Visit ebookball.

com to download the full version and

explore more ebook or textbook

On the Geometric Dilation of Finite Point Sets 1st

edition by Annette Ebbers Baumann, Ansgar Grune,
Rolf Klein ISBN 3540206958 9783540206958

_____ Click the link below to download _____

https://ebookball.com/product/on-the-geometric-dilation-of-
finite-point-sets-1st-edition-by-annette-ebbers-baumann-
ansgar-grune-rolf-klein-isbn-3540206958-9783540206958-13670/

Explore and download more ebook or textbook at ebookball.com

Here are some recommended products that we believe you will be
interested in. You can click the link to download.

Geometric Restrictions on Producible Polygonal Protein

Chains 1st edition by Erik Demaine, Stefan Langerman,
Joseph O’Rourke ISBN 3540206958 9783540206958
https://ebookball.com/product/geometric-restrictions-on-producible-
polygonal-protein-chains-1st-edition-by-erik-demaine-stefan-langerman-
joseph-oaeurtmrourke-isbn-3540206958-9783540206958-10614/

On the Locality Properties of Space Filling Curves 1st

edition by Dai, Su ISBN 3540206958 9783540206958

https://ebookball.com/product/on-the-locality-properties-of-space-
filling-curves-1st-edition-by-dai-su-
isbn-3540206958-9783540206958-9630/

Settling the Intractability of Multiple Alignment 1st

edition by Isaac Elias ISBN 3540206958 9783540206958

https://ebookball.com/product/settling-the-intractability-of-multiple-
alignment-1st-edition-by-isaac-elias-
isbn-3540206958-9783540206958-8976/

On the Existence and Determination of Satisfactory

Partitions in a Graph 1st edition by Cristina Bazgan,
Zsolt Tuz, Daniel Vanderpooten ISBN 3540206958
9783540206958
https://ebookball.com/product/on-the-existence-and-determination-of-
satisfactory-partitions-in-a-graph-1st-edition-by-cristina-bazgan-
zsolt-tuz-daniel-vanderpooten-isbn-3540206958-9783540206958-11604/
A Heuristic for the Stacker Crane Problem on Trees Which
Is Almost Surely Exact 1st edition by Amin Coja Oghlan,
Sven Krumke, Till Nierhoff ISBN 3540206958 9783540206958
https://ebookball.com/product/a-heuristic-for-the-stacker-crane-
problem-on-trees-which-is-almost-surely-exact-1st-edition-by-amin-
coja-oghlan-sven-krumke-till-nierhoff-
isbn-3540206958-9783540206958-13904/

Efficient Algorithms for Generation of Combinatorial

Covering Suites 1st edition by Adrian Dumitrescu ISBN
3540206958 9783540206958
https://ebookball.com/product/efficient-algorithms-for-generation-of-
combinatorial-covering-suites-1st-edition-by-adrian-dumitrescu-
isbn-3540206958-9783540206958-14276/

On Minimizing Average Weighted Completion Time A PTAS for

the Job Shop Problem with Release Dates 1st edition by
Aleksei Fishkin, Klaus Jansen, Monaldo Mastrolilli ISBN
3540206958 9783540206958
https://ebookball.com/product/on-minimizing-average-weighted-
completion-time-a-ptas-for-the-job-shop-problem-with-release-
dates-1st-edition-by-aleksei-fishkin-klaus-jansen-monaldo-mastrolilli-
isbn-3540206958-9783540206958-14098/

Finite Model Theory on Tame Classes of Structures 1st

Edition by Anuj Dawar ISBN 9783540744566

https://ebookball.com/product/finite-model-theory-on-tame-classes-of-
structures-1st-edition-by-anuj-dawar-isbn-9783540744566-13612/

A Faster Lattice Reduction Method Using Quantum Search 1st

edition by Christoph Ludwig ISBN 3540206958 9783540206958

https://ebookball.com/product/a-faster-lattice-reduction-method-using-
quantum-search-1st-edition-by-christoph-ludwig-
isbn-3540206958-9783540206958-11878/
 On the Geometric Dilation of Finite Point Sets

Annette Ebbers-Baumann, Ansgar Grüne, and Rolf Klein

Universität Bonn, Institut für Informatik I

D-53117 Bonn, Germany
{ebbers,gruene,klein}@cs.uni-bonn.de

Abstract. Let G be an embedded planar graph whose edges may

be curves. For two arbitrary points of G, we can compare the length
of the shortest path in G connecting them against their Euclidean
distance. The maximum of all these ratios is called the geometric
dilation of G. Given a finite point set, we would like to know the
smallest possible dilation of any graph that contains the given points.
In this paper we prove that a dilation of 1.678 is always sufficient, and
that π/2 = 1.570 . . . is sometimes necessary in order to accommodate a
finite set of points.

Keywords: Computational geometry, detour, dilation, graph, network,

spanner, stretch factor, transportation network.

1 Introduction

Transportation networks like waterways, railroad systems, or urban street sys-

tems can be modelled by a graph G in the plane whose edges are piecewise
smooth curves that do not intersect, except at vertices of G.1
The quality of G as means of transport can be measured in the following
way. For any two points, p and q, of G, let ξG (p, q) denote a shortest path in G
from p to q. Then the dilation of G is defined by

|ξG (p, q)|

δ(G) := max . (1)
p,q∈G |pq|

The value of δ(G) measures the longest possible detour that results from using
G instead of moving as the crow flies.
The above definition of δ(G) does not specify which points p, q of G to con-
sider. There are two alternatives, corresponding to different applications.
Access to a railroad system is only possible at stations. In such a model we
would use, as measure of quality, the graph-theoretic dilation, where only the
vertices p, q of G are considered in definition (1). Here, only the lengths of the
edges of G are of interest but not their geometric shapes.
1
That is, we do not allow bridges at this stage, but it would, in principle, be possible
to enlarge our model.

T. Ibaraki, N. Katoh, and H. Ono (Eds.): ISAAC 2003, LNCS 2906, pp. 250–259, 2003.

c Springer-Verlag Berlin Heidelberg 2003
 On the Geometric Dilation of Finite Point Sets 251

Along urban streets, however, houses are densely distributed. Here it makes
sense to include all points p, q of G in definition (1), vertices and interior edge
points alike. This gives rise to the geometric dilation of graph G.
The graph-theoretic dilation has been extensively studied in the literature
on spanners (see e. g. Eppstein’s chapter in the Handbook of Computational
Geometry [6] for a survey). One can efficiently construct spanners of bounded
dilation and degree, whose weight is close to that of the minimum spanning tree,
see Bose et al. [3]. Also, lower time bounds are known, see Chen et al. [4].
In contrast to this, the geometric dilation is a rather novel concept. So far,
there are only three types of results. Icking et al. [9] and Aichholzer et al. [2]
have provided upper bounds to the geometric dilation of planar curves in terms
of their oscillation width, and Ebbers-Baumann et al. [5], Agarwal et al. [1],
and Langerman et al. [11] have shown how to efficiently compute the geometric
dilation of a given polygonal chain or cycle over n edges. Recently, Grüne [7] has
given an algorithm for the related problem of computing the detour of a simple
polygon.
Besides computing the dilation of given graphs, it is quite interesting to
construct graphs of low dilation that contain a given finite point set.2 In case of
the graph-theoretic dilation the optimum solution must be a triangulation, since
straight edges work best, and adding edges without creating new vertices never
hurts. Yet, it seems not to be known how to efficiently compute the triangulation
of minimum graph-theoretic dilation over a given vertex set. It is not even clear
what maximum value the lowest possible dilation over all finite point sets can
attain (see Problems 8 and 9 in [6]).
In this paper we are addressing the corresponding question for the geometric
dilation. Given a finite point set P , we are interested in the smallest possible
geometric dilation of any finite planar graph that contains all points of P , i. e.,
in the value of
∆(P ) := inf δ(G).
P ⊂G,G finite

We call ∆(P ) the geometric dilation of the point set P . Even for a set P of size 3,
computing ∆(P ) is a non-trivial task.
Our main interest in this paper is in the maximal value ∆(P ) can attain, for
an arbitrary finite point set, P . We are proving the following results.

1. There exist finite point sets whose geometric dilation is as large as π/2 =
1.570 . . ..
2. No finite point set can have a dilation larger than 1.678.

The first result is proven in Section 2, using Cauchy’s surface area formula
and a novel result on cycles in geometric graphs (Lemma 2). The second result
will be shown in Section 3. We shall construct a periodic geometric graph G∞
of dilation 1.6778 . . . that covers the plane, such that each finite point set is
contained in a finite part G of a scaled copy of G∞ . While this construction is
2
Observe that the complete graph over P does not solve this problem because the edge
crossings would generate new vertices that must also be considered in definition (1).
252 A. Ebbers-Baumann, A. Grüne, and R. Klein

certainly not efficient—the size of G depends on the rational coordinates of our

input set—it serves well in establishing the upper bound.

2 A Lower Bound to the Geometric Dilation of Point

Sets

In this section we show that some point sets can only be embedded in graphs of
large geometric dilation. Our main result is the following.

Theorem 1. Let Pn denote the vertex set of the regular n-gon on the unit circle.
Then, we have ∆(Pn ) = π/2 = 1, 570 . . . for each n ≥ 10.

In order to prove Theorem 1, we will show that neither any graph with
cycles nor a tree containing the given point set has a dilation smaller than π/2.
As preparation we proof the following lemma.

Lemma 1. Any closed curve C has dilation at least π/2.

Proof. First, let C be a closed convex curve, and let δ denote its dilation. For
each direction α, there is a unique pair of points (pα , qα ), called a partition pair,
that halves the perimeter |C| of C; see Figure 1. We call

h(α) = |pα qα |

the partition distance at angle α. Let b(α) be the breadth of C in orientation

α. Clearly, b(α) ≥ h(α) holds. Moreover, we have |C|/2
h(α) ≤ δ, by definition of the
dilation.

pα
C

h(α)
b(α)
C r
qα
|C| C

2

s
α
x

Fig. 1. The breadth of a convex curve Fig. 2. Cycle C
results from enlarging
is at least its partition distance. cycle C.
 On the Geometric Dilation of Finite Point Sets 253

Thus, by Cauchy’s surface area formula,

π
π
π
|C|/2 π|C|
|C| = b(α) dα ≥ h(α) dα ≥ dα = ,
0 0 0 δ 2δ

hence δ ≥ π/2.
Next, let C be a closed non-convex curve. Again, for each orientation α there
is a partition pair (pα , qα ) of C. This can be shown by a continuity argument:
Clearly, there is a partition pair (pβ , qβ ) for some orientation β; as we let these
points move along C in clockwise direction, at equal speed, each will eventually
reach its partner’s position. During this process, each possible orientation has
been attained. Now let ch(C) denote the convex hull of C. Then, |C| ≥ |ch(C)|
holds, and we have bch(C) (α) ≥ hC (α). So, the proof for the convex case carries
over. 


