Bonnie
to the back and asked her, Bonnie can you grab the receipt for the guests. The guests were
waiting for the receipt and while Bonnie was gone I said to the guests, I completely apologize
about the delay and my co-worker, she is still training. The guest responded and said, Its
totally fine dont worry about it and smiles at me. Knowing that the guests were okay made me
feel calm and when the guests left I pulled Bonnie aside to talk to her. I made sure that Bonnie
knows how to talk to her co-workers politely especially when she needs something. I also told
her that you need to have timing and that she cant act the way she did when they are guests
around because it makes us look unprofessional. Bonnie later on apologized to me and said that
she was very overwhelmed and didnt know what to do. I told her that it was okay and she just
needs to relax and ask politely next time. By using the Improving Responding Skills strategy I
was able to avoid a conflict that couldve gotten bigger and I was also able to help Bonnie on
things she needed help with without any tension. I like this method a lot because it helped me
calm down and it helped me think about what to say in times like this. I will definitely be using
this strategy more on situations like this.
The third strategy is how to manage emotions which is making sure emotions dont take over the
entire conversation. Learning how to manage emotions can at times be difficult depending on the
conversation being discussed. At times things can escalate quickly than anticipated because
emotions get the best of everyone. Sometimes it only takes a trigger of emotions to take over

which makes it the cause of the argument. The first sign that we are in a conflict situation is a
feeling of anger, frustration, fear, or even sadness, which sweeps over us like an ocean (Beebe,
Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 241). At times we feel powerless over our emotions, and it can cause
us to have difficulty to take a logical or rational approach to managing the conflict (Beebe,
Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 241). However, there are many ways on how a person can manage it
to be able to have a normal conversation such as being aware to what makes us emotional, to try
getting the emotions out of conflict, recognizing what is triggering the emotions, etc This
strategy allows people to be able to communicate without emotions causing any conflict. By
implementing this strategy I am confident that I will be able to put my emotions aside or better
yet not let it take over me that I am able to have a nice conversation with the people that I care
about.
The following are the different strategies of Manage Emotions:
1. Be Aware That You Are Becoming Angry and Emotionally Volatile becoming aware of what is happening to you emotionally (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond,
2015, p. 241).
2. Seek to Understand Why You Are Angry and Emotional - understanding
what is behind our anger (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 241).
3. Make a Conscious Decision About Whether to Express Your Anger - to
make a conscious choice about whether you should express your frustration and irritation
(Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 242).
4. Select a Mutually Acceptable Time and Place to Discuss a Conflict setting a time and place where things can be discussed and resolved (Beebe, Beebe,
Redmond, 2015, p. 242).
5. Plan Your Message - to take care to organize your message (Beebe, Beebe,
Redmond, 2015, p. 242).
6. Breathe - taking a slow, deep breathe (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p.
242).
7. Monitor Nonverbal Messages - making sure to speak calmly, using direct
eye contact, and maintaining a calm, nonthreatening facial expression will signal that you
wish to collaborate rather than control (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 243).
8. Avoid Personal Attacks, Name Calling, and Emotional Overstatement using threats and derogatory names (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 243).
9. Take Time to Establish Rapport - to take time to establish a positive
emotional climate (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 243).
10. Use Self-Talk - by telling messages to ourselves (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond,
2015, p. 245).

