BACHELOR OF PYSCHOLOGY IN HONOURS
May / 2021
HDPS1203
CHILD BEHAVIOUR MANAGEMENT
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E-MEL :
PUSAT PEMBELAJARAN : NEGERI SEMBILAN
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1.0 Introduction
According to Wikipedia, behaviour is the actions and mannerisms made by
individuals, organisms, systems or artificial entities in conjunction with themselves or their
environment, which includes the other systems or organisms around as well as the (inanimate)
physical environment. It is the computed response of the system or organism to various stimuli
or inputs, whether internal or external, conscious or subconscious, overt or covert,
and voluntary or involuntary.
According to Oxford English Dictionary, behaviour is the way in which one acts or
conducts oneself, especially towards others.
Behaviour refers to how one conducts themselves. It is their actions, reactions and
functioning in response to everyday environments and situations. Challenging behaviour is a
term used to describe behaviour that interferes with a child’s daily life. Managing children’s
behaviour is essential in maintaining order and structure in the lives of busy families, as well as
setting children up for success.
It is important to be aware that behavioural difficulties can often be indicative of
difficulties/delays in other areas including: self regulation, sensory processing, receptive and/or
expressive language, executive functioning, social skills and planning skills.
Behaviour includes:
Self regulation: the ability to obtain, maintain and change emotion, behaviour, attention
and activity level appropriate for a task or situation.
Sensory processing: accurate processing of sensory stimulation in the environment as
well as in one’s own body.
Executive Functioning: higher order reasoning and thinking skills
Emotional Development/regulation: involves the ability to perceive emotion, integrate
emotion to facilitate thought, understand emotions and to regulate emotions.
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Why is behaviour important?
Health and quality of life: Challenging behaviour may seriously affect a child and
parent/carers health and quality of life.
Reduce risk: Some risks associated with challenging behaviour include self-injurious
behaviour (including ingestion or inhalation of foreign bodies, hitting head on the floor or
throwing body on the floor) can result in serious injuries. Accidental injury is also a
common issue in children with aggressive behaviour, not only for them, but also the
parents and carers involved.
Dietary deficiencies: oppositional behaviour may result in dietary deficiencies, weight
loss or gross obesity.
Social isolation: Challenging behaviour can often lead to social isolation.
School transition: social isolations is likely to impact his sense of well being and
transition to school.
Reduce mental health issues: Research also suggests that lack of social skills can lead to
loneliness and depression from an early age.
Maturity: How a person behaves is a direct reflection on their maturity.
Behaviour management is about guiding your child’s behaviour so that they learn the
appropriate way to behave, rather than just punishing them when they do something you don’t
like. A positive and constructive approach is often the best way to guide your child’s behaviour.
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2.0 Problem identification
In the video, Sophia was throwing tantrums because she lost her hand stamps in the
school. As a result, she developed a hatred emotion by refusing to go to school. In the video,
she tried to show several methods to her mother that she hated school. She threw her school
bag and her lunch bag into the dustbin to release her anger.
Then, she even threw her mother’s keys at the doorstep and stepped on a packet of food.
She used vulgar word to show her dissatisfaction. She was shouting and crying hysterically
to express her feeling. She took down the trash can. Her mother raised her volume as she
saw her daughter, Sophia taking her temper out on the objects around her in order to prevent
her from hurting herself. Sophia did as her mother told her and picked up the trash can and
put it back where it was. She apologized to her mother profusely. She told her mother that
she loved her and her mother replied Sophia that she loved her as well.
Regardless Sophia’s mother chased her into her own bedroom to calm her down. She
rejected her mother’s offer. Her mother ignored her and insisted that she had to stay in her
own bedroom. Sophia entered her room against her will. She continued to release her anger
by throwing her possessions. Her mother realised she was going on with her issue. She
instructed Sophia to pick up the item and wanted to lock Sophia in her own bedroom. Sophia
tried to stop her mother from locking the door. However, her mother locked it.
Sophia’s behaviour indicated her desperate inner feeling. She tried to release her sadness
by shouting, crying, throwing items and even used bad word to talk to her mother. By
instructing Sophia to go into her own bedroom can make her calm down because bedroom is
a very comfort area.
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3.0 The factors that contribute to the problem/issue or explain the root of the problem.
Tantrums come in all shapes and sizes. They can involve spectacular explosions of anger,
frustration and disorganised behaviour – when your child ‘loses it’. You might see crying,
screaming, stiffening limbs, an arched back, kicking, falling down, flailing about or running
away. In some cases, children hold their breath, vomit, break things or get aggressive as part of a
tantrum.