Now, let G be an arbitrary geometric graph that contains a bounded face.

In order to deal with this case we provide the following result.
Lemma 2. Let G be a finite geometric graph in the plane that contains a
bounded face. Then there exists a cycle, C in G such that for any two points, p
and q of C there exists a shortest path ξG (p, q) from p to q in G that is a subset
of C.

Proof. (Sketch.) We start with a cycle, C, that equals the boundary of a

bounded face. As long as there are shorter connections between points on C
than those provided by C, we use them to form a bigger cycle C  (see Figure 2),
while maintaining the following.

Invariant. Let a, b be two points on cycle C. Then no shortest path in G con-

necting them uses any edge that passes through the interior of the bounded face
encircled by C. 


Together with Lemma 1 on the dilation of closed curves the subsequent the-
orem follows directly:
Theorem 2. Each graph containing a bounded face has dilation at least π/2.
It remains to show, that no graph without cycles, i. e. a tree, can provide a
smaller dilation for embedding the vertex set Pn of a regular n-gon with n ≥ 10.

Lemma 3. Let tree T contain the point set Pn . Then δ(T ) ≥ π/2 holds.

Proof. Assume that tree T contains Pn , and that δ(T ) < π/2 holds. Then, if p, q
are two neighboring points of Pn , the unique path ξ(p, q) in T connecting them
is of length at most aπ/2, where
√
π π 5−1
a = |pq| = 2 sin( ) ≤ 2 sin( ) = = 0, 618 . . . .
n 10 2
254 A. Ebbers-Baumann, A. Grüne, and R. Klein

Let z be an arbitrary point on this path. Since z can be reached from p by a

curve of length at most aπ/2, its Euclidean distance from p cannot exceed this
value. The same holds for q. Thus, z must be included in the lune formed by the
two circles of radius
√
π 5−1π
a ≤ = 0, 9708 . . . < 1
2 2 2
centered at p and q; see Figure 3. Thus, no lune contains the unit circle’s cen-
ter. Now let us consider the arrangement of all lunes of neighboring points, as

C
p3

z
pn−1 p2
π
a π
2a p q 2a pn p1
lune(p, q)

Fig. 3. The path between neighboring Fig. 4. The path C from p1 to pn is

points is contained in their lune. not contained in the lune of p1 and pn .

depicted in Figure 4, and assume that the points are labelled p1 , p2 , . . . , pn in

counterclockwise order. The concatenation

C = ξ(p1 , p2 )ξ(p2 , p3 ) . . . ξ(pn−1 , pn )

is a path in T that is contained in, and visits, all lunes associated with these
point pairs. Together with ξ(pn , p1 ), which must be contained in the lune of pn
and p1 , C forms a closed path in T that encircles the center of the unit circle
and is, thus, not contractible, contradicting the fact that T is a tree. 

Now we can prove Theorem 1.
Proof. Clearly, for each n we have ∆(Pn ) ≤ π/2, because this is the dilation
of the unit circle. Let n ≥ 10. According to Theorem 2, any graph containing
a cycle has a dilation δ(G) ≥ π/2. On the other hand according to Lemma 3
no tree containing Pn can provide a smaller dilation. So we have shown that no
graph at all containing all points of Pn can have a dilation smaller than π/2. 

The arguments displayed in the proof of Lemma 3 can also be used in proving
the following result.
 On the Geometric Dilation of Finite Point Sets 255

Corollary 1. Let C be a closed curve, and let Pn be a set of n points evenly

placed on C. Then the dilation of any tree containing Pn tends to infinity, as n
grows.
We want to point out that Theorem 1 does not hold for small values of n.
Trivially, ∆(P1 ) = ∆(P2 ) = 1. For n = 3 we have the subsequent result.
Corollary 2. ∆(P3 ) = √2
3
= 1, 157 . . ..
To show this corollary the following technical lemma, stated here without proof,
is useful.
Lemma 4. Let v be a vertex of G where two edges meet at angle α, that is, the
tangents to the piecewise smooth edges in the common vertex v form an angle α.
Then, δ(G) ≥ sin(α/2)
1
holds.
It follows the proof of Corollary 2.
Proof. We can achieve the bound ∆(P3 ) = √23 by the Steiner tree on P3 , i. e.,
by connecting the center of the unit circle by a straight segment to each point
of P3 . These segments meet at an 120◦ angle. By Lemma 4, this causes a local
dilation of 1/ sin(α/2). In our case, no bigger value than 1/ sin(60◦ ) = √23 can
occur.
In order to prove that no graph G containing P3 can have a smaller dilation
we need only consider the following cases. G cannot contain a cycle, because any
cycle has a dilation of at least π/2 according to Lemma 1. Therefore G has to be
either a simple chain or a tree with a vertex of degree at least 3. If G is a simple
chain passing through the three points in the order p, q, r, then its dilation is at
least |pq|+|qr|
|pr| = 2. Otherwise, G is a tree with a vertex of degree at least 3. But
then we can be sure that its dilation is at least √23 , by the angle argument of
Lemma 4. 


3 An Upper Bound to the Geometric Dilation

In this section we will show that each finite point set can be embedded in a
finite graph of geometric dilation at most 1.678. More precisely, we prove the
following.
Theorem 3. There is a periodic, plane covering graph G∞ of dilation
1, 67784 . . . such that each finite set of rational points is contained in a finite
part of a scaled copy of G∞ .
We proceed in three steps. First, we state a simple yet important technical
result in Lemma 5. Then, the proof of Theorem 3 starts with the construction
of a certain cycle, C. Graph G∞ will then be obtained by taking the hexagonal
grid of unit length, and replacing each vertex with a copy of C. The proof will
be concluded by showing how to embed finite point sets in G∞ .
In determining the geometric dilation of graphs the following lemma is useful;
it has first been used for chains in [5]. Observe that an analogous result for the
graph-theoretic dilation does not hold.
256 A. Ebbers-Baumann, A. Grüne, and R. Klein

Lemma 5. The geometric dilation of a graph is always attained by two co-visible

points.
Proof. Assume that δ(G) is attained by points p, q that are not co-visible and
have a minimal Euclidean distance, among all such pairs. Then the line segment
pq contains a point r of G in its interior. Hence,
ξG (p, q) ξG (p, r) + ξG (r, q)
δ(G) = ≤
|pq| |pr| + |rq|
ξG (p, r) ξG (r, q)
≤ max( , )
|pr| |pq|
≤ δ(G).

Thus, the dilation of G is also attained by one of the pairs (p, q), (q, r), a con-
tradiction. 


C x
120◦
R
c
b D3

x R D2
◦ (b, 0)
L r 60
(−c, 0)
 

 
c b1 b2
R

H
c
R
x

Fig. 5. The cycle C and the essentials of Fig. 6. The periodic graph G∞ .
its construction.

Now we give the proof of Theorem 3.

Proof. First, we construct a closed cycle, C, that will then be used in building
a periodic graph, G∞ , of dilation δ(G) = 1, 67784 . . .. The cycle C is defined as
follows. We draw the positive X−axis and two more half lines starting from the
origin at angles of 120◦ and −120◦ , correspondingly. Next, we fix two numbers,
0 < c < b < 0.5, that will be specified later, when optimizing the bound.
Depending on b, c we draw three circles, each of which touches two of the three
half lines at the distance b1 = b−c 2 from the origin; see Figure 5. For their
radius, r, and for the distance, x from their centers to the origin we obtain
x b−c
= x cos 60◦ = b1 =
2 2
 On the Geometric Dilation of Finite Point Sets 257
√
x 3
= x sin 60◦ = r,
2
√
which implies x = b − c and r = 23 (b − c).
Now we consider the line segment, L, of length b + c from (−c, 0) to (b, 0),
and imagine that its midpoint is glued to the upper circle. As this circle rotates
clockwise by 60◦ , the right endpoint of L describes a circular arc of length R π/3,
where
 
3 1
2
R = r + b2 = 2 (b − c)2 + (b + c)2
4 4

= b − bc + c .
2 2

After this rotation, line segment L is unglued from the upper circle, and
glued to the left circle instead, that now rotates clockwise by 60◦ , and so on.
This results in a cycle C that consists of six circular arcs of length R π/3 each.
By construction, each pair of endpoints of the rotating line segment is a
partition pair of C, because the endpoints of C are always moving with identical
speed. Moreover, each such pair attains the maximum dilation of C. So, we have
πR
D1 := δ(C) = .
b+c
Now we construct a periodic graph G∞ that covers the plane. This graph
is obtained by centering rotated copies of cycle C at the vertices of the regular
hexagonal grid3 of unit edge length, and cutting off those parts of the axes
contained in those copies; see Figure 6.
Thanks to Lemma 5, we need only compute the dilation of the two faces
occurring in G∞ , which are the cycle C and the boundary of the “dodecagonal”
face. On the latter, two candidate partition pairs of points exist that might attain
maximum dilation. In vertical direction, we have a pair whose dilation equals
2πR + 3 (1 − 2b)
D2 = √ ;
3
Observe that the numerator equals three times one third of the perimeter of cycle
C, plus three times the length of a shortened unit edge, whereas the denominator
measures the height of the hexagonal cell. The other candidate pair is obtained
by intersecting, with the copies of C, the line H connecting the centers of two
generating circles; see Figure 6. Since the diagonal of the hexagonal cell is of
length 2, the distance between these intersection points equals

2 ( x2 + 1 − 2x cos 120◦ − R),
by the law of cosines. This leads to
2πR + 3 (1 − 2b)
D3 = √ .
2 ( x2 + x + 1 − R)
3
√
Without this refinement, the plain hexagonal grid would have a dilation of 3 =
1.7320 . . ..
258 A. Ebbers-Baumann, A. Grüne, and R. Klein

Analysis shows that the maximum of D1 , D2 , D3 can be minimized to

D1 = D2 = D3 = 1.6778 . . .
by putting
c = 0.1248 . . . and b = 0.1939 . . .