Examples:
Today while at work I used the Manage Emotions strategy while talking to my co-worker. Kyle
who works in the lobby with me, can be very straight forward and close minded. Kyle usually
says things that arent supposed to be said and sometimes offends people. I am one of those
people that he has offended because he says things that are very inappropriate. Kyle brought up a
topic that gets me very heated because I care about it. He happened to bring up police brutality
and he said, That little girl in the video got beat up because she deserved it. Me who cares
about police brutality of course was about to say something that would wish he hadnt said what
he said. I took a deep breath and thought about the fact that we were at work and that it wouldnt
be appropriate to say what I had in mind.
Instead of blowing up on Kyle and telling him something that I normally would say when im
mad, I took a deep breath and calmed myself that way I wouldnt say something that I would
later on regret. Normally I would go off on people until they agree that I am right. This time I
used the Manage Emotions strategy and did something that wasnt very comfortable for me. I
told Kyle, Kyle I dont think that the little girl deserved what happened to her, I also think that
the Police Officer couldve handled the situation differently. Kyle then responded and said, I
agree I just think the little girl shouldnt have done what she did to avoid conflict. I agreed with
Kyle and told him, Yeah thats definitely true. the conversation was smooth and calm like I had
imagined when I controlled my emotions and set them aside. It was very uncomfortable for me
to do that but I did it anyway to avoid conflict at work. I realized that work wasnt the place to
start up such a topic and create conflict. By using this strategy I was able to talk to my co-worker
calmly and I was able to hear his opinion although I didnt really agree with it completely. This
strategy has saved me from starting up a conflict with people and I will definitely keep using it.
Today I used the Manage Emotions strategy while I was at work. For the last few weeks I had
been coming in late to work because I was having a hard time adjusting with the time. My
manager and my director came up to me and pulled me aside to their office to talk to me about
my tardiness. When they took me in the office they asked me, How are you Ms. Karizza? I
smiled and said, I am good what about you guys? They asked me if everything was okay and if
I needed anything because I had been coming in late to work for the last couple weeks. My
director said, What has been causing you to come in late for the last couple weeks is everything
okay? I responded and said, Yes, everything is okay I had just been trying to adjust with the
time that is why I have been coming in late. I did let the other manager know that I am
working on it and trying to come in early.
Instead of blowing up on my manager and my director and giving them attitude about pulling me
aside about the issue I set aside my emotions. Normally I would be very defensive and would be
very short but today I realized that its work. Of course my managers are going to pull me aside to
make sure that everything is okay and that I need to start coming into work early. I used the
Manage Emotions strategy to set my emotions aside and figure out what it is that triggers my
emotions and what causes me to be defensive sometimes. By using this strategy I was able to
avoid conflict at work with my managers and I was able to put aside my emotions. I told my
managers, I am working on it and I will make sure to call every time I am going to be late and
also I will make sure to come in on time. My managers then said, Its okay we just want to

make sure everything is good with you at home and that we address the issue so that it doesnt
happen next time. By using this strategy the conversation went very smooth instead of creating
conflict by acting how I normally would. My emotions were set aside and I realized that my
managers werent out to get me.
Constraints
I encountered a few constraints while trying to change my unwanted behavior and one of them
would be my emotions taking over me. I realized that my emotions are the usual cause of my
conflicts and it has been quite challenging on changing this unwanted behavior. What made it
difficult is that every time I found myself in a conversation my emotions are heightened and it
becomes challenging to calm myself down. I become defensive of myself when I feel that Im
being violated. I tend to feel insecure when people Im in a conversation with point out my
flaws. It is hard for me to admit that I have flaws which I think is normal for people to do and
because of this attitude I came across problems which are now long-term damages. Although I
have addressed the problem it is still hard to implement the strategies to avoid conflict. I still
found myself arguing with the people I am communicating with which has been tough because I
always fall right back into my old habits.
The second constraint would be inactive listening. I found myself wandering off every time I was
in a conversation that didnt interest me. I always hurried through the conversation which caused
conflict. If it wasnt listening effectively it was being insensitive towards the people I was talking
to. I realized that these two habits are the reason why arguments start in the first place. I realized
that because I didnt listen effectively I was causing other people stress which brought me stress.
Communicating might seem so easy but in all reality it is tough when not used correctly.
Although I communicate with people every day I still fail to use it properly where I do hurt other
peoples feelings. My biggest constraint that I encountered would be not listening in general
because I always found myself getting distracted while communicating and it caused the speaker
to get distracted which caused big conflicts.
Implementation
When I realized that my unwanted habits were taking over my interpersonal relationships I
wanted to change it. I wanted to be able to talk to the people that I love and care about without
things always blowing up in our faces. I realized that in order for me to conquer my goals I
needed to start implementing the strategies I mentioned. I decided that the best strategies that
would help me reach my goal were Confirming Responses, Improving Responding Skills, and
Manage Emotions. I implemented these strategies quite a few times because they turned out
successful. I was able to figure out what strategy worked best for certain situations which made a
big difference. I implemented the Confirming Responses by acknowledging peoples presence,
agreeing with their perspective although I didnt agree with them, providing supportive
responses, asking sincere questions, expressing positive feelings, and complementing them
(Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 149). Although implementing these strategies had difficulties
I was able to overcome them by practicing and making sure that I set my feelings aside that way
things wouldnt escalate. In situations where I needed to implement the Improving Responding
Skills I made sure to practice every strategy such as waiting to respond when emotions are calm,
by making sure everything is not made a big deal, by not interrupting the speaker, and by using
I messages rather than you messages (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 141-144). As far as
implementing the Manage Emotions strategy I made sure to recognize what was making me

