Humans Can Lick, Too

A YOUNG girl named Lisa often had to spend time alone at home at night, as her parents worked late. They bought her a dog to keep her company and protect her. One night Lisa was awakened by a dripping sound. She got up and went to the kitchen to turn off the tap properly. As she was getting back into the bed she stuck her hand under the bed, and the dog licked it. The dripping sound continued, so she went to the bathroom and made sure the tap was turned off there, too. She went back to her bedroom and stuck her hand under the bed, and the dog licked it again. But the dripping continued, so she went outside and turned off all the faucets out there. She came back to bed, stuck her hand under it, and the dog licked it again. The dripping continued: drip, drip, drip. This time she listened and located the source of the dripping it was coming from her closet! She opened the closet door, and there found her poor dog hanging upside down with its neck cut. Written on the window on the inside of the cupboard was, "Humans can lick, too!!!"

The Killer in the Backseat

ONE NIGHT a woman went out for drinks with her girlfriends. She left the bar fairly late at night, got in her car and onto the deserted highway. She noticed a lone pair of headlights in her rear-view mirror, approaching at a pace just slightly quicker than hers. As the car pulled up behind her she glanced and saw the turn signal on the car was going to pass when suddenly it swerved back behind her, pulled up dangerously close to her tailgate and the brights flashed. Now she was getting nervous. The lights dimmed for a moment and then the brights came back on and the car behind her surged forward. The frightened woman struggled to keep her eyes on the road and fought the urge to look at the car behind her. Finally, her exit approached but the car continued to follow, flashing the brights periodically. Through every stoplight and turn, it followed her until she pulled into her driveway. She figured her only hope was to make a mad dash into the house and call the police. As she flew from the car, so did the driver of the car behind her and he screamed, "Lock the door and call the police! Call 911!" When the police arrived the horrible truth was finally revealed to the woman. The man in the car had been trying to save her. As he pulled up behind her and his headlights illuminated her car, he

saw the silhouette of a man with a butcher knife rising up from the back seat to stab her, so he flashed his brights and the figure crouched back down. The moral of the story: Always check the back seat!

Aren't You Glad You Didn't Turn on the Light? TWO DORMMATES in college were in the same science class. The teacher had just reminded them about the midterm the next day when one dormmate let's call her Julie got asked to this big bash by the hottest guy in school. The other dormmate, Meg, had pretty much no interest in going and, being a diligent student, she took notes on what the midterm was about. After the entire period of flirting with her date, Julie was totally unprepared for her test, while Meg was completely prepared for a major study date with her books. At the end of the day, Julie spent hours getting ready for the party while Meg started studying. Julie tried to get Meg to go, but she was insistent that she would study and pass the test. The girls were rather close and Julie didn't like leaving Meg alone to be bored while she was out having a blast. Julie finally gave up, using the excuse that she would cram in homeroom the next day. Julie went to the party and had the time of her life with her date. She headed back to the dorm around 2 a.m. and decided not to wake Meg. She went to bed nervous about the midterm and decided she would wake up early to ask Meg for help. She woke up and went to wake Meg. Meg was lying on her stomach, apparently sound asleep. Julie rolled Meg over to reveal Meg's terrified face. Julie, concerned, turned on the desk lamp. Meg's study stuff was still open and had blood all over it. Meg had been slaughtered. Julie, in horror, fell to the floor and looked up to see, written on the wall in Meg's blood: "Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the light?"

Buried Alive MY GREAT-GREAT grandmother, ill for quite some time, finally passed away after lying in a coma for several days. My great-great grandfather was devastated beyond belief, as she was his one true love and they had been married over 50 years. They were married so long it seemed as if they knew each other's innermost thoughts. After the doctor pronounced her dead, my great-great grandfather insisted that she was not. They had to literally pry him away from his wife's body so they could ready her for burial.

Now, back in those days they had backyard burial plots and did not drain the body of its fluids. They simply prepared a proper coffin and committed the body (in its coffin) to its permanent resting place. Throughout this process, my great-great grandfather protested so fiercely that he had to be sedated and put to bed. His wife was buried and that was that. That night he woke to a horrific vision of his wife hysterically trying to scratch her way out of the coffin. He phoned the doctor immediately and begged to have his wife's body exhumed. The doctor refused, but my great-great grandfather had this nightmare every night for a week, each time frantically begging to have his wife removed from the grave. Finally the doctor gave in and, together with local authorities, exhumed the body. The coffin was pried open and to everyone's horror and amazement, my great-great grandmother's nails were bent back and there were bloody scratch-marks on the inside of the coffin.

The Clown Statue SO-AND-SO'S FRIEND, a girl in her teens, is babysitting for a family in Newport Beach, Ca. The family is wealthy and has a very large house you know the sort, with a ridiculous amount of rooms. Anyways, the parents are going out for a late dinner/movie. The father tells the babysitter that once the children are in bed she should go into this specific room (he doesn't really want her wandering around the house) and watch TV there. The parents take off and soon she gets the kids into bed and goes to the room to watch TV. She tries watching TV, but she is disturbed by a clown statue in the corner of the room. She tries to ignore it for as long as possible, but it starts freaking her out so much that she can't handle it. She resorts to calling the father and asks, "Hey, the kids are in bed, but is it okay if I switch rooms? This clown statue is really creeping me out." The father says seriously, "Get the kids, go next door and call 911." She asks, "What's going on?" He responds, "Just go next door and once you call the police, call me back." She gets the kids, goes next door, and calls the police. When the police are on the way, she calls the father back and asks, "So, really, what's going on?" He responds, "We don't HAVE a clown statue." He then further explains that the children have been complaining about a clown watching them as they sleep. He and his wife had just blown it off, assuming that they were having nightmares.

The police arrive and apprehend the "clown," who turns out to be a midget. A midget clown! I guess he was some homeless person dressed as a clown, who somehow got into the house and had been living there for several weeks. He would come into the kids' rooms at nights and watch them while they slept. As the house was so large, he was able to avoid detection, surviving off their food, etc. He had been in the TV room right before the babysitter right came in there. When she entered he didn't have enough time to hide, so he just froze in place and pretended to be a statue.

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