Temper tantrums are a way a young child lets out strong emotions before he or she is able
to express them in socially acceptable ways. A child may seem totally out of control, but these
fits of rage, stomping, screaming, and throwing himself or herself to the floor are a normal part
of childhood development. Temper tantrums often happen only with a parent. They are a way a
child communicates his or her feelings. Parents can learn from their child by understanding what
caused the temper tantrum to erupt.
Temper tantrums often start at about 1 year of age. They continue until age 2 to 3. They
start to happen less often as a child becomes more able to communicate his or her wants and
needs. As a young child learns more and becomes more independent, they want to do more than
they can physically and emotionally manage. This is frustrating to the child. The frustrations are
expressed in a variety of ways. Temper tantrums are worse and happen more often when a child
is hungry, tired, or sick. Some reasons children have temper tantrums include:
Want to be on their own, and get upset when they can't do what they want
Are in a transition such as from day care to home
Are trying to get attention to test the rules
Have something taken away from them
Have not learned all the words to tell you what they are feeling or want and this upsets
them
Don't understand what you want them to do
Are tired or hungry
Are worried or upset
Feel stress in the home
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Some kids may have tantrums often, and others have them rarely. Tantrums are a normal part
of child development. They're how young children show that they're upset or frustrated.
Tantrums may happen when kids are tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. They can have a
meltdown because they can't get something (like a toy or a parent) to do what they want.
Learning to deal with frustration is a skill that children gain over time.
Tantrums are common during the second year of life, when language skills are starting to
develop. Because toddlers can't yet say what they want, feel, or need, a frustrating experience
may cause a tantrum. As language skills improve, tantrums tend to decrease.
Toddlers want independence and control over their environment — more than they can
actually handle. This can lead to power struggles as a child thinks "I can do it myself" or "I want
it, give it to me." When kids discover that they can't do it and can't have everything they want,
they may have a tantrum.
Temper tantrums are common in childhood. They usually appear toward the end of the first
year, are most common between ages 2 (the terrible twos) and 4, and are typically infrequent
after age 5. If tantrums are frequent after age 5, they may persist throughout childhood.
Causes of temper tantrums include frustration, tiredness, and hunger. Children also may
have temper tantrums to seek attention, obtain something, or avoid doing something. Parents
often place the blame on themselves (because of imagined poor parenting) when the real cause
is often a combination of the child’s personality, immediate circumstances, and
developmentally normal behavior. Rarely, an underlying mental, physical, or social problem
may be the cause and is more likely if a tantrum lasts for more than 15 minutes or if tantrums
occur multiple times each day.
A child who is having a temper tantrum may shout, scream, cry, thrash about, roll on the
floor, stomp, and throw things. Some of the behavior may be rage-like and potentially harmful.
The child may become red in the face and hit or kick. Some children may voluntarily hold their
breath for a few seconds and then resume normal breathing (unlike breath-holding spells,
which also can occur after temper tantrums or crying bouts caused by frustration) .
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4.0 Suggestion ways to help the child.
Shouting at or hitting your child will only make the situation worse. A quiet, peaceful
response and atmosphere, without "giving in" or breaking the rules that you set, reduces stress
and make both of you feel better.
You can also try gentle distraction, switching to activities your child enjoys or making a
funny face. If your child has a tantrum away from home, lead your child to a quiet place, such as
the car or a rest room. Keep your child safe until the tantrum has ended.
Temper tantrums are an attention-seeking behavior. One strategy to minimize the length and
severity of the tantrum is to ignore the behavior. If your child is safe and not being destructive,
going to another room in the house may shorten the episode because now the drama has no
audience. Your child may follow and continue the tantrum. If so, do not talk or react until the
behavior stops. Then, calmly discuss the issue and offer alternatives without giving in to your
child's demand.
Firstly, you need to take a deep breath. Before you say a word, let alone shout, inhale deeply
and then slowly exhale. Those few seconds can mean the difference between flipping your lid
and keeping it (somewhat tightly) sealed. If you’re feeling too enraged to even take a deep
breath, that’s your cue to exit the room until you’re able to chill out. Remember, you are your
child's role model for handling anger. If you yell, your child will end up matching your volume
because, ultimately, they want to engage with you. Remembering that they’re feeling frustrated
or sad may help you stay calm.
If your kid is throwing a tantrum, try ignoring them unless they’re physically endangering
themselves or others. By taking away your attention completely, you won’t reinforce their
undesirable behavior. Walk out of the room and set a timer for a few minutes to check on them.