emotional to prevent conflict (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p. 241-245). All three strategies
have been a stepping stone to my improvement and it has been very helpful. Although I have had
accomplishments by applying these strategies it wasnt always perfect. I had other habits I
wanted to change but didnt succeed like always applying these strategies to my everyday
conversations. Such as with my family I dont always have the best conversations with them
because even though I try and implement what I have learned it makes it difficult when some of
my family members dont do it on their end. I have come to realize that I cannot change and
make other people see what I see which is why I focused more on my flaws than theirs but other
than that everything was smooth from here on out.
Examples:
Today I used the Improving Responding Skills strategy once again while talking to my
boyfriend. My boyfriend and I were at his house getting ready to go out to dinner. Usually when
we need to go somewhere I am always the one who is running late because I take a while to get
ready. Today was different because it was my boyfriend who was taking a while to get ready
because he had other things to do before dinner. Usually when we have to be somewhere at a
certain time and were running a little bit late my boyfriend gets a little agitated. Things were
about to get out of hand but I thought to myself everything doesnt have to be a big deal.
Instead of getting mad at him and telling him to hurry I calmed myself and I bit my tongue
because I realized that everything doesnt have to turn into a senseless fight. I realized that it
would only ruin our evening and that it wasnt worth the fight. I told my boyfriend, Babe we
have to be at dinner at a certain time and I would hate for us to be late for our reservation. My
boyfriend politely says, I know babe give me just a few more minutes to fix my hair and we can
go. I smiled at him and said, Okay babe sounds good I will wait for you in the living room. If
I wouldve reacted the way that I normally would we probably wouldnt have gone to dinner and
enjoyed the night. I can be very impatient at times and I realized that I needed to calm down
because it wasnt worth the fight. I thought about all the other times where I was the one running
late and how my boyfriend handled every situation calmly without upsetting me. By using the
Improving Responding Skills I was able to control my temper and think about what the best
response would be and I was able to hold my tongue from saying things that I wouldve later on
regretted. I apply this strategy almost every time because it helps me calm down and it also helps
me respond appropriately.
Today, I applied the strategy Confirming Responses while talking to my boyfriend. I could tell
he was very excited to tell me about his company shirts that he has been working on for months
and months. He called me on Facetime and was very excited to ask me about my opinion about
his shirts. Before he called I was watching my favorite show Friends and I dont like being
interrupted when Im doing something so I was thinking to myself, please be quick please be
quick because I wanted to go back to watching my show.
Instead I stopped for a second and just smiled and said to myself, I love this man and I should
be there for whatever he needs. So after realizing that I need to be a little more supportive I
smiled at him and said to him, I want to hear all about your ideas and what you have prepared
for your shirts babe. My boyfriend responded and said, Okay cool thanks babe. He told me all
about his shirts and what he had in mind for them. We ended up having a very nice conversation

and didnt argue and we actually ended up figuring out what he wanted for all of his shirts. This
strategy worked great for me because it helped me be more understanding and be more respectful
of other peoples feelings. I realized that I needed to be patient towards others and from this point
on I will be using this strategy to help me converse properly towards other people.
Analyze
The outcome of this project has had its ups and downs but as far as my goal I am closer to it than
I was before. I have definitely experienced positive consequences throughout this paper one
being that I am able to talk to my colleagues without starting up a conflict. For example at work
if I am communicating with my manager I have now realized that he is not attacking me
personally but explaining to me what my flaws are that way I am able to change it. Another
example would be with my boyfriend I tend to get upset about little things and I realized that I
need to start setting aside my emotions that way things do not need to escalate and we can have a
simple conversations. As far as my family goes I have had positive consequences with them in
different situations such as talking about family matter but I have also had negative
consequences with them because my family and I dont always have the best conversations
which is why I am yet to fix it and make it better. However, I am very satisfied with the outcome
of this project because if it wasnt for this I wouldnt be able to point out my bad habits and
address them as issues that need to be changed.
Recommendations
I am most definitely going to continue to use these strategies because I have come a long way
and I have been able to break some habits which I find amazing. I am going to continue to apply
these strategies to certain situations that best fit them. I plan on implementing these strategies
with everyone that I am communicating with that way I will always have great conversations.
As far as what I would like to do in the future I would like to further better my listening skills
and communication skills I plan on mastering the Confirming Responses strategy, Improving
Responding Skills strategy, and Manage Emotions strategy (Beebe, Beebe, Redmond, 2015, p.
148, 141, 241). This way when I master these three techniques I can finally be happy and say that
I am able to do what I wasnt able to do before. I am going to continue applying these on my
everyday conversations to be able to break other unwanted habits that I am yet to discover.
Works Cited
Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond. (2015). Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others. 7th ed.
Boston: Pearson Education/ Allyn & Bacon.