Some schools teach school children to study international news.

Do you think the

advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

There has been much controversy about whether learning global news at the primary and
secondary schools offers more upsizes or downsizes. From my perspective, allowing
individuals to learn international news is more detrimental.

It is understandable why some people think that universal news could be advantageous.
One obvious merit of this trend is that young learners can have numerous opportunities to
access diverse cultures all over the world due to electronic devices, which will broaden their
horizons.

Another benefit of this learning of global issues is that children may catch up with all current
affairs. This is due to the fact that nowadays the Internet is easily accessible anywhere and
anytime. Consequently, pupils can foster their awareness of various aspects.

On the other hand, I opine that there are much stronger demerits to getting exposed to all
the news in the world. One disadvantage is that they are too young to grasp their deeper
knowledge about this trend. This may result in getting confused and ambiguous, then they
have to learn by rote. Besides, global news is so abstract that they can not have in-depth
understanding about what they are studying. Moreover, some international issues are
sensitive so they are not proper and necessary for not only school children but also adults to
learn or understand.

In a nutshell, it is apparent that universal issues bring more demerits than merits. Instead of
that, history and geography are of great importance at school as they have been playing an
irreplaceable role up to now.

Nâng cấp lập luận

Introduction: There has been much controversy about whether learning global news at the
primary and secondary schools offers more upsizes or downsizes. From my perspective,
allowing individuals to learn international news is more detrimental.

Feedback for Introduction:

Clear Position: The introduction effectively states a clear position by asserting that learning
international news is more detrimental. This sets a strong foundation for the argument that
will follow.

Relevance: The introduction is relevant to the essay question as it directly addresses the
controversy surrounding the teaching of global news in primary and secondary schools. It
aligns well with the prompt, which asks about the advantages and disadvantages of this
practice.

Brief Overview: The introduction could be improved by providing a brief overview of the
main points that will be discussed in the essay. For example, mentioning the specific
advantages and disadvantages of learning global news would give the reader a clearer idea
of what to expect in the essay. This would enhance the introduction's effectiveness in
guiding the reader through the argument.

Improved Introduction: The debate over whether teaching global news in primary and
secondary schools offers more benefits or drawbacks has sparked significant discussion. In
my view, the potential drawbacks of exposing young minds to international news outweigh
the advantages. This essay will explore the reasons why I believe this approach can be
detrimental, while also acknowledging the potential benefits of broadening students' cultural
horizons.

Main Point 1: It is understandable why some people think that universal news could be
advantageous. One obvious merit of this trend is that young learners can have numerous
opportunities to access diverse cultures all over the world due to electronic devices, which
will broaden their horizons.

Feedback for Main Point 1:

Argumentative Logic: The argument that learning global news can broaden young
learners' horizons is logically sound. It effectively connects the accessibility of electronic
devices with the potential for exposure to diverse cultures, which is a clear advantage of this
trend.

Overgeneralizations: The statement might slightly overgeneralize the impact of electronic

devices on broadening horizons. While it's true that technology provides access to global
news, the depth and quality of this exposure can vary widely depending on the content and
the individual's ability to critically evaluate it.

Relevance and Effectiveness of Supporting Ideas: The idea that electronic devices offer
opportunities for cultural exposure is relevant and supports the main point well. However, the
argument could be strengthened by discussing how this exposure specifically enhances
critical thinking, empathy, or global citizenship skills.

Unclear or Ambiguous Expressions: The expression is clear and effectively

communicates the intended idea. However, specifying what aspects of cultures are
accessed through electronic devices (e.g., news, educational content, social media) could
enhance clarity.

Unwarranted Assumptions: The argument assumes that exposure to global news through
electronic devices automatically leads to a broader understanding of cultures. This overlooks
the complexity of cultural understanding, which requires more than just access to
information.

Overly Assertive Language: The language used is appropriately assertive for the point
being made. However, introducing qualifiers like "can" or "may" when discussing the
potential benefits would acknowledge the variability in individual experiences and outcomes.

Overall Evaluation: Well Extended and Supported

Suggestions for Improvement:

Detail the Impact on Critical Thinking and Empathy: Expand on how exposure to global
news through electronic devices can enhance critical thinking and empathy in young
learners. Discuss the potential for these skills to be developed through interactive and
engaging content.

Introduce a Broader Range of Examples: While the point is well-made, adding examples
of specific types of content or platforms that facilitate cultural understanding could provide a
more concrete basis for the argument.
Balance the Discussion: Acknowledge potential challenges or limitations of relying solely
on electronic devices for cultural education. Discuss the importance of complementary
educational approaches that integrate hands-on experiences and direct interactions with
diverse cultures.

Improved Main Point 1: Learning global news through electronic devices offers significant
advantages, particularly in broadening young learners' cultural horizons. This exposure
allows them to access diverse perspectives and experiences from around the world, which
can enrich their understanding of different cultures and foster a more global outlook. While
this trend is beneficial, it's important to recognize that the quality and depth of this exposure
can vary depending on the content and the individual's ability to critically evaluate it.