Now let us assume that we are given a finite set of rational points, P =
{p1 , . . . , pn }, that must be embedded in a graph of low dilation. Assume that
ei gi
pi = ( , )
fi hi
holds with natural numbers ei , fi , gi , hi . Let
1 1 1 1 fj
K := ( − b) √   min ,
2 j ej
3 j fj j hj

where b is the constant involved in constructing the cycle C. By a theorem of

Dirichlet’s, there are infinitely many integer pairs (r, s) satisfying
√ r 1 K
| 3 − | < 2 < .
s s s
We choose one such pair and put
1 1 1 1
γ := √   ,
r 3 j fj j hj

and construct the graph G introduced above over a hexagonal grid of edge
length γ. We are going to place the points pi on (some of) the horizontal edges
of the 12-gons, close to their mid points. This is possible √
because of two facts.
First, each Y −coordinate gi /hi is an integer multiple of 3 γ, the distance of
two neighboring horizontal levels in G.
Second, each X−coordinate ei /fi is close enough to an integer multiple of the
distance 3γ between two neighboring mid points of the same Y −level. Indeed,
√
3s ei  
= ei s fj hj 3γ
r fi j
j=i

is an integer multiple of 3γ, and we have

√
3s ei ei ei s √ r ei s K
| − |= | 3 − |<
r fi fi fi r s fi r s
ei fj 1 1
= min ( − b) γ < ( − b) γ,
fi j ej 2 2
so that the point still lies on the horizontal edge. 


This concludes the proof of Theorem 3 and, thus, of the main result of this
section.
 On the Geometric Dilation of Finite Point Sets 259

4 Concluding Remarks
In this paper we have, for the first time, studied the geometric dilation of geo-
metric graphs. We have introduced the notion of the geometric dilation, ∆(P ),
of a finite set of points, P , as the minimal dilation of all finite graphs that con-
tain P . We have shown that the vertices of the regular n−gon have dilation
π/2 = 1.570 . . ., and that no finite point set has a dilation bigger than 1.678.
These results give rise to many further questions. How can we compute the
geometric dilation of a given point set? How costly (in weight and computing
time) is the construction of a geometric graph attaining (or: approximating)
∆(P )? What is the precise value of
∆ := sup ∆(P )?
P finite

(We conjecture ∆ > π/2 .) And finally, what happens if we extend this definition
to non-finite sets, e. g. simple geometric shapes?

References
1. P. Agarwal, R. Klein, Ch. Knauer, and M. Sharir. Computing the detour of polyg-
onal curves. Technical Report B 02-03, FU Berlin, January 2002.
2. O. Aichholzer, F. Aurenhammer, Ch. Icking, R. Klein, E. Langetepe, and G. Rote.
Generalized self-approaching curves. Discrete Appl. Math., 109:3–24, 2001.
3. P. Bose, J. Gudmundsson, and M. Smid. Constructing plane spanners of bounded
degree and low weight. In Proc. 10th European Symposium on Algorithms, LNCS
2461, Springer-Verlag, pages 234–246, 2001.
4. D. Z. Chen, G. Das, and M. Smid. Lower bounds for computing geometric spanners
and approximate shortest paths. Discrete Appl. Math., 110:151–167, 2001.
5. A. Ebbers-Baumann, R. Klein, E. Langetepe, and A. Lingas. A fast algorithm for
approximating the detour of a polygonal chain. In Proc. 9th European Symposium
on Algorithms, LNCS 2161, Springer-Verlag, pages 321–332, 2001.
6. D. Eppstein. Spanning trees and spanners. In J.-R. Sack and J. Urrutia, editors,
Handbook of Computational Geometry, pages 425–461. Elsevier, 1999.
7. A. Grüne. Umwege in Polygonen. Master’s thesis, Institut für Informatik I, Uni-
versität Bonn, 2002.
8. J. Gudmundsson, Ch. Levcopoulos, G. Narasimhan, and M. Smid. Approximate
distance oracles revisited. In Proc. 13th Internat. Symp. ISAAC ’02, volume 2518
of Lecture Notes Comput. Sci., pages 357–368, 2002.
9. Ch. Icking, R. Klein, and E. Langetepe. Self-approaching curves. Math. Proc.
Camb. Phil. Soc., 125:441–453, 1999.
10. R. Kato, K. Imai, and T. Asano. An improved algorithm for the minimum man-
hattan network problem. In Proc. 13th Internat. Symp. ISAAC ’02, volume 2518
of Lecture Notes Comput. Sci., pages 344–356, 2002.
11. S. Langerman, P. Morin, and M. Soss. Computing the maximum detour and
spanning ratio of planar chains, trees and cycles. In Proc. 19th Internat. Symp.
Theoretical Aspects of Computer Sc., STACS ’02, volume 2285 of Lecture Notes
Comput. Sci., pages 250–261, 2002.
12. G. Narasimhan and M. Smid. Approximating the stretch factor of Euclidean
graphs. SIAM J. Comput., 30:978–989, 2000.
Other documents randomly have
different content
 Ah me! I feel the
Affettuosamente. smart
Of Cupid's cruel
dart
Quivering in my heart,
Heigho, ah! whew!

2.

With him I love

Swiftly time
Allegro. would
move;
With his cigar,
And my guitar,
We'd smoke and play
The livelong day,
Merrily, merrily!
Puff—puff—puff,
Tang-a-tang, tang-a-tang?

3.