Is your kid raging, hitting, kicking, biting, or throwing things during a meltdown? Stop
them immediately and remove them from the situation. Make it clear that hurting others is
not acceptable. Take away a privilege and put them in a time-out if necessary. But save
time-outs for harmful behavior; the more you use them, the less effective they become.
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“Sometimes a kid just needs to get his anger out. So let him!" says Linda Pearson,
a nurse practitioner and author of The Discipline Miracle. (Just make sure there's
nothing in tantrum's way that could hurt them.) "I'm a big believer in this approach
because it helps children learn how to vent in a nondestructive way. They're able to get
their feelings out, pull themselves together, and regain self-control—without engaging
in a yelling match or battle of wills with you."
Find a distraction: If you sense a tantrum starting, but it hasn’t become a full-blown outburst,
try to distract your child. Point out something interesting or engage them in an activity.
"Children have pretty short attention spans—which means they're usually easy to divert,”
says Dr. Levy. If your kid is about to go off the deep end at the supermarket because you
won't buy the super-frosted sugar-bomb cereal, try quickly switching gears and
enthusiastically saying something like, "Hey, we need some ice cream. Want to help me
pick a flavor?" or "Ooh, check out the lobster tank over there!"
Parents should give them a hug. "This may feel like the last thing you want to do
when your kid is throwing a tantrum, but it really can help her settle down," Dr. Levy
says. "I'm talking about a big, firm hug, not a super cuddly one. And don't say a word
when you do it—again, you'd just be entering into a futile battle of wills. Hugs make kids
feel secure and let them know that you care about them, even if you don't agree with their
behavior." Many children just seem to snap out of a tantrum as quickly and inexplicably as
they got into it in the first place. Once the tantrum is over, go to your child, give them a
hug and a kiss, tell them you love them, and move on. Dwelling on the outburst only
makes them feel bad and may even cause the tantrum to start up again. If you want to have
a discussion about a 3-year-old tantrum or 4-year-old tantrum, talk about it several hours
after it's over. Ask your child to tell you what set off their outburst, and help them think
about problem-solving strategies for the future.
Parents should keep them in sight. If you’re in the middle of the store or other public place,
make sure you can see your child (and they can see you) at all times. If you feel your child may
hurt themselves or other people, remove them from the environment.
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Parents also need to keep them safe: Remove any dangerous objects near them. Consider
holding your child, so they don’t hurt themselves. If your child is completely out of control,
bring them to a safe space until they calm down. Use a “time-out” if necessary, placing them in a
room away from TV and other distractions.
Parents need to help undo frustration. Is your toddler screaming and crying because
they can't put on their shoes? Help them master that art so that they can feel a sense of
accomplishment instead. In cases of safety, acknowledge your child's desire to, for
example, climb a ladder, but restate your rule firmly: "I know you want to climb up high,
but that's not allowed." Offer an alternative, if possible: "Later we can go to the park and
you can climb the slide ladder."
Toddlers don't like surprises, so defuse a potential eruption by giving a child plenty of
advance notice before you leave the park or a friend's house. Toddlers are comforted by
knowing exactly what's going to come next, so saying "You can ride your scooter two
more times around the park, and then we have to go home" gives them a sense of control.
Avoid promises such as "You can ride your scooter for five minutes." Since most toddlers
can't tell time, they'll feel ambushed when their time is up.
Post-tantrum, follow through with the original demand that started the fit in the first
place. If your child got upset because you told them to pick up a toy, they should still pick
up that toy once they’re calm. If they went off the rails because you said they couldn’t
have a cookie, then don’t give them the cookie after the tears stop. Once your child
follows through and picks up the toy, praise them. After all, that’s the positive behavior
you want them to remember and repeat.
Hit, bite or kick back: You may think this teaches them that these actions hurt. But the
opposite often happens — your child may learn that this is acceptable behavior because a parent
is doing it. Instead, make it clear that they’re doing something hurtful, which is not allowed.
Once the tantrum is over, you can engage your child in conversation about what
happened. You can also discuss how they can stop tantrums from happening again. Try to:
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Offer praise for calming down: Reinforce your child’s positive behavior and good choices.
Children like recognition for good behavior. Be as specific as possible. Instead of, “You were so
good,” say, “You did a great job using your inside voice in the store.” These statements help
your child know what behaviors are expected and acceptable.
Acknowledge their feelings: Let your child know you understand their frustrations. Offer
to help. Often, children are seeking attention, so acknowledging them can help ease their
emotions.
Teach your child to label emotions: Children often don’t have the vocabulary they need.