Main Point 2: Another benefit of this learning of global issues is that children may catch up
with all current affairs. This is due to the fact that nowadays the Internet is easily accessible
anywhere and anytime. Consequently, pupils can foster their awareness of various aspects.

Feedback for Main Point 2:

Argumentative Logic: The argument that learning global issues through the internet can
help children stay informed about current affairs is logically

Task Response
Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:

Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages
and disadvantages of teaching international news in schools. The writer acknowledges the
benefits, such as exposure to diverse cultures and increased awareness of current affairs.
However, the focus shifts predominantly to the disadvantages, which aligns with the writer's
stance that the negatives outweigh the positives. This dual perspective is essential for a
balanced response, but the essay could benefit from a more thorough exploration of the
advantages to provide a clearer contrast.

How to improve: To enhance this section, the writer should aim to provide a more detailed
discussion of the advantages. For instance, elaborating on how understanding international
news can foster critical thinking and empathy among students could strengthen the
argument. Additionally, including specific examples or statistics related to the benefits of
learning about global issues would provide a more comprehensive answer.

Present a Clear Position Throughout:

Detailed explanation: The writer's position is clear from the beginning, stating that they
believe the disadvantages of learning international news outweigh the advantages. This
position is consistently maintained throughout the essay. However, the phrase "allowing
individuals to learn international news is more detrimental" could be misinterpreted as
ambiguous, as the term "detrimental" might suggest a complete rejection of the topic rather
than a nuanced critique.

How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should consider rephrasing their thesis
statement to reflect a more balanced view while still emphasizing their stance. For example,
stating that "while there are benefits to learning international news, the potential drawbacks
for young learners are significant" would clarify their position without dismissing the topic
entirely.

Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the disadvantages of
teaching international news, such as the potential for confusion among young learners and
the abstract nature of global issues. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat
limited. For instance, the claim that children may become confused lacks specific examples
or evidence to illustrate this point effectively. The advantages mentioned are also not
sufficiently developed or supported.

How to improve: To strengthen this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed
explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, discussing specific types of
international news that may be confusing or sensitive for children could provide clarity.
Additionally, incorporating research or expert opinions on the impact of international news on
young learners would lend credibility to the arguments.

Stay on Topic:

Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and
disadvantages of teaching international news. However, the conclusion introduces a new
idea by suggesting that history and geography are more important subjects, which could be
seen as a deviation from the main argument. This shift may confuse readers about the
essay's primary focus.

How to improve: To maintain a stronger focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that all
parts of the essay directly relate back to the prompt. The conclusion should summarize the
main points discussed regarding international news rather than introducing new subjects. A
more effective conclusion could reiterate the main arguments and restate the writer's
position without introducing unrelated topics.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear
position, it would benefit from deeper exploration of ideas, more robust support for claims,
and a tighter focus on the prompt throughout.

Coherence & Cohesion

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:

Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body
paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the
logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the advantages
to the disadvantages feels abrupt. The first body paragraph effectively outlines the benefits,
but the shift to the opposing viewpoint lacks a smooth transition, which can confuse readers
about the overall argument.

How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases such
as "Conversely," or "On the contrary," at the beginning of the paragraph discussing
disadvantages. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the thesis
statement and that the connection between ideas is explicitly stated.
Use Paragraphs:

Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with a clear distinction
between the discussion of advantages and disadvantages. Each paragraph contains a
central idea, which is a strength. However, the paragraph discussing the disadvantages
could benefit from further development and clearer topic sentences. The final paragraph,
while summarizing the argument, introduces new ideas about history and geography that
were not previously discussed, which can confuse the reader.

How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences in each paragraph to clearly reflect the
main idea being discussed. For the conclusion, ensure that it summarizes the key points
made in the body paragraphs without introducing new concepts. This will reinforce the
essay's coherence and help maintain focus on the original prompt.

Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "One obvious
merit" and "On the other hand," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive
devices used is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel disjointed due to a lack of
varied connectors. For example, phrases like "This is due to the fact that" can be replaced
with simpler alternatives like "because" to enhance clarity and flow.

How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and
phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," and "However," to connect ideas more fluidly.
Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts
can help in maintaining cohesion throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and
cohesion, potentially improving the overall band score in this criterion.

Lexical Resource
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with

terms such as "controversy," "detrimental," "opine," and "abstract." However, the use of
vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, the phrases "global news" and
"international issues" are used multiple times without variation, which can detract from the
overall richness of the language. Additionally, the phrase "upsizes or downsizes" is not a
standard expression and may confuse readers.

How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms
and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "global news," alternatives like
"international affairs" or "world events" could be used. Additionally, using phrases like
"benefits and drawbacks" instead of "merits and demerits" may sound more natural and
varied.

Use Vocabulary Precisely:

Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances where
word choice is imprecise. For example, the phrase "too young to grasp their deeper
knowledge" is awkward and unclear. It could be interpreted as children lacking knowledge
rather than struggling to understand complex issues. Moreover, the term "universal news" is
misleading, as it implies news that applies to everyone universally, which is not the case.