When he's not near me,

O! of life I'm
Adagio, et con molto espressione. weary—
The world is
dreary—
Mystic spirits of song,
Wreathed with cypress, come along!
And hear me! hear me!
Singing,
Heigho, heigho—
Teneramente. Tootle, tootle,
too,
A—lackaday!
Such were the tender and melting strains which this fair creature
(her voice a little reedy and squeaking, it must be owned) poured
into the sensitive ear of Titmouse; and such are the strains by
means of which, many and many a Miss Tag-rag has captivated
many and many a Titmouse; so that sentimental compositions of this
sort have become deservedly popular, and do honor to our musical
and poetical character as a nation. I said that it was on the occasion
of a dinner at Satin Lodge, that Mr. Titmouse and Mr. Gammon were
favored by hearing Miss Tag-rag's voice, accompanying her guitar;
for when Mr. Tag-rag had sounded Mr. Gammon, and found that both
he and Titmouse would be only too proud and happy to partake of
his hospitality, they were invited. A very crack affair it was, (though I
have not time to describe it)—given on a far more splendid scale
than Mr. Tag-rag had ever ventured upon before. He brought a bottle
of champagne all the way from town with his own hands, and kept it
nice and cool in the kitchen cistern for three days beforehand; and
there was fish, soup, roast mutton, and roast ducks, roast fowls,
peas, cabbage, cauliflowers, potatoes, vegetable marrows; there
was an apple-pie, a plum-pudding, custards, creams, jelly, and a
man to wait, hired from the tavern at the corner of the hill. It had
not occurred to them to provide themselves with champagne
glasses, so they managed as well as they could with the common
ones—all but Titmouse, who with a sort of fashionable recklessness,
to show how little he thought of champagne, poured it out into his
tumbler, which he two-thirds filled, and then drank off its contents at
a draught! Mr. Tag-rag trying to disguise the inward spasm it
occasioned him, by a very grievous smile. He and Mrs. Tag-rag
exchanged anxious looks; the whole of their sole bottle of
champagne was gone already—almost as soon as it had been
opened!
"I always drink this sort of stuff out of a tumbler; I do—'pon my life,"
said Titmouse, carelessly; "it's a devilish deal more pleasant than
sipping it out of wine glasses!"
"Ye-e-s—of course it is, sir," said Mr. Tag-rag, rather faintly. Shortly
afterwards, Titmouse offered to take a glass of champagne with Miss
Tag-rag!—Her father's face flushed; and at length, with a bold effort,
"Why, Mr. Titmouse," said he, trying desperately to look unconcerned
—"the—the fact is, I never keep more than a dozen or so in my
cellar—and most unfortunately I found this afternoon that six bottles
had—burst—I assure you."
"'Pon my soul, sorry to hear it," quoth Titmouse, in a patronizing
way; "must send you a dozen of my own—I always keep about fifty
or a hundred dozen. Oh, I'll send you half a dozen!"
Tag-rag scarcely knew, for a moment, whether he felt pleased or
mortified at this stroke of delicate generosity. Thus it was that
Titmouse evinced a disposition to shower marks of his favor and
attachment upon the Tag-rags, in obedience to the injunctions of
Gammon, who assured him that it continued to be of very great
importance for him to secure the good graces of Mr. Tag-rag. So Mr.
Titmouse now drove up to Satin Lodge in his cab, and then rode
thither, followed by his stylish groom; and on one occasion, artful
little scamp! happening to find no one at home but Miss Tag-rag, he
nevertheless alighted, and stayed for nearly ten minutes, behaving
precisely in the manner of an accepted suitor, aware that he might
do so with impunity since there was no witness present; a little
matter which had been suggested to him by Mr. Gammon. Poor Miss
Tag-rag's cheek he kissed with every appearance of ardor, protesting
that she was a monstrous lovely creature; and he left her in a state
of delighted excitement, imagining herself the destined mistress of
ten thousand a-year—the blooming bride of the gay and fashionable
Mr. Titmouse. When her excellent parents heard of what had that
day occurred between Mr. Titmouse and their daughter, they also
looked upon the thing as quite settled, and were eager in their
expressions of gratitude to Providence. In the mean while, the
stream of prosperity flowed steadily in upon Mr. Tag-rag, his shop
continuing crowded; his shopmen doubled in number:—in fact, he at
length actually received, instead of giving payment, for allowing
young men to serve a short time in so celebrated an establishment,
in order that they might learn the first-rate style of doing business,
and when established on their own account, write up over their
doors—"Timothy Tape, late from Tag-rag & Co., Oxford Street."
Determined to make hay while the sun shone, he resorted to several
little devices for that purpose, such as a shirt-front with frills in the
shape of a capital "T," and of which, under the name of "Titties," he
sold immense numbers among the Eastern swells of London. At
length it occurred to Gammon to suggest to Titmouse a mode of
conferring upon his old friend and master a mark of permanent,
public, and substantial distinction; and this was, the obtaining for
him, through the Earl of Dreddlington, an appointment as one of the
royal tradesmen—namely, draper and hosier to the king. When Mr.
Tag-rag's disinterested and indefatigable benefactor, Gammon, called
one day in Oxford Street, and, motioning him for a moment out of
the bustle of his crowded shop, mentioned the honor which Mr.
Titmouse was bent upon doing his utmost, at Mr. Gammon's
instance, to procure for Mr. Tag-rag, that respectable person was
quite at a loss for terms in which adequately to express his
gratitude. Titmouse readily consented to name the thing to the great
man, and urge it in the best way he could; and he performed his
promise. The earl listened to his application with an air of anxiety.
"Sir," said he, "the world is acquainted with my reluctance to ask
favors of those in office. When I was in office myself, I felt the
inconvenience of such applications abundantly. Besides, the
appointment you have named, happens to be one of considerable
importance, and requiring great influence to procure it. Consider, sir,
the immense number of tradesmen there are of every description, of
whom drapers and hosiers (according to the last returns laid before
Parliament at the instance of my friend Lord Goose) are by far the
most numerous. All of them are naturally ambitious of so high a
distinction: yet, sir, observe, that there is only one king and one
royal family to serve. My Lord Chamberlain is, I have no doubt,
harassed by applicants for such honors as you have mentioned."
Hereat Titmouse got startled at the unexpected magnitude of the
favor he had applied for; and, declaring that he did not care a curse
for Tag-rag, begged to withdraw his application. But the earl, with a
mighty fine air, interrupted him—"Sir, you are not in the least
presuming upon your relationship with me, nor do I think you
overrate the influence I may happen—in short, sir, I will make it my
business to see my Lord Ko-too this very day, and sound him upon
the subject."
That same afternoon an interview took place between the two
distinguished noblemen, Lord Dreddlington and Lord Ko-too. Each
approached the other upon stilts. After a display of the most delicate
tact on the part of Lord Dreddlington, Lord Ko-too, who made a
mighty piece of work of it, promised to consider the application.
 CHAPTER X.
Within a day or two afterwards, Mr. Tag-rag received a letter from
the Lord Chamberlain's office, notifying him that his Majesty had
been graciously pleased to appoint him draper and hosier to his
Majesty! It occasioned him feelings of tumultuous pride and
pleasure, similar to those with which the Earl of Dreddlington would
have received tidings of his long-coveted marquisate having been
conferred upon him. He started off, within a quarter of an hour after
the receipt of the letter, to a carver and gilder a few doors off, and
gave orders for the immediate preparation of a first-rate cast, gilded,
of the royal arms; which, in about a week's time, might be seen, a
truly resplendent object, dazzlingly conspicuous over the central
door of Mr. Tag-rag's establishment, inspiring awe into the minds of
passers-by, and envy into Mr. Tag-rag's neighbors and rivals. He
immediately sent off letters of gratitude to Mr. Titmouse, and to "the
Right Honorable, the Most Noble the Earl of Dreddlington;" to the
latter personage, at the same time, forwarding a most splendid
crimson satin flowered dressing-gown, as "an humble token of his
gratitude for his Lordship's mark of particular condescension."
Both the letter and the dressing-gown gave great satisfaction to the
earl's valet, (than whom they never got any farther,) and who,
having tried on the glistening addition to his wardrobe, forthwith sat
down and wrote a very fine reply, in his Lordship's name, to the note
which had accompanied it, taking an opportunity to satisfy his
conscience, by stating to the earl the next morning that a Mr. Tag-
rag had "called" to express his humble thanks for his Lordship's
goodness. He was, moreover, so well satisfied with this specimen of
Mr. Tag-rag's articles, that he forthwith opened an account with him,
and sent a very liberal order to start with. The same thing occurred
with several of the subordinate functionaries at the palace; and—to
let my reader, a little prematurely, however, into a secret—this was
the extent of the additional custom which Mr. Tag-rag's appointment
secured him; and, even for these supplies, I never heard of his
getting paid. But it did wonders with him in the estimation of the
world. 'Twas evident that he was in a fair way of becoming the head
house in the trade. His appointment caused no little ferment in that
nook of the city with which he was connected. The worshipful
Company of Squirt-Makers elected him a member; and on a vacancy
suddenly occurring in the ward to which he belonged, for he had a
considerable shop in the city also, he was made a common council-
man. Mr. Tag-rag soon made a great stir as a champion of civil and
religious liberty. As for church and county rates, in particular, he
demonstrated the gross injustice and absurdity of calling upon one
who had no personal occasion for the use of a church, of a county
bridge, a county jail, or a lunatic asylum, to be called upon to
contribute to the support of them. A few speeches in this strain
attracted so much attention to him, that several leading men in the
ward (a very "liberal" one) intimated to him that he stood the best
chance of succeeding to the honor of alderman on the next vacancy;
and when he and Mrs. Tag-rag were alone together, he would start
the subject of the expenses of the mayoralty with no little anxiety.
He went to the chapel no longer on foot, but in a stylish sort of
covered gig, with a kind of coal-scuttle shaped box screwed on
behind, into which was squeezed his footboy, (who, by the way, had
a thin stripe of crimson let into each leg of his trousers, upon Mr.
Tag-rag's appointment to an office under the Crown;) he was, also,
always a trifle later in arriving at the chapel, than he had been
accustomed to be. He had a crimson velvet cushion running along
the front of his pew, and the Bibles and hymn-books very smartly
gilded. He was presently advanced to the honored post of chief
deacon; and on one occasion, in the unexpected absence of the
central luminary of the system, was asked to occupy the chair at a
"great meeting" of the Society for the Promotion of Civil and Religious
Discord; when he took the opportunity of declaring his opinion,
which was enthusiastically cheered, that the principles of free trade
ought to be applied to religion; and that the voluntary system was
that which was designed by God to secure the free blessings of
competition in spiritual teaching. As for Satin Lodge, he stuck two
little wings to it; and had one of the portraits of Tittlebat Titmouse
(as Tippetiwink) hung over his drawing-room mantel-piece,
splendidly framed and glazed.
Some little time after Tag-rag had obtained the royal appointment,
which I have been so particular in recording, Gammon, happening to
be passing his shop, stepped in, and observing Mr. Tag-rag, very
cordially greeted him; and then, as if it had been a thought of the
moment only, without taking him from the shop, intimated that he
had been westward, engaged in completing the formal details of a
rearrangement of the greater portion of Mr. Titmouse's extensive
estates, upon which that gentleman had recently determined, and
the sight of Mr. Tag-rag's establishment had suggested to Mr.
Gammon, that possibly Mr. Tag-rag would feel gratified at being
made a party—for form's sake—to the transaction; as Mr. Gammon
was sure that Mr. Titmouse would feel delighted at having associated
with the Earl of Dreddlington, and one or two other persons of
distinction, in the meditated arrangement, the name of so early and
sincere a friend as Mr. Tag-rag; "one who, moreover"—here Gammon
paused, and gave a smile of inexpressible significance, "but it was
not for him to hint his suspicions"——
"Sir—I—I—will you come into my room?" interrupted Tag-rag, rather
eagerly, anxious to have a more definite indication of Mr. Gammon's
opinion; but that gentleman, looking at his watch, pleaded want of
time, and suddenly shaking Mr. Tag-rag by the hand, moved towards
the door.
"You were talking of signing, sir—Have you got with you what you
want signed? I'll sign anything!—anything for Mr. Titmouse; only too
proud—it's quite an honor to be in any way connected with him!"
Gammon, on hearing this, felt in his pockets, as if he supposed that
he should find there what he perfectly well knew had been lying
ready, cut and dried, in his safe at Saffron Hill for months.
"I find I have not got the little document with me," said he,
carelessly; "I suppose it's lying about, with other loose papers, at
the office, or I may have left it at the earl's"—[though Gammon's
objects required him here to allude to the Earl of Dreddlington, I
think it only fair to say that he had never been, for one instant in his
life, in that great man's company.]
"I'll tell you what, Mr. Gammon." said Tag-rag, considering—"Your
office is at Saffron Hill? Well, I shall be passing in your direction to-
morrow, on my way to my city establishment, about noon, and will
look in and do all you wish."
"Could you arrange to meet the earl there?—or, as his Lordship's
movements are—ah, ha!—not very"——
"Should be most proud to meet his Lordship, sir, to express my
personal gratitude"——
"Oh, the earl never likes to be reminded, Mr. Tag-rag, of any little
courtesy or kindness he may have conferred! But if you will be with
us about twelve, we can wait a little while; and if his Lordship should
not be punctual, we must even let you sign first, ah, ha!—and
explain it to his Lordship on his arrival, for I know your time is very
precious, Mr. Tag-rag! Gracious! Mr. Tag-rag, what a constant stream
of customers you have!—I heard it said, the other day, that you
were rapidly absorbing all the leading business in your line in Oxford
Street."
"You're very polite, Mr. Gammon! Certainly, I've no reason to
complain. I always keep the best of everything, both here and in the
city, and sell at the lowest prices, and spare no pains to please; and
it's hard if"——
"Ah, how do you do?" quoth Gammon, suddenly starting, and
bowing to some one on the other side of the way, whom he did not
see. "Well, good-day, Mr. Tag-rag—good-day! To-morrow at twelve,
by the way?"
"I'm yours to command, Mr. Gammon," replied Tag-rag; and so they
parted. Just about twelve o'clock the next day, the latter, in a great
bustle, saying he had fifty places to call at in the city, made his
appearance at Saffron Hill.
"His Lordship a'n't here, I suppose?" quoth he, after shaking hands
with Mr. Quirk and Mr. Gammon. The latter gentleman pulled out his
watch, and, shrugging his shoulders, said with a smile, "No—we'll
give him half an hour's grace."
"Half an hour, my dear sir!" exclaimed Tag-rag, "I couldn't stay so
long, even for the high honor of meeting his Lordship. I am a man of
business, he isn't; first come first served, you know, eh? All fair
that!" There were a good many recently engrossed parchments and
writings scattered over the table, and from among them Gammon,
after tossing them about for some time, at length drew out a sheet
of foolscap. It was stamped, and there was writing upon the first
and second pages.
"Now, gentlemen, quick's the word—time's precious!" said Tag-rag,
taking up a pen and dipping it into the inkstand. Gammon, with an
unconcerned air, placed before him the document he had been
looking for. "Ah, how well I know the handwriting! That flourish of
his—a sort of boldness about it, a'n't there?" said Tag-rag, observing
the signature of Titmouse immediately above the spot on which he
was going to place his own; there being written in pencil,
underneath, the word "Dreddlington," evidently for the intended
signature of the earl. "I'm between two good ones, at any rate, eh?"
said Tag-rag. Gammon or Quirk said something about a "term to
attend the inheritance"—"trustee of an outstanding term"—"legal
estate vested in the trustees"—"too great power to be put in the
hands of any but those of the highest honor."
"Stay!" quoth Gammon, ringing his little hand-bell—"nothing like
regularity, even in trifles." He was answered by one of the clerks, a
very dashing person—"We only wish you to witness a signature,"
said Gammon. "Now, we shall release you, Mr. Tag-rag, in a
moment. Say 'I deliver this as my act and deed'—putting your finger
on the little wafer there."
So said and so did Mr. Tag-rag as he had been directed; the clerk
wrote his name under the witnessing clause, "Abominable
Amminadab;" and from that moment Mr. Tag-rag had unconsciously
acquired an interest in the future stability of Mr. Titmouse's fortunes,
to the extent of some FORTY THOUSAND POUNDS.
"Now, gentlemen, you'll make my compliments to his Lordship, and
if he asks how I came to sign before him, explain the hurry I was in.
Time and tide wait for no man. Good-morning, gentlemen; good-
morning; best regards to our friend, Mr. Titmouse." Gammon
attended him to the door, cordially shaking him by the hand, and
presently returned to the room he had just quitted, where he found
Mr. Quirk holding in his hand the document just signed by Tag-rag;
which was, in fact, a joint and several bond, conditioned in a penalty
of forty thousand pounds, for the due repayment, by Titmouse, of
twenty thousand pounds, and interest at five per cent, about to be
advanced to him on mortgage of a portion of the Yatton property.
Gammon, sitting down, gently took the instrument from Mr. Quirk,
and with a bit of India-rubber calmly effaced the pencilled signature
of "Dreddlington."
"You're a ve—ry clever fellow, Gammon!" exclaimed Mr. Quirk,
presently, with a sort of sigh, and after, as it were, holding his breath
for some time. Gammon made no reply. His face was slightly pale,
and wore an anxious expression. "It will do now," continued Mr.
Quirk, rubbing his hands, and with a gleeful expression of
countenance.
"That remains to be seen," replied Gammon, in a low tone.
"Eh? What? Does anything occur—eh? By Jove, no screw loose, I
hope?"
"No—but we're in very deep water now, Mr. Quirk"——
"Well—devil only cares, so long as you keep a sharp look-out,
Gammon. I'll trust the helm to you! I'll pit you against Old Nick any
day, friend Gammon!"
As Gammon did not seem in a talkative mood, Quirk shortly
afterwards left him.
Now, though Mr. Tag-rag is no favorite of mine, I begin to feel a
good deal of anxiety on his behalf. I wish he had not been in so vast
a "hurry," in a matter which required such grave deliberation, as
"signing, sealing, and delivering." When a man is called on to go
through so serious a ceremony, it would be well if he could be
apprised of the significance of the formula—"I deliver this as my act
and deed." Thus hath expressed himself upon this point, a great
authority in the law, old Master Plowden. 'T is a passage somewhat
quaint in form, but not the less forcible and important in substance:
—