They can’t describe their frustration, jealousy, anger or disappointment. Tantrums are how they
express their feelings. Give them the words they need to express themselves: “I see you’re angry
now. You’re crying, and your face is red.”
Teach your child how to handle strong emotions: Help them figure out how to deal with a
problem without getting upset. They’ll learn they can solve some of their problems themselves.
They’ll become more independent and less prone to tantrums.
Set a good example: Children look up to their parents, watching their behavior. Model
healthy strategies when you’re upset or frustrated. Your child will begin to copy your behavior.
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5.0 Conclusion
Temper tantrums are unpleasant and disruptive behaviors or emotional outbursts. They often
occur in response to unmet needs or desires. Tantrums are more likely to occur in younger
children or others who cannot express their needs or control their emotions when they are
frustrated.
Tantrums are one of the most common forms of problematic behavior in young children but
tend to decrease in frequency and intensity as the child grows older.
Maybe your child doesn't have the words to express his or her feelings. Frustration might
trigger an outburst — resulting in a temper tantrum. If your child is tired, hungry, feeling ill or
has to make a transition, his or her threshold for frustration is likely to be lower — and
a tantrum more likely.
Tantrums usually last between two and 15 minutes. Violent tantrums that last longer than 15
minutes may be a sign of a more serious problem. If your child has lengthy, violent outbursts,
talk to your healthcare provider.
When a child has a tantrum, they might start whining, crying, screaming and yelling. In some
case, tantrums also involve kicking, hitting and the child holding their breath. As every parent
knows, the worst place for toddler tantrums is in public. You might feel angry, embarrassed,
discouraged and hopeless as your child screams in front of the broccoli at the supermarket.
Actually though, this is the time when your kids need you the most. So try to support them by
trying the following. Are they tired? Hungry? Jealous of another child that has your attention? If
you understand where it’s coming from, it might be a bit easier to calm them down.
Children have short attention spans. So offer them something else in place of what they can’t
have or start a new activity by replacing the frustrating or forbidden one.
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You could also change the environment by taking them inside or outside the room. Another
way is to distract them by looking out of the window to see something they like, e.g. a cat. Make
yourself sound very surprised and interested to get to your child’s attention.
If you say yes to end the tantrum, your toddler will think that’s the way to get what they
want. In the same way, don’t bribe them with sweets or treats.
It’s so easy (and understandable) to get angry yourself but the important thing is to stay calm
and not get upset. Remind yourself that this is normal and you’ll manage it, like millions of other
parents have.
When a temper tantrum starts forming, sometimes parents can promptly alleviate it by
addressing the issue at hand. Distraction is another way to excite the logical brain. Distractions
such as letting the toddler have another toy (but not the original one she wanted) or singing a
silly song can divert the child’s attention and raise her curiosity. Once the tantrum has started, a
toddler is flooded with emotions. The emotional brain has taken control, and you cannot reach
her thinking brain and verbal functions. So, when a meltdown is in full swing, trying to reason
with her or asking her about her feelings is a waste of time. You may end up upsetting her and
arousing her emotions even more. Parents can help restore the hormonal balance inside a child’s
body by holding or hugging him.
Sometimes, positive words or acknowledgments alone such as “I know”, “you must feel very
upset” or “I’m so sorry that you’re hurt” are good enough to let your kiddo feel safe and
understood.
Parents’ empathy and attunement to his feelings not only can soothe the child’s emotion, but
they can also help build those important pathways between the logical and emotional brains. It is
important to help a child learn to regulate his emotions.
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6.0 References
Caroline Miller is the editorial director of the Child Mind Institute. (2021, April 5). Why Do Kids
Have Tantrums and Meltdowns? Child Mind Institute. [Link]
do-kids-have-tantrums-and-meltdowns/.
default - Stanford Children's Health. Stanford Children's Health - Lucile Packard Children's
Hospital Stanford. (n.d.). [Link]
tantrums-90-P02295.
How to Shape & Manage Your Young Child's Behavior. [Link]. (n.d.).
[Link]
discipline/Pages/[Link].
Li, A. P. (2021, July 6). Toddler Tantrums - How to Deal With Tantrums In 2 Year Olds.
Parenting For Brain. [Link]
Staff, M. C. P. (2017, October 25). 7 Behaviour Management Tips for Every Parent. Melbourne
Child Psychology & School Psychology Services.
[Link]
every-parent/.
Tantrums: why they happen and how to respond. Raising Children Network. (2020, May 18).
[Link]
Wikimedia Foundation. (2021, June 29). Behavior. Wikipedia.