How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and
appropriateness of word choice. For instance, instead of saying "grasp their deeper
knowledge," a clearer expression could be "understand the complexities of the issues."
Additionally, replacing "universal news" with "international news" would enhance clarity.

Use Correct Spelling:

Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "upsizes" (which
should be "upsides") and "detrimental" (which is correctly spelled but used in a context that
could be clearer). Overall, the spelling is generally accurate, but these minor errors can
affect the impression of the writing.

How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay
carefully, possibly reading it aloud to catch any mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools and
maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally,
practicing writing exercises focused on spelling can help solidify correct forms.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents
coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will help
elevate the Lexical Resource score. Engaging with a broader vocabulary, ensuring precise
word choice, and focusing on spelling accuracy will contribute to a more polished and
effective essay.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures,

including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex
sentences such as "One obvious merit of this trend is that young learners can have
numerous opportunities to access diverse cultures all over the world due to electronic
devices" showcases an ability to convey detailed information effectively. However, there are
instances of repetitive sentence structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced (e.g.,
"Another benefit of this learning of global issues is that...").

How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate
more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting
sentences with "One" or "Another," they could use phrases like "In addition to this," or
"Furthermore," to introduce new ideas. Additionally, varying the placement of subordinate
clauses could add complexity and interest to the writing.

Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy,
but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "upsizes or
downsizes" is awkward and not commonly used in English; "advantages or disadvantages"
would be more appropriate. Additionally, the sentence "This may result in getting confused
and ambiguous, then they have to learn by rote" contains grammatical errors, as "confused
and ambiguous" lacks a clear subject and verb agreement. Punctuation is mostly correct, but
there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before conjunctions
in compound sentences.

How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on using more
conventional vocabulary and ensuring that phrases are idiomatic. Reviewing common
collocations and expressions in English can help. Additionally, practicing sentence
construction to ensure clarity and coherence will be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer
should pay attention to the rules regarding comma usage, particularly in compound
sentences, to avoid run-on sentences and improve the flow of ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy,
attention to vocabulary choice, sentence variety, and punctuation will further enhance the
quality of the writing.

Bài chữa tham khảo

There has been much controversy about whether teaching international news in primary and
secondary schools offers more benefits or drawbacks. From my perspective, allowing
students to learn about global news is more detrimental.

It is understandable why some people believe that learning about international news could
be advantageous. One obvious benefit of this trend is that young learners can have
numerous opportunities to access diverse cultures from around the world, thanks to the
widespread availability of electronic devices, which will broaden their horizons.

Another advantage of studying global issues is that children may stay informed about current
events. This is due to the fact that, currently, the Internet is easily accessible anywhere and
anytime. Consequently, pupils can enhance their awareness of various aspects of the world.

On the other hand, I believe that there are more significant drawbacks to being exposed to
all the news in the world. One disadvantage is that children are often too young to gain a
deep understanding of these complex topics. This may result in them feeling confused and
uncertain, leading them to learn by rote rather than truly understanding the material.
Additionally, global news can be so abstract that they cannot gain an in-depth understanding
of what they are studying. Moreover, some international issues are sensitive, making it not
appropriate or necessary for school children, and even adults, to learn about or understand
them.

In a nutshell, it is apparent that global issues present more drawbacks than benefits. Instead,
subjects like history and geography are of great importance in schools, as they have
consistently played a crucial role in education up to now.
Từ vựng tham khảo
Word Meaning and Example

curriculum (Chương trình giảng dạy) The

subjects comprising a course of study
in a school or college. Example: The
school's _______ includes
international news studies to enhance
students' global awareness.

awareness (Ý thức) Knowledge or perception of a

situation or fact. Example: Studying
international news can foster _______
of global issues among students.

perspective (Quan điểm) A particular attitude

toward or way of regarding something;
a point of view. Example: Having a
global _______ can help students
make informed decisions about their
future.

critical (Phê bình) Expressing adverse or

disapproving comments or judgments.
Example: Students need to develop
_______ thinking skills to analyze
international news effectively.

disadvantage (Nhược điểm) An unfavorable

circumstance or condition that reduces
the chances of success. Example:
One potential _______ of studying
international news is the risk of
overwhelming students with negativity.

engagement (Sự tham gia) The act of being

involved or participating in something.
Example: Increased _______ with
international issues can lead to more
informed and active citizens.
Word Meaning and Example

empathy (Sự đồng cảm) The ability to

understand and share the feelings of
another. Example: Learning about
global events can cultivate _______
for those affected by crises around the
world.

bias (Thiên vị) Prejudice in favor of or

against one thing, person, or group
compared with another. Example: It's
crucial to recognize _______ in news
sources to acquire a balanced
understanding of international affairs.

globalization (Toàn cầu hóa) The process by which

businesses or other organizations
develop international influence or
operation. Example: _______ has
made it necessary for students to
understand international news to
navigate their future careers.

strategy (Chiến lược) A plan of action designed

to achieve a long-term goal. Example:
Developing a learning _______ for
international news can greatly
enhance students' comprehension of
global issues.