"Words are oft spoken unadvisedly, and pass from men lightly
and inconsiderately; but, where the agreement is by deed, there
is more time for deliberation; for when a man passes a thing by
deed, first, there is the determination of the mind to do it, and
upon that he causes it to be written, which is one part of
deliberation; and, afterwards, he puts his seal to it, which is
another part of deliberation; and, lastly, he delivers the writing
as his deed, which is the consummation of his resolution. So
that there is great deliberation used in the making of deeds, for
which reason they are received as a lien, final to the party, and
are adjudged to bind the party, without examining upon what
cause or consideration they were made."[24]

Possibly some one now reading these pages hath had most dismal
experience in the matter above mentioned; and I hope that such
dismal experience, a due reflection will avert from many a reader. As
for Tag-rag, it may turn out that our fears for him are groundless:
nevertheless one hates to see men do important things in a hurry:—
and, as we shall lose sight of Mr. Tag-rag for some time, there can
be no harm in wishing him well out of what he has just done.

"If it were done when 't is done, then 't

were well
It were done quickly"—
and not otherwise.
The London season was now advancing towards its close. Fine ladies
were sated and exhausted with operas, concerts, balls, routs,
soirées, assemblies, bazaars, fêtes, and the Park. Their lords were
getting tired of their clubs during the day, and hurried dinners, late
hours, foul air, and long speeches, at the two Houses; where,
however they might doze away the time, they could seldom get the
luxury of a downright nap for more than an hour or two together—
always waking, and fancying themselves in the tower of Babel, and
that it was on fire, so strange and startling were the lights and the
hubbub! The very whippers-in were looking jaded and done—each
being like a Smithfield drover's dog on a Monday night, which at
length can neither bark nor bite in return for a kick or a blow, and,
hoarse and wearied, falls asleep on his way home—a regular
somnambulist. Where the Earl of Dreddlington and Lady Cecilia were
to pass their autumn, was a question which they were beginning to
discuss rather anxiously. Any one glancing over their flourishing list
of residences in England, Scotland, Wales, and Ireland, which were
paraded in the Peerages and Court Guides, would have supposed
that they had an ample choice before them: but the reader of this
history knows better. The mortifying explanation—mortifying to the
poor earl—having been once given by me, I shall not again do so.
Suffice it to say, that Poppleton Hall, Hertfordshire, had its
disadvantages; there they must keep up a full establishment, and
receive county company and other visitors—being in arrear with
much hospitality. 'Twas expensive work, also, at the watering-places;
and expensive and also troublesome to go abroad at the earl's
advanced period of life. Pensively ruminating on these matters one
evening, they were interrupted by a servant bringing in a note,
which proved to be from Titmouse—inviting them, in terms of
profound courtesy and great cordiality, to honor Yatton, by making a
stay there during as great a portion of the autumn as they could not
better occupy. Mr. Titmouse frankly added, that he could not avoid
acknowledging some little degree of selfishness in giving the
invitation—namely, in expressing a hope that the earl's presence
would afford him, if so disposed, an opportunity of introducing his
host to any of the leading members of the county who might be
honored by the earl's acquaintance; that, situated as Titmouse was,
he owned to an increasing anxiety on that point. He added, that he
trusted the earl and Lady Cecilia would consider Yatton, while they
were there, as in all respects their own residence, and that no
exertion should be wanting to render their stay as agreeable as
possible. The humble appeal of Titmouse prevailed with his august
kinsman; who, on the next day, sent him a letter saying that his
Lordship fully recognized the claims which Mr. Titmouse had upon
him as the head of the family, and that his Lordship should feel very
glad in availing himself of the opportunity which offered itself, of
placing Mr. Titmouse on a proper footing of intercourse with the
people of the county. That, for this purpose, His Lordship should
decline any invitations they might receive to pass their autumn
elsewhere, &c. &c. &c. In plain English, they jumped (but as
decorously as possible) at the invitation. It had emanated originally
from Gammon, who, from motives of his own, had suggested it to
Titmouse, bade him act upon it, and had drawn up the letter
conveying it. I say, from motives of his own, Gammon was bent
upon becoming personally acquainted with the earl, and fixing
himself, if possible, thoroughly in his Lordship's confidence. He had
contrived to ascertain from Titmouse, without that gentleman's
being, however, aware of it, that the few occasions on which his
(Gammon's) name had been mentioned by the earl, it had been
accompanied by slighting expressions—by indications of even dislike
and suspicion. Give him, however, thought he, but the opportunity,
and he could very soon change the nature of the earl's feelings
towards him. As soon, therefore, as the earl's acceptance of the
invitation had been communicated to Gammon, he resolved to be
one of the guests at Yatton during the time of the earl's stay—a
step, into the propriety of which he easily brought Mr. Quirk to enter,
but which he did not, for the present, communicate to Titmouse, lest
he should, by prematurely disclosing it to the earl, raise any
obstacle, arising out of an objection on the part of his Lordship;
who, if he but found Gammon actually there, must submit to the
infliction with what grace he might. In due time it was notified on
the part of the earl, by his man of business, to Mr. Titmouse, (who
had gone down to Yatton,) through his man of business, that the
earl, and a formidable portion of his establishment, would make their
appearance at Yatton by a named day. The earl had chosen to
extend the invitation to Miss Macspleuchan and also to as many
attendants as he thought fit to take with him, instead of letting them
consume their board wages in entire idleness in town or at
Poppleton. Heavens! what accommodation was required, for the
earl, for the Lady Cecilia, each of their personal attendants, Miss
Macspleuchan, and five servants! Then there were two other guests
invited, in order to form company and amusement for the earl—the
Marquis Gants-Jaunes de Millefleurs, and a Mr. Tuft. Accommodation
must be had for these; and, to secure it, Mr. Titmouse and Mr.
Gammon were driven to almost the extremities of the house. Four
servants, in a sort of baggage-wagon, preceded the arrival of the
earl and Lady Cecilia by a day or two, in order to "arrange
everything;" and, somehow or another, one of the first things that
was done with this view, was to install his Lordship's chief servants
in the quarters of Mr. Titmouse's servants, who, it was suggested,
should endeavor to make themselves as comfortable as they could in
some little unfurnished rooms over the stables! And, in a word,
before Mr. Titmouse's grand guests had been at the Hall four-and-
twenty hours, there was established there the same freezing state
and solemn ceremony which prevailed in the earl's own
establishment. Down came at length, thundering through the village,
the earl's dusty travelling-carriage and four; himself, Lady Cecilia,
and Miss Macspleuchan within, his valet and Lady Cecilia's maid
behind: presently it wound round the park road, crashing and
flashing through the gravel, and rattling under the old gateway, and
at length stood before the Hall door—the reeking horses pulled up
with a sudden jerk, which almost threw them all upon their
haunches. Mr. Titmouse was in readiness to receive his distinguished
visitors; the carriage-door was opened—down went the steps—and
in a few moments' time the proud old Earl of Dreddlington and his
proud daughter, having entered the Hall, had become the guests of
its flustered and ambitious little proprietor. While all the visitors—
great and small—are occupied in their dressing-rooms, recovering
themselves from the cramp and fatigue of a long journey, and are
preparing to make their appearance at dinner, let me take the
opportunity to give you a sketch of the only one of them, of the
smaller sort, to whom you are at present a stranger: I mean Mr. Tuft
—Mr. Venom Tuft.
Oft hath an inexperienced mushroom-hunter, deceived at a distance,
run up to secure what seemed to be a fine cluster of mushrooms,
growing under the shade of a stately tree, but which, on stooping
down to gather them, he discovers with disappointment and disgust
to be no mushrooms at all, but vile, unwholesome—even poisonous
funguses: which, to prevent their similarly deluding others, he kicks
up and crushes under foot. And is not this a type of what often
happens in society? Under the "cold shade of aristocracy," how often
is to be met with—the SYCOPHANT?—Mr. Venom Tuft was one of them.
His character was written in his face. Disagreeable to look at—
though he thought far otherwise—he yet contrived to make himself
pleasant to be listened to, for a while, by the languid and ennuyé
fashionable. He spoke ever—

"In a toady's key,

With bated breath and whispering
humbleness."

His person was at once effeminate and coarse; his gesture and
address were cringing—there was an intolerable calmness and
gentleness about them at all times, but especially while laboring in
his vocation. He had the art of administering appropriate and
acceptable flattery by a look only, deferential and insinuating—as
well as by words. He had always at command a copious store of
gossip, highly seasoned with scandal; which he collected and
prepared with industry and judgment. Clever toadies are generally
bitter ones. With sense enough to perceive, but not spirit enough to
abandon their odious propensities, they are aware of the
ignominious spectacle they exhibit before the eyes of men of the
least degree of independence and discernment, and whose open
contempt they have not power or manliness enough to resent. Then
their smothered rage takes an inward turn; it tends to, and centres
in the tongue, from which it falls in drops of scalding virus; and thus
it is, that the functions of sycophant and slanderer are so often
found united in the same miserable individual. Does a sycophant
fancy that his patron—if one may use such a term—is not aware of
his degrading character and position? Would that he could but hear
himself spoken of by those in whose presence he has last been
prostrating himself! If he could but for one moment "see himself as
others see him"—surely he would instantly wriggle out of the
withering sight of man! But Mr. Tuft was not an everyday toady.
Being a clever man, it occurred to him as calculated infinitely to
enhance the value of his attentions, if he could get them to be
regarded as those of a man of some ability and reputation. So
reasonable a wish, as thus to rise to eminence in the calling in life to
which he had devoted himself—viz. toadyism—stimulated him to
considerable exertion, which was in time rewarded by a measure of
success; for he began to be looked on as something of a literary
man. Then he would spend his mornings in reading up, in those
quarters whence he might cull materials for display in society at a
later period of the day; when he would watch his opportunity, or, if
none presented itself, make one, by diverting the current of
conversation into the channel on which was the gay and varied
bordering of his very recent acquisitions. All his knowledge was of
this gossiping pro hâc vice character.——He was very skilful in
administering his flattery. Did he dine with his Grace, or his Lordship,
whose speech in the House appeared in that or the preceding day's
newspapers? Mr. Tuft got it up carefully, and also the speech in
answer to it, with a double view—to show himself at home in the
question! and then to differ a little with his Grace, or his Lordship, in
order to be presently convinced, and set right by them! Or when
conversation turned upon the topics which had, over-night, called up
his Grace or his Lordship on his legs, Mr. Tuft would softly break in
by observing that such and such a point had been "admirably put in
the debate by some one of the speakers—he did not recollect
whom;" and on being apprised of, and receiving a courteous bow
from, the great man entitled to the undesigned compliment, look so
surprised—almost, indeed, piqued! Carefully, however, as he
managed matters, he was soon found out by men, and compelled to
betake himself, with ten-fold ardor, to the women, with whom he
lasted a little longer. They considered him a great literary man; for
he could quote and criticise a good deal of poetry, and abuse many
novels. He could show that what everybody else admired was full of
faults; what all condemned was admirable: so that the fair creatures
were forced to distrust their own judgment, in proportion as they
deferred to his. He would allow no one to be entitled to the praise of
literary excellence except individuals of rank, and one or two men of
established literary reputation, who had not thought it worth their
while to repel his obsequious advances, or convenient not to do so.
Then he would polish the poetry of fine ladies, touch up their little
tales, and secure their insertion in fashionable periodicals. On these
accounts, and of his piquant tittle-tattle, no soirée or conversazione
was complete without him, any more than without tea, coffee, ice,
or lemonade. All toadies hate one another; but his brethren both
hated and feared Mr. Tuft; for he was not only so successful himself,
but possessed and used such engines for depressing them. Mr. Tuft
had hoped to succeed in being popped in by one of his patrons for a
snug little borough; but the great man got tired of him, and turned
him off, though the ladies of the family still secured him occasional
access to the dinner-table. He did not, however, make a very
grateful return for such good-natured condescensions. Ugly and
ungainly as he was, he yet imagined himself possessed of personal
attractions for the ladies, and converted their innocent and
unsuspecting familiarities, which had emanated from those confident
in their purity and their elevation, into tokens of the ascendency he
had gained over them; and of which, with equal cruelty, folly, and
presumption, he would afterwards boast pretty freely. Till this came,
however, to be suspected and discovered, Mr. Tuft visited a good
many leading houses in town, and spent no inconsiderable portion of
each autumn at some one or other of the country mansions of his
patrons—from whose "castles," "halls," "abbeys," "priories," and
"seats," he took great pride in dating his letters to his friends. I must
not forget to mention that he kept a book, very gorgeously bound
and embellished, with silver-gilt clasps, and bearing on the back the
words—"Book of Autographs;" but I should have written it
—"Trophies of Toadyism." This book contained autograph notes of
the leading nobility, addressed familiarly to himself, thus:—

"The Duke of Walworth presents his compliments to Mr. Tuft,

and feels particularly obliged by," &c.
"The Duchess of Diamond hopes Mr. Tuft will not forget to bring
with him this evening," &c.
"The Marquis of M—— has the honor to assure Mr. Tuft that,"
&c.
"Dear Mr. Tuft,
"Why were you not at —— House last night? We were dreadfully
dull without you! X —— just as stupid as you always say he is."
[This was from a very pretty and fashionable countess, whose
initials it bore.]
"If Mr. Tuft is dead, Lady Dulcimer requests to be informed
when his funeral will take place, as she, together with a host of
mourners, intends to show him a last mark of respect."
"Dear Mr. Tuft,
"The poodle you brought me has got the mange, or some horrid
complaint or other, which is making all his hair fall off. Do come
and tell me what is to be done. Where can I send the sweet
suffering angel?—Yours,
Arabella D——."
[This was from the eldest and loveliest daughter of a very great
duke.]
 "The Lord Chancellor presents his compliments, and begs to
acknowledge the receipt of Mr. Venom Tuft's obliging present of
his little 'Essay on Greatness.'"

These are samples, taken at random, of the contents of Mr. Tuft's

book of autographs, evidencing abundantly the satisfactory terms of
intimacy upon which he lived with the great; and it was ecstasy to
him, to see this glittering record of his triumphs glanced over by the
envious admiring eyes of those in his own station in society. How he
delighted to be asked about the sayings and doings of the exclusive
circles! How confidentially would he intimate the desperate condition
of a sick peer—an expected éclaircissement of some fashionable folly
and crime—or a move to be made in the Upper House that evening!
Poor Tuft little suspecting (lying so snug in his shell of self-conceit)
how frequently he fell, on these occasions, among the Philistines—
and was, unconsciously to himself, being trotted out by a calm
sarcastic hypocrite, for the amusement of the standers-by, just as a
little monkey is poked with a stick to get up and exhibit himself and
his tricks. Such was Mr. Tuft, a great friend and admirer of "the
marquis," through whose influence he had procured the invitation
from Titmouse, in virtue of which he was now dressing in a nice little
room at the back of the Hall, overlooking the stables; being bent
upon improving his already tolerably familiar acquaintance with the
Earl of Dreddlington and Lady Cecilia, and also extracting from the
man whose hospitality he was enjoying, materials for merriment
among his great friends against the next season.
When the party had collected in the drawing-room in readiness for
dinner, you might have seen Mr. Tuft in earnestly respectful
conversation with the Lady Cecilia; Mr. Gammon standing talking to
Miss Macspleuchan, with an air of courteous ease and frankness—
having observed her sitting neglected by everybody; the earl
conversing now with the marquis, then with Titmouse, and anon
with Tuft, with whom he appeared to be particularly pleased.
Happening at length to be standing near Gammon—a calm,
gentlemanlike person of whom he knew nothing, nor suspected that
his keen eye had taken in his Lordship's true character and capacity
at a glance; nor that he would, in a few hours' time, acquire as
complete a mastery over his said Lordship, as ever the present
famous hippodamist at Windsor,[25] by touching a nerve in the
mouth of a horse, reduces him to helpless docility and submission—
the earl and he fell into casual conversation for a moment or two.
The air of deference with which Gammon received the slight
advances of the great man, was exquisite and indescribable. It gave
him clearly to understand that his lofty pretensions were known to,
and profoundly appreciated by, the individual whom he was
addressing. Gammon said but little: that little, however, how
significant and decisive! He knew that the earl would presently
inquire of Titmouse who the unknown visitor was; and that on being
told, in the conceited and probably disparaging manner which
Gammon knew Titmouse would adopt, if he supposed it would
please the earl, that "it was only Mr. Gammon, one of his solicitors,"
he would sink at once and forever beneath the notice of the earl. He
resolved, therefore, to anticipate—to contrive that it should ooze out
easily and advantageously from himself, so that he could see the
effect it had upon the earl, and regulate his movements accordingly.
Gammon sat down before the fortress of the earl's pride, resolved
that, for all it appeared so inaccessible and impregnable, it should
fall, however his skill and patience might be taxed in the siege. Till
he had cast his piercing eye upon the earl, Gammon had felt a little
of the nervousness which one may imagine would be experienced by
Van Amburgh, who, on being called into the presence of majesty to
give a specimen of his skill upon an animal concealed from him, of
whose name and qualities he was ignorant—should summon all his
terrors into his eye, and string his muscles to their highest tension;
and, on the door being opened, turn with smiling scorn—if not
indignation—from a sucking pig, a calf, an ass, or a chicken.
Something similar were the feelings experienced by Gammon, as
soon as he had scanned the countenance and figure of the Earl of
Dreddlington. He quickly perceived that the dash of awe which he
had thrown into his manner was producing its due effect upon that
most magnificent simpleton. Watching his opportunity, he gently
introduced the topic of the recent change of ownership which Yatton
had undergone; and in speaking of the manner in which Mr.
Titmouse had borne his sudden prosperity—"Yes, my Lord,"
continued Gammon, with apparent carelessness, "I recollect making
some such observation to him, and he replied, 'Very true, Mr.
Gammon'"—Gammon finished his sentence calmly; but he perceived
that the earl had withdrawn himself into his earldom. He had given a
very slight start; a little color had mounted into his cheek; a sensible
hauteur had been assumed, and by the time that Gammon had done
speaking, the space between them had been—as Lord Dreddlington
imagined, unobservedly—increased by two or three inches. Gammon
was a man—an able and a proud man—and he felt galled; but, "let it
pass," he presently reflected—"let it pass, you pompous old idiot; I
will one day repay it with interest." The earl separated from him,
Gammon regarding him as a gaudy craft sheering off for a while, but
doomed to be soon sunk. Mr. Tuft, (who was the son of a
respectable retired tobacconist,) having ascertained that Gammon
was only Mr. Titmouse's attorney, conducted himself for a while as
though there were no such person in the room; but being a quick
observer, and catching once or twice the faint sarcastic smile with
which Gammon's eye was settled on him, he experienced a very
galling and uneasy consciousness of his presence. The marquis's
superior tact and perception of character led him to treat Gammon
very differently—with a deference and anxiety to please him, which
Gammon understood thoroughly—in fact, he and the marquis had
many qualities in common, but Gammon was the man of power.
During dinner he sat beside Miss Macspleuchan, and was almost the
only person who spoke to her—in fact, he said but little to any one
else. He took wine with Titmouse with a marked, but guarded, air of
confidence. The marquis took wine with Gammon with an air of
studied courtesy. The earl's attention was almost entirely engrossed
by Mr. Tuft, who sat next to him, chattering in his ear like a little
magpie perched upon his shoulder. The marquis sat next to the Lady
Cecilia; for whose amusement, as far as his cautious tact would
allow him, he from time to time drew out their little host. At length,
in answer to a question by the marquis, the earl let fall some
pompous observation, from which the marquis, who was getting
very tired of the vapid monotony which pervaded the table, ventured
to differ pretty decisively. Tuft instantly sided with the earl, and
spoke with infinite fluency for some minutes: Gammon saw in a
moment that he was an absurd pretender; and watching his
opportunity, for the first time that he had interchanged a syllable
with him, with one word exposing a palpable historical blunder of
poor Tuft's, overthrew him as completely as a bullet from a crossbow
dislodges a tomtit from the wall on which he is hopping about,
unconscious of his danger. 'Twas a thing that there could be no
mistake about whatever.
"That's a settler, Tuft," said the marquis, after a pause: Tuft
reddened violently, and gulped down a glass of wine; and presently,
with the slightly staggered earl, became a silent listener to the
discussion into which the marquis and Gammon had entered. Obtuse
as was the earl, Gammon contrived to let him see how effectually he
was supporting his Lordship's opinion, which Mr. Tuft had so
ridiculously failed in. The marquis got slightly the worst of the
encounter with Gammon, whose object he saw, and whose tact he
admired; and with much judgment permitted Gammon to appear to
the earl as his successful defender, in order that he might himself
make a friend of Gammon. Moreover, he was not at all annoyed at
witnessing the complete and unexpected discomfiture of poor Tuft,
whom, for all his intimacy with that gentleman, the marquis
thoroughly despised.
However it might possibly be that his grand visitors enjoyed
themselves, it was far otherwise with Mr. Titmouse; who, being
compelled to keep sober, was quite miserable. None of those around
him were drinking men:—and the consequence was, that he would
retire early to his bedroom, and amuse himself with brandy and
water, and cigars, leaving his guests to amuse themselves with
cards, billiards, or otherwise, as best they might. He did, indeed,
"stand like a cipher in the great account;" instead of feeling himself
the Earl of Dreddlington's host, he felt himself as one of his
Lordship's inferior guests, struggling in vain against the freezing
state and etiquette which the earl carried with him wherever he
went, like a sort of atmosphere. In this extremity he secretly clung
to Gammon, and reposed upon his powerful support and sympathy
more implicitly than ever he had done before. As the shooting
season had commenced, and game was plentiful at Yatton, the
marquis and Tuft found full occupation during the day, as
occasionally did Mr. Gammon. Mr. Titmouse once accompanied them;
but having contrived very nearly to blow his own hand off, and also
to blow out the eyes of the marquis, it was intimated to him that he
had better go out alone for the future—as he did accordingly, but
soon got tired of such solitary sport. Besides—hares, pheasants,
partridges—old and young, cock or hen—'twas all one—none of
them seemed to care one straw for him or his gun, let him pop and
blaze away as loud and as long, as near or as far off, as he liked.
The only thing he hit—and that plump—was one of his unfortunate
dogs, which he killed on the spot; and then coming up with it,
stamped upon the poor creature's bleeding carcass, saying with a
furious oath—"Why didn't you keep out of the way, then, you
brute?"
The earl was really anxious to perform his promise of introducing, or
procuring introduction for Titmouse, to the leading nobility and
gentry of the county; but it proved a more difficult task than his
Lordship had anticipated—for Titmouse's early doings at Yatton had
not yet been forgotten. Some of the haughty Whig gentry joined
with their Tory neighbors in manifesting their open contempt and
dislike, for one who could so disgrace the name and station to which
he had been elevated in the county; and the earl had to encounter
one or two somewhat mortifying rebuffs, in the course of his efforts
for the establishment of his young kinsman. There were some,
however, whom mere political considerations—others, whom
deference for the earl's rank, and unwillingness to hurt his feelings—
induced to receive the new Squire of Yatton on a footing of formal
intimacy and equality; so that his Lordship's dignified exertions were
not entirely useless. The whole party at the Hall attended the earl to
church on the Sundays—entirely filling the squire's pew and the
adjoining one; their decorous conduct presenting a very edifying
spectacle to the humble congregation, and suggesting a striking
contrast between the present, and the former, visitors of Mr.
Titmouse. Worthy Dr. Tatham was asked several times to dinner, at
the earl's instance; by whom he was treated on such occasions with
great, though stately, courtesy. The only persons with whom the
little doctor felt at his ease, were Mr. Gammon and Miss
Macspleuchan, who treated him with the utmost cordiality and
respect. What became during the day of the two ladies, I hardly
know. There was no instrument at Yatton: bagatelle-board, and
novels from a circulating library at York, frequent rides and drives
through the grounds and about the country, and occasional visits to
and from one or two families with whom Lady Cecilia had a town
acquaintance, occupied their day; and in the evening, a rubber at
whist, or écarté, with the earl—sometimes, too, with the marquis
and Mr. Tuft, both of whom lost no opportunity of paying marked
attention to Lady Cecilia, with a view of dissipating as far as possible
the inevitable ennui of her situation—would while away the short
evenings, very early hours being now kept at the Hall. 'Twas
wonderful that two such men as the marquis and Mr. Tuft could stay
so long as they did at so very dull a place, and with such dull people.
Inwardly they both voted the earl an insufferable old twaddler; his
daughter a piece of languid insipidity; and one would have thought it
daily more irksome for them to keep up their courtly attentions.
They had, however, as may presently be seen, objects of their own
in view.
As Gammon, a little to the earl's surprise, continued apparently a
permanent guest at the Hall, where he seemed ever engaged in
superintending and getting into order the important affairs of Mr.
Titmouse, it could hardly be but that he and the earl should be
occasionally thrown together; for as the earl did not shoot, and
never read books, even had there been any to read, he had little to
do, when not engaged upon the expeditions I have alluded to, but
saunter about the house and grounds, and enter into frivolous, but
solemn and formal conversation with almost any one he met. The
assistance which Gammon had rendered the earl on the occasion of
their first meeting at dinner, had not been forgotten by his Lordship,
but had served to take off the edge from his preconceived
contemptuous dislike for that gentleman. Gammon, however,
steadily kept in the background, resolved that all advances should
come from the earl. When, once or twice, his Lordship inquired, with
what Gammon saw to be only an affected carelessness, into the
state of Mr. Titmouse's affairs, Mr. Gammon evinced a courteous
readiness to give him general information; but with an evident
caution and anxiety, not unduly to expose, even to the earl—to Mr.
Titmouse's distinguished kinsman, the state of his property. He
would, however, disclose sufficient to demonstrate his zeal and
ability on behalf of Mr. Titmouse's interests, his consummate
qualifications as a man of business; and from time to time perceived
that his display was not lost upon the earl. Mr. Gammon's anxiety, in
particular, to prevent the borough of Yatton from being a second
time wrested out of the hands of its proprietor, and returning, by a
corrupt and profligate arrangement with Ministers, a Tory to
Parliament, gave the earl peculiar satisfaction. He was led by the
mention of this topic into a long conversation with Mr. Gammon
upon political matters; and, at its close, was greatly struck with the
soundness of his views, the decision and strength of his liberal
opinions, and the vigor and acuteness with which he had throughout
agreed with everything the earl had said, and fortified every position
he had taken; evincing, at the same time, a profound appreciation of
his Lordship's luminous exposition of political principles. The earl was
forced to own to himself, that he had never before met with a man
of Mr. Gammon's strength of intellect, whose views and opinions had
so intimately and entirely coincided—were, indeed, identical with his
own. 'Twas delightful to witness them upon these occasions—to
observe the air of reverence and admiration with which Gammon
listened to the lessons of political wisdom which fell, with increasing
length and frequency, from the lips of his Lordship.
"Του καί ἀπὀ γλὡσσης μἑλιτος γλυκίων ῤἑεν αὑδή."
Nor was it only when they were alone together, that Gammon would
thus sit at the feet of Gamaliel; he was not ashamed to do so openly
at the dinner-table; but, ah! how delicately and dexterously did he
conceal from the spectators the game he was playing—more difficult
to do so, though it daily became—because, the more willing
Gammon was to receive, the more eager the earl was to
communicate instruction! If, on any of these occasions, oppressed
by the multifariousness of his knowledge, and its sudden
overpowering confluence, he would pause in the midst of a little
series of half-formed sentences, Gammon would be, at hand, to
glide in easily, and finish what the earl had begun, out of the earl's
ample and rich materials, of which Gammon had caught a glimpse,
and only worked out the earl's own, somewhat numerous, half-
formed illustrations. The marquis and Mr. Tuft began, however, at
length to feel a little impatient at observing the way which Gammon
was making with the earl; but of what use was it for them to
interfere? Gammon was an exceedingly awkward person to meddle
with; for having once got fair play, by gaining the earl's ear, his
accuracy, readiness, extent of information upon political topics, and
admirable temper, told very powerfully against his two opponents,
who at length interfered less and less with him; the marquis only
feeling pique, but Tuft also showing it. Had it been otherwise,
indeed, with the latter gentleman, it would have been odd; for
Gammon seemed to feel a peculiar pleasure in demolishing him. The
marquis, however, once resolved to show Gammon how distinctly he
perceived his plan of operations, by waiting till he had accompanied
the poor earl up to a climax of absurdity; and then, with his eye on
Gammon, bursting into laughter. Seldom had Gammon been more
ruffled than by that well-timed laugh; for he felt found out!
When the earl and his astute companion were alone, the latter
would listen with lively interest, over and over again, never wearied,
to his Lordship's magnificent accounts of what he had intended to
do, had he only continued in office, in the important department
over which he had presided, viz. the Board of Green Cloth; and more
than once put his Lordship into a soft flutter of excitement, by
hinting at rumors which, he said, were rife—that in the event of a
change of ministers, which was looked for, his Lordship was to be
President of the Council. "Sir," the earl would say, "I should not
shrink from the performance of my duty to my sovereign, to
whatever post he might be pleased to call me. The one you mention,
sir, has its peculiar difficulties; and if I know anything of myself, sir, it
is one for which—I should say—I am peculiarly qualified. Sir, the
duty of presiding over the deliberations of powerful minds, requires
signal discretion and dignity, because, in short, especially in affairs of
state—Do you comprehend me, Mr. Gammon?"
"I understand your Lordship to say, that where the occasion is one
of such magnitude, and the disturbing forces are upon so vast a
scale, to moderate and guide conflicting interests and opinions"——
"Sir, it is so; tantas componere lites, hic labor, hoc opus," interrupted
the earl, with a desperate attempt to fish up a fragment or two of
his early scholarship; and his features wore for a moment a solemn
commanding expression, which satisfied Gammon of the sway which
his Lordship would have had when presiding at the council-board.
Gammon would also occasionally introduce the subject of heraldry,
asking many anxious questions concerning that exalted science, and
also respecting the genealogies of leading members of the peerage,
with which he safely presumed that the earl would be, as also he
proved, perfectly familiar; and his Lordship would go on for an hour
at once upon these interesting and most instructive subjects.
Shortly after luncheon one day, of which only Gammon, the earl, and
the two ladies, were in the Hall to partake, Mr. Gammon had
occasion to enter the drawing-room, where he found the earl sitting
upon the sofa, with his massive gold spectacles on, leaning over the
table, engaged in the perusal of a portion of a work then in course
of periodical publication, and which had only that morning been
delivered at the Hall. The earl asked Gammon if he had seen it, and
was answered in the negative.
"Sir," said the earl, rising and removing his glasses, "it is a
remarkably interesting publication, showing considerable knowledge
of a very difficult and all-important subject, and one, in respect of
which the lower orders of the people in this country—nay, I lament
to be obliged to add, the great bulk of the middle classes also, are
wofully deficient—I mean heraldry, and the history of the origin,
progress, and present state of the families of the old nobility and
gentry of this country." The work which had been so fortunate as
thus to meet with the approbation of the earl, was the last monthly
number of a History of the County of York, of which, as yet, only
thirty-eight seven-and-sixpenny quarto numbers had made their
appearance. It formed an admirable and instructive publication,
every number of which had contained a glorification of some
different Yorkshire family. The discriminating patronage of Mr.
Titmouse for this inestimable performance, had been secured by a
most obsequious letter from the learned editor, but more especially
by a device of his in the last number, which it would have been
strange indeed if it could have failed to catch the eye, and interest
the feelings of the new aristocratical owner of Yatton. Opposite to an
engraving of the Hall, was placed a magnificent genealogical tree,
surmounted by a many-quartered shield of armorial bearings, both
of which purported to be an accurate record of the ancestral glories
of the house of "Titmouse of Yatton!" A minute investigation might
indeed have detected that the recent flight of Titmice which were
perched on the lower branches of this imposing pedigree, bore
nearly as small a proportion to the long array of chivalrous
Drelincourts and Dreddlingtons which constituted the massive trunk,
as did the paternal coat[26] (to which the profound research and
ingenuity of Sir Gorgeous Tintack, the Garter king-at-arms, had
succeeded in demonstrating the inalienable right of Titmouse) to the
interminable series of quarterings, derived from the same source,
which occupied the remainder of the escutcheon. At these
mysteriously significant symbols, however, Mr. Titmouse, though
quite ready to believe that they indicated some just cause or other
of family pride, had looked with the same appreciating intelligence
which you may fancy you see a chicken displaying, while hesitatingly
clapping its foot upon, and quaintly cocking its eye at, a slip of paper
lying in a yard, covered over with algebraic characters and
calculations. Far otherwise, however, was it with the earl, in whose
eyes the complex and recondite character of the production infinitely
enhanced its value, and struck in his bosom several deep chords of
genealogical feeling, as he proceeded, in answer to various anxious
inquiries of Gammon, to give him a very full and minute account of
the unrivalled splendor and antiquity of his Lordship's ancestry. Now
be it understood that Gammon—while prosecuting the researches
which had preceded the elevation of Mr. Titmouse to that rank and
fortune of which the united voice of the fashionable world had now
pronounced him so eminently worthy—had made himself pretty well
acquainted with the previous history and connections of that ancient
and illustrious house, of which the Earl of Dreddlington was the
head; and his familiarity with this topic, though it did not surprise
the earl, because he conceived it to be every one's duty to acquaint
himself with such momentous matters, rapidly raised Gammon in the
good opinion of his Lordship; to whom at length, it occurred to view
him in quite a new light; viz. as the chosen instrument by whose
means (under Providence) the perverse and self-willed Aubrey had
been righteously cast down from that high place, which his
rebellious opposition to the wishes and political views of his liege
lord had rendered him unworthy to occupy; while a more loyal
branch had been raised from obscurity to his forfeited rank and
estates. In fact, the earl began to look upon Gammon as one, whose
just regard for his Lordship's transcendent position in the aristocracy
of England had led even to anticipate his Lordship's possible wishes;
and proceeded accordingly to rivet this spontaneous allegiance, by
discoursing with the most condescending affability on the successive
noble and princely alliances which had, during a long series of
generations, refined the ancient blood of the Drelincourts into the
sort of super-sublimated ichor which at present flowed in his own
veins. The progress of the earl's feelings was watched with the
greatest interest by Mr. Gammon, who perceived the increasing
extent to which respect for him was mingling with his Lordship's
sublime self-satisfaction; and, watching the opportunity, struck a
spark into the dry tinder of his Lordship's vain imagination, blew it
gently—and saw that it caught and spread. Confident in his
knowledge of the state of affairs, and that his Lordship had reached
the highest point of credulity, Gammon had the almost incredible
audacity to intimate, in a hesitating but highly significant manner, his
impression, that the recent failure in the male line of the princely
house of Hoch-Stiffelhausen Narrenstein Dummleinberg[27] had placed
his Lordship, in right of the marriage of one of his ancestors, during
the Thirty Years' War, with a princess of that august line, in a
situation to claim, if such should be his Lordship's pleasure, the
dormant honors and sovereign rank attached to the possession of
that important principality. The earl appeared for a few moments
transfixed with awe! The bare possibility of such an event seemed
too much for him to realize; but when further conversation with
Gammon had familiarized his Lordship with the notion, his mind's
eye involuntarily and naturally glanced to his old rival, the Earl of
Fitz-Walter: what would he say to all this? How would his little
honors pale beside the splendors of his Serene Highness the Prince
of Hoch-Stiffelhausen Narrenstein Dummleinberg! He was not sorry
when Mr. Gammon, soon afterwards, left him to follow out
unrestrainedly the swelling current of his thoughts, and yield himself
up to the transporting ecstasies of anticipated sovereignty. To such a
pitch did his excitement carry him, that he might shortly afterwards
have been seen walking up and down the Elm Avenue, with the
feelings and air of an old King.
Not satisfied, however, with the success of his daring experiment
upon the credulity and inflammable imagination of the aspiring old
nobleman—whom his suggestion had set upon instituting extensive
inquiries into the position of the Dreddlington family with reference
to the foreign alliances which it had formed in times past, and of
which so dazzling an incident might really be in existence—it
occurred to Mr. Gammon, on another occasion of his being left alone
with the earl, and who, he saw, was growing manifestly more
pleased with the frequent recurrence of them, to sink a shaft into a
new mine. He therefore, on mere speculation, introduced, as a
subject of casual conversation, the imprudence of persons of rank
and large fortune devolving the management of their pecuniary
affairs so entirely upon others—and thus leaving themselves exposed
to all the serious consequences of employing incompetent, indolent,
or mercenary agents. Mr. Gammon proceeded to observe that he
had recently known an instance of a distinguished nobleman,
(whose name—oh, Gammon!—he for very obvious reasons
suppressed,) who, having occasion to raise a large sum of money by
way of mortgage, left the sole negotiation of the affair to an agent,
who was afterwards proved to have been in league with the lender,
(the mortgagee,) and had permitted his employer to pay, for ten or
twelve years, an excess of interest over that for which he might, had
he chosen, have obtained the requisite loan, which actually made a
difference in the distinguished borrower's income of a thousand a-
year! Here, looking out of the northeast corner of his eye, the placid
speaker, continuing unmoved, observed the earl start a little, glance
somewhat anxiously at him, but in silence, and slightly quicken the
pace at which he had been walking. Gammon presently added, in a
careless sort of way, that accident had brought him into professional
intercourse with that nobleman—[Oh, Gammon! Gammon!]—whom
he was ultimately instrumental in saving from the annual robbery
which was being inflicted upon him. It was enough; Gammon saw
that what he had been saying had sunk like lead into the mind of his
noble and acute companion, who, for the rest of the day, seemed
burdened and oppressed with either it or some other cause of
anxiety; and, from an occasional uneasy and wistful eye which the
earl fixed upon him at dinner, he felt conscious that not long would
elapse, before he should hear something from the earl connected
with the topic in question—and he was not mistaken. The very next
day they met in the park; and after one or two casual observations,
the earl remarked that, by the way, with reference to their
yesterday's conversation, it "did so happen"—very singularly—that
the earl had a friend who was placed in a situation very similar to
that which had been mentioned by Mr. Gammon to the earl; it was a
very intimate friend—and therefore the earl would like to hear what
was Mr. Gammon's opinion of the case. Gammon was scarcely able
to refrain from a smile, as the earl went on, evincing every moment
a more vivid interest in behalf of his mysterious "friend," who at last
stood suddenly confessed as the Earl of Dreddlington himself; for in
answer to a question of Mr. Gammon, his Lordship unwittingly spoke
in the first person! On perceiving this, he got much confused; but
Gammon passed it off very easily; and by his earnest confidential
tone and manner, soon soothed and reconciled the earl to the
vexatious disclosure he had made—vexatious only because the earl
had thought fit, so very unnecessarily, to make a mystery of an
everyday matter. He rather loftily enjoined Mr. Gammon to secrecy
upon the subject, to which Gammon readily pledged himself, and
then they entered upon an unrestrained discussion of the matter.
Suffice it to say, that in the end Gammon assured the earl that he
would, without any difficulty, undertake to procure a transfer of the
mortgage at present existing on his Lordship's property, which
should lower his annual payments by at least one and a half per
cent: and which, on a rough calculation, would make a difference of
very nearly five hundred a-year in the earl's favor. But Gammon
explicitly informed the earl that he was not to suppose that he had
been overreached, or his interests been in any way neglected, in the
original transaction; that it had been conducted on his Lordship's
behalf, by his solicitor, Mr. Mudge, one of the most respectable men
in the profession; and that a few years made all the difference in
matters of this description; and before he, Mr. Gammon, would
interfere any further in the business, he requested his Lordship to
write to Mr. Mudge, enclosing a draft of the arrangement proposed
by Mr. Gammon, and desiring Mr. Mudge to say what he thought of
it. This the earl did; and in a few days' time received an answer from
Mr. Mudge, to the effect that he was happy that there was a
prospect of so favorable an arrangement as that proposed, to which
he could see no objection whatever; and would co-operate with Mr.
Gammon in any way, and at any time, which his Lordship might
point out. Mr. Gammon was, in fact, rendering here a real and very
important service to the earl; being an able, acute, and energetic
man of business—while Mr. Mudge was very nearly superannuated—
had grown rich and indolent, no longer attending to his practice with
pristine energy; but pottering and dozing over it, as it were, from
Welcome to our website – the ideal destination for book lovers and
knowledge seekers. With a mission to inspire endlessly, we offer a
vast collection of books, ranging from classic literary works to
specialized publications, self-development books, and children's
literature. Each book is a new journey of discovery, expanding
knowledge and enriching the soul of the reade

Our website is not just a platform for buying books, but a bridge
connecting readers to the timeless values of culture and wisdom. With
an elegant, user-friendly interface and an intelligent search system,
we are committed to providing a quick and convenient shopping
experience. Additionally, our special promotions and home delivery
services ensure that you save time and fully enjoy the joy of reading.

Let us accompany you on the journey of exploring knowledge and

personal growth!

ebookball.com