[Link]
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Part 2
1.0 Introduction
Two children are playing happily. Suddenly, I hear them yelling and notice that they both
grab on to the same toy and fight over it. I don't know who "had it first" and, thus, has some kind
of "moral right" to play with it. How do I react? Take away the toy (which might be unfair to the
child who "had it first" and played with it)? Force them to play together ?
Toddlers are just beginning to learn about the concepts of independence and ownership.
Sharing, at this point, can be very difficult territory. If you are struggling with toddlers who fight
constantly over toys, don't worry – their behavior is normal and developmentally appropriate.
The situation will improve as your children grow, but in the meantime, you can take certain steps
to preserve your sanity and teach your toddlers how to get along well with others.
2.0 What actions would be taken in dealing with the situation
I will separate the kids for a cool-off and remove the toy from the rotation on a temporary
basis. I will tell both kids together that if it’s being fought-over then no one gets it and it will be
returned when you’re confident that it won’t be a subject of conflict anymore.
A kid might not know what “conflict” means but this is an opportunity for them to learn a
new word. Ask them what they THINK it means- it might surprise you what they’re capable of
putting together with a little guidance.
Ask them how they might go about figuring out how they can both play with the toy together.
Then I will teaching them to figure out what things mean, how to problem-solve and resolve a
conflict as well as developing their imaginations.
Also, tell them that if they fight over this toy again, it disappears for longer and eventually it
may go away for good and then no-one gets to play with it ever and won’t that be sad. I will tell
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them the toy is not just for you but for everyone else. And is that a good thing or a bad thing?
That’s teaching them consequences, reasoning and empathy. Kids are basically just raw potential
and every situation is an opportunity to develop their minds.
I will explain sharing to the two kids. Emphasize that sharing is temporary: another child
may take a turn with his or her toy, but eventually, it will be returned. Note that sharing does not
take away ownership. It's fine to make this explicit for toddlers. Say, “that is your truck. You can
let someone else play with your truck, but it is still yours.”
I will let them practice sharing. Before you expect toddlers to share their toys with other
children, they can practice sharing with you. Ask toddlers, from time to time, to hand you their
favorite toys. Let them learn to be patient. Return their toys after a designated interval, and praise
them for sharing. This will help toddlers distinguish between borrowing and taking.
Moreover, I will emphasize the positive aspects of sharing. Point out that sharing a toy is
generous and kind. In addition, point out that other children will also share their toys. Everyone
will get to play with new and different items.
Then, I will prepare toddlers in advance for situations that will involve sharing. Talk to
children about what will be expected during play dates and at preschool. Let them know ahead of
time that they will be sharing toys.
I also teach them the importance of friendship. Explain what friendship is, and teach toddlers
that friendships involve sharing toys and playing together without fighting.
Last but not least, I will lead them by example. Let toddlers see you sharing your possessions
with others. If they ask to play with something of yours (assuming that it is safe and not easily
damaged), let them. Emphasize the fact that sharing is temporary, and you know you will get the
item back soon.
3.0 Conclusion
We are children’s problem-solving coach. We should teach them how to handle
disagreements and guide them towards skills for managing angry feelings, negotiating
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and playing fair. This is better than being a referee who breaks up fights or steps in when they’re
brewing.
We should have different kinds of toys so the children can move from one to another. Then,
we can put away the toys that the child absolutely does not want to share. After that, we should
also make sure that the child understands that the friends will not take the toys away when they
leave. We should use everyday life situations to teach children to share his/her things. Whenever
there is a conflict, teach the child to use words to show his/her feelings and to think of different
ways to solve problems and resolve conflicts.
Here are some tips for coaching children in problem-solving:
Give children opportunities to play with others. Playgroups, playdates and games help
children learn to play well together and practise positive alternatives to fighting.
Step in with ideas as soon as you see that children are finding it hard to work things out.
For example, ‘Remember to share’, or ‘Can you think of a way that you can both have a
turn?’
Talk things over later. With older children, working out a blame-free solution afterwards
will make the fight less likely to happen again. For example, ‘How could you have
handled it so that both of you got to use the tablet?’
Help children find ways to express upset or angry feelings through calm words or
positive activities. For example, water play, painting and playdough help younger
children express feelings. Older children might find that kicking a ball or playing music
helps.
Teach and model the social skill of ‘respectful disagreeing’. This involves saying
something that you can both agree on, then saying what you don’t agree on. For example,
‘I agree that Grandma gave you the book for your birthday, but I don’t think it’s fair to
stop your sister reading it if she asks politely’.
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