Cristina Sánchez
Essay – Commuting
The trend today for (the) people who live on the commuter belt is towards commuting every
weekday to the workplace. This raises the issue of whether we commute wisely or not. the
second text highlights long distance commutes eg) Madrid-Barcelona air link and that’s beyond
the commuter belt. Your focus is too narrow here.
The first writer is a firm believer in the train being the most convenient way to commute. He
advises us that the time on the train can be devoted to both, physical and emotional wellbeing.
On the other hand, the second text steps back and focuses its argument on the environmental
and financial impact that the transport we choose to commute long-distances has. It concludes
that the train would be the preferable choice.
Were I to pick holes in the first extract arguments, I would start by pointing out that it
overlooks the fact that not everyone works in a well-connected spot. Therefore, even though I
agree with the view that the time spent on public transport could be seized and invested in
personal development, it can result in a time-consuming activity because there will always be a
daily return journey. Regarding the second writer claims, when it comes to compar(e)ing
plane, car and train, it amounts to nothing more than a generalisation to advocate for the train
because each case will have its particularities. For example, people tend to share cars, which I
find to be highly beneficial concerning its environmental and financial repercussion: just one
car’s gas emissions and the petrol expenses split between all the commuters sharing the car.
Having analysed all the aforementioned points, the obvious conclusion to be drawn is that
plumping for the train may end up being a self-defeating decision for those whose destination
will force them to combine the train with walking long distances or buying several tickets (for)
each way.
A good attempt. A little off topic to start with but with a few tweaks this could easily be more
effective.
The content highlights most of the key points but the intro makes the reader think you are
only analysing trips from commuter belts around cities. 3
The conventions of an evaluative essay are used effectively and convincingly to hold the
reader’s attention. 4
The organisation is impressive with a wide variety of linking patterns and the text is a coherent
whole. 4
The language use shoes full control of a wide range of grammar and vocabulary. The style is
fairly natural too. 4
15